Compatibility Questionnaire

Instructions
This questionnaire is designed for use by couples, prior to marriage, to determine their
level of compatibility. It is also designed to help married couples determine those areas in
their marriage where they may be experiencing difficulty.
Each participant should have their own separate compatibility questionnaire and all the
questions should be answered in writing.
DO NOT total the scores. After each person answers the questions, the answers should be
compared. The point of the questionnaire is to determine the similarities (or lack thereof)
in a couples interests and values. Opposites may attract, but it is those ways in which
partners are similar that will predict how long and successful a relationship will be.
These questions are meant to stimulate a dialogue between two individuals. For this
reason, this exercise should typically take weeks, not hours, to complete.
In terms of scoring, when one person scores “1” on an item, and the other scores a “5” the
item needs to be looked at and evaluated in terms of the extent to which you as a couple
feels it takes away from your compatibility. Scores that are similar in numeric values are a
good sign. For example, scores of “1” and “2” or “4” and “5” would indicate similarity.
Identical scores are not necessarily the goal. Self-awareness is the goal.
Each couple is different but receiving the same or very similar answers for more than 50%
of the questions would indicate compatibility.
Remember, each person should be completely honest in their responses. Trying to spare
your partner’s feelings, or saying what you think your partner wants to hear, defeats the
purpose of this questionnaire. We must not be blinded or controlled by romantic love.

Intimacy
On a scale of 1-5:
1 is all the time; 2 is most of the time. 3 is sometimes; 4 is hardly ever; 5 is never.
______ I desire to promote the welfare of my partner.
______ I am happy with my partner.
______ I hold my partner in high regard.
______ I am able to count on my partner in a time of need.
______ I willingly share myself and my possessions with my partner.
______ I receive emotional support from my partner.
______ I give emotional support to my partner.
______ I am devoted to my partner.
______ I feel hemmed in and suffocated in this relationship.
______ It makes me happy to make my partner happy.
______ I like the way I feel about myself when I am with my partner.
______ I feel I can really trust my partner.
______ I share deeply personal information about myself with my partner.

Passion
On a scale of 1-5:
1 is all the time; 2 is most of the time. 3 is sometimes; 4 is hardly ever; 5 is never.
______ I am sexually attracted to my partner.
______ I want to be monogamous with my partner.
______ I feel romantic with my partner even when we are not having sex.
______ I yearn for my partner when we are not together.
______ I buy my partner romantic presents.
______ I take my partner to romantic places.
______ I fantasize about my partner.
 Commitment
On a scale of 1-5:
1 is all the time; 2 is most of the time. 3 is sometimes; 4 is hardly ever; 5 is never.

______ I want to spend the rest of my life with my partner (for or better or for worse).
______ There is more to a relationship than great sex.
______ When the passion wanes, I look forward to companionship and emotional intimacy.
______ I only want to stay with my partner as long as I am excited and happy.
______ I think it is only natural to keep an eye out for someone better to come along.
______ If I fall in love with someone else, I will leave because romantic love is more
important to me than commitment and companionship.

Communication
On a scale of 1-5:
1 is all the time; 2 is most of the time. 3 is sometimes; 4 is hardly ever; 5 is never.
______ I am willing to negotiate or compromise.
______ I can express how I really feel.
______ I can talk to my partner without yelling at him/her.
______ I can ask for what I really want (not beating around the bush).
______ I can listen as well as talk.
______ I am patient and tolerant of my partner’s point of view.
______ I am good at saying something once and then letting it go.
______ I can give my partner what he/she wants within reason without resentment.
______ I am very well aware of my partner’s childhood wounds.

Readiness
On a scale of 1-5:
1 is all the time; 2 is most of the time. 3 is sometimes; 4 is hardly ever; 5 is never.
______ I can accept myself for whom I am.
______ I accept my partner for who he/she is.
______ I am reliable and dependable.
______ I have a lot of self-esteem. (This means feeling good about yourself: character,
personality, abilities and idiosyncrasies.)
______ I am open to the fact that there will be days when the relationship seems very
ordinary or even boring (Many people tend to have an “all or nothing” mentality. They
either want a relationship to be exciting all the time, or they live with unbearable pain
rather than move on. Healthy relationships are sometimes lukewarm.)
______ I am willing to grow and change with the help of outside sources like books, therapy
and workshops?
______ I feel at ease with my partner.
______ I am willing to face my problems (without over-reacting).
______ I respect and admire my partner.
______ I like to save money.
______ I like to spend money.
______ I am religious.
______ I am spiritual.
______ I want to go to church with my partner.
______ I share my partner’s values about religion/spirituality.
______ I feel there is reciprocity (give and take) in my relationship.
______ I like being around my partner’s relatives.
______ I am loyal.
______ I like my partner.
______ I want to have children.
______ I feel comfortable disciplining children.
______ I feel children should never be disciplined because it might lower their self-esteem.
______ I share my partner’s values about how to raise children.
______ I would take a better job even if it meant moving to another county.
What percentage . . .
______% Of your free time are you willing to spend with your partner?
______% Of your free time to you like to be alone?
______ % Of your free time do you need to be alone?

Personality
On a scale of 1-5:
1 is all the time; 2 is most of the time. 3 is sometimes; 4 is hardly ever; 5 is never.
______ I am controlling.
______ I give in easily
______ I hold grudges.
______ I lose my temper easily
______ I am able to control my anger under stress?
______ I can handle someone else=s anger
______ I like to spend money.
______ I like to save money.
______ I like to give to charity.
______ I pay my bills on time?
______ I am a procrastinator.
______ I am honest.
______ I am able to talk to strangers when I go out in public?
______ I am shy.
______ I like to spend my leisure time actively socializing with other people.
______ I feel the need to get away and be alone after prolonged socializing.
______ I like the out of doors.
______ I like to be indoors.
______ I am a homebody.
______ I get nervous easily.
______ I tend to be enthusiastic about new things.
______ I tend to work too hard and too long.
______ I am a very productive person.
______ I would rather eat out at a restaurant than at home.
______ I feel sorry for people less fortunate than myself.
______ I can resist temptation easily.
______ I resist change.
______ My political beliefs are very important to me.
______ I need my partner to be liked by my friends.
______ I often say things I later regret.
______ I don’t experience strong emotions.
______ I love music.
______ I am very reliable.
______ I enjoy cooking.
______ I talk too much.
______ I am a follower not a leader.
______ I am very stubborn.
______ I respect other people’s viewpoints.
______ I am not easily embarrassed by others.
______ I can admit it when I am wrong.
______ I trust reason rather than feelings.
______ The letter of the law is more important to me than the spirit of the law.
______ I like to get things done right away.
______ I tend to put things off.
______ I like to plan things in advance.
______ I am punctual.
______ I am organized.
______ I keep a to-do list?
______ I need to plan to be happy.
______ I like to be spontaneous.
______ I like an active and fast-paced life.
______ I like exercise.
______ I dislike people who don’t exercise.
______ I care about how someone looks.
______ I like to travel.
______ I like to dance.
______ I am neat.
______ I am sloppy.
______ I watch porn
______ I drink alcohol
______ I smoke tobacco
______ I use drugs

Mutual Expectations
Name the five things that you consider most important in a relationship.
1. _______________________________________________________________________
2. _______________________________________________________________________
3. _______________________________________________________________________
4. _______________________________________________________________________
5. _______________________________________________________________________

List the following in the order of importance in the column to the right (1 is most
important.)
[Passion/Romance, Sex, Emotional Intimacy, Commitment, Companionship, Longevity,
Communication.]
1. __________________________________________
2. __________________________________________
3. __________________________________________
4. __________________________________________
5. __________________________________________
6. __________________________________________
7. __________________________________________
Comments
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