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 BLOG POST

Love heals: it
never hurts
Let us talk about Abuse and
Love. Growing up as a child, I
saw my mother being physically,
emotionally, mentally abused by
my father. She was beaten,
violated, abused – but not once
did she ever mention this to
anyone. One day, I asked my
mother why she had to take all
the pain, the violence and abuse
she was going through in the
hands of my father all to herself.
Guess what… She said, my
daughter listen, “your father hits
me, he beats me, he hurts me
because he loves me.”
:
 Wedding decorations. Photo: Ibossa2/Wikimedia

12 February 2019 Let

us
talk
Youth

about
just community of women and men

Abuse
Human dignity
and
JusticeAndPeace
Love.
Growing
up
as
SUBSCRIBE TO WCC NEWS
a
child,
I
:
 saw
my
mother
being
physically,
emotionally,
mentally
abused
by
my
father.
She
was
beaten,
violated,
abused
–
but
not
once
did
she
ever
mention
this
to
anyone.
One
day,
I
:
 asked
my
mother
why
she
had
to
take
all
the
pain,
the
violence
and
abuse
she
was
going
through
in
the
hands
of
my
father
all
to
herself.
Guess
what…
:
 She
said,
my
daughter
listen,
“your
father
hits
me,
he
beats
me,
he
hurts
me
because
he
loves
me.”

Hearing
such
words
from
a
bleeding
and
swollen
woman
made
:
 me
curious
to
want
to
!nd
out
more
about
this
love
which
hurts.
I
therefore
carried
a
research
among
my
friends
from
my
neighborhood
and
to
my
surprise
most
children
:
 confessed
their
mothers
were
equally
being
abused
by
their
fathers.

I
went
to
ask
my
grandmother
a
question
I
have
not
been
able
to
forget.
I
asked,
“Grandma,
why
:
 is
it
that
most
women
are
being
abused
in
their
homes
and
never
open
up
to
share
with
other
people
or
seek
help?
“
She
replied
bitterly,
“Don’t
you
ever
:
 speak
of
such
again!
You
are
only
a
child,
what
do
you
know?”

Remembering
what
my
mother
was
going
through,
with
tears
in
my
eyes,
almost
dropping,
she
looked
:
 at
me
and
said,
“You
see,
when
a
man
loves
you,
he
will
hurt
you,
because
if
he
does
not,
then
he
does
not
love
you.
If
it
does
not
:
 hurt,
then
it
is
not
love.
I
grew
up
with
this
notion
because
this
is
what
I
saw,
and
was
told.

One
day
at
school,
a
man
came
who
:
 was
teaching
about
abuse,
gender-
based
violence
and
other
forms
of
violent
acts
and
how
they
can
be
reported.
I
followed
this
man
and
asked
more
questions.
Shockingly,
his
answers
:
 were
di"erent
from
my
mother’s
and
grandmother’s.
He
said,
“If
it
hurts,
then
it
is
not
love”.

Confused
as
I
was,
I
started
reading
more
about
abuse
and
I
:
 discovered
that
most
women
are
abused,
violated
in
their
homes
and
they
never
speak
up.
They
are
silent
about
it
and
in
this
way,
many
are
dying
slowly.

Years
:
 after
my
father’s
passing,
I
asked
my
mother
if
she
felt
loved
because
now,
dad
was
no
more
able
to
hurt
her.
She
looked
at
me
and
said,
“I
feel
:
 loved,
but
you
will
understand
when
you
have
your
own
home.”

Let
us
talk
about
love
and
abuse
in
a
broader
sense.
Most
of
our
African
traditions
consider
women
:
 to
be
weaker
and
inferior
to
men.
They
are
advised
and
taught
to
be
submissive
and
to
endure
all
forms
of
abuse
from
their
spouses.

This
has
brought
about
:
 the
negative
interpretation
of
what
love
is.
African
women
believe
that
love
must
hurt.
This
all
points
back
to
our
ancestors
who
were
taught
that
a
man
who
does
not
:
 beat
his
wife
does
not
love
her.
Husbands
were
not
taught
to
protect
their
wives;
instead,
they
were
taught
to
express
love
through
violence.
But,
is
that
not
cruelty?
:
 I
ask
myself
this
question,
What
is
love,
how
is
it
expressed,
what
are
its
characteristics,
is
this
all
there
is
to
being
loved
–
hurt
and
abuse?

In
:
 trying
to
respond,
I
found
myself
developing
interest
in
the
Thursdays
in
Black
campaign,
which
!ghts
against
all
forms
of
violence
against
women.
And
so,
to
share
my
thoughts,
with
:
 my
background,
interactions
and
understanding
of
love,
I
can
safely
say,
love
does
not
hurt,
it
does
the
opposite.
It
heals.

Love
in
its
simplest,
purest
form
should
feel
:
 like
a
safety
net.
With
love
must
come
freedom.
This
is
why
Paul
writes
in
1
Cor13:4-
8
that
‘Love
is
patient,
love
is
kind….”

In
other
words,
love
:
 brings
peace.
Love
should
not
and
must
never
promote
violence,
love
does
not
hurt,
abuse
does.
If
love
is
causing
you
pain,
then
something
is
wrong.
All
human
beings
deserve
:
 to
be
cared
for,
to
be
appreciated
and
to
be
protected.
Hence
expressing
love,
not
subjecting
them
to
pain
and
abuse.

My
mother,
who
was
abused
by
my
late
:
 father,
deserved
to
be
loved.
That
woman,
who
has
missed
her
interviews
today
because
she
is
in
pain,
she
is
bruised,
she
was
beaten
by
her
husband
for
not
opening
:
 the
door
early
as
he
walked
in
around
midnight
when
he
came
home
drunk
–
she
deserves
to
be
loved.
That
young
lady
who
can’t
go
to
school
due
to
:
 her
father’s
abusive
acts
–
she
deserves
to
be
loved.
That
child,
who
was
raped
and
in
the
process
contracted
diseases
–
she
deserves
to
be
loved.
That
girl
child,
:
 who
was
beaten
brutally
and
died,
her
life
was
shortened.
Had
she
received
even
just
a
little
a"ection,
a
little
love,
maybe
she
could
be
still
alive.
She
deserved
to
:
 be
loved!
We
all
do.

Love
heals,
it
does
not
hurt.
Africa
has
for
a
long
time
regarded
women
to
be
without
a
voice.
Culture
has
in
most
cases
:
 contributed
to
violence
against
women
in
that
women
are
taught
to
never
take
anything
from
their
homes
to
outsiders,
not
to
share
their
pain.

No!
Do
not
tell
me
:
 to
keep
quiet.
Let
me
break
the
silence
and
make
my
voice
be
heard
because
I
am
not
speaking
just
for
myself,
someone
needs
to
hear
this.
It
is
never
:
 your
fault
that
you
are
being
abused.
Talk
to
someone
before
it
is
too
late.
Let
us
!ght
this
brutal
and
cowardly
crime
of
violence
against
women.
Love
is
the
:
 only
thing
in
the
world
that
covers
all
pain
and
makes
someone
feel
wonderful
again.

As
we
celebrate
love
this
Valentine’s
Day,
which
falls
on
a
Thursday,
Let
us
:
 join
the
movement
#ThursdaysinBlack.
Abuse
and
violence
against
women
should
not
be
tolerated,
in
any
form.
Let
us
remember
that
Love
HEALS
and
does
not
hurt.
Abash
GBV!
:
 Tamika
Nyiren
da

About the
author :
Tamika
Nyirenda,
is a
member of
the United
Church of
Zambia,
and a
student at
the
Evangelical
University
in Ndola,
Zambia.

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Disclaimer
The impressions expressed in the blog posts are the contributions of the authors and
do not necessarily re"ect the opinion or policies of the World Council of Churches.
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