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Peer Review 3

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Phong Ken
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9 views4 pages

Peer Review 3

Uploaded by

Phong Ken
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
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Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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Cause/Effect Essay | First Draft | Peer Review Worksheet

REMEMBER: “You are not the writer, you’re a reader. One of many… Writers write, readers read and
show what they are understanding, and maybe make suggestions… You’re there to play back to the
writer how you read their paper; what you go from it; what you found interesting; where you were
confused; where you wanted more…” (Straub, Responding – Really Responding – to other Students’
Writing, 163)

Instructions: For each peer review paper assigned to you, answer the following questions completely.
When finished, rename your peer review worksheet, and upload/attach the finished peer review
worksheet to the corresponding peer’s COMMENT section of the peer review in Canvas.

INTRODUCTION

Hook

Does the introduction have a hook? If yes, what kind of hook is the author using? How effective is the
hook? Does it grab your attention and make you want to read on? If not, suggest an appropriate revision
or a different hook.

- the indtroduction does have a hook


- it is a statistic sentence
- the hook is effective as it is a surprising fact
- it does grab my attention.
- I think you have done a good job on creating a hook, but you should try to connect smoothly
between the statistics and the consequences.

Context

What type of background information does the writer use to set the context of the paper (bridge the
hook with the thesis)? After having read the entire paper, consider how well the rest of the paper is
related to this section of the introduction, how might this “context setting” part be improved, in your
opinion?

- you do provide a general trend and its concerning impact as the context.
- the text connects well with the paper’s main focus.

Thesis Statement

Is there a thesis at the end of the introduction paragraph? Does the thesis clearly state the topic, and
indicate if the paper will be discussing causes or effects, and/or what these causes/effects are? What
type of cause/effect language is the writer using?

- there is a thesis statement at the end of the introduction paragraph.


- the thesis clearly states the topic.
- the paper will be discussing about the effects
- you use clear cause-and-effect phrasing, such as "social media can poison...by contributing to..."
and "which further worsen these issues."
BODY PARAGRAPHS

Organization

Is the essay clearly organized? Is it coherent (all ideas are related, effectively organized, easy to follow)?

- the essay is clearly organized with 3 main points with 3 different body paragaphs
- each paragraph address a different negaitve impacts of social media
 it is quite easy to follow

Topic Sentences

What points (causes/effects) are explained in the body paragraphs? Are they clearly stated in the topic
sentence for the paragraph?

- the topic sentences clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph:
 “To begin with, the first problem with social media is that it often creates an
environment which contribute to teenagers committing harmful self-comparisons,
leading to dissatisfaction of themselves.”: talks about negative self-comparisons
 “Secondly, social media is anonymity and size can initiate online harassment which has a
devastating effect on the young teenager’s mental health.”: talks about cyberbullying
 “For the third and last point, social media’s addictive nature can destroy teen’s daily life,
leading to unbalance between the virtual and real world and contributing to social
anxiety and depression.”: talks about social media addictive

Does each body paragraph topic sentence clearly state the cause or effect (topic + controlling idea)? How
could they be improved?

- these topic sentences do effectively point out the effects.

Details / Examples / Language

How well do the supporting ideas for each cause or effect and the subsequent details and/or examples in
the paragraph support the essay’s points? Explain and offer suggestions.

- you do include specific examples, well-researched researches, and real-life examples to back up
your points.
- however, there are some examples that should be more concise to avoid overwhelming the
readers.
- and try to use different words because there are some repetitive words

Does the author use appropriate transitions within the essay? Give examples. Do you have any
suggestions to improve the paper’s cohesion?

- you do use basic but appropriate transtitions


- use stronger transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence
CONCLUSION

Is the thesis of the paper paraphrased in the conclusion? Is it an appropriate restatement of the thesis?
How could it be improved?

- the thesis is paraphrased in the conclusion.


- it is an appropriate restatement of the thesis

Does the conclusion summarize/synthesize the main ideas/points of the essay?

- the conclusion does summarize the main points but only by listing out.
- I think you should enhance your synthesis by showing how the main points can connect to the
theme

Does the conclusion have a “good night kiss” – a final thought or call to action? If not, would you
recommend one?

- the conclusion lacks a call to action at the end


- Ultimately, teenaagers should use social media wisely to maintain a great well-being.

Does the write include any “new” information in the conclusion? If so, what would you suggest?

- there is no new information in the conclusion.

STYLE & GRAMMAR

Is the paper easy to read? Why? What type of revisions would you suggest?

- the paper is easy to read because it has a clear structure and logical transitions between
sections.
- you can try to break down your long sentences so that it can increase the readability.
- you can try to use synonyms to avoid repetitions

Are there any grammatical errors in the paper? Point a few of them out.

- there are minor errors but not that significant.


 "This drop in self-satisfaction at teenagers can causes them to develop feeling of
depression..."
 "...can cause them to develop feelings of depression..."
 “...affects student’s sleep schedule but also their academic performance."
 “...affects students’ sleep schedules as well as their academic performance."
 "overspending social media platform might lead to less time..."
 "overspending time on social media platforms might lead to less time..."

FINAL COMMENTS

Where might research and information from credible, authoritative sources support the author’s ideas
better and make the paper more credible? What type of information would be required to better
support the author’s perspectives (where do you want more)? Name at least 3 places in the paper where
research could help further support the writer’s claims.
- I think you have enough credible sources.
 paragraph 1: statistics or psychological studies on peer influence and role modeling.
 paragraph 2: studies or testimonials from victims of cyberbullying who withdraw from
social media.
 paragraph 3: studies on how specific social media habits interfere with study time and
cognitive performance

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