International Journal of Contemporary Islamic Law and Society

Vol. 2 No. 1 Tahun 2020 1

The Role of Husband and Wife in

Child Care From Islamic Law
Perspectives

Minhar Minhar1*, Zainal Abidin 2, Hilal Malarangan3

1 Islamic Law Department, Postgraduate, Institut Agama Islam Negeri Palu

2 Islamic Law Department, Postgraduate, Institut Agama Islam Negeri Palu
3 Faculty of Islamic Economis and Business, Institut Agama Islam Negeri Palu

ABSTRACT ARTICLE
INFORMATION

This paper discusses the role of husband and wife in child care from Keywords:
Islamic perspective. This study uses qualitative methods and data
Husband, Wife,
was gathered through observation, in-depth interviews, and written
Childcare, Islamic law
material. Data analysis was analyzed using grounded theory
approach. The results show that parenting activities in the village of
Tinggede are not only about rising children, but also about
educating, guiding, and protecting children from childhood to
adulthood in accordance with Islamic values, norms and culture.
The parents expect their children can grow and develop naturally,
harmony, and balance based on Islamic teaching. Parenting in
Islamic law (hadhanah) is a responsibility of both parents who must
get special attention from their parents in particular during
childhood period. The authors conclude that parents should
accompany their children with Islamic values and norms to
inculcate religious behavior of their children.

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1. Introduction women. With her gentleness, a woman

Family is the first environment for as a housewife can act as a balancing
children. The rational is that the smallest factor for men in family life. The role of
institution (family) in our society has a wife can help her husband in taking
influenced development stage of care of their house and children.3
individual members, including children. Every mother when she is married must
It is this group that gives birth to dream of getting pregnant and giving
individuals with various forms of birth to a child, and this is the nature of
personality in society. Therefore it is every woman who is not easy to live,
undeniable that family actually has a because it should be a struggle for any
function that is not only limited to bring women. When a woman is pregnant,
offspring in our society.1 she endures unspeakable pains taking. It
When a child was born every would give her experience between life
parent really wants that child to be a and death. The household is a small
godly child. To enable this to come to kingdom of a family and therefore
existence, educational process where indeed it is proper to be led by a man. A
children go through and experience man could be a priest in a family. The
must also be right. The duty of a father degree of male leadership is always
and a mother is not only to provide above women. 4
protection, food and clothes, but also Allah has outlined something very
being responsible for providing special for women. He (God) has
emotional protection and safety from bestowed them with emotional and
negative influences on their children. feeling stronger than their rationality.5
Basic education provided by Therefore, we see a mother who goes
fathers and mothers and strong through her days beside her son who is
religious teachings are very important lying on bed. They can still survive and
to avoid unwanted symptoms. Hence, feel heavy burden of their husbands and
family environment is very influential children when they have to go through
for children's lives. This is not only for a crisis. In addition, they are able to
glory, but also more than that, degree of overcome how difficult it is to educate
responsibility in a family.2 and raise their children.6
The functions and duties of
women are in accordance with nature of
their women, among others; woman
3 Hasbi Indra Dkk, Potret Wanita
Shalehah (Jakarta: Pernamadani, 2004), 5-8.
(wife) is a leader in household affairs. 4 Ibid.,
Meanwhile, a husband is a leader in 5 Rusli, R. (2018). Fikih Ekologi dan

family affairs. In practice, leadership Kearifan Tradisional: Tinjauan Terhadap

and family tasks are mostly done by Konsep Ihya' al-Mawat dan Hima. Hunafa: Jurnal
Studia Islamika, 5(3), 287-298.
6 Syaikh Mutawalli Asya’rawi, Fikih
1 Mardiya,Kiat Kiat Khusus Membangun Perempuan (Muslimah) Busana Dan Perhiasan,
Keluarga Sejahtera (Jakarta: BKKBN, 2002), 10. Penghormatan Atas Perempuan, Sampai Wanita
2 Ibid., 11 Karier (Jakarta: Amzah, 2003), 144.
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Unlike a mother, a father plays role husband where his wife and progenies
as a leader in his family. He plays as a could learn faith from.
role model for his children. Due to this A husband in carrying out his
important role, a father will be called a role in his family while he cannot
good role model for his children. provide adequate living for members of
A living is a treasure spent by a family (his wife and children), a wife
husband for his wife and children in the could work for supporting her family.
form of food, clothes, shelter and other However, wives who work could
things. Being a father is a pride of every potentially cause problems of
man and because of this he is a priceless disharmony in a family. Many cases
gift to his family. where wives have to work today
The division of roles between because their husbands could not carry
men and women or husband and wife out their duties properly. In this context,
according to the conventional view, is wives in their working career could not
divided into two areas. Private area, take care of their household
which includes households, kitchen appropriately as they have to work at
matters is fully left to women. While the same time. As a result, burden on
public zone consists of offices, political these types wives increases.
spheres, village deliberations, trade, In Islam, duties of a husband and
agriculture, and others become men's a wife do not only revolve around
responsibility. Men are expected to be providing protection, food and clothing,
foundation for a family in making a but they are also responsible for
living. On the other hand, women are providing emotional protection and
considered as male supporters who play safety from negative influences. Basic
an important role in household affairs. education provided by husband and
Even though this role division has not wife, especially good religious
yet reached peak of equality, it is at least teachings, is very important to avoid
regarded as a form of balance between unwanted symptoms, because family
duties of men and women.7 environment plays an important role in
A husband is a priest for his wife, inculcating good character for their
a head of a family, and a head of school children.
for his children. Hence, a competent Household as a formation of a
husband is obliged to provide religious family should be fostered by a wise
guidance to his wife which allows for husband. However, a degree of
his wife’s faith to improve. As a leadership of a husband over his wife is
husband is a role model for his wife and not only a degree of glory. Rather, it is a
children he is expected to be ideal degree of responsibility in his family.

2. Literature Review
2.1 Parenting Children in Islam
7 Abdul Monir Yacoob dan Siti
Shamsiah, Hukum Keluarga Islam (Jakarta: According to Ahmad Tafsir,
Kencana, 2006), 23. parenting means education, while
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education is conscious guidance in and behaviors of children while in the

physical and spiritual development of orphanage are very much influenced by
students towards formation of primary the pattern of caregiving by their
personality.8 Gunarso made mention caregiver. This in the long run has a
that: strong influence on children’s mental
Parenting is a way for parents to development. Since they could have
act, interact, and guide their different backgrounds, it fits for
children 9 as an activity which caregivers to choose an ideal parenting
involves many specific behaviors for them. In practice, however, many
individually and collectively. caregivers are still too rigid and limited
Another view on parenting toward to one type of parenting. They could not
children is a form of interaction adapt to context and needs as well
between children and caregivers abilities of children under their control.
during parenting activities which a. Types of Parenting
means caregivers educate, guide Types of parenting in general
and inculcate sense of discipline according to Baumrind cited in Kartono
and protect children to achieve consists of four types of parenting
maturity in accordance with norms patterns:
acceptable in society.10
The pattern of care provided by 1) Democratic Parenting
caregivers to foster children can be in Democratic parenting is a type of
physical or psychological form. This is parenting that prioritizes the interests of
reflected in speech, attitudes, behavior children, but it does not hesitate to
and actions. 11 control them. Caregivers with this type
The pattern of care is an overall are rational and they always base their
interaction between caregivers with actions on reasons or thoughts. This
foster children, where caregivers intend type of caregiver is also realistic about
to stimulate their children by changing children's abilities, not expecting
behavior, knowledge and values that excessively from children under their
are considered most appropriate by control beyond their abilities.
caregivers. Thus, children can be Caregivers of this type also give
independent, grow and develop in a freedom to children to choose and be
healthy and good manner. All attitudes friendly to them.
According to Hurlock,
8 Danny I. Yatim Irwanto, Kepribadian Keluarga democratic parenting implements two-
Narkotika (Jakarta: Arcan, 1991), 94. way communication in implementing
9 Yulia Singgih D. Gunarsa, Psikologi Anak dan rules. They see that children have rights
Remaja (Jakarta: BPK Gunung Mulia, 2002), 37. to know why these regulations are
10Harris Clemes, Mengajarkan Disisplin Kepada
made, and they are given opportunities
Anak (Jakarta: Mitra Utama, 1996), 28.
11 Theo Riyanto, Pembelajaran Sebagai Proses to express their own opinions when
Bimbingan Pribadi (Jakarta: Gramedia, they consider the rules being imposed
Widiasarana Indonesia, 2002), 89. are unfair. Even though children is still
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insignificant in terms of power, they without any freedom to ask or express

should be given an explanation of the their own opinions.15
rules being implemented. Since Hurlock views that authoritarian
democratic caregivers do not expect parents apply rules and notices to
foster children to obey their rules children that must be obeyed. Caregiver
blindly, they would never behave harsh does not explain to children why they
to children under their control and must be obedient. Children are not
thereby physical punishment are rarely given opportunities to express their
given.12 opinions about fairness of rules being
The characteristics of democratic implemented or whether the rules are
parenting are as follows: reasonable or not. If children do not
a) Determine rules and sense of obey rules, they will be given penalties.
discipline on the basis of reasonable Authoritarian caregivers assume that
and acceptable reasons they must be punishment is an effective way to
understood by children. prevent rule violations in the future.16
b) Give direction about how to act This opinion is supported by Barnadib.
appropriately and good manners In his view, authoritarian caregivers are
must be maintained by children. deemed as role holders. All power is in
c) Give guidance with understanding. them, and all children's activities are
d) Create harmony as in a family at the determined by them. Children have
Orphanage. absolutely no right to express
e) Create a communicative atmosphere opinions.17
between caregivers, children and This type of upbringing tends to
fellow families.13 set absolute standards that must be
obeyed, usually accompanied by
2) Authoritarian parenting threats. This type of caregiver tends to
In Indonesian dictionary, force, rule, punish. If children do not
authoritarian means having power want to do what their caregivers say,
alone and arbitrary.14 Singgih D. caregivers do not hesitate to punish
Gunarsaa defines authoritarian children under their control. Caregivers
parenting is a form of parenting that like this also do not know how to
requires children to be obedient to all compromise in one-way
orders and rules made by caregivers communication. They do not need

15
Singgih D. Gunasa, Psikologi
12
Elizabeth, B. Hurlock. Perkembangan Perkembangan Anak dan Remaja (Jakarta: PT BPK
Anak Jilid II, (Jakarta: Erlangga, 1995), 94. Gunung Mulia, 1995), 87.
13
Zahara Idris dan Lisma Jamal, 16
Hurlock, Perkembangan, 93.
Pengantar Pendidikan (Jakarta: Gramedia, 17
Sutari Imam Barnadib, Pengantar Ilmu
Widiasarana, 2002), 88. Pendidikan Sistematis (Yogyakarta: offset, 1995),
14
Depdikbud, Kamus Besar Bahasa 123.
Indonesia, (Jakarta: Bulan Bintang, 1996), 692.
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feedback from their foster children to rewarded when they behave socially
understand. well.20
The characteristics of This pattern provides very loose
authoritarian parenting are as follows: supervision. It provides opportunities
a) Children must obey rules of caregiver for foster children to do something
and must not refute them. without adequate supervision of their
b) Caregivers tend to look for children's caregivers. They tend not to reprimand
mistakes and then punish them. or warn if their foster children are in
c) Caregivers tend to give commands trouble or danger and very little
and prohibitions to children. guidance is given to them.
d) If there is a difference in opinion However, this type of caregiver is
between caregivers and children, it is usually warm which is liked by
considered a rebellious. children. Permissive parenting are
e) Caregivers tend to impose discipline. elaborated as follows:
f) Caregivers tend to force things on a) Let children act alone without
children and children are only the monitoring and guiding them.
objects of the rules. b) Educating foster children
g) Lack of communication between indifferently, being passive and
caregivers and children.18 indifferent.
c) Prioritize material needs only.
3) Permissive Parenting d) Let alone what children do (giving
Permissive care is type of care that too much freedom to regulate
gives full freedom to children to choose themselves without any rules and
and regulate their behavior.19 This norms outlined by caregivers).
pattern of nurture is reversed to e) Lack of intimacy and warm
authoritarian parenting. Said Hurlock relationships in family.21
made mention that permissive M. Thalib states permissive
caregivers do not teach rules to their caregivers as follows:
foster children. Children are often not a). Not strict in implementing
given boundaries or constraints that regulations.
govern what may and should not be b). Children are given freedom to do
done. They are given permission to and fulfill their desires.22
make their own decisions. They are not Permissive care patterns are
punished for violating, nor are they characterized by unlimited freedom to
children to behave according to their

18
Zahara Idris dan Lisma Jamal, 20
Hurlock, Perkembangan Anak, 93.
Pengantar Pendidikan (Jakarta: Gramedia, 1998) 21
Idris dan Lisma Jamal, Pengantar, 89-
88. 90.
19
Arini Hidayah, Televisi dan 22
M. Thalib, 40 Tanggung Jawab Orang
Perkembangan Sosial Anak (Yogyakarta: Pustaka Tua Terhadap Anak, (Bandung: Irsyad Baitus
pelajar, 1998), 45. Salam, 1995), 7-9.
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own desires.23 Caregivers do not There are several factors that

provide rules or direct foster children to affect parenting / caregivers for foster
the right path. The child does not children, including:
understand whether his behavior is 1) Gender
right or wrong because his caregiver Caregivers tend to be harder on
never justifies or blames his foster child. girls than boys.
Consequently, foster child will 2) Culture
behave according to his own desires, no Background of children creates
matter whether it is in accordance with differences in childcare patterns. This is
community norms or not.24 also related to different roles between
men and women in a society's culture.
4) Abused Parenting c. Social status
These types of caregivers Caregivers with low educational
generally give very little time and background, middle and lower class
money to their foster children. A lot of economic levels tend to be tougher,
time is used for their personal needs, coercive and less tolerant than those
such as working to provide minimal from upper class family. However, they
costs for children's needs.25 are more consistent.27
This parenting style has
characteristics stated by Gunarsah: 2.2 Husband and Wife Leadership in the
1) Caregivers spend more time outside House
their house A leader is someone who has the
2) Attention given to children ability to influence and move others to
development is lacking achieve goals. Success or failure of an
3) Allowing foster children to get along organization depends on the ability of
too freely outside their house.26 leadership in moving all members of the
Children are one of the gifts organization to achieve their goals.
given by God to someone. Without Courtois in Sutarto describes that
children there will be no sign of life in a "groups without leaders such as bodies
family. without heads, easily become heretics,
panic, chaos, anarchy and others".28
b. Factors that influence parenting Leaders must have a desire to
lead. Various studies confirm that a
strong desire to lead many people is
23
Rusli, R. (2009). Gagasan Khaled Abu
characteristics of effective leaders.
Fadl tentang “Islam Moderat" versus "Islam
Puritan" (Perspektif Sosiologi Pengetahuan). Furthermore, Bass Edwin explained that
Jurnal Ilmiah Ilmu Ushuluddin, 8(1), 99-123 leaders are more resilient in dealing
with obstacles than non-leaders and
24 Danny I. Yatim, Kepribadian Keluarga

Narkotika (Jakarta: Arcan, 1991), 97.

25 Kartini Kartini, Peran Orang Tua Dalam 27 Ibid.,
Memandu Anak, (Jakarta: Rajawali, 1992), 39. Sutarto, Kepemimpinan (Jakarta: Gema
28
26 Gunarsa, Psikologi, 56. Press, 2008), 46.
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have capacity to work with goals that mercy by God; Surely Allah is
are far ahead and have a level of will Mighty, Wise.30
power or determination. Leaders prefer
actions that challenge a process rather 3. Methodology
than simply wait while giving a smile. This study uses qualitative
Effective leaders usually use a catch approach investigating Muslim families
approach and endlessly show greater in Tinggede,a village located in
initiative compared to non-leaders.29 Marawola Sub-district, Sigi. The
If viewed in the Islamic concept, informants of this study are the head of
the task of humans as leaders on earth is the village, Religious Leaders,
to prosper nature as a manifestation of Community Leaders, Traditional
human gratitude to God Almighty and a Leaders and Communities in Tinggede
form of devotion to Him. The task of at large.
khalīfaḫ is given to every human being. Data were collected through
In the implementation, it contains observations, in-depth interviews and
attitude of togetherness or mutual shared written documents. Data
accountability to Allah and this would analysis consists of several procedures:
lead to prosperity of the nature. This reduction and verification techniques
concept gave birth to very important with various data sources.31 32The
values about the "Leader" and members reduced data is then analyzed reflecting
or those led, and situation in which on theoretical concepts used in this
leadership takes place. study.33
For every people there is a leader
who is trusted so that they can teach 4. Result and Discussion
truth, goodness, and glory through his 4.1 Role of Husband and Wife in Child
example. The leader must be a helper, Care
motivator, director and guiding member
of an organization to obey the will of
30 Departemen Agama RI, Al-Qur’an,198.
Allah Almighty. God's Word swt. in 31 Nurdin, N. (2017a). Research in
Q.S. At-Taubaḫ [9]: 71 which translates Online Space: The Use of Social Media for
as follows: Research Setting Jurnal Sistem Informasi (Journal
And those who believe, men and of Information System), 13(1), 67-77.
women, some of them are helpers for 32 Nurdin, N. (2017b). To Research

some others. They order (do) good and Online or Not to Research Online: Using
prevent from evil, establish prayers, Internet-Based Research in Islamic Studies
Context. Indonesian Journal of Islam and Muslim
perform alms, and they obey Allah and Societies, 7(1), 31-54.
His Messenger. They will be given 33 Nurdin, N. (2016). The Roles of

Information Technology in Islamic Bank

Knowledge Management: A study of Two
Syariah Banks in Palu. Hunafa: Jurnal Studia
Islamika, 13(2), 181-217.
29 Edwin, Kepemimpinan Transformatif https://doi.org/https://doi.org/10.24239/jsi.v
(Bandung: Risalah, 2007), 12 13i2.444.181-217
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Family remains the first group her husband at the best potential
(primary group) where foundation of endowed to her and she must not
personality is laid and transferred. be hurt, meeting physical and
Parents play role in establishing a spiritual needs. The way to solve
system of intimate and long-lasting problems is to give mutual
interactions that are characterized by understanding, deliberation,
personal loyalty, love and loving avoiding problems, asking for advice
relationships. The role of parents is to from parents.34
help child's mentality develop Father and mother are the first
appropriately. The formation of a child's role models for their children in their
personality and activities is a capital for personality development. To be a good
adaptation of the child and his role model, father and mother must
environment and brings measured practice it for themselves in the first
impacts on the overall family welfare. place. The role of parents or the
Nuclear family, the smallest environment towards children’s
social group of society formed by independence must be inculcated at the
marriage consists of a husband (father), early age of children. This is considering
a wife (mother) and their children. Both that independence in children cannot
parents must love and care their happen by itself. Children need support
children. When children were brought such as a positive attitude from parents
up with adequate love and affection and skills must be delivered through
from their parents, they could easily training towards their independence.
adapt to situation outside their house In addition, to become an
and allow them face new problems the independent person, a child also needs
way they were brought up. Conversely, to have the opportunity to practice
if both parents interfere too much in consistently, for example, doing
their children’s affairs and force their something on his own or spend it doing
children to obey them, this would be tasks that are appropriate to the stage of
obstacles for the perfection of their his age. Parents or the environment do
personality. not need to be anxious, overly
Abd. Jaar as the Head of the protective, too helpful or even always
village of Tinggiede revealed that: take over tasks that children should be
Marriage is a type of relationship doing, because this can hamper the
between men and women who process of achieving child's
hold a legitimate/lawful bond in independence. Opportunities for
marriage according to Islam. It independent learning can be given by
provides rights and obligations, parents or the environment through
physical and spiritual support, a
husband must be responsible for
all problems and be a good priest, 34
Abd Jabar, Kepala Desa Tinggede, “Wawancara”,
and the wife's obligation is to serve Tanggal 9 September 2019.

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well-provided freedom and trust to Hence, the pattern of education

children to carry out their tasks. that parents give them will be applied in
However, the role of parents or their lives to come. For example,
the environment in supervising, religious pattern of students, which is
guiding, directing and setting an reflected on the way of students' parents
example is still very necessary. Hence, up-bring their children would be
children remain in conditions or brought up in the future community life
situations that do not endanger their of the children. Religious education is
safety. For young children, this felt to be very important especially in a
independence exercise can be done by critical life like today.
involving children in daily practical Every parent really wants his
activities at home, such as training children to live well in society, many
children to take their own drinking ways taken by parents in inculcating
water, training children to clean their religious attitudes early on in their
own bedrooms, training children to go children, one of which is expressed by
to toilets themselves, training children Mr. Abdul Jabar in this way:
to provide their own food, training In the care of children the most
children to go up and down stairs on important thing is the formation of
their own. religious behavior, for me
Tinggede is one of the villages in especially for my child, from an
Marawola Sub-district, Sigi Regency, early age I always teach my
which consists of various tribes and children good religious behavior
religions, most of whom are of Kaili with the aim that later my child
ethnicity and Muslim. Based on the can understand and can
questions addressed this thesis, the distinguish which actions may be
community's understanding about their done and which are prohibited and
ways of educating and caring for not fall into negative things. "35
children is described in the following Every parent really wants their children
ways: to become good children in their lives,
so that they become children that are in
4.2 Role of Husband and Wife / Parents line with their parents' expectations. The
against Children same thing was expressed by Ms.
The role of husband and wife Nikma:
subsequently is indeed very important I do not always indoctrinate my
in shaping personality of children child to be what I want, but I
because social interactions in children's always instill self-awareness of my
social life begins with the ways their child, sir ... so that without
respective parents up-bring them. Based watching him, I believe my child
on the pattern of parents' education that can distinguish between what is
they apply, a child can record what they
receive from their parents. 35
Abd. Jabar, Kepala Desa Tinggede,
“Wawancara”, Tanggal 9 September 2019.
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good and bad, I began to inculcate or neighborhood, and certainly so

that awareness since they were still that my child could live
young so that there will be fear of independently with a strong
doing things that are forbidden by religious foundation, so I would
religion”36 not worry that my child will be far
Mr. Arsyad, a farmer also said from supervision of those closest
something similar to inculcation of to him.38
religious education patterns from early There are various reasons arising
age: from the ways of parents thinking
Religious attitude is indeed very which appear in religious values
important, sir, in people's lives, embraced by their children. Amongst
especially as we who live them are methods used by Ms. Ervina
together side by side like this, we who works as a housewife, she revealed
always need other people, I her experience in the following way:
always teach my children so that In looking after my children, in
my children can become teachers addition to my obligation to send
(role models) in their future my children to school, sir ... one of
lives.37 my ways in fostering religious
Based on the interviews, although behavior in my children, I usually
the village of Tinggede is sometimes advise him to follow religious
labeled as one of the villages prone to organizations, so that my child will
fights between youths, most parents understand for himself the
recognize that religious education is the importance of applying religious
most important thing in childcare. There values in society.39
are other reasons expressed by parents Parenting practised in the village
to instill religious education early on, of Tinggede in addition to sending their
one of which is expressed by Mrs. Fajrah children to school is based on religious
as follows: values. The ways of parents fostering
In my opinion, sir ... in the care of religious behavior vary greatly because
children the most important thing differences in terms of education. One of
is inculcating religious values. them was revealed by Mr. Aswadin:
Religious-based attitudes that I For me, sir, besides sending my
taught my children from early age children to provide a good living
is aimed at making my child for their wives, of course. I always
behave well in the community, teach my children good manners
whether they are at home, school wherever they are, respect for

36
Nikma, Orang Tua, (Warga Desa
Tinggede) “Wawancara”, Tanggal 12 September 38
Fajrah, Orang Tua (Warga Desa
2019. Tinggede), Tanggal 16 September 2019.
37
Arsyad, Orang tua (Warga Desa 39
Ervina, Tokoh Pendidik, Orang tua
Tinggede) “Wawancara”, Tanggal 13 September (Warga Desa Tinggede), Tanggal 19 September
2019. 2019.
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others, so that if my children by my parents, in any case their

wherever they will always respect advice is unlikely to harm us.42
others and be respected by The results of interviews showed
others.40 that there are many ways that parents
Besides, another method was also take to educate their children to become
revealed by Mr. Basir whose education useful generations in the future. Various
was only up to elementary school, he ways taken by parents so that their
revealed his experience in the following children do not fall into undesirable
way: behavior in their social life ahead.
My wife and I work as a sand Despite the case, there are some parents
digger and my wife as a washing who seem to be ignorant when it comes
laborer, in educating children is to educating their children. There are
difficult sir, I only graduate those who educate their children very
primary school sir, because hard and this has something to do with
sometimes I forget that children their education. In their view, being
also need attention and advice, but hard to children would allow them to
slowly slowly I will educate my become more obedient. However, this is
children so that they do not follow the case where children become more
my footsteps and can get a better disobedient, as evidenced by the above
job than mine even though I only interview. With a strict parenting,
work as a sand digger and my wife children will be more defiant and
as a washing laborer, I do not ignorant of their parents' advice.
forget to send my children to The various reasons revealed
higher education.41 above can in fact be concluded that the
The methods of upbringing level of education of parents strongly
children experienced by parents are influences the ways of children
indeed very diverse. One of the behaving in their community.
responses expressed by Wahyu as a Knowledge obtained by parents in
child, he revealed his experiences being shaping children's personality is limited
brought up in the following way: due to poor parents' education.
Yes, if my parents teach me about Reflecting on the experiences of the
good behavior, I always respond villagers, family has a great role in
positively, because I think that the shaping children's personality because
old man's advice is not likely to family has a function as the first
make my life difficult sir, so I am socialization setting for children. In a
very happy if I was given advice family the major role is performed by
parents.
40
Aswadin, Orang tua (Warga Desa
Tinggede), “Wawancara”, Tanggal 20
September 2019.
41
Basir, Orang tua (Warga Desa 42
Wahyu, Remaja, (Warga Desa
Tinggede) “Wawancara”, Tanggal 23 September Tinggede) “Wawancara”, Tanggal 23 September
2019. 2019.
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The role played by parents is quite large revealed her experiences in the
in addition to fulfilling daily needs of following way:
their children. Parents are also required In educating children it is indeed
to educate children so that their children very difficult, sir, especially if the
would grow in accordance with their child is easily affected, but I try
expectations. This heavy role was also patiently and patiently in
felt by Mr. Saiful where he educated 2 educating children, I always advise
children, he revealed his experiences in him if the correction is wrong,
the following way: because I am embarrassed sir if my
Children are entrusted by God, sir, child can be reproached in the
so we must guard, educate, and community here, eating I always
raise them to become useful advise him, even though I
children later, the most difficult sometimes argue with my child,
thing for me to experience when but not what is important is that
my child has plunged into the my child should not fall into
community, I am afraid that my negative things.45
child will fall into bad things.43 The role played by parents is
Every parent implements a lot of indeed quite heavy, to educate their
strategies to educate their children. children to grow in accordance with
Their expectation is to help their their expectations. Many strategies
children avoid negative things in applied by parents in determining what
society. One of them expressed by Mrs. their children's future would be like, it
Usriah, she revealed her experiences in cannot be separated from the role of
the following way: parents.
So that my child does not fall into On the other hand, children
harmful things, as much as accepted the role played by their
possible I send him in a religious parents. The child would immediately
school, because I do not want my give a positive response to parents when
child to be like his parents, I want their parents give them advice.
my child to be a child who is Many strategies applied by
devoted to his parents and can parents there are authoritarian and
raise the level of his parents in the some are mediocre. Parents mostly
view of society.44 involve their children in religious
The same thing conveyed by Ms. activities and social activities, it is hoped
Restu, in in educating her children, she that their children will be able to live
well in community.
However, many obstacles
experienced by parents when educating
43
Saiful, Orang tua (Warga Desa Tinggede)
“Wawancara”, Tanggal 27 September 2019.
44 Usriah, Orang tua (Warga Desa 45 Restu, Orang tua (Warga Desa
Tinggede) “Wawancara”, Tanggal 30 September Tinggede) “Wawancara”, Tanggal 30 September
2019. 2019.
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their children. One of their obstacles is In addition, there are other

when their advice is not listened by reasons obtained by a child regarding
their children. Despite the case, parents religious values obtained from their
accept it sincerely and continue to carry upbringing, one of which is expressed
out their role as parents. There are cases by Rita as follows:
where parents educate their children From the meaning of religious
through other institutions without values inculcated in me from my
reducing their role as parents at home. parents, there are indeed so many
There are also cases where sirs. Among them, I can obtain
parents advise their children to take part social values that encourage me to
in religious activities outside, for carry out social and meaningful
example at the Qur’anic Learning activities in the community such as
Centre (TPA), qur’an recitation, and community service here, as well as
Sunday school. Besides, many parents humanitarian values that I can is
also teach children to socialize with each that I always help neighbors who
other about environment where they need help for example when there
live. This is expected to foster a sense of is a neighbor who dies, and I get
caring for the surrounding environment moral values that I behave
including what parents do is to invite according to norms and customs
their children to do mutual cooperation set in the village of Tinggede, sir.47
in their surroundings, follow the Many values obtained from
activities community in the childhood about this religiosity was
environment like youth clubs. shown in reasons they revealed. It can
One of the values that can be be seen in the pattern of parental
taken by children concerning religiosity education explained by the
instilled by their parents is as expressed interviewees. Hence, children can
by Rudi whose parents are only as a understand the pattern of behavior they
sand miner, he revealed his experience must apply in community later. From
in the following way: good conduct by children in the
My parents often instill an attitude environment they live in, many children
of mutual respect Sir ... that's what feel the benefits of religious behavior
I think is one of the characteristics and this helps them inculcating religious
of religiosity that I have, so that I values in their community. One of them
feel more able to interpret in living was revealed by Syiva:
this life, more concerned about If I often inculcate kindness, surely
others, towards surrounding and I I will be treated well wherever I
obey, I can remember God am, sir ... I often help my
wherever I am.46 neighbors if they need help, so the
response I get from my neighbor is

Rudi, Remaja (Warga Desa Tinggede)

46 Rita, Remaja (Warga Desa Tinggede)
47

“Wawancara”, Tanggal 7 Oktober 2019. “Wawancara”, Tanggal 10 Oktober 2019.

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quite good ... I feel that the people revealed his experience in the following
living in my neighborhood are way:
already considered to be my I am here as a youth leader as well
brothers myself, and I will not as a member of youth here so if
break the ties of friendship that I there are friends who have
have implanted in myself.48 interests I always help, if someone
In addition, there are other dies too so sir.... so that people
reasons revealed by Nia, she also feels here also think I am a part of them
true benefits of implementing good so I feel being valuable and
religious attitude in her environment as respected.50
taught by her parents, she revealed her Every response that was expressed
experience in the following way: by the informants was almost all the
I became more aware of how to same, because in their own social life,
live in a society and religion, sir ... loyalty was needed in social
so that I became more active in interactions. Hence, the community can
participating in activities carried accept it well. This shows that the role of
out in this environment and I parents is very important in shaping
became (so close to the people character and children character which
here). Even though I am a migrant they would apply in their environment
in this village.49 later. If children do not behave well in
In addition to the values and their community, the community will
benefits derived from religious attitude automatically look at children's parents.
of children in the community, they In this view, parents are considered as a
really feel what it means to life. Thus, reflection of their children.
children can bring themselves in their
own lives and they can sort out which 5. Conclusions
actions are good and bad. The formation of personality is
In social life, of course, we live side very meaningful. In this context, parents
by side with other residents, so the are the first personal coaches in
attitude we make in this community children’s life. Parenting activities in the
will certainly get a response from village of Tinggede do not only show
others. This was also felt by the children how parents treat children, but also
in implementing religious behavior in indicate how parents educate, guide and
the community. Good behavior is protect children from childhood to
always shown by these children so that adulthood according to values, norms
responses they get in return are also and culture embraced in the
good. One of them revealed by Fajar, he community. Islamic way of nurturing is
one of the ways that parents adopted
when it comes to educating children in
48Syiva, Remaja (Warga Desa Tinggede)
“Wawancara”, Tanggal 10 Oktober 2019.
49 Nia, Remaja (Warga Desa Tinggede) Fajar, Tokoh Pemuda, (Warga Desa Tinggede)
50

“Wawancara”, Tanggal 10 Oktober 2019. “Wawancara”, Tanggal 14 Oktober 2019.

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the village of Tinggede. In the view of (adolescents) in order to avoid unlawful

Islam, the effort is considered as a real things or break Shari'ah. To sum up, in
effort from parents in giving thanks to carrying out duties of parenting
the gift of Allah in performing their (hadhanah), every parent must always be
mandate. This are the efforts to save guided by Islamic rules derived from
children’s nature including potential Qur'an and Al-Hadith.
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