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Life's dilemmas: Lessons from everyday conflicts

We should recognise the value of pausing and reflecting, to determine whether our reactions to
perceived insults are genuinely justified

We face conflicts and dilemmas many times in our lives. We resolve a few of those, avoiding others to
avoid confrontation.

We went through some fascinating times recently. We cast our votes to elect the next central
government. The excitement of the crowd at the polling booth was palpable even early in the
morning. There was another major event, which was at our society level. We also had elections for the
governing body of our residents' welfare association.

I realised that the two elections mirrored each other. New alliances were formed, and old ones were
discarded. Sworn foes smiled at each other with a warmth not unlike the hot Delhi summers. There
were many heartbreaks too if friends vied for the same position. Two of the prospective candidates
for a position went about venting their frustration when told by well-meaning friends about the intent
of the other. I suggested a mutual tete-a-tete. The conflict was resolved.

I faced a dilemma as an adolescent half a century back. One afternoon, I had an argument with a
friend, which went a little overboard, and I punched him. He was taller than me and did not take
kindly to my aggression. He punched me back. It did not erupt into a full-blown fist fight only because
I had already rationalised his punch a little before it had connected with my soft abdomen. After all, I
had started the battle; he was entitled to retaliate.

Many of us hesitate to ask for personal favour, apprehensive of facing rejection. It is also a dilemma,
albeit in our minds. I had no say in the allotment of the zonal railways after the completion of our
railway probation training. I did get an opportunity to express my heart's desire, when my senior
asked me if I had any preference for the place of posting. I was diffident and I gave a convoluted
reply, "Anywhere, though my preference would be Mughalsarai." This was a small town in my native
state. He took the first part of my statement at face value. I was posted at Sealdah, the other end, and
a long way from my hometown - physically, linguistically, and culturally.

I understood much later in life the importance of plain speaking, however unpalatable it might be. It
may cause initial bitterness, but the relationship would be stronger eventually. The self-realisation
still did not give me the courage to upbraid a junior colleague for his tardiness. I chose to walk away
from confrontation by not allocating him any responsibilities.

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I envy those who have mastered sugar-coating the bitter pill. It softens the blow, yet hits the person
equally hard. But it might even convey a wrong meaning. During a recent conversation, my wife and
her friend contemplated conveying a rather difficult sentiment to another friend through a message.
A small phrase was added to be polite. I felt that this changed the intent to something entirely
different. They did not agree and chose not to send the message. Yet, the friend had not hesitated to
upbraid another friend a few days earlier over a trivial issue. I saw conflict in the two situations, she
did not.

Conflicts have been a part of our lives since ages. I would not like to be the Arjun who faced the
biggest challenge of his life. I am a mere mortal. I have my follies. It is not for me to preach to be
perfect. I would look at the words of author Jo Coudert to give me strength, "Every life is a dilemma
that must be solved by the person living it." [Practice Exercise]

 Red/blue coloring of words in the sentence indicates subject verb relationship; where ‘red’
denotes ‘subject’ and ‘blue’ denotes ‘verb’.

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Vocabulary
1. Dilemma (noun) – Predicament, quandary, 12. Alliance (noun) – Coalition, partnership,
problem, difficulty, impasse association, union, collaboration

2. Pausing (noun) – Stopping, halting, pausing 13. Discard (verb) – Abandon, throw away,
briefly, delaying, breaking dispose of, reject, get rid of

3. Reflecting (noun) – Thinking, 14. Sworn foes (noun) – Archenemies,

contemplating, considering, meditating, adversaries, rivals, opponents, antagonists
pondering

4. Perceived (adjective) – Believed, 15. Warmth (noun) – Friendliness, affection,

considered, viewed, regarded, seen kindness, cordiality, heat

5. Resolve (verb) – Settle, solve, address, deal 16. Vie (verb) – Compete, contest, battle,
with, rectify हल strive, contend

6. Confrontation (noun) – Conflict, clash, 17. Prospective (adjective) – Potential,

encounter, showdown, dispute - possible, likely, future, expected

18. Vent (verb) – Express, release, let out, air,

7. Go through (phrasal verb) – Experience, unload
undergo, endure, face, confront
19. Tete-a-tete (noun) – Private conversation,
one-on-one, dialogue, discussion, chat
8. Fascinating (adjective) – Captivating,
intriguing, interesting, engaging, ल
enchanting
20. Adolescent (adjective) – Teenage,
youthful, immature, juvenile, in youth
9. Cast vote (phrase) – Vote, participate in
election, exercise the right to vote, ballot

21. Go overboard (phrase) – Exaggerate, go

too far, overreact, exceed limits, be
10. Palpable (adjective) – Noticeable, tangible,
excessive
evident, perceptible, apparent

22. Punch (verb) – Hit, strike, blow, thump, jab

11. Mirror (verb) – Reflect, resemble, match,
imitate, echo

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23. Erupt (verb) – Explode, burst, break out, 34. Diffident (adjective) – Shy, hesitant,
flare up, blow up insecure, unconfident, timid

24. Full-blown (adjective) – Complete, fully 35. Convoluted (adjective) – Complicated,

developed, extensive, mature, complex, intricate, tangled, involved ल
comprehensive
36. At face value (noun) – At first glance, as it
25. Fist (noun) – Clenched hand, closed hand, appears, superficially, without questioning,
hand, punch, knuckle , straightforwardly ह

26. Rationalise (verb) – Justify, explain, 37. Linguistically (adverb) – Related to

reason, defend, make excuses language, in terms of language, language-
wise

38. Unpalatable (adjective) – Unpleasant,

27. Abdomen (noun) – Stomach, belly,
distasteful, disagreeable, unacceptable,
midsection, torso, gut
unappealing
28. Entitle (to) (verb) – Authorize, allow,
39. Bitterness (noun) – Resentment,
qualify, empower, give rights ह
animosity, acrimony, harshness, sourness
29. Retaliate (verb) – Take revenge, respond, ह
react, strike back, reciprocate ल
40. Eventually (adverb) – Finally, ultimately, in
30. Apprehensive (of) (adjective) – Worried, the end, at last, after some time
anxious, concerned, fearful, uneasy
41. Upbraid (verb) – Scold, reprimand, rebuke,
/
criticize, admonish
31. Albeit (Conjunction) – Although, even
42. Tardiness (noun) – Lateness, delay,
though, despite, notwithstanding, though
slowness, unpunctuality, procrastination
ल
32. Have no say (phrase) – No control, no
43. Envy (verb) – Covet, desire, resent,
influence, no decision-making power, no
begrudge, be jealous of
input, powerless ह

44. Master (verb) – Control, dominate, learn,

33. Allotment (noun) – Allocation, assignment,
perfect, become proficient in ह ह ल
distribution, portion, share

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45. Sugar-coating the bitter pill (phrase) – 50. Trivial (adjective) – Unimportant,
making unpleasant things more acceptable insignificant, minor, petty, negligible

46. Blow (noun) – Shock, setback, hit, impact,

51. Mere (adjective) – Simple, only, nothing
trauma
more than, just, pure

47. Contemplate (verb) – Consider, think

52. Mortal (noun) – Human, being, person,
about, ponder, reflect on, deliberate
creature, individual

53. Folly (noun) – Foolishness, stupidity,

48. Sentiment (noun) – Feeling, emotion, recklessness, imprudence, error
attitude, opinion, belief
54. Preach (verb) – Advocate, promote,
49. Polite (adjective) – Courteous, respectful, sermonize, teach, spread
well-mannered, civil, tactful

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Summary of the Editorial

1. The editorial emphasizes the importance of pausing and reflecting before reacting to
perceived insults, ensuring that responses are genuinely justified.
2. Conflicts and dilemmas are common in life, and while some are resolved, others are
avoided to prevent confrontation.
3. The author shares personal experiences of recent elections, both at the national level and
within a residential society, highlighting the parallels between the two.
4. Elections often bring new alliances and break old ones, with former foes appearing friendly
due to the circumstances.
5. Personal conflicts can be intense but also resolvable through dialogue, as seen in the
author's experience with two candidates vying for the same position.
6. Reflecting on an adolescent argument that escalated into a physical altercation, the author
highlights the importance of rationalizing conflicts and accepting responsibility for one's
actions.
7. The editorial discusses the dilemma of asking for personal favors and the fear of rejection,
emphasizing that hesitation can lead to missed opportunities.
8. An example of diffidence during the author's railway posting shows the impact of not
speaking plainly and how it resulted in an undesired outcome.
9. Plain speaking, though it may cause initial bitterness, ultimately strengthens relationships,
a lesson the author learned later in life.
10. The author reflects on avoiding confrontation by not assigning responsibilities to a tardy
colleague, choosing to walk away from potential conflict.
11. The skill of sugar-coating harsh truths is envied by the author, but he acknowledges that it
can sometimes convey unintended meanings.
12. A recent conversation about conveying a difficult sentiment through a polite message
illustrates the challenge of balancing honesty with diplomacy.
13. The author contrasts their own approach to conflict with that of others who may be more
direct in addressing issues, even trivial ones.
14. Conflict is presented as an inevitable part of life, with the author acknowledging personal
imperfections and the challenges of navigating dilemmas.
15. The editorial concludes with a quote from author Jo Coudert, reminding readers that every
life is a dilemma that must be solved by the individual living it.

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Practice Exercise: Banking Pattern Based

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