84 COMMENTARY

Highlighting Statements
As suggested in the textbook, creating highlighting statements can be chal-
lenging. This process requires authors to take a step back from the data and
ask "what does this data mean?" For instance, the data in Table 9 leads to the
assumption or conclusion that Japanese scientists have difficulties.

Language Focus: An Introduction to Qualifications and

Strength of Claim
Students are often concerned that they will appear less knowledgeable if they
cautiously express their claims and overly confident if they boost them. Be
sure to reassure them that finding just the right strength of claim is impor-
tant. Understated or overstated claims, however, can weaken a paper.

TASK EIGHT: Discussing markers of stance

Table 9 presents some very interesting data for writers to consider. Here are
a few highlights from one of our writing classes.
• Hedges are more frequent than either attitude markers and boosters.
• The rates of attitude markers in the softer sciences are rather similar.
• Attitude markers are more frequent in the softer sciences than the
harder sciences.
• Philosophy uses more stance markers than other fields.
• In terms of hedges, Biology differs from all of the harder sciences.
• Physics and the Engineering fields seem rather similar.
• It is somewhat surprising that Marketing has more hedges per 1,000
words than all of the other fields and that it is more like Philosophy.
There are other aspects that can be highlighted, of course. Consider ask-
ing your students to write a commentary based on the data.
4: DATA COMMENTARY 85

TASK NINE: Analyzing student data commentaries

The items that are underlined indicate caution toward the claim; expressions
that are circled boost the claim.
A. There are~explanations for why musicians have~
cognitive abilities to non-musician controls. First, it is possible that
only the more intellectually rigorous people continue with music
training once they have been exposed to it. Practicing a musical
instrument takes a~amount of discipline. Individuals
who are willing to work that hard may also work hard in academic
settings, thus improving their cognitive abilities. Secondly, socio-
economic class could be playing a role. In a study comparing
scholastic aptitude among musicians and non-musicians, Phillips
found a difference in the two groups, but once socio-economic class
was taken into account the difference nearly disappeared (Phillips,
1976). It is possible that the differences between musicians and non-
musicians is actually innate or caused by something not musically
related in the environment.
MICUSP File PSY.Gl.03.1

B. The overall size increase in many of the speedometer design parameters

between speedometer set A to set B seems to have accounted for the
overall lower average response times and lower average error and miss
percentage rates. However, other design differences, such as location of
the speedometer on the instrument display panel, did not have such
influential effects on the data. Comparing speedometers 1 and 4
(speedometer on left side) to speedometers 2 and 3 (speedometer on
right side) only one small pattern was seen. Speedometers 2 and 3 had,
compared to their respective speedometer set, slightly lower average
response times than the other speedometer in the set. Whether or not
this small difference in average response time can be attributed to the
location of the speedometers on the instrument display panel was not
possible.
MICUSP File IOE.G0.02.1
86 COMMENTARY

TASK TEN: Identifying weaker claims

The less strong verb is underlined. If it is easier to focus on the stronger

verb, then refocus.
1. The results (indicate/establish) that there is a link between smoking
and lung cancer.
2. The survey results (suggest/show) that the reuse of sentences or sections
from one's previously published papers is a questionable practice.
3. The latest series of studies (question/challenge) the value of including
consumer expectations in the assessment of service quality.
4. The results given in Figure 4 (validate/support) the second conclusion
that certain bacteria can reduce arsenic (As) levels in groundwater.
5. Baseline conditions have been (assumed/shown) to be accurate at the
time of the surveys.
6. Several studies have (identified/alluded to) the importance of cultural
sensitivity as a precursor to culturally appropriate medical care.
7. Changes in ambient temperature may have (influenced/ distorted) the
test results.
8. Previous studies (failed/forgot) to consider the change in the fiber
interface during the cracking process.
9. As shown in Figure 3, trade liberalization has (stimulated/encouraged)
economic growth in developing countries, leading to rising incomes.
10. Figure 12 (depicts/clarifies) the relationship between these two systems.

TASK ELEVEN: Adjusting claims

There are so many possibilities here that we do not feel the need to provide
any sample responses. In our experience, this task works well if students are
challenged to provide the most hedged but still potentially acceptable
claims. Who can go farthest? This is almost a parody of academic discourse.
A note about the first statement: Yes, research does indicate that in some
countries tall people are likely to have higher salaries than short people.
4: DATA COMMENTARY 87

In addition to the examples given, you may want to provide additional

practice by asking students to make statements about the class as a group.

Women comprise about a quarter of the class.

There are three times as many students from Asia as there are
from Latin America.

If you would like to offer some more information on the language for
making comparisons, jump to Unit Seven. Some of the examples there are
quite complex.

Organization

TASK TWELVE: Comparing student data commentaries

Many of our students really like the opening of Student C's text because of
the expression decision-making patterns. When we ask them whether it is a
good strategy to use the same wording as the table title, some change their
minds and opt for B. We think that all three opening sentences are fine, but
B seems to offer a more original description of the table content because of
the expression solely responsible for important decisions.
Most of our students do not think that Student A has produced a partic-
ularly good commentary because it repeats information readers should be
able to see for themselves. The commentary fails to point out that the dif-
ferences are really not that great, instead focusing on minor differences.
Student B does a good job of highlighting that there are more similarities
than differences and pointing out the one big difference where parents are
very involved when it comes to boys-clothing. It would have been more
interesting if the author had offered an explanation. Is it because boys are
less interested in what they wear and so parents simply buy clothing know-
ing that their boys will be content? Student C also emphasizes the overall
similarity of parental decision-making for boys and girls but further notes
where parents and their children are equally involved. Student C's text is also
more general in the sense that it talks about the parental involvement in
terms of it being high, low, and similar, which we know is common in
Results sections. What is missing, however, are highlights clearly pointing to
precise differences between boys and girls. Even so, we prefer C to the other
two.
88 COMMENTARY

TASK THIRTEEN: Writing a data commentary

Here is a sample commentary that students wrote as a group in one of our

writing classes. We think the text represents a good day's work.

Table l 0 shows the patterns of parent and adolescent decision-mak-

ing with regard to important aspects of adolescents' lives. As can be
seen, overall, parents are similarly involved in decisions for both
boys and girls, but the level of involvement differs depending on the
type of decision. It seems that parents are more likely to be the sole
decision makers when it comes to issues that have to do with safety
(curfew) and a child's moral education (religion). The high level of
decision-making regarding allowance could simply reflect the family's
economic situation, but no information on family income is available
to support this. It is somewhat surprising that low percentages were
reported for decisions regarding the child's friends, who maybe influ-
ential in a child's life. This might seem inconsistent with the data
suggesting parents are concerned with moral education (religion),
but perhaps friends may have similar moral perspectives and more
data is needed. In general, however, it is interesting to note that par-
ents are involved in their adolescent children's lives, particularly
when it comes to matters of safety and morality, suggesting the need
for future studies to investigate whether there is a relationship
between the two that is statistically significant.

TASK FOURTEEN: Evaluating an instructor's comments on a

commentary

This is another task that asks students to evaluate a content instructor's com-
ments (something that students should do all the time, of course). It seems
to us that none of the comments are really worthless, but depending on the
differing expectations of different fields, students can vary in terms of how
they evaluate them. For what they are worth, here are our own thoughts.
'R- 1. Yes, we agree that international students are singled out unfairly.
The focus of the commentary ignores the fact that international
students in some fields finish earlier than domestic students
(e.g., Education, the humanities, and some Engineering and
non-science fields). Unfortunately, the commentary seems to be
trying to reinforce a misconception that international students
need more time to complete degrees.
4: DATA COMMENTARY 89

__lS:_2. Given our response in the previous item, of course, we would

agree that it makes sense to consider the Education data.
____0::_ 3. The point is a good one, but it is not dear whether the available
data would support it. Maybe a lot of the international students
are native speakers or have excellent English. As we are given no
data on language background, perhaps it is best to leave it out.
___R_ 4. Yes, it might be interesting to point out that across the board it
takes longer than five years to earn a PhD.
ls. The results in the table says nothing about advisors and the
student is attempting to offer an interpretation. The point is
interesting, and the fact that it is supported by a citation to
previous work does suggest that the interpretation is reason-
able. However, it seems to us that more support would perhaps
be advisable.

Concluding a Commentary
We encourage students to conclude and not simply stop at the end. Students
can consider the implications of the data and even call for research on an
aspect of the data worthy of further consideration.

TASK FIFTEEN: Revising a data commentary draft

Here is one revision offered by a student. We like the location statement,

the linking as clause, and the emphasis on dry suits offering the most
protection.

Figure 8 shows how long people can survive in water when wear-
ing different kinds of clothing with different levels of insulation. As
can be seen, clothing clearly influences survival times. The most
effective forms of protection in all water temperatures are wet and
dry suits, with dry suits offering the greatest amount of survival
time.
90 COMMENTARY

Language Focus: Dealing with Unexpected Outcomes or

"Problems"
This section is designed to increas~ students' awareness of the need to con-
sider whether and how to address data that one did not expect. Such sur-
prises can result, for example, when theory and experimental outcomes do
not match. As far as we can see, the four verb phrases presented at the begin-
ning of the section are interchangeable-at least in these examples.
The grammatical point about the second set of five sample sentences is
that may be due to requires a following noun phrase (hence the use of
dummy-like the fact that in Sentence 2). We have heard considerable differ-
ences of opinion about the acceptability of Sentence 5. You should consider
whether it seems okay to you. Ask your students to search on Google
Scholar for more input.

TASK SIXTEEN: Identifying the function of sentences in a data

commentary

Task Sixteen could be done in pairs in class or for homework. Here are our
answers.

l~nten~ Purpose Qualifying Words or Phrases

1 highlighting statement 1 slightly

2 highlighting statement 2 appear
3 qualified conclusion overall, would appear to suggest
4 unexpected result Isomewhat
5 possible explanation I pwuaU/y
' ''

6 limitation of the data with some caution

7 suggestions for future research would be one possible direction

Did your students notice the summary phrase this phenomenon in Sen-
tence 5? Do you or your students think the text is overly cautious?