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Principles Method Cheat Sheet 2

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16 views7 pages

Principles Method Cheat Sheet 2

Bdhd

Uploaded by

Stir
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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TH E PRI NCI PLE S 1

The Principles
Authentic Communication
S AY W H AT YO U M E A N

Direct communication is essential in parenting (and life!)

It’s being aware of what you want to communicate and saying exactly that. It
often means less questions and more direct statements.

Instead of asking, “Why aren’t you in bed yet?” try speaking directly. “I want
you in bed, now.”

Instead of, “Time to brush your teeth now, ok?” Try instead, “We’re brushing
teeth now. Go get your toothbrush please.”

Direct, authentic communication does not mean you’re speaking harshly


or coldly. On the contrary, you’re calm, you’re confident and you’re clearly
expressing what you mean.
TH E PRI NCI PLE S 2

Look Inward
B E AWA R E O F YO U R O W N E M OT I O N S .

Your child’s behavior triggers emotions in you, that’s ok, normal and relevant.
But your emotions are about you and not your child. They interfere with your
sensibility, inhibiting your rational decision making and overall, are not the best
parental tool to help your child manage their emotions and behaviors.

So, first step, validate how your child’s behavior makes you feel... “I’m feeling
angry... this is embarrassing.” Take a deep breath. Affirm yourself, “I can
handle this.” Realization of your own feelings in the moment reduces your
reactivity. When your own emotions are in check, you are a more grounded
and responsive parent.
TH E PRI NCI PLE S 3

Family Centric
YO U A R E T H E PA R E N T.

Parents, you are in charge. You are calm and confident in your authority, and
because of that, your child feels safe at the hands of a reliable parent.

Your child will always have a voice, and it’s your job to ensure that voice is
heard and validated. But hearing a request does not mean the request is
always granted.

A balanced family dynamic is one where all members are heard and each
person’s role is understood, valued and owned.
TH E PRI NCI PLE S 4

Healthy Emotions, Healthy Behaviors


E M OT I O N A L S E L F - R E G U L AT I O N

The path to your child feeling good and behaving well is emotional self-
regulation. Behavioral health, or behaving well, is a direct result of emotional
health. One does not exist without the other.

You can think of emotional self-regulation as the process of growing your


child’s emotional “container” so that it can hold more emotions before filling
up and spilling over. Your goal is to guide your child to be able to self-regulate
so they can define and accept their emotions, leading them to be able to
manage their behaviors on their own from the inside out, rather than you
micromanaging them from the outside in.
TH E PRI NCI PLE S 5

It’s Not a Crisis


YO U R K I D S A R E I N T E N S E , YO U A R E N OT.

The natural wiring of children does not allow them to effectively regulate their
emotions, and that results in them having very intense expressions. We, as
parents, often feel the natural impulse to react intensely in return. Instead, you
should balance your child’s intense expression with your calm and collected
demeanor.

They’re at a 6, you go down to a 3. They’re at a 10, YOU are at a 1. If your child


is the storm, you are the lighthouse. The stronger the storm, the more sturdy
and reliable the lighthouse needs to be. You are the parent, and therefore, you
set the tone. Your kids are intense, you are not.
TH E PRI NCI PLE S 6

Happy is Not The Goal


R E T H I N K I N G T H E I D E A T H AT YO U R C H I L D A LWAY S
N E E D S TO B E H A P P Y

Reframe your thinking about emotions. The traditional way we have


categorized emotions into “good” vs. “bad” is outdated. Emotions are just
emotions, neither good nor bad. They just are. And all emotions have an equal
right to be.

You’d never ask your child to stop being happy, so why would you ask your
child to stop being sad or angry? I know, certain emotions feel scarier and
more difficult to manage, so our natural inclination is to avoid them or rush
through them. But all emotions are relevant and it’s ok for both you and your
child to feel them. No need to fix, change or rush through any of them (even
the scary ones).

Instead, you are there to witness and validate the entire spectrum of your
child’s emotionality, with no judgement or criticism.
TH E PRI NCI PLE S 7

The EBP Method


T H E E M O T I O N A L / B E H AV I O R A L P R O F I C I E N C Y
P A R E N T I N G M E T H O D C H E AT S H E E T

Your external behaviors are the result of your internal emotions.

The outward behavior

you can see or hear... ...is caused by an invisible

emotion you feel inside.

Changing behaviors alone is incomplete. Changing emotions is incorrect.

Behaviors need:
Boundaries
Monitoring
Mentoring

Emotions need:
Witnessing
Validation
Empathy

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