MODULE THREE

Building Capacity for

Growth, Impact and
Sustainability.
Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION

MODULE THREE.......................................................................................................................

CHAPTER 1: IDENTITY.

Topic One: Understand Self-awareness.......................................................................................

Reflections…………………………………………………………………………………….

Topic Two: Carry out self-examination of oneself for better understanding.…………………

Reflections …………………………………………………………………………………...

Topic Three: Describe one’s life journey.…………………………………………………….

Reflections…………………………………………………………………………………….

CHAPTER TWO: RELATIONSHIPS AND RECONCILIATION.

Topic one: Relationship with God, self, family, and others …................................................

Topic two: Reconciliation with God, self, family and others. ……………………................

Reflection…………………………………………………………………………………….

CHAPTER THREE: DEVELOPING A LIFE PLAN.

Topic one: Understand a life plan ………………………………………………………….

Reflection……………………………………………………………………………..........

Topic Two: Skills and tool to develop a personal life plan……………………………………

Reflection…………………………………………………………………………………….

Topic Three: Categories of Goals/Plan ……………………………..........................................

Reflection…………………………………………………………………………………….

CHAPTER FOUR: ASPECTS OF AN AUTHENTIC LIFE.

Topic One: How to lead an authentic life ………………………………………………………

Reflection………………………………………………………………………………….
Topic Two: Barriers to leading an authentic lifestyle………………………………………

Reflections…………………………………………………………………………………

Topic Three: Creating an authentic life................................................................................

Reflection………………………………………………………………………………….

Topic Four: Friendships……………………………………………………………………

Reflection………………………………………………………………………………….

Topic Five: Work Ethics ………………………………………………………………….

Reflection………………………………………………………………………………….

CHAPTER FIVE: REFLECTION AND REALITIES OF LIFE.

Topic One: Introduction

Reflection………………………………………………………………………………….

Topic Two: Going Beyond the Limitations ………………………………………………

Reflection…………………………………………………………………………………

Topic Three: Translating the ideas into action …………………………………………..

Reflection…………………………………………………………………………………

Topic Four: Steps of actualizing the end……………………………………………….

Reflection…………………………………………………………………………………

Topic Five: Vital Ways to Raise Capital………………………………………………….

Reflection…………………………………………………………………………………

Appendix………………………………………………………………………………

Acknowledgment…………………………………………………………………………
INTRODUCTION

You read a new book, start a new course, or set a New Year’s resolution. You get excited and
motivated to grow, sure that your new lifestyle will stick this time.

And then a few weeks later, you lose your steam. You just can’t generate the same level of
excitement you started with.

The truth is, the people who experience radical growth over their lives are not the ones who
hyper-charge their motivation when they start something new. They are the ones who gradually
build their capacity for continuous personal growth so they can iteratively get 1% better.

As AYLF it’s our desire to contribute to your personal building capacity for growth, impact and
sustainability, following the footsteps of Jesus Christ. In this program we want to start a journey
together of doubling our personal capacity, here are some of the ways we are suggesting for
growth to happen we will discuss deeper into this concepts in the different chapters of this
module:

•Practice extreme focus. Identify the area of capability and three or four specific skills that
you want to improve. Then, spend a disproportionate amount of your time working on these
skills.

•Make a plan for how you are going to accomplish your goal to improve those specific skills
and capabilities. This is your Path of Progress; you don’t need to do everything now, you just
need to plan out your steps and get started on the first thing.

•Seek out experts (like a coach) who could help you learn what you need to know to master the
skills and capabilities. Find the right resources to help you get where you want to go.

•Find an accountability buddy to help you stay on track with your Path of Progress to achieve
your goals. Check in with the person e very week to update them on your progress toward
increasing your personal capabilities.

•Surround yourself with people who make you want to get better, and help those around you
get better, too. Put a rhythm of accountability around increasing personal capabilities in place
in, so that this is part of your culture, something you and your team, your family are always
thinking about and working on together. Growing a company/family depends on your ability to
improving your own capacity and helping others to do the same. This can be possible if we are
able to focus on the following:

Spiritual Capacity is who you are and what you want most. If you can’t articulate your core
values, take some quite time alone with God daily you will see the difference.

Intellectual Capacity is your ability to think, learn, plan, and execute. Wake up even 15
minutes earlier this week and dedicate that time to meditation, reading or journaling. You’ll see a
difference.

Physical Capacity measures health and physical performance. To start, commit to sleeping eight
hours each night, and see how you feel.

Emotional Capacity is how we react to challenging situations and people, and the quality of our
relationships. Make a list of 5 most positive relationships in your life, and commit to spending
more time with each.

Personal development is the ongoing act of assessing your life goals and values and building
your skills and qualities to reach your potential. They can contribute to your maturity, success
and satisfaction. Many people strengthen their personal development skills throughout their lives
to better themselves and reach their goals. They can do this through education, advice from a
mentor, self-help and more.

In this program, we will describe some of the most important personal development skills that
can help in your journey to becoming more capable and confident.

Personal development skills are qualities and abilities that help you grow both personally and
professionally. In other words, they are skills that help you nurture your personal development.
Understanding and improving these skills can help you maximize your potential. This process is also
known as self-development or personal growth.

Why are personal development skills important?

Personal development skills are important because they allow you to create strategic and tactical
plans for personal and professional growth towards your goals. It can be helpful to have personal
development skills so that you can naturally work them into your daily routines and use them to:

 Achieve personal and career goals

 Advance in your career
 Improve your strengths and talents
 Better yourself
 Find fulfillment and satisfaction

Personal development skills can be traits or qualities you already have or ones you can gain
through education and training. Individuals will value different personal development skills
depending on their goals, but here are some examples of skills people commonly practice to
facilitate personal growth:

 Communication
 Interpersonal
 Organization
 Problem-solving
 Self-confidence
 Adaptability
 Integrity
 Work ethic
 Leadership

Communication includes your ability to speak, write and listen. With these skills, you
can understand what others are saying and feeling and also convey your own ideas and
feelings. Good communicators can speak clearly and confidently, using a tone that is
positive and appropriate for the situation.

Interpersonal skills are the verbal and nonverbal behaviors and reactions to interactions with
other people. They affect your ability to build relationships and make impressions on others in
social situations.
Organization skills include the tidiness of your physical and digital spaces as well as your
ability to plan, schedule and prioritize. Good organization can help save time, prevent
miscommunications and improve efficiency.

Problem-solving is your ability to handle challenging or surprising situations. Good problem-

solvers can stay calm when they encounter obstacles and assess all their options to find the best
solution.

Self-confidence is the belief in your abilities, actions and decisions. If you have confidence in
yourself, you might be more likely to pursue ambitious goals, try new things and believe you can
succeed.

Adaptability is your ability to adjust quickly and easily to new things. People who handle
change well often get along with a variety of personalities and thrive in any environment. They
can also remain calm in surprising situations.

Integrity People tend to trust those who are honest and stand by their values. Integrity means
doing what is right and telling the truth, even if doing so presents challenges. Having integrity
can lead to a good reputation and opportunities for advancement.

Work ethic includes not only hard work but also reliability, responsibility, quality,
determination and discipline. People with good work ethic tend to be productive and have a
positive attitude.

Leadership is the ability to guide people. Good leaders can motivate others and help them reach
a shared goal. They build confidence and improve morale.

How to improve your personal development skills

You can enhance your personal development skills by taking classes, learning from the people
around you, gaining new talents and improving upon existing ones. Follow these guidelines to
develop yourself personally:
Overcome your fears. Fear can prevent you from growing and progressing. If you are
afraid of public speaking, for instance, take a class or join a group that helps people
become better public speakers. If you are afraid of taking risks, find a mentor who can
help you make good decisions and build your confidence. Grow and learn by trying things
you might not be comfortable doing. If you are shy, try starting a conversation or
introducing yourself to new people at a reception or workshop.
Read. Reading can expand your knowledge and vocabulary and keep you informed. It can
also stimulate your mind and can improve your critical thinking skills. Try setting a goal
to read at least one educational or motivational article a day, or one book a month.
Learn something new. Learn a new skill or topic, whether you do it yourself or sign up
for a class. You might, for instance, take courses to learn another language, a new
software program or how to write creatively. Consider watching a webinar on professional
development topics such as entrepreneurship or social media marketing.
Ask for feedback. Approach a family member, friend, colleague or manager, and ask
them to give you feedback on a recent project or accomplishment. Use their positive
comments as well as their constructive criticism to find ways to improve. Sometimes you
need an outside, unbiased opinion to get a different perspective.
Observe others. Watch and learn from the people who inspire you. This could be
someone you know, such as a supervisor, family member or public figure. Identify the
qualities you admire in them, and try to replicate those in yourself. Network. By
interacting with many types of people, you can learn new ideas and understand how to
communicate and work with different personality types. You can also meet people and
develop relationships that might help you in the future. Network through industry
organizations and shared interest groups, or attend conferences and events on topics that
interest you.
Keep a journal. Writing in a journal every day or week can help you gain self-awareness
and reflect on recent events, decisions and conversations. You might keep a hand-written,
private journal, or you might choose to share your thoughts and experiences by blogging.
Use it to set and assess goals and progress.
Meditate. Many people meditate to gain clarity and awareness and to reduce stress and
anxiety. Meditation can help you focus on your self-development and goals in a healthy,
 positive and calm way. Even scheduling a break from work or quiet time to yourself can
help you relax and focus.
Get a mentor. If you need help identifying ways to build your self-development
skills, talk to a mentor. This individual could be a manager, professor, someone you
admire or a professional personal growth mentor.

As AYLF we are committed to walk with you as you walk with each other, following the
example of Jesus Christ of Nazareth in building your capacity for growth, impact and
sustainability in all aspects or facets of your life. While personal development skills can benefit
all parts of your life, these particular practices may be useful in the workplace and help you
advance your career:

 Be an active listener. Part of being a good communicator is paying attention to what

other people say. Concentrate on understanding what your coworkers and clients are
saying so you can remember that information and respond well. Use effective
and professional listening and communication skills in everything from phone
conversations to job interviews.
Work well with others. Good people skills make you a valued team member. You should
be able to collaborate with and motivate others. Cultivate your social skills to build
relationships with colleagues, clients, customers and acquaintances of all types and
backgrounds.
Organize your time, work and materials. Plan out tasks so you can complete them
quickly and easily. Know what projects to prioritize if you are handling more than one. If
you are well-organized, you may be better able to meet your deadlines and collaborate
effectively with others.
Work through challenging situations. When dealing with a problem, assess your options
and determine the best solution. Know when to ask for advice or research different
scenarios. People who can think critically and work through complex problems are more
likely to make good decisions both in life and work.
Believe in yourself. If you have confidence in your decisions, others may be more likely
to believe in you as well. This positive energy can help motivate and instill confidence in
those around you. You are better able to handle challenges and reach goals if you
 approach them with confidence rather than doubt.
Adapt to change. Be flexible so you can deal with changes in work and life easily.
Adaptable people can work well alone and on a team, manage multiple projects, work
under a variety of conditions, accept new ideas and more. Being able to respond well to
change can also make these situations less stressful for everyone involved.
Be truthful. Honesty is the foundation of a positive relationship with colleagues and
supervisors. Practice good ethics and stand by your values. Integrity can bring you respect,
satisfaction and a good reputation at work.
Be committed to and passionate about your job. People with good work ethic tend to be
productive, reliable and determined to do quality work. This dedication can help you
complete tasks on time and motivate your peers.
Guide those around you. Being a good leader requires confidence, vision and
communication. People who build these leadership skills can help their team progress and
be productive without being controlling.

Being able to follow through this program and giving ourselves to growth and impact will lead
us to these five major things that are at the core of AYLF movement.

 You get to know God better

 You get to know yourself better
 You will have friends to guard your strengths and show you blind spots
 You have friends to hold you accountable to your own best values
 You have a place to be encouraged and supported
God created us for each other, everyone needs a friend a true friend for that matter, everyone
needs someone to lean on when not strong and do life with, AYLF is committed to help start
authentic lifelong friendships, friends that will be the stepping stone to transform society and
governments, friends that will create the next giant companies that will employ millions of
African youths, friendships that will nature next talents and produce next leaders.

If all you have in life is money you are the most miserable person on earth, money was met to
serve you and be your servant not your master, money should be in your wallet not in your heart,
your heart is for people only, unfourtenly we live in a generation that where money is the master
and deep in our hearts we don’t care who we hurt to get money , in this program we need you to
see the importance of true friendship and still be the best at what you do, treat people well, don’t
be greedy, be a loyal friends that people can count one when they need and a shoulder to lean on
when they are not strong, be there to provide light and give direction when we lost our sight of
why we exist, in other words be the change you want to see!. John13:34-35“A new command I
give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 3By this
everyone will know that you are my disciples/followers, if you love one another.”

We all need friends. When the storm clouds gather, we cherish those people, who we know we
can turn to, who will always be there with a hug, a kind word, or a shoulder to cry on if we need
it. In fact, our love for each other may be the most unmistakable evidence of God in our lives.
Take a break from your busy day and renew and revitalize those all-important connections. Faith
and friendship go hand in hand, after all.

John 15:15

“I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is
doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have
heard from my Father.”
Chapter One: Identity

Objectives

At the end of the session the participant should be able to:

a. Understand Self-awareness.

b. Carry out self-examination of oneself for better understanding.

c. Describe one’s life journey.

Any ape can reach for a banana, but only humans can reach for the stars. Apes live, contend,
breed and die in forests—end of story. Humans write, investigate, and quest. We splice genes,
split atoms, launch rockets. We peer upward…and delve deeply into the digits of pi. Perhaps
most remarkably of all, we gaze inward, piecing together the puzzle of our own unique and
marvelous brain…This, truly, is the greatest mystery of all. V. S. Ramachandran

Plato instructed us to “know thyself,” philosophers and scientists alike have extolled the virtues
of self-awareness. Indeed, this ability is arguably one of the most remarkable aspects of being
human. Self-awareness is the ability to see ourselves clearly to understand who we are, how
others see us, and how we fit into the world around us. The ability to understand ourselves is at
the core of human survival and advancement.

There is strong scientific evidence that people who know themselves and how others see them
are happier and:..

 They make smarter decisions.

 They have better personal and professional relationships.

 They raise more mature children.

 They’re smarter, superior students who choose better careers.

 They’re more creative, more confident, and better communicators.

 They’re less aggressive and less likely to lie, cheat, and steal.

 They’re better performers at work who get more promotions.

 They’re more effective leaders with more enthusiastic employees.

 They even lead more profitable companies.

On the flip side, a lack of self-awareness can be risky at best and disastrous at worst. In business,
regardless of what we do or what stage we’re at in our careers, our success depends on
understanding who we are and how we come across to our bosses, clients, customers, employees,
and peers. This becomes even more important the higher you ascend on the corporate ladder:

Senior executives who lack self-awareness are 600 percent more likely to derail (which can cost
companies a staggering $50 million per executive). And more generally, un-self-aware
professionals don’t just feel less fulfilled in their careers, when they get stuck, they tend to have
trouble figuring out what their next phase should even be. Self-awareness is the meta-skill of the
twenty first century.

The qualities most critical for success in today’s world is emotional intelligence, empathy,
influence, persuasion, communication, and collaboration all of them stem from self-awareness.
To put it another way, if we’re not self-aware, it’s almost impossible to master the skills that
make us stronger team players, superior leaders, and better relationship builders at work and
beyond. Our increasingly “me”-focused society makes it even easier to fall into this trap of world
obsession with self-esteem, constantly being reminded of their wonderful and special qualities.
It’s far more tempting to see ourselves through rose-colored glasses than to objectively examine
who we are and how we’re seen. The “me” afflicts people of all ages, genders, backgrounds,
cultures, and creeds. Right now, you might be mentally conjuring all the delusional people you
know and chuckling the co-worker who thinks he’s a brilliant presenter but puts everyone to
sleep in meetings; the boss who brags about being approachable but terrifies her team; the friend
who thinks she’s a “people person” but is always the most awkward guest at the party. Yet
there’s something else we all need to consider. As the Bible asks, “How can you say to your
brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own
eye?” (Matthew 7:4). Whether it’s at work, at home, at school, or at play, we’re quick to accuse
others of being unaware, but we rarely (if ever) ask ourselves whether we have the same
problem.

Three signs of lack of Self – Awareness

Overconfident

The truth is that while most of us think we know ourselves pretty well, this confidence is often
unfounded. Researchers have established that our self-assessments “are often flawed in
substantive and systematic ways.” Studies show that we tend to be terrible judges of our own
performance and abilities from our leadership skills to our car-driving prowess to our
performance at school and at work. The scariest part? The least competent people are usually the
most confident in their abilities.

And in most cases, the planks in our eyes are pretty obvious to everyone but us. A tone-deaf
college student who drops out of school to become a singer. A braggadocios boss who reads
scores of business books but remains a terrible leader. A parent who spends very little time with
his kids but thinks he’s “Dad of the Year.” A thrice-divorced woman/man who’s convinced that
the end of each marriage was her ex’s fault. Or a colonel who thinks he’s a military genius but is
really about to get in way over his head.

Lack of Clarity

Lack clarity about our values and goals, causing us to perpetually make choices that aren’t in our
best interests. Other times, we fail to grasp the impact we’re having on the people around us,
alienating our colleagues, friends, and families without even knowing it.

The Cult of Self

This is biggest obstacle to self-awareness. Most people who use social media are called “Me-
formers”, which means they tend to post messages that are all about telling everyone about what
is going with them. The unicorns the self-aware people are “Informers” and tend to post non-
self-related information. To move from self-absorption to self-awareness, try to be an
“Informer”.

A great way to mindfully noticing new things in ourselves or our world is reframing, which
simply means looking at our circumstances, our behaviors, and our relationships from a new and
different angle.

A way to solve the lack ok self-awareness issue is to use the RIGHT feedback process. We have
to choose the RIGHT people, we call them the loving critics, as they will be honest with us
while still having our best interests at hearts, ask them the RIGHT questions and use the RIGHT
process to get the kind of valuable information that leads to actionable insight, which is “The
MUM Effect” which stands for keeping Mum about Undesirable Messages and apply the 3R
method Receive, Reflect on, and Respond to feedback this way we are in control of the
feedback we give from a self-aware stand point.

Organizational Self-awareness

There are” Three Building Blocks” that must be in place for a leader to drive a self-aware team
in addition to the fact that his/her team must have a clear and compelling direction.

1. The leader has to model the way.

2. Psychological safety to tell the truth is required to maximize the chance of candid
feedback.
3. An ongoing process is needed to ensure that the exchange of feedback is built into the
team’s culture.

Trust is not sufficient for psychological safety. The single most powerful contributor to
psychological safety is vulnerability, or a willingness to openly admit our failings.
Kodak’s failure to grasp the changing realities of its consumer base specifically, the birth of
digital photography and the subsequent death of film has led to the company’s undoing. This is a
chilling tale of what happens in the absence of self-awareness at an organizational level.

Categories of self-awareness

Internal self-awareness: It’s an inward understanding of your values, passions, aspirations,

ideal environment, patterns, reactions, and impact on others. People who are high in internal self-
awareness tend to make choices that are consistent with whom they really are, allowing them to
lead happier and more satisfying lives. Those without it act in ways that are incompatible with
their true success and happiness, like staying in an unfulfilling job or relationship because they
don’t know what they want.

External self-awareness: It is about understanding yourself from the outside in that, knows how
other people see you. Because externally self-aware people can accurately see themselves from
others’ perspectives, they are able to build stronger and more trusting relationships. Those low in
external self-awareness, on the other hand, are so disconnected with how they come across that
they’re often blindsided by feedback from others (that is, if others are brave enough to tell them).
And very often, by the time they hear this feedback, their relationships are too far gone to be
salvaged.

Self-awareness isn’t a one and done exercise. It’s a continual process of looking inward,
questioning, and discovering the things that have been there all along. Anyone who wants to
make the leap from self-blindness to self-insight, and in turn reap the rewards of smarter choices,
stronger relationships, and a better life must be self-aware. Our goal as AYLF is to help you
avoid the roadblocks and wrong turns; to give you tools to unlock a whole new level of self-
knowledge; and to show you how to survive and thrive in an increasingly unaware world.

Reflection:

To what extend do you feel/think you are self-aware as a person? Explain.

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State areas in your life that you thought you knew but discovered you needed improvement and
why?
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To what level are you in touch with your internal and external self-awareness?

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The Seven Pillars of Insight

The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand.

FRANK HERBERT

For millennia the discipline of self-knowledge was confined to philosophy and religion. Roman
philosopher Plotinus believed that happiness was achieved by knowing our true self. And
perhaps most famously, the seven sages of ancient Greece inscribed the phrase “know thyself” at
the entry of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, a mantra that Plato later reinforced in the teachings
of Socrates. And though most people associate self-awareness with Buddhism, nearly every
religious tradition recognizes its importance.

The Christian parable about the planks in our (and others’) eyes. Confucius advised that to
govern others, one must first govern oneself. The Hindu Upanishads said that “enquiry into the
truth of the Self is knowledge.” In the Jewish faith, self- knowledge has been called “the
prerequisite for any self-improvement.” Avicenna, a tenth-century Muslim philosopher, wrote
that “self-awareness is essential to the soul and (our) awareness of ourselves is our very
existence.” Great men and women who made a positive impact to humanity had the seven pillars
of insight. They understood:

1. Their values -the principles that guide them.

2. Their passions -what they love to do.

3. Their aspirations-what they want to experience and achieve.

4. Their fit-the environment they require to be happy and engaged.

5. Their patterns -consistent ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving.

6. Their reactions -the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that reveal their capabilities.

7. Their impact-the effect they have on others.

Pillar One Value.

Understanding our values that is, the principles that guide how we want to live our lives. Values
help us define the person we want to be.

Here are a few questions to help you better understand yours:

1. What values were you raised with? Does your current belief system reflect those values, or do
you see the world differently than you were brought up to see it?

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2. What were the most important events or experiences of your childhood and young adulthood?
How did they shape your view of the world?

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3. At work and in life, who do you most respect and what do you respect about them?

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4. Who do you least respect and what makes you feel this way?

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5. Who is the best (and the worst) boss you have ever had, and what did she or he do to earn that
moniker?

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6. When it comes to raising a family or mentoring others, what behaviors would you most and
least want to instill?

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Pillar Two Passion.

Understanding our passions is key to making choices and decisions that line up with what we
love to do, both in our careers and in our personal lives.
Here are a few questions to help you get started in exploring your passions:

1. What kind of day would make you leap out of bed in the morning?

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2. What types of projects or activities do you never seem to get sick of?

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3. What types of projects or activities do you find least enjoyable?

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4. If you retired tomorrow, what would you miss the most about your work?

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5. What are your hobbies and what do you like about them?

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Kindly take some time and do these tests for your personal benefit:

1 The five voices with the help of AYLF.

Pillar Three Aspirations

Steve Jobs once said, “I want to make a dent in the universe.” This is the essence of the third
pillar of insight: our aspirations, or what we want to experience and achieve.

Here are a few questions to help you identify your dent:

1. When you were younger, what did you want to be when you grew up and what drew you to
this profession?

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2. Is the way you’re currently spending your time meaningful and gratifying to you? Is there
anything you feel is missing?

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3. Imagine that you are an impartial party reading a list of your values and passions. What might
a person like this want to do and experience in his or her life?

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4. What legacy do you want to leave behind?

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5. Imagine that you only had one year left on earth. How would you spend that time?

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Pillar Four Fit

Understanding where we fit or the type of environment we require to be happy and engaged is a
great pillar of insight. Fit can help guide us in making major life decisions: what city to live in,
what kind of life partner will fulfill us, what career or company will help us thrive, etc.

Here are a few questions to help you understand your ideal environment:

1. In the past, when have you performed at your best at work, and what were the characteristics
of those settings?

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2. In school, what type of learning approach or classroom setting helps/helped you learn the most
and the least?

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3. Have you ever left a job because the environment wasn’t a good fit for you? If so, what about
it didn’t work for you?

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4. If you had to describe your ideal work environment, what would it be?

________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

5. What types of social situations and relationships tend to make you the happiest?

________________________________________________
_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

Pillar Five Patterns

U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is famous for his statement about “known knowns,”
“known unknowns” and “unknown unknowns.” When it comes to self-awareness, the “unknown
unknowns” are what can hurt us most. It’s uncomfortable to consider the possibility that we
don’t know ourselves as well as we think, but it’s absolutely essential.

Read the statements below and circle the ones that apply to you. The more statements you’ve
circled, the more you should be questioning your beliefs about yourself and getting feedback to
calibrate those beliefs.

1. Has your job or career made you feel unhappy or unfulfilled for a prolonged period of time?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

2. Have you ever been surprised that you didn’t get a promotion or a job you applied for?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

3. Have you ever failed at a task or project when you were sure that you’d succeed?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

4. Have you ever been surprised by the results of a performance evaluation.

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________

5. Have you ever been blindsided by negative feedback from a boss, peer, employee, or loved
one?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

6. Has a work colleague or loved one ever been angry with you without your knowing why?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

7. Have any of your romantic or platonic relationships taken a sudden turn for the worse for
reasons you didn’t completely understand?
______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

8. Have any of your romantic or platonic relationships ended unexpectedly?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Pillar Six Reactions

Our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in any given moment are often a reflection of our strengths
and weaknesses.

Here are a few questions to help you begin to understand yours.

Your Strengths

1. In the past, what have you picked up easily without a lot of training?

______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

2. What do you seem to do faster or better than other people?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

3. What type of work makes you feel most productive?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

4. What type of work do you feel the most proud of?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

5. What have you accomplished that’s genuinely surprised you?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Your Weaknesses

1. What are your biggest failures and what commonalities exist between them?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

2. When have you been most disappointed with your performance?

______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

3. What piece of constructive feedback have you heard from others most often?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

4. What tasks and activities do you dread most?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

5. What qualities do your loved ones playfully tease you about?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Pillar Seven Impact

It’s easy to lose sight of the effect that our behavior has on others, the seventh pillar yet
examining people’s reactions and responses to us is a critical part of becoming more self-aware.

Here are some initial questions to help you start to reflect on the impact you might be having on
others:

1. In your life and work, who are the people in whom you have a vested interest (employees,
spouse, kids, customers, etc.)? For each of these people or groups, what is the impression that
you would like to create?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

2. Think about your behavior in the last week with each person or group. If you were a neutral
party observing that behavior, would you see it as having the impact you’re aiming for?
______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

3. In the last week, what reactions have you observed from each person or group? Think back to
your interactions and try to recall not just how they responded to you verbally, but also their
facial expressions, body language, and tone. Do these match up with your intentions? If not,
what changes could you make?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

4. If you see an opportunity to change your approach in ways that would help you to achieve the
impact you desire, what could you experiment with starting tomorrow, and how will you assess
your impact?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

We can see these seven pillars in Benjamin Franklin who was a celebrated politician and
inventor and one of America’s most beloved early statesmen. But one of the lesser-known
achievements of this Renaissance man was the incredible self-insight he gained over the course
of his adult life.

Though Franklin was raised as a Presbyterian, he rarely attended church, declaring that he was
unimpressed and frustrated that “not a single moral principle was inculcated or enforced.” That
depressing conclusion, coupled with his childhood struggles and ill-advised early life choices,
brought about Franklin’s commitment to “arrive at moral perfection.” So, at the ripe age of 20,
he created a set of principles by which he wanted to live his life:

1. Temperance. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.

2. Silence. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.

3. Order. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

4. Resolution. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

5. Frugality. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
6. Industry. Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary
actions.

7. Sincerity. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak
accordingly.

8. Justice. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

9. Moderation. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

10. Cleanliness. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.

11. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

12. Chastity. Rarely use very but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the
injury of your own or anther's peace or reputation.

13. Humility. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Reflection

1. Using the seven pillars write down standards that will determine the kind of person you want
to be.
______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

2.Developing core set of principles that guide how we want to live our lives is a first and critical
step in becoming self-aware, using the example of Benjamin Franklin develop a set of your core
principles that will govern your life.

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

3. Develop a self-help journal to help you evaluate on how you are doing on number two above.

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________
4.Share number two above in details with your life group at AYLF,allow them ask your
questions to help make it more clear, let them be your accountability group as you live out what
you have set out.
______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

5. Find a mentor whom you can monthly meet share with the progress of the decisions you made,
plans and focus,

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Most of us spend years wrestling with these contradictions, desperate to pin down the essence of
our teenage personalities. For some, this self-seeking manifests in many hours of uninterrupted
brooding behind a closed bedroom door, often accompanied by deafeningly loud music in some
case, long-winded journal entries that are simply too embarrassing to talk about. Other times, it
can lead to acting out: shoplifting, cutting class, or bullying.

Thankfully, as we approach our second decade on earth, we start to organize these conflicting
self-perceptions into more cohesive theories (Just because I’m shy around people I don’t know
doesn’t mean I’m not mostly outgoing). We start to understand and embrace our attributes, our
values, and our beliefs, and often deepen our sense of what we can’t do well. We also feel a new
level of focus on our future selves, which can provide a welcome sense of direction.

The journey to self-examination is therefore a bit like when we all begin at the same starting
line, but when the gun fires, some of us speed out of the gate, some of us progress slowly but
surely, and some of us falter or get stuck along the way

Reflection:

1. On your personal journal write down your teenage decision you made both good and
embarrassing, trace how they may have affected your life today.
______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________
2. How did you overcome or mitigate those negative decisions to get here today?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

3. Has an adult have you made decisions you regret about?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

4. What are you doing about those mistakes so that they don’t ruin your life?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

5. Do you know how you got yourself in that mess? What are you doing about it since you
know?
______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Group work

1. Share number one above with your mentor and if those issues you have written down are
unresolved and still bothering you with help of AYLF see a counselor.

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

2. Share one life story where decision you made as a teenage has a affected your life and what
are you doing about it.
______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________

3. Share number 3-5 with your life group in honestly and details, seek advice and help if need be.
( Remember this people you are sharing with are your brothers and sisters, they are here to do
live with you, no shame, no judgments ).

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

From the table below rate yourself accordingly:

Above Average Below Poor

average average
• Moral
• Kind to others
• Trustworthy
• Honest
• Dependable
• Compassionate
• Generous
• Self-controlled
• Law-abiding

Life is full of blind-spots and if we are not careful some of things we meant for good may turn to
hurt us, we need to make sure that we don’t become scribes and Pharisees in the process of doing
well. Here are three blind-spots one needs to be careful of:

Emotion Blindness: imagine the following question: On a scale from 1 to 10, how happy are
you with life these days?

How would you go about answering this? Would you go with your gut instinct, or would you
thoughtfully consider the various factors in your life and made a more measured judgment?

Most people are adamant that they would use the more thoughtful approach after all; accurately
assessing our precise level of happiness is not an easy task. Indeed, studies show that when we’re
asked how happy we are, we have every belief that we’re considering all the available data in a
rational way. But unfortunately, our brains prefer to use the least possible effort and therefore
don’t always cooperate. So even when we think we’re carefully deliberating a certain question,
we’re actually making more of a gut decision. For this reason, we’re surprisingly awful at
judging our emotions, including happiness.
According to Daniel Kahneman and other researchers, our brains secretly and simplistically
morph the question from “How happy are you with life these days?” into “What mood am I in
right now?” meaning even the table above if you examines it again some of your answers may
change.

Knowledge Blindness: In a series of studies, they discovered that the opinions we have about
our abilities in specific situations are based less on how we perform and more on the general
beliefs we have about ourselves and our underlying skills. For example, participants who saw
themselves as good at geography thought they’d performed particularly well on a geography test,
even though as a group they’d scored no better than anyone else. Ironically, the more expertise
we think we have, the more harmful knowledge blindness can be

Behavior Blindness’ inability to see our own behavior clearly or objectively was the result of a
perspective problem; that we literally can’t see ourselves from the vantage point that others can.

Reflection:

1. With the help of AYLF carry out your personal Temperamental test.
2. Attached is a Life Map exercise from Giant Worldwide, take your time do it, share it with
your life group during personal story time, this tool will help you reflect on your life
deeper.

Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control, these three alone lead life to sovereign power.
Hence self-insight and informed self-development goals are key, so we ask ourselves the
following:

 Do other people see you as you see yourself?

 How does your real personality compare to your ideal personality?
 How does your personality compare to other personalities?
 How can you regulate your behavior to enhance your personality?
The chart shows sample multi-source feedback for a "Big Five" personality dimension. The five
bars represent conscientiousness scores from the following sources:

Real Self: How conscientious you think you are

Ideal Self: How conscientious you would like to be

FFC Average: How conscientious your friends, family and colleagues think you are (on
average)

Peer Real: How conscientious your peers think they are (on average)

Peer Ideal: How conscientious your peers would like to be (on average)

Some of us this exercises if done in our different environments it will go too low to average but
don’t worry that’s why we are here to better ourselves through the teachings of Jesus Christ our
master, if we want to be like him them we must do what he has commanded us to do “Follow me
and I will make you fishers of men”. Once we follow Christ in totality of our hearts He will
make us more like him in all aspects of life.

Group work.

What success looks like to you?

On a piece of paper, list the three most important spheres of your life: work, school, parenting,
marriage, friends, community, faith, philanthropy, etc.

1. For each sphere, write a few sentences about what success looks like using the Miracle
Question: If you woke up tomorrow and everything in that area of life was near-perfect, what
would that look like?

2. Then, given your definition of success, rate how satisfied are you are now on a scale of 1
(completely unsatisfied) to 10 (completely satisfied).

Your biggest opportunities for self-awareness are those where you’re not as satisfied as you want
to be. Circle the one or two spheres that you most want to improve (these are your target self-
awareness spheres). Think about what is keeping you from achieving your definition of success
and what changes you could make to get there.

Summary

Self-awareness is the ability to see ourselves clearly to understand who we are, how others see
us, and how we fit into the world around us.

To be truly self-aware, we have to experiment internal self-awareness (how we see ourselves)

and external self-awareness (how other people see us).
As it is a developable skill, all of us can leap from self-blindness to self-insight, and turn reap the
rewards of smarter choices, stronger relationships, and a better life.

Seven Pillars of Insight are:

1. Values (the principles that guide them)

2. Passions (what they love to do)
3. Aspirations (what they want to experience and achieve)
4. Fit (the environment they require to be happy and engaged)
5. Patterns (consistent ways of thinking, feeling and behaving)
6. Reactions (the thought, feelings, and behaviors that reveal their capabilities)
7. Impact (the effect they have on others)

One thing that separates people who successfully act on insight from those who don’t is the
ability to take things one step at a time because they are fully aware of themselves and
environment around them.

Reference
 1. Tasha Eurich( 2013) Insight: Why We’re Not as Self-Aware as We Think, and How
Seeing Ourselves Clearly Helps us succeed at work and in life: The Crown Publishing
Group
2. D. Scott Ridley, et al. “Self-regulated learning: The interactive influence of
metacognitive awareness and goal-setting.” Journal of Experimental Education 60.4
(1992): 293–306
3. Saundra H. Glover, et al. “Re-examining the influence of individual values on ethical
decision making.”From the Universities to the Marketplace: The Business Ethics
Journey. Springer Netherlands, 1997. 109–119
4. Stephen L. Franzoi, Mark H. Davis, and Richard D. Young. “The effects of private self-
consciousness and perspective taking on satisfaction in close relationships.” Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology 48.6 (1985): 1584–1594.
5. Vilayanur S. Ramachandran. The Tell-Tale Brain: A Neuroscientist’s Quest for What
Makes Us Human. W. W. Norton & Company, 2012, p. 4.
6. Mark R. Leary and Nicole R. Buttermore. “The evolution of the human self: Tracing the
natural history of self-awareness.” Journal for the Theory of Social Behaviour 33.4
(2003): 365–404.
7. Paul J. Silvia and Maureen E. O’Brien. “Self-awareness and constructive functioning:
Revisiting ‘the human dilemma.’ ” Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology 23.4
(2004): 475, 479– 480.

Chapter Two: Relationships and Reconciliation

Objectives:

At the end of the session the participant should be able to:

a. Describe their relationship with God, self, family, and others

b. Identify areas that require reconciliation with God, self, family and others.

c. State steps to take towards reconciliation.

“Peace is not absence of conflict; it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.”

~Ronald Reagan

Introduction

We are a family of friends as we like calling ourselves, truth be told the whole human race we
are family, we need to care for each other, Jesus Christ during his time here on earth taught us
and showed us the importance of relationships and reconciliation (insert bible).and as his
followers it’s our duty to carry on with this teaching throughout the world let people see our
good deeds and glorify our father in heaven. The only way to bring on reconciliation to
communities, nations, tribes, clans, races and mend broken relationships it’s through forgiveness.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Forgiveness is the principled decision to give up your justified right for revenge; it also
requires the forgiver to recognize that the offender is “human like myself.” As the British
philosopher and poet David Whyte has written: “It is that wounded…un-forgetting part of us
that…makes forgiveness an act of compassion rather than one of simple forgetting.” Following
hurt, pain, or atrocity, forgiveness can potentially bring resolution and freedom. It is a practical
way of preventing the pain of the past from defining the path of the future.

Categories

Forgiveness is often categorized as having two distinct forms:

Unilateral forgiveness: This requires nothing in return. It is an act of generosity on the part of
the victim(s). There can be many different motives; for instance, it may stem from compassion
for an offender, the wish to free oneself from pain, or simply a pragmatic means of moving
forward.

Bilateral forgiveness: This involves an exchange. It is a contractual relationship between people

or groups, dependent on apology and remorse. It is often tied up with justice, as it involves the
paying of a social debt.
It's important to recognize that if you attach too many conditions to forgiveness it may become
almost the opposite, with characteristics akin to being vengeful or vindictive.

Key Points about Forgiveness

Process: Forgiveness is not a single magnanimous gesture in response to an isolated offense, but
a longer-term, fluid, and ever-changing process where people work towards repairing broken
relationships, or broken hearts.

Recognition: Forgiveness is about recognizing that life is messy and unpredictable – that we are
all fallible human beings capable of messing up. It requires a broad perspective.

Empathy: Forgiveness is more than just accepting or letting go, because it requires a degree of
empathy or compassion. It is the ability to place yourself in someone else’s life (empathy) and to
act according to this empathic connection you feel towards your fellow human beings
(compassion).

Reconciliation: Forgiveness is different from reconciliation, which requires some kind of peace
process and the coming together in unity of two or more formerly hostile sides.

It’s important to note that forgiveness does not exclude a passionate or painful response to being
hurt, or witnessing others being hurt. Anger, sorrow, rage, and despair are a part of the process,
and may be the launching pad for forgiveness. Essentially, this means that we do not endlessly
replay past gripes and grievances; it is rather the ability to live with the hurt without being held
captive by it; it means not being defined by those who have hurt us and not being broken by our
own victimhood.

Reconciliation refers to the restoration of fractured relationships by overcoming grief,

pain, and anger. It is, as Karen Broenus has written, “a societal process that involves mutual
acknowledgment of past suffering and the changing of destructive attitudes and behavior into
constructive relationships toward sustainable peace.”

The path toward reconciliation can also be described as a lifelong journey going in two
directions: inward, towards self-discovery and reconciling with suffering, and outward, toward
recognizing and perhaps forgiving others. It is both an intrapersonal and an interpersonal
exercise, each aspect advancing the more deeply a person discovers that reconciliation is possible
both within and without.

Key Points about Reconciliation

1. Developing a shared vision of an interdependent and fair society

2. Acknowledging and dealing with the past
3. Building positive relationships
4. Facilitating significant cultural and attitudinal change
 5. Enabling substantial social, economic, and political change.

Reconciliation can also involve the reframing of identity.

1. Understanding the threat to people’s identity

2. Deconstructing or reconstructing an individual’s identity frames
3. Separating group and individual identities
4. Dismantling of enemy images and misrepresentations that demonize the “other”
5. Looking for a common vision or threat around which to unite.

The actual process of forgiveness

There is nothing that cannot be forgiven, and there is no one undeserving of forgiveness. When
you can see and understand that we are all bound to one another whether by birth, by
circumstance, or simply by our shared humanity then you will know this to be true. Our rage and
our quest for revenge is our destruction both individually as it is for us globally. There is no
future anywhere on earth or heaven without forgiveness.

There have been times when each and every one of us has needed to forgive. There have also
been times when each and every one of us has needed to be forgiven. And there will be many
times again. In our own ways, we are all broken. Out of that brokenness, we hurt others.
Forgiveness is the journey we take toward healing the broken parts. It is how we become whole
again. Whether it is the tormentor who tortured me brutally, the spouse who betrayed me, the
boss who passed me over for a promotion, or the driver who cut me off during my morning
commute, we face the same choice: to forgive or to seek revenge. We face this choice of whether
or not to forgive as individuals, as families, as communities, and as a deeply connected world.

There are countless studies that enumerate the social, spiritual, psychological, and even
physiological benefits of forgiveness. The actual process of forgiveness, however, has often been
left a mystery. Yes, it is good and helpful to let go of resentment, but how do we let go of
resentment when we have been harmed? Of course it is better not to exact retribution, but how
can we forgo retribution when what has been taken from us cannot be restored? And is it even
possible to forgive and still pursue justice? What steps must we follow to achieve forgiveness?
How do we heal all the holes in our hearts that come with being the fragile creatures we are?

The quality of human life on our planet is nothing more than the sum total of our daily
interactions with one another. Each time we help, and each time we harm, we have a dramatic
impact on our world. Because we are human, some of our interactions will go wrong, and then
we will hurt or be hurt, or both. It is the nature of being human, and it is unavoidable.
Forgiveness is the way we set those interactions right. It is the way we mend tears in the social
fabric. It is the way we stop our human community from unraveling.
The path of forgiveness is not an easy one. On this path, we must walk through the muddy shoals
of hatred and anger and make our way through grief and loss to find the acceptance that is the
hallmark of forgiveness. While it would be much easier to make this journey if the route were
marked clearly, it is not. The boundary line between those who have caused harm and those who
have been harmed is not clear either. Each of us stands at one moment as the one who has been
hurt, and at the next moment as the one who is inflicting the hurt. And in the next moment we
straddle the boundary, lashing out in pain and rage. We all cross these lines often. Wherever you
stand, whatever you have done, whatever has been done to you, we hope this book will help you.

No situation that is without hope and no crime that cannot be forgiven, none of us are
irredeemable. Forgiveness transforms situations and restores relationships among family, friends,
strangers, nations, tribes, clans, races and enemies alike, it brings healing in the wake of the most
brutal acts of cruelty imaginable.

Are you hurt and suffering? Is the injury new, or is it an old unhealed wound? Know that what
was done to you was wrong, unfair, and undeserved. You are right to be outraged. And it is
perfectly normal to want to hurt back when you have been hurt. But hurting back rarely satisfies.
We think it will, but it doesn’t. If I slap you after you slap me, it does not lessen the sting I feel
on my own face, nor does it diminish my sadness as to the fact you have struck me.

Retaliation gives, at best, only momentary respite from our pain. The only way to experience
healing and peace is to forgive. Until we can forgive, we remain locked in our pain and locked
out of the possibility of experiencing healing and freedom, locked out of the possibility of being
at peace. Without forgiveness, we remain tethered to the person who harmed us. We are bound
with chains of bitterness, tied together, trapped. Until we can forgive the person who harmed us,
that person will hold the keys to our happiness; that person will be our jailor. When we forgive,
we take back control of our own fate and our feelings. We become our own liberators. We don’t
forgive to help the other person. We don’t forgive for others. We forgive for ourselves.
Forgiveness, in other words, is the best form of self-interest. This is true both spiritually and
scientifically.

True reconciliation

Forgiveness is not dependent on the actions of others. Yes, it is certainly easier to offer
forgiveness when the perpetrator expresses remorse and offers some sort of reparation or
restitution. Then, you can feel as if you have been paid back in some way. You can say, “I am
willing to forgive if you do this and that, then I shall forgive you.” This is the most familiar
pattern of forgiveness. In this understanding, forgiveness is something we offer to another, a gift
we bestow upon someone, but it is a gift that has strings attached.

The problem is that the strings we attach to the gift of forgiveness become the chains that bind us
to the person who harmed us. Those are chains to which the perpetrator holds the key. We may
set the conditions for granting our forgiveness, but the person who harmed us decides whether or
not the conditions are too onerous to fulfill. We continue to be that person’s victim. Anger and
bitterness do not just poison you; they poison all your relationships, including those with your
children.

Unconditional forgiveness is a different model of forgiveness than the gift with strings. This is
forgiveness as a grace, a free gift freely given. In this model, forgiveness frees the person who
inflicted the harm from the weight of the victim’s whim what the victim may demand in order to
grant forgiveness and the victim’s threat of vengeance. But it also frees the one who forgives.
The one who offers forgiveness as a grace is immediately untethered from the yoke that bound
him or her to the person who caused the harm. When you forgive, you are free to move on in life,
to grow, to no longer be a victim. When you forgive, you slip the yoke, and your future is
unshackled from your past.

Ultimately, forgiveness is a choice we make, and the ability to forgive others comes from the
recognition that we are all flawed and all human. We all have made mistakes and harmed others.
We will again. We find it easier to practice forgiveness when we can recognize that the roles
could have been reversed. Each of us could have been the perpetrator rather than the victim.
Each of us has the capacity to commit the wrongs against others that were committed against us.
Although I might say, “I would never ...” genuine humility will answer, “Never say never.”
Rather say, “I hope that, given the same set of circumstances, I would not ...” But can we ever
really know?

Reflection

Forgiving is a process of letting go:

Think of the things you must give up or let go of in order to forgive.

________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

2. The list might include things like the right to revenge or the expectation of an apology. It
might even include having to give up an expectation that the person who hurt you will
understand the pain they have caused.
________________________________________________

_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

3. As you jot down this list, pause with each item and offer thanks for the ability to let go of what
you do not need in order to forgive.

________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

Forgiveness is not some airy-fairy thing. It has to do with the real world. Healing and
reconciliation are not magic spells. They do not erase the reality of an injury. To forgive is not to
pretend that what happened did not happen. Healing does not draw a veil over the hurt. Rather,
healing and reconciliation demand an honest reckoning. As followers, Jesus Christ sets the
pattern for forgiveness and reconciliation. He offered his betrayers forgiveness. Jesus, the Son of
God, could erase the signs of leprosy; heal those broken in body, mind, or spirit; and restore sight
to the blind. He must also have been able to obliterate the signs of the torture and death he
endured. But he chose not to erase that evidence. After the resurrection, he appeared to his
disciples. In most instances, he showed them his wounds and his scars. This is what healing
demands.

Behavior that is hurtful, shameful, abusive, or demeaning must be brought into the fierce light of
truth. And truth can be brutal. In fact, truth may exacerbate the hurt; it might make things worse.
But if we want real forgiveness and real healing, we must face the real injury.
Reflection

1. Tell your story of things/people that hurt you.

________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

2. Name how they hurt you or you hurt them be specific (remember for true healing to happen
we must face it in order to take back control).

________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

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3. Are you ready to offer and seek forgiveness? (Remember we are human beings tables may be
turned how could we want be treated).

________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

4. State and do a review of all your relationships determining they level you are with each of the
relationships you have.

________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

5. Do you have relationship that you need to let go and why?

________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

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6. Are there areas relationships you need to work on or improve? How

________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

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Meditation

1. Find a safe space to seat on the ground or flat area and close your eyes take a deep breath.

2. When you feel centered, imagine yourself in a safe place; this may be indoors or outdoors,
whichever feels safest to you.

3. In the center of your safe space is a box with many drawers.

4. The drawers are labeled. The inscriptions show hurts you have yet to forgive.

5. Choose a drawer and open it. Rolled or folded or crumpled up inside it are all the thoughts and
feelings the incident evokes.

6. You can choose to empty out this drawer.

7. Bring your hurt into the light and examine it.

8. Unfold the resentment you have felt and set it aside.

9. Smooth out the ache and let it drift up into the sunlight and disappear.

10. When the drawer is empty, sit for a moment with it on your lap.

11. Then remove the label from this drawer.

12. As the label comes off, let it go whatever its. The wind will sweep it away. You don’t need it
anymore.

13. There will be no space left for that hurt in the box. That space is not needed anymore.

14. If there are more drawers still to be emptied, you can repeat this meditation now or later

Reflection:

Stone Carrying (Best if can be done during a retreat or conference)

1. At the table we have 12 sets of stones each representing an area of your life that you have be
hurting/ need forgiveness/need to forgive/need to let go, select one stone from each category that
you need to deal with. Place the stones in the bags provided for you.

2. Throughout the day hold the stone in your non-dominant hand. Do not set the stone down for
any reason during this period. Carry the bag whole day everywhere you go.

3. At the end of day, proceed to the journal exercise.

4. In our small groups/life groups it’s time to share our experience of the day and what each
stone reminded you, how did it make you feel, what hurts you most about that stone. In this
session be open and honest with yourself if you need to cry go ahead its healing moment.

5. Our small group leaders will lead us through counseling and healing processes holds hands
together and pray for each other for healing.

6. Following day hold a bonfire for the whole camp, we shall come out in groups according to
the category of our stone, offer forgiveness, receive forgiveness( call people you have hurt ask
forgiveness) and let go then throw the stone into the fire do that for all the stones. Hold hands for
prayers from our leaders.

Journal Exercise

1. What did you notice about carrying the stone?

________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

2. When did you notice it the most?

________________________________________________

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3. Did it hinder any of your activities?

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____________________________________________________

4. Was it ever useful?

________________________________________________

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__________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

5. In what ways was carrying the stone like carrying an unforgiving hurt?

________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

6. Make a list of the people you need to forgive in your life.

________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

7. Make another list of all those you would like to have forgiven you.

________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

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Summary

1. Forgiveness is beneficial to our health.

2. Forgiveness offers freedom from the past, from a perpetrator, from future victimization.
3. Forgiveness heals families and communities.
4. We forgive so we don’t suffer, physically or mentally, the corrosive effects of holding on
to anger and resentment.
5. We are all interconnected and have a shared humanity.
6. Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves.

Relationships/Friendships

In this life if all you have is money, fame, academic achievements, career progress and thousands
of followers on social media, you should be very worried, it doesn’t matter how much you
pretend to be happy, you know deep down that you are the most miserable person on earth, all
this material things are good and important but not the key thing for your existence, life is all
about UBUNTU!.

Relationships are imperative for many different reasons such as increasing our emotional well-
being, creating stability, learning how to be a good friend or mate, having someone to count on
and trust in times of need and someone to vent to when we face challenges, and friends and
mates take away loneliness and make us feel included. Each of our relationships elicits different
responses in ourselves that help us to grow and learn about ourselves. Relationships often times
are the glue that holds us together during times of stressful situations and when we face life
difficulties. Without relationships we would have a deadened spirit and a lack of connection to

Friendships usually are our mirrors showing us ways we need to change and become better mates
and friends. Also, our friends and the people we have long term relationships with allow us to be
vulnerable and ask for help when we normally wouldn't with complete strangers. When in
relationships often times diversify and grow our circles of friends. Relationships show us how to
love and be love as well as who we want to be in life and who we don't.

Having serious trusting relationships allows us to truly be our true selves. We must be open to
meeting new people and having spiritual connections will help us grow our faith and be able to
inspire others to open us to new possibilities. Just be you and the right people will be in your life
for the right reasons! Always be authentically you and other will love the real you!!

Reflection

What does having a friend actually mean to you?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________

What value do friendships bring to your life?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

What qualities in a friend are most important to you?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

What qualities do you hold that make you a good friend?

______________________________________________________________________________

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______________________________________________________________________________

Do you prefer to have a few friendships that you cultivate deeply? If so, what does this tell you
about yourself?
______________________________________________________________________________

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______________________________________________________________________________

Do you like to have many friends with whom you can do different things? If so, what does this
tell you about yourself?
______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

How do you offer appreciation to your friends? What do you say or do to show that you care?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________
Do you have a family member you consider to be a friend? What is it about your relationship that
makes this so?
______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

When do you need your friend(s) the most?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Of all the friendships you’ve had over your lifetime, if you had to choose only one to keep,
whom would you choose? What does this choice tell you about yourself and your true needs?
______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Key Principles to forming long lasting relationships

1. Intentionality: You will only develop strong friendships by intentionally investing in them -
by spending quality time with a few other like-minded friends. You might have 1000 friends on
Facebook but you can’t be good friends with a 1000 people. Good friendship doesn’t happen
accidentally or hap-haphazardly they happen when people choose to make them a priority in
their lives. "Don't talk, just act. Don't say, just show. Don't promise, just prove." - Unknown

2. Long term commitments: You will form Strong, long-term friendships by making strong,
long term commitments. If possible even verbally- like the marriage vows a husband and wife
make to each other. You must purpose to be there for one another for the rest of your life - in
good times and bad ‘till death do us part’. It’s a promise, a commitment that we must make to
one another. "You can't just give up on someone because the situation is not ideal. Great
relationships are not great because they have no problems. They are great because both people
care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work." - Unknown

3. Self-sacrifice: You will only make Strong long-term relationships by putting in an element of
self-sacrifice. To build high-quality relationships will surely require you to sacrifice your time,
energy and resources to helping out one-another, in small ways and in big ways during times of
difficulty. In life’s big events: Weddings, Jobs, Births, and Deaths we all need friends around us.
You will only form Strong, long-term relationships if you are trust worthy. "I'm not telling you it
is going to be easy- I am telling you it is going to be worth it." - Art Williams
4. Trust-worthiness: Relationships are based on trust and trust can only be earned by being
Trust-worthy. In other words, people need to know you will not betray them. People need to
know that they can confide in you and the story won’t appear in Wiki-leaks, Facebook, Twitter
or whatever. You need to be reliable, consistent, faithful and dependable for people to put their
confidence in you. "Whether it is a friendship or a relationship, all bonds are built on trust.
Without it, you have nothing." - Unknown

5. Able to forgive: You will only build Strong, long-term relationships if you are capable of
forgiveness. All of us at times, offend one another and the only way to repair the relationship is
to apologize and ask for forgiveness. Sometimes you have to do this even when you feel it is the
other person who should do it first. You have to learn to work with imperfect people because
there is no other kind of person out there. To maintain strong relationships there are times when -
you have to be kind instead of “being right.” "Apologizing does not mean that you're wrong and
the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego." -
Unknown

6. Take time: Time is the most valuable commodity under the sun that a person can give you,
when someone gives you there their time know they have given you a piece of their life use it
well, if we are going to build any meaningful relationships we must be willing to give our time to
those we are building relationship with and must respect their time. “If someone lacked decency
or respect, I didn’t allow that person to stay in my world.” - Gabrielle Union

7. Be present: In our busy lives a major challenge is simply not being present with the ones we
love. Whether this is being spaced out or checking email when they are talking or being caught
up worries or stress that you are not there for them. But if we truly want to have a meaning
relation with people in our family be it family, friends, church mates and workmates we must
purpose to be there in their lives, when we show up people feel our warmth, love and care. Not
always that people need money from us, most of the time they need us to show up. “Keep away
from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great
make you believe that you too can become great.” - Mark Twain

8. Express appreciation: Relationships are nurtured by frequent displays of appreciation.

Whether these are simply kind words of thanks to an important colleague, a gift to an important
friend, affection with your partner or a reassuring hug for a child, everyone needs to be
appreciated and nurtured in close relationships. “We can improve our relationships with others
by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics.” - Joyce Meyer

9. Listen: Listening is most important communication skill of all. Taking time to understand the
other person’s point of view is key to connecting with them, and is especially important as the
first step to managing conflict. “When a woman is talking to you, listen to what she says with her
eyes.” Victor Hugo
10. Learn to communicate: Relationships suffer when one person does not communicate about
their needs and important issues or when they do, they do it do it in an aggressive, explosive or
dis-respectful way. Learning to talk respectfully and assertively is the second most important
communication skill. "He can't read your mind. So take a moment to let him know how you
really feel." - Stephen Speaks

Our mental health and personal well-being are tied up in the quality of our personal relationships.
The more closely we are connected to the people we love, the happier we feel and the more
personal satisfaction we have in our lives. Most people rate moments of connection and shared
enjoyment with their loved ones as their most important life experiences.

These important relationships not only include family and personal friends but also the wider
groups and communities we belong to. Forming connections and a sense of community with
work colleagues, neighbors and the various groups that make up our identity (such as sports,
hobbies, religious and community groups), all contribute to our well-being. Forming a sense of
belonging with other people around a shared mission or identity is a major contributor to our
sense of personal meaning in life.

Our personal resilience is interwoven into resilience of the communities to which we belong. It is
from the web of our relationships and connections with other people that we draw our strength.
Such communities can lift us when we are down and give us the capacity to deal with whatever
challenges come our way. However, creating and maintaining happy personal relationships and
belonging to positive communities is not straightforward it’s an investment worthwhile if
invested in the right people or group.

Reflection

1. How much time do you spend each week with that friend? Include messaging.
________________________________________________
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2. How would you rate the quality of that time?
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3. What do you appreciate about your friend?
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4. Is there drama in your friendship?
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5. What don’t you like about your friend?
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6. If you could change something in the friendship, what would it be?
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7. Is the friendship balanced from a give-and-take perspective?
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8. How could you be a better friend to them?
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9. What is your favorite memory with your friend?
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10. Do you feel happy during and after spending time together?
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CHAPTER 3: DEVELOPING A LIFE PLAN

Objectives

By the end of this session

 The participant should be able to define a life plan

 Distinguish between different types of goals
 Identify tools and skills that will help them achieve their plans
Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now – Alan
Lakein

What is a Life Plan?

Creating a life plan can help you feel more in control of your life and provide a clear path toward
the things you want.

A life plan is a road-map for your life that helps you prioritize what is important to you, make
decisions based on your priorities, and move toward the life you want. It should provide a clear
path for your life, but it should also be flexible.

A life plan is a living, breathing document that requires periodic attention to ensure it accurately
reflects your life. It is your own personal guide to how you want to live, what is important to you
and what you need to do to achieve the life you want.

When faced with decisions, you measure your options against your values and choose the option
that best aligns with your priorities or that moves you forward on your chosen path. Whether it’s
a simple decision such as spending money on something you don’t really need versus saving
your money to fulfill a dream of starting your own business, a life plan helps you clearly decide
on what is right for you.

How to make a life plan

Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house –
Prov 24:27

Steps to create a life plan:

a. Create a vision: what do you see in the future? Think about the things you want to
improve in your life. Consider how you will measure your improvement and define
success. Clearly define what success means to you.

Envisioning Your Plan

What will bring the most joy
and meaning to your life?
Who do you see yourself
becoming?
What will bring meaning and
joy to your work? (What do you
feel called to do?)
What do you want those who
know you to say about you and
your life?
Who do you want in your social
circle?
What legacy do you want to
leave for your family and
community?
How do you want to transform
the course of human history?
Ultimately, what would a
successful life look like for you,
and how would you know you
succeeded?
In three to five sentences, summarize what you have written to create your
personal definition of success.
_______________________________________________
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
 ___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________

b. Perform a self-assessment: be honest with yourself. Identify your strengths and

weaknesses. These can either be technical skills or soft skills. Understanding your
strengths and weaknesses allows you to decide where to focus your energy – which
weaknesses to improve or which strengths to highlight.
c. Prioritize your life: what is the most thing in your life? This will help to identify and
focus your values.
d. Identify your values: comparing how your life is now and what you want your life to be
will help you identify your values. Allowing yourself to feel and analyze the difference
clarifies your core values. When you identify your values and what is important in your
life, they become a measuring tool for every decision. Decisions become much easier
because you can clearly see what does and does not alight with your values.

Core value Why is it important to me? How do I want to live this

value daily?

e. Establish your goals: these are the things or goals you want to achieve or accomplish
over several months or years. For each role and area of your life, consider big goals you
want to accomplish, but also make them realistic. You will want to ensure that they are
specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and timely.
f. Outline an action plan: your high – level goals are the person you want to be and the
things you want to achieve in life. Now you need to reverse – engineer those goals to
identify action steps that align with your values and move you forward. These action
steps are your ground – level goals for actions you take to achieve your high – level
goals.
Goal Setting
 Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost
to see if you have enough money to complete it? – Luke 14:28

If everyone has the same number of hours in a day, why does the same number of people seem to
get so much more done than others? Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have the
ability to accomplish a lot? Besides looking as if they have it all figured out. They seem to know
where they are headed and exude an enviable confidence. The difference between those who
make it life and those who don’t lies in one thing; GOALS! Simply stated, a goal is an object of
your ambition or effort. You can also define it in terms of the result you would like to see. This
desired end informs the decisions you make, choices to take, and the actions you pursue.

Three men were laying brick. The first was asked: “what are you doing?” he answered:
“Laying some brick.” The second man was asked, “What are you working for?” he
answered, “Five dollars a day.” The third man was asked, “What are you doing?” He
answered, “I am helping to build a great cathedral.” Which man are you? – Charles
Schwab
Why do you think so?
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__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________

The Why

Sitting down to list what you would like to achieve is easy. However, what many people do not
know is that for you to get it right, your goals must align with your values. Answering the why of
your choice of goals will give you the impetus to embrace the how.

The Zed Box – 1

Imagine that you are given a ‘smart’ or magical box, known as the Zed box. If you open
the Zed box, you may be given the thing that you want or value most in life (the box
cannot change the past). You have five seconds to jot down the one thing you would most
want the box to give you.

The thing I would want most is: ______________________________________

Adapted from (Cottrell, 2003, p. 19)

Knowing what you ‘really’ want in life is never easy. Life presents so many layers to our
‘wanting, needing, and valuing.’ And just like peeling an onion, for you to discover what you
really want in life, you need to take some time and peel one layer after another. This entails
asking why you value a particular goal. Perhaps you may need to ask yourself this question, “and
what is it about this thing that I value?” for example, let’s say you want to be famous, why do
you want to be famous? Is it because of the influence it brings? May it be because of the
financial benefits it brings? If it’s about money, are there other ways I can get money? If it’s
about influence, are there other ways I can become influential? Keeping going until you find
yourself running out of questions to ask. As you will discover, in life, it is usually easier to aim
for the surface things at the expense of looking at the value creating the need for them.

Reflection exercise
Jot down your ideas on:
What is at the ‘core of the onion’ for you?
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
What is really driving you towards the things that you want?
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

How far are your values being shaped by your wants and needs (for yourself, others or
the world?)
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

The Zed box – 2

However as the Zedbox is ‘smart’ and magical, it can read your most secret wishes. It may give
you what you wish for in your deepest heart, even if this is something you are not aware that you
do want. For example, you may think you want most to be a football champion but deep down
want to be creative or helpful. The Zedbox would know that. It would give you an opportunity to
be of service to others rather than making you a football star. The choice the Zedbox makes may
come as a shock to you. You have one minute to jot down an answer to both of the following
questions;
 What would you most fear that the Zedbox decided you really wanted?
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

 What do you most fear the Zedbox would take away from you, thinking it knew
best?
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

You may have found this activity difficult if you have not spent time thinking about what you
feel you ought to do with your life. You may find it useful to reflect upon this over some time or
on a long walk. Consider:
 What do I want to do with my life?
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

 What do I feel I ought to do with my life?

 ________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

 What are the key characteristics of the lives of people who inspire me?
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

Knowing the why, leads us to another important destination. The goal itself.

Characteristics of Effective Goals

Effective goal setting is one of their keys to success. You may be working very hard at what you
do, but without setting goals, your hard work will not yield meaningful results. Albert Einstein
once quipped, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”

Studies have shown that most people either do not know what they want from life, or if they do,
have no plans for realizing their dreams. Only a small percentage of people have specific, well-
defined goals. And people who most frequently reach their goals are those who write them down
and develop the plans to reach them.

Why do you think that writing down goals is so important?

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_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________

Do you have your goals written down?

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__________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________
Share your experience
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__________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________

People write down goals so that they can read them, absorb them, and plan for them. People who
achieve their goals take an active role in achieving them. They write them down, and then plan
for their achievement.

a. Effective goals are written: many of us daydream about what we would like to
accomplish, but how many of us take time to write down those things we would like to
achieve? Once a dream is committed to paper, it becomes concrete. Your dream is given
a sense of reality. Writing down your goals is the first step towards achieving them.

Self-audit for goal setting

Nearly Sometimes Rarely

always
When I set a goal, I write it
down
I describe by goal in specific,
measurable terms
I often visualize my goals
My goals are achievable
I set realistic deadlines for
completing my goals
 I break a large goal into
manageable units
I look for the potential
problems that may keep me
from reaching my goals
I take action to remove or
minimize those potential
problems
I review progress towards my
goals on a regular basis
I know the personal rewards of
reaching my goals
Assess your responses by counting the number of times you responded “nearly always”
and multiply that number by 3. Multiply the number of times you responded “sometimes”
by 2, and the number of times you responded “rarely” by 1. Then add the resulting three
numbers for a total score.
Nearly always ____________(number of responses)×3=
Sometimes ____________(number of responses)×2=
Rarely ____________(number of responses)×1=
GRAND TOTAL=_______________

Analyzing your score

Score of
24-30: excellent job of setting effective goals.
18-23: you are on your way to achieving effective goal setting. Take another look at the
statements where your responses were less than “nearly always.” These are the areas for
additional concentration.
Below 18: there are several areas in which you can improve your goal setting.
b. Effective goals are written in specific, measurable terms: a goal needs to be
measurable so that your progress can be evaluated and so that you will know when you
have achieved your goal. For example, by the end of the week, I will have made 15
calls….read 20 pages…etc
 c. Effective goals can be visualized: picture yourself reaching your goal. How does it feel?
Much of the energy to reach your goal comes from your desire to reach them. The more
you desire, the harder you work. Viktor Frankl, a Viennese psychologist and survivor of
World War II concentration camp, in his book Man’s Search for Mean, had this to say,
people who are able to visualize their goals for living were able to withstand the tortures
of their circumstances. Those who had no purpose, died quickly; those who kept an eye
on their goals were more likely to survive.
d. Effective goals are achievable: goals need to challenge your skills and abilities without
discouraging your effort and performance.
e. Effective goals have realistic deadlines: goals need a schedule. You are most likely to
take action when you set a realistic time frame for accomplishing your goal. Schedule
enough time to reach the goal, but not so much time that you lose interest in it.
f. Effective goals are manageable: sometimes a goal can seem overwhelming because of
its size. But if it is divided into smaller components, then it becomes easier to manage
and is achievable.
g. Effective goals are analyzed for potential problems: as you establish a goal, consider
the steps you must take to accomplish it. Analyze the goal for potential problems that
might keep you from reaching it. If a goal initially is considered in terms of what could
go wrong, then you can take action to resolve or minimize problems before they occur.
h. Effective goals include a regular review of progress: a period review of your goals will
help ensure that they continue to be realistic, times, and relevant.
i. Effective goals yield rewards that are of value to you: we stay motivated to work
toward our goals when we know and desire the resulting rewards, whatever they may be.
Goals provide direction for your life; they focus your activities. Goals are the points on your
roadmap where you can apply your talents and energies. Without well-constructed goals, your
life is governed by whim or the urgency of the moment. But effective goals will provide you
with the internal control to make things happen the way you want them to.

Three Main Categories of Goals

There are three main categories of goals that include

a. Short term goals

 b. Medium term goals
c. Long term goals
Long term goals

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step – Lao Tzu, Chinese Philosopher
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Explain
________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________

Long term goals say a lot about who you are, where you’re going, and what you value. You can
call them big dreams that serve to give your life meaning and purpose. Long term goals exist in
the realm of our dreams and wishes. They are powerful tools for taking your life in the direction
you would like to go. In most cases, their span takes an average of 5+ years. Because of their
range, it is impossible to achieve them right away. As such, they require completion of small
multiple steps (short term goals) over a duration of time.

An example of a long term educational goal is to achieve a doctorate degree.

Identify one goal in each of these categories

Long Term Goals worksheet

Life Area What is the goal Duration D-Date

Career
Financial
Relationship
Spiritual
Personal
development
Civic/ Community
Educational

Tips for setting long term goals.

a. Work backwards. Think about what you want to achieve then plan steps going back to
what you can do right now.
b. Create a picture of where you want to be in life 10 years from now.
c. Think about what you need to do in five years, in one year, and in six months to get to
your long term goal
d. Write down what you need to do each month to achieve your goals
e. After each monthly goal is achieved, look at your goals and adjust them as needed.
Medium Term Goals

These are goals that come between long and short term goals. They normally range between 3 –
5 years. You only achieve medium term goals after accomplishing a sequence of short term
goals. Although most of us have long term and short term goals, very few of us take time to think
about the medium term goals.

One of the reasons why most people fall away from their long term goals is because they find it
difficult to focus on dreams that are far off. Medium term goals help you to see the noticeable
progress you have made. They give you the satisfaction of knowing where you stand in the grand
scheme of things. They serve to provide a basis for evaluating whether you are on course. Every
time you achieve a medium term goal, you are one step closer to achieving your long term goals,
which deserves a celebration.

An example of a medium term educational goal is to achieve a bachelor’s or even master’s

degree.

Medium Term Goals worksheet

Life Area What is the goal Duration D-Date
Career
Financial
Relationship
Spiritual
Personal
development
Civic/ Community
Educational

Short term goals

Many people have long term goals. They may be large scale. The problem with long term goals,
is that they are often so far away that it’s hard to know where to start, and the goal’s pay off
seems distant and unreachable. For this reason, they will often remain dreams, with nothing ever
coming to fruition. Short term goals are like the stepping stones that push you closer to your long
term goals and vision. They are right in front of you and develop the path to long term success.

Short term goals are a means to an end. They’re a vehicle that helps you achieve greatness.
Realizing a long-term goal can feel as likely as jumping onto the roof of your house. Setting
short term goals make it far simpler. There are rungs of the ladder that allow you to climb, step
by step to the top. Short term goal is something you want to do in the near future. The near future
can mean toady, this week, this month, or even this year. For example, take a class.

An example of a short term educational goal is to attend all classes and ensure that I have done
all my assignments in order to get a good grade at the end of the semester.

Short Term Goals worksheet

Life Area What is the goal Duration D-Date

Career
Financial
Relationship
Spiritual
Personal
development
Civic/ Community
Educational

Tips for setting short term goals

One useful way you can make short term goals is use SMART Mnemonic. While variant exist, in
this session, we are going to embrace the following outline an example been provided for you
below.

What are your specific short terms How will you know you’ve
plans for example, education? achieved them?
S Specific Attain my undergraduate degree (At least Aggregate GPA Scores
2 Upper Class honors)
M Measurable I have to achieve this goal within the my Check the performance the end
time at the university of semester and continuous
assessment tests
A Attainable Knowing the remaining number of Get a list of remaining courses
courses, it is possible to plan to ensure and match them with daily
that I achieve the goal. plans to ensure that each day
synchronizes with the plan
R Relevant/ The goal is both relevant to my future Whether the performance
Realistic plans and realistic since it operates within aligns with my intended GPA
the stipulated time frames Score
T Time bound It has to work within the time I will be Make every day count, read
pursuing my studies at the university the notes, write assignments,
and attend all the lectures.

What are your specific short How will you know you’ve
term goals for, eg education? achieved them?
S Specific
M Measurable
A Attainable
R Relevant
T Time bound

Strategies to optimize reaching your short, medium, and long term goals

Personal desire for reaching a goal is powerful, but often other resources are needed as well.
What resources do you need to reach your goals – time, money, position? Additional education?
Help from a particular person?

Often Sometimes Rarely/never

I know what resources I need to reach my
goals
I work towards goals that are compatible
with one another
I am comfortable asking for help to reach
my goals
I accept the responsibility for working
towards my goals
I minimize interruptions that get in the
way of reaching my goals
I am flexible to changes that affect my
progress toward my goals
I know the benefits of reaching my goals
I am persistent about working toward my
goals
I review my progress toward my goals on
a regular basis
I achieve a balance of effort between the
goals that are important to me
Often ____________(number of responses)×3=
Sometimes ____________(number of responses)×2=
Rarely ____________(number of responses)×3=
Grand total =__________________________
Analyzing the score

 33-39: You have a healthy understanding of what it takes to see your goals accomplished.
 26-32: you are well on your way to developing the personal discipline for reaching your
goals.
 19-25: you need to focus on enhancing your discipline towards reaching your goals.
Work with goals that are compatible

Conflicting goals often compete for time, energy, and personal resources. To avoid this scenario,
it is important to review your goals. Identify which goals are competing for your resources. How
can you modify or change your goals so that they are more compatible?

Which goals do you feel are competing for your resources?

List them
________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________

Be willing to ask for help with your goals

Specify the needs and identify specific ways in which others can help. Whose skills, knowledge,
and/or gifts can help you reach one or more of your goals?

What areas do you feel you need assistance?

________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Do you know someone who can offer this assistance?
________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Which skills, knowledge, and or gifts can you use to help someone else?
________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________

Accept the responsibility for doing the work that is necessary to reach your goals

How do you react when faced with a problem?

________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Does your reaction get in the way of potential success?
________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Are you willing to change your behavior? If so, how?
________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________

Reduce interruptions that block your progress towards your goals

When interruptions arise, quickly evaluate them in terms of importance to the goals. If it is not
an enabler to your goals, then it may be a hindrance.

What are some of the common interruptions that often come your way?
________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
How do you control them?
________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
What specific actions do you think you can take in order to enhance performance?
________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________

Identify the benefits of reaching your goals

When you value the benefit you’ll receive, that value increases your motivation to reach the goal.

What factors motivate you to work toward a particular goal?

________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
What are the benefits of reaching one or more of your goals?
________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________

Setting priorities

How do you decide what to do each day? And how do you decide which activities get your
attention first? Often we tend to set our priorities in a way that feels comfortable to us rather than
in a way that addresses our goals most effectively.

Planning

Without a plan, you may find yourself reacting to the demands of others rather than focusing on
your own goals. Without a plan, you will miss the benefits that come from using effective
planning skills.

Planning leads to higher productivity. It identifies what needs to be done, by when, and by
whom, employees understand their role in accomplishing a specific goal. Arguments over
responsibilities, resources, and work schedules diminish.

There is improved use of resources.

Improved planning increases morale.

Planning self-audit
 1. How many hours do you spend planning your daily, weekly, or monthly work?
Daily______ weekly______ monthly___________
2. Do you have a plan for reaching your goals? Yes_____ No_______
3. How many hours are spend managing crises on a daily basis? ____________
4. Could some of these crises be averted with planning? Yes_____ No_______
Procrastination

Do you find that there are times when you haven’t worked toward one of your goals? Are there

some activities that you deliberately avoid? One reason why time slips away is that we tend to
procrastinate. Procrastination is the “ability” to put off until tomorrow what could be
accomplished today. Most of us are guilty of this at one time or another. Unfortunately, over
time we become adept at welcoming diversions and at avoiding what needs to be done.

I find that I procrastinate because: Yes No

The task or project is overwhelming
The task or project is difficult
The task or project is time-consuming
The task or project is unpleasant
The task or project is effort-intensive
The task or project is unrewarding

Overcoming procrastination

 Identify your motivation for getting started.

 Ensure that this task or project is a priority: use priority-setting skills to identify the value
of work on this project. If it is not a priority, eliminate it from your to do list.
 Break the task or project into its component parts: begin by working on just one part of
the task.
 Accept that some projects require a lot of time: create a time schedule to factor in this
aspect.
  Use a ten-minute strategy: you can commit ten minutes of effort to almost any task. And
ten minutes is enough to get you started.
 Set deadlines for yourself to meet them
Removing tolerations and hindrances towards effective goal setting

What are you putting up with?

Where are you settling for less than the best?
Where do external expectations show up?
What is causing the most frustrations in your
life?
Where in your life do you find yourself
unhappy or disappointed?
What do you know you need to do that you
are not doing?
What in your life needs “fixing?”
What have you been meaning to do that you
have not done?
What things/ dreams in life have you given
up?
What do you find yourself complaining about
most?
What have you left undone or incomplete?
 References

Cottrell, S. (2003). Skills for Success: The Personal Development Planning Handbook. New
York: Palgrave Macmillan.

Wilson, S., & Dobson, M. (2008). Goal Setting: How to create an Action Plan and Achieve Your
Goals (2nd ed.). New York: American Management Association.
Chapter 4: ASPECTS OF AN AUTHENTIC LIFE

Objectives

By the end of the session the participant should be able to:

a. Describe what it means to lead an authentic life

b. State issues that make it impossible for a person to lead an authentic life
Introduction

The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are – Carl Jung

What does it mean to be authentic?

Have you ever encountered someone you consider to be authentic? What factors led you
to that conclusion?
____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Brian Goldman and Michael Kernis define an authentic lifestyle as one characterized by the
unimpeded operation of one’s true or core self in one’s daily enterprise. Authentic lifestyle
occurs when a person’s action and words align with one’s beliefs and values. At its root,
authenticity requires self-knowledge and self-awareness. That is to say, authentic people are
cognizant of their strengths and weakness. They live in such a manner that connects their values
and desires. As a result, they lead lives that demonstrate deliberate efforts that align what they
value with what they do.

Part of developing self – awareness lies in taking a deliberate step to know what we truly believe
in. right from childhood, people pick up messages that shape our value and belief systems. When
left unchecked, people end up thinking that these are their core values. For this reason, the first
part of developing an authentic self often starts with interrogating our beliefs. This process
entails working through personal beliefs with the intention of identifying those we can term as
our own. During this process, the question that everyone should ask is, are these beliefs and
values we hold come from mature, healthy, grounded place within us or are they stemming from
remnants and experiences adopted from childhood? Are these beliefs and values consistent with
a person’s interpretation of what it means to be safe or they are consistent with insecurity?

The objective of leading an authentic lifestyle is not about stagnation. Rather, it is a lifestyle
informed by a quest to learn about who we are, challenging old beliefs, and going through
previous positions with the intention of enhancing a person’s quality of life. It revolves around
learning to face past fears, doubts, and reach deeply within to find out what defines who we
really are.

Authentic lifestyles liberate people from the pressures of always trying to be something or
someone else. It is an invitation to boldness, a boldness that is not afraid to make unpopular
decisions or acknowledge certain aspects of life that one may rather hide or run away from. In
the end, this lifestyle invites you to live a more open, honest, and productive life.

Are there things you have done or experienced in the past you’d rather run away from?
List three of them. What do you think is the best way to handle them?
____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Barriers to leading an authentic lifestyle

1. Negative past experiences when being honest, open, and vulnerable

These are experiences a person finds it difficult to let go.

Are there experiences that you find difficult to forget? Share. How have they
influenced your view of life?
____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
 _____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

2. Fear of taking risk to build trust

Trust often involves taking a risk that you’re going to vulnerable, open, and honest to a
person or people. Although this is the case, people often report cases where someone
abused their trust. In effect, this hinders their ability to trust again.

Have you ever encountered someone or something that drove you to break your
trust?
____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

How has that experience shaped the way you view life and approach relationships?
____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
3. Focusing on the past and future at the expense of the present
The present is a moment that gives you an opportunity to engage authenticity. It is the
only time that you can create changes, make decisions, and actualize the future. However,
living in the present is at time challenged by too much focus on the past.

Are there things you focus on about the past and or future that you feel pose a
threat to leading an authentic life? Share.
____________________________________________________________________
 _____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

4. Believing that it is all about you

One impediment of leading an authentic life comes with the belief that you can handle
your problems alone. Authenticity requires that you embrace vulnerability.

Have you ever got to that point in time where you feel as though no one can help you
out of things?
____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
How did you go about solving that problem?
____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

5. Thinking that authentic living is a goal, rather than a state of being

Authentic living is not a goal that you can achieve. It is a step by step practice that entails
listening to your intuition, and showing the willingness to practice what you preach
Mindsets that block people from leading authentic lifestyles

1. People pleasing mindset: this involves people who live with a constant need to please
and be liked by everyone. This makes it difficult for people to speak up their true
convictions.
 Barrier: you will fear living based on your standards because of the fear of what others
will think. Such people often find themselves committing too much and experience an
element of overwhelm.
Action: do not hold back saying what you think. Build your assertive muscle.
2. Comparison mindset: you find it difficult not to compare yourself with others. People
with this mindset often struggle with the reality that others are better than them.
Barrier: constant comparison often puts people down. They fear taking on new
adventures because they feel that they are not good enough.
Action: how many times do you find yourself drawing comparison with other people?
Since most of the time we do this unconsciously, knowing when it happens is the first
step towards embracing what you are capable of doing.
3. Rule following mindset: rules are important, but at times without exercising freedom of
thought and expression, people can find themselves tied down to mediocre and bad rules.
In most cases, you will find the mentality that rides on the statement, “this is not how we
do it here.”
Barrier: in these situations, people keep ideas to themselves; they find it difficult to rock
the boat and disturb the waters.
Action: find out why some rules are in place.
4. Perfectionism: you feel a constant need to be perfect.
Barrier: You develop the fear to take risks because you feel that it will not be good
enough. You find it easy to hide behind the constant fear of perfection because you do
not want the world to see your imperfections.
Action: Dr. Brene Brown once said, “Understanding the difference between healthy
striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life.”
Essentially, perfectionism is a path to depression, addiction, and life paralysis.
5. Workaholism: This is the need to constantly prove yourself and live up to other people’s
expectation. In other words, you find your identity based on what you do.
Barrier: this type of lifestyle stifles meaning out of life. It leads to stagnation and
isolation. You end up thinking that life is all about money and prestige.
Action: find out what is the meaning and significance of what you do. Does it add value
in your life? Are there important relationships you are missing in life?
Creating an authentic life

1. Redefine your values: it’s hard to behave in an authentic way if you do not know what
you value and desire. We often hold tight to the same values we grew up with. Getting
clear on what you care about and authenticity will take hold.
2. Foster an open mind: authenticity flourishes when we experience the world wholly,
from every perspective. Challenge yourself to look at all sides of the situation. Be open.
3. Fill in the blank: if you really knew me you’d know this: _________ this prompt calls
for introspection, it allows people to reveal essential aspects of themselves. It also builds
trust, credibility, and confidence with the person you are sharing it with. Authenticity
sometimes feels scary and vulnerable, but it also builds intimacy.
4. Notice when you are being inauthentic: pay attention to those times when you are
insincere in your speech, or when you are acting in a way that doesn’t align with your
core values. Then explore the fears and beliefs that may create those barriers to your
authenticity.
FRIENDSHIPS

Friends are medicine for a wounded heart, and vitamins for a hopeful soul.” – Steve Maraboli

Reflective Exercise

What do you consider as the most

important thing about friendship?
What do you consider as the most
important quality of friendship?
What do you consider as the worst type
of friendship?
What is the best thing a friend has ever
done for you? How did it make you feel?
What is the worst thing a friend has ever
done to you?
Do you consider yourself as a good
friend? Why
Friendships are relationships that involve caring and a sense of selflessness. According to
Northern Illinois university psychologist and friendship expert Dr. Suzanne Degges – White they
also involve two very critical dimensions – interdependence and voluntary participation.

The hallmark of true friendships is each member’s desire to engage with the other – it’s mutual
interest in one another’s experiences and thoughts, as well as a sense of belongingness and
connection. In other words, friendships require reciprocity – of admiration, respect, trust, and
emotional and instrumental support.

A 2017 study in the Journal of Personal Relationships found that the presence of strong
friendships is actually more indicative of overall health and happiness in old age than even
family involvement and support. The benefits of friendship in general, are lifelong (Chopkin,
2017). Research has shown that people with good friends often feel happier, less stressed and
more like they belong than those without. Having a strong network of buddies also increases
self-confidence, plus they provide much – needed emotional support during trying times, like
illness, loss of a loved one or divorce.

Types of friends

Friendships develop as each person reveals a little bit more about herself and the ‘friend-in-the-
making’ matches the self-disclosures with disclosures of her own.

According to Degges-White, there are four core types of friendship

 Acquaintance: Acquaintances are easy enough to categorize. They’re the people who
aren’t complete strangers, who you run into regularly at a place of work but you don’t
really know them. They are people who know well enough to make small talk with on a
regular basis, but not really people we’d invite to a dinner party or call on if we needed
assistance.
 Friend: Friends are those that we try to run into or mix with. These are people in the
audience that you tend to socialize with on a regular basis.
 Close friend: These buddies are certainly valuable, but when the going gets rough you’re
more likely to reach out to a “close friend” for help or support.
  Best friend: They’re also the people you trade secrets with. This level of friendship is
open to critique, you know for sure that you can depend and rely on your friend without
any fear. You trust your friend’s conviction.

Best Friend

Close Friend

Friend

Acquaintance

The level of friendship deepens as the level of reciprocity and mutual respect and affection grow.

Degges-White elaborates, “There’s not just a strong level of trust between these friends, there’s
also a whole lot of unconditional regard and affinity. These are ‘heart-to-heart’ or ‘soul friends’
and they can give you comfort even if you’re out of touch with this friend.

When friendships go bad

There’s a wise old saying that there three types of friends, - friends for a reason (you lived next
door to each other growing up or in campus), friends for a season (high school, campus), and
friends for a lifetime. Sometimes, the season of life passes and friends fall out of touch due to no
particular problem. Common signs of unproductive friendships.

a. You realize that hanging out with a particular friend leaves you feeling worse, not better.
b. You begin to try and find reasons to avoid spending time with a friend or wanting to
cancel plans once they’ve been made.
c. Your friend only seems to “like you” or want to spend time with you when she needs
something from you.
 d. Your friend tries to isolate you from other relationships in your life – for instance,
badmouthing romantic partners or other friends.
e. You find yourself trying to make excuses for your friend’s behavior or “defend” your
friend from other friends who are more able to see her shortcomings or poor treatment of
you.
f. Not all friendships are worth fighting for. When you feel like a relationship is holding
you back or dragging you under, it is definitely okay to let that friendship go.

Do you have friendships that consider bad?

___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

What makes you think so?

___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

What steps can you take to avoid such friendships?

___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

Tips To Create Deeper Friendships

Authentic friendship goes beyond the surface-level pleasantries; it requires us to become

vulnerable and break down the walls we’ve built up to protect ourselves. The roots of a deep
friendship are acceptance, compassion, and respect.

Friendships develop through personal interaction. It takes a lot of courage to make deep
connection with someone else. It also takes time and dedication for them to grow.
 a. Be honest: true friendship needs honesty. Revealing your fears and acknowledging your
failures to some you trust will make you feel better and stronger. Allow your friends to be
vulnerable with you as well.
b. Be encouraging: having a true friend is like having your own personal cheerleader. They
have your back and pump you up when you’re feeling down. They provide you with the
motivation to conquer your fears and to move past your failures.
c. Give and receive: being a true friend means being dependable and generous, but it
shouldn’t be a one-way street. An authentic friendship requires balance, in which both
parties give and receive love, support, and encouragement.
d. Recognize and acknowledge: don’t just assume that your friend knows how important
they are to you. Let them know. Show your love and appreciation whenever possible.
e. Be you: be the real you, flaws and all.
With the days of having hundreds of Facebook “friends” upon us, real friendships built on
respect, a common bond, and shared memories seem to be few and far between in the modern
world. We can instantly connect with anyone online, but does that make them a tried and true
friend?

Signs of a True Friend

a. They accept everything about you, including your flaws: they don’t want to change you.
They embrace you, from your quirks and flaws to your best personality traits.
b. They stick with you through both the good and bad times: this is one of the best
distinguishes a frame friend from a real one; in hard times, a true friend would never
leave you in the shadows alone.
c. They are happy for your successes and congratulate you when you reach a new goal.
d. True friendships meet you halfway; they don’t expect you to always be the one to reach
out to them. You don’t feel like you have to chase them in order to keep them in your life
they put equal effort into your friendship, and make time to see you.
e. They encourage you to achieve your goals. Authentic friends refuse to let you give up.
They are right alongside you on the exhausting, but exuberant path of living.
 f. They are honest with you. True friends know how to be up front and honest with you and
are not afraid to have difficult conversations with you. They don’t necessarily tell you
what you want to hear, but rather what you need to hear.
g. They stick around in the pleasant and unpleasant time.
h. They inspire you to achieve your purpose in life.
i. They call us out when we’re in the wrong: real friends identify our flaws and help to
point them out. People who are open and straightforward are some of the most important
types of friends to have.
Work Ethics

Culture can be defined as how you do things, your management style, and the way you make
decisions. The way you do things is heavily dependent on your values and norms of behavior.
Our values are a source of personal excellence and high performance. They exist inside of us all
the time. Ethics is a collection of values and behaviors which people feel are moral. In other
words, - “Ethics” is the name we give to our values or good behavior. Positive work ethic is the
collection of all the values and actions that people feel are appropriate in the workplace. To be
successful in life, you must possess both strong occupational skills and good work ethics.

Values, beliefs and behaviors

Choose the top three What is important to Recall a moment in How might you react
values form your you about this value? your life when you if this value is
personal values were living this ignored by others?
value. What Describe your
behaviors did you feelings
exhibit that support
this value?

Ethics is concerned with how a moral person should behave. Values are the inner judgments that
determine how a person actually behaves. It is putting principles into action. Consistency
between what we say we value and what our actions say we value is a matter of integrity. In
other words, you have to walk the talk.
Pillars of Ethics

Trustworthiness

Why do you think some ought to be trustworthy on the job?

____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Trustworthiness entails leading an honest life. Being honest is more than just not taking things.
In an 8 hour day – how much time should be spent on a task? Using company or institutional
resources for your personal gain.

What is your definition of honesty?

____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Honesty is what you say or don’t say and how you act. Honesty in communications is telling the
truth as best you know it and being truthful, genuine, and frank. Honesty in conduct means
playing by the rules, without stealing, cheating, or fraud.

Trustworthiness on the job

Read the following scenario and then decide which answer is most appropriate and why. Be
prepared to discuss your choice with your group.

During his break, Marvin was playing basketball in the parking lot. During the pick-up game,
which went way beyond his break time, he slipped and twisted his ankle. He was limping back in
the sipping department after break. His employer saw him limping and, thinking Marvin had
slipped on the job, told him to fill out an incident report. His boss offered to take care of
Marvin’s medical expenses and give him time off from work, even though Marvin was still
capable of performing his work duties. What should Marvin do?

a. Keep quiet and take the time off with medical benefits. The company can afford it.
Who’s going to rat him out? Possible result of this choice
b. Quit his job because he doesn’t want to be dishonest and if he tells the truth he might be
fired. Possible result of this choice.
c. Tell his boss he was playing basketball when he should have been working and twisted
his ankle then. Apologize and pay for his own medical care. Tell his boss he can still
work. Possible result of this choice
d. Marvin should just blow off work the next day. Possible result of this choice.
Integrity

What do you call someone without integrity?

____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

People with integrity demonstrate the following behaviors;

a. They are undivided and complete – they act according to their beliefs
b. They are consistent – what you see is what you get.
c. They know who they are and what they value
Read the following scenario and then decide which answer is the most appropriate and why. Be
prepared to discuss the choice in your group.

Wanda recently began work at the XnY Company. She had been talking to you during breaks
and lunch, and seems very friendly. She gushes over her other co-workers when she is around
them, talking about how much she loves working at the company. Lately, however, Wanda has
been gossiping and bad-mouthing the same co-workers when they are not around. She’s also
revealed some personal information about several co-workers and asked you some very personal
questions. What should you do?

a. Ignore the gossip, questions, and comments. After all, it’s not bothering you and you get
to hear a lot of dirt. Possible result of this decision
b. Start gossiping about her to other people. What goes around….Possible result of this
decision
c. Tell the boss what a jerk Wanda is. Possible result of this decision
d. Politely tell Wanda you are uncomfortable with gossip and personal issues that have no
place at work. Distance yourself from her if she continues. Possible result of this
decision
Reliability

Reliable people demonstrate the following behaviors.

a. They avoid bad-faith excuses

b. They avoid unclear commitments
c. They avoid unwise commitments
Reliability means accepting the responsibility to make every reasonable effort to fulfill a
commitment.

Read the following scenario and then decide which answer is most appropriate and why. Be
prepared to discuss your choice in the group

Fred knows his employer is going to ask him to do a boring – but necessary – job. Fred should

a. Avoid the boss as long as possible by hanging out in the lunch room, taking a lot of
cigarette breaks, or hiding in the employee locker room. Possible result of this decision
b. Clutter up his work areas, look frazzled, and loudly complain about how overworked he
is. Possible result of this decision
c. Sigh, roll his eyes, and accept the job, but then conveniently “forget” to do it. Possible
result of this decision
d. Accept the task cheerfully. Tell your boss how much he likes his job and that he’d really
like to head up the new safety project. Possible result of this decision
Loyalty

What is loyalty? Can you give examples of loyalty? Can you give examples of disloyalty?

Loyalty refers to a person’s responsibility to promote certain interests of an organization or

institution. It requires people to keep some information confidential. In addition, it also requires
people to avoid conflicting interests.

Read the following scenarios and then decide which answers are the most appropriate and why.
Be prepared to discuss your choice in the group.

Zack and Don are clerks at ABC Shop. A customer asks them where she can find Tip Top paper
towels. “Hey, man, you don’t want to get those here,” Zack remarked. “They are like way too
expensive, like everything else here.” “Yeah,” Don chimed in, “You ought to go to DNG. Their
stuff is totally cheaper. You’ll need some bags, though. Here, take these with you.” Don reached
under the counter and gave the customer a stack of paper bags.

Obviously, Zack and Don have a loyalty problem. How will this affect ABC?

How will it affect them?

How should they have responded?

Amanda works as a records clerk at a local mental health facility. As such, she has access to
patient records. Friday night, Amanda was out with her friends at a local bar. “Wait ‘til you hear
this!” she excitedly told them. She then breathlessly related the juiciest details of several patients,
including their names. The group howled with laughter.

Confidentiality is a critical aspect of loyalty. What might be the consequences of Amanda’s

actions?

Paul is the director of a non-profit agency. The agency just received a large grant to set up a
satellite location. The agency needs to purchase furniture and other accessories for the new
location. Paul’s old college buddy owns an office furniture store. He and Paul recently sat down
over lunch to discuss the project. Although Paul’s friend was going to charge over twice what
other office suppliers would charge, Paul agreed to purchase everything from him. To “sweeten
the pot,” Paul’s friend is going to give Paul an entertainment center for his home.
What are the possible consequences of Paul’s actions?

How would this be considered unethical and a conflict of interest?

How has Paul shown a lack of loyalty?

You work at a large retailer; you’ve recently been promoted to a well-paying job in personnel.
Your responsibility is to log each store’s time clock records into a spreadsheet. After working in
this position for a few months, you begin to notice that it appears that minors are working too
late at night, working during school hours, and working too many hours per day. You know this
is in violation of child-labor laws and state regulations.

What should you do?

What are the possible consequences of this action?

Respect

What does respect mean to you? Give some examples that reflect respect.

Respect is an ethical quality that prohibits violence, humiliation, manipulation, and exploitation.
It reflects civility, courtesy, and decency. More to that, respect reflects tolerance and acceptance
in life.

Is this ethical behavior? Discuss

1. Is it ethical to take office supplies from work for home use?

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2. Is it ethical to use company time to solicit signatures for a petition concerning a current
social issue?
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3. If there are slight defects in a product you are selling, are you obligated to tell the buyer?
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4. Is it ethical to make personal long-distance calls from the office?

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5. Is it ethical to use company time for personal business (ie: doctor’s appointments)?
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6. Suppose you have a friend who works a ticket office of the convention center where your
favorite performer will be appearing. Is it ethical for you to ask the friend to get you
tickets?
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7. How do you differentiate between a bribe and a gift?

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8. If you exaggerate your credentials in an interview, is this ethical?

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9. Is it immoral to do less than your best in terms of work?

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10. How can institutions and companies foster ethical behavior among those working for
them?
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 References
Chopkin, W. (2017). Associations among relational values, support, health, and well-being
across the adult lifespan. Journal of the International Association for Relationship
Research, 24(2), 408-422. doi:10.1111/pere.12187

George, B. (2015). Discover Your True North (Expanded and Updated Edition ed.). New Jersey:
John Wiley & Sons.
CHAPTER 5: Reflection and Realities of Life

At the end of the session the participant should be able to:

a. Identify and list challenges in the job market.
b. Describe ways to overcome challenges.
c. Illustrates practical steps on how to overcome life’s challenging realities.

The only thing worse than starting something and failing … is not starting something.

– Seth Godin, founder Squidoo

Africa is demographically the world’s youngest continent. According to the International Labor
Office report of 2019, by 2030, one fifth of the global labor force – and nearly one third of the
global youth labor force – will be from this region (Munyati, 2019). While 10 to 12 million
youth enter the workforce each year, only 3 million formal jobs are created.

The situation is particularly endemic in sub-Sahara Africa where over 70 percent of workers are
in vulnerable employment against the global average of 46.3% (International Labor Office,
2016). These are workers that have limited access to social protection schemes and are often
confronted by low and highly volatile earnings. Unemployment or fear of unemployment is the
problem that most worries young people in Africa.

Given these statistics, the reality on the ground is that whether you are new to the job market or
looking to take your next career step, you are probably wondering whether it is even possible to
get a job right now. The response to this concern is definitely yes. Whereas some of the African
youth seek traditional forms of employment, the number of young people taking a ‘less
glamorous’ direction of coming up with initiatives is rising.

Going Beyond the Limitations

The future of African youth depends on the choices they make and actions they take. If the
prevailing economic environment is anything to go by, Africa’s future is anything but hopeful.
However, this does not have to be the case. With a rich plethora of natural resources, the growing
internet space, agriculture, rising literate and innovative youth, we need not be held hostage by
the circumstances. Instead, what will make a difference is our ability to rise to the occasion and
challenge existing norms.

During the World Economic Forum on Africa in 2015, entrepreneurship emerged as one of the
promising avenues that will secure Africa’s future. As many as 60% of the 18-34 year olds who
took part in a joint study captured during the forum were optimistic about the availability of
business opportunities and believed that they had relevant skills and knowledge to rise out of the
quagmire characterizing the region’s economic landscape (Bonnici, 2015). Of course, it is worth
mentioning that this report pointed out figures of potential entrepreneurs, what it did not show
was the number of young people who were translating the ideas into action.

Translating the ideas into action

In order to secure the future for the African youth, young people must go beyond agitating for
change and delving into the work. With a majority of African nations championing for the
diversification and calling for young people to move from the traditional sources of income,
entrepreneurship remains to be an avenue that holds a lot of promise. According to experts in the
field of economics, entrepreneurship has great and untapped potential that can drive the continent
forward. Entrepreneurship is seen as one of the most sustainable job generation tools that the
continent needs to adopt.

Speaking at the July 2015 Global Entrepreneurship Summit held in Nairobi, Kenya US President
Obama lauded entrepreneurship for its promise for Africa with participants at the GES agreeing
with him that entrepreneurship is one of the key ingredients in the toolbox for addressing youth
unemployment in Africa, which is the region with the youngest population in the world (Obonyo,
2016). “Entrepreneurship creates new jobs and new businesses, new ways to deliver basic
services, new ways of seeing the world – it is the spark of prosperity,” quipped President Obama.

Steps of actualizing the end

One of the challenges associated with starting something new is lacking the insights on what
steps to follow. The following steps will help you towards achieving your goals.
What is the gap?

The drive that compels an entrepreneurial spirit finds its bearing from a gap. This can be in form
of a service, a product, or an event that will meet a certain need in the society. You need to
determine what need you are filling the marketplace. Whereas many people choose the internet
as a source of information, going to places where there are a lot of people and asking them about
the gap and inviting them to evaluate your ideas will go a long way towards identifying the gap.
Remember, genuine feedback in the initial phase will save you a lot of trouble and mistakes
along the way.

What gaps do you see in your society or community that you feel capable of engaging
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What skills do you have?

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The decision to embark on a business idea or initiative without any necessary skills will not only
leave you clueless, but this is a recipe for disaster. When looking at an existing gaps, you should
ensure that your skills or accessibility to them aligns with the interests or educational
background. Remember, having hands-on experience of the work can be an added advantage.
You can also take time to learn new skills, but that may cost you some time and money.

What skills do you have that will enable you to actualize the business idea or initiative?
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What skills do you do you need to have in order to actualize the idea?
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What steps do you think will help you towards enabling you acquire the skills?
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Do you have the requisite finances?

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Evaluating your resources is a crucial step in selecting your opportunity. Think about how you
are going to raise the finances. Do you have the capacity to go it alone? If not, how are you going
to raise the funds? These are important questions that you need to consider when thinking about
starting any initiative. One way of ensuring that you do not lose out on this important steps is
seeking information from experts in the field. You can also approach lending institutions and
find out what they consider when it comes to lending. Information is power, as such, having the
right information will help you to make decisions with ease.

Do you have necessary resources to actualize your dream? If not

how do you intend to go about it?
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What is the prevailing market situation?

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According to the business idea or initiative, it is vital to analyze the size of your market. What
type of clients are you going to attract? Does the business idea or initiative focus on a particular
age group or not? What are the implications on the decisions you are going to make? In case
your business is the niche market you might have difficulty in availing the funding. However,
this should not deter you from engaging. The key thing of going about this lies in having a clear
plan of action.

Do you have any competition?

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This question often surfaces when you are venturing in a market with an already existing product
or service. At the heart of this reality lies the question, what makes your idea unique? In other
words, what values are you intending to add to your product that will make you standout?
Having this information will help you to figure out something that sets you apart and serves as an
exclusive selling point for the product or service you are introducing in the market. This factor is
important as it will help you to get competitive edge on the existing market. Have you thought
about it?
What is the risk of venturing into the market?
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When evaluating a business opportunity or idea, it is very important to think through the risks
associated with it. One way of assessing the potential risks is by looking at the current state of
the economy, competition, required income, and expected output.

What potential risks do you see the idea running into?

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Based on these risks do you think pursuing this business idea or initiative is a worthwhile
cause? If it
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What are the next steps of action?

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Have you conducted a self-analysis?
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After getting an idea about an initiative or business proposal, the next thing you need to do is
consider your ability to manage the resources. In this context, the questions you should ask
include, what are your talents? Are they going to enable you to run the business effectively? Will
you need assistance? What type of assistance will come in handy to ensure that you actualize the
dream?

What is your network?

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You know what they say, “your network determines your net worth.” Having a good network
connection with customers, partners and investors can save you a lot of time and also help in
reducing unnecessary costs. Already having established relationships in the industry will help
you execute the idea, rather than having to form another set of connections.

Who is in your network?

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What people do you know that will come in handy in realizing your dream?
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What do you think is missing in terms of resources?
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Business and ideas need money to run. When thinking about starting an initiative of a business
venture, you must consider how you will raise the money. Before going out to raise funds, it is
important to think about the following issues.

Do you need to raise funds?

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The first question you need to ask is whether you really need to raise the funds. Some of us rush
to raise funds yet we have all that it takes to start an initiative. For example, there are situations
where you may not need funds to start something.

Can you mention some ideas where you may not require raise funds to start an
initiative?
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What is the goal of the funds?

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While you are thinking about raising the funds, you need to be absolutely clear about why you
need the money. As a vision bearer, you should be in a position where you can articulate exactly
where you are now, where you want to go and how the money you are seeking to raise will help
you get there. Make sure that you are as detailed as possible on how you intend to use the
proceeds.

Will you use the proceeds for?

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One of the most important factors to consider before deciding to raise money for your business is
what you’ll use it for. The proper way to evaluate this needs is by taking time to create a use of
proceeds, which is an analytical display of where you intend to spend the money over a specified
period of time.

How much money do you need?

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Having a clear figure is a major step towards helping you articulate why you need the money.
When setting out to raise funds, make sure that you have a well-conceived, thoughtful, and
detailed strategy on how you intend to spend the money. This figure will help you in coming up
with the right estimates on the amount you need to set the ball rolling.

What is the right timing?

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When setting out to raise money, it is important to make sure that you know the time to venture
out. The most important question you need to have at the back of your mind is, “does the
business need money at this time?” try to ensure that you set aside time to raise funds when it is
really necessary to do so. What is more, you should make sure that you have a business in order
and prepared for scrutiny when asked to do so.

Who is your audience?

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Before looking into ways of raising money for the business, make sure that you have a clear
picture of the impact the funds is going to create in the society. Whether it is a business or a
social initiative aimed at improving people’s lives, knowing that you are setting out to do will
give you insight regarding who you can approach for funds.
Vital Ways to Raise Capital

Times have changed. In the modern age of internet and technology, there are diverse ways of
raising capital. All you need to know is have a clear picture of what you want to achieve. The
main ways of raising funds for your venture include the following.

Friends and Family

This is where you should start. The beauty of seeking funds from close people is that they will
give you an opportunity to reflect on the message you are going to share with the outside world.
As you reach out to them, remember that not all of them will have the fund to support your
initiative. However, they will give you an opportunity to articulate what you intend to sell to the
outside world.

Loans / Banks

Banks have different types of loan options. Even though some banks tend to exercise caution
when it comes to financing startup ventures, it is advisable to approach professionals in the
sector to help you understand what goes on in the mind of a banker or a loan officer. Interacting
with a banker will help you get to know what they look for, thereby increase the likelihood of
securing a loan when that time comes.

Venture Capital

This is a term that is used when referring to looking for investors who believe in your idea of
venture. Investors take risks in investing in your idea. As such, it is important that you have a
clear vision of your goal.

What do investors want to see?

Be clear on strategy and competitive advantage

How well did you think through your strategy? Investors and people who are funding the idea
expect that you have taken time to think through your goals. Many startups fail to attract the
investors’ attention simply because they fail to outline the business strategy in full. This in turn
shows the investors that you have not thought through critical elements, which in often times
reduces the likelihood of getting support.

Make sure that you include critical information

If you are planning to operate a business or run a project make sure that you notify the investors.
Taking this bold move gives you credibility. As such, investors will find it easy to be
comfortable with projects or business ideas that you are operating. Make sure that even if you are
not yet earning an income, having your operations or some of your operations set up is an added
advantage. You can use this as a leverage to get their attention to pass through to the next round.

Consider the essential documents

When it comes to meeting investors, documents are very important. Make sure that you have a
clear business plan that outlines the history, vision/mission, strategy, marketing strategy,
investment section, and how the funds will be used and the overall exit plan. You should also not
forget to have a section that caters for valuation and financial projections.
Bibliography

Bonnici, F. (2015, July 4). Why Africa’s young people should turn to entrepreneurship.
Retrieved May 2021, from World Economic Forum:
https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2015/06/africas-young-people-entrepreneurship/

International Labor Office. (2016, January 20). Facing the growing unemployment challenges in
Africa. Retrieved May 2021, from International Labor Organization:
https://www.ilo.org/africa/media-centre/pr/WCMS_444474/lang--en/index.htm

Munyati, C. (2019). Advancing Social Justice: Shaping the future of work in Africa. Abidjan:
International Labor Office . Retrieved from https://www.ilo.org/wcmsp5/groups/public/---
ed_norm/---relconf/documents/meetingdocument/wcms_728052.pdf

Obonyo, R. (2016, April). https://www.un.org/africarenewal/magazine/april-2016/africa-looks-

its-entrepreneurs. Retrieved May 2021, from United Nations:
https://www.un.org/africarenewal/magazine/april-2016/africa-looks-its-entrepreneurs
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

1. We thank the AYLF board of Trustees and board management for their leadership, guidance
and support throughout the process of writing of this curriculum.

2. We thank the AYLF global partners who made this work possible through their financial
resources.

3. We thank the AYLF coordinators Allan Shepherd and Gabriel Achayo who took time out of
their busy programs to oversee this project of writing the curriculum.

4. We thank the Authors:Mr. Thomas Omenta helped by Mr. Taabu Aseka for putting this
material together.

The editorial team:

 Mr. Allan Shepherd

 Mr. Gabriel Achayo
 Martha Wainaina
 Prof Koi

Above all we thank the Almighty God for His grace that has been sufficient throughout the
process of writing the curriculum; by our own strength and wisdom we could have not make it
this far. We confess it’s not unto us but it’s unto the Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth who is our
ULTIMATE LEADER.!