Dear Ashvik,

Thank you for your Assignment 9 braiding assignment. Here, you’re writing about black
holes and story about the time your family watched a meteor shower. This is an interesting story,
Ashvik, and is easily this course’s most challenging assignment. But there are concerns, and my
hope is that you slow down for your final assignment.

Let’s start with the structure. For some writers, a story is all about structure. In her
philosophy on writing, Nobel Prize winner Toni Morrison argues –

Plots are interesting, characters are fascinating, scenery can be

totally enveloping, but the real art is the deep structure, the way that
information is revealed and withheld so that the reader gets to find
out things appropriately, or in a time frame that makes it an intimate
experience.

Braiding speaks to that “deep structure,” a structure that is compelling and sophisticated. Authors
who trust white space and pauses in the action have confidence in their sentences, characters,
and stories. They tell the reader, “Wait.” The technique allows a writer to stray from a close-up
shot and switch a wide-angle lens. It can stop time and advance time. It can divert from an
intense moment to reflect on some larger burning question. Then you can return to the narrative
moment, transitioning from the broad contemplation to your singular experience. Structure is
control, Ashvik.

Right now, the connection between black holes and the meteor shower is both too
obvious and too distant. Yep, both are about the sky. But what is the connection between science
and family? This connection is still lacking.

One reason is that you’re reverting back to old habits. You’re TELLING things when you
need to be SHOWING action.

We never see you and your family interacting. Where is the dialogue? Where are the
scenes? Where is the action-reaction? Where are the movements in time, the characterization, the
exact details?

In the journal feedback, you were told to provide these, yet that’s not here.

You were also told to provide a story. Here, you’re just telling us how magical the
moment was.

In prior critiques and journal feedback, you’ve been told how not to end an essay. You
were given tools to end on an action, a line of dialogue, an image. You were told to never tell us
things. Yet, in this ending, you tell us things in large, generalized language.

In the black hole strand, you need to integrate precise evidence to support your claims.
Right now, your non-family sections are generalized. You need to include actual evidence.
 These are the four forms of evidence available to help prove your case:

-Direct examples
-Eyewitness testimony
-Expert analysis and commentary
-Data and statistics

Show us the voices of experts, the authorities in the field. Show us examples that are not
part of your life. Enmesh yourself in research.
Provide scientists who have researched this. What are their findings?
Provide regular people who have experienced something dealing with black holes.
Provide examples of black holes and what they do.
Without research, you run the risk of writing in circles: black holes are important and can
help us understand _______.
Each sentence must be substantiated with evidence. This will help you reach and perhaps
surpass the reader’s intelligence.

Next, I want you to develop your skills with the way you fold in these sources. Integrate
your research with signal phrases. This lets us know that you’re borrowing information from a
source. Examples:
*In Tom Smith’s 2021 Wired article, he argues that….
*Ellie Galbright’s Scientific American article “Why does Technology Lie?” provides
some theories regarding…
*According to the 2020 General Social Survey, 78% of teenage boys feel
insecure about…
Give us these exact people and use their exact language. Sharing the page with their
voices will add credibility to your point. It also lends credibility to your character. If you’re using
reliable sources, then you appear reliable. But if your sources are questionable and third-rate,
then you also look questionable and third-rate.
When you’re writing, make sure to format your work correctly. Why aren’t your
paragraphs indented? This reads as sloppy and informal. See the Assignment 4 Critique and the
Assignment 8 Critique. Are you afraid of touching TAB key?

For your final assignment, Ashvik, give it your best. Impress not just me, but yourself
with all the new techniques that you’ve learned, such as dialogue, conflict, sensory details,
specificity, formatting, character descriptions, and so on. Compose the best sentences of your
life; try new things; see the world with energy and freshness. I’m rooting for you, Asvhik, and
hope your last submission is a winner!

Sincerely,
 Mr. Grosvenor

Cosmic Connections: Black Holes and Meteor Showers

Black holes have always intrigued me, embodying the ultimate enigma of the cosmos.
These celestial objects, with their intense gravitational pull that even light cannot
escape, challenge the boundaries of our understanding of physics and the universe.
What truly happens inside a black hole? Is it a gateway to another dimension, as some
theories suggest? The concept of an event horizon, beyond which all information is lost,
raises profound questions about the nature of reality and information itself. The mystery
of singularities, where densities become infinite and the laws of physics break down, is
both thrilling and daunting. Understanding black holes could revolutionize our
comprehension of space, time, and the fundamental laws governing our universe. The
excitement of potentially unlocking these secrets, of venturing into the unknown and
expanding human knowledge, fuels my passion for astrophysics. This quest is not just
about scientific discovery; it's about pushing the boundaries of human curiosity and
imagination.

***

One unforgettable night, my family and I ventured into the desert to watch the Perseid
meteor shower. Far from city lights, the sky was a vast expanse of twinkling stars. As
meteors streaked across the sky, I felt a profound sense of awe. The vastness of the
universe and the fleeting brilliance of the meteors underscored the smallness and
transience of human life in the grand scheme of things. Sharing this celestial spectacle
with my family, I felt deeply connected to both the cosmos and my loved ones. Each
meteor felt like a reminder of the infinite mysteries and wonders that lie beyond our
world. This experience ignited a lifelong fascination with astronomy, prompting
countless nights of stargazing and a persistent curiosity about the universe. It taught me
to appreciate the beauty of the natural world and sparked a desire to understand the
larger forces at play in our cosmos. The desert night, with its brilliant display, left an
indelible mark on my imagination and aspirations.

***

The study of black holes is not merely an academic exercise; it has profound
implications for our understanding of the universe. Black holes serve as natural
laboratories where the laws of physics are pushed to their limits. They challenge our
understanding of space, time, and gravity. The event horizon, where everything crosses
the point of no return, raises questions about the fate of information and the nature of
reality itself. Recent discoveries, such as the detection of gravitational waves from
merging black holes, have opened new avenues for exploring these cosmic
phenomena. Understanding black holes could provide insights into the origins of the
universe and the fundamental nature of existence. It is a journey into the unknown,
driven by the human desire to explore and understand.

***

The Perseid meteor shower was more than just a visual spectacle; it was a profound
emotional experience. As I lay on the cool desert sand, surrounded by my family, I felt a
sense of peace and connection. The vastness of the sky and the beauty of the meteors
created a sense of wonder that is hard to describe. It was a moment that brought us
closer together, as we shared our amazement and curiosity about the universe. The
meteors, burning brightly for a brief moment before fading away, reminded me of the
fleeting nature of life and the importance of cherishing these moments of beauty and
connection. This experience deepened my appreciation for the natural world and
inspired a lifelong passion for exploring the mysteries of the cosmos.

***

As I reflect on these experiences, I realize that my fascination with black holes and my
awe during the meteor shower are both manifestations of a deeper desire to understand
the universe. They represent moments where the boundary between the known and the
unknown is most apparent, sparking a drive to explore and discover. These experiences
have shaped my perspective, instilling a sense of humility and wonder at the complexity
and beauty of the cosmos. They remind me of the importance of curiosity and the joy of
exploration. Whether peering into the depths of a black hole or marveling at the fleeting
beauty of a meteor shower, these moments connect us to the larger universe and to
each other, inspiring a lifelong passion for discovery and understanding.

***

Reflection

In weaving together the narratives of my burning question about black holes and my
moment of awe during the Perseid meteor shower, I aimed to create a cohesive
exploration of curiosity and wonder. The challenge was balancing the scientific
exploration of black holes with the personal, emotional experience of the meteor
shower. I feel good about how the themes of exploration and connection emerged
naturally from the two narratives. The process of braiding these narratives made me
appreciate the depth of each experience more fully and see how they complement each
other in illuminating the vast mysteries of the universe.

This unit challenged me to think deeply about how seemingly disparate experiences can
be interconnected. Writing this essay also reminded me of the importance of
perspective, how personal experiences can inspire a broader quest for understanding
and how scientific curiosity can be rooted in moments of simple wonder. It was a
rewarding exercise in seeing how small, personal moments can relate to the grand,
universal questions that drive our quest for knowledge.