Art of Conversation
A conversation is a form of communication; however, it is usually more spontaneous and less
formal. We enter conversations for purposes of pleasant engagement in order to meet new
people, find out information and enjoy social interactions. As far as types of conversation,
they vary anywhere from intellectual conversations and information exchanges to friendly
debate and witty banter.
While there is more to having good conversation skills than being a comedian, dramatic
actor, or a great story teller, it is not necessary to become more gregarious, animated, or
outgoing.
Instead, you can develop the ability to listen attentively, ask fitting questions, and pay
attention to the answers - all qualities essential to the art of conversation. With diligent
practice and several good pointers, anyone can improve their conversation skills.
Tips on How to Improve Your Conversation Skills
➔ Show interest and be curious. People who are genuinely interested in others are usually
interested in themselves. Why? Because they are more open to learning about and
understanding new things. Showing interest also encourages the other person to be relaxed
and share information more freely. Display attentiveness by keeping good eye contact and
listening actively.
If you happen to be shy and need time to warm up before you share your own views, you can
ask open-ended questions or encourage the other person to elaborate on their insights. This
kick-starts the conversation and before you know it you are engaged in a good conversational
flow.
➔ Ensure there is a balance of giving and taking. A conversation can get boring quickly if
one person is doing all the talking while the other is trying to get a word in edgewise. When
that happens whoever is not talking begins to tune out and there is no conversation!
There can be many reasons for the lack of giving and taking. Sometimes nervousness can get
in the way and you ramble on without realizing it. Or, nervousness can make you freeze and
you don't know what to say next.
If you find yourself freezing up, take a deep breath and do your best to focus; smile, and then
reflect on what you want to say. If the other person is the rambler and you've tried several
times to interject but haven't been able to, then excuse yourself politely and move on.
If later on you realize that you were the rambler (heaven forbid), then at least you will have
made the most important step towards improvement which is - awareness.
Determine whether your tendency to dominate a conversation is due to nervousness or self-
involvement.
Either way, review the conversation in your head. Look for spots where you could have
paused and allowed the other person to talk.
For future conversations a good rule of thumb is after you make a point, pause for either
agreement or an alternative point of view. Observe body language for cues whether to stop or
continue.
For example, is the person glossy-eyed and therefore bored? Are they moving towards you to
speak and you just keep on talking? Are they looking elsewhere (for an escape) while you are
carrying on? In a good conversation each person needs to express themselves or it is no
longer a conversation but a monologue.
➔ Be interesting and have something to say. While you don't have to be a comedian,
entertainer, or brilliant raconteur, you do need to be interesting otherwise what would you
say? If you are not well informed, tend not to read much, or have very few interests, you will
have very little to talk about except yourself.
Unfortunately, no one wants to hear about your latest troubles, conquests, or daily routine.
Yet so many dull conversationalists believe that's what people want to hear from them. Who
hasn't been stuck with someone at a social event who blathers on about their family history,
latest job interview, or the like?
To avoid being that person, become knowledgeable about world events, people in the news,
or what's going on locally. Take time to keep up with the latest music new technological
discoveries, or recent best sellers.
No one can know everything, so if you can enlighten someone during the course of a
conversation, you'll be a hit! By the same token, you can learn something new as well.
Of course, not all conversations are knowledge sharing gatherings or discussions of global
import. Many, especially at social functions, consist of light-hearted and cheerful banter.
In such cases, be aware of the tone and mood of the conversation and go with the flow. If you
are not particularly good at one-liners, or much of a jokester, you can always listen, smile and
enjoy the humor. Never act like you feel out of place or ill at ease.
➔ Be relaxed, be yourself. If you are on edge, or trying to be someone you're not, it will
show and therefore doom a conversation to failure before it starts. Admittedly, if you are not
relaxed, it's hard to appear as if you are. Slow down and take a deep breath.
If you don't do your best to relax, you will end up saying something silly, unintelligible, or
unrelated to the conversation (been there). Also smile warmly; it will make you appear
pleasant and therefore, more approachable. Worth noting: if you are trying too hard to be
something you're not, you will come across as a fake or a wannabe.
To start a conversation, go up to someone and introduce yourself. It is both polite and
necessary to start things off smoothly.
When the occasion calls for it, you can offer a handshake and then smile and make eye
contact. Being friendly puts the other person at ease and opens the door for them to introduce
themselves.
If, for whatever reason, your attempt is not well-received and you notice the other person is
cool or standoffish, bow out gracefully and move on. Do not take it as a rejection; merely
consider that the person has reasons for not reciprocating. Perhaps they are not feeling well,
have had a bad day, or are not in the mood for conversation.
➔ To improve, practice and then practice some more. The art of conversation, like any
skill, takes practice. Do not expect to be adept after your first few attempts. It will take
practice as well as exposure to many different social situations. A good way to get practice
before you venture out to an event is with family members and people you are comfortable
with. They can give you helpful and supportive feedback, which in turn, gives you something
to work on. You can never have too much practice!
Quick-Tips for The Art of Conversation
Do not dominate a conversation or make it all about you. A monologue is not a
conversation.
Show interest and curiosity in others.
Strive for a balance of giving and taking.
Be an active listener by maintaining good eye contact and asking pertinent questions.
Train yourself to relax by using visualization, meditation, or other relaxation methods.
Being relaxed is vital for good conversation.
Do not interrupt and cut in with your own ideas before the other person is finished
speaking.
Maintain an open mind; everyone has a right to express himself or herself even if you
don't agree with what they are saying.
Although this is cliché, try to avoid topics such as sex, religion and politics. You would
be surprised at how many people get trapped by them and end up in verbal battle, not
conversation.
Be prepared by staying on top of the latest news, developments and world events.
Be approachable by staying relaxed, smiling and maintaining a friendly attitude.
Possessing the art of conversation improves personal, social and work relationships. It gives
you the opportunity to meet interesting new people and introduces you to various new topics
and subject matter. With practice and application, anyone can improve their conversation
skills.
Source: https://www.essentiallifeskills.net/the-art-of-conversation.html
