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Answer The Questions

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Lê Nguyệt
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23 views2 pages

Answer The Questions

Uploaded by

Lê Nguyệt
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© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FITTING IN AND BELONGING, AND WHY IT MATTERS

We all want to fit in, don't we? I remember how painful middle school was because my parents
couldn't or wouldn't buy me the "cool" clothes for school that the popular kids were wearing. We
were much too frugal for that in our family. I was never one of the popular kids. Maybe those clothes
would have helped, but in truth, I probably never would have been a popular kid anyway. I made
friends and formed connections with kids who didn't care about popularity or cool clothes. Some of
those people are still my friends today.

Which brings me to the topics of fitting in versus belonging, and how we can get there from here.

FITTING IN VS. BELONGING

3 We all feel the need to be part of social groups in our communities, and we all make choices that
affect the connections we make to others. At a young age, we begin to make decisions about our
appearance, our social activities, and our time commitments. We choose how we look-our hair, our
clothes, and even what we do to our bodies-who we hang out with, and how we spend our time. In
making these choices, we may either be trying to fit in or to belong. Brene Brown, PhD, a social
scientist and research professor, has been doing extensive research over the past 17 years on what
she calls our "inextricable' human connections" and on true belonging. "The greatest barrier to
belonging," she says, "is fitting in." So what are the differences between fitting in and belonging?

According to Brown, fitting in is changing ourselves to match the situation. In other words, fitting in is
doing what is "cool." For example, it is wearing the right clothes, playing the most popular sport, or
hanging out with the "best" social groups. But fitting in may cause feelings of anxiety or loneliness.
Fitting in is easier in the sense that you don't have to go against the norm. However, according to
Brown, it is shame-based and sends messages, especially to young people, that they are not good
enough. As we work to conform to the expectations of others, we lose the sense of belonging to our
real selves. Why? Brown says that we have a deep fear that if we present our authentic selves, we
won't be liked. In addition, young people who feel pressured to fit in in ways that aren't healthy to
their overall identities may end up participating in unhealthy relationships or going along with the
crowd. Worse, they might begin participating in hurtful or mean-spirited behaviors, including
bullying.

Belonging is something else. It is letting ourselves be seen and known as we really are being our true
or authentic selves. It is wearing clothing that makes us feel good or that allows us to show our
uniqueness, doing activities we enjoy, and spending time with people we can be our authentic selves
with. Belonging brings enjoyment, excitement, or self-fulfillment. But it doesn't come easy. Being
different can make us feel vulnerable-exposed to emotional uncertainty and risk. But, Brown claims,
it's this same vulnerability that becomes the foundation on which courage is built. These findings
surprised even Brown. She had assumed that belonging was external-that people negotiated with
the groups they want to join. Instead, she found that the people with the deepest sense of belonging
are those who have the courage to stand alone and risk being disconnected from others.

HOW TO GET FROM HERE TO THERE

6 Belonging matters because it is important to


healthy human development. We all need to

feel like we are connected to people and

groups. We seek love, acceptance, and

connection. We want to feel valued, needed, cared for, and appreciated. Humans who

belong are more resilient.

7 So how do we get there? Here are three key

features of belonging: connecting, caring, and

coping. Connecting is the experience of having

meaningful bonds with others. Caring involves

developing empathy for others, especially

across differences. It helps us deepen

connections to others who may also need

support in belonging. And coping, according

to Kenneth Ginsburh, M. D., a professor of

pediatrics, is the act of being resilient in the

face of stress, including the pressure to fit in.

Developing these three features can help us

all find our way along the path to belonging.

Answer the questions:

1. What is the main idea of reading?


2. What is one important difference between fitting in and belonging?
3. Explain one of these ideas: connecting, caring and coping

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