[MUSIC] Welcome.

I'm
very excited today to talk
about effective speaking in
spontaneous situations. I
thank you all for joining us,
even though the title of my
talk is grammatically
incorrect. I thought that
might scare a few of you
away. But I learned teaching
here at the business school,
catching people's attention is
hard. So, something as
simple as that, I thought,
might draw a few of you here,
so this is going to be a highly
interactive and participative
workshop today. If you don't
feel comfortable participating
that's completely fine, but do
know I'm gonna ask you to
talk to people next to you.
They'll be opportunities to
stand up and practice some
things because I believe the
way we become effective
communicators is by actually
communicating, so let's get
started right away. I'd like to
ask you all to read this
sentence, and as you read this
sentence, what's most
important to me is that you
count the number of fs that
you find in this sentence,
please. Count the number of
 fs. Keep it quiet to yourself.
[BLANK_AUDIO] Give you
just another couple seconds
here. [BLANK_AUDIO]
Three, two, one. Raise your
hand please if you found three
and only three f's. Excellent,
great. Did anybody find four?
Anybody find only five fs?
Anybody find six? There's
six fs. What two letter word
ending in f did many of us
miss? Oh. We'll make sure to
get this to you so you can
torment your friends and
family at a later date. When I
first was exposed to this over
12 years ago I only found
 three, and I felt really stupid.
So, I like to start every
workshop, every class I teach
with to pass that feeling
along. No, no. [LAUGH]
That's not, that's not why I do
this. I do this because this is a
perfect analogy for what
we're going to be talking
about today. The vast
majority of us in this room,
very smart people in this
room, were not as effective
as we could have been in this
activity. We didn't get it
right. And the same is true
when it comes to speaking in
public, particularly when
 spontaneous speaking. It's
little things that make a big
difference in being affective.
So today we're going to talk
about little things in terms of
your approach, your attitude,
your practice, that can change
how you feel when you speak
in public. And we're gonna
be talking primarily about one
type of public speaking. Not
the type that you plan for in
advance, the type that you
actually spend time thinking
about, you might even create
slides for. These are the key
notes, the conference
presentation, the formal
toasts. That's not what we are
talking about today, we are
talking about spontaneous
speaking. When you are in a
situation that you are asked to
speak off the cuff and in the
moment. What we're going
through today is actually the
result of a workshop I created
here for the business school.
Several years ago, a survey
was taken among the students,
and they said, what's one of
the, what are things we could
do to help make you more
successful here? And at the
top of that list was this notion
of responding to cold calls.
Does everybody know what a
cold call is? It's where the
mean professor like me looks
at some student and says,
what do you think? And there
was a lot of panic, and a lot of
silence. So as a result of that,
this workshop was created,
and a vast majority of first
year students here at the GSB
go through this workshop. So
I'm gonna walk you through
sort of a hybrid version of
what they do. The reality is
that spontaneous speaking is
actually more prevalent than
planned speaking. Perhaps
it's giving introductions.
 You're at a dinner and
somebody says, you know so
and so, would you mind
introducing them? Maybe it's
giving feedback. In the
moment, your boss turns to
you and says, would you tell
me what you think? It could
be a surprise toast. Or finally,
it could be during the Q and A
session. And by the way, we
will leave plenty of time at
the end of our day today for Q
and A. I'd love to hear the
questions you have about this
topic or other topics related
to communicating. So our
agenda is simple, in order to
be an effective communicator,
regardless of if it's planned or
spontaneous, you need to
have your anxiety under
control. So we'll start there.
Second, what we're going to
talk about is some ground
rules for the interactivity
we'll have today and then
finally we're going to get into
the heart of what we will be
covering and again, as I said,
lots of activity and I invite
you to participate. So lets get
started with anxiety
management. 85% of people
tell us that they're nervous
when speaking in public.
And I think the other 15% are
lying. Okay? We could create
a situation where we could
make them nervous too. In
fact, just this past week a
study from Chapman
University asked American's,
what are the things you fear
most? And among being
caught in a surprise terrorist
attack, having identity, your
identity stolen, was public
speaking. Among the top five
was speaking in front of
others. This is a ubiquitous
fear, and one that I believe we
can learn to manage. And I
use that word manage very
 carefully because I don't
think we ever want to
overcome it. Anxiety actually
helps us. It gives us energy,
helps us focus, tells us what
we're doing is important. But
we want to learn to manage it.
So I'd like to introduce you to
a few techniques that can
work and all of these
techniques are based on
academic research. But
before we get there, I'd love to
ask you what does it feel like
when you're sitting in the
audience watching a nervous
speaker present, how do you
feel, just shout out a few
 things, how to do you feel?
>> Uncomfortable. >>
Uncomfortable. I heard many
of you going, yes,
uncomfortable. It feels very
awkward, doesn't it? So what
do we do? Now a couple of
you probably like watching
somebody suffer. [LAUGH]
'Kay, but most of us don't. So
what do we do? We sit there
and we nod and we smile or
we disengage. And to the
nervous speaker looking out
at his or her audience seeing
a bunch of people nodding or
disengaged, that does not
help. Okay. So we need to
 manage our anxiety. Cuz,
fundamentally, your job as a
communicator rather,
regardless of if it's planned or
spontaneous, is to make your
audience comfortable.
Because if they're comfortable
they can receive your
message. And when I say
comfortable I am not referring
to the fact that your message
has to be sugar coated and
nice for them to hear. It can
be a harsh message. But they
have to be in a place where
they can receive it. So it's
incumbent on you as a
communicator to help your
audience feel comfortable and
we do that by managing our
anxiety. So let me introduce
you to a few techniques that I
think you can use right away
to help you feel more
comfortable. The first has to
do with when you begin to
feel those anxiety symptoms.
For most people this happens
the, in the initial minutes prior
to speaking. In this situation
what happens is many of us
begin to feel whatever it is
that happens to you. Maybe
your stomach gets a little
gurgly. Maybe your legs
begin to shake. Maybe you
 begin to perspire. And then
we start to say to ourselves,
oh, my goodness, I'm nervous.
oh. They're gonna tell I'm
nervous. This is not gonna go
well. And we start spiraling
out of control. So, research
on mindful attention tells us
that if, when we begin to feel
those anxiety symptoms, we
simply greet our anxiety and
say hey, this is me feeling
nervous. I'm about to do
something of consequence.
And simply by greeting your
anxiety and acknowledging it,
that it's normal and natural.
Heck, 85% of people tell us
they have it. You actually can
stem the tide of that anxiety
spiraling out of control. It's
not necessarily going to
reduce the anxiety but it will
stop it from spinning out. So
the next time you begin to
feel those anxiety signs, take
a deep breath and say, this is
me feeling anxious. I notice a
few of you taking some notes.
There's a handout that will
come at the end. It has
everything that I'm supposed
to say, okay? Can't guarantee
I'm gonna say it, but you'll
have it there. In addition to
this approach, a technique that
works very well, and this is a
technique that I helped do
some research on way back
when I was in graduate
school, has to do with re-
framing how you see the
speaking situation. Most of
us, when we are up
presenting, planned or
spontaneous, we feel that we
have to do it right and we feel
like we are performing. How
many of you have ever acted,
done singing or dancing, I am
not going to ask for
performances now, okay.
Many of you have. We
should note that we could do
 next year, maybe, a talent
show of alums. It looks like
we got the talent there. That's
great. So when you perform,
you know that there's a right
way and a wrong way to do it.
If you don't hit your, the right
note or you right line at the
right time, at the right place,
you've made a mistake. It
messes up the audience. It
messes up the people on
stage. But when you present,
there is no right way. There's
certainly better and worse
ways. But there is no one
right way. So we need to
look at presenting as
 something other than
performance. And what I'd
like to suggest is what we
need to see this is as is a
conversation. Right now, I'm
having a conversation with
100 plus people. Rather than
saying I'm performing for
you. But it's not enough just
to say, this is a conversation.
I want to give you some
concrete things you can do.
First, start with questions.
Questions by their very nature
are dialogic, they're two way.
What was one of the very first
things I did here for you? I
had you count the number of
 fs and raise your hands. I
asked you a question. That
gets your audience involved,
it makes it feel to me as the
presenter as if we're in
conversation. So, use
questions. They can be
rhetorical. They can be
polling, perhaps I actually
want to hear information from
you. In fact, I use questions
when I create an outline for
my presentations. Rather than
writing bullet points, I list
questions that I'm going to
answer. And that puts me in
that conversational mode. If
you were to look at my notes
for today's talk, you'll see it's
just a series of questions.
Right now I'm answering the
question, how do we manage
our anxiety? Beyond
questions, another very useful
technique for making us
conversational is to use
conversational language.
Many nervous speakers
distance themselves
physically. If you’ve ever
seen a nervous speaker
present, he or she will say
something like this.
Welcome, I am really excited
to be here with you. They
pull as far away from you as
 possible, because you
threaten us, speakers. You
make us nervous so we want
to get away from you. We do
the same thing linguistically.
We use language that
distances ourselves. It's not
unusual to hear a nervous
speaker say something like,
one must consider the
ramifications. Or, today we're
going to cover step one, step
two, step three. That's very
distancing language. To be
more conversational, use
conversational language.
Instead of one must consider
say, this is important to you,
 we all need to be concerned
with. Do you hear that
inclusive conversational
language? Has to do with the
pronouns. Instead of step 1,
step, 2, step 3. First what we
need to do is this, the second
thing you should consider is
here. Use conversational
language, so being
conversational can also help
you manage your anxiety.
The third technique I would
like to share is research that I
actually started when I was
an undergraduate here, I was
very fortunate to study with
Phil Zimbardo of the Stanford
 Prison experiment fame.
Many people don't know that
Zim actually was instrumental
in starting one of the very
first shyness institutes in the,
the world and especially in
the country. And I did some
research with him that looked
at how your orientation to
time influences how you
react. And what we learned is
if you can bring yourself into
the present moment, rather
than being worried about the
future consequences, you can
actually be less nervous.
Most of us, when we present,
are worried about the future
 consequences. My students
are worried they're not going
to get the right grade. Some
of you are worried you might
not get the funding. You
might not get the support.
You might not get the laughs
that you want. All of those
are future states. So if we can
bring ourselves into the
present moment, we're not
going to be as concerned
about those future states and
therefore we will be less
nervous. There are lots of
ways to become present
oriented. I know a
professional speaker, he's paid
$10,000 an hour to speak. It's
a good gig. He gets very
nervous. He's up in front of
crowds of thousands. Behind
the stage what he does is 100
push-ups right before he
comes out. [LAUGH] You
can't be that physically active
and not be in the present
moment. Now, I'm not
recommending all of us go to
that level of exertion cuz he
starts out out of breath and
sweaty, okay? [LAUGH] But
a walk around the building
before you speak. That can
do it. There are other ways. If
you've ever watched athletes
 perform and get ready to do
their event, they listen to
music. They focus on a song
or a playlist that helps get
them in the moment. You can
do things as simple as
counting backwards from 100
by tough number like 17. I'm
gonna pause 'cuz I know
people in the room are trying.
Yeah. Get's hard after that
third or fourth one, I know.
My favorite way to get
present-oriented is to say
tongue twisters. Saying a
tongue twister forces you to
be in the moment. Otherwise
you'll say it wrong. And it
 has the added benefit of
warming up your voice. Most
nervous speakers don't warm
up their voice. They retreat
inside themselves and start
saying all these bad things to
themselves. So, saying a
tongue twister can help you
be both present-oriented and
warm up your voice.
Remember, I said today we're
gonna have a lot of
participation? I'm gonna ask
you to repeat after me my
favorite tongue twister, and I
like this tongue twister
because if you say it wrong
you say a naughty word, and
 I'm gonna be listening to see
if I hear any naughty words
this morning. Okay? Repeat
after me. It's only three
phrases. I slit a sheet. A
sheet I slit. And on that
slitted sheet I sit. Very good,
no shits. Excellent. Very
good. Now in that moment,
in that moment, you weren't
worried about, I'm in front of
all these people, this is weird,
this guy's having me do this.
You were so focused on
saying it right and trying to
figure out what the naughty
word was that you were in the
present moment. That's how
 easy it is. So it's very
possible for us to manage our
anxiety. We can do it initially
by greeting the anxiety when
we begin to feel those signs.
We can do it when we re-
frame the situation as a
conversation. And we do it
when we become present
oriented. Those are three of
many tools that exist to help
you manage your anxiety. If
you have questions about
other ways, I'm happy to chat
with you. And at the end, I'm
gonna point you to some
resources that you can refer
to to help you find additional
 sources for you. So let's get
started on the core part of
what we're doing today,
which is how to feel more
comfortable speaking in
spontaneous situations. Some
very simple ground rules for
you. First, I'm going to
identify four steps that I
believe are critical to
becoming effective at
speaking in, in a spontaneous
situation. With each of those
steps, I'm going to ask you to
participate in an activity.
None of them are more
painful than saying the tongue
twister out loud. They may
 require you to stand up, they
might require you to talk to
the person next to you, but
none of them are painful.
And then finally, I'm going to
conclude with a phrase or
saying that comes from the
wonderful world of
improvisation. Through the
continuing studies program
here at Stanford, for the past
five years, I have co-taught a
class with Adam Tobin. He is
a lecturer in the Creative Arts
Department. He teaches film
and new media. And he's an
expert at improv. And we've
partnered together to help
 people learn how to speak
more spontaneously. We call
it improvisationally speaking.
And Adam has taught me
wonderful phrases and ideas
from improv that I want to
impart to you, that really
stick. That's why I'm sharing
them with you, to help you
remember these techniques.
And again at the end of all
this, you'll get a handout that
has this listed. So let's get
started. The very first thing
that gets in people's way when
it comes to spontaneous
speaking, is themselves. We
get in our own way. We want
 to be perfect. We want to
give the right answer. We
want out toast to be incredibly
memorable. These things are
burdened by our effort, by our
trying. The best thing we can
do, the first step in our
process, is to get ourselves
out of the way. Easier said
than done. Most of us in this
room are in this room because
we are type A personalities.
We work hard, we think fast,
we make sure that we get
things right. But that can
actually serve as a disservice
as we try to speak in the
moment. I'd like to
demonstrate a little of this for
you, and I need your help to
do that. So we're going to do
our first activity. We are
going to do an activity that's
called shout the wrong name.
In a moment, if you are able
and willing, I'm going to ask
you to stand. And I am going
to ask you, for about 30
seconds, to look all around
you in this environment, and
you are going to point at
different things. And I know
it's rude to point, but for this
exercise, please point. I want
you to point to things, and
you are going to call the
 things you are pointing to,
out loud, anything but what
they really are. So I might
point to this and say,
refrigerator. I might point to
this and say, cat. I am
pointing to anything in your
environment around you. It
can be the person sitting next
to you, standing next to you.
You will just shout, and
shouting is important, the
wrong name. So in a moment
I'm gonna ask you to stand
and do that. Please raise your
hand if you already have the
first five or six things you're
going to call out. >>
 [LAUGH]. >> Yeah, that's
what I'm talking about. We
stockpile. You all are
excellent gameplayers. I told
you the game, shout the
wrong name. And you have
already begun figuring out
how you're going to master
the game. That's your brain
trying to help you get it right.
I'd like to suggest, the only
way you can get this activity
wrong is by doing what
you've just done. >>
[LAUGH]. >> There is no
way to get this wrong. Okay.
Even if I call this a chair, no
penalty will be bestowed
upon you. >> [LAUGH]. >>
Okay? Because I won't know
what you were pointing at.
You could have been pointing
at the floor under the chair,
and you called the floor the
chair and you were fine. The
point is, we are planning and
working to get it right. And
there is no way to get it right.
Just doing it gets it right.
Okay, so let's try this now.
We're gonna play this game
twice. Again, it's for 30
seconds. If you are willing
and able, will you please
stand up? You can do this
seated, by the way. But if
 you're willing and able, let's
stand up. Okay, in a moment
I am about to say, go. And I
would like for you to point at
anything around here,
including me. It's okay to
point at me. I hope it's not a
bad thing you say when you
point at me. But point at
different things, and loudly
and proudly call them
different than what they are.
Ready? Begin. >>
[CROSSTALK]. >>
Porcupine. >>
[CROSSTALK]. >>
California, salt shaker, car,
library, tennis racket, purple,
 orange, putrid. Hello.
[NOISE] Time, time.
[NOISE] Let's, you can stay
standing, cuz in mere
moments, we're going to do it
again. So if you're
comfortable standing, we're
about to do it again. First,
thank you. That was
wonderful. I heard great
words being called out. It
was, it was fun. And some of
you in the back were doing it
in sync. So it looked like you
were doing some 70s disco
dance. It was awesome.
Okay. This, this was great.
Now, let me ask you just a
 few questions. Did you
notice anything about the
words that you were saying?
Did we find patterns,
perhaps? Maybe some of you
were going through fruits and
vegetables. A few of you
were going through things
that started with the letter A,
right? That's your brain
saying, okay you told me not
to stockpile, so I'm gonna try
to be a little more devious and
I'm gonna give you patterns,
okay? Same problem. When
we teach that class I told you
about, that improvisationally
speaking class, we like to
say, your brain is there to help
you. These things it's doing
have helped you be
successful, but like a
windshield wiper, we just
wanna wipe those suggestions
away and see what happens.
Okay. So we're going to do
this activity again. This time,
try the best you can to thank
your brain if it provides you
with patterns or stockpiles
and just say thank you brain.
And disregard them. Okay,
so lets see what happens when
we're not stockpiling and
we're not playing off patterns.
We'll do this for only 15
 seconds, see how this feels.
Baby steps. Ready begin.
[NOISE] Kodak, [NOISE]
Bicycle chain. Skate board.
Bananas. Purple. Putrid.
[NOISE] Time. Please have a
seat. Thank you again. Did
you notice a difference
between the second time and
the first time. Yes, was it a
little easier that second time?
No. That's okay. We're just
starting. These skills are not
like a light switch. It's not
like you learn these
[UNKNOWN] skills and
then all of a sudden you can
execute on them. This is a
 wonderful game. This is a
wonderful game to train your
brain to get out of its own
way. You can play this game
anywhere, anytime. I like to
play this game when I'm
sitting in traffic. >>
[LAUGH]. >> Makes me feel
better than the, I shout things
out. They're not the naughty
things that I wanna be
shouting out. But I shout out
things, and it helps. You're
training yourself to get out of
your own way. You're
working against the muscle
memory that you've
developed over the course of
 your life with a vain, a brain
that acts very fast to help you
solve problems. But in
essence, in spontaneous
speaking situations, you put
too much pressure on yourself
trying to figure out how to get
it right. So a game like this
teaches us to get out of our
own way. It teaches us to see
the things that we do that
prevent us from acting
spontaneously. In essence we
are reacting rather than
responding. To react means
to act again. You've thought
it and now you're acting on it.
That takes too long and it's
 too thoughtful. We want to
respond in a way that's
genuine and authentic. So the
maxims I would like for you
to take from this, and again
these maxims come from
improvisation, is one of my
favorite. Dare to be dull.
And in a room like this,
telling you dare to be dull is
offensive, and I apologize.
But this will help. Rather
than stre, striving for
greatness, dare to be dull.
And if you dare to be dull and
allow yourself that, you will
reach that greatness. It's
when you set greatness as
your target, that it gets in the
way of you ever getting there.
Because you over evaluate,
you over analyze, you freeze
up. So the first step in our
process today, is to get out of
our own way. Dare to be dull.
Easier said than done. But
once you practice, and a
game just as simple as the one
we practiced, is a great way to
do it. But that's not enough.
Getting out of our own way is
important. But the second
step of our process has us
change how we see the
situation we find ourselves in.
We need to see the speaking
opportunity that we are a part
of as an opportunity, rather
than a challenge and a threat.
When I coach executives on
Q and A skills, when they go
in front of the media or
whatever, investors. They see
it as an adversarial
experience, me versus them.
And one of the first things I
work on is change the way
you approach it. A Q and A
session, for example, is an
opportunity for you. It's an
opportunity to clarify, it's an
opportunity to understand
what people are thinking. So
if we look at it as an
 opportunity, it feels very
different. We see it
differently, and therefore we
have more freedom to
respond. When I feel that you
are challenging me, I am
going to do the bare minimum
to respond and protect myself.
If I see this as an opportunity
where I have a chance to
explain and expand, I'm
going to interact differently
with you. So, spontaneous
speaking situations are ones
that afford you opportunities.
So when you're at a corporate
dinner, and your boss turns to
you and says, oh, you know
 him better than the rest.
Would you mind introducing
him? You say, great, thank
you for the opportunity, rather
than, [UNKNOWN] right? I
better get this right. So see
things as an opportunity. I
have a game to play to help us
with this. This is a fun one,
the holidays are approaching,
we all, in this room, are
going to give and receive
gifts. Here is how this game
will work. It works best if
you have a partner. So I am
hoping you can work with
somebody sitting next to you.
If there is nobody sitting next
to you, turn around, introduce
yourself, great way to
connect. If not, you can play
this game by yourself. It's
just a little harder, and you
can't do the second part of the
game. So, after I explain the
game, give, this gives you a
chance to, to get to know
somebody. Here's how it
works. If you have a partner,
you and your partner are
going to exchange imaginary
gifts, okay? Pretend you have
a gift. It can be a big gift, can
be a small gift. And you will
give your gift to your partner.
Your partner will take the gift
 and open it up and will tell
you what you gave them,
because you have no, you just
gave them a gift. So you are
going to open up the box, and
you're going to look inside.
And you are going to say the
first thing that comes to your
mind in the moment, not the
thing you have all just thought
of. >> [LAUGH] >> Or the
thing after that. Remember
what we talked about before?
That still plays, that's still in
play. Okay, you're stock
piling. Look in there. My
favorite that I said, somebody
gave me this, a gift during
 playing this game, I looked
inside and I saw a frog leg. I
don't know why I saw a frog
leg, but that's what I said.
That's the first part of the
activity. Now, the
opportunity is twofold in this
game. The opportunity is for
you, the gift receiver, to name
a gift. That's kind of fun.
That's an opportunity. It's not
a threat. But the real
opportunity is for the gift
giver, because the gift giver
then has to say. So you look
and you say thank you for
giving me a frog's leg, and
the person will, will look at
 you and say I knew you
wanted a frog's leg, because
So whatever you find the
person who has received it is
going to say absolutely, I'm
so glad you're happy, I got it
for you because. So you have
to respond to whatever they
say. Right? What a great
opportunity. Now some of
you are sitting there going,
oh, that's hard. I don't wanna
do it, I might make a fool out
of myself. Others of you are,
if you're following this
advice, are saying, what a
great opportunity. Right? So,
the game again is played like
 this. You and your partner
will exchange, each will
exchange a gift. One will
start, then the other will
follow. The first person will
give a gift to the second
person. Second person opens
the box, however big the box
is, and if the box is big, and
you find a penny in it, perfect,
doesn't matter. The box is
heavy and you find a feather
in it, fine. It doesn't, there's
no way to get it wrong.
Okay? Whatever's in the box
is in the box. You can return
it and get what you wanted
later. Okay? >> [LAUGH]
>> The person, then, you will
name it. You will say thank
you for the, whatever you saw
in the box. The person who
gave it to you will say, I'm so
glad you're excited. I got it
for you because. And you
will give a reason that you got
them whatever they decided
you gave them. Make sense?
All right. So, very quickly
just, in five seconds, find a
partner if you're willing to do
this with a partner.
Everybody have a partner?
>> [LAUGH]. >> Okay.
[BLANK_AUDIO] All right.
In your partnerships, in your
partnerships, pick an a person
and a b person. You may
stand or sit, it's totally up to
you. Pick an a and pick a b.
Okay? B goes first,
[LAUGH]. All right. B, give
a a gift. A thank them, and
then b will name and give the
reason they gave it to them.
[NOISE] If you have not
switched, switch please. If
you have not switched, switch
please. [NOISE] Let's wrap
it up in 30 seconds please.
Let's wrap it up. [NOISE]
All right. If we can all have
our seats. [NOISE] If we can
all [NOISE] take our seats
 please. [NOISE] I know I'm
telling a room of many MBA
alums to stop talking and
that's hard. [NOISE] All
right, ladies and gentlemen.
Did you get what you
wanted? >> Yes. >> Pretty
neat, huh? You always get
what you want. Now for
some of you this was really
hard because you, you're
really taking the challenge
and, and not seeing what was
in the box until you looked in
there. Okay. Was anybody
surprised by what you found
in the box? What did you
find sir, what was in the box?
 What? Oh, wow! Nice!
Nice, if you've got a Ferrari
you need a transmission. I
like it. Who else found
something that was
surprising? What did you
find? A live unicorn! That's
a great gift. Right? How was
it as the gift giver? Were you
surprised at what your partner
found in the box? Isn't it
interesting that when we give
an imaginary gift knowing
that the person's gonna name
it we already have in mind
what they're gonna find? And
when they say live unicorn,
we go well that's interesting.
 Right? So the point of this
game is, to one, remind
ourselves we have to get out
of our own way, like we
talked about before, but to see
this as an opportunity and to
have fun. I love watching
people play this game. The
number of smiles that I saw
amongst you and, and I have
to admit when I first started
some of you looked a little
dour, a little doubting, okay?
>> [LAUGH]. >> But in that
last game you all were
smiling and looked like you
were having fun, so when
you reframe the spontaneous
speaking opportunity as, as an
opportunity, as something
that you co-create and share.
All the sudden, you are less
nervous, less defensive, and
you can accomplish
something pretty darn good.
In this case, a fun outcome.
This reminds us of perhaps
the most famous of all
improvisation sayings,. Yes
and. A lot of us live our
communication lives saying
no but. Yes and opens up a
tremendous amount of
opportunities. And this
doesn't mean you have to say
yes and to a question
 somebody asks. This just
means the approach you take
to the situation. So you're
going to ask me questions,
that's an opportunity. Yes,
and I will follow through,
versus no and being
defensive. So, we've
accomplished the first two
steps of our process. First we
get out of our own way,
[UNKNOWN] we can
reframe the situation as an
opportunity. The next phase
is also hard, but very
rewarding, and that is to slow
down, and listen. You need
to understand the demands of
 the requirement you find
yourself in, in order to
respond appropriately. But
often, we jump ahead. We
listen just enough to think we
got it, and then we go ahead,
starting [UNKNOWN] to
think about. What we're
gonna respond and then we
respond. We really need to
listen. Because
fundamentally, as a
communicator, your job is to
be in service of your
audience. And if you don't
understand what your
audience is asking or needs,
you can't fulfill that
 obligation. So we need to
slow down and listen. I have
a fun game to play.
[SOUND] In this game you
are going to S-P-E-L-L E-V-
E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G Y-O-U S-
A-Y T-O Y-O-U-R P-A-R-T-
N-E-R. [BLANK_AUDIO] I
will translate. You're going to
get with the same partner you
just worked with. And you
are going to have a very brief
conversation about something
fun that you plan to do today.
I know this is the most fun
you are going to have all day.
But the next fun thing you are
going to do today. You are
going to tell your partner what
you are going to do that will
be fun today. But you are
going to do so by S-P-E-L-L-
I-N-G I-T.
[BLANK_AUDIO] Okay?
So you're going to spell it. It's
okay if you are not a good
speller. >> [LAUGH] >>
'Kay? Look I, you'll see the
benefit of doing this. So, with
the partner you just worked
with, person a is going to go
first this time. You are
simply going to tell your
partner. Actually you're
going to spell to your partner,
what it is of fun, something
of fun, that you're going to do
today. Okay? Do what you
were really going to do for
fun and not do things like F-
E-E-D T-H-E C-A-T, right,
just cuz you don't wanna
spell, right? So, you can use
big words. Alright, 30
seconds each. Spell to your
partner something fun that
you're going to do today.
[BLANK_AUDIO] Would
you like to play? [NOISE]
Go ahead. >> G-O-T A-T G-
A-M-E. >> Oh my goodness
say it again. Spell it again.
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> G-O-
T A-T G-A-M-E. >> E-X-C-
 E-L-L-E-N-T. I H-O-P-E T-
H-A-T T-H-E-Y W-I-N. >>
E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T. >>
Thank you. That was very
good. Thank you.
[BLANK_AUDIO] [NOISE]
If you have not switched,
switch. Take 30 more
seconds with the new partner
spelling. [NOISE] G-R-E-A-
T exclamation point. T-H-
A-N-K-Y-O-U. P-L-E-A-S-
E. T-A-K-E Y-O-U-R S-E-
A-T. [NOISE] So what did
we learn? What did we learn?
Besides that we're not so good
at spelling. >>
[INAUDIBLE] >> You have
 to pause between the words.
How did this change your
interaction with the person
you were interacting with?
What did you have to do? >>
Focus. >> Focus, and listen.
And you can't be thinking
ahead. You have to be in the
moment. When you listen
and truly understand what the
person is trying to say, then
you can respond in a better
way, a more targeted
response. We often don't
listen. So we start by getting
out of our own way. We then
reframe the situation as an
opportunity. Those are things
we do inside our head. But in
the moment of interacting, we
have to listen first, before we
can respond to the
spontaneous request. Perhaps
my most favorite maxim
comes from this activity.
Don't just do something, stand
there. [BLANK_AUDIO]
Listen. Listen, and then
respond. Now, how do we
respond? That brings us to
the fourth part of our process.
And that is, we have to tell a
story. We respond in a way
that has a structure. All
stories have structure. We
have to respond in a
 structured way. The key to
successful spontaneous
speaking and by the way
planned speaking is having a
structure. I would like to
introduce you to two of the
most prevalent and popular
and useful structures you can
use to communicate a
message in a spontaneous
situation. But before we get
there, we have to talk about
the value of structure. It
increases what is called
processing fluency, the
effectiveness of which, or
through which we process
information. We actually
 process structured
information, roughly 40%
more effectively and
efficiently than information
that's not structured. I love
looking out in this audience,
because you will remember as
I remember. Phone numbers.
When you had to remember
them if you wanted to call
somebody. Okay. Young
folks today don't need to
remember phone numbers.
They just need to look at a
picture, push a button and
then the voice starts talking
on the other end. Ten digit
phone numbers, it's actually
 hard to remember ten digit
phone numbers. How did you
do it? You chunked it into a
structure. Three, three and
four. Structure helps us
remember. The same is true
when speaking spontaneously
or in a planned situation. So
let me introduce you to two
useful structures. The first
useful structure you have
probably heard or used in
some incarnation, it is the
problem, solution, benefit,
structure. You start by
talking about what the issue
is, the problem. You then talk
about a way of solving it, and
 then you talk about the
benefits of following through
on it. Very persuasive, very
effective. Helps you as the
speaker remember it, helps
your audience know where
you're going with it. When I
was a tour guide on this
campus, many, many, many
years ago,. What do you
think the single most
important thing they drilled
into our head? It took a full
quarter, by the way, to train to
be a tour guide here. They
used to line us up at one end
of the quad, and have us walk
backward, straight, and if you
 failed you had to start over.
To this day, I can walk
backwards in a straight like
because of that. As part of
that training, what do you
think the most important thing
they taught us was? Never
lose your tour group. >>
[LAUGH] >> I'm not joking.
Never, that's, never lose your
tour group. The same is true
as a presenter. Never lose
your audience. The way you
keep your audience on track is
by providing structure. None
of you would go on a tour
with me if I said, hi, my
name's Matt. Let's go.
 [BLANK_AUDIO] You
wanna know where you're
going, why you're going
there, how long it's gonna
take? You need to set
expectations and structure
does that. Problem, solution,
benefit is a wonderful
structure to have in your back
pocket. It's something that
you can use quickly when
you're in the moment. It can
be reframed so it's not always
a problem you're talking
about. Maybe it's an
opportunity. Maybe there's a
market opportunity you
wanna go out and capture. It's
 not a problem that we're not
doing it. But maybe we'd be
better off if we did. So it
becomes opportunity,
solution, which are the steps
to achieve it. And then the
benefit. Another structure.
Which works equally, equally
well, is the what? So what?
Now what? Structure. You
start by talking about what it
is, then you talk about why it's
important, and then what the
next steps are. This is a
wonderful formula for
answering questions. For
introducing people. So if, in
the moment somebody asks
 me to introduce somebody, I
change the what to who. I say
who they are, why they're
important and what we're
gonna do next. Maybe listen
to them, maybe drink our
wine, whatever. All right.
What, so what, now what.
The reality is this, when you
are in spontaneously speaking
situation, you have to do two
things simultaneously. You
have to figure out what to say
and how to say it. These
structures help you by telling
you how to say it. If you can
become comfortable with
these structures, you can be
 in a situation where you can
respond very ably to
spontaneous speaking
situations. We're gonna
practice. Cuz that's what we
do. Here's the situation. Is
everybody familiar with this
child's toy? It's a slinky.
Okay? You are going to sell
this slinky to your partner
using either problem,
solution, benefit or
opportunity, solution, benefit.
What does the slinky provide
you? Or you could use what,
so what, now what? What is
it? Why is it important? And
the next steps might be to buy
 it, okay? So by using that
structure, see how already it
helps you? It helps you focus.
Get with your partner and we,
we're only going to have one
partner sell to the other
partner, okay? So get with
your partner. One of you will
volunteer to sell to the other,
okay? Sell a slinky using
problem, solution, benefit or
what so what, now what?
Please begin. [NOISE]. >>
So we have the handouts, but
I'm also going to be doing the,
the- >> The microphone? >>
Mic. So. >> When I debrief
this, you can go ahead and
 pass them out. Does that
make sense? >> Okay, so
after, after. >> No no, mm-
hm, after this activity. >>
Okay. And then. >> And then.
>> After that. >> [NOISE]
30 more seconds, please.
[NOISE] Excellent. Let's all
close the deal, seal the deal.
[NOISE] I have never seen.
More people in one place
doing this at the same time.
[LAUGH] I love it. I teach
people to gesture and gesture
big, it's great. I love it. So if
you were the recipient of the
sales pitch, thumbs up. Did
they do a good job? Did they
use the structure? Awesome.
I'm recruiting you all for my
next business as my
salespeople. [LAUGH]
Please try to ignore this, but
as we're speaking the handout
I told you about is coming
around. On the back of that
handout, you're going to see a
list of structures, the two we
talked about and several
others, that can help you in
spontaneous speaking
situations. These structures
help. Because they help you
understand, how you're going
to say what you say.
Structure sets you free and I
know that's kind of ironic, but
it's true, if you have that
structure then you are free to
think about what you are
going to say. It reduces the
cognitive load of figuring out
what you are saying, and how
you are going to say it. All of
this is on that handout, okay?
So what does this all mean?
It means that we have, within
our ability, the tools and the
approaches, to help us in
spontaneous speaking
situations. The very first
thing we have to do is manage
our anxiety, because you
can't be an effective speaker.
If you don't have your anxiety
under control. And we talked
about how you can do that by
greeting your anxiety,
reframing as a conversation,
and being in the present
moment. Once you do that,
you need to practice a series
of four steps, that will help
you speak spontaneously.
First you get out of your own
way. I would love it if all of
you, on your way from here to
the football game, point at
things and call them the
wrong name. [LAUGH] It'll
be fun. If most of us do it,
then it won't be weird. If only
one and two of us do it, it'll be
weird. Right. Second. Give
gifts. By that I mean see your
interactions as ones of
opportunity, not challenges.
Third, take the time to listen,
listen. And then finally, use
structures. And you have to
practice these structures. I
practice these structures on
my kids. I have two kids.
When they ask me questions,
I usually answer them in
what, so what, now what.
They don't know it. But,
when they go over to their
friends' houses and they see
their friends ask their dads
questions, they don't get what,
so what, now what. So, you
know, you have to practice.
The more you practice, the
more comfortable you will
become. Ultimately you have
the opportunity before you to
become more compelling,
more confident, more
connected as a speaker, if you
leverage these techniques. If
you're interested in learning
more, this is where I do a
little plug. 'Kay, I've written a
book. Many of the MBA
students who take the
strategic communication
classes, here that I and others
 teach read it. It's called
SPEAKING UP WITHOUT
FREAKING OUT. More
importantly, there's a website
here that I curate called
NOFREAKINGSPEAKING.
COM. And it has lots of
information that I've written,
and others have written about
how to become more effective
at speaking. So that's, that's
the end of my plug. What I'd
really like to do is, enter into
a spontaneous speaking
situation with you. And I
would love to entertain any
questions that you have.
There are two people who are
 running around with
microphones, so some of us
re, who remember the Phil
Donahue show. We're gonna
do a little bit of that. If you
have a question, the
microphone will come, and
I'm happy to answer it. >>
Yeah. >> I think if you- >>
Is it on? >> Yep, yep.
[LAUGH] We can hear you.
>> Great. Can you talk about
hostile situations? >> Hostile
situations, yes. So when you
find yourself in a challenging
situation. First, It should not
be a surprise to you. It should
not be a surprise. Before you
ever speak, you should think
about what is the environment
going to be like? So it
shouldn't surprise you that
there might be some
challenges in the room.
When there are hostile
situations that arise, you have
to acknowledge it. So if
somebody says, that's a
ridiculous idea, why did you
come up with that? To
simply say, so, the idea I
came up with was, right?
Acknowledge the emotion, I
recommend not naming the
emotion, right? So, you
sound really angry, the
 person's, I'm not angry, I'm
frustrated. Now we're arguing
over their mental state, right?
Emotional state. So, so I say
something like, I hear you
have a lot of passion on this
issue, or, I hear there's great
concern from you. So you
acknowledge the emotion, cuz
otherwise it sits in the room.
And then reframe and respond
the way that makes sense. So
if somebody raises their hand
and says, your product is
ridiculously priced. Why do
you charge so much? I might
say I hear great concern, and
what you're really asking
 about is the value of our
product, and I would give my
value proposition, and then I
would come back and say,
and because of the value we
provide. We believe it's
priced fairly. So you answer
the question about price, but
you've reframe it in a way that
you feel more comfortable
answering it. So, th, the way
to do this is to practice all the
skills we just talked about.
The only skill that I'm adding
to this is the awareness in
advance that you might be in
that situation. First I have to
truly listen to what I'm
hearing, right? It's very easy
for me when I hear a
challenging question, to get
all defensive and not hear
what the person's asking. I
see it as an opportunity to
reframe and explain. Okay
so, again, you have to
practice. But, that's how I
think you address it. Are
there other questions? I see a
question back here, yes,
please. >> Yes, first of all,
thank you very much. Great,
great presentation. >> Thank
you. >> For a lot of the the
speaking I do, I have remote
audiences, audiences
 distributed all over the
country, with telecom. Any
tips for those kinds of
audiences? >> So when you
are speaking in a situation
where not everybody is co-
located, okay? In fact, at this
very moment, there are
people watching this
presentation remotely. What
you need to do is be mindful
of it. Second, try to include
engagement techniques where
the audience actually has to
do something. So, physical
participation is what we did
here with the games. You can
ask your audience to imagine
 something, imagine what it
would be like if, when we try
to achieve a goal, rather than
say here is the goal we are
trying to achieve, say imagine
what it would be like if. See
what that does to you, it pulls
you in, I can take polling
questions, most of the
technology that you are
referring to has some kind of
polling feature. You can open
up some kind of Wiki or
Google Doc, or some
collaborative tool. Where
people can be doing things
and you can be monitoring
that while you're presenting.
So I might take some breaks.
I talk for ten, 15 minutes and
say, okay, let's apply this and
let's go into this Google Doc
I've created, and I see what
people are doing. So it's
about variety and it's about
engagement. Those are the
ways that you really connect
to people who are remote
from you. Okay, other
questions? Who, you're
pointing oh, [LAUGH], I've
got to look for where the mic
is. >> This may be similar to
the first question, >> Sure.
>> But I do a lot of expert
witness testimony. What's
 your recommendation for
handling cross-examination?
[LAUGH] Specifically,
specifically a hostile one. >>
I feel like I'm being cross-
examined. >> It's very
hostile. [LAUGH]. In any
speaking situation that you go
into that has some planned
element to it I recommend
identifying certain themes,
that you think are important
or believe need to come out.
And then with each one of
those themes have some
examples and concrete
evidence that you can use to
support it. You don't go in
 with memorized terms, or
ways of saying it. You just
have ideas and themes, and
then you put them together as
necessary. So, when I'm in a
situation where people are
interrogating me. I have
certain themes that I wanna
get across, and make sure that
I, I can do that in a way that
fits the needs in the moment.
If it's hostile, again, you, the,
the single best tool you have
to buy yourself time and to
help you answer a question
efficiently is paraphrasing.
The paraphrase is like the
Swiss Army knife of
 communication. If you
remember the show
MacGyver, it's your
MacGyver tool, right? So
when a question comes in.
The way you paraphrase it
allows you the opportunity to
reframe it, to think about
your answer and, to pause and
make sure you got it right. So
when you're under those
situations, if you have an
opportunity to paraphrase it,
say, so what you're really
asking about is x, y and z.
That gives you the
opportunity to employ one of
these techniques. Now I've
never been an expert witness,
cuz I'm not an expert on
anything, but. Those tools I
believe could be helpful. The
microphone is back there.
Thank you. >> Thank you so
much. This has been so
helpful and enjoyable this
morning. Would you please
show the last screen, so we
can get down the name of the
book you have written and the
information? >> Absolutely.
>> Thank you. [LAUGH] I
think they actually, you might
even have an opportunity, it's
on the sheet too, everything I
said is on the back of that
sheet, but I am happy to have
this behind me while I talk.
[LAUGH] Other questions?
Yes please? >> Yes, I work
with groups that, from, that
represent many different
cultural backgrounds. >>
Yes. >> So are there any
caveats or is this a universal
strategy. >> So in terms of,
from your perspective as the
speaker, >> Yes. >> I believe
this applies. But when you,
whenever you communicate,
part of the listening aspect is
also thinking about and is
who is my audience and what
are their expectations? So
 what are the cultural
expectations of the audience
that, I'm presenting to? So
there might be certain norms
and rules that are expected.
So when I travel and do talks
I have to take into account
where I'm doing the, the
presentations. So I, I'm, I
help present in the Ignite
program. If you have not
heard about the Ignite
program here at the GSB it's
fantastic. And I just did a
presentation standing in one
of these awesome classrooms
that have all these cameras
and I just taught 35 people in
Santiago Chile. And I needed
to understand the cultural
expectations of that area.
And what they expect and
what they're willing to do,
when I ask them to
participate. So, it, it's part of
that listening step where you
reflect on what are the
expectations of the audience.
I think we have time for two
more questions and then I'm
gonna hang around afterwards
if anybody has individual
questions. But, some of these
folks really want me to keep
on schedule. Yes, please? >>
I wanted to ask you a
 question. One of the things
that you've done effectively in
your talking. And I've seen
other effective speakers do, is
interject humor. >> Mm-hm.
>> In their talk. How, what
are the risks and rewards of
trying to do that. >> Well
first, thank you, and I
appreciate all of you laughing.
Those are, that's the sum total
of all my jokes, you've heard
them, I'm not funny beyond
those jokes. [LAUGH] So
humor is wonderfully
connecting. It's wonderfully
connecting, it's a great tool for
connection, it is very, very
 risky. Cultural reasons get in
the way, sometimes what you
think is funny isn't funny to
other people. What research
tells us is that if you're going
to try to be funny, self-
deprecating humor is your
best bet, okay? Because it is
the least risky, there is
nothing worse than putting
out a joke and having no
response. It actually sets you
back farther than if you would
have gotten, where you
would have gotten if the joke
would have hit, so basic
fundamentals you need to
think about with humor. One,
 is it funny, how do I know, I
ask other people first.
Second, what happens if it
doesn't work? Have a backup
plan, right? And then third, if
you're worried about the
answers to those first two,
don't do it, right? One last
question please. The
microphone is right here.
And then like I said, I will
hang around afterwards. Yes,
please. >> I I'm sort of on the
opposite side of this, since I'm
a journalist. >> Mm-hm. >>
And I frequently have to ask
spontaneous questions of
people, who have been
 through media training. >>
Yes. >> So. [LAUGH] So
any tips for chinks in the
armor, way to ask. [LAUGH]
>> Ask a question without
being antagonistic, but get a
facsimile of a straight answer.
>> Well, so let me give you
two answers. One is I I have
young boys, and the power of
the why is great. Just ask
why a couple times, and and
you can get through that first
two layers of training.
[LAUGH] You know, why do
you say that? How do you
feel about that? the, the
second bit is. To. What I
 have found successful in
getting people to. I do this to
get people to answer in a
more authentic way. What I'll
do is I'll ask them to give
advice. So what advice
would you give somebody
who's challenged with this?
Or what advice would you
give to somebody in this
situation? And by asking for
the advice, it changes the
relationship they have to me
as the question asker. And I
often get much more rich
detailed information. So the
power of the why, and then
put them in a position of
 providing guidance, and that
can really work. With that,
I'm going to thank you very
much. I welcome you to ask
questions later, and enjoy the
rest of your reunion weekend.
>> Thank you. [APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC]
[BLANK_AUDIO].

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