Chapter 2 : Communication, Listening & Feedback

“The people of the world are islands

shouting at each other across a sea of
misunderstanding”

George Eliot

“Communication is about emotions

not words”

John Harvey-Jones

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 Chapter 2 : Communication, Listening & Feedback

COMMUNICATION

Introduction

Effective communications both written and spoken, are vital in the business world
today as well as in our private lives. Effective communication is important because we
spend so much time at it, it is more difficult than we think to communicate effectively,
and because it is very easy for mistakes and misunderstandings to arise.
Communication is, in reality, a tool. Used effectively, it provides the ability to transfer
information CLEARLY, CONCISELY and COMPLETELY.
It can be described in a number of ways:
• The process of transferring a selected bit of information from a source to a
destination.
• The transmission of ideas and sentiments, between two or more people, which
contributes to the attainment of organisational goals.
• Who says what, in what channel, to whom and with what effect.
• Ensuring understanding.
• “A generally predictable, continuous, and always-present process of sharing of
meaning through “symbolic” interaction”.

The Key Elements

One way to look at communication is as a system made up of several elements. That

system is only as strong as its weakest element. The five key elements are obvious in
this model:

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 Chapter 2 : Communication, Listening & Feedback

Elements Defined

1. The sender is the communicator.

2. The content is the message.
3. The process is the medium used.
4. The receiver is the recipient of the message.
5. Feedback is the response.

Arc Of Distortion

It is important that communications occur without interference or barriers. One major

barrier to communication is a lack of feedback. The absence of feedback as well as
other barriers creates the “Arc of Distortion” illustrated as follows.

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 Chapter 2 : Communication, Listening & Feedback

Feedback

• What is feedback? It is simply two-way communication.

• It is used by the sender to ensure the receiver has understood. And it is used by the
receiver to clarify points and ensure understanding.

Suggestions on getting feedback in everyday verbal

communication:

Sender can Receiver can

1. Ask for feedback 1. Ask questions

Just say, “Now to make sure there is no Many of us fail to ask enough questions
misunderstanding, would you summarise for fear we might appear ignorant.
what I just told you”.
2.
2. Ask Questions Volunteer feedback
Don’t just ask questions that can be The receiver can say, “Just to make sure I
answered “yes” or “no”. Ask questions understand you, let me review”.
that can’t be answered unless the other
person has understood, such as “what has
been your experience with… etc?”

3. Volunteer feedback
After the receiver has made some
response the sender could say “Just to
make sure I understand you, let me
summarise”.

The special skills of giving and receiving performance feedback to others are
explained on pages 17 and 21.

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 Chapter 2 : Communication, Listening & Feedback

BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION

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 Chapter 2 : Communication, Listening & Feedback

Barriers to effective communication:

1. To further reduce the Arc of Distortion we should be aware of the barriers to

effective communication.
2. Defence mechanisms may influence the success of the communications attempt.
For instance, the threat which the receiver feels may cause him to be more
concerned about defending himself than about the content of the communications;
this is “threat” quotient, fear in the boss-subordinate relationship; words used may
have emotional meaning and impact for the subordinate that the boss may not be
aware of, e.g. in a performance review the subordinate may be so concerned about
his security that he may not “hear” what the boss is sending.
3. The question of integrity is also involved when the receiver questions the source
and the content as being trustworthy and reliable, e.g. if the boss displays a
tendency to exaggerate situations the subordinate will learn to discount their
seriousness.
4. Communication may not take place at all if the sender withholds information for
his own purpose which the receiver needs; e.g. a fellow worker who withholds
information which his peers need because he is concerned that the others will gain
too much praise from the boss.
5. Also, the size of the organisation and its complexity have an influence on the
distortion of communications. Acting in this capacity we have the formal
hierarchy and the informal communications network. The large formal structure
has a greater number of levels for the message to be filtered through and at each
filter, there are losses of detail, changed details and additional details.
6. An additional obstacle to communication is seen in competing physical devices
or systems; an individual who is talking on the phone all day is tough to
communicate with. That is, you must be able to obtain the attention of the
receiver.
7. The problem of semantics, or lack of understanding, or lack of agreement on the
intended meaning of words, is probably one of the most common obstacles to the
communications process. For example, the 500 most commonly used words have
over 14.000 different meanings, an average of 28 different meanings per word.
8. The capability of each particular individual is all important when
communicating if one is attempting to communicate clearly to the intended
audience. This capability is something which can be developed to a higher level
through a better understanding of communications itself, and the problems
involved in being successful in this activity. Use appropriate terms.
9. The problem of jumping to conclusions, the tendency towards premature
evaluation; the tendency of either/or, and to make everything a black or white
proposition, e.g. discounting a suggestion because it came from a junior level
employee.
10. The problem of failing to check assumptions; making inferences as fact;
assuming the receiver understands what you mean, without some action to check it
out.
11. Along the communication network there tends to be elements of loss, alteration
and addition producing confusion and misunderstanding.

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 Chapter 2 : Communication, Listening & Feedback

FACTORS HINDERING COMMUNICATING

Pre-Occupation
An individual who is focusing too much on his own thoughts and feelings may listen
in such a way that he/she gets little of the message.
Emotional Blocks
Certain words or expressions may have become charged with emotion for an
individual.
Hostility
The subject matter may arouse hostility; or the listener may be angry with the speaker.
Messages may be distorted in such ways as to provide fuel for further hostility.
Charisma
A charismatic person can often make tired, trivial messages seem new and important to the
receiver. This can be counter-productive in that the receiver is less likely to question or ask
for clarification.
Conversely, an individual who has something important and unique to say to us may
not be able to hold our attention.
Past Experience
This can predispose us to distort messages, for example, if the weekly staff meetings
have always been a waste of time we may come to each succeeding meeting expecting
not to give messages received there much consideration.
Hidden Agendas
An individual with a special interest may hear all messages only in reference to his
own needs or may not be able to hear messages which do not relate to his interest.
Inarticulateness
Lack of verbal skill may distort the intention of the sender.
Special Languages
Jargon, technical terms, “in-group” phrases, slang, regional or class accents may all
inhibit understanding.
Stereotyping
Classifying a person by his appearance, group membership (manager, shop steward),
race, religion, political affiliations, etc., can lead to hearing only what one expects
from “that type” and to blocking out what he/she actually says.
Physical Environment
Examples are stuffy, warm rooms; noisy factory floors, situations of perceived danger.
Individual’s Physical Condition
State of health, tension/relaxation, etc.

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 Chapter 2 : Communication, Listening & Feedback

Defensiveness
The insecurity of an individual may distort questions into accusations and his replies into
justifications.
Relationships
When we are attempting to communicate with another person we are giving out two
kinds of messages at the same time, content and relationship. The other person may be
so concerned with hearing about the latter that the content is lost or seriously distorted.
Status
This is sometimes the most difficult condition to overcome in communication, since it
may encompass most of the elements discussed above.
An individual in a position of high status may find communication difficult with most
of the people with whom he/she must interact, since his/her perceived power
differentially affects various individuals. One person may be preoccupied with
impressing the source of power, while another may be defensive, feeling that his/her
job, or perhaps his/her own status is threatened by the powerful individual. In
addition, any high-status individual must deal with the hostility of the envious, the
stereotyping of the power-worshipper, the past experiences with other high status
individuals (parent, teacher, doctor) that people may be generalising from and the
emotional elements generated by all of these conditions.

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 Chapter 2 : Communication, Listening & Feedback

LISTENING
Listening

Real communication occurs when we listen with understanding: of the situation,

ourselves, our reactions and prejudices, and the speaker’s framework. The biggest
block of verbal communication is one’s inability to listen intelligently,
understandingly and skilfully to another person.

Barriers Related To Poor Listening

The one function most critical to the communication process is the art (and it is an art)
of listening. When the receiver is not listening effectively, then feedback is the weak
link in the process.
All the studies seeking to measure the proportion of our communicative activity
devoted to listening agree that this is an important segment. In fact, most of these
studies put listening at the top of the list - ahead of speaking or reading or writing. A
study conducted at Ohio State University found that of all our total communicative
time nearly half is devoted to listening, nearly a third to speaking, much less to reading
and still less to writing.
Listening tops the list as the most important quantitative factor of our
communication activities.

Here Are Six Causes For Poor Listening:

1. One of the most important causes of poor listening has already been mentioned:
failure to remember that communicating is a two-way process, requiring careful
listening as well as speaking. Most of us like to talk too much.
2. Poor listening may also result from the barrier of the low rating of the other
person. We sometimes do not give an associate a fair chance to demonstrate
intelligence or ability. We condemn him for things wholly unrelated to his
message.
3. A third listening problem results when a person fakes attention. Here he is really
not listening at all but simply pretending to listen. He may nod his head in the
right places or smile but he really never hears what is being said. The person is
preoccupied.
4. The fourth problem affecting listening is the temptation to evade what is difficult
or unwelcome. People are sorely tempted to listen only to what they want to hear
and forget everything else. This is an attractive form of self-deception and most of
us are guilty of it at times.

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5. A fifth problem that may hinder efficient listening is the emotional state of the
listener. Even in our most rational moments, we cannot escape the influence of our
emotions. At one time we are angry; at another we are happy and joyous.
6. A sixth listening trap into which we frequently fall is that of impatience. We hear
part of what the sender has to say and jump to conclusions about the rest. Our
listening is incomplete. Incomplete listening is bad business.

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 Chapter 2 : Communication, Listening & Feedback

IMPROVING LISTENING SKILLS

“You are entitled to disagree with my point of view, but only if you can
first state it properly.”

Aids to listening properly

Make sure you know the purpose of the speaker

If you do not you will not be able to place his information into categories and associate
it with information on the topic which you have stored in your memory. This will
reduce your ability to learn and remember what he has said.

Ask if you do not understand

In most talks there are words and phrases which are keys to understanding the rest of
the subject matter. If these are not understood you could be wasting your time
listening to the rest of the talk.

Have notes to follow

If the speaker provides you with these they should be used to:
• Remind you of what has gone before;
• Show you what is coming next
• Help clarify the relationships between different parts of the talk;
• Remind you of the substance of the talk after it is over.

Taking notes of what is said

There are several advantages in taking notes of what is said in talks or meetings:
• It helps you concentrate
• It can remind you of points you wish to comment on or question, if you did
not have an opportunity at the time the points were made.
• If the speaker does not provide notes to follow, then taking your own notes
provides many of the advantages listed under the previous heading.

Watching as well as listening

A considerable amount of information is transmitted by non-verbal communication,
such as gestures, facial expressions and eye movements. Also, the speaker who finds
he has an attentive audience will probably perform better.

Taking notes of points to follow later

It is best to note these points as they occur to you during the course of the talk or
meeting. If you do not it may be difficult to remember them later.

Do not distract other people

Fidgeting, jangling coins, chain smoking, etc., can destroy the concentration of other
listeners.

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 Chapter 2 : Communication, Listening & Feedback

Separate your like or dislike of the speaker from the content of what he is saying
If you do not make a conscious effort to do this, your emotional attitude may distort
your interpretation of his words.

Make notes at the end of the meeting so that you have a record
This should be done if there was no opportunity to take notes during the meeting.
Notes taken at the end of the meeting, while the points are still fresh in your mind, will
be useful reminder of what went on.

Get yourself physically comfortable

Discomfort is very distracting. Deal with problems like draught, overheating,
inadequate lighting and uncomfortable chairs before the talk or meeting starts.

Make sure you know what you want to achieve when the meeting is over
If you do know this you may not get all you could have out of the meeting. For
example, you may not ask the meeting to give information needed to perform future
tasks.

Conclusion
Many of us miss important bits of information in talks and meetings because we are
not good listeners. Observation and practice of the points listed here should improve
your effectiveness as a listener.

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 Chapter 2 : Communication, Listening & Feedback

COMMUNICATION TOOLS

ï To communicate we were given

• 2 eyes to look
• 2 ears to listen
• 1 mouth to respond, to state

ï We should use these communication tools in proportions

2: 2: 1:

and not act as though we are:

• blind in one eye

• deaf in both ears
• can’t shut up

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 Chapter 2 : Communication, Listening & Feedback

ACTIVE LISTENING TECHNIQUES

Types Purpose Examples

Clarifying To get additional facts “Can you clarify this?”
“Do you mean this … ?”
“Is this the problem as you see
it?”
Restatement To check our meaning and « As I understand it then… ”
interpretation is accurate
“This is what you have decided
To show you are listening and to do and the reasons are … ”
that you understand what is
being said
To encourage analysis of other
aspects of the matter being con-
sidered and to discuss it with
you
Neutral To convey that you are “I see”
interested and listening
“Uh-huh”
To encourage person to continue
“That’s very interesting”
talking
“I understand”
Reflective To show how the listener “You feel that … ”
understands how he/she feels
“It was a shocking thing as you
about what he/she is saying
saw it”
To help person to evaluate and
“You felt you didn’t get a fair
temper his/her own feelings as
show”
expressed by someone else
Summarising To bring all the discussion into “These are the key ideas you
focus in terms of a summary have expressed … ”
To serve as a springboard for “If I understand how you feel
further discussion on a new about the situation … ”
aspect or problem

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ACTIVE LISTENING
DO’S AND DON’TS
Do:

•Use eye contact

•Check your understanding
♦ Summarising
♦ Paraphrasing
♦ Reflecting Ù feelings

•Ask open questions

♦ What
♦ When
♦ Where
♦ Why
♦ Who
♦ Tell me more about…

•Use accelerating techniques

•Use mirroring techniques
•Synchronise words, music and dance
•Create pleasant environment
•Use 2 : 2 : 1 rule
•Keep your mind open

Show respect and willingness to listen

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ACTIVE LISTENING
DO’S AND DON’TS
Don’t:

•Drive route 350

♦ Letting your mind wander
♦ Formulating your response
♦ Prepare further questions
♦ Prematurely building on ideas

•Give advice
•Judge
•Interrupt
•Finish off other people’s sentences
•Yes, but..
•Fake attention
•Let negative feelings and emotions/dislikes get in the way
•Focus on yourself
•Minimise
•Evade what is difficult or unwelcome
•Be impatient!
•Distract the other

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 Chapter 2 : Communication, Listening & Feedback

GIVING AND RECEIVING FEEDBACK

Giving feedback on performance, both praise and criticism, is an integral part of every
manager's job, but it is also an activity which makes many managers uncomfortable.
Common concerns are:

• Suppose I upset or anger someone by criticising their work?

• What if they turn round and attack my performance?
• Suppose my staff think I'm being patronising when I praise them?
• Won't they become complacent and lazy if I start giving them compliments?

Receiving criticism from your team, your colleagues or your own manager can also be
a stressful experience. The problems associated with giving and receiving feedback
cause some managers to avoid feedback wherever possible; other managers will give
up any pretensions to tact and diplomacy and give feedback which is too direct and
unprepared. In both cases the performance of the unit will suffer as a result.

This module is intended to help you

• give constructive criticism so that you can help your staff and colleagues to
improve their performance in a way which avoids making them defensive
• give constructive praise so that you can encourage your staff to continue
performing well and build their confidence
• use feedback - both praise and criticism - to motivate your staff
• receive criticism yourself in a way which is constructive and professional, so that
you too can continue to develop and grow.

Separate the behaviour from your interpretation

Focusing on behaviour is the key to giving good feedback, but many managers find
this much easier in theory than in practice. A definition of behaviour is

What a person says or does

or

does NOT say or do when required.

Suppose you are responsible for helping your staff to improve their customer service,
and you observe one of your clerks behaving inappropriately to a customer. Examples
of interpretation are

• he's rude and unhelpful

• he's more interested in making jokes with colleagues than in doing his job
• he just doesn't seem to care.

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The problem with interpretative feedback is that it often triggers a defensive reaction -
it makes people angry or sullen. When people are defensive they put all their energy
into counter-attacks and excuses, rather than listening with an open mind to ways in
which they could improve.

Focusing on behaviour makes the feedback easier to accept. You could say to the
clerk: 'Do you remember when you were talking to that customer? I noticed that you

1. didn't look at him or

2. interrupted him in mid sentence or
3. walked off halfway through to talk to a colleague.'

1, 2 and 3 are examples of behaviour. A description of behaviour is more neutral;

people are generally more receptive to feedback which is presented in this way.

Behaviour can be divided into

• verbal (the words you choose)

• vocal (how you use your voice - tone, tempo, volume etc.) and
• visual (how you look: your facial expression, eye contact, posture e.g. leaning
backwards in your chair, gestures etc.)

Vocal and visual behaviour together are also described as 'non-verbal behaviour'
(everything except the words). Research shows that non-verbal behaviour carries
more meaning than verbal behaviour. For example, the clerk may use the right words
('Can I help you?') but if he doesn't look at the customer while he speaks, the message
conveyed is that he will be unhelpful, not helpful. If we have to choose between
basing our interpretation on the verbal behaviour or the non-verbal behaviour, we tend
intuitively to trust the non-verbal signals in preference to the words. Skilled
managers are therefore used to describing behaviour in both verbal and non-verbal
terms. The examples 1, 2 and 3 above are all of non-verbal behaviour which could
have a negative effect on the customer.

Another reason for preferring feedback based on observable behaviour rather than
interpretation is that our interpretations may be incorrect. A team member may make
mistakes for legitimate reasons of which we are unaware. Take the case of the
receptionist who stayed late to type up a report, but made a lot of errors because she
was under time pressure. In the absence of instructions from her manager, she decided
that she would be more helpful by making a tidy draft which contained errors but was
legible than by typing only a few pages accurately. Next morning she found the report
back on her desk with a comment from her boss scribbled in thick black ink: 'Irma
this is careless work - 32 mistakes!' We can analyse the feedback given to her by her
manager with the following model:

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Separate BEHAVIOUR from interpretation

Thoughts
"This was careless "You made 34 mistakes".
work!"

(False interpretation - (Observable behaviour -

she'd stayed on late Feelings Behaviour legitimate criticism)
to help)

The receptionist was not upset by the comment '34 mistakes' because she
acknowledged that was true. She was much more hurt by the interpretative comment
'careless work' because it implied a lack of commitment on her part, and because the
truth was that she'd sacrificed some of her personal time in order to stay late and help.
She felt her efforts had not been appreciated by her manager, and shortly afterwards
she handed in her resignation.

When managers make comments based on interpretation ('careless work') they are
acting as though they can read the minds of their staff. Many of us recognise how
difficult it is to read the inner thoughts of friends and family whom we know very well;
it's all the more difficult to make consistently accurate interpretations of the thoughts
and feelings of staff and colleagues whom we meet only at work. Managers are not
mind-readers. The comment 'careless work' may have been an opportunity for the
manager to express his irritation, but his lack of reflection and self control lost him a
valuable member of staff. Observations of behaviour are fairer and more effective
than judgmental comments..

Once you have collected some specific examples of behaviour you can proceed to the
next steps in the preparation phase.

1. Preparation

Collect examples of both good behaviour (up to or above standard) and bad behaviour
(below standard).

Select the examples which will best help the person to improve. Don't flood the
person with criticism - choose about three examples to work on. Make sure you have
a reasonable balance of criticism and praise.

Prepare the supporting arguments and reasons to explain why a piece of work should
be done in a certain way. Adults like to understand the reasons why something is right
or wrong.

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Check whether the person was aware of the standards before he or she started the piece
of work. In the example of the clerk who was behaving in an inappropriate manner,
for instance, one possible reason for his behaviour is that he hadn't been properly
trained in the first place. If you discover a great many errors - in a report for example -
you may need to review your own delegation style. Did you brief the person
thoroughly? Often poor performance in staff can be traced back to poor management..

Choose an opportunity to talk to the person unhurriedly and in private, without

interruptions. Aim to give the feedback as soon after the event (such as delivery of the
report) as possible, so that the details of the task are still fresh in the person's mind.

Set your objectives for the feedback. What do you want the person to do after the
meeting?

2. During the interview

Start by helping the person to settle down and relax. You have to use your judgement
here: if you only intend to have a short discussion then a friendly sentence or two is
enough. If the meeting will be longer then you may want to get a cup of coffee.

Tell the person what you want to discuss, and explain the purpose of the meeting.

Give the person the examples of behaviour. Think about whether you want to start
with the praise or the criticism. Some people like to start with the criticism and then
move on to the praise; others prefer some praise before hearing the criticism. The
important point to remember is that your staff must hear both the praise (so they can
consolidate good performance and build self-esteem) and the criticism (so they can
develop and improve). On our courses we have found that about half the participants
like to hear some praise first, and the other half prefer to begin with criticism. The
easiest approach is simply to ask your staff member which sequence he or she prefers.

You may want to link your examples of behaviour with the rationale and the reasons
why you consider these examples of performance to be above or below standard.
Another approach is to help the person think through the effect of certain kinds of
behaviour. You could ask the clerk 'How do you think the customer feels if you
interrupt him halfway through his sentence?' (As you get onto sensitive ground like
this, remember the impact of your non-verbal behaviour - check that you talk patiently
and calmly, with no hint of sarcasm!)

The next key step is to get the person to acknowledge the validity of your examples:
ask "Do you agree with this?" Unless the person agrees, he or she will not take the
praise and/or criticism seriously. Many managers omit this step and fail to achieve
their objective for the meeting.

Once you have secured agreement, you can discuss options for improvement. Ideally
you would ask the other person to suggest possible actions. Most adults welcome the

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opportunity to demonstrate that they have understood why something was wrong, and
to prove that they can now rectify the situation themselves. If you ask the other person
for suggestions you also show that you trust him or her, and the staff member will feel
personal responsibility for completing the action points agreed.

Occasionally the person may feel stuck for ideas, in which case you can make some
suggestions yourself. Check that the reasons for your criticism have been fully
understood - the staff member may need more coaching from you at a later stage.

Finally, invite the other person to summarise conclusions and action points, so you can
both check that all the points raised have been fully understood and agreed. Agree
how you will organise any follow-up, and make any notes for yourself as a record or
reminder. If the meeting has been constructive, you might want to end on a positive
note by thanking the other person for instance for his or her co-operation and by
expressing your confidence in his or her performance for the future.

Receiving criticism

Apply the same principles in reverse if you are receiving criticism, following these
steps.

Listen through to the end. All feedback contains information, even personal attacks.
Grit your teeth and stay silent. You may find it helpful in an appraisal to take notes -
it slows you down and prevents you leaping to a counter-attack or withdrawing.

Don't argue - summarise to show you have listened. Your summary is not necessarily
an indication of agreement, but it is an indication of your professionalism and your
ability to take criticism without reacting defensively. Check you have understood the
criticism correctly.

If the criticism has been framed as interpretation and judgement (e.g. 'You've got the
wrong attitude') you need to persuade the person to translate the interpretation into
specific examples and to give you a more balanced description of your behaviour. Ask
questions such as;

Can you give me a specific example of what I'm doing wrong?

What would be a more helpful behaviour in these circumstances?
Can you give me an example of when I get it right?'

A calm, professional approach will often trigger a more reasonable response in the
person who is criticising you. With a frustrated customer or staff member, for
instance, you may need simply to demonstrate a willingness to listen and to rectify
mistakes.

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Now take time to pause and reflect. How much of the criticism do you agree with?
How do you want to react? You can indicate the points which, on reflection, seem
valid to you, and also highlight those you disagree with, together with your reasons. If
the criticism is serious you may want to ask for more time to think about the
implications.

Your next step is to sort out options, trying out some suggestions yourself and perhaps
asking for constructive ideas from the other person

When you agree on a possible way forward, summarise action points and follow-up.
A professional close would be to thank the person for the feedback - after all,
managers who are surrounded by 'yes men and women' get no opportunity to build an
honest, open climate and to learn to improve themselves.

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RECOMMENDED READING LIST

• Malcom Peel, Improving your Communication Skills, Kogan Page, 1995

• Diane Bone, The Business of Listening, Crisp Publications, 1994

• Roland and Frances Bee, Constructive Feedback, Institute of Personnel and

Development, 1996

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