BRAIDQUEST!!

You should get a cut of the salesmans commission, spoke Fox Small. Folks came out to see you kill the dragon, right?

By this time, he had aged well into his fifties and wanted to vaunt into the realm of legendary masters. So he began to construct a massive sculpture of two pears with beads of dew clinging precariously to them.

BUT!! I dont operate the tongs that actually extract the chocolava.
The sculpture was enormous and hovered

Im just sayin. You do operate the killing mechanism. So you have a stake in the ensalada. OH NO!! I left my favorite lettuce leaves in Dwemthys Array!! squealed the rabbit, twirling like a celebratory saber through the quaking oak. Distantly: Or Lesters trunk, maybe? You knowGheesh, can you stay put?? said Fox Small.

ominously above the sculptors hometown, held aloof by a massive infrastructure of struts and beams. In fact, the giant pears were so significant that they truly wreaked havoc on the Earths rotation, everso slightly, what with a new asteroid-sized fruit basket clinging to it.

The government sent jets and warcrafts to

My radio, said Fox Tall, stirring to life for a moment, in my pickup. The glaze still seeping from his eyes. His stare quivered and set back into his face, recalling another time and place. A drive out to Maryland. Sounds of Lionel Richie coming in so clearly. The wipers going a bit too fast. He pulls up to a house. His mother answers the door. She is a heavily fluffed fox. Tears and makeup. Slumping back down, That porcupine is changing my presets. The rabbit bounded up on to the armrest of the park bench and spoke closely. BUT!! Soon I will feast on drgns head and the juices of drgns tongue!! The rabbit sat still and held his paws kindly. (Which I hope will taste like cinnamon bears,) whispered the rabbit, intimately.

destroy the statue. They unleashed a vicious attack on the village, dismantling the statue, blowing it into thousands of pieces, chipping away at it with missiles. Soon enough, the statue was obliterated and all was back to normal.

A huge chunk of the statue had taken orbit in the heavens and often veered perilously close to the planet. When it did, it was always met by an arsenal of advanced weaponry, which further damaged it and deflected its course skyward.

Eventually, this inadvertant meteor was

I love cinammon, said Fox Small. I should go killing with you some time. You should, said the rabbit and the eyes shine-shined. Although, salivating over a tongue. You dont salivate over it, do you? I DO!! and the rabbit got so excited that Sticky Whip shot out of his eyes. (More on Sticky Whip in a later sidebar. Dont let me forget. See also: The Purists

nothing more than the size of a very daunting man. And, when it at last hit the ground, weathered and polished by its ninety year journey, it was hailed as an enigmatic masterpiece, a message from the great beyond. Here was a stunning likeness of a male nude looking wistfully into the sky with an intricate lacework of vines creeping around his waist and covering his improprieties.

Compendium to Novelty Retinal Cremes by Jory Patrick Sobgoblin, available

wherever animal attachment clips are sold.) Okay, youve hooked me. I want to hear all about it, Fox Small declared. Please, talk freely about the chimbly. Oh, and Dwemthy. Who is he? What makes him tick? Then maybe, if Im still around after that, you can tell me about what makes rabbits tick, and maybe you can hold our hands through this whole missing truck ordeal. I need consolation more than anything else. I could probably use religion right now. I could use your personal bravery and this sense of accomplishment you exude. Do you smoke a pipe? Could be a handy tool to coax along the pontification we must engage in.

The statue was last sold for fifty-two million dollars and stayed in the permanent exhibit at the Louvre, with the plaque:
Heavenly Nude by Anonymous

sidebar!

And the rabbit began expounding upon Dwemthy and the legend of Dwemthy and the ways of Dwemthy. As with most stories of Dwemthy, the rabbits tales were mostly embellishments. Smotchkkiss, there are delicacies which I alone must address.

Please, never ask who Dwemthy is. Obviously he is a mastermind and would never disclose his location or true identity. He has sired dynasties. He has set living ogres aflame. Horses everywhere smell him at all times. Most of all, he knows carnal pleasures. And to think that this This is his Array.

Dwemthys Array

You stand at the entrance of Dwemthys Array. You are a rabbit who is about to die. And deep at the end of the Array:
class Dragon < Creature life 1340 strength 451 # tough scales # bristling veins

charisma 1020 # toothy smile weapon 939 end # fire breath

A scalding SEETHING LAVA infiltrates the cacauphonous ENGORGED MINESHAFTS deep within the ageless canopy of the DWEMTHY FOREST... chalky and nocturnal screams from the belly of the RAVENOUS WILD

STORKUPINE... who eats wet goslings RIGHT AFTER theyve had a few graham crackers and a midday nap amidst
starved hippos TECHNICALLY ORPHANED but truthfully sheltered by umbrellas owned jointly by car dealership conglomerates beneath uncapped vials of mildly pulpy BLUE ELIXIR... which shall remain heretofore

UNDISTURBED DWEMTHY!!!

If you dont understand Dwemthys Array, it is Dwemthys fault. He designed the game to complicate our lives and were it simpler, it would not be the awe-inspiring quest weve come to cherish in our arms this very hour.
Dwemthys Array has a winding history of great depth. It is not enough to simply say, Dwemthys Array, over and over and

expect to build credentials from that act alone. Come with me, I can take you back a couple years, back to the sixties where it all started with metaprogramming and the dolphins. You might be inclined to think that metaprogramming is another hacker word and was first overheard in private phone calls between fax machines. Honest to God, I am here to tell you that it is stranger than that. Metaprogramming began with

taking drugs in the company of dolphins.

In the sixties, a prolific scientist named John C. Lilly began experimenting with his own senses, to uncover the workings of his body. I can relate to this. I do this frequently when I am standing in the middle of a road holding a pie or when I am hiding inside a cathedral. I pause to examine my self. This has proven to be nigh impossible. I have filled three ruled pages with algebraic notation, none of which has explained anything. The pie, incidentally, has been very easy to express mathematically. But the scientist Lilly went about his experiments otherwise. He ingested LSD in the company of dolphins. Often in a dark, woeful isolation tank full of warm salt water. Pretty bleak. But it was science! (Lest you think him criminal: until 1966, LSD was supplied by Sandoz Laboratories to any interested scientists, free of charge.)

Drugs, dolphins and deprivation. Which led to Lillys foray into things meta. He wrote books on mental
programming, comparing humans and computers. You may choose to ingest any substance you want during this next quote most likely youre reaching for the grain of salt - but I assure you that theres no Grateful Dead show on the lawn and no ravers in the basement.

When one learns to learn, one is making models, using symbols, analogizing, making metaphors, in short, inventing and using language, mathematics, art, politics, business, etc. At the critical brain (cortex) size, languages and its consequences appear. To avoid the necessity of repeating learning to learn, symbols, metaphors, models each time, I symbolize the underlying idea in these operations as metaprogramming. JOHN C. LILLY, PROGRAMMING AND METAPROGRAMMING IN THE HUMAN

BIOCOMPUTER, NEW YORK, 1972.

We learn. But first we learn to learn. We setup programming in our mind which is the pathway to further programming. (Lilly is largely talking about programming the brain and the nervous system, which he collectively called the biocomputer.) Lillys metaprogramming was more about feeding yourself imagery, reinventing yourself, all that. This sort of thinking links directly to folks out there who dabble in shamanism, wave their hands over tarot cards and wake up early for karate class. I guess you could say metaprogramming is New Age, but its all settled down recently into a sleeping bag with plain old nerdiness. (If you got here from a Google search for C++ Metaprogramming, stick around, but I only ask that you burn those neural pathways that originally invoked the search. Many thanks.) Meta itself is spoken of no differently in your authors present day.

All sensuous response to reality is an interpretation of it. Beetles and monkeys clearly interpret their world, and act on the basis of what they see. Our physical senses are themselves organs of interpretation. What distinguishes us from our fellow animals is that we are able in turn to interpret these interpretations. In that sense, all human language is meta-language. It is a second-order reflection on the language of our bodiesof our sensory apparatus.

TERRY EAGLETON, AFTER THEORY, LONDON, 2003, CH. 3.

To that end, you could say programming itself is a meta-language. All code speaks the language of action, of a plan which hasnt been played yet, but shortly will. Stage directions for the players inside your machine. Ive waxed sentimental on this before. But now were advancing our study, venturing into metaprogramming, but dont sweat it, its still just the Ruby youve

seen already, which is why Dwemthy feels no qualms thrusting it at you right away. Soon enough it will be as easy to spot
as addition or subtraction. At first it may seem intensely bright, like youve stumbled across your first firefly, which has flown up in your face. Then, it becomes just a little bobbing light which makes living in Ohio so much nicer. Metaprogramming is writing code which writes code. But not as M.C. Escher would sketch it. The program isnt reaching back around and Bread Riddles
Question: Can one take five bites from a bread and make the shape of a bicycle? Answer: Yes. sidebar!

overwriting itself, nor is the program jumping onto your screen and wrenching the keyboard from your hands. No, its much smaller than
that. Lets say its more like a little orange pill you won at the circus. When you suck on it, the coating wears away and behind your teeth hatches a massive, floppy sponge brontosaurus. He slides down your tongue and leaps free, frollicking over the pastures, yelping, Papa! And from then on, whenever he freaks out and attacks a van, well, that van is sparkling clean afterwards. Now, lets say someone else puts their little orange pill under the faucet. Not on their tongue, under the faucet. And this triggers a different catalysm, which births a set of wailing sponge sextuplets. Umbilical cords and everything. Still very handy for cleaning the van. But an altogether different kind of chamois. And, one day, these eight will stir Papa to tears when they perform the violin concerto of their lives.
Question: Can a clerical error in my Question: Can one rip a bread in half and still fit the bread in an envelope? Answer: Yes.

Question: Can one man take a bread and throw it while another man sits without bread? Answer: Yes.

Question: Can four breads in a box be explained? Answer: Yes.

Metaprogramming is packing code into pill-form, such that a slender drop of water could trigger it to expand. More importantly, you can control the pills reaction, so that a brontosaurus is produced, scaly and lumbering. Or septulets, CERTAINLY. Or seamstresses. Or cat brains. Or dragons.
class Dragon < Creature life 1340 strength 451 # tough scales # bristling veins

company books be attributed to bread? Answer: Yes.

Question: Can dancers break through a scrim of bread? Answer: Yes.

Question: Can those same dancers, when faced with an inexplicably different scrim of bread, fail to break through? Answer: Yes.

charisma 1020 # toothy smile weapon 939 end # fire breath

Question: Does bread understand my darkest fears and wildest dreams? Answer: Yes.

This is not metaprogramming yet. Only the pill. The product of metaprogramming. We are pausing, looking at the beast itself before descending beneath its flesh with a scalpel and microscope. The

Question: Does bread desire me? Answer: Yes.

Dragon is a class. Youve seen that many times now. The Dragon is a Creature class. Creature class contains the metaprogramming

Question: Will bread be invisible to robots? Answer: Yes.

descendant of the

Now, eyes up. Look at me. The

Question: Can one robot take eight bites on a bread, without knowing its there, and make

code. You can write metaprogramming code which can be used everywhere, throughout Ruby, in

the shape of a smaller bread? Answer: Yes.

Creature or Dragon , in String or in Object ,

Question: Should my clerics be equipped with bread? Answer: Yes.

anywhere. Our example here, since this is the most common form of meta-code, focuses on metaprogramming inside your own classes only. Each of the as:

Question: In relation to bread, will robots

Dragon s traits are simply class methods. You could also write this

each have their own elephants? Answer: Yes.

Question: Can one rip a bread in half and

class Dragon < Creature life( 1340 ) strength( 451 ) # tough scales # bristling veins

not let it ruin ones game of dominoes? Answer: Yes.

charisma( 1020 ) # toothy smile weapon( 939 ) end # fire breath

Question: Will we always love bread? Answer: Yes.

Question: Will we have more bread? Answer:

Removing the parens removes clutter, so lets leave them out. Only use parens when you are using several methods together and you want to be very clear.

Yes.

Question: Can four breads marry a robots

Creature Code
Now, with a lateral slice across the diaphragm, we expose the innards of

elephant? Answer: Yes. sidebar!

Creature . Save this code into a file called dwemthy.rb .

# The guts of life force within Dwemthy's Array class Creature

# Get a metaclass for this class def self.metaclass; class << self; self; end; end

# Advanced metaprogramming code for nice, clean traits def self.traits( *arr ) return @traits if arr.empty?

# 1. Set up accessors for each variable attr_accessor *arr

# 2. Add a new class method to for each trait. arr.each do |a| metaclass.instance_eval do define_method( a ) do |val| @traits ||= {} @traits[a] = val end end end

# 3. For each monster, the `initialize' method # should use the default number for each trait.

class_eval do define_method( :initialize ) do self.class.traits.each do |k,v|

instance_variable_set("@#{k}", v) end end end

end

# Creature attributes are read-only traits :life, :strength, :charisma, :weapon end

Focus on the closing lines of code, specifically the line where the sets up the

traits are being set up. All of the code before that line

traits class method. This bears resemblance to the basic lottery tickets from the chapter previous.

class LotteryTicket attr_reader :picks, :purchased end

Both

traits and attr_reader are simply class methods. When attr_reader is used in the

LotteryTicket , metaprogramming kicks in behind the scenes and starts blowing up balloons, creating reader
methods for the instance variables

@picks and @purchased above.

The code for the

traits method is the metaprogramming Ive been alluding to. Comments in the code reveal the three

stages the method goes through when adding traits.

1. The list of traits is passed on to variables. One for each trait.

attr_accessor , which builds reader and writer code for instance

2. Class methods are added for each trait. (A

life class method is added for a :life trait.) These class methods are traits or attr_accessor . This way, you can specify the trait,

used in the class definition just like you would use

along with the points given for a trait to a certain creature. 3. Add an initialize method which sets up a new monster properly, grabbing the right points and POWER UP! POWER

UP! the monster is alive!

The beauty of these three steps is that youve taught Ruby how to code monsters for you. So when Ruby gets to the

traits :
class Creature traits :life, :strength, :charisma, :weapon end

Ruby fills in the code behind the scenes and transplants a spiny green heart and jumpstarts the body with a pullcord. Ruby will use the metaprogramming from the list like this:

Creature class and build out all the various methods, expanding the traits

class Creature

# 1. set up reader and writer methods attr_accessor :life, :strength, :charisma, :weapon

# 2. add new class methods to use in creature def self.life( val ) @traits ||= {} @traits['life'] = val end

def self.strength( val ) @traits ||= {} @traits['strength'] = val end

def self.charisma( val ) @traits ||= {} @traits['charisma'] = val end

def self.weapon( val ) @traits ||= {} @traits['weapon'] = val end

# 3. initialize sets the default points for # each trait

def initialize self.class.traits.each do |k,v| instance_variable_set("@#{k}", v) end end

end

Now, Ruby will gladly accept this six-line

Dragon code, short enough to look nice when printed on playing cards:

class Dragon < Creature life 1340 strength 451 # tough scales # bristling veins

charisma 1020 # toothy smile weapon 939 end # fire breath

Eval, the Littlest Metaprogrammer

While the metaprogramming code above is just plain Ruby, it can be difficult to follow still. I totally understand if youve come to this point and your eyes are spinning in their sockets and your knees have locked up. The trickiest parts of the above are the lines which call the methods I talk about

instance_eval and class_eval . Just rub some tiger balm on your joints while

eval .

Weve been talking about metaprogramming. Writing code which writes code. The alley. The vagrant

eval method hangs out in this

eval takes code you have stored up in a string and it executes that code.

drgn = Dragon.new # is identical to... drgn = eval( "Dragon.new" ) # or, alternatively... eval( "drgn = Dragon.new" )

Here, lets write a program which has a hole in it. Instead of writing a program which creates a new hole where the

Dragon , lets leave a

Dragon would be.

print "What monster class have you come to battle? " monster_class = gets eval( "monster = " + monster_class + ".new" ) p monster

The program asks for a monster. If you type in

Dragon , then the monster_class variable will contain the string

"Dragon" . Inside the eval , a few strings get added together to make the string "monster = Dragon.new" . And when the eval executes this string, the monster variable contains a Dragon object.
Ready for battle. This is great! Now we can leave it up to the player to pick a monster! Of course, were trusting the player to supply a real monster class. If they type in

BotanicalWitch and there is no BotanicalWitch class, theyll get an

exception tossed in their face. So, in short,

eval lets you make up code as you go. Which can be useful and which can be dangerous as well.

The

instance_eval and class_eval method used in the metaprogramming for the Creature class are eval . These two special methods run code just like eval does, but they duck into

slightly different from the normal

classes and objects and run the code there.

# The instance_eval method runs code as if it were run inside an # object's instance method. irb> drgn = Dragon.new irb> drgn.instance_eval do irb> @name = "Tobias"

irb> end

irb> drgn.instance_variable_get( "@name" ) => "Tobias"

# The class_eval method runs code is if inside a class definition. irb> Dragon.class_eval do irb> def name; @name; end

irb> end

irb> drgn.name => "Tobias"

As you can see above, the

instance_eval and class_eval methods also can take a code block instead of a

string. Which is just how things are done in Dwemthys Array.

Enough Belittling Instruction and Sly JuxtapositionWhere Is Dwemthys Array??

Tread carefullyhere is the other half of DWEMTHYS ARRAY!! Add these lines to

dwemthy.rb .

class Creature

# This method applies a hit taken during a fight. def hit( damage ) p_up = rand( charisma ) if p_up % 9 == 7 @life += p_up / 4 puts "[#{ self.class } magick powers up #{ p_up }!]" end @life -= damage puts "[#{ self.class } has died.]" if @life <= 0 end

# This method takes one turn in a fight. def fight( enemy, weapon ) if life <= 0 puts "[#{ self.class } is too dead to fight!]" return end

# Attack the opponent your_hit = rand( strength + weapon ) puts "[You hit with #{ your_hit } points of damage!]" enemy.hit( your_hit )

# Retaliation p enemy if enemy.life > 0 enemy_hit = rand( enemy.strength + enemy.weapon ) puts "[Your enemy hit with #{ enemy_hit } points of damage!]" self.hit( enemy_hit ) end end

end

class DwemthysArray < Array alias _inspect inspect def inspect; "#<#{ self.class }#{ _inspect }>"; end def method_missing( meth, *args ) answer = first.send( meth, *args ) if first.life <= 0

shift if empty? puts "[Whoa. else puts "[Get ready. #{ first.class } has emerged.]" end end answer || 0 end end You decimated Dwemthy's Array!]"

This code adds two methods to the

Creature . The hit method which reacts to a hit from another Creature . And

fight method which lets you place your own blows against that Creature . Creature takes a hit, a bit of defense kicks in and your charisma value is used to generate a power-up. @life += p_up / 4 .

When your

Dont ask me to explain the secrets behind this phenomenon. A random number is picked, some simple math is done, and, if youre lucky, you get a couple life points.

Then, the enemys blow is landed.

@life -= damage . Thats how the Creature#hit method works.

The

fight method checks to see if your Creature is alive. Next, a random hit is placed on your opponent. If your Creature#fight

opponent lives through the hit, it gets a chance to strike back. Those are the workings of the method. Ill explain now.

DwemthysArray in a second. I really will. Im having fun doing it. Lets stick with hitting and fighting for

Introducing: You.
You may certainly tinker with derivations on this rabbit. But official Dwemthy Paradigms explicitly denote the code - and the altogether character - inscribed below. Save this as

rabbit.rb .

class Rabbit < Creature traits :bombs

life 10 strength 2 charisma 44 weapon 4 bombs 3

# little boomerang def ^( enemy ) fight( enemy, 13 ) end # the hero's sword is unlimited!! def /( enemy ) fight( enemy, rand( 4 + ( ( enemy.life % 10 ) ** 2 ) ) ) end

# lettuce will build your strength and extra ruffage # will fly in the face of your opponent!! def %( enemy ) lettuce = rand( charisma ) puts "[Healthy lettuce gives you #{ lettuce } life points!!]" @life += lettuce fight( enemy, 0 ) end # bombs, but you only have three!! def *( enemy ) if @bombs.zero? puts "[UHN!! You're out of bombs!!]" return end @bombs -= 1 fight( enemy, 86 ) end end

You have four weapons. The boomerang. The heros sword. The lettuce. And the bombs. To start off, open up

irb and load the libraries weve created above.

irb> require 'dwemthy' irb> require 'rabbit'

Now, unroll yourself.

irb> r = Rabbit.new irb> r.life => 10 irb> r.strength => 2

Good, good.

Rabbit Fights ScubaArgentine!

You cannot just go rushing into Dwemthys Array, unseatbelted and merely perfumed!! You must advance deliberately through the demonic cotillion. Or south, through the thickets and labyrinth of coal. For now, lets lurk covertly through the milky residue alongside the aqueducts. And sneak up on the

ScubaArgentine .
class ScubaArgentine < Creature life 46 strength 35 charisma 91 weapon 2 end

To get the fight started, make sure youve created one of you and one of the

ScubaArgentine .

irb> r = Rabbit.new irb> s = ScubaArgentine.new

Now use the little boomerang!

irb> r ^ s [You hit with 2 points of damage!] #<ScubaArgentine:0x808c864 @charisma=91, @strength=35, @life=44, @weapon=2> [Your enemy hit with 28 points of damage!] [Rabbit has died.]

For crying out loud!! Our sample rabbit died!! Grim prospects. I cant ask you to return to the rabbit kingdom, though. Just pretend like you didnt die and make a whole new rabbit.
irb> r = Rabbit.new
sidebar!

The Shoes Which Lies Are Made Of

Earlier, I told you that The Inadvertant Meteor was the only story you need to know in order to understand preeventualism. But, really, all you need to understand about preeventualism is that it is still in its infancy and any of its most basic concepts could change.

# attacking with boomerang! irb> r ^ s

# the hero's sword slashes! irb> r / s

# eating lettuce gives you life! irb> r % s

Which is why Ive authored a competing story which I believe uncovers an entirely different and very relevant intellectual scenario.
There was a guy who had been around the block. And he wasnt very old, so he decided to write a biography of his life.

# you have three bombs! irb> r * s

Pretty neat looking, wouldnt you say? The code in symbols which work only with the

rabbit.rb alters a few math

Rabbit . Ruby allows you to change the

behavior of math operators. After all, math operators are just methods!
Well, he started to lie in his biography. He

# the boomerang is normally an XOR operator. irb> 1.^( 1 ) => 0

made up some stories. But mostly little stories that were inconsequential. Filler. Like he had a story about a painting hed done of a red background with elephant legs in front.

# the hero's sword normally divides numbers. irb> 10./( 2 ) => 5

But he hadnt ever painted anything of the sort. He further embellished the story by talking about a pricey auction hed snuck into. An auction in New York City where hed he overheard his painting go to sale for twenty grand. But that wasnt the point of the story. The point was that he could fold his body to fit under a lid on a banquet tray. People would raise the lid and they wouldnt even notice him bracing himself inside. He didnt even mention the price his painting

# the lettuce gives the remainder of a division. irb> 10.%( 3 ) => 1

# the bomb is for multiplication. irb> 10.*( 3 ) => 30

Where it makes sense, you may choose to use math operators on some of your Classes. Ruby uses these math operators on many of its own classes. Arrays, for example, have a handful of math operators which you can see in the list of instance methods when you type:

sold at.

Anyway, he really started to like that story (and others like it), to the point where he started to ignore his friends and family, instead preferring to watch what his lie self did after the auction. In his head.

ri Array .

# the plus operator combines two arrays into a single array irb> ["D", "W", "E"] + ["M", "T", "H", "Y"] => ["D", "W", "E", "M", "T", "H", "Y"]

So, then, one day he was shopping and he found a pair of shoes that had stripey laces. And he grabbed the shoes and went to the store counter, forcing them in the cashiers face, yelling, Look! Look at these! Look! These are the shoes my lie self would wear! And he bought the shoes and put them on and the whole Earth cracked open and the cash register popped open and swallowed him up and he was suddenly elsewhere, in his lie apartment, sitting down to paint dolphin noses, three of them on a green background.

# minus removes all items in the second array found in the first irb> ["D", "W", "E", "M", "T", "H", "Y"] - ["W", "T"] => ["D", "E", "M", "H", "Y"]

# the multiplier repeats the elements of an array irb> ["D", "W"] * 3 => ["D", "W", "D", "W", "D", "W"]

You may be wondering: what does this mean for math, though? What if I add the number three to an array? What if I add a string and a number? How is Ruby

going to react?
It was a lot of work, painting all those noses.

Please remember these operators are just methods. But, since these operators arent

And he went broke for a while and had to stoop so low as to filming abominable snowman NASCAR. sidebar!

readable words, it can be harder to tell what they do. Use

operator or the method. Whichever is clearer to you.
# divide with an operator method ... irb> 10 / 3 => 3

ri . Often youll find that

the operators are identical to other readable methods. You can then choose to use the

# ... or a readable method? irb> 10.div 3 => 3

And thats how the Rabbits sword divides.

The Harsh Realities of Dwemthys Array AWAIT YOU TO MASH YOU!!

Once youre done playchoking the last guy with his oxygen tube, its time to enter The Array. I doubt you can do it. You left your hatchet at home. And I hope you didnt use all your bombs on the easy guy. You have six foes.
class IndustrialRaverMonkey < Creature life 46 strength 35 charisma 91 weapon 2 end

class DwarvenAngel < Creature

life 540 strength 6 charisma 144 weapon 50 end

class AssistantViceTentacleAndOmbudsman < Creature life 320 strength 6 charisma 144 weapon 50 end

class TeethDeer < Creature life 655 strength 192 charisma 19 weapon 109 end

class IntrepidDecomposedCyclist < Creature life 901 strength 560 charisma 422 weapon 105 end

class Dragon < Creature life 1340 strength 451 # tough scales # bristling veins

charisma 1020 # toothy smile weapon 939 end # fire breath

These are the living, breathing monstrosities of Dwemthys Array. I dont know how they got there. No one knows. Actually, Im guessing the

IntrepidDecomposedCyclist rode his ten-speed. But the others: NO ONE knows.

If its really important for you to know, lets just say the others were born there. Can we move on?? As Dwemthys Array gets deeper, the challenge becomes more difficult.
dwary = DwemthysArray[IndustrialRaverMonkey.new, DwarvenAngel.new, AssistantViceTentacleAndOmbudsman.new, TeethDeer.new, IntrepidDecomposedCyclist.new, Dragon.new]

Fight the Array and the monsters will appear as you go. Godspeed and may you return with harrowing tales and nary an angel talon piercing through your shoulder. Start here:

irb> r % dwary

Oh, and none of this Im too young to die business. Im sick of that crap. Im not going to have you insulting our undead young people. They are our future. After our future is over, that is.

The Making of Dwemthys Array

Fast forward to a time when the winds have calmed. The dragon is vanquished. The unwashed masses bow. We love you. We are loyal to you. But what is this centipede nibbling in your eardrum? You dig with your finger, but you cant get him out! Blasted! Its that infernal Dwemthys Array again. Explain yourself Dwemthy! Here, I shall unmask the Array itself for you.
class DwemthysArray < Array alias _inspect inspect def inspect; "#<#{ self.class }#{ inspect }>"; end def method_missing( meth, *args ) answer = first.send( meth, *args ) if first.life <= 0 shift if empty? puts "[Whoa. else puts "[Get ready. #{ first.class } has emerged.]" end end answer || 0 end end You decimated Dwemthy's Array!]"

By now, youre probably feeling very familiar with inheritance. The

DwemthysArray class inherits from Array

and, thus, behaves just like one. For being such a mystery, its alarmingly brief, yeah? So its an Array. Filled with monsters. But what does this extra code do?

Inspect
The

inspect method isnt really a necessary part of Dwemthys Array. Its something Dwemthy added as a courtesy to his

guests. (Many call him twisted, many call him austere, but wed all be ignorant to go without admiring the footwork he puts in for us.) Every object in Ruby has an

inspect method. It is defined in the Object class, so it trickles down through the

pedigree to every wee child object just born.

irb> o = Object.new => #<Object:0x81d60c0> irb> o.inspect => "#<Object:0x81d60c0>"

Have you noticed this? Whenever we create an object in name badge for the object. The

irb , this noisy #<Object> verbage stumbles out! Its a little

inspect method creates that name badge. The badge is just a string.

irb> class Rabbit irb> irb> irb> attr_accessor :slogan def initialize s; @slogan = s; end def inspect; "#<#{ self.class } says '#{ @slogan }'>"; end

irb> end

irb> class FakeRabbit < Rabbit irb> end

irb> Rabbit.new "i blow'd the drgn's face off!!" => #<Rabbit says 'i blow'd the drgn's face off!!'> irb> FakeRabbit.new "Thusly and thusly and thusly..." => #<FakeRabbit says 'Thusly and thusly and thusly...'>

The thing is:

irb is talking back. Every time you run some code in irb , the return value from that code is inspected. irb . And irb is just reiterating what youre saying so you can see it

How handy. Its a little conversation between you and for your self. You could write your own Ruby prompt very easily:
loop do print ">> " puts end "=> " + eval( gets ).inspect

This prompt wont let you write Ruby code longer than a single line. Its the essence of interactive Ruby, though. How do you like that? Two of your recently learned concepts have come together in a most flavorful way. The and runs it. The response from

eval takes the typed code

eval is then inspected. irb , Dwemthys Array will be inspected and replying with the monsters you have left

Now, as you are fighting monsters in to fight.

Method Missing
Dont you hate it when you yell Deirdre! and like ten people answer? That never happens in Ruby. If you call the

deirdre method, only one deirdre method answers. You cant have two methods named the same. If you add a
second

deirdre method, the first one disappears.

You can, however, have a method which answers to many names.

class NameCaller def method_missing( name, *args ) puts "You're calling `" + name + "' and you say:" args.each { |say| puts " " + say }

puts "But no one is there yet." end def deirdre( *args ) puts "Deirdre is right here and you say:" args.each { |say| puts " " + say }

puts "And she loves every second of it." puts "(I think she thinks you're poetic.)" end

When you call the method and your dazzling poetry. But what if you call

deirdre above, Im sure you know what will happen. Deirdre will love every second of it, you

simon ?

irb> NameCaller.new.simon( 'Hello?', 'Hello? Simon?' ) You're calling `simon' and you say: Hello? Hello? Simon? But no one is there yet.

Yes,

method_missing is like an answering machine, which intercepts your method call. In Dwemthys Array we use

call forwarding, so that when you attack the Array, it passes that attack on straight to the first monster in the Array.
def method_missing( meth, *args ) answer = first.send( meth, *args ) # ... snipped code here ...

end

See! See! That skinny little

method_missing passes the buck!

4. So, Let's Be Clear: The Porcupine Is Now To The Sea

5. Walking, Walking, Walking, Walking and So Forth

The evening grew dark around the pair of foxes. They had wound their way through alleys packed with singing possums, and streets where giraffes in rumpled sportscoats bumped past them with their briefcases. They kept walking. And now the stores rolled shut their corrugated metal lids. Crickets crawled out from the gutters and nudged at the loose change.

Anyway, you must admit hes a terrible President, said Fox Small. Why does President Marcos have a rabbit as Vice President of the Foxes. The Vice President? The rabbit with the eyebrows? No, the rabbit with the huge sausage lips, said Fox Small. But their conversation was abruptly interupted by a freckly cat head which popped from the sky just above the sidewalk.