SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

The at-home DIY crash course in experiencing true body awareness

through somatic secrets anyone can do & insider techniques your therapist
doesn't want you to know about

ASCENDING VIBRATIONS
 CONTENTS

*Bonus* Guided Meditation vii

Introduction xi

1. IF YOU UNDERSTAND SOMATIC THERAPY, 1

THEN YOU UNDERSTAND HOW TO ALTER
YOUR EXISTENCE FOREVER
Somatic Psychology and Psychotherapy 2
Key Somatic Therapy Concepts 4
Are There Limitations to Somatic Psychotherapy? 6
Different Types of Trauma Therapy 7
2. SOMATIC MINDFULNESS AND EXPERIENCING 10
Somatic Mindfulness 10
Somatic Experiencing 14
3. THE HEALING POWER OF BREATH—SOMATIC 20
BREATHWORK

4. EMPOWER YOURSELF BY UNDERSTANDING 27

PTSD AND ATTACHMENT TRAUMA
The Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn Response 32
Grounding Exercise 36
Attachment Trauma 37
Attachment Trauma Exercise 39
5. TOWERING ABOVE PHYSICAL PAIN AND 40
ILLNESS
Sensory Motor Amnesia 41
Somatic Pandiculation 43
6. A TREASURE TROVE OF SOMATIC PRACTICES 50
Polyvagal Theory and the Vagus Nerve 50
Exercise #1 52
Exercise #2 53
Exercise #3 54
 Exercise #4 54
Breathing Exercise #1 55
Breathing Exercise #2 56
Guided Meditation 57
Pendulation 58
Pendulation Exercise 59
Somatic Titration 60
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy 61
CBT Exercise #1 62
CBT Exercise #2 62
Energy Psychology 63
Energy Psychology Exercise #1 65
Energy Psychology Exercise #2 65
Energy Psychology Exercise #3 66
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy 66
Gestalt Therapy 69
Gestalt Therapy Exercise #1 71
Focusing Therapy 72
Psychodrama Therapy 76
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing 80
(EMDR)
EMDR Exercise #1 82
7. SHAME TRAUMA: HEALING THE INNER CHILD 83
AND CREATING BOUNDARIES
Healing the Inner Child Through Somatic Therapy 83
Shame 93
Setting Healthy Boundaries With Somatic Skills 98
Boundary Exercise #1 101
8. ANXIETY, SELF-LOVE, SELF-COMPASSION, 103
AND CRUSHING DEPRESSION
Depression and Somatic Therapy 111
Anxiety, Triggers, Stress Reduction, and Somatic 113
Therapy
Somatic Anger Release 116
9. DISCOVER NEW ROADS TO RECOVERY 119
(FURTHER TECHNIQUES TO HEAL TRAUMA)
Qigong and Shaking Practices 119
Somatic Yoga 121
Movement-Based Techniques 124
Trauma Clearing Shaking 125
Somatic Art Therapy 127
10. DO THESE PERSONALITIES SOUND FAMILIAR? 130
Narcissistic Personality Disorder 131
Borderline Personality Disorder 136
Abusive Partners in Relationships 137
11. WHERE TO GO FROM HERE—HOW TO KNOW 139
YOU’RE HEALING
How to Know When You Are Healing 139
What to Look For in a Somatic Therapist 141
Finding Meaning After Trauma 143
The Somatic Daily Ritual for Empowered Healing 144

Afterword 149
References 153
Your feedback is valued 163
Join Our Community 165
 *BONUS* GUIDED MEDITATION

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Protect yourself from those in your life who have energy
imbalances & are lowering your vibration
 Go to this link to Get Your Free 1o minute Energy
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 INTRODUCTION

It is a given that many of the books on Somatic Healing Therapy

aim to help the reader with their myriad issues directly. However,
the complex scientific terminology & hard-to-follow exercises
commonplace in such titles can often result in a perplexed reader
left scratching their head. This book is different. This book is self-
help in the truest sense of the word. Nothing in here is going to be
complicated or bewildering. Everything I write is going to be easy
for you to understand and easy to follow. If there are more chal-
lenging concepts contained within the chapters, then I will break
them down to the point where anyone new to somatic healing will
be able to understand. You won't need a doctor or a wall of scien-
tific degrees to work out what the author is trying to convey. This
book is for anybody and everybody.
The exercises contained in this book are not going to be so diffi-
cult that you need to go and get help from your neighbors or
consult a professional Somatic Therapist to help you. No, these will
be simple exercises that anybody, no matter how young or old, can
easily follow and carry out in the safety of their home.
I appreciate that if you are interested in this book, it may well

xi
INTRODUCTION

mean that you have been through some very stressful or traumatic
experiences and are searching for healing. Please remember I am
here to support you and encourage you through this journey. I will
avoid using particular language and mentioning specific situations
that could trigger a recurrence of that trauma in you. This book is a
safe haven for you. You should always be able to find that peace and
comfort whenever you are dipping into this book. It should be your
guide when you need to practice exercises to help with your healing
journey. These are not exercises to use just once and never bother
with again. They are exercises that you can use daily to encourage
the healing within you. Don't worry: You don't need to prescribe to
some mystical religion or follow a shamanic leader to take part in
recovery. Everything here is pragmatic and for your enjoyment,
knowledge, and enlightenment. It does not require you to change
your whole belief system to benefit from it.
I will also be discussing trauma and how it impacts and affects
all our lives. No matter your age or gender, if you are a survivor of a
traumatic experience, this book is here to help you in a way that
won't burden you or bring you down. I will remind you what a
unique and resilient person you are and how, if you embrace this
healing journey, you can be the best possible version of yourself.

WE ARE NOT JUST OUR MINDS: HOW TRAUMA

IMPACTS OUR BODY AND HEALTH

Trauma is an experience all humans have in common and something

we all can relate to. Sometimes this can be obvious: We are in a car
accident, or we lose a loved one unexpectedly—this can be a trau-
matic experience for us, but sometimes, the trauma is not so obvi-
ous. Maybe we have encountered conflict with a colleague at work;
perhaps someone has insulted or belittled us. It may not sound like
much, but these small things can also be traumatic experiences. The
risk of trauma is something we live through every day. Our reaction

xii
 INTRODUCTION

to trauma varies from person to person because it is dependent on

how each person’s brain reacts to those situations—both at the time
of the event and in the future.
The problem is that if trauma is not addressed, then it isn’t just
our brain that is impacted but our whole bodies. The effects of
trauma can severely impact our well-being and health. It can affect
everything from your digestion to your heart rate. It is important to
remember that trauma is not something that only affects our mind:
It can affect our whole body and any area of our health. Of course,
it is essential that we clear the trauma from our bodies and learn to
heal. Otherwise, it can lead to chronic illness. Trauma has led to
illnesses such as type 2 diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, and heart
disease (Richmond, 2018). My dad was diagnosed with rheumatoid
arthritis late in his life. Knowing what I know about trauma now, I
wonder whether that was linked to his wife (my mother) dying.
They had been together for a very long time. To say it was a shock
to his system when she died would be an understatement. If only I
had known about somatic healing therapy at the time, maybe I
could have been more helpful to my dad in helping him navigate
that traumatic experience. We all have different reactions, though,
so I do want to reassure you that just because you have suffered a
traumatic experience, it does not immediately mean you will suffer
illness. But it does have the potential to do that if not addressed.
Something like trauma, often seen as a mental aspect, manifests
itself in physical reactions such as headaches, muscle tension,
fatigue, and stomach trouble (Richmond, 2018). It’s the kind of
constant physical pain that none of us want to endure unless we
have to. It also plays out in our emotions and feelings. Some of us
may feel bewildered; some may feel completely isolated; some feel
trapped; some feel hopeless and as if they have no control over
themselves; or some may stop feeling and stop caring about them-
selves and others altogether. Trauma may start in the brain, but it
can affect our whole being if we don’t learn to heal from it. That’s

xiii
INTRODUCTION

the information I am going to attempt to provide to you. By

following the advice and exercises provided in this book, you can
begin your healing journey and learn to transform your life so that
the past no longer dominates it. It’s time for you to stop remem-
bering the past and concentrate on shaping your future instead.

xiv
 1
IF YOU UNDERSTAND SOMATIC
T H E R A P Y, T H E N YO U
U N D E R S T A N D H O W T O A LT E R
YOUR EXISTENCE FOREVER

T
he word "somatic" originally comes from the Greek
word soma which means "living body" (Erdelyi, 2019). This
look at the word's origin gives you a good idea of what
somatic therapy is. It is about listening to your body as well as your
mind and making the connection between the two. By listening to
the body and learning to heal the body, you will, in turn, heal your
mind. The thinking behind somatic therapy is that much of what
we suffer from now is due to past trauma. Much of this trauma is
thought to have become trapped within our nervous systems. The
symptoms and effects of trauma we display physically result from
the instability of our nervous systems caused by those past expe-
riences.
Some may dismiss this belief as hocus-pocus. Science is backing
up this theory that the body and mind are connected. Morrisey
once sang in The Smith's song "Still Ill": "Does the body rule the
mind or does the mind rule the body? I don't know" (Morrisey &
Marr, 1984). However, the more scientific and medical research
executed in this area, the more we realize that the mind and the
body are interconnected, and pain can work both ways. For exam-
ple, a study carried out in 2005 concluded that chronic back pain

1
ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

often resulted in things like anxiety and extreme emotional

responses (Von Korff et al., 2005). A study in 2020 focused on how
social pain, i.e., isolating yourself or negative experiences of interac-
tion, can result in physical pain (Zhang et al., 2020). Therefore,
somatic healing is used as a therapy because it addresses both the
mind and the body. It also addresses our emotions and feelings. It
doesn't just assume physical pain can only be healed by physical
therapy or that mental health can only be addressed via psycholog-
ical therapy.

SOMATIC PSYCHOLOGY AND PSYCHOTHERAPY

Now it's time to introduce somatic psychology and psychotherapy.

Somatic psychology encompasses therapeutic and holistic methods
regarding the body, of which somatic psychotherapy is the largest
branch.
Somatic psychotherapy also embraces the therapeutic and
holistic approach of somatic psychology. It looks to address issues
with the body, mind, and emotions within the process of healing.
The belief is that a person's thoughts, outlook, principles, and
emotions can impact their physical well-being, and physical things
like posture, exercise, and diet can impact a person mentally.
Anyone who saw Morgan Spurlock's 2004 documentary Super Size
Me will know that Morgan had many wide-ranging physical issues
caused by dining at a well-known fast-food chain and also suffered
extreme mood swings. His mental health and not just his physical
health, deteriorated due to the experiment.
Somatic psychotherapy is a method rooted in the connection
between the body and the mind. Believers in somatic psychotherapy
see the mind and body all as one, and any therapy should address
both of these factors. They believe that the mind and the body can
move toward healing when given the right approach, environment,
social interactions, encouragement, and respect. If so, then the
mind and the body can regulate themselves to cope with the stresses

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 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

and strains of life. Otherwise, the trauma is stored in the body and
can impact things like posture, facial expressions, and body
language. Traditional therapies like talk therapy can help with
trauma, but also adding a holistic approach such as somatic thera-
peutic techniques can work wonders. The same is true of body ther-
apies: These may address physical issues and even some
psychological issues, but they do not resolve deep-seated mental
health problems.
Often, William Reich gets credited with forming the ideas
behind somatic healing. However, he benefited from being a
student of Sigmund Freud, who himself developed early thoughts
about what we now think of as somatic healing. Pierre Janet is also
an early contributor to these kinds of thoughts and ideas. However,
Reich developed these views into much more of a progressive
concept. He believed that human instincts were naturally good.
From that belief, he formed a theory that incorporated the body.
Reich's 1933 book Character Analysis suggested that the body was
affected by buried emotions and even a person's personality. This
could result in tension in the muscles, posture, and the way a person
moves. He referred to this idea as "body armor." Therefore, he
concluded that to release emotions trapped deep inside the body,
some kind of physical force had to be applied to the body (Bell,
2017). Although some of Reich's later ideas were rejected by the
psychology profession, he had laid the cornerstones for somatic
therapy. It is widely accepted now that the mind and the body are
much more aligned and not separate entities as previously believed.
Many professionals dealing in mental health now support a more
holistic approach when dealing with those affected by trauma.
Somatic psychotherapy works by paying attention to the body's
signals—not only what our mind tells us. It may be tension in the
muscles—usually around the head, neck, and shoulders—or it can
manifest as digestion issues, hormonal problems, or sexual dysfunc-
tion. Somatic psychotherapists will help a person listen to their
body and become aware of these signals. They will then assign the

3
ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

therapeutic technique they believe will best help to alleviate the

problems. It could be such exercises as breathing techniques or
something very physical like dance movement. The person may also
discuss their behavioral habits and to note, in the future, the impact
those habits have on any new thoughts and feelings that may crop
up during somatic therapy.
Essentially, somatic therapy can help people with awareness of
their bodies and minds and in assisting them with opening up and
thinking more about their emotions and physical issues. As we will
see in some later chapters, somatic therapy is very much becoming
the norm for assisting those who have suffered post-traumatic stress
disorder (PTSD). Understanding somatic therapy and including it
into your routine can help address any number of issues such as
dealing with stress, anxiety, and depression, assisting with relation-
ship and interaction issues, or helping boost self-confidence and
belief in oneself.

KEY SOMATIC THERAPY CONCEPTS

I will be discussing the key concepts contained in each chapter in

much more detail as we go along. However, in this first chapter, I
wanted to provide you with a brief outline of these essential
concepts so that you will already have a basic understanding when
we delve deeper into these ideas later.
Grounding
Grounding is a technique used on the body that enables one to
feel themselves in the present moment. It uses the person’s ability
to sense their physical body, using their senses and feeling their feet
on the ground. In essence, grounding is about managing the nervous
system and learning to feel calm.
Boundary Development
Boundary development is all about the person concentrating on
the here and now, giving them the tools to respond positively to
their changing requirements, and setting clear boundaries. It

4
 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

enables a person to react to changing situations confidently and to

establish a guard against becoming overwhelmed.
Self-Regulation
I think some people feel I could do with self-regulation when it
comes to cakes or alcohol! Yet this concept is more to do with self-
regulating your body, not necessarily your diet or your drinking
habits (though self-regulating both is never a bad idea). It is the idea
that the person stays aware and feels part of their body during deep
emotions or sensations. The person learns to self-regulate any major
physical sensibilities and can self-regulate them or respond appro-
priately at times of severe emotional impact.
Movement and Process
As I have outlined, somatic therapy is all about listening to one’s
body. This means that a person’s posture, sense of space, and body
language, such as gestures, can give an accurate understanding of
the types of life experiences that a person may have been through.
Movement can be something for a person to engage with to help
with the issues they have.
Sequencing
Sequencing is all about how the tension built up by traumatic
experiences may move around the body. For example, the tension
may begin in the stomach. It may then move up the chest, which
may tighten, and then move further up to the throat where, again,
tightening may occur—making it difficult to breathe. Maybe the
tension results in crying freely and tears coming out of the eyes,
therefore bringing some release to the person and allowing them to
breathe easier.
Titration
Titration is the procedure of encountering minor amounts of
anguish while healing the person overall. A person will very slowly
delve back into their past traumatic experiences, and as they do, the
somatic therapist will check the responses and sensations in the
body. They won’t just keep an eye on the physical aspect: They will
continue to talk to the person, but they will be watching out for

5
ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

things like difficulty in breathing, clenched fists, gnashing or

grinding of teeth, or a difference in the sound of the voice.
Resourcing
Resourcing relates to the resources you can give a person to feel
they have safe choices to make and do not become overwhelmed
and anxious. The person will learn to identify places, people, and
things to make them feel safe and calm. They will use these when-
ever they are feeling distressed. They will find out how to feel at
peace with the world and what their body is feeling.

ARE THERE LIMITATIONS TO SOMATIC

PSYCHOTHERAPY?

Although somatic psychotherapy is becoming more common as a

therapy option for dealing with trauma, some concerns and limita-
tions have been raised by those who oppose it. One such concern is
touch therapy, which can sometimes be used as part of somatic
therapy. Touch therapy is something many therapy professionals
believe has ethical implications. Although it is recognized that some
touch therapy can have a healing effect in reducing pain or tension,
it is also recognized that touching some victims of abuse could
trigger their trauma. There is also the possibility that just as
touching may cause trauma to reoccur, it may also make some
people very uncomfortable, or some may even find it arousing. This
may mean it distracts from the purpose of the therapy. The patient
may end up transferring feelings and emotions that relate to
someone or something else onto the therapist; the reverse is also
possible—the therapist places feelings and emotions not directly
relevant to the patient on them. Therefore, both the therapist and
the patient need to agree that touching is an acceptable part of the
therapy, and the patient is willing to investigate and develop an
awareness of their body. Not all body psychotherapy courses have
been accredited in some countries, as it is considered that they do
not meet all the scientific criteria required. Therefore, when

6
 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

searching out these specific types of courses, you do need to be

aware of that scenario (Bell, 2017).

DIFFERENT TYPES OF TRAUMA THERAPY

Finally, in this chapter, I will outline some of the programs and

procedures you can follow and take part in when it comes to
somatic therapy. I will be discussing these in much more detail in
the various chapters throughout the book, but this is to give you a
flavor as to what might appeal to you or ones you might be specifi-
cally interested in—though all can benefit.
Art Therapy
Art therapy can be a useful way to treat trauma. It allows a
person to create what they want and at the pace they want. Plus, it
includes both visual and physical elements. The art then becomes a
release of that trauma while also enabling a person to become more
aware of their body and the sensations involved when touching
things and creating.
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Tapping
EFT uses similar principles to acupuncture. It believes there are
specific points on the body related to organs or other internal parts
of the body. Using your fingers and tapping on these points sends
messages to the brain. This, in turn, can relieve the tension and
pressure that has built up due to the negative experiences and
emotions a person may have experienced.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
(EMDR) Therapy
EMDR therapy works by the person reliving their trauma slowly
and intermittently while the therapist instructs you to move your
eyes. The thinking around this is that it is easier to cope with
recalling terrible past experiences when your attention is diverted
elsewhere. Having your attention distracted like this produces much
less of a physical and emotional response to the trauma.
Energy Psychology

7
ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

EFT is a type of energy psychology. It involves using

acupuncture-type methods to tap the body's energy points while the
person undergoing the therapy focuses on traumatic events or expe-
riences in their life.
Focusing Therapy
Focusing therapy is all about having that feeling in your body
whenever you remember traumatic experiences—focusing on that
feeling in the body so that it forms an image. That image can then
be used to tell where the trauma is stuck and how to deal with it.
Gestalt Therapy
Gestalt therapy is very much about concentrating on the here
and now. It intends to stop a person from constantly thinking only
about the past. It encourages a person to be aware of the feelings
and emotions they are currently having, and it advises how they can
relate that to physical symptoms. There are various forms of Gestalt
therapy which I will discuss in more detail later on.
Guided Imagery Therapy
"Imagine you're on a beach, and the waves are lapping at your
feet." We have all heard this kind of thing when getting people to
relax. That is what guided imagery therapy is: It uses images to help
people free themselves from mental anguish and stress.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the practice of the awareness of thoughts and
feelings as they appear without passing judgment on those
thoughts.
Psychodrama
Psychodrama works on the basis that it enables the person to
say or do whatever it is that is needed to let them heal from the
trauma. This involves reliving the trauma, for which various tech-
niques can be applied. I will discuss this in further detail later on in
the book.
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy
This aspect of psychotherapy is centered around the body and
how listening to it and understanding it can help heal our trauma.

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 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

Somatic Experiencing
Somatic experiencing is also about putting the body at the
center—specifically the nervous system—and listening to what it is
saying and responding accordingly.
Dance/Movement Therapy
As you can guess from its name, this form of therapy uses move-
ment, often dance. The suggestion is that the person may be able to
express themselves through dance and movement in a way they
never could verbally; doing this can help heal mental health issues.

9
 2
SOMATIC MINDFULNESS AND
EXPERIENCING

SOMATIC MINDFULNESS

S
omatic mindfulness is a vital part of somatic therapy. The
awareness of your body and what it is doing in the here and
now is a big fixture of somatic therapy—not how your body
was feeling in the past or will be feeling in the future. Many of us do
not listen to our bodies and are oblivious to what they are trying to
tell us. You have the ability to remove yourself from what the
nervous system is telling you. It may be telling you to feel anxious,
defensive, or overwhelmed—whatever behavior you subconsciously
feel most comfortable with—even if the reality is it makes you
uncomfortable.
Mindfulness started as a Buddhist concept. It then slowly devel-
oped over the many centuries into something Western therapists
and doctors often use to help with mental health.
There is an excellent example that Andrea Bell tells from her
therapy experience. It involves a patient from a challenging back-
ground where he could not trust anyone. After a few sessions with
him, for reasons that had nothing to do with the patient, she
changed the furniture in her office to more, in her eyes, comfortable

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 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

furniture. However, when he came in and sat down on the new,

comfier, and more luxurious chair, he became immediately suspi-
cious, questioning Andrea why she had changed the furniture and
whether she was doing it on purpose to mess with his head. Once
Andrea had explained the real reasons for changing it, the boy then
relaxed and enjoyed the new chair's comfort. That shows you how
we are often dictated to by our behaviors and experiences of the
past that we forget to enjoy the present and then use it to suggest
how the future might go. In this instance, the boy was under the
assumption that the therapy sensations with Andrea were going to
fail. Andrea then worked with the boy to distinguish what physical
sensations he felt when he came into the room. He will then be able
to note those reactions when he next gets them and learn to listen
to them and think about whether that is the most appropriate
response. The more he does that, the more his initial reaction to
change should calm down and, slowly, no longer feel like a threat
(Bell, 2018).
The other thing about mindfulness is that it teaches us how to
stop judging ourselves. Instead of thinking about something we said
or did wrong in the past while we are going about our daily lives,
mindfulness teaches us not to judge ourselves so harshly. It assists us
with trying not to worry about things in the past but concentrate
and enjoy only the present.
We know this can work. If you have ever studied athletes before
a race, you will see them going through various motions and rituals.
All they are doing is practicing mindfulness to be well and truly in
the present moment and, therefore, relaxed and calm—not having
those doubtful, anxious thoughts run through their mind and show
in their body through muscle tension. Those practicing mindfulness
the most are usually the ones that win the race.
There is plenty of evidence that backs up the success of mind-
fulness in assisting with many issues. It can help cut down procrasti-
nation. One study showed that those competing in an intensive
meditation course showed much improvement in that procrastina-

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ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

tion than those who did not undergo the course (Chambers et al.,
2008). There are also several studies proclaiming the reduction of
stress and anxiety as a result of practicing mindfulness. A 2010 study
concluded that mindfulness effectively treated stress, anxiety, and
other possible mood issues (Hoffman et al., 2010).
It does not stop there either. A 2009 study suggested that mind-
fulness could vastly improve your attention and focus. Those that
took part in specific tests performed much better if they had been
practicing mindfulness than those that had not (Moore & Mali-
nowski, 2009).
Furthermore, a study from 2007 showed that those that had
practiced mindfulness coped with seeing upsetting or emotionally
inducing pictures far better than those that did not practice mind-
fulness. The study concluded that mindfulness could reduce the
impact of things that tend to provoke an emotional response
(Ortner et al., 2007).
It seems mindfulness not only has a good impact on yourself but
also on your relationships with others. A 2007 study found that
those who engaged in mindfulness were far better able to deal with
the kind of conflict that crops up in romantic relationships; were
more likely to be in a happy and satisfying relationship; and those
that practiced mindfulness were able to communicate better than
those that did not practice it (Barnes et al., 2007).
One of the by-products of the current pandemic and the many
lockdowns occurring around the world is that it has resulted in
much stress and anxiety. It has become almost impossible to enjoy
the present because we constantly worry about what is just around
the corner. However, somatic mindfulness is something you can
introduce with ease to your daily routine; therefore, you can reduce
the stress and anguish you may be feeling. It is not something that
will take up your whole day. All you need are 20 to 30 minutes some-
where in your day to relax and take stock of yourself and the world
around you. You can be doing other things while you begin your
mindfulness practice. You can be brushing your teeth and thinking

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 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

about your feet being firmly on the floor, the feeling of the tooth-
brush in your hand and on your teeth, and the movement of your
arm up and down or side to side as you brush.
Many people have dishwashers these days, but I’m not one of
them. A good side effect is that I can practice mindfulness while
washing the dishes. I can concentrate on the feeling of the soapy
water on my hands and the sounds of the cutlery against the
dishes. Washing dishes is a great way to become aware of the sights
and sounds and increase your awareness. If you are putting your
clean clothes away, then take a moment to smell and feel them.
You can even take some deep breaths and be aware of your
breathing while you fold and put them away. If you are a gym rat
(or just an occasional gym-goer), try running on the treadmill
instead of looking at the TV on your next visit. Instead of listening
to a thumping beat on your headphones, try to focus on the feeling
of your feet on the treadmill as you move. Hone in on your
breathing and how it quickens as your pace on the treadmill
accelerates.
With that in mind, how do you practice mindfulness meditation
specifically? Well, the first thing is to get yourself comfortable. Find
the most comfortable seat in your house or sit on the floor if you
prefer. Don’t laugh: I know some people who prefer sitting on the
floor rather than on a chair. Wherever you sit, you need to keep
your back straight but not so you are stiff. You want to be able to
stay relaxed. Your chosen place should be as quiet as possible as you
don’t want there to be any noise to distract you. You should wear as
comfortable of clothing as you can—not too loose and not too
tight, as you don’t want anything that will distract you from your
meditation. To begin with, maybe you want to see if you can fully
meditate for five minutes, then try for 10 minutes, then 15 or 20
minutes, and finally 30 minutes.
To begin with, concentrate on your breath. Be aware of your
breathing. Notice the feeling of your diaphragm moving in and out.
Notice the air coming in and out of your nostrils and mouth. You

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ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

may even detect the drop in temperature when you let your breaths
out compared to when you are breathing in.
The point of mindful meditation is not necessarily to completely
stop your thoughts but to be aware of them and take notice as they
occur. You don’t need to try to ignore them or suppress them, but
note them and keep calm, using your breathing to stop your mind
from running away with you. You should note each thought and let
it go—like factory products on a conveyor belt. You can do this as
many times as you need to throughout your meditation.
If you do find your mind going off in different directions and
you start to feel anxious or panicky, then take note of your thoughts
and what caused you the stress. Then return to your breathing—
deep, slow breaths. Don’t judge yourself if this happens often. There
are so many gizmos and gimmicks to distract us in the modern
world. We are just not used to being quiet and in the present and
aware, so don’t be harsh on yourself. Mindfulness is all about getting
back to your breathing and concentrating on living in the moment.
As you can see, you can easily practice this mindfulness at home.
You don’t need to be in a therapist’s office to carry it out. If you are
struggling, then there are thousands of videos on YouTube and
many apps you can download to help you with your practice.

SOMATIC EXPERIENCING

Peter Levine specifically developed somatic experiencing (SE) to

address those suffering from trauma. Levine was inspired after
seeing animals that are often preyed upon quickly recover from any
potential attack. They went through a physical process to release
the nervous energy built up during the threat. Levine suggested that
humans don’t have that physical release; the trauma remains in their
minds and leads to thoughts of anxiety, embarrassment, and many
other hazardous feelings. The release that Levine believes nature
requires does not occur sporadically in humans. Somatic experi-
encing is the answer to that—it helps humans process the trauma

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 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

they have suffered that has become trapped inside them (Osadchey,
2018).
A human’s nervous system leaps into action whenever we find
ourselves in a dangerous situation, deciding our fight-flight-freeze
response. It does this almost instinctively without us needing to
think. However, the trouble is that when someone goes through a
traumatic experience, particularly if that experience is buried and
not released, the nervous system can start to go rogue. It starts to
behave as though the person is constantly under threat of attack—
every situation becomes a potentially traumatic one. Somatic expe-
riencing believes that burying the trauma results in the kind of
symptoms we often see, such as anxiety, shame, and embarrassment.
If the body is allowed the opportunity to truly process the trau-
matic experience it has been through, then these symptoms do not
come out to play in the long term. Somatic experiencing is very
much about getting the body and nervous system to, once again,
self-regulate themselves and find harmony and balance in the body.
Somatic experiencing concentrates on the feelings and sensa-
tions that occur in the body—becoming aware of them and under-
standing them. This can be quite intimidating for many people, as
they have never thought about their body in this way; however, it
can be very rewarding. Once you have become used to these feelings
and sensations, you can start to note them, and when they occur in
the future, you can prevent your mind from suppressing them. This
is where the harmony between your brain and your body comes into
play to allow the physical release of the trauma you need to allow
yourself to heal.
As with all somatic healing therapy, research and evidence in
this area is still new, so there is no conclusive proof. Still, scientific
evidence that SE positively impacts those who have suffered trauma
is growing. Although a study from 2017 used only a small sample of
people, it found that SE is an effective treatment—specifically for
those with PTSD (Brom et al, 2017).
Here are some straightforward and easy-to-do somatic experi-

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ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

encing exercises for you to do at home. You should begin to see if

this form of therapy suits you and makes a positive difference. It
would be best if you tried to manage at least one minute with exer-
cise—ideally, considerably longer than that.

1: Sit in your favorite comfy chair and take notice of how

everything feels. Think about how your feet are planted
on the floor; move them to and fro until you feel the
floor is just an extension of your feet. Then, think about
how your back and bottom feel on the chair or how the
chair supports you. If you are leaning forward in the
chair, then make sure you lean back and allow the chair
to support you. Wriggle around in your chair until you
reach your optimum comfort zone. Take some time to
appreciate the comfort of the chair, the way it supports
you, and the way the floor supports your feet. Take a
peek around the room and outside your window, if you
need to, and look for something that calms you and
makes you feel happy—it could be a painting you have
hanging on a wall or the walls themselves. It could be the
trees and bushes outside; maybe the birds are chirping
and playing in them. Perhaps it's the carpet on the floor.
Whatever it may be, take the time to appreciate and
enjoy them and the feelings they bring. Now that you've
done all this, how do you feel about your comfort, both
physically and emotionally? If you take your time with
this exercise, it really can make a difference in calming
down your nervous system and bringing some harmony
to your body and emotions.
2: For the second exercise, take a moment to take
everything in—all of your surroundings and how you are
feeling. Then, take your right hand and put it just below
your left armpit, clutching the side of your chest. Now,
take your left hand and put it on your right bicep, elbow,

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 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

or shoulder—whatever is easiest. At this juncture, take

some time to think about how this makes you feel. Is
your body cold or warm under your hands? Are your
clothes soft, or are they more of a rough fabric? Is there
anything else you are noticing? Maybe you can feel your
heart beating; perhaps you are aware of your breathing.
Do you find doing this satisfying? Does it bring some
comfort wrapping your hands on your body like this?
Then, see how the rest of your body responds to this
kind of physical touch. Try the same thing with your legs.
Now, compare what you notice about your surroundings
and how your body feels with what you noted at the
beginning of the exercise. In times of anxiety or stress,
this type of exercise can bring back some comfort and
peace to your body through your physical touch.
3: One of the best exercises is to remember a time when
someone showed you kindness. Even in the toughest of
worlds and lives, there is at least one person who, at some
point, shows us kindness. If we are lucky, there are many
people throughout our lives. Try to remember those
times when someone demonstrated their kindness to
you. Remember the words they said, their hand gestures,
their facial expressions, and everything that was part of
that kindness act. As you remember this moment, take
note of how your body responds to this memory—
everything you are seeing, hearing, and feeling. It's
almost like you have transported yourself back in time to
that very moment. Now, compare what you felt at the
time with what you are feeling now as you remember the
experience. If any negative memories come through as a
result of this remembrance, then try to place them in an
imaginary folder and concentrate only on the memory of
the act of kindness. At the end of the exercise, note how
you are feeling now, how your body is feeling, and how

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ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

you feel about your surroundings. This is an excellent

way of calming yourself and remembering that not
everyone is out to get you. You do not need to feel
stressed about everyone you come into contact with;
there are kind people out there ready to be kind to you.
4: As with the start of most of these exercises, first, take
note of your surroundings and your general feelings and
emotions. Then, try to remember within the last 24
hours (or longer if you need to) when you last truly felt
like yourself or the person you want to be. Recall this
moment in as much detail as possible—almost as if you
were living through it again. Take note of what you felt
during that moment and what was occurring with your
five senses. Then, again, remember when you were last
most like yourself or the person you aim to be but this
time, within the last few weeks. Again, try to recall as
much detail as possible as though you were going through
it again, and note how your body felt during that
moment. Then, as usual, at the end of the exercise, see
how you feel about your surroundings, general feelings,
and emotions compared to how you felt at the start. This
exercise is good at bringing you back to yourself, away
from all the confusion and madness that you sometimes
feel in the world.
5: This exercise involves making some vocal noises, so it
may be wise to go somewhere where you are truly alone
before you carry out this exercise. As always, start by
taking notice of your surroundings and your general
emotions and feelings. Then, consider the kind of sound
that a foghorn makes. Take a very deep breath, and
attempt to make the sound of a foghorn. The sound
needs to be a low-enough pitch so that you feel it
reverberate around your body. See how far you can feel it
down into your body—perhaps even down to the very

18
 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

bottom of your belly and possibly to your thighs. As you

feel the sound end (it is often described as the "voo"
sound), then let your next breath occur naturally. You can
take your time; there is no need to rush the breath. If you
feel comforted and in harmony, then stay with that
feeling. For some people, though, making the foghorn
sound can have an unsettling effect, so if that is the case
with you, go back to one of the other exercises to regain
your sense of harmony. If you found the foghorn sound
comforting, then try it again. Do you feel even more
comforted and in harmony? I would not suggest doing
the sound more than three times, though. As with the
end of the other exercises, how do you feel now?
Compare it with how you felt at the start of the exercise.
This can be an excellent exercise to help settle the body's
core. As the sound reverberates around your body, this
can help the muscles relax and release any tension you
may be feeling.

19
 3
THE HEALING POWER OF
BREATH—SOMATIC
BREATHWORK

W
e all take breathing for granted. It just so happens that
we don't have to think about it at all, but that is part
of the problem. We are not breathing as deeply as we
should; our diaphragms are getting uptight and arent relaxed. By
concentrating on breathing, we take care of ourselves both physi-
cally and mentally. We can control our breathing; we will breathe at
the rate we choose. When we breathe, we also get the opportunity
to be aware of our bodies and how they are feeling.
It is believed that breathing significantly impacts your blood
pressure, your heart rate, and the arteries' ability to let blood flow
through them. No wonder our breathing is one of the first things to
get out of control when we are anxious or stressed. It's also believed
that breathing deeply can lead to one being in a much better mood.
People have also reported having a better night's sleep with fewer
occurrences of waking up in the night. It does depend, though; just
doing a minute here or there will have much less impact than
conducting 30 minutes of breathing deeply day after day. Results for
lowering blood pressure were still successful a month later for those
that could stay regimented. It is perhaps common sense, but
breathing in more oxygen gets the oxygen flowing through your

20
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blood cells and nerve tissues. For those that participated in deep
breathing, it was reported that oxygen utilization increased by 37%
(Hadley, 2017). A 2017 study also found that blood pressure was
lowered using deep breathing for those with hypertension (Janet &
Gowri, 2017). A 2019 study backed the theory that slow, deep
breathing was a better tool for fighting insomnia than hypnosis or
some pharmaceutical options (Jerath et al., 2019).
As with all somatic therapy, somatic breathing is all about taking
notice of our body and how it works. It's about paying attention to
the feeling of your stomach and belly contracting in and out and
your rib area and chest as you breathe. Through somatic breathing,
you also become so much more aware of your jaw, throat,
diaphragm, and shoulders in the movement and motion of breath-
ing. If we concentrate on our breathing and what our body is doing,
we stop our minds racing away with all their concerns and worries.
We start to truly live in the present moment and stop to smell the
roses—or breathe in the aroma.
You can conduct somatic breathing, either sitting up or lying
down on your back. You are aware of the breaths you take. This isn't
the same as usual involuntary breathing, which happens without you
even thinking about it. There is no break between breathing in and
breathing out, and the breath can occur through the nose or the
mouth. This kind of breathing should allow you to release some of
the physical tension within. When you learn to breathe using your
diaphragm and to relax when you breathe out, then this has the
potential to release much deeper feelings and emotions. I will
discuss diaphragm breathing later on in this chapter.
Although somatic breathing can be helpful to those suffering
from PTSD, breathing can be one of the things that trigger PTSD
symptoms. If you have PTSD and are thinking of investigating
breathwork, you need to take extra care and remember that it is at
your own risk, and you are responsible for your own health and well-
being. If you ever have any doubt, you should seek a medical profes-
sional's help.

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ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

Here's a straightforward breathing exercise for you to follow:

Take a normal breath. You should become aware that you

want to take a deeper breath, equivalent to when you
sigh.
Breathe out. This should be for six to eight seconds, and
you almost completely exhale.
Gently hold still so that you are holding your breath out.
At this point, concentrate on what it feels like to need to
take another breath. What that sensation is physically,
and where you are feeling it in your body. Linger on these
sensations and feelings for a moment.
The more interest you have in these feelings and
sensations, the more you will find you can hold your
breath.
Once the need to breathe in again becomes obvious, note
the feeling of it, and note that you can give in to it or
keep holding your breath out for a few more seconds.
Then breathe back in when you want to. Thus, you are
now controlling your breathing—not your subconscious.
Repeat this exercise for five minutes.

You may well have heard of the diaphragm, but you probably
don't ever pay attention to it or know precisely what or where it is.
Well, the diaphragm is a major muscle that exists just below your
lung area, and it assists with ensuring air moves in and out of the
lungs. In fact, the diaphragm is used in 80% of breathing. Breathing
is much more efficient when the diaphragm is being used than when
additional muscles are used (Diaphragmatic Breathing Exercises,
n.d.). When a person breathes in, the diaphragm shrinks and heads
downward, whereas when a person breathes out, the diaphragm
loosens and heads upward, assisting in pushing the air out of the
lungs. Considering that the average human will breathe 23,000
breaths a day, which works out to eight million a year, we can see

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 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

just how important a muscle the diaphragm is (Diaphragmatic

Breathing: Everything, n.d.).
When we breathe without thinking, this rarely uses the full
capability of the lungs and is known as shallow breathing. However,
diaphragmatic breathing uses deep breathing to make full use of
this capability. It can also sometimes be known as "belly breathing."
This is because it makes full use of the stomach and the abdominal
muscles as well as the diaphragm with each breath. This involves
consciously moving the diaphragm down when you breathe in,
ensuring that the lungs fill with air much more efficiently. A person
should realize that their stomach is moving up and down; they
should feel their stomach being pulled tighter and relaxing rather
than just feeling it in their chest and shoulders as you would with
shallow breathing.
If you want to check whether you tend to breathe with your
diaphragm or your chest, place your right hand on your chest and
your left hand on your stomach and breathe. If your right-hand rises
first, you are using your chest to breathe. If your left-hand rises first,
you are using your diaphragm. I have noticed that when I am
hunched over my desk at home on the laptop and stop to do that
test, it is my right hand that rises first. If I sit up straight in my
chair, the left-hand rises first. The amount of time people spend
sitting in positions with bad posture is a concern of doctors and
scientists. It leads to symptoms such as a bad back and causes one
to use shallow breathing. This prevents one from getting enough
oxygen into the body. No wonder I tend to go a bit light-headed
after a while when I'm crouched over my computer.
You only need to practice diaphragmatic breathing for up to 10
minutes, and ideally, this should be for three to four times
throughout the day. You should be able to find a moment while at
home to lie down and practice your breathing. You want to try and
find somewhere free from distractions, so stay away from the TV
and leave your smartphone in a different room. Leave your part-
ner/children/pets in a separate room. You want to ensure you will

23
ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

remain free from interruption while you carry out your breathing
exercises. As with all somatic techniques, you want to concentrate
on what your body is feeling as you experience your breathing.
If you find it useful, you can set an alarm to know when to take a
break and carry out your exercises. It is often useful to remember
you are always breathing, so this is not exactly going out of your way
to do something; you are already doing it—you just need to concen-
trate and notice it.
There are many different versions of diaphragmatic breathing,
but to carry out the most basic version, you need to do the
following:

Find a flat surface on which to lie down. I think for most

people, that is likely to be the floor. Place a pillow or
cushion under your head and also underneath your knees.
The pillows and cushions are not essential, but if you
have them, they are good to use as they will help keep
your body in as comfortable a position as possible.
Put one hand toward the top of your chest in the middle
area.
Put your other hand on your stomach, just below the
ribcage but above the diaphragm.
Breathe in through your nostrils only, pulling the air
down toward your stomach. The stomach should move
up toward the resistance of your hand, while your chest
movement should be limited.
Breathe out through your mouth, but don’t open your
mouth fully. Keep your lips tight together still. Your
stomach should relax and go back in, and, again, there
should not be any movement in your chest.

As with anything new, diaphragmatic breathing can feel odd at

first, or it may feel like hard work. However, as with anything in life,
the more you practice, the easier it should get. You may want to

24
 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

count a number in your head with each breath. Sometimes, this can
help a person relax further and can help with knowing how many
breaths you have completed. It may also help with keeping you from
getting too easily distracted.
When you feel you have mastered this lying down, you can
advance to practicing it sitting down or even standing up. This
increases your opportunity as to when and where you can practice
it. It means you can even do it when sitting at your desk at work,
standing in a line, watching TV, sitting on a bus, or anything you can
imagine. Once you can successfully practice sitting up and standing
up, it opens a whole new world of opportunity and chance for you
to carry out your practice. Be careful that when you do advance to
that, you must ensure that your head, neck, and shoulders move as
little as possible when sitting or standing. Don’t be hard on yourself
if things aren’t going quite as you hoped or the breathing doesn’t
seem to be working. This is practice. The more you do it and get
used to it, the better you will become and feel comfortable. No one
else is judging you on how you do, so don’t judge yourself. You’ll get
there with plenty of practice. You have to continue to do it regularly
as well. Your body has the memory of a goldfish rather than an
elephant when it comes to diaphragmatic breathing, so it won’t
remember when you did it in the past. You need to keep regularly
practicing for it to take effect.
Why would you want to practice diaphragmatic breathing? Well,
for a start, the diaphragm is a muscle, so you are strengthening that
muscle just by doing this exercise. That alone makes it worthwhile,
but other benefits cited include strengthening your core and
lowering your heart rate and blood pressure (Johnson, 2020).
The great thing about diaphragmatic breathing is that evidence
is mounting to suggest it can positively help alleviate stress and
anxiety. A 2017 study noted that it reduced stress hormones in the
body, therefore potentially also reducing the feelings of stress and
anxiety in a person (Ma et al., 2017). This was further solidified by a
2019 review of studies and evidence that concluded that diaphrag-

25
ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

matic breathing can be used as a tool for stress reduction (Hopper

et al., 2019).
However, suppose someone with anxiety tries diaphragmatic
breathing and finds it does not work. In that case, it may make
them more anxious, so always seek out the assistance of a medical
professional before embarking on these types of exercises.

26
 4

EMPOWER YOURSELF BY
UNDERSTANDING P TSD AND
AT TACHMEN T TRAUMA

P
ost-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can occur in
individuals after living through or being party to a trau-
matic event. PTSD usually occurs when people have been
involved in truly terrible events and not just minor traumatic occur-
rences. It is also fair to say that just because someone suffers trauma
doesn't mean they will develop PTSD: It depends on each individ-
ual. Symptoms of PTSD can include flashbacks, an inability to think
about anything other than the event, and anxiety on a very serious
level. Sometimes, these symptoms can occur within a month of an
event; sometimes, they occur several years after the event.
Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) is best
explained as a sufferer of PTSD displaying additional symptoms
following a traumatic event. You may find it hard to keep your
emotions in check; you may feel very angry at the world; you may
find it difficult to trust anyone or anything; you may feel like some-
thing is missing, or you feel you are not worth anything, and that
nobody else in the world could possibly understand you or the way
you are feeling. All this can lead to disassociating yourself from rela-
tionships or friendships, and it can take on physical pain, including
headaches and chest pain. Complex PTSD includes flashbacks like

27
ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

PTSD, but they are more emotional flashbacks so that you don't
just re-experience the event itself but all of the emotions you felt at
the time. You then display those feelings in the present, even
though the flashback is causing those emotions.
Attachment trauma that occurs early in a child's life, usually
from neglect and abuse, can stem from something like separation
from a caregiver due to medical concerns or death. It is not always
the case that attachment trauma immediately directs back to the
parents, and the trauma is the parents' fault. Trauma can come from
many different directions and people, so we should take that into
consideration. Since we cannot recall memories before the age of
four or five, we think we cannot remember the traumatic events.
However, our brain and body have remembered it even if our
memory cannot. These feelings and emotions can then occur later
in life. The trauma will usually show up in things like a fear of rela-
tionships, a constant sense of shame, or that the person is unworthy
of somebody else's love. As the person may have no memory of why
this occurred, it can make it much more challenging to treat than
some of the other traumas.
As I alluded to earlier, not everyone will develop PTSD,
CPTSD, or attachment trauma from traumatic events. Some will
suffer minor trauma, and some will not suffer anything at all, though
it is estimated that 70% of adults in America have suffered a trau-
matic event at some point in their lives (Eckelkamp, 2019). Trauma
isn’t just something that happens to other people; we are all likely to
face it in our lives. Even general trauma requires addressing; other-
wise, it can result in mental and physical issues. Trauma can be
defined as anything that results in us being stuck in a physical,
emotional, or behavioral pattern (Cutler, n.d.). Processing and
getting over the trauma often ends up being interrupted; hence the
trauma ends up stored in our bodies, and we never truly release it.
Stored trauma can often lead to physical pain and the psychological
anguish that comes along with it.
That is where somatic healing and therapy come in. Things like

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 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

deep breathing, somatic experiencing, and movement can help

relieve that stuck trauma in your body as you gently and slowly
begin to release the tension. Perhaps these methods will allow your
brain to process things you had long consigned to your brain’s
“Recycle Bin.”
It’s a sad cycle that disability and chronic illness can cause short-
term and long-term trauma, but then those who suffer trauma, if
not treated correctly, end up developing physical conditions and
symptoms. Therefore, someone who develops chronic illness can
also be traumatized by it, which in turn, if they are not able to
release that trauma, may end up making them feel even more ill and
develop further physical pain.
When individuals are diagnosed with a disability or a chronic
illness, this can be a very traumatic event. All sorts of overwhelming
feelings are likely to be going through a person, and because people
start talking about treatment or next steps, the person doesn’t
always get the chance to process that trauma. It’s a worrying estima-
tion that between 12% and 25% of those who develop life-threat-
ening illnesses go on to develop PTSD (Virant, 2019). It is no
surprise that people who go through these types of experiences
often develop a fear of hospitals or doctors. Most worryingly, it can
develop into a complete mistrust of doctors and a wish to avoid
having anything to do with the illness. For example, the afflicted
individual starts “forgetting” to take their medication or turn up for
appointments. Disability and chronic illness will often make a
person question their place in the world and what they had always
believed to be true. It makes them think about death, how vulner-
able we all are, and how helpless we believe we may be. Having to go
through emotions and experiences like this, it is not surprising that
those with illnesses and disabilities develop trauma.
As mentioned when I began discussing CPTSD, relationships
are all too often one of the things severely impacted by those
suffering from trauma. It is understandable that a person suffering
from trauma may find it hard to form long-lasting relationships.

29
ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

They may well feel danger is around every corner, and trusting
either new friends or old friends can become exceptionally difficult.
The anger that a person may feel due to losing control over the life
they believe they may have lost or the helplessness they feel can link
back to chronic illness. This can involve the individual lashing out
at those close to them. The person feels under threat from every-
one, therefore lashing out and becoming a defense mechanism.
They can’t hurt you if you hurt them first.
Depending on the type of trauma one is going through and their
traumatic experience, one might go through feelings of shame,
feeling as if they are not worthy of another's love, or feeling entirely
unlovable. They may even feel guilty about what happened, that
somehow the event was their fault, or they deserved it rather than
realizing the blame lies with the perpetrator. Having gone through
such traumatic events, the person believes nobody else can under-
stand them, so they go through the burden alone and do not share
with the people closest to them. Although the following are
fictional accounts, I am about to use them as examples. I have no
doubt the writers researched thoroughly about trauma survivors in
order to make sure their characters behaved authentically. The first
example is a plot line from a popular modern drama show. In one
example, the character, June, has finally escaped into Canada from
Gilead, where all her traumatic experiences occurred. She seems
fairly incapable of sharing her experiences with anyone. Still, the
person she definitely seems incapable of sharing her events with is
her husband, who has been in Canada while she was in Gilead
(Miller et al., 2017–present). Another example is from a famous
Australian soap opera, where one of the characters, Marilyn, goes
through a shared traumatic event with other characters but not her
husband. Following this event, she feels the only person she can talk
to about it is one of the other characters who went through the
same thing. She becomes ever more distant from her husband, who
she feels cannot understand what she went through or what she is
feeling, eventually culminating in a divorce—although that is not

30
 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

the only reason they divorce (Holmes & McGauran, 1988–present).

These two fictional examples are good at highlighting exactly the
kinds of feelings and emotions a person who has been through
trauma might exhibit. They suggest how trauma may impact their
relationships with those closest to them.
Further than that, it may make the person who has encountered
trauma ultimately isolate themselves. Sadly, in the current pandemic
climate, that is something we are all doing. However, those that
have suffered trauma will do it on purpose—putting distance
between their partners, friends, families, and colleagues and maybe
even become distant from life itself. They're going through detach-
ment and may have no feelings about anything—almost becoming
numb to anything around them. Some sufferers may become highly
anxious and start showing trauma symptoms any time there is any
possibility of them becoming rejected—say, by a potential partner.
Others may go the other way and become entirely dependent on
someone or become overprotective of their loved ones. If this
includes children, then it may start to impact the child's life, as the
child is not allowed to do anything that may put them in even the
slightest harm. This pertains to just about anything and everything.
Getting out of bed in the morning is a risk. There is nothing in life
where there is no risk, so this can become problematic if a parent's
trauma manifests itself in this way. Some people may find it
extremely difficult to have any kind of physical relationship, to be
able to place themselves in intimate situations, or find sexual rela-
tionships satisfactory. All of the feelings, emotions, and behaviors I
have outlined can be bewildering and upsetting, but they are all
normal things to think and feel if you have been through trauma.
You should not castigate yourself any further. Understandably,
trauma can result in these kinds of issues; you should not feel any
worse about yourself because you can't make your relationship work
after having been through trauma.

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ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

THE FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE, OR FAWN RESPONSE

The fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses are our responses

when we encounter what we think is a threat or a danger to us. We
do it automatically and subconsciously without even thinking about
it. Flight, flight, and freeze are well-known responses, but fawn is
also a possible response.
Flight is our wish to run away or flee from the situation that is
causing us danger. This is a perfectly acceptable reaction and is not
in any way cowardly as some posturing courageous people may view
it as. After all, if you're stuck in a burning building, the best
response is to get the heck out. Signs that you might be in flight
mode include the following:

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 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

Your legs feel very fidgety or restless.

Your fingers, toes, ears, and nose (or any combination of
those) become numb.
Your eyes move around a lot or become dilated.
Your muscles and body tense up.
You feel like a prisoner and feel trapped.

Fight is exactly what it suggests: It becomes an aggressive

response to the situation. Some indicators you may be in a "fight"
mode include the following:

You burst into tears.

You have an overwhelming desire to punch something or
somebody.
You are grinding your teeth, or you feel your jaw
tightening.
You feel like stomping your feet or kicking something or
somebody.
You feel a deep, burning sense of anger.
You imagine the possibility of harming someone—
possibly even yourself.
You feel pain or a burning sensation in the pit of your
stomach.

Fight mode means you typically attack the source of the danger.
This can be a very beneficial reaction unless the source you are
attacking is capable of causing much more damage to you than you
are to them.
The freeze response is best explained as becoming incapable of
doing anything in the face of danger and literally freezing. It’s like
the phrase when a “deer is caught in the headlights.” When a deer is
in the middle of the highway and sees a car coming toward it, it
freezes, and the car either swerves to avoid it or, sadly, hits it.
Maybe you’ve even done this yourself: I know I have. I’ve stepped

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ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

out on the road without paying attention, and when I see the car
coming toward me rather than running out of the road, I just freeze,
and I only survive because the driver stops the car in time. Some
indicators you have gone into a freeze response include the
following:

Your body feels cold.

Your body feels numb.
You go very white—particularly in the face.
Your legs feel like lead, and it is difficult to move your
body.
You feel very nervous and anxious.
Your heart rate decreases, and you can feel it beating.

But what about the fawn response? This is a much lesser-known

response. This response is where we will undertake anything or do
anything to appease the situation. This can be particularly prevalent
among those who have suffered childhood trauma. There was likely
someone in their life that they would do or say anything to just to
avoid whatever traumatic scenario would play out if they didn’t.
This type of fawn response is then often carried through to adult-
hood, and the person could end up in some unhealthy relationships
and situations as a result.
Due to the fawn response often first occurring in childhood, it
can make it difficult for a person to recognize what is happening
when they are an adult. Hence, it is their default response to
dangerous situations. However, there are some giveaway signals that
you (or someone) could demonstrate with the fawn response:

To see how you feel in a relationship or situation, you will

view how other people feel.
Even when alone, you find it tricky to work out what you
are feeling.

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 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

You feel like you do not have an individual personality,

character, or identity.
You are always trying to please everybody else in your life
rather than concentrating and putting yourself first.
Whenever conflict arises, your first action is to try and
please or give in to the angry or annoyed person.
You disregard your own beliefs or views and instead
accept only the views of those around you as being true.
You may find you provide strange emotional responses to
things that, on the surface, don’t appear to matter. For
example, you could have an angry response to a stranger,
or you could suddenly find yourself with a feeling of
sadness, which can occur throughout the day.
You feel guilty and angry at yourself much of the time.
You find it difficult to say “no” to anyone.
Everything can become too much for you, yet you will
still take on more if requested.
It is not easy to define boundaries, and you find that you
are often being taken advantage of in a relationship.
You are not happy, unsure, or even scared when asked to
give your own opinion.

For those suffering from PTSD, CPTSD, or attachment trauma,

there is already a level of self-blame and recrimination that can only
worsen if the default response to danger is a fawn response. That is
one of the many reasons it is essential to learn why these responses
occur and what we can do to switch them off.
There is also talk of a fifth response known as “flop.” This is
where a person becomes utterly unresponsive to the occurring situa-
tion and may even lose consciousness. The term comes from the
way the body flops like a rag doll.
All of these responses are perfectly natural, and people will demon-
strate different reactions at different times. However, it can become

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ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

concerning when we perceive threats where there are none, or we make

the wrong response to the situation. These types of problems usually
occur when we have become stuck in these responses because of past
trauma that we have undergone. To get ourselves free from these
trapped responses, we need to become more aware of how to feel safe,
comforted, and without tension within our bodies. We should use exer-
cises that allow us to safely release some of that trauma, which should
mean less dependence on our fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses.
Peter Levine based his “Somatic Experiencing” theory and work
around the fact that he had observed animals in the wild. Despite
being constantly in danger from predators, being chased by preda-
tors, and sometimes being momentarily captured but escaping, the
animals did not suffer trauma. They carried on their life like they
always had. Levine noted that animals after such an episode tended
to shake and tremble, so he formed the belief that wild animals
were able to “shake off ” their trauma, whereas humans had lost this
ability. As humans have lost the ability to shake off the trauma,
trauma can end up stuck in the body, and only with the help of
somatic therapy can it slowly and carefully be released (Osadchey,
2018).
I will provide you with a very simple exercise to follow so that
you can switch off those fight-or-flight responses and remain calm
and rational. It’s a simple grounding exercise, and like all somatic
healing exercises, it works from the body up to the brain rather
than the other way around. This makes sense because we cannot
think ourselves out of these situations or out of feeling anxious, but
we can get our body to relax, be calm, and tell our brain that all is
well.

GROUNDING EXERCISE

As going into fight-or-flight mode can make you feel almost

detached from your body or as though your body is incapable of
doing what you want it to, one way to get you back to a less anxious

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state is to reunite your brain with your body. One way to do this is
by putting something hot or cold against your body. Obviously, be
careful not to scold yourself or give yourself frostbite. If you put
something mildly hot or cold on your body, it should reunite you
with your body as you let your brain concentrate on what the sensa-
tions you’re feeling are rather than focusing on false or impending
dangers.

ATTACHMENT TRAUMA

I briefly mentioned attachment trauma at the beginning of this

chapter, and I'm now going to cover it in much more detail in this
section.
Attachment trauma occurs when there is an interruption to the
normal bonding processes between a baby or a child and their prin-
cipal caregivers—whether that be a parent or other guardian. That
can be the result of abuse or neglect, but it can just be a general lack
of affection or abandonment that was not the caregiver's fault.
Psychology identifies four main styles of attachment that a child
may experience early in life with their caregiver. Depending on
these styles, they will likely affect the child when they have grown
into an adult:

1: Security: People who feel secure grew up with

attentive, loving, and sensitive caregivers sensitive to
their child's needs. If a person obtains the security
attachment, then they are likely to feel comfortable
showing and speaking their emotions, will display
confidence in themselves in relationships and will be able
to face difficult situations and unhappy feelings in a
healthy manner.
2: Avoidance: Avoidant attachment occurs when a
caregiver does not respond or is not sensitive to a child
when hurt or in anguish. Children who experience this

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ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

type of attachment are likely to grow up not showing

their emotions and will not look to their caregiver to
provide assurance and comfort. As adults, they are likely
to be distant in relationships and not capable of showing
or speaking about their emotions.
3: Resistance: A resistant attachment will develop if the
caregiver is not consistent or not predictable in the way
they respond to a child's anguish or upset. The child may
use extreme methods to get the appropriate response
from the caregiver. In adulthood, this can display itself as
someone who is very needy and clingy in a relationship
and is not secure at all in believing their partner loves
them.
4: Disorganization: A disorganized attachment will
form when a caregiver's behavior is unusual or, in some
way, scary. The child does not know what to do to get the
comfort and assurance they require. In adulthood, this
can lead to relationships full of conflict and arguments.
The first style of attachment, security, will allow children
to develop healthily and become more likely to have
healthy relationships in later years. The other styles will
result in an incomplete attachment being formed and will
likely cause unhealthy relationships and other issues in
adulthood.

When the unhealthy styles occur, this can result in traumatic

events for a child. Of course, this can include severe events like
abuse and extreme neglect, but it can also be something as simple as
a child hurting themselves and crying as the caregiver ignores them
(whether this is on purpose or not). This can result in a traumatic
event for the child. One rare incident in a child’s life may not result
in attachment trauma, but if this is a consistent pattern, then that
can cause long-lasting trauma into adulthood.
However, it doesn’t have to be anything the caregiver has done

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that may cause the failure of the attachment to occur. The caregiver
might have unfortunately died, the bond broken, and the secure
attachment cannot be developed. It is not always as simple as being
the caregiver’s fault when attachment trauma occurs.
A person suffering from attachment trauma may find that they
are more likely to suffer from stress and anxiety, find it difficult to
emote, have trouble sleeping, isolate themselves, or have mental
health issues.
If you do suffer from attachment trauma, I will give you an exer-
cise to follow, but please be careful. This exercise can bring up some
powerful emotions and feelings. If you think that will be too much
for you at this stage, then that is perfectly understandable; you
should leave this exercise alone until you are ready or visit a profes-
sional therapist.

ATTACHMENT TRAUMA EXERCISE

First of all, find yourself a hard floor if you can. You can do this
exercise on carpet, but it makes it trickier. Once you have found the
relevant floor, take your socks off. You should then lie flat on the
floor so that you are on your belly. Then, think about how you can
move forward from that position. You cannot get up on your hands
and knees and crawl. No, you must find a way to move while being
flat on your belly. You won’t have done this since you were a very
small child. That is the point of the exercise: to make you think and
move in that way once again. Therefore, this may bring up all the
emotions of that time. If you are not ready for that, it is not for you.
You may feel deep sadness, and you may feel the need to cry. There
may be many strong emotions you feel as a result of being back in
this position.

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 5

TOWERING ABOVE PHYSICAL

PAIN AND ILLNESS

I
f you find you are always in pain and have tense muscles or
aching bones, this could be the chapter for you. You have
become so used to being in pain or muscular tension that you
feel like it's almost part of who you are. The good news is that phys-
ical somatic therapy (officially called somatics) can help you soothe
that pain and get back to feeling yourself. Of course, I must point
out that somatic therapy is not for healing just any and every phys-
ical injury you have. If you have broken your leg, you still need to
see a doctor. You are not going to heal a broken bone through
somatic therapy; in fact, you may make things a lot worse. However,
if you are affected by chronic muscle and joint pain, then that is
where somatic therapy can come in. With its ability to get the body
to speak to the brain and vice versa, it is possible to alleviate your
pain caused by the twists and stuck muscles to which your body has
become accustomed.
Here are a few exercises that should really help you with your
mobility and general wellness if you are experiencing chronic pain
or tight muscles. You can do all the movements in each step 10
times:

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1: Lie on your back with your knees bent and your arms
by your sides. Inhale, push your pelvis up slightly, and
exhale. Inhale, push your lower back down, and exhale.
2: Lie on your back with legs outstretched and your
hands stretched out behind you. You are basically going
into a star shape. Pretend you can make your right leg
grow longer. Inhale as you imagine doing that, and then
exhale and relax. Do the same with your left arm:
Imagine it is growing or that someone is pulling your arm
to make it longer. Do the same with the left leg and
finally with the right arm.
3: Lie on your back with arms outstretched sideways,
your knees bent, and then cross one leg over the other.
Inhale. Then, move your legs over to the left. Make sure
this part is just your legs—everything else will remain
central and exhale. Switch legs and do the same, bringing
your legs down to the right and back to the center. Then,
do the same but with your right arm pointing up and
your left hand pointing down. While moving your legs,
move your head to the left and vice versa.
4: Get into a sitting position and just rotate your head
and torso to the left. Then do the same to the right. Now,
do the same but put your right hand on your left
shoulder, and after you have rotated, move your head
gently back to the center. Then return everything to the
center. Do the same for the other side.

SENSORY MOTOR AMNESIA

Sensory motor amnesia (SMA) is a phrase that the pioneer Thomas

Hanna, a visionary in the world of somatics, introduced (Warren,
2019). It describes the pattern of physical behavior that your body’s
muscles carry out without you even thinking about it, which often
does you a disservice. For example, day after day, you slouch at your

41
ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

desk over your laptop. Your back muscles become used to this and
adapt accordingly so that something bad for you actually becomes
normal for your body, and you do nothing to correct it because your
body does not tell you to. In fact, quite often, the opposite occurs.
Now, sitting up straight becomes painful, and slouching becomes
very comfortable. This pattern can then lead to chronic physical
pain. In this example, you are likely to end up with severe back pain
or maybe even a hump, and you will be forever crouched over, even
when standing.
It is easy in the modern world to develop SMA. We are forever
slouched over desks, slumped in chairs, and sitting in cars or public
transport. We do not move as much as we should, so our body
adapts accordingly. It no longer bothers with all that twisting,
running, and flexibility you used to need: Our muscles instead focus
on what they need to do for slouching and slumping. In turn,
muscles can become habitually stuck in unwanted positions, even
pulling bones out of place over time.
Another way you can develop SMA is if you have some kind of
injury. Then, while your injury heals, it affects how you are moving.
This is particularly true if you injure your foot—it affects the way
you walk. Then, once your injury has healed, you’re still walking in
the way you were when you were injured. This is doing you harm,
and your body has forgotten how you used to move about normally.
Another example would be an injury such as a twisted pelvis.
If you have SMA, you may notice that sometimes, your body is
hesitant about its movement; maybe there is a slight shaking or
jerking of the affected areas, or there may even be a shudder when
your body has let go of some of its tension.
You can do a very simple exercise if you believe you have SMA
and would like some confirmation. I advise you that if while doing
this exercise you come across pain, take it very slowly and only
move within what is acceptable to you; don’t try and force anything,
as you are only likely to do yourself further damage. It is good to do
this exercise slowly to give your brain the chance to comprehend

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what you are doing. If you do things quickly, the automatic part of
your brain will start taking over.
Sit down with your arms down by your sides. Turn your head to
the left. You will need to stay looking left throughout the exercise,
so make sure your head turn is within your comfort zone and not
too painful or stretched. Now, you are going to look up toward the
ceiling and move your right shoulder up toward the back of your
head. Then, slowly release that position and go back to the position
you were in before. You can try this on the other side as well. How
did it feel? A bit hesitant or shuddery or shaky? If it was, then you
probably do have SMA.
A practice known as pandiculation can help bring about the link
between the brain and the muscles and help you to ease your SMA
problems.

SOMATIC PANDICULATION

Pandiculation may sound like the most complicated word in the

world, but it's really quite a simple concept. Pandiculation involves
intentionally (or sometimes, subconsciously) moving muscles to link
the movements to our nervous system. The morning stretch and
yawn is a perfect example of this. It's a recalibration of our body
with our nervous system to further etch movement patterns into
our being. We often do this unintentionally and subconsciously
when we wake up, but pandiculations can be done on purpose at any
time to bring about a myriad of desired results. There are countless
somatic pandiculation videos online that target different muscles
for different reasons. This act may be more significant than you
realize. Bad posture, tight muscles, and unagile movement may
become habituated if we don't engage in pandiculation.

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ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

Pandiculation is best explained as the nervous system setting

off our internal alarm and saying to the body, “Get ready for some
movement!” Humans and any animals with vertebrae tend to auto-
matically perform pandiculation when they wake up or if they
have been stationary for a very long while. You probably notice
that a baby performs this when they wake up, or you may have
seen your pet cat or dog arch their back and stretch out when
they have woken up from a doze. All of these are examples of
pandiculation. In fact, it is said that animals pandiculate 40 times
a day (“Pandiculation—the Safe Alternative to Stretching,” 2010).
You don’t see them all slouched over with bad posture or twisting
their ankles just because they had to go and chase a mouse or a
stick.
Pandiculation lets our nervous system know the level of tension
in our muscles and regulates and resets that muscular tension so we
don’t end up with muscular pain in the long term. It has been
suggested that a fetus can perform pandiculation while in the

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womb, showing what a primitive and vital action it is (Warren,

2019).
Sadly, with all the bad habits and patterns of physical behavior
we so easily get ourselves into in the modern world, automatic
pandiculation is just not enough to rid ourselves of all that muscle
tension. Sometimes, if our posture is pulled out of alignment, our
nervous systems can simply forget to do much pandiculation at all.
Thomas Hanna studied pandiculation in great detail and came
to the realization that pandiculation addressed muscle tension and
most of the underlying causes of people who had posture issues,
movement issues, and chronic pain. He devised some exercises that
people could do themselves, rather than relying on automatic
pandiculation. He would ensure people were much more equipped
to deal with their muscular tensions and free themselves from much
of their pain by encouraging voluntary pandiculation. Voluntary
pandiculation must be carried out very slowly and intentionally so
that the nervous system takes on board what it is being told and
updates itself in response (Warren, 2019).
Any pandiculation exercise will require three main aspects:

1: Contract the muscle.

2: Have a slow, intent lengthening of the muscle.
3: Relax as you let your brain and nervous system
comprehend what you have just done.

The psoas [soh-uhs] is an exceptionally important muscle in the

human body. Without such muscles, you wouldn’t be able to even
get yourself out of bed in the morning. That’s how important it is.
The psoas muscle is also relevant to the way you breathe, so it can
have a psychological impact—not just a physical one. Whatever you
are doing—running, riding a bike, sitting on the sofa, or dancing—
your psoas muscle is required and will be doing work to enable you
to do these things. The psoas is so important because it’s the muscle
that connects your body to your legs. These muscles are otherwise

45
ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

known as the hip flexors. They are extremely vital when it comes to
your posture and supporting and regulating your spine. Since the
psoas muscle is also connected to the diaphragm, it’s prevalent in
walking, breathing, and even responding to fear and excitement. If
you are under stress, your psoas muscle actually contracts. Essen-
tially, it has a direct impact on your fight-or-flight response. If that
stress goes on for long periods, then your psoas muscle is contracted
for long periods, leading to a myriad of health issues. That same
contraction can happen if you sit down for a long time, run or walk
too much, fall and stay asleep in the fetal position, or do a huge
amount of sit-ups.
A tight psoas muscle can lead to any number of health issues and
complaints, including digestive issues, exhaustion, sexual dysfunc-
tion, lower back pain, pelvic pain (which can impact sexual practices
and appetite), sciatica (which can cause intolerable pain), a limp, a
difference between the length of your legs, curvature in the spine,
and a weak core.
You may think that stretching the psoas muscle may be enough,
but the psoas muscle takes its instructions from the brain. No
matter how much you stretch it, it will be doing what the brain tells
it to, and if that is to contract, then contract it will. You could,
therefore, end up doing more harm than good by stretching. The
best you can achieve is that you may be able to loosen the muscles
for a little while after stretching, but soon after, the brain will reset
the nervous system, and the psoas muscle will go back to how it was
before stretching. Any potential long-term tension can still occur.
I'm going to give you two very simple pandiculation exercises
that you can easily complete at home. If you are having trouble with
your psoas, these will help you release that tension and trauma and
help you open up your life to a world that is free of pain. (Please
note: if your psoas doesn't release or re-contracts after pandicula-
tion exercises, then you may be suffering from a twisted sacrum,
also known as sacral torsion, a twisted pelvis, or SI joint dysfunc-
tion. You'll need to fix a turned sacrum first. I recommend the

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 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

program "comforting your SI joints" by somatic educator Lawrence

Gold.)

1: First, lie on the floor. A flat surface is preferable to a

carpet. If you have an exercise mat, that may provide
extra comfort. Lie on your back with your knees up and
your feet firmly on the floor. Make sure that you can
easily slide your foot and leg along the floor (hence,
carpet is not such a good surface for this). Put your arms
and hands behind your head. Now, take a breath in and
arch ever so slightly so that your pelvis moves toward the
ceiling and your back contracts; then breathe out and
relax.
Then, when you next breathe out, bring your head and
back forward and have your elbows pointing toward your
leg. Then, bring one of your legs toward your elbow, then
slowly move everything back to where it was: Your head
and back to the floor with your elbows and hands behind
your head, and your knee and leg back to the floor with
your foot planted firmly on the ground.
Then, do the same with the other side. Take a breath in
and arch very slightly, then breathe out and relax; on your
next breath out, move your other knee toward your
elbows and then slowly move everything back to where it
was before.
Next, do the same exercise, but when you put your foot
back on the floor, slide your leg and foot all the way along
the ground and flex your toes. Breathe in and out as you
require. You can also slightly vary so that when you next
bring your leg up and put it down, it comes up more
naturally so that your leg and foot are curved outward
rather than straight. You can repeat the exercise several
times with both legs. It will be interesting to see if you
notice any difference between each side; maybe one side

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ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

feels less tight than the other. Whatever you notice, after
doing these exercises for a while, you will see that your
psoas is not as tight, and you have managed to release
some of that tension out of your body.
2: Do the same exercise, but this time, keep your arms by
your side when you lift your knee up. Then, when you
slide your leg out this time, bring your arm over your
head from your side—as if when you swim, you are doing
the backstroke. Do one stroke, put your arm over your
head, and relax. Go back into position, repeat, and then
do the same with the other side of your body. This
exercise will help with the muscles toward the upper part
of your back; if your psoas is tight, you should feel that
along the side of your body.

There are also some straightforward exercises you can do to

ensure all the various muscle groups undergo pandiculation.

This one will help work your biceps. You can do this
standing up or sitting down. Just bring your forearm
toward you slowly as though you were lifting a dumbbell,
and then let it slowly go back to its position and relax. If
you need to, you can lightly place your first two fingers of
your other hand onto your arm just to put a tiny bit of
resistance there, and that helps your brain and nervous
system work out what is going on and not cause any SMA
possibilities.
I definitely have a problem constantly pushing my head
out in front of me, particularly when hunched over my
laptop. An exercise to help remedy that is the following:
Kneel down, arch slowly, slowly pull your belly and head
back, and then relax. Again, if you need a little bit of
resistance to help, you can place one hand under your
chest and one hand on your belly. Your spine and the

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 SOMATIC TRAUMA HEALING

front of your body should feel more in harmony after

doing this exercise. Rather than being hunched over with
your head forward, you should be able to sit up straight
with your head sitting nicely on the top of your body
where it is meant to be.

These exercises should really help you in the long term in a way
that stretching simply cannot. You are performing pandiculation on
your muscles that will work wonders for you. With some luck, the
days of never-ending pain, inflexibility, or struggle in your move-
ment will be gone. All helped with something that you can easily do
at home for free.

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 6

A TREASURE TROVE OF SOMATIC

PRACTICES

I
n this chapter, I am going to outline some of the most
powerful somatic practices. It really is a treasure trove of a
chapter. All these years have been like digging for diamonds
or panning for gold without any luck—until now. You are going to
find that treasure you needed—your pot of gold at the end of the
rainbow. These are easy-to-follow practices that you can do in your
own time and space. They do not require special equipment or great
expense to be able to take part in them. Best of all, there is genuine
scientific evidence backing up these practices, so I know they work;
soon, you will, too.

POLYVAGAL THEORY AND THE VAGUS NERVE

The polyvagal theory was developed by Stephen Porges and helps us

to better understand our nervous system. It came out of his
studying of the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is involved in the
calming element of the nervous system. This balances out with the
active element, so if there is more calming occurring, then less
activity is needed. If more activity is occurring, then less calming is
needed. Polyvagal theory describes a third element, what Porges

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labeled as the “Social Engagement System”—a combination of both

the active and the calming aspects (Wagner, 2016).
As the name suggests, it is the social engagement aspect that
assists us in working our way through relationships and to better
cope with any conflict that may arise.
The nervous system has two main elements when it comes to
feeling like we are in grave danger: the element that deals with our
fight-or-flight response and the part that deals with shutting down
completely (think back to the “flop” method of dealing with
danger). In order for the social engagement system to become
engaged, there has to be a sense of being safe.
It is the vagus nerve that helps calm the body, and it has two
main aspects to it, which behave in very different ways. The shut-
ting down aspect occurs through one part of the vagus nerve. When
this shutdown occurs, a person will usually feel very tired and maybe
quite giddy—rather like if you had the flu. This can affect a person’s
heart, lungs, diaphragm, and digestive system.
The other part of the vagus nerve affects things above the
diaphragm. This is the part that services the social engagement
system. This part of the nerve helps to control our nervous system.
For example, if you are letting someone rock climb, you let the rope
down slowly for them to work their way down safely; you don’t let
the rope go all at once. That is kind of what the vagus nerve is doing
here: keeping your nervous system regulated and stopping it from
becoming hyperactive. Whereas the fight-or-flight response can
take seconds to take place and recovery can take anywhere from 10
to 20 minutes, the vagus nerve’s response to calm takes mere
milliseconds. Therefore, we should be able to calm our responses in
the same way you let down the rope slowly for a rock climber to
control their ascent down the face of a cliff.
A good example of social engagement in action is if you go down
to your local park and observe the dogs. Some dogs will be aggres-
sive toward other dogs or will run away, and their owners have to
chase after them—these are the dogs in fight-or-flight mode. But if

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you see the dogs happily playing, wagging their tails, wanting a stick
or ball to be thrown, and jumping up in a friendly way at their
owners, these are the dogs who feel in a safe space and are
employing the social engagement system.
If a person has trauma that they have not managed to release,
then they can find themselves forever in a world of fight or flight;
instead of happily going about their daily activities with their social
engagement system fully in tune, everything becomes a task of
dread and fear.
The vagus nerve actually impacts the middle ear, which can help
us focus on human voices and remove all the unnecessary back-
ground noise. It also impacts our ability to make facial expressions
—another essential for communication. Finally, it also impacts our
vocal cords and the noises we may make to each other—again, to
communicate in a calming manner. It is the longest nerve in the
body, and if you are wondering how it got its name, it’s because, in
Latin, vagus means “wandering.” You know it’s a long nerve when it’s
named the “wandering” nerve.
Ultimately, if we can find ways to reset that vagal nerve or exer-
cise it so that we feel happy, safe, secure, and playful, then life can
be so much better for us.

EXERCISE #1

First is a really simple exercise. Start by sitting up and moving your

head slowly to the left, back to the center, and then to the right. Is
there any difference between each side? Do you find it more diffi-
cult to move your head to one side compared to the other? When I
first discovered this exercise, I found it slightly more difficult to
move my head to the right side compared to the left side. After this,
lie down on your back with your knees up and your feet firmly on
the floor. Once you become experienced at this exercise, you can do
it sitting up or even standing up, but you should lie down for it for
the first few times. Place your hands behind your head, with your

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fingers interlocked and your elbows pointing out so that you are
holding your head in your hands. Then, move your eyes to the right
—not your head: just your eyes. Use your hands to support your
head so you don’t move it. You only move your eyes. Hold your eyes
in that position for 30 seconds. Then, relax and let your eyes come
back to the middle. If you notice that you may need to take a breath
or have the urge to swallow, those are vagus nerve responses and
signs that the exercise is working.
Now, do the other side: Move your eyes to the left, with your
head not moving and staying central, and hold your eyes there for
30 seconds. Then, relax and let your eyes come back to the middle.
Take a moment, then return to your sitting position and move your
head side to side to see if your mobility has improved. By the way,
30 seconds is the minimum time to hold your eyes in position. If
you are not getting any of the signs, like a deep breath or swallow-
ing, you can hold your eyes in position for 60 seconds or more.
When I first discovered this exercise, I found it slightly more diffi-
cult to turn my head to the right side. Once I had done the exercise,
then I found I could move my head without restriction equally on
both sides. This exercise works.

EXERCISE #2

The second exercise you can do is to just sit down. Whether that be
on the floor or in a chair—as long as you are comfortable, that is the
main thing. Place your right hand on the top of your head, and then
tip your head to the right. Move your eyes and your eyes only. Hold
that position for 30 seconds. You can relax after that and resume
your normal sitting position. Now, you will do the same but for the
other side. Put your left hand on your head, and tip your head to the
left. Move your eyes up and to the right. Hold the position for 30
seconds. Again, you can hold the position longer if you are not
feeling any effect.

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EXERCISE #3

For the third exercise, again, be in a sitting position, take your right
hand, and put it on top of your head, tipping your head to the right.
However, this time, take your left hand and reach around to clutch
your right side. Then, move your head to the right side, and use
your left hand to pull your side. Again, move your eyes only, up and
to the left, and hold the position for 30 seconds. Then, release your-
self from the position and relax. You should notice yourself feeling a
bit calmer having performed that exercise. Do the other side: left
hand on top of your head and tip your head to the left. Use your
right hand to reach around to your left side and pull your side.
Then, move your eyes up and to the right side and hold the position
for 30 seconds. Once again, release yourself from that position and
relax.

EXERCISE #4

For this next exercise, you need to find somewhere comfortable to

lie down. If you have an exercise or yoga mat, that is probably best.
I found lying face down on a carpeted floor isn’t much fun, as it
usually just reminds me I need to get the vacuum cleaner out! Once
ready, you are going to prop yourself up on your elbows, hands
pointing out in front of you and flat on the floor. Then, you are
going to turn to your left and look over your shoulder. As per usual,
hold the position for 30 seconds. Release that position and relax; lie
face down if you want to for a few moments. Now, do the same
thing but look over your right shoulder this time. Hold the position
for 30 seconds, then release yourself from the position and relax. As
you are using your neck muscles in this exercise, it can be really
good for those who have tension in that area and, as a result, suffer
from headaches and migraines. Do this exercise, and you should
release some of the tension and be able to get some relief from the
pain.

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Believe it or not, breathing can also have an impact on your

vagus nerve and your vagus nerve on your breathing. That is some-
thing known as “vagal tone,” which basically represents your vagus
nerve activity (Fallis, 2021). The higher your vagal tone is, the easier
you will find it to return to a relaxed state after a moment of stress.
If we can find a way to activate our vagal nerve and increase our
vagal tone, then we should feel less stressed, less anxious, and gener-
ally happier. A 2010 study found that those with a high vagal tone
were generally positive in their feelings and had good physical
health (Kok et al., 2013). There have even been studies that suggest
that if mothers are anxious and stressed during pregnancy (giving
them a low vagal tone), this actually gets passed on to the baby
when it is born, and the baby also shares a low vagal tone (Field &
Diego, 2008). There has even been a device that can be planted in
you that will activate your vagus nerve every so often, but that is an
extreme way to go. Deep and slow breathwork can activate your
vagus nerve and increase your vagal tone.
Therefore, at this point, it would be good to give you some
breathing exercises to activate your vagal tone. These exercises all
have different purposes. This first one is to enable you to relax.

BREATHING EXERCISE #1

You can start by sitting down and putting your arms around your rib
cage and your belly, or you can use a pillow to put in front of you
and use that. You are basically putting yourself into a hug position.
Then, breathe in until you have a full feeling and hold for four
seconds; after, breathe out for longer than you breathed in and hold
for six seconds. You can “hug” yourself a little harder when you
breathe out if you like because that is what is activating the vagus
nerve. You can then transpose this exercise to the floor to make it
even more relaxing. You can lie on your back or your front. If you
are on your back with your knees up and feet firmly on the floor,
you can put pressure on your belly and your chest with your hands.

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If you are lying on your front, you can lie down stretched out, and
you can put a pillow or cushion under your belly or chest to add
some pressure.
You then breathe in for six seconds and hold it for four. See if
you can feel your heartbeat rhythm and use that as your count of
four. Breathe out for eight seconds and then hold that for four
seconds; keep repeating. If you feel you can increase the time you
exhale, try to do that. It is that exhaling length that really alerts the
vagus nerve and gets you to a place of relaxation. One last thing you
can do to relax even further is to lie on your back with your knees
up and feet firmly on the floor. Place something under your
buttocks and lower back. This is to ensure your pelvis is raised up
higher than your head. When there is too much blood flowing
toward your head, this immediately alerts the vagus nerve and starts
slowing down your heart rate and relaxing you. Breathe in until you
feel full. Swallow and breathe out for longer than you breathed in.
After, just take a momentary pause until you feel the need to
breathe in again. Then, breathe in until you feel full. Swallow and
breathe out for longer than you breathed in. Pause until you need to
breathe in again. Keep repeating. This should see you enter a state
of deep relaxation and calmness.

BREATHING EXERCISE #2

This next exercise is a nice and easy one you can use whenever you
want, which will activate the vagus nerve. Vocalizing sounds can be
really beneficial—that’s why singing usually feels so good to you.
The first sound to make is an “mmm” sound. Take a deep breath—
with your belly, not a shallow breath with your chest—and when you
breathe out, make that “mmm” sound for as long as you can. Take a
deep breath again, and when you breathe out, make an “ahhh”
sound this time. Take a deep breath, and when you breathe, make
an “ooh” sound. Finally, take a deep breath and make all three
sounds in a row until you run out of breath: “mmm, ahhh, ooh.”

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Making these sounds is a really good way to activate that vagus

nerve for those times when you are feeling stressed.

GUIDED MEDITATION

I'm now going to provide you with a guided meditation for vagus
nerve stimulation. As with all the vagus nerve exercises, this should
help you relax, feel calm, and release any tension. For this, you need
to make sure you are sitting up comfortably.

1: Make sure you breathe from your belly and diaphragm,

and you're not shallow breathing from your chest.
Breathe in for six seconds and hold for four seconds.
2: Breathe out for eight seconds and hold for four
seconds.
3: Keep repeating.
4: The most important thing to remember is that your
breathing out should last longer than your breathing in.
Even if you become relaxed enough to stop counting, you
need to make sure the exhale is longer than the inhale.
That long breath out stimulates the vagus nerve, leaves
you feeling calm, and releases any tension.
5: You can stop your breathing, become aware of your
whole body again, and when you feel ready, you can open
your eyes.

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PENDULATION

Pendulation is a term devised by the king of somatic experienc-

ing, Peter Levine. As you could probably guess from its name, it
describes something similar to a pendulum, but what is swinging, in
this case, are your feelings, emotions, and nervous system. You are
swinging between that state, which is fear and fight or flight, and
the calm and relaxed state where your vagus nerve is stimulated and
your vagal tone is high. If a person can learn to move between those
two states, then when a person gets into a state of anxiety, stress,
and feels tense or in pain, they can learn to swing to the other state
and stand a chance of becoming more relaxed, peaceful, and at ease.
Of course, it is never quite that simple. Sometimes, all you can do is
move to a less painful or less anxious state, but that is still a better
place to be than where you started. It also means that you can do so
in small pieces when you go to those dark and worrying places. You
are in control, so you don't have to go through everything all at
once. You can deal with it and then get back to your safe and secure
space. After all, how can you really know what feeling happy is

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unless you have felt sad as well? How can you know what calm
means without feeling stressed? Both states have to exist, and we
have to understand and learn to appreciate the negative as well as
the positive.
Peter Levine compares it to contraction and expansion: The
basic rhythm of life is contraction and expansion. However, when a
person becomes traumatized, the rhythm becomes contraction and
nothing else. Through pendulation, the contraction can slowly be
opened up to an expansion. Then, there will still be a contraction—
the rhythm of life—but there will be an expansion until the person
becomes able to tolerate the contraction, knowing that a bigger
expansion is coming. Those who are happy with life and living it to
the fullest learn to respect and appreciate the contraction, knowing
it leads to expansion when they are calm and open (Somatic Experi-
encing International, 2019).
In a moment, we'll look at a pendulation exercise. This first
exercise is particularly useful if you are in pain or feel tension in one
specific part of your body.

PENDULATION EXERCISE

For this exercise, you are going to think about two places on your
body. First, think about the part of your body that is in pain. We
have to acknowledge the pain in the body before we think about
anything else. I often find my upper back can be quite painful if I
haven't been sitting properly at my desk, so for this exercise, I may
focus on that and acknowledge the pain there, but, at the same
time, maybe give it a rub and let it know I care for it. Then, think
of a part of your body that isn't in pain and doesn't give you any
problems. Maybe it's your hair; perhaps it's your big toe. Whatever
it is, think of that and how good it is, how it's free of pain, and how
it helps you achieve what you want. Then, switch between the two
—thinking about the pain and then the good part of your body.
Going back and forth is the pendulation aspect. Contract pain, and

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expand part of your body that is good. As I say, this exercise is good
if you have a particular part of your body in pain or if you are
anxious and that has manifested as a physical symptom. You focus
on that—maybe it's an upset stomach, a headache, or maybe your
arms feel itchy. Switch to thinking about a part of your body that is
not impacted and switch between the two. Your anxiety should
gradually ease as you acknowledge the anxiety but also acknowledge
a part of your body that is working well for you. You may want to
slow down your breathing as you do the switching to help give you
that extra level and activation of your vagus nerve to help calm you
down.

SOMATIC TITRATION

Titration may have a complex-sounding name, but it is not a

complex concept to understand. It is the process of slowly tackling
the trauma. If a person were to consider their trauma all at once, it
would be too much, and they would become overwhelmed. It is the
process of slowly remembering and becoming comfortable with
your trauma. It is not just the slowing down of the trauma but
slowing down to take time to appreciate how your body is feeling,
the sensations you are picking up, and the world around you. It
could be said that pendulation uses titration because you don’t just
focus on the part that hurts: You focus on that for a bit, then on
something that isn’t hurting and come back. You are slowly thinking
about the trauma. You don’t just focus on the part that hurts forever
until it completely overwhelms you.
The name “titration” comes from a chemistry term that
describes slowly dripping potentially dangerous chemicals into a
beaker so that the chemical change—turning these chemicals into a
harmless substance—occurs safely. The unsafe option would be to
put the chemicals in all at once, causing an explosion.

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COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy specifically

aimed at those who may have mental health difficulties. It is based
on the theory that people have ways of thinking that are not benefi-
cial to them, and these unhelpful ways of thinking become a habit
or a pattern of behavior. By teaching people more helpful ways of
thinking about things, they may be able to cope much better with
their anxiety, depression, or whatever issues they may be having and
maybe even relieve themselves of those issues.
As CBT involves changing the way you think about things and
your thinking behavior patterns, it will usually include getting a
person to realize where their thinking is exaggerated or less moder-
ated. Try to get the person to recognize the reality of that situation
and change their thinking accordingly. It may provide certain issue
resolution skills to assist the person with particularly complex situa-
tions. It may also include providing the person with confidence in
themselves and their instincts.
I have had close family members go through CBT. While I
realize and appreciate its ability to get a person to cope better with
what they are going through—providing them with the tool kit to
apply whenever they feel things are spiraling out of control—It
doesn't always address the root cause of the problem. It often over-
looks the actual cause of their depression or anxiety.
However, I can't deny the evidence that exists to support the
view that CBT can make a big difference in someone else's life and
help them contain and control the difficulties they are going
through. A study of analysis from controlled trials concluded that
CBT was effective when dealing with major depression, though its
effect was not huge (Lynch et al., 2009). A similar study dealing with
previous data concluded that CBT effectively dealt with many cases
of depression, anxiety, panic disorders, social phobias, and PTSD
(Butler at al., 2006). As there is empirical evidence to support the

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effectiveness of CBT, this has led to its use as an official treatment

for those with mental health issues.
You may think CBT is something you have to do in conjunction
with a therapist, but, in fact, what the therapist does is give you the
tools to use yourself in your daily life to help combat your worst
thoughts and feelings. Overall, it is possible to do exercises yourself.
I will outline an excellent, simple CBT exercise to follow here. This
one is particularly for those who may often find themselves
depressed or possibly anxious.

CBT EXERCISE #1

First, write down the negative thoughts you have in your head.
Maybe it’s, “No one likes me,” “I am useless,” or whatever destabi-
lizing thought it could be. Then, write down the opposite positive
possibility: “I am likable” or, “I do have use.” Initially, it can be very
hard to accept the second statement. Still, over time, the more you
repeat the exercise and feel comfortable with yourself, the more you
will start to accept the second statement as fact.

CBT EXERCISE #2

Another exercise you can engage in is if you naturally think nega-

tively about something. Try to ignore that negative thought and
concentrate on five positive things instead. Imagine you don’t like a
room because you hate the carpet; try to think of the five positive
things about the room—you like the large windows, you like the
large doors, you like the paintings on the wall, you like the round-
ness of the table, and you like the light coming through when it’s
sunny outside. Try to think of five good things about whatever you
are feeling negative about. If you can find someone else to do this
with, then even better: You will be able to work off each other and
get some enthusiasm for finding positives.

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ENERGY PSYCHOLOGY

What is energy psychology? Well, David Feinstein, an early advo-

cate of energy psychology, described it nicely as “acupuncture
without the needles” (“Energy Psychology,” 2017). Although that
simplifies it somewhat, this is an accurate description. Energy
psychology involves tapping various points on your body, which will
then send messages back to the brain to regulate your emotions and
feelings and help calm and relax you. Usually, the tapping is carried
out in tandem with becoming aware of the body and the feelings,
thoughts, and behaviors that may need to change. Someone having
this type of therapy may be asked to remember a traumatic event
while the body tapping is carried out.
If trauma is trapped in the body, then using tapping can be the
way to release that trauma and bring relief and peace to a person.
There are various types and techniques of energy psychology that
are practiced. (“Energy Psychology,” 2017) These include :

Thought Field Therapy (TFT): This type of therapy

requires body tapping to occur in a very specific order. A
person will be required to recall a traumatic event, and
then the tapping will occur in the required sequence.
This form of therapy was developed by Dr. Roger
Callaghan, who claimed to have formed algorithms that
pertained to the correct order in which to perform the
tapping.
Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT): The word
tapas makes me hungry. However, this technique has
nothing to do with bite-sized Spanish food. The title of
this technique takes its name from the man who invented
it: Tapas Fleming. This technique requires someone to
use their fingers to apply pressure to areas around the
eyes, above the nose, and on the back of the head. The
person may then need to focus on images that have

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caused them distress in the past and to then focus on

more positive images. They might then focus on what
they believe may have caused their issues and then focus
on healing and forgiveness.
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT): This
technique is not unlike the others. It requires a person to
recall a traumatic event and then for tapping to occur on
12 points on the body in a specific order while the person
declares affirmations. This technique was developed by
Gary Craig and is a variant of “Thought Field Therapy.”

These may sound like the kind of practices you would need a
therapist to perform on you, but they are all techniques that can be
self-taught and carried out by an individual. Like all the therapies
and techniques in this book, it is easy to find time to incorporate
them into your daily routine.
As with many new therapies, the jury is still out on genuine
scientific evidence to prove the true value of energy psychology, but
research is emerging that suggests it can positively impact those
who have trauma, anxiety, and stress. Feinstein carried out research
on all the studies that had taken place and concluded that energy
psychology did make a valuable difference when treating those with
emotional and psychological issues (Feinstein, 2012). Of course,
Feinstein is a big advocate of energy psychology, so to be fair, one
has to take what he says with a pinch of salt. However, he references
many independent studies from all over the world, so one can also
conclude that there must be something in it if so many people are
noticing the positive difference it can make. Personally, I am a huge
advocate of EFT tapping and make sure to practice at least three
sessions per day. I have noticed a profound positive difference in my
anxiety, OCD, and countless other traits.

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ENERGY PSYCHOLOGY EXERCISE #1

Ready to try an energy psychology exercise? Let’s go for it. First,

make sure you are sitting somewhere comfortably. Now, find an area
on the left side of your chest or just above that maybe feels a little
sore or tight. Give that a little rub using your fingers—make circles
with your fingers over that area—and then you can say some affir-
mations at the same time. Maybe try saying, “I love, respect, and
cherish myself—even my flaws.” You can continue to say that as you
rub the sore area. Then, breathe in deeply and breathe out very
slowly. Pause momentarily and consider how you feel and how your
body feels afterward.

ENERGY PSYCHOLOGY EXERCISE #2

For this next exercise, you need to cross your left ankle over your
right and put your arms in the air out in front of you—facing
outward so that your thumbs are facing down. Do the opposite with
your hands as you did with your ankles. Clasp your hands together
so your fingers are interlocking, and roll your hands in. Then, put
your hands on your chest in the most comfortable way possible.
Now, inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Do
this five times. You can relax after that. Uncross everything and
pause again to consider how you and your body feels. Then, do the
same exercise, but this time, put your right ankle over your left and
your left hand over your right. Turn your hands and arms in again,
and, as with last time, inhale through your nose and exhale through
your mouth five times. Once you’ve done that, relax and uncross
everything. Take a moment to think about how you feel and how
your body feels. Finally, just to round things off, put your five fingers
from both hands together and up, so you are making a kind of
pyramid with your hands. Feel present and aware in that moment.
Breathe deeply using your belly and not your chest. After a few
breaths, relax and think about how you feel again.

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ENERGY PSYCHOLOGY EXERCISE #3

Once you feel confident with the ankle and hand-crossing exercise,
there is a slightly more complex version you may want to take on.
This involves looking up toward the ceiling or sky when inhaling
and looking down at the floor when exhaling. Then, just to make
things even more complicated for you, move your tongue to the
roof of your mouth when inhaling, and move your tongue to the
bottom of the mouth when exhaling. There is quite a bit to
remember with this version of the exercise, so start with the simple
exercise, and once you have that down to a tee, perhaps you can
move on to this more complex version and see how it goes. After,
relax and uncross everything. Once again, make the pyramid shape
with your hands and take some time to be in the moment and aware
of how your body feels. As you can see, there’s no tapping your fore-
head or having to lie down and get in difficult positions. This is
something you can easily fit into your day—maybe when you wake
up or before you go to sleep. Any moment you get a few minutes to
yourself, aim to do these exercises.

SENSORIMOTOR PSYCHOTHERAPY

The people responsible for naming therapies love giving difficult

names to them, don't they? Sensorimotor psychotherapy comes
from the sensory motor, which we had previously encountered in
this book when discussing sensory motor amnesia. This type of
psychotherapy, like most in the somatic therapy arena, concentrates
on the body to unlock and release trapped trauma.
Pat Ogden first came to develop this kind of therapy after
working in a psychiatric hospital and realizing that patients there
never linked their physical ailments with their mental health issues.
She noticed that those who attended therapy tended to relive and
trigger their traumatic experiences, and it didn't really help heal
them. Ogden set about rectifying this situation by combining

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elements of psychotherapy with elements of somatic therapy—

something that would emphasize the link between the body and the
mind: not ignore it. Ogden joined together with Ron Kurtz, and
together, they formed a training institute known as the Sensori-
motor Psychotherapy Institute (Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, 2015).
Like most somatic therapies, sensorimotor psychotherapy
believes that trauma can become trapped in the body if not dealt
with fully at the time, so it can result in both physical and mental
problems. It tries to close off that trauma in a safe space. It does not
necessarily believe that a trauma's exact specifics need to be recalled
to effectively release it.
Although how sensorimotor psychotherapy is applied can vary
depending on the practitioners and the issues it is addressing, there
are three main elements that need to be focused on:

1: Creating a Safe Space: Doing this enables a person

to feel comfortable and allows them to really be aware of
their body, their feelings and sensations, their
movements, and their breathing patterns. Having a place
where the person feels protected really helps them be
aware of their body and what it is feeling both in the
moment and when related to past experiences.
2: As a person recalls their traumatic experience,
both what they feel and where they feel it is noted.
For example, if a person says they feel anxious, where do
they feel it? Does their stomach feel tied in knots? Is it
causing a headache? Do they feel the need to scratch
their skin? This can then help with trying to reimagine
any traumatic events by incorporating those bodily
feelings.
3: The person needs to complete the required
action that will allow the trauma to be released. This
should give the person a sense of satisfaction as they
finally do what needs to be done and put the trauma to

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one side. The person should be able to find that calm and
peace that exists when trauma is finally put into the past
and stays there.

Sensorimotor psychotherapy aims to give people the ability to

control their reactions to traumatic events and an awareness of how
trauma can impact the body—not just the mind. It also looks to
provide the tools to tell the difference between the past and the
present. It helps with being able to consider thoughts and feelings—
both in mind and in the body—rather than becoming overwhelmed
by a traumatic event.
There is still not much research on the effectiveness of sensori-
motor psychotherapy. However, one study was carried out on ten
women with a history of child abuse. They took part in 20 weekly
group therapy sessions based on sensorimotor psychotherapy. The
study concluded that there had been significant improvements in
awareness of bodies, disassociation, and acceptance of peace and
calm (Langmuir et al., 2012).
One aspect often employed in sensorimotor psychotherapy is
grounding. When you feel like you’ve lost your footing in the world
and are unsteady both mentally and physically, grounding is
required. Grounding exercises are described as being able to firmly
plant your feet on the ground and taking the time to be aware of
your body and everything around you. Here are a few elementary
grounding exercises you can practice anywhere:

There are a few variations you can do. You can place a
hand on your forehead and a hand on your heart, a hand
on your forehead and your belly, or a hand on your heart
and a hand on your belly. Pick your combination, or give
them all a go. Once you are in position, apply a tiny bit of
pressure with your hands and then breathe deeply.
Rub your hands together, specifically the palms. Think of
it almost like you had a stick between them, and you

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needed to create fire. Once your palms have warmed up

from the friction, place them over your eyes, apply a tiny
little bit of pressure, and breathe deeply.
Cross your arms over and grab your upper arms, so your
left hand will be on your right upper arm, for instance.
Squeeze gently and continue to do that all the way down
your arms and back up again.
Put your right hand on the left side of your chest and
stroke (like you would a cat) down from your shoulder to
your heart. I must say I find that one particularly
comforting, but then they say stroking a cat can be
therapeutic; maybe it's the stroking that I find comfort
in.
Put one foot on top of the other and apply a little
pressure. Change over your feet and do the same.

These are just some simple exercises that you can do at home.
Generally, sensorimotor psychotherapy is a form of therapy that
needs a therapist to guide you and interpret for you more than some
other therapies. Still, it is nothing you cannot teach yourself. With
the grounding exercises, I have already given you a head start on
activities you can easily practice at home.

GESTALT THERAPY

Gestalt therapy is about concentrating on what is happening right

now and not basing the present on what may have occurred in the
past. Those undergoing gestalt therapy are asked to reimagine those
past experiences. Through the various techniques and tools, they
become aware of how their own thought patterns and behaviors are
negatively impacting their life. If they can change those ways, they
can find a fulfilling life.
The word “gestalt” can mean whole, and the psychotherapist
who developed this type of therapy, Fritz Perls, was very much a

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believer in people being treated as a whole—mind, body, and

soul/spirit. He also believed people could only truly be understood
when they viewed things through their own eyes, not by mentally
going back to the past and staying there, but by bringing the past
into the present. Gestalt therapy advocates that it is no good just
talking about how a person feels in the past but by reenacting those
feelings in the present. If one fails to bring out feelings in the
present, this can lead to mental and physical health problems. Peris
was a firm believer that we were not put on this earth to try and live
up to other people’s expectations, and, equally, other people are not
obliged to live up to ours (Clarke, 2021). By providing people the
ability to become self-aware, they will appreciate the connection
between mind and body and find much better ways to deal with all
the bows and arrows everyday life can sling at you.
Does it work, though? Well, a study carried out in Hong Kong
regarding anxious parents found that after four weeks of gestalt
therapy, the parents had lower anxiety levels, were less willing to
avoid inner experiences, were kinder to themselves, and demon-
strated more mindfulness compared to those that did not go
through the therapy (Leung & Khor, 2017). A study carried out on
women with depression found that the depression was reduced
effectively using gestalt therapy (Heidari et al., 2017). Why these
studies seem to concentrate on women, I’m not sure. Still, a study
conducted on divorced women concluded after 12 sessions of gestalt
therapy, the women showed much more self-belief in their abilities
(Saadati & Lashani, 2013).
I would say that gestalt therapy is a form of therapy that is best
practiced with a therapist rather than alone. However, there are
simple and straightforward gestalt therapy exercises you can do at
home if you want to explore this area.

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GESTALT THERAPY EXERCISE #1

This exercise is known as a body scan meditation, and it helps us

connect with our bodies—an essential part of gestalt therapy and
somatic healing therapy. Make sure you find a comfortable and quiet
place to lie down. Close your eyes and become aware of your breath,
how the air is coming in and out of the body, and how your belly
rises and comes down. Take a few minutes to focus on how you are
breathing and what your body is doing. After those few minutes,
start to focus instead on the toes of your left foot, and imagine your
breath rushing all down your body, down your leg, and into those
toes. Concentrate on any feelings you may have in your toes, and
stay with those feelings—be curious about them. Now, move your
focus along your foot—from your toes down to the heel and ankle
of your foot. Take your time in moving down. Each time, refocus on
that part of the foot and imagine your breath flowing down to that
part of your body and what your body feels as a result.
Move through your whole leg right up to your pelvis, doing the
same thing. Then do the same with your other leg. Now, focus on
your belly and lower back, then through your upper back and chest,
and up the rest of your body until you reach your shoulders. After
that, focus on the fingers of both hands simultaneously, and move
up both your arms until, again, you reach the shoulders. Now, shift
your focus to your head, moving up through your neck, chin, mouth,
nose, eyes, and everything else, over the back of your head, and
finish at the top of your head. Now, switch your focus to the whole
of your body, and feel your breath come in through the top of your
head and go out through the tips of your toes. Then, feel it come in
through your toes and out the top of your head; keep doing this for
a few minutes. Then, slowly become aware of your belly rising and
falling with each breath again. Begin to move some of your body,
such as your hands and feet, and when you feel you are ready, slowly
open your eyes. You may want to remain lying down for a while
before you finally get up off the ground and start moving around

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again. You can take the opportunity to note down any particularly
strong feelings you had during the meditation or comparisons on
how you felt before and after.

FOCUSING THERAPY

Focusing is exactly what it sounds like. You focus on yourself and

learn to hear those innermost feelings that your body is trying to
tell you. Focusing can be practiced by anyone who has learned the
procedures. It can be used as often or little as the person doing the
focusing desires. The person doing the focusing is the one that is in
control of what goes on.
Focusing was first developed by Eugene Gendlin in the 1950s
when he researched what in particular made psychotherapy benefi-
cial to people. He discovered that those that seemingly got the
most out of psychotherapy were people who had feelings that were
not easily explainable. Still, such people were able to put descrip-
tions or images to these feelings. This resulted in people finding
what had yet to be discovered, which allowed the psychotherapy to
continue moving forward. Gendlin also noted that this was
normally accompanied by a sigh or deep breath from the person,
which signified a release of some kind. For those in somatic healing,
they may well say it is trauma that is being released (Jordan, 2016).
Gendlin came up with focusing to help those who could not so
easily access the ability to excavate these nameless feelings so
deeply hidden. Initially, he wrote how focusing consisted of six main
steps:

1: Make a space.
2: Find those unknown inner feelings—which Gendlin
described as a “felt sense.”
3: Find a description or title for your “felt sense.”
4: Repeat those titles or descriptions to ensure they
correctly match the “felt sense.”

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5: Try asking: This is where the person focusing will ask

themselves questions that can’t simply be answered with
a “yes” or “no,” such as, “What was so difficult about
that? Why can’t you move past that? What was so lovely
about that?”
6: Have a release in your body, which Gendlin termed a
“felt shift.” It is obviously very beneficial to the person
doing the focusing if they do experience a “felt shift,” but
it is not essential. Focusing is an ongoing process, so
where the person doing the focusing may start out and
where they may end up can be two very different places
(Jordan, 2016).

A study of 87 people found that focusing may be effective in

providing support to those who have undergone severe trauma
(Zweircan & Joseph, 2018). Some would say the evidence is in
Gendlin’s own research when he developed the idea of focusing.
Now let’s walk through the six steps that Gendlin identified in
the form of an exercise, and you can see whether focusing is some-
thing you think can make a difference in your life. This exercise can
take up to 20 or 30 minutes, so you need to clear some space in your
itinerary. Instead of watching a TV show in which you already know
what is going to happen, perhaps you can do this exercise instead.
You can either lie down on a bed (perhaps do this when you first
wake up or before you sleep) or on the ground. You can also sit in a
chair with your feet firmly on the ground if you prefer.

1: The first step is to clear the space so that we can do a

quick relaxation exercise. Get yourself comfortable and
take a deep breath. Notice the weight of your body either
on the floor, bed, or chair. Make sure any clothing that
may be too tight is loosened, and close your eyes. Breathe
in and out, and notice your breath as you are doing this.
Do this several times and just be aware of your breathing.

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Take note of anywhere in your body where there is

tension. Picture that tension as a river of water that is
running through your body and out your fingers and toes.
Continue to breathe, letting that tension run off your
fingers and toes. Now, find a place within your body
where it feels peaceful.
2: Slowly, move to the next exercise and find that “felt
sense.” Keep your eyes closed and think about the center
of your body. Try to remember an experience in the past
week that was of concern or difficulty for you. Think
about that experience and try to form an image of it in
your mind. Try to put to one side all the thoughts you
have had about it and search for that “felt sense”—that
feeling you had when that experience occurred and not
how you felt about it after. Put aside your thoughts and
just try to get the feeling of that experience in you.
3: Now you need to find a title or description or image
for that “felt sense.” Keep your eyes closed, keep
breathing, and see if any words or images come to mind.
4: Repeat that word or image and see if it resonates with
you. See if it truly does match that “felt sense” you had in
the center of your body about your experience. Keep
checking one against the other. You’ll know when you
have it right, as you’ll feel your body be in agreement
with you.
5: What do you find you are asking yourself? It depends
on each experience what kind of questions may crop up,
but maybe you are asking yourself things like, “What is
so difficult about this experience for me?” Between each
question, you should wait a minute or so to determine
what your “felt sense” is telling you. Then, see what
words or images come to you to label that feeling. Now,
try to get your body to feel what it would be like if that
situation or experience you have been pondering was

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actually all okay. Take a minute or so to feel that. Then,

ask yourself, “What is it that’s stopping the experience
from becoming okay?” Don’t answer from your mind. I
must say I always find this one difficult to resist but do
try. You need to feel it in your body again. As with the
other points, this may take a minute or so for something
to come to light. Once again, listen to that “felt sense’” in
your body and come up with a word or image that can
represent what it is that’s stopping the experience from
being okay. Finally, try to see if you can come up with
what might be able to get you from the negative
experience to it becoming positive or at least a lot more
bearable. Again, don’t answer with your mind: Let your
body do the talking. Here, you can do some more asking.
“Does it feel right to do that?” If your “felt sense” is
saying no, then you need to reconsider; if your “felt
sense” is saying, “Yes, that’s right,” then you can stop
there.

Hopefully, at the end of that, you feel you have some kind of
answer to your problem. Even if not, solutions can crop up later. For
the moment, take some time to pause and just appreciate yourself.
Appreciate the "thinking" your body has done in connection with
the issue you are having.
Then, when you feel ready to do so, open your eyes and start to
become aware of the room and everything around you. If you were
lucky, you might well have had that release of tension at the end of
the fifth step. If you didn't, that's okay. As I stated before, that is
not the whole point of focusing. The main point is getting to know
your body and understanding and listening to it so that you truly
know what you are feeling and what's the best way forward to
resolve your issues.

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PSYCHODRAMA THERAPY

Don’t worry. This doesn’t involve Anthony Perkins in a wig

from Psycho or anything like that. Psychodrama Therapy is a form of
therapy that requires a person to engage in actions in order to
resolve their problems. This can include role-playing and group
therapy.
Psychodrama came into fruition in the early 1900s thanks to the
psychiatrist Jacob Moreno, who held his first psychodrama session
in 1921. He came to believe in psychodrama because of his apprecia-
tion of group therapy and his own interest in the theatrical arts.
The idea behind psychodrama is that by using dramatic techniques,
a person will find the truth. That they will be able to see the way
they behave with others and in situations and help people be able to
deal with the emotional issues they may have in their lives. It may
be used to act out past, present, or future episodes. Attacking issues
in this way may give people a fresh outlook on their issues and the
best way in which they can be addressed (“Psychodrama,” 2016).
Psychodrama is usually performed as group therapy with one

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person’s experience being acted upon and the others in the group
taking on other roles within that situation. However, you can
perform aspects of psychodrama on your own, though it is not as
simple as some of the other therapies to slot into your daily life.
There are usually three main sections to psychodrama therapy:
warm-up, action, and sharing. The warm-up section is there to
encourage trust and safety and ensure participants feel willing and
comfortable in their surroundings and in their therapy. This may
include participants introducing themselves while performing a role
of some kind. In the action section, an experience in a person’s life
will be acted out. There are usually certain methods used to achieve
this, which include:

Role Reversal: A person does not play themselves but

plays someone else of importance in their lives. This can
bring a better understanding of why the "someone else"
may behave as they do, therefore creating empathy; it
may better help the person understand their relationship
with the "someone else."
Mirroring: The person becomes an onlooker while
other people act out an experience from the person's life.
This can be useful if a person is feeling quite detached
from their being, is not in touch with their emotions and
feelings, or if a person is feeling exceptionally negative
about the experience.
Doubling: Someone else takes on the person's role and
expresses what they think the person's thoughts and
feelings may be. This method can be used to either build
an understanding of the person or to challenge, in a nice
way, the manner in which the person is behaving in this
scenario.
Soliloquy: In a group therapy situation, this would be
performed to the other members of the group or to a
therapist. However, this is one you can do on your own,

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and if you need an audience, you can always do this with

your partner, family member, or close friend—as long as
whatever you are speaking about does not directly
concern them. You can even use an empty chair at which
you can express your feelings.

The sharing section is when the person walks through and tries
to better understand what has just happened and why, how to better
resolve things in the present, or how to better resolve the same
types of scenarios in the future.
I think psychodrama is one of the least comfortable therapies
for a person to put themselves through—particularly if you have
been through traumatic events. However, for those who either
really struggle to bring out their emotions or for those who,
perhaps, need to reign in their emotions, it can be one of the most
rewarding therapies.
A study on the effectiveness of psychodrama on middle school
girls who had undergone trauma found that it reduced anxiety and
depression, and the girls became less withdrawn (Carbonelli &
Parteleno-Barehmi, 2016). Another study reported that
psychodrama could be an effective treatment for adolescents with
trauma (Mertz, 2013). Research carried out on people at an addic-
tion center who had PTSD found that after undergoing
psychodrama, there was a 25% reduction in their PTSD symptoms
(Giacomucci & Marquit, 2020).
As we’ve seen, psychodrama is primarily a group therapy, but it
is possible to conduct exercises on your own. All you need is an
empty chair; the chair represents the other person in your life that
this scenario is dealing with. Move the chair appropriately; place the
chairs close together if you feel close to the person. If you feel
distant from the person, place the chairs far apart. Then, sit down
in the chair that represents you, pretend the other person is sitting
in the other chair, and say everything you feel you need to say to
that person. It could be there are questions you want to ask—not

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just express a feeling. Once you have done this, get up and go sit in
the other chair and play the role of the other person, perhaps giving
answers to the questions or responding to what you have said. Then,
finally, go and sit back in your chair and be you again, and respond
to what the other person has said. You can then carry on back and
forth until you get to the resolution you need. You may want to
record the conversation, as sometimes, it can be quite a shock what
you may say either as yourself or the other person. This should only
go on for a matter of minutes, though. This type of exercise can be
so helpful if there are feelings or situations that have become unre-
solved. Often, it can be useful when the person you have those unre-
solved feelings toward is no longer with us, as you would never have
the opportunity in real life to have that conversation. Whatever the
situation, this exercise can be really helpful in addressing those
unresolved issues and feelings, helping you feel better about yourself
and other people, and making you determined to move forward in
your life.

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EYE MOVEMENT DESENSITIZATION AND

REPROCESSING (EMDR)

EMDR is a therapy that looks to heal people from trauma.

EMDR works on the theory that just like the body would try to
heal a wound, the brain, too, needs to heal from a traumatic event.
When it doesn’t get to heal and process properly, that is when
mental health issues occur. EMDR helps reactivate that healing
process.
As the name strongly hints, eye movements are used during the
therapy. A person undergoing EMDR will think about certain things
related to an experience while making specific movements with
their eyes. Doing this helps the person begin to process these
memories and feelings. Rather than feeling negatively toward these
memories, they begin to feel positive at having gotten through such
experiences. Eye movement works because of the similar function
that occurs in your sleep with rapid eye movement (REM). Yes, that
is where the band took their name from if you didn’t already know
that.

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EMDR concentrates on the past, present, and future. It looks at

the traumatic experiences of the past, the issues of the present, and
the resolutions that can be achieved in the future.
There are eight phases that take place during EMDR. These are:

1: History Taking: The individual works out which

experiences can potentially be treated with EMDR. They
may also think about what skills or changes in behavior
they may need in the future to address such issues.
2: Identifying Tools to Cope With Emotional
Distress: A person may learn different techniques and
strategies to help reduce stress between each EMDR
session.
3, 4, 5, and 6: The EMDR Therapy: An experience is
identified and put through EMDR therapy. During this,
a person will recognize an image to associate with the
experience, the person's negative feelings about
themselves, and any associated feelings—both physically
and mentally. They will then develop positive feelings
about themselves. The person will consider that positive
feeling compared to the negative feeling. The person
will then concentrate on the image, the negative feeling,
and the bodily feelings while undergoing EMDR. This
may include taps and listening to tones. The person will
note how they naturally respond to these things. After
each section of movements, taps, or tones, the person
will try to let their mind go blank and take note of
whatever first comes into their mind. The outcome of
that will determine what kind of EMDR is next
employed.
7: Close: The person keeps a log throughout the week
detailing anything relevant that occurs. It is used to
reaffirm the activities the person developed to cope with
things in the second phase.

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8: Progress Report: The final phase is reporting on the

progress made.

A study of 24 trials concluded that EMDR has positive effects

with regard to the treatment of emotional trauma. Seven out of the
ten studies found it more effective than CBT (Shapiro, 2014). I do
need to add that the study was written by Francine Shapiro, who
conceived and developed EMDR, so you need to bear that in mind
when considering the findings. There are further studies, though.
One systematic literature review identified that EDMR improves
trauma symptoms (Valiente-Gomez et al., 2017). Another analysis of
all the data regarding EDMR trials concluded that EMDR therapy
reduced the symptoms of PTSD significantly (Chen et al., 2014).
EMDR is another therapy where it can be best to find a thera-
pist to work with, but it can still be worked on by yourself in the
comfort of your own home. Here is an exercise to prove it:

EMDR EXERCISE #1

If you sit down somewhere comfortably, cross your hands over your
chest so you are making a butterfly shape with your fingers pointing
up. Then, link your two thumbs together. Use your hands to tap
alternately on your chest's left and right sides. You are doing this so
that your brain's left and right sides form a connection. Take note of
your surroundings and anything going on. All of this should help
calm you and give you a feeling of peace. It should also help you
cope with and process whatever your current issue causing you
stress might be.

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SHAME TRAUMA: HEALING THE
INNER CHILD AND CREATING
BOUNDARIES

T
he trauma of shame is something that, sadly, occurs far
too often and is usually linked to experiences that took
place in someone’s childhood. It can be hard to seek help
and deal with the emotions and feelings that often manifest. But if
you do, somatic healing therapy can help alleviate some of the pain.

HEALING THE INNER CHILD THROUGH SOMATIC

THERAPY

Shame, like any trauma, gets “stuck” in a person. They find it hard
to move on from that moment and release the shame, so it remains
within, causing tension in the same way any trauma does. Shame,
though, tends not to be caused by one specific incident like a car
crash or a war but occurs slowly, over time, incident by incident,
making the person feel like there is something wrong with them and
they have no worth in the world. They start to believe that every-
thing that goes wrong in their life is down to them. All their prob-
lems are nobody’s fault but their own. Sometimes, of course, a small
helping of shame can be a good thing. You did something embar-

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rassing when you were drunk, and you wake up the next day feeling
ashamed, so you call those you impacted and apologize. Shame, in
that respect, helps us reassess our behavior and relationships with
people, but toxic shame is not like that. It is larger in scale and a
repeated incident chipping away at us until our bodies and minds
can no longer deal with it. It often feels as though there is no
process to reassess or take any action to move on from the shame.
For a person to deal with their shame trauma, they need to feel
like they are in a comfortable, safe space. This is important for
trauma generally but even more so for shame. Often, the person
may have to deal with their deepest, darkest feelings, and that can
only be done in a safe space where they feel comfortable enough to
open up about such things.
There are a number of reasons why somatic healing therapy, in
particular, is effective for shame. One is that it's very much rooted
in dealing with the present, getting a person to think about the here
and now, and being aware of their bodies. It's about listening to
their bodies and not just their minds. With shame, it is easy for a
person to become disconnected from their bodies and stop paying
much attention to the details of what is happening around them.
Somatic therapy is good at breaking that habit.
The other thing it's useful for, which we covered in a previous
chapter, is pendulation. It's getting a person to go back and forth,
from one state of being to the other, and not getting stuck in just
one state. Those dealing with shame are most definitely stuck, and
pendulation can help them move out of that state slowly and safely.
While there is a built-in feeling of shame within us, it is not
really possible to feel shame unless someone has shamed us. It is
exceptionally important for anyone going through this type of
trauma to realize that the shame is being put on you. It is not your
fault in any way, shape, or form. This feeling of shame is most
commonly put upon us by people in power, whether that be family,
friends, relationships, or work, to name a few. In fairness to those in
power in our lives, they often do not realize what they are doing,

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but nevertheless, it is them putting the shame upon us. Equally, any
neglect or an easily dismissed child can grow up with feelings of
shame, which can easily be triggered later on in life.
One of the strange elements of shame is that often when people
feel shamed, they then try to shame others. We may shame some-
body because they have reignited the shame in us. However, the
solution to losing that feeling of shame is often to go back to the
original reason for it. Sadly, that can routinely be shame passed
down from guardians or caregivers. They don’t always think about
the consequences their behavior will have and how long that impact
can last for.
Many believe that the best way to finally relieve yourself of the
shame is to hand back the shame to those that shamed you. They
also believe this needs to be done forcefully as, more often than not,
the shame was handed out forcefully (Lyon, 2017). This doesn’t have
to be all at once; it can be tentative at first and build up to being
forceful, but it does usually need to be forceful to have the desired
effect. I must be clear as well: You do not have to give it back to the
person in real life (though that can be a separate option from
somatic therapy) but do so in an imaginary way. This can be difficult
just as an action, but many people become hesitant because they
actually feel ashamed to hand back the shame—particularly if it is
to a family member or someone close. However, it needs to be made
clear that there is a massive difference between calling out things
when they are wrong and shaming somebody. It is also important to
say that the person you are giving your shame back to, in all honesty,
probably did not mean what they did or did not truly understand
what they were doing and what the effect of that would be. Maybe
they felt ashamed and tried to pass their shame on. The shame can
also pass down many generations; maybe the caregiver that shamed
you had been shamed by their caregiver. The receiver of the shame
gives it back to the giver of that shame and feels a release and peace
within themselves because of it.
The family we grow up in and even the society we grow up in

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mold our impressions and early beliefs. If they are not always posi-
tive experiences, they can become limiting beliefs, as in, "I am not
good enough for this," or "I do not deserve this" type of thinking. If
someone tells you often enough, "You will never amount to much,"
well, sure enough, you start limiting your own belief in yourself. If
everyone says, "Your brother is so much better than you," you may
end up believing it. That can go to society as well. If certain groups
of people do not receive positive messages, is it no wonder they
start questioning themselves and whether they have anything to
offer the world. Once you become aware of these things, it can
become such a relief. That the shame and guilt you felt wasn't
genuine: It has been placed on you by those around you and by
society itself. Once a person realizes this, it really can be a freeing
moment.
This can even extend to the culture you are brought up in. Say
you are brought up in a culture where everyone must be very
macho. Everyone is saying "man up" or "boys, don't cry." Suppose
you grow up in a macho culture like that. In that case, it's no
surprise you will probably struggle to ever show any kind of
emotion or feeling to anyone else and may be somewhat aggressive
in most situations you find yourself in. All of these types of things
can influence our inner child and make life difficult for us when we
are older. Seeing as the Taliban have just taken back over
Afghanistan, perhaps you live in a culture and society where the
education of women is not valued. Perhaps over time, some individ-
uals are brainwashed into believing this absurd doctrine. Someone
asks you, "Why don't you do what it is you really want to do with
your own life?" You reply, "No, that is not what I'm meant to do. I
am not capable of that," but you are. Society has placed a limiting
belief on yourself, and you start to believe it. You end up doing
things that you never really wanted to do because you believe that is
right for you, and if you follow a different path, you will feel shame.
Even if we consciously reject those values and beliefs that we

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thought were once true and we now realize are false, there is still
the issue of our subconscious mind. It is estimated that the subcon-
scious mind is responsible for 90% of our feelings and behaviors
and that a conscious decision or action is usually preceded by an
unconscious one (Meyer, 2020).
The subconscious mind is extraordinary, really. If you think
about when you are a baby, this is the motor that is running you. We
don’t really have a conscious mind until we are around five or six. It
is the subconscious mind that is entirely in control of what we do
up until that point. It’s like a sponge soaking up everything that is
going on around it and then processing it. It is inevitable that it has
a heavy influence over the conscious mind.
When we are very young, our minds will normally take on any
new information and take it at face value because we do not have a
set of values and beliefs and lived experiences at which to judge it
against. This is why those early years are so important and can have
a lasting impact on us for the rest of our lives. Once we get to five
or six, we now have a value and belief system to judge any new infor-
mation against, and that is what our subconscious does. Hence, it is
often the way we see the world at this stage in life that impacts how
we see it later in life.
The inner child, then, can be seen as part of our subconscious
mind. The experiences and, possibly, trauma we went through
during those early years don't just get forgotten about—never to be
seen again. It all gets bundled up into a small part of who we are and
influences our health and happiness throughout life.
However, if that inner child is hurting or angry, and that is
having a negative impact on our lives, it doesn't mean we can't do
anything about our subconscious and our inner child. This is where
somatic experiencing really comes into play. Previously, all this stuff
was going on, and we weren't even aware. But through somatic
experiences, we become aware of ourselves and our bodies. We are
listening to ourselves and our bodies. Therefore, we can make a

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conscious effort to reprogram our subconscious with positive and

loving thoughts. This can be the way we talk to ourselves, the
people we surround ourselves with, and even things like social
media. For all those negative thoughts and feelings you either have
about yourself or hear from other people, we have to think of the
positive instead. If you call yourself stupid, try to think a more posi-
tive thought. The conscious can override the subconscious if we just
tell it enough times; eventually, our subconscious will start to be
aligned with our conscious. Combined with all the many somatic
techniques that there are, the inner child will start to feel the love,
attention, and comfort it needs, and the healing process can begin.
Going through all the experiences that we do usually results in
us carrying around emotional baggage. We don't mean to, but it is
our way of saying, "Look at what happened to me: so many things!"
It is only once we let go of our emotional baggage that we realize
just how much it was weighing us down. We need to let go of that as
well. Life is just too short to carry that baggage around and take it
into every new situation, experience, and relationship. It is exhaust-
ing. We need to be lighter on our feet and freer in our thoughts and
feelings if we are going to get anywhere near living the dream life
that we want to.
We don't just need to clear out our emotional baggage, but we
need to clear away those limiting beliefs. While they are still
hanging around, we have no chance of healing ourselves because our
minds will always be giving us reasons we can't do things. "I'm not
good enough for this, so why try?" "I'm not good enough for them,
so better to end it now before they realize," or "I'm just not a very
sociable person, so I don't need friends." All of these kinds of
thoughts and more put us off from achieving our potential as our
limiting beliefs try to sabotage whatever opportunities may be out
there for us. They are not the truth. To become truly self-aware,
you have to realize these beliefs for what they are. Help is at hand,
though. The subconscious mind producing all these thoughts of
inadequacy can be reprogrammed using the emotional freedom

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technique (EFT) tapping. This involves tapping on various points of

the body where it is believed energy fields are residing, combined
with specific words or phrases to give a new message to your
subconscious and reprogram it.
The conditioning and programming you go through as a child
can come back and continue to haunt you through your teenage and
adult years. If your role models are telling you that you are not good
enough, then it wouldn’t be surprising if, in your adult life, feelings
of inadequacy and worthlessness start to manifest themselves.
Equally, if all people around you worry about money, then in adult
life, you too will probably spend your time worrying about money
and chasing money. What we go through as children during those
all-important stages can define us for the rest of our lives.
However, there are plenty of somatic practices that can help you
to reprogram your subconscious, heal your inner child, and slowly
begin to undo all that bad work that started when you were a very
young child. The breathwork that has been discussed in this book
can help you start to get in touch with your inner child, feel in the
moment, and listen to what your inner child is saying. Things like
journaling or writing a letter to your inner child can really help with
dealing with this. EFT and other tapping exercises can help repro-
gram that subconscious and get you to say positive things about
yourself and slowly remove all those negative thoughts and limiting
beliefs.
One aspect of somatic therapy that has come out of looking at
the inner child is the theory of “reparenting.” You now have the
opportunity to give yourself things you didn’t get as a child that you
needed by reparenting yourself—perhaps it is self-belief or compas-
sion or any number of things. It doesn’t mean your parents or care-
givers were terrible at parenting, by the way: It just means they were
acting out on their own beliefs and value system, and maybe they
didn’t give you everything you needed through no particular fault of
their own.
There are forms of reparenting psychotherapy that require a

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therapist who will take on the role of the parent, but the essence of
reparenting you can do yourself: Love yourself unconditionally. You
need to be compassionate to yourself; don’t judge or criticize your
thoughts and feelings but legitimize them and appreciate that they
are part of who you are. You give your inner child plenty of positive
affirmations to remind yourself that you are loved, you are worthy,
and what you think and feel is valid. If taking yourself back to your
inner child and thinking about those things is too overwhelming,
then you should seek out a therapist so that the exercises can be
conducted in safety. But the general principles of reparenting—that
you get in touch with your inner child, address the needs, and fulfill
those needs—you can carry out on your own.
Learning to heal your inner child can make a world of difference
for you. Having that self-compassion and the knowledge of how to
take care of yourself can lead to many improved relationships—
whether it be personal, family, friends, or work. You’ll actually like
yourself; enjoy being in your own company and the company of
others, and find you enjoy life and want to live it to its fullest. You’ll
have confidence in yourself and your abilities, and you will have
released all that pain and tension that had been holding you back
for so many years. In some cases, you may have completely
detached yourself from feelings and emotions, so healing the inner
child will put you back in touch with yourself, and you will once
again feel things like joy and love.
If healing your inner child is something you believe you need
and are interested in, here is a straightforward EFT tapping exercise
to set you on your way:

1: First, tap the side of your hand—the side with your

little finger on it rather than the thumb side—at a fairly
regular pace. While tapping, say to yourself, "I love my
inner child. I accept my inner child. I unconditiona!y and
without exception love myself."

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2: Now, tap the top of your head, tap your forehead

above your inner right eyebrow, and tap your right
temple, repeating the following phrase (or a phrase you
made up that fits you better) on each area: "I love the inner
child that did not get everything they needed. That child was
and is incredible."
3: Tap your cheekbone, just below your eye and to the
side of your nose: "My inner child is capable of anything and
has the potential to achieve anything."
4: Tap your top lip—the part in between your nose and
mouth: "My inner child does not know any limitations.” Tap
your chin: "and I love my inner child no matter what."
5: Tap below your armpit, on the side of your ribs; tap
the top of your head; tap your forehead above your inner
right eyebrow; and tap your right temple, repeating the
following phrase on each area: "If my inner child makes
mistakes or errors, it rea!y does not matter. I love my inner child
regardless."
6: Tap your cheekbone; tap your top lip: "I fu!y accept my
inner child in a way that was not available at the time."
7: Tap your chin: "I envision holding my inner child and
te!ing them how amazing they are and that everything is going
to be alright."
8: Tap the area where your heart is—toward the left of
your chest: "I wi! always protect my inner child and always
provide protection to my inner child."
9: Tap below your armpit, on the side of your ribs: "My
inner child has my fu! support and acceptance."
10: Tap the top of your head; tap your forehead above
your inner right eyebrow: "I love my inner child exactly as
they are."
11: Tap your right temple: "If anyone says anything bad
against my inner child, then I wi! stand up to them."

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12: Tap your cheekbone; tap above your top lip: "I wi!
show my inner child that they are of value, they are worthy, and
they wi! always be wanted and loved."
13: Tap your chin; tap your heart area: "I rea!y want to
encourage my inner child to show just how incredible and
dazzling they are."
14: Tap below your armpit, on the side of your ribs; tap
the top of your head: "By healing my inner child, I am also
bringing healing to myself."
15: Tap your forehead above your inner right eyebrow: "I
no longer require the programming and conditioning that I was
brought up with. What I te! myself now is the truth."
16: Tap your right temple; tap your cheekbone; tap your
top lip: "My inner child is and always wi! be a part of me, and
when I am taking good care of myself, then I am taking good care
of my inner child."
17: Tap your chin: "When I am demonstrating love to myself, I
am also loving my inner child."
18: Tap your heart area; tap below your armpit on the
side of your ribs: "When I show myself compassion, I am also
being compassionate to my inner child."
19: Tap the top of your head: "I am releasing the trauma and
tension in my body and mind."
20: Tap your forehead above your inner right eyebrow:
"Release it "om every bone and muscle in my body."
21: Tap your right temple: "No more wi! I have to carry this
emotional ba#age around. It is gone forever."
22: Tap your cheekbone; tap your top lip. "I feel so "ee
when I release a! of the pain and tension."
23: Tap your chin: "I can't wait to see what the future holds.
I am excited about the days in front of me now that I
understand myself better and am in touch with myself and my
inner child."
24: Tap your heart area; tap your armpit: "I am no longer

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fearful, I am no longer doubtful of myself, and I look forward to

seeing how the new me wi! take on the world."
25: Then, stop and just take a moment to relax. Take a
deep breath in, and then let the breath out.

That is your tapping exercise which hopefully has been very

helpful. If doing these exercises becomes too overwhelming, then
seek out a professional therapist to safely help you through the
process. It often helps if you can visualize your inner child when you
are doing this. If you have a photo of yourself as a child, that can
sometimes assist with visualization. Then you can imagine loving
that child and wanting to protect that child. The next time you feel
like being harsh with yourself, overly judgmental, or hypercritical,
you can look at the photo and the child's innocence. Those feelings
of wanting to love and protect that child, guide them, support
them, and encourage them should return. It would be advisable to
repeat the exercise as often as possible. Doing it just once likely
won't have the extraordinary compounding effect that daily practice
will. Just find a comfortable, peaceful place for a few minutes in
your day, and go through your tapping exercise. Be excited about
the powerful positive results EFT tapping can provide. Remember,
you can tailor the phrases to match your particular situation.

SHAME

It’s scarily easy to find yourself feeling shame. You feel like you do
not belong among the people you interact with. You feel like
nobody understands you or could ever understand you. Shame can
also come about from much more serious situations like abuse or
neglect where the victim ends up feeling ashamed (when it should
be the perpetrator who should be ashamed of their actions) of what
has happened to them and that they let it happen. Even though,
realistically, they could not have done anything to stop it. People
who get ostracized at school or find themselves being bullied can

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often develop feelings of shame. In order to heal from shame, we

need to recognize the underlying needs behind that feeling of
shame.
It doesn’t just happen on its own, either. Shame develops
through the interconnections with others and the environment we
live in. That means realizing we are not alone in the world. We are
all going through a journey, working out what it means to be human.
None of us really understand it or have it down perfectly. It’s impor-
tant to stop and appreciate that.
Shame most often occurs when our expectations of joy and
happiness are not matched. For example, a child does something to
a parent, and they show no interest whatsoever, or you tell a joke to
your friends and nobody laughs (no wonder comedians are known to
sometimes have mental health issues). Shame can surface in the
forms of blushing and shyness and can include humiliation and
embarrassment. Hence, such things as bullying and belittling can
result in shame. As previously mentioned, shame can definitely
result from something as harrowing as abuse or neglect, but it can
also be from the buildup of smaller (but no less authentic) episodes.
That is not to say we should ever be without shame. Shame
holds a purpose. Without it, we may never realize when we have
done something wrong and would not be able to carry ourselves in
society. But when shame becomes trauma, it does not serve the
purpose it exists for. If it remains untreated and is left to fester in a
person, then it can end up in addiction and depression, among other
things. Those feeling such extreme shame usually struggle with rela-
tionships as they are expecting rejection anyway, so they try their
best to get the other person out of their life first. Also, sufferers
may feel very angry. So an individual trying to maintain a relation-
ship of any kind with a sufferer whose first response is to get seri-
ously angry, maybe even indulge in violence, is not generally a
priority in life. Shame can obviously lead to feelings of insecurity
and inadequacy, so this can result in things like self-harm and
suicidal thoughts. Maybe someone constantly criticized ends up

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trying to be the perfectionist who never can attain the perfection

they are after, or maybe they end up displaying symptoms of obses-
sive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Not only does shame cause mental
issues, but it causes physical issues as well. A person with heavy
shame may have bad posture, always look down and not look
anyone in the eye, suffer things such as tiredness or a tightening in
the chest, feel like they need to vomit, or have digestive or stomach
problems.
That is, of course, where somatic therapy comes in. It can help
with both the mental and the physical symptoms of shame. By
becoming aware of what your body is telling you, you are likely to
realize that the tension in your body relates to the shame you are
feeling in your everyday life. As you think about and deal with those
episodes of your life that may have contributed to this shame,
release them, and let go, these episodes become signals of strength
for you rather than something making you weak and fearful.
Shame nearly always relates back to what occurred in your child-
hood. Those insecurities, doubts, fears, and low self-esteem you feel
now are likely rooted in your childhood. If you are constantly
scolded for the slightest misjudgment, then it is hardly surprising if
you grow up thinking everything you do is wrong or that there is
something wrong with you. If you get bullied, you can develop feel-
ings of “Why me? There must be something wrong with me.” Obvi-
ously, truly traumatic experiences like abuse and neglect can bring
these feelings out in a much more extreme way.
If we know that our adult feelings of shame are deeply rooted in
our childhood, then we know that healing the inner child can, in
turn, heal our shame. Some of the best techniques and therapies to
help with this include CBT, where we learn to try to control and
change our thought behaviors and patterns. Therefore, instead of
thinking of insults to ourselves, we can learn to think positive
thoughts and reaffirm the reality that we are good and capable of
good things.
Prolonged exposure (PE) can be a good form of therapy to

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address this issue. Slowly, a person pays attention to things that

stimulate them and makes them deal with the issue. Maybe you
start with a photo of yourself as a child, then discuss your shame as
a child. Then you imagine yourself somewhere that reminds you of
that shame. Slowly but surely, it will remove the power the shame
has over you.
Stress inoculation training can be a good therapy to employ.
Rather than stress itself, it uses the same training to contain and
control your shame. It can include breathing and muscle relaxation
techniques, role-play, and taking note of negative thoughts and
amending them. There is also such a thing as compassionate mind
training (CMF), which can help a person who speaks negatively
about themselves change their behavior and be compassionate and
kind toward themselves and their inner child.
EMDR is another good one to follow. Thinking about your
shame and all that hurt your inner child has experienced while
undergoing the eye movement actions may well help to alleviate
your shame and start to heal your inner child.
However, one of the most powerful techniques for healing
shame and your inner child is EFT tapping. It is one of the best
techniques because you don’t necessarily have to relive those memo-
ries when you were shamed over and over. You just need to
remember them enough to release them. EFT is, in its essence, a
healing process and not a memory jukebox. Combining the positive
affirmations with the tapping of the energy points on your body can
be exceptionally powerful and provide a true sense of relief and
release from your shame, making you realize your inner child needs
love. As your inner child is part of you, it is you who can best
provide that love and support.
Here’s a specific EFT tapping exercise to help you learn to heal
not only your shame but also your inner child. You don’t have to
repeat the affirmation if it does not relate to you. We all went
through different experiences, so if the affirmations aren’t right for

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you, just replace them with what you think is more appropriate to
the experience you went through and the shame you feel.

1: Start by tapping the side of your hand and saying, “I

may not have received the love and belief that I needed as a
child, but I sti! love and accept myself. Although I may feel that
I am not worthy and insult myself and doubt myself, I sti!
wholeheartedly love and accept myself.”
2: Tap the top of your head, your forehead above your
inner right eyebrow, the side of your temple, your
cheekbone, your top lip under your nose, your chin, your
heart area, and under your armpit at the side of your ribs.
Do this cycle approximately eight times while saying the
following:

I may not have felt supported when I was a child or felt like
there was someone there for me a! the time. I may not
have felt there was anybody to protect me, and I may
have suffered terrible consequences as a result. I always
thought there was either something wrong with me or
that everything I did was wrong. I always felt I
deserved the bad things that happened to me. I just didn’t
know any better back then.
I say negative things about myself. I sometimes get so embar-
rassed by myself that I detest myself. Sometimes, I see myself
in the mirror, and I really do not like what I see. When I
think about my life, I feel like I have achieved nothing, and
everything I have done amounts to nothing. I give myself
unrealistic expectations and targets to meet. It makes me
feel like I don’t see the point of anything. These are all things
that I have built into my being since I was a young child.
Although this is what I learned as a child, I have now
learned that my belief that I am not worthy is utterly false.

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As a child, I did not know any better, though, so I believed it

to be true for many years; that lie sti! influences my life
today. When these thoughts enter my head, it makes me
feel very low and unhappy. I must have the strength and
courage to change these thoughts as I know. Now that I
am an adult, I know these thoughts are not the truth. My
mind may now realize this, and the tapping I am now
doing wi! te! it to my heart and the rest of my body. I
know a! these thoughts I had about myself are wrong
and untrue, but they made me feel like there was some-
thing wrong with me and like no one could possibly
love me.
I could never be good enough for someone else. A! untrue. I
no longer have to carry around the emotional ba#age
that my caregivers handed to me. The shame that my
caregivers possessed and passed to me goes no further. It
stops here. They can keep the shame. I reject it. It is
acceptable that I am not perfect in every way, and I
have flaws. This is what being human is. I love myself,
and I accept myself—flaws and a!. The shame I once felt
no longer has any hold over me. When I release the
shame, I feel %ee, and I feel relieved. I look forward to
the new relationship I have with myself.

3: Take a deep breath in, breathe out, and relax.

SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES WITH SOMATIC

SKILLS

Setting boundaries can be essential in helping yourself heal and

recover from trauma. They are the mechanisms that separate you
from other people. It is what helps define you as you—where you
begin and where you end. Boundaries are meant to be flexible,
though. When you feel safe, you are more likely to extend those

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boundaries, and when you don’t feel safe, you will restrict and pull
those boundaries in. You can see how this is important. If your
boundaries are too free, you end up giving yourself to others, and it
can be easy to lose yourself. On the contrary, if your boundaries are
too restricted, then you can become isolated from the rest of the
world and become lonely.
Like most things, our boundaries were learned from how our
caregivers responded to us when we were children. They should
engage with us when we need engagement and leave us alone when
we need space. It is not always a problem if caregivers don’t engage:
This can help the child strengthen their resolve and ability to cope.
However, there are three main areas where if caregivers overstep
the mark, it can cause issues:

1: Invasion: This is where the caregiver, rather than

letting a child have their “alone” time, will do the
opposite. Maybe because they need their comfort, not
for any malicious reasons, but this can lead to a child
growing up and installing very closed-off boundaries,
withdrawing, and therefore, potentially becoming
isolated.
2: Abandonment: This is the opposite of invasion.
Caregivers do not respond to a child’s needs or wish for
engagement. In adulthood, this can result in boundaries
that are too free. A person will end up trying to please
everyone, maybe always trying to do things to gain
attention, and they can lose themselves within that.
3: Both Invasion and Abandonment: In this scenario,
the caregiver inconsistently alternates between the two.
This can really cause issues because sometimes a person
may end up trying to overplease people, and sometimes,
they will end up pushing everybody away. It is hard
enough maintaining any kind of relationship with an
individual who consistently does one of these things. But,

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if they are doing both, sometimes randomly, it can only

make life a headache both for them and those around
them.

I don't really like to label people. I've always thought there is

probably some truth in Becker's labeling theory, but for the sake of
being clear, I am going to refer to "toxic" people—though I am sure
they are good people at heart, and they just haven't had their own
boundaries set for them. We all know people like this: People who
have negative thoughts and feelings are the ones who always seem
to find a way to bring us down or let us down. Setting boundaries is
one way of not having such people in your life if you don't want
them. If you have set healthy boundaries, these types of people
should be nowhere near you. Equally, the kinds of conflict or
awkward situations you can find yourself in can be avoided with
boundary setting. If those boundaries are there, then you and
everyone else know where you stand, and conflict should not be a
daily occurrence.
Having somatic skills can be extraordinarily helpful in setting
and maintaining boundaries. For a start, you will start to develop
your body awareness. You will start to discover that "felt sense."
That will help enormously in telling you whether things feel right or
not and whether you need to strengthen your boundaries. You will
also have that self-awareness about your own thought processes.
Whereas before, you may have automatically done or said some-
thing which would have allowed someone to take advantage of you
or cause you to withdraw when someone was only trying to help you
out, now, you will be aware of what you are doing and how you are
behaving. This may stop you from making those same errors when
it comes to your boundaries.
One of the most important skills to learn for setting your
boundaries is learning the ability to say "no"—not just in a half-
hearted way but in a way where the other person knows you are not
going to budge from that. Don't just automatically say "yes." Always

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think through your response, and remember to listen to that "felt

sense" of yours as well. You can start off with small things like
saying "no" to coming out on Friday night because you are worn out
and you really just need a night in. Or saying "no" to loaning the
person money when they never pay you back. That's not a loan: You
are just giving them money. Next time, don't do it. Of course,
people are disappointed when you say no—that is inevitable, but
that doesn't mean you have to give in. You will disappoint people,
but that will make them respect you more, and the next time you
say "yes," they will know you really mean it, and they will stop
asking you unnecessarily in the future.
This brings us to what you do need to say a definite “yes” to, and
that is your commitment to healing and looking after yourself. If
you are putting your needs first, respecting yourself, and loving
yourself, then saying “no” to others becomes easier. Say “no” to
others but “yes” to yourself.
Here’s an exercise to help with your boundary setting, which will
help you in saying “yes” and “no” and ensuring your body is saying
the same thing.

BOUNDARY EXERCISE #1

First, see what happens to your body when you say “yes” out loud.
Repeat it several times and see what you notice. Now, try saying
“yes” with your body instead. What changes? Maybe it is your
breathing or your posture. Is your movement free? Do you feel
tense? Think about and note down the situations in which you
would like to be able to say “yes.” For example, do you want to do a
boundary-setting exercise? “Yes!”
Next, do the same but for saying “no.” Take note of how your
body responds to you saying “no” out loud several times. Then, try
saying “no” just with your body and see what changes there are in
your body. Think about the situations in which you would like to be
able to say “no.” For example, “Are you coming out again tonight?”

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Take one of the situations where you said you would like to say
“yes,” take on the body posture of saying “yes,” and note down what
occurs when you imagine that scenario. Then, do the same with a
situation you want to say “no” to.
At the end of that, you should be aware of how to ensure your
body and voice are saying the same thing and being really clear
about what you are communicating.

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A N X I E T Y, S E L F - L OV E , S E L F -
COMPASSION, AND CRUSHING
DEPRESSION

E
verything that is mentioned in this title, somatic therapy
can address and resolve. If you find you have anxiety, then
this is something that somatic therapy can treat. If you
have depression, then this is something that somatic therapy can
crush into the dust. If you are in desperate need of learning how to
show love and compassion to yourself, somatic therapy can show
you how and help you achieve that. Do you want to be able to
forgive yourself for doing things that you perceive to have been
wrong? Somatic therapy can help you find that release of negativity
from your soul. Somatic therapy is like finding a water fountain in
the middle of a desert. You have a thirst for healing yourself, and
somatic therapy is going to quench that thirst for you.
It’s hard to move on, though, if you don’t give yourself a break.
You need to be able to forgive yourself. No one is perfect, and that
includes you. You made some mistakes and errors in life, but we all
have. That’s all part and parcel of the human experience. If you
don’t find room in your heart to forgive yourself, you will never get
past the first obstacle. You will always feel resentment. You will
always be prone to anger and lashing out at your nearest and dear-

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est. You will never achieve what you want to in life or reach your
maximum potential. You need to clear your heart and forgive your-
self; then, you can start to look at all the exciting opportunities
there are for you in life.
You also need to practice detachment from outcomes. Once you
do that, it will help you clear your heart, forgive yourself, and stand
a chance to reach your maximum potential. Best of all, you might
actually enjoy life rather than worrying about it all the time! I found
when I practiced detachment, it really did free me up from so much
stress and worry that I was previously focused on. Realize that you
cannot control everybody else. People will let you down, and people
will do things you don’t agree with. That, I’m afraid, is life. You
can’t fix those people. The only person you can “fix” is yourself. You
don’t need fixing because there isn’t really anything wrong with you;
you need healing. The only person’s actions that you are ever in
control of are your own.
Find your own version of happiness. Don’t take any notice of
other people telling you whether you should be happy or not or
trying to define your achievements or lack of them. It’s down to you
to decide what true happiness looks like—not anybody else.
However, you also need to detach from the idea that everything has
to work out a certain way because it doesn’t. Look how often you
plan an event only for something completely out of our control to
change that. The pandemic is a prime example of that. Out go all
our plans due to something out of our control. Accept it: Things do
not need to be a certain way or the perfect way. Once you can
accept that, you will find you truly feel free to enjoy and appreciate
life. Also, you probably won’t be as hard on yourself in the future as
well. You won’t just enjoy and appreciate life, but you will enjoy and
appreciate being you.
Let’s give ourselves some self-love right now with a quick EFT
tapping exercise:

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1: Start off by tapping the side of your hand as you say: “I

accept myself for who I am. I love myself for who I am. I
respect myself, and I expect others to respect me as well.
I love myself fully. I do have value. I do have worth. I am
good enough. I do deserve to have love and to be loved. I
honestly do love myself, and I promise to love and
respect myself. I accept myself as the person that I am.”
2: Tap your inner forehead above your right eyebrow; tap
the side of your temple; tap your cheekbone: “I
completely love myself. I respect myself, and I believe I
am of great value.”
3: Tap your top lip; tap your chin; tap under your armpit
on the side of your ribs: “Loving myself is a magnificent
thing to do. Thinking that I could not love myself is no
longer an option.”
4: Tap the top of your head, your forehead, your temple,
your cheekbone, your top lip, your chin, your heart area,
and under your armpit: “Some of my behavior was
probably because of this incorrect belief that I could not
love myself. But now, my mind and heart are open to the
potential of self-love. Maybe I was scared to love myself
previously, but I reject that notion now. I am not afraid. I
am ready to love myself.”
5: Tap the top of your head; tap your forehead; tap your
temple; tap your cheekbone: “I find that, actually, the
more I love myself, that I love myself even more.”
6: Tap your top lip; tap your chin: “By loving myself, I
find it makes it easier to love others.”
7: Tap your heart area; tap under your armpit: “This
makes me happy. That’s why I love loving myself.”
8: Tap the top of your head; tap your forehead; tap your
temple. “I reject all the thoughts I previously had that
made me believe I could not love myself.”

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9: Tap your upper lip; tap your chin; tap your heart area;
tap your head: “I clean my heart and forgive myself in
order to be able to love myself.”
10: Tap under your armpit: “I love and value myself. I
deserve respect. I will love myself because I deserve
love.”
11: Take a deep breath in, breathe out, and relax.

To go alongside self-love, you need self-compassion, so here is an

EFT tapping exercise for self-compassion. I suggest you complete
the tapping cycle approximately three times while saying the words
below:

I wi! be compassionate toward myself. I love and accept

myself for who I am. I love myself; therefore, I wi! be
compassionate toward myself. Since I am compassionate
toward myself, I wi! look a"er myself and care for
myself. I love myself wholeheartedly. I clear my heart—
ready to take on the compassion I now have for myself.
A! the thoughts and reasons I held before that made me
not be compassionate toward myself I now reject. I
release those negative thoughts and feelings $om my
mind and $om my body. It’s great for me to show
compassion toward myself. It wi! make me healthier
both in mind and body, and it wi! make me a better
person. If I am compassionate toward myself, then I am
more likely to show genuine compassion for others as
we!. I refute talking negatively about myself or putting
myself down. I realize now that that was not a healthy
way to be. The next time I make an error of judgment or
I make a mistake, I wi! show myself compassion. I
deserve to be compassionate toward myself, and I wi! be
compassionate toward myself.

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Take a deep breath in, breathe out, and relax.

We've given ourselves some self-love and self-compassion, and
now it's time for some self-forgiveness. If we don't practice this, we
will always be angry at ourselves and the world. Let's begin the
healing and forgive ourselves. Repeat the tapping cycle approxi-
mately three times for this while saying:

I want to forgive myself thoroughly. I feel ashamed about

things I have said or done in the past. I want to release
the guilt and tension I have and feel !ee. It is alright for
me to forgive myself. In order to let go and be !ee, I need
to forgive myself. I wholeheartedly love and accept
myself, and I forgive myself. If I love myself, then it
fo"ows that I can forgive myself. If I want to look a#er
myself, then it fo"ows that I forgive myself. I deserve
forgiveness even if I fight against that belief sometimes. I
love myself unconditiona"y; therefore, I forgive myself.
Whatever I have done in the past, I accept the blame. I
learned !om those mistakes I made in the past. Now, I
forgive myself, and I move on !om it. I’m looking
forward to beginning a!esh now that I have forgiven
myself—to live a happier and healthier life and to be
able to forgive myself and forgive others with ease. I
accept myself as I am, and I forgive myself. I fu"y
forgive myself. I am a good person. I forgive myself, and
I am at peace with myself.

Take a deep breath in, breathe out, and relax.

I know that the words "self-love" can either bring out images of
people with round, purple sunglasses and flowers in their hair or
make you think it is a euphemism of some kind. Yet there's a reason
the phrase, "You can't love somebody else until you love yourself,"
exists. The fact is that until you love yourself, it makes dealing with
the rest of the world a lot harder. If you hate yourself, it is almost

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inevitable that you will feel angry with yourself and everyone else
because there has to be some kind of outlet to get that anger out. If
you don't love yourself, then you don't respect yourself, so you will
always put someone else's needs and wants before your own. If this
is in work, it will probably lead you to face complete burnout. If it's
relationships, your personality and individualism will probably
become completely subsumed by your partner. If you love yourself,
then when those bad things in life happen (which they will—there's
no escaping some of them, such as the death of a loved one), then
you are so much better equipped to deal with situations in a healthy
way and not resort to unhealthy ways to get through them. Once
you develop self-love, then everything else comes from it: respect,
value, confidence, and belief; those other things we talked about,
like compassion and forgiveness for yourself, become so much
easier.
Of course, it's not easy to get to that point. There are so many
blocks and obstacles that we put in the way of ourselves getting to
that point. It's all the negative talk and limiting beliefs that we place
before ourselves, believing we are not good enough, not worthy of
love, and will never amount to anything. We need to clear our hearts
and minds of those thoughts and feelings to progress to self-love.
Once we love ourselves, then the opportunity to forgive
ourselves becomes possible. Although, we need to take responsibil-
ity, own up to, and apologize for genuinely bad things we've done
and said. However, if you're looking in this book, then the likeli-
hood is you are blaming yourself when it really wasn't your fault. As
the saying goes, "It takes two to tango." Whatever the situation is—
you think you hurt someone or upset someone—it took two to
make that happen. You can't just do it all by yourself, so it can't all
possibly be your fault. Unless you were in a tango dance, and then
you stepped on your partner's foot, then that was your fault. No,
hang on: "It takes two to tango."
You are not alone either; we all have made terrible errors and
judgments in our lives. We make thousands of decisions every day,

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so it is inevitable that some of them don't go as well as we would

hope. That's life. If you can make that step to forgiving yourself, it
truly is transformational. Once you realize not everything is your
fault, not everything is down to you, and not everything is based on
what you do, that can really change things for you. Until you do
that, sadly, you are probably going to stop yourself from living the
best possible life you can. There is always going to be an element of
self-sabotage, but once you forgive yourself and let go of all that
self-doubt and self-blame, then anything becomes possible.
Let’s do an EFT tapping exercise to clear the blame. You know
the score by now. Start with some tapping on the side of your hand.
Then move through the cycle from the top of your head to the side
of your ribs. Tap for as long as feels right, or as long as you need to.
Say the following:

I’m embarrassed about what I have done and said. It was so

si!y of me to do. I regret my actions very much and feel
very guilty about it. I would like to be able to forgive
myself for it, but I sti! feel it is a! my own fault. Thus
far, I have not been able to let go of the guilt and forgive
myself. Today that changes. With this tapping, I am
starting my journey of releasing the guilt and shame
"om my mind and body. Today, I forgive myself, and I
no longer hold on to the guilt. I love and accept myself, so
I know I can make that step to forgiving myself. Not
everything is my fault; not everything happens because of
me and the way I am. I know that now. I didn’t before.
Hence, I was unable to forgive myself. I wi! now forgive
myself. If I could turn back time, I would have done
things differently, but I know I am human. Whatever
was causing me to behave the way I did took place, but it
is human to err. For that, I can forgive myself. A! this
guilt, shame, and regret that I have been holding in a!
these years, I now give it permission to clear. I am

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releasing it a! "om my body and my mind. Slowly and

safely, I release it a!. I am ready to forgive myself. I let
go of a! my guilt. I clear my guilt "om my head and
heart.

Take a deep breath in, breathe out, and relax.

Even with all these promises of forgiveness and self-love to
ourselves, it can be challenging to move past a certain point. That is
because we sometimes have internal conflict going on within us. We
want to forgive ourselves, but something stops us and says, “No, you
don’t deserve forgiveness.” Generally, internal conflict can some-
times just mean things don’t feel right within us. We are not at
peace with ourselves or with someone else. If that internal conflict
is not resolved, it can turn into much more serious afflictions such
as despair and depression. You need to be able to clear that inner
conflict within yourself in order to be able to progress.
Everything around this chapter—and the entire book—is about
exploring yourself and finding out about yourself. It’s about how
you’ve been programmed over the years and how you have had
limiting beliefs put on you. It’s about how you can learn to love
yourself, accept yourself, and forgive yourself. Through this self-
discovery, it will become clear why you have behaved the way you
have and why you have had these feelings and emotions over the
years. Maybe you will even discover new emotions and feelings you
didn’t even know were in you. Up until now, you have, at best, been
treading water, barely keeping your head above the water. You have
not had that opportunity to really grab life’s opportunities and
think about what it is you are really meant to be doing. There is a
word in Sanskrit—dharma—which takes on the kind of meaning of
what your soul’s purpose is. Well, in your journey of self-discovery,
this is really the chance to find what the purpose of your soul and
your life is. This is the chance to give your soul all the nourishment
and goodness it could possibly need as you explore yourself and love
yourself more. Now is the chance to find out what it really is that

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you want to do and what it is that will make your soul sing. Grab
life’s microphone and belt out the number your soul is longing you
to. This can all be achieved with the help of somatic therapy. It can
heal you, it can help you discover yourself, and it can help you move
away from anxiety and depression to a true place of happiness and
peace. Somatic therapy can help you achieve all of that and more.

DEPRESSION AND SOMATIC THERAPY

Depression can last for days, months, and even years. It is a chal-
lenging thing to cope with and struggle through when it's happen-
ing. It can be brought on by anything. Maybe something in your life
dramatically changes, or you go through a traumatic event. Some-
times, it comes on when there doesn't appear to be a reason—your
body is probably just catching up years after the event, or something
small is the thing that has tipped your body over the edge. Depres-
sion is what occurs when our body goes into permanent "freeze"
mode or even to its "shutdown" mode. Women tend to experience
depression twice as much as men ("Depressive Disorders," n.d.).
This is perhaps not that surprising considering everything their
bodies and internal dynamics have to go through compared to men
—combined with the pressure women often put on themselves to
"have it all": a pressure that is thoroughly absent from most men's
lives.
I remember the one time in my life when I really struggled with
depression. It was my late teenage years to my early 20s. I can
remember it very well because, although I have not had any
episodes like it for many years, I am always on the lookout for the
same feelings coming back. It used to be a massive effort just to get
out of bed. If I got out of bed before noon, it was a miracle. Once I
was up, I could not be bothered to shower, brush my teeth, or get
dressed. I always wanted to be alone, as being in the company of
other people became excruciating. You don't think anyone would
want to be around you, so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as

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you isolate yourself from anyone who would want to help and
support you. Though I could never have carried out a suicide
attempt, I just didn't have that kind of action in me; it didn't stop
me from having the kind of thoughts where you don't think anyone
would miss you if you weren't there, and the world would probably
be a better place if you weren't there. Possibly, you'd be happier if
you weren't there anymore because life is just too painful and too
much effort for you. In my case, I don't think there was one event
that triggered it off; I think it was many things over a long period of
time that brought me to that point, and I think it was because it
was a part of my life where everything was changing as well. I was
questioning who I was a lot of the time. Putting it into words
doesn't even begin to describe how dark and lonely depression is,
but I don't feel like that now—that's the positive. If you can address
it, depression does not have to last forever. There's a reason our
bodies and minds go into depression, so that means there's a way
out. That way can be via somatic therapy.
We already know from the previous chapters that there are
many somatic therapy techniques you can try if you feel depressed.
You can use CBT to challenge your thinking patterns. You can
inquire into all those thoughts you are constantly having that
describe the worst possible outcome or state. Let’s think about how
realistic that thought actually is and see if we can change the
thinking pattern. Vagal nerve stimulation can be a good one as well.
There are more extreme versions of that where electrodes are used
to stimulate the nerve rather than just your fingers, but just doing
some simple vagal nerve stimulation will get your social engagement
system going. Then, you can get into a more playful mood where
maybe you can play around with the expressions your face makes,
the tone of voice you have, and try to get that black cloud hovering
over you to move on, allowing the sunshine to burst through.
You can follow some straightforward techniques that really help
with depression specifically. One is to put yourself in postures or
positions where you lengthen the spine. The next chapter mentions

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somatic yoga practices, which include postures that are helpful to

this. When we become depressed, our body tends to hunch over,
and our chest caves in a bit, so doing things to lengthen your spine
helps to improve your mindset and outlook. It’s not a permanent
cure, but it can be beneficial among all your other somatic work.
Movement is also a great thing to help you if you feel depressed.
Just getting out of your chair and standing up can make a small
difference. Still, if you do some basic exercise, some small yoga
movements, some Qigong, or just some muscle tense and release
exercises—both of which are covered in Chapter 9—it can really
help lift your spirits and get you feeling a bit better about yourself.
Sensorimotor psychotherapy, which I walked you through in
Chapter 6, can be a handy tool in any fight against depression. Take
the time to feel your body and ask those questions to yourself about
how you feel about things. Just taking the time to know your body
and the world around you can perk up your nervous system and help
it output some positive energy.

ANXIETY, TRIGGERS, STRESS REDUCTION, AND

SOMATIC THERAPY

Anxiety is a form of extreme worrying where you feel exceptionally

stressed, your breathing may become shallow, you may feel as
though you will have a panic attack, you feel sick in your stomach,
or your skin is itchy. Different people have different physical reac-
tions to anxiety, but the mental anguish is similar: You are scared or
worried about something or some situation. Triggers are what your
memory associated with the danger—be it a person, event, or
object. For example, I had a friend who used to be a landlord, and
one tenant caused her a major headache. Once that tenant left, my
friend became very fearful of anything to do with the apartment.
She started imagining all kinds of problems with the apartment
that didn’t actually exist, but it wasn’t the apartment that was the
actual danger—it was the behavior of unpredictable people that

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had been the real danger. The apartment in itself was perfectly
fine.
I know someone who was having chemotherapy. They cele-
brated their completed first round of healing by eating fish and
chips—not realizing that the chemo was likely to make them sick
later. Sure enough, they “were ill” after the fish and chips. There-
after, they could not face fish and chips for a very long time—not
just because it had made them sick but because it ultimately
reminded them of chemo and, therefore, of cancer. These triggers
can work for very ordinary objects and things, but because they
relate to the danger the person encountered, the brain gets scared
and links the two together, jumping to the wrong conclusion.
I should be clear: triggers are not a bad thing. Their job is
important by making us aware of impending danger. An issue only
starts to arise when your brain and body go into overdrive, and you
start to get triggered to danger when, in fact, everything is perfectly
safe. This can become a spiraling issue, where, in the example of my
friend’s apartment, they become fearful of it, so the best way to
escape that fear is not to go near it or not talk to anybody about it.
However, then your mind starts making the association that what
saved you from your (imagined) danger about the apartment is not
going near it. Then, you can become anxious just generally about
apartments. Any apartment now is a trigger for the danger. Now,
you’re afraid to go out because you might see an apartment, and you
try not to talk to anyone because they might mention that they live
in an apartment. Although this may sound a little silly, this kind of
thought cycle is not uncommon. When the triggers reach this level
of sensitivity, they become the danger. You can get caught in a spiral
of anxiety that only ever travels down.
Here are some straightforward and easy-to-follow somatic
therapy exercises that you can use to heal your anxiety and dampen
those triggers:

1: You are going to get yourself into a good “grounded”

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position. Make sure you are sitting comfortably in a chair

or on a sofa with your feet placed firmly on the floor in
front of you. Try to get your shoulders, neck, and arms to
relax. Place your hands and arms on your thighs so that
you are in a good position to breathe. Breathe as you
would normally and try to concentrate on where you are
feeling the anxiety physically. Identify those areas. Is it
your stomach? Is it that your chest feels tight? Is it your
hands that feel sweaty? Is it that your skin feels itchy? Is
it that your heart is pounding? Wherever it is that you
are feeling the anxiety, concentrate on that area and
imagine your breath coming from that area. You can
touch the area so that your mind and body make the
connection of where the anxiety is and that you want to
heal it. You should be in that situation of breathing,
concentrating, and healing for approximately 30 seconds
to see what happens, and then you should experience
that for a full minute. Hopefully, the area shoud feel less
tense, and your anxiety will begin to reduce.
2: Every so often, just sit down and touch base with
yourself. How are you breathing? Are you breathing with
your chest? Then make sure you focus, and breathe with
your stomach instead. Taking away that shallow form of
breathing should start to impact your feelings of anxiety
and start to lessen them.
3: When you are feeling tense, scrunch up that part of
your body, make it as tense as possible, and then slowly
let it out gently. As strange as it may seem, making the
area where you are feeling the anxiety as tense as possible
and then letting it go can actually reduce the anxiety.
This is because your body and mind recognize an issue
and address it. Once you have done this, your body may
feel more relaxed. Without this method and by just
trying to relax alone, your body feels like maybe you are

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trying to ignore it. By recognizing anxiety and scrunching

up as tight as possible in the relevant area and then
letting go, your body notes you have recognized it is
having difficulties in that area. Now, you have recognized
that it is happy to forget it and move on.

SOMATIC ANGER RELEASE

Anger is sometimes reacted to as a maligned emotion. We view it

with suspicion and fear. If someone is angry, we sometimes see that
as a weakness; for example, we may hear, "Oooh, what's wrong with
them? Touched a nerve, did I?" and other such comments. Of
course, like all emotions, anger does serve a purpose. If we are angry,
it is because something is wrong. When someone is always angry,
there is something wrong that's much deeper. It's not just an issue
at work or irritation because your partner didn't do what you asked
them to do. It can also lead a person into trouble. Constant anger
could lead to violence and threats or saying unkind things to people
that aren't meant to be. For some people, it can result in silent
treatment or a never-ending sulk. When it comes down to it, what-
ever the outcome, it is just not pleasant feeling like that—being
always at odds with everyone and everything. It is exhausting on top
of everything else, and a person will probably not be left with many
friends or family that can tolerate that permanent anger. However, I
want you to remember something: It is okay to be angry, and it is
not something to be ashamed of. It is a normal human emotion that
we all go through. It can be dangerous to suppress emotions and can
lead to health issues, so being angry is fine, within reason. We just
need to be careful when the only emotion we ever seem to feel is
anger.
Somatic therapy and experiencing can be such a great help to
those who need to understand, release, and let go of anger in a
healthy way. It will help release all those emotions buried deep
inside that a person has been unwilling to recognize and accept.

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Using somatic techniques over a long period of time can assist

greatly in managing and regulating anger, which in turn can have the
health benefits of reducing digestion issues, more relaxed muscles,
better concentration, and a better night's sleep (Friedman, 2019).
As anger is such a powerful emotion, it is essential to deal with
it in a safe and healthy way. Engaging in cathartic methods where
someone is encouraged to let it all out with screaming or more
physical releases is one way but may not be healthy. However, by
using somatic experiencing and other such practices over time
where you learn how to listen to your body, you can start to under-
stand your anger. You can let it out little by little in a controlled and
healthy way and in a safe space. Just letting it all out in one go in an
uncontrolled manner may not have such a safe effect on you—
particularly if you have PTSD or other trauma symptoms. It can
actually be quite harmful to you, and any anger is only going to be
released temporarily—it is not going to have the long-lasting effect
you require.
Let’s get into a somatic anger release exercise to see how easy it
is to do; once again, it is safe to do in your own home, and you can
go into a room by yourself and practice when the emotion becomes
apparent.
First, as always with somatic practices, get to know your body.
Take some time to feel where in your body the anger is. Take some
deep breaths in and out and feel where that anger is. Now, wherever
you are feeling that anger, shake your body. You can use your hands
to apply some light pressure if you want to. Shake your body and
imagine yourself shaking that anger out so that it is gone and you
are free and ready to move on. This is a really simple, straightfor-
ward exercise for you to manage when feeling angry or frustrated.
Another option is to find something that you can squeeze very
hard: a towel, some clothes, or you can even squeeze the forearm of
a partner or friend. Just be careful: It is the forearm and not the
wrist or elbow joint. Make sure it’s something that gives you a burst
of letting the anger out, so you can carry on with your day.

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Combining these exercises with your general somatic experi-

encing will allow you to get to know your body, understand where
and why the anger lives, and allow you to slowly but surely release
and let it go so that you can resume and get on with your life
healthily and safely.

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 9

DISCOVER NEW ROADS TO

RECOVERY (FURTHER
TECHNIQUES TO HEAL TRAUMA)

W
hile not part of somatic experiencing, there are many
further techniques that are somatic in nature, and you
can incorporate them into your healing and therapy
routines. They all help with the brain’s flexibility and spark its
ability to adapt and change for the better.

QIGONG AND SHAKING PRACTICES

The translation of "Qigong" is "energy work." That's because, in its

essence, what you do when you practice Qigong is to try to channel
energy through your palms. Usually, this is done while standing up.
This is usually combined with certain breathwork as well. The key
to it all is the coordination of the eyes with the movements you
make, combined with your breathing and the concentration of your
mind. A review of the many studies on Qigong and Tai Chi (another
practice) concluded that they had many health and psychological
benefits (Jahnke et al., 2010). If you think back to what Peter Levine
said about animals shaking off their trauma, it makes sense that
engaging in energy practices, including shaking, can be good for our
physical and mental health.

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The good thing about Qigong, like so many somatic practices, is

you can do it anywhere; as long as you can find a quiet and peaceful
place, you can easily practice it.
To give you a flavor, here is an easy shaking practice for you to
follow:

Begin by standing up with a good, upright posture. Close

your eyes and feel yourself breathing; feel yourself and
your body in the present moment. Then, when you feel
ready to do so, open your eyes, but be careful not to lose
that feeling of being in the present; wake up the energy
within your body. Start by shaking your right arm, but be
sure to keep it in a relaxed state: Don’t tense it up when
shaking. Then, shake your right leg. You will need to lift
your leg up slightly off the ground in order to do so.
When you feel it is ready to move on, put your right leg
down and shake your left arm. Then, when it feels right
to do so, move onto your left leg.
Once you feel it is okay to move down, put down your
left leg and shake your whole body: arms, legs, body,
head—everything. Again, be mindful to keep your body
loose and relaxed—don’t tense it all up. You can close
your eyes if you want to. Unlike when you were shaking
your leg, you should keep your feet on the floor.
However, you can lift your heels up and down but don’t
actually lift your leg off from the floor. Try shaking
yourself even harder, give yourself up to the act of
shaking, and see if you can really release that energy
from inside of you. You can lift your arms up if that is
what your energy is directing you to do. Your mouth
should be completely relaxed, so if this guides you to
making noises, that is fine. You are letting energy out, so
making some noise is fine if that is what you are directed
to do. Very slowly, start to shake a little less hard—do

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this slowly until you are back into a static standing

posture.

SOMATIC YOGA

Somatic yoga is, as the name suggests, a mixture of yoga with

the mind-body principles of somatics. It uses the somatic awareness
of the body to help you rewire your brain and give your muscles a
workout to release that tension and stress that may have built up
due to trauma. You aren’t just following what a yoga teacher is
telling you and copying the movement. You are actually doing that
movement and thinking about how your body feels and what your
body is telling you.
One aspect of the somatic yoga practice is ensuring there is an
element of grounding included. As you may well remember from
previous chapters, grounding gives us that feeling of safety and
calmness, which is so important if we are to listen to our bodies. For
many of the previous practices, grounding meant sitting down with
your feet firmly planted on the floor. For yoga, that is slightly differ-

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ent, as you can imagine. Grounding in this context consists of

sitting on the floor, cross-legged, with your arms outstretched
resting on your legs. Then you lift your hands up in the air, make
the peace sign with both hands, and then place your hands (still in
the peace sign mode) on the floor, letting your shoulders relax. You
may feel the need to close your eyes. In this situation, the floor is
the earth, so this grounding is us making our connection with the
earth. As with all grounding, this is where you start to feel your
body in the present and in the here and now. Then, you can take a
deep breath in and let the breath out; then, you will be ready to
begin the rest of your yoga practice.
The various poses you can do in yoga have specific reasons and
benefits. I’m just going to walk through a few of them here, so you
know their benefits:

Child’s Pose: This pose is meant to calm you down and

can be known to reduce stress and increase energy. To
carry it out, you need to get into a kneeling position.
Your big toes should be touching, and your knees need to

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be apart. Take a deep breath in and try to lengthen your

spine. Breathe out and bend forward—moving your head
toward the floor. If you want to, you can use your hands
to rest your head on. Open the backs of your shoulders
up and allow your stomach and your chest to expand. You
may want to move your knees further apart. Let your
arms relax and place them by your feet, with the palms
facing up. Breathe and relax. You should feel the position
become more pronounced when breathing. As it is a pose
for relaxation, take a few minutes to stay in that position
and relax. When you are ready to come out of the pose,
move your hands up to your knees, breathe in, and move
your hands around to use them to push into the floor and
lift yourself up. Move your chest and shoulders up slowly
so you are back into a kneeling position, sitting upright.
Standing Cat-Cow Pose: These are actually two
different poses that have been combined to make an
even more effective pose. It can help with the flexibility
of your spine and, therefore, your posture. However,
best of all, for our purposes, it helps calm a person and
can reduce stress. To do this, you need to start off on
your hands and knees, with your head in the center of
your body looking down. First, do the Cow Pose, so
breathe in and move your stomach toward the floor
while raising up your chin and chest and averting your
gaze up. Try to move your shoulders outward and away
from your ears. Then, you move into the Cat Pose.
Breathe out and move your stomach up toward your
spine. Imagine a cat when it gets up from its nap and
stretches its back. That is basically what you need to
look like. Move your head toward the floor, but be
careful not to put your chin into your chest. Breathe in,
moving back into the Cow Pose, and then breathe out
by moving into the Cat Pose. You can repeat this at least

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five times. When you need to come out of the poses, lift
yourself up and sit back on your heels with your body in
an upright position.
Forward Bending Pose: This is one you can start by
standing up. Basically, you bend over (forwards) and see if
you can place your hands flat on the floor. Don’t worry if
you can’t; don’t force it and give yourself an injury. Just
bend over as far as you can.
Relaxation Pose: I’m sure you can guess what the
benefit of this one is! Lie on the floor on your back with
your hands by your sides, slightly outstretched, your
palms facing up, and your legs slightly apart. Feel your
body and feel the contact you have with the ground. Take
a deep breath in. It’s that simple.

Here’s a yoga exercise for you to practice. Start with the

grounding exercise I provided earlier. Then, once done, bring your
hands up to be in front of your chest—almost as though you were
saying a prayer. Breathe in, and then lift your arms up as high as you
can. When you breathe out, drop your shoulders down—almost like
you are shrugging. Repeat that: arms up/breathe in and shoulders
down/breathe out four or five times. Then, when you reach up this
time, put your palms together and look up if you can. Then, breathe
out, let your hands come down to the “prayer” position, and put
them down to where you had them in your grounding position.

MOVEMENT-BASED TECHNIQUES

As well as shaking practices and yoga, there are other techniques

that involve somatic movement—that is, not so much worrying
about what you look like while you are doing the movement but
concentrating on what it feels like. Somatic movements are usually
slow to give our bodies and brains a chance to learn them,
performed with our complete concentration on our bodies' feelings

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and sensations. They usually have some purpose, whether physical

or mental benefits or both.
These techniques include tense and release (conditioned) relax-
ation, where you tense and release each muscle in your body. These
techniques should leave you feeling very chilled out and are easy to
do whenever you want to anywhere in your house.
Here is a quick and simple tense and release exercise for you to
practice. Please do be careful not to injure your muscles. If you get
sharp pain at all, please stop.
Concentrate on a group of muscles; for instance, let’s say your
calf. Take a deep inhalation and tense that muscle until the point
you feel some pressure on it; hold that for around five seconds.
Then, you release while breathing out at the same time. It can be a
good idea to visualize the muscle letting the tension out like air
coming out of a burst tire or something similar—whatever works
for you. Take note of the difference in how you and your body feel
when relaxed compared to being tense. You should stay relaxed for
approximately 10 seconds and then move on to the next muscle.
Once you have completed all the muscle groups, relax, take in and
enjoy the feeling of relaxation. All in all, it should take you 10 to 15
minutes to complete the exercise. The main muscle groups are your
foot (curl your toes down), your calves, your thighs, your hands, your
biceps, your butt, your stomach, your chest, your shoulders, your
jaw, your eyes, and your forehead (raise your eyebrows).
You can also do this as a muscle relaxation exercise where you
hold the tenseness for around 15 seconds and then let go and relax.
For this, you just breathe normally—it doesn’t matter when you
inhale and exhale.

TRAUMA CLEARING SHAKING

Trauma clearing shaking exercises are designed to release the

tension and trauma from the muscles deep inside your body. They
involve a safe way of shaking that releases both tension from your

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muscles and calms your nervous system and you. You don’t need a
lot of time—maybe 20 minutes at most—and anybody can do it. It
doesn’t require you to be in any physical shape in particular. This
very much ties in with the theory that the way animals cope with
trauma is by “shaking it out,” so to speak. When this safe way of
shaking is engaged with, it suggests to the body that it returns to its
normal balanced state. These types of exercises should leave you
with a feeling of peace and tranquility.
For example: lie down on your back and place the soles of your
feet together with your knees bent out. Then, raise your pelvis an
inch or so off the floor and gradually pull your knees inward an inch
or so every 30 seconds. After some time, you should reach a point
where you begin to shake. If you are taking a long time to shake
naturally, then this is because your muscles are very strong. You may
need to hold the pose for longer. When ready, you can place the
soles of your feet and pelvis on the ground and relax to let the
trauma release through shaking. If you need to stop shaking, then
you can just lengthen your legs out. Once you have finished, just lie
down on your back and let yourself calm down and feel tranquil. It
is quite a strange feeling to suddenly find your legs and body shak-
ing, but that is what your body is designed to do when your muscles
get fatigued, so it is all perfectly natural. It is very therapeutic as
you shake out some of that trauma.

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SOMATIC ART THERAPY

Don’t worry. You don’t have to be Van Gogh or Picasso to take

part in art therapy, though they may have benefitted if they had
done. Your art skills do not matter, but it is the therapeutic nature
of it that matters. It is not just painting either; art means music,
dance, sculpting, drawing, writing, and other art forms. The main
point is that we learn about ourselves and our minds and bodies. It
is not what your artistic finished product looks or sounds like. We
know that we often express our innermost thoughts and feelings
when we are creative. Look at any number of songwriters who deal
with personal tragedy by writing a song about it. Look how we use
someone else’s art to express ourselves. I know there was a partic-
ular song I used to play which would help me grieve my mom’s
death. Playing it helped me break down, cry, and go through the

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grieving process. Without it, I had a stiff upper lip and kept every-
thing inside, which, as we know, is rarely healthy.
It is said that because art engages our mental and physical capac-
ities, it means we “forget” about whatever physical pain we may
have. It is not simply something to take our mind off the pain, but it
is something that relaxes us and, like some of the movement tech-
niques, can set the body back to its normal state. Essentially, those
suffering from severe chronic pain can greatly benefit from being
involved in art therapy. A great study showed that 200 people in
hospital either for surgery or a medical issue engaged in art therapy
for 50 minutes. On average, they showed an improved mood and
reduced their feelings of pain and anxiety (Shella, 2017).
We know that our soul, spirit, or psyche plays a huge part in our
physical healing. That is why people will say “mind over matter” and
the like. It is not your actual brain telling your body to be well, but
the part of you that produces your feelings and thoughts. Art is the
ultimate for expressing and engaging that subconscious part of
ourselves, so it is no wonder it can help those who have constant
pain—whether physical, psychological, or trauma-related. In this
way, art therapy can be used alongside and in conjunction with
traditional medicine to help people with any number of physical
and mental health problems.
A quick art therapy exercise you can do is the following. Unfor-
tunately, for art therapy, you need more than just yourself. For this,
you need some crayons, coloring pencils, or pens. If you have paint,
you may want to paint. You will also need some paper. Any paper
will do—it doesn’t need to be a special paper of any kind. Before
you begin your art, just take some time to close your eyes and take a
few deep breaths in and exhale with a longer breath. Just be in the
moment and be aware of your body and what it is feeling and sens-
ing. Once you feel ready, take your pen or pencil and draw a large
circle on the paper. Now, inside the circle, draw how you are feeling
at the moment. I know that’s a hard thing to interpret, but go with
what shapes and colors you are being pulled toward to represent

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your emotions. The circle represents a safe space, and therefore,

you are free and able to express yourself within that circle. To learn
what your drawing means, you can then do a writing exercise in
which you ask the drawing questions, and the drawing, as though it
were a person, can answer. Start off with some general questions and
then work up to the specific questions about what the drawing’s
needs are and how the drawing intends to satisfy those needs. Don’t
feel like you have to follow a script; let the conversation go where
you want it to go. Let whatever comes out of that dialogue just
immerse itself into you. Don’t try to force any conclusion or try to
analyze what you have drawn and discussed. Just let it go into you,
and by being in touch with your body and mind, what needs to
happen or be addressed will work its way out in a natural way.

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 10

DO THESE PERSONALITIES
SOUND FAMILIAR?

D
uring our lifetime, we will come into contact with a
number of different people, all with their own unique
identities and personalities. However, there are certain
personalities that, if we come across them, are very capable of
causing psychological damage and trauma. If we learn how to deal
with these personalities and heal ourselves when we do come into
contact—and it has an impact—then we could send our ability to
self-love and self-compassion rocketing high. When we come into
contact with these types of personalities, they cause us damage. It is
not our fault: It is the other person who has the problem, not us.
Unfortunately, they never resolve their problem, so we are often left
with the weight of their unconsciousness as we try and recover from
the trauma they cause. No more. After this chapter, you will be
ready to forgive yourself and move on from past encounters with
these personality types and be more prepared for when you come
across them in the future.

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NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER

This is quite a topical subject because there are commentators

hinting that certain celebrities fit this personality type. All we have
are rumors; none of us actually know the individuals in question, so
it is a little bit much to point the finger. However, there are those
who say that the reports of certain celebrities injuring staff, being
aggressive toward staff, estranging family members from friends,
and the need to give interviews about it all point to a classic narcis-
sist. We’re on the outside looking in, so we don’t really know what is
true and what is not, but it is an interesting premise.
Those that genuinely have a narcissistic personality disorder
usually display an inflated sense of their own importance, a constant
need for attention and respect, have problems showing any kind of
empathy for other people, and most of the time, they have very
difficult relationships. It can cause major issues in all areas of a
person’s life, such as their work, relationships, and financial steward-
ship. If someone with this disorder does not get the attention they
need, they will be prone to becoming very unhappy and frustrated.
Others will, more than likely, not enjoy their company and will steer
clear.
Other signs of this disorder include wanting to be recognized as
better than other people—even though they have not achieved
anything to suggest that they are. They inflate their achievements
and concentrate on illusions of grandeur about how powerful, rich,
and beautiful they are. They may also exaggerate how they will find
the perfect partner. Due to their own sense of superiority, they
believe they can only socialize with those of equal or greater impor-
tance and will look down on anyone else. They will try to dominate
conversations and often cut off or make sarcastic remarks toward
those they consider not of the same standard. As they believe them-
selves to be higher than other people, they expect anyone inferior to
treat them as such and that any such person would always be willing
to answer any request. They may display signs of jealousy toward

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other people, and they would believe there are people who are
jealous of them. They will always want the very best of everything—
the best TV, best car, best phone, best house, and so on. Hence, the
financial difficulties they can sometimes find themselves in.
Due to all of this, narcissists do not react well to any perceived
criticism or suggestions on how they might want to improve their
behavior. They can become very angry and frustrated if they do not
receive the kind of compliant behavior they expect from other
people. They will often get angry and try to put a person they see as
inferior down, so they can feel better about themselves. In relation-
ships, this type of behavior can end up as abuse—often psycholog-
ical and sometimes even physical if the person cannot control their
anger. You would never know where you stood with the person; the
relationship would be the opposite of the safety and security you
would be looking for. You can end up in a constant state of distress,
wondering what is going to happen next and how your partner is
going to behave or respond to anything and everything. If you do
recognize these patterns of behavior in your relationships and
believe you have suffered abuse as a result, please understand it was
nothing about you that the abuser disliked or took exception to:
They would have behaved that way to everybody. You may end up
thinking there was something wrong with you. No, there was
nothing wrong with you; they were the ones with the sickness.
Don’t feel like it was down to you to have tried to change their
behavior. There really was nothing you could have done. They need
to take responsibility for themselves.
It is not just in romantic relationships that narcissistic abuse can
occur in; it can occur with members of your family or your
colleagues or managers at work. Dealing with this type of disorder
in those types of situations can also cause great trauma. Having a
manager or colleague who sees you as inferior and expects you to
happily meet their every demand can be exceptionally exhausting
and demoralizing, to say the least. They are likely to fly off the
handle at you if you do not comply with their demands. When it is

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a family member who you love, and they will not accept any criti-
cism and do not have any empathy for you and your feelings, this
can be heartbreaking. There is obviously plenty of opportunity for
psychological damage that could take years to recover from, espe-
cially if this occurs when you are a young child.
Somatic therapy can be a helping hand to any narcissistic abuse.
It is almost inevitable that with this kind of trauma, it does get
stuck inside of you, and it is not something you are going to easily
feel comfortable talking about. Therefore, just having talk therapy,
though it may be helpful, is unlikely to get to the real crux of your
trauma, whereas somatic therapy will be able to do that. It will help
you release the trauma that is stuck deep inside of your body. This
way, you can begin to heal. The boundary work we covered in a
previous chapter can also be a great help should you find yourself in
that kind of scenario ever again as, of course, is all the work on self-
love, self-compassion, and self-forgiveness. None of this was your
fault, and it is exceptionally important that you realize that and
begin to love yourself again.
Another great method of helping to heal yourself from abuse is
to take part in some EFT tapping. Tapping those vital energy fields
and saying positive affirmations about what you went through and
how you are going to heal from it can do wonders for the body and
soul. Here is a short exercise for you to follow:
Inhale a deep breath and close your eyes. Make your body aware
of the times in your past when you have come across narcissistic
behavior. Maybe it is a situation that is occurring in the present.
Take note of where in your body you are feeling the trauma. Inhale a
deep breath and open your eyes.

1: Start tapping the side of your hand. Say, “Despite the

hurt and pain a narcissist has caused me, I still love and
accept myself fully. A person in my past or in my present
has caused me damage through their narcissism, and it is
not easy to recover from that experience. I find it a

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struggle to move on and truly feel free from the pain.

Despite the hurt and pain a narcissist has caused me, I
still love, respect, and accept myself wholeheartedly. I
hope the narcissist finds their own peace and manages to
heal themselves and free themselves from their damaging
behavior.”
2: Tap your forehead above your inner eyebrow, your
temple, your cheekbone, your top lip, your chin, your
heart area, under your armpit on the side of your ribs,
and on the top of your head. Continue to repeat that
cycle while saying the following:

The hurt, pain, and damage inflicted on me by narcissism.

A! the days, I was fearful because I did not know what
to do or how to behave. I wi! heal "om a! of this. I may
have been scared in the past to let myself heal. It was
easier not to have to deal with the pain I was feeling and
to believe that there was something wrong with me
rather than with them. If I heal myself and love myself
again, then it opens up the possibility of becoming hurt
again in the future, so it is easier to do nothing. I love
and accept those thoughts and feelings. Even though I
know better now, they were natural thoughts and feel-
ings. Now I am ready to heal myself "om that
experience.
I deserve to have calmness and serenity in my life. I deserve
to love and be loved. The behavior shown to me was not
actua!y about me, although that felt like the reality at
the time. That’s why it was so hard to let go of the hurt
and pain, but I now know their behavior was not
personal—it was just the symptoms of their sickness and
not anything to do with me. I’m ready to heal. I am safe
and secure. I am looking a%er myself. I have learned to
set and respect boundaries. They belittled me and made

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me feel inferior, but I reject that notion. They are no

better than me.
My life wi! not be dictated by this experience. Everything
the person said was just their i!ness doing the speaking.
It is not reality. I know the truth. I am an amazing
person who is worthy of love and respect. I am ready to
heal. I wi! heal. If someone truly loved and respected
themselves, they would be able to love and respect me.
People who are cruel to other people usua!y don’t love
and respect themselves to begin with. I acknowledge that,
and I am moving on "om that. I am healing "om a!
that they have said and done. I love myself in ways that
person never did, and other people wi! love me. I fu!y
love and respect myself.

3: Inhale a deep breath and close your eyes. Breathe out

and open your eyes. Hopefully, those places in your body
where you were feeling the trauma have now felt some
relief, and you have let some of that tension and trauma
go. Rinse and repeat as necessary.

Remember that it is okay and perfectly natural to be angry

about this type of abuse. You were mistreated by partners, family,
friends, or work colleagues. It was not due to anything you did: It
was because they were sick. However, just because they were sick
does not excuse what they did to you and what they put you
through. You do not need to justify their behavior on their behalf.
What they did was wrong—plain and simple. If you are angry about
it, that is your right, and that is okay. Do not try to suppress your
emotions or keep them bottled up inside of you, as that is not
healthy. It is okay to be really angry at the person and what they did
to you.

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BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

Borderline personality disorder will demonstrate itself in a person

with wide-ranging moods and behavior. This will often result in
some very impulsive decision-making and actions. BPD sufferers
may have periods of severe anger, depression, or anxiety that can
last several days.
The symptoms of this disorder can also include extreme mood
swings and difficulty identifying with themselves and their place in
the world. This means their likes and dislikes can change in an
instant. They tend to see everything as one of two things: good or
bad. This can make it difficult for those around them, as one day,
they may think someone is their best friend, and the next day, they
may believe them to be their worst enemy. Clearly, this can lead to
some very unhealthy and volatile relationships with partners,
friends, family, and work colleagues.
Those who have this illness may have issues of abandonment
(whether they are real or not) and try to move relationships on too
quickly or completely cut them off, so they are not the first to be
abandoned. As mentioned in the first paragraph, impulsive behavior
can be a result of borderline personality disorder. Therefore, the
sufferer may go on expensive shopping outings, drive too quickly
and without due care, have unprotected sexual relationships with
many partners, may take to drugs or alcohol excessively, or even eat
far too much in a short period of time. It is not unknown for
sufferers to engage in self-harm or thoughts of suicide.
It can be the case that those that develop borderline personality
disorder underwent traumatic events during their childhood, such
as abuse or abandonment. Therefore, just as somatic therapy can
heal those issues themselves, it can also help heal someone with
borderline personality disorder. If we can heal the trauma within the
person, that in turn should start to heal the mental illness. In addi-
tion, you can include CBT which will help a person be more aware
of their thought patterns and how to change them. You can start to

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see how somatic therapy can help heal those with borderline
personality disorder.

ABUSIVE PARTNERS IN RELATIONSHIPS

An abusive relationship can include physical or sexual abuse,

emotional abuse, or neglect. Clearly, anyone who has to go through
that kind of relationship with a person is not going to come out
unscathed. It will more than likely cause trauma. It is likely to affect
future behavior, and it may cause triggers so that ordinary things in
life can cause a person to become fearful. The abuser may even
cause you to doubt your own thoughts and feelings. They may have
found a way to cut you off from your family and friends, so you no
longer have anyone to tell you that your partner’s behavior is wrong
and you need to get out of the relationship. Once you’ve been
through all of that, it makes it really difficult to ever trust anyone to
be that close to you again.
In order to help you try to avoid ever getting involved in such
relationships, these are the kinds of personalities and people you
need to avoid. It is never easy, though, because part of the abuser’s
tool kit is to be able to charm you in those early stages of a relation-
ship, only for their true colors to come out much later.
The most likely personality types to inflict abuse upon a person
are the narcissist, which we have already covered, the sociopath, and
the psychopath. Some of the character traits of all three can
overlap.
Sociopaths tend not to be able to have empathy for anyone else,
may indulge in impulsive behavior, will try to control other people
usually in an aggressive manner, can be charming and charismatic,
never learn from their mistakes or accept any punishment they may
get for their behavior, will lie without a second thought, can often
try to get into fights, may threaten harm to themselves without any
intention of carrying it out, and may have issues with holding down
a job or may get themselves into debt.

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Psychopaths are not too dissimilar. As with a sociopath,

psychopathy is not an actual psychiatric diagnosis. Someone who
aligns with these traits may actually be diagnosed as having antiso-
cial personality disorder (ASPD). The antisocial aspect comes not
from them being unsociable—as like sociopaths, they are capable of
great charm and charisma—but from their tendency to not care too
much for the rules of society (Lindberg, 2019). As well as not being
too concerned with society, they are not going to be concerned
about anybody else’s safety or well-being. They will not have much
of a moral compass, they will be a consistent liar, and they may
engage in very reckless and dangerous behavior. They are more than
likely to demonstrate great anger and generally be quite aggressive.
Somatic therapy can be a healer for anyone who is going through
or has come out of an abusive relationship. It really can lessen those
emotional scars. It can ease the trauma out of your body in a safe
and secure way. It can help you get to know yourself again, realize
the truth of the situation—that it was not your fault—and help to
love yourself again and to forgive yourself.
Let’s do a quick exercise that will start you on your way to
healing from an abusive relationship. Sit comfortably and close your
eyes. Be aware of what your body feels when you remember this
abusive relationship. Take note of what it feels. Practice your deep
breathing, and as you are doing this, say the following: “I am
accepting of this feeling. I love myself. I am healing myself. I was
fearful, but now I am safe and secure. I want to heal, and I know I
can heal.” Just keep breathing and saying these sentences, and you
should start to feel your body heal over time.

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WHERE TO GO FROM HERE—

HOW TO KNOW YOU’RE HEALING

I
t's one thing to take part in somatic therapy, but how do you
know it's working? That's what this chapter is all about—
knowing when you are healing. You will be able to spot the
signs that tell you the healing is taking place. It will make it clear to
you how to tell what you have achieved thus far and what you still
need to work on and improve. It also helps to manage your expecta-
tions in terms of how long it may take you to fully heal and recover.
The main thing to remember above all is that even if you are finding
it difficult to heal and love yourself at this moment in time, you are
not alone. I have been through some of the experiences in this
book, so I want you to know that you have my support, love, and
respect. It's all wrapped up in the words on these pages—hopefully
as a constant source of comfort to you. It's also always wise to seek
outside support from others that may have been through what you
have.

HOW TO KNOW WHEN YOU ARE HEALING

One thing to bear in mind is that healing is not something that is

going to occur after just two minutes of breathing practice. It is

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something you have to adopt as a major part of your life in order to

achieve. It’s not like a broken leg—you wrap it in plaster, leave it
alone, and it heals—that’s it. No, you have to keep on practicing
somatic therapy and really integrate it into your life for it to be a
complete success.
So how do you tell the therapy is working? First of all, it’ll show
through your nervous system, which as you go through therapy
should become much more regulated and much more in harmony.
Your fight-or-flight response should be becoming more settled, and
your heart rate should be at a normal rate. You should be sleeping
well, and your digestion should be good. Your immune system
should be stronger. Your blood pressure should be normal. Of
course, not all of these things are going to change overnight. If you
were having specific issues in any of those areas, over time, you
should start seeing minor improvements. Maybe you noticed you
slept a bit better, or you are able to go to the restroom on a more
regular basis. This isn’t just the physical side of things either—
maybe you notice you were able to set a boundary whereas before,
that would have scared you greatly. Whatever it may be, you should
see those slight changes occur the more you do the work.
The other way you may notice a difference is in your ability to
let more into your life. When the trauma is stuck in your body, and
it is having all these negative effects on your life, you find you don’t
really do a lot, and you don’t really want to have too many people in
your life, as you are anxious or stressed about so many situations
and people. It could be that something triggered you, and you go
into retreat. Or something happens, and you get angry and can’t
calm down from it. When you are healing, you start noticing that
you can take more on. Fewer things make you anxious and stress
you out, so you have more time to spend actually living life.
Whereas you were getting angry and couldn’t calm down, now
things are happening. It’s like water off a duck’s back: You just get
on with it.
Those are the two main ways you can monitor and notice

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whether the healing is working. If you’re reading this after

conducting somatic therapy for a while and you are noticing some
of those improvements, well done! You are healing, and may you
continue to heal. If you are just at the beginning of the journey, you
can now look forward to spotting these types of improvements over
time so that you can live life to the fullest and be the best version of
yourself that you possibly can. I look forward to seeing you achieve
that as well.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A SOMATIC THERAPIST

Although we have concentrated on exercises you can do at home, to

truly have access to everything involved in somatic therapy, you are
probably going to want to find a somatic therapist. You might want
to review the therapist's qualifications, experience, and whether
they are licensed: If they aren't, cross them off your list.
With a therapist, you have the added indicator that you need to
feel comfortable with them. You need to feel that they understand
you, and they are in agreement with the issues you are looking to
address. One way to fathom this out is to ask the very simple ques-
tion of whether they can help you. From their response, you should
get a good feel for whether you are going to be comfortable with
them. You can always ask some follow-up questions as well. I would
hope this book has given some confidence and plenty of knowledge
to have the confidence to ask those questions. You are probably
going to want to ask what their plan of action is: What exactly is
the treatment they are likely to be recommending for you? This will
help give you a really good idea of whether this is someone you can
trust. Have they understood you and based on your trauma be able
to apply a rough plan for you? Equally, are they big enough to admit
that things may change as you go along? As things come up in
sessions, they may need to adapt their plan. It's good to know if
they are humble enough to admit that is a possibility. Equally, don't
trust someone who says following their plan will definitely heal you

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in a specific amount of time. They don't really know how things can
turn out. They may have a good idea, but no one can know for sure
until you start doing the work. Therapists making definite promises
are probably not to be trusted. Based on all of this, you probably
don't want to find a therapist who is going to make you commit to a
long period of therapy for a huge amount of money, given that any
plan made for this type of thing could well change. You want them
to be as adaptable and flexible in their outlook as possible.
It’s not just about feeling comfortable as well: It’s about whether
you actually like the person. You could imagine them as someone
whose company you like to be in. In a sense, one way leads to the
other, as you are unlikely to ever feel comfortable in the presence of
someone you didn’t like. However, it’s not just about being comfort-
able, particularly as having been through trauma, you may not feel
comfortable with yourself, let alone anyone else. Start to use that
somatic sense already, and see whether you feel you like the thera-
pist as a person or not.
When it comes to qualifications, at the very least, you are going
to want a therapist who has had training in somatic experiencing.
Ideally, you probably want them to be qualified with something else
—a slightly different field to somatic experiencing so that they
aren’t just focused on the one way to do things. It’s always nice to
see someone who is progressing as well. They haven’t just trained at
one thing and stopped: They have continued to learn and grow as a
therapist. One of the biggest qualifications can be if they have done
the work on themselves and if they used their own somatic therapy
to heal themselves. It suggests what they did worked, and they
should have some experience of what you have been through. Ulti-
mately, they should be able to understand and have empathy
for you.
Remember that as long as you haven’t signed some dodgy
contract that states you can never leave, you don’t have to do
anything. If, after a while, you feel it isn’t really working for you,
then there is nothing to stop you from ending the therapy there.

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You are never under pressure to have to stay doing something that
is making no difference to you. You can always seek out alternative
therapists and alternative therapies.

FINDING MEANING AFTER TRAUMA

It can be hard when you’ve been through trauma, even if you are
healing or have begun to heal. You know you want to move on, but
you don’t know where you want to move on. Below are some tips to
assist you in finding yourself and finding meaning after trauma.
One tip is to try and lead a fulfilling life. I know that’s easier said
than done, but after everything you’ve been through, you probably
feel like there is a big hole in your life. What do you want to fill it
with? Think about what it is you want that means you look forward
to waking up tomorrow and seizing the day.
If there are things stopping you from fulfilling your life, then it’s
time to admit they exist—not as a bad thing or as something to feel
guilty about but in a pragmatic, accepting way. All this trauma has
actually caused me to be, let’s say, “distant” in relationships. Now, I
accept that it is the case, and this is now an opportunity for me to
slowly change that. It may be painful, and it may be difficult, but if
we can accept there may be things that stop us from progressing,
rather than see them as a negative, we can see it as a chance to try
better this time and turn it into an opportunity.
An important thing to remember is that by getting through this
and still being here, you are an exceptionally resilient person. That
means you can probably get through anything. You are a strong
person, even if it sometimes doesn’t feel like it, and that really is an
important lesson you have learned. Through your somatic therapy,
you will only grow even further as a person. Although what you
went through was terrible, and you would much rather have never
gone through it, it will have made you stronger in the long run. This
is a way of saying, also, that we need to find meaning in life.
Without that meaning, we usually drift along without knowing

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where we are going. It’s important to do the things and see the
people that bring meaning to your life. If you can do that, then you
can fill the hole that trauma has left you.

THE SOMATIC DAILY RITUAL FOR EMPOWERED

HEALING

Throughout the chapters, I’ve tried to give you some examples and
exercises to work on and see what impact they have. However, the
best thing is to bring much of that together into one daily ritual to
get an enhanced healing experience. I’ve included aspects from
various chapters in this book. All in all, the ritual should take you
around 30 minutes, so you should still be able to fit this into your
day. I think this ritual works particularly well in the morning, as it
has elements of both releasing tension and relaxing you but also
getting you ready to face the day ahead.
Once you’ve got the hang of this one, you can easily write your
own ritual with the knowledge and experience you have built up.
You can even put it up on your wall or fridge for that constant
reminder and inspiration for you to complete it each day.

1: B REATH W ORK (F IVE M INUTES ):

Find a comfortable place to sit. You don’t need to sit up

completely straight, but your back does need to be
supported.
Close your eyes.
Take three deep breaths: Inhale through the nose and
exhale through the mouth.
Put one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest.
Take 10 deep breaths. You should be able to feel the air
start off in your belly and work its way up toward and
into your chest.

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Take 10 deep breaths: inhale and exhale out of the nose.

Take 10 deep breaths: inhale out of the nose and exhale
out of the mouth.
Take 10 deep breaths: Inhale and exhale out of the
mouth.
Inhale one last deep breath. Hold it for seven seconds.
Exhale and relax.
Relax for 30 seconds, breathing normally.
Open your eyes.

2: Mindfulness Exercise (Five Minutes):

Make sure you are in a comfortable position.

Close your eyes.
Become aware of your body, and see if there are any
specific areas that feel relaxed. Focus on one part of your
body that is feeling good and relaxed. Concentrate on
that one place and the feeling.
Think of a word that best describes this feeling.
Take note of any changes to your breath when focusing
on the relaxed and happy places in your body.
To end the exercise, start to slowly take note of the
sounds and smells around you.
When you are ready, open your eyes.

3: EFT Tapping (Five Minutes):

The cycle will include tapping on the side of your hand

for a minute, followed by a continual cycle of the top of
the head, inner forehead above the right eyebrow,
temple, cheekbone, top lip, chin, heart area, and under
the armpit on the side of your ribs.
Say the following while tapping: “I love and accept myself
wholeheartedly. I am ready to heal. I found it difficult in

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ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

the past to accept the truth or that I had done nothing

wrong and that I am a good person. I now know that to
be true. I can’t forget my past, but I can move on from it.
I accept myself for who I am. I am a beautiful, loving
human being, and I deserve to be loved. I respect and
accept myself. I am ready to heal, and I will heal.”
Take your time doing the tapping. You do not need to
rush from one stage to the next. Take your time saying
the affirmations. You can choose not to say them if you
don’t feel they apply or add in anything you feel to be
more appropriate.

4: Qigong (Five Minutes):

Take a standing position. Make sure you are nicely

relaxed and stand with your feet slightly apart.
Take a breath in and reach up with your hands.
Breathe out and bring your hands down to the center of
your body. Have your hands facing each other with palms
down—almost like you are pushing something down with
the air below the hands.
Rub your hands together like you are trying to start a fire
with them until they start to feel warm.
Once they are warm, close your eyes and place the palm
of your hands on your eyelids. Keep them on there for
approximately 30 seconds.
Take your hands away from your eyelids and rub them all
over your face. Rub your face 10 to 30 times.
Now, stroke your fingers through your hair. This is
dependent on how much hair you have. It may just be a
short run, or you may be able to run your fingers through
your hair for quite some time. Do this 10 to 30 times,
depending on how much time you have to spare.
Rub your ears. You are basically giving your ears a

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massage, so you can rub your ears or pull your ears—

whatever feels good to you.
Put your hands gently on your neck and press on the
muscles. Gently is key: You don’t want to give yourself an
injury.
Find the part of your spine that sticks out just below
your shoulders. Gently tap it with one hand, then tap it
with the other hand. Do this for five seconds with each
hand.
If you are still feeling any tension after that, just do a
quick shake of your whole body. As you have been using
your arms a lot, particularly shake off the tension from
your hands, arms, and shoulders.
End with breathing in, reaching up, and breathing out—
bringing your hands down.

5: Somatic Yoga Exercise (10 Minutes):

Start with a Forward Bend Pose.

Move slowly into a Standing Cat-Cow Pose with your
knees bent, moving your hands up to your knees and
gently raising your back and head.
Go back into the Forward Bend Pose and repeat, going
into the Standing Cat-Cow Pose and back to the Forward
Bend Pose a couple of times.
Move into a standing position crouched over, but
put your elbows into the top of your thighs and
gently and slowly move your elbows down your
thighs until you reach your knees. Do this three or
four times.
Do the Standing Cat-Cow Pose with your knees bent.
Moving from a Cow Pose to a Cat Pose. Do this five
times.
Stand with your legs apart and swish your arms from one

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ASCENDING VIBRATIONS

side to the other, one arm at a time. Start off slowly and

speed up the movement. Do this five times.
Do the Standing Cat-Cow Pose on your hands and knees.
Do this five times.
Go into Child’s Pose. Hold it for a few moments.
Go on your back with your arms outstretched behind
you. Swing your leg over from one side to the other. Do
the same for the other leg. Do this five times.
Stay on your back and put the soles of your feet together
with your knees bent. Hold this for a few moments.
Pull yourself up to sit cross-legged with your arms resting
on your legs. Hold it for a few moments.

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Well done! I wish you incredible power on your somatic adventure.

You've made it through to the end. That in itself is something to be
proud of. You can congratulate yourself for taking that first step in
becoming curious about somatic therapy and reading about it. I am
confident that with your curiosity, combined with the advice and
practices in this book, you will be well on the way to healing from
the trauma you have undergone in the past. Just reading this book
shows your bravery in wanting to heal from the trauma, and you will
need that bravery as you continue on your journey.
Trauma is an all-encompassing event that we go through. For so
long, people have surmised that it is something that only happens in
the brain. Now we know so much more—that it happens in the
brain, the body, and the spirit. One of the only ways to reach all
those three things and truly heal is from somatic therapy. I'm not
saying "talk therapy" isn't useful because, of course, it can be. Still,
talk therapy alone won't always get to the root of the trauma in your
body, and, sometimes, talk therapy can be the worst thing for
someone with trauma to go through as they are going to be asked to
bring up their traumatic experiences. There is little titration prac-
ticed in talk therapy, but working with somatic therapy helps you

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release that trauma little by little—not just through talking and

using your mind but by becoming in touch with and aware of what
your body feels and senses.
The trouble with trauma is that it also ends up causing other
issues such as chronic pain, depression, anxiety, addiction, digestion
issues, and lack of sleep, but all these things can be addressed and
worked through with somatic therapy. Another wonderful thing
about somatic therapy is that there are so many elements that you
are not stuck with just doing one method or another; there are a
variety of techniques and exercises that can be employed. Some-
times, it can be trial and error, but you should find something that
suits you and works for you.
Through the concepts that somatic therapy teaches us, we really
gain an understanding of our body, how it works, and how we can
best get it to work for us. Grounding is a great exercise for just
getting yourself settled and becoming aware of your body and what
it is feeling. If ever you find your mind is racing away with you or
you are becoming a bit panicked or anxious, one of the best things
to do is to take a few moments to sit down with your feet firmly on
the floor and go through some grounding techniques. I nearly
always feel calmer and more at peace having done that and gotten in
touch with my body and listened to it. It's almost like my body
thanks me for listening to it.
Setting and maintaining boundaries can be an essential exercise
for many—particularly those who have submerged themselves into
others' lives or those that have been in abusive relationships. It also
helps to keep things in the present and the here and now, which is
where we all want to live.
As I touched upon in the last chapter, going through somatic
therapy helps you start to self-regulate your nervous system, and
over the long term, this can have such an important impact. Your
emotions are self-regulated. No longer do you get upset at someone
for seemingly no reason. Well, I'm not saying ever: We all get tired
and grumpy sometimes but not because you have trauma that is still

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trapped in your body. Your fight-or-flight response becomes more

regulated, so not every single thing will send you into a state of
panic and anxiety. Slowly, your decision-making process becomes
more in line with what it should be. Your digestion, sleep, and so
many things can become more regulated, and all of it leads to your
recovery, healing, and having the kind of life you imagine having for
yourself. Self-regulation is such a vital part and goal of somatic
therapy.
The use of movement can also be considered a cornerstone of
the somatic experience. This doesn't have to be dance (though that
is available in art therapy) or anything overly energetic. It can be as
simple as a few postures in yoga, some shaking in Qigong, or some
muscle tensing and releasing. These can be as energetic as you want
or as serene as you want, but that movement is another part of
getting to know your body, being aware of your body, and listening
to what it is saying to you. All of these movements address the fact
that trauma is in your body—not just in your mind.
There is no doubt in my mind that you have made the right
decision. Somatic therapy is one of the best ways for you to heal
yourself from your trauma. I'm proud of you for taking such a
monumental step. I wish I could be there with you by your side as
you go through your somatic journey, but hopefully, you feel I am
there with you, cheering you on in the form of this book. You can
transform your life and lead a life so much less full of pain and hurt
than is currently the situation. You can start to look forward to life.
You can start to be excited to wake up in the morning—not wake up
with that horrible feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach. You
actually can't wait to see what the day has in store for you.
You are no longer controlled by the trauma, and you have taken
control of your life. This is such a powerful statement and one that
will be true. You have the rest of your life to live; go and enjoy it.
It's so easy to incorporate so much of this into your daily routine
as well. Even the ritual I provide only takes 30 minutes out of your
day. So much of it can be done when you wake up or just before you

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go to bed that you can easily make sure you accomplish it. All you
need is a quiet space in your house (sometimes easier said than
done, I know), and away you go.
This is your body. This is your life. Go and make it the best it
can possibly be. All the best and, as the whole of this book encour-
ages you to, take care of yourself.

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