ALMOST, MAINE

BY JOHN CARIANI

Fourth Revised Edition

A DPS ACTING EDITION PUBLISHED BY

BROADWAY
LICENSING GROUP
 ALMOST, MAINE
Copyright 0 2007, 2008, 2015, 2018, 2023, John Cariani

All Rights Reserved

ALMOST, MAINE is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States
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Anyone receiving permission to produce ALMOST, MAINE is required to give
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Broadway Licensing neither holds the rights to nor grants permission to use any
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2
for Northern Maine and the people who live there
The first Off-Broadway revival of ALMOST, MAINE was produced
by Transport Group (Jack Cummings Ill, Artistic Director; Lori
Fineman, Executive Director), opening on January 21, 2014. It was
directed by Jack Cummings Ill, the set design was by Sandra
Goldmark, the lighting design was by R. Lee Kennedy, the costume
design was by Kathryn Rohe, the sound design was by Walter
Trarbach, the incidental music was composed by Tom Kochan,
the production stage manager was Theresa Flanagan. The cast
was as follows:

PETE/JIMMY/STEVE/RANDY/DAVE John Cariani

GINETTE/SANDRINE/GAYLE/
DEENA/HOPE Kelly McAndrew
GLORY/WAITRESS/MARVALYN/
SHELLY/MARCI/RHONDA Donna Lynne Champlin
EAST/LENDALL/CHAD/PHIL/MAN Kevin Isola

Note: This production was the first to present the male and female
versions of "They Fell" in rotating rep. The female version of "They
Fell" premiered at the Tennessee Women's Theater Project (Maryanna
Clarke, Artistic Director) in 2008.

ALMOST, MAINE was produced in New York by Jack

originally
Thomas/Bulldog Theatrical and Bruce Payne at the Daryl Roth
Theatre, New York City, opening on January 12, 2006. It was directed
by Gabriel Barre, the set design was by James Youmans, the lighting
design was by Jeff Croiter, the costume design was by Pamela Scofield,
the sound design was by Tony Smolenski IV and Walter Trarbach, the
incidental musicwas composed by Julian Fleisher, the production
stage manager was Karyn Meek. The cast was as follows:

PETE/STEVE/LENDALL/RANDY/MAN Todd Cerveris

GINETTE/GLORY/WAITRESS/
GAYLE/HOPE Finnerty Steeves
EAST/JIMMY/CHAD/PHIL/DAVE Justin Hagan
SANDRINE/MARVALYN/
MARCI/RHONDA Miriam Shor

4
The professional premiere of ALMOST, MAINE was produced by
Portland Stage Company (Anita Stewart, Artistic Director; Tami
Ramaker, Managing Director) in Portland, Maine, opening on
October 29, 2004. It was directed by Gabriel Barre, the set design
was by James Youmans, the lighting design was by Tim Hunter, the
costume design was by Pamela Scofield, the sound design was by
Christopher Fitze, the incidental music was composed by Julian
Fleisher, the production stage manager was Myles C. Hatch. The cast
was as follows:

PETE/STEVE/LENDALL/RANDY/MAN Larry Nathanson

GINETTE/GLORY/GAYLE/HOPE Wendy Stetson
EAST/JIMMY/CHAD/PHIL/DAVE Justin Hagan
SANDRINE/MARVALYN/MARCI/RHONDA Ibi Janko

ALMOST, MAINE was developed by the Cape Cod Theatre Project

(Andy Polk, Artistic Director) in 2002.

5
 PREFACE

Dear Reader,
This is the Fourth Revised Edition of Almost, Maine.

I've made several minor dialogue changes throughout the script, and
I've rewritten many of the stage directions—both to improve the

reader experience (since plays are read before they are performed)
and to improve the experience of people who are listening to a
reading of the play.

I've made some significant changes to the "Prologue," the "Interlogue,"

the "Epilogue," and to Scene 4, "Getting It Back." (Thank you, Sally
Wood and Sam Rosentrater, for helping me find my way to those
changes.)
And I've made one major change, which involves Scene 3, "This
Hurts."

In late 2022, I met with students at Westover School, in Middlebury,

CT, who were rehearsing for a production of Almost, Maine. During
our meeting, the students explained that Scene 3, "This Hurts,"
could be perceived as They argued that Steve seems to be
ableist.

"cured" of his ailment at the end of the scene—the implication being

that he is better off neurotypical.
In my mind, "This Hurts" is a story of mutual awakening. It's not a
story about prizing neurotypicality over non-neurotypicality, and I

don't want it to be perceived as such. So I reworked it, with the

students' help.Now, Steve's condition is a more vague, psychological
one, borne of trauma. At the end of the new version of the scene,
Steve is freed from his psychological limitation, and he becomes
what he once was: someone who has agency and promise. He isn't
cured of anything—he just has the potential to fulfill his potential.
And I think the scene is much better.
I would like to thank Logan Altenburger, Cassandra Celis, Kendra
Graf,Eden Nelson, Makayla Lewis, Theo Mays, Angela Moon,
Chau Nguyen, Sofia Nembhard, Hannah O'Brien, Kyra Rook, Talon
Schultz, Amy Zhang, and their teacher, Marla Truini, for helping
me make this important change.

6
This edition also contains important changes that were implemented
in the Third Revised Edition, and I want to reiterate why here:
After Almost, Maine premiered Off-Broadway in 2006, Iwas told
by some friends that the behavior of East in Scene 1, "Her Heart,"
was problematic. In "Her Heart," East unexpectedly and repeatedly
kisses Glory, a woman he has just met—even after she asks him to

stop. "Her Heart" is supposed to be a story of mutual awakening,

not a story of a man behaving badly. So I rewrote the scene. In the
new version, Glory is falling for East as hard and as fast as East is

falling for her. All feelings are completely mutual, and Glory and
East both act on these feelings—not just East.

I also edited Scene 8, "Seeing the Thing." I removed language that

labels romance or expressions of love or kindness or tenderness as
gendered (i.e., feminine). (Expressing love or kindness or tender-
ness isn't human.) I also rewrote what happens
gender-specific. It's

after Dave unexpectedly kisses Rhonda. In the new version of the

scene, Rhonda lets Dave know that his behavior is inappropriate—
but she also tells him that she feels for him the way he feels for her.
All feelings are mutual as Rhonda and Dave take their relationship
to the next level.

Iwould like to thank Ibi Janko and Wendy Rich Stetson for creating
the characters of Glory and Rhonda. And I'd like to thank Aislinn
Frantz, Beth Blickers, Haleh Roshan Stillwell, Caroline Kinsolving,
Rebecca Harris, Sophie DeBruijn, Casey Landman, Kelly McAndrew,
and Donna Lynne Champlin for reading the new versions of "Her
Heart" and "Seeing the Thing" and guiding me as I rewrote them.
Thanks to anyone who challenges this play. It keeps it alive.

Sincerely,

John Cariani
February 2023

7
 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
It takes more people than I ever imagined to make a play. Below is

an incomplete list acknowledging all the help I got from family,

friends, and colleagues as I made Almost, Maine. Omissions are
inadvertent and I apologize for them.

Thank you to everyone at Portland StageCompany, especially

Anita Stewart, Dan Burson, RJ McComish, Gabe Barre, Ibi Janko,
Wendy Rich Stetson, Larry Nathanson, Justin Hagan, and Jan and
Dave Cronin, for lending their time, talent, energy, and resources
to making the world premiere production of Almost, Maine.

Thank you, Jack Thomas and Bruce Payne, who produced the 2006
Off-Broadway production of Almost, Maine. Thanks to everyone
involved in that Off-Broadway premiere, especially Gabe Barre,
Todd Cerveris, Justin Hagan, Patrick Noonan, Colleen Quinlan,
Miriam Shor, Finnerty Steeves, Karen Meek, Pat McCorkle, Joel
Froomkin, James Youmans, Pamela Scofield, Jeff Croiter, Julian
Tony Smolenski, Walter Trarbach, Steven Chaikelson,
Fleisher,
Brannon Wiles, Kathy Hogg, Andy Polk, Haviland Stillwell, and
Daryl Roth.
Thank you, Dramatists Play Service, for publishing Almost, Maine,
with extra-special thanks to Michael Fellmeth and Craig Pospisil,

for being so enthusiastic and informative.

niank you, Nicole Alifante, Michael Borrelli, Christopher V. Ed-
wards, Christian Brandjes, Angi Parks, Elizabeth Synnott, and
Wendy Stetson, for helping me get started.
Thank you to everyone who was at the Cape Cod Theatre Project in
2002 for the first offcial developmental reading of the play, espe-
cially Andy Polk, Judy and Roger Day, Justin Hagan, Tricia Paoluccio,
Billy Ragsdale, Johanna Day, Ibi Janko, and Larry Nathanson.
Thank you to and people for taking
the following organizations
a chance on Almost, Maine when few would: the Barrow Group,
especially Chris Campbell; the Colony Theatre, especially Barbara
Beckley, David Rose, Caroline Kinsolving, Dee Ann Newkirk,
Donald Sage Mackay, and Louis Lotorto; the Tennessee Women's
Theatre Project, especially Maryanna Clarke; Geva Theatre Center,

8
especially Skip Greer, Mark Cuddy, and Jean Ryon; Syracuse Stage,
especially Kyle Bass; the Public Theatre (Lewiston, ME), especially
Christopher Schario and Janet Mitchko; the Penobscot Theatre
Company, especially Scott Lew•, Milwaukee Rep, especially Laura
Gordon; Mad Dog Productions, especially Brian Drillinger and
Melanie Coote; and the Northeast Theatre, especially David Zarko.

Special thanks to Ibi Janko, whose spirit is all over this play; to Liz
Fitzpatrick, for all the love; to Marla Ratner, for being there at the
beginning; to Mari Okuda, for always believing; to Julian Fleisher,
for believing in this play and for the beautiful music; to Stephanie
Klapper, for all the support and encouragement; to Dawn Denvir
and Shalom Stephens, for offering me pleasant places to work; to
Susan Lovell, for helping me think about the play as only she can;
to Samantha Barrie, for thinking about the play as only she can; to
everyone at Shadowland Theatre Company, especially Brendan
Burke, Kina Bermudez, Dave Mason, Kathy McCafferty, and Sean
Patrick Reilly, for believing in a place like Almost, Maine; to Dave
Mason and Kathy McCafferty, for being great friends, great artists,
and great collaborators; to JP Driscoll, Finnerty Steeves, and Justin
Hagan, for the great lines they wrote; to Dick Mullen, Kristie Fuller,
John Fredrickson, Ed Simpson, and Jay Putnam, for introducing
young actors to Almost, Maine.
Thank you, Sarah Cusick (and the cast and crew of Almost, Maine
at Columbia Prep in Manhattan), for asking me to share the female

version of "They Fell" with you.

Thank you, Transport Group, especially Jack Cummings, Donna

Lynne Champlin, Kevin Isola, Kelly McAndrew, Hannah Oren, Ali
Skye Bennett, Lori Fineman, Theresa Flanagan, Peyton Taylor
Becker, and Lizzie Strauss, for the beautiful 2014 revival.

Thank you, Aislinn Frantz, for all the time and care you take.
Thank you, Haleh Roshan Stilwell and Emily Guare, for your editorial
prowess.

Thank you, Betsy Hogg, for editing this edition so excellently.

Thank you, Caroline Kinsolving, for all the readings and the great
edits.

9
Thank you, Paul and Sheila and Jeff Cariani, for believing I could
do this.
Thank you, Vera Mihailovich, for caring so much.
And thank you, John Lloyd, for always being there and for inspiring
Almost, Maine.

10
 NOTES FOR READERS, ACTORS, DIRECTORS, AND
PRODUCERS

On punctuation and stage directions:

Almost, Maine employs a lot of very specific overlapping dialogue.

You'll often see this symbol: //. It will appear in the middle of lines
or words, and it simply means that the next character to speak
should begin their line where the // appears (and thereby interrupt
the character who is currently speaking).
You'll also see this symbol: >. It simply means that the character
who is speaking should keep talking and drive through to the end
of their thought or point or sentence and not wait for the other
character to speak.

Sometimes you'll see dialogue in brackets like these: [ ]. These

words are not spoken. They're simply a guide to what a character
leaves unsaid.

Sometimes you'll see commas after end punctuation. This is simply

to encourage pace and keep things moving.
Please don't completely dismiss the stage directions. Many are
actions—actions that are of equal importance to what is spoken.

On place:
Almost, Maine, doesn't exist. It is a mythical composite of several
Northern Maine towns. Were it to exist, Almost would be located in
the remote heart of Aroostook (pronounced, "uh-ROO-stick")
County, the sparsely populated, northernmost county in Maine. It

would occupy unorganized territory that is offcially designated as

Township ffirteen, Range Seven, or T 13 R7. T 13 R7 is some 450
miles north of Boston, MA, and about 50 miles from the border of
Canada, where Quebec and New Brunswick meet. (See the map at
the back of this volume.)

Almost, Maine, is not a coastal town. It is nowhere near the ocean.

Potato farms dominate the landscape, and the expansive North Maine
Woods are to the west. National Geographic once printed something
to this effect:"They call Montana 'Big Sky Country.' Well... 'they'
haven't seen Northern Maine."

11
Winters in Almost, Maine, are long, cold, and snowy. It usually feels
like winter there from October to May.

On the northern lights:

The northern lights are brilliant, ribbon-like, otherworldly displays
of light. Northern Mainers are fortunate: They live just inside the
southernmost tip of an area in which the northern lights regularly
appear. Growing up, I remember being treated to a northern lights
show at least once a year.
The northern lights occur when atoms become "excited." During
solar storms, plasma (ionized, or charged, particles) from the sun is
sent streaming toward the earth. As it enters the earth's atmosphere,
it collides with atoms, and excites them—that is, it moves their

electrons into higher-energy orbits. Those electrons want to return

to their normal lower-energy orbits, and when they do so, they
release energy in the form of tiny packets of light called photons.
When enough photons are produced, the brilliant light display that
is the aurora borealis hovers in the sky. When the aurora fades, it's
because the affected atoms have returned to their grounded state.

Almost, Maine is a play about people who are normally very

grounded but who have become very excited by love.. .and other
extraordinary occurrences.

On time:
Almost, Maine takes place over a period of about seventeen minutes
on a Friday night in the middle of winter.The "Prologue" begins at
8:43 P.M. All subsequent scenes (except for the "Epilogue," which
begins at 8:57 P.M.) start around 8:50 P.M. and end a little after 9 P.M.
There is a "Magical Moment" in each scene, and all of these Magical
Moments are happening at exactly the same time—at 9 P.M. When
these Magical Moments occur, the northern lights appear. In my
mind, the northern lights and these Magical Moments give rise to
one another.

On the people:
The people of Almost, Maine, are almost Canadian.

The people of Almost, Maine, are rural Americans. They're not hicks.

12
They're not quaint, quirky eccentrics. They don't wear funny clothes
and funny hats. They don't have funny Maine accents. They are not
"Downeasters." They are not fishermen or lobstermen. They don't
wear galoshes and rain hats. They don't say, "Ayuh."

The people of Almost, Maine, are not cuddly and cute. They're

hard-working, ordinary people. They're dignified. They're honest

and true. They're not cynical. They're not sarcastic. They're not glib.
But this does not mean that they're dumb. They're very smart. They
just take time to wonder about things. They speak simply, honestly,
truly, and from the heart. They are not precious about what they

say or do.

The people of Almost, Maine, are dealing with a lot of the things
that people who live in rural America deal with: poverty, unem-
ployment, limited opportunity, addiction. So, there's a distinct

sadness underlying the hope and joy in this play.

On casting:
Almost, Maine is a play for four actors.
Almost, Maine is also a play for as many as twenty actors.
If using four actors, I recommend casting people in their late twenties/
into their thirties. However, I have seen the play done beautifully by
four actors in their forties.

If using nineteen actors, know that some scenes work really well with
people in their teens; some work well with people into their fifties.

Any kind of human being—actors of all shapes, sizes, colors,

backgrounds, abilities, and genders—can act in this play.

Anyone who is comfortable playing the gender of the characters can

play the roles.

On music:
Original music composed for Almost, Maine by Julian Fleisher is

available for licensing through Dramatists Play Service. Please

visit the Almost, Maine page on www.dramatists.com for more
information regarding the ordering and use of the original music.

13
On tone:
Please keep in mind that "cute" will kill this play. Almost, Maine is

inherently pretty sweet. There no need to sentimentalize the

is

material. Just... let it be what it is—a play about real people who are
really, truly, honestly dealing with falling in and out of love—in all

its painful and hilarious glory.

On presenting Almost, Maine:

In the original published version of Almost, Maine, Scene 5, "They
Fell," is a scene for two men.
In 2008, a female version was performed in the Tennessee Women's
Theatre Project's production of the play.

In 2014, the female version of the scene was presented in rotating rep
with the male version in Transport Group's Off-Broadway revival of
Almost, Maine. In the Third and Fourth Revised Editions of Almost,
Maine, the female version immediately follows the male version in
the text, and I recommend that theatre companies present both the
male and female versions of "They Fell" in rotating rep.
I encourage you to refer to the notes section in the back of this
volume before you begin rehearsals.

Thank you reading—and doing—or considering doing—a play

for
about rural people. They're pretty much ignored in contemporary
American theatre (and art and culture). Thanks for giving them
some attention.

14
 SCENE BREAKDOWN

PROLOGUE

ACT ONE
Scene l: Her Heart
Scene 2: Sad and Glad
Scene 3: This Hurts
Scene 4: Getting It Back

INTERLOGUE

ACT TWO
Scene 5: Plhey Fell
Scene 6: Where ItWent
Scene 7: Story of Hope
Scene 8: Seeing the rlhing

EPILOGUE

PLACE

Various locales in Almost, Maine,

a small town in far Northern Maine that isn't actually a town and
that doesn't quite exist.

TIME

Not too long ago—or maybe a long time ago—

on a cold, clear, moonless, slightly surreal Friday night
in the middle of the deepest part of a Northern Maine winter.

15
 CHARACTERS

Prologue
PETE and GINETTE, who have been dating for a little while.
Her Heart
EAST, a repairman, and GLORY, a hiker.
Sad and Glad
JIMMY, a heating and cooling guy; SANDRINE, his ex-girlfriend;
a salty WAITRESS.

This Hurts
MARVALYN, a woman who knows pain, and STEVE, a man
who does not.
Getting It Back
GAYLE and LENDALL, longtime girlfriend and boyfriend.
Interlogue
PETE, from the "Prologue."
They Fell
RANDY and CHAD, two "Aroostook County Boys" longtime
friends.

DEENA and SHELLY, two "Aroostook County Girls" —longtime

friends.

Where It Went
PHIL, a hard-working husband, and MARCI, his hard-working
wife.

Story of Hope
HOPE, who has traveled the world, and a MAN, who has not.
Seeing the Thing
RHONDA, a tough woman, and DAVE, the not-so-tough man
who loves her.
Epilogue
PETE and GINETTE, from the "Prologue."

16
 ". .. the sentimental person thinks things will last—
the romantic person has a desperate confidence that
they won't."
—F. Scott Fitzgerald

Almost, Maine is for romantics—not sentimentalists.

 ALMOST, MAINE
PROLOGUE

Music.

It's about 8:43 P.M.

Lights up on Pete and Ginette sitting on a bench in the middle

ofa snowfield, looking at the stars.
Ihey are not sitting close to each other at all: Pete is sitting on
the stage right end of the bench; Ginette, on the stage left end
of the bench.

Musicfades.
Long, long, long beat of Pete and Ginette looking at the stars.

Occasionally, they look at each other.

Often, Ginette looks at Pete as he looks at the stars.

Ginette clearly has something she wants to say to Pete.

GINETTE. Pete, 1—
Pete turns to Ginette, eager to hear whatever it is she has to say.

But Ginette doesn't say anything more.

PETE. What?
Ginette wants to tell Pete she loves him, but can't quite do it.

GINETTE. 1 just—am having a nice time, Pete.

PETE. I'm glad, Ginette.

GINETTE. 1 always do with you.

PETE. I'm glad.

Pete and Ginette enjoy this moment together.

And then there's nothing else to say, so... they look back up at
the sky.

19
 And then maybe Pete looks at Ginette while she looks at the sky.
And then he looks back up at the sky.
Beat.

PETE. Boy, the stars are just [awesome] I know you

didn't
knew all that stuff! // After all this time, I didn't know you knew all

that!

GINETTE. Well, it's not [like I know that much about 'em] ...It's

just some stuff my dad taught me...

Pete smiles and nods at Ginette and all that she knows.

And Ginette smiles and nods back at Pete.

And then there's nothing else to do or say, so... they look back
up at the sky.

Beat.

And then Ginette turns to Pete and watches him as he

watches the sky.

She thinks.

And then finally says:

Pete?

PETE. (Turning to Ginette, waitingfor her to say what she has to say.)

Yeah?
Little beat.

GINETTE. 1 love you.

Beat.

Pete just stares at Ginette.

Beat.

And then he looks away from Ginette.

Beat.

And does not respond to Ginette.

Beat.

Ginette takes in Pete's non-response, deflates, and then looks

away from him, trying to figure out what has happened.

We now have two very uncomfortable people.

20
 Pete is dealing with what Ginette has just said to him; and
Ginette is dealing with Pete's response—or lack thereof—to
what she has just said to him.

Big... long. .. awful.. .silence.

Finally, Pete breaks the silence with the truth.

PETE. Um...well, l...love you, too.

GINETTE. (Hugely relieved.) Oh!!

Ginettefeels JOY
And Pete does, too.

And Ginette shivers a happy shiver.

PETE. Oh, are you cold? // Do you wanna go?
GINETTE. No, no! 1 just wanna sit. Like this. close.

Pete and Ginette aren't close to each other at all—but maybe

for them, it's close.

I feel so close to you tonight.

Ginette slides a little closer to Pete.

It's nice to be close to you, Pete.

Ginette slides a little closer to Pete.

It's safe.

Ginette slides a little closer to Pete.

I like being close. Like this.

Ginette slides a little closer to Pete.

I mean, I can think of other... ways.. .of being close to you (77aey
enjoy this innuendo—sweetly, truly.) .but that's not—that's not
[the kind of close I'm talking about right now] I like this right
now. This kind of close. Right next to you.
Ginette gets even closer to Pete and leans right up against
him, resting her head on his shoulder.

Beat.

You know, right now, I think I'm about as close to you as I can
possibly be.
Ginette is truly content.

Beat.

21
PETE. (Honestly discovering.) Well... not really.

GINETTE. What?
PETE. (Simply and truly figuring this out.) Not really. I mean, if you
think about it in a different way, you're not really close to me at all.
You're really actually about as far away from me as you can possibly
be. mean, if you think about it, technically—if you're assuming
I

the world is round, like a ball, like...

Pete gathers some snow and makes a snowball, which he will
be using as a visual.

.. .1ike a snowball—the farthest away you can be from somebody is

if you're sitting right next to them. See, if I'm here...

Pete points out a place on the snowball facing them that

represents him.

.. .and you're here...

And then Pete points out a place on the snowball facing
them that represents Ginette—and it's right next to him—
practically the same place he just pointed to.

... and you started walking away from me—that way—

Pete points offstage left.

...then...

Pete traces a path around his makeshift globe—along the

equator and not pole to pole—that describes the longest
distance between Pete and Ginette.

If the earth had rings around its equator, Pete would be

tracing the path of the earth's rings.

His point is that, while Ginette and Pete are sitting as close

to one another as they possibly can, they are actually as far

away from one other as they can possibly be.

Little beat.

... that's far.

GINETTE. (Taking this in and trying to figure out what Pete is

saying.) Yeah.

Beat.

Disheartened, Ginette moves away from Pete.

22
 She doesn't feel like being "close" to Pete anymore.
Pete realizes his musings on what it means to be close have
not had the intended effect.

In fact, they've had a potentially disastrous effect.

So he tries to save the evening.

PETE. But... now, you're closer!

This is true.

Ginette actually is closer, according to Pete's theory on what

it means to be close.

GINETTE. (Puzzled.) Yeah.

Ginette moves away from Pete again, sliding all the way to
the other side of the bench.

PETE. And closer!

Little beat.

Ginette gets up.

And starts to go, taking a step or two away from Pete.

And closer!
Ginette stops.
And turns and looks at Pete.

And then turns awayfrom him and takes a couple more steps.
And closer and closer!
Ginette stops again.
And turns and looks at Pete—and then turns back, and
starts to leave again, taking a couple more steps.

And closer and closer and closer...

Ginette stops again.
And turns and looks at Pete again.
She is trying to figure out what's going on —and what Pete
is saying.

She looks off left.

She looks at Pete again.

She looks off left again.

23
 And then... Ginette leaves, taking step after step after step.
With every single step she takes, Pete calls to her, with great
hope:
...and closer and closer and closer. ..and closer and closer and
closer and closer!

Eventually, Ginette is gone, exiting stage left, with Pete still

calling, .and closer" to her.

Unfortunately, Ginette is getting farther and farther away

from Pete.

771is is not quite what Pete intended, and he calls to Ginette

one last time.

And closer!
Beat.

Pete looks at his snowball.

And then looks back to where Ginette has exited.

What has he done?

Pete rises and takes a few uncertain steps toward where
Ginette is headed, looking to see where she went.

He stops.
And looks at his snowball.
Music.

And we begin.

Pete fades from view and we TRANSITION into...

24
 ACT ONE

Scene 1: Her Heart

Music fades.
It's 8:50 P.M.or so.

A woman appears.
She is standing in an open field looking up at the sky.

She is clutching a small brown paper bag to her chest.

Beat.

We hear a distant door open and close.

After a long beat, a man enters.

He is wearing a big warm coat over plaid pajamas, and

untied boots.

He watches the woman watch the skyfor a good long while as

he tries to figure out what she's doing and what she's looking
at and how he might engage with her.

Finally:

MAN. Hello.

WOMAN. (Turning to the man, pleasantly.) Hello.

77aewoman resumes looking up at the sky.
lhe man looks up at the sky to see what she's looking at—to
make sure he's not missing anything.
And then he looks at the woman.
MAN. I thought I saw someone.
The woman continues to look up at the sky.
I was about to go to bed. I saw you from my window...
The woman is still looking up at the sky.
Can I [help you]—? Is there somethin' I can do for you?

25
WOMAN. (Turning to the man.) Oh, no. I'm just here to see the
northern lights.

The woman resumes looking at the sky.

MAN. Okay. Okay. It's just—it's awful late and you're in my yard.
WOMAN. Oh, I hope you don't mind. I'll only be here tonight. I'll
see them tonight—the northern lights—and then I'll be gone. I
hope you don't m//ind!

MAN. (Looking out.) Is that your tent?

The tent is unseen—and is somewhere out infront of the man

and the woman and not onstage.
WOMAN. Yes.

MAN. You've pitched a tent... >

WOMAN. So I have a place to sleep >

MAN. in my yard...
WOMAN. after I see them—I didn't know I was in somebody's

yard—I hope you don't mind.

MAN. Well, it's not that I [mind]

WOMAN. Do you mind?

MAN. Well, I don't know if [I mind, exactly]

WOMAN. Oh, no, I think you mind!

MAN. No, it's not that I mind—
WOMAN. No, you do! Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't think you would!
I didn't think—. You see, it says in your brochure >
MAN. My brochure?
WOMAN. from Maine wouldn't mind. It says (Pro-
that people
ducing a brochure about Maine tourism.) that people from Maine
are different, that they live life ('the way life should be."l And that,
"in the tradition of their brethren in rural northern climes, like
Scandinavia," they'll let people who are complete strangers—like
cross-country skiers and bikers and hikers—camp out in their
yards, if they need to, for nothing., They'll just let you., I'm a hiker.
Is it true? >

1 Maine by car on Interstate 95, you will be greeted by

If you ever travel to a sign erected by
the Maine Offce of Tourism that reads, "Maine: The Way Life Should Be."

26
MAN. Well, [I guess, but]

WOMAN. That they'll just let you stay in their yards if you need
to? 'Cause I need to. Camp out. 'Cause I'm where I need to be. This
is the farthest I've ever traveled: I'm from a part of the country
that's a little closer to things—I've never been this far north before—
or east, and did you know that Maine is the only state in the country
that's attached to only one other state?!?

MAN. Um
WOMAN. It is!! (Taking in the big sky and all the wide open space.)
Feels like the end of the world, and here I am at the end of the
world, and I have nowhere to go, so I was counting on staying
here—unless it's not true, I mean, is it true? >

MAN. Well [I don't know] —

WOMAN. Would you let a hiker who was where she needed to be
just camp out in your yard for free? >
MAN. Well [I don't know] —
WOMAN. I mean, if a person really needed to? >
MAN. Well [I don't know]
WOMAN. Reallyreally needed to?

MAN. Well, if a person really needed to, sure, // but—

WOMAN. Oh!
771e woman suddenly rushes to the man and hugs him.

I'm so glad, then!! Thank you!!

As the woman hugs the man, the brown paper bag she has
been holding gets squished between their bodies.
The man doesn't quite participate hug—but is surprised
in the

by all the feelings he is suddenly feelingfor the woman.

7he woman realizes that she doesn't know the man well

enough to be hugging him—but is surprised by all of the

feelings she is suddenly feelingfor him.
Thewoman eventually releases the man from the hug.
And we see that the man is now holding the woman's bag in
the crook ofhis arm.

He doesn't quite know he has it.

27
 And the woman doesn't know he has it.

77ze exchange of the bag was imperceptible to both the woman

and the man—and should have been almost imperceptible to
the audience.

Sorry about that.

MAN. It's okay.

WOMAN. Sorry—I just—really need to be here and do this, so

thanks.

The woman resumes looking intently for the northern lights.

MAN. Sure.

Little beat.

So [you're just here to see the northern lights, huh?]—

WOMAN. Oh, no'.

lhe woman realizes that she doesn't have the small brown
paper bag she was holding and starts searchingfor it.

MAN. What?
WOMAN. Oh, God!
7he woman finally sees that the man has her bag and
points to it.

I need that!
MAN. Huh? (Realizing he has the bag.) Oh. Here.
7he man offers the bag to the woman.
Ihe woman grabs the bag.

WOMAN. Thank you.

The woman resumes looking up at the sky.
MAN. Sure.

Beat.

lhe man is puzzled.

Okay. Okay...
Little beat,

So you're just lookin' for a place to see the northern lights from?
WOMAN. Yeah. Just tonight.

28
MAN. you know, you might not see 'em
Well, tonight, 'cause // you
never really know if [you're gonna see 'em] —
WOMAN. Oh, no! I'll see them! Because this is the right time:
Solar activity is at an eleven-year peak. And I'm in a good place: Your
latitude is good. Well, as good as it can be, under the circumstances.
Iwas gonna go to a higher latitude—like, up to Canada somewhere—
but I forgot to renew my passport, so I couldn't, and Alaska is just too
far away, so this was the closest place I could get to in the lower forty-
eight states that sees the northern lights regularly, so I flew, and I
took a bus, and then I hiked to get here, so, anyway, everything's in
order. And, wow, you have good sky for seeing them. It's so big!

7he woman takes in the sky.

And dark!
77te woman takes in the horizon.

And it's flat. And there are no trees in the way.

MAN. Yeah, [it] used to be a potato farm.
WOMAN. Oh. (Taking in the sky.) Makes for a big sky.

MAN. Yeah.

7he woman and the man take in Northern Maine's mag-

nificent night sky.

And then the woman turns to the man and watches him
watch the sky.
WOMAN. So—you're a farmer?
MAN. No. Used to be a farm. I'm a repairman.
WOMAN. Oh.
MAN. Fix things.
WOMAN. Oh.
7he woman laughs.
MAN. What?
WOMAN. You're not a lobster man.

lhe woman just said the word "lobsterman" like it was two
words—which is odd.

And amusing.

29
MAN. No.
WOMAN. I guess I thought that everyone from Maine was a
lobster man and talked in that funny... way like they do in Maine,
and you don't talk that way.
MAN. Nope. You're not Downeast. You're up north. And this is how
we talk up north, pretty much.
WOMAN. Oh.
MAN. No real accent up here.
WOMAN. Oh.
MAN. Plus, the ocean's a couple hundred miles away. (Wryly.) Be
an awful long ride to work if I was a "lobster man."
WOMAN. (Enjoying him.) Yeah. Well, anyway, thank you. Thank
you for letting me stay and do what I need to do. It's important that
I do it, and—

She's sad.

I've justhad a pretty rough go of things lately, and I just really

appreciate your kindness and understanding—

Suddenly, the man, who is feeling lots of feelings for the

woman, is hugging her.
The woman doesn't quite participate in the hug, butfeels lots
offeelings for the man.
After a beat, the man pulls away from
woman, and he the
has her small brown paper bag again—but the man and the
woman don't know he has it.

MAN. Oh, gosh—I'm sorry.

WOMAN. Um...

MAN. I'm sorry—are you okay?

WOMAN. Yeah.

MAN. I'm real sorry I did that. It's just—you just seemed sad. >
WOMAN. Um
MAN. And also: I think I love you.
WOMAN. (Gobsmacked.) Huh?
MAN. Yeah—l saw you from my window, and.. .1 love you.

30
WOMAN. Um—okay—well... that's really nice of you to say, but
that's not [what I'm here for] I'm so sorry, but I'm not here for
that [to have someone fall in love with me].
MAN. Oh, no, I didn't think // you were—
WOMAN. I'm here to pay my respects. To my husband.
MAN. Oh, no.
WOMAN. Yeah: My husband. Wes. I'm here to say goodbye to
him. Because—he died recently.

MAN. Oh, jeez.

WOMAN. Yeah. On Tuesday, actually. And, see, the northern
lights—did you know this?—the northern lights are really the

torches that the recently departed carry with them so they can find
their way home, to heaven, and, see, it takes a soul three days to
make its way home, to heaven, and this is Friday, this is the third
day, so, you see, I will see them—the northern lights—because
they're him: He'll be carrying one of the torches. And, see, I didn't

leave things well with him, so I was just hoping I could come here
and say goodbye to him and not be bothered, but what you just
did—said—there just a second ago—that bothered me a little, I
think—or—no—it didn't bother me, but it's going to get in the way
of me saying goodbye to him, I think—or something—and, so, I

think maybe I should go find another yard—

771e woman packs up her map and her backpack and pre-
pares to go.

MAN. No! // No!

WOMAN. Yeah
MAN. I'm sorry I did that—I don't really know what happened.
WOMAN. Well, I do, I know what // happened.
MAN. I'm not the kind of person that usually does things like that!
Just—do what you need to do and I won't bother
Please! Don't go!
you. Maybe just.. .consider what I did a-a-a-a...a warm Maine
welcome. Or something.
Little beat.

If any other guy said something like that, it'd be creepy.

31
Um—you know what? I'm just gonna get outta your way and let

you do what you need to do.

The man starts backing away, true to his word.

All right?

woman trusts this guy for some reason.

71ae

And decides to stay in his yard and do what she needs to do.
WOMAN. All right.

MAN. All right.

WOMAN. Thanks.
MAN. Sure. Sorry about. ..all that.

WOMAN. It's...okay.

71ae man starts to go back to his house, and the woman

resumes looking up at the sky.

MAN. (Stopping.) And if you need anything—bathroom.. .heat

just give a holler, okay?

WOMAN. okay.
lhewoman watches the man turn and go back to his house.

And realizes she doesn't want him to go.

Hey!
77ae man stops and turns to the woman.
Thanks for letting me stay. I really appreciate it.

MAN. Sure.

The man starts to turn and go back to his house again.

The woman calls to him, stopping him.

WOMAN. And, um—l'm [Glory] —my name's Glory. Just so

you know.
MAN. Okay. Hi, Glory. >
GLORY. Hi.

MAN. I'm East.

GLORY. Huh?
EAST. My name's East. (He's used to explaining his name.) For Easton.
It's the name of the town— (Pointing toward the east.) a little ways

32
that way—where was born. [There was a] Mess-up on the birth
I

certificate... "a son, Easton, born on this sixth day of January, (Insert
appropriate year.), in the town of Matthew, Maine"... instead of the
other way around...
GLORY. (Amused—and sad for the guy.) Oh. >
EAST. Yeah.
GLORY. Well, happy birthday a few weeks late.

EAST. Thanks.
Little beat.

GLORY. So... (Referring to the place.) ...Easton. >

EAST. Yeah
GLORY. Yeah!

Glory pulls a map out of her pocket or backpack.

I passed by near there on my way here, and, by the way, where is

"here"? I couldn't find it on my map.

EAST. Um...A1most.
GLORY. What?
EAST. You're in unorganized territory. Township Thirteen, Range
Seven.

Glory checks her map.

It's not gonna be on your map, 'cause it's not an actual town, technically.
GLORY. What // do you mean—
EAST. See, to be a town, you gotta get organized. And we never got
around to gettin' organized, so.. .we're just Almost.

GLORY. Oh...

Beat.

EAST. Okay, well, like I said, holler if you need anything.

East heads back to his house.

GLORY. Okay. Thanks.

Glory watches East go—and is somehow charmed by this guy.
And then she resumes looking at the sky—and then suddenly
realizes that she's missing the bag she had been clutching to

her chest.

33
 Wiis should upset her so much that it affects her breathing.

Oh! Oh, God!

EAST. (Stopping.) What? What's wrong?
GLORY. (Having trouble breathing.) My heart!
EAST. What? Are you // okay?
GLORY. (Seeing that East has her bag, pointing to it and almost
hyperventilating.) My heart!
EAST. What?
GLORY. You have my heart!
EAST. 1 wh//at?

GLORY. In that bag!, It's in that bag! >

EAST. Oh.
GLORY. Please give it back!, // Please! It's my heart!, I need it!, Please!
EAST. Okay, okay, okay.
East hurries to Glory and gives her back the bag he didn't
even know he had.
GLORY. Thank you.
Glory's breathing normalizes.

EAST. You're welcome.

Long beat.
East considers what he has just heard.

I'm sorry, did you just say that... your heart is in that bag?, Is that
what you just said, that // your heart—
GLORY. Yes.

Little beat.

EAST. It's heavy.

GLORY. 1 guess.

Little beat.

EAST. Why is it in that bag?

GLORY. It's how I carry it around.
EAST. why?
GLORY. It's broken.
EAST. What happened?
GLORY. wes broke it.
EAST. Your husband?
GLORY. Yeah. He went away.
EAST. Oh.
GLORY. With someone else.

EAST. Oh, no. I'm sorry.

GLORY. Yeah. And when he did that, I felt like my heart would
break. And that's exactly what happened. It broke: hardened up and
cracked in two. Hurt so bad, had to go to the hospital, and when I
I

got there, they told me they were gonna have to take it out. And
when they took it out, they dropped it on the floor, and it broke
into nineteen pieces. Slate.

Glory gently shakes the bag, which should be filled with

small pieces of slate. (Slate shards make a great sound
when shaken.)
[Note: 77aese shards shouldn't be too big—a heart is the size
of its owner's fist.]
It turned to slate.

Glory looks back up at the sky.

East ponders what Glory has just said.

And, after a beat, he responds to what she has just said the
only way he knows how.
EAST. Great for roofing.
Glory looks at East—and does not know how to respond to

what he just said, so she doesn't, and looks back up at the sky.
East doesn't know what to do, so he starts to head back to his

house, but stops after a few steps.

Wait—how do you breathe? >

GLORY.
EAST. If your heart is in that bag, how are you alive?
GLORY. (Indicating the heart that's now in her chest.) Artificial.

EAST. Really.

35
GLORY. Yeah. 'Cause my real one's broken. And there's always a
shortage of real hearts for transplants, so I got an artificial one...

EAST. Oh.
Little beat.

so...

East points to the brown paper bag Glory is holding.

Why do you still have this one?

GLORY. Well, my heart. [What else am I gonna do with it?]
it's

EAST. But it's broken.

GLORY. Yeah, // I don't really [wanna talk about it] —
EAST. 'Cause of your husband. >
GLORY. Yeah, [I really don't wanna get into it]—
EAST. Wes. >
GLORY. Yeah, [I really don't wanna get into it]—
EAST. Who left you.
GLORY. Yeah, // I really [don't wanna get into it]

EAST. Why are you payin' your respects to him if he left you?
GLORY. Because that's what you do when a person dies, you pay
them respects.
EAST. But he left you, >
GLORY. Yeah, but
EAST. and it seems to me that a man who leaves somebody doesn't
deserve any respects.
GLORY. (Deflecting.) Well, I just didn't leave things well with him, >

EAST. What do you mean?

GLORY. and... and I need to apologize to him.
EAST. But he left you! >
GLORY. 1 know, but

EAST. Why should you apologize?

GLORY. Because'.

EAST. Because why?!?

GLORY. Because 1 killed him!!

36
 Everything stops.

And gets really quiet.

East backs away from Glory, because she may well be

dangerous.
EAST. Oh...
GLORY. And I'd like was over a year into my
to apologize! See, I

recovery from when they put my artificial heart in—I was all better,
doing almost all the things I used to be able to do—and then Wes
just shows up at my place one day and says he wants me back. And
I said, "Wes, I have a new heart now. I'm sorry. It doesn't want you
back." And that just killed him.
EAST. (Greatly relieved.) Oh. But it didn't kill him—you didn't kill
him—
GLORY. Well, yeah, I he got so sad that my new
did, kinda, because
heart didn't want him back that he just tore outta there and ran out
into the street, and a bus was coming, and it didn't see him, and he
didn't see it, and it just.. .took him right out, and if Id have been
able to take him back, >
EAST. Glory
GLORY. (Getting upset.) he wouldn't have torn outta there like that >

EAST. Hey—
GLORY. and been just taken out like that, and so, I just wanted to
say goodbye in my own way—not as his sad ex-wife at some big
public service—but just privately, you know?, And—and—and
Suddenly, East comforts Glory with another hug.

Glory melts into the hugfor a moment before suddenly pulling/

pushing away.
And when she does, East has her heart again.

Ihe strangers stand face to face.

And then Glory suddenly kisses East.

And—just as suddenly—she pulls away from him.

Oh, God—I'm sorry. >
EAST. Don't be.
GLORY. I'm so sorry I did that.

37
EAST. Don't be! 1 love you!

GLORY. What? No! [That's impossible!]

EAST. Yeah!
GLORY. well...

Glory realizes that East has her heart again and grabs it back.

...DON'T'.

EAST. why?
GLORY. Because I won't be able to love you back: I have a heart
that can pump my blood and that's all! The one that does the other
stuff is broken! It doesn't work anymore—
East suddenly kisses Glory.
Glory fully participates in the kiss—and then pulls away.
And East has her heart again.
Glory realizes this and grabs it from him.
And East grabs it right back.

EAST. Let me have this!

GLORY. No! It's mine'.

Glory tries to get her heart back from East—and East prevents
herfrom doing so—and thwarts every subsequent attempt she
makes to do so.

[Note: Ihis part of the scene should devolve into a game of

keep-away. Make it convincing.]

EAST. 1 can fix it'.

GLORY. What? No! >

EAST. Glory
GLORY. Give it back to me now!
EAST. But it's broken. >

GLORY. Please'.

EAST. It's no good like this.

GLORY. But it's my heart!
EAST. Yes, it is! And I believe I have it!
771is stops Glory.

38
 Little beat.

And I can fix it.

Little beat.

I'm a repairman. I repair things. It's what I do.

Little beat.

Elhen, East crouches and takes off his coat and spreads it out
on the snowy ground, flannel lining up, and gently places
Glory's bag on his coat.

And then he opens the bag so he can examine its contents.

As he does so, music fades in, and the northern lights appear.

Glory sees the northern lights—in front of her, above her, on

the field of stars behind her.

And they are a thing of wonder.

This is Magical Moment #1.

GLORY. Oh! Oh, wow! Oh, wow! Oh, they're so beautiful...

Glory remembers who they are and calls up to the sky.

Oh! Oh! Wes!! Wes!! Goodbye!! I'm so sorry!!

Glory marvels at the northern lights.

Goodbye, Wes!!
And then the northern lights become still... and fade a bit.

Music fades out.

Glory then turns to East—who is examining a little piece of

her heart.

And she says—not in a we're-gonna-live-happily-ever-after

way, but in more of a this-is-all-quite-miraculous-and-
wonderful-and-promising-but-also-really-weird way:
Hello... East.

Music resumes.
East looks at Glory...and gets back to work repairing her
heart.

The northern lights glow more brightly.

And we TRANSITION into...

39
 Scene 2: Sad and Glad

The music and the northern lights fade.

It's about ten minutes earlier—8:50 P.M. or so.

A man, Jimmy, appears.

He sits alone at a table in a back corner of Almost, Maine's
local hangout, the Moose Paddy.
He is nursing a couple of Budweiser beers.
Sandrine St. Pierre enters.

She is coming from the ladies' room, cheerily heading back

to her friends, who are upfront.

Sandrine passes Jimmy's table.

Jimmy sees her—and is thrilled to be seeing her—and calls

to her.

JIMMY Sandrine!
SANDRINE. Hm?
Sandrine stops and turns and sees. .. Jimmy.

She is not happy to see him.

But she suddenly smiles so he doesn't know that she's not
happy to see him.

Jimmy!
JIMMY. (A little too excited.) Hey!

SANDRINE. Hey'.

JIMMY. Hey!!
SANDRINE. Hey!!
JIMMY and SANDRINE. Heyyyy!!'.

Jimmy bear hugs Sandrine.

Sandrine doesn't hug Jimmy back.

JIMMY. How you doin'?!?
SANDRINE. How are you doin'?!?
Doin' pretty good!
JIMMY. I'm doin' good, doin' good! How are you doin'?!?

40
SANDRINE. I'm good, doin' good, great! How are you?
JIMMY. Great, great! How are ya?
SANDRINE. Great, // great!

JIMMY. Oh, that's great!

SANDRINE. Y//eah!

JIMMY. That's great!

SANDRINE. Y//eah!

JIMMY. niat's great!

SANDRINE. Y//eah.

JIMMY. That's great!

SANDRINE. Y//eah.

JIMMY. You 100k great!

SANDRINE. Oh, no—
JIMMY. You 100k great.
SANDRINE.
JIMMY. You do. You 100k so great.

SANDRINE. Thanks, // Jimmy.

JIMMY. so pretty. so pretty.

SANDRINE. ffanks.

Awful, uncomfortable beat.

lhen, a little too cheerily:

JIMMY Here, have a seat!

SANDRINE. Oh, Jimmy, 1 can't—

JIMMY. Aw, come on, I haven't seen you in... well, months.
SANDRINE. Yeah—
JIMMY. And months and months and months and months and
months and months and months, how does that happen? Live in
the same town as someone and never see 'em?
SANDRINE. 1 don't know.

JIMMY. I mean, I haven't seen you since that night before that
morning when I woke up and you were just gone.
SANDRINE. Yeah, 1, uh...

41
 Sandrine takes a seat and is about to explain—when a
waitress comes blasting in.

lhe waitress is in constant motion, always appearing and

disappearing equally quickly.
WAITRESS. Look at you two, tucked away in the corner over here!
Lucky I found ya! (Referring to Jimmy's couple of Buds.) Is the man
and his lovely lady ready for another round?
JIMMY. Sure, we'll [have a coupla beers]—
SANDRINE. No! We're not together.

JIMMY. well [we used to be]

SANDRINE. We're all set, thanks.

JIMMY. Well [don't you want a drink?]

SANDRINE. All set!

JIMMY. Okay yeah, we're good.

WAITRESS. Okay. (Taking in the weird dynamic; and then starting
to go.) Well, holler if you need anything.
SANDRINE. Thanks.

WAITRESS. (Stopping.) No really—you gotta holler. It's busy up front!

SANDRINE. (To the waitress.) okay.

JIMMY. (To the waitress.) Okay.

WAITRESS. (On her way out.) Okay'.

And the waitress is gone.

Another awkward beat.

JIMMY. (Fishing.) So, um... ya here with anybody, or... ?

SANDRINE. Yeah—um...the girls.

JIMMY. Oh.
SANDRINE. uh
we're, (Covering.) Girls' night! We're in the
front. (Getting up and starting to go—she wants out of this situation.)
Actually, I just had to use the ladies' room, so I should get back to
// them.
JIMMMY. (Stopping her.) Aw, but I haven't seen ya! They'll survive
without ya for a minute or two! So, what's been—here—have a seat
—so what's been goin' on, whatcha been up to?

42
SANDRINE. (Giving in, sitting.) well—
JIMMY. Did you know that I took over my dad's business?
SANDRINE. Yeah, that's great!

JIMMY. 1 run it now'. >

SANDRINE. 1 heard that.

JIMMY. I'm runnin' it! >
SANDRINE. Heard that.
JIMMY. Runnin' the business! >
SANDRINE. Congratula >
JIMMY. Runnin' the whole show, >
SANDRINE. tions!, Good for you!, Good for you.
JIMMY. the whole shebang—thanks—yeah. We still do heating
and cooling, >
SANDRINE. Yeah?
JIMMY. and we've expanded, too. Just got into pellet stoves: sales
and service.
SANDRINE. Oh.
JIMMY. Yeah, it's a lotta work. A lotta work. I'm on call a lot: week-
ends, holidays, you name it, 'cause, you know, your heat goes, people
die, it's serious.

SANDRINE. Yeah.

JIMMY. Yeah. Like, I do Thanksgivin', Christmas, 'cause I let the

guys who work for me, like, East helps with repairs sometimes, I let
'em have the day off so they can be with their families since I'm all

alone this year.

SANDRINE. Oh.
JIMMY. Yeah. (Driving the point home.) I really don't have anybody
anymore, really. My brother and sister got canned, so they left

town. >

SANDRINE. Right...
JIMMY. And Mom and Dad retired, headed south.
SANDRINE. Yeah, 1 heard that.
JIMMY. Vermont.

43
SANDRINE. Oh.
JIMMY. Yeah, winters there are a lot easier. And then—I don't
know if you heard, but.. .then Spot went and died on me.
SANDRINE. Oh, Jimmy, 1 didn't know that!
JIMMY. Yeah. He was old, it was his time. He was a good fish,

though. (Seriously sad about Spot.) But, so, like I said, I really

don't have anybody anymore, really.. .but, (Trying to put his sadness
behind him.) so, um, I was wonderin'—would you like to come
over? It'd be fun! Catch up, hang out... ?

SANDRINE. Oh, Jimmy [1 really can't]

7he waitress blasts in again.

WAITRESS. And I forgot to tell ya—don't forget: Friday night

special at the Moose Paddy: Drink free if you're sad. So, if you're
sad, or if you two little lovebirds are ready for another coupla Buds

or somethin', you just let me know, all right?

SANDRINE. No, we'//re [not together]

JIMMY okay!
WAITRESS. (Exiting.) okay!
And the waitress is gone.

SANDRINE. (Helplessly.) Okay...

JIMMY. So whatta you say? Wanna come on over, for fun?

SANDRINE. No, Jimmy. 1 can't. 1 can't. (Getting up to leave.) 1 really

gotta get back with the girls.

JIMMY Naw
SANDRINE. (Forceful, but kind.) Yeah, Jimmy, yeah. I gotta. 'Cause,
see.. .oh, gosh, I've been meanin' to tell you this for a while: There's

a guy, Jimmy. I've got a guy.

JIMMY. (Huge blow. But he's tough.) Oh.
SANDRINE. Yeah.

JIMMY. Well... good for you. Gettin' yourself out there again.

SANDRINE. Yeah.

JIMMY. Movin' on.

SANDRINE. Yeah, well, actually, Jimmy, it's more than me just gettin'

44
myself out there and movin' on. Um... this is my.. .bachelorette party.
I'm gettin' married.

JIMMY. (Huger blow.) Oh.

SANDRINE. Yeah.

JIMMY. wow.
SANDRINE. Y//eah.

JIMMY. wow.
SANDRINE. Y//eah.

JIMMY. wow.
SANDRINE. Y//eah.

JIMMY. wow, that's—

Jimmy is devastated.

But he's tough.

I thought you said you weren't gonna do that. Get married. Thought
it wasn't for you, you told me.
Little beat.

Guess it just wasn't for you with me.

Beat.

So, who's.. .who's the lucky guy?

SANDRINE. Martin Laferriere.2 You know him? The // [game

warden] —
JIMMY. Yeah, the game warden guy, over in Ashland!
SANDRINE. Yeah!

JIMMY. wow'.
SANDRINE. Yeah!

JIMMY. He's a legend! Legendary! I mean, if you're lost on a

mountain in Maine, he's the guy you want lookin' for ya!
SANDRINE. Yeah.

JIMMY. I mean, if you're lost out there in this big bad northern
world, Martin Laferriere's the guy you want to have go out there
and find ya!

2 Pronounced, "la-FAIR-ee-AIR."

45
SANDRINE. Yeah.

JIMMY. And he found... you.

SANDRINE. Yeah. I'm sorry I never told you—I actually thought

you woulda known, I thought you woulda heard.
JIMMY. How would I have heard?
SANDRINE. well, you know.. talk.

JIMMY. Not about things they know you don't wanna hear, they
don't. And I gotta be honest with you: That's not somethin' I woulda
wanted to hear.

A painful beat.
7hen Jimmy bucks up.

So.. .when's the big event?

SANDRINE. Um...tomorrow'.

JIMMY. [Oof.] Really.

SANDRINE. Yup!
JIMMY well then...
Jimmy downs his Bud and then raises his arm to wave down
the waitress.

As he does so, his unbuttoned sleeve slides up his arm a little.

(Hollering to the waitress.) HEY!
SANDRINE. (Not wanting the girls—or anyone—to see her with
Jimmy.) What are you doin'?
JIMMY. (Going toward the front—where the waitress has exited and
where the bachelorette party is.) Gettin' our waitress—she said holler.
(Calling to the waitress.) HEY! (To Sandrine.) What's her name?
SANDRINE. I don't know, she's new // here.
JIMMY. (To the waitress.) HEY!
SANDRINE. (Not wanting to draw attention.) What are you doin'?
JIMMY. We gotta celebrate! You got found! And you deserve it! He's

quite a guy.

SANDRINE. Aw, Jimmy.

JIMMY. (To Sandrine, and completely sincerely.) And so are you. I

mean—you're quite a girl—woman—person.

46
SANDRINE. (Moved by his kindness.) Jimmy.
JIMMY. (Raising his arm again and hollering to the waitress.) HEY!
SANDRINE. (Trying to stop Jimmyfrom drawing attention to them.)
Jimmy! Whoa!
Sandrine notices a black marking on the inside of Jimmy's
forearm.
Jimmy—hey! What's that?
JIMMY (To Sandrine.) What?
SANDRINE. (Referring to the black marking on his arm.) That!

JIMMY Oh, nothin'—tattoo

Jimmy hides his tattooed arm behind his back and uses his
other arm to wave down the waitress.

HEY!
SANDRINE. What?!?
JIMMY. (To Sandrine.) Tattoo., (To the waitress.) HEY!
SANDRINE. (Intrigued.) What—when did you get that?
JIMMY. (To Sandrine.) Um.. you left., (To the waitress.) HEY'.

SANDRINE. (Going for Jimmy's arm.) Jimmy! Well—what's it of,

what's it say?

JIMMY. (To Sandrine.) Nothin', nothin'., (To the waitress.) HEY!

Sandrine grabs Jimmy's tattooed arm and pushes up his
shirt sleeve.

(To Sandrine.) N-n-no!

Sandrine reads the bold, black letters on the inside ofJimmy's

forearm:
SANDRINE. "Villian?'3

JIMMY. Villain.

SANDRINE. Who's Villian?

JIMMY. Villain. It's supposed to say, "villain."

SANDRINE. What?
JIMMY. It's supposed to say, "villain."

3 Rhymes with "Jillian."

47
SANDRINE. Well, it doesn't say, "villain." It says, "Villian."

JIMMY. I know, (Pulling his arm away from Sandrine, and pulling
his sleeve down so he can cover the unfortunate tattoo.) I spelled it

wrong— >
SANDRINE. What?!?
JIMMY. —they spelled it wrong. It says, "Villian," but it's supposed
to say, "villain."

SANDRINE. Well, why is it supposed to say, "villain"? Why would

you want a tattoo that says, "villain"?

JIMMY. 'Cause...

SANDRINE. 'Cause why?

JIMMY. Just 'cause.

SANDRINE. Just 'cause why?

JIMMY. Just 'cause... when a guy's got a girl like you... well, I just
think that losin' a girl like you, drivin' a girl like you away... >

SANDRINE. Jimmy, you didn't drive me away—

JIMMY. is just plain criminal. It's criminal. It's villainy! And it

should be punished! So I punished myself, I marked myself a villain

so girls would stay away so Id never have to go through what I went
through with you again—can I kiss you?
SANDRINE. (Not mean.) No.

JIMMY sorry.
Beat.

SANDRINE. (Kindly, referring to Jimmy's tattoo.) You can get that

undone, you know.
JIMMY. Yeah.
Beat.

SANDRINE. 1 gotta head.

Sandrine starts to go.

JIMMY. Yeah.
Little beat.

Rlhen, calling to Sandrine:

Hey, I'm
 Sandrine stops and turns to Jimmy.
Little beat.

I'm glad you got found.

SANDRINE. Thanks, Jimmy.
Sandrine goes back to her bachelorette party—and she is

welcomed heartily by the girls.

We hear this.
And Jimmy hears this—and it's all too much for him to bear.

Beat.

And then the waitress blasts back in.

WAITRESS. Hey! Sorry! You were wavin' me down. I saw you,

but it's so busy in the front! There's this bachelorette party: those
girls! Good thing it's not, "Drink free if you're glad," 'cause those
girls are wicked glad. Gosh—I had to fight my way
through to
find you, but I did it! I found ya! So: What'd ya need, what can I
do ya for? Another Bud?
JIMMY. Um, I'm okay, I'm good, thanks...

We hear more joy from the bachelorette party.

Ihe waitress takes in all the happiness at the bachelorette party.

And then takes in all of Jimmy's sadness.

And she sees the empty chair where Sandrine was sitting; and
then looks off to where Sandrine went; and then looks at the
empty chair; and then looks back off to where Sandrine
went...and sees Sandrine with all her girls...and puts the

pieces together.
WAITRESS. Oh, pal... Um... Um...Well, remember, like I said,
Moose Paddy special: Drinks are free if you're sad. Okay? Just tell
me you're sad, and you'll drink free.
lhe waitress waits for a response from Jimmy.
But doesn't get one.

Just say the word. Let me know. 'Cause I know from sad, and you're
lookin' pretty sad.

7he waitress again waits for a response from Jimmy.

49
 But doesn't get one.
Jimmy is just sad.

Okay. Well, my name's Villian, if you need anything.

lhis is Magical Moment #2 (which happens at the same time
as Magical Moment #1, when East opens the bag containing
Glory's heart so he can start repairing it—and Glory sees the
northern lights).

A wisp of music or a gentle sound cue could help define this

magical moment.

The northern lights gently appear.

[Note to the actor playing Villian: The next line may be used
if you feel you need it for clarity. It's just a backup, in case
you feel the first mention ofyour name isn't heard (audience
members cough at the most inopportune times), or if the
audience is slow to catch on. Use it if you need it; don't if
you don't—up to you.]

Just ask for Villian.

77ae waitress goes.

Beat.

Jimmy wonders if he heard the waitress right—that her

name is Villian.
And he has to find out, so he calls to her.

JIMMY. Villian?!?

VILLIAN. (Stopping/returning.) Yeah?

JIMMY Hi.

VILLIAN. Hit.

JIMMY. I'm not sad. I just would like another Bud.

VILLIAN. All right'.

Villian goes.

JIMMY. (Making sure her name is actually Villian.) Villian!!!

VILLIAN. (Stopping/returning.) Yeah?!?

JIMMY. I'm glad you found me.

50
VILLIAN. Aw... (Leaving, and to herself.) "I'm glad you found me,"
that's adorable...

Music.

Jimmy is dumbfounded.
Maybe he deals with his tattooed forearm in some way.
lhe northern lights glow more brightly.

And we TRANSITION into.

51
 Scene 3: This Hurts

17te music and the northern lights fade.

It's about ten minutes earlier—8:50 P.M. or so.

A woman is ironing a man's work shirt in the laundry room
of Ma Dudley's Boarding House.
A man is sitting on a backless bench readingfrom a notebook
labeled THINGS THAT CAN HURT YOU.

Ihe woman looks at the shirt she has been ironing and
suddenly crumples it and throws it into her laundry basket.

77aen she picks up the iron and wraps the cord around it,

preparing to put it away.

As she does so, she burns herself on it.

WOMAN. owl. Dammit'.

77ae man sees this happen, takes note of it, produces a pencil,
and writes "iron" in his notebook labeled THINGS THAT
CAN HURT YOU.
Meanwhile, the woman has put the iron back where it be-

longs—maybe on a shelf onstage or maybe somewhere offstage.

She then goes to the ironing board, folds it up, and turns to put

it back where it belongs—which is near where the iron lives.

As she turns, she accidentally wallops the man in the head with
the flatface of the ironing board, knocking him off the bench.4

Oh, no! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!, Oh.. .1 didn't see you!, Are you okay?!?
MAN. (Unfazed.) Yeah.

WOMAN. No you're not!! smashed you with the ironing board!,

I

I wasn't even looking!, Are you hurt?

MAN. (Calmly resituating himself on the bench.) No.

WOMAN. Oh, you must be!! I just smashed you!, Where did I

get you?

4 Please see the NOTES FOR DIRECTORS section on page 144 of this volume for guidance
on how to execute the ironing board hits.

52
MAN. In the head.

WOMAN. In the head!?!, Oh, (Going to him.) come here!, Are

you okay?
MAN. Is there any blood?

WOMAN. No.
MAN. Any discoloration?
WOMAN. No.
MAN. rlhen I'm okay.

WOMAN. Well, I'm gonna go get you some ice.

MAN. No. I can't feel things like that.

WOMAN. Like what?

MAN. Like when I get smashed in the head with an ironing board.
I don't get hurt.

WOMAN. What?
MAN. I can't feel pain.

WOMAN. Oh, Jeezum Crow,5 what the hell have I done to you? >
MAN. Nothin'.

WOMAN. You're talkin' loopy!, Listen to you, goin' on about not

being able to feel pain!, That's delusional!, I've knocked the sense
right outta ya!

MAN. No, I'm okay.

WOMAN. was gonna be a nurse, so I know: You're
Shh! Listen: I

hurt. You just took a good shot right to the head, and that's serious.
MAN. No, it's not serious. I don't think an ironing board could
really hurt your head, 'cause, see, ironing boards aren't on my list of
things that can hurt you.
man forces his book labeled THINGS THAT CAN
HURT YOU on the woman.
WOMAN. (Dealing with his book.) What?, // What's [this]

MAN. Plus, there's no blood or discoloration from where I got hit,

// so [I'm okay] ...

5 Pronounced, "JEE-zum CROW.' Jeezum Crow is a euphemistic curse word.

53
 WOMAN. Well, you can be hurt and not be // bleeding or bruised.

MAN. And, plus, my list is pretty reliable, 'cause my brother Rob is

helping me make it, and I can prove it to you: See, I bet if I took this
ironing board,
7he man gets the ironing board.

like this, and hit you with it, that it wouldn't hurt you.
Ihe man smashes the woman in the head with the flat face
of the ironing board.
See?, // That didn't hurt.

WOMAN. (Scrambling to get away from him.) OW!!

MAN. Oh'.

WOMAN. Ow! What the hell was that?! // Why did you do that?
MAN. Oh! I'm sorry! // Did that hurt?
WOMAN. God'.

MAN. Oh, it did, didn't it?

WOMAN. owl.

MAN. Oh, I didn't think it would, see, ironing boards are

not on my list of things that can hurt you, but, gosh, maybe they
should be on my list, becau//se
WOMAN. What are you talkin' about?
MAN. I have a list of things that can hurt you—my brother Rob is

helping me make it—and ironing boards aren't on it.

WOMAN. Well, that ironing board hurt me.

MAN. Yeah.

WOMAN. So you should add it to your list.

MAN. Yeah.

Beat.

man adds "ironing boards" to his THINGS THAT CAN

HURT YOU book, and then he thinks.
And thenpicks up a book labeled THINGS TO BE AFRAID OE
Should I be afraid of ironing boards?

w) WOMAN. Well, if someone swings it at your head and wallops you

with it, yes.

54
MAN. Well, it's not [on this list] I have a list of things to be
afraid of, too, and ironing boards are not on this list either.

WOMAN. Well they shouldn't be, really.

MAN. No?
WOMAN. No, you shouldn't be afraid of ironing boards.
MAN. No?
WOMAN. No.
MAN. But they can hurt you.
WOMAN. Yeah.

MAN. So I should be afraid of them.

WOMAN. No.
MAN. So I shouldn't be afraid of them?

WOMAN. Right.

MAN. But they can hurt me.

WOMAN. Well, if they're used the way you used it, yeah.

MAN. Oh-oh-oh! So, they're kind of like the opposite of God!

WOMAN. What?
MAN. Well, ironing boards can hurt me, but I shouldn't be afraid
of them, but God, my brother Rob says, God won't hurt me, but I

should fear him.

WOMAN. Um...l guess.
MAN. Boy, this is getting very complicated.

WOMAN. What is?

MAN. This business of learning what hurts, what doesn't hurt,
what to be afraid of, what not to be afraid of.

WOMAN. Listen, you're goin' on and on about some nutty stuff:

Are you sure you're okay?

MAN. Yeah. I don't feel pain, I told you.

WOMAN. Yeah, you did. But—what do mean?—what do you have?

MAN. (Not comprehending the question.) What do I have?
WOMAN. Do you have some sort of a neurological condition or
something?

55
MAN. I don't know.

WOMAN. What do you mean you don't know? Haven't you been
diagnosed? >
MAN. Urn
WOMAN. I mean, what does your doctor say?
MAN. Oh, we can't afford doctors.

WOMAN. What? // Wait

MAN. And my brother Rob says I just can't feel pain, and that's all
we need to know, and we can manage just fine. >
WOMAN. But
MAN. Oh! And if you don't believe me, you can hit me if you want
to, to see [that I really don't feel pain] !

WOMAN. Oh, n//o

MAN. Go ahead., It won't hurt., See?
Iheman smacks his forehead head with the book labelled
THINGS THAT CAN HURT YOU.
WOMAN. OW!
MAN. see?

Ihe man smacks his head again.

WOMAN. Don't!

MAN. see?

7he man smacks his head again.

WOMAN. stop!

MAN. Go ahead.
man offers the woman his book labeled THINGS THAT
CAN HURT YOU so she can hit him with it.

WOMAN. No!
MAN. Come on!
WOMAN. No!!

MAN. Come on!!

WOMAN. NO!!!
MAN. Okay. You don't have to. Most people don't. Hit me. Most

56
people just go away. You can go away, too, if you want to. That's what
most people do when I tell them about myself. My brother Rob says
I just shouldn't tell people about myself, because I scare them, so I've
actually recently put "myself" on my list of things to be afraid of,

see? (Locating the entry for "myself" in his book labeled THINGS TO
BE AFRAID OE) But [I'm not sure he knows I did that]

Her curiosity getting the better of her, the woman has come
up from behind the man and suddenly wallops him on the
back of the head with the book labeled THINGS THAT
CAN HURT YOU
WOMAN. Oh, my gosh! I'm sorry! // Oh, my gosh! I just clocked
you! >
MAN. You hit me! Most people go away, but you hit me!
WOMAN. I had to see [if it really would hurt you]! But—are
you okay?
MAN. Yeah, I don't feel // pain!

WOMAN. Don't feel pain, right! But—are you sure?

MAN. Well, is there any blood?

WOMAN. No.
MAN. Any discoloration?
WOMAN. No.
MAN. Then I'm okay.
WOMAN. Well, buddy, you can be hurt and not even look like it.

MAN. But—
WOMAN. Trust me. There are things that hurt you that make you
bruised and bloody, and there are things that hurt you that don't
make you bruised and bloody and.. .they all hurt.
Beat.

woman gives the man back the THINGS THAT CAN

HURT YOU book.
MAN. Thank you.
WOMAN. Sure.

lhe woman starts to head back to gather her laundry—but

stops and takes in the man and his books.

57
 She is fascinated by him.
So—I don't wanna—l'm the kinda person who minds my own
business—but... well, I'm Marvalyn, I'm new here—
MAN. Yeah, we saw you and your husband move in.
MARVALYN. Huh? Oh—no, no, he's not my husband. He's just my
boyfriend. Eric.
MAN. Oh.
MARVALYN. Our roof
Yeah. We're just here [temporarily] —
collapsed from all the snow in November, and we're just here till we
can get our feet back on the ground.
MAN. Oh. Well, that's good, 'cause that's what Ma Dudley says her
boarding house A place where people can live until they get their
is.

feet back on the ground. My brother Rob says we've been trying to
get our feet back on the ground our whole lives.

MARVALYN. Oh.
MAN. Yeah, he says it takes some people longer to do that than others.
MARVALYN. Yeah, 1 guess it does.
Little beat.

Anyway—like I said—wait—I'm sorry, what's your name?

MAN. Steve.
MARVALYN. Hi, Steve. // so, [like 1 said]—
STEVE. Hi.

MARVALYN. Hi—so, like I said—Steve—I mind my own business,

but I was gonna be a nurse, and I think you might need to see a
do/ /ctor—
STEVE. You guys are loud.

MARVALYN. Huh?
STEVE. You and Eric. You yell and bang.
MARVALYN. O//h
STEVE. We're right below you.
MARVALYN. O//h
STEVE. You're in room six on the third floor.
MARVALYN. Ye//ah

58
STEVE. We're in room three on the second floor, right below you,
and we can hear all the yelling and banging.
MARVALYN. Um... well, I'm sorry about that. We're goin' through
a rough patch. Happens. Sorry.
Marvalyn starts to gather her stuff so she can go.

But she can't quite leave this guy.

What's it like?

STEVE. What's what like?

MARVALYN. To not feel pain.
STEVE. I don't know. I don't know what it's like to hurt, so... I

don't know.

MARVALYN. So—how did—... ? Were you born this way?

STEVE. No, it's something I developed, my brother Rob says.
MARVALYN. When did you develop it?
STEVE. When I was little when my mom died.
MARVALYN. Oh.
STEVE. Yeah. And when she died, I stopped feeling pain and my
development as a human being got stunted, my brother Rob says.
MARVALYN. Okay—your brother Rob needs to stop [being an
armchair physician] —wait, what does he do? For a living?
STEVE. He plows snow and does odd jobs when there's no snow
to plow.

MARVALYN. Okay, well, I really think your brother needs to take

you to a doctor, you know? // I was gonna be a nurse [and]
STEVE. No, we manage fine, my brother Rob says, and I'm lucky,
because he's done a really good job with me—I don't know what I'd
do without him, because he's been teaching me what hurts ever
since I stopped being able to tell if I was hurt, so—

MARVALYN. Why?!?
STEVE. Well, so I won't ruin myself! See, I know what
have to
hurts, so I know when to be afraid. See, my mind can't tell me when

to be afraid, 'cause my body stopped knowing what being hurt is a

long time ago, so I've had to memorize what might hurt.

59
MARVALYN. Ok//ay...
STEVE. And I have to memorize what to be afraid of.
MARVALYN. Okay...
Steve shows Marvalyn items in his book labeled THINGS
To BE AFRAID OF.
STEVE. Things like bears.
Steve flips to another page in the book.

And... guns and knives.

Steve flips to another page in the book.

And fire.
Steve flips to another page in the book.

And fear—I should fear fear itself.

Steve flips to another page in the book.

And pretty girls.

MARVALYN. Pretty girls?
Steve realizes that he thinks that Marvalyn is pretty.

STEVE. Yeah.
MARVALYN. Why should you be afraid of pretty girls?
STEVE. Well, 'cause my brother Rob says they can hurt you, 'cause
they make you love them. >
MARVALYN. What?!?
STEVE. And that's something I'm supposed to be afraid of, too: love.
MARVALYN. Why?
STEVE. 'Cause it hurts you, my brother Rob says, >
MARVALYN. But
STEVE. but Rob says that I'm really lucly, 'cause I'll probably never
have to deal with love.
MARVALYN. Wait-wait-wait, what does he mean, you're never
gonna have to deal with love?

STEVE. Well, first off, 'cause I won't be able to feel it.

MARVALYN. why?
STEVE. Because it hurts you, and I can't feel pain.

60
MARVALYN. Well, love shouldn't hurt y//ou.

STEVE. And, second, because Rob says I'm really lucky, because
no one's probably ever going to love me anyway, because I have a lot
of deficiencies and not very many capacities.
MARVALYN. You know what, a lot of people do.

And suddenly Marvalyn is kissing Steve.

A wisp of music or a gentle sound cue could help define this

as the beginning of Magical Moment #3.

At first, Marvalyn kissing Steve, but, eventually,
it's just
Steve participates, and when he does, Marvalyn breaks
away, because she realizes it was wrong of her to kiss him.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I did that. Are you all right? Are
you okay?
Steve doesn't quite know how to reply at first.

But then, maybe feeling his lips, he resorts to his usual way
of answering this question.

STEVE. Well.. .is there any blood?

MARVALYN. No.

STEVE. Any discoloration?

MARVALYN. No.

STEVE. I'm all right. [1 think.]

MARVALYN. Yeah. You are.

Little beat.

I'm so sorry I did that. It's just— You're just... very sweet, and I
think you have to not let your brother de//cide all the [things he's
decided about you] —
STEVE. (Trying to make sense of what just happened.) But—wait:
You have a boyfriend.
Marvalyn begins gathering her stuff again—she needs to get

out of there.
MARVALYN. Yes, 1 // do.

STEVE. Eric.

MARVALYN. Yes

61
STEVE. And you're his girlfriend, right?

MARVALYN. Yup.
STEVE. And if you're his girlfriend and he's your boyfriend, you
must love each other, right?

MARVALYN. Yeah, we do, very much.

STEVE. But—you just kissed me.
MARVALYN. Yup, 1 did.

STEVE. And it's Friday night, and you're doing your laundry.
MARVALYN. Yup, 1 am.
STEVE. And people who love each other, they don't kiss other
people and do their laundry on Friday nights, I've learned that.
People who love each other, they go to the Moose Paddy on Friday
nights, or they go dancing together, or they go skating. And they kiss
each other. They don't kiss other people—you know what? I think
maybe you and your boyfriend don't actually love each other.

MARVALYN. You know what? (Preparing to leave.) I've been down

here longer than I said I would be, and he doesn't like that.

STEVE. Who?
MARVALYN. My boyfriend.
STEVE. Who you love.
MARVALYN. Y//es.

STEVE. very much.

MARVALYN. Y//es.

STEVE. Even though you just kissed me.

MARVALYN. Yes.

STEVE. Wow, I'm going to have to talk to my brother Rob about this!
MARVALYN. No! Don't talk to your brother Rob about this! Tell

him to stop teaching you.

STEVE. [Tell him to stop teaching me] What?
MARVALYN. Whatever he's teaching you. Tell him to stop. What
he's teaching you... isn't something you wanna know.
STEVE. But I have to learn from him!
MARVALYN. Look: I was gonna be a nurse, so I know: You need

62
to go to a doctor and find out what's really wrong with you and not
have your brother read whatever it is he reads and decide all the
things he's decided about you.

STEVE. But [I have to learn from him]

MARVALYN. You know what?, I gotta go.
STEVE. Right. You gotta go. You're—you're leaving. I knew you
would. That's what people do.
Steve sits down on the bench, dejected, and waits for his

laundry to finish.

MARVALYN. No, 1 just have to [go] I told you, Eric // doesn't

like it if—
STEVE. Your boyfriend?
MARVALYN. Yeah, he doesn't like it if I'm down here longer than
I said Id be, and I've been down here longer than I said I'd be.

On this line, Marvalyn picks up the ironing board so she can

put it away.
And, as she does, she accidentally swings it around and
hits Steve in the head, just as she did at the beginning of
the scene.

Steve gets knocked off the bench again.

STEVE. OW!
lhis is the continuation ofMagical Moment #3 (which happens
at the same time as Magical Moment #2, when the waitress
tells Jimmy that her name is Villian... which happens at the

same time as Magical Moment #1, when East opens the bag
containing Glory's heart so he can start repairing it—and
Glory sees the northern lights).

Music gently fades in to help define this magical moment.

Ihe northern lights gently appear.

MARVALYN. Oh! I'm sorry!

STEVE. owl.
MARVALYN. I'm so sorry!, Are you all right? I can't believe I just

did that to you again!

STEVE. OW!!

63
 Marvalyn makes her way over to Steve to make sure he's okay—
but suddenly stops, because she realizes what he's just said.

MARVALYN. Wait—: What did you just say?

As Steve rubs his head, he realizes what he just said.
And then he looks at Marvalyn and tells her plainly:
STEVE. ow.
771is is the completion of Magical Moment #3.
Marvalyn and Steve just look at each other, utterly unsure of
what has happened—and of what will happen.
Music swells.
The northern lights glow more brightly.

And we TRANSITION into.

64
 Scene 4: Getting It Back

7he music and the northern lights fade.

It's about ten minutes earlier—8:50 P.M. or so.

We are now in the front yard ofa small home.

We hear a truck pull into the driveway.
We hear the truck's horn blare.
We hear the truck's doors open and close.

GAYLE. (From off.) Lendall!

A woman—Gayle—barges into the yard and yells:

Lendall! !

Gayle waits to see if Lendall has heard her.

It doesn't seem he has.

Gayle crosses offstage and goes to Lendall's door—and we

hear her pound on it.

(From off.) Lendall!!!

Beat.

No responsefrom Lendall.
We hear Gayle pound on the door again.

(From off.) Len//dall—!

We hear a door open and close.
Gayle quickly makes her way back out onto the stage and
paces and seethes.
LENDALL. (From off.) Gayle! What?!? What's the matter? What's

wrong?
Lendall enters.

He does not move as quickly as Gayle.

What are you doin'? I thought you weren't comin' over tonight
'cause of Sandrine's bachelorette // party thing.
GAYLE. Lendall:

Gayle is seething.

65
 She is full of something to say.

But she can't quite say it yet.

LENDALL. (Approaching Gayle.) Gayle—what's wrong? You okay?

GAYLE. (Shutting Lendall up and stopping him from approaching.)
Shhh!

Gayle stills herself

Lendall:

LENDALL. What?!?
Gayle steels herself

GAYLE. I want it back.

LENDALL. [What are you talking about?] Huh?

GAYLE. 1 want it back.
LENDALL. (Not comprehending.) What [do you want back]?
GAYLE. All the love I gave to you?, I want it back.
LENDALL. (Trying to understand what Gayle is talkingabout.) What???

GAYLE. Now.
LENDALL. I [don't understand]—.. .1 don't under//stand—
GAYLE. I've got yours in the truck.

LENDALL. (Completely confused.) What???

GAYLE. All the love you gave to me?, I've got it in the truck.
LENDALL. What are you talkin' about?

GAYLE. I don't want it anymore.

LENDALL. What? [What do you mean you don't want it anymore?]
GAYLE. I've made a decision: We're done.
LENDALL. What?!?
GAYLE. We're done. I've decided. And, so, I've brought all the love
you gave to me back to you. It's the right thing to do.
LENDALL. (Completely bewildered.) Um, I [really don't understand
what you're talkin' about] —
GAYLE. It's in the truck.

LENDALL. You said.

Beat.

66
 Lendall is completely baffled.
GAYLE. (Frustrated that Lendall is not doing what she's asked him
to do.) I can get it for you, or... you can get it.

LENDALL. Well, I don't want it back.

GAYLE. Well, I don't want it! What am I supposed to do with all of

now that I
it, don't want it?

LENDALL. well, 1 don't know'.

GAYLE. Well, under the circumstances, // it doesn't seem right for

me to keep it, so I'm gonna give it back.

Gayle heads to her truck.

LENDALL. Under what circumstances? (Calling to her.) Gayle, what

about]—? I don't understand what
are [you talking [you're talking
about] —... What are you doing?

GAYLE. (From off) I told you. I'm getting all the love you gave to
me, and I'm giving it back to you.
LENDALL. (Calling to her.) Well, I'm not sure I want it (Seeing
her—and what she has.) —whoa! Need help?
GAYLE. (Returning.) Nope. I got it. It's not heavy.
When Gayle returns, she has a bunch of HUGE bags full
of love.
[Note: 77aese bags can be whatever you want them to be. I
have seen this scene done with garbage bags, red cloth bags,

and laundry bags full of pillow stuffng. I have also seen

huge clear recycling bags filled with air and some glitter—
probably my favorite. Whatever you choose—I would tend
toward otherworldly and magical.]
Here you go.

Gayle leaves the huge bunch of bags with Lendall and then
exits so she can get more of the love Lendall gave her.

LENDALL. (Trulypuzzled, referring to the bags oflove.) And this is... ?

GAYLE. (From off) All the love you gave me, yeah.
LENDALL. wow.
Beat.

That's a lot.

67
 Gayle returns with more bags of love and leaves them with
Lendall.

GAYLE. Yeah.

Gayle goes back to her truck to get more bags of love.

LENDALL. Whole lot!

GAYLE. (From off.) Yeah.
Gayle returns with even more bags of love.
Ihere is now an ENORMOUS pile of love in Lendall's yard.
LENDALL. Wow. What the heck am I gonna do with all this? I

mean.. .1 don't know if I have room.

GAYLE. (Upset.) Well, I guess you'll have to find a place for it,

won't you?
Lendall and Gayle look at the huge pile of love.

Gayle collects herself.

And now, I think it's only fair for you to give me mine back, because...
I want it back.

Little beat.

All the love I gave to you?

LENDALL. Yeah?
GAYLE. I want it back.
Little beat.

So go get it.

Lendall is what Gayle is demand-

at a loss—and doesn't do
ing that he do—because he has no idea how to go about
doing it.

Lendall, go get it.

Lendall, again, doesn't do what Gayle is demanding that he

do—because he has no idea how to go about doing it.
Please.

Lendall still doesn't do what Gayle is demanding that he do.

NOW!!!
LENDALL. (Shaken and completely at a loss as to what to do.) Okay.

68
 Lendall slowly exits into his house—even though he has no
idea how to do what Gayle has asked him to do.

Long beat.
Gayle waits among all the love she has returned to Lendall.

She's fighting being upset.

Eventually, Lendall returns—empty-handed, it seems.

He approaches Gayle and faces her.

And then hepresents her with a tiny little canvas or paper bag.
[Note: If possible, the audience shouldn't see the little bag
until Lendall holds it out to Gayle.]

Gayle stares at the bag for a beat.

And finally says:

GAYLE. What is that?
LENDALL. It's all the love you gave me.
This is both not quite true. ..and quite true.

GAYLE. That's [all the love I gave you]—. ..? That is not [all the love
I gave you] —. There is no way [that is all the love I gave you] —... That
is not [the love I gave you]—. (Mortified.) Is that all I gave you?
LENDALL. Yeah.

GAYLE. Oh.
Gayle looks at the little bag Lendall is offering...and then
looks at all the big bags.

Okay.
LENDALL. Why don't you open it, and [see what's inside]—?

And Gayle is crying.

(Going to comfort her.) Hey, hey—what's goin' on?
GAYLE. (Resisting and rejecting Lendall's comfort.) I told you:
We're done.

LENDALL. Why do you keep sayin' that?

GAYLE. Because— (This is hard to say, but it has to be said.)

Because when I asked you if you ever thought we were gonna get
married—remember when I asked you that?
Lendall remembers.

69
 But is quiet—as quiet as he was when Gayle asked him if he

ever thought they were going to get married.

A couple weeks ago? I made pizza?

LENDALL. Yeah—
GAYLE. Yeah, well, when I asked you... that, you got so.. .quiet. And
everybody said that that right there shoulda told me everything.
LENDALL. Everybody who?
GAYLE. Everybody!
LENDALL. Who?
GAYLE. ...Marvalyn // said

LENDALL. Marvalyn?!? >

GAYLE. Yes, Marvalyn

LENDALL. Marvalyn said that, // like she's an expert?
GAYLE. Marvalyn said that how quiet you got was all I needed
Yes,
to know!, And she's right: You don't love me.

LENDALL. What—? Gayle, no! [That's not true!!]

GAYLE. Shh! And I've been trying to fix that, I've tried to make
you love me by giving you every bit of love I had, and now.. .1 don't
have any love for me left, and that's... that's not good for a person...
and... that's why I want all the love I gave you back, because I wanna
bring it with me.

LENDALL. Wait—where are you going?!?

GAYLE. I need to get away from things.
LENDALL. What—? What things?! There aren't any things in this

town to get away from!

GAYLE. Yes there are: You'.

LENDALL. Me?
GAYLE. You are the things in this town I need to get away
Yes.
from, because I have to think and start over, and so: All the love I
gave to you? I want it back. In case I need it. Because I can't very
well go around giving your love—'cause that's all I have right now,
is the love you gave me—I can't very well go around giving your
love to other guys, 'cause // that just doesn't seem right—

70
LENDALL. Other guys? There are other guys?!?
GAYLE. No, not yet, but I'm assuming there will be.
LENDALL. Gayle
GAYLE. Shh!!! So I think—. I think know now that
that, since I

you're not ready to do what comes next for people who have been
together for quite a long time [like, get married], I think we're gonna
be done, >

LENDALL. why? Gayle—!

GAYLE. and, so, I think the best thing we can do now is just return
the love we gave to each other, and call it...

Gayle looks at the pathetic little bag that contains all the love
she gave Lendall and then looks at the awesome several that
contain all the love Lendall gave her.

.. .even.

It's not "even" at all.

Oh, Jeezum Crow, is that really all the love I gave you, Lendall? I

mean, I thought [I gave you so much more than that]—. I mean,

what kind of person am I if this is all the love I gave y—... No.. .n-n-
no! (Fiercely.) I know I gave you more than that, Lendall, I know it!
Gayle has a revelation.

Did you lose it?

LENDALL. What?!? // No, Gayle! No'.

GAYLE. Did you lose it, Lendall?!? 'Cause I know I gave you
more than that, and I think you're pulling something on me,
AND THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME TO BE PULLING SOME-
THING ON ME!!!
LENDALL. (Raising his voice—and this guy doesn't raise his voice.)
I'M NOT! Pullin' somethin' on you! I wouldn't do that to you!
Lendall collects himself

Jeez! I think—gosh, I hate the way you're talkin' to me!

He steams and stews a bit.

And finally says, with finality:

And I think—I think maybe you should just take what you came
for. And I guess I'll see you later.

71
 Lendall chucks the little bag at Gayle's feet and exits into his

house, slamming the door behind him.

GAYLE. (Weakly.) Lendall...

Gayle is at a loss.

She came over to break up with Lendall.

And it seems that he just broke up with her.

But, ultimately, this is what she wants.

Gayle looks at the little bag at her feet, picks it up, and is

about to leave.

But curiosity stops her.

And she opens the little bag and examines what's inside.

And then yells offstage.

Lendall—what is this?!? I don't [understand]—... This isn't [all the
love I gave you] . Lendall: What is this?!?
Little beat.

LENDALL. (From off) It's a ring, Gayle.

GAYLE. What?
LENDALL. (Returning.) It's a ring.
GAYLE. What? well—
Gayle takes what is in the bag out of the bag.

It's a small box.

This isn't [all the love I gave you]—. This is not [all the love I gave
you]
Gayle realizes she's holding a box that an engagement ring
might come in.

Oh, Lendall, this is a ring. Is this ring? A ring that you give to
someone you've been with for quite a long time when you want to
let them know that you're ready for what comes next for people
who have been together for quite a long time?
LENDALL. Yup.
GAYLE. Oh.
Little beat.

But... all the love I gave to you? Where is it?

72
LENDALL. (Referring to the small box.) It's right there, Gayle.

GAYLE. But [that can't be all of it]

LENDALL. It's right there.

GAYLE. But [there's no way that's all of it]

LENDALL. It is! That's it! Right there! There was so much of it—
you've given me so much over the years—
GAYLE. (Making sure he understands just how many years it's

been.) Eleven.

LENDALL. —over the eleven // years—

GAYLE. Eleven, yeah'. // Eleven.
LENDALL . —yeah, yeah—shh! You've just given me so
eleven,
much that I don't know what I've even done with it all. I had to put
some in the garage, some in the shed. And after you asked me if I
ever thought we were gonna get married, there was more of it than
ever comin' in, and I asked my dad if he had any suggestions what
to do with it all, and he said, "You got a ring yet?" And I said, "No."
And he said, "Get her one. It's time. When there's that much of that
stuff comin' in, that's about the only place you can put it."

Little beat.

He said it'd all fit [in the ring].

Little beat.

And he was right.

They look at the small box.
That thing is a lot bigger than it looks.

Little beat.

So. ..there it is. All the love you gave me. Just not in the same...

form when you gave it.

as

GAYLE. Yeah.
Beat.

LENDALL. You still want it back?

GAYLE. Yes. 1 do.

LENDALL. well, then...take it.

73
 Gayle is about to open the box—but, before she does, she
looks at all the bags of love that are all around them and asks:
GAYLE. Can 1 keep all this?

LENDALL. It's yours.

GAYLE. Thank you.

Gayle looks at the ring box and is about to open it again—
but stops.
Lendall, you didn't have to get me a ring, That's not what I was asking.

LENDALL. Yes, I did. It's way past time. And it's honorable.

Lendall takes the box, opens it, and shows Gayle what's inside:
It's a ring—a perfect, simple engagement ring.
Ihis is Moment #4 (which happens at the same
Magical
time as Magical Moment #3, when Steve realizes he's feeling
pain for the first time in a long time... which happens at the
same time as Magical Moment #2, when the waitress tells
Jimmy that her name is Villian...which happens at the
same time as Magical Moment #1, when East opens the bag
containing Glory's heart so he can start repairing it—and
Glory sees the northern lights).

A wisp of music or a gentle sound cue could help define this

magical moment.

The northern lights gently appear.

GAYLE. Well.. .it's very beautiful.

Lendall is very happy that Gayle thinks the ring is beautiful.

And then he takes the ring out of the box, and, with a bit
of fanfare, gets down on one knee, and puts the ring on
Gayle's finger.
Little beat.

Oh, Lendall—... I'm so sorry. It's just—I was at Sandrine's bachelorette

party, >
LENDALL. 1 know...

GAYLE. and she and Martin are already gettin' married already,
and that got me thinkin' about us, >

LENDALL. Shh.

74
GAYLE. and then I talked to Marvalyn, and she // said that how
quiet you got was [a big red flag]—
LENDALL. Shh.

Lendall quiets Gayle with a kiss.

And then he hugs her.

Music.

7he northern lights glow more brightly.

Lendall and Gayle might now be wondering how they will

ever recount the story of how they got engaged.

That'll be tricky.

But it's a problem for another time.

For now, things are okay as the lights fade on these two
small people—in love and in a little pain—hugging it out
underneath a big, spectacular, starlit northern night sky.
Maybe Gayle can't help but take a good look at that ring. ..
As the lights fade to black.

End of Act One

Intermission

75
Eventually we move to what I'm calling the. ..

INTERLOGUE

It's about ten minutes earlier—8:50 P.M. or so.

We are exactly where we left offin the 'Prologue."

Pete appears stage left—exactly where we last saw him:

looking off left to where Ginette exited, occasionally looking
at his snowball,and always pondering the consequences of
having shared his theory of what it means to be "close" with
the girl he loves.

Eventually, Pete makes his way back to his seat on the bench,
all the while focused on where Ginette went.

Pete sits in silence, still pondering.

He stares at his snowball.

And then he looks off to where Ginette went.
And then he looks at his snowball.

And then off to where Ginette went.

And then at his snowball.
And he wonders what he's done.
And then he rises and takes a few uncertain steps toward
where Ginette exited, looking to see where she went, and
wondering where she's gone.
Music.

Pete fades from view, and we TRANSITION into...

76
 ACT TWO

Scene 5: They Fell

(Male Version)6

Musicfades.
It's a few minutes earlier—8:50 P.M. or so.

Randy and Chad—two "County Boys'7—appear.

lhey are in a potato field.
Each carries his own cooler (the coolers will eventually serve
as stools), and each is drinking a bottle (or can) of Natural
Light beer.
Randy and Chad are mid-conversation.

RANDY. All I'm sayin'

CHAD. No
RANDY. All I'm sayin' is that it was bad, Chad!
CHAD. No: No way it was as bad as mine.
RANDY. Chad'. It was bad! >
CHAD. But
RANDY. Real bad'.
CHAD. But
RANDY. Badder-than-it's-ever-been bad!
CHAD I believe you, but—
RANDY. Baddest-date-ever bad!

6 In the original published version of Almost, Maine, "They Fell" is a scene for two men.
Transport Group's 2014 revival of Almost, Maine was the first to present the male and female
versions of "They Fell" in rotating rep. The female version of "They Fell" immediately follows
the male version, and should, ideally, be presented in rotating rep with the male version of the
scene.

7 A "County Boy" is a man who was born and raised in Aroostook (uh-ROO-stick) County,
the northernmost county in Maine and the largest county east of the Rocky Mountains. To be
a "County Boy" is a source of pride.

77
CHAD. Yeah, well, I'm just sayin'
RANDY. Chad! It was historical bad!!
CHAD. I hear ya, b//ut
RANDY. But you're not listenin'! // It was epical bad!

CHAD. No, you're not listenin', (Exploding—topping Randy.)

'CAUSE I'M TRYIN' TO TELL YOU THAT 1 HAD A PRETTY
BAD TIME MYSELF'.
Little beat.

RANDY. No. There's no way it was // worse than mine!

CHAD. (Topping Randy again.) It was pretty bad, Randy.

RANDY Really.

CHAD. Yeah.

RANDY. Okay: Go. [Let's hear it.]

Randy opens his cooler, drops his empty beer bottle (or can)
in it, gets himself another beer, pops it open, closes the cooler,
takes a seat on it, and offers Chad the proverbial floor.

CHAD. (171is is a little painful.) She . .. She said she didn't like the
way I smelled.

RANDY. What?
CHAD. Sally told me she didn't like the way I smelled. Never has.
RANDY. (Taking this in.) Sally Dunleavy told you that she didn't //
like the way [you smelled]
CHAD. Yeah.
RANDY. When?
CHAD. When I picked her up. She got in the truck, we're backin'
outta her driveway, and all of a sudden, she starts breathin' hard
and asks me to and she got outta the truck and said she was
stop,
sorry, but she couldn't go out with me, because she didn't like the
way I smelled, never has.

RANDY. What?!?
CHAD. Said she thought she was gonna be able to overlook it—the
way that I smelled—but that that wasn't gonna be possible after all,

8 Pronounced,"DUN-luv-ee."

78
and she slammed the door on me and left me sittin' right there in

her driveway.
RANDY. (Taking this in.) 'Cause she didn't like the way you
smelled?
CHAD. Yeah.

RANDY well what kinda

Little beat.

I don't mind the way you smell.

CHAD. Thanks.

RANDY. Jeez.
CHAD. Yeah...
Little beat.

Told you it was bad.

RANDY. More than bad, Chad. That's sad.
CHAD. Yeah.

Little beat.

winner tonight, huh? So.. .1 get to pick

So, I'm guessin' I'm the big
tomorrow, and I pick bowlin'. We'll go bowlin', supper at the
Snowmobile Club, coupla beers at the Moose Paddy, and just
hang out.

Little beat.

RANDY. I didn't say you're the big winner.

CHAD. What?
RANDY. Did I say you're the big winner?
CHAD. No, but [there's no way you can beat bein' told you smell
bad]—
RANDY. No. All that's pretty sad, Chad, and bad, but you didn't win.
CHAD. What do you mean?
RANDY. You didn't win.
CHAD. You can beat bein' told you smelled bad?
RANDY. Yeah.
CHAD. Well, then. [Let's hear it.]
..

79
 Chad opens his cooler, drops his empty beer bottle (or can) in
it, gets himself another beer, pops it open, closes the cooler,
takes a seat on it, and offers Randy the proverbial floor.

RANDY. (77ais is tough to share.) Mine's face broke.

CHAD. What?
RANDY. Her face broke.
CHAD. (Trying to comprehend.) Her f//ace [broke]

RANDY. Her face broke, dude, yeah, how many times I gotta say it?
Only get one chance with a girl like Yvonne LaFrance 9 ...and her

face broke.

Little beat.

Told you it was bad.

Little beat.

CHAD. How did her face break?

RANDY. When we were dancin'.
CHAD. DANCIN'?
Randy and Chad don't dance.
RANDY. Yup.

CHAD. (Mocking Randy.) Why were you dancin?!?

RANDY. (Quashing the mockery.) 'Cause that's what she wanted to
do! On our date! So I took her! Took her dancin' down to the Rec
Center. You you get a lesson, then you dance all night.
pay, then
They teach "together dancin"'—how to dance together—and we
learned that thing where you throw the girl up and over, and
Yvonne—well, she's pretty small... and I'm pretty strong. And, well,
I threw her up and over, and, well.. .1 threw her over.. .over.

Little beat.

And she landed on her face.

Little beat.

And it broke.
Beat.

Had to take her to the emergency room.

v)
9 Pronounced, "ee-VON la-FRANTZ." LaFrance rhymes with "ants."

80
 Long beat.
77aen, finally:

CHAD. rlhat's a drive.

RANDY. Thirty-eight miles.

CHAD. Yup.
RANDY. (Disgusted.) And she cried!
CHAD. (Also disgusted.) [I] Hate that.

RANDY. The whole way!

Little beat.

Then asked me to call her old boyfriend to come get her!

CHAD. Oh, no.
RANDY. He did! Asked me to "please leave."
Little beat.

He's [as] small as she is.

lhey laugh.
And then maybe the guys fall into a sadness.
7hen, Chad laughs—at the ridiculousness of it all.

What?
CHAD. That's just—pretty bad.

RANDY. Yup.
CHAD. And sad.
RANDY. Yup.
CHAD. So.. .1 guess you win.
RANDY. Yup'.
CHAD. That right there might make you the big winner of all time!
RANDY. Yup!
CHAD. "Baddest-date-guy" of all time!
RANDY. Yup'.

CHAD. Congratulations!
RANDY. Thank you!
CHAD. So what do you pick tomorrow?

81
RANDY. Bowlin', supper at the Snowmobile Club, coupla beers at

the Moose Paddy, hang out.

CHAD. Good.
Randy and Chad air-toast and then chug their beers

simultaneously.
And then probably belch.
Little beat.

Maybe they fall into some sadness.

And then Chad laughs again.
RANDY. What?
CHAD. I don't know. Just sometimes.. .1 don't know why I bother
goin' "out." I don't like it, Randy. I hate it. I hate goin' out on these
dates. mean, why do I wanna spend my Friday night with some
I

girl I might maybe like, when I could be spendin' it hangin' out with

someone I know I like, like you, you know?

RANDY. Yeah.

CHAD. I mean... that was rough tonight. In the middle of Sally

tellin' me how she didn't like the way I smelled. I got real sad, > ..

RANDY. Aw, buddy...

CHAD. and all I could think about was how not much in this world
makes me feel good or makes much sense anymore, and I got really
be somethin' that makes you feel good or
scared, 'cause there's gotta
at least makes sense in this world, or what's the point, right? >

RANDY. Yeah.
CHAD. But then I kinda came out of bein' sad and actually felt

okay, 'cause I realized that there is one thing in this world that
makes me feel really good and that does make sense, and it's you.

Long beat.
Chad surprised—and mortified—by the string of words
is

that just came tumbling out of his mouth.

And everything stops.

Chad isn't quite sure what he has just said.
Randy isn't quite sure what he has just heard.

82
 Long, long beat of these guys sorting out what Chad just said
and what Randy just heard.
Randy extricates himselffrom the extremely awkward
Finally,

and strange and uncomfortable situation he finds himself in,

and he starts to leave.
RANDY. well, I'm gonna head. >
CHAD. Yeah...
RANDY. (Disengagingfrom Chad.) I gotta work in the mornin'...

CHAD. Well, I'm just supervisin' first shift at the mill, so I can pick
you up any time after three—
RANDY. Oh, I don't know, Chad: Me and Lendall, we got a long
day tomorrow—we're still catchin' up, fixin' roofs from all the snow
in December., Gotta do Marvalyn and Eric's, and
CHAD. Well, four // or five? Six or seven?

RANDY. Prolly busy all day, I don't know when we'll be // done.

CHAD. Well, you just // say when

RANDY. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, // so—
CHAD. Well, I'll be ready whenever // you want me to come pick
ya up—
RANDY. Hey-hey-HEY!!
Randy makes it clear that there will be no more discussion
on the matter.
After a little beat, he says:

I'll see ya later!

CHAD. Yeah.
RANDY. Yeah.
Randy starts to go again.
CHAD. Yeah-yeah-yeah.
Chad watches Randy go, and then calls to him.

Hey, Randy!
Randy stops and turns to Chad, and, when their eyes meet,
Chad suddenly and completely—and almost in slow motion—
falls down.

83
 His fall should be more ofa crumple than a fall.
Love is often described, after all, as making people weak in
the knees.

And the knees should hit the ground first, then the body,

and, finally, the face.

A wisp of music or a gentle sound effect could help define
this as Magical Moment #5, Part One.
[Note: Eye contact is what initiates Chad's fall—and all falls
that follow.]

RANDY. Whoa!
Randy rushes over to Chad, trying to figure out what just
happened.
Chad! What the [heck happened]—? You okay?
CHAD. Yeah [no]—
RANDY. What the [heck happened]—? Here.

Randy helps Chad up.

CHAD. Thanks. Um
RANDY. What was that? You okay? What just happened there?
CHAD. (Trying to figure out what just happened.) Um.. .1 just fell.
RANDY. Well, I figured that out.
CHAD. No [it's more than me just falling] I just [fell in love

with you]
Little beat.

I think ... I think I just fell in love with you there, Randy.
Chad's eyes meet Randy's as he says this, and he crumples to

the ground again.

A wisp of music or a gentle sound effect could help define

this as Magical Moment #5, Part Two.
RANDY. Chad! CHAD. Whoa...
CHAD. (On the ground, face-planted.) Yup.

Chad slowly gets himself up.

That's what that was. Me fallin' in love with you...
As soon as Chad gets himself upright, his eyes meet Randy's

84
 again, and he crumples to the ground again.
RANDY. (Trying to figure out what the heck is happening.) Chad:
What are you doin'? Come on, get up!
Randy gets Chad up, roughly.

CHAD. No-no-no, Randy! [I'm just gonna fall down again—]

Chad's eyes meet Randy's again, and the moment that they
do, he crumples to the ground again.
RANDY. (Fiercely.) Would you cut that out?!?

CHAD. (Fiercely right back, and from the ground.) Well, I can't help
it!! It just kinda came over me!! I've fallen in love with ya, here!!

Randy takes this in.

And is confused.
And scared.
After a long beat, he says:
RANDY. Chad: I'm your best buddy in the whole world. ..and I
don't quite know what you're doin' or what you're goin' on about...
but (Furious—explore the possibility that Randy might beat Chad
up.) what the heck is your problem?!? What the heck are you
doin'?!? Jeezum Crow, you're my best friend!
CHAD. Yeah—
RANDY. YEAH! And that's a thing you don't mess with! And you
messed with it! And you don't do that!
Randy starts go but stops and charges right back over
to to
Chad, because he's not done yet.
'Cause, you know somethin'? You're about the only thing that feels
really good and makes sense in this world to me, too, and then you

go and foul it up, by doin' this [falling down] and tellin' me that
[that you've fallen in love with me], and now it just doesn't make

any sense at all! And it doesn't feel good!

Randy starts to go again, but stops again, because he's still

not done yet.

You've done a real number on a good thing, here, buddy, 'cause
we're friends, and there's a line when you're friends that you can't

cross! And you crossed it!

85
And then Randy's eyes meet Chad's... and Randy—suddenly
and completely and almost in slow motion—falls down,
crumpling to the ground, just like Chad did.
A wisp of music or a gentle sound effect could help define this
as the culmination of Magical Moment #5 (which happens
at the same time as Magical Moment #4, when Gayle sees
her engagement ring and Lendall proposes to her... which

happens at the same time as Magical Moment #3, when

Steve realizes he's feeling pain for the first time in a long
time. which happens at the same time as Magical Moment
#2, when the waitress tells Jimmy that her name is Villian...
which happens at the same time as Magical Moment #1,
when East opens the bag containing Glory's heart so he can
start repairing it —and Glory sees the northern lights).

The northern lights appear.

Randy and Chad try to figure out what the heck is happening
to them.

Whatever it is, it's about as scary—and wonderful—as it gets.

Problem: Randy and Chad are far away from each other,
and all they want to do is get close to each other, so they
stand up so they can make their way toward one another.

When they are upright, they look to one another, but as soon
as their eyes meet, they crumple to the ground again.
Beat.

Bewilderment.

Ihen they scramble to get up again and look to each other

again, but as soon as their eyes meet, they crumple to the

ground again.
Beat.

Randy and Chad desperately want to get close to each other,

so—in a bit of a frenzy (in order to "beat" the falls)—they
get up again, but as soon as their eyes meet, they fall down

again.

After a little beat, they get up again, and their eyes meet
again—and they fall down again.

86
Frustrated and bewildered, they get up again, and their eyes

meet again—and they fall down again.

Again, they get up, and their eyes meet, and they fall down.

lhey get up/their eyes meet/theyfall down.

7hey get up/their eyes meet/theyfall down/they get up/their
eyes meet/theyfall down.
Finally, the fallingfrenzy settles... and Randy and Chad are
no closer to one another than they were when they started.
7heyjust look at each other.

It's all scary and thrilling and unknown.

Music.

Maybe they start crawling on their bellies toward one another

and reach for one another.
7he northern lights glow more brightly.

And we TRANSITION into. ..

87
 Scene 5: Fell
(Female Version)

Music fades.
It's a few minutes earlier—8:50 P.M. or so.

Deena and Shelly—two "County Girls"10—appear.

They are in a potato field.

Each carries her own cooler (the coolers will eventually serve
as stools) and each is drinking a bottle (or can) of Natural
Light beer.

Deena and Shelly are mid-conversation.

DEENA. All I'm sayin'

SHELLY. No
DEENA. All I'm sayin' is that it was bad, Shell!

SHELLY. No: No way it was as bad as mine.

DEENA. Shell! It was bad! >
SHELLY. But
DEENA. Real bad!

SHELLY. But
DEENA. Badder-than-it's-ever-been bad!

SHELLY. I believe you—

DEENA. Baddest-date-ever bad!

SHELLY. I hear ya, b//ut—

DEENA. But you're not listenin', // Shell: It was bad!
SHELLY. Deen—no! You're not listenin', // 'cause—

DEENA. Like epical-monumental-historical bad!

SHELLY. (Exploding—and topping Deena.) WELL, I'M TRYIN'
TO TELL YOU THAT 1 HAD A PRETTY BAD TIME MYSELF!!!
Little beat.

10 A "County Girl" is a woman who was born and raised in Aroostook (uh-ROO-stick)
County, the northernmost county in Maine and the largest county east of the Rocky Moun-
tains. To be a "County Girl" is a source of pride.

88
DEENA. No. There's no way it was // worse than mine!
SHELLY. It was pretty bad, Deen.
DEENA. Really.
SHELLY. Yeah.
DEENA. Okay: Go. [Let's hear it.]

Deena opens her cooler, drops her empty beer bottle (or can)
in it, gets herself another beer, pops it open, closes the cooler,
takes a seat on it, and offers Shelly the proverbial floor.

SHELLY. (This is a little painful.) He—... He said he didn't like the

way I smelled.

DEENA. What?!?
SHELLY. Todd told me he didn't like the way I smelled. Never has.

DEENA. (Taking this in.) Todd Dunleavyll told you that he didn't
// like the way [you smelled]
SHELLY. Yeah.
DEENA. When?
SHELLY. When he picked me up. I got in his truck—we were
backin' outta my driveway—and all of a sudden, he starts breathin'
hard—hyper-hyper— (Searches for but can't find "ventilating.") //

breathin'—

DEENA. (Finds the word Shelly can't find.) —ventilating.

SHELLY. —ventilating, yeah, and he stops and he gets outta the

truck and says he's sorry, but he can't go out with me 'cause he
doesn't like the way I smell, never has!

DEENA. What, never has? When has he smelled you before?

SHELLY. I don't know, around town or whatever.

DEENA. well, jeez!

SHELLY. Anyway, he said he thought he was gonna be able to
overlook it—the way that I smelled—but that that wasn't gonna
be possible after all, because he couldn't breathe, somethin' about
allergic, >
DEENA. Allergic?

11 Pronounced, "DUN-Iuv-ee."

89
SHELLY. and he said it wasn't me—it wasn't me!—it was somethin'
about "the women" and "the // lengths" we go to—

DEENA. What?, "The women"?!?

SHELLY. Yeah, and "the lengths" we go to to // smell nice, >

DEENA. "The lengths" we [go to to smell nice]—?!?

SHELLY. and he said that whatever it is I use to smell nice just was
too sweet-smellin' for him, he said

DEENA. oh!, Like, perfume! // Oh'.

SHELLY. Yeah—and just doesn't smell very nice to him, "no offense,"
and he slammed the door on me and left me sittin' right there in my
driveway. In his truck.

DEENA. (Taking this in.) 'Cause he didn't like the way you
smelled?!?

SHELLY. Yeah.
DEENA. Wait, you don't even use any kind of perfume, do you?
SHELLY. No'. // No!
DEENA. That's just how you smell, right?
SHELLY. I don't know, I don't smell myself.

DEENA. Well. ..what the [heck is his problem] ...I think you
smell great.
SHELLY. Thanks.
Little beat.

Anyway, he said he'd come back and pick his truck up tomorrow
and would I mind please rollin' down the windows for him to air it
out overnight.
DEENA. What? lhere's nothin' to air out'. >
SHELLY. 1 know!
DEENA. Todd has issues'.
SHELLY. Yeah.
Little beat.

Suddenly Deena starts to leave, with purpose.

What are you doin'?

DEENA. Doin' somethin' to his truck.

90
SHELLY. Deen'.

DEENA. (Grabbing Shelly.) Come on! We're doin' somethin' to his

truck. >

SHELLY. Deen—no'.
DEENA. You're too nice! Time to get mean! We're doin' somethin'
to his truck!

SHELLY. Deen'. >

DEENA. we are'.
SHELLY. We're not doin' nothin' to his truck!! Relax!!

Deena calms down and sits back down on her cooler.

DEENA. Jerk. He should be so lucky, gettin' to go out with you.
SHELLY. Nah.
DEENA. Yeah!

SHELLY. Anyway: Pretty bad, huh?

DEENA. Yeah. And a little sad, too.
SHELLY. Yeah.
Little beat.

So, I'm guessin' that I'm the big winner tonight, huh?, And so I

get to pick tomorrow, and I pick bowlin'. We'll go bowlin', supper

at the Snowmobile Club, couple of beers at the Moose Paddy,
hang out.

Little beat.

DEENA. I didn't say you're the big winner.

SHELLY What?
DEENA. Did I say you're the big winner?
SHELLY No, but [there's no way you can beat bein' told you smell
bad] —
DEENA. No. All that's pretty sad, Shell, and bad, but you didn't win.
SHELLY. What do you mean?
DEENA. You didn't win.
SHELLY You can beat being told that you smell bad?
DEENA. Yeah.

91
SHELLY. Really.

DEENA. Yeah.

SHELLY. well, then: [Let's hear it.]

Shelly opens her cooler, drops her empty beer bottle (or can)

in it, gets herself another beer, pops it open, closes the cooler,
takes a seat on it, and offers Deena the proverbial floor.

DEENA. Mine's face broke,

SHELLY. (Taking this in.) What?

DEENA. His face broke.
SHELLY. (Trying to comprehend.) His [face broke] —
DEENA. Face broke, Shell, his face broke, how many times are ya
gonna make me say it?
SHELLY. sorry.

Little beat.

DEENA. Told you it was bad.

Beat.

SHELLY.How did his... face break?

DEENA. When we were dancin'.
SHELLY. Dancin? Darren LeMans12 took you dancin'?!?!

DEENA. Yeah.

SHELLY. Down to the Rec Center?!?

DEENA. Yeah.

SHELLY. Oh, that's nice! // %at's nice! >

DEENA. Yeah.

SHELLY. What a good guy! >

DEENA. Yeah.

SHELLY. I wouldn't have expected that from him! Wish someone'd ,

take me dancin'!, Musta been so fun!

DEENA. Yeah, [it] was. Till his face broke.

SHELLY. Yeah. well, what happened?

DEENA. Well, we did that thing they have where you pay, you get

12 Pronounced, "luh-MANZ." LaMans rhymes with the word "fans."

92
a lesson, and then you dance all night. They teach "together dancin',"
how to dance together.
SHELLY. Aww, that's nice!, That's fun!

DEENA. Yeah, and we learned that thing where you throw the girl

up and over and... well, Darren was havin' a hard time figuring out
the move—how to do it—and it's so easy—and so I thought maybe
it'd help him get his part if—once through—we switched, and I did

his part, and he did mine... and, well, Darren's not a very big guy. I
mean, he's little. Little, little man.
SHELLY. He is, isn't he?
DEENA. Yeah. Never realized it before. He sounds taller on the
phone.
SHELLY. He does!
DEENA. Yeah, so—anyway—we switched so I could show him how
to do his part... and, well, I'm pretty strong, and... he's just small.

SHELLY He really is, isn't he?

DEENA. Yeah—and I threw him up and over... and, well, I threw
him over.. .over. And.. .he landed on his face.

Little beat.

And it broke.
Little beat.

Ocular—orbital—bone fracture.

SHELLY. Oh.
Beat.

DEENA. Had to take him to the emergency room.

Long beat.
Then, finally:
SHELLY That's a drive.

DEENA. Thirty-eight miles.

SHELLY. Yup
DEENA. (Disgusted.) And he cried.

SHELLY. Oh, no. ..

DEENA. The whole way.

93
 Little beat.

Asked me to call his mom to come get him.

SHELLY. Seriously?!?

DEENA. Yeah. And she did. Asked me to "please leave."

SHELLY. Aw, Deen, I'm sorry!

DEENA. It's all right. He was a lousy dancer.

SHELLY. Most of 'em are.

DEENA. Yeah.

Deena and Shelly laugh at the ridiculousness of Deena's

evening.
And then maybe they fall into some sadness.
And then Shelly laughs again.

What?
SHELLY. That's just—pretty bad.

DEENA. Yup.
SHELLY. And sad.
DEENA. Yup. So... I'm guessin' I win!

SHELLY. Oh—yeah—no question, no question! That right there

might make you the big winner of all time!
DEENA. Yup'.

SHELLY. "Baddest-date-girl" of all time!

DEENA. Yup!
SHELLY. Congratulations!
DEENA. Thank you!
SHELLY. So what do you pick tomorrow?
DEENA. Bowlin', supper at the Snowmobile Club, coupla beers at

the Moose Paddy, hang out.

SHELLY. Sounds good.
Deena and Shelly air-toast and then chug their beers

simultaneously.
Beat.

Maybe they fall into some more sadness.

94
 Then Shelly laughs again.
DEENA. What?
SHELLY. Oh, Deen, I don't know. Just sometimes.. .1 don't know
why I bother goin' "out." I mean—I know why—it's 'cause you gotta
go out, but I'm scared 'cause I've been goin' out and nothin's comin'
of it, you know?, And I feel like I'm runnin' outta chances, >

DEENA. Don't say that, don't say that—

SHELLY. and lately I've been wonderin' why I even have to bother...
goin' out. I mean—I don't like it, Deena. I hate it. I hate goin' out on

these dates. mean, why do I wanna spend my Friday night hangin'

I

out with some guy I might maybe like, when I could be spendin' it
hangin' out with someone I know I like, like you, you know? >

DEENA. Yeah.

SHELLY. I mean.. .that was rough tonight. In the middle of Todd

tellin' me how he didn't like the way I smelled—I mean, he doesn't
smell all that great!

DEENA. Not many of 'em do!

SHELLY. Yeah!, And, well—anyway—I got so sad.

DEENA. Aw, but it wasn't you, // it wasn't you!

SHELLY. know, I know, but after he said that [that I smelled bad],
I

all I could think about was how not much in this world makes me
feel good lately or makes much sense anymore, and I got really
scared, Deen, 'cause there's gotta be somethin'—at this stage of the
game—there's gotta be somethin' that makes you feel good or at

least makes sense in this world, or what's the point, right?

DEENA. Yeah...

SHELLY. But then I kinda came out of feeling sad, and I actually
felt okay, 'cause I realized that there is somethin'—at this stage of
the game—there is one thing in this world that makes me feel really
good and that does make sense, and it's you, it's always been you.
Beat.

Shelly is surprised—and mortified—by the string of

a bit

words that just came tumbling out of her mouth.

DEENA. (Trying to figure out if she heard what she thought she just
heard.) Huh?
95
SHELLY. (Trying to cover.) Nothin'.

But it's too late.

It's quiet and still.

Shelly isn't quite sure what she has just said.
Deena isn't quite sure what she has just heard.
Long, long beat of these two sorting out what Shelly just said
and what Deena just heard.
And then Deena extricates herselffrom the extremely awk-
ward and strange and uncomfortable situation she finds
herself in and starts to leave.

DEENA. Okay, well, I should get goin' home, Shell. The cats get

lonely lately.
SHELLY. Yeah... Well, I'm only goin' in to the mill early tomorrow.,
Just got some maintenance issues to resolve. [I] Bet I'll be done

before noon, so I can pick you up... lunchtime?

DEENA. Yeah—no—l // don't think [I wanna do much of anything
tomorrow] —
SHELLY. Oh! They got the craft fair goin' at church, maybe we
could hit that before // bowlin'

DEENA. Oh, I don't know, 'cause, you know what?, I kinda forgot,
Shell: I've got a big day tomorrow. >
SHELLY. well
DEENA. I gotta be up at the crack o'crack to open the salon: We're
doin' Sandrine St. wedding tomorrow., [I'm] Doin' the
Pierre's
bride's hair and the bridesmaids' hair and the moms' hair and all
the makeup and the nails, and I might // not be up for anything
afterwards—
SHELLY. Well, I'll come get ya whenever you're done, like we
planned
DEENA. Mmm.. .prolly gonna be busy all day., We might have to
do touch-ups for the wedding pictures, I don't know when we'll be
// done, you know?
SHELLY. Well, we could skip bowlin' and just do supper at the
Snowmobile // Club.

96
DEENA. And I'm gonna be really exhausted, so, I don't know, I

don't know, I don't know // so—

SHELLY. Well, I'll be ready whenever // you want me to come pick
ya up
DEENA. Hey-hey, Shell: Maybe we oughtta just give it a couple days
and see when we both have the time, and we'll make a plan, okay?
SHELLY. Well, the craft fair's only // this weekend, so—
DEENA. Yeah, you know what?, You know what?, You know what,
Shell?: I'm gonna head.
Deena makes clear that the discussion is over.

And then checks to make sure everything is okay with her

and her best friend.

(Brightly.) Okay?
SHELLY. Okay.
DEENA. (Making sure/insisting that everything is okay.) Okay?
SHELLY. okay.
DEENA. (Making like everything's okay.) Okay!
SHELLY. Okay.
DEENA. Okay! Bye!
Deena starts to go again.
SHELLY. Bye!
Shelly watches Deena go, and then calls to her.

Hey, Deena'.
Deena stops, turns to Shelly, and when her eyes meet Shelly's,

Shelly suddenly and completely—and almost in slow motion—

falls down.
771is should be more ofa crumple than a fall.

Love is often described, after all, as making people weak in

the knees.

And the knees should hit the ground first, then the body,

and, finally, the face.

A wisp of music or a gentle sound effect could help define
this as Magical Moment #5, Part One.

97
 [Note: Eye contact is what initiates Shelly's fall—and all falls
that follow.]

DEENA. Whoa!
Deena rushes to Shelly, trying to figure out whatjust happened.

Shell, hey! What [happened]—? You okay?

SHELLY. Yeah
DEENA. What the [heck happened]—? Here.

Deena helps Shelly up.

SHELLY. Thanks. Um
DEENA. What was that? You okay? What just happened there?
SHELLY. (Trying to figure out what's going on.) Umm.. .1 just fell.
DEENA. well, 1 know, 1 saw.

SHELLY. No [it's more than I just fell] ... I just [fell in love with

you]
Little beat.

I think I just fell in love with you, there, Deena.

As Shelly says this, her eyes meet Deena's, and she crumples
to the ground again.
A wisp of music or a gentle sound effect could help define
this as Magical Moment #5, Part Two.

DEENA. Shelly'. SHELLY. Oh, boy...

SHELLY. (On the ground, face-planted.) Yup.

Shelly slowly gets herself up.

That's what that was. Me falling in love with you...
As soon as Shelly is upright, her eyes meet Deena's again,
and she crumples to the ground again.
DEENA. Shelly: What are you doing? Come on, get up!

Deena helps Shelly up.

SHELLY. No-no-no, Deena [I'm just gonna fall down again]—

Shelly's eyes meet Deena's again, and the moment they do,

she crumples to the ground again.

DEENA. Would you cut that out?!?

98
SHELLY. Well, I can't help it!! It just kinda came over me!! I've

fallen in love with you, Deen!

Deena takes this in.

And is confused.
And scared.
After a long beat, she says:
DEENA. Shelly: I'm your best friend in the whole world.. .and I

don't quite know what you're doin' or what you're goin' on about...
but (Angry.) —what are you talking about?!? What are you saying?
Shell: You're my best friend, >
SHELLY. Yeah
DEENA. and that's ... I But—I don't [understand why
love that!
you just said what you just said] —. I mean—yeah, it's true: You're
about the only thing that feels really good and makes sense in this
world to me, too. You keep me from feelin' like I'm gonna become
that crazy cat lady—but now, what you've done [fallen down] and
what you've said [that you've fallen in love with me], well, it makes
me feel for sure like I'm gonna become that crazy cat lady 'cause
me-and-my-best-friend-in-the-whole-wide-world doesn't make sense
at all right now. And that doesn't feel good. And I think I'm really
mad at you! 'Cause you can't go back! Once it's out there, you can't
take back—something like that—and now it's just hanging there,
it

and what do you mean?!? We're friends! >

SHELLY Yeah...

DEENA. Best friends! >

SHELLY. Yeah!
DEENA. And there's a line when you're friends that you can't cross!
And you crossed it!
And then Deena's eyes meet Shelly's... and Deena—suddenly,
completely, and almost in slow motion—falls down, crumpling
to the ground, just like Shelly did.

A wisp of music or a gentle sound effect could help define

this as the culmination of Magical Moment #5 (which hap-
pens at the same time as Magical Moment #4, when Gayle
sees her engagement ring and Lendall proposes to her...

99
which happens at the same time as Magical Moment #3,

when Steve realizes he's feeling pain for the first time in a
long time... which happens at the same time as Magical Mo-
ment #2, when the waitress Jimmy that her name is Vil-
tells

lian... which happens at the same time as Magical Moment

#1, when East opens the bag containing Glory's heart so he
can start repairing it —and Glory sees the northern lights).

The northern lights appear.

Deena and Shelly try to figure out what the heck is happening
to them.

Whatever it is, it's about as scary—and wonderful—as it gets.

Problem: Deena and Shelly are far away from each other,
and all they want to do is get close to each other, so they
stand up so they can make their way to one another.
When they are upright, they look to each other, but as soon
as their eyes meet, they crumple to the ground again.
Beat.

Bewilderment.

7hen they scramble to get up again and look to one another

again, but as soon as their eyes meet, they crumple to the

ground again.
Beat.

Deena and Shelly desperately want to get close to each

other, so—in a bit of a frenzy (in order to "beat" the falls)

they get up again, but as soon as their eyes meet, they fall
down again.

After a little beat, they get up again, and their eyes meet
again—and they fall down again.
Frustrated and bewildered, they get up again, and their eyes

meet again, and they fall down again.

Again, they get up, and their eyes meet, and they fall down.

lhey get up/their eyes meet/theyfall down.

lhey get up/their eyes meet/theyfall down/they get up/their
eyes meet/theyfall down.

100
Finally, the fallingfrenzy settles... and Deena and Shelly are
no closer to one another than they were when they started.
They just look at each other.

It's all scary and thrilling and unknown.

Music.

Maybe they started crawling on their bellies toward one an-

other, hands outstretched.

And the northern lights glow more brightly.

And we TRANSITION into...

101
 Scene 6: Where It Went

Ihe music and the northern lights fade.

It's about ten minutes earlier—8:50 P.M. or so.

Phil and Marci appear.

7hey have just been ice skating on Echo Pond and are in the

process of taking their skates off and putting their boots/

shoes back on.

Phil has hockey skates; Marci has hockey skates or figure

skates.

When the scene begins, Marci has one shoe on and one
skate on.

Marci's shoe should be a winter shoe, not a boot.

Beat.

PHIL. It still feels like you're mad.

MARCI. (Undoing her skates; and she's convincing, here.) I'm not
mad, // I just said I wish—
PHIL. But you were., You are.

MARCI. I'm not! I just said I wish you'd pay more attention lately.
PHIL. You're mad.
MARCI. I'm not mad! I was having fun, I thought. I had fun tonight.
Did you?
PHIL. Yeah.
MARCI. Good.
Marci smiles at Phil as he undoes his skates and puts his
boots on.

And then Marci resumes undoing her skates—but is distracted

and seems to have lost something.

Beat.

PHIL. (Continuing his defense.) I mean, I was late because Chad/

Shelly13 called me in to the mill. I had to work. I need the hours.

13 Insert the appropriate name depending on which version ofScene 5, "They Fell," was performed.

102
MARCI. (Looking for something.) I'm not mad at you, Phil, you
had to work, // I get it.

PHIL. I did [have to work] !

MARCI. (More actively lookingfor something.) Phil, where's my shoe?

PHIL. What?
MARCI. Where's my other shoe?, I can't find it.

PHIL. Well [whered you put it when you took it off?]

Phil starts lookingfor Marci's other shoe.

It's gotta be here.

MARCI. Where is it?!?

Marci and Phil search for Marci's other shoe.
And then Marci stops searching and turns to Phil.

Is this you being funny?

PHIL. N//o.
MARCI. 'Cause it's not funny. >
PHIL. I [never said it was]—
MARCI. It's cold out here!

PHIL. Well, you're the one that wanted to go skating!

MARCI. Phil'.

PHIL. (Frustrated and getting angry.) We'll find it! It's gotta be here!

Little beat.

MARCI. I'm not mad. I was never mad.

Little beat.

I was disappointed. But now I'm // done.

PHIL. Marce. [Let it go.]

MARCI. I had fun tonight! Skating! I thought it would be fun! >

PHIL. (Lying.) It was.
MARCI. Forget all the... stuff. Get us away from the kids, get us back
to where we used to be. We went skating, first time you kissed me,
you know, on a Friday night just like this one. 'Member? Right here...
Marci touches Phil in some way—maybe on the back.

Echo Pond.

103
PHIL. (Shrugging off Marci's touch.) I know where we are., Where
the heck is your shoe? Maybe it's [in the car] —. Maybe it's in the car.
Phil heads toward the car to look for Marci's other shoe.

Did you [put your skates on out here or in the car]—? Where'd you
put your skates on, out here or in the car?
Phil exits and we hear him open and close the doors ofa
minivan.

MARCI. (Sad that her husband just shrugged her off) I put them on
with you. Right here.
Beat.

Marci looks to the sky for answers while Phil searches for
her other shoe.

Phil returns.

PHIL. Well, it's // not in the car—

Marci suddenly sees a shooting star.

MARCI. Oh-oh-oh!!!, Shush-shush-shush!, Shooting star!,

Shooting star!

Marci closes her eyes and makes a wish.

Phil searches the sky for the shooting star.

PHIL. What?, Where?!, // Where?!

MARCI. (Eyes closed.) Shh!!, I'm wishing, I'm wishing!

Phil keeps searching the sky but sees nothing.

PHIL. Aw, I missed it.

Phil continues to search the sky.

Marci watches Phil as he searches the sky.

MARCI. Yeah, you did.

PHIL. What's that supposed to mean?
Marci resumes lookingfor her shoe.
MARCI. Nothin'. It's just.. .not really all that surprising.

PHIL. What?
MARCI. That you didn't see it.

PHIL. What?

104
MARCI. The shooting star.

PHIL. why?
MARCI. You don't pay attention, Phil.

Little beat.

PHIL. See, when you say things like that, I feel like you're still mad.
MARCI. I'm not.

PHIL. Marce [what's goin' on?]—

MARCI. I wasn't mad., (Frustrated about a lot more than her missing
shoe.) WHERE is my shoe?!?! Gosh, maybe it is in the car.

Marci heads to the car to look for her other shoe.

I mean, >
PHIL. It's not in the car.

MARCI. have one shoe on already. (From off.) I know I didn't put
I

my skates on in the car, 'cause the shoe I have on was out there. I
changed out there, didn't I? With you? Phil?

Phil doesn't answer.

And stares out over Echo Pond.

He's sad, trying to sort out what's going on with him and
his wife.

(From off.) Phil? I put my shoes right next to yours after we put our
skates on, but it's not... there. .. This is the weirdest thing,

Marci rejoins her husband.

It's not in the car, I mean, I'm not gonna put one skate on in the car,

the other one on out here.

Marci sees Phil staring out over Echo Pond and senses his

sadness.

What's wrong?
PHIL. Huh? Oh. (Covering his sadness and lying a good lie.) I'm
just.. .makin' a wish of my own. On a regular one.

MARCI. Oh.
PHIL. (A peace Wanna wish on it with me?
offering.)

MARCI. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be nice. Which one?

105
PHIL. Umm. .. (Pointing.) ...see Shepaloj014 Mountain?
MARCI. Uh-huh.
PHIL. (Pointing out a star.) Straight up. Right above it.

MARCI. The bright one?

PHIL. Yeah.
MARCI. (Pointing, using Phil's arm as a sight.) That one?

PHIL. Yeah.
MARCI. (Making sure she's looking at the star Phil is looking at.)
Right there?
PHIL. Yeah.
MARCI. Phil:

PHIL. Yeah?
MARCI. That's a planet.

PHIL. What?
MARCI. That's a planet. You're wishing on a planet.
PHIL. %at's a [planet]

MARCI. Yeah, >

PHIL. Well,how do you know?

MARCI. and it's (Singing.) "... when you wish upon a start' not
when you wish upon a planet" // or "Jupiter—
PHIL. I know, I know! How do you know?
MARCI. Said on the weather, Phil. Jupiter's the brightest object in
the sky this month. It'll be sitting right above Shepalojo Mountain
over the next bunch of weeks. They've been sayin' it on the weather
all week. And your wish is never gonna come true if you're wishing
on a planet.

PHIL. well
MARCI. You gotta pay attention.
PHIL. Why do you keep sayin' that?
MARCI. What?
PHIL. That I gotta pay attention?

14 Pronounced, "shee-pa-LO-jo"

106
MARCI. 'Cause you don't.
PHIL. What are you talkin' about?

MARCI. Phil: Happy Anniversary.

Beat.

A long, loud silence.

PHIL. Hull?
MARCI. Happy Anniversary. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Beat.

PHIL. I'm [sorry]

Phil can't bring himself to say he's sorry.

Little beat.

Ihen, instead of apologizing, he says:

I knew you were mad.

MARCI. I'm not mad, // Phil!

PHIL. You're mad at me, and pretty soon, outta nowhere, it's gonna
get ugly. >

MARCI. Phil, I'm not mad, // I'm [frustrated]—!

PHIL. I know I missed some things, but

mean, Marce: I'm sorry!! I

I gotta work! I gotta take a double when Chad/Shelly15 needs me at

the mill! He's/she's helpin' me—us—out, you know, // offering me

the overtime!

MARCI. 1 know—
know, // 1

PHIL. No, you don't know: Me workin' is for us, and the kids, and
a lot sometimes, and it messes me up!
it's

MARCI. Phil! I'm not mad about you workin'. You gotta work. I

understand What I don't understand is why I'm lonely,

that. Phil. I

got a husband and a coupla great kids. And I'm lonely.

Little beat.

You just— ... You don't pay attention anymore. You go away. And I
don't know where you go, but you go somewhere where you can't

15 Insert the appropriate name and pronoun depending on which version of Scene 5, "They
Fell," was performed.

107
pay attention, and you miss your son's first varsity hockey game,
and // you forget Missy's birthday and >
PHIL. Hockey equipment costs money!
MARCI. you forget your anniversary! I mean, I brought
(Furious.)
you here hoping you'd remember about us. But you didn't. And that
makes me so MAD I don't know what to do anymore!
Beat.

PHIL. You lie.

MARCI. What?
PHIL. You lie so bad.

MARCI. What?
PHIL. (Seething.) You're mad at me. But you don't tell me—even
when I ask you over and o//ver.
MARCI. Because you wouldn't // pay attention if I did tell you—
PHIL. (Exploding—this should be No! No! No! Because you
ugly.)

don't know how to tell me what you feel like about me, so I never
know where I am, where I stand! Maybe that's why I go away! So I
can know where I am for a SECOND! And you know what?, It's
lonely there too, where And you sent me there. You went away
I go.
a long time before I did. And now all's you do is lie.

MARCI. 1 don't lie!

PHIL. (Explosive and you do! You say you're not mad,
ugly.) Yes,

but you're mad! You say you have fun, but you didn't! You didn't
have fun tonight, did you?
MARCI. No.
PHIL. But you kept sayin' you did.

MARCI. I didn't. I didn't have fun, Phil. I don't have fun with you
anymore.
Beat.

Did you?
PHIL. No. I had a rotten, lousy time.

Beat.

MARCI. well, then...

108
 Little beat.

What are we doin'? What are we waiting for?

Beat.

And then...a shoe that looks exactly like Marci's other

shoe... drops from the sky, right between Marci and Phil.
7his is MagicalMoment #6 (which happens at the same
time as Magical Moment #5, when Chad and Randy or
Shelly and Deena fall in love with each other... which happens
at the same time as Magical Moment #4, when Gayle sees
her engagement ring and Lendall proposes to her... which

happens at the same time as Magical Moment #3, when

Steve realizes he's feeling pain for the first time in a long
time... which happens at the same time as Magical Moment
#2, when the waitress Jimmy that her name is Villian...
tells

which happens at the same time as Magical Moment #1,

when East opens the bag containing Glory's heart so he can
start repairing it—and Glory sees the northern lights).

A wisp of music or a gentle sound cue could help define this

magical moment.

The northern lights appear.

Marci and Phil stare at the shoe.

Beat.

And then they survey the sky, trying to figure out where it

came from.
And they see the northern lights—and they're extraordinary—
but the shoe dropping from the sky is far more extraordinary
right now.

So Marci and Phil probably hardly notice the northern

lights.

And they look at the shoe again.

Little beat.

And they look back up at the sky.

Little beat.

And they look at the shoe again.

109
And wonder what the heck just happened.
And then Phil checks the sky once more as he tentatively
retrieves the shoe and gives it to Marci.

Music.

Marci puts the shoe on.

Beat.

Marci and Phil survey the sky one more time,

And then Marci gets up.

And takes the car keys out of her pocket.
She looks at Phil.
Phil doesn't look at Marci.

And it doesn't seem like he has any intention ofgoing with her.
So Marci exits.

And we hear her start the car... and then drive away.
Phil is alone.

A shooting star cuts across the night sky on the field of stars.
Phil sees it.

7he northern lights glow more brightly.

And we TRANSITION into...

110
 Scene 7: Story of Hope

The music and the northern lights fade.

It's about ten minutes earlier—8:50 P.M. or so.

A stylishly dressed woman appears.

7he woman approaches the front porch of a small home,
pulling a wheelie suitcase and carrying a fancy purse.
The woman is full ofjoyful anticipation.
She knocks on the door or rings the doorbell and waits.
Beat.

7he woman is about to knock or ring the doorbell again—

when the lights come on in the house.

7he woman turns away from the door and prepares her-
self to meet the man she came to see, still full of joyful
anticipation.

lhen the porch light comes on.

And a short man (or a man who is in some way not the man
he used to be) answers the door a bit cautiously—because
people don't normally drop by at this hour in Almost, Maine.
[Note: 7he actor playing the man should be short. Or thin.

Or balding. Or overweight. 771is is crucial to the magic of

the story. Ifthe actor playing the man is not short, line options

are included in the scene. Please use the appropriate set of

lines depending on what kind of person the actor playing
the man is.]

WOMAN. and furious—so absorbed by what she has to say

(Fast
and by what she has come to do that she really doesn't take in/look at
the man.) I know this isn't going to be very easy, but I was just out
there all alone in the world, and I got so scared, because all I could
think about was how I had no place in this world, but then, I just—
outta nowhere—realized that there was one place in this world that
I did have, and that was with you, so I flew, and I took a taxi to get
to you., I just had to come see you., Thank God you're [here] —
111
 Tie woman finally really looks at the man.
llae man is not who she thought he'd be.

Oh [I'm sorry] —... Wait— [you're not who I thought youd be]
I'm sorry! You're not [who I thought you'd be]—. .. I'm [sorry]
A little beat as the woman checks to make sure she's at the
right place—and recovers from an unexpected turn of
events.

This is the house... I'm so sorry! Does Daniel Harding live here?,
I'm looking for Daniel Harding.
MAN. You're // looking for [Daniel Harding]
WOMAN. Looking for Daniel Harding, yeah. He lives here. I

thought. But... (Off the man's confused state, realizing that Daniel
Harding doesn't live there anymore.) ...Ooooh.. .he doesn't, does
he? Oooh, I am so sorry!
The woman gathers her bags, preparing to leave—and trying
to make light.

I am so embarrassed! "Who is this woman and what is she doing

here?"

The woman laughs.

The man doesn't.

I just honestly thought he'd be here. I always thought he'd be here.

Always.
The woman is at a loss, but wonders if maybe this man can
help her.

Do you know him? Big guy, big tall guy. Played basketball. All-
State, center? Strong. Do you know him?, Played hockey, too? >

[Note: Ifthe actor playing the man is not short, but thin or
of average build, please use these lines: Do you know him?
Big guy, big strong guy. Wrestled? Heavyweight? All-State?
Strong? Do you loow him?, Played hockey, too?
Ifthe actor playing the man is not short or thin, but has lost
his hair, try this: Do you know him? He played soccer—
All-State—and he wrestled. Lotsa [crazy] hair. Fun guy!,
Do you know him?

112
 If the actor playing the man is not short or balding, but
overweight, try these lines: Do you know him? He played

soccer—All-State—and he ran cross country. Super fun

guy., Do you know him?]
MAN. Well [as a matter of fact, I do] ...

WOMAN. Oh, don't even answer that. That was [a horrible thing to
ask] . I know that's a horrible question to ask a person who lives in
a small town, as if everybody in small towns knows everybody else.,
Argh!, I can't believe I asked that. I don't live here anymore, but
when I did, I hated it when people assumed knew everybody in
I

town just because it was small. It was worse than when they'd ask if

we had plumbing "way up there," 'cause, you know, people in small

towns really don't know each other any better than they do in big
towns, you know that? I mean, you know who you know, and you
don't know who you don't know, just like anywhere else.

Little beat.

I'm so sorry to have bothered you. I was just so sure [I'd find him
here] —. When his parents passed away, he kept the house, I heard.
He lived here. He stayed here, I thought. He was one of the ones
who stayed.
Little beat.

I didn't stay. I went away.

MAN. Most people do.
WOMAN. Yeah. And I guess he did too. I never thought he would.
I guess You gotta hold on to people or you lose 'em. Wish
I lost track.

there was something you could keep 'em in for when you need 'em...

7he woman tries to make light. She "looks for Daniel Harding,"
and "finds him" in her purse.
Oh, there he is, perfect!

lhe woman laughs.

7he man does not.
Beat.

7he woman starts to go—but stops after a few steps.

Because she can't go, for some reason.

113
 Maybe because she feels like maybe this man can help her.

Boy it's cold. I forgot.

MAN. Yeah.

Beat.

7he woman starts to go again—but feels like she wants to

keep talking to this man, so she stops again.

WOMAN. 1 can't believe I took a taxi here. From Bangor.16 To

see him.

Beat.

MAN. (Processing the fact that this woman took a taxi one hundred
and sixty-three miles. Then, wryly understated.) That's far.

WOMAN. Yeah.

MAN. That's a hundred and sixty-three miles.

WOMAN. Yeah. This place is a little farther away from things than
I remember.
MAN. Why did you do that?
WOMAN. Because I could only fly as close as Bangor, and I needed
to get to him as fast as I could.

MAN. why?
WOMAN. Because I want to answer a question he asked me.
MAN. Oh?
WOMAN. nie last time I saw him, he asked me a very important
question, and I didn't answer it, and that's just not a very nice thing
to do to a person.

MAN. Well, that's bein' a little hard on yourself, don't you th//ink?
WOMAN. He asked me to marry him.
MAN. Oh.
Little beat.

And you...
WOMAN. Didn't answer him. No.

16 Pronounced, "BANG-gore." Bangor is Maine's third-largest city, pop. 33,000. It is 163 miles
south of Almost, Maine.

114
 771e man whistles—or makes a sound—and this whistle or

sound is full ofjudgment.

Yeah. And that's why I'm here. To answer him.
And then the woman feels the need to defend herself

I mean, I didn't answer him in the first place because I didn't have
an answer mean, I was going to college, and then.. .the
at the time. I

night before I'm about to go off into the world to do what I hope
and dream, he asks me, "Will you marry me?" I mean, come on! I

was leaving in the morning! What was I supposed to do?

MAN. I don't know.

WOMAN. mean, I told him I'd have

(Continuing to defend herself.) I

to think about it, that I'd think it over overnight and that I'd be back
before the sun came up with an answer. And then I.. .1eft. Left him
standing right... there [where you're standing]... and then.. .1 didn't
make it back with an answer before the sun came up or.. .at all.

MAN. That sounds like an answer to me.

WOMAN. No! That wasn't my answer! I just.. .went off into the
world, and that's not an answer, and I think—

Little beat.

MAN. What?
WOMAN. I think he thought I'd say, "Yes."

MAN. Well, a guy's probably not gonna ask a girl that question
unless he thinks she's gonna say, "Yes."

WOMAN. I know, and... I'm afraid he probably waited up all

night, hoping for me to come by, and I just want to tell him that I
know now that you just can't do a thing like not answer a question
like the one he asked me, you can't do that to a person. Especially
to someone you love.
MAN. (Taking this confession in.) You loved him?
WOMAN. know if I loved him]—.
(Backpedaling.) Well [I don't I

don't know if [I loved him] —. I mean, we were kids.

Tie woman thinks.

And then concludes, honestly and truly:

Yes. 1 did.

115
 A revelation.
I do.

Maybe another revelation.

I feel like I dashed his hopes and dreams.
MAN. Oh, come on.
The speech that follows is not a blatant attack.

It's more of a rumination—one that doesn't do much to

make woman feel better.

the

You give yourself too much credit. He was young. That's all you
need to get your hopes dashed: Be young. And everybody starts out
young, so... everybody gets their hopes dashed.
Little beat.

And, besides, I don't think you really dashed his hopes. 'Cause if
you dash somebody's hopes—well that's.. .kind of a nice way to let
'em down, 'cause it hurts. ..but it's quick. If you'd have said, "No,"
that woulda been "dashing his hopes."

Little beat.

What follows is more pointed.

But you didn't say, "No."

You said nothin'.

You just didn't answer him.
At all.

And that's.. .killin' hope the long, slow, painful way, 'cause it's still

there, just hangin' on, never really goes away.

And that's.. .kinda like givin' somebody a little less air to breathe.
Every day.

Till they die.

Beat.

lhe woman takes in this very unhelpful information.

WOMAN. Yeah...

Little beat.

Ihen, at a loss:

116
Okay. Well... thank you.
MAN. For what?

woman ponders the question.

The
And then realizes she has no idea why she thanked the
man.
WOMAN. I don't know.

7he woman starts to leave.

7he man watches the woman go for a beat.

MAN. Goodbye, Hope.

HOPE. Goodbye. (Stopping.) Argh!, I'm so.. .sorry to have bothered
you. .. It's just, I was all alone out there in the world with no place
in it, and I realized what I'd done—... Wait— You called me
Hope. How did you know my name?
Hope approaches the man.
And really looks at him.
Maybe the man reveals himself in some way.
And the woman finally recognizes him: He's Daniel Harding.
The woman is stunned.

Danny?!?
771is is Moment #7 (which happens at the same
Magical
time as Magical Moment #6, when Marci's other shoe drops
from same time as Magical
the sky...which happens at the
Moment #5, when Chad and Randy or Shelly and Deena fall
in love with each other... which happens at the same time as

Magical Moment #4, when Gayle sees her engagement ring

and Lendall proposes to her... which happens at the same
time as Magical Moment #3, when Steve realizes he's feeling

pain for the first time in a long time... which happens at the
same time as Magical Moment #2, when the waitress tells
Jimmy that her name is Villian... which happens at the
same time as Magical Moment #1, when East opens the bag
containing Glory's heart so he can start repairing it—and
Glory sees the northern lights).

117
 A wisp of music or a gentle sound cue could help define this

magical moment.

77ae northern lights appear.

DANIEL. Hello, Hope.

HOPE. (In a bit ofa spin.) Danny.. .1 didn't // rec[ognize you]
DANIEL. 1 know.
HOPE. I didn't // rec[ognize you]— >
DANIEL. 1 know.
HOPE. I didn't even // recognize you!
DANIEL. 1 know.
HOPE. You're so...

DANIEL. 1 know.
HOPE. ...small.

[Note: Only use the previous line if the actor playing Daniel
is short or thin. Ifthe actor playing Daniel is not short or
thm • , "...small" should be cut and replaced with silence—a
silence in which Hope will search for a descriptive word but
not be able to find one.]
DANIEL. Yeah. I, uh, lost a lotta hope. That'll do a number on you.
Long beat.
Daniel and Hope stand in a stunned, still, and awful silence.
Hope says something.
Finally,

HOPE. Danny: I'm so sorry I never came back [to answer you]
DANIEL. (Kindly.) Shh. It's okay. 'Cause, you know somethin'?
You're early.
HOPE. What?
DANIEL. You're early! You youd be back with an answer to
said
my question before the sun came up, and Jeezum Crow, the sun's
not even close to being up yet! It only went down a few hours ago.
Look how early you are! That's good of you.
Beat.

77aey enjoy Danny's goodness.

So... a taxi all the way from Bangor?!?

118
HOPE. Yup.
DANIEL. To tell me...?

Hope is about to say, "Yes," when she is interrupted.

SUZETTE. (From off.) Honey? Dan? Hon?

Little beat.

Hope is stunned.

And then devastated.

Daniel is also stunned.

And then remembers that he has a wife.

Who's there?
DANIEL. (Calling inside to his wife.) Just somebody... needs
directions.

SUZETTE. (Calling, from off) It's awful late for directions.

DANIEL. (Calling inside.) Yeah—Suzette, listen...

Beat.

... I'll be right in.

SUZETTE. (Calling, from off.) okay.

Beat.

Daniel slowly turns to Hope.

DANIEL. 1—
HOPE. What?
DANIEL. (Simply and matter-of-factly.) I hope you find it, Hope.
Your place in this world.

Beat.

Bye.
HOPE. Goodbye, Danny.
Daniel goes inside.

And Hope lingers—she is at a loss.

And then she grabs her wheelie suitcase and starts to go
but stops, and, after all these years, answers Daniel.
She knows he won't hear her.

She knows it wouldn't matter even if he did hear her.

119
 But she answers him anyway.
Yes.

Beat.

7hen, smaller and to herself:

Yes.

Hope starts to go.

Maybe she turns back—and, as she does, the porch light

goes out.
Music.

The northern lights glow more brightly.

And we TRANSITION into...

120
 Scene 8: Seeing the Thing

Tae music and the northern lights fade.

It's about ten minutes earlier—8:50 P.M. or so.

Dave and Rhonda appear.

7hey have been snowmobiling and have just arrived at

Rhonda's cabin in the woods.

7hey are wearingfull snowmobile regalia, replete with helmets,

gloves, and snowmobile suits.

Dave carries a present—a wrapped painting.

Rhonda and Dave kick the snow off their boots before entering
the winterized porch of Rhonda's cabin.

771is is the first time Dave has ever been inside Rhonda's
house.

Rhonda is not particularly comfortable with this.

RHONDA. Okay. This is it. You're in. You're inside.

DAVE. This is the porch.

Dave would like to go further inside.

RHONDA. It's winterized. [And this is as far inside as you're getting.]

Beat.

So, Dave: What?! What do you gotta do in here that you couldn't
do outside?
DAVE. Well, I got somethin', here, for ya, here.

Dave presents his wrapped gift.

771is is Awkward Present Moment #1.

RHONDA. What's this?

DAVE. It's— It s—.(Changing the subject explosively to dispel
It's—.
the awkwardness.) Boy, that was fun tonight, Rhonda! >

RHONDA. Yeah!, [It] Was!

DAVE. I mean, twenty miles out there, >
RHONDA. Yeah!

121
DAVE. beans and franks at the Snowmobile Club, >

RHONDA. Yeah'.

DAVE. twenty miles back, coupla beers at the Moose Paddy!

RHONDA. Awesome!
DAVE. Yeah!, And, boy, you flew on your new sled, // man!
RHONDA. It's a Polaris,17 man'.

DAVE. I know, and you whupped my butt!

RHONDA. Yeah! That's what you get for ridin' an Arctic Cat!18 Ya
get yer butt whupped! And I whupped it!

Rhonda playfully smacks Dave around as she teases him.

DAVE. 1 know'.

RHONDA. Whupped your butt! >

DAVE. 1 know'.

RHONDA. Whupped it! >

DAVE. 1 know!
RHONDA. Whupped your butt, Arctic-Cat-Man!!
DAVE. I know!, I know!, I'm not // sayin' ya didn't!

RHONDA. You're not ever beatin' the Snowmobile Association's

Snowmobiler of the Year, you know!
DAVE. 1 know!
Rhonda finishes up with smacking Dave around—it's all

good fun.
And then everything settles.
RHONDA. That was fun.
Beat.

Rhonda and Dave look at the wrapped gift Dave is holding.

This is Awkward Present Moment #2.

DAVE. So, this [present I have for you] is, um... Well, we been...
together now [for a good long time now] —
RHONDA. (Scoffng.) Together?!?

17 Pronounced, "pull-AIR-iss." Polaris is a popular brand of snowmobile.

18 Arctic Cat is a popular brand of snowmobile, and competitor of Polaris.

122
DAVE. well—
RHONDA. Together?!? What are you talkin' about, "together"???

DAVE. Well, we been friends for quite a few years now...

RHONDA. Yeah, so?

DAVE. And, well

Dave searches for but can'tfind the words to convey what he
wants to say.

RHONDA. well what?!?

DAVE. Shh!—and—and—and—... And here.
Dave shoves his gift on Rhonda.
Rhonda doesn't know what to do with it, because these two
don't give each other presents.

RHONDA. What are you doin' here, bud?

DAVE. open it.
RHONDA. "Together." Hm. I don't know about this...
DAVE. Just open it.

Rhonda opens the present Dave gave her.

We soon learn that it's a piece ofstretched canvas—a painting.

It's best if the audience can't see what it's a painting of.
Rhonda stares at the paintingfor a while.

And Dave hopes that, when Rhonda sees what he has painted
for her, she will want to be "together" with Dave and they will
live happily ever after.
But that's not what happens.
RHONDA. What is it?
DAVE. (Stunned by the question.) What do you mean, what is it?

Can't you. ..see what // it is?

RHONDA. It's a picture.

DAVE. Yeah.

RHONDA. A paintin'.
DAVE. Yeah.

RHONDA. Where'd you get this? It looks homemade.

123
DAVE. What do you mean it looks homemade?
RHONDA. It looks like someone really painted it.

DAVE. Well, someone really did paint it. [Like... someone like me!]

RHONDA. (Realizing that Dave painted this paintingfor her.) Did

you paint this?
DAVE. Yeah!

RHONDA. For me?

DAVE. Yeah!

RHONDA. Oh...

Rhonda doesn't quite know what to make of the fact that

Dave painted a picture for her.
Why?
DAVE. (Crestfallen that Rhonda would ask such a question.) Well—
RHONDA. I mean.. .thank you! // Thank you., Thanks., Thanks.
DAVE. There you go!, That's what people say!, There you go! You're
welcome...

Rhonda props the painting up against a crate—it's best if the

audience still can't see it.

And she sits in a chair and stares at Dave's artwork.

RHONDA. So, Dave.. .1 didn't know you painted.

DAVE. Yeah. This is

Dave turns the painting right side up—because Rhonda

propped it up against the crate upside down.
I'm takin' adult ed art. Tuesday nights. Merle Haslem19 over at the
high school's teachin' it—it's real good—and this is my version of
one of those stare-at-it-until-you-see-the-thing things. Ever seen
one of these? Some of the old painters did it with dots. They called
it— ... (Searches for—but can't quite come up with—"pointillism.") .. .

somethin'... but I did it with a buncha little blocks of colors, see, and
if you just look at the little blocks of colors, it's just a buncha little

blocks of colors, but if you step back and look at the whole thing, it's
not just a buncha little blocks of colors: It's a picture of something.

19 Pronounced, "HAZ-lum."

124
RHONDA. Picture of what?

DAVE. I'm not gonna tell you, you have to figure it out.

RHONDA. Oh, come on, Dave!

DAVE. No, it takes a little time., It can be a little frustrating.

RHONDA. Well, why would you give me somethin' that's gonna

frustrate?!?

DAVE. No-no-no, I just mean you gotta not try to look for anything,
that's what'll frustrate you. You gotta just kinda look at it, so it doesn't
know you're lookin' at it.

RHONDA. What're you talkin' about?

DAVE. Well... you gotta trick it! >

RHONDA. Huh?
DAVE. You gotta trick it!
Dave demonstrates "trickin' it."

He walks by the painting, stealing glances at it as he does.

Just.. .trick it!

Dave demonstrates how "trickin' it" works again.

See? Walk on by, and.. .trick it!

He demonstrates "trickin' it" again.

See? Trick it!

Dave demonstrates again.

Just gotta walk on by and trick it!

He demonstrates again.
RHONDA. (Amused and irritated.) Dave—what are you doin'?
What're you talkin' about?

DAVE. You gotta not let it know. And hopefully you'll eventually
see what it is. It's a common thing—it's somethin' everybody knows.
Go ahead—try it!
RHONDA. (Skeptically.) okay.
Rhonda reluctantly tries "trickin' it" afew times, like Dave did.
[Note to the actors playing Dave and Rhonda: Feelfree to play

with adding language in the above "trickin' it" section. Just

make sure it's all about "trickin"' the painting. And—havefun!

125
 771is "trickin' it" business should be pretty darn funny.]

DAVE. There ya go, there ya go!

RHONDA. (Giving up on "trickin' it.") is stupid. I don't see

anything.
DAVE. No, you were doin' good—!
RHONDA. (Putting an end to this ridiculousness.) Dave!!

DAVE. All right, all right, then, how about do this: Just do what
you usually do around the house at night, and check it out real
casual-like, like...

Dave demonstrates how to check out the painting "real casual-

like": He finds a mundane task or activity like tying his boot or

polishing the furniture as he casually checks out the painting.

[Note to the actor playing Dave: Feel free to give words to

whatever it is you choose for your mundane task. A lame

example: Oh, Jeez, I gotta polish the furniture.. .and then
polish some furniture and check out the painting casually.

771is should be stupid and silly and hilarious.]

Rhonda watches Dave as he checks out the painting "real
casual-like."

And marvels at what a goofball he is.

RHONDA. Well, I usually have a Bud and talk to you on the phone.

DAVE. Well, do that! I'll get you a Bud, and you can talk to me!
Where's the kitchen—?
Dave has started making his way into Rhonda's house, but
Rhonda stops him almost immediately: She does not want
him going inside.
RHONDA. N-n-n-n-no! >
DAVE. What?
RHONDA. I'm outta Bud. [I] Only got Natty Light.
Dave starts back into the house.

DAVE. All right, I'll get you a Natty Light, and you can have your
beer and talk to me—
Rhonda stops Dave again.
RHONDA. No-no-no!

126
DAVE. Why not? Come on, let's go inside and get us a coupla beers
and hang out! >
RHONDA. No! (Focusing on the painting.) We gotta trick this

thing, right?
Rhonda resumes the "trickin' it" business.

See? I'm trickin' it!, I'm trickin' it! Trickin' it!, I'm trickin' it!

[Note to the actor playing Rhonda: Have a blast with this

"trickin' it" business. Riff on what Dave has done to "trick it."

And/or just trick it in your own way.]

DAVE. It's what people who've known each other for a long time do:
They have some beers and hang out! Hey! Come on!! Hey!! HEY!!
QUIT IT!!
Dave's raised voice puts a stop to Rhonda's "trickin' it" routine
because this guy doesn't raise his voice very often.

How many years I know ya?, I come all the way out here every Friday
night, and I never been inside your house for beers!?! That's not
natural. It's unnatural, // Rhonda! So let's do what's the natural
thing to do and go inside and have some beers and hang out!
RHONDA. I don't care what it is, I gotta trick this thing. Hey! Hey-
hey-hey, DAVE!! Quit runnin' your suck!! I gotta look! At this thing!

Rhonda pulls up a chair and sits and stares straight at the

painting, which frustrates Dave.

DAVE. You're doin' it wrong! >
RHONDA. Shh'.

DAVE. That's not [how you do it]—. You gotta trick it!, You gotta
trick it!

RHONDA. Hey-hey-hey!, Okay, okay!! I got somethin'!

DAVE. Yeah?
RHONDA. Yeah! Yeah-yeah-yeah: Roadkill.
DAVE. What?
RHONDA. Roadkill. Dead raccoon in the middle of the road.
DAVE. What?!? No! Ihat's not what it is!

RHONDA. Okay, deer. Dead bloody deer // in the middle ofthe road.

127
DAVE. What?!? No!! Rhonda! It's not // a dead deer in the middle
of the road!!

RHONDA. okay, moose. >

DAVE. What?!?
RHONDA. Dead bloody moose in the middle of the road.
DAVE. RHONDA!!! No!!! No!!! That's not somethin' Id wannapaint!!!
// not even close to what it is! Dead moose?!? Come on!!!

RHONDA. Well, that's what I see!, I don't know what it is!, Don't
get mad!, Jeezum Crow!
DAVE. You don't see what it is?!?
RHONDA. No!
DAVE. Well, can I give you a hint?
RHONDA. Yeah!

Dave suddenly swoops in and kisses Rhonda smack on the lips.

Ihat's the hint.

Rhonda immediately gets up and pulls away from or pushes

Dave off her.
lhen, angry/flustered:
What are you doin'?!? What was that?!? Why did you do that?!?
DAVE. 'Cause I was givin' you a hint.
RHONDA. Well, you can't just do that to someone!

DAVE. Well
RHONDA. And don't ever do that again! >

DAVE. Okay—
RHONDA. To me'. >

DAVE. Okay—
RHONDA. Ever, okay?!?

DAVE. Okay—l'//m sorry.

RHONDA. And GET OUTTA HERE!!!
Rhonda storms off into the rest of the house.

Beat.

Dave is stunned.

128
DAVE. (To himself.) Jeezum Crow.

Dave sullenly gathers his things.

And his painting.

And leaves.
Little beat.

Dave suddenly returns.

(Yelling.) HEY, RHONDA!!
RHONDA. (From off.) WHAT?!?
DAVE. YOU REALLY ARE WHAT THEY SAY!
RHONDA. WHAT? WHAT DO THEY SAY?!?
DAVE. THAT YOU'RE A LITTLE HUNG UP, THERE!
RHONDA. (Enteringforcefully.) Who says that?
DAVE. (Retreating—Rhonda's tough.) Everybody.
RHONDA. Everybody who?
DAVE. Everybody, Rhonda. It's what people in town say!

RHONDA. When?
DAVE. When they're talkin'! They say that you're a hung up,
little

there, so I gotta be a little persistent, there, if we're ever gonna be

together, // and, boy, they were right!

RHONDA. Aaah! What is with you and all this talkin' about us
bein' "together" tonight?

DAVE. Rhonda! Come on! I like you! And everybody knows it! >
RHONDA. Everybody who?
DAVE. And I want us to be together or go out or somethin'! And
everybody else does, too!

RHONDA. Everybody who?

DAVE. Everybody!
RHONDA. who, Dave?!? Who's sayin' all this stuff?!?

771is is a tough question to answer, because the people who

said this are Rhonda's friends,

Ultimately, Dave realizes that he has no way out and

meekly admits:

129
DAVE. Just...Suzette.

RHONDA. Suzette?

DAVE. Yeah, and Dan...

RHONDA. (In disbelief.) Suzette and Dan Harding said that I'm a
little hung up there and that we oughtta be together or go out or
somethin'?

DAVE. Yeah.

RHONDA. Well [why would they say that?]

Rhonda is hurt that people have been talking about her love
life behind her back.
Who else said that?
DAVE. Marci.

RHONDA. Marci?!?

DAVE. Yeah, and Phil, // and— >

RHONDA. Marci and Phil?!?

DAVE. Yeah—and Randy and Chad/ Deena and Shelly,20 and >
RHONDA. Randy and Chad/Deena and Shelly?!?—
DAVE. Lendall and Gayle, and >

RHONDA. Gayle?!?

DAVE. Marvalyn and Eric, and >

RHONDA. Marvalyn...?
DAVE. Jimmy, and Sandrine, and East!
RHONDA. East?!?

DAVE. Yeah. And that's just to name a few...

RHONDA. (Deeply hurt.) Well, why would they [say that we
oughtta be together behind my back] — ? I love those guys. I'm
good to those guys. Why would they say that? That's talkin' about
me. Behind my back. That's mean.
DAVE. No, no—I don't think they're bein' mean, Rhonda. They
were just tellin' me to go for it with you.. they like you. And
me. Us. They're rootin' for us, Rhonda.

20 Insert the appropriate names depending on which version of Scene 5, "1hey Fell," was
performed.

130
RHONDA. Who's rootin' for us?

DAVE. Everybody! Gayle and Lendall and Randy and Chad/Deena

and Shelly" and Marci and Phil—
RHONDA. Well, they never told me that, that they're "rootin' for
us"—
DAVE. Well, that's 'cause I you they were. 'Cause
told 'em not to tell

I wanted you to find out from me that I liked you. Not [from] them.

Beat.

Rhonda is still hurt.

But mostly confused.

Just— I'm sorry if I made you mad. When I kissed you.
RHONDA. You can't just do that [kiss someone like that], you
know.
DAVE. Yeah—l know—sorry—I just thought you liked me the
way I like you.
RHONDA. 1 do.

DAVE. (Stunned.) You do?

RHONDA. Yeah. 1 guess.

DAVE. (Taking this in.) Well.. .all right, then!

Little beat.

So... then, can I [kiss you] —wait—so, do you wanna be.. .together?
Rhonda thinks.

And then answers.

RHONDA. Yeah. 1 guess.

DAVE. (Overjoyed—but holding it together.) Well, all right, then!

Little beat.

So.. .then... can I [kiss you]—l would like to kiss you, if that's okay.

Dave moves infor a kiss.

RHONDA. It's not.

Dave stops.

21 Insert the appropriate names depending on which version of Scene 5, "They Fell," was
performed.

131
 And deflates.
DAVE. Oh.
RHONDA. It's not.

DAVE. Okay.
Beat.

And then Dave starts to go, because—what else can he do?

RHONDA. 'Cause—
Dave stops and turns to Rhonda.

'Cause I don't know how.

DAVE. (Confused.) Huh?
RHONDA. I don't know how.
Little beat.

I've never done it before.

DAVE. What do you mean?

RHONDA. I won arm from
wrestling at every Winter Carnival
fifth grade on, and I work in plywood at Bushey's Lumber Mill, and

that's not what most men wanna... want.

DAVE. Oh, now, where do you get that?

RHONDA. From everybody.
DAVE. Well then... you got it wrong, Rhonda, 'cause, I gotta tell ya,
there's a lotta guys that think you're... somethin' special.
RHONDA. Nah.
DAVE. Yeah! 1 mean—I do.
Beat.

So, um, have you never [really ever been with anybody]
A revelation.
You never.. .have [been with anybody]
RHONDA. No.
DAVE. Oh.
Little beat.

Well... do you wanna [be with me]

Little beat.

132
You know what?, Let's, um...try [kissing each other]—... Um...
why don't you try givin' me a kiss, and see what happens. And I'm not
gonna make fun of you or nothin' bad like that—if you're worried
about that—I promise...
Rhonda steps toward Dave.
And it seems like she might kiss him... but then doesn't.
RHONDA. do the...this.

Rhonda goes back to the painting so she can work on figuring

out what Dave has painted for her.
Is it raspberries?

DAVE. Nope.
Dave goes to Rhonda and gently takes her hand.

Rhonda doesn't acknowledge this, but doesn't resist.

RHONDA. Apples?
DAVE. Nope.
Dave has stepped in between Rhonda and the painting.

RHONDA. Big open-faced strawberry rhubarb pie?

DAVE. Nope.
Rhonda and Dave stand face to face.

And look into one another's eyes.

7here are lots offeelings.

And then Dave slowly moves infor a kiss.
And then Rhonda suddenly finishes what Dave started, and
kisses Dave hard.

For a while.
And then she breaks away, overwhelmed.

Rhonda and Dave stand face to face for a beat.

Everything has changed.

RHONDA. You okay?
DAVE. Oh, yeah.
Rhonda suddenly kisses Dave again and the kiss turns into

Rhonda hugging Dave tightly, eyes closed.

133
 And then... Rhonda opens her eyes.

And the painting is directly in her eye-line.

And she finally sees what Dave has painted for her.
771is is Magical Moment #8 (which happens at the same time

as Magical Moment #7, when Hope recognizes Daniel...

which happens at the same time as Magical Moment #6,
when Marci's other shoe drops from the sky. .. which happens
at the same time as Magical Moment #5, when Chad and
Randy or Shelly and Deena fall in love with each other...
which happens at the same time as Magical Moment #4,
when Gayle sees her engagement ring and Lendall proposes
to her... which happens at the same time as Magical Moment

#3, when Steve realizes he's feeling pain for the first time in a
long time...which happens at the same time as Magical
Moment #2, when the waitress tells Jimmy that her name is
Villian... which happens at the same time as Magical Moment

#1, when East opens the bag containing Glory's heart so he

can start repairing it—and Glory sees the northern lights).
A wisp of music or a gentle sound cue could help define this
magical moment.

7he northern lights gently appear.

RHONDA. Oh, Dave!

DAVE. What?
RHONDA. 1 see it! It's a—. 1 see it. It's—

Rhonda goes to the painting.

It's nice. This is really nice. It's good. You're good at this!

DAVE. Yeah?
RHONDA. Yeah.

Dave suddenly kisses Rhonda and breaks away.

DAVE. And you are very good at this [kissing] !

Rhonda suddenly kisses Dave hard and breaks away.

RHONDA. I thought it'd be hard!

Rhonda suddenly kisses Dave hard again.
And it's not! !!

134
 Rhonda kisses Dave again.

At all...

Rhonda kisses Dave again.

And I feel like I wanna do it for a long time, but I also feel like I

wanna do somethin' else... next...

Huge revelation.

And I think I might know exactly what that is!

DAVE. Yeah?
RHONDA. Yeah.

Music.

Rhonda unzips her Polaris snowmobile jacket and takes

it off.

And then nods to Dave, letting him know that she wants
him to do the same.
And Dave does: He unzips his Arctic Cat snowmobile
jacket...and takes it off

And then Rhonda starts taking off her snowmobile pants

and Dave follows Rhonda's lead.

But then Rhonda realizes that she needs to get her snow-
mobile boots off before she can take her snowmobile pants
off—and Dave realizes the same thing—and they hop and
flail and fall to the ground as they try to get their boots off

And they probably help each other get their boots off
And then they help each other wriggle out of their snowmobile
pants.
And then Rhonda and Dave start to take off layer after

layer after layer [the more layers the better] of clothes

(jeans, track pants, hoodies, flannels, long sleeve tees, short
sleeve tees).

They do this with increasing speed and intensity until it's

a bit of a frenzy, and we end up with two people from

Northern Maine facing each other, wearing only their long
johns—with a great big pile of winter clothes on the floor
between them.

135
 Beat.

Rhonda and Dave face each other—in their long johns—

and they are breathless—and dying for each other.
So... are you ready for what comes next-next?
DAVE. Yeah.

RHONDA. Well, then, get yourself inside there, and let's do what's
next-next!

DAVE. All right!!!

Dave starts into the rest of the house, and Rhonda starts to

follow—but stops.
RHONDA. Whoa—wait, wait!
Music cuts out.

DAVE. (Stopping.) What?

RHONDA. We gotta be up at the crack o'crack tomorrow. We're
workin' first shift. We can't do this.

Dave and Rhonda sadly realize that they have to get up

early for work.
After a beat, Dave has a revelation, and he looks at Rhonda.

DAVE. Says who?

Little beat.

RHONDA. (Catching Dave's drift.) You mean.. .call in?

Dave nods.
Like we're sick?

Dave makes like he has a cough.

We're callin' in?!?

Dave sneezes—very artificially.

And then—JOY
Music resumes.
We're callin' in!!! We're callin' Chad/Shelly22!! 'Cause you and me?
We're not workin' first shift or any shift tomorrow!!
Rhonda kisses Dave and sends him into the house.

22 Insert the appropriate name depending on which version ofScene 5, Fell," was performed.

136
You get yourself inside, there, Mister Arctic-Cat-Man, and you get
ready for what's next-next!

DAVE. Oh, I'm gonna! I'm gonna!

Dave exits into the rest of the house.

And Rhonda is about to follow—but sees the painting before

she does.

And picks it up and looks at it.

And loves it.

Then, from inside, we hear Dave call:

HEY, RHONDA'.
Rhonda snaps out of her reverie.
And heads inside.
And brings the painting with her—in such a way that we
finally get to see what it is.

It's a heart.
Music swells.
771e northern lights glow more brightly.

End of Act Two

And we TRANSITION into the...

137
 EPILOGUE

Music and the northern lights fade.

New music up.

It's a few minutes earlier—8:57 P.M. or so.

We are exactly where we left offin the "Interlogue."

Pete appears exactly where we last saw him: He is standing

stage left, holding his snowball, looking off to where Ginette
exited,and pondering the consequences of having shared his
theory of what it means to be "close" with the girl he loves.

He looks at his snowball.. .and then looks off left. .. and then
looks at his snowball again...

And then he makes his way back to the bench and sits

down, maybe slightly defeated—but he almost immediately

gets back up and heads stage left again to look off to
where Ginette exited earlier. Is she gone for good? Is she
coming back?
And then...
... Ginette slowly enters from the other side of the stage
stage right—and makes her way to the bench.

And the northern lights appear.

lhis is the beginning of Magical Moment #9.

And it should be miraculous.

Ginette stops and sees Pete looking off left to where she
exited some ten minutes ago.

Pete sees the northern lights and marvels at them.

Ginette watches Pete marvel at them.

And then Pete sees Ginette.

And he stops cold.

And he looks off left to where Ginette exited in the "Prologue."
And then he looks at Ginette.
And then he looks off left to where Ginette exited in the

"Prologue" one more time.

138
And then he looks back at Ginette.

And maybe he quickly looks off left to where Ginette exited

in the "Prologue" one more time.
And then he looks back at Ginette.

And then he nonverbally asks, using the snowball, if she's

been all the way around the world.

And Ginette nods, "Yes."

She's been all the way around the world, and she's back.

She's "close" again.

Pete wonders how this can be true—and then doesn't care if

it's true or not true.

And he tosses his snowball.

And Ginette and Pete make their way to one another.

And they embrace.

771is is the culmination of Magical Moment #9 (which

happens at the same time as Magical Moment #8, when
Rhonda finally sees what Dave painted for her... which
happens at the same time as Magical Moment when
#7,
Hope recognizes Daniel... which happens at the same time
as Magical Moment #6, when Marci's other shoe drops
from same time as Magical
the sky... which happens at the
Moment #5, when Chad and Randy or Shelly and Deena
fall in love with each other... which happens at the same

time as Magical Moment #4, when Gayle sees her engage-

ment ring and Lendall proposes to her... which happens at
the same time as Magical Moment #3, when Steve realizes
he's feeling pain for the first time in a long time... which
happens at the same time as Magical Moment #2, when
the waitress tells Jimmy that her name is Villian... which
happens at the same time as Magical Moment #1, when
East opens the bag containing Glory's heart so he can start
repairing it—and Glory sees the northern lights).

71ae northern lights glow more brightly.

Ginette and Pete take them in—and they're awesome.

139
And then Ginette and Pete sit on the bench.

And they marvel at the northern lights.

And then Pete looks at Ginette while she continues to marvel
at the northern lights.

And the lights fade to black.

And it all begins again.

End of Play
 PROPERTY LIST

Prologue, Interlogue, and Epilogue

Snowball
Scene Her Heart
1:

Small brown paper grocery bag, filled with nineteen small slate
pieces
Maine travel brochure
Scene 2: Sad and Glad
Two bottles of Budweiser
Tray for the waitress
Scene 3: This Hurts
Man's shirt
Ironing board
Iron
Laundry basket filled with folded laundry
Two composition books
Pencil

Scene 4: Getting It Back

Large bags or sacks filled with batting or pillow stuffng or air

and what you will

glitter or
Small, small pouch with ring box (and ring) inside

Scene 5: They Fell

Four bottles (or cans) of Natural Light beer
Two coolers that can be sat on
Scene 6: Where It Went
Men's hockey skates
Women's hockey or figure skates
Winter shoe
Scene Story of Hope
7:
Purse
Wheelie suitcase
Scene 8: Seeing the Thing
Wrapped painting

141
 SOUND EFFECTS
Scene 1: Her Heart
Distant sound of doors opening, closing
Scene 2: Sad and Glad
Bar activity
Bachelorette party noise
Scene 4: Getting It Back
Truck pulling into driveway
Truck door opening, closing
Pounding on door
House door opening, closing
Scene 6: Where It Went
Car door opening, closing
Car starting, leaving
Scene 7: Story of Hope
Car approaching, idling, leaving
Doorbell
Fancy-shoed footsteps in snow
Door opening, closing
Scene 8: Seeing the Thing
Snowmobiles approaching, parking

142
 NOTES FOR DIRECTORS

On programs:
If—in your program or playbill—you plan to include a list of the
characters appearing in each scene, please do the following:
List the waitress from "Sad and Glad" as "Waitress."
List the man in "Story of Hope" as "Man."
Do not list Suzette from "Story of Hope" at all.
If you are performing both versions of "They Fell" in repertory,
list both casts.

On time:
A reminder: Almost, Maine takes place over a period of about ten
minutes. Each scene starts a little before 9 P.M. and ends a little after
9 P.M. on a Friday night in the middle of winter. There is a "Magical
Moment" in each play, and all of these Magical Moments are hap-
pening at exactly the same time—at 9 P.M. When these Magical
Moments occur, the northern lights appear. In my mind, the
northern lights and the Magical Moments give rise to one another.
Use whatever tools you can to help the audience understand
this timeline and experience each Magical Moment as a concurrent
event.

On casting:
A reminder: Any kind of human being—actors of all shapes, sizes,
colors, backgrounds, abilities, and genders—can act in this play.
Anyone who is comfortable playing the gender of the characters
can play the roles.

On the "Prologue," "Interlogue," and "Epilogue":

The "Prologue," "Interlogue," and "Epilogue" can help audiences
understand that all of the action in Almost, Maine is taking place
at the same moment. They anchor the play in time. The idea is

that Pete is waiting for Ginette and wondering where she went
while all of the other scenes are happening. At the end of the
"Prologue," Pete is left sitting on the bench, pondering. He then
wanders off a bit toward where Ginette exited.. .as Glory appears
for "Her Heart." The "Interlogue" is a continuation of this action.

143
We where we last saw him—stage left, wondering
see Pete exactly
where Ginette went, then making his way back to the bench, and
sitting back down and pondering. Then, at the end of the "Inter-

logue," he again wanders off toward where Ginette exited.. .as

Chad and Randy (or Shelly and Deena) appear for "They Fell." And
then the "Epilogue" is a continuation of the "Interlogue." We see
Pete exactly where we last saw him—wondering where Ginette
went... and then... Ginette returns!
Please remember that the "Interlogue" should pick up exactly
where the "Prologue" left off, and the "Epilogue" should pick up
exactly where the "Interlogue" left off.
If done properly, the "Epilogue" can lift Almost, Maine one

dramatic notch higher than the end of Scene 8, "Seeing the Thing."
Ginette's returnshould be huge and rousing and epic and glorious.
She has walked all the way around the world in an instant, and that
is miraculous.
It is especially important to honor the stage directions in the
"Prologue," the "Interlogue," and the "Epilogue." Often, they are the
actors' "lines." In the "Prologue," please honor that long opening
beat, and, at the end, when Ginette leaves, please follow the stage
directions closely.
Don't be afraid to take time in these sequences, and please
practice taking that time in rehearsal. Rehearse the silences as
much as you rehearse what's spoken.

On the bag exchanges in Scene 1, "Her Heart":

The secret to the imperceptible bag exchanges in this scene is making
sure the bag is always passed from the possessor's upstage hand or
arm to the receiver's upstage hand or arm. Let upstage hands and
arms do the exchanging.

On the physical business in Scene 3, "This Hurts":

The ironing board hits should feel as real, as surprising, and as sim-
ple as can be.Marvalyn should always "operate" the ironing board
with both hands. The key to hitting Steve is in the pivot. Marvalyn
should choose a point upon which to pivot as she simply turns to
go and put the ironing board away. The momentum of her turn will
generate enough speed to make for a pretty great wallop of Steve.
 This ironing board business works best if Steve has his back to
the audience and Marvalyn hits him on the crown of the head (or
his forehead, protected by a hand, perhaps) sending Stevetumbling
downstage off the bench. This way, the actor playing Steve can see
the hit coming and can control it. Note: It's best if the bench is
backless for stage combat purposes.
Don't pad the ironing board too much. The flat top of an ironing
board is not solid metal—it's mesh-like, so it really doesn't hurt.
And there are moving metal parts on the board's underside, which
make a great sound when the board hits something like a human
head. Padding dampens the sound. Safety first—yes—but getting
hit in the head with an ironing board is not as painful as it seems
(especially when it's choreographed)!
Steve's THINGS
books of CAN HURT YOU and
THINGS TO BE AFRAID OF should be composition books, be-
cause they make a great sound when they smack a human head,
and they don't actually hurt.

On Scene 7, "Story of Hope":

It is important to me that the actor who plays the man in "Story of
Hope" be short or thin. "Story of Hope" is a story of loss, and a
physical manifestation of loss in theman is key—lost height (this
is best), lost weight—because this man is literally half the man he

used to be, because he has lost so much hope. You'll be surprised

by how magical and heartbreaking and funny this scene is when
the physical manifestation of the man's loss is crystal clear.
Many people want to know why Daniel doesn't reveal himself to
Hope at the beginning of the scene. Well, first off, Daniel is utterly
stunned that Hope has returned. Second, at the beginning of the
scene, he isn't really given a chance to reveal himself, because
Hope doesn't give him a chance to speak: She's too busy talking.
And third, as Daniel realizes that Hope has no idea who he is, he's
probably intrigued by how this is all going to play out, and by
what she has to say to him—because she thinks he's a stranger.
There are places in the middle of the scene where Daniel could
reveal himself. But I think he decides to withhold the information
Hope needs because.. .maybe it's his way of exacting a little bit of
revenge. I do think his speech is cryptic and pointed. But it's not

145
an attack. Daniel is passive-aggressively letting Hope know that
what she did was wrong. Fortunately, though, once he reveals
himself, he chooses to be kind. Until he remembers—and Hope

realizes—that he's (maybe happily, maybe just contentedly) married.

That's the twist I love!

On structure:
Almost, Maine is unique in that it is comprised of nine complete
tales, each of which begins, climaxes, and ends. Each tale is its

own unique emotional nut to crack. Serve each one well and indi-
vidually. If each part is well done, the sum of the parts will be
effective, and the natural progression of the scenes will fuel the
overall arc of the play.

On transitions:
The transitions between each scene in Almost, Maine must not slow
the play down. Keep them as short as possible. This can be best
accomplished when there isn't much stuff to clear/set up between
scenes.
In many of the productions I've seen, the transitions are black-
outs during which the northern lights appear. And this works. But
blackouts create full stops. And stops allow audiences to disengage
slightly. So I think the best way to do Almost, Maine is without too
many blackouts.
The most recent Off-Broadway revival was a blackout-free affair,
thanks to director Jack Cummings Ill. When one scene ended, the
lights would change (the northern lights flickered), music would
establish, and the scene would dissolve.. .as the next scene materi-

alized. This did not muddle the endings of the scenes. It simply

kept the play moving forward.

On the endings of each scene:

Please note that the endings of the individual scenes in Almost,
Maine are crucial. They're not easy, happy endings. They're not
endings at all, actually. They are complex, fragile, and sometimes
awful suspensions, fraught with uncertainty.
I do think that, at the close of each scene in the play, the

characters are about to experience joy. Great joy. But not just yet—

146
not in what I've written. In what I've written, the lights fade on the
moment of change. And change is hard and confusing and uncer-
tain. So don't cheat. Don't skip those uncertain, scary, trepidatious

Don't go straight to the joy. The real, unmitigated joy

feelings.
happens after these scenes end. What the folks of Almost (and,
therefore, what audiences) experience at the end of these scenes is
that moment just before the joy! It's bubbling under the sur-
there,
face, and I definitely think there's room for a hint of the joy to come.
But—going straight to joy at the end of each scene is the corny, easy
way to do this play. And nothing in this play should be corny. Or
easy. Because love isn't easy in any of these scenes, especially in

Scenes 6 and 7, "Where It Went" and "Story of Hope." If you man-

age to keep the endings suspended and keep the audience almost
happy, wanting for resolution and catharsis until the very end of the
last scene of the play, you'll have done your job perfectly!
Only at the end of the final scene in the play, "Seeing the Thing,"
does the audience get a true, cathartic "happy ending." Joy has to be
earned, and I Rhonda and Dave have earned it. All of
think only
the other folks in this play have to wade through fear or sadness or
pain before they get the joy! Make the audience wade with them! The
"almost-happiness" of Scenes 1 through 5 and the bittersweetness—
heck, bitterness—of Scenes 6 and 7 will make the end of Scene 8
wonderfully cathartic and deliriously joyful. (And, yes, the last

scene of Act One—"Getting It Back"—has a pretty happy ending, but

that whole scene is a fight—the consequences of which must be
dealt with.And, yes, the "Epilogue" has a happy ending, too. But the
joy there has been earned, because the "Prologue" ends in the utter
uncertainty of a quiet, gentle, profound disaster.)

On language:
I call the dialogue in Almost, Maine "quietly heightened." It's not
particularly poetic. It's true to the way people talk. So please en-
courage your actors to talk the way people talk, not the way actors
talk. And—although I don't think I've written poetic language—I

think I have written poetic situations. This is the kind of poetry I

like: poetry that is well disguised; poetry that sneaks up on an

audience; poetry that surprises. Unexpected poetry gets people
where it counts—in their hearts and souls.

147
General note:
Please keep in mind that Almost, Maine is a collection of loosely
linked short plays. It's often described as a collection of vignettes
or sketches, but I'm not too keen on these terms, because a vignette
is defined as a "short sketch," and a sketch is defined as a "slight
theatrical piece." And—if done properly—I don't think the scenes
in Almost, Maine are slight. I think they are deep and powerful—
they're full of conflict and loss and hope, and, in every scene, the
characters change. In other words—I think they're the stuff of
drama:
Merriam-Webster defines drama as "a composition intended
to.. .tell a story usually involving conflicts and emotions through
action and dialogue and typically designed for theatrical perfor-
mance." Almost, Maine is a composition that tells many stories
involving conflicts and emotions through action and dialogue,
and it was designed for theatrical performance.
Aristotle defines drama as an art form in which characters are
introduced, action rises, conflict ensues, a climax results, and the
people involved are changed. In Almost, Maine, characters are
introduced, events occur, action rises, conflict ensues, a climax
results, and the people involved are changed.
Playwright Arnold Wesker defines drama beautifully as
material that is anecdotal.. .which resonates... [and] carries mean-
ing into other people's lives across time and frontiers." Almost,
Maine is anecdotal, and I hope that the stories it tells carry meaning
into other people's lives across time and frontiers.
These definitions of drama all accurately describe Almost,
Maine, and justify my contention that Almost, Maine is a collection
of short dramas—or plays. Please approach it as such. I like to
think of the play as a dramatic comedy.
Almost, Maine is often described as a "quirky" play filled with
"quirky" characters. I don't think Almost, Maine is a quirky play.
And it's definitely not filled with quirky characters. The people of
Almost, Maine, are quite ordinary. I think it's the situations that
they find themselves in that could be described as "quirky." I prefer
the terms otherworldly or extraordinary. I guess I'm just asking you
to keep the quirkiness to aminimum as you build this play. The
word "quirky" somehow... minimizes. And I don't want to minimize

148
the lives of the people in this play. That happens to rural Americans
all too often. them up and honor them.
I'd like to lift

Finally, I think Almost, Maine is best described as a midwinter

night's dream. And as a romance. A really funny—but really sad

romance. It's been fun for me to watch audiences take in produc-
tions of Almost, Maine, because they think they're watching a sim-
ple, realistic little comedy... and then, all of a sudden, they're not.
They're watching something that isn't simple or realistic or comic at
all. Nothing is what it seems. And this surprises people. And it's

wonderful to watch people get surprised. People laugh when they're

surprised.They gasp. They make strange sounds. Please make this
your goal as you direct the play: Make the audience make noise.
Make them laugh and gasp and make strange sounds. Make them
desperately wonder if what seems to be unfolding before their very
eyes.. .is actually unfolding before their very eyes. Keep them
guessing. Stay ahead of them. Don't give them what they expect.
Don't telegraph. Keep the surprises alive. If you don't succeed in

this—then Almost, Maine will languish in corny sentimentality.

And it will be bad. Because this play is almost bad. It toes the line.
Don't let it be bad. Make it good. Great, even.

149
 NOTES FOR ACTORS

On punctuation:
I've addressed the and > symbols in the notes section at the
//

beginning of this volume. I just wanted to remind you that the

overlaps are very specific and diffcult, Please figure them out
accurately! Please remember that // means that the next speaker
should start speaking and that > just means keep talking and don't
stop and wait for the other character to speak. Drive through to the
end of the sentence or thought.
Some other punctuation notes:
Sometimes you'll see commas after end punctuation:

RHONDA. Hey-hey-hey!, okay, okay!!

This is simply to encourage pace and keep things moving. Push
through to the landing place—which is, in this case, the double
exclamation point.
Remember that lines in brackets like these [ ] shouldn't be
spoken. They're just guides to what is unsaid.
A dash (—) at the end of a line means that the next speaker
cuts off the current speaker.
Adash followed by a period ( ) or a dash followed by an
.

ellipsis ( ... ) at the end of a line means that the person speaking

cuts themself off with thought. The next character to speak does
not do the cutting off.

An ellipsis (...) at the end of a line means that the thought

trails off.

A dash (—), a dash followed by a period (—.), or a dash followed

by an ellipsis means that the person speaking
(—...) inside a line
cuts themself off with thought before moving on.
Because pace is key to this play, keeping your lines of thought
active is key, as when the characters are actually listening
is noting
to each other. Often you'll be playing people who aren't listening to
each other. Explore that—the non-listening that happens when
people are thinking, or are too busy talking. I think the big epipha-
nies come when people actually listen to and hear each other—and
I think epiphanies—and true listening—are rather rare.

150
On dialect:
Northern Mainers don't really have a distinctive dialect, though Rs
are pretty pronounced. Words like "sorry" or "forest" or "tomorrow"
are pronounced "SORE-ee," "FORE-est," and "to-MORE-ow." The
"or" sound is the key. That's about all I'd do with dialect—because
the Maine dialect most people know of is a coastal thing, and
Almost, Maine, is a couple hundred miles from the ocean. It's not
"Downeast," so please don't do "Downeast" Maine. Please. It's not
who these people are. Do not think "lobstah" or "A-yuh?' Think
Canadian. Most important: Just talk. And hit your Rs a little harder
than you normally might.
And, while the people of Almost, Maine, are rural dwellers,
they definitely don't have Southern accents. This play takes place
in Northern Maine.

On language:
Please honor the beats—the quiet moments—in Almost, Maine.
And make sure they are full and electric. play must never feel
slow. niere's a buoyancy to the material. A lightness. And I think
it's in the language. Find where the words come tumbling out of

the characters' mouths. Find where the words don't come so

easy—where the quiet moments are. Much is communicated in
those quiet moments, and the play must continue to move forward
inside of them.
Please note that the characters from out of town (Glory and
Hope) talk more—and faster—than the people of Almost. They
have most of the play's monologues. They use words in an attempt
to stay in control of situations that get out of (their) control.

On characterization:
Your job as an actor in these plays is to tell the stories. You're a
storyteller. Don't worry too much about being a chameleon. Don't
create caricatures. Sure, you want to create distinct characters—
but trust the stories to do a lot of that work for you. Tell the stories,

and allow the characters to come to life. This doesn't mean be lazy.
It doesn't mean don't be outrageous. It doesn't mean don't be
creative. It doesn't mean do nothing or be boring. It just means...

construct truthfully!

151
 Remember: The people of Almost, Maine, are not cute and
cuddly. not quaint eccentrics. They are not simpletons—
although there is a guilelessness about them. They're not quirky.
They are ordinary people. It's their situations that are odd, extraor-

dinary, and (maybe) quirky.

My advice: Don't forget how much the people of Almost,
Maine, are hurting. Honor the ache, play the pain (keep most of it
covered), and don't forget that Almost, Maine is a comedy. Sadness
and pain are the funniest things in the world.

152
 NOTES FOR DESIGNERS

On creating place:
Almost, Maine, is a quiet, remote, sometimes lonely place. It is

empty. The people of Almost live uncluttered lives. Keep this in

mind as you decide how much stuff you need to define the different
locales of Almost, Maine. I think the less stuff the better. The
bleaker the better—it will play nicely against the sweetness and
(presumed) sentimentality of the play.
Please consider visitingwww.crownofmaine.com for terrific
photos of Northern Maine. Look for links to photos by Paul Cyr.
And—here's something that I'm not sure anyone can do any-
thing about, but it's always been on my mind. When people think
of Maine, they think of lobster and the ocean. But Almost, Maine,
is nowhere near the ocean. It's almost in Quebec, Canada. I've tried

to make this as clear as possible in the text—but it takes a lot more

to break down a common misconception than a passing mention!
Anything you can do to help people understand what and where
this very special place is would be very much appreciated.

On creating the northern lights:

northern lights are not complex and extravagant. They're
clean lines of light—like ribbons or curtains. They can be white,
yellow, green, red, blue, or purple, depending on what gas is being
excited. The most common color combinations are green and red.
I believe lower-atmosphere oxygen makes the green color when
plasma collides with it, and upper-atmosphere oxygen makes the
red color. Red is rarer. But better for this play, I think. I've seen

yellow, white, and green most frequently; red, occasionally; blue,

once (most beautiful thing I've ever seen); purple, never. When-
ever I've seen the northern lights, I've felt like they're alive. They
move. And they are soundless—but when they appear, it feels like
there's a humming in the air. When creating the northern lights

for a production of Almost, Maine, aim to convey that feeling.

On costumes:
The people of Almost, Maine, don't wear funny clothes and funny
hats. Keep the clothes simple and functional.

153
On music:
Interstitialmusic will play a big part in Almost, Maine. Julian
Fleisher's music was written for the play, and it is available for
licensing through Dramatists Play Service. You can find more in-
formation on ordering and licensing this music by going to the
Almost, Maine page on www.dramatists.com. I strongly encourage
its use.

If you
do use other music, try not to use music with lyrics. I
think instrumental folk music is the way to go—stuff that features
guitar, hammer dulcimer, harmonica, fiddle, etc. Music with lyrics

tends to provide an analysis of what has just happened—and I

really want the stories to speak for themselves. Let the scenes be

the lyrics.

154
 FACTS AND FIGURES

On Maine:
Maine is the easternmost and northeastern-most state in the United
States.

Maine has 611 miles of international border with Canada,

more than any other state except Alaska and Michigan.
Maine is the only state in the country that's attached to only
one other state—New Hampshire.
Maine's total area is about 35,400 square miles. The other
New England states New
Hampshire, Massachusetts,
(Vermont,
Connecticut, and Rhode Island) have a total area of about 36,600
square miles. Although it comprises almost half of New England's
total land area,Maine contains only 9% of the region's population.
With 1.3 million residents, Maine is the most sparsely populated
state east of the Mississippi River. It has 40 people per square mile.
(Consider this: Vermont—Vermont—has 65 people per square
mile; Massachusetts has 810; New Jersey: 1,100.)

Maine's largest city is Portland, pop. 68,000. (Greenwich, CT,

has 63,000 residents.) Only Vermont, West Virginia, and Wyoming
have smaller largest cities.
Maine's unorganized territories make up more than half of the
state's total land area.
Maine is more forested than any other state in the country. It is

90% woods.
Maine has more moose per square mile than any other state.
Maine contains the northern terminus of the Appalachian
Trail: Mount Katahdin in Central Maine.

On Aroostook County:
Aroostook is the largest county east of the Mississippi River, with
an area of 6,828 square miles. It is larger than Connecticut (5,567
sq. mi.) and Rhode Island (1,214 sq. mi.) combined.

Aroostook County's population is about 67,000, making it one

of the most sparsely populated counties east of the Mississippi.
(Connecticut and Rhode Island's combined population is 4.7 million.)
Aroostook has about 10 people per square mile, making it less
densely populated than North Dakota.

155
On Almost, Maine:
Were it to exist, Almost, Maine, would be located in T 13 R7, in the
heart of Aroostook County. T 13 R7 is some 75 miles northwest of
the northern terminus of Interstate 95; some 120 miles north of
Mount Katahdin; some 200 miles northwest of the ocean (at its
closest); some 300 miles north of Portland, Maine; and some 450

miles north of Boston, Massachusetts.

Population: about 300.
Median annual household income: about $30,000.
Hours of daylight in mid-January: about 9.
Average January temperature: 9 degrees Fahrenheit.
Average annual snowfall: 110 inches.

Again, thank you for reading. working on a production of

If you're

the play, thank you for believing in a place like Almost, Maine.

—John Cariani

156
 gNJNsusCVJ

157
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158
Note on Songs/Recordings, Images, or Other Production
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159