Absent Parent

Then, with regard to a process for facilitating the
relationship between absent parent and child:
1. Consider a counseling process where the

Absent Parent Returns, Active Parent in Turmoil counselor meets the absent parent alone. This
meeting or series of meetings is to establish
After parental separation, a consistent relationship motive and also to provide opportunity for
between child and both parents is best. A parent education as to the needs of the child in question.
entering and leaving a child’s life can be disruptive 2. Concurrently there should be a meeting or series
for the child and for the life of the other parent. Some of meetings with the same counselor and the
folks may feel that upon being absent for some period active parent and partner to discuss and prepare
of time, the absent parent should not be allowed back them, followed by a meeting with the child to
into the child’s life. In some situations, the active discuss concerns and issues. The purpose of
parent has remarried and the new partner has formed counseling is not to curtail the process, but to
a meaningful and significant attachment to the child. continue to discuss and develop strategies to
The re-introduction of the absent parent therefore mange change in view of concerns.
threatens to not only cause emotional turmoil to the 3. Finally, the child meets with the absent parent
child, but may be a perceived threat to the under the auspices of the counselor. Several
relationship between child and new partner. future meetings can occur with the counselor or
Needless-to-say, there can be a tangle of intense under supervision through a designated
feelings on all sides. supervision center if considered necessary.
4. Then assuming all goes well, visits can progress
Generally speaking, the social science literature to unsupervised.
supports the notion that children fare better in the
long run with secure attachments to both parents. Hence the issue may not be withholding the
This is true even in the face of many parental relationship, but facilitating it through a safe and
difficulties, but assuming that neither parent is structured process. If the absent parent abides by the
outright abusive. In the case of an absent parent process, benefits to the child can significantly
wanting to re-enter a child’s life, it may be difficult to outweigh the loss of this parent-child relationship. If
determine what is best for the child. Hence the the absent parent proves incapable of meeting the
decision may rest upon the clinical judgment of an requirements and abiding by the safeguards, then
assessor. The challenge in assessing these cases is there are supports in place to help the child and
separating parental issues of anger, jealousy and the family adjust. If the absent parent refuses to follow
like, from the needs and interests of the child. At the process or gets into trouble along the way, the
times it is parental issues that require more process can be modified or even ended. These
management than the child’s renewed relationship situations are balancing acts with no easy solution.
with the absent parent. The challenge is to manage the process as delicately
as possible. The above process may help.
In the event it appears that the relationship between
child and absent parent will be re-established, certain Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
precautions and structures can be put in place to allay (905) 628-4847
concerns, facilitate the process and provide [email protected]
safeguards. Pre-meeting conditions can include: www.yoursocialworker.com
Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario,

1. Abstinence from alcohol or drugs where a parent Canada, consider him an expert on child development,
is known to abuse such substances. parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody
2. Drug testing for a parent known to abuse drugs. and access recommendations, social work and an expert
3. Counseling for the above, if at issue. for the purpose of giving a critique on a Section 112
4. Anger management if anger issues are identified. (social work) report. Call him for your next conference
5. Attendance at a parenting course. and for expert opinion on family matters. Services include
counselling, mediation, assessment, assessment critiques
and workshops.

Absent Parent

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Then, with regard to a process for facilitating the

relationship between absent parent and child:

1. Consider a counseling process where the

Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario,

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