February 5, 2024

PARENTING

When Your Baby Won’t Stop Crying

Have a crying, upset, or colicky baby? These parenting tips can help comfort and soothe your
infant while keeping you calm and in control.

By Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. and Melinda Smith, M.A.

Last updated or reviewed on February 5, 2024

Why do babies cry?

It’s tough when your baby won’t stop crying. You may worry that something is wrong with your child, that you’ll
lose your cool, that your parenting skills aren’t up to the job, or that you’ll never connect with your baby. But you
can handle it!

Babies cry for many reasons, and crying is the main way babies communicate. It’s the way they capture your
attention and express their needs. At first, it may be difficult to interpret your baby’s different cries, but as you
spend more time listening, you will become better at recognizing and meeting your child’s specific needs.

Common reasons babies cry

01. Sleepiness or fatigue

02. Wet or dirty diaper
03. Hunger
04. Overstimulation from noise or activity
05. Colic, acid reflux, or food allergies
06. Pain or illness
07. Gas
08. Stranger anxiety or fear

Is your baby unresponsive or indifferent?

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Most babies use crying to communicate and they will continue to cry or show that they are upset until a parent
or caregiver responds to their needs. Other babies, instead of crying, become upset and then tune out and fail to
show any emotion.

If you think about it, you probably know more than one adult who acts this way when faced with difficulty. An
unresponsive baby might seem like an easy baby, because they may be quiet and agreeable. But a baby that
doesn’t respond to you, the environment, and sensory influences needs help. Call your pediatrician right away.

NEVER NEVER shake a baby

Shaken Baby Syndrome occurs when a baby is shaken. The blood vessels in a baby’s head cannot
tolerate the impact of shaking and can break.

The National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome estimates that there are about 1,300 reported
cases each year in the U.S.
Shaking is the leading cause of child abuse deaths and can also result in brain damage, mental
retardation, seizures, or blindness.
Shaking usually happens when parents or caregivers become frustrated or angry when they are
not able to stop the baby from crying.
Shaken baby syndrome is 100% preventable.

Coping with a crying, colicky, or unresponsive baby

You already know that no two babies are alike, but this reality may still hit you hard when you hear other parents
talking about how easy their babies are or how their newborn sleeps peacefully through the night. Try to avoid
comparisons and specific expectations, as they can create negative feelings—especially if you have a very
challenging baby. Give yourself a break if you are having feelings you didn’t expect. It may take a bit of time to
get in sync with your baby, but the extra work will be worth it!

[Watch: Creating Secure Infant Attachment]

For stressful situations—when your baby won’t stop crying or won’t respond to you, and when you are feeling
frustrated, tired, and angry—you need to develop some strategies for taking care of yourself. When you’re calm
and centered, you’ll be better able to figure out what’s going on with your child and soothe his or her cries.

Recognize your limits. Pay attention to internal warning signs when you are feeling overwhelmed. The sooner
you spot your personal limits, the easier it is to plan ahead—for extra help, a break, an excursion outside, or a
quick pep talk from a friend or loved one. These small steps to prepare will help you get in the best frame of
mind to care for your baby.

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Don’t get discouraged. It’s long been thought that for most babies, crying peaks at six weeks and then gradually
eases off. However, more recent studies suggest that crying for some infants can last for months. While that
may sound discouraging, it can also be reassuring to know that it’s not uncommon. Whatever the time frame,
know that there is an end to the crying on the horizon. You may have to put in extra work and be very patient,
but things will get better.

Reach out for support. If you can, enlist help during the fussiest times of the day. Say yes when people offer to
help with housework, meals, or babysitting. Find a group of moms to talk to and get out of the house when you
can. Knowing you have some help on the way can make a big difference.

You don’t have to be perfect. Parenting is not about perfection. It would be impossible to be fully present and
attentive to an infant, especially a crying infant, 24 hours a day. Experts estimate that meeting your infant’s
needs at least half of the time is enough to support healthy bonding and secure attachment. Don’t worry about
getting it exactly right all of the time. Instead, try to relax and enjoy the times when your baby isn’t crying.

Pay attention to your baby’s signals

The whole world comes to your baby through their senses, and every baby has different sensory needs, which is
why one baby might love to be held and another doesn’t; or one baby will cry because of a wet diaper and
another will ignore it and continue to play happily.

Get to know your baby’s preferences by engaging all of your senses as you try to figure out what your baby
needs. Try being especially attentive to:

Changes in mood. Do your baby’s mood changes seem to coincide with environment changes, the time of day,
or in relation to food or naps? For example, if your baby is cranky in the late morning, watch to see if they are
sending signals that you’re missing—like an isolated yawn or eye rubbing.

Reactions to different situations and environments. Babies often send signals that we as adults just don’t notice.
Your baby might get overstimulated if too many people are around or become especially upset about schedule
changes.

Differences in your baby’s cries. At first all cries will sound the same, but, gradually, you will hear how the “I’m
hungry” cry is very different from the “I’m tired” cry. Notice noise level, pitch and intensity of the cry, as well as
your baby’s body language and facial expressions. An arched back, a scrunched-up face, eyes tightly closed to
shut out the light, fists curled up, rubbing eyes, hyperactive or frenetic movement—all of these signs
communicate something specific about your baby’s emotional and physical state.

Learning what it takes to soothe and comfort an upset or unresponsive baby may take all of your skills of
perception and awareness. Don’t give up if you are having a hard time figuring out what makes your baby
cry—he or she will probably keep trying to let you know.

Dr. Harvey Karp’s 5 S’s for soothing a crying baby

If your baby seems to be crying for “no reason,” pediatrician Harvey Karp advises parents to use the Five S’s,
which recreate the womb environment and activate your baby’s calming reflex.

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01. Swaddling. Wrap your baby in a blanket so they feel secure.

02. Side or stomach position. Hold your baby so they’re lying on their side or stomach. But always put them
on their back when going to sleep.
03. Shushing. Create “white noise” that drowns out other noises: run the vacuum cleaner, hair drier, fan or
clothes drier.
04. Swinging. Create a rhythmic motion of any kind. For example, take your baby for a ride in a stroller or
car.
05. Sucking. Let your baby suck on something, such as a pacifier.

Adapted from: The Happiest Baby on the Block

Evaluate your own emotional state

When your baby cries for hours on end, it is natural to feel responsible. Often, though, blaming yourself can get
in the way of your ability to be calm, present, and responsive to your baby. The relationship with your baby is a
partnership, so your emotions will make a difference to how your baby reacts. If you are feeling overwhelmed,
depressed, angry, anxious, or detached, your baby may have trouble calming down.

Am I the reason my baby won’t stop crying?

Are you distracted, overwhelmed, and at breaking point? If you’re stressed out and exhausted, you’re going to
have trouble relating to your baby in a soothing, nurturing way. So, it’s important to get the support you need.

[Read: Stress Management]

Extra support is essential if you’re:

01. Depressed.
02. Suffering from a major illness or chronic health problems.
03. Overwhelmed or fearful about parenting.
04. Exhausted from lack of sleep.
05. Feeling neglected, isolated, or unsupported.
06. A previous victim of abuse or neglect.

Fortunately, there are great opportunities for overcoming the limitations a parent or child may bring to the
attachment relationship. Parents who learn how to calm themselves, ask for support, and communicate with
their infants can find the means for creating a successful attachment relationship—essentially teaching by their
example—even with an upset or unresponsive infant.

Tips for keeping your cool and calming your baby down

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Remember that your baby has feelings. Babies are emotional beings and experience feelings of happiness,
sadness, joy, and anger from the very first moment of life. If, for whatever reason, you are having trouble being
responsive to your baby, your child will pick up on those signals. How would you feel if your spouse or parent
was unresponsive to your signals or attempts to communicate? Thinking of your baby as an individual with a
unique personality may make it easier to interpret and respond to his or her cries.

Choose some techniques for taking a “time out.” Strategies like counting to ten, going outside, taking deep
breaths, putting your baby down and walking around the house for a minute, can all help you maintain a calm
frame of mind.

Find a mantra. A mantra is a sound, word, or phrase, often said over and over again, to provide comfort and
inspiration. With a crying baby, you may find yourself talking out loud anyway, and a mantra can help provide
perspective, comfort, and energy to keep going. Some examples might be: “Just breathe,” “This is hard, but
doable,” and “All will be well.”

Baby blues or postpartum depression?

Exhaustion, rapidly shifting hormones, and a challenging child might make you feel frustrated, sad, or even
depressed. If you find yourself feeling depressed, worthless, or resentful or indifferent towards your baby, don’t
try to wait it out. See: Postpartum Depression and the Baby Blues

Watch for attachment milestones

If your baby has challenges (like constant crying, fussiness, or unresponsiveness) that get in the way of
emotional connection, bonding and attachment may suffer. The following attachment milestones can help you
recognize your baby’s attachment progress.

If the milestones are not happening in the right time frame, you should seek help. Fear or stress might make you
feel reluctant to evaluate your baby this way, but attachment problems identified early are usually easier to fix.

Attachment milestone 1: Attention and regulation (birth to three months)

Attention and regulation go hand-in-hand, because a baby who can’t calm down (and regulate their nervous
system) won’t be able to pay attention and interact with you.

Your baby has periods when they are calm (not crying), attentive (not sleeping), and shows interest in faces,
but doesn’t necessarily engage with you at this point.

You follow your baby’s lead. When your baby pays attention to you, you respond with gentle touch, soothing
tone of voice, and playful facial expressions. When your baby looks away, you do the same.

Attachment milestone 2: Shared joy (three to six months)

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Sharing joy with your baby establishes a connection between sensory experiences (things your baby sees,
hears, and feels) and safe and loving interaction with another person.

Your baby seeks engagement with you and participates in the back-and-forth exchange of gestures, smiles,
sounds, and movement. Your baby will probably need frequent breaks from interacting.

You continue to let your baby lead the exchange. When your baby wants to interact, you respond with playful
activity. If your baby wants to take a break, you slow down.

Attachment milestone 3: Give and take communication (four to 10 months)

With the third milestone, your baby’s level of engagement with you becomes more sophisticated.

Your baby uses an ever-increasing range of sounds, facial expressions, and gestures—wide eyes, coos,
nonsensical babbles, giggles, pointing—to invite you to play and to indicate needs and wants.

You continue to watch your child’s signals, gestures, and facial expressions and adjust your responses to those
cues. You should notice more back and forth communication.

Attachment milestone 4: Gestures and problem solving (10 to 18 months)

Your baby’s new motor skills—scooting, crawling, pointing, and maybe walking—should lead to better
communication and connection with you.

Your baby starts to combine their motor and nonverbal skills with their need to solve problems. For example,
your baby might point to something out of reach or crawl to the highchair when hungry.

You continue to respond to your baby’s cues and use words, facial expressions, and gestures of your own to
confirm to your baby that the messages are heard.

Recognize and cope with colic

Colic is a general term used for babies who cry more than three hours a day for more than three days a week. A
baby with colic will often cry inconsolably despite all attempts to comfort and soothe. The cause of colic, which
affects one in five babies, is not clear. Some experts think that colic may be connected to the development of
the infant’s intestinal system, related to acid reflux (GERD), or to food allergies.

What colic looks and sounds like

Parents of babies with colic often say that the babies look like they are angry or in pain, have gas, or are trying
to go to the bathroom without success. Other characteristics of a baby with colic:

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Higher pitched, more frantic crying

Sudden crying, starting out of nowhere, and for no apparent reason
Rigid or stiff body, often with clenched fists
Bent legs and stomach may feel hard

Timing of colic

Colic often begins at two weeks after a baby’s due date, reaches a peak about six weeks past the due date, and
generally ends by the time the baby is 12 to 14 weeks old (or four months past the due date). Your baby’s crying
may taper off gradually past the six-week mark, or one day your baby might just stop the extended crying spells
altogether. It may feel endless and unbearable while you are in the midst of it, but it will end.

What to do about colic

Pediatricians may be sympathetic and recommend Mylicon (simethicone) drops or gripe water, but often doctors
will tell parents to “just be patient,” because colic is not harmful and will go away on its own. Of course, in the
midst of all that crying, having someone tell you to “be patient” may seem impossible to consider. In order to
make it through, you will have to develop some great self-care strategies and enlist support.

Focus on one day at a time (mark off the days on a calendar if that helps).

Ask your doctor to consider the possibilities of food allergies or acid reflux (GERD), which can be remedied. If
you are breastfeeding, you can try adjusting your diet to see if that affects your baby’s crying spells.

Ask for help—support from your spouse, family, friends, and a babysitter or nanny will be essential to getting
through the first few months of your baby’s life.

Know when to seek help

If you constantly feel overwhelmed and the feeling doesn’t go away, you probably need some outside help.
Additionally, if you are feeling like you can’t pick up on your baby’s cues or your baby isn’t alert enough to
engage in the early milestone behaviors, it is important to seek help as soon as possible. Problems that are
identified early can almost always be solved.

Special circumstances that might require professional help

Physical, mental, or emotional challenges at birth, or soon after, are often traumatic to an infant and can cause
your baby’s nervous system to get “stuck.” A nervous system that is stuck will probably have difficulty with
regulation, which means the baby will have a hard time settling down.

[Read: Helping Children Cope with Traumatic Events]

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Special or traumatic circumstances that might cause problems include:

Premature birth.
Difficult or traumatic birth.
Medical problems or disability.
Adoption or separation from primary caregiver.

Where to turn for help

If your baby is crying or upset often, or unresponsive, you should seek help from your pediatrician or a child
development specialist. Your pediatrician should be able to recommend a specialist in early infant behaviors to
help you figure out if there is a problem and what to do about it. Alternately, contact the pediatrics branch in
your local hospital and ask about services in your area, such as:

Parenting skills classes. Available in many areas, coaching and education for parents and caregivers can build
necessary parenting skills and offer support and advice.

Support groups. Run by peers rather than professionals, support groups provide a safe environment to share
experiences, advice, encouragement, and coping strategies for parents of babies who won’t stop crying.

Hotlines and support

If the stress or crying becomes more than you can stand, or if you feel like shaking, hitting or harming
your baby in any way, call for help immediately.

In the U.S. Call the Crying Baby Hotline at 1-866-243-2229 or the Fussy Baby Warmline at 1-
888-431-BABY.

UK Call the Cry-sis Helpline at 08451 228 669.

Australia In Queensland and Northern Territory call the Parentline at 1300 30 1300 or find a
helpline in other areas.

Canada Call the Parent Help Line at 1-888-603-9100 or find other parent resources.

Other countries La Leche League International offers worldwide support groups for breastfeeding
mothers.

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More Information

Helpful links

01. How to Calm a Crying Baby - Pediatrician Dr. Hamilton shows you how to calm a crying baby using “The
Hold”. (Pacific Ocean Pediatrics)

02. Partners in Care: Supporting Fussy Babies in Child Care - How to deal with fussy babies. (Fussy Baby
Network)

03. Soothing a Crying Baby - Tips on calming a baby and finding help. (NHS)

04. Abusive Head Trauma: How to Protect Your Baby - How to avoid Shaken Baby Syndrome. (American
Academy of Pediatrics)

05. The 5 S’s for Soothing Babies - Dr. Harvey Karp’s techniques for soothing a crying baby.
(HappiestBaby.com)

References

01. CDC’s Developmental Milestones | CDC. (n.d.). Retrieved July 12, 2022, from

02. Colic | Johns Hopkins Medicine. (n.d.). Retrieved July 12, 2022, from

03. National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome—Facts & Info. (n.d.). Retrieved July 12, 2022, from

04. Using the 5 S’s to Soothe a Crying Baby: Dr. Harvey Karp – Happiest Baby. (n.d.). Retrieved July 12, 2022,
from

05. Woodhouse, S. S., Scott, J. R., Hepworth, A. D., & Cassidy, J. (2020). Secure Base Provision: A New
Approach to Examining Links Between Maternal Caregiving and Infant Attachment. Child Development,
91(1).

06. Nield, David. “Sorry, Parents: New Research Shows That Infant Crying Doesn’t Peak After 6 Weeks.”
ScienceAlert. Accessed July 20, 2022.

07. Vermillet, Arnault-Quentin, Katrine Tølbøll, Samouil Litsis Mizan, Joshua C. Skewes, and Christine E.
Parsons. “Crying in the First 12 Months of Life: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis of Cross-Country
Parent-Reported Data and Modeling of the ‘Cry Curve.’” Child Development 93, no. 4 (2022): 1201–22.

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08. ScienceDaily. “‘Good Enough’ Parenting Is Good Enough, Study Finds.” Accessed July 20, 2022.

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