ANAL SEX

#SEXWITHOUTSHAME
We can provide the text in large
print on request,
call 0345 30 30 30 or
email [email protected]

Published in May 2023 by

LGBT Foundation,
Fairbairn House (2nd Floor),
72 Sackville Street,
Manchester, M1 3NJ

Tel: 0345 3 30 30 30
Email: [email protected]
Web: lgbt.foundation/sexualhealth

Reg. Company No. 3476576

Reg. Charity No.1070904
A brief guide to being ready for
anal sex
Anal sex can be a really amazing experience, and
something that people can do and enjoy regardless of
their sexuality, gender or trans status.
People will express their gender and
sexuality in different ways and will
use their bodies in different ways.
There might be some stuff in this
guide that is not relevant to you,
but there is a little something for
everyone!
We hope that this guide will help
you to have better, safer and more
satisfying anal sex!
4 Sex Guide | Anal Sex
Contents
Anal sex glossary / anal slang 6
Let’s talk about sex! 9
Feelin’ myself 10
Know your body! 11
Strike a pose! 11
Will it hurt? 12
Will it get messy? 13
To douche or not to douche? 14
Trouble ‘shooting’? 15
Toy joy 17
Poppers 19
Lube it up! 20
Wrap it up! 21
Give a dam! 22
Be PrEPared! 23
PEP, PEP! 25
FAQs 26

LGBT Foundation 5
Anal sex glossary
/anal slang
Anus The arse hole.

Constipation Needing to poo but not feeling able to.

Dental Dam A small square of latex placed between the mouth and the body during oral
sex to protect against STIs. They can be made from condoms.

Douching Putting water in your arse or vagina to clean it. If you were born with a
vagina it can be unhealthy to douche.

Ejaculate Sometimes called cum, it is a fluid which comes out of the penis or vagina
when people are sexually aroused. Cum from a penis usually has sperm in it,
which can cause pregnancy if it gets inside the vagina of somebody who has
a functional uterus.

Fingering Stimulating the outside or inside of somebody’s vulva, vagina, or arse hole
using fingers.

Fisting Putting a fist inside somebody’s vagina or arse hole.

Foreplay Things you can do before sex to make you and your partner(s) more aroused.
This can including kissing, dirty talk, masturbation, role play or anything that
gets you and your partner(s) in the mood.

Frenulum The stretchy part of skin which connects the foreskin to the head of the
penis.

HIV A virus which can be passed on through sexual contact. It is carried in blood,
semen, vaginal fluid and in anal mucus. There is not a high enough level of
HIV in spit and pee to pass it on.

Laxatives Something which makes you poo. This can be a medicine, or some types of
food or drink.

6 Sex Guide | Anal Sex

Lube A slippery liquid which can be put onto the penis, fingers, fists or sex toys
before sex to help them go in, make it more comfortable and reduce the risk
of tearing. We recommend using water or silicone based lube, depending on
the type of sex you’re having.

Masturbation Stimulating your arse hole, penis, testicles, vagina, clitoris, and/or vulva with
your hands and fingers, sex toys or other objects.

Penetrative The person putting something inside someone’s body, including a penis, a
sex toy, or fingers. You may hear this called being a “top”.

PEP Short for Post-Exposure Prophylaxis, it is emergency medication that HIV

negative people can take if they have been exposed to HIV within the last 72
hours. It is sometimes called PEPSE, for ‘PEP after sexual exposure’.

PrEP Short for Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis, PrEP is medication that HIV negative
people can take to protect themselves from HIV.

Receptive The partner(s) putting something inside someone’s body, including a sex
toy, penis, or fingers. You may hear this called “bottoming”.

Rectum The part of your intestine closest to your arse hole.

Rimming Licking someone’s anus.

Vers Versatile, a term used to refer to someone who tops

and bottoms.

Sexuality/ Sexual Who someone is sexually attracted to, or has

Orientation relationships with.

STIs Sexually Transmitted Infections, which is any kind of disease passed on

through sexual contact.

Thrush A common yeast infection which can affect anyone and is usually found in
moist areas of the body including the mouth, penis, and vagina. It is usually
harmless but can be uncomfortable. Thrush is not classed as an STI.

Trans Short for transgender, meaning somebody whose gender is different from
the sex they were assigned at birth.

LGBT Foundation 7
8 Sex Guide | Anal Sex
LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX!
Knowledge helps us to address can say no to sex at any point, even
anxiety and lets people take control after sex has started. It is possible to
of their sexual health. Talking to your consent to certain types of sex but not
partner(s) about what you want from others, for example wanting to have
the relationship and the sex you’re oral sex but not anal. If your partner(s)
having might be uncomfortable, but says no at any point, you should be
opening up this discussion can be understanding and respect their
a really useful tool to help you have boundaries.
healthy and happy relationships.
It is normal for people to have
Don’t be scared to advocate for your different sex drives (how much you
own sexual wellbeing – sex should be want to have sex). This can change,
fun and give you the opportunity to sometimes suddenly if you are
explore your own wants and needs as stressed or you have started new
well as those of your partner(s). medication, or it can be a gradual
change over time. It can be frustrating
Finding out what you and your if yours or your partner(s)’ sex drive
partner(s) like opens you up to having changes, but it is important to respect
more of the sex you love, exploring that their boundaries, and have an
passion, and pleasure. Whether you honest and open discussion about both
do or don’t like penetration, if you’re of your needs.
into sex toys or oral sex, or you want
to try mutual masturbation, talk If you would like
about this! any support with your
sexual health and wellbeing, get
Communication is a really important
in touch with LGBT Foundation’s
part of sex, as it lets your partner(s)
Sexual Health Team by emailing
know that you are enjoying it and
[email protected] or
that you consent. Sexual consent
calling 0345 3 30 30 30.
should always be confident and
enthusiastic! You and your partner(s)
You’ll also find loads of information,
including a list of services we offer
at lgbt.foundation/sexualhealth

LGBT Foundation 9
FEELIN’ MYSELF
Sex can be just as good solo
as it can be with a partner(s).
Masturbation (sometimes called have a flared base so that they don’t
wanking) is normal and safe, and get stuck in your arse and need a
anyone can do it! Masturbation can hospital visit to remove!
be a fun and safe way to explore your
own body and relax. It can help you Masturbating can lead to an orgasm,
understand what you do and don’t but you don’t have to cum if you don’t
like sexually, and get used to having want to or can’t. There’s no right or
parts of your body touched in a wrong way to masturbate, and you
sexual way. Learning more about your can do it as little or as often as you
body can improve your body image like. If you’re masturbating frequently
and help you feel more comfortable or for longer sessions, lube can help
letting your partner(s) know what you you reduce friction and injury.
like and don’t like.
Some people masturbate together
Some people get pleasure from with their partner(s), which is called
touching their arse hole, penis, mutual masturbation. Remember that
testicles, vagina, clitoris, and vulva. there is a risk of STI transmission
You could just use your hands and if you touch somebody else’s penis,
fingers, try rubbing against objects vagina, or arse and then touch your
such as pillows, or use sex toys own, or if you use a sex toy which
(for more info on sex toys, see our somebody else has used before you
‘toy joy’ section). If you’re using sex without changing the condom.
toys, condoms can help you reduce
the risk of transmitting STIs. Make
sure to cover the sex toy with a new
condom for each hole and partner.
If you’re using sex toys for anal
masturbation, it’s important that they

10 Sex Guide | Anal Sex

KNOW YOUR BODY!
Changes in your body could indicate If you’re having regular unprotected
a problem such as an STI or other sex, we recommend a full sexual
infection. For example, if your periods health screening as often as every 3
or discharge change in frequency, months.
amount, colour, texture or smell this
could be because something’s not You can get a full screening at a
quite right. sexual health (GUM) clinic. This
service usually tests for HIV,
To protect yourself, know what is chlamydia, syphilis and gonorrhea.
normal for your body and if you’re You’ll pee in to a pot and swab your
worried about any changes see a anus and/or vagina with a cotton
health professional, such as a doctor bud, in a private space. Nurses will
or nurse at a sexual health clinic. also draw bloods and take a swab
from the back of your throat.

STRIKE A POSE! Different positions can also

change the angle of penetration,
and can give you better control of
If you are uncomfortable, sometimes the speed. For example, being on
it can help to try a different position! top can allow you to take control
of the speed and depth of the
Some positions mean that the thrusts.
penis, sex toy, or fingers can reach
deeper, and they can put pressure on Being in a position where your
different parts of your arse, which knees are bent, like doggy style,
can feel more uncomfortable for or lying on your side or back with
some people. your knees to your chest, can help
stop it feeling like you need to
poo.

11
LGBT Foundation 11
Will it hurt?
Anal sex is one of the many ways you can feel pleasure
while knowing your body and experiencing something
different, but people can be put off because they think
it will hurt.
It is normal to worry about pain Anuses do not produce their own
before having anal sex but it should lube so you need to make sure you
not hurt. If it does, that is a sign that are using enough! It can also hurt if
you might be tearing the lining of the you go too quickly or if you are not
anus, which can increase the risk of relaxed. It is always worth starting
HIV or other STIs. slow, and with a finger or two before
inserting a penis, fist, or large sex toy
There are a lot of nerve endings into your arse.
all around the anus which can be
stimulated by kissing, licking, running If you are feeling nervous and tense,
your finger around the anus and your arse hole will also be tense and
penetration, which is why anal sex so it will be tighter. This can make
can be so pleasurable. It is also why your skin more likely to tear as well,
people are sometimes concerned so if you are feeling nervous, let your
about pain, and why it is important partner(s) know, and take a few deep
to take your time and even try breaths to relax yourself. Always talk
experimenting on your own with sex to your partner(s) if something is
toys or fingers. uncomfortable, and let them know
if they do something that you really
You can also try experimenting on enjoy. Conversation can be sexy!
your own first, using butt plugs or
anal beads to become familiar with
the sensation and become more
confident with inserting something
larger.

12 Sex Guide | Anal Sex

Will it get messy?
Sometimes during anal sex it can feel If you don’t have a prostate, anal sex
like you are full and like you need can still feel really good, especially if
to go the bathroom. This is because you or your partner(s) stimulate other
usually, when there is something in parts of your body at the same time!
your rectum it means you need to
poo. This can then make you feel If you feel too uncomfortable ask
nervous which can make anal sex your partner(s) to stop, slow down or
uncomfortable. It is important to maybe try a different position that
remember that there is only normally will make you feel more comfortable.
poo if you need to go, so if you felt But conversations like this don’t have
fine before, you are more than likely to be awkward or uncomfortable.
still fine. Check out page 14 “To
Douche or not to Douche?” for more
information on staying clean.
Anal sex can also stimulate the
prostate if you have one, a gland
which helps produce cum. It is
usually found a few inches in, and
is easier to stimulate with fingers
if you curl your finger towards your
partner(s)’s stomach. Some people
really enjoy it, but for others it can
make it feel like you need to pee
when you or your partner(s) rub your
prostate. Try it out and be sure to
communicate with your partner(s)
about how you feel.

LGBT Foundation 13
To douche or
not to douche?
Douching is not necessary for anal You can also buy over-the-counter
sex, as there is normally only poo in douches from pharmacies and
the rectum (up your arse) if you need supermarkets that are normally used
to go to the toilet. Some people feel to help with constipation.
more comfortable after douching,
especially if they are going to be If you do use these douches before
having rougher sex or getting fisted. anal sex, it is important to rinse them
out before filling them with water
Douching can irritate the lining of because they may contain laxatives.
your rectum (arse) and can make it
easier to get infections, including It can take some time to get all the
HIV. If you decide to douche, it is water out when you douche, so make
important to only use water at body sure you douche at least an hour
temperature. You should never use before having sex, as you may need
soap or any cleaning products, as to go to the toilet a few times to get
this will irritate the lining of your rid of all the water inside you.
rectum even more.
We recommend using a small bulb
douche as this is easy to use and
control. We do not recommend using
douches that attach to a shower
because it is harder to control the
temperature of the water and the
amount of water that goes inside you.

14 Sex Guide | Anal Sex

 Trouble ‘shooting’?
People have different needs and wants when they
have sex. Some people might just want a quickie, and
others might want longer, more intimate sessions.

How you want to have sex can also When you masturbate, you can
depend on when you do it, who you also try going until you are close
do it with and how. If you having sex to cumming, then stopping for 30
you really enjoy then you might cum seconds. Keep repeating this until
more quickly than usual. you feel ready to cum and allow
yourself to finish. By doing this a few
This can make some people worry times your body gets used to the
about not pleasing their partner(s) feelings it has when you are about to
s, and this is perfectly normal. Try cum, and means it will take a little bit
talking to your partner(s) and come longer to cum during sex.
up with a few simple words to use if
you are close to cumming, like “wait” You might be tempted to use
or “hold it”. This way, you can take numbing sprays or numbing lube,
the attention off you, and maybe but if you are not using any barriers
use a sex toy with your partner(s) to it can also pass the numbing effect
keep them in the mood. When the onto your partner(s), which will delay
sensation is over, get back to what their orgasm too. If you’re numb
you were doing. and don’t use enough lube, you may
not feel any tears, this can lead to
Also remember that you don’t need delayed pain and an increased risk of
to cum to have great, exciting and HIV and other STIs.
fulfilling sex.

LGBT Foundation 15
People who have an uncircumcised
penis may struggle to pull back their
foreskin fully when they are erect.
This may be because their foreskin
or their frenulum is too tight. If the
foreskin is pulled too far back during
sex, this can be painful, and cause
tearing. Tight foreskins may be
more difficult to keep clean, and dry,
which can increase the likelihood
of infections like thrush. If you’re
experiencing any pain or discomfort,
we recommend talking to a medical
professional about this.
Sometimes people may struggle to
get or keep an erect penis during
sex. This can be because of age,
medication like anti-depressants, or
if someone is taking oestrogen.
There can sometimes be medical
reasons why people cum too quickly,
or struggle to cum. This may be
harmless, but could be a symptom
of another health problem. We
recommend talking to your GP if
you’re worried.

16 Sex Guide | Anal Sex

Toy joy
Sex toys are a great way to enjoy sex,
either alone or with your partner(s)!
They come in all shapes, materials, What do they do?
and sizes, each with their own unique
uses – finding the best toy for you is Some sex toys can be used inside
all about exploring what’s around! the arse to stimulate the anus and
prostate (like dildos, anal beads and
Power? butt plugs) and some are made to
be used outside the body and can be
Some toys vibrate, thrust, or rotate, used to stimulate your arse hole (like
with different speeds, power levels, small vibrators).
and patterns. You can get mains
powered, rechargeable or battery Using vibrating toys can feel too
powered toys, or ones which don’t powerful at first – if you need to dull
have a power source at all (like the vibrations you could try keeping
dildos). your underwear on, or putting a towel
or blanket between yourself and
If your toy uses batteries and you’re the vibrator to make it less strong.
not going to use it for a while, take Similarly, if you find the vibrations
the batteries out before you store are not strong enough, putting in a
it. This avoids batteries draining or fresh set of batteries will often do the
leaking and ruining your toy. trick.
If you are putting a sex toy inside
your arse hole, make sure it has a
flared base so that it cannot get lost
inside your body – this will save you
from embarrassing hospital visits to
get the toy out!

LGBT Foundation 17
Safety & storage
When buying a sex toy, it is important
to check what material it is made
from because it could contain latex,
which some people are allergic to. It
also changes how you use and clean
it.
If your sex toy is made of silicone,
you should not use silicone lube with
it because this will damage the sex
toy and make it uncomfortable and
unsafe to use.
You should always clean your sex toys
before and after each use, paying
special attention to areas where
two materials or parts of the toy
meet (like around buttons or battery
compartments).
We recommend always putting a
condom on a sex toy and changing
the condom between partner(s), and
holes, to avoid infection.

18 Sex Guide | Anal Sex

 Poppers
Sometimes people will use poppers to help
them bottom. Poppers can help to relax the
muscles in your arse, which can make getting
penetrated easier.
They do this by increasing the blood The effects of poppers do not last
flow to your arse, which makes the long and it can make some people
muscles relax. feel sick, faint and weak. They can
also cause extreme headaches,
Because there is more blood flow, rashes around the mouth and burn
it can be easier to tear and this can the skin if they come into contact.
increase your risk of HIV and other You should never swallow poppers as
STIs. You can protect yourself using they are toxic, and don’t take poppers
condoms and PrEP, Check out our and viagra together because the drug
sections on “Wrap it up!” and “Be interaction can be fatal.
PrEPared” for more information on
protecting yourself from HIV and
STIs.

LGBT Foundation 19
Lube it up!

Using lube is important

during anal sex because the anus does not
lubricate itself. If you do not use lube, it can
cause the skin inside your rectum to tear,
which is painful and can also increase the
risk of getting HIV and STIs.

With lube, we recommend to start off with a

few drops, and if you feel as though you’re
not lubricated enough, then gradually add
more.

Water-based and silicone-based lube are

the best for anal sex, though you cannot use
silicone based lube with silicone sex toys,
as this will damage the sex toy and make it
uncomfortable and unsafe to use. When in
doubt, we recommend that you always use
water-based lube.

Do not use petroleum jelly or any other

random things such as oils, butters, and
moisturisers that you have lying around
your bedroom as lube, as these can break
the condom or harm the most sensitive
parts of your skin.

20 Sex Guide | Anal Sex

Wrap it up!
Using a condom is the most effective
way to stop you and your partner(s)
from passing on HIV and other STIs.
Before using a condom, you need If you are using sex toys, it is
to check that it has not passed its important to use a condom, and
best before date. Condom packs change the condom every time the
should have the kite mark and the toy is used in a different hole or on
CE mark to show the condoms are a different person. This will protect
good quality. You should only use one you and your partner(s)(s) from HIV
condom at once, because using more and other STIs.
than one increases the likelihood of
them both breaking. If you are fingering or fisting, you
can use gloves or condoms on your
If you or your partner(s) are allergic hands or fingers to protect against
to latex, there are many varieties STIs that are passed on through
of latex-free condoms. Condoms contact, like syphilis.
come in varying sizes, textures,
and materials, so have some fun You could also use internal condoms
experimenting to find the right one (sometimes called femidoms or
for you! female condoms) for anal sex,
just take the inner ring out of the
If you are using a condom on a penis, condom first!
you should hold on to the base of
the condom and move away from Some people also use condoms
your partner(s) before taking it off during anal sex so that if there is
to reduce any risk of spilling bodily any poo, all you have to do is roll the
fluids which could cause pregnancy, condom off.
HIV or STI transmission.

LGBT Foundation 21
Give a dam!
If you are rimming it is important to Dental dams can be made from a
use a dental dam. condom, and they can help you to stop
any fluids or poo that carry transmit
Oral sex carries a very low HIV risk, STIs from the anus to the mouth, such
but if you have ulcers or bleeding as Shigella.
gums, be careful. Hepatitis A is most
often caught through rimming. It You should never reuse a dental dam,
is also possible to get other STIs and always change dental dams
like gonorrhoea and syphilis from between holes and partner(s).
rimming.

Turn a Condom
in to a Dental Dam

Cut down the Use the latex

Open & unroll Cut off the top rectangle for
the condom of the condom side of the
condom protection during
oral sex

22 Sex Guide | Anal Sex

Be PrEPared!
PrEP is a pill that can prevent you from getting HIV.
You can either take it daily, or you can take it before,
during, and after sex (sometimes called event-based
dosing).
How you take it depends on the sex It is important to remember that
you will be having and on which PrEP only protects you against HIV,
works best for you. not other STIs. Condoms and regular
testing are the best ways to protect
Event-based dosing works well if yourself from other STIs, such as
you are having anal sex, or if you are chlamydia or gonorrhoea.
the penetrative partner(s) in vaginal
sex, but it does not work if you are You don’t need to take PrEP forever;
the receptive partner(s) in vaginal if you decide to stop having sex and
sex. This is because it takes at least you’re not at risk of getting HIV any
7 days for PrEP levels to build up in more, you can stop taking it.
vaginal tissue.
Daily dosing works best if you take
it the same time every day, so it
helps to make it part of your routine.
Leave it next to your toothbrush and
toothpaste so you remember to take
it every morning, or next to your bed
so you take it when you wake up.

LGBT Foundation 23
PrEP is great for people who worry PrEP does not interact with any
a lot about HIV, even when they hormonal treatment or contraceptive,
use a condom and want a bit more though it can interact with some other
peace of mind. It can also be good medications, so it is worth speaking to
for people who are allergic to latex, your GP if you are on other medication
or struggle to find the right fit with and worried about interaction.
condoms, although there are now
more ways to find the right condom PrEP is not currently available on the
for you. Finally, it is also good for NHS in England and Northern Ireland
people who don’t like the feeling of but it is in Wales and Scotland, subject
condoms and prefer the feeling of to you meeting certain criteria which
skin-to-skin contact. will vary by country. It can also be
bought legally online, though it is
PrEP can have some side effects. It important to make sure you are using
can interact with your kidneys, and a website you can trust such as:
make them not work as well as they
should. If you are on PrEP you need www.iwantprepnow.co.uk
to speak to your doctor about getting
a kidney function test every three
months. If the test shows your kidney
function has been affected, you may
need to come off of PrEP for a while
to allow your kidneys to return to
normal, and then you can start taking
it again.

24 Sex Guide | Anal Sex

 PEP, PEP!
PEP is a strong combination of HIV medicines
which can help stop you getting HIV after
potentially being exposed to it.
You can get PEP from a Sexual PEP is available for free on the NHS,
Health Clinic if it is open, and from but it is very expensive, so it is only
A&E at any time. When you arrive at given to people if they think the risk
the Sexual Health Clinic or A&E, you is great enough. You will be asked
should explain that you think you about the HIV status of the person
have been exposed to HIV and would you have had sex with and the kinds
like to take PEP. of sex that you had.
PEP is a 28 day course of medication, The chance of you being given PrEP
and you need to start taking it changes depending on your answers
within 72 hours of unprotected sex. to these questions, and details
It will be more effective the quicker around the risk incident, so it is
you take it, with some guidelines important you are honest with them
recommending that you start within about what happened.
24 or 48 hours.

LGBT Foundation 25
FAQs “How do I
know if I can trust
“I’m worried my new partner(s)s?”
about gas “It is normal to be nervous around
building up in my arse” a new partner(s) and this can make
it harder to trust them. If they are
”It is normal to be worried about gas new in your life, you are still getting
build up, and farting when you have to know each other, and figuring
sex. Sometimes your partner(s) can out what you like to do during sex.
push air up your arse if they pull out It could be a good idea to dirty talk
fully and push back in, which pushes a little over the phone, or to meet
air in front of the finger, fist, penis or in public and talk for a little before
sex toy, so if you are anxious about sex, so you know more about them
farting, try to avoid fully pulling out.” and what they are like as a person.
Communication is key to building
trust!”

“How safe is it
to engage in bareback
sex on PrEP?”
“PrEP does work and there have been
many trials that show it protects
people from HIV. As long as you
take it properly, it is more than 99%
effective at protecting you from HIV.
How you dose PrEP can depend on
the kinds of sex you have.” Find out
more information on page 23 in our
“Be PrEPared!” section!

26 Sex Guide | Anal Sex

 “Is anal sex
as enjoyable as
it seems?”
“I’ve heard “There is no pressure on you to try
anal sex if you are worried about
anal sex can make enjoying it or not, you should only
you prolapse, is do it because you want to. If you
that true?” are worried about enjoying it, just
remember to take it slow, and
“Prolapsing is where your rectum remember that everybody is a little
or parts sticks out from your arse bit different, and what you have seen
hole to form a lump. It can be or heard that one person likes, might
caused by constipation, diarrhoea not be what you enjoy at all. It can
and excessive pressure, like you help to start off by masturbating on
might experience during pregnancy, your own, and try putting fingers or a
but there is no evidence to show sex toy up your arse and seeing how
prolapsing can be caused by sex. It is it feels. If you like it, keep going! If
possible that you could damage your you don’t you can stop and try again.”
rectum by having vigourous sex, sex
without lube or by continuing to have
sex if it hurts and you have tightened
up. This can put pressure on your
rectum, and could potentially cause
a prolapse. If you do have a prolapse,
it is important to talk to your GP
to get the right advice. Do not just
push it back in, as it might not go
back where it should be, and it could
cause a blockage. ”

LGBT Foundation 27
 WE EMPOWER LGBTQ+
PEOPLE TO REALISE
THEIR FULL POTENTIAL,
EVERY DAY.
All LGBTQ+ people deserve to
have fulfilling sex lives and
intimate relationships without
fear or shame.
Published in May 2023 by Tel: 0345 3 30 30 30
LGBT Foundation, Email: [email protected]
Fairbairn House (2nd Floor), Web: lgbt.foundation/sexualhealth
72 Sackville Street,
Manchester, M1 3NJ Reg. Company No. 3476576
Reg. Charity No.1070904

#SEXWITHOUTSHAME