Be Calm.: Proven Techniques to Stop Anxiety Now

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ISBN: Print 978-1-64152-208-3 | eBook 978-1-64152-209-0

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peace for all

Contents

Quick-Start Guide

Chapter One: Is Anxiety Running Your Life?

Section I: Feelings

Chapter Two: Your Emotions

Chapter Three: Your Body & Physical Sensations

Chapter Four: Putting the Tools to Work

Section II: Behavior

Chapter Five: Avoidance & Escape

Chapter Six: Acceptance & Approach

Chapter Seven: Putting the Tools to Work

Section III: Thoughts

Chapter Eight: Thoughts vs. Reality

Chapter Nine: Getting Unstuck from Thoughts

Chapter Ten: Putting the Tools to Work

Section IV: Staying on Track

Chapter Eleven: The Road Ahead

Chapter Twelve: Building Your Support Network

Resources

References

About the Author

Quick-Start Guide

This book provides a variety of strategies and techniques that have proven effective at reducing anxiety and its most troubling symptoms. Any of the strategies you choose to practice will help your anxiety overall, but I’ve divided them up here based on which type of symptom they target. This Quick-Start Guide will navigate you straight to the set of strategies that will help you deal with acute symptom flare-ups and anxiety-producing situations.

Section I: Feelings

Turn to the strategies starting here if you’re feeling strong emotional or physical symptoms of anxiety.

• Anger/irritability

• Sadness

• Hopelessness/despair

• Insomnia

• Mood swings

• Racing heart

• Shortness of breath

• Dizziness

• Stomach upset

Section II: Behavior

Turn here if your anxiety is making you behave in ways that you don’t like or that are causing you problems. Section II will be helpful when your anxiety causes you to:

• Avoid activities you used to enjoy

• Avoid certain people

• Frequently cancel plans

• Call in sick to avoid stressful events like presentations

• Feel unable to do routine things like drive or go to the store

• Behave uncharacteristically in anxiety-provoking situations, e.g., you don’t approach or talk to your friends when you’re at a party

Section III: Thoughts

Starting here, you’ll find strategies to help diminish the inaccurate or unhelpful thinking that preoccupies the mind when you’re caught up in anxiety. These thought-focused strategies will help if you’re experiencing:

• Chronic worry

• Repetitive or racing thoughts

• Catastrophic (worst-case scenario) thinking

• Self-defeating thoughts (e.g., I suck at this, so I might as well give up.)

• Irrational beliefs (e.g., If I don’t drive back home to check the oven, my house will burn down.)

Welcome

Everyone feels anxious at some point! I have worked with anxious clients for the past 15 years in my practice as a clinical psychologist. Some come to me believing that their anxious feelings can improve. Others enter therapy reluctantly, mostly convinced that nothing will ever reduce their panic symptoms, avoidance behavior, or worried thoughts. People who improve typically have two things in common:

1. A part of them, no matter how small, believes they can get better.

2. They learn, and put to work, effective anxiety-reducing strategies.

Simply opening this book and reading this far shows that some part of you believes your anxious symptoms can get better. And if you’re willing to engage with this material and give serious thought to the impact anxiety has on your life, there’s a part of you that wants to get better. Take heart; you already have all you need to start managing your anxiety symptoms and living a happier, more fulfilling life.

How to Use This Book

Psychology is a young science, and there’s still quite a bit we don’t know. However, we do know how to treat anxiety. Most people who consistently use the psychological tools in this book will find relief. My clients who use these methods tell me that although they are still aware of their worried thoughts, those thoughts no longer have the same power over them. So instead of feeling as if the waves in the ocean are pulling them under and they have to fight for dear life, they realize they can float—even in a stormy sea. They ride out the tempest by using their tools and knowing that the waves will eventually subside and the sea will be calm again.

The strategies in this book are simple to implement. They are all evidence based, meaning research has proven their effectiveness. They come from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT, pronounced like the word act), and mindfulness practices.

It’s not necessary to go through the book from start to finish in order to improve. You likely have not experienced the whole range of possible anxiety symptoms described here, so you may choose to skip some sections, depending on what you’re experiencing. Although this is not a workbook, it is full of practical strategies and instructions for how to implement them. In each of the nine main chapters you’ll see sections titled Go Deeper, which are suggestions on how to take the strategies to the next level. (You’ll need a notebook or journal for these.) The Go Deeper strategies are optional, but they are a great way to maximize your results.

A NOTE TO READERS: The clients in the examples used throughout the book are composites, and the names are fictional to protect anonymity.

Getting Started

Keep a notebook or journal handy so you can jot down your thoughts about the strategies as you try them out. Your notes will help you reflect on what you’re learning and how your new skills can help you better cope with anxiety. The more you practice and write about the strategies, the faster they’ll become automatic responses to your anxiety triggers.

Once you have your notebook and are ready to start, take a moment to think about your schedule. Consider how/when you want to work on this material and when you can best fit it into your general routine. To really get up to speed with your new skills, daily practice is the way to go—even if you can set aside only a few minutes. The point is, give some thought to how you’re going to integrate this book into your routine.

If you’re in the middle of an acute symptom flare-up, I encourage you to go directly to the relevant section. So, for example, if you’re consumed by worried or intrusive thinking, start with section III, Thoughts. If your anxiety is causing you to avoid important events or people, you may want to start with section II, Behavior. If you’re struggling with your feelings or physical health, start with section I.

To reach longer-term goals of sustained peace of mind and inner calm, consider breaking the material down into small, doable steps so you eventually work through the entire book, at the pace that suits your life.

CHAPTER ONE

Is Anxiety Running Your Life?

Why We Struggle with Anxiety

A snake on a hiking trail, or a gun in your face, or any direct threat to your well-being will trigger your fight-or-flight response. When this happens, the sympathetic nervous system releases a cascade of hormones, in particular adrenaline and epinephrine. These stress hormones very rapidly cause a series of changes in your body, including increased blood pressure and heart rate, slowed digestion, tunnel vision, shaking, and increased muscle tension. All this prepares you for a full-throttle physical response to the danger. These changes come together in an instant, to create a singular focus on survival.

When anxiety is appropriate—as in the case of the snake or the gun—this physiological response is normal, because it prepares us to respond to the potential threat. Even when the perceived danger isn’t life-threatening, anxiety can still be helpful. For example, a student might need to achieve a certain score on a test in order to be accepted to medical school. His anxiety motivates him to study, take a test prep course, and spend considerable time on practice exams. The fear of failure can energize and focus him for the hard work ahead. Or a person driving on a busy highway suddenly experiences increased heart rate and blood flow when she sees someone screech to a halt in the lane next to her. The immediate increase in heart rate prepares her for action, so she can steer toward safety if she needs to. These kinds of anxiety responses may not be saving our lives, but they are adaptive and keep things running smoothly.

Anxiety becomes a problem when a person’s fight-or-flight response is triggered by cues that are not threatening at all—either physically or otherwise. For instance, the person who obsessively worries about their health even though tests have ruled out a medical condition. This person is unable to be present with the people around them because they’re constantly preoccupied by what might or might not be going on medically. Or take the person who fears using public bathrooms and eventually avoids all business travel in order to not have to confront this fear. If travel is necessary for work, this person’s career