The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a

European country between 1987

and 2007.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features of the graph
and make comparisons where

relevant.

The given line graph compares the number of foreign travelers that visited three distinct
places in a European country over a 20-year period, starting from 1987.

It is evident that the number of tourists traveling to all three different places witnessed an
upward trend over the period, and the coast attracted the highest rate of tourists.

As can be seen from the chart, in 1987, starting from 40 thousands of visitors, the figure
experienced a slight drop to about 35 thousands in 1992, then rose rapidly from 1997 before
reaching a pinnacle of 75 thousands visitors in 2007. Meanwhile, in the first 15-years of the
period, the number of foreign people traveling to the mountains peaked at 35,000 travelers
despite some minor fluctuations between 20,000 and 30,000 from 1987 to 2002.

On the other hand, the lakes were the least common place at 10,000, in 1987. During the
first half of the period, the figure went up gradually and reached a peak at 75000 in 2002
followed by hitting a low of 50000 in 2007.

Sửa lỗi ngữ pháp nâng cao

Here are the grammatical errors identified in your essay, along with corrections and
explanations:

Error: "40 thousands of visitors" Correction: "40 thousand visitors" Explanation: In English,
when expressing quantities, "thousand" is used in the singular form when it is preceded by a
numeral. Therefore, "40 thousand" is correct, while "40 thousands" is not.

Error: "a slight drop to about 35 thousands" Correction: "a slight drop to about 35
thousand" Explanation: Similar to the previous error, "thousand" should be in the singular
form when used with a numeral. Thus, "35 thousand" is the correct form.

Error: "pinnacle of 75 thousands visitors" Correction: "pinnacle of 75 thousand visitors"

Explanation: Again, "thousand" must be singular when used with a numeral. The correct
phrase is "75 thousand visitors."

Error: "the first 15-years of the period" Correction: "the first 15 years of the period"
Explanation: The hyphen in "15-years" is unnecessary because "15 years" is a simple plural
noun phrase. Hyphens are typically used in compound adjectives (e.g., "15-year-old").

Error: "peaked at 35,000 travelers despite some minor fluctuations between 20,000 and
30,000 from 1987 to 2002." Correction: "peaked at 35,000 travelers despite some minor
fluctuations between 20,000 and 30,000 from 1987 to 2002." Explanation: This sentence is
grammatically correct, but it could be clearer if you specify that the fluctuations occurred in
the number of travelers. For clarity, you might say, "despite some minor fluctuations in the
number of travelers between 20,000 and 30,000 from 1987 to 2002."
Error: "the lakes were the least common place at 10,000, in 1987." Correction: "the lakes
were the least common place, at 10,000 in 1987." Explanation: The comma after "10,000"
is unnecessary and disrupts the flow of the sentence. The phrase should read smoothly
without that pause.

Error: "reached a peak at 75000 in 2002 followed by hitting a low of 50000 in 2007."
Correction: "reached a peak at 75,000 in 2002, followed by hitting a low of 50,000 in 2007."
Explanation: Numbers in the thousands should be separated by commas for clarity.
Therefore, "75000" should be written as "75,000," and "50000" should be written as
"50,000." Additionally, a comma is needed before "followed" to separate the two
independent clauses.

By addressing these errors, your essay will be clearer and more grammatically correct. If you
have any further questions or need additional assistance, feel free to ask!

Task Achievement
Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of
the main trends in the graph. It also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet
points, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the
number of tourists traveling to the coast experienced a slight drop to about 35 thousands in
1992, but the graph shows that the number of tourists actually increased slightly during this
period.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant
details about the trends in the graph. For example, the essay could state that the number of
tourists traveling to the coast increased steadily from 1987 to 2007, while the number of
tourists traveling to the mountains fluctuated between 20,000 and 35,000 during the same
period. The essay could also provide more specific information about the peaks and troughs
in the graph. For example, the essay could state that the number of tourists traveling to the
lakes peaked at 25,000 in 2002, before declining to 15,000 in 2007.

Coherence & Cohesion

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner and demonstrates a

clear overall progression of ideas. The introduction effectively outlines the main topic, and
there is a logical structure to the paragraphs. However, the use of cohesive devices is
somewhat mechanical, and there are instances of unclear referencing (e.g., "the figure"
without clear antecedents). Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it could be improved
for better clarity and flow.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a
wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that references are clear and
unambiguous. Improving the logical flow between paragraphs and ensuring that each
paragraph has a distinct central topic will also help in achieving a higher band score.
Additionally, varying sentence structures and avoiding repetitive phrases can contribute to a
more engaging and cohesive essay.
Lexical Resource
Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the

task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable
inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "40 thousands" instead of "40,000" and
"pinnacle of 75 thousands visitors" instead of "pinnacle of 75,000 visitors." There are also
some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "the lakes were the least common place
at 10,000" which could be more clearly expressed. While these errors do not severely
impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using
precise numerical expressions and ensuring correct collocation. Additionally, practicing the
use of a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring accuracy in spelling and word formation will
help in achieving a higher band score. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and
varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which
is characteristic of a Band 6. While it attempts to convey information clearly, there are
noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder
communication. For example, phrases like "40 thousands of visitors" and "the lakes were the
least common place at 10,000" reflect inaccuracies in number agreement and phrasing.
Additionally, the use of "witnessed an upward trend" could be more effectively expressed.
Overall, while the essay communicates the main features of the graph, the grammatical
issues present prevent it from achieving a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus
on the following:

Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider variety of complex sentence structures while

ensuring they are grammatically correct.

Number Agreement: Use correct forms for numbers (e.g., "40,000 visitors" instead of "40
thousands of visitors").

Punctuation: Ensure proper punctuation, particularly with numbers and clauses, to improve
clarity.

Proofreading: Review the essay for minor errors and awkward phrasing to ensure that the
intended meaning is conveyed clearly and accurately.

Bài chữa tham khảo

The given line graph compares the number of foreign travelers who visited three distinct
places in a European country over a 20-year period, starting from 1987.
It is evident that the number of tourists traveling to all three areas experienced an upward
trend over the period, with the coast attracting the highest number of visitors.

As can be seen from the chart, in 1987, the number of visitors began at 40,000, but then
experienced a slight drop to about 35,000 in 1992. This figure rose rapidly from 1997,
ultimately reaching a peak of 75,000 visitors in 2007. Meanwhile, in the first 15 years of the
period, the number of foreign travelers to the mountains peaked at 35,000, despite some
minor fluctuations between 20,000 and 30,000 from 1987 to 2002.

On the other hand, the lakes were the least popular destination, starting at 10,000 visitors in
1987. During the first half of the period, this figure increased gradually, reaching a peak of
75,000 in 2002, followed by a decline to 50,000 in 2007.