THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID SERIES

1
2 3 4 5 6
Diary of a Wimpy Kid Rodrick Rules
The Last Straw
Dog Days
The Ugly Truth
Cabin Fever
7
8
9
10 11
12
The Third Wheel Hard Luck
The Long Haul Old School
Double Down The Getaway
MORE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID BOOKS The Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book
The Wimpy Kid Movie Diary
The Wimpy Kid Movie Diary: TheNext Chapter
DIARY
by Jeff Kinney
AMULET BOOKS
New York
PUBLISHER’S NOTE: This is awork of fiction. Names, characters, places, and
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and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments,
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Cataloging-in-Publication Data has been applied for andmay
be obtained from the Library of Congress.
ISBN: 978-1-4197-2545-6
eISBN: 978-1-68335-111-5
Wimpy Kid text and illustrations copyright © 2017 Wimpy Kid, Inc.
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to ANNIE

DECEMBER
Sunday
The worstpartof having someone tell you about their vacation is trying to pretend
you’reHAPPY for them. Because noone wants to hear aboutall the fun they DIDN’T
have.
Theonly vacationsIwantto hear aboutare the ones where things wentWRONG. Thatway, I
don’tfeel bad for missing out.
Well, my family justgotback from vacation, and believe me, if Icould’vestayed home,
I WOULD’VE. ButIdidn’thave a choice.
Afew weeks ago, thisvacation wasn’teven supposed toHAPPEN. We werejusthaving a
normal December, and Iwas really looking forward to Christmas.
ButMom and Dad were getting allstressed out abouteverything we had to do to
getready for the holidays. We wereWAYbehind on decorating the house, and nothing
was going the way itwas supposed to.
2
I’m sure wecould’ve gotten our acttogether in time for Christmas. Butone nightan ad
cameoTnV thatTOTALLYturned our holidaysupside down.
Thecommercial was for this placecalled Isla de Corales, which is where Mom and Dad
wentfor their honeymoon. And the reason Iknow thatis becauseevery time an ad for
thatplacecomeson TV, the twoof them getall kissy-faced.
3
Itmakes meuncomfortable thinking aboutMom and Dad before they had us kids. And
Iwouldn’t HAVE toif Mom didn’tbreak outtheir honeymoon album every year on their
anniversary.
The nightafter thatad cameon, Mom and Dad made an announcement. They said thatTHIS
year, we were gonnaSKIPChristmas and all go to Isla de Coralesinstead.
When Iasked how we were gonna getour gifts to the resort, Mom said the tripWASour
gift.
4
Ithoughtthatsounded like aTERRIBLE idea, and Iwassurprised Dad wason board with it.
He usually doesn’tlike tospend a lotof money, and I wassure this resortwas gonna
costFaORTUNE. Buthesaid he wassick of thecold weather, and he wanted toescape
tosomeplace warm.
Personally, Idon’thave a problem with cold weather. In fact, generally speaking,
the worse itisoutside, the happier Iam.
5
Ifigured Manny and Rodrick would help me talk somesenseinto Mom and Dad, and we’d
puta stop to thisidea. Butthose guys weren’tany help atALL.
So Ihad to acceptthatwe weren’tgonna have a normalChristmas athome. ButwhatIREALLY
didn’tlike was thatwe had tFoLY to this place. I’d never been on aPLANE before, and
I wasn’tcrazy abouttheidea of locking myself in a metal tube.
6
NobodyELSEseemed worried, though, and two weekslater,on a nightwhen we should’ve
been hanging up our stockings and sitting around the
fire watchingChristmasspecials, we were packing our suitcases for thisisland
getaway.
Monday
Weleftthe house around 8:00 on the morning of Christmas Eve. Dad was pretty
uptightbecause he wanted toleave an hourEARLIER, butMom said he was being
ridiculous and we’d getto the airportin plenty of time.
Itwasonly abouttwenty degreesoutside, but Rodrick was already dressed for vacation.
7
Itturned outDad was right, weshould’veleft earlier. Apparently, Christmas
Eveisoneof the busiesttravel daysof the year,so the roads were CHOKEDwith families
driving tosee their relatives. And nobody really seemed to bein the
Christmasspirit,either.
Whatmade things a lotworse was when itstarted to SNOW. After that, thingsslowed to
a crawl. Mom and Dad started arguing over whattime we should’veleft, and Dad
almostmissed theexitfor
the airport. He had tocutacross threelanesof traffic, which didn’tlook easy.
8
When we reached the airport, the main parking lotwas full. Thatmeantwe had to park
in the economy lot, which was pretty far away. Dad said he’d drop the restof usoff
atthecurb with all theluggage andthen comemeetusafterheparked.
When we gotto the passenger drop-off area, it wasCOMPLETEchaos. We tried tounload
our bags, butthecops weren’tletting anyonestop for more than thirty seconds. And
thatjust stressed everyoneoutand made things worse.
Ihadtogetbackin thevan soIcouldhelpDad withthe restof thebags.Ordinarily,thatkindof
thingwould’vebeen Rodrick’sjob,butsincehewas dressedforeighty-
degreeweather,hegotoutof it.
He waslucky heDID, too. When we gotto the gate for theeconomy lot, Dad
couldn’treach the ticketfrom his window. So he made me getoutof thecar to grab it.
Unfortunately, Ididn’tnotice thatthere was a giantslush puddleon my sideof thecar
until it was toolate.
After we parked, we rolled our bags to the nearestshuttlestop, which wasn’ta lotof
fun.
10
Thesign said theshuttle bus to the main terminal cameevery ten minutes. Butthere
was no room for usin the busshelter,so we had to waitoutsidein the freezing cold.
Twenty minutes wentby withouta bus, and Dad started getting really anxious aboutthe
time. He said we werejustgonna have tWo ALK to the terminal, which was abouta mile
away.
11
Iwould’ve tried toconvince Dad to waita little longer, butmy sock wasstarting to
turn toice, and Ididn’twanna getfrostbite.
Sureenough,once we gotabouta hundred feet from theshelter, theshuttle bus pulled
into the parking lot. We tried to getthe driver tostop, buthejustblew rightby us.
So weRANto theshuttlestop, butwe didn’t makeitback in time.
12
Now Dad was really worried aboutmissing our flight. Itold him maybe missing the
flight wouldn’tbe theWORST thing to happen, buthe didn’tseem to bein the mood to
hear whatIhad tosay.
By the time we gotto the terminal, we were both soaking wetand miserable. So when a
pickup truck almosthitusin thecrosswalk, itmade Dad REALLY mad, and heletthe driver
know.
Thatjustmade theDRIVERmad, and he pulled his truck over and stepped outof
hisvehicle.
We didn’tstick around long enough to talk thingsover with this guy. We ran in the
opposite direction and blended in with some people standing on thesidewalk until
thecoastwasclear.
Dad told me Icould learn a lesson from this, which was to never lose your temper
and dosomething stupid. ButItook away aDIFFERENT lesson— when Heffleys getin
trouble, HeffleysRUN.
The restof the family was waiting inside the entrance to the terminal. Mom wanted
to know whattook ussolong, and Dad wanted to know why she hadn’tgotten in line with
Manny and Rodrick and held a place for us.
15
Ittook twenty minutes for us to getthrough thecheck-in line. Butwhen Dad putour big
suitcaseon thescale, the person atthecounter said itwas too heavy, and itwas gonna
costextra money tocheck it.
ButDad said the airline was ripping usoff and we weren’tgonna give them an
extraNICKEL. So we took someclothesoutof thesuitcase and stuffed them intoour
carry-on bags.
By the time we goteverything sorted out, we had a half hour to gettoour gate
beforeour flightstarted boarding. And when we gotto the security area, itwas a
totaZl OO.
16
There were twolines—one for families and one for business travelers.
Iguess Dad usually gets to go through the businesslane when he travels for work,so
he didn’tseem to be too happy aboutbeing stuck with the restof usin the family
lane.
Anytime you add the word “family” tosomething, you know things are gonna be bad.
And trust me, I’ve been toenough family restaurants to know whatI’m talking about.
We waited in thesecurity line a long time, and we finally madeitto the front.
Butthen some kid a few rows behind usstarted pressing the buttons on the poles
thathold the barriers together.
18
Allof a sudden, there was nothing keeping the linesseparated, and for a second,
noone moved.
Butthen thingsCOMPLETELYfell apart.
By the time thesecurity agents gotall the zip barriers reconnected, weended up
atthBeACK of theline.Andthefamilywiththekidwhocaused all the trouble was
attheFRONT.
Now Mom and Dad wereREALLY stressed, becauseour flightwassupposed toleave atany
minute. Dad begged oneof thesecurity agents toletus go to the front, buthe
didn’tseem toosympathetic.
Ithoughtwe were going to missour flight,so I
didn’treallyseethepointofgoingthroughsecurity. ButDad said sometimes they leave the
gateopen until thelastsecond, and we mightstill makeit.
20
Wefinallygottothefrontof theline,andweput our bagson a conveyor belt. Then we took
off our coatsandshoesandputthemintosomeplastic bins.
Manny saw whatthe restof us were doing, and hestarted taking offHISclothes, too.
Luckily, Mom noticed in time and stopped him before he could go any further.
21
Manny wasn’tfinished causing problems, though. Apparently, he thoughttheconveyor
beltwas some kind ofRIDE, and he was really upsetwhen he found outthatitWASN’T.
The people behind us were getting frustrated we weren’tmoving, butWE were being
held up by the guy in frontof us. He had to removeeverything he had on thatwas
metal, and itwas taking him FOREVER.
22
Rodrick told me these machinescan see through yourCLOTHES, and then someonechecks a
screen to makesure you’re nottrying tosneak by with anything dangerous. AllIcan say
isI wouldn’twannabethepersonwithTHATjob.
Itturnsoutthe X-ray machine thatsees through your clothesisonly for grown-ups, and
kids go through a metal detector instead. Still, I wasn’tgonna take any chances.
Once we gotthrough security, we grabbed our stuff from theconveyor beltand took
off. Our gate was down on thelower level,so we had to take theescalator.
Wecouldn’teven doTHAT withoutcausing a major problem. Manny’sstuffed animal
gotstuck in the bottom of theescalator, and he had to press the Emergency Stop
button so Mom could pull itfree.
24
Dad checked his watch and said we mightstill makeit,so we ran for our gate.
Butthe gate was all the way attheother end of the terminal, and we knew
wecouldn’tmakeit in timeon foot.
Justthen, a cartfor handicapped passengers came along, and Dad stopped itand asked
the driver if wecould hitch a ride. The restof us got on board beforeshecould say
no.
25
After that, itwassmooth sailing. The terminal was pretty crowded, butpeople moved
outof our way when they heard uscoming.
The driver dropped usoff atour gate, butthe door wasCLOSED. Ithoughtthatmeantwe had
missed our flightand wecould turn around and enjoy a nice Christmas Eve athome.
Butit
turned outthe flightwasDELAYED,so all that stress was for nothing.
26
The reason the flightwas delayed was becauseof the bad weather, and itwas gonna be
another HOUR before we goton the plane. Welooked for a place tositdown in the
boarding area, but people were hogging theseats.
Mom told me thatonce we goton the plane, we’d bein the air for aboutsix hours,
which was news toME. Iasked her for some money, and I boughta coupleof
magazines,somesnacks, and headphones ata shop near our gate.
TheonlythingIneededthatthestoredidn’thave wasSOCKS. My rightsock wasstillsoaking
wet from stepping in thatpuddle,so Iwentinto the bathroom to wring itoutin thesink.
27
When Iwas done, my sock wasstDillAMP, and Ireally didn’twanna putitback on my foot.
The bathroom had oneof those high-powered hand dryers, and thatgave me an idea.
Icouldn’twaitto getback home and start making someMONEYon thisidea. Ifigured I
could make aKILLINGon rainy days.
28
Theonly problem with the hand dryer in the airportbathroom was thatitwas a
littlTeOO powerful.
My sock startedSMOKING, and then itwent FLYING.
Idecided I’d justgeta new pair of socks atthe resort, because there was no wayIwas
gonna wear somethingIhad to fish outofUaRINAL.
When Icame back from the restroom, they were making an announcementatour gate.
29
Ifigured they were ready tostartboarding the plane, butthey werejustletting us know
there was anotherDELAY.
And itwenton like thatfor the restof the day. Apparently, thisstorm wascausing
problems everywhere, and the plane we weresupposed to fly outon wasstuck atsomOe
THERairport.
Iwasstarting to worry thatmy electronic device was gonna run outof juice while
Iwason the plane,so Ilooked for a place tochargeit. ButI guesseveryoneelse was
thinking thesame thing.
30
Theonly availableoutletwasin an awkward place. Butwhen your battery is at15%, you
gotta do whatyou gotta do.
Our plane finally arrived atthe gate, and all the passengers who wereon itgotoff.
Butif flying issupposed to beFUN, you’d never know itfrom the way these
peoplelooked.
31
The gate agentgoton theloudspeaker and said we’d be boarding shortly. Then shesaid
our flightwas “overbooked,” and they needed a few volunteers to giveup their seats.
Shesaid thatwhoever volunteeredFIRSTwould getthree hundred dollars and a free
nightatthe airporthotel.
Ididn’tneed to hear another word. Igot to the desk beforeshe’d even finished with
her announcementand said Iwas her guy.
Unfortunately, Mom wouldn’tLETmevolunteer, and nobodyELSEstepped up,either.
32
So the gate agent increased the offer tFoIVE hundred dollars, and some woman
snapped it up right away. I just hope she enjoysspending my money.
After that, the agentmadeANOTHER announcement. Shesaid the flightcrew on our plane
had worked too many hours because of all the delays, and we had to waitfor a
REPLACEMENT crew tocomein before wecould takeoff.
Now everyone atour gate wasMAD, because what wassupposed to be an early flightwas
turning into anOVERNIGHTone.
33
When the new flightcrew finally arrived, they didn’tlook happy to be there. That’s
probably becausetheywereexpectingtospendChristmasEve atHOME,so IknewEXACTLY how
they felt.
Afterthecrewgoton board,theystartedletting passengerson the plane. My family gotto
go first,becausetheyletpeoplewithyoungkidsboard before anyoneelse.Butthegate
agentstoppedme atthe door.
34
Shesaid my carry-on bag was too big to fitin theoverhead bin,soithad to go down
below with the restof theluggage. Thatwas fine witMhE, because Ididn’twantto deal
with my bag on the plane anyway.
When Igoton board, Iwas pretty impressed. Theseats were aLOTbigger than Iexpected,
and they werecovered in real leather.
Iasked Mom whatrow we werein, butshesaid we needed to keep moving. Shesaid this was
the first classsection, and our seats wereinECONOMY.
35
Buttheeconomy section wasn’tHALF as nice as firstclass. Theseats were packed
together, and they barely had any cushioning.
Mom said our seats were toward the middleof the plane,so we headed there. ButDad
hung back in the first-classsection. Hesaid he got
UPGRADED becauseof all his frequent-flier miles and thathe’d catch up with us after
welanded.
36
Mom didn’tseem happy aboutthis news. Shesaid itwasn’tfair for him to bein
firstclass while we were in economy,soshe said we’d all takTeURNS sitting in
Dad’sseatduring the flight.
ButDad said the restof us weren’texperienced travelerslike him, and we wouldn’teven
know how to ACTin firstclass.
Luckily, there wereother passengers trying to board,so Mom and Dad couldn’tgetinto
a full blown argumentrighttherein the aisle. Dad sat down in hisseat, and we wentto
find ours.
The restof us were all in thesame row. Mom, Rodrick, and Manny saton onesideof the
aisle, and Ihad the middleseaton thOe THER side.
37
Rodrick tried to getme toswitch with him so he didn’thave tositby Manny, butIwas
happy rightwhere Iwas. Ididn’thave a wholelotof leg room, butother than that,
itwasn’tso bad.
All theother passengers boarded after us, and peopleseemed pretty stressed trying
to gettheir stuff into theoverhead bins. So Iwas glad they tookMYbag atthe gate.
Everyone putaway their bags and satdown in their seats. The pilotmade an
announcementthat the doors wereclosing, and theseats to my left and
rightwerestillempty.
38
Icouldn’tbelieve my luck. Assoon as we took off, Iwas gonna stretch outacross all
three seats and getmyself a good night’ssleep.
ItwasevenBETTER than being in firstclass.
Butrightbefore the doorsclosed,one morecouple goton board. And they had aBABY with
them.
Ididn’tthink these people would bein my row, because there wereonlyTWO empty seats.
But the baby satin his mother’sLAP.
See, if Iwerein chargeof the airline, the rule would beone person per seat.
Becauseif this couple hadTWINS, itwould’ve been completely outof hand.
Iasked these parentsif oneof them wanted to switch seats with meso they could be
nexttoeach other. Butthe mother said sheliked the window, and her husband said
heliked to beon the aisle.
40
Rightafter that, the pilotcameon theintercom. Hesaid thatbefore we took off,
there’d be a brief safety video toshow us whatto doin caseof an emergency.
Iwas already nervous aboutflying to begin with, and Ididn’tlike hearing there
mightbe an “emergency.” So when thesafety video played, I paid ATTENTION.
Butas far asIcould tell, Iwas theonly person who DID. Everybody elsecompletely
tuned out.
The beginning of thevideo wasjustbasic stuff, like how to fasten a seatbelt.
41
Butafter that, itgotSERIOUS.
Thevideo’s narrator said thatif there was a “lossin cabin pressure,”oxygen masks
would drop from theceiling. Well, Idon’tknow what“cabin pressure” is,
butIdidn’tlike hearing thatwe mightLOSE it.
The peoplein thevideo didn’tlook bothered at ALL when theoxygen masks dropped down,
though. In fact, they looked kind ofHAPPY aboutit.
Then thevideo gotevenWORSE. The narrator said thatin caseof a “water landing,” we’d
need toevacuate the plane.
42
Now IwasREALLY freaked out. Ithought the whole pointof an airplane was thatitwas
supposed tostay in theAIR.
Thesafety videosaid there wereemergency exits on the plane and the peoplesitting in
theexit rows would need toopen the doorssoeverybody could getout.
Theemergency exitwasone row behind me, and Irealized the peoplesitting there
weren’tpaying attention to thevideo atALL. So Igotthem to putdown their magazines
and listen up.
43
The flightattendants didn’tseem bothered that noone was watching thesafety video.
Ifigured they probably had theirOWN exits,soif there was any trouble, Iwas gonna
followTHEM.
Thevideoshowed the planein the water with inflatableslidescoming off theemergency
exits. And they actually madeitlookFUN.
Then thevideosaid our seatcushions doubled as “flotation devices,” and each one had
a whistle attached toit. Now Ihad questions,so I pressed the button above my seatto
getthe flightattendanttocomeover.
WhatIwanted to know was, if welanded in shark-infested waters, would itreally
besuch a good idea to blow the whistle? ItfelttMoE like we’d basically beinviting
thesharksover for a freelunch.
The flightattendantsaid Ididn’tneed to worry, because all theseatcushions
werecoated with shark repellent,so they wouldn’teven come near us.
45
Iwas pretty happy to hear that, butnow I’m wondering if he was pulling my leg.
Idon’treally getthe pointof the whistles, though. It’s notlike anybody’s gonna hear
them if you’rein the middleof theocean.
And if you’relucky enough to have a cruise ship pass by, believe me,THOSEguys
aren’t stopping to pick youup.
After thesafety video wasover, Ifelt exhausted, and we hadn’teven takenOFFyet. But
a few secondslater, the plane started rolling down the tarmac, and the next thing I
knew, we werein theAIR.
I’m notgonna lie—Ihad my eyesshutduring the whole takeoff. And Ididn’teven realize
I was holding my breath untilIalmostpassed out.
Once weleveled off, thecouplesitting in my row started feeding their baby.
47
IwasALREADYnauseous from the takeoff, and thesmellof mushy peas didn’thelp things.
IthoughtImightactually throw up, butI didn’tknow whattoDO. Then Inoticed this white
paper bag in theseatpocketin frontof me, and Ifigured outthat’sexactly whatitF’sOR.
48
The flightattendantalready seemed annoyed with me, though,so Iknew he wouldn’tbe
too happy if Ihanded him a bag of vomit.
Somehow Imanaged to getthrough the feeding withoutthrowing up. ButIwish Icould say
the same thing for theBABY.
After thelady cleaned itup,she reached into her bag and gave the baby a coupleof
toys to play with.
49
Oneof the toys was a plastic hammer. And as soon as the baby gotthatthing in its
hand, it started pounding on theWINDOW.
I’ve heard thatif a window on a plane breaks, everything inside getssuckedOUTSIDE.
And thatdidn’treally seem like a good way to go.
So when thelady’s head was turned, Iswiped the
hammerfromthebabyandtuckeditundermyseat.
50
Unfortunately, thatsetthe baby off.
Itturnsoutnobody likes a crying baby on a plane, and everyonestarted shooting us
dirty looks. Luckily, thelady had a bottlein her bag, and thatquieted the kid down
for a while.
Iwas getting kind of hungry myself,so I pressed the button for the
flightattendantand asked when wecould expectto geFtED. Buthe said meals wereonly
for first-class passengers, and he gave me a bag of peanuts to hold meover.
51
That’s when Iremembered thesnacksI’d bought before we goton the plane. BuTt HENI
remembered thatthey werein my carry-on bag, which wasstowed down below.
Iguess Mom must’ve been thinking aboutfood, too. Because assoon as the pilotsaid we
had reached our “cruising altitude” and we were free to move aboutthecabin, Mom
unbuckled her seatbelt and wentup to firstclass with Manny,justin time for dinner.
Ifeltsomething cold and clammy touch my left elbow, and then somethingELSEtouched
my RIGHT one. The guy behind me had taken off hisshoes and socks and slid his
feetthrough thespaces between theseats.
52
So Iguess this guy decided itwaOs Ktouse my ARMRESTS as his FOOTRESTS.
Iwasstarting to feel boxed in, and then the person in theseatin frontof me tilted
hisseat all the way back,soitwasjusta few inches from my face.
Itried to tiltMYseatback, butIcouldn’tfind the button to doit.
53
So Icalled the flightattendantand asked him where the button was. Buthe told me
theseats in our row didn’ttiltback because they’d block the emergency row.
Now Iwasstarting toSWEAT. Ithought I’d read a magazine to take my mind off feeling
trapped, buttheonly thing in theseatpocket was a catalog for all thisstuff noone
needs.
54
The peopleon either sideof me were watching a movie,so Ifigured I’d turn my screen
on and check itout. The movielooked like a comedy, but my headphones werein my bag,
and itwas hard tounderstand whatwas going on withoutthem.
Ichanged thechannel tosee whaEtLSEthere was to watch. Onechannel had a show for
little kids, and the baby nextto me gotinterested in whatwason my screen. And when
Ichanged it
tosomething else, the kid startedBAWLING.
55
When Ichanged thechanneBl ACK, the baby stopped crying.
IguessIwould’ve beenOKwith letting the kid watch theshow, butthescreen waWs AYtoo
close to my face. And thecolorson theshow were so brightthateven when Iputon theeye
mask thatwasin theseatpocket, IcoulSdTILL seeeverything thatwas happening.
When theshow finally ended, the baby started crying again. Butthere was noWAYIwas
gonna keep watching theshow on repeatfor the restof the night.
So Idecided itwas the perfecttime to take my shiftup in firstclass.
56
ButRodrick noticed Iwas trying to make a move, and he gotoutof hisseatbefore Ihad a
chance to. And once he wasup in firstclass, I knew I’d have to waita while before
Icould swap places with him.
When Mom and Manny came back to their seats, Isaw the door to thecockpitopen behind
them, and the pilotstepped out.
Ithoughtthere mightbesome kind of an EMERGENCY,so Ipressed the button and asked the
flightattendantwhatwas going on. Hesaid the pilotjustneeded tostretch hislegs and
use the bathroom, and theco-pilothad everything under control.
57
Ididn’tlike the factthatwe were down toone pilot,even if itwasjustfor a few
minutes.
Personally, Idon’tthink two pilotsiEs NOUGH, even when they’reBOTHin thecockpit.
Iguess theidea is thatif oneof them has a heartattack, then theother oneissupposed
to fly the plane.
ButIasked the flightattendantwhathappens if theOTHERpilotfreaksoutand has a heart
attack, too.
The flightattendanttold me notto worry, because these planes areso high-tech they
can practically flyTHEMSELVES.
58
Well, I’ve heard pilots make a lotof money, soif whatthe flightattendantwassaying
is TRUE, then thiscould be the career forME.
Once the pilotgotoutof the bathroom, I figured itwould be a good idea for me to go,
too. Theonly problem was, the man to my rightwas asleep, and Icouldn’tgetover the
guy without waking him up. So IwentUNDERhim, and believe me, thatwasn’ta lotof fun.
59
Iwalked toward the frontof the plane, but before Ieven gotto the first-
classsection, the flightattendanttold me thateconomy passengers have touse the
restroom in thBeACK.
The bathroom in theeconomy section was really small, butbeing in there was
aHUNDREDtimes better than being stuck in my seat. Itwassort of like a tiny little
apartmentIhad all to myself.
60
In scienceclass, welearned thatwhen human waste gets dropped outof an airplane
toilet, it freezessolid. Some guy in my town once found a chunk of waste thatfell
from a plane, and he thoughtitwas aMETEORITE.
Ithink the guy was hoping tosell itfor a lotof money, butonce the thing thawed he
found out whathe had was totally worthless.
61
Once Iwassettled into the bathroom, Ifigured there was no reason to go back to my
seat. So whenever someoneELSEcame along touseit, I justmade bathroom noisesuntil
they wentaway.
One person must’ve really needed to go, because they shook the door handleso hard
thatI thoughtitmightactually breakOFF. Then they wentaway. Buta few minuteslater,
the whole BATHROOM shook.
62
Whoever this was needed touse the bathroom a lotmore than Idid,so Iopened the door.
But there was nooneTHERE. That’s when Irealized itwasn’tjustthe bathroom shaking,
itwas the whole PLANE.
Ithoughtwe must’velanded in the water or lost an engineor something. Butthen the
pilotcame over theintercom.
63
Thatdidn’tsound righttoME. Ifigured what REALLY happened was thatthe pilotfell
asleep in hisseatand kicked thesteering wheelor something, and then hecameup with
this “bumpy air”excuse. Because that’sEXACTLYwhatI’d doif Iwerein thesamesituation.
Iguess the flightattendantcould see thatI was pretty rattled. Hesaid we
werejustgoing through a little “turbulence,” which was perfectly normal for a
flightlike this.
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Well, if this kind of thing iNs ORMAL, then there’s nochance I’m ever becoming a
pilot. Becauseif Iwere flying the plane, I’d beoutof there atthe firstsign of
trouble.
The flightattendanttold me Ineeded to return to my seatand buckleup. Butwhen
Igotback there, itwas already occupied.
Ididn’twantto move the baby, because Iknew it would justwakeup and startcrying
again.
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So Iwentup to the frontof the plane to kick Rodrick outof firstclass and leHtIMdeal
with the baby. ButIcouldn’tGETto him. Oneof the wheelson the beveragecarthad broken
becauseof the turbulence, and itwas blocking my way.
Iwasoutof options,so Iwentback to my seat. Don’task me how, butIwas actually able
to get an hour or twoof sleep. And Iwasso tired, I didn’teven wakeup when welanded.
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Tuesday
Iwasso worried aboutgetting through the flightthatInever thoughtaboutwhere we were
actuallyGOING. Butwhen Istepped off the plane, itwaslike walking into a whole new
world.
I’ve gotta admit, assoon asIfeltthattropical air hitmy skin, Icould understand why
Dad was soeager toescape thecold back home.
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We gotour luggageoff theconveyor beltin baggageclaim, then followed thesigns to
where a big shuttle bus was waiting.
Even though the air outside feltGREAT, the air-conditioning on the bus
feltevenBETTER. And theseatsin this thing were nicer than the onesin firstclass.
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Once all the passengers boarded the bus, we headed to the resort. Avideo played on
theoverhead monitors, and itwas aboutaMILLIONtimes more fun than theoneon the
plane.
Thevideoshowed all thecool activities atthe resort, and Iwanted to do themALL.
Oneof the activities wasswimming with dolphins, and that’ssomethingI’veALWAYSwanted
to do.
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Butthere was a bunch ofOTHERstuff that looked cool, too. Iwas hoping they
mightletus COMBINE activitiesso Icould doeverything before we had to go back home.
Ifeltkind of bad for being so negative about this trip up until then, and Iturned
around to tell Mom and Dad Iwassorry. ButIwish I had justkeptwatching
thevideoinstead.
When westepped off the bus atthe resort, thestaff greeted us and handed Mom and Dad
frozen drinks.
We gaveour bags to these guys wearing white gloves, and they said they’d take them
directly to our room. And Igotta say, IwaIsMPRESSED.
We wentto the frontdesk, and thelady there explained how everything worked. Shesaid
the resortwas “all-inclusive,” so we didn’tneed touse cash or creditcards.
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The way we paid for stuff was with these plastic cards that doubled as our room
keys.
Mom and Dad told the receptionistthey wanted tostay in thesame building they’d
stayed in for their honeymoon, butthelady said the resorthad CHANGED since then.
Shesaid thatnow, the resortwassplitinto two halves, the “Wild Side” and the “Mild
Side.”
The place Mom and Dad had stayed wason the Wild Side, and kids aren’tallowed over
there. So sheshowed us whereour building wason the map.
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