Descriptive writing

• When you write a description, you need to write about 5 or 6

paragraphs
• The focus should be on describing the thing that is the focus of the
task
• You should try to avoid writing a story. One way to do this is to limit
the movement of your character. Another way is to write without a
character in mind.
• You should plan, organise, write, proof read and edit
• You would normally have between 35 and 45 minutes for this kind of
task
Task 1 - Using descriptive techniques
• On the next slide you will see three images
• I have then shown you how to use different techniques in the slides
to 11
• For each technique, you can practice using these three images.
 Adjectives and verbs

• Adjectives don’t have to be boring and

simple
• You can mess with reality by choosing
unpredictable adjectives and verbs

• The burnt sky flickered above the building.

• Black and bitter smoke bulged out of the
factory roof, which creaked in pain.
Adjectives/verbs
• The grey ash cloud flew (rose) (floated) (escaped) (drifted) (faded) up to
the sky.
• The grey ash cloud rose up to the sky/The grey ash cloud faded up to the
sky.

• The thick, white, creeping smoke was visible in the dark, (starry) bitter,
ominous sky.

• The whole neighbourhood went to search for the missing boy.

• The viscous, savage crowd went out to search for the lost/ innocent/
orphaned boy.
 Simile

• Simile should compare features that give a

strong sense of atmosphere
• Don’t choose predictable comparisons

• Like a living creature the smoke billowed out

through the door which had long since
collapsed.
• Burning ash danced in the heat like angry
sprites biting the skin on contact.
• The tunnel was dark, gloomy and silent like an abandoned, haunted mill.
• The tunnel was dark, gloomy and silent like the empty dead space in a
black hole.

• The dark wet tunnel had the odour of the sewers engulfing people’s noses
with waste.
• The dark wet tunnel engulfed people’s noses with a smell like the sewers.

• The mysterious ominous smoke rose up as if the ghosts of the dead were
rising (reaching) from their graves, coming alive.
 Senses

• Any description should include senses other than

sight
• You should try to give a sense of the experience, not a
description of an image

• The thick acrid smoke carried with it the choking sour

smell of burning plastic
• Crackling, spitting flames could be heard between the
wind howling.
Senses
• The thick smoke carried a dense, choking, burnt smell through the
air.

• The man heard the birds chirping and tweeting as loud as possible
like a vast orchestra/ like a stadium of enthusiastic football fans
competing with each other.

• The crackling smoke filled my nose with a powerful burning aroma.

 Personification

• You may already have begin personifying, but you

should develop this.
• To personify give the thing a feeling or a motivation,
hateful or more gentle.

• Between the red fire sky and the dark buildings, the
wind whipped the flames, taunting them to lash out.
• The clouds of smoke escaped into the air through
cracks in the walls and roof running to the broad sky
from their imprisonment.
Personification
• The miserable brown mud stuck to us as if it were trying to pull us
down into it’s murky kingdom.

• The shady smoke hypnotised the people pulling (drawing) (them

towards it) in all of their minds. Them in, suffocating their thoughts
and making them drowsy.
 Reflection

• Reflection means looking back and considering

• You may consider from a sensory, emotional or a
thoughtful perspective

• Timid and hopeless before the blaze, I watched

powerless to do anything but wait.
• The warm glow that the fire provided in the cold night
nearly made me forget that this fire was the enemy,
that were I to get to close it would devour me.
Developing descriptive paragraphs
• A paragraph of description should have one focus
• Within an image like the one I have been using throughout, I would
probably write a paragraph on each of the following:
• The red glow as I approached
• The crowds gathered watching
• The building itself
• The smoke and the flames
• The sky above
• The tree and the pylons
• The fire men working
• The day light and people leaving
• Each paragraph needs to be between 4 and 5 sentences long, but should
have one focus.
 A paragraph about the smoke
Focus on adjectives The ominous grey ash cloud rose up to the sky
Focus on simile as if the ghosts of the dead were reaching from
their graves. Crackling ferociously, it filled my
Senses focus - sound
nose with a powerful burning aroma. I watched
Focus on personification the suffocating smoke billowing out forming a
blanket, smothering those below, slowly.
Resisting the temptation to relax before its
warmth, I felt the creeping of wispy tendrils
Reflection entering my lungs as I breathed and covered my
mouth.
 A paragraph about the sky
Focus on adjectives The burnt sky flickered above the building. Glowing
Focus on simile
ash danced in the heat like angry sprites biting the

Senses focus - sound skin on contact. Crackling, spitting flames could be

Focus on personification heard beneath the wild wind howling, which whipped
the flames, taunting them to lash out in the space
between the red, fire sky and the dark buildings. The
Reflection warm glow that the fire provided in the cold night
nearly made me forget that this fire was the enemy,
that were I to get to close it would devour me.
Starting sentences
If you always use a noun starter your sentences will be predictable and
mechanical. Try to use a variety of different sentences starters like the ones
below.
-ing verbs Prepositions Nouns
Walking As, while, during, after The
Crashing A
Looking Under, on, in, beneath He, she, they, it
Glaring
Creates a subordinate clause that Creates a subordinate clause that Will create a main clause that will
will not make sense on its own will not make sense on its own make complete sense, but will be
without a main clause. without a main clause. simple.
Crawling through the sand, he hung After the storm, the sunlight A tiny particle of dust was enough
his head to hide from the glare of glimmered through the angry to momentarily blind him.
the sun. clouds.
She could not stand another
Glancing from left to right, the tiger Above the main body of the minute in his presence.
surveyed the forest glade for her church, the spire stretched towards
cubs. the sky.
 Showing not telling
Writing a description is really about trying to avoid telling me something in a matter of fact way. You should be
trying to avoid simply passing on information. A description should try to capture more than the facts so you
need to show the effects rather than telling me the facts.

• The house that he lived in was old and not very nice.
• Cobwebs
This sentence tells me what the person thinks,
• Wall paper peeling off but they do not help me to visualise or even
• Cracks in the wall experience what the ‘old’ house looks like.
• Crumbling cement between bricks
• Bare floorboards Peering in through the cracked glass pane in the door, I let
my eyes adjust to the gloom. In the shadows the flaps of
• Slats in the wall wall paper peeling from the ceiling were like open
• Buckets collecting drips wounds. Beneath this thin layer of mismatching handy
work, the cracks were beginning to show in the plaster
• Mould on the ceiling which revealed the skeletal slats of the walls. I cast my
eyes around the space. The hall way was bare except for
I have taken these bullet pointed ideas and shown the a single small table and two half full buckets that waited
reader a part of the house instead of telling them patiently beneath dark patches on the ceiling where
what I think of it. drops of water gathered in the mould.
Can you change this from a series of facts to a paragraph that suggests the information without telling the
reader?

His family had died in a fire when he was six years old. He had
never forgotten them any day since and now he was thirty.
• A photograph of a family
together inside a diary
• Singed edges to the picture
• Pictures on the wall only include
the boy
• Man sat in the gloom
• Newspaper article about a blaze
• Flowers beside him
Can you change this from a series of facts to a paragraph that suggests the information without telling the
reader?

His family had died in a fire when he was six years old. He had
never forgotten them any day since and now he was thirty.
• A photograph of a family together Sitting in the gloom, a single tear welled
inside a diary up and glistened in the light that cut
• Singed edges to the picture through the curtains. In his hand he
held a well worn diary, open, displaying
• Pictures on the wall only include the a photograph. The edges of the
boy photograph were singed and curled in
• Man sat in the gloom the bottom left corner, but the image
itself was pressed flat by being always
• Newspaper article about a blaze shut inside the diary. Behind the
• Flowers beside him photograph the headline of an article
including the words ‘family blaze’
peeped out briefly before he covered it
again with the photograph. Standing up
from the chair he reached out and
picked up the flowers that had sat in the
vase next to him. It was time to visit
them.
Self Assess
WWW EBI
You have used a range of different sentence starters Try using……….. To start sentences

You have used some linguistic devices effectively Try using a simile or referring to the senses to make
your description more interesting

You have created a character with believable Think carefully about how a realistic character would
motivations and built up tension think, feel and react

You have written a developed description You need to develop your description. It is a bit
short.
You have used basic punctuation accurately You need to use full stops to separate every bit of
sense or main clause
When you plan, begin by listing features that you can describe. Features you can see

Features you can zoom in on

This includes
senses, but
also the room Features you can imagine
she is in, the
movement
that happens
during your
description, The context around them
the things
outside of the
picture.

The stories
 Having decided what you will focus on in each
paragraph, you should then try and write your
Description paragraphs. Remember to use a range of
techniques.

Sat across from her, the • Adjectives/verbs

cutting silence had me by the scruff • Simile
of the neck, but I was determined to
wait for a response. All I could do • Senses
was look back into those eyes like • Metaphor/personification
black holes that seemed to drag me
in. I sensed beads of sweat forming • Reflection
on by forehead in the intense
atmosphere of this situation,
waiting…waiting. Her gaze cut
through me now, to the heart of my
own apathy. I should have helped
her.
Description
She pulled at her matted greasy • Adjectives/verbs
hair, twisting it between her fingers. • Simile
Observing her fingers run between the
strands, was like watching her change from • Senses
begin a homeless person into a girl again. It
struck me that she would want to be • Metaphor/personification
beautiful, attractive, noticed in the same • Reflection
way that anyone would if people could see
beyond the grime, reach out beyond the
musty odour. As she teased at her hair,
every strand seemed to hold meaning: a
minute sat in the cold iced wind; a person
whose pocket rattled, but not with spare
change; an opportunity that had passed by
without even showing itself. She was a girl
with the same humanity as anyone, but she
was seen as little more than litter on the
pavements of the city.
Description
She stood up closing her eyelids • Adjectives/verbs
down and breathed the same stagnant • Simile
air as me. She barely filled her clothes
which looked more like they were hung • Senses
on a line they were draped so loosely on • Metaphor/personification
her bird like frame. From the tunnel
ceiling water dripped into the puddles • Reflection
making a sonorous echoing sound.
Darkness and disappointment hung in
the musty air, clung to her like the
shadows that she seemed to pull
around her in the absence of a coat. I
felt some of her despair beginning to
claw at me, to stretch out and grasp at
me.
Change/contrast
She was not for talking. Not any
more. But, I had what I needed. I had
the story that would make the papers,
would touch the hearts of the readers,
would make my name. As I stood to
leave, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I
was lowered into the rusty chair again. I • A change or contrast gives you a
turned to look up at the face of a much chance to re-imagine the situation
larger male, dirty, with the same stench, • You could have light going dark
the same dark shadows around the
eyes, but significantly larger. It was only • You could be alone having been in a
then that I realised the dark, shelter of busy place
the tunnel was also a place cut off,
isolated from passers by. It was their
shelter. It was now my chamber.
Ending
She stepped towards me holding a
tattered, worn picture in one hand and
a familiar newspaper clipping in the
other. The sun shone in the picture
lighting a family smiling together
outside of a house, the father stood
over them like a proud lion. “Look • An ending should just give some
closely,” she said in a voice that had the shape.
tone of gravel dragged under foot. The • I have chosen to give a story like
picture reached out and the name on ending that gives the descriptive
the bottom of the article froze me to details some context.
the spot. I had done this. I was the one
who had exposed him. I had hung them • I have focussed on showing her past
out to dry and left them to fend for rather than telling
themselves. The grip tightened on my
shoulders.
Success?
• Have you use of descriptive adjectives?
• Is your description realistic or believable?
• Have you used different sentence starters?
• Have you described by showing rather than telling
• Have you stayed in one tense
• Do you have a range of different sentence lengths
• Have you used: Metaphor/simile/imagery/personification/senses
Another way to help yourself
plan for different features and
zoom in on details is to turn
the image into a grid.
Features you can see

Features you can zoom in on

Features you can imagine

The context around them

The stories
Planning and structuring
• Begin by planning lots of things that you can describe
• When you have lots of features you need to decide on a direction
• Introduction to character/setting overview
• Zoom in 1
• Zoom in 2
• Movement zoom 1
• Zoom in 3
• Conclusion/contrast
Intro
I walked the night duty alone in this city of suspicious, devious
creatures. Through the streets, the hanging glowing mists made the
buildings seem like phantoms towering over ancient streets. Watchful
and silent in the sky, the monthly blood moon cast its disturbing glow
onto the city below bathing it in a deep scarlet hue. It felt as if the
whole city was washed in the blood of every crime that had been
committed over the centuries. Right now, all I wanted was to be safe. I
wanted to be at home, but my duty was the early warning system we
needed to keep us safe from the night crawlers.
Focus 1
As I looked along the cobbled street towards the factories that
clanged and hummed all day and night, I traced a path that would
avoid me having to jump over the large puddles. In the moon’s glow
these puddles looked less like glassy water than pools of sticky blood.
Their dark depths would draw me in and who knew how far down they
would go. It seemed more than possible that these pools were
gateways to an even more hellish world beneath. I looked up, tearing
my imagination away from the horror it was creating. Looking up
ahead, the street disappeared into the red glow of the mist. This was
the very place that nightmares were born.
Try this one