Module 3 - Harmony in The Family and Society
Module 3 - Harmony in The Family and Society
Module 3
Harmony in the Family and Society
Content of Module 3 :
✓ Harmony in the Family – the Basic Unit of Human Interaction
✓ -Values in Human-to-Human Relationship
✓ ‘Trust' – the Foundational Value in Relationship
✓ 'Respect' – as the Right Evaluation
✓ Understanding Harmony in the Society
✓ Vision for the Universal Human Order
1. Relationship IS and it exists between the Self (‘I’) and the other Self (‘I’).
2. The Self (‘I’) has feelings in a relationship. These feelings are between ‘I’ and ‘I’.
3. These feelings in the Self (‘I’) are definite. i.e. they can be identified with definiteness.
4. Recognizing and fulfilling these feelings leads to mutual happiness in relationship.
1. Relationship IS and it exists between the Self (‘I’) and the other Self (‘I’).
➢ Relationships exist between oneself (me) and oneself (me). Were the relationships in your
family made by you, or were you born into them?
➢ You can't create family relationships; you're born into them naturally. Similarly, families
didn't create the social connections they rely on; they're part of a natural web of
interdependency.
➢ We're immersed in relationships; they're there, and all we need to do is recognize and
understand them.
2. The Self (‘I’) has feelings in a relationship. These feelings are between ‘I’ and ‘I’
➢ We're inherently connected to each other. When we explore deeper, we find that it's our
inner selves that are primarily linked, not just our bodies.
➢ Our bodies are just tools for expressing or receiving this connection. Our true
understanding and feelings come from our inner selves, not our bodies.
➢ For example , a mother feels connected to her child not because of their bodies, but
because of their inner selves.
➢ It's the "I" within each of them that recognizes and feels this relationship.
3. The Self (‘I’) has Feelings in a Relationship. These Feelings are between ‘I’ and ‘I’
➢ Feelings naturally exist in relationships. We can't make them or get rid of them. Even if
we try to ignore or deny them, they're still there.
➢ These feelings are essential to relationships and can't be ignored. Now, let's ask some
questions:
➢
➢ Relationships are between selves, and feelings are between ‘I’ and ‘I’. Mutual fulfillment
is the natural result of correctly recognizing and living in a relationship.
3. Trust (Visvasa)
➢ Trust, or vishwãs, is the key value in relationships. It means believing that each person
naturally wants both themselves and others to be happy and successful. Consider these
points:
✓ I want to be happy.
✓ I want the other person to be happy.
✓ The other person wants to be happy.
✓ The other person wants me to be happy.
➢ When do you feel afraid of someone, and when do you feel assured?
➢ You feel assured when you believe the other person wants your happiness and success. If
you think they might deny your happiness or success, you feel afraid.
➢ Let's go a bit further. Look at the table below. If your answer to the questions on the left
(Intention) is 'Yes', put a tick mark. Do the same for the questions on the right (Competence).
If you're not sure or your answer is no, use a question mark.
➢ We have populated the questions with answers below with tentative answers.
➢ You might not be able to answer 'Yes' to any question under Competence, but you can affirm
the first three questions under Intention, though you doubt the fourth.
➢ This shows an interesting pattern: when judging yourself, you focus on your intention, but
when judging others, you focus on their competence.
➢ For example , you're sure you want to make others happy, but you're unsure if they want to
make you happy. You trust your own intentions but not others'.
➢ They likely have the same answers about themselves. This mutual mistrust can harm
relationships.
➢ We all struggle with fulfilling our intentions due to competence issues.
➢ Trusting others' intentions helps us see them as allies, not adversaries, and allows us to
support each other. Intentions are usually good; it's just competence that needs improvement
through understanding.
➢ When we are assured of the intention of the other and find that the competence is
lacking, we become a help to the other. When we doubt the intention of the other, we get
into opposition.
➢ You might wonder, "How can we know the other person's intentions?"
➢ Well, when I look at myself, I can understand my intentions clearly. If I'm sure about wanting
my own happiness and the other person's, then I can say the other person also feels the same.
➢ But often, I mistake competence for intention. For example, if someone doesn't acknowledge
me, I might assume they're ignoring me, when really they're just preoccupied. This doubt in
their intention causes conflicts.
➢ We all want to make each other happy, but our competence sometimes falls short. Trust
comes from understanding this. If we know everyone's intention is good, we can help each
other improve competence and understanding.
➢ Just as we have shortcomings, so do others. But when they fail, we doubt their intention,
causing relationship problems. Trust comes from knowing everyone's intention is to do well.
With this understanding, we can not only be content ourselves but also help others.
➢ Thus the above questionnaire can be answered in the following way:
➢ We should focus on improving our skills so we can answer 'Yes' to (1b) and (2b). Based on
this, we decide how to proceed with others.
➢ You might worry about being fooled by trusting others' intentions. But trusting their
intentions actually makes you feel secure.
➢ It helps you see the relationship clearly and work together to improve skills, rather than
doubting and causing trouble.
➢ Today, even in families, mistrust can lead to hostility and break relationships. Trust is crucial;
if it's shaken, the whole relationship suffers.
➢ Remember, recognizing intention isn't something new; it's already within you. Don't just
accept what's said here; verify it within yourself.
➢ In your family, when there's an issue, think about whether you doubt the other person's
intention or competence.
➢ You usually feel hurt when you doubt their intention, not their competence. Lack of trust in
intention is a major issue in relationships, causing conflicts.
➢ Why do people lack competence? Because they're not paying attention to understanding
relationships.
➢ Often, people do things they don't mean to. For example, they might get angry
unintentionally. Understanding this can help avoid conflicts.
➢ Today, trust is often misunderstood. We confuse competence with intention. Trusting
intention means understanding that everyone wants good, even if they lack skills. This
understanding helps in dealing with people effectively.
➢ Let's clarify common doubts:
✓ Trusting a stranger: Understand that they have similar intentions as you.
✓ Someone with bad intentions: Often, their actions stem from lack of understanding,
not malice.
✓ Someone with a bad character: Their behavior may result from misunderstandings,
not inherent bad intentions.
✓ Being taken advantage of: Trusting intention doesn't mean being naive; it means
understanding people better.
✓ Someone untrustworthy: They likely lack understanding, needing help rather than
suspicion.
✓ Blind trust: Trust intention, but evaluate competence before making decisions.
➢ Understanding others' intentions helps navigate relationships better, making interactions more
effective and less hurtful.
4. Respect (Samman)
➢ Verify the following on the basis of your natural acceptance:
1. Do you naturally prefer feeling respected or disrespected by yourself?
2. Do you naturally prefer feeling respected or disrespected by others?
➢ We all want respect. Just like we want it, others want it too. Everyone wants to be respected
and to respect others.
➢ Respect means being evaluated accurately. We often make mistakes in evaluation in three
ways:
1. Over Evaluation: Thinking too highly of someone.
Example: If someone praises you excessively, you might feel uneasy.
2. Under Evaluation: Thinking too lowly of someone.
Example: If someone insults you, you feel uncomfortable.
3. Otherwise Evaluation: Evaluating someone as something they're not.
Example: Being called names like "donkey" when you're a human.
➢ In these examples, any incorrect evaluation makes us uncomfortable, leading to feeling
disrespected. Respect means evaluating rightly.
➢ Think about times when you felt wrongly evaluated or when you misjudged others. This
happens a lot but often goes unnoticed, causing problems in relationships.
➢ We have various ideas about respect. For instance, saluting, firing guns at funerals, having
fancy possessions are seen as signs of respect.
➢ But do these ensure real respect? Let's understand what respect truly means and rethink our
actions.
➢ Humans consist of both the "I" (self) and the body. Respecting someone means understanding
this dual existence. When you respect someone based on the "I," you recognize:
a) We both seek continuous happiness and prosperity.
b) We both need to understand and live harmoniously at all levels of our being.
c) The "I" within us is active and continuous, with desires, thoughts, and
expectations. Realizing these similarities leads to respect in relationships. If we
don't see this, we create differences.
➢ Respect happens when we see the other as similar to ourselves. We all desire happiness, act
similarly, and have the same potential at the "I" level. Though our understanding may vary,
we all have the capacity to comprehend harmony and reality.
➢ This isn't about adopting morals or habits but recognizing truths through personal exploration.
You must verify these truths yourself. Start exploring within to understand and live these
realities independently.
➢ These are the different ways we differentiate between people today! Let us look at them one
by one:
A) On the basis of Body :
➢ In society, we often base respect on factors like sex/gender, race, age, and physical strength,
which are attributes of the body, not the "I" (self). For example:
1) Sex/Gender: Some societies favor males over females or vice versa, ignoring that
these are body attributes, not "I" attributes.
2) Race: People treat others differently based on skin color, race, or caste, which are
body features, not related to the "I."
3) Age: We're told to respect elders but overlook the importance of respecting
youngsters, again evaluating based on body attributes.
4) Physical strength: Stronger individuals are often treated differently, but this is based
on fear, not true respect for the "I." Awards and titles based on physical strength don't
reflect someone's inner self. These examples show how we mistakenly focus on body
attributes rather than evaluating rightly at the level of the "I."
B) On the basis of Physical Facilities:
1) Wealth: People are often judged based on how much money they have. "Rich"
individuals are admired without considering if they're truly happy. This overvalues
material possessions, leading to misunderstandings in relationships.
2) Post: Positions are highly respected, even if they don't reflect someone's inner
qualities. We're taught to pursue high positions for respect, making it seem like
respect only comes with status. This makes true respect hard to find.
C) On the basis of Beliefs :
1) Isms: An "ism" is a belief system, like capitalism or socialism. People who follow
these beliefs are called capitalists or socialists. These beliefs are learned from
childhood and often lead to differentiation.
2) Sects: Sects are groups with specific beliefs and practices, often tied to religion. People
within a sect only respect those who share their beliefs, leading to division based on
tradition or religion.
➢ Instead of respecting each other based on similarities, we've created divisions based on
various factors. This has caused widespread problems and led to movements demanding
equality and respect.
1) Sex/Gender: Women demand equal rights in education, jobs, and representation.
In some societies, there's preference for male children, leading to gender
insecurity.
2) Race: Movements against racial discrimination and caste discrimination are
common. People live in fear due to racism and casteism.
3) Age: Protests for children's rights and elderly rights highlight the generation gap
causing tension in families.
4) Wealth: The gap between rich and poor countries leads to large-scale problems.
Lack of understanding exacerbates these issues.
Difference between Attention and Respect:
➢ People do all sorts of things just to gain attention and respect. They climb mountains, eat
strange foods on TV, wear unusual clothes, and chase after money and fame.
➢ But all this only gets them attention, not real respect or meaningful relationships. Think
about it: when you dress up, does it make others respect you or just envy you?
➢ Real respect comes from accepting each other as humans, without needing to do anything
special. This makes both people happy and comfortable, without the need for constant
struggle.
What is the Way Out?
➢ To overcome differentiation, we need to see humans as a combination of the Self ('I') and
the Body, and base respect on the Self ('I'). We're similar in our basic desires, actions, and
potential.
➢ Differences only exist in competence, where we learn from each other or help improve
each other.
➢ Understanding this helps us see that respect should be based on similarity, not
differentiation.
➢ For example , when someone compliments your shirt, they're praising your appearance,
not you as a person. Similarly, when a gatekeeper salutes you, it's just a mechanical
action, not genuine respect. We need to understand if real respect exists in our
relationships.
➢ Respect is a continuous feeling in a relationship, based on understanding. It's the harmony
between individuals.
➢ Differences between individuals lie mainly in understanding, not in superiority or
inferiority.
➢ Building harmony in society starts with family. When we feel connected to everyone, society
becomes undivided. Our natural acceptance is to relate to everyone, not just a small group.
➢ Understanding this leads to a sense of responsibility and participation in creating harmony in
society.
➢ Understanding and achieving a comprehensive human goal is essential for fulfilling the basic
aspirations of all individuals in society.
➢ This goal promotes sustainable prosperity, peace, and harmony for everyone.
In summary: Right understanding leads to prosperity, which fosters trust and co-existence
➢ Let's assess our current situation in relation to the Comprehensive Human Goal:
a) Right understanding in individuals: We prioritize information and skills over
understanding happiness and relationships.
b) Prosperity in families: We focus on generating wealth without considering the limited
need for physical facilities.
c) Fearlessness (trust) in society: Instead of fostering trust, we invest in strategic powers
and preparation for war, leading to increased fear.
d) Co-existence with nature: Rather than co-existing, we exploit nature, disrupting its
balance and risking our own destruction.
➢ To address these issues, we must realign our focus towards understanding harmony at all
levels of our living and transition from assumptions to right understanding.
➢ This requires each of us to start this journey within ourselves and contribute to rectifying this
dangerous situation.
➢ The key problem is the lack of emphasis on ensuring right understanding in individuals,
which is crucial for achieving prosperity and social harmony.
➢ Let's consider how these five dimensions of human endeavor align with the comprehensive
human goal:
1) Education (Shiksha-Sanskar): It should focus on imparting right living principles
and values.
2) Health (Svasthya-Sanyam): Emphasize self-regulation and well-being practices for
individuals.
Justice involves recognizing, fulfilling, and evaluating values in human relationships, leading
to mutual happiness.
Preservation ensures mutual enrichment, protection, and right utilization of nature for both
humans and the environment. It involves enriching natural resources, protecting them, and
using them wisely.
4) Production-Work :
Work involves the physical effort humans put into nature, while production refers to the
results obtained from this effort.
a) What to produce: This depends on identifying the body's needs for nourishment,
protection, and proper utilization. This includes food, clothing, shelter, and tools for
various purposes.
b) How to produce: Production methods should align with nature's harmony, meaning they
should be cyclical and mutually enriching. Nature's processes are cyclical and enriching,
like the growth of a tree from a seed and its return to the soil through decay.
Production in nature is already happening, with plants growing and providing food. Human
intervention, such as agriculture, extends and enhances these natural processes. Human
beings can contribute to nature's enrichment by aligning production methods with natural
cycles, like planting trees and returning nutrients to the soil.
In nature, there are four types of entities: materials like air, water, and soil, plants, animals,
and humans. These entities have interconnected relationships, with materials, plants, and
animals enriching each other. Production occurs naturally in nature based on these cycles of
mutual enrichment. Science and technology aim to support these natural cycles and make
humans more fulfilling to other entities. However, humans often disrupt these cycles instead
of enhancing them. Understanding nature's processes can help design production systems that
ensure mutual fulfillment rather than disturbance.
5) Exchange-Storage :
Exchange (vinimaya) means swapping goods among society members, while storage (kos.a)
involves keeping surplus goods after meeting family needs. Both are for mutual fulfillment,
not greed.
✓ Exchange: Swapping for mutual fulfillment, not greed.
✓ Storage: Keeping for future use, not hoarding.
Families can produce more than needed. Excess is exchanged for current needs and stored for
the future. This fosters mutual fulfillment, not exploitation. Similarly, storage is for future
use, not greed. Recognizing our relationship with others and nature prevents exploitation.
We can now see how these five dimensions of humanistic society are able to ensure the
human goal:
* Production and work are for physical facilities, and this leads to a feeling of prosperity in
the family. Production is done in harmony with nature, and hence, this also leads to co-
existence with nature.
Exchange – Storage ————> leads to ————> Prosperity and Fearlessness
* When we store and exchange for mutual fulfilment and not for exploitation, then it leads to
fearlessness (trust) in society.
➢ Let's look at how our current programs align with the five dimensions and whether they're
helping us achieve our human goals.
1) Education-Right Living:
We've made education accessible to all, spreading information widely. However, our focus on
literacy and skills overlooks the importance of living in harmony. True education means
understanding and living harmoniously at all levels, which we're missing.
2) Health-Self-regulation:
We've made strides in healthcare, reducing infant mortality and increasing life expectancy.
But our reliance on medication over self-regulation leads to irresponsible living and new
health issues. We're not prioritizing holistic health and self-discipline.
3) Justice-Preservation:
Courts handle disputes, but true justice is about mutual fulfillment in relationships. Sadly,
societal relationships are deteriorating, with rising legal battles and communal tensions. We're
not fostering mutual fulfillment, leading to social discord.
Preservation:
Our technological advancements have often harmed nature instead of enriching it. Pollution,
resource depletion, and overconsumption threaten our environment. We're exploiting nature
instead of protecting and utilizing it wisely.
4) Production-Work:
Our production systems are efficient but often disrupt natural cycles, leading to ecological
imbalance. We exploit resources instead of enriching them, causing environmental harm.
We're not aligning our production methods with nature's cyclic principles.
5) Exchange . Storage:
Modern exchange systems facilitate global trade and wealth accumulation, but they also
exacerbate exploitation and wealth inequality. Money's liquidity has benefits but has led to a
skewed focus on profit over genuine needs.
➢ In short , while our programs have made some progress, they often fall short of fostering true
harmony and fulfillment. We need to reassess our priorities and realign our efforts to ensure a
more sustainable and harmonious future.
Harmony from Family Order to World Family Order: Universal Human Order
➢ Having understood the comprehensive human goal, we are able to be in harmony not only
with human beings, but also with the rest of nature.
➢ We are able to see that we are related to every unit in the nature and ensure mutual
fulfilment in that relationship.
➢ Working on the five dimensions of human endeavour in the light of right understanding,
we are able to work for an orderly living of the human society, whose foundational unit is
the family and the final destination is the world family.
➢ Thus, a number of family units in the form of a village and a number of villages integrate
to larger clusters of human society – expanding in this sequence finally to a universal
human order on this planet.
➢ Living in this order, we are able to plan for the need of physical facilities, the availability
of natural resources and the role of human beings in ensuring the need at the level of
planet.
➢ We are able to work for inculcation of universally acceptable human values through
education, plan systems to ensure justice for all human beings, make policies for the well-
being of all.
✓ Undivided Society ( Akhandˆa Samãja)- feeling of being related to every
human being.
✓ Universal Human Order (Sãrvabhauma Vyavasthã) - feeling of being related
to every unit including human beings and other entities of nature.