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Business Correspondence Examples

Emma Boyle

400570264

BUS850

Business Communications

Assignment 2

Jennifer Frost
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Report on Example 1:

Issues Identified:
1. Lack of formality: The message must be more formal for a meeting request. The initial
greeting and tone of the message need to be more formal in professional communication.
Using a casual greeting and informal language may create an impression of
unprofessionalism, especially when requesting a meeting.
2. Unclear purpose: The reason for the meeting is vaguely mentioned without specifying the
urgency or importance. The purpose of the meeting needs to be clarified, making it
difficult for the recipient to understand the urgency or significance of the request. With a
clear explanation, the recipient may prioritize the meeting appropriately and adequately
prepare for it.
3. Informal language: Casual language and abbreviations may not be suitable for
professional communication. The message employs informal language and abbreviations,
which may be perceived as unprofessional in a business setting. Professional
communication should adhere to a more formal and respectful tone to convey the
seriousness of the discussed matter.

Suggestions for Improvement:

4. Begin with a formal salutation. Start the message with a formal salutation to set a
professional tone. Using the recipient's full name and an appropriate title contributes to a
more respectful and business-like communication style.
5. Clearly state the purpose of the meeting and its urgency. Articulate the reason for the
meeting, provide context and specify the urgency or importance. This ensures the
recipient understands the significance of the request and can prioritize accordingly.
6. Request the required materials more formally. Instead of using casual language, formally
request the materials needed. Clearly state what is required and why, emphasizing the
importance of the information for the upcoming meeting.
7. End with a professional closing. Conclude the message with a professional closing to
leave a positive and formal impression. This reinforces the professionalism of the entire
communication.

Rewritten Message:

Subject: Meeting Request for Project Clarification

Dear [Recipient's Name],

I hope this message finds you well. I am requesting a brief meeting around noon today to discuss
clarifications regarding the upcoming project deadline. Your insights are crucial in ensuring we
meet the project milestones successfully.

Additionally, please provide printouts of the report you presented last week. Your assistance in
this matter is highly appreciated.

Please let me know your availability for the meeting.

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Best regards,
Judy

Report on Example 4:

Issues Identified:
1. Informal language and lack of formality: The message must have the formality
required for professional communication. The casual language and informal tone give
the impression of a lack of seriousness or professionalism, especially when reaching
out for a business-related matter.
2. A vague reference to a previous meeting: The reference to a previous meeting needs
to be more specific. With more details, it may be easier for the recipient to recall the
specific interaction, leading to clarity and potentially hindering effective
communication.
3. Lack of clear purpose and specifics about the request: The purpose of the email needs
to be explicitly stated, making it unclear why the sender is reaching out. Additionally,
more specific details about the request or CV are needed to make it easier for the
recipient to understand the purpose and respond appropriately.

Suggestions for Improvement:

4. Use a more formal tone and structure: The message should adopt a more professional
tone and structure to enhance formality. This includes a formal salutation, proper
language, and a respectful closing to convey the seriousness of the communication.
5. Clearly state the purpose of the email and provide context: Articulating the email's
purpose and providing context will help the recipient understand the reason for the
communication. This can be achieved by providing a brief overview or reminder of
the previous meeting.
6. Specify the reason for requesting a meeting and offer more details about the CV: To
improve clarity, the message should specify the reason for requesting a meeting and
provide more details about the CV. This includes highlighting specific CV aspects
relevant to the recipient and expressing a clear purpose for the meeting.

Rewritten Message:

Subject: Request for Meeting to Discuss My CV

Dear [Recipient's Name],

I trust this message finds you well. I am the individual you met at the conference last week, and I
hope you had the opportunity to review my CV.

I am writing to discuss my qualifications further. Let's schedule a meeting at your earliest

convenience to explore potential opportunities and address any questions you may have
regarding my experience.
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Thank you for your time, and I look forward to meeting with you.

Best regards,
Mark

Report on Example 5:

Issues Identified:
1. Urgency conveyed without proper context: Urgent communication without sufficient
background or context can create confusion and anxiety among participants. Participants
may feel stressed or uncertain about the importance of the meeting, affecting their ability
to prepare adequately.
2. Lack of clarity on the purpose of the meeting: With a clear understanding of the meeting's
purpose, participants may focus on relevant topics, leading to productive discussions. The
meeting may need more direction, wasting time and resources as participants engage in
off-topic discussions, or fail to address critical issues.
3. Incomplete instructions: Participants need clear guidance on their roles and
responsibilities to ensure effective collaboration. Ambiguity in instructions may lead to
participants not contributing effectively or overlooking important tasks, hindering the
meeting's success.

Suggestions for Improvement:

4. Provide context for the urgency of the meeting: Include a brief overview of the
circumstances or events leading to the urgency. Offer relevant background information to
help participants understand why immediate attention is required. Clarify the potential
impact on the organization or project if the matter needs to be addressed promptly.
5. Clearly state the purpose of the meeting and what is expected: Begin the communication
with a concise and clear statement of the meeting's objective. Outline the specific goals
and outcomes expected from the meeting. Provide a structured agenda highlighting key
topics to be discussed.
6. Specify roles and responsibilities for each participant: Clearly define the roles of each
participant, emphasizing their contributions to the meeting. Communicate expectations
regarding preparation, participation, and any specific tasks assigned to individuals.
Ensure everyone knows their responsibilities to foster a collaborative and productive
environment.

Rewritten Message:
Subject: Urgent Meeting in the Conference Room

Dear Sophia,

An urgent meeting has been called in the conference room to discuss the details of the new
construction project mentioned by the boss yesterday. Please bring all relevant files and
documents with you.
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Kindly coordinate with John, Nisha, Mary, and Tom to ensure their attendance.

John, please arrange for food as the meeting may be extended.

Thank you.

Best regards,
[Your Name]

Overall Recommendations:
1. Formality: All messages need a more formal tone, suitable for professional
communication.
2. Clarity: Clearly state the purpose and expectations to avoid confusion.
3. Language: Use correct spelling and grammar for professionalism.
4. Structure: Follow a formal structure with a salutation, clear body, and professional
closing.

These improvements enhance professionalism, clarity, and effectiveness in business

correspondence.

References

Business Communication: How to Write a Formal Business Letter. (n.d.). GCFGlobal.org.

https://edu.gcfglobal.org/en/business-communication/how-to-write-a-formal-business-
letter/1/
The Basic Business Letter - Purdue OWL® - Purdue University. (n.d.).
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/subject_specific_writing/professional_technical_writing/
basic_business_letters/index.html
R. (2023, May 18). Sample Email To Supplier For New Business: How To Craft A Compelling
Message - Ricardolevinsmorales. Ricardolevinsmorales.com.
https://ricardolevinsmorales.com/sample-email-to-supplier-for-new-business/