English Language-Form 3

Academic year 2022/2023

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Study pack- Descriptive writing
---------------------------------
In this unit you will:
 express what is thought, felt and imagined
 organise and convey facts, ideas and opinions effectively
 demonstrate a varied vocabulary appropriate to the context
 demonstrate an effective use of sentence structures
 demonstrate an understanding of audience, purpose and form
 demonstrate accuracy in spelling, punctuation and grammar.
Descriptive writing tasks can cover a wide range of topics, such as places, buildings, events, a person or animal,
occasions such as a family celebration and descriptions of personal experiences.
The important thing to keep in mind when producing descriptive writing is to focus on describing the subject and not
writing a story about it. For example, in a description of a family celebration you should describe the appearance and
behaviour of the guests, the room in which the celebration was held, and so on. You should not make an account of
what happened at the celebration the main element of what you write.
Given that the focus of this chapter is travel and exploration, many of the examples and exercises included will relate to
descriptions of places and the people who live in those places; however, the skills you will develop are easily
transferable to writing about other subjects.

Tips for descriptive writing

Here are some key points to remember when you are writing to describe:
 Always try to base what you are describing on your personal knowledge; you cannot give a clear picture of your
subject to the reader unless you have a clear picture in your own mind. However, you are in control of what you
are writing and you can change and distort details deliberately to create a particular impression.
 You need to decide on your standpoint before beginning to write: are you going to write from a first-person
viewpoint or are you going to adopt a more general, impersonal or third-person approach? Once you have
decided, be consistent throughout this piece of writing.
 How are you going to structure your description? For example, you could take a geographical approach and
describe the scene from left to right, or from distant to close at hand. You could decide to describe the subject
at various times of the day, or you could work through the senses of sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste.
Whichever you choose, try to make the links between the different sections of your structure seem natural and
not too mechanical.
 Don’t try to include every little detail that comes into your mind but be selective. If you overload your
description with details your reader could become confused.
 Keep your reader clearly in mind at all times; you may know the person or place you are describing very well but
it is unlikely that your reader will. It helps if you provide some brief context in which to set your description.
 Although your main purpose is to give a clear impression of your subject matter to the reader, remember that it
will make your writing more interesting if you come over as an interesting and reliable witness to it. You can do
this by including your own opinions and feelings about your subject. These feelings can be conveyed very
effectively by the words you use – it is not always necessary to state your feelings directly.
 Although it is very tempting to write impressionistic descriptions by using non-sentences, it is important that you
use this technique selectively and use complete sentences as well to show that the non-sentences are being
used deliberately for stylistic effect. If the whole description contains no verbs at all, it just looks as if you do not
know how to write! Charles Dickens uses this technique to convey the impression of the muddy and smoke-
filled streets of 19th-century London in the opening chapter of his great novel Bleak House:

1|Page
Tools for descriptive writing
Adjectives
Adjectives are words that qualify (or describe) a noun. As important tools for descriptive writing, they should be chosen
carefully. For example, you can convey different shades of meaning depending on the adjectives you use. To say, ‘My
grandfather is an energetic, carefree man’ has quite a different meaning from saying, ‘My grandfather is a thoughtful,
careful man’. However, use adjectives sparingly; too many of them can have the effect of slowing down your writing for
the person reading it.

Verbs
Verbs are words that express action or a state of being (for example, ‘he ran very fast’; ‘he became angry’). A verb is the
most important word in a sentence and well-chosen verbs can significantly increase the force and focus of your
description. For example, consider the different impressions given by the verbs in each of these sentences:
» The teacher strode into the room.
» The teacher crept into the room.
» The teacher stormed into the room.
Implacable November weather. As much mud in the streets as if the waters had but newly retired from the face of the
earth, and it would not be wonderful to meet a Megalosaurus, forty feet long or so, waddling like an elephantine lizard
up Holborn Hill. Smoke lowering down from chimney-pots, making a soft black drizzle, with flakes of soot in it as big as
full-grown snowflakes—gone into mourning, one might imagine, for the death of the sun. Dogs, undistinguishable in
mire. Horses, scarcely better; splashed to their very blinkers. Foot passengers, jostling one another’s umbrellas in a
general infection of ill temper, and losing their foot-hold at street-corners, where tens of thousands of other foot
passengers have been slipping and sliding since the day broke.
Key terms
First-person: A style of writing in which an individual or character who features in a piece of writing describes their own
experiences and thoughts using first-person pronouns such as ‘I’ or ‘we’
Third-person: A style of writing in which a narrator relates all the action through third person pronouns such as ‘he’,
‘she’ or ‘they’; a third-person narrative allows a narrator to know the thoughts and feelings of all of the characters in a
story Impressionistic: A descriptive technique giving an impression of a place or person based on the writer’s general
ideas and reactions rather than specific details

Adverbs
Adverbs are words that modify (or add to the meaning of) verbs and, again, are valuable tools in giving a precise
description. Consider the way the sense of the earlier sentences is affected by the use of different adverbs:
» The teacher strode purposefully into the room.
» The teacher crept cautiously into the room.
» The teacher stormed furiously into the room.

Similes
Similes are comparisons in which one thing is said to be like another and are
introduced by the words like or as. For example:
» The swans glided on the water like stately sailing ships.
» The mathematics teacher had a face like a dried prune.
Both of these similes make the description more vivid and the second also adds a touch of humour to the writing.If you
use similes, there must be a clear point of comparison between the two parts of the description and it is important that
the comparison does not undermine the effect you want to create. In a sentence like ‘The garden was as peaceful as a
graveyard’, the comparison with a graveyard implies that the garden was a rather cold and deserted place, which,
judging from the pleasant word ‘peaceful’, is probably not the impression the writer wanted to give; the atmosphere has
become confused. Remember also that it is important that you try to choose similes that are original and alive.

2|Page
Metaphors
Metaphors are comparisons by which one thing is expressed in terms of another – in effect, a metaphor is a
concentrated simile. They are an effective way to give immediacy to your descriptive writing.
For example, ‘the rain fell like a waterfall’ is a simile, whereas ‘the waterfall of rain washed away the soil’ is a metaphor.
In it the rain becomes a waterfall rather than the writer just saying it is like one, and the reader immediately associates
both ideas in their mind. As with using similes in your writing, it is important that you make sure that the
metaphors you choose are both original and have clear points of comparison.

TIP
Comparisons such as ‘he ran like the wind’ and ‘the dog was as white as snow’ have been used so much that they
have lost any vitality and mean no more than ‘he ran very quickly’ and ‘the dog was very white’. Such tired
comparisons are known as ‘clichés’ and a good writer will try to avoid them at all costs

Technical skills
Choosing the precise word
One of the key qualities of a successful writer is the ability to choose exactly the right word to convey precisely the
meaning you wish to give. Precise vocabulary is important when you are writing to describe as it allows you to convey
the exact sense of your subject rather than simply giving a general impression of it. English is a language that has a very
large vocabulary and contains many words to give exactly the right shade of meaning for what a writer intends to
communicate. A word that has a similar meaning to another is known as a ‘synonym’ and English is rich in these.
However, very, very few words mean exactly the same as another one and it is the ability to distinguish the subtle
differences in meaning between synonyms that is the sign of both a good writer and also a thoughtful reader. For
example, here is a list of synonyms for the word ‘sad’:
»
bitter » dismal » downcast
» despairing » distressed » heartbroken
» despondent » doleful » low
» disconsolate » down » pessimistic
Each one of these words has its own particular meaning and its own context in which it is used, and whether you use it
correctly or not depends very much on the context of what you are writing. For example, if it’s raining hard and you are
unable to have a barbecue with your friends on the beach, you might describe your state of mind as being downcast but
it would be overdramatic to describe yourself as feeling heartbroken or despairing.

Exercise 1
1 Choose ten words from the synonyms for ‘sad’ and use each in a sentence, in order to bring out clearly its particular
meaning. For example:
2 Use each of the following synonyms for ‘eat’ in a sentence to bring out its meaning clearly: dine, feast, munch, nibble,
scoff.
3 Write out the following description choosing one of each of the words in brackets in order to produce a consistent
description:The sun had not shone all day; the sky was a dark, dirty grey and there was rain in the air; it was the most
dismal day I have ever known.The sea was (calm / relaxed) now although only an hour before it had been (savage /
pitiless) in its violence. The storm had (raged / swept) throughout the island, uprooting (ancient / feeble) trees and
threatening the (safety / comfort) of all the inhabitants.
Even those who lived in (strongly built / secure) brick houses felt the force of the wind as it (ripped / tore) at their roofs.
The unfortunate inhabitants of the (less stable / flimsy) buildings knew that it was unlikely that they would still have
(homes / houses) on the following day

Focusing on details
Another key point to remember when writing a description is to focus on details. For example, in the Dylan Thomas
passage we look at in Thomas describes his grandfather as follows: ‘Over a white flannel nightshirt he was wearing a red
waistcoat with walnut-sized brass buttons.’ He could easily have written ‘over a flannel nightshirt he was wearing a red
3|Page
waistcoat’ without changing the overall sense of what he was saying; however, the addition of the details concerning the
colour of the nightshirt (white) and the buttons on the waistcoat (‘walnut-sized brass buttons’) makes the description
come alive.

Examples of descriptive writing

In the following passage, the writer describes the eruption of a volcano in Hawaii. Notice, in particular, how he not only
brings alive the spectacular display of the eruption but also how he describes his own feelings as the eruption
happens. Placing himself in the centre of the event means that the reader can

A Haddej
El land of fire

If you go to Hawaii expecting something extraordinary and are prepared to look beyond Honolulu and Waikiki
There is one cave which is still occupied and rents out rooms, or cavities, perhaps. The only entrance is through a
Beach, it can be found. On any of the islands you come upon landscapes of quite stunning beauty, but what really
dimly lit tunnel. It’s some 30 metres long, and smells of fur and dung. At its darkest point I run slap into a donkey,
blew me away – almost literally – was the primeval power of the volcanoes of Hawaii itself.Each of the Hawaiian
which is quietly munching away at some straw. Emerging into the soft grey light of a courtyard, I see an elderly man
islands has been thrust 6100 metres up from the ocean floor by the successive eruptions of submarine volcanoes.
and two women waiting to welcome me. The man’s name is Bilgessou. He stands straight-backed, wearing a fine red
As each island in turn drifts away from the ‘hotspot’ on the sea bed, its volcano dies and it sinks back into the sea.
skullcap and a knee-length brown overcoat, his bearing matching a military-style silver moustache. Next to him, in
Hawaii Island itself is the newest of them all, with two active volcanoes of over 4000 metres, and it is still
brightly coloured Berber stripes, are his wife Manoubia and their daughter Jemila. They stand almost motionless, like
growing.As the director of Hawaii Volcanoes National Park assured me, ‘It’s alive. It changes. Every day there’s
a tableau waiting to be photographed.
something new.’We were at the crater of Kilauea volcano, about 2100 metres above sea level but another 2100
metres
After webelowhave the summit ourselves,
introduced of the giantthey
volcano Mauna
pull aside Loa. Mark
a palm wood Twain,
door and theusher
19th-century
me into aAmerican
side room writer,
off the
described
courtyard. The roof is a low, smoke-stained vault, lit by a single bulb (there is electricity here, but waterdesert.
the crater of Kilauea as a dazzling lake of fire; I was hiding my disappointment at finding it a has to‘But
be
you’re so lucky,’ said the park director, ‘you’re here at exactly the right time to see something
fetched from the well). Bilgessou sets to work making tea on a calor gas stove, Jemila sits down, revealing a bright Mark Twain would
have given anything
and well-holed toyellow
pair of see – the volcanoand
stockings, is erupting
she and right into theset
her mother ocean. Yourubbing
to work can hiketheout there
skins offand watchand
peanuts it as it
happens.’The
dropping themvolcano’s
in a bowl.power
A rangyto destroy
black andand create
white catat randomfrom
appears is awesome.
the depths New landcave,
of the is added day byaway
is shooed day.butA new
holds
beach of jet-black sand was
its ground, eyeing the preparations.created overnight in January 1988, after an eruption out at sea. There it was the next
morning; three km long, utterly pristine.
Once the tea has been made and poured, as it is throughout the Sahara, with a flourish from as far above the glass
Whole towns have been engulfed; no one is sure where they are buried, as there is nowhere for the surveyors to
as possible, Bilgessou takes the bowl of nuts and scatters them on to a roasting tray, which he lays on the fire. Most
get their bearings. There are no towns left on the southern coast. The Hawaiians abandoned their villages 150 years
of this is done in silence, as none of them speak French and I don’t speak Arabic, but Jemila has a sweet
ago after a succession of terrible tidal waves.
understanding smile and somehow it doesn’t feel wrong to be silent. However, once the first glass of tea has been
Itaken,
parked my car where
Bilgessou beginsthe Chaininof
to talk, Craters road
a powerful runs
voice, intoa alotsolid
with wall of lava.
of barking, A ranger handed
back-of-the-throat me a ‘reassuring’
sounds.
leaflet saying new lava is unstable and may collapse at any time, and it is best to avoid the clouds of hydrochloric
The
acid.young don’t
I set off want the
towards to live in the
distant caves anymore,
columns of steam he thatsays. They’re
marked the moving
hotspot.above
Thereground, tempted
is no path; away
you just pickbyyour
readymade
way throughhousesbrokeninslabs
Newand Matmata. The authorities
steam hissing don’tinunderstand.
from gashes the rock. The They’ve
surfaceshown
of thelittle
rock interest
is so roughin preserving
that a
the troglodyte way of life,
simple fall can shred your skin. except for the tourists. He extends an arm towards his wife. She has never left El Haddej in
her life. She can’t be expected to change just like that.
Travel Writing edited by Geoff Barton, Oxford Literary Resources (OUP), 2004I
I’m handed a biscuit and a cotton cloth to put on my knee to catch the crumbs. Anyway, he goes on, these
troglodyte houses make sense. They’re safe and secure, warm in winter and cool in summer. The soft rock is easy to
excavate, and, unlike the timber round here, there’s plenty of it. When he stops, the silence returns, thick and
heavy, deadened by the weight of the earth around us. They show me my room. It’s across the courtyard and up a
flight of irregular stone steps, cut from the clay. The coffin-shaped entrance has decorated stone dressings and
inside is a vaulted space, some 6 metres deep, with just enough room to stand straight at its centre. The walls have
been plastered and painted white at some time, but that’s faded now. A mattress is laid along one side where the
wall slopes down quite sharply. Dangerous if you wake suddenly in the night.

Sahara by Michael Palin, Weidenfeld & Nicolson, 2002

4|Page
 Exercise 2

Read the two texts again and use a table like the one below to record your observations about the language choices
the authors have made to describe the places they are visiting. This could include the authors’ choice of words, their
focus on particular details, the perspective they adopt or their use of metaphors, similes, adjectives and so on. An
example has been provided for you.

Quotation Technique Effect

‘They stand almost Simile The description of the Berber family as ‘like a tableau waiting to be
motionless, like a tableau photographed’ emphasizes the idea that the Berber family are a curiosity
waiting to be to those who live above ground, but perhaps also that their way of life is
photographed.’ under threat, that it needs to be recorded while it still remains.

6.5 An example of a student’s descriptive writing

Finally, here is an example of a piece of descriptive writing produced by a student under timed conditions. It is followed
by their teacher’s comments on the composition

You find yourself in a crowd of strangers. Describe your thoughts and feelings.

Crowds are strange. People are brought together by violence, music, sports or even loneliness. Crowds are
beautiful, powerful, dangerous, destructive. Crowds come together in peace, like ants who come to gather for an
annual feast but disperse almost immediately at any sign of danger. I am alone in a crowd. There are people all
around me of every age, race, religion, gender and size. They are dancing to the loud thumping beat of the music,
the music I can feel rattling my bones, forcing me to move, but I don’t want to move because I am alone. I weave
through the crowd, and worm my way out of any harmful situation. Dancing with a stranger would be a fine
example. I stand with my back against the cool wall, the music being the only sign of being alive. My heart stays
still for the most part, thump, thump, silent, thump, thump, silent. The crowd is unaware of me, the crowd
doesn’t care. Youth has never been very kind to me, the crowd still scares me. Behind my eyelids, I see a
spectrum of neon colours, similar to that of the dancefloor lighting but not as vibrant. It’s odd, I think, the people
around me are alive and welcoming but I don’t want their warm touch. I open my eyes again, blink, blink, flash. I
make eye contact with a bright-haired, bright-eyed person from across the room. This person is not dancing, but
alive; I can see it, feel it. The stranger flashes me a bright white smile and I wonder, did my heart just beat on its
own?The crowd is becoming blurry, there is no sign of danger, I just forgot about them for a bit. The stranger
weaves towards me through the fading crowd. The stranger, unlike me, is not hiding away, but moving forward,
to me.My heart goes thump, thump, faster and not to the beat of the music. I am not in danger and the stranger
is getting closer, a sincere smile still etched on their face. The lights, I now see, are brighter, more vibrant. The
crowd is loud, but I hear the quiet. The stranger is in my field of vision, right in front of me. Thump, thump. I feel
a small smile surface and the stranger laughs. Bright hair, bright eyes and a bright white smile. The stranger says
a quiet, ‘Hey’ and it’s the loudest sound in the room. I am no longer alone in the crowd. I am my own crowd

5|Page
Exercise 3
Before reading the teacher’s comments below, make your own notes about how well you think the writer has done –
remember to justify your comments with quotations from and references to the passage. You might like to consider how
the writer’s use of language conveys not only the atmosphere of the room where the dance is taking place but also how
the description of the writer’s thoughts and feelings contributes to this. Compare your comments with those of a
partner, before reading the teacher’s comments. Finally, after you have read and discussed the teacher’s comments and
analysis, you should write your own detailed analysis of the composition

Teacher’s comment:

A high-level response. Well focused on the topic and fluently and accurately expressed.

Teacher’s analysis:

This is a well written and confident description. The writer has used a narrative structure as suggested by the
wording of the task but has clearly focused in on describing the feelings of the narrator. The use of the present
tense is well handled as this is an approach that can be rather clumsy in the hands of a less competent writer. The
vocabulary used is precise and clearly conveys the narrator’s sense of insecurity amid the surroundings. Their
writing is almost entirely accurate and short sentences are well used for effect – there could, perhaps, be a little
more variation of sentence types and length, but this student is clearly a highly competent writer

Exercise 4
Here are three descriptive writing essay titles related to the theme of Travel and Exploration. Write an essay plan for
one of the titles, then write your response.
1 Describe your first impressions of a town or country that you visited.
2 Write about a place you go to when you want to be alone and why you like to go there.
3 Describe a memorable journey in which you and your family or friends were involved. Remember, you should focus
your response on the journey itself and not the place you were travelling to

6|Page