Intro: Becoming a Great Coach and Leader

You know the saying, "People don't leave their jobs; they leave their bosses." Well,
with employee disengagement hovering around 85%, I know you don't want to be
the kind of leader that drives people toward the exit sign. I'll be giving you state-
of-the-art coaching practices, frameworks, and tools to engage your people, grow
your people, and transform your leadership style from command-and-control
direction giving, why most people leave, to manager as coach, why most people
stay.

Hi, I'm Lisa Gates. I'm an executive coach and career story sleuth and since 2006,
I've been using my skills to help people move up, sideways and out. Keep reading
and I'll help you do the very same thing.

1.1 Busting Myths and Finding Time

I'm going to help you bust some limiting beliefs about coaching so you can become
a great manager and coach.

Recently I was coaching Sylvia, a senior VP whose goal was to transition to the
executive level as a COO. And Sylvia was incredibly adept at analyzing a problem,
pining for solutions, but she was extremely frustrated with how slowly her solutions
were implemented and how often she ran into full-stop resistance from her team.

Now what we discovered was that Sylvia's command and control style and her need
for speed were responsible for slowing progress and productivity. She wasn't
leading. She was running five miles ahead of everyone expecting them to keep up.
She told me she didn't have time for handholding, and that is the first myth to bust
that coaching is handholding.

So coaching is not doing the work yourself or telling people what to do step by step.
It's establishing clear expectations and goals and guiding, questioning, and
prompting to accomplish them. Most importantly, it's inspiring people to take
ownership of their work and their careers. And that leads right into myth number
two, there's no time.

This is big. I mean, we're constantly challenged to do more with less. So, if you
start having coaching one-on-one, she might think you'll never get anything done.
In Sylvia's case, she was spending a lot of time backtracking, redirecting, and
putting out fires, and all of that slowed her team's productivity to a crawl. Now I
want to be clear. The coaching tools and practices you'll be exploring in this
document are designed to help you become more collaborative, less directive, and
more efficient. You'll be giving people more autonomy, which will save time in the
long run and increase engagement and results.

Myth number three goes like so, if I grow my people, I'll lose my people. So,
here's the deal. Research repeatedly shows that people don't leave their jobs, they
leave bad managers. They leave because they are not getting growth opportunities.
They leave because of invisibility and exclusion. So, managing in a way that creates
a revolving door of average talent is a job killer, your job. The flip side of this myth
is that by growing your talent, you're constantly creating value for yourself, your
people and your company.

Myth number four is that career development is the employee's responsibility.

Now that's partly true. Your people are responsible for driving their careers, but we
all need collaborators. We need people who will work with us to unlock our
strengths and purposefulness and help us make use of them for everyone's benefit.
Now in my experience, there is no question that coaching can turn around a
disengaged rudderless employee. But coaching is also essential if you want to keep
your high potential and create great results all around.

So right now, I want you to think for a moment and head down to the note-taking
feature and do three things.
First, write a promise to yourself to let the myths go so you can be free to
experiment.

Second, write down the names of two or three people you'd love to help grow and
why. What's in it for them? What's in it for you? These are the people you'll be
experimenting with throughout the journey to develop your coaching skills. And

Third, open up your calendar and identify where you have two or three chunks of
time you can block out every week.

You might be tempted to say nowhere, but you're creating a new habit. So protect
that space in your calendar. The goal here is to just get started.

Three people, three chunks of time. And remember, you're just experimenting.

1.2 Overcoming bias in coaching

If you did your homework for the last , "Busting Myths and Finding Time," you
now have identified a few people to work with for your coaching experiment.

Great. Now, take a look at your notebook.

Who did you choose? If you're a white, male engineer born in the United States,
and working in a tech company in San Francisco, it's statistically very likely that
you chose people like yourself. You chose people you like hanging out with. Now
you might be laughing or rolling your eyes, but we humans are wired to judge,
beginning way back when we became two-legged creatures trying to determine who
was friend or foe. Even though we're no longer avoiding saber-tooth tigers, our
tendency to choose people who look like us, sound like us, and have similar abilities
and backgrounds is a behavioral phenomenon known as unconscious bias.

So if you're committed to becoming a great coach and leader, becoming aware of

your own biases is essential. And let me just say, we are all biased. We jump to
judgment, not only about race and gender, but hairstyle, clothing, the school
somebody graduated from, their hometown, the sports they play or don't play. Now,
here's why it matters.

Recent research from Gallup and elsewhere reveals that the quitting epidemic has
some roots in systemic bias. Every day people are leaving, because they aren't
growing in their careers or their roles. There's no clear or defined path to promotion,
and when they gather the courage to ask for promotions, and raises, and stretch
opportunities, they are routinely passed over. And the they I am talking about are
primarily women. And the numbers are worse for women of color. Now, this is
expensive emotionally, both for those who leave and for those who stay. And it's
expensive financially, even though study after study shows that diverse workplaces
have greater engagement and are substantially more productive and profitable.

So think about it. If your organization is experiencing a lot of turnover, sure, they're
leaving the organization, but they might also be leaving you. So I'm asking you to
do your part in turning things around.

So right now, open up the note-taking feature, and take a look at your notes about
the people you've chosen to coach, and answer these prompts.

What changes or additions do you need to make?

And if you are a hiring manager, what changes can you make to assure that you're
increasing the diversity of your team?

I'm really hoping I've provoked some deeper thinking about making more inclusive
choices. And in the next point, I'll be providing best practices for establishing those
coaching relationships.

1.3 Establishing a coaching relationship

Let's talk about the three Cs of the coaching relationship, clarity, commitment, and
confidentiality. First, think about the people on your team you've chosen to coach.
Maybe one has a high potential who's more than ready to contribute in a bigger
way, and maybe another has been, say, a bit disengaged, and you want to get at the
root and turn things around.

Great. No matter where your people are on the engagement continuum, remember
this. Your people want to get clear about opportunities and what it takes to be seen,
to be valued for their strengths, skills, and promise, and to be promoted. That's why
the first C is clarity. This is where you get very specific about the why, your why
and your people's why. Your why is to communicate the organizational and team
goals you're responsible for and how those goals specifically translate to your
people's expectations and deliverables. This also helps you establish a baseline for
measuring progress. Getting at your people's why involves asking them questions
about their career goals and aspirations. Now, I'll be covering several great
frameworks for this process in chapter three that'll help you drive after clarity and
accountability about what they'd like to learn, how they'd like to grow, and what
they want to be known for.

The next C, commitment, is letting your people know you intend to make your
coaching conversations an ongoing practice and agreeing on basic logistics. This
communicates something incredibly important, your dedication to helping your
people grow and succeed. Logistics might include the day and time you meet, how
often, and location. If you can pick a day and time that works for both of you and
stick with it, you'll create momentum, and you'll save time because you won't be
trying to coordinate your schedules constantly.

And this brings me to the third C, your promise of confidentiality. To build trust in
coaching, your conversations need to be held in the vault. Now, while you might
need to report the highlights of your progress with your manager or leadership, the
content of your conversation needs to be held in strict confidence, and you need to
be explicit in your commitment. Say it out loud.
So let's go back to the people on your team that you've chosen to coach. Even
though we haven't yet explored all the tools and frameworks of coaching, you do
have everything you need to establish your relationship. You know what to do.

1.4 Cornerstones of coaching

Be curious, let the employee lead, and coach the whole person.

These are the three cornerstones of the coaching process that will anchor all your
conversations and help you work smarter, not harder. We'll illustrate those
cornerstones in action with Cassidy, a team leader, and her manager Avi. Now,
Cassidy's been pretty disengaged in her work and falling behind. In many
organizations that would be a cue to step in and say, "Look, I've been noticing your
numbers are in the tank and if they don't improve by next quarter, I can't promise
you'll have a future here." Now, I doubt that the fear and shame approach would
inspire Cassidy to happily bounce back and get things turned around. What's
missing in that approach is the first cornerstone, curiosity. This is an empathetic,
open-ended question asking to find out why Cassidy's performance is off. Asking
open-ended questions. Those to begin with who, what, when, where, how, and why
will also allow the next cornerstone to surface, let the employee lead. Your people
can only make better choices for themselves if we, as leaders, get curious and then
just get out of the way. As we'll see with Cassidy, people often know exactly where
things are going off the rails and what it'll take to turn things around. And that brings
us to the third cornerstone, coach the whole person. This means the life work/work
life merge is not only relevant but crucial to engagement, especially in a 24/7,
always-on world. As managers, we don't always know if someone is dealing with a
conflict with a coworker, an ailing parent, or a terrible commute, but whatever it is,
you can be sure those things have an impact on their ability to perform. So, let's
take a look at how all three cornerstones come together with Cassidy, the team lead
who's been having productivity challenges, and her manager, Avi.
Avi:- Cassidy, you're one of the most talented people we have here in the
organization, so help me understand what's really happening here.

Cassidy:- Well, it's really challenging being a team lead.

Avi:- In what way?

Cassidy:- Honestly, I'm just finishing up my prep for the PMI exam. I'm studying
nights, and with the construction on the bridge, it takes twice as long to drop off my
kids. I'm usually running the first meeting for my car.

Avi:- Yeah, that's really frustrating. What do you think would turn things around for
you?

Cassidy:- Well, I've been thinking about that and I'd like to ask Linda to share some
of the team lead responsibilities with me.

Avi:- Linda? Yeah, that's a great idea. Say more about that.

Great. Okay, notice how Avi's curiosity and concern made room for Cassidy to
reveal what was really happening. Avi also allowed Cassidy to lead the
conversation, especially as she began exploring solutions. He doesn't negate or tell
Cassidy what to do or make useless threats, and he doesn't tell her to leave her
personal life at home. So, be curious, let your people lead, and coach the whole
person. With those fundamentals under your belt, you're now ready to explore the
three types of coaching conversations in the next point.

1.5 Three types of coaching conversations

Your coaching conversations with people will be very much tied to accomplishing
goals. In fact, those conversations will tend to follow a very distinct arc relative to
those goals, specifically clarity, implementation, and reflection. Clarity
conversations typically happen at the beginning of the coaching arc. Here you want
to focus on reviewing your people's accomplishments to take stock of their
strengths and repeating themes, what inspires them and what they want to learn and
what they want to be known for. So let's take a look at a quick example of a clarity
conversation with Cassidy, a team lead and her manager, Avi, during a check-in.

Avi:- Well, first off, thank you for being so detailed about your goals this year. I'm
also very impressed with the milestones you set for each goal.

Cassidy:- Thank you.

Avi:- One of your biggest goals this year was to excel as a team lead and set yourself
up promotion to directing a development crew, is that right?

Cassidy:- Yeah, are you thinking it's too ambitious?

Avi:- Not at all.

Cassidy:- Okay, good.

Avi:- I am curious, what tools do you feel you have right now in your pocket that
would be valuable as a director?

Cassidy:- Can I have some time to think about that?

Avi:- Cassie, really?

Cassidy:- I just feel squirmy singing my own praises.

Avi:- If you don't, then who will?

Cassidy:- I know, I know. Okay,. I am really good at reverse engineering, goals and
projects into actionable chunks.

Avi:- Yeah, that's good, what else?

Cassidy:- I'm also getting really good at understanding each of my team members'
strengths and leveraging that on any given project.
Avi:- Great, okay, so you have a vision-to-execution mindset, right? and your
people whisperer? So what else? What do you want to be known for?

Cassidy:- I think I need some help drafting my value proposition.

Avi:- Okay, value proposition. All right, let's put that in the homework. And I'd also
like you to think about what trips you up and what you'd like to learn.

Cassidy:- This is on my planning doc, but it's at the top of the list. I know I can get
better at delegating.

Avi:- Delegating, okay, What does that look like?

Okay, one of the most important features in clarity conversations is to stay open
and keep drilling down into your people's answers to make sure you're not just
skimming the surface or moving into action prematurely. You want to spend time
in this part of the arc so that the goals your people set are energizing and connected
to their values and aspirations as well as the needs of the company. So here's a
power tip for digging deeper, keep asking the best open-ended question ever
invented which is, and what else?

Now, let's move on to implementation conversations. This is where you help your
people translate that self-awareness and clarity into goals and accountabilities. So
let's pick it up with Avi and Cassidy.

Avi:- So tell me, what do you need to begin delegating with more consistency?

Cassidy:- Well, actually, if I were to do what you're doing with me now, asking
questions, getting deeper understanding of what people want and need, and then I
think I can trust myself enough to let go and give them more autonomy.

Avi:- That is great insight, Cassidy. How can you test that and build your delegating
muscle?
Cassidy:- Probably having more individual conversations, kind of like we're
having. And then at the next meeting, I'm going to make sure we're all clear on next
quarter's focus and make assignments from there.

Avi:- What if you let everyone make their own assignment?

Cassidy:- Right, of course, that's a good idea.

Avi:- Right, great, you think you can handle that by our next meeting?

Cassidy:- Yes, yeah, I can.

Avi:- Wonderful.

So now Avi and Cassidy have some specificity, some action steps, and a basis for
their next conversation. Now, let's focus on reflection conversations. Reflection is
all about creating a pause in the action to anchor learning and growth and results.
You're assessing, acknowledging and maybe even celebrating. So here's Avi and
Cassidy who has made some progress on her delegation goal.

Avi:- Wow, Cassie, thank you for your email about your delegating process and
what was the magic that made everything turn out so well?

Cassidy:- It probably sounds simplistic, but every time I had the impulse to give
direction I just held my tongue for five seconds.

Avi:- Held your tongue?

Cassidy:- Yeah, things just problem solved on their own. I barely had to say
anything. I mean, I did tell them that I was working on being more hands-off, but
I'm just surprised it's so simple.

Avi:- So you're learning here is about pausing and being more transparent, is that
accurate?
Cassidy:- Yes, it is.

So those are the three most common conversations you'll have with your people.
Now, while we've shown each one as a distinct conversation, you'll no doubt find
yourself dipping from clarity to implementation and back again, until your people
reach their goals or move through and pass their challenges.

So I want to leave you with another power tip. Take a page from Cassidy's playbook
and every time you find yourself about to cut to the chase and give direction, wait,
which stands for, why am I talking? Just wait a few seconds, the payoff for you is
conserving your energy and time and the payoff for your people is autonomy and a
sense of accomplishment. In the next point, you're going to learn the most valuable
tool in coaching, asking powerful questions.

2. Building your coaching skills

2.1 Asking powerful questions

Powerful questions are provocative questions. They're open-ended and typically

begin with who, what, when, where, why, and how, and they are the bread and butter
in your coaching toolbox.

Powerful questions invite your people to find clarity and self-awareness, or options
for action and new perspectives. And they act as little triggers to help your people
come up with their own ideas and solutions.

So questions like, do you like your new office, or are you enjoying your work with
Mary are closed-ended questions, and they can be answered with a simple yes or
no. They do very little to encourage conversation or self-awareness.

So let's reframe those questions from closed-ended to open-ended. And these are
powerful ones. So what do you think about your new office? Or how are things
working with Mary? That subtle little shift will encourage more thoughtfulness and
draw out more insight and information. I've included a list of powerful questions in
the exercise files, but feel free to use the note-taking tool to capture any of the
upcoming examples.

Let's begin with a few questions for starting a coaching conversation. You might
ask, what are your wins and challenges since we last spoke?

Or what would you like to focus on today?

Next, here are a few questions to get at the substance of an issue or a challenge.
What seems to be the main obstacle?

Or what's stopping you?

Or what do you want?

The next set of questions is helpful for sourcing new perspectives. If the same thing
came up again, what do you think you'd do?

Or what's another perspective?

What are all the possible solutions?

And finally, here are a few questions for planning and action.

How could you improve the situation?

What's your game plan?

What are your next steps?

Or by what day or time will you complete these steps?

So think of all these questions as kind of a cheat sheet to turn to until you gain more
fluency as a coach.
And here's a power tip to help you turn close-ended questions into open-ended ones.
When you feel you're about to give advice or offer criticism, pause and then start
your question with what or how, and improvise your way through the question. I
promise you this simple power tip will speed up your skill-building immensely.
And when you pair powerful questions with the skill of listening which I cover in
the next point, you will be one step closer to competence.

2.2 Increasing your listening skills:

Coaching requires a whole different kind of listening. From the time you start
school as a small child to the time you finish your degree studies and beyond, you've
been trained to have the right answer. So it's no wonder when you start managing
people that you need to be decisive and give direction to have the right answer.
These are powerful skills, but when it comes to coaching, we have to learn to set
aside our preconceived ideas about what people are saying, and what we think
people mean, and where we think the conversation is headed. We also have to set
aside our tendency to listen in order to interject our perspectives.

So let's say you have a team member who's challenged by time management issues
and buried under a ton of emails. As a result, he's missing deadlines and reacting
irritably to new requests. As his manager, you might think the solution is simple.
You are telling him he just needs a couple of focused hours to clean things up, purge
his inbox and make daily to-do lists. So, you give him a little direction and off he
goes. But that kind of fix comes from listening from the outside in. The solution
may work temporarily, but your employees are being directed, not empowered, or
included in the solution, and there's very likely something unexplored that's getting
in the way. So instead of listening followed by direction giving, you want to listen
to find the next right question. You want your people to be able to source themselves
for answers.

So here are four strategies to improve your listening.

First, be present and focus on the other person. Your objective is to clear your mind.
Set aside your own to-do list and make yourself present and available. That's your
goal.

Second, minimize distraction by doing things like closing your door, and turning
off ringers and alerts. And just take a moment to unplug.

Third, give cues that you're listening. We do this verbally by saying things like "uh-
huh" and "yes," and through body language, and nodding or smiling.

The fourth strategy is to mirror what you hear when you're unclear. Saying things
like, "What I'm hearing is..."

Or "It sounds like you're saying..." are two simple starts to getting clarity.

So now let's put listening and powerful questions together and go back to the
example about your reporter who's buried with email. After discovering that he's
frustrated and worried about falling behind, you might be tempted to say something
like, "Okay, I suggest you do A, B, and C."

Instead, you might ask, "What's causing the logjam, "and how can I help?" And
then wait.

Don't fill the silence. Let your question percolate so your people can reflect and
discover a solution that's the right fit for them. And remember, you're listening to
find the next right question. Now we'll take this listening and question-asking up a
level in the next point, challenging your people for growth.

2.3 Challenging your people for growth:

How do you know when it's time to challenge the people you're coaching? I
definitely have a couple of thoughts about that.
If your high potential is bored or phoning it in, it is definitely time for a challenge,
a new opportunity, more visibility, something that makes use of their talents and
skills.

Or if your employee has set a goal and they keep backsliding, it might be a should
disguised as a goal. So, if your intuition tells you it's a disguise should, ask what
they really want and need and help them shift the goal or drop it altogether.

On the other hand, resistance or procrastinating on a goal could be everybody's

good friend, fear. So, you might ask questions that help them wrestle with the best
case, worst case outcomes, or maybe find one action that will nudge them through
and pass their fear.

As for the challenge itself, there are three key aspects to keep in mind.

One, the challenge has to be tied to your people's own personal and professional
aspirations.

Two, the challenge needs to be the right size, at the right time to be the right fit.
Some people will be ready to take a huge leap and some people need to take baby
steps and that leads to three.

The challenge has to be accepted for it to be resonant and sticky.

So, let's take a look at a challenging coaching conversation with Cassidy, a team
lead, and Avi, her boss Cassidy's been working on becoming a better delegator.

Cassidy:- I'd like to hire my workflow consultant, Sam, to train the team on the
systems we put in place. The impact is going to be huge.

Avi:- I mean, no doubt. I'm with you on that, but unfortunately, we're at the end of
a budget year, and I'm so sorry, Cassie, but we can't commit any more resources to
this. Hey, what if you taught what you've learned?

Cassidy:- What, I just got my life organized and you want me to take on more?
Avi:- Look, how might teaching what you've learned be connected to your
delegation goal?

Cassidy:- I see the connection, but I just feel like if I'm going to be promoted to
director, I need to spend my time with senior leaders and adding value where I can.

Avi:- What if you could do both?

Cassidy:- I don't know what you mean but I just feel like I'd be drowning.

Avi:- Okay, what can you let go of?

Cassidy:- Nothing.

Avi:- Nothing? Come on, Cassie. What's really going on?

Cassidy:- Okay, I know Laura can run project meetings, but I just feel like I'll lose
control or the team will think I'm slacking.

Avi:- I got it. I got it. I really appreciate you being so honest. All right? So, I have
a challenge for you. What if you delegate all project meetings to Laura? Not just
some, but all of them. Okay? Put together the workshop and invite a few senior
leaders to participate.

Cassidy:- That's scary.

Avi:- Scary good or scary bad?

Cassidy:- Both.

Avi:- Okay, well, we can brainstorm a few other options.

Cassidy:- No, I'll do it

Avi:- For me or for you?

Cassidy:- Both. But truly, I'm in.

Avi:- Okay, that was a pretty stunning turnaround. What just happened here?
Cassidy:- I think I'm just getting in real time that it's not the fear of losing control,
but the fear of getting what I want. I've been holding myself back.

Avi:- That is a great insight.

Okay, so challenging your employees can be challenging. What's important to note

is that Avi did not collude with Cassidy's self-doubt and fear about losing control.
He also didn't negate her experience. He kept holding her aspirations in the
forefront. He kept her highest aspiration becoming a director front and center. He
also knew that Cassidy's right-fit challenge had to be a big leap to shift her
experience as a leader. So, we made sure that her acceptance of the challenge was
authentic. But what if Cassidy needed a bit more brainstorming to find a right fit
challenge? That's what we'll focus on in the next point, brainstorming to build
momentum.

2.4 Brainstorming to build momentum:

The first three coaching practices, asking questions, listening and challenging, will
almost always take you in the direction of the next steps. But if your employees are
a little foggy about a solution and not sure what action to take, brainstorming can
help them uncover multiple solutions and possibilities for action. What I've noticed
with my clients over the years is that before they can unlock their creativity and
brainstorm effectively, they have to be able to outgas about what's frustrating them,
not just for the sake of venting, but for discovering where to focus your energy. So,
I often do a little pre-brainstorming by asking three questions.

What do you want?

What's in the way?

And what's really going on?

I was working with a customer success VP who was in charge of revamping her
company's client onboarding process. And among her long list of frustrations was
this one: "I can't get engineering and marketing to collaborate."

What she wanted was a collaboration that decreased the bottleneck of decision-
making and implementation. Her big picture was to satisfy the needs of the clients
more efficiently and increase retention and profits. So, we brainstormed to expand
on her what and get to the how.

Now, while there are many different brainstorming models like making a decision
matrix or mind mapping, I just want to simplify things and focus on two powerful
questions that you can use to help people get unstuck.

Now, I suggest using the note-taking tools so you can capture these questions.

The first set of questions I call generators. These are used to unleash as many ideas
as possible and they sound like this.

What have you tried already?

What part of the problem have you not explored?

What needs to be happening that isn't happening now?

And what would it look like if everything was exactly as you envisioned?

And here are two more generators.

What's another option?

And what else?

The next set of questions are called deciders. And these questions help people find
the right actions and they sound like so.

What's the smallest or easiest step you could take right now?

What action could you take that would light a fire under this project?
And finally, what one move would trigger all the rest?

So, lots of options to help you kickstart your brainstorming with people. I want to
give you another power tip here. Keep your word. If your employee's next steps
involve your approval for access to resources or say some kind of training, make
sure you follow through. Be accountable, and that's exactly what we'll focus on
next, managing accountability.

2.5 Managing accountability:

Coaching would not be coaching without accountability. This is where your

employee takes the what and turns it into the how.

Accountability involves three elements.

What action is your employee agreeing to do, when will they do it, and how will
you know they accomplished it?

In between making an agreement, taking action toward a deadline, and

communicating the results of those actions like all kinds of detours and learning
opportunities.

Obviously, some actions and agreements are simple or transactional, like

scheduling a meeting and reporting back about the results. Others may involve more
complex details, like organizing a workshop or training.

With long-tail agreements like that, you'll want to guide your people to establish
milestones and encourage them to define how and when they'll communicate their
progress. A point to remember here, failure is a part of the process. Missed
deadlines, botched actions, and procrastination, are all part of the territory. So, for
you, this means supporting your employees. Don't belittle their missteps. So, let's
take a look at what this looks like with Cassidy, a team lead, and her manager, Avi.
Cassidy's been trying to implement new workflow systems, and she is really having
challenges.

Cassidy:- The upshot is everyone feels like the workflow systems are going to break
down like everything else we've tried.

Avi:- Wow, that's frustrating. What seems to be the common theme about the
system?

Cassidy:- Common theme. Whining, asking questions about every little detail.
What I really want to say is, "Hey, if this solution's not going to work, what will?"

Avi:- I know you're frustrated, but that actually sounds like a good idea.

Cassidy:- Normally, sure, but we're hiring five new team members at the end of the
month, and I need scalability, like, yesterday.

Avi:- What if the team comes up with a plan that's better than what you're currently
working with?

Cassidy:- You kidding me? I'm all for it. I need them to be more serious about what
they need instead of just whining.

Avi: It sounds like they're missing out on the invitation.

Cassidy:- Maybe, good point.

Avi:- So what needs to happen before the new hires are onboarded?

Cassidy:- Well, we're all meeting next week, so I could ask for input and make a
final structure by the end of next month.

Avi:- Who can you delegate to, to follow through on what you all decide in the
meeting?

- Why is delegating so slippery?

Avi:- What do you think?

- I know my need for speed, and I know what you're going to say, "It's a practice."
Avi:- Practice.

- Okay, I think the who will come from that meeting.

Avi:- Good, so your accountabilities are?

- Delegate a lead for the workflow revision process by next week, get the revisions
done by the end of next month, and send you weekly updates until then. Is that
okay?

Avi:- It's perfect.

Okay, notice that Cassidy started out by complaining about her team. A familiar
refrain. But Avi was smart. He didn't collude with her or get into personalities and
add fuel to the fire. And when Cassidy expressed self-doubt, Avi kept things moving
by focusing on her delegation goal. Once Cassidy identified what action she would
take next, Avi simply asked for the what, when, and how will I know?

So inspiring action and getting to accountability means holding people to their big
picture goals and outcomes and helping them find their way through the messy
middle. And there will always be a messy middle, you can count on that.

2.6 Giving future-focused feedback:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

What happened? How can we do better in the future? And what are the lessons
learned? That's future-focused feedback in three phases. So often, performance
feedback tends to focus on what went wrong and how things should have been done.
It's focused on the past. And we have all been there. You miss a deadline or botch
your project and your boss defaults to so-called constructive criticism. And says
things like, You should have given me a heads up.
Speaker 1 (00:31):

Or if it were me, I would have done X, Y, and Z. Or even worse, you really screwed
things up and now I am way behind deadline and it's on me to clean everything up.
Yeah. So here's the deal. Most of us experience even constructive feedback as
shaming. And when we feel shamed and judged, we retract. We disengage. Worse,
when we highlight how people went wrong, it builds defensiveness because it puts
a spotlight on mistakes and shortcomings and sits there like a massive barge in the
middle of your relationship.

Speaker 1 (01:06):

Future-focused feedback sidesteps this personal critique in favor of teasing out

what's possible and what might be improved in the future. And study after study
reveals that this approach directly correlates with people's willingness to improve.
So let's take the missed deadline and botched project.

Speaker 1 (01:31):

Here's what the first phase of future-focused feedback might sound like. Okay,
that's disappointing for both you and me. What happened? This is a good start
because let's face it, you're probably having some pretty strong feelings and
expressing your disappointment is real. And asking what happened gives you an
opportunity to gather information while also allowing your employee to tell their
story and vent a little. But hang on, right here is where things can go off the rails.

Speaker 1 (02:01):

If you allow yourself to get triggered and you have all kinds of evidence about how
your employee is to blame, the whole conversation can devolve into taking sides
and naming names. So pause. Do not collude or defend. Instead, move to the
second phase of future-focused feedback and ask a question like this. How can we
gather all the loose threads and find a way to turn things around? Notice the use of
we and our in those statements.

Speaker 1 (02:34):

You are both taking ownership. Once you've explored possibilities and identified
some solutions, you're in action again. But not so fast. Once the temperature is
lowered and a solution is in motion, you need to make time for reflection and
move to the third phase of feedback. What can we do in the future to make sure we
don't find ourselves here again? You know yourself. If you tend to default to
criticism and judgment about how your employees fail to achieve a goal,

Speaker 1 (03:07):

learning to give future-focused feedback may take a little practice. In fact, here's
a little power tip to help you practice. Once you've learned what the problem is,
pause and gather your thoughts. Little space will help you put your coaching hat
back on. Listen, we can't change the past, but we can influence the future. So
ultimately, this future-focused feedback is more efficient because it keeps the trust
level high in your relationship,

Speaker 1 (03:37):

maintains momentum, and keeps people focused on the goals and results you're all
working toward. It's the kind of feedback that comes from leadership and inspires
leadership.

3.0 Using Tools, Assessments, Framework and Questionnaire:

3.1 The GROW model:

Okay, so now that you have all the fundamental coaching skills down from the last
chapter, let's focus next on some super practical tools and frameworks to deepen
your practice and make it easier. There are many coaching frameworks, but one of
the easiest to implement at the start of your coaching relationship is called the
GROW Model. GROW stands for goals, realities, options, and way forward. Goals,
of course, are the outcomes your people want to achieve. And as with any goal, you
want to be as specific as possible, so that it's very clear to both of you what it looks
like when it's a done deal. Realities is all about what's currently happening relative
to any goal and discovering what the challenges and roadblocks are. Once your
people identify challenges and roadblocks, you can begin to uncover options or the
possibilities available to them to make progress on those goals. The way forward is
all about choosing the next right steps. And as with any next step, it's a good idea
to add some accountability in the form of timing or a due date. To help you make
this shift from giving direction and advice to coaching, I want to give you some
starting open-ended questions for each part of the GROW Model. These questions
and more are included in the exercise files or I suggest hitting the pause button to
write down each of the questions using the note taking tool. For goals you might
ask, where do you want to grow most in your role or your career? What do you
want to be known for? So be generous with these questions and allow your people
time to think. You might also give them these questions in advance, so they have
time to ponder them and strategize. Next, for realities, you might ask, well, what
progress have you already made toward those goals? What are the obstacles in the
way of achieving your goal? And for options you might ask, what have you already
tried? What are all the possibility? Who can help you? Or, what is the biggest leap
you can make right now? Or, what is the first baby step you can take right now?
With option questions, your job is to stay neutral and supportive. Resist the urge to
next or curtail the brainstorming process. Just stay open. And finally, for the way
forward, you want to ask, what are your next steps? What are you committing to?
By when? And how will I know? Those last two questions are absolutely necessary,
not just for accountability, but for establishing rhythm in the coaching process. The
GROW Model is a great place to start your coaching relationship, and next up is a
model you can use for your ongoing conversations.

3.2 The ORID framework:

- Okay, let's explore the good old ORID framework. It's an acronym that stands for
a set of questions that are objective, reflective, interpretive and decisional. The
ORID framework is a method of asking questions in stages, and it's based on
something called the Kolb Experiential Learning Model developed way back in
1984 and popularized by Laura Spencer in her book, "Winning Through
Participation." ORID is a set of repeatable questions for your one-on-ones, but it's
also a fantastic meeting and facilitation tool. Now, the framework syncs up with
behavioral science about how people learn and process information, and how they
make decisions informed by logic and emotion. As I've been doing throughout the
course, I'll give you sample questions for each phase of the model. These are
included in the exercise files but feel free to pause and use the note taking feature.
(gentle music) First are the objective questions, which are all about gathering facts
and data. Questions like, what is the challenge in one sentence? What happened in
one minute or less? So notice that I've added some constraints, one sentence, one
minute. If you have 15 or 30 minutes for a meeting these questions teach people to
get at the subject of the conversation quickly. Next are reflective questions that
elicit how people feel about those facts. Now, they might sound like this: What are
your thoughts and feelings about what just happened?; What was the impact on you
and others? This is the heart of the conversation so don't brush past hard feelings,
and remember to keep your coaching hat on, be neutral and empathetic. Interpretive
questions are used to figure out what everything means and to challenge
assumptions and implications. For example, what do you make of it? What are you
learning from this experience? What other perspectives might be valuable? And
what else? Your goal with these questions is to reveal what's hidden or uncover
options for possibilities, so don't negate ideas, even if they're half-baked, stay open.
And finally, decisional questions are all about getting at priorities and next steps.
Where do we go from here? What are the next steps? And what are you committing
to? The goal here, as always, is to find a way forward, to generate momentum. I am
hoping the ORID framework would become your old reliable, go-to structure for
your one-on-ones because it's simple and repeatable, and because it works whether
you have a full hour or just 10 minutes. Next up, we'll focus on a foundational
assessment tool called the Clarity Questionnaire. This will help you go wide and
deep in growing and developing your people.

3.3 The Clarity Questionnaire:

I have another very effective tool for your team. It's a self-assessment called the
Clarity Questionnaire. It's a mashup of questions I've used with my clients as well
as some from a leadership training I'm certified in called Beyond Barriers. Now,
these prompts will help your people discover what they value, how their strengths
and capacities provide value, and what they need to learn and do to be valuable in
the future. So if you're a manager coach who's committed to developing depth in
your team, the Clarity Questionnaire will become your go-to foundational tool for
doing just that. For some people, answering the prompts in the questionnaire may
be the first time they've ever thought deeply about the bigger questions in their work
and life. So give your people plenty of time to ponder and complete the exercise.
Remember, you can pause and use the note-taking tool as you go along, or you can
download the questionnaire from the exercise files. (upbeat music) The
questionnaire first focuses on assessing your employee's current state with
questions like, "What do you love to learn about without getting bored? What do
you love to talk about or teach others about? What do you enjoy so much that you
would do it for free? What do your friends and colleagues count on you for?" Inside
your people's answers to these questions, you will discover values, strengths, skills,
and passions, and very likely, some repeating themes. The second set of questions
address your people's accomplishments and impact. Not only in their current role
but in past roles. These are questions like, "What did you accomplish this month?
What did you accomplish this past year? What are the results you produced over,
say, the past five years?" The purpose of these questions is to help your people
quantify their impact much like you would when you're writing a resume. And
you'll likely discover some repeating themes here too in terms of strength, skills,
and competencies, some of which your people will want to continue doing and
some of which they won't. The third set of questions is about discovering which of
their competencies they want to focus their energy on, with special emphasis on
being ahead of the curve. And these are those questions: What competencies have
enabled you to provide value? What opportunities are growing in demand in your
market or industry? And what are the top 10 competencies based on those in-
demand opportunities? And which of those top 10 do you have or can you develop?
And with these questions, your people are starting to connect the dots between their
competencies and market demand. So I recommend that you ask people to do some
research to find data to confirm their predictions. Okay, the last set of questions is
designed to bring everything together. Remember the question, "What do you want
to be known for?" Well, after tackling all of the previous questions, your people
might be ready to connect those dots and get an action. Here are those questions:
How does your current role align with what you want to be known for? What are
your options to move you toward your desired state? And what is the fastest option?
Okay, as I said, it's a very thorough questionnaire, and it will require an initial
investment of time on your part to read and digest all the responses. So you might
be thinking it's a lot to hold, and how are you going to get people from their current
state to their desired state with everything you have on your plate? Well, keep in
mind one of the cornerstones of coaching, let the employee lead. If your people
invest themselves in this exercise, they'll have a pretty good sense about what and
how to put things in action. And one of the bonus applications of this exercise is
that inside all the answers to the questions are words and phrases your people can
draw from to draft their unique value proposition. When your people are clear about
who they are and the value they bring to the table, and they begin articulating that
value up, down and sideways, you'll be known for having a team that is seen,
valued, and respected.

3.4 The Clarity Questionnaire:

- I have another very effective tool for your team. It's a self-assessment called the
Clarity Questionnaire. It's a mashup of questions I've used with my clients as well
as some from a leadership training I'm certified in called Beyond Barriers. Now,
these prompts will help your people discover what they value, how their strengths
and capacities provide value, and what they need to learn and do to be valuable in
the future. So if you're a manager coach who's committed to developing depth in
your team, the Clarity Questionnaire will become your go-to foundational tool for
doing just that. For some people, answering the prompts in the questionnaire may
be the first time they've ever thought deeply about the bigger questions in their work
and life. So give your people plenty of time to ponder and complete the exercise.
Remember, you can pause and use the note-taking tool as you go along, or you can
download the questionnaire from the exercise files. (upbeat music) The
questionnaire first focuses on assessing your employee's current state with
questions like, "What do you love to learn about without getting bored? What do
you love to talk about or teach others about? What do you enjoy so much that you
would do it for free? What do your friends and colleagues count on you for?" Inside
your people's answers to these questions, you will discover values, strengths, skills,
and passions, and very likely, some repeating themes. The second set of questions
address your people's accomplishments and impact. Not only in their current role
but in past roles. These are questions like, "What did you accomplish this month?
What did you accomplish this past year? What are the results you produced over,
say, the past five years?" The purpose of these questions is to help your people
quantify their impact much like you would when you're writing a resume. And
you'll likely discover some repeating themes here too in terms of strength, skills,
and competencies, some of which your people will want to continue doing and
some of which they won't. The third set of questions is about discovering which of
their competencies they want to focus their energy on, with special emphasis on
being ahead of the curve. And these are those questions: What competencies have
enabled you to provide value? What opportunities are growing in demand in your
market or industry? And what are the top 10 competencies based on those in-
demand opportunities? And which of those top 10 do you have or can you develop?
And with these questions, your people are starting to connect the dots between their
competencies and market demand. So I recommend that you ask people to do some
research to find data to confirm their predictions. Okay, the last set of questions is
designed to bring everything together. Remember the question, "What do you want
to be known for?" Well, after tackling all of the previous questions, your people
might be ready to connect those dots and get an action. Here are those questions:
How does your current role align with what you want to be known for? What are
your options to move you toward your desired state? And what is the fastest option?
Okay, as I said, it's a very thorough questionnaire, and it will require an initial
investment of time on your part to read and digest all the responses. So you might
be thinking it's a lot to hold, and how are you going to get people from their current
state to their desired state with everything you have on your plate? Well, keep in
mind one of the cornerstones of coaching, let the employee lead. If your people
invest themselves in this exercise, they'll have a pretty good sense about what and
how to put things in action. And one of the bonus applications of this exercise is
that inside all the answers to the questions are words and phrases your people can
draw from to draft their unique value proposition. When your people are clear about
who they are and the value they bring to the table, and they begin articulating that
value up, down and sideways, you'll be known for having a team that is seen,
valued, and respected.

4.0 Maintaining the Coaching Relationship:

4.1 Designing stretch opportunities:

In the last chapter, we focused on using tools and assessments that help you
establish goals and what true North looks like for your people. And now we're going
to explore ways to maintain momentum in your coaching process. In Daniel Pink's
book "Drive", he talked about how people are more motivated by their ability to
direct their lives than they are by money. They want to know that they have value
and that they matter. These are people who want to learn and put that learning to
the test. So let's talk about what stretch opportunities might look like in your
organization. The first is learning and education. When you first start coaching your
employees be sure to ask what their educational goals are and see if you can find
ways to meet them. Informal opportunities include workshops, conferences,
certifications, and online courses like you're doing right now. And then there's
formal education. In some companies, getting an undergrad or even an advanced
degree like an MBA might be an employee benefit. Here's a power tip. (bell dings)
Identify early, perhaps using the clarity questionnaire from chapter three, what your
people want to learn and ask them to investigate what internal and external
resources are available. Your organization may already require everyone to have an
individual development plan that addresses their learning goal. That's ideal. But if
not, you do have all the tools you need to help your people create one. In any case,
make sure your people create a timeline for accomplishing their learning goals. And
it is your job to do everything you can to protect that timeline from getting
swallowed up by emergencies. Now, the second stretch opportunity is mentoring.
In contrast to coaching, mentoring is about providing guidance and direction to a
mentee, usually a junior level employee, who might in fact aspire to the position of
the mentor. The mentor typically has achieved a level of success and voluntarily
shares their expertise. So think about your employee, their goals and aspirations
where they want to learn and grow, and then facilitate connections between your
coachee and leaders inside and outside your organization. And the third stretch
opportunity I want to talk about is sponsorship. Now, let's say you have a high
performer who's craving new opportunities and wanting to be more visible and
useful. This is somebody you'd like to put a little skin in the game for. So
sponsorship is about actively advocating for your people and putting your
reputation behind them, making introductions and opening doors to help them
advance in their careers. And finally, here's a stretch opportunity for you. A great
way to lock in what you've learned in this course is to teach others. So why not
share the coaching practices you're learning with the people you intend to coach?
Be transparent about your process. Over time, coaching will percolate throughout
your team and increase your results, grow your own visibility and leadership
potential. Now, after all your good work focused on becoming a great manager
coach, what do you do when people are resistant to the whole idea of coaching?
That's what I'll cover next.

4.2 Working through resistance:

Employee development coaching is all about self-reflection and growth, which

often means change and change can be hard for some people. When your people
take on new projects or stretch assignments like we covered in the last point, you
can count on running into some kind of resistance or pushback during the process.
It is completely normal. In fact, what you might discover is that not everyone you
manage will want to be coached, and not everyone is coachable. So here's what,
some people are not experienced or skilled enough to be self-directed. They need a
lot of guidance and mentoring, and others are not emotionally capable of doing the
deeper self-reflective work coaching tends to draw out. And then again, some
people are so self-directed and so highly competent and accountable that they just
don't see the, other than quick check-ins. So I think it would be a mistake to make
coaching mandatory for all your employees. Instead, start with the people who are
ready and allow the benefits to percolate through the team naturally. In other words,
be with people where they are. And here's a stealth move. As you gain more
expertise in facility coaching your people, you can quietly, without calling attention
to your process, use the ORID framework from chapter three, and you can still
practice open-ended question asking, and you can still resist the temptation to direct
and tell people what to do. Now, even with coachable people, the first objection
you're likely to hear is why, what am I doing wrong? For high achievers, assure
them that coaching isn't remedial and what you're up to is accelerating their growth
and advancement. For those who may be inexperienced or underperforming, tell
them you want to make sure they're tapping their strengths and finding ways to help
them be successful. Now, as you begin coaching your people you will no doubt
have to deal with things like showing up late, forgetting meetings, missing due
dates, or just not participating fully. It's normal, to be expected. So here are some
rules of thumb for dealing with all of it. One, do not take it personally. Instead, be
curious and try to focus on the problem and not the person. Two, ask open-ended
questions to each and every issue or objection. If you feel criticism is about to leave
your lips, pause and turn it into an open-ended question. Three, give people time to
vent without interruption or feedback. Sometimes people get swept up in the
moment or a conflict erupts and they just need to let off steam. And that leads me
to four, acknowledge what's happening, but don't commiserate. The worst thing we
can do as coaches is to take sides or agree with our people's limiting beliefs. Instead,
just listen with empathy. Keep their big-picture goals in mind and let them grapple
with their next right step. One final piece of resistance I want to deal with is
disengagement. Your employee shows up, sits back, doesn't offer much in the way
of conversation. They might avoid eye contact or give you one word answers, or
they sit with folded arms and use dismissive physical gestures. Now, in the coaching
world, this is known as geography. And as you've probably heard, the body doesn't
lie. When people are engaged and interested they tend to lean forward and nod their
heads and grapple with things with their hands. Some people might even get up and
pace if they think better on their feet. So one thing you can do is to mirror their
physical posture or movement and ask your employee what, say, you know, folded
arms mean, and this will often crack things open so you can get to the root of their
resistance. With a little persistence and empathy, you'll learn to push through
resistance rather than let it derail you. So hang in there, remind people of their big
picture vision and keep things moving. If you'd like to gain even more skill
coaching both high performers, careerists and under performers check out my
advanced course Coaching for Results.

4.3 Coaching remotely:

In the new world of work, we're working remotely and spending less physical time
with our teams. And for some people that has downsides, physically and
psychologically. We're alone more, we're sitting a lot, we're not sharing a meal in
the lunchroom and we're not having those lovely accidental conversations in the
hallway. But because remote work is here to stay, I want to focus on the benefits
and best practices of coaching remotely. So let's start by talking about what I call
the geography of coaching. The first element of geography is observation. With
point on, similar to in-person coaching you can observe body language, tone, facial
expressions and you can take note of what's happening in the silences and pauses.
The second element of geography is privacy. While you might not be able to shut a
door to tune out your environment, you can turn off ringers and alerts and use
hearing devices to help you give your undivided attention to your employee. The
third element of geography is perspective shifting and this is my favorite aspect of
both in-person and remote coaching. If your people are stuck or struggling,
sometimes asking them to move from where they're sitting or standing to another
part of the room or another room altogether and asking something like, "What do
you see from here?" It will unlock a new perspective. And the final element of
geography is professional focus. When I started coaching in 2006 I quickly
discovered that I was far more effective coaching by phone or point chat. I wasn't
distracted by what people were wearing or the physical elements of the space we
were in. And that layer of digital distance greatly improved my ability to listen and
to be over there, focused on my client's experience. Next, let's talk about the
structure of remote conversation. One, get connected. Have a brief bit of small talk.
You know, all about the new baby or a recent vacation, things you know are
important to your people and be willing to share the same things about yourself.
Two, get down to business and specify how much time you have for your
conversation. Three, deal with time-sensitive work-related matters right up front,
say, five minutes max so your people are able to focus. Four, move the conversation
forward by asking, "What are your wins and challenges since we last met?" From
that information, you can ask the follow-up question. "So, what would you like to
focus on today?" I recommend using that agenda-setting structure every time you
meet. And five, end with action. Next steps, what your employee want to be
accountable for between now and your next meeting? One final note. With practice,
you can achieve the same level of connection in phone or audio-only conversations.
In fact, with all the point chat meetings happening every day it might be a relief,
especially to people with specific needs. Give your people a choice to express their
preference. So experiment with geography and commit to this structure. It will
increase your effectiveness and you'll give people the much-needed attention on
their growth and development and you'll nudge engagement in a positive direction.
Conclusion

Increasing your coaching value:

Great work making it through the course. By now, you've discovered that coaching
is about generating growth, opportunity, and results. At its best, coaching also
creates an environment where positive behavioral changes lead to improvement in
company culture. But here's where curious. Despite the fact that coaching is in wide
use across the corporate landscape, it's often viewed as a remedial tool to correct
poor performance. But good coaching is about creating a high-performance culture,
not managing a low-performance one. So now let's talk about the next steps. First,
in the Exercise Files for this course, I've included a list of books, websites, and
research studies so you can feed your curiosity. I've also included a list of the power
tips you've heard while watching the course. Next, if you have questions you'd like
me to answer, please use the Q&A feature inside the course platform. And don't
forget to download and share your certificate of completion to let people know
you've added a skill to your toolbox. If you want to go a little deeper into coaching
all employee performance levels, check out my course Coaching for Results. And
finally, if you want a little coaching on your coaching journey, you can message me
on LinkedIn to set up a time to find out if we're a right fit for working together.
Now, if there's one thing to take away from this course, remember that coaching is
a practice. Fall down, get back up, and practice again. I have no doubt your
continued practice will not only transform the careers of the people you coach but
your own career too.

FAQ

Increasing your coaching value:

Great work making it through the course. By now, you've discovered that coaching
is about generating growth, opportunity, and results. At its best, coaching also
creates an environment where positive behavioral changes lead to improvement in
company culture. But here's where curious. Despite the fact that coaching is in wide
use across the corporate landscape, it's often viewed as a remedial tool to correct
poor performance. But good coaching is about creating a high-performance culture,
not managing a low-performance one. So now let's talk about next steps. First, in
the Exercise Files for this course, I've included a list of books, websites, and
research studies so you can feed your curiosity. I've also included a list of the power
tips you've heard while watching the course. Next, if you have questions you'd like
me to answer, please use the Q&A feature inside the course platform. And don't
forget to download and share your certificate of completion to let people know
you've added a skill to your toolbox. If you want to go a little deeper into coaching
all employee performance levels, check out my course Coaching for Results. And
finally, if you want a little coaching on your coaching journey, you can message me
on LinkedIn to set up a time to find out if we're a right fit for working together.
Now, if there's one thing to take away from this course, remember that coaching is
a practice. Fall down, get back up, and practice again. I have no doubt your
continued practice will not only transform the careers of the people you coach but
your own career too.

Question 1

I really think that we need to reframe the idea that somebody is uncoachable
because everyone's coachable. It's also about how we introduce the subject of
coaching. Like, "Why do I want to work with you? Why would I want to coach
you?" Because some people respond to it as "Oh, my gosh, what's wrong?" You
know, "What am I doing wrong?" And to really frame it in a way that is about their
success and their goals and what they're aspiring to and what they want to be known
for. So it just kind of re-frames it from a negative to a positive.

Question 2
You know, if somebody is struggling with an expertise that you have, I would
simply ask permission to take off your coaching hat and say, "Hey, I can cut to the
chase here and be really helpful to you. Let me shorten your learning journey." And
certainly, I've done that throughout my career with my, the people that I coach. You
know, I have negotiation expertise so why shouldn't I help them build that strategy?
So share your expertise, especially if somebody is struggling.

Question 3

Selecting transcript lines in this section will navigate to timestamp in the video

Well, first of all, it's great that you're coaching your people and it's great that you
want the same thing for yourself. But if coaching is not really available to you and
given the structure of your company, don't be afraid to reach out and hire someone.
Go ahead outside of the company and make it happen for you.