Text from my A comment or The change(s) I How this change

initial WP question I made to what I impacts my paper

submission: (Note received (from initially wrote
which WP) whom/where?)

WP1: In an article Alison: “put article “‘Doing’ competitive This change,

published by a title in quotation swimming: Exploring although miniscule,
sociological journal, marks” the skilled practices improves the quality
titled, ‘Doing’ of the competitive of my paper and
competitive swimming lifeworld” follows the proper
swimming: Exploring writing rules
the skilled practices
of the competitive
swimming lifeworld

WP1”Lifeworld is Alison:” Supposed to Lifeworld is defined in This is something

defined in the article use footnotes” the article as,”the that was mentioned
as,”the world of world of everyday life by our instructor but
everyday life as as subjectively and was not sure how to
subjectively and intersubjectively use chicago style
intersubjectively experienced”¹ footnotes the first
experienced” time I wrote an essay
(McNarry, for this course.
Allen-Collinson, and
Evans 2021)”

WP1 “The article is Alison: “Any evidence The article is This change adds
organized into seven for this claim?” organized into seven more supporting
different different headings, evidence to the claim
subheadings, which include the because I pulled the
including the Introduction, names of each
introduction and Sociological heading straight from
conclusion” phenomenology and the article.
sporting embodiment,
The research, The
mindful ‘doing’ of
competitive
swimming, The
‘mindful’ changing or
development of
technique,
Pre-reflexive,
‘switched-off’
swimming, and
conclusion.^3

WP1 “The article Alison”Example?” “The article uses a lot I included examples
uses a lot of of palaeontology of palaeontological
palaeontology jargon, jargon such as jargon to prove my
which point to the references to Isotopic point. I could have
author's Signatures which is been lying for all we
intended audience the ratio of isotopes know, but now that I
being members of the in a material, used to included specific
palaeontology infer environmental examples we know
community.” and climatic that I am not lying.
conditions as well as
Bootstrap Values:
Statistical measures
used to estimate the
reliability of
phylogenetic trees.
This points to the
author's intended
audience being
members of the
palaeontology
community.”

WP1 “They also Self: wording of They also include a With this change I
include a large sentences could be large diagram labeled actually go into detail
diagram labeled clearer . “figure 1” that is a key about the diagram
“figure 1” that is a key aspect of the article. that is in the article,
aspect of “Figure 1” contains before it feels out of
the article. It contains several images as place because there
several images as well as artist is no real reason for
well as artist illustrated diagrams having it. Now,
illustrated diagrams that are labeled with however, it serves a
that are labeled with all of the different purpose.
all of the different anatomical features
parts that were just that were just
discovered.” discovered, this
allows for a clearer
understanding of
what the authors are
discussing. The
diagram itself is a
convention of the
genre.

WP1: …both help to Alison: this may be …both help to The change to my
showcase the too specific a thesis - showcase the thesis helps improve
differences within what is the difference differences within my introduction and
their respective between the their respective overall essay
disciplines, as the disciplines writ large? disciplines, as the because the previous
sociological article is evidence the only sociological article thesis statement was
takes a look at the convention you'll look focuses more on too specific. With the
complexity of the at? qualitative research new thesis statement
competitive and creates a I am able to cover
swimming lifeworld community that everything that I talk
through the use of attempts to about in my essay.
ethnographic understand human
research, whilst the nature, whilst the
evolutionary evolutionary
biological article biological article
dives into the focuses more on
swimming techniques anatomical analysis
that have been and creates a
recently community that
uncovered through values scientific
new fossil specimens inquiry.

WP1: The Self: There could be The evolutionary This addition acts as
evolutionary biology a connecting biology article utilizes a bridge connecting
article utilizes fossil sentence. fossil analysis and the last sentence to
analysis and examination in order the previous
examination in order to figure out the sentence, allowing for
to figure out the swimming capabilities more clarity.
swimming capabilities of belemnitids. By
of belemnitids. Once comparing articles
the differences with different
between the disciplinary
disciplines are backgrounds, this
understood, we are allows more people
able to gain to begin to engage in
good! this should be academic
mentioned in your discussions. Once
thesis insight on how the differences
scholars from between the
communities conduct disciplines are
research, understood, we are
communicate their able to gain insight
findings, and engage on how scholars from
with other scholars. communities conduct
research,
communicate their
findings, and engage
with other scholars.

WP2: the genre of Alison: this is the This text falls into the This change corrects
this article is discipline; the genre research article a silly mistake that I
veterinary research, is a research article genre, with veterinary made when writing
and thus has the research being the my essay. It should
conventions of a discipline, thus has have never seen the
research article. The the conventions of a final draft but I’m glad
article delves into a research article. I have another
study of horse chance to change it.
kinematics as it
pertains
to swimming in a pool
of water

WP2: ”Kinematic Self: I used two “Kinematic Analysis This change is

Analysis During apostrophes instead During Straight Line extremely small but
Straight Line Free of a quotation mark Free Swimming in improves the quality
Swimming in Horses: Horses: and readability of my
Part 1 - Forelimbs'' is Part 1 - Forelimbs” is essay.
mainly organized … mainly organized …

WP2 It seems like Alison: Footnote after It seems like This change is crucial
everyone nowadays the punctuation everyone nowadays because citing
has a podcast. With has a podcast. With properly is extremely
over three million over three million important in
podcasts and one podcasts and one academic spaces.
hundred ninety-six hundred ninety-six
million episodes million episodes
available online^1, it available online, it is
is safe to say that safe to say that there
there isn’t going to be isn’t going to be
a shortage of a shortage of
entertainment entertainment
anytime soon. anytime soon. ^1

WP2 Each podcast Alison: Run on Each podcast listed The readability of my
listed has a very sentence has a very different paper just improved a
different style and style and way of lot.
way of conveying conveying its
their messages, messages, but the
however the basis of basis of each show
each show revolves revolves around
around friends talking friends talking about
about a certain topic. a certain topic.

WP2 The informal Alison: expand on the Informal podcasts are By going more in
podcast genre is conventions - who is typically very depth on what the
characteristic, spoken the audience? what unstructured and conventions of my
and in type of language is random genre are, I follow the
many cases written, used? explain what conversations with prompt of WP2 a lot
and very recurrent. you mean by friends.The language closer.
Informal podcasts are unstructured and that is used is often
typically very random very simple and
unstructured and smooth, podcasts at
random the end of the day
conversations with are meant to be
friends. conversations. The
audience varies from
podcast to podcast,
but the type that I
was going for was
meant for young adult
men that are looking
for information
through an
entertaining
spectacle.

WP2: Author of Self: No space Author of “Genre in This change is

“Genre in the wild” between quotation the wild” Lisa important because I
Lisa Bickmore mark and start of Bickmore defines am following the
defines genre as,” a quote genre as,”a typified proper quotation
typified utterance that utterance that rules, which are apart
appears in a appears in a of citing sources
recurrent situation… recurrent situation… correctly.

WP2: ​I narrowed my Alison: Run on I narrowed my plans This change is

plans for filming into for filming into two important because it
two different options, different options. I adds clarity and
I could either write could either write out separates ideas that
out an entire script an entire script and do not really go
and record myself record myself twice together.
twice as two different as two different
people, or I could people. Alternatively,
enlist the help of a I could enlist the help
friend and share little of a friend and share
to no knowledge with little to no knowledge
him about what I am with him about what I
doing. am doing.

WP2; The location Alison: Run on The location where This change was
that we filmed was we filmed was my made to help explain
my college dormitory, college dormitory. the process of filming
this was done in This was done to the podcast. By using
order to show how show how low quality clearer sentences, I
low quality the the podcast really is. can better explain
podcast really is. did what I did to translate
this genre.