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Sample9 Ngoc

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17 views3 pages

Sample9 Ngoc

Uploaded by

thanhnhitx
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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The given line graph showed the number of travellers from other countries that visited three different

parts in a European nation between 1987 and 2007.


Overall, there were periodic fluctuations in the figure of overseas visitors who visited three different
areas of European country during the period.
In details, the number of foreigners to the lakes in European country showed a major jump and reached
its peak at 75 thousand people in 2002, but then decrease to 50 thousands in 2007. There was a lot of
obvious volatility in the number of foreign visitors to the mountainous areas, the figure went from an
increase to a decrease from 1987 to 2002 and then reached approximately 35 thousands in 2007. The
coastal areas attracted less travellers from other countries in the first five years, from 40 to 35
thousands, but then grew swiftly to 72 thousands during the last 15 years

The given line graph shows the number of travellers from other countries that visited three different
parts of a European nation between 1987 and 2007.
Overall, there were periodic fluctuations in the number of overseas visitors who visited three different
areas of this European country during the period.
In details, the number of foreigners to the lakes in this European country showed a major jump and
reached its peak at 75 thousand people in 2002, but then decreased to 50 thousand in 2007. There was
a lot of obvious volatility in the number of foreign visitors to the mountainous areas; the figure went
from an increase to a decrease from 1987 to 2002 and then reached approximately 35 thousand in
2007. The coastal areas attracted fewer travellers from other countries in the first five years, from 40 to
35 thousand, but then grew swiftly to 72 thousand during the last 15 years.

Teacher's feedback:
Task Achievement: Your writing generally summarizes the information presented in the given line graph
regarding the number of travelers from other countries visiting three different parts of a European
nation between 1987 and 2007. However, some details and trends could be further elaborated.

Coherence & Cohesion: Your writing has a coherent structure, but there are some areas where sentence
structure and transitions could be improved for better flow between ideas.

Lexical Resource: Your vocabulary is suitable for conveying the information, but there are instances
where more varied vocabulary and more precise word choices could enhance the clarity and
effectiveness of your writing.

1. "showed" could be "depicts" or "illustrates."

2. "three different parts" could be "three distinct regions" or "three specific areas."

3. "in a European nation" could be "within a European country."

4. "periodic fluctuations" could be "noticeable variations" or "fluctuations over time."

5. "the figure of overseas visitors" could be "the number of foreign visitors."

6. "visited three different areas of European country" could be "visited three distinct areas within
the European country."

Grammatical Range & Accuracy: Your writing demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar,
although there are some grammatical errors and areas where sentence structures could be revised for
clarity.

1. "visited three different parts in a European nation" could be "visited three distinct areas within a
European nation."

2. "fluctuations in the figure of overseas visitors who visited three different areas of European
country during the period" could be "fluctuations in the number of foreign visitors to three distinct areas
within the European country during the given period."

3. "In details" should be "In detail."

4. "foreigners to the lakes in European country" could be "foreign visitors to the lakes within the
European country."

5. "major jump" could be "significant increase" or "substantial surge."

6. "decrease to 50 thousands" should be "decreased to around 50 thousand."

7. "There was a lot of obvious volatility" could be "Significant volatility was evident."
Revised version:

The given line graph provides a visual representation of the number of foreign travelers who visited three
distinct regions within a European nation from the year 1987 to 2007. Overall, the graph depicts periodic
fluctuations in the quantity of overseas visitors who explored these three diverse areas of the European
country over the 20-year timeframe.

Zooming in, it is worth noting that the foreign tourist count to the lakes in this particular European
nation experienced a notable surge. The data reveals a substantial increase, culminating in a peak of 75
thousand visitors in the year 2002. However, a subsequent decline is observed, leading to a reduced
count of 50 thousand visitors by 2007.

Furthermore, the graph highlights significant volatility in the number of foreign visitors to the
mountainous regions. Commencing at a figure of 20 thousand visitors in 1987, the count witnessed an
upward trend, reaching 29 thousand visitors by 1992. However, the following years were marked by
notable fluctuations, leading to a decrease in numbers and ultimately stabilizing at approximately 35
thousand visitors by the end of the given period.

Conversely, the coastal areas exhibited a distinct pattern. During the initial five years, these areas
attracted fewer travelers from foreign countries, with visitor numbers ranging between 40 and 35
thousand. However, a marked acceleration is witnessed during the latter 15 years, as the coastal areas
experienced swift growth, attracting a total of 72 thousand visitors by 2007.

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