LOVE IN THE DARK

Royal Crown Academy Book Four

KHAI HARA
Love In The Dark © 2023 by Khai Hara
All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any

form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording,
scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is
illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other
means without permission, except for the use of brief quotations in a book
review.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents
portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to
actual personas, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
To those who have as many demons as they have dreams and ambitions.

TRIGGERS!
 This book covers subjects that may be troubling to some readers such as
discussions around mental health, eating disorders, mentions of drug and
alcohol use, physical abuse, and more.

Addiction – in whatever form it takes – is an incredibly personal experience

and I do not presume to be representative of anyone’s lived experience, let
alone everyone’s. That being said, I hope that some of you find comfort and
solace in this story, as I have, and I welcome any and all feedback, always.

Other triggers include a student-teacher relationship, domestic violence,

violence, primal play, breath play, dubcon, anal, light bondage, spanking,
and general rough sex scenes. Readers beware, be prepared, be excited.

In keeping with the rest of this series, if you do not like possessive heroes
then this book may not be for you.

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BLURB

I’ve been banished to Switzerland with a fake name, forced by my father to

spend a year teaching spoiled rich kids as punishment for humiliating him.
I’m supposed to stay out of trouble, to avoid scandals, to learn
responsibility.

I’m not supposed to meet her.

I fucked up before I even set foot within the hallowed halls of RCA.

And there she is.

In the halls.
In my class.
In my veins.

Every fucking where.

She’s going to be my downfall.

Or maybe, my salvation.

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PLAYLIST

Scheming – Ace Savage

The Light – The Album Leaf

Broken Love – The Him

Blood In The Wine – Gestalt

One of the girls – Ikingaamir

Left Outside Alone – Anastacia

Don’t Be so Hard on Yourself – Jess Glynne

Madness – Tribal Blood

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Chapter 1

Tristan

“Tristan. Tristan! Wake up.”

Through the haze of sleep and the throbbing headache I have courtesy
of the very bad decisions I vaguely remember making last night, I’m
distantly aware of the angry voice that hisses my name, demanding my
attention.
All the whisky I downed yesterday has addled my brain to the point of
near uselessness, making it impossible for me to recognize the voice’s
owner. The throttled syllables of my name in combination with the strict
tenor of the delivery let me know that whoever needs me is furious.
That’s not enough to wake me. I was in the middle of a particularly
vivid dream consisting of me, a supermodel and some whipped cream, and
I’m intent on seeing it through to what I’m sure will be a very satisfying
finish.
I groan and turn away from the noise, dead set on going right back to
sleep and ignoring the unwelcome interruption.
The first clue that something is wrong comes immediately. Instead of
being cushioned against my memory foam mattress and cocooned within
my one thousand plus thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, my shoulder hits
a hard surface.
 I crack open an eye and realize that I’m not where I should be. Instead
of seeing my white walls, I find myself staring at baseboards and the start of
a massive wall of windows through which I can see the skyline of a city I
know well.
What am I doing waking up in an office building?
More importantly, what am I doing waking up on the fucking floor of
said office building?
I’m suddenly awake as I try to piece together the fragments of
memories I have from last night. I sit up, facing the windows, and
immediately clutch my head in agony at the sudden head rush.
“Fuck,” I mumble, dropping my head into my hands and massaging
my tender temples.
As I look down into my lap, I realize that I’m stark naked. The only
reason my dick isn’t on display is because a creamy white leg is thrown
between my thighs.
I follow it slowly up to its owner and find an equally naked blonde girl
sprawled out to my left, still passed out.
Next to her, an older brunette with tanned skin. Her tits are bursting
out of the cups of her bra, which makes sense. I don’t remember much but I
do remember pushing it hastily to the side for quick and easy access to her
massive breasts.
Memories flashback through my mind like a 1920s film, a veritable
carousel of the bad decisions that I made last night.
Attending my father’s company’s annual start of summer party against
my will, fueled by anger and resentment.
Tipping the bartender a healthy stack of hundred pound notes to hand
me bottles instead of drinks.
The innocent blonde flirting with me from below fluttering lashes, the
uninterrupted stares of the more knowledgeable brunette from across the
room.
Grabbing them both with the plan of giving my father the ultimate
‘fuck you’ by fucking them in his office.
Being too drunk to make it to his office and settling for the boardroom
with its floor to ceiling windows instead.
Eating out the brunette and doing a line off her pussy as the blonde
sucked me off.
 Finger fucking the blonde as the brunette offered me her body for my
use.
Powering into each, one after the other, until they’d begged me to
stop.
I don’t remember their names, I don’t know if I ever knew them.
I don’t care.
“Tristan,” the voice thunders again from behind me, and unfortunately,
this time I do recognize it.
Fuck, I think, it’s time to face the music.
There’s no escaping the thrashing I’m about to receive.
But when I turn and my eyes collide with my father’s enraged gaze, I
realize the true severity of my situation.
It’s one thing for him to find his son naked, post-coital after what I’m
sure was a fantastic threesome from the little I remember of it, in what I
now recognize as the boardroom of his ninety-floor office building in
central London, and a totally other thing for the rest of his board to discover
me along with him.
The seven men stand there, mouths agape, with expressions ranging
from disbelieving to apoplectic, taking in the scene before them. There’s a
woman there as well, but her look is more interested than anything as she
stares me down, craning her neck to try and get a peek at what’s under the
blonde’s leg.
I shift to give her a little teaser, uncaring of my nakedness or how
continuing to goad my father will further worsen my situation. She flushes
as she takes in the intricate tattoos on my chest and the defined V of my abs
leading down to my thick shaft, now at least partially on display for her
appraisal.
She licks her lips, approving, and it’d be enough to get me hard again
if a small voice didn’t sound from beside me, uttering one word and
unknowingly sealing my fate.
“Daddy?”
I turn towards the blonde who’s now half seated, one hand rubbing the
sleep from her eyes, the other thrown across her chest to hide her tits. I want
to tell her she’s too late, that she’s given every man in this room enough
material to wank to for the next fiscal year, but my gaze pings back to the
group of executives and I watch fresh outrage etch itself across the face of
one of them.
 “Katie?” He asks, as if doubting what his eyes are telling him he’s
seeing. “Katie, put your clothes on and come here,” he hisses. “We’re
leaving.”
“Yes, Daddy,” she answers, clearly mortified.
My cock mistakenly twitches in response, thinking he’s being called
up for the next round of action. I’d had her screaming those very same
words to me last night.
She scrambles to grab her clothes and stands, revealing my entire
naked body and rousing the brunette in the process. She rushes over to her
father and they walk stiffly out of the room, but not before he throws a
vitriolic look at my father.
The rest of the board stands there, shell shocked. It’d be comical to me
if it wasn’t starting to drag out at this point. An older man takes a step
forward, his brow creasing as he looks down at the prone brunette, now
stirring awake beside me.
I stay as I am, legs spread and extended, resting my weight on my
elbows, my dick on display for all, but unashamed of my nude body as I
stare them all down.
“What have you done?” My father asks, his face marbled red. A vein
I’ve never seen before stands out angry and throbbing on his forehead and I
fear he’s going to have an aneurysm if he doesn’t take a breath soon.
Well, “fear”.
He could drop dead in front of me and I fear I wouldn’t actually give a
shit.
Before I can answer, the older man speaks. “Venetia?”
I recognize him. He’s the president of the board, second only in rank to
my father.
The brunette turns towards him, the easy smile she’d been aiming at
me slipping off her face as she takes in our audience.
“Honey,” she answers and my eyes close as I stifle a frustrated groan.
Fuck.
“You know him?” I ask her.
“He’s– he’s…” she splutters, looking around her for anything to hide
her nakedness.
Unfortunately for her, she’s been on exhibit long enough for every
person in this room to have had the time to see all the depraved things I’ve
done to her body.
 The hickeys, the bite marks.
The streaks of cum dried on her tits.
A dark smirk pulls at the corners of my mouth. Very soon, my father is
going to make me regret every decision I’ve made over the past eighteen
hours, but for now I can’t help but revel in my handiwork.
In how it humiliates him specifically.
“Get up,” the man seethes, his eyes burning with embarrassment as he
stares at Venetia.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see her dress hanging from one of the
boardroom chairs to my left. I grab it and throw it at her. She catches it
without a word or a look in my direction, but as she puts it on and stands
she throws a look behind her as if to check if she forgot anything, and gives
me a saucy wink in the process.
There’s a round two promised in that gaze if I want to take her up on
it.
Unfortunately for her, I never go back for seconds.
“Keep your degenerate son away from my wife,” the man barks at my
father as he grabs her wrist in a vicious grip.
I’d feel worse if I didn’t know for a fact that he’s been fucking his
secretary for years in this very building. This whole act is merely an effort
to hold on to some measure of dignity in the face of his humiliation at his
wife’s hands.
I wouldn’t go so far as to claim that what Venetia and I did was a
feminist act of retribution, but female rage really is a beautiful thing.
“I apologize on his behalf,” my father tells him, inclining his head
slightly, and I know those words cost him.
I know he’s going to be laying awake for many nights to come
thinking about how he had to humble himself down from the high pedestal
on which he likes to lord himself, and that in it of itself makes whatever
punishment he’s going to unleash on me after this worth it.
“No need to apologize for me, I’m right here,” I quip from where I sit.
The three of them turn back towards me. “I can apologize for myself if I
feel it’s warranted.”
I give them a slow, arrogant smile and let the silence drag out after my
statement, making my position clear and enjoying the way my father foams
at the mouth at my obvious provocation.
 I didn’t know who those two women were when we fucked, but I’m
not mad at the unintentional consequences. I hope it creates upheaval within
the board, I hope his company falters and eventually crumbles.
Anything to keep me from being forced into following in his footsteps
within this corporate nightmare.
Realistically though, I know that’s a pipe dream. I’ve learned over the
last few years that the more I resist, the more my father tightens his leash
around my throat, the more he forces me to bend to his will, the more he
enjoys crushing the life and freedom out of me.
But I can’t stop. I refuse to resign myself to a soulless life like my
father’s but he, in turn, refuses to see reason. He’s dogged and unyielding in
his plan to have me succeed him as CEO even though he has to know what
a disastrous decision that would be.
This entire situation proves my point, but he’ll ignore it like he has in
the past. He’ll temporarily restrict my access to my trust and will likely
force me on some apology tour of the board. This will all be brushed under
the rug in a fortnight and it’ll be back to business as usual after that.
There is no evading the life that he’s mapped out for me since the
moment I was born, no matter how hard I try. I know where I’ll be when
I’m thirty, who I’ll marry when I’m thirty five, and what I’ll name my kids.
Hell, I’m sure he’s even picked who my mistresses will be because
Nobles only marry heiresses to have blue blood heirs, they certainly don’t
fuck their wives for the fun of it.
I know all this because he’s already made those decisions for me.
They’re all laid out in a folder named ‘Tristan’ he keeps in his office, now
with a digital copy on his desktop and in his cloud storage.
He learned the lesson to backup his files the hard way when I set the
only existing copy on fire on my eighteenth birthday.
“I won’t stand for this,” the man hisses at my father before stalking out
of the boardroom, dragging Venetia behind him.
“Everybody out,” my father roars at the remaining onlookers.
The men seem relieved that a third woman doesn’t pop out of nowhere
at the last minute and they leave seemingly pleased to have their wives,
daughters, and sisters safe back at home.
I ignore the woman’s searching gaze as she leaves, my own fixed on
my father’s tense back. When the last person is gone, he turns slowly back
towards me and I think that maybe I’ve done it now.
 He’s nearly incandescent with rage, his face mottled and nearing
purple, his jaw locked tightly, and his fists clenched at his sides. He’s
angrier than I’ve ever seen him and maybe now he’s finally realized that the
more he tries to force this path on me, the more I’ll fight him.
Maybe he’ll admit defeat and give up.
But looking into his furious eyes, I know I’m wrong. My father doesn’t
ever lose, and certainly not to his son. There’s a sadistic glint in his gaze
that tells me my antics will do nothing but redouble his efforts.
“You are a disgrace,” he says, his voice even, his temper now under
control as I see the beginnings of an idea forming in his eyes. “Your
provocations are nothing more than mild irritants I have to deal with, but
you will come to heel. I. Will. Make. You,” he announces.
I stand and put my suit trousers back on, keeping them low on my hips
as I cross my arms and stare at him.
“There’s nothing you can do to me.”
“To you, maybe not,” he chirps back, his intent very clear.
I keep my face carefully blank, but on the inside my stomach twists. I
have one vulnerability, one he knows exactly how to exploit, but he’s never
played that card before.
I see now that I miscalculated.
He isn’t going to give up or change his mind. The only person who’s
going to lose here is me.

✽✽✽

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Chapter 2

Tristan

“Morning, Clive,” I tell the family butler as he opens the front door and
lets me in.
“Morning, Sir. Your father is waiting for you in his office.”
I grind my teeth together to stop myself from telling him I don’t give a
fuck where my father is or if he’s waiting for me, and nod instead, walking
past him into the living room.
I let myself drop into one of the comfortable armchairs and pull out my
phone, deciding to waste some time on the apps and make my father wait.
After the debacle at his office, he’d ordered me to meet him at the
house the following Monday and had promptly walked out of the
boardroom. Stretching this out over a few days was all part of his plan, the
psychological torture of making me wait before he delivered my sentence.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the prodigal son himself,” a teasing voice
calls out from behind me. I turn and find my sister, Tess, sauntering into the
room. “I heard all about your exploits, little brother. You really outdid
yourself this time.”
I grin and stand, pulling her into a tight hug. “I’m sure whatever
you’ve heard has been exaggerated.”
“A daughter and a wife? No, that's quite the feat, even for you. You
put in overtime on this one.” She laughs, returning my hug with equal
affection.
 “What if I told you it wasn’t intentional? I didn’t know who they
were.”
She gives me an unimpressed look, her brows raised up near her
hairline. “You were at a company party attended only by senior employees
and their families. Did you think you were hooking up with members of the
janitorial crew?” She pats my shoulder. “Come on, you knew.”
She has a point.
As much as I want to claim innocence in this situation, subconsciously,
I did know. I barreled head first into self-destructive behavior like I always
do. Although this time I have a feeling the consequences are going to be
significant.
I head over to the bar in the corner of the room and pour myself a
whisky, neat, before turning back to face Tess. She gives me a shrewd look,
assessing everything about me from my facial expressions to my outfit,
down to the drink I apparently have to have before noon.
Tess is far more brilliant than I’ll ever be, as proven by her Cambridge
degree and MBA from Wharton. Beyond her academics, she’s astute, sharp-
witted, and clever, and she sees straight through me in a way that no one
else does.
While I’m far from being unintelligent, I’m not driven by the same
things she is. She loves acquisitions and P&Ls and vigorous discussions
about yearly forecasts. She’s the analytical left brain to my creative right
brain and a much more obvious choice to take over The Noble Group from
my father than I am.
She only has one flaw according to him, and it’s a fatal one in his eyes
– she’s a woman.
We’re both tied unhappily to the same fate, each on the wrong side of
the coin. Me, desperate to avoid the role being forcefully foisted upon me.
Her, desperate to claim the role she’s rightfully earned a thousand times
over.
If I could take it and give it to her, I would.
“Maybe you shouldn’t drink if you’re about to go in with him,” she
suggests, careful to keep her tone light.
“That’s exactly why I need to drink,” I say, downing the entire glass
and placing it back on the counter. I pour myself another one. “Where’s
Mum?”
 She frowns at me but wisely chooses not to comment further. “Upstairs
in her rooms, she’s getting ready for a charity brunch.”
I nod in acknowledgement. “I’m going to go say hi and deal with dad,
but I can make us lunch when I’m back if you want. Assuming I’m still
standing after he rips me a new one.”
“Fuck yes to you making us lunch. Can you make that pea and fennel
pasta from last time?”
“You got it.” I walk out of the living room with my drink in hand. “See
you in a bit, Tessticles.”
I hear her curse from the hallway.
“If you call me that one more time, Tristan–” she calls out as I head up
the stairs.
I chuckle to myself. At twenty-four to her twenty-five, Tess and I are
only Irish twins but as close as actual twins. Nicknames and jokes from
when we were kids hit just as hard in our twenties as they did back then.
On the third floor of my parent’s five story townhouse, I call out for
my mother. “Mum?”
“In here, darling,” she answers from her boudoir. I follow the clear and
light sound of her voice and find her sitting at her vanity.
I lean down and kiss her softly on the cheek as her hands come up to
cup my face. Her eyes search mine for a moment.
“You’ve really angered him this time, darling,” she tells me, softly.
The sleeves of her robes fall down her arms as she holds my face,
revealing fading bruises on her right wrist. They’re blue, yellow, and green
in color, and they look incredibly painful and tender to the touch.
Anger slams through me and steals the breath from my chest. I clasp
her hands gently and lower them from my face, inspecting her bruises
quietly. I try to rein in my temper before it erupts out of me and scares her.
Years of living with my father have made her skittish and easily frightened.
“Did he do this to you?” My voice rumbles under the weight of my
barely controlled fury, but I’m glad I’m at least able to speak.
She looks down at her wrists and nervously pulls the sleeves of her
robes back down to hide the bruises.
“Oh! That’s nothing, nothing at all…”
“When?”
“Really, Tristan. I hurt myself–”
 “No, Mum,” I interrupt her. “When did he do this? Was it after the
party last week?” I demand, and if she says yes… I don’t know what I’ll do
if I learn she had to suffer the consequences of my idiotic actions.
Nausea churns in my stomach and she must see the anguish in my eyes
because she cups my face again, forcing my gaze back up to meet hers.
“No, darling. These are much older than last week.” She kisses my
cheek. “You had nothing to do with these.”
I stand abruptly, needing to expend the energy that’s screaming to be
let out of my body in the form of violence. Racking my hands through my
hair, I turn back towards her.
“Why, mum? Why won’t you leave him, I don’t understand.”
I do understand, to some extent. She was raised to be an obedient wife
and accessory to a powerful man. She was taught from her teen years that
she’d live in the shadows, at best ignored but more likely repeatedly
humiliated, forever at the whims of her husband.
Her parents were rich, so she’s independently wealthy, and still she
can’t leave. He’s careful, my father, careful to make sure the bruises are
never visible, that she’s never in too much pain, because she’s still a
representation of him and his power.
Real influence doesn’t need to be beaten out of people, but he
wouldn’t know a fucking thing about that.
I’ve never seen her bleeding, just bruised, but the thought that he
might take it too far one day and kill her has crossed my mind before. The
responsibility of her continued safety and wellbeing rests heavily on my
heart.
“It’s not that simple, darling. He’s all I have.”
“No, you have Tess and me, mum. And we’re tired of seeing dad beat
the shit out of you. Think about the example you’re setting for Tess.”
The second the words are out, I want to take them back. They sounded
like I was blaming her, and that wasn’t my intention. I’d just wanted a way
to get through to her, to make her understand how important, how necessary
it is for her to leave.
She pulls her hands from my face and turns away from me, towards
her vanity.
“You should go, Tristan. Your father is waiting for you.”
“Mum–”
 “Please go.” She powders her nose and smiles weakly at me through
the mirror. “I’ll see you at brunch next weekend.”
I stalk out of her rooms, downing my drink and setting the glass on a
hallway table, before taking the steps two at a time to my father’s office on
the fourth floor.
He’s signing paperwork when I march in, clearly unbothered by the
nearly thirty minutes I’ve made him wait.
His cold eyes – the same color of clear blue he passed on to me – lift to
meet mine but no emotion flickers in their vast emptiness as he takes me in.
He looks back down at his desk and finishes signing the remaining
documents.
“Sit,” he orders.
“Just tell me what you plan on doing to me so we can get this over
with. No need to draw this out like I enjoy being in your company,” I snarl.
A smile curls the corner of his lips as he closes his folder and I know
I’m fucked.
“I called in a favor,” he announces, settling his elbows on the armrests
of his chair and leaning back to look at me.
He’s going to make me ask him, the asshole.
“From whom?” I bite out through clenched teeth.
“Robert Royal.”
We’ve never met, but I know the name. More importantly, I know the
reputation. He’s a certified psychopath and, if the rumors are true, he knows
more about the dark art of conjugal violence than even my father does. My
back is up just hearing his name in relation to mine.
“He’s on the board of the Royal Crown Academy in Aubonne. You’ve
heard of it?”
Of course, I have. In an effort to forcefully mold me into the stuffy
businessman he wanted me to be, my father had put me through the British
private school system and we often played against RCA.
Back then, I still thought he cared about me, about this family. I’d bent
the knee, suffocated my own dreams and passions, and I’d tried. I’d had a
successful first year and when I’d come home for the summer, I’d caught
my father slapping my mother across the face.
He’d seen me. Instead of apologizing, he’d given me a terrifying smile
and told me to “watch and learn because I’d need to discipline my own wife
one day.”
 Then he’d hit her again.
I was fifteen and I went off the deep end. Drugs, alcohol, parties,
limitless access to money, and zero impulse control had become my life. I’d
gotten kicked out of three schools before my father eventually threw
enough money at the problem that a fourth let me graduate. I graduated
from UCL but only because I hid from my family the fact that I took as
many art classes as I did business ones.
I’d done anything and everything to rebel, to piss him off, because
even then I’d understood that the worst thing I could do to him was ruin his
name and plans for succession.
“I’m a little old to go back to secondary school,” I tell him, my tone
mocking.
“You’re just old enough to teach,” he declares, delivering his
punishment with the swiftness of a gavel on a sound block.
I audibly laugh at that one, but it’s a humorless sound. The smile slips
off my face when his remains impassive. “You’re joking.”
Whatever I was expecting, it wasn’t this.
“You start in September.”
“You want me to go teach kids? Me?” I scoff. “How does that help in
any way? What am I supposed to learn from this?”
“Responsibility,” he answers, contempt dripping from every word.
“Humility. Maturity. How to clean up your act. How to avoid the press. I
want you to fucking disappear, Tristan. I don’t want to hear from you for
the year you’re there.”
“A year?”
“A year,” he repeats, his tone uncompromising. “I’ve had enough of
your childish rebellions and I won’t have you destroying the family name or
reputation any longer. Your apartment has been sold and your things are
being moved out as we speak. I’m also revoking access to your trust. You’ll
live out the year on your teacher’s salary.” He pauses, smirking at me. “You
should thank me for sending you to a private school instead of a public
school where you would have been making minimum wage.”
I shake my head, voicing my refusal. “I won’t do it. If you force me to,
last week’s performance will look like child’s play compared to what I’ll do
in Switzerland.” I add, my threat clear.
“You’ll do it if you want to see your mother again.”
 I stiffen, my gaze slamming into his dead one as the true horror of his
chosen punishment slams into me.
“What?”
“You want your mother safe? Then you’ll go to RCA and you’ll be the
best damn teacher they’ve ever had. You’ll behave. You’ll stay far away
from the front page of the tabloids.”
There it is. The card he’s always had in his back pocket but has never
played until now.
The answering rictus on his face is downright sinister, revealing the
true evil of the man. He’s getting off on this, on the power he wields over
our family and how he can use it to get me in line.
“Why are you doing this?” I demand, “Tess can carry on your legacy,
she’s ready and she wants it.” He narrows his eyes at me, his mouth
flattening into a tight line. “I can fall in line if you just let me–”
“No son of mine is going to work in the back of a restaurant like a blue
collar pleb,” he rages, losing the flimsy hold he had on his temper. “You
will inherit this company and you will grow up.”
The only passion I have in life, the one thing that gets my blood
pumping and my creative interest flowing, is cooking. Growing up, my
parents went out of town often and left us in the care of our household staff,
so I used to spend afternoons with our chefs. At first just watching and
taking everything in, then getting my hands dirty with the fundamentals like
omelets and mixed salads, to eventually working side by side with them and
learning more intricate recipes and how flavor profiles work together.
I’d been careful to hide it from my father, intuitively knowing that he
wouldn’t like it. But then one day, the same summer that I’d witnessed him
hitting my mum, he’d come home early from a business trip and he’d
caught me in the kitchen, with my sleeves rolled up to my elbows, my
hands in fresh pasta dough, and a contented smile on my face, and he’d
gone postal.
He’d grabbed me by the throat and flung me across the room like I
weighed nothing because back then I hadn’t. He’d fired the chef on the
spot, banned the next hire from interacting with me, and made sure I never
came near another kitchen again.
He continues. “You will have no contact with your mother or your
sister for a year until you learn some discipline.”
 I open my mouth to argue, to curse him out, but he carries on. “If I find
out you have,” he elongates every word, stretching the unmistakable threat
in his tone until he’s sure I’m hooked on every word, “you know what I’ll
do to your mother.”
The cruelty of his intimidation tactics almost takes me out at the knees.
I see no way out of this and I’m trapped between feelings of fear of what
he’ll do to my mum if I step a toe out of line, and rage that he’s won.
That no matter what I do, there is no escape for me.
The inevitability of my fate grabs me by the throat and chokes me,
making it hard for me to speak. “If I do what you say, you’ll leave her
alone?”
“You’re finally starting to understand how this works,” he says with a
smug grin and I’m itching to wipe it off his face with my fists.
“Fuck you,” I spit.
I turn on my heels and head for the door when he strikes one final
blow.
“And one more thing, Tristan.” I square my shoulders and face him
once again. Whatever he’s about to say, I know he’s kept it as the final
reveal for a reason. “No more scandals means no more girls. You’ll keep
your dick in your pants while you’re in Switzerland. Thornton, the
principal, will keep an eye on you to make sure you stick to this condition.
Knowing you, you’re going to need the babysitting.” The smile on his face
is sick with twisted pleasure as he continues. “Who knows, celibacy might
do you a world of good.”

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 3

Tristan

“Another,” I call out. The bartender needs no further invitation to come

over and refill my glass.
I stare aimlessly down at the rich, brown liquid, swirling it around the
contours of my glass as I think back to the clusterfuck of the last two
months.
After putting the noose around my neck and metaphorically tightening
it to the point of near suffocation, my father had delivered on his promise to
evict me from my home. I’d been unceremoniously ousted from my
Chelsea pad and my things dumped in storage.
I’d refused to set foot in Aubonne or even acknowledge that a move,
even if only temporary, was happening. Instead, I showed up at Tess’ place
carrying only a duffle bag. When she’d opened the door, I’d barged past her
and made myself at home, invoking my younger sibling privileges as the
reason why she had to let me stay with her.
Given that I was penniless, I’d traded free accommodation in return for
delicious home cooked meals and we’d spent the last two months rooming
together and behaving like we used to when we were kids. It was fun and
it’d helped me take my mind off the upcoming year and what was at stake if
I fucked up.
I didn’t tell Tess about the extent of our father’s threats. Her outrage
would have made her try to intervene on my behalf and the last thing I
needed was her putting herself in harm’s way. She’d escaped my father’s
notice this far and I was desperate to keep it that way.
I’d told her that he was forbidding all contact between us and her
temper had flared so suddenly in response that I’d almost had to restrain her
to keep her from marching into his office and confronting him. The more
gruesome comments about our mum, I’d kept to myself.
Once she’d accepted that these two months were the last time we were
going to see each other for a while, she’d focused on quality time, including
helping me with my lesson plans. Because, to add insult to injury, the
subject my father had selected I teach to the next generation of Europe’s
brightest minds was business.
If that wasn’t a gigantic ‘fuck you’ to me, I don’t know what was.
I’d created the basic plans and she’d helped me craft them like the
perfectionist she was. If I’d had any lingering doubts about my lack of
interest in business or running a Fortune 500 company, this little experiment
of my father’s had put those to bed. I’d been bored to tears by the very
lessons I was supposed to teach starting a couple of weeks from now.
Yesterday, I’d kissed my mum on the cheek, hugged Tess, and said my
goodbyes. I’d arrived in Switzerland and, still in denial over being banished
to what was essentially the countryside, I’d decided I’d stay in Geneva until
the night before classes started.
Today, I’d ventured into Aubonne to meet Thornton and to take care of
a few administrative tasks. The place was as expected. A beautiful, historic
building, but in the middle of nowhere. I was going to be surrounded by
obnoxious, entitled, posh secondary school assholes – I knew for a fact
because I’d been one of them – with no escape.
I was going to need to stock up on liquor to even make it through the
fucking year with my sanity intact.
I down my whiskey and stand, buttoning the jacket of my tailored suit
and quickly appraising the half empty bar as I do so. Pointing down at my
empty glass, I motion for the bartender to get me a fresh drink.
My phone rings as I head across the bar towards the smoking area. I
pull it out of my suit pocket and see Tess’ name splashed across the screen.
“Hey–,” I start, reaching into my pocket again and pulling out the joint
I rolled before coming down to the bar.
“If you call me Tessticles again, Tristan,” she interrupts, cutting me
off. “I’ll come over there and murder you myself,” she pledges. “Women
don’t statistically go for manual strangulation but I’m more than happy to
bump up our group average if you test me.”
I chuckle with the joint between my lips and light it. A couple sharing
a cigarette at the other end of the area give me a disapproving look. I flip
them off.
“I know how much you care about statistics. If they say you shouldn’t
kill me, I say you listen to them.” I reply, taking a drag and pulling the
smoke deep into my lungs.
“It’s not that I won’t kill you, it’s that, historically, I’m much more
likely to poison you.”
I lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes as I feel the
tension leave my shoulders.
“Can’t do that from a distance.”
She’s quiet for a second and I know she’s choosing her words
carefully. “How are you?”
I sigh. “Fine.”
“You should come home. You can stay with me, we can split my
trust–”
“No,” I cut in, “I need to do this.” I’m talking about more than just the
year in Switzerland. I’ve started to resign myself to the fact that the office
threesome was my last stand in this short-lived war against my father.
“There are worse fates than taking over a billion-dollar company,” I joke,
grasping for traces of mirth in my tone.
She’s silent again, but it’s different than the first time. This silence
hides something, I know her well enough to know that.
“What?” I ask.
“Speaking of worse fates,” she starts, before audibly swallowing, “Dad
brought up marriage today.”
My blood freezes in my veins. It’s been the unacknowledged elephant
in the room this year that my sister is approaching arranged marriage age, at
least in our world. I don’t want her meeting a fate like our mother’s.
“I hope you told him to fuck off,” I growl.
“Those weren’t my exact words, no,” she says, and I hear the hint of a
smile in her voice. “But I told him I’m busy with the merger and that we’d
need to revisit.”
I grin at that. Classic Tess to be levelheaded and rational in the face of
a potential crisis.
 “Listen, I have to run. The negotiations took a major step back this
morning so it’s pandemonium over here. I’ll be right there, Julie,” she tells
her assistant before coming back on the phone. “I just wanted to wish you
good luck and tell you I’m going to miss you. I’ll see you in a year I guess.”
Her voice pitches down an octave in energy on her last sentence.
“Never thought I’d say this to anyone but have fun with the merger. I’ll
see you soon.” I go to hang up but add, “Hey, don’t be in an arranged
marriage to some stuffy prick when I get back, okay?”
“Not if I have anything to do with it,” she promises darkly, and the
determination in her voice is almost enough to make me wish our father
would betroth her to someone just so I can watch her run circles around her
future husband.
I crush the butt of my joint with my heel and head back in, crossing the
bar to my waiting drink with purposeful steps. I sit, wrap my fingers around
the glass and take a sip.
One year.
One year with a fake name. Tristan Novak, the International Business
teacher.
One year without my friends, sister, or mother. One year without
wealth, in the middle of nowhere in a country where nothing ever fucking
happens.
One year of not fucking anybody.
I rub a hand over my face. Fuck, I’m not ready.
Along with the crates of liquor, I’m going to have to invest in anti-
chafing lotion for my hand.
In conclusion, one very long year.
I hate to admit it, but my father really has outdone himself with this
one.
My hand drops slowly from my face because I smell her before I ever
see or hear her. Her scent, a lethal combination of powerful vetiver and
sweet vanilla, floats up to my nose and supercharges my senses.
“Excuse me,” a sultry voice speaks from just behind me. Goosebumps
break out at the base of my neck as if she caressed the area with her fingers.
She leans in close enough that her chest presses against my arm.
Without moving my body, I slant my face to the side and look down at
her from below my eyelashes.
 My gaze connects with a pair of dark, shining eyes that stare boldly
back into mine. I’m distantly aware that my breathing deregulates itself
momentarily and that I miss an exhale, but I’m too taken by her eyes to give
it any real notice.
‘Beautiful’ is much too tame a word to describe her.
She’s striking.
Black, pin straight hair parted right down the middle frames a heart-
shaped face and falls to her chest. Her intense, almond eyes sit over a small
nose and thick lips painted with red lipstick. She’d look almost fragile in
her beauty but there’s an underlying sadness to her that adds edge to her
face. I know it because I recognize the same sadness within myself.
She’s taller than average, I’d say the top of her head reaches just below
my shoulder, but I barely register that as my eyes rake down her body and I
realize I’m about to be severely tested for my sins.
She’s wrapped like a present on Christmas morning in a hot pink dress
that ends mid-thigh and accentuates what feels like miles of long, toned legs
that I instantly picture bent on either side of my head as she sits on my
face.
She wasn’t in the crowd when I scanned it earlier, I would have
noticed her.
I would have remembered her.
“Excuse me,” she repeats, because apart from silently ogling her, I
haven’t actually acknowledged her yet. I flick my gaze up to meet hers. She
gives me a seductive smile. “Do you want to have sex with me?”

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 4

Nera

“Excuse me, do you want to have sex with me?”

Given a second chance at asking my first question again, I’d rework
my choice of words. Unfortunately, they’re out and that’s how I decided to
phrase them, so it is what it is. No use in second guessing them now.
To his credit, he’s not bowled over by my declaration. In fact, he has
almost no reaction to it at all, save a slight arch of his eyebrow.
I wonder if maybe this has happened to him before.
Actually, I’m sure it has. The way he’s sitting alone at this bar, nursing
his whisky, perfectly comfortable with his own company and unbothered by
the world around him. It invites curious gazes, specifically those of the
women in the room. I’d noticed a few of them imperceptibly craning their
necks to get a look at the brooding man in the suit.
I’d been one of them, staring at him from the shadows of a covered
booth in the corner. I’d hoped that when he revealed his face to the room
it’d turn out to be as pleasing as the strong lines of his broad shoulders. He
looked like he carried the weight of the world on them.
And then he stood up and I got my wish. He marched across the room
and I felt a current of physical attraction in my lower belly that I’d never
felt before.
Piercing clear blue eyes that I could make out even from across the
room sat below full eyebrows and even fuller hair. It was artfully messy,
almost like he’d paid someone handsomely to style it that way, but I
instinctively knew it came from running his hand repeatedly through his
hair. His jaw was firm and sharp, his mouth tight, and I’d wanted to kiss
him just to see if I could get him to relax his lips.
Based on my physical reaction to him, I knew I’d found what I was
looking for.
See, I’d decided after careful consideration that I wanted – no, needed
– someone to absolutely rail me.
Not have sex or make love, but really fuck me. Face down on the
mattress, hands pulling my hair as his cock powers into me and he whispers
filthy things in my ear. As I make him lose his mind and he makes me
believe in God. As he hopefully makes me come, hard.
Asking him to fuck me right out of the gate had felt too aggressive, but
now I was regretting asking for ‘sex’.
Too clinical.
He settles into the back of his chair, crossing his arms and casually
leaning closer to me. My nose picks up the scent of his cedar cologne.
He’s not laughing at me, nor is he immediately agreeing to my
proposition. I’m good at reading body language, but his gives nothing away.
He’s an enigma wrapped in a mystery and one I’m apparently desperate to
solve.
“I thought an escort in a five-star hotel would have a touch more
finesse in her one liners.”
His voice moves over my body like a feather teasing along my skin.
Maybe he’s too much, too potent for me.
I set out to find a one-night stand, someone who could make sex
enjoyable for me when my previous experiences have been anything but.
Sex with my ex had been tolerable at best, but mostly miserable.
Missionary only, over in less than two minutes, with no skill, expertise or
frankly any care for whether I was enjoying it or not. And I wasn’t, mostly
because he’d never managed to make me come.
Never. Not once.
Frankly, I wondered whether my being conscious or not would have
made any difference to Rex, but I’d never asked him.
We’d only dated three months before breaking up last year and since
then I’d grown tired of touching myself to get some relief. Getting myself
off worked but it never felt completely satisfying. After six months of
frustratingly unfulfilling orgasms and no one catching my eye, I’d started to
spiral and had pondered jokingly aloud to Six that I might be asexual.
My physical response to the man at the bar tells me I’m not, but with
one look and one reply from him, I suddenly feel dangerously out of my
league. He’s definitely older and his lack of reaction to my shock and awe
approach makes me feel like I accidentally skipped a couple levels in this
game and went straight to the final boss.
“I’m not a prostitute, but I have watched every season of Diary of a
Call Girl which means I know exactly how much work goes into being a
high-class escort, so I do accept your compliment.” I shrug, before adding
simply, “Women have needs.”
His eyes drop to my lips as I speak and it’s distracting. He knows
exactly what he’s doing. He knows how to seduce a woman and he’s doing
it with barely any effort at all.
“And what needs are those?”
I inhale and his gaze flicks down to where my breasts push against the
neckline of my dress. A flash of heat passes through the limitless depths of
his eyes. It’s the first sign that I’ve affected him in any way and I grab on to
it.
“To put it quickly and bluntly,” I tell him, “I need to be cracked like a
glowstick. I need to be fucked in a way that sets feminism back at least a
couple hundred years. You seem like just the guy to do it. Interested?”
That pulls a smile out of him. Or at least that’s how I interpret the
lifting of the left corner of his mouth.
He takes a sip of his drink and nods at me.
“Go on.”
“I just need one night of back breaking sex to get me out of my funk.
That’s it really.” I set my own drink on the counter and look over my
shoulder at the lounge area behind us. “It was dead in here earlier so I didn’t
have high hopes that I’d find anyone, but then I saw you marching across
the room like you owned the place, and maybe you do. Who knows. But
something about the way you walk tells me you know exactly what you’re
doing in the bedroom and I want a turn.”
His hand comes up to brush his jaw, covering up his lethal smile as he
considers me. Unlike earlier, I can see more clearly behind his gaze now.
He’s intrigued and tearing me apart with his eyes like he’s sizing up if I’m a
predator or prey.
 “Are you always this blunt?”
“Blunt?” I say with a cool grin, affecting pure confidence. “This is me
at my best.”
His eyes flash in challenge and an excruciating shiver shoots down my
spine in response.
He likes to play, I can tell.
He tilts his head at me. “Then do your worst.”
Pushing the chair next to him aside and clutching onto my false
confidence with both hands, I wedge myself between him and the bar.
To a casual observer, it looks completely innocent, like I’m leaning
over the bar to order a drink.
For the two of us, there’s an added thrill in the air.
I lean over slightly and place my hand on his thigh, moving it slowly
up his leg until I feel the length of him in his suit trousers. He’s hard and
thick and throbbing against his thigh and I hesitate, my touch somewhat
tentative as I cup his cock.
I flick my gaze back up to his and I don’t know what I was expecting –
maybe that his eyes be closed in pleasure or his head be thrown back as he
savored the feel of my hand on him – but instead I find his eyes pinned on
me. He’s pushing a piece of ice around his mouth with his tongue, his
cheeks hollowing in turn as he continues to stare.
He moves his hand over mine and I pause, transfixed by the size
disparity between his and mine and the nearly audible crackle of chemistry
when he touches me. I expect him to push me away, but instead he closes
his larger palm over my hand and presses it more confidently on his dick,
making me squeeze his length.
“If you’re going to touch my cock, don’t be shy about it.” A throaty
groan falls from his lips and I can’t help but stare at his mouth as he licks
them. “Touch me like you mean it.”
I’m definitely out of my depths with him and the color in my face goes
to prove it. His thumb comes up to gently caress the pink hue of my cheeks.
“Adorable,” he breathes as if to himself.
I’m desperate to regain the upper hand somehow, or at least the
element of surprise.
“What do you do?”
He chuckles and I find myself momentarily entranced by the sound.
“Weird question to ask me while you’re palming my dick.”
 “Let me guess,” I say, making a show of perusing him from head to toe
while simultaneously rubbing him from tip to base. His lips part slightly
and I can’t help the smug smile I give him. “You’re a lawyer.”
His fingers wrap around my wrist, stopping my movement.
“What gave me away?” His tone is nothing more than a seductive
whisper.
“The perfectly fitted suit.” I tip my chin at his wrist. “The sleek and
simple inconspicuous watch that's actually thirty thousand pounds. The
brown liquor. The broodiness. The general look of disdain for the world.”
I’m ensnared by the way his chest moves as he takes in even breaths.
There’s humor shining in his eyes now and I wonder if I got it wrong.
“You got me,” he answers, and his thumb brushes against the sensitive
skin of my wrist, leaving blazing heat in its wake. “What do you do?”
Shit. I didn’t think about him turning the question back on me. The
glancing touches are enough to frazzle me as I search for an answer.
He’d shut this down if I told him the truth.
“I’m a graphic designer.” It’s not far from the truth, it’s just not how I
earn a living. “I love to draw. I actually designed my first tattoo this
summer.”
He hums, making his interest clear. His eyes drag slowly down my
body. “Where is it?”
I squeeze his dick again and his eyes darken as they drop to look at our
entwined hands in his lap.
“I’m trying to get you up to my room so I can show you,” I whisper,
looking up at him from below my lashes.
He lifts a brow at me, exactly like he had when I’d first walked up to
him.
“You have a room?”
“I came ready,” I say with another shrug.
“How old are you?” He asks.
“Twenty-two, why? How old are you?” I hope I play it off naturally. I
think he’d run for the hills if he knew the real answer.
He raises his glass to his mouth and takes a sip. He takes his time,
savoring then swallowing the liquor before placing his glass back down on
the counter. I watch his Adam’s apple work as the liquid slides down his
throat.
 “Making sure I don’t go to jail tonight.” He licks his lips. “I’m twenty-
four.”
A warm hand wraps around my hip, startling me. I didn’t even see him
move and now he’s using his hold to pull me closer against him. He turns
slightly, parting his legs and positioning me between them.
We’re as close as two people can be, my hand on his dick, his on mine,
and the rest of our bodies pressed up against each other indecently in this
trendy hotel bar.
“Tell me your name,” he demands, the order falling darkly from his
lips and wrapping itself around my throat like a vise.
“Tell me yours first.”
His eyes fall to my lips again and I really wish he wouldn’t. Not while
we’re still in public.
“I’m Gary.”
I scrunch my nose in response. “You lose some hotness points for that,
sorry.”
“I assume I still have enough to be your first choice for tonight,” he
answers cockily.
I just know he’s going to do bad things to me and I can’t wait.
“Hmm, you’re lucky it’s a slow night.”
The smile he levels at me reminds me that I’m a minnow playing
footsie with a great white shark.
“Keep that attitude while you still can. It’ll be fucked out of you soon
enough.” My heart seizes in my throat as liquid heat pools in my stomach.
“Now give me your name.”
“Jenny,” I lie. I think if I heard this man groan my name in my ear,
he’d ruin sex for me forever.
It’s already off to a rocky start, I don’t need it dead and buried before
I’ve even hit my twenties.
His lips stretch into a slow grin and now I’m the one staring heatedly
at his mouth. “Not exactly the most unique name either.”
I lean in so I breathe my next words against his lips, emboldened by
the scorching chemistry between us.
“You’ll be moaning it regardless.”
He sucks in a rough inhale, stealing the breath from my lips when he
does so. His fingers dig into my hips, the touch near bruising in its
intensity.
 “Careful,” he replies, and my throat works at the guttural rasp of his
voice, “I haven’t actually decided that I’m going to fuck you tonight yet.”
My eyes narrow slightly at his reply, going back and forth between his
as I try to figure out if he means it or if this is a game he wants to play.
There’s something there in his gaze, something like hesitation, and it
confuses me.
Does he… does he not like what he sees? Moments ago he’d looked
like he was barely holding himself back from fucking me on the bar in front
of all the people still here, and now he’s hesitating.
That’s the last thing I want or need from my hookup tonight. If he’s
uncertain, then I’ll turn to another option. I’m not one to give people
multiple chances, especially once my walls have come slamming down
around me.
I lean away from him, removing my hand from his cock and stepping
back from between his legs. My eyes sweep across the room until they land
on a trio of what looks like finance guys sitting at the bar, talking loudly
and obnoxiously clapping each other on the back.
Not ideal, but one of them will have to do. I won’t let this handsome,
indecisive stranger ruin my carefully laid plans.
I turn back towards him with an easy smile and a ‘tough luck’ lift of
my shoulders.
“You’re not my only option tonight,” I say. “I think I’ll go try my
chances over there.”

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 5

Tristan

Just as unexpectedly as she approached me, she steps back and forces me
to watch her walk away from me and towards a group of guys sitting just
around the bend of the bar.
The first one to notice her taps his friend’s shoulder repeatedly and tips
his chin in her direction, urging him to look at the siren coming
unexpectedly but decidedly towards them.
My fist clenches around my glass when I see the way they leer at her.
They shouldn’t be looking at her. She should still be pinned against my
chest with her hands on me.
She blew in like a fucking tornado with her perfume, her fuck me eyes,
her sinful dress, and her greedy hands on my body and that’s where they
should still be.
Not across the bar heading towards those wankers.
I’m desperate to have her. I can feel it in my hard cock, in the twisted
knots of my belly, in the vein throbbing at my temple.
In the way my blood pumps furiously through my body, creating
throbbing energy in its wake that remains trapped in me with no immediate
outlet.
I want to call after her, to order her to come back here, but I grind my
teeth and watch her go instead. My eyes never look away, locked in on her
progress as annoyance rises in my body with every step she takes away
from me.
Two months into the year and two weeks before I’ve actually even
started teaching and I’m about to fail the first condition of my banishment
in spectacular fashion.
If I go after her, a stranger – a tempting one, but a stranger nonetheless
– then I’m repeating the exact same cycle of behavior that landed me in this
situation of having a noose around my neck and no free will.
But she was so desperate to have me before she bolted at the first sign
of my uncertainty. She treated me like some random dick, perfectly
replaceable with just about anyone, and that alone makes me want to collar
her throat and bring her to her knees before me. I could have her
gospelizing her submission to me within the hour.
I’m not used to being on this side of a one-night stand. I’m the one
who usually sleeps with nameless and sometimes faceless girls. I’m the one
who doesn’t get attached, who lives by the words ‘out of sight, out of
mind’.
This is new for me and I don’t like it. My ego has taken a hit and he
doesn’t like it either.
There’s something about her that’s alluring and spellbinding, more
than just the initial physical attraction. It calls me closer, making me want to
find out exactly who she is. Urgent need claws at me to get her number, to
not let her slip through my fingers tonight. That I would regret it.
The voice in my head, the one with zero impulse control, screams at
me once again to stop her before she reaches them.
My frustration bleeds into my legs as my foot taps an anxious rhythm
on the floor. I’m powerless to subdue it but it stops abruptly seconds later
when she reaches the other men at the bar.
I straighten, my muscles corded and tense.
She rounds the corner and gives them a coy smile that makes my jaw
clench. She plays with a strand of her hair, twirling it around her finger as
she giggles at something one of them says and I know it’s fake. Even based
only on our short repartee, I know it’s not her. She’s putting on a
performance and I want to rip that mask off her and reveal the real Jenny.
I think back to how she approached me, the confidence with which she
daringly delivered her opening line. How she brazenly fisted my cock and
pumped up and down my length until I stopped her.
 Is she offering them the same thing? Is she over there asking one or all
three of them to fuck her like she begged me to not ten minutes ago?
I stare unflinchingly down the bar at her. At how she flirts until one of
them stands and folds his arms so he can show off his height and the
thickness of his muscles.
A screw pops loose inside me when she turns towards him and places a
small hand on his bicep.
When he uncrosses his arms in response and takes a step towards her,
something goes haywire in my brain and I’m up. I’ll be damned if I sit idly
by and watch as he touches what belongs to me for the night.
My impulse control is thrown carelessly to the wind as I stalk across
the bar towards her, not taking even a second to ponder the shortsighted
stupidity of my actions.
Regrets, that’s what tomorrow is for.
Right now, I’m lost to everything around me except the thumping need
in my veins to claim her.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 6

Nera

“I’m glad you like the tie, I have a couple of other designs from the same
collection upstairs.” Kevin says, an overconfident smile on his face. “I’d be
happy to show you if you’d like.”
I pause at his words but hide my reaction behind a vacant smile. It’s
the offer I’ve been waiting for and yet disappointment churns in my
stomach.
Kevin and his friends are unskilled in the art of seduction. I may be
limited in my own sexual experience, but even I can tell that much.
I recognized how easy of a mark they’d be as I walked up to them so
I’d gone for a softer opening than what I used the first time around.
Gary had gotten my heart racing and my blood pumping by not
immediately taking me upstairs and bantering with me instead. That’s what
was missing here.
As much as I want to be fucked tonight, I also want to work for it a
little bit. I was hoping to find the same flirty repartee, the same electrifying
quips that there’d been with him.
He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Or-Acknowledged because now that
I’ve walked away, I won’t let myself look back.
Instead, after brief introductions, Kevin opened by bragging about his
new house on Lake Como.
Within two minutes, he stood and flexed his muscles like a peacock
spreading its feathers, his version of a modern day mating call. And now by
the third minute, he’s asked me to come up to his room with him.
He’s too eager and his obvious enthusiasm reveals that if I go upstairs
with him tonight, he’ll definitely enjoy the ride, but my time will likely turn
out to have been better spent at home with my vibrator.
I want to roll my eyes and tell him that I’m a sure thing if he can just
make it hot for me a little. I mean is that too much to ask for?
I open my mouth to say just that when a large body comes up behind
me and presses intimately against my back. His warm hand splays
possessively over my lower stomach and tugs me against the hard planes of
his chest and into him in a domineering display of ownership. Ever so
casually, his fingers brush the top of my pussy. My stomach flips in
response.
Adrenaline shoots through me as his face comes down against mine.
He turns his mouth into the mass of my hair, heated breaths coming from
his lips and falling hotly against my cheek.
“Enough,” he orders, mouth pressed menacingly against the shell of
my ear.
My heart lurches into my throat and a swell of goosebumps erupts
along the column of my neck and on down my spine.
I don’t need to look up to know who it is.
Gary curls me into his body, his large arm enveloping me easily, and
walks me away from the three men without even acknowledging them.
Distantly, I hear Kevin call out indignantly after me, but I’ve already
forgotten about him.
Gary doesn’t take me back to where he was sitting. Instead, he heads
straight for the elevator bank.
He leans forward, keeping my body still securely clutched to his side,
and presses the ‘up’ arrow on the panel.
“Gary?” I ask, looking up at him.
Nerves rumble in my lower belly when he doesn’t answer or look at
me. He continues staring straight ahead.
He’s tense, his body coiled as if he’s poised to strike and, briefly, I
wonder if I should be scared. The only applicable knowledge I have of how
to defend myself is via swordfight so unless he’s got a loose épée laying
around up in his room, I don’t have a recourse for defending myself.
His arm is still wrapped tightly around me like he’s afraid I’ll walk
away again, and his index finger taps a wild rhythm on my lower stomach.
 My senses focus in on it until the foreboding tapping feels like a timer
counting down to a bomb’s explosion. The tension between us is taut and
ready to snap. My body feels like a live wire from the way he touches me
and there’s not even any skin on skin contact between us.
The elevator dings to announce its presence and I startle in response,
nearly jumping out of my skin.
The doors open and we walk in. He releases me and I turn around in
time to see him swipe a black keycard and press the button for the
penthouse suite.
He stands stiffly beside me.
I can’t take the silence a moment longer.
The doors start to close.
“What–”
Before I can say anything else, he slams me against the wall,
swallowing my words with his mouth as his lips come savagely down on
mine.
I freeze for only a moment before I moan and return his kiss with
equal enthusiasm and passion.
My hands claw at him, first at the vest of his suit, shoving it off his
shoulders, then at the knot of his tie, ripping it from around his neck, and
finally at his hair.
His gloriously soft hair.
My hands drag through the thick strands, grasping at them to bring him
closer, so much closer. I can’t get enough as his mouth moves over mine,
skipping any initial teasing in favor of a full-blown assault.
His lips ravage mine as he parts them with ease and shoves his tongue
into my mouth. When I suck it in return, one of us moans but I don’t know
who. It might have been the both of us. He grabs my ass with greedy hands,
palming my cheeks and using his hold to press me against his hard length.
I can feel him, hot and pulsing against my stomach, and his need
matches my own. I arch into him and this time, it’s definitely him who
moans.
“Can you feel what you’re doing to me?” He growls, not bothering to
lift his mouth and speaking his words directly against my lips.
I nod emphatically and whimper my approval as my frantic hands
reach blindly for the buttons of his dress shirt. Our noses bump and we
share ragged breaths as his palms move to clutch my waist, roving over my
hips and stomach like he can’t keep his hands immobile on my body.
Already, this is far hotter than anything else I’ve experienced. My
senses are fraught, my mind gone. All that’s left is the unspeakable
yearning in my bones and my pussy for this near stranger.
I want him.
I need him inside me.
He’s like a man possessed as he rips the straps of my dress off my
shoulders and thrusts his face between my tits. He runs his mouth over the
hot flesh, biting and licking and sucking at it like a rabid animal. The corset
of my bodice keeps my breasts covered still, but they’re bursting against the
fabric, desperate to come out and be played with.
My hands are in his hair and I moan loudly as my eyes close and my
head falls back against the wall behind me. I arch into his mouth.
Frantic. This whole encounter is frantic. Desperate hands and greedy
mouths and unadulterated need.
The elevator dings, loud and disruptive.
In a heartbeat, he rips himself off me.
I open my eyes in time to see him fall almost drunkenly back against
the wall opposite me, putting distance between us as the doors open.
The blood rush to my head and the arousal thrashing in my entire body
dull my cognitive abilities. For long moments, I don’t understand why he’s
put a stop to this.
I stare at him, dragging in ragged, gasping breaths. My tits are pushed
so tightly against my dress that with the straps dropped around my
shoulders and the way I fight for oxygen, they almost spill completely out
of my top.
He looks at me like he’s going to devour me. The exhilaration I feel at
that prospect is as heady as a drug. His eyes burn with lust, his stare all-
consuming as he physically restrains himself on the other side of the
elevator.
A man walks in whistling a tune and thumbing his keycard between
his fingers. His eyes immediately zero in on me, his whistling cutting off
abruptly mid-note.
I can’t imagine what I look like to him. My hair is disheveled, bruises
are forming on my half-exposed breasts, and my legs are spread wantonly
in my tight, short dress as I struggle to catch my breath. I look like a present
that’s already been half unwrapped and the state of my clothes doesn’t leave
much to the imagination.
If Gary thought I was an escort earlier, then this man must think I just
finished a job with a very satisfied customer.
Gary goes unnoticed as the man stares lasciviously at me. His eyes
rake lewdly down my body and he licks his lips. I swallow thickly, a hint of
fear rattling my confidence. I’m suddenly very aware of the vulnerability of
my position.
He’s so focused on me that he doesn’t stop to consider that someone
else might be in the elevator with me. I see the moment he makes the
decision to approach, arousal blooming like a lightbulb going off in his
eyes.
He lifts a foot.
I inhale sharply.
He doesn’t get to take a step towards me before Gary’s voice claps
through the silence like a crack of thunder.
“She’s with me,” he growls. “Look the fuck away.”
The threat in his voice is so clear and dark that the other man turns and
jumps with a curse, immediately taking a step back and recognizing that he
almost made a move on a very territorial predator’s prey.
He turns away from me, standing between the two of us and inches
from the door. He reaches and repeatedly hits the button for the next floor,
anxious to leave this tight space where emotions are so volatile that the air
feels suffocating.
His eyes are glued skyward as he waits for the elevator to crawl to the
following floor. The doors open and he stumbles out, speed walking away
without a backward glance.
When I drag my gaze back to Gary, he’s unmoved. He stares single-
mindedly at me like it’s only been the two of us this whole time.
“Come here,” he rasps, his arms spread to either side of him, his hands
clutching the railing behind him and his knuckles white with effort.
I’m across the space and grabbing onto his shirt in less than five steps.
His eyes darken as I clasp his cheeks and bring his face down to mine.
“Good girl,” he purrs, before my lips meet his.
I arch into him, pleased at his praise and wanting more. He grabs the
hem of my dress and shoves it up over my ass to rest on my hips as his hand
reaches beneath my panties to my hot center.
 I have no idea if there are cameras in this elevator. I assume there are,
but I don’t care. Not in this moment. Maybe when we’re done the shame
will wash over me, but right now all I can think about is getting underneath
this man.
“I’m going to fucking ruin you,” he growls, savagely biting my lower
lip as his finger finds my entrance, pushing in and out once to test my
readiness. “I need to be inside you now.”
I hear the sounds of a zipper opening, followed by the telltale rip of a
condom as he sheathes his cock and then before I can even process it, he’s
pushing inside me.
He thrusts in to the hilt with one powerful move, extricating a feverish
scream from my lips.
My mouth parts in agonized pleasure.
I feel like I’m bursting at the seams, like I’m one stitch coming undone
away from being broken into a million pieces.
As much as I think I’ve reached my limits and that I can’t take
anymore, I’m proven wrong and made to take it when he starts pumping
into me.
He’s a beast, brutal and determined as he takes and takes.
He grasps my thigh right behind my knee and brings it up to his waist,
changing the angle, deepening his thrusts, and unleashing even more
madness as he drives into me.
He flips us so that I’m flat against the wall, his hand coming down to
rest next to my face as he powers relentlessly into me, splitting me in two.
The elevator dings again, announcing its arrival at the penthouse. Gary
grabs my other leg, hoists me into his arms and wraps my thighs around
him. He walks sightlessly backwards off the elevator and into his suite.
We don’t make it far.
He has me up against the foyer wall within moments, pounding into
my pussy like he can’t get enough of it.
“Your pussy’s so fucking tight,” he grits out against my neck. “I’m
going to come.”
I stiffen when I feel his shoulders lock and hear his moans turn almost
painful.
As much as I’m enjoying this, I’m not going to come.
Maybe I am broken. If sex this hot, this filthy and unhinged, can’t
make me orgasm, then will I ever be able to?
 Is something truly wrong with me?
Shame and doubt overtake me and I just want this to be over. I want to
get out of his suite before he realizes how frigid I am. I can’t take the
embarrassment after I talked such a big game.
But I know how men’s egos work. I know if I don’t come, he’ll at best
be offended. It’s more likely he’ll get pissed and blame me. Stand over me
and yell that there’s something broken with me. Anything not to question
his own virility.
At least that’s what my limited experience has taught me.
So, when he thrusts into me one final time and I feel his muscles tense
and then twitch, I make a show of moaning loudly and lewdly. I shove my
face into his neck and clench my pussy repeatedly as I call out his name.
I know I give a good performance.
I’ve had some practice.
We stay silently like that for a few seconds before he pulls out and
releases my legs, letting me slide down the wall until I come to stand on my
heels.
I look away, avoiding his gaze as I make a show of smoothing my
dress down over my hips.
He grasps my jaw and forces me to look up into his eyes.
“Did you just fake an orgasm?”
I stiffen, my face flaming red with embarrassment. Nerves roil in my
belly and I want to throw up, my body desperate to get rid of these feelings.
Bile rises in my throat but I smother it, clinging to my outward facing mask
of calm.
I shake my jaw out of his grasp and try to move away, but he doesn’t
let me.
“No, I–,”
“You faked an orgasm,” he repeats, this time as a statement. He tilts
his head to the side, his eyes seeing too much as they inspect my face. An
actual amused grin twists itself onto his mouth. “You think I can’t make you
come?”
There’s humor in his voice, like what he just suggested is the most
ridiculous thing he’s ever said.
This isn’t the reaction I’m used to. He makes me feel off-footed and
something tells me that’s much more dangerous for me long term than
anger.
 Good thing this is just one night of fun.
“Answer me and I’ll let you go,” he commands.
“I’ve been with…,” I start before trailing off, unsure of what to say.
“My ex-boyfriend, he couldn’t make me…you know,” I say, stumbling on
the words. As comfortable as I am talking about anything sex related, when
it comes to my inability to orgasm, I turn into a blithering fool. I don’t like
admitting to having another design flaw out loud. Some secrets you just
keep to yourself. “You shouldn’t take it personally. I don’t think I… can.”
He steps back as promised, casually removing and tying the condom
before tucking himself away and disposing of it in a nearby trash. He turns
back towards me and stares me down, his fingers going to the unopened
buttons of his shirt that I spared. He starts to unbutton them.
I’m momentarily distracted, confused by what he’s doing and then
taken aback by the expanse of the tanned chest he reveals. He pulls his shirt
from his trousers and takes it off, giving away rippling, mouthwatering
muscles covered in tattoos. I want to get closer and explore.
My eyes move up to meet his and the smile he gives me is downright
cocky now.
“Say it,” he orders, clutching his belt buckle next and using it to jerk
the strap clean through the loops and off. The thwack of the belt cracks in
the silence between us and I swear I can feel the lick on the skin of my ass.
“Your ex couldn’t make you come.”
He leans against the back of the couch and crosses his arms over his
chest as he waits for me to speak. How can I form words when the way he
moves has the unintentional effect of highlighting the thickness of his arms
and toned six pack of his stomach?
Or is it eight?
“Well,” I say, clapping my hands and looking away from him when
I’m abruptly brought back from my ogling to the moment once his words
sink in. “This has been fun. Thank you for, um, participating,” I add,
turning to look for the elevator panel so I can run out of here and go let the
mortification kill me slowly somewhere else, far from his prying eyes.
“That first fuck was for me,” he declares.
His voice brushes over me, the dark tenor of his words tickling my
skin and buzzing straight through to the marrow of my bones. I turn back
around to face him, but he hasn’t moved. His jaw is tight, his eyes dark and
intense.
 “Call it punishment for walking away from me and leaving me with
the most painful hard on I’ve ever had in my life. For making me chase
you,” he growls. “This next one is just for you. You can thank me when I’m
done. Now, come sit on my face.”
A gasp falls from my lips.
I must have heard him wrong.
“Excuse me?”
He straightens and walks over to me with slow, purposeful steps that
have anticipation racing through me. My heart beats in my throat as the
same current that sparked to life when he’d first looked into my eyes passes
through us once more.
“I haven’t even started with you,” he purrs. “You’re not going
anywhere until I’ve had your cum on my tongue and dripping off my face.”
He’s stubborn.
I am too.
“I’m telling you, I can’t.”
He fingers a strand of my hair, playing with it absentmindedly before
his gaze comes back to mine.
“And I’m telling you that I’m going to have zero issue making you
come. You’ll be embarrassed by how quickly I make your pretty little pussy
weep on my tongue.” He releases the strand and drops his hand. “Come sit
on my face. I won’t ask again.”
I knew I was right earlier.
I’m completely outmatched here.
I shake my head. “I’m too heavy.”
He’s either unwilling to listen to me any longer or he’s had enough of
me wasting his time, because he bends at the waist and threads his arms
between my legs. He hooks my thighs over his forearms and hoists me high
against his chest like I weigh nothing, turning us around and marching
down a hallway towards the bedroom with me in his arms.
“Oh, my God.” I shriek.
I hear more than see him kick a door open and then he dumps me on
the bed. I bounce but he doesn’t let me settle. He grabs my hips and flips
me so that I’m face down on the mattress.
Before I can say anything, he grips the zipper at the back of my dress
and yanks it completely down in one move. He’s far from gentle as he tugs
the fabric away from me, revealing my naked body clad only in a thong
beneath it.
“Turn off the lights.” I beg.
I’ve never had the lights on during sex and I can feel my mind
wandering to all the imperfections he must see.
His palm comes down with a warning crack on my ass and I yelp.
“No fucking way. I want to see every inch of you.” He says,
definitively.
I blush in response.
“I didn’t think anything could top your confidence but this shyness is
killing me.”
I shriek when he bites my right cheek, his teeth sinking deep into the
skin as he palms my ass in each hand.
“Don’t you know it’s a bad idea to keep a man from his meal when
he’s hungry?” He demands, his voice rough with arousal. “And I’m fucking
starving.”
His finger brushes along my back, artfully tracing the sword I have
tattooed down my spine. The hilt is covered in roses and thorns and sits
perfectly between my shoulder blades. The tip of the épée ends at my lower
back right above my two dimples.
“Beautiful,” he whispers. “You’re talented,” he adds, remembering my
comment from earlier.
My cheeks heat at his compliment, a pleased smile tugging at my lips,
but he flips me again before I can form a response.
My tits bounce as I turn and his eyes sharpen on me. The bed is low to
the ground so he veritably towers over me as he inspects my body. I’m
caught up wondering if he’s judging what he sees, if any parts of me are
putting him off, but then he bends and licks my pierced nipple before
sucking it into his mouth.
I squeal in response. The sensation of his wet tongue on the cold metal
and my warm flesh makes stars shoot behind my eyelids. I got it pierced
only a few weeks ago with my best friend Sixtine, so it’s a new and
sensitive addition.
He grunts as his teeth rake over the piercing, the vibrations raising
goosebumps down my flesh.
“Any other surprises?” He asks.
I shake my head, speechless.
 “At a loss for words already?” He notices, fingers dancing over my
skin. “Better find your voice quickly, I plan on making you scream.”
With that, he releases my nipple, rips my thong off me in one clean
move, and lays on the bed beside me. He grips my hips and I yelp when he
picks me up like I weigh nothing and positions my legs bent at the knees on
either side of his face.
“Gary–, oh, my God!” I shriek when I feel the first lap of his tongue
against my center.
“So wet for me,” he growls, then licks me a second time from my
entrance to my clit. “You taste so fucking good.”
My eyes roll into the back of my head as he dives in, licking the
soreness from the way he just fucked me away. As promised, he’s like a
starving man. His tongue slurps at my folds with so much gusto that the
resulting exploding pleasure within me makes it almost impossible to
remain upright. I bend forward, my hands desperately fist the sheets as the
muscles of my stomach contract.
He palms my ass in his hands and uses his hold to press my pussy
against his face until I’m sure he can’t breathe. When I look down all I can
see is his brow furrowed in concentration as he eats me and his crystal blue
eyes pinned darkly on mine, taking in the mewls of pleasure falling
chaotically from my lips. The contented purring noises he’s making reveal
just how much he loves this.
It’s insane how easily he makes me forget my qualms so that all I can
focus on is the roughness of his tongue as it abrades against my flesh.
There’s something building inside me, the echoes of which feel
somewhat familiar to the orgasms I’ve given myself. But I know that when
this wave crests, the impact will be far more devastating.
I buck my hips in response to his assault until I’m arching into every
sweep of his tongue and every graze of his teeth against my sensitive flesh.
“That’s it, ride my face,” he grunts against my folds and his dirty
words are the spark. They keep me tethered in this in between as my
muscles tighten. “Fuck my face just like that.”
My stomach clenches, my toes curl, and my eyes close as I can
scarcely believe that I’m about to come, and just as easily as he promised.
And then he pulls my clit into his mouth and suctions it between his
teeth and that’s the lit match that makes my world go blank.
Powerfully, voidlessly, blank.
 Every atom in my body releases and explodes as I shatter on his
tongue. I’m temporarily blinded as I fall into a bottomless oblivion.
I scream the walls down, incapable of muffling my pleasure or curbing
it in any way as I grapple with the force of my orgasm.
I didn’t know it could be like this and I’m not equipped to handle it.
Sweat dots my brow and my thighs quake until I’m not sure I’ll ever be able
to walk again.
It takes long minutes, but I’m a trembling, shaking mess when I come
down, the waves of my climax receding almost reluctantly.
I come back to reality only to realize that he’s still licking greedily at
my folds, his fingers digging into my thighs just as firmly as when he
started.
He doesn’t show any signs of slowing down or stopping.
“What…what are you doing?” I ask with difficulty, still reeling from
the orgasm and losing myself right back again as his tongue redoubles its
efforts. That’s all the time I’m given to process my first assisted orgasm
because he already has me building towards a second one.
“One orgasm could have been luck,” he drawls, his words muffled
against my body, “but two is skill.” His hand reaches up to palm my breast.
He kneads the tender flesh and then flicks my piercing before pinching my
nipple. Pain radiates from my bud and turns into delicious pleasure before I
can even register it. “I don’t want there to be any doubt about my
performance here,” he adds cockily.
I groan, my body overstimulated to the point of torment. Now that I’ve
orgasmed at his hands – or rather, his mouth – I’m not sure if I can handle
another.
I don’t know if I’ll survive it.
My mouth falls open on a loud moan when I feel his finger trace my
folds. He runs it up and down my slit, tenderly grazing my sensitive flesh
and collecting my wetness until I want to scream at him to stop teasing me.
I must say it out loud, my tone one of deep sexual frustration, because
he chuckles, his warm breath caressing my pussy and setting me afire.
He places his finger at my entrance and pushes in, not stopping until
he’s inside me as deeply as he can go. My thighs tighten in response as I
fight against the immediate need to come. I must be suffocating him
between my legs because his face is now completely obscured by my body,
but I can’t process my concern.
 I’m gasping for air as he strums me like a virtuoso on a guitar. I fall
forward but the hand on my breast moves up to clutch my throat, forcing
me to remain upright with just the strength of his arm alone.
When he pushes a second finger in next to the first, he shoves me off
the cliff of my pleasure and straight into my second orgasm.
This time, my screams are silent. My mouth falls open on a ferocious
cry, but the sound is muzzled as all my energy goes to riding out this rabid
tornado of sensations. My thighs don’t relax as he continues to eat me,
greedily licking up the juices that spill out of me, and I wonder how I
haven’t accidentally killed him yet.
Finally, I buck and the noises erupt from deep within me. I cry out
endlessly, my voice sounding almost pained to my own ears. I fall
backwards against his lower stomach, my head resting on his knee. My
heart beats wildly, my chest pumping to match, and my breaths are
strangled as I drag in lungfuls of oxygen.
I hear his own call for air as I finally release him. He sits up, wiping
his nose and mouth with the back of one hand as the other reaches for me
and clutches my hip possessively.
“I think that’s my point well proven, don’t you?”

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 7

Tristan

She’s splayed before me with her legs spread on either side of my hips as
her pussy resting against my lower stomach. Her eyes are closed and she
looks like she’s about to doze off into a satiated sleep, but I’m not going to
let her rest until she’s come with my dick inside her.
She’s turning out to be an addictive little find. Three orgasms between
the two of us and my dick isn’t showing signs of being repleted anytime
soon.
I was planning on sexually torturing her. On drawing out her pleasure,
stretching it out excruciatingly and then pulling back before she could
come. Over and over, teasing her for hours on end, until she’d scream in
frustration and I’d give her the climax of her life.
But then I’d felt her muscles spasming irregularly around my cock,
followed by unnaturally boisterous sounds of pleasure.
It wasn’t the volume that’d given her away, but the way she’d
screamed.
I’d been intrigued, both by the fact that I’d never had a woman fake an
orgasm before and that she’d felt she’d needed to do so. My initial plans of
torment had quickly been replaced with another kind of torture.
An extreme amount of pleasure could be just as agonizing as
withholding it.
 There was going to be a come down from this. Once I was done with
her and the lust seeped away from where it was holding my rational
thoughts prisoner, I’d probably realize the dangerous consequences of my
actions.
But I couldn’t seem to make myself give a fuck right now. Not when I
still had so much I was planning on doing to her.
I glance my thumb over her clit and she shivers, her eyes peeling
sleepily open. She gazes up at me from beneath her eyelashes. There’s
nothing affectedly flirty about the look and yet it sends a jolt straight to my
dick.
“How do you want to take my cock next?” I purr, continuing to gently
caress her bud. “Face down? On your back?” I suggest, “You did such a
good job of riding my face, how about you show me how well you ride my
cock?”
Arousal burns hot in her gaze at my filthy words. She reaches up to
cup the back of my neck. I can’t help but swallow thickly as she uses it to
sit up, her bare pussy rubbing over my covered dick.
“Condom?” She breathes the question close to my mouth. Her hand is
still wrapped around my nape and she’s grinding on my cock, driving me
wild.
It takes monumental effort to rip my hands from the top of her thighs
and grab a condom from the wallet on my bedside table, especially when
her other hand comes down to stroke the wide expanse of my chest.
I unzip, but she takes the condom from my hands. I watch through
heavy lidded eyes as she tears the foil open with her teeth, blows out the
corner, and reaches for the button of my trousers. She stares unflinchingly
into my eyes as she wraps her hand around my length. I hiss and her gaze
drops to my mouth.
She pulls me out and pumps up and down my shaft a few times,
squeezing my length in her tight grip, before rolling the condom on me.
“Get up and take my trousers off,” I order. I don’t want anything
getting between us when I fuck her this time.
She does as instructed and stands, then drops to her knees between my
legs. I watch from my elbows as she undoes one shoe and then the other,
taking them off, before grabbing the waist of my trousers and doing the
same. Seeing her kneeling for me gives me all sorts of dark fantasies about
fucking her mouth, but they’ll need to wait until later. For now, I need to be
back inside her.
I reach for her, grasping one full ass cheek in each hand as I lift and
pull her back down on top of me. My length is pushed up against her and
she arches her hips, wantonly rubbing against me like teasing me isn’t
going to get her fucked until she passes out.
I clutch her hips, keeping her from being able to move.
“Enough,” I growl and an answering smile stretches smugly across her
face. “Put me inside you.”
“Bossy,” she whispers on a sigh.
I collar her throat, forcing her eyes to meet mine.
I think she tenses for a millisecond, but I blink and it’s gone. She grabs
my thick dick, her hand too small to fully close around my width, and
places it at her entrance. She pauses, a mix of anticipation and apprehension
flashing through her eyes, but I’m going to lose my mind if she keeps my
tip snugly against her warm entrance any longer without letting me in.
“You love it,” I counter. Wrapping one arm completely around her
waist to hold her against me and keep her from moving, my cock parts her
folds and I start to push in.
She moans when I’m three inches in, her head falling to rest on my
shoulder as she works to take me. This angle has her stretched completely
for me and my eyes roll back into my head as I’m able to go even deeper
than before.
I play with her left tit as I suck her right one into my mouth. My dick
continues its path inside her, spearing her with six inches now. She’s
fidgety, her arms wrapped around my shoulders as she bucks her hips,
trying to get me deeper inside her. But this go around, I’m taking my time.
With two inches remaining, I thrust the rest of the way until I’m fully
seated inside her. She screams and then bites my shoulder, the little
banshee.
I cup the back of her neck as my mouth finds the shell of her ear.
“Do you feel me buried deep inside your tight cunt?”
I feel her nod against my shoulder.
“Use your words.”
“Yes,” she breathes. “You’re so big,” she moans, and I see sweat
beading on her forehead.
I lick it up, relishing the salty taste of her efforts.
 “Your pussy is strangling my dick.” I say, punctuating my words with
a thrust of my cock. “I’m going to take so much pleasure in stretching you
out.”
She cries out, her head falling back, her neck arching and her mouth
parting as an intense shiver rolls through her.
“S-stop.”
“Stop?” I question.
She lifts her head and opens her eyes, peering at me with a gaze that’s
nearly blinded by lust.
“I’m supposed to ride you, remember?” She tells me, placing a hand
on either one of my shoulders.
Her tits move when she inhales a lusty breath. She bites her lip, and
unlike the way she cupped my cock at the bar, this move is completely
innocent and unaffected.
My eyes darken and a growl rips from my throat.
“Then ride me,” I command.
She needs no further invitation to do as instructed. Using her hold on
my body, she arches her ass backwards and then back downwards. Inches
separate our faces and she takes in every microscopic reaction on mine as
she starts bouncing on my cock.
A garbled groan and unintelligible words of praise fall from my lips,
one after the other as sensations overtake me. She slows her rhythm, her
hands coming up to clasp my face as she brings her lips down on mine.
I suck on her tongue and she bites my lip and we maul each other. Our
touches are frenzied, our mouths hungry, our bodies in overdrive as we try
to sate ourselves with the other.
She pulls back to look into my eyes as she gyrates on my cock, her
hips rotating from side to side and driving me wild. I growl when her hand
wraps around my throat and squeezes, the pressure restraining the flow of
oxygen. My head falls backwards as I look up at her through darkened and
aroused eyes.
I’m not against being dominated by a woman.
It’ll just make her eventual submission to me that much sweeter.
She keeps her hand on my throat as she continues to ride me. The
glazed over look in her gaze reveals that this moment of power over me
only serves to make the flames of arousal burn hotter inside her.
 She moans, the pressure on my neck releasing slightly as she throws
her head back in total appreciation of the sensations rolling through her
body.
She’s a goddess and I don’t think she even knows it.
“I need your number,” I breathe, my hands squeezing her thighs in a
painful grip to make her look at me. I don’t know where the words came
from, but I don’t regret them.
She shakes her head. “No.”
A snarl rips from my throat at her refusal.
Another first.
“What will it take for you to give it to me?” I demand, my thumb
finding her clit.
Her muscles stiffen as she feels my grazing touch.
“One night,” she gasps, “This is just one night.”
I rip the hand off my throat and bend it behind her, pinning it with her
other hand against the small of her back.
With my free hand, I flick her clit repeatedly. I’m far from gentle as
my thumb jerks a wild rhythm on her flesh, but I want her to feel what I do
to her.
I feel her muscles clench, the tide starting to rise inside her as she
builds towards an orgasm. Her head falls forward and she buries her face
into the crook of my neck, moaning something unintelligible.
“I want it.”
“N-no,” she stutters, head tossing from side to side in unadulterated
pleasure.
I release her clit and she moans discontentedly. She arches her hips,
searching for my touch, but I keep it out of reach. Frustrated mewls fall
from her lips as she tries to get herself off on my cock.
“Try again.”
“Maybe,” she starts, pausing to catch her breath as she continues to
ride me, “Maybe you give me yours. Depends how the rest of the night
goes.”
I pinch her clit and she freezes mid-thrust. She struggles to free her
hands, but I hold them tight against her back as waves of pleasure rake
through her. She rides them out, screaming her release and tumbling against
me, spent.
 She lays on my chest, trying to catch her breath. Wrapping an arm
around her to keep her from falling off me, I lean over and reach for the pen
and notepad on the nearby side table. I scribble something and tap it with
my pen to get her attention.
“This is my number. I’ve given you more than enough reason to take
it,” I say, arrogance shining in my voice, “but let me continue to prove
myself just in case.”
With that, I lay back down so my shoulders rest on the edge of the bed.
My hips hang off the side in a bridge position, my legs planted on the floor.
She’s sitting on me with my hard dick still inside her. I pull my hips back,
this angle not limiting my range of motion or the depth of my thrusts into
her pussy, and power back inside her.
She yelps, not ready and almost toppling right off me, but I clutch her
hip and keep her firmly seated on my cock. I don’t give her a chance to get
adjusted before I start drilling into her at a maddening pace.
I grab her throat and hold her there as I pump furiously inside her,
making her bounce and her teeth rattle with every thrust. Her nails claw at
my chest as they desperately search for purchase, but I don’t give her any
breaks.
With my other hand, I gather her hair in a ponytail and fist it. I tug on
it and keep it taught, forcing her spine to arch backwards away from me.
She’s prone and trapped in this position and I have my way with her as I
pump madly into her tight pussy from below.
Faster than I’d like, I feel my shoulders bunch and my stomach
muscles clench as a torrent of pleasure shoots straight to my cock. I have
time to thrust only a couple more times before I come with a roar, my seed
spilling into the condom.
I catch her when she falls and hoist us both back fully onto the
mattress. Only once I have her comfortably settled on the bed do I pull out
of her.
She whimpers and my cock twitches like he’s been called. Her
disappointment at losing my dick from between her legs calls to some
primal part of me that makes me want to mark her.
I dispose of the condom, clean her and myself up, and go back over to
the bed. She’s asleep exactly as I left her. On her stomach, legs spread
akimbo, her arms on either side of her face. She’s turned on her left cheek
and facing away from me, her disheveled hair flung around her.
 In sleep, her face loses the sadness hidden behind her eyes.
She looks beautiful.
I grab the sheet and pull it over her hips, getting in beside her. I lay on
my back and rest my head on my bent elbow, looking thoughtfully up at the
ceiling.
There’s something about her wistfulness that draws me to her. I want
to know more, to understand if there really are shadows plaguing her or if
I’m just imagining things.
“If you were given one wish, what would you ask for?”
I turn my face towards her and find her still laying with her eyes
closed, looking like she’s dozing. I thought she was dead asleep. She sounds
exhausted, her voice small when she speaks.
This close, I can make out a dusting of tiny beauty marks across her
nose. I hadn’t noticed them before. There’s five of them spread like a
constellation across the bridge of her nose with one resting just off center of
the tip.
I think about her question, about whether to give a real or bullshit
answer and I ask her as much.
“Real,” she whispers, “Always real.”
I think about it for a while, about how to articulate my greatest wish.
“Freedom.”
“From what?” She asks, her eyes closed.
It’s not something I can explain to a stranger, so I keep it simple.
“From the things that stop me from being able to do what I want to do.”
“A dream of yours?”
“Amongst other things, yeah.”
“What is it?”
She’s the first person apart from my sister who’s asked me that. My
path has been laid out for me since before I was born, so no one in my
circle has ever bothered to ask if I wanted anything else, because why
would I?
Supposedly, I already have it all.
“To own my own restaurant.”
“Oh, yeah?” A soft smile touches her mouth, her eyes still closed.
“That’s awesome. What’s keeping you from doing it?”
There’s years-long worth of family trauma and drama I’d have to take
her through to answer that question, none of which I want to share, so I
settle for something tangentially true.
“I need to pay the bills.”
She hums in approval. “Yeah, and you must earn a good living as a
lawyer.”
I have no idea, so I nod. I realize she can’t see that, so I say, “Yeah.”
We sit in comfortable silence for a few seconds before I ask, “What’s
yours?”
She sighs, sinking deeper into the pillow as she does so.
“To be truly happy.”
I chuckle softly, not at her answer but at my own. “That’s more
inspirational than mine.”
A small frown pulls at her brow and I realize I haven’t looked away
from her face in minutes.
I move my arm from behind my head and turn so I’m facing her. Even
if she is half asleep still, in this position I get to watch her all the micro
expressions as they develop on her face.
“Not necessarily,” she whispers. “Sounds like we might actually have
wished for the same thing.”
She pauses and I can sense that she wants to add something else. She’s
hesitating, deciding whether to get this off her chest or not.
“I don’t think I know how to be happy,” she says, “I’m not sure if it’s
even possible for me.”
Her tone is emotionless. Her words aren’t delivered passionately or
despondently, just matter of fact, but her voice is still small and I don’t
think it’s just because of her need to sleep.
“You want to know a secret?”
“Always,” she answers.
“I don’t think anyone does. I think that’s the Big Lie.” Her eyes open
for the first time since I laid down next to her. They immediately find mine,
urging me with a look to keep going. I think about my words. “I think being
happy takes hard work and doesn’t come easy. You have to make decisions
every day to get you there and sometimes it feels like you have to claw for
every single inch of contentment.” I turn onto my back once more and stare
at the ceiling, running a hand through my hair. A sliver of moonlight hits
the ceiling, its shape looking like a blade. “‘Happiness’ is built brick by
brick with bloodied hands, that’s the truth. But it’s marketed to us as this
thing that we’re just supposed to be so that, when you’re not, it feels like
maybe you’re missing something. Like you’re the problem and it comes
naturally to everyone else except you. But it doesn’t and there’s nothing
wrong with you.” I sigh, thinking about my own thoughts and feelings on
the subject. “Being happy is fucking hard.”
When I finish, I’m aware that my answer went far beyond the scope of
what she probably needed or wanted to hear, but I’m no longer looking at
her so I have no idea what she thinks of my rant.
“You must be a good lawyer.”
She says it with a smile but her tone is also pensive, like I’ve given her
something to think about. I chuckle instead of replying, not wanting to
further the lie, especially now.
The silence stretches for long moments and I think maybe she’s fallen
asleep this time.
“Are you happy then?” She asks, her tone curious.
A humorless smile tugs at my lips but she can’t see it in the darkness.
In this very moment, we’re just two people who need to get some
long-held darkness off their chests. We choose to do it with each other.
“No.”
The moment feels heavy. Too heavy for what we’re doing here and I
shake my head.
Turning back towards her, I tell her.
“Your ex had no idea what he was doing.” Her eyes fly open and meet
my sinful ones. “Sleep. You need energy for round three.”
They widen slightly at my words. “Again?”
I hum in approval. “You were so eager for my cock earlier,” I say,
reaching out and stroking her lips. “I want you to show me what that mouth
can do.”

✽✽✽

I wake up hours later. It’s still dark out but the beginnings of a sunrise
are visible on the horizon. My cock stirs, awake and ready to pick up where
we left off.
Next to me, the sheets are thrown back and the bed is cold.
She’s gone.
I turn and look at my bedside table.
The top sheet of the notepad is missing, the paper ripped off.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 8

Nera

“Come on, Nera. Again! Stand up and go again.”

I’m bent at the waist, hands on my knees, struggling to catch my
breath. Sweat drips from my brow and hits the mat below me. Coach
Kravtsov stands five feet away, screaming.
Well, ‘screaming’. His volume never dips below irate army General
regardless of the subject at hand, so I guess he’d argue that we’re just
having a friendly conversation. His good morning greetings are enough to
make you jump out of your skin if you’re not ready for them.
I draw in ragged breaths but it feels like no oxygen gets through to my
lungs.
He doesn’t care.
“Stop standing there. Move! You’ll never win if you continue with this
lazy, selfish attitude.”
Wiping my damp hands on my shorts, I squat and dig my fingers under
the rim of the two-hundred-pound tire. My grip slips before I can lift it and
I fall backwards on my ass.
“Again,” Coach Krav orders, uncaring of my exhausted state.
“Embarrassing. The French champions can do this in their sleep.”
I squat and grab the tire again, clenching my stomach and digging into
my heels as I work to get beneath the weight. I shift my hold to an
underhand grip.
 Sweat drips into my eye, blinding me. With difficulty, I get the weight
over me. I just need to push it up and off, flipping it over.
This is the tenth time I’m doing this and I have nothing left to give. I
feel weak. My head spins, my vision blurs, my muscles scream, but I won’t
fail.
“Failure isn’t part of a Matsuoka’s vocabulary, Nera. If you failed then
you didn’t want it enough, you didn’t try hard enough.”
My dad’s words echo in my brain as I breathe into this deep squat,
readying myself to flip the tire. I shake my head as if to physically remove
the thought from my mind, but it stays there, loud and distracting.
“Are you going to stay like that forever, or are you going to do
something?” Coach Krav sneers, leaning over so his face is inches from
mine.
I hate that asshole.
My legs start furiously trembling under the strain of the weight, my
hands cramping as they struggle to hold the tire. I go to the quiet place in
my mind and tune Coach Krav out as much as I can.
Gritting my teeth with effort, I gather the last remaining vestiges of my
strength, release an animalistic scream and push off from my heels.
My weight explodes off the ground, my arms extending as they shove
the tire and I watch with a combination of smug satisfaction and relief as
the tire flips, landing with a loud thwack.
I don’t get a second’s rest.
“Ten laps around the facility for wasting my time,” Krav announces
before walking off to check on another student.
I wipe my brow with my forearm, my hands coming back down to my
hips as I watch him march leisurely off. I’ve already done an hour of
calisthenics, an hour of technical training, and this last hour of footwork
and weights. The thought of doing an endurance run, even a short one,
makes something shrivel up inside me. I bury that feeling, locking it away
with all the other feelings I don’t let myself have, and will my legs to start
moving.
I ignore the way my head spins and focus on putting one foot in front
of the other. I go to that place in my mind where I can disassociate from the
physical and mental pain and just do.
Coach Krav is new this year, paid for and brought on to the RCA staff
by my father with the sole purpose of getting me gold medal ready in time
for this summer’s Olympic games. This is only my tenth workout with him
and every single one has ended with me in physical agony. He coached the
gold medalist from two Games ago, so his track record is proven but his
methods feel like they must be in violation of the Geneva Conventions.
No matter how much I give, it never seems to be enough. I’ve never
once complained, never once shown him any weakness, and yet every
second I’m not working myself to bleeding in front of him, he acts like I’m
not taking it seriously.
My improving footwork isn’t enough. My new personal best time in
the 5k warmup isn’t enough. My place at top of the leaderboard in victories
within the team isn’t enough.
I think even if I do win the gold, he’ll find some fault in the way I did
it.
I love fencing more than anything. When I’m on the piste with épée in
hand, it’s the only time where I feel strong and in lockstep with my body.
When I’m fully suited up and donning my mask, I feel like a badass. I’m
brilliant at it, but this pressure to be better than the best is suffocating.
My fists clench when I feel anxiety and dread start to balloon inside
me.
No weakness, Nera. Failure is not an option.
I chant it to myself repeatedly until the mantra is the only thing left on
my mind, those other unproductive thoughts smothered.
I’m pulled from the mental rabbit hole I’ve stuffed myself into when
footsteps fall into pace next to me.
“Hey, babe,” a voice drawls.
Great. Just what I needed.
I increase my pace to distance myself from him and my calves scream
at me for it. It’s not even worth it; he keeps up with me easily.
“Leave me alone, Rex.” I say.
“Woah,” he answers, putting his hand lightly on my arm, “That’s not
very nice, babe.”
I don’t stop, rounding the bend to finish my fourth lap. My jaw is
clenched so hard it feels like I’m shaving the top layer of enamel off my
teeth.
I decide to ignore him, certain that he’ll lose interest and veer off back
to where the boys’ team is finishing their stretches.
But I’m wrong.
 Instead of releasing me, his hand fists around my forearm and he drags
me to a dead stop.
“Let me go, Rex.” I say, my voice even, my eyes fixed on where he
still has my arm clenched between his fingers.
“Ask me nicely and I will,” he answers, his tone fake nice. Barely
concealed behind his words is how much he gets off on any moment where
he has power over me. “I just want to talk.”
He was never physically violent with me when we were dating, but the
looming possibility of it was always there. It was there in the way he’d grit
his teeth when I said something he didn’t like and would then endlessly
berate me about it once we were alone. The way he’d yell and humiliate me
when we slept together and he was the only one who got off.
Although, now I indubitably know that he was the problem, not me.
Not only do I apparently have no issue with coming, but I can do it multiple
times.
My mind wanders back to that hotel room with Gary like it has done
more frequently than I’d like to admit over the past two weeks.
The raw passion and the vulnerability of that night haven’t been as
easy to lock away in the dark corners of my brain as everything else.
I’d felt alive in a way I hadn’t in a long time. Maybe it was the
anonymity and spontaneity of doing something that bold, something my
parents would undoubtedly murder me for if they found out about it, but
part of me thought Gary himself had something to do with it.
I wonder what would have happened if I’d stayed, what he would have
done to me next when he’d already ruined me for every other man to come
after him.
He would have taken my mouth, then probably flipped me so I was
face down on the mattress as he…
A shiver ripples across my skin as I think of the possibilities.
When I snuck out, I hesitated halfway to the door, unsure if I should
leave or stay. I’d turned around for one last look at his sleeping form, at the
number he’d scribbled on the notepad.
And when I found myself ripping the page off and stuffing it into my
clutch, I didn’t pause to question why I couldn’t just walk away without it.
Turns out, it wouldn’t have mattered if I’d left it behind.
When I got home and undressed for the shower, I found his sleek
handwriting on my skin, his number memorialized in black marker just
above my pussy.
It took a week to successfully scrub it off my body during which time I
touched myself endlessly to the visual of him writing it on me while I was
passed out.
I thought about texting him several times since, but always stopped
myself. What would I, what could I, say? There was no way to open that
door back up without unraveling the lies I’d told him. That I was only
eighteen, that I was a student, that my name wasn’t Jenny…
His number burned a hole in my contact list instead, my heart skipping
a beat every time I scrolled past his name.
“Babe?” Rex tugs on my arm to get my attention, like a child mid-
tantrum calling for his mum’s.
I keep my face blank as I turn to face him, knowing my lack of
reaction is what will annoy him most. Trying to pull my arm out of his grip
will get me nowhere and he’ll enjoy my struggle too much.
“We have nothing to talk about, Rex.”
“I disagree.”
Something inside me starts to twitch at having his touch still on me,
but I work to control myself. I’m a master at it, at controlling my emotions,
my reactions, my entire life.
“I miss you,” he purrs, getting closer. I hold back a flinch. “I want us
to get back together.”
My stomach roils at the thought. I only dated him because he was an
appropriate choice for me, one that would make my parents happy. His
father had gotten rich in the oil business and my mum had veritably crowed
when I’d announced the news of our relationship to her. She could see the
headlines of the society pages already, “Oil Tycoon Marries Diamond
Heiress in Lavish European Wedding.”
I’d gotten high on her praise, her rare approval of me more potent than
any drug, and it’s what had allowed me to keep the relationship going for
months when I should have ended it after that first time we slept together.
When he took my virginity without a care for whether it hurt or if I liked it
or not.
I held on for a couple more months until eventually I had to put my
survival above her happiness. When I announced the news that I’d broken
up with him, it’d almost killed her.
Or so she claimed.
 She only calmed down once I promised that I’d find better. The next
person I dated needed to be a prince or something, otherwise I’d have to
bear continued comments about how disappointed she was in my partner for
the rest of my life.
“Nera!” Coach Krav calls out, his thick Russian accent cutting across
the facility. “Have you finished your laps?”
“No, Coach.” I reply, looking at Rex with a sly smile.
“Stop distracting my athlete, Carrington,” Krav barks.
I pull my arm out of his hold and start jogging backwards away from
an annoyed looking Rex.
“We’re never getting back together, Rex. Ever.”
I turn and start running, a newfound burst of energy powering me
around my final lap. For the first time since he became my Coach, Krav’s
militant approach to my training regimen has proven its usefulness.

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 9

Nera

When I’m done with my post-workout stretches, I head for the locker
room. It’s got state of the art showers, with numerous shower heads and a
dozen different pressure settings. It’s one of my favorite places on campus
and sometimes I’ll sit in there for hours, letting my mind rest as the jets
massage the knots out of my back.
Today, I’m in and out in under ten minutes. I have to get home in time
to welcome our new American roommates, Bellamy and Thayer. They’re
coming to RCA for our final year and Six and I have been pretty excited
about welcoming them to our apartment.
When I come out of the shower, my head spins so violently that my
balance gives. I stumble and catch myself on the wall. I stay there for a
couple of minutes as I wait for the wave of dizziness to pass.
My blood sugar is low. I need to eat something. I gather my things
with shaky hands and head out towards the parking lot, thankful to not have
had any other run-ins with Rex. I’m not naive enough to think that was the
end of our conversation – Rex isn’t overly familiar with the word ‘no’ – but
if I can put it off for a few weeks, that’s already a win.
The closest option near me is to go to Bella’s, the American diner on
campus. It’s only greasy food and I’m sure I’ll regret it later, but I’m afraid
I’ll pass out if I don’t eat something right now.
 Six borrowed my car to go pick the girls up from the airport, so I drive
over there in one of the campus golf carts and order. The first bite of the
burger tastes like a perfectly ripe peach on a warm summer day.
Heaven.
I dig in, every subsequent bite after that making me realize how
hungry I was. I haven’t had a burger in…ages. I grab a few fries next and
eat them greedily.
A text from Six pulls me out of my food bliss.

Six: we’re five minutes away

Six: see you soon!

Shit, time got away from me.

I head back towards The Pen, one hand on the wheel, the other holding
my burger. I pull over on the side of the road for a second to respond to her
text when my phone starts ringing.
My back tenses when I see who’s calling. I consider sending her to
voicemail, but I know she’ll just call again and again until I pick up.
Plus, I do miss talking to her.
“Hiya, Mum.” I say, pulling up FaceTime.
“Nera,” she says, her voice warm but her tone chastizing. “What have I
told you about answering the phone that way?”
My shoulders tighten. “I’m sorry,” I tell her. “Hello, Mother.”
“That’s better. You really need to start behaving in a more ladylike
fashion. Anyone could have heard,” she says, with a world-weary sigh.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat, working to keep my voice even. There’s really
nothing else to say when she gets like this.
“That’s alright, darling. Just… try and do better, okay?” I nod, shifting
uncomfortably in my seat. A deep frown pulls at her brow line. “Is that a
burger?” The horror in her voice is akin to her asking me if I’m snacking on
a rotting animal carcass, not a burger.
I swallow around the mass in my throat. All of a sudden, the burger
settles uncomfortably in my stomach, like pieces of cinderblock weighing
me down. My self-destructive thoughts rise like the dead and pound against
the walls of my skull, demanding action and demanding it now.
It’s crazy how one word from her, one censuring comment, one
disgusted look from across the world can pierce through to my core and cut
me to the quick.
“My blood sugar was low, I needed to eat.” I hear how defensive I
sound, but at least it hides the shame she makes me feel. “This is the closest
thing I could find.”
“I’m sure it was convenient, darling.” Her words are kind but her tone
is reproving. “But you need to be smarter about what you eat. You know
how easy it is for you to put on weight and you don’t want to go back to
what you used to look like, right?”
I look off into the distance before I answer. “No, Mother.”
She gives me a speculative look, like she realizes what she’s saying is
hurting me. If she does, it’s not enough to make her stop.
“I’m just trying to look out for what’s best for you, darling. Actually,”
she says, her face lighting up. “I just read this amazing article in Elle. This
wonderful new diet that all the society girls are following, it’s so great
you’ll see. Basically, you start with a ginger tea and a sugar free plain
yogurt in the morning and then…,”
I zone out as she continues talking. Leaving my burger on the
passenger seat, I pull back onto the road and head for home, nodding and
humming at key points so she thinks I’m still listening.
But inside, my heartbeat pulses in my temple and the itch starts to rise
like a threatening tide in my brain. Every time I try to focus back on her
words, the obsessive thoughts reel me back in like a fish on a hook.
I’m trapped in the worst place I know – the dark and twisted recesses
of my own mind. The price I pay for the quiet place in my mind that I
escape to when I need a safe space is a sadistic voice in my head. A hateful,
unkind version of myself who seeks only to self-destruct.
I start tapping my left foot anxiously, trying to silence the voice. I pick
at my nails, digging my thumb into the flesh around it and peeling back the
skin. The pain is a welcome relief from my swirling thoughts. They scream
at me that I’m worthless and unlovable. They’re unintentionally validated
by every word my mum says.
“You better not be ripping your cuticles,” My mother’s reprimanding
tone breaks through the haze.
You can’t do anything right, Nera, the voice screams.
You’re worthless.
An embarrassment.
 I close my eyes against the tirade of self-flagellation the voice
unleashes on me, hoping that if I squeeze them shut hard enough I can keep
the self-loathing part of my brain out.
A failure.
“It’s a disgusting habit,” she gives an exasperated sigh. “Really what’s
the point in spending all this money on your clothes and hair if your hands
are going to look like you dishwash for a living?”
Telling her that it’s hard for a fencer’s manicure to stay pristine will
fall on deaf ears. She never wanted me to get into sports, it was my dad’s
pet project to make me an athlete.
She wanted me to be a society girl, a debutante like her. She’s
endlessly disappointed in anything that falls short of me being the perfect
lady and gives me no grace for how her ambitions for me are in direct
opposition to my father’s.
Failure is not an option for me, but neither is success when I’m stuck
between the differing and often suffocating aspirations of my parents.
My stomach roils as I pull into the parking lot, choosing to park at the
back where bushes and trees will give me privacy. I need to get off the
phone before she finds fault in the way I breathe.
Like an itch in furious need of a scratch, the voice yells at me to
eliminate.
“I have to go, I’m about to go meet my new roommates,” I tell her.
Her eyes soften, the first time she looks at me with anything other than
judgement since I answered her call.
“You know I love you right, darling?”
I do, actually. In many ways, my mum is a good parent, she just has no
interest in breaking the cycle of generational trauma. She parents the way
she was parented, with criticism overshadowing compliments and
emotional intelligence being ridiculed as something reserved only for
hippies.
“I love you, too.”
When I’ve hung up, I rest my head on the wheel and try to breathe. I
try to ignore the itch that crawls beneath my skin, to disregard the voice in
my head that bullies me and controls me, spewing hateful words at me like
some dark monster, but it’s too late.
I’m powerless to resist it.
 It takes over my rational thoughts, pushing the real me to recede into
the background as I fall into it once more.
I’m out of the golf cart and looking around. I can hardly do this with
my new roommates upstairs. There are a few bushes off to my right. No one
is here, no one can see me.
I run for the bush and drop to my knees behind it. I don’t need to put
my fingers down my throat to do this anymore, but I do it anyway.
I watch with dispassionate detachment as the burger and fries come up
with ease and hit the grass beneath me. I go again, wanting, needing, it out.
I’ll push through the dizziness. I have veggies and chicken upstairs that I
can eat if I need. Acid burns my throat and bile chokes me. I go again.
Something wet hits my cheek and I wipe it away with the back of my hand.
Relief is short lived and quickly washed away by crushing shame. I
don’t have time to feel those thoughts, not when I have to go meet the girls.
Reaching into my duffle bag, I grab a pack of gum and pop one to get rid of
the sour taste in my mouth.
Outside my front door, I take a breath to settle me. I look at myself in
my phone’s camera. I wonder why no one else can tell how broken I am
when it’s so painfully obvious to me.
I paint on a happy smile and open the door.
I walk in to find a brunette hugging my best friend as a second girl
with silver hair says, “Seriously. You’ve been amazing, Six!”
I make sure that my smile is securely in place as I walk towards them.
“Are we best friends already?”

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 10

Nera

The first time I made myself throw up, I was fifteen.

I spent the day shopping with my mother in Tsim Sha Tsui, searching
for the perfect evening gowns for both of us to wear to a charity benefit that
weekend.
For her, it had to be sexy enough to lure my father’s business
associates in by displaying how beautiful his wife is, without veering into
slutty territory. Attention getting but not making her the center of attention,
because a woman was not to outshine her husband.
My mother hasn’t had more than half a grapefruit for breakfast, a
dressing-less salad for lunch, and lemon tea for dinner since I can
remember, so every dress fit her perfectly that day. We found the one pretty
quickly, a beautiful green Valentino dress, and yet still I saw the uncertainty
on her face when she put it on. She relentlessly picked apart her perceived
flaws in the mirror.
We needed to follow a similar set of criteria for my dress. I remember
running my fingers over the dozens of dresses the stylist pulled for me, until
I landed on a beautiful, red satin Marchesa dress.
I tried it on and loved the way it fit me. I came out to show Mum,
excited to see her reaction to it.
I remember the way she looked up from her phone. How her eyes had
widened, then turned pitying. Without her saying a word, I could tell
exactly what she was thinking – that the fabric emphasized the pooch of my
stomach, that my hip dips created a flawed silhouette, that the sweetheart
neckline highlighted the extra skin on my arms.
She opened her mouth to say something, thinking about it and
eventually settling on, “Don’t worry darling, we can make a plan so your
weight gain doesn’t spiral any further out of control.”
I was in the midst of puberty and awkwardly growing into my body
like any young teen.
The dress was a size six.
Nausea crawled up my throat at the way she looked at me. I never
wanted her to look at me like that again, like I was ugly and deformed.
“Black,” she added. “We should find you something black.”
And so, we had.
A flowier, less form fitting, black dress.
Once we were home, I dropped the shopping bag in my bedroom and
ran straight into my bathroom. I stripped off all my clothes and stood in
front of the mirror where I castigated myself and my body for all its sins.
Tears streamed quietly down my face as I cursed my untoned arms, my
flabby stomach, and my touching thighs. I grabbed the softest parts of me
between pinching fingers, pulling and hurting myself as if I could rip them
off me with sheer force of will alone.
I didn’t even try to make myself throw up. Powered by my self-
loathing, it came barreling out of me on its own, forcing me to turn away
from the mirror and fall to my knees, clutching the toilet bowl.
It’d been easy, and the relief immediate and shocking. I’d expelled
weight off my body and felt physically and emotionally lighter, the instant
impact like the rush of a drug. Looking down at that disgusting pile of half
chewed food, smelling the acid residue almost threatening to make me sick
again, it felt like I’d purged myself of the necrotic tissue she’d seen and
wanted gone when she’d looked at me.
I got addicted to that feeling, to being able to control this in the way I
controlled every other part of my life. To seeing the numbers tick down on
the scale. To having clothes get looser on my hips. To feeling her eyes get
softer as I got smaller.
I felt victorious, like I’d found a way to win this newfound war against
my body. I was working out, eating less, relying on my teenage metabolism,
and sticking my fingers down my throat when I needed to. I lost the baby
fat and got toned.
On the outside, I looked happy.
But in reality, I’d traded one monster for another.
Whatever I did, it wasn’t enough. I’d lost fifteen pounds and yet still
my mum managed to find imperfections to criticize. I started turning to
food for comfort and purging for punishment. I got addicted to the
emotional comfort food gave me and let the immediate shame I felt after
overconsuming push me towards the bathroom.
Every time I promised myself it was the last time.
Every time it wasn’t, the self-loathing grew until I was trapped in this
vicious cycle with no way out. I was fighting an invisible opponent, waging
a silent war on myself and all the while the outside world got to see me
thrive.
To them, I was someone strong and accomplished. A perfectionist to
whom everything came easily.
If only they knew how I was destroying myself in my own head.
What started as a need for control devolved into a complete lack of it.
Rational thought was replaced by a cruel voice in my head that sounded like
me but wasn’t, and this mental itch that grew worse the more I tried to
ignore it.
I erected walls around myself. To protect myself from the pain my
parents caused me, from the judgment and outside commentary, but also to
keep anyone from finding out about my most shameful secret.
Safe behind my walls, no one can hurt me.
No one can see the weakness that lies just beneath the veneer of
phenomenal success.
Failure isn’t an option, Nera.
I lost something that day in the bathroom. My innocence, my joy, my
soul, I’m not sure. Whatever it was, I haven’t cried in the three years since.

✽✽✽

“Where’s class?” I ask.

 “Um, I’m not sure, let me look.” Six answers, pulling out her phone
and looking at her schedule. “Eleven am class is in…the Arc Lecture
Room.”
“Shit,” I say, looking at my own phone. “That’s the other side of
campus. We need to run if we don’t want to be l— Sixtine!”
She’s jogged past me before I’ve even finished my sentence.
I follow after her with a laugh.
“This has already been a cursed week without adding getting detention
for being tardy to it,” she calls out. “Come on, my little fencing queen,” she
sings to the tune of Dancing Queen by ABBA, “I need to keep my record
cleaaaan, oh yeah!”
I laugh, because it’s easy with Six.
She’s my refuge from the many other pressures in my life.
I’ve never been able to tell her about my struggles. I’m afraid if I do,
it’ll taint the little bubble around this friendship of ours and I’m not willing
to risk it.
I was nervous about Bellamy and Thayer’s arrival. I find it difficult to
be vulnerable and deeply trusting of people. I tend to keep them at arm’s
length, only close enough that they can see the exterior face I present to the
world.
But something about them tells me that they’re not ignorant to pain
and their own internal struggles. It’s only been a few days, but I have an
inkling they might belong in the bubble with Sixtine.
In any case, Six wasn’t lying. It’s been a rough start to the week and
it’s only the first day of class. In that time, Bellamy’s made a dangerous
enemy in Rogue, Rhys has developed an obsession with Thayer, and
Phoenix has decided to acknowledge Six’s existence after two years without
a word.
Let’s just say time has done nothing to soften his approach.
In conclusion, the girls are in turmoil and we haven’t even made it to
lunch on day one yet. I’m glad to be free of the drama.
Although.
A very faint thought pokes at the deepest corners of my mind that it
would be nice to have something to distract myself with.
Another thought flits by unwelcome, that maybe I should text Gary. I
could see him one more time as Jenny and then delete his number…
No.
 I don’t know why I’m hung up on thinking about him. It was just one
night. And now that I know I wasn’t the issue in my relationship with Rex, I
can just find someone else.
But it was his words as much as his touch that’d stuck with me after
our night in Geneva.
“There’s nothing wrong with you. Being happy is fucking hard.”
He gave me a more thoughtful answer than I’d expected. I wondered if
he had his own demons, if he had spoken from experience and sensed I was
someone who might understand.
“We made it,” Six exclaims, as we come to a stop in front of the still
open classroom door. She bends at the waist and puts her hands on her
knees as she catches her breath. “Putain, I’m out of shape.”
“That ass doesn’t look out of shape.”
She straightens and turns to face Felix — a fellow fourth year who’s
on the football team — as he walks up to class. He blanches when he
recognizes her and takes a step back.
“Oh fuck. Fuck. I didn’t realize it was y–”
He’s violently yanked back by his collar and shoved through the
doorway into the classroom.
His flying body reveals Phoenix. There’s a thunderous expression on
his face as he steps into the space previously occupied by Felix and pins his
dark stare on Six. She looks away and down at the floor, refusing to hold
his gaze.
He stares wordlessly at her for a couple more seconds before walking
into the classroom. The moment he turns and walks away, all the oxygen
comes flying back into the hallway.
I groan. “Great, so he’s in this class?”
“I told you, it’s a cursed week,” she answers with a resigned lift of her
shoulders as she too walks through the doors.
I follow her and we head towards a row that’s halfway up the lecture
hall stairs. Six walks down the row first and I follow as she stops in front of
two seats.
My bag catches on the back of a chair and gets tugged off my shoulder,
spilling its contents everywhere. The annoyance I feel is similar to when my
hair tie snaps as I’m trying to brush my hair into a ponytail.
“The new professor is cutting it close,” Six says, looking at the time on
her phone as I drop to my knees next to her and start gathering my things.
 “He’s probably some dusty septuagenarian they’ve shaken out of
comfortable retirement and placed in a shack at the other end of campus,
give him a break.”
The previous IB professor had gotten a “once in a lifetime fishing
opportunity” in Belize and had abruptly retired at the end of last year. Given
the average age of professors at RCA tended to be comfortably over fifty,
all we could hope for this professor was that he be slightly more sprightly.
“Oh, putain.”
“Sorry, was that offensive? I’m sure he’ll be–”
“No, Ner,” she breathes and I look up, surprised at the unrecognizable
tone of her voice. She’s standing, looking almost disbelievingly down at the
front of the room.
I’m still crouched, picking up the contents of my bag. The front panel
of the desk hides the rest of the lecture hall from my view.
“What?”
“He’s…he’s not a septuagenarian.” She seems at a loss for words.
“Really?” I ask, semi interestedly. I reach out and grab the yellow
highlighter that’s rolled between her legs.
“Nuh uh. Nera, he’s hot.” She crouches down until she’s eye level with
me, whispering excitedly at me as she helps me pick up my pens. “He’s
gorgeous. Too gorgeous. There’s absolutely no way they can put him in a
classroom this full of teenage hormones. The girls are going to fight to get
his attention, the boys are going to hate him for being hotter than they are.
Well, almost all of them,” she mutters, ruminatively. Her eyes dart to me
and she blushes tomato red, clearing her throat and adding, “Ahem, it’s
going to be pandemonium.”
I snort, grabbing my last notebook and shoving it into my bag as I
stand up.
“There’s no way he’s that ho–,”
The words die in my throat when my eyes fall on the figure bent over
the desk, writing something on a piece of paper.
He’s fully clothed but I flash back to seeing that very same back naked
and leaned over the bedside table as he scribbled his number on a hotel
notepad.
He hasn’t looked up and still, I know him.
Gary.
 “I told you.” Six says, misinterpreting my silence. “Agree with me that
he’s as hot as I promised he’d be, please.”
Gary.
I feel like all my brain cells collectively jump ship because I’m unable
to comprehend what Gary from the bar, Gary the lawyer, is doing here.
He straightens and looks out into the crowd to my left where a couple
of the guys are getting rowdy. His jaw is just as defined, his eyes just as
cold and sharp as I remember them.
Except when he looked at me. The ice in his gaze had melted around
the corners then.
He’s dressed in a navy suit and white dress shirt, similar to what he
wore that night but without a tie. I wonder if he was able to salvage that
shirt, I remember hearing a couple of those buttons hitting the ground.
“Settle down,” he barks and Jesus, if I wasn’t sure who he was before,
I am now. He bossed me around his bedroom with a voice that sounded
much the same, although it’d been more guttural and less controlled that
night.
“Earth to Ner Bear.” Six calls from my right.
“What?” I manage to rip my gaze from Gary with some difficulty to
look at her. “What were you saying?”
She gives me a curious look and I realize I must be acting very
strangely. I never told her about what I’d done in Geneva. She wouldn’t
have understood and she’d have cautioned me against being so reckless.
“That I didn’t exaggerate how hot he is, right?”
I clear my throat. “No, you didn’t.”
Her reaction makes sense now. He’s a lesson in physical perfection and
the absolute antithesis of a secondary school teacher. Energy ripples off his
shoulders along with a don’t give a fuck attitude that screams ‘doesn’t take
orders or tolerate bullshit well’, and yet he’s a professor.
Of spoiled rich kids at that.
He’s not a lawyer. Like me, he lied about his life.
Although as shocked as I am to find him in this room, I think he’s in
for an even ruder surprise when he eventually notices me. Nerves swell in
my belly, but I find I’m distracted by another thought. If he lied about his
job, I wonder what else he lied about.
“What did you say his name was?” I ask Six, my eyes still fixed on
him, tracking his moving body as he takes his laptop out and connects it to
the TV via Bluetooth.
“I can’t remember off the top of my head, but it was right below the
class title on the schedule. Let me pull it up,” she says, and it doesn’t take
her long because she still has the tab open from earlier. “His name is…
Tristan Novak.”
Tristan.
A shiver ripples over my skin.
My tongue moves around the Ts in his name like I’m whispering a
sensual promise. That name fits him perfectly. He looks like a Tristan.
A womanizer.
A fuckboy.
I suddenly feel foolish for believing his name was Gary. It so
obviously doesn’t fit him.
My heart races at the upcoming confrontation, the undoubted collision
that’s about to happen between us, and my associated complicated feelings
about it.
I’m not ready to face them or him.
From the hushed conversations around me though, I can tell I’m not
the only one who’s noticed our new professor. A hint of annoyance flares
through me when I see the interested stare of the girls around me.
He was mine first.
I’m surprised by the swell of malice inside me at the thought of him
getting with someone else.
He clears his throat loudly. “Alright everyone, settle down. I’m
Professor Novak, this is my first year at RCA. I’ll be teaching you the
riveting subject of International Business.” He says it like it’s anything but.
“You should have the course syllabus on the desks in front of you. This
week’s topic will be Globalization, starting with discussing how today’s
modern financial systems came to be and then moving on to the resulting
impact on societal development.” He sounds bored as he speaks, barely
looking up from his screen. He’s a far cry from the charming, charismatic,
captivating man I met in the bar that night. “First, I’ll start off by taking
attendance. Please stand when I call you so I can put a face to the name.”
Oh, fuck.
I swallow thickly around the mass in my throat. I’m thirteen letters
away from him discovering me and I have this sudden urge to hide.
 But there is no escape from this, and I’m frozen in my chair as I hear
him make his way down the alphabet. Every letter feels like taking a step
closer to the edge of a cliff.
Simultaneously, my blood heats and my skin blushes. I have no idea
what’s about to happen or how he’s going to react and the anticipation
makes my heart palpitate in a way it hasn’t in a long time.
Except for that one night at the bar.
“Samsara Mahar.”
She stands and he looks up, his eyes searching for her. When he spots
her, he nods.
She sits back down, her cheeks red, and I want to scrub the color off
her face. To make her immune to him.
“Felix Masterson?”
“Here,” he answers, standing.
“Noted,” Tristan answers.
Can I even refer to him as ‘Tristan’ in my mind? There’s no way I can
call him Professor Novak. Not when he was the first man to make me come,
let alone two more times after that with barely any effort. He probably
would have continued if I hadn’t snuck out.
It’s my turn to blush now.
“Nera Matsuoka?” He asks, and my eyes momentarily flutter closed.
I savor the way he says my name. I never imagined that’s something
my body could react to, and so viscerally at that, but I’m suddenly assaulted
by visions of him groaning my name against the shell of my ear as he
thrusts into me.
“Nera,” Six hisses from beside me. “He called your name, you have to
stand up.”
She elbows me and I jump to my feet, bumping loudly against the desk
and sending my seat scraping against the ground behind me in the process.
“That’s me,” I say, and watch as his eyes slowly rise from his
attendance sheet and stare straight into mine.
I hold my breath as I wait for him to react, but…
He doesn’t.
For a split second, I think I see his eyes narrow but his face doesn’t
move. It must just a trick of the light.
Because his eyes travel over me like they have everyone who came
before me – disinterestedly, as if he’d rather be doing quite literally
anything else.
The same way he didn’t react when I’d walked up to him and asked
him to sleep with me at the bar, he doesn’t react now. I don’t if it’s because
he truly doesn’t recognize me or if he’s that good at hiding his reactions.
It’s only been two weeks. There’s no way he can have forgotten me so
quickly, right?
Right?
Unless he’s brought a girl up to his penthouse every night since then.
My stomach churns at the thought that maybe that’s his move. Sitting at the
bar looking all mysterious to ensnare women, then seducing them and
taking them up to his room.
“Nice to meet you,” he says, but he’s already looking back down at his
paper.
Nice to meet you?
How dare he not remember me? I’m suddenly angrier than I have been
in a long time.
“Mhmm,” I say loudly with an unimpressed huff, dropping into my
seat and crossing my arms over my chest.
Out of the corner of my eyes, I see Six’s eyes first widen and then heat
the side of my face. At the same time, his gaze snaps back up to meet mine.
They slither down my body before coming up to my face where they
narrow.
“Sounds like you need a cough drop for that tickle in your throat,” he
says, unaffectedly. But I see the tundra in his eyes freeze over, his words
coming out on a knife's edge. “I suggest you go get one. Now.”
I feel every head in the lecture hall turn to look at me. Embarrassment
burns in my veins and blurs my vision. I can’t believe he’s doing this to me
and singling me out in this way.
I walk down the stairs with measured steps and a ramrod straight back,
refusing to reveal the extent of my mortification. I’m halfway to the door
when he calls after me.
“And…Nera, was it?” I turn to face him, my humiliation complete.
“Don’t come back. Use the time to think about whether you want to succeed
in my class or not.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Six’s mouth drop open in shock. I’d
find it comical if I wasn’t on the verge of losing my shit.
For the first time in my life, I’m thrown out of class.
 I’m starting to think Six was wrong.
It’s going to be a fucking cursed year.

✽✽✽

I turn to food for comfort and scarf down a giant burrito from the
cafeteria, eating every last bite even when I’m so full to bursting that I’m in
physical pain.
My stomach is distended but I keep eating, hoping it’ll fill the
emptiness inside and make me forget what just happened.
But all it does is give the voice in my head a reason to berate me, its
punishing tone getting louder and louder with every minute the burrito stays
in my stomach, until I’m running to the bathroom, clutching the toilet with
shaking hands and throwing it all up.
I’m out of the bathroom as quickly as I ran in, afraid that my friends
will wonder where I’ve gone and come looking for me.
Six gives me a long hug, apologizing for Tristan’s behavior like she
had anything to do with it.
“I can’t believe he singled you out like that,” she says with an angry
huff.
I can’t either. It's the very definition of adding insult to injury.
“Don’t worry about it,” I tell her, playing it off. “I’ll just sit all the way
at the back next time so he can’t hear me breathe.”
“I’ll sit with you, obviously,” she answers, putting her arm in mine as
we walk to our next class.
What I need after a morning like this is a workout. My veins buzz with
unspent, frenetic energy and I feel on the verge of crawling out of my skin
for the rest of the day until I make it to the training facility.
I change into a gray tank top and my fencing pants, leaving the straps
hanging at my waist instead of pulling them over my shoulders, and march
out into the workout area.
I enter that hyper focused, competitive zone in my mind where the
world around me falls away and I use it to focus on my training. I move up
and down the piste, practicing a sequence of parries and ripostes against an
invisible opponent.
 Over and over again, I go, until sweat dots my forehead and my lungs
burn. I focus on my footwork, on moving correctly with good balance, on
extending my lunges and then retracting back into my form.
Glove game drill. Repetition based drill. Technical training. Three
bouts. Ten laps around the facility. I do it all. I overwhelm my brain with
physical effort and exhaustion until I can think of nothing else.
I’m barely conscious of the rest of the athletes leaving and heading
home. They leave me alone. They know not to bother me when I get like
this. Even Coach Krav slips out without a word. He doesn’t need to inflict a
torturous workout when I’m already doing such a good job of punishing
myself.
I put in my headphones and listen to music as I move over to the
dummy to practice my sword skill and hand dexterity. There’s something
about listening to Megan Thee Stallion while skewering a dummy that
makes me feel fucking powerful.
I start shaking my hips and then my body as I feel the beat move
through me. My ponytail brushes against my back as I dance.
I tilt my head back and take a breath, feeling my shoulders loosen as I
enjoy the effortless movement.
After putting my body through it, it feels good to just move for fun.
Awareness prickles the back of my neck. An ominous chill coils
between my shoulder blades. I hear no noise outside of the music playing in
my ears, but I feel the air shift behind me. There’s someone there, I can
sense it in the way the energy changes.
I wonder if it’s Rex, come to intimidate me when there’s no one to
interrupt us. I wouldn’t put it past him.
It’s late, dark, and I’m alone, but I refuse to be afraid. I continue to
dance as if nothing is wrong but imperceptibly, I change my grip on the
handle of my épée. When it’s clenched tightly in my fist, I rip my
headphones out and whip around with my arm fully extended.
In an instant, I have the pointe of my sword up against the intruder’s
Adam’s apple, my eyes momentarily locked in on that patch of tanned skin
before I flick my gaze up to meet his.
Shock ripples down my back when an icy gaze connects with mine.
Tristan stands there, tall, furious, and so fucking handsome that my
heart manages to flutter even through the walls of the impenetrable
enclosure I keep it locked behind.
 I don’t know how long we stay like this, frozen in this moment,
separated by a few feet with my sword at his neck, but the seconds stretch
on excruciatingly by.
His eyes rake over my face, the anger in them searing my skin. I don’t
look away. My heartbeat thrums so loudly in my ears that for a second, I
wonder if he can hear it.
But then he takes a step towards me, pressing the épée deeper into his
skin. He doesn’t flinch or give any sign that he even notices it, let alone
feels it. My stomach pitches when he opens his mouth and finally speaks.
His jaw is tight, his voice rough with anger, his words delivered like an
insult.
“Jenny, the graphic designer.”

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 11

Tristan

“Jenny, the graphic designer,” I snarl.

Nera.
Her name is Nera. The beautiful woman who I’ve thought about
nonstop over the past two weeks is actually a beautiful girl and my student.
My throat tightens, not because of the pressure she continues to exert
on my neck with her sword, but because I suddenly realize how much I’ve
fucked myself.
I’m supposed to be staying out of trouble, and specifically staying
celibate, and I’ve unknowingly gone and slept with one of my students.
If there was a Fucking Up event at the Olympics, I’d have more
medals in the sport than Michael Phelps in swimming.
Her lips part slightly when I speak, the one sign that my words have
affected her in any way. She looks as delectable as she had naked and laid
out on my mattress.
Then her mouth flattens into a thin line and her eyes narrow at me over
the blade of her sword as anger replaces surprise.
“Gary, the lawyer,” she declares, grimacing like the words have a bad
taste to them. “So, you do remember me.”
How could I forget?
I slap the thin blade of her sword away from my neck but with a quick
and deft flick of the wrist that shows her adroitness in the sport, she has the
pointe right back up against my throat.
With a touch, she presses it further into my neck, a warning meant to
make it clear that she’s in charge here.
My cock hardens in my trousers, excited by her assertiveness as much
as the last time we met.
My physical reaction makes me even angrier. My dick hasn’t gotten
the memo yet that I shouldn’t and can’t find anything about her attractive
and very fuckable.
I followed her here after classes ended and waited hours until she was
alone to confront her. To find a way to make her keep her mouth shut about
what happened in Geneva.
Instead, I’m at her mercy, waiting for her to say something.
I could step back, but I won’t.
Not in this game of chess we’re playing.
I thought this conversation was going to be easy, that she’d give up
quickly like she had during class, but I can see now that I was
wrong. Without the threat of discovery and the power imbalance of a
classroom setting, she’s going to meet me blow for blow.
I’m faced with a different Nera and, in a tight gray tank top, tight white
pants, and a sword in hand, I’m having a hard time reconciling her with the
woman who wore pink. She looks fierce and cuts an intimidating and
impressive figure against the black walls of the training center.
I’m even more intrigued by this part of her and fuck if that isn’t
exactly the type of shit I shouldn’t be noticing right now.
“I could kill you, you know. Not with this one.” She sounds almost
disappointed. “It’s blunted. Useless,” she says distastefully, finally lowering
the blade down to her side. “But good for you to know, should you ever be
taken with the impulse to sneak up on me again.”
Her chest heaves with every breath she draws, making her tits push up
against the fabric of her tight top.
“You’re a dark little thing, aren’t you?” I say, tilting my head to the
side slightly.
Fuck, why did that come out sounding so throaty?
Her eyes shoot daggers at me and her chin comes up stubbornly. “I’m
not little.”
“That’s what you took issue with?”
She lifts her chin up. “Yes.”
 Don’t look at her. Don’t do i–
My gaze drops down to her body.
You fucking fool.
She is little. Not in height, but in size. If I hadn’t watched her put in a
superhuman multi-hour workout, I would have guessed that she was on the
weaker side physically.
As it is, I’m surprised she was able to train the way she did. It must
cost her twice as much energy as a brawnier athlete to accomplish what she
just did. She’s got to be completely exhausted and ready to sit or rest.
Instead, she stands in front of me, shoulders back, posture rigid, and her
chin tipped defiantly at me.
Grudgingly, I let her carve more than an inch of respect out of me.
As lean as she is, her aura gives off pure strength. She shines with a
larger-than-life personality, although that hint of sadness I saw before still
lurks underneath.
I remember how she told me she doesn’t know how to be happy. I
wonder why that is when everything about her looks perfect.
“I see that.”
She brushes an absentminded hand down her stomach like she’s trying
to remove a piece of dust.
“What do you want?” She asks, turning away from me. I must be a
glutton for punishment because I miss the connection that hate glaring into
each other’s eyes brought me.
“You lied to me,” I manage to grit out between clenched teeth.
She whirls back around and I’m unable to control the pleased feeling
that unfurls inside me at having her facing me again.
“You lied as much as I did. And then you humiliated me in front of my
friends.”
I take a step forward, crossing my arms to keep myself from grabbing
her. “I didn’t put your entire fucking future at stake,” I spit. “The best case
scenario for me if anyone finds out is that I’ll get fired. That’s the best
outcome. Are you even eighteen?”
She hesitates and gives me a look from under her eyelashes.
“Don’t play with me,” I growl.
“Why not?” She asks, sounding genuinely curious. “You enjoyed
playing with me last time we met.”
 “Fuck,” I bark, stepping back from her and running an agitated hand
through my hair.
I can’t play these games with her. If I do, she’s going to end up face
down, ass up on her precious fencing mat.
As it is, I’m risking everything by being here. If Thornton walked in
on us right now, I’d be done for and my mum…I don’t want to think about
what my dad would do to my mum.
“Are you eighteen or not?” I churn out, enunciating every word.
She gives me a long look, stretching out the silence intolerably. I want
to bend her over my knee and spank her ass until it welts to punish her for
her insolence.
“Yes.”
I exhale a relieved breath, a fresh glare coming to shine in my eyes.
She pays it no more mind than the previous ones.
“You told the exact same lies, Tristan. Don’t act like the only injured
party here.”
“Don’t call me that,” I snap, “It’s Professor Novak to you.” But the
hairs on my arms stand in response to her saying my name for the first time.
My clenched fists shake with the effort of restraining my need to issue
another command.
Say it again.
“I don’t think so,” she quips back. My hand twitches again with the
need to spank her for that mouth of hers. “We were two consenting adults, I
see no problem here.”
“You’re barely an adult and I’m your professor.”
She tilts her head to the side in thought and I can tell I’m not going to
like what comes out of her mouth.
“Does that mean you don’t have any teacher-student fantasies?” She
clicks her tongue against her teeth. “That’s too bad, I would have been
happy to put on a schoolgirl uniform for you.”
In two large steps, I’m towering over her. I cover her mouth with the
palm of one hand and fist her ponytail in the other.
“Shut up, Nera,” I growl, vibrating with emotion at this point. They
run the gamut, from anger and irritation to arousal and agitation.
She can’t speak but the smugness in her gaze is almost more
intolerable than her words. I pull my hand back and loosely cuff her neck
instead.
 “I like the way you say my name,” she whispers. “I never got to hear
you moan it.”
“And I never got to hear you scream mine,” I grunt. “We don’t always
get what we want.”
What the fuck, Tristan?
I have completely lost sight of the objective here. I’m off the rails and
so far away from them, it takes effort to find my way back. Especially when
I see her dark eyes darken further, like whatever dirty thoughts she’s
thinking are blackening her very eye color.
“You could,” she answers, matter of fact.
“Stay away from me, Nera,” I charge. “This, us, it won’t happen again.
No one can ever know. I’ll lose everything.”
I’ll lose more than she can imagine.
She smiles up at me and I want to wipe it off her face with my teeth
and tongue.
“As I remember it, you were the one who was desperate for my phone
number. So desperate in fact that you wrote it on me to make sure I didn’t
leave without it.” Her eyes fall to where my hand cups her neck. “And
you’re the one who can’t stop touching me. Seems I should be the one
asking you to stay away from me.”
My gaze drops to her mouth. “That was before I found out you were a
child, jailbait.”
Instead of backing away, she steps into me, molding her body against
mine.
“Do I feel like a child to you?” She whispers.
I rip myself off her with a ragged groan and an angry growl.
“Stop. I can’t.”
“But you want to?”
“No,” I snap, bad-tempered. “I don’t want anything to do with you.
You were right, it was just one night.”
“Your loss,” she says with an unaffected shrug. She puts her épée away
in her bag and swings it over her shoulder, heading towards the locker room
before pausing. She looks over her shoulder at me. “One thing about me
though, professor,” she tosses out at me, her willing emphasis of the last
word shooting straight to my dick and making me regret ordering her to call
me that. “I know how to keep a secret.”
 She walks out without another backward glance or waiting to hear if I
have anything to say in response.
I don’t.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 12

Tristan

By the time I make it home, my head is absolutely scrambled.

If I’d met her for the first time in class, I would have been attracted to
her but I wouldn’t have had to push myself to the very brink of my control
to be able to resist her.
But knowing I’ve been inside her twice and remembering how her
tight pussy clenched around my cock as she screamed for me is the ultimate
distraction. Every time I let my mind wander, I think of her.
I’m furious that she lied and put me in this position, because how am I
supposed to go a year teaching as if she isn’t there and I’m not dreaming of
laying her flat on her desk and eating her out again.
I subconsciously lick my lips, an addict searching for a hit and coming
up empty. She’d tasted so fucking delicious. I was craving another taste as
much as a thirsting man in a desert craves water.
I open the door to my tiny apartment on the bottom floor of a two-
story house. It’s a small one bedroom provided by RCA and thankfully just
off campus so I can have a modicum of privacy. It hasn’t been updated in
about fifteen years but it does the job. It’s not like I have much of a choice.
Dropping my bag by the entrance, I go and sit on the edge of my bed,
letting myself fall back onto the mattress.
What a fucking first day.
 Seven classes a day of teaching the same boring ass course work to
students who are mostly as uninterested in the subject as me.
Among them, the class where I’m going to have to survive Nera’s
continued presence.
This year is going to crawl excruciatingly by. Yet again, I can’t help
but mentally congratulate my father for his creative punishment. One day in
and I can already tell this is going to accomplish exactly what he wanted it
to.
I want to go out with my mates. I want to talk to Tess and make sure
she and my mum are alright. Hell, I want to wake up in my own bed in my
own fucking apartment.
I grab an unopened bottle of bourbon and no glass from the kitchen
and head for the couch, settling in and taking a swig straight from the
bottle. Oblivion is on the agenda for tonight, as it has been most nights, and
I can’t wait for the sweet relief of feeling and thinking nothing.
I should cook myself dinner and do something that I enjoy, through
which I can exert the creativity thrashing around in my brain, but I can’t.
The further away I get from making my dreams of being a chef a reality, the
more I want to distance myself from cooking entirely. After all, why
bother?
My phone dings and I reach for it unseeingly, my hand feeling the
couch cushions next to me as I look for it. I find it and read the text on my
home screen.

Unknown number: is it only the professor thing that’s keeping you

from doing this again?

I exhale a long-held breath and lean my head back against the couch.
There’s tension in my stomach and shoulders from all the lust trapped
inside me with no outlet.
Her texting me is a risk. I should block her or answer her and tell her
never to text me again. I should report it to Thornton and tell him this
happened before we ever knew who the other was.
I should do a lot of things, but I do none of them.
Instead, I darken the screen and keep drinking. I turn on the TV,
looking for something to watch on my sports streaming platform. I’m about
to put on the Chelsea game when I see the suggestion right below it.
 It’s the final of the fencing championships from last year.
Before today, I’d never met a fencer. At least, not that I knew of. I’d
been mesmerized by Nera on the mat, by the dexterity of her feet and hands
as she wielded her sword against her invisible opponents.
The raging hard on I’d gotten from watching her is still throbbing in
my trousers, demanding a release.
I find myself putting on the bout and watching. When the video is
done, it suggests a video from the juniors team and my breath catches when
I see her in the background of the thumbnail.
I sit up and press play, captivated. Seeing her in a juniors competition
just last year only serves as a reminder of how young she is.
Too young, even if I wasn’t her professor.
I don’t think I blink as I watch her match. Seeing her next to her peers
only goes to confirm what I noticed earlier. She’s much slighter than them.
What she lacks in raw strength, she makes up for in agility. Her
footwork is quick and she’s nimble when she moves. There’s a grace to her,
almost like a ballerina and I’m entranced as I watch her.
She’s good. Really fucking good.
The bout is a back-and-forth affair, the two opponents pretty evenly
matched in terms of skill. It all comes down to the last point. I find myself
standing, bottle in hand, as I watch their swords clash.
I wish I could see her face, but the mask makes that impossible. I’m
torn between wanting her to wear it in bed and knowing that there’s no way
I could come without seeing her expression as she falls apart for me.
She lunges, slashing her opponent but not getting the point. When she
goes to retract, she stumbles. The other fencer sees her opportunity and
takes it.
She dives and I watch as her sword hits Nera square on the chest. A
red light goes off and sounds in the distance and the other fencer rips her
mask off and screams, victorious.
Nera’s head falls forward slightly and I can feel the bone deep
disappointment pouring off her even as her face remains obscured. She
straightens and takes off her mask.
I’m standing inches from the screen now and as the camera pans on
her, I see the unfocused look in her eyes.
There’s something wrong, I can tell.
 She shakes her head like she wants to get rid of something and when
she stops, the look is gone.
I know I didn’t imagine it.
She shakes the other fencer’s hand and nods, then unhooks the body
cord and walks to the edge of the mat.
An attractive but severe looking older man who wasn’t there moments
ago waits for her now. I watch the line of her shoulders stiffen as she sees
him. She pauses almost imperceptibly mid-step before making her way over
to him.
He places a hand on the back of her neck. She’s so still that she looks
like an inanimate object, even through the TV. The camera moves, panning
over to the winner of the bout so that Nera and the mystery man are half
obscured in the background, but I can see the harsh lines of his mouth as it
moves against her ear. The way the muscles in his hands are rigid as he
grabs her neck. The way she stiffens even further until I’m sure that she’s
not breathing.
I know for having been on the receiving end of my fair share of
reamings that she’s getting absolutely lambasted.
The channel cuts abruptly to a commercial so I don’t see what happens
next, but something about that exchange raises the hairs on the back of my
own neck.
The screen goes dark for a second and reflects my own face back at me
mere inches from the screen, the couch long forgotten, making me realize
the absurdity of my actions.
Disgusted with myself, I turn the TV off and drop back onto the couch.
I’m not going to make it to tomorrow, let alone June if I keep this up.

If I thought my lack of text back would deter her, I’m wrong. An hour
after her first text, she messages again.

Unknown number: I never got to show you what I can do with my

mouth :(

The groan that falls from my lips sounds almost agonized to my own
ears. She’s going to be the death of me if she keeps sexting me.
If I text her to stop and give in to the way she so obviously baits me,
then she’ll continue. I take my phone and toss it unseeingly behind me into
my bedroom, happy to hear it land on my bed and not the floor.
But now all I can think about is her between my legs, her dark eyes
pinned on me as she brings her mouth down around my cock.
My hand is in my trousers and gripping my throbbing length. The
veins along my shaft are distended and my entire dick angry with lack of
use as I wrap my fingers around it.
I pump up and down my length with furious strokes, getting as much
pain as I do relief as I jerk off to thoughts of her taking me in her mouth.
I’d wrap her hair around my fist and use it to control her. I’d let her
have her way with me at first, letting her set the speed and rhythm, but
eventually I’d take over. I’d push her down until she was choking on my
cock, tears pearling at the corners of her eyes.
I’d give one last powerful thrust deep into the back of her mouth
before coming down her throat. She’d slurp me greedily up and then thank
me.
I throw my head back against the couch and look at the ceiling as those
visuals overwhelm me. Her mouth is no match for my hand, I already know
it, and my fist is a pale imitation of the real thing.
I better get used to rubbing out all my frustrations, because there will
be no getting the real thing. I have to keep her at a distance, no matter how
much I want to fuck her.
My abs clench as my climax approaches. I squeeze my length with
every upward and downward stroke until I come with a frustrated grunt.
Cum lands on my stomach and my jeans as I release my dick and catch my
breath, pondering what a sad sight I must be, wanking to the thought of an
eighteen-year-old girl who’s all but throwing herself at me.
I clean myself up and decide to call it a night before I make any other
bad decisions.
But turns out, I still have time for one more.
I do something foolish. In retrospect, I should have known that’s when
I’d gone off the deep end and etched my fate in stone.
I save her number in my phone.

✽✽✽
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 13

Nera

“This is quite delicious. Don’t you think so, Nera?”

I push the food around my plate absentmindedly, barely listening to
anything my father says and only paying enough attention for him to know I
still have a pulse.
“Yes, Father. It’s very good.” I reply, emotionlessly.
“The courses have all been excellent.”
“Sure.”
The food is actually phenomenal and not the reason why I’m in a foul
mood. We’re at Sambour, a recently opened Michelin starred restaurant in
Geneva. The chef is supposed to be this exciting young guy, coined the ‘bad
boy of the cooking industry’ by all the tabloids. I’m sure that’s part of the
reason why when my dad called my mum to tell her he was in town and
taking me to dinner, she suggested this place.
Also, in true Michelin fashion, the portions are tiny so she knows
there’s no risk of me overindulging and gaining weight.
But the real reason for my need to disassociate from this dinner is my
father being here.
His visits are always like having forty-pound weights added to my
shoulders that I’m meant to carry wherever I go without grimacing or
showing any sign of strain. He’ll have a long check in with principal
Thornton and an even longer one with Coach Krav to make sure I’m
progressing at the rate he expects.
He already visited the apartment this morning to make sure everything
was in order. Mercifully, the girls were in class at the time so didn’t have to
witness his perusal and judgment of their home.
Thank God it’s only the end of the first week of school, otherwise he’d
check in with my professors as well. I shudder to think how that meeting
with Tristan would go.
At the end of the week, he’ll have exerted enough pressure on me that
I’ll need a couple of weeks to recuperate from the stress. He’s a control
freak who needs to supervise and manage me and my brother Jude’s entire
lives at all times. His random drop ins are just another way to exert control
over us.
This visit is especially draining.
I saw him over the summer, of course, but the last time he came to
Geneva was for the world juniors last year.
The championship I lost.
The anxiety and anticipation of waiting for my turn, of knowing I’d
worked for this all year and it was finally the moment, had made me binge
my entire welcome basket. Fifteen minutes before the final I’d still been up
in my hotel room, purging.
I’d felt light headed walking out onto the piste. My hands had been
clammy, my gloves wet before I’d even started. I fought the dizziness until
the final touch when I dove into a lunge. Suddenly, black spotted my vision
and I had a moment of extreme vertigo. In a split second, it was over.
I still remember my father’s hand on my nape, large enough to be
wrapped threateningly around half my neck. Taken out of the moment, what
he’d said might not have seemed so chilling, but make no mistake, his
words had been a threat.
“Failure is not an option. If you will not willingly improve, then it will
be exacted out of you, inch by inch.”
I feel sweat beading on my neck just thinking about it.
That’s why Coach Krav was hired. To work me into the ground or until
I’m a gold medalist, whichever comes first. The ends justify the means in
my father’s eyes, especially if it has to do with the Matsuoka name.
He didn’t always used to be like this. When I was growing up, he put
me into various sports to see if anything stuck. He came to my games and
matches and cheered me on because he was the best dad.
Or so I thought.
Now I know that he was a concerned buyer anxiously checking in on
his foal’s growing value. I didn’t particularly shine at anything, not until
fencing.
It came naturally to me for some reason.
When I was nine, he’d entered me in a ten and under contest as a Hail
Mary, and I ended up winning the tournament. The football classes I’d
taken had given me good footwork, the dancing good mobility. Boxing
made my dodging and defensive skills shine so that when I picked up my
rented épée that day, I impressed the room full of pros with my potential.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I’d just sucked
that day. Would my father have given up on his athletic aspirations? Would
I have been the perfect debutante and made my mother proud?
That second one is more likely than the first.
My mum is English, she grew up in a posh suburb of London. She
more or less ran away from a tyrannical mother and absentee father and
decided to move to Tokyo for a summer.
She was two weeks into her hostessing job in a popular restaurant
when she met my father, a Japanese businessman.
Her pursuit of perfection for me comes from the large chip she has on
her own shoulder, both from criticism she received at the hands of her
mother and from not being the flawless society girl on my father’s arm. She
constantly had to prove her worth to his business associates – and, more
importantly, to their wives – and fight to gain the respect of her peers.
Even now, almost twenty years after they were married – albeit only
five of them happily – she still gets judging looks from across the ballroom
like she’s a mistress, not a wife. We left Tokyo ten years ago and moved to
Hong Kong and still, the sharp tongues followed.
She was put through the ringer so she knows how cruel people can be.
She doesn’t want that for me. Her version of helping me is criticizing me
before they can, making sure I’m not leaving anything open to their
scrutiny.
Her efforts are misguided but not entirely bad intentioned and that’s
what makes it so hard to hate her, even when I really do sometimes.
So, unless we go back in time to before my mum left home and
redirected her to Sydney instead of Tokyo, there’s no changing that part of
my fate.
“We should call for the chef, I’d like to speak to him,” my dad says,
snapping his fingers at a nearby waiter.
It’s the peak of rush hour in a sophisticated restaurant and my dad
wants to call the chef away from the kitchen. It’s the height of rudeness to
even think about doing that now, but he doesn’t care. Worse, he feels
entitled to this man’s attention solely because he sees him as being beneath
him. Chef work is hand work and in my dad’s world the only time you use
your hands is to sign a contract or raise your paddle to bid on something.
He snaps his fingers again, twice. Loudly.
Mortification crawls up my neck. “Father, I’m sure he’s busy, the
restaurant is full. We shouldn’t–”
“Boy,” my dad calls across the room, and now I want a hole in the
ground to open up and swallow me. Then I’d like to be shot down to the
Earth’s core and burned alive to ensure I don’t have to sit through another
second of this madness. “Bring out the chef.”
“Father,” I try again.
“Enough, Nera. If I want your opinion, I will ask for it. Just eat your
food and be quiet.”
Rage simmers hotly inside me, unbridled and impossible for me to
control as I usually would.
“That’s better,” he says, taking a sip of his wine and smacking his lips.
“So, tell me, how’s fencing? Kravtsov will give me the unvarnished truth
soon enough, but I’d like to get your take on it.”
“It’s going well,” I say from between gritted teeth as I try to smother
my temper.
“How many touches scored?”
“Two hundred and forty-six.”
“Received?”
“One hundred and ninety-eight.”
He huffs. “Needs to be better. What’s your hundred-meter split?”
“Twelve thirty-four.”
“You can get that lower.”
I nod.
“How many official bouts have you played in?”
The vein at my temple throbs. I don’t know why he’s getting to me
today when this is very much the same line of questioning he always asks
me.
Maybe it’s because he was rude to the restaurant staff.
Or maybe it’s because I’ve had a rough week, even without him being
here. I texted Tristan twice more and he ignored me both times. In class, it
was much the same. If I raised my hand, he pretended I wasn’t there. If I
asked a question, he answered but without looking at me.
I’m starting to think I preferred it when he called me out in front of the
whole class.
I thought after the way he’d tracked me down Monday that he was
interested in fucking again, that I could convince him.
It’s not so much him that I want, as much as it is the feeling. I’m
desperate to experience that kind of weightlessness, of temporary freedom
from the pressures of my life, again. I’m starting to feel like I’m going to
crack if I don't get it soon.
Instead, he seems much less affected than me. Aside from that first
confrontation in the training facility, he’s given no sign that I even exist.
“Nera?” My father cuts in sharply. “Pay attention for God’s sake. It’s
no wonder you lost the championship if this is how your mind wanders.”
He clicks his tongue against his teeth and takes another sip of his wine.
“How many bouts?”
Failure is not an option.
“Sixteen.”
“How many victories?”
“Thirteen.”
Failure is not an option.
He clicks his tongue against his teeth again, disapproving. The
repeated sound is starting to play on a loop in brain like my own special
version of dripping torture. It frays the ropes of my temper beyond repair.
“Not good enough, Nera. Remember, failure isn’t an option.”
Something finally snaps inside me.
“And what about repeatedly cheating on your wife? You don’t
consider that a failure?”
The words are out before I can second guess them.
It’s like throwing a full can of gasoline on a raging fire. His eyes
widen, popping almost comedically out of his face as it turns a deep shade
of red.
“You little–”
 “Hello,” a voice smoothly interjects. “I was told you wanted to speak
with me.”
I look up at the voice’s owner, saved by his interruption.
He’s tall, with rippling arms covered in tattoos, and he’s as beautiful as
the tabloids said he’d be. Blond hair, green eyes, a smirk that promises
trouble. I just know he knows every single way to ruin a girl’s life.
And his eyes are fixed on me.
“Yes,” I say, clearing my throat when the word gets stuck. “My father
wanted to offer his compliments on tonight’s meal.”
I flick a look over at my dad and see that he’s regained his composure.
He’d never show so big a weakness as to have an emotion in front of a
stranger.
My ability to compartmentalize, both a gift and a curse, I get from
him.
“Yes, congratulations…,” he extends his hand towards him, “I’m sorry,
I forgot your name.”
This is one of his favorite power plays, reminding the other man of just
how unimportant he is to him. But the chef looks completely unconcerned,
his gaze not even moving over to meet my father’s as he shakes his hand.
“Marchesani,” he says. Finally, he meets his eye. “Luca Marchesani.”
He looks back at me and I should be flattered by his interest, but his
eyes are green instead of blue and I find myself comparing him to Tristan.
“The meal was delicious. I particularly enjoyed the deconstructed surf
and turf. Very clever.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Luca says, calling over to a passing
waitress. “Marie here will bring you a dessert, on the house. To thank you
for being such excellent customers.” He turns towards my father for the last
part, pandering to and manipulating him in a way that he doesn’t even
realize.
He’s too happy crowing about how yes, he is in fact an excellent
customer, to notice that he’s been effortlessly handled by Luca.
Something tells me he wasn’t ignorant to the argument and impending
explosion happening at our table when he walked up to it.
Luca excuses himself after a couple more minutes of obsequious
conversation and gives me one last look before he leaves. Thankfully, my
father’s attention is so diverted by the promise of free dessert that he forgets
that we were about to argue.
 It’s definitely better for me that he not remember.
Not long after that first time purging in my bathroom, I’d gone to my
dad’s office to meet him for lunch. I’d walked in to find him fucking his
secretary on his desk, a photo of his family inches from his dick as he
pounded into her. That’d killed the remaining embers of my fatherly
affection for him.
Before today we’d never discussed his affair. I never brought it up to
him and he never acknowledged it. It was imprudently hot-blooded of me to
confront him when I learned only too recently the extent of his rage and
need to control. I know better than to lose the firm grip I have on my
emotions around him, and yet I did.
Sloppy.
He orders an espresso and I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I
haven’t eaten much tonight so I don’t feel overly stuffed, but I want to see if
I can get rid of some of it anyway.
With my father in town, Coach Krav will definitely weigh me this
week and I dread having gained even a single ounce.
I walk past the open kitchen into the hallway and see Luca coming
back from the men’s bathroom, drying his hands on the white towel at his
waist. He slows as he spots me, eventually coming to a stop before me.
“Thanks for the assist out there,” I tell him, unsure what else to say.
“No problem. It seemed like he was about to lose his shit,” he replies,
lifting his shoulder and eyeing me with a calculated gaze. “That's typically
not great for business.”
I nod and take a step to walk away, but he takes a matching backward
one, stopping me in my tracks.
“Go out with me,” he says. “Let me take you to dinner.”
I lift a brow at him. “You don’t know me.”
A charming grin curves his lips. “It’s lucky that I know just the place
where I can get to know you then. They have this char siu pork that’ll make
your taste buds weep.”
I turn so my back rests against the hallway wall and consider it, both
him and his offer.
“I don’t date,” I tell him, truthfully.
After getting a front row seat to the fiasco that is my parents’ marriage,
watching every one of my parents’ friends cheat on their spouses, and
experiencing my own terrible relationship with Rex, dating is off the cards
for me.
Even assuming that love exists — and I have to because I’ve met Six’s
parents — I’ve seen what the people who love you can do. I’ve had enough
of people’s ‘love’ for one lifetime.
What I do want though, is physical connection.
His grin grows. “I’m happy to skip the dating part altogether if that’s
what you prefer.”
I should say yes, I should go out with this gorgeous guy and let him
fuck me into tomorrow. Taking just one look at him, there’s no doubt in my
mind that he knows what he’s doing.
But all I can think about is, does Tristan know a hookup is all I want?
Maybe he thinks I’ll get attached if we keep sleeping together and want
something serious.
All I can think about now is letting him know and seeing if that
changes things. I’ve already told him I can keep a secret, Lord knows I have
my own fair share, so if I make it clear I want this to be purely physical, I
should be able to convince him. Right?
Apparently not someone easily dissuaded by silence, Luca pulls out a
business card and hands it to me.
“Here’s my number. I promise you’ll have a lot of fun if you use it.”
I look down at the beautiful design. “I’ve never been hit on via
business card before.”
He chuckles. “Hopefully that means you’ll use it.”
I look back up at him, tilting my head to the side.
“What about being friends?”
He nods, understanding that he’s not likely to hear from me. At least,
not the way he’s expecting.
“I’m available for a friendship too,” he says.
It’s my turn to give him a small smile as I enter his number in my
phone. “Good.”

***

When I make it back to the table, my dad has already paid and is
apparently waiting for me in the car. He doesn’t acknowledge me when I
climb in the backseat beside him and we drive silently to The Pen.
 I think back to my conversation with Luca, to what I know I want. I
pull out my phone and bring up my chat with Tristan, thinking about the
best way to talk to him.
I don’t know him. All I have to go on is that one night in his suite, so I
rack my brains about what information can help me here. I think about how
our conversation had started, abruptly ended, and how it’d started back up
again.

Me: I wanted to make something clear.

Me: I don’t need you to date me or fall in love with me, in fact I’d
really appreciate it if you didn’t. What I do need, and really want after last
time, is for you to fuck me.

I could end it there, but I want to get a rise out of him.

More importantly, I want to get an answer from him. I think I know
just the way to do that.

Me: I met someone else tonight. If you’re not interested, just let me
know and I’ll text him next.

I hold my breath for long moments as I wait for him to text back.
Finally, when I feel like my lungs are going to explode, I exhale.
My head drops back against the headrest behind me and I look out the
window, watching the city lights as we drive by. There’s something about
an empty city at night that I find so soothing.
I really thought my strategy would work. I guess our night together
didn’t stand out to him like it did me, and why would it, I guess. I’m the one
who did something very unlike me and who had everything to learn. Maybe
he really did fuck a bunch of different women after me.
The car pulls into the parking lot of The Pen and stops in front of my
building’s entrance. My father doesn’t bother with a goodbye, too absorbed
in his emails to even notice I’m leaving.
I’m stepping out of the car when my phone vibrates.

Gary: Don’t try to make me jealous, Nera. It won’t work.

 ✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 14

Tristan

I walk into my eleven am class and lob my bag onto my chair from halfway
across the room.
A couple of heads snap up at the loud noise.
I didn’t sleep well last night. I want to say it’s because of the stress of
this year or just good old insomnia, but every time I closed my eyes, I saw
images of Nera giving her number to another guy stamped behind my
eyelids.
When I eventually fell asleep, I woke up covered in sweat. I blamed it
on the late September heat — even though it wasn’t overly hot — and the
lack of air conditioning in my shitty apartment, and not the fact that I’d
been dreaming about her on a date with someone else.
There was no way I was going to continue letting her haunt my dreams
and nightmares like that. If I didn’t have this damn celibacy clause hanging
over me like some celeb fresh out of rehab, I could maybe think about
finding someone else.
As it were, I was stuck replaying that night in Geneva on a loop in my
mind. It didn’t help that she’d gotten the last word after I’d texted her
yesterday.

Me: Don't try to make me jealous, Nera. It won’t work.

Nera: Seems like it worked pretty well at the bar that night.
 I hadn’t answered, not wanting to acknowledge her point. It wasn’t
jealousy that had propelled me to go after her that night. It couldn’t be. I
wasn’t possessive of women, ever, let alone interested in anything more
than one night.
No, it had been distaste at the thought of losing. That’s it.
Now, I was forced to face her again.
Without looking out into the crowd and searching for her, I knew
instinctively where she was sitting. Closer towards the front, the third row
in a middle seat. Next to Sixtine, her redheaded best friend.
“Class will start in two minutes, so get seated,” I say to the students
still milling about and chatting with their friends.
My phone dings and I reach for it in my bag to put it on silent.

Nera: You should know.

Nera: I’m not wearing any panties.

My eyes shoot up to meet hers as my blood pressure drops. She’s got a

triumphant smile on her face but I barely register it because I’m too busy
taking in the fact that she’s wearing a fucking skirt.
The desk she sits at doesn’t have a front panel so there’s nothing to
obscure her legs. When she sees me looking, she parts them ever so
slightly.
I hiss in a breath as my blood pumps in my temples.
She’s too far away for me to see anything except dark shadows, but
just knowing her pussy is on display is enough to throttle the oxygen out of
my lungs.
I turn away and claw at the neck of my tie for some type of relief so I
don’t do something stupid like drag her down to my desk and fuck her in
front of all her peers.
“Alright, today we’re going to talk about the political economy of
trade and the role governments play in globalized trade,” I say, forcing
myself to look at my outline for the class. The words blur together, my
mind unable to focus on them, and I’m silent for too long as I try to
decipher what I’m reading. “Open your textbooks to page forty-seven,” I
finally say, pivoting to try to salvage this lesson before it’s even started.
I wait for the students to do as instructed, my eyes involuntarily
pinging back to Nera. Her book is open so I don’t have a reason to
reprimand her but I’m craving one. Her smug smile is still glued on and if I
ever get my hands on her again, I’ll fuck it right off her pretty face.
“Who can tell me what globalization as it relates to trade means?” I
ask, forcing my eyes to look away.
Several students put their hands up, including her.
“Nera,” I say, my voice dropping an octave around her name. Only she
understands the warning that comes with that one word.
I see her swallow and take a tiny breath before she speaks. “The
opening of borders for economic and specifically commerce purposes so
there’s a flow of goods, money, information. Basically, economic
integration of different countries.”
“Good. Can someo–,” my voice cuts off like a record scratch when a
hand comes down on Nera’s knee.
Large hand, small knee.
My vision tunnels dangerously.
My gaze moves to Rex who’s sitting beside her, his head turned in her
direction like they’re alone together and not in the middle of my fucking
class.
“Sorry,” I finally say, clearing my throat loudly. He doesn’t turn away
from her. I shake my head with the hope of shaking some sense into myself.
“Victoire, please read the first three paragraphs of page forty-seven.”
She starts reading as I look up at Nera’s face. Her eyes are pinned on
me, her mouth parted on a surprised gasp. Rex leans closer to her,
whispering something mere inches from the shell of her ear.
I can tell by the look on her face that he has no idea she’s bare under
her short skirt but that does nothing to quell the murderous impulses raging
through me.
His hand is still on her knee, his fingers dancing along her skin, and
something about seeing his fingers so close to her pussy when I know she’s
not wearing panties makes me want to rip him off her and tear him to
shreds.
Outside of one or two darker fantasies, I’m not a violent man. I’m not
moved to such strong emotion or extremes. I just don’t care enough.
Right now though, I’m having highly graphic visions of my
participation in a bloodbath.
His finger taps her knee and I see blood splattered on the walls.
 His other hand goes to the back of her chair and I imagine myself
tapdancing happily through fresh puddles of his blood, a real smile
stretching my lips.
“The question…,” I start, realizing that Victoire finished reading and
the silent class looks to me to lead, “The question is how do we regulate
international trade when every party has a vested interest in influencing
policy to benefit their country’s position?”
I can barely string two words together. I don’t even know if I’m
making sense. I already don’t care about teaching this class well to begin
with, and that was before I was forced to sit through this torture.
My eyes keep darting back to where he touches her, where she fucking
lets him. Her legs are still open and I swear to God, if his hand moves up
any further, I’ll end him.
I rub my hand over my jaw, trying to refocus on the lesson.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see her hand wrap around his wrist and
then she shoves him off her.
Yes.
Good girl, I want to tell her.
“How do we avoid corruption on the global scale?”
His hand comes back, this time on her thigh, and I snap.
“How do– Rex, are we bothering you?”
He whips around to face me, his hand coming off her body. I’m made
aware my eyelid was twitching only because I feel it stop when he no
longer touches her.
“Sorry, professor. I was asking Nera a question about today’s lesson
plan,” he lies.
“Ask me next time. That way you won’t bother your classmate or
interrupt my class,” I say, my voice glacial.
His eyes flash with anger but he wisely chooses not to say anything
except apologize once more.
“Come down here,” I say, pointing at a seat in the front row. “I want
you right where I can see you.”
He reddens, not suffering his humiliation well, but does as I say. He
places a hand on Nera’s shoulder as he walks past her and if I wasn’t so sure
he has no idea about her and I, I’d say he was doing it just to taunt me.
He slumps into his new seat, his face promising retribution. I’m too
busy glaring at Nera to register it.
 Her eyes sparkle with excitement, like she’s getting off on watching
me intervene. My stomach squeezes in response, the need to put my hands
on her thrumming through my veins with a sick beat.
She’s a temptress and I don’t think she’s even aware of it.
“As I was saying,” I clear my throat.
What the fuck was I saying?
“How do we avoid corruption on the global scale? Unfortunately, we
don’t. You’ll find that there’s not a single regulatory agency that isn’t
corrupt. Ethics in the age of globalized trade isn’t something that we’ve
cracked yet.”
Two of the girls seated in the second row right in front of Nera giggle
when I look at them. They give me flirty smiles when I don’t immediately
look away. Behind them, I see Nera’s jaw clench, irritation spreading across
her face in response.
I turn away, already distracted enough. Secretly, I’m pleased to have
seen her be as affected as me.
I teach the lesson for another fifteen minutes before clapping my hands
and looking up at the students.
“Alright, we’re going to use the rest of the class for a quiz.” The class
collectively groans. “Bad idea revealing how much you hate quizzes, I
might have to give them every class now. Save myself the trouble of
speaking to you all.” They laugh as is I made a joke. They pass around the
handouts I gave to the front row. “You have until the end of class, roughly
twenty minutes, to answer the essay question on the paper that was just
handed to you. No books or phones allowed, just that eighty thousand
pound a year education of yours. Good luck.”
I sit in my chair and throw my legs up on the table as I recline and
watch them work. Nera is focused on her paper, her brow creased adorably
in concentration, so I get to openly stare at her. She’s wearing a pleated
green skirt and beige skin tight top with red buttons along her right
shoulder.
She looks like a Christmas present, one I’m desperate to unwrap.
I must stare at her longer than I’m aware because I’m jolted out of my
study of her by the bell ringing, announcing the end of class.
The students stand in a cacophony of chairs scraping and loud talking.
“Drop your quizzes on my desk before you leave. I’ll return them to
you graded in a few days.”
 I make a show of organizing the papers as they’re handed to me so I
don’t watch her approach. I’ll be well rid of her once she leaves my lecture
hall.
Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to focus on actually teaching my next
class if she’s not around.
“Babe,” Rex calls and I immediately know who he aims those words
at. “Let me talk to you.”
I tense, my back and neck rigid.
Babe.
I fight not to look up at them as they approach. She comes up to drop
her test and he follows her.
Why is he calling her babe? And why isn’t she immediately correcting
him?
“Nera, stay after class,” I bark.
For fuck’s sake.
Short of buying a shovel and digging myself a hole, I’m doing a near
perfect job of burying myself alive here. I want to tell her ‘never mind’, but
I also want to tell her never to speak to him again.
When she speaks though, I know I’ve made the right decision.
“I can’t be any clearer, Rex. Please don’t wait for me, I need to talk to
Professor Novak.”
I’d internally purr in victory if she’d actually said my name and not the
cover name my father came up with to hide my identity while I’m here.
It should serve as a reminder of why I should stay away from her, but
it only irritates me further.
The students filter slowly out of the classroom, the only exception is
Sixtine who I hear whisper to Nera, “Do you need me to stay?”
She’s anxious, I can hear it in her voice, and she’s protective of her
friend. She should be wary of leaving her here with me in my current state.
“No, it’s fine. I’ll see you at lunch.”
The door closes softly and then it’s quiet. It’s just us left in this room,
but I don’t look up. I take my time organizing the papers and putting them
away in my bag.
She’s as patient as I am, unwilling to make the first move as I force her
to wait.
Everything about her is a contradiction. She’s a good student, but
rebellious. Delicate, but powerful. Shy, but brazen.
 Successful, but not satisfied.
She has wealth, beauty, brains, and success. She should be the happiest
person in any room and yet, she’s not.
It ripples off her, the melancholy. Like she has an invisible but gaping
wound that seeps sorrow instead of blood.
There’s something hidden there, that much is obvious to me. She’s
someone whose real smiles need to be earned and I find myself hoping to
get another unguarded moment from her.
At the same time, there’s the part of me that knows going there again is
tantamount to yanking the noose lethally tight around my neck.
But watching her with someone else isn’t just intolerable, it’s
impossible.
Finally, I straighten and look at her. My eyes pin hers, but her gaze
stares equally intently back at me.
“Is he the ex?”
The one she’d mentioned who couldn’t make her come. But who’d
been with her nonetheless.
She blinks, doesn’t look away. “Yes.”
I drop my gaze back to the desk, masking my grimace.
There’s no hiding the sound of my clenched fist when it comes down
on the wooden surface, however. I don’t hit it hard, just sharply enough to
let out some barely controlled anger because I can’t lose my shit. Not
without risking my mum’s life.
I breathe deeply through my nose as I fight to keep the visions of her
splayed out under him out of my mind.
Her legs around his waist.
His hand on her tits.
FUCK.
The jealous rage squeezes my skull like a band. I need her to leave.
“He’s going to stay your ex,” I order.
Anger distorts my words. I say it as a demand, not a question, but she
answers it anyway.
“I’m not interested in him.”
I nod, the muscle in my cheek jumping wildly. I’m going to have to
make his new seat assignment permanent because there’s no way I’m going
to watch him hit on her in front of me for a fucking year.
“Stay away from him, Nera.”
 “Or what?”
I stare at her, silent. I’m afraid of what I’ll say if I open my mouth. I
don’t think she needs menacing words to understand the threat in my
statement.
She must see something in my icy gaze because she swallows thickly,
looking away and down to cover her reaction.
“You seem to only want me when someone else does, Tristan,” she
says, meeting my gaze unflinchingly. “You’ve unleashed a bit of a monster
I’m afraid, and now that I know what it feels like when a man makes me
come, I’m desperate to feel it again.” She leans in over the desk so she says
the next part up close and personal, making sure I don’t miss a word. “I’m
not going to wait for you forever.”
She pulls back and I hold on to the table, white knuckling my grip so I
don’t reach out and grab her. She’s at the door when I speak.
“Are you always such a fucking tease?”
She turns to look over her shoulder at me.
“Only when I know what I want.”
She walks out, closing the door behind her. I’m getting really tired of
watching her walk away, leaving me with my anger, a throbbing hard on,
and no relief for either in sight.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 15

Nera

Less than a week later, I slam the paper down on his desk, my palm
pushing it into Tristan’s field of vision.
“A nine out of twenty,” I declare, my voice trembling with anger.
He finishes writing a note on another student’s paper, then takes his
time putting the cap back on his pencil and placing it on his desk before he
looks up at me, the bastard.
The effect of his gaze is immediate, as per usual. It pierces me with the
force of a blow, leaving me momentarily breathless. Even when I’m furious
with him, even when I’m so anxious about my failing grade that I’ve had
painful stomach cramps since last night when the grades went live on the
portal, I still have this reaction to him.
I waited until classes were over today to confront him. I wanted us to
be alone; I could hardly scream at him in front of all of my friends.
“Maybe instead of wasting your time flirting in my class you should
pay a little more attention to the course material,” he replies, before turning
his emotionless eyes on me.
I huff and take a step back.
“So, this is payback for what happened with Rex?” I ask, crossing my
arms over my chest.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says with a sinister smile,
leaning into his chair and spreading his legs dominantly. He’s seated and
I’m standing, but I’m the one who feels at his mercy. “It wasn’t a good
paper.”
“It was a brilliant paper and you know it,” I correct. “You need to fix
this right now.”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
I think of my dad’s anger when he finds out, and he will.
My mum’s disappointment.
Another failure. A small one, but they like to keep a tally and I’m
running up quite a meter in their eyes.
My dad just left and if he sees this reason enough to turn the plane
around, I’ll have to deal with him for another week. Who knows how he’ll
react if I’m within arm’s reach of him when he finds out.
“You can’t.” I grit the words out through clenched teeth. I hear the
quiet shake in my voice and I wish I could hide it, but I’m tired. I don’t
have quite as strong a control over my emotions right now. “I’ll sit in the
back of your class and leave you alone,” I offer. When he doesn’t answer, I
think about the texts I kept sending, even when he wouldn’t text back, one
as late as last night. “I’ll stop texting you as well, I promise. I understand
you don’t want me.” I look him in the eye when I speak so he knows how
important this is. “But you have to make this right.” I pause. “Please.”
He doesn’t know what it costs me to ask for help, especially from
someone I don’t trust.
Or maybe he does because he sits up with a frown drawing at his
brows.
“What’s wrong?”
I suddenly hate him for sounding like he actually cares.
“Nothing, just fix my grade,” I say, irritated and pushing the paper
back towards him.
He looks down at it and then back at me. “I’m not changing anything.
Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I told you, nothing.”
“And I’m telling you, I don’t believe you. I’ve only seen that look on
your face twice and the other time was when you lost the world juniors, so
don’t pretend you’re fine.”
My eyes widen in surprise and his do too.
“How do you know about that?” He doesn’t answer but his jaw
twitches. “Did you watch my match?”
 There’s annoyance on his face and it’s clear he didn’t mean to reveal
that he’d seen it. I don’t know what to make of that news. How did it even
happen, I wonder. Did he go looking for videos of me?
Was he impressed with what he saw?
Why do you care, Nera?
“Yes,” he says, with a careless lift of his shoulder but a shrewd look in
his eye. “Who was that man?”
He and I both know who he’s talking about.
“What man?” I ask.
“The one who spoke to you at the end of the match.”
“After I lost you mean,” I say with a humorless laugh.
“Losing happens,” he shrugs. “You can’t be perfect all the time.”
My dad would hate his attitude. A ‘loser mentality’ he’d call it.
“He’s your father,” he decides. It’s not a question.
“How do you know?”
He takes the pen from his desk and begins to roll it through his fingers.
“I know the type.”
I look at him, really look at him. At the way his eyes glaze over in
thought, how his brow pulls down and his mouth flattens. He might
understand the pressures I face more than I initially thought.
“Is yours the reason why you can’t be a chef?’
He stiffens, his eyes moving hazily from his pen to my face.
“I didn’t say I wanted to be a chef. I said I wanted to own a
restaurant.” His voice isn’t censuring, it’s more… curious.
It makes me think I might have guessed correctly, even if he didn’t tell
me.
“I’m sorry I got that wrong.”
He doesn’t blink. “You didn’t.”
I answer the question that goes unasked.
How did you know I want to be a chef?
“I just assumed that’s what you meant by owning a restaurant. I get the
sense that you’re the type of person who wouldn’t do well only in the front
of house. You’d thrive in the back, getting your hands dirty and letting your
creativity drive you.”
His gaze is downright molten by the time I’m done speaking. The last
time he looked at me like that, he ended up eating me out while I sat on his
face.
 “You got all that from one night?”
“I got the sense that you’re a man who likes to eat,” I answer, blushing
but keeping eye contact.
The words come out as suggestively as I’d intended. His eyes burn hot
enough on me to scorch my skin.
“Nera,” he warns, but his voice sounds conflicted.
I both love and hate that I can go from miserable and anxious to
excited and unbelievably turned on within minutes of being with him.
That’s too much power for one person to have over another’s operating
system.
He won’t let himself be distracted.
“What did he say to you?”
I scramble to remember what we were talking about before we
ventured far off track. When I do, the wave of anxiety hits me again at full
force, like I’ve just kicked open the floodgates.
“He told me what he tells me every time I see him.” I say, vaguely.
He taps the pen against his fingertip.
“And that is?”
It’s not lost on me that he didn’t answer my question about his father,
even though I know there’s something there. I don’t want to answer his
question at all, and especially not when he won’t do the same in return.
I’ve never talked about my dad with anyone, and he’s not the first
person I want to tell this to.
“None of your business.”
He nods and grabs my paper, handing it to me. “Have a good night.”
He stands and starts gathering his computer and documents, placing
them in his backpack. My test remains clutched in my hands.
“Are you serious?”
He zips his bag and gives me an emotionless smile. “You’re welcome
to challenge it with the review board if you’d like.”
He knows I can’t do that.
My teeth grit in irritation as I glare up at him.
“You’re going out of your way to manipulate me into telling you
personal information that I don’t want to give you. You’re being a real
vindictive asshole for someone who claims not to want me,” I snap. “If I
tell you, will you change my grade?”
 “That’s getting increasingly less likely with each passing second,” he
drawls.
This close, I can smell the alcohol on his breath. I’m taken aback by it,
classes having just ended. I don’t know if he’s drunk, I can't tell.
He seems fully in control of his functions and he’s certainly still fully
capable of wielding his tongue with hurtful intent.
“I hate you,” I vow.
And I do for basically forcing me to admit this out loud.
“I doubt it.”
I shoot him a glare then bow my head, closing my eyes as if to gather
strength.
“He told me ‘failure isn’t an option’. That’s nothing new really, he tells
me that at least once a day,” I say through a clenched jaw, looking off to the
right and refusing to meet his eye. “Only this time he added ‘if you will not
willingly improve, then it will be exacted out of you, inch by inch’ and then
he grabbed the back of my neck and crushed it so hard between his fingers
that my airway closed and my vision went spotty.” I whip my head back to
face him. “Happy?” I demand and I know it’s a shitty question.
He stares at me in a way he never has before.
I think if I was normal, I would cry. All I feel is a deep sense of
loneliness and a hollow emptiness that I don’t think will ever be filled.
There’s a small piece of relief in finally having told someone, but I
don’t enjoy the feeling whatsoever. There’s instant regret at having shown
any kind of weakness.
I’ve exposed a sliver of vulnerability and now that it’s out, I
desperately want to take it back. To claw the words away from him and
keep them to myself where I know I can control them.
“Has he ever hurt you before?” Tristan asks, and I’m surprised by the
hoarseness of his voice.
His arms are wrapped around his torso, his face otherwise completely
blank. I would say he was unaffected by my revelation if it wasn’t for the
sound of his voice and the way he holds his body, like he’s physically
restraining himself.
“No.”
“Since?”
I’d tried to tell my mum about it, had mentioned he’d been a little
rough. She told me that sometimes he gets carried away with his affections,
but he only does it because he loves me.
They sounded like words he might have said to her in apology in a
very similar scenario. She repeated them to me with the rote delivery of
someone who’d heard them more than once.
I’d felt the layers of ice thicken around my heart.
She couldn’t very well save me if she couldn’t even save herself.
The paralyzing fear I felt feeling his hand close around my neck and
squeezing the air out of my throat had been very real. He hadn’t gone far
enough to bruise — we were in public and on national television after all —
but he exerted all the power he’d needed to.
In an instant, I’d understood just how easily he could hurt me if he
wanted to.
“No.” I shake my head. “But you can understand why I’m in no rush to
give him another reason to deem me a failure.” I can’t summon enough
energy to make it sound like the joke it was intended to be.
I’m drained by the anxiety of the last twenty-four hours. By the stress
and nonstop performance of the past week when he was in town. By the
constant worry of the past six months.
By a lifetime of pursuing perfection.
I got out unscathed from this last visit and I’m not keen to have him
back for another.
Tristan nods, staring at me with an indecipherable look. I’d give
anything to have the keys to his mind right now to see what he’s really
thinking.
Whatever it is, I will not be made to feel small for having revealed a
section of my metaphorical golden prison to him. He demanded it from me
and I won’t be ashamed of it.
After a moment that stretches for an almost unbearable amount of
time, he looks away first. I exhale with a tiny gasp when he turns his body
away, like a physical string connecting us is severed.
I watch him reach for a pen. Next, he grabs the paper from my hands
and places it back on the desk with a thump of his palm. He adds a one in
front of the nine at the top of the sheet, turning it into a near perfect grade. I
know it’s the highest that was given out on this paper.
He hands it silently back to me. My heartbeat flutters and the bands of
stress wrapped around my stomach ease up marginally.
The instant relief is enormous.
 My fingers close around it and I pull, but he doesn’t release it. My
gaze meets his, finding his eyes already fixed on me.
“Failure is a part of life. You can’t get better without it. It’s not
something to be afraid of and it’s certainly not something to ever be
punished for.” He releases the paper and I clasp it to my chest with both
arms, keeping my eyes on him. His gaze deadens and a mean tick in his jaw
starts pulsing ominously. “And if anyone ever puts their hands on you
again, you use the number I gave you and you call me.”
He takes a step towards me, taking advantage of the fact that I’m still
reeling from his words to crowd me. He towers over me and dips his head
until he’s inches from my mouth.
My heartbeat is loud in the silence and I’m sure he can hear it. I’m
sure it’s echoing against the walls of the classroom.
“And I do want you, jailbait.” His gaze drops to my lips, his eyes
darkening with lust. “I just can’t let myself have you.” He dips his head
even lower and his mouth is so close to mine that I stop breathing
altogether. I remember how I grabbed his face and brought his lips down on
mine before. “If I could, I’d steal all of your secrets one by one until there
was nothing left for you to hide from me.”
He taps my nose with the tip of his finger and lingers for a breath, an
erotic smile pulling at his lips.
Then I blink and he’s gone, taking the only warmth I’ve felt in weeks
with him.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 16

Tristan

Jab. Cross. Right hook.

Jab. Cross. Left hook.
Uppercut. Uppercut.
I call out the moves to myself in my head as I hit the bag with as much
strength as I can muster.
My arms are screaming with exhaustion. I’ve been going at the bag for
hours and still I throw my punch combinations. I don’t take a break, using
all the force I have in my body in the hopes that I’ll get the anger out.
My gray t-shirt is drenched, large stains coloring the fabric over my
abs, back, and armpits. It sticks to me and I yank it off, unwilling to deal
with the added irritation.
My headphones blare songs that match my mood in my ears. Angry,
loud music that fuels my need to destroy.
Nera’s confession drove me to this. I barely made it out of that room
without unleashing my rage. The alcohol had only served to charge the fury
flowing in my veins and I’d needed to find an outlet for it.
Never before have I needed to find a physical outlet to expel the anger
from my body. Typically, I’ll smoke a joint and relax my way through it,
but I knew that wasn’t going to be nearly enough in this case.
I overheard a couple of the students talking about the old chocolate
factory last week. Apparently, it’d recently been converted into an
underground boxing gym.
I’d gone from my classroom straight to seek it out, relying on the
carry-on bag of workout clothes I always carried in the boot of my car. I
hadn’t expected much and that’s exactly what had greeted me. It was a
dingy, dark, and incredibly creepy location, especially at night, and the
students had used the word ‘converted’ very liberally.
When I walked in, there was a main area with a shitty looking ring in
the center surrounded by standing lights. In the corner, a makeshift bar.
I ventured down the hallways and through to the other rooms finding
an out of use kitchen, derelict line machinery, drab locker rooms and a
couple of pitiful looking practice rooms with a hanging bag in each.
I picked the one with the heaviest bag and got to work.
Jab.
I’d felt it.
When I watched that match, I’d felt the tension of that moment. The
veiled danger of it.
Cross.
Imagining him putting his hands on her, having the fucking balls to do
it when thousands of people were watching–
Jab. Cross. Right hook.
Thinking of Nera as being in any way as vulnerable as my mum had a
kind of fury I’d never felt before exploding in my veins.
Jab. Cross. Jab. Cross. Jab. Cross. Jab.
Cross.
I will never understand men putting their hands on a woman.
Disgust roils in my stomach.
Jab. Cross. Left hook.
The bag bounces on its metallic hook under the force of my blows and
I hold it, punching wrathful uppercuts into it like it’s a sentient human being
who can feel me fucking it up.
I shove it away and high kick it. I have no skill in the sport, just raw
emotion. There’s nothing pretty about what I’m doing right now.
Jab. Cross. Knee. Knee. Knee.
My knuckles are bleeding, the skin on my knees ripped. Sweat drips
down my torso and I let out a roar that sounds crazed even to my own ears.
A hand comes down on my left shoulder. Without pausing, I turn and
punch at the intruder.
 I hit nothing but air.
Phoenix easily deflects the blow without even moving his feet like I
didn’t just throw my strongest punch at him.
My eyes narrow on him. Based on his reflexes and the way he remains
completely unruffled, he knows how to fight. He looks at me steadily, not
saying a word, waiting for me to take my airpods out.
“What are you doing here, Novak?” he asks, sounding almost bored by
his own question, like the answer is of no interest to him whatsoever.
I don’t know why my father thought sending me here was a good idea.
These teenagers are as unhinged as I am.
I don’t correct him on the way he addresses me.
I don’t give a fuck about whatever bullshit hierarchical protocol we’re
both supposed to be following.
“I was looking for a quiet place.”
“You’ve found mine.”
There’s no emotion in his tone. It’s neither an invitation, nor a request
to leave.
“You fight here?” I ask.
There’s no awkwardness as we stand there, staring each other down.
I’m shirtless and sweating, revealing the intricate tattoos on my chest that
he would never otherwise see.
I see him catalog that information into his brain, a new piece of the
puzzle as he tries to assess who I am. He doesn’t seem bothered by my
presence, far from it.
I’d think he would be.
If I told Thornton I saw Phoenix here, he could get expelled.
Maybe unlike me, he’s free from the consequences of his actions.
He answers me honestly instead.
He nods, adding, “Have you noticed that your quiet place has become
significantly less so?”
It’s only when he points it out that I finally register the thumping of the
music and the loud noises coming from deeper into the building, I’d guess
where I saw the boxing ring.
“There’s a fight tonight?” I don’t mean to ask it as a question but it
comes out as one.
Standing in front of me, his arms crossed over his chest as he analyzes
me, he looks much older than his eighteen years.
 “Phoenix, get warmed up. You’re up in twenty,” a man says, walking
into the room behind him, clipboard in hand. He pauses when he sees me.
“Who the fuck are you?”
“Someone who shouldn’t be here,” Phoenix calls over his shoulder,
answering for me before I can. He tilts his head back towards me, his gaze
examining. “Unless you want half the student body to see you at an illegal
fight.” He pauses, giving me an insolent smirk. “What would Thornton
think of that, I wonder?”
Fuck. These entitled, rich pricks are exactly the type of people who
would narc to the principal if they caught me here.
“Is there another exit?”
“Nope.”
My shirt is unwearable so I toss it in my bag along with my wraps. I
don’t have anything else in there except my laptop, a couple minis, a cap,
and a tweed blazer that Tess bought me as a joke when she learned about
our father’s plan. She thought it might make me look more pedagogic. Safe
to say I’ve never worn it and I’m not about to start now.
But now I’m faced with walking out into the crowd shirtless. That’s
going to bring attention to me any way you cut it. I doubt anyone else
except the guys in the ring will be bare chested and I’m desperate to avoid
attention so I don’t blow my entire life up.
I grab the cap and put it on under Phoenix’s watchful eyes before
heading for the door.
“Novak,” Phoenix calls when my hand is on the handle. I turn around
to face him. “What were you thinking about?” He takes a step towards me
before I can answer, crossing his arms again. “Or rather, who were you
thinking about?”
My eyes narrow on him, my jaw clenching. “What makes you think I
was thinking of anyone?”
“I only hit like that when I’m thinking of someone,” he answers, and
for the first time there’s a crack in his facial armor. It’s over and gone in a
heartbeat, but it’s there long enough for me to see it.
Looks like Phoenix might have a weakness in the form of the
‘someone’ he just referenced. It’s my turn to store that information away in
my own mind.
I wonder if I know her, if she’s in one of my classes.
 “I wasn’t thinking of anyone,” I tell him. “Unless you count the fact
that I was taking out my frustrations at having to teach the same shit over
and over again to classes of students who’d rather crawl on their hands and
knees through fields of broken glass than listen to what determines
exchange rates. Not that I can honestly blame them.”
His answering smirk tells me that my speech, while true, doesn’t
necessarily convince him.
He bends at the waist and reaches into his own bag, pulling out a black
hoodie. I snatch it out of the air when he tosses it to me. I bring my arm
down to my side, surprised by this act of mercy. He simply doesn’t look like
the type.
Phoenix turns away, towards who I now understand is his coach. He
shows him the clipboard, checks his phone, and announces that the previous
fight ended early and Phoenix is up next.
I throw the hoodie on and draw the hood up over my cap.
If this wasn’t a decrepit factory, I’m sure I’d look like I was trying to
rob the joint but as it is, I think I’ll fit right in.
“Don’t come back here, Novak.” I look up at Phoenix. “This place
isn’t for you.”
It’s my turn to grin. “You know fuck all about what’s for me or not.
See you in class, Sinclair.”
I don’t need to ask him to keep this meeting a secret and neither does
he. We won’t say anything. He tips his chin at me and I return it. I don’t
wish him good luck before I walk out.
Something tells me he’s not going to need it.
Keeping my chin tucked so my face is hidden by the brim of my cap, I
head out into the dark hallway. There are only a few people milling about
and they all seem to be part of the different fighters’ teams. No one pays
attention to me.
I keep my head low and emerge into the crowded main room. It’s
completely unrecognizable from when I walked through only hours before.
The energy is electric. People scream and cheer, pressing against each other
as they try to get closer to their favored fighters.
I shouldn’t stay. I should take advantage of the fact that everyone’s’
eyes are glued on center stage to sneak out. But I’m powerless to resist this
kind of atmosphere and I find myself pushing into the throng of people
instead.
 I stop in my tracks when I see the siren who haunts my nightmares
herself, come to try and tempt me away from my current righteous path.
And tonight, I’m in the mood to give in to temptation.
Her face is almost pressed against the ropes as she looks up into the
ring. The look on her face borders on adoring as Phoenix steps onto the
mat.
My stomach clenches in reaction. Is she there for him? Wait. Is she
who Phoenix thinks about when he’s fighting?
The thought takes venomous root and poisons everything around it. I
don’t have time to question the white-hot possessiveness that burns through
me, not when it’s already propelling me to her.
I’m only vaguely aware of my path towards her. I shoulder past
screaming fans, my gaze hyper fixated on the back of her head, down the
slope of her back, and to the curve of her ass. She’s wearing a black crop
top and baggy gray washed jeans. My dick pulses in my shorts at seeing
those bare flashes of skin.
She feels too beautiful, too delicate to be in a place like this.
I know she’d rip my balls off if I said that to her though, I think to
myself.
To my right, Phoenix knocks out the other fighter with one punch,
dropping him to the mat in a pile of lifeless limbs.
The crowd goes absolutely wild.
I watch Nera jump up and down, screaming her heart out and maybe
pinching mine in the process.
For the second time tonight, she makes me stop in my tracks. Long
seconds tick by and I remain the only person standing still in a crowd that
loses its mind as I stare at her.
I just stare at her.
Words were invented to describe her kind of beautiful.
She turns to smile at Thayer, a student from another one of my classes,
and I’ve never seen her smile like that. Adrenaline shines in her eyes,
exhilaration colors her cheeks, and disbelief and pure joy stretch her smile.
She looks stunning and I don’t know how anyone can choose to look at the
fighters when she’s right there. When they could be looking at her.
She’s radiant and I want her for myself.
I clock all the people around her, all the students I teach that could
look over and recognize me. I’m one false move away from blowing this
whole thing up just because I can’t control my dick.
I’m torn between knowing that I can’t have her and being too far gone
to give a shit. As she settles down from the celebrations, clapping her hands
happily, her cheeks still rosy from excitement, I decide that even if I can’t
have her, I can’t stand the thought of anyone else having her either.
As the crowd begins to calm, I walk the rest of the way until I stand
behind her. Thayer is still jumping wildly, palms hitting the mat of the ring
as she cheers, so she doesn’t see me.
I stay there for a couple of seconds, distracted by how well we fit, how
easily I could wrap my whole body around her.
I close the distance between us so her back is pressed to my front and
curl my arm lazily around her hip, draping my hand possessively over her
bare stomach.
She stiffens.
“Go home alone tonight,” I order, pressing my growled command into
her hair.
I feel her instantly relax against me, nearly destroying my resolve to
leave in the process.
But I can’t stay.
I rip myself off her with difficulty and disappear into the crowd.

✽✽✽

My temples pound with a thumping headache the next day, courtesy of

my having hit the bourbon bottle before going to sleep.
Coming home to a shitty one bedroom, in a country I don’t belong in,
with a name that isn’t mine and without the girl that is, only emphasized
just how colorless my life has become.
So, this morning, my head is absolutely hanging and I’m in no mood to
be fucked with. I’ve already written up two students and yelled at a third
but it’s when I see Nera walk up to Phoenix that I feel a violent yank on the
reins of my temper.
I don’t want her anywhere near him.
 It snaps completely when she shoves him into an open classroom,
follows him in, and then closes the door shut behind her.
I rake my hand through my hair and take a calming, albeit shaky,
exhale.
After last night, I don’t want to think about why she needs to talk to
him so urgently and privately.
If she ignored me, if she took him home…
I find that I can’t finish that thought.
She’d warned me though.
“I won’t wait for you forever.”
I grind my teeth so hard, pain shoots in my jaw from the pressure. I
can’t go in there. Not unless I want to throw this whole year away.
No one has to know.
The selfish part of me urges me to take what I want like I always do,
fuck the consequences.
Except the consequences aren’t what they’ve been in the past.
Just one more time and then she’ll be out of my system.
No one has to know.
I can’t risk my family for a fling.
He’s probably in there fucking her right now.
Selfishness wins and all rational thought immediately evaporates like
the flame of a candle being blown out.
I see blood red.
It should be me in there.
I’m at the door and ripping it open in seconds, but I manage to get
enough control on my fury that I don’t send it crashing into the wall.
Instead, I open and close it quietly, not wanting to draw undue attention to
this moment.
By the time I walk into the classroom, my anger has morphed from
angry red to a much more concerning icy white.
And when I don’t immediately lay eyes on her, something cracks
inside me and lets the crazed territorial beast out.
“What the fuck are you two doing in here?” I demand.
Phoenix steps back and she appears, finally.
Fully clothed, mercifully.
He hands her back her phone and my eyelid twitches. I wonder if she
gave him her number.
 The same one she wouldn’t give me.
As my mood darkens further and further it sucks up all the oxygen in
the room.
Phoenix lifts an unbothered brow at me. “Are you allowed to talk to
students like that?”
“Get out,” I hiss.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 17

Nera

I find it hard to breathe.

Distantly, I hear Phoenix drawl, “This isn’t even your classroom, why
do you care?”
There’s an absence of air in this room that chokes my lungs and
quickens my heartbeat and it’s because of him.
Tristan stands with his arms crossed against his chest. His hands grip
either one of his biceps with such force that the veins pop in his skin.
He shakes with anger.
I have no idea what set him off. When he interrupted, I was
interrogating Phoenix about what he was doing in the women’s changing
room with Six after the fight yesterday. He’s been harassing her for years
but the expression I saw on his face last night was more obsessive than
angry.
He’ll break her if he continues toying with her like this. And, if my
hunch is correct, he’ll break himself right alongside her.
Based on the way Tristan’s eyes slide from me and thin murderously
on Phoenix, I think he’s misunderstanding what’s happening here.
It’s potent in the air, his rage. And it electrifies and terrifies me at the
same time. I’m not sure I want to be in a room this small with him when
he’s like this. I don’t think it’s large enough to contain his anger.
 “Let’s just go,” I say, pushing Phoenix forward with my hand. He’s
locked in some sort of alpha male stare down with Tristan and not moving.
Tristan’s gaze snaps to where I touch Phoenix and scalds.
My hand drops as if he burned me.
He who was so worried about his reputation and his job that he
wouldn’t touch me for weeks seems to suddenly care about neither. Phoenix
can’t be oblivious to what’s really going on here. Short of peeing on me,
Tristan couldn’t be acting more territorial.
I have to get us out of here before he loses it and accidentally ruins his
career and reputation.
I follow after Phoenix, keeping my head bent and my gaze averted. I
feel Tristan’s eyes burn against the side of my face, but I don’t look up at
him.
I’ll text him later or somethi–
His hand extends in front of me, separating me from Phoenix.
“You stay.”
My heart lurches.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tristan’s face turned completely to
the left, chin angled down to look at me. I can see him in my peripherals
when I look up at Phoenix.
He stops and turns around when he sees I don’t follow. Tristan growls
angrily in response. It’s a dark rumble that crawls up his throat and falls
sexily from his lips and it skates up the skin of my neck.
“It’s fine, you can go. I’ll talk to you later.”
Phoenix walks away without a backwards glance and then I’m alone
with Tristan.
Slowly, almost maddeningly so, he closes the door and then locks it,
his eyes never leaving my face. His fingers linger on the bolt and something
pulses in my lower stomach.
Finally, I bring my gaze up to meet his, the moment of our eyes
meeting sending a jolt of energy through me. He brings his arm down to his
side and I take a nervous step back.
His fingers wrap around my wrist, freezing me in place as I deal with
the physical onslaught of having him touch me. My heart races, my breath
hitches, and wetness pools between my legs.
My focus is so set on my wrist that it’s only when he has his other
hand wrapped around my neck that I realize he’s even moved.
 I stiffen in a mix of fear and excitement.
As potent as his anger is, he’s throttling the violence inside him. His
fingers are loose on my neck, his thumb caressing soft circles around my
pulse point.
His eyes are dazed with lust yet alert as they track over my face.
“Is this okay?” he asks, lowering his head and speaking the words
softly against the shell of my ear.
Something softens inside me, something that isn’t used to being
disturbed by kind attention. No one around me ever asks me what I want or
if I like something, it’s always assumed for me or ordered to me.
I’m taken aback by how much more attracted to him it makes me, if
that’s even possible.
“Yes.”
“Good,” he says, tapping my nose.
The kindness disappears from his face and when his hand finds my
neck again, his fingers wrap around the entire column of my throat and
squeeze. I drag a breath in as my eyes widen slightly. This hold makes me
want to arch wantonly into him.
“Because I’m not going to treat you like you’re breakable when I
know you’re not.”
How wrong he is.
Regardless, wild exhilaration more potent than I’ve ever felt whips
through me at the way he dominates me. Somehow that emotion still pales
in comparison to the one I feel at his words.
He bends my wrist behind me and uses it to push the small of my back,
pressing me against his body. We’re glued to each other from thigh to chest,
my neck tilted grotesquely back to look at him.
Like this, I’m completely at his mercy.
“Did you do as I asked?” His voice is pitched impossibly low, the
tenor angry.
I watch his mouth move, entranced. Shivers ripple over my entire body
in answer to the guttural words. The connection between us feels so thick
and tense with inaction that I’m hypnotized by his lips and leaning closer
into him.
“Remember what I said about you only wanting me when someone
else does?” I manage to ask. “You’re not exactly disproving my point.”
 The truth is, last night I’d felt his touch long after his hand had left my
skin. The warmth of him pressed momentarily against me combined with
the domineering touch of his large hand had made something inside me go a
little haywire.
Especially when I turned around and he was gone.
I’d have believed I imagined it if I hadn’t placed my hand over where
his had been and felt the heat from his palm still there, temporarily branded
into my skin.
I still don’t know what he was doing at the fight or how he so
mysteriously appeared and then disappeared with no word except to tell me
not to fuck someone else.
“Did you,” he repeats, ignoring me and drawing out each syllable
threateningly, “do as I asked?”
I goad him. “Remind m–”
“Did you fuck Phoenix last night?” He snaps.
I recoil instantly.
The idea of having sex with Phoenix is disturbing to say the least.
“Of course no–”
“He didn’t want to leave you here with me,” he snarls, bringing his
mouth mere millimeters from mine. “Would he be so possessive of you if he
knew how I fucked you a month ago?”
“Did you? I forgot, it must not have been that memorable,” I jab.
His lips crash down bruisingly on mine. Momentary disbelief gives
way to exhilaration, followed by adrenaline flooding my body.
The combination makes me dizzy.
I want to claw at him, but he keeps me trapped against him.
“Brat,” he grunts against my mouth. “That’d be much easier to believe
if the taste of you wasn’t still on my lips from your multiple orgasms.”
He uses his hold on my neck to angle my face up, giving him
unfettered access to my mouth. His lips are hungry in their assault as they
claim me, easily stealing my breath away.
Excitement thrums in my veins.
Finally.
There’s bourbon on his lips and it’s like adding gasoline to the flames
of my arousal.
He walks us backwards until my ass hits his desk. Ripping his lips off
me, he sends his chair flying out of the way with a vicious kick. I only have
time to take a tiny breath before his mouth is back on mine.
He hoists me easily onto the desk and settles his large body between
my legs, forcing them open. His hands clasp my waist and tug me against
him. My arms wrap around his neck as I arch into him. At this height, my
center rests against the fly of his trousers. I rub my covered pussy brazenly
against his hard length, enjoying the frustrated groan he moans into my
mouth. An intense shiver racks through his body as his hands tighten
demandingly on mine.
I love the way he reacts to my touch, like every movement of my body
drives him crazed with lust.
He releases me and takes a step back, only to flip me so that I’m bent
over his desk, face down with my feet planted on the ground. He wraps my
hair around his fist and uses it to pin me in place as he leans over me.
His breathing is ragged, rough pants falling from his lips and raising
goosebumps along my skin.
“Why were you in here with him?”
With his other hand, he shoves my skirt up over my hips. Cool air
breezes over the bare skin of my ass clad only in a thong. It’s in direct
contrast with the heat of his hand when he places it on my cheek.
He palms my ass, squeezing the flesh possessively as he waits for me
to answer. When I don’t, too overcome with the way he touches me, he
spanks me.
“Fuck,” I hiss.
A pulse of heat shoots straight to my center.
He spanks me again and I clench my pussy in response, arousal
leaking out of me.
“Don’t make me ask you again, Nera,” he warns, the tone of his voice
like the edge of a sharpened blade.
“I was talking to him about something,” I say, stubbornly.
His hand comes down on my ass again, this time blow after blow,
heating the skin of my cheeks until they’re raw. Every hit is a mix of pain
and pleasure that races straight to my clit until I’m clenching my shaking
thighs to keep from coming.
I’m embarrassed by how easily I’m on the brink. I need to hold off, the
last thing I want is him realizing that he controls my orgasms like I’m a
puppet on a string and he’s my master.
 “Tristan,” I say, my voice trembling with the effort of holding it
together.
He chuckles darkly against my ear, his mouth coming down to kiss the
curve of my neck.
My skin stings as his hand comes down once more, this time hitting
the sensitive flesh where my thighs meet my ass. I go up onto my toes but
he forces me back down, landing another blow on my sensitive bottom.
Two fingers slip beneath the band of my thong and down between my
cheeks. They part my folds and slide through my slickened slit.
“You’re soaked,” he praises, his voice liquid heat and so smug it sends
a deranged shudder through me. “But not enough. I want your cum dripping
down your thighs before I fuck you.”
He presses down on my clit and as easily as if he’d pulled the trigger
of a gun, he sets off an explosive orgasm. My knees fold as the unexpected
but powerful climax hits me. I moan loudly, glad to have the desk
supporting me as my body becomes weightless and limp.
One touch.
That’s all it took for him to break me apart.
Like last time, I’m trying to wrap my head around how he can make
me come so easily while I’m still fighting through the physical assault of
my orgasm.
My face flushes and I turn away from him, embarrassed that I came
when he barely touched me.
Not one to miss an opportunity to gloat, he covers my body with his
and whispers against my ear, “Your body craves my touch. My touch. All it
takes is a couple strokes to have you coming so prettily for me.”
I want to argue with the gloating bastard, but I have no leg to stand on.
“If you want to come again today, you’ll answer my questions.”
I whip my face back around, pressing my cheek against the table as I
look over my shoulder at him.
“You won’t fuck me?” I hate how needy my voice sounds.
He laughs darkly, like I’ve just said something incredibly funny. “Oh,
I’m going to fuck you either way. But just as easily as I know how to make
you come, I can withhold your pleasure if you insist on playing with me.”
He nips at my lower lip and whispers, “Remember the elevator.”
I make a disappointed noise, writhing against the table and arching my
hips back at him.
 “Tristan,” I moan.
I can hear the frustration in my voice. I want, no I need, him to keep
touching me.
“Jailbait,” he answers, teasing me.
“Please,” I beg.
“No,” he answers, peeling himself off me. I expect him to walk away,
but I feel him drop to his knees behind me instead. I hear more than feel
him rip my panties right off my body.
Self-consciousness stiffens my body as he runs his palms from my
knees and up the back of my thighs. He must sense it because he smacks the
still sensitive skin of my ass sharply, forcing me to relax.
His hands grab my cheeks, palming and massaging them as I hear him
make appreciative noises behind me. He licks up the back of my thigh up to
the middle of my left cheek where he sinks his teeth into my flesh. White
hot pain follows and I yelp, my fingers gripping the edge of the desk above
my head for purchase.
“By the time we’re done here, there won’t be a single part of you I
won’t have tasted and marked.”
He parts my cheeks and my face flames. For excruciatingly long
seconds, he simply stares at my soaking folds and my swollen clit.
“You were right about one thing,” he purrs darkly, his voice sounding
intoxicated with lust, “I am a man who likes to eat.”
And then I feel his tongue come down back there, a place no one’s
ever touched.
I shriek and arch off the desk, but he slams a hand on my lower back
and forces me back face down where he wants me.
“Oh, my… Oh, oh,” I stutter, incoherently.
With my ass parted by his hands, Tristan easily buries his face between
my cheeks. His tongue darts out and swirls around my tight pucker. The
sounds of him lapping happily at my tight hole reach my ears and drive me
wild.
The sensations are overwhelming and so powerful, I’m afraid they’re
going to consume me. A combination of exhilaration and uncertainty at his
forbidden exploration, mixed with the wild pleasure he unleashes with his
adept tongue makes me lose my grip on reality.
I’m writhing like a caught fish on the desk trying to avoid his tongue,
trying to push him closer to me, unsure what it is I want.
 He eats like a starving man. The roughness of his tongue abrades
against the whorl of my asshole, teasing and loosening the tight muscles
with determined and almost forceful intent.
I nearly lose consciousness when I feel his tongue probe past my ring
and into my ass. He darts in and out, keeping my cheeks spread to the
threshold of exquisite pain. I’m overwhelmed by the foreign but electric
sensation and I’m on the verge of another orgasm.
My muscles start to spasm when he abruptly pulls away. As close as I
was to the edge, I’m violently yanked away from it as my orgasm retreats.
“Tristan,” I whine. Sexual frustration sizzles in my veins. I need him to
make me come. I reach back for him blindly, but he grabs my wrist and pins
it against my lower back.
“I never got to hear my name on your lips the first time,” he recalls,
irritation coloring his words. “But hearing you chant it now like I’m your
God and you’re praying for mercy is fucking making up for it.”
“Why’d you stop?” I whimper.
“I told you,” he rumbles against my ear, his voice husky. “you don’t
get to come again until you answer my question.”
I keen discontentedly as my climax gets further and further away from
me. I’m so frazzled by my arousal that I can’t even remember what he
asked me.
“W-what?”
“Tell me about Phoenix,” he grounds.
“He doesn’t want me,” I answer. I won’t tell him more than that, not
when Six and I haven’t talked about it.
Tristan leans over me, his entire body covering mine as I feel two of
his fingers dip into my pussy. I moan, shuddering beneath him.
His other hand comes up to collar my throat, angling my face off the
desk. He presses his lips against my skin, his warm breaths hitting my
cheek and driving me crazy. He sucks my lobe into his mouth as he pumps
his fingers lazily in and out of me.
“Then he’s an idiot,” he growls against the shell of my ear. “An idiot
who’ll live to see another day.”
The compliment sears my skin. He has a way of ruining me body and
soul with that mouth that makes the top layer of ice around my heart melt.
“You didn’t bring anyone home yesterday?”
 I want to tell him it’s none of his business, I want to tell him I can do
what I want, but I’m in no state to play games right now.
He was right, I am at his mercy.
“No,” I whisper.
He rumbles approvingly, the vibrations in his chest reverberating
through my back. He angles my face towards the rows of desks.
“Look up,” he commands, his finger leaving my pussy and dragging
up my folds to my ass. I stiffen when I feel his finger rim my dark hole and
then hiss when he pushes it past my ring and into my untried channel. “I
want you to imagine sitting in your seat on Monday,” he purrs against my
ear as his finger pushes deeper inside me. I suck in a breath as he gets in to
the second knuckle, immediately pulling out just to bury himself all the
way. “Remembering how you stayed bent over this desk and spread your
legs for me so I could finger your ass.”
“Tristan,” I breathe as his finger starts a slow rhythm of pulling out
and pushing back in. It burns and stings but behind it there’s twisted
pleasure. My legs shake and I push my hips back into his hand.
“Remembering how you fucked your ass back on my finger like a
greedy little slut.”
My cheeks flame at his degradation, but my body sings.
More.
A second finger pushes in beside the first as he speaks, eliciting a cry
from my lips. The stretch is too much, the sensations too overwhelming. He
caresses the skin of my tender rim with his thumb, his lips kissing the
sensitive area behind my ear.
I think about the picture we must be painting right now. My professor
bent over me, with his fingers in my ass as he whispers dirty things in my
ear. The taboo nature of this entire moment lights my spine on fire until I’m
craving more.
He peels himself off me and drops back between my parted legs with
his fingers still inside me, his mouth finding my sopping center.
“Remembering how I buried my face in your dripping cunt and licked
your sensitive pussy.”
He takes his fingers out of my ass, pushes them into my pussy, and
then buries them back into my back hole to the webbing, his tongue never
leaving my clit the entire time.
Holy fuck.
 I try to shoot off the desk but his other hand keeps me firmly in place.
When he puts me out of my misery and bites my clit, I can’t help but come
with a garbled, unintelligible cry. My entire body spasms, at the mercy of
the orgasm as it wrecks through me. He licks me relentlessly through the
entire climax until I feel like I’m going to come again if he continues.
But then he pulls his fingers out of my sore ass and stands, and I hear
the telltale sounds of a belt being undone. He rips it through the loops and
grabs my hands, pinning them on my lower back. He wraps the strap around
my wrists and tightens it until they’re trapped behind me.
“Remembering how I fucked you while your hands were tied behind
your back,” he finishes, his own hands landing on my hips in a claiming
grip. He mutters jumbled praise as his hands caress the still red skin of my
ass. “Are you on the pill?”
“Yes,” I say, as I try to catch my breath. “But get a condom.”
“No,” he answers, categorical. “I haven’t fucked anyone since we met.
I’m clean.”
I have no right or reason to be territorial over him, but knowing he
hasn’t slept with anyone since me has possessiveness filling my mind and
drowning out all rational thought.
He takes my silence as uncertainty and continues, his tone luring and
his freed cock rubbing up and down my folds.
“You understand the avalanche of shit I’ll be buried under if anyone
ever learns about this? If they find out how you let me tie you up, shove my
fingers in your ass and fuck you bent over some random professor’s desk?”
He groans, getting turned on by his own words. “As much as I’m attracted
to you, and fuck knows I am, this is just a one-time thing. It can’t happen
again after this.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t get attached,” I answer, flippantly. The
combination of his dick rubbing against me and his words telling me this
will never happen again is completely surreal. I can’t let myself think about
tomorrow, or even an hour from now, not when he has me teetering on the
cliff’s edge. “I told you, I’m not interested in anything serious.”
He grunts behind me, the sound angry like I didn’t just tell him exactly
what he wanted to hear.
“I want to feel your tight heat. I want to feel how wet and warm your
pussy is, how it clenches around me when I make you come. How it takes
my cum,” his voice sounds pained with the effort of restraining himself and
it’s pure venom when he speaks again. “Nothing’s getting in between my
dick and feeling all of you when this is the last time I get to fuck you, so no
condoms.”
Oh, God.
I want everything he just described, every salacious part of it.
I nod, tongue tied and delirious with lust.
“Ask me to fuck your pussy,” he demands, placing his hard cock
against my entrance.
I twist as best I can with my arms trapped behind my back and look
over my shoulder at him, my dark eyes finding his icy ones. A smirk curls
the corner of my lips and his gaze drops to my mouth, entranced.
“Fuck me, Tristan,” I say seductively, biting my lip and softening my
eyes.
His own blow wide in response, his pupils expanding until they drown
out the color of his irises.
He digs his thumbs into the dimples on my lower back and his hands
close domineeringly around my hips where they connect with my thighs.
He drives into me with one slick move, burying himself deep inside me
until his hips are pressed against my sore ass.
My mouth falls open on a silent scream.
He sends the scream flying out of my throat when he pulls out and
shoves back in.
“Ahhh,” I yell.
He clamps a hand down over my mouth.
“Shh, pretty girl. I need you to be quiet for me.” He wraps an arm
around my waist and uses it to pull me up against him so my arms and back
are against his chest. He tilts my head to the side, forcing me to look into
his eyes as he pounds into me. “I’ve never fucked anyone bare before,” he
confesses, a dark, territorial gleam in his eyes. I’m chanting against his
hand, my hums in time to the rhythm of his dick and my pleasure. “Sing for
me just like that, baby.”
My eyes close when he calls me that and I shatter around him.
“Oh, fuck,” he mutters as my muscles squeeze his length in powerful
waves. I bear down on him for seconds at a time as each flutter hits me,
clenching his cock with an almost uncomfortable amount of pressure.
“Look how well you come for me,” he praises, arrogantly.
 He thrusts into me as my climax begins to fade, his hands holding me
up against his chest. This way feels so intimate but also so, so dirty. His
breaths hit my face and mine warm his hand as he fucks me with enough
force that I’m bouncing like a ragdoll.
He releases my waist and grabs my left leg behind my knee, pulling it
up and bending it over the desk. This new angle spreads my legs impossibly
wide, giving him unrestricted access to thrust into me as he wishes.
And he sets a wild rhythm.
My eyes roll into the back of my head as I take what he gives me and
try to hold on. He goes impossibly deep, deeper than anyone has before,
and I can hear myself moaning lewdly for him.
Someone knocks at the door and tries the handle, but he doesn’t stop. I
don’t even know if he hears them over the sounds of how he’s fucking me.
I can’t make myself care or panic in this moment. Instead, I arch my
ass towards him, resting my head against his shoulder, and I look up into his
eyes.
He hisses, his icy, fathomless eyes fixed on mine. His gaze moves
from mine to my mouth and back, and I forgot how heavy it is. How all-
consuming his stare is, how it engulfs me in heat and desire.
“Your pussy feels so good,” he says, making me clench down on him.
His teeth grind together and his head falls back, his features twisted in
agony.
His hands clamp on my waist hard enough to bruise. For the first time,
I find myself hoping that they do. I want to have a memory of this time
together to look at after we leave this room, even if it fades by the end of
the week.
His hand slides down to my pussy. He parts my folds and finds my
throbbing clit, his fingers pressing down and drawing tight circles on it.
My legs shake and I almost lose my balance, but his free hand wraps
around my waist to steady me. He enters me once, twice, three more times,
each thrust more powerful than the next and I come with a loud cry. My
orgasm steamrolls me until I’m panting raggedly and my muscles are
spasming around his length.
I hear a strangled curse and then I feel him come, his warm seed
shooting inside me. Rope after rope of his cum fill me as his climax goes on
for what feels like hours, my pussy taking it all greedily.
 This is also my first time having sex without a condom and the feeling
of his cum dripping out of me and down my thigh feels almost
pornographic. I shudder at the sensation and squeeze my thighs to keep it
inside.
He pulls out and my sensitive walls clench after him, desperate to keep
him where he is. I hear him pull up his trousers and zip them as arousal
gives way to awkwardness. It descends between us and makes it so that I
don’t even want to turn around and face him.
But he grabs my skirt and shoves it back down over my ass, unties me,
and makes me face him. I rub my wrists gingerly so I have something to do
with my hands. I feel his eyes track the movement fixedly.
“Do you have my panties?” I look down at the floor around us, but
don’t see them.
“I do.”
My eyes flick up to meet his. His arms are crossed and he gives me an
inscrutable stare.
“Give them back,” I order.
“You came for me while you wore them,” he answers. “That makes
them mine.”
“You want me to go to all my classes this afternoon without any
underwear on?” I ask, crossing my own arms over my chest.
His gaze darkens on me. “You had no problem doing so when you
were playing your little games,” he growls. He takes a step towards me and
whispers, “At least this time you have my cum dripping down your thigh.”
He pats the pocket of his jeans where I now know he’s stuffed my panties.
“I’ll keep these as a little souvenir.”
I tip my chin up and his gaze drops to my lips, our faces inches from
each other’s once more. “And what do I get?”
He stares at my mouth through lowered lids. “Seven orgasms,” he
says. “I think that’s a fair trade, don’t you?”
“You’re keeping count?” I ask, my lips curving into a disbelieving
smile.
“I kept count,” he corrects, turning away from me and severing the
connection between our gazes.
A rogue thought drifts through my mind that maybe he can’t make
himself look me in the eye when he says it. I banish it to the place where I
keep all the other things I can’t and won’t think about. It does me no good
to let my imagination spiral on things that I know are impossible.
My eyes narrow on his back as he walks to the door. I’m not about to
let him have the last word. “I’ll let you know when the next guy beats your
record.”
He stops in his tracks and stiffens, his shoulders setting like a brick
wall. I expect him to turn around and come back, but he simply looks ahead
and calls out over his shoulder, “Don’t tell anyone about this.”
Annoyed, I click my tongue against my teeth and reply, “Don’t you
think if I was planning on telling someone I wouldn’t have done so
already?”
He nods once, tersely, and walks out, slamming the door behind him.
He leaves me with a feeling of being both satiated and incomplete.
There’s an ache in my chest that shouldn’t be there. We slept together,
I had multiple, reality-bending orgasms, and now we’re going our separate
ways.
Just as I wanted.
Then why is there a lingering…something that I’m not familiar with?
Irritated with myself, I walk over to the chair where I dropped my bag
and gather my things.
When I hear the door open again and then close behind me, I whip
back around, alarmed. Tristan marches decidedly towards me, a thunderous
expression on his face. I barely have time to acknowledge my confusion
before his hand is on my cheek and his lips are on mine.
He kisses me languorously, passionately, his lips parting mine and his
tongue diving in. I cover his hand with my own and return the kiss with
equal fervor, those feelings of frustration evaporating in an instant.
His hand moves down to cup my nape and he pulls me sharply against
him. There’s pure violence in this kiss — in the way he attacks and touches
and claims — and instead of pushing him away, I lean in closer. I shove my
tongue into his mouth. I fist his shirt in my hand. I claw at his back. I moan
grotesquely into his mouth when he bites my lip and licks up the blood.
Bad idea, a voice warns as my head spins, he’s dangerous. He’ll
destroy you if you let him in.
Just as quickly as he comes back, he rips himself off me. He places his
forehead against mine as he pants, catching his breath. I do the same and for
a moment we breathe as one.
 Reckless. We’re being so fucking reckless.
If my father knew I’d hooked up with one of my professors, he’d
probably kill us both.
“One last kiss,” he whispers gutturally, his fingers brushing over my
nose. “I needed one last taste of you, jailbait.”
And then he’s gone.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 18

Tristan

“I find it interesting,” a voice drawls from behind me the following day.

I turn around and see Phoenix loitering in my doorway. An annoyed
rumble starts in my throat.
“What, Sinclair?” I snap, turning back towards my desk. I’m not in the
mood to deal with him. Not when my teeth still grind together at the
thought of him anywhere near Nera.
She told me yesterday that nothing was going on between them, but
I’m still wary. My fists clench at my sides just thinking about it.
Not that I have any right to be possessive of her. Yesterday was a loss
of control, albeit a necessary one, and now I can put her behind me. I can do
that just as soon as I stop having flashbacks, both physical and mental, of
her lips on mine. Of how she’d clung desperately to me when I’d walked
back in and claimed her mouth one final time.
“Your little one on one with Nera,” he says and I can hear the smirk in
his voice without turning around. “It didn’t exactly exude professionalism.”
I turn towards him slowly, a muscle jumping in my cheek.
“Keep her name out of your mouth,” I snap.
God fucking damnit.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I add, trying to recover
from the slip up of my heated correction.
 His smirk stretches into a full on grin now and my fists twitch with the
need to remove it from his face.
“Very interesting indeed,” he says.
“Get out of my classroom, Phoenix,” I bark. “What I talk about with
another one of my students is of no concern to you.”
“It is if you’re fucking said student,” he comments, drolly.
Red hazes my vision and I work to strangle my wrath before it erupts
out of me.
“I’d be very careful about what rumors I start if I was you.”
He gives a careless lift of his shoulder, looking as bored as he usually
does. “I have no interest in spreading rumors.”
“Then why are you here wasting my time with them?” I take a
menacing step towards him. “Unless you have a personal interest in the
matter.”
I wonder if that’s what this is about. If he wants her for himself
regardless of what she told me. If he does, I don’t know what I’ll do.
Protectiveness and violence thrum in my veins, the feelings still completely
new to me, and I’m afraid that whatever comes out of his mouth next will
result in me getting fired and arrested for assaulting a student.
“I care fuck all about what you’re doing with her,” he says,
emotionlessly. But then his shoulders stiffen and his spine straightens, his
eyes darkening until they snuff out all the light previously in them. “But if
your interests stray beyond her to someone else,” he gives me a sinister
smile, “then we’ll have a problem.”
My brows furrow. “There’s nothing going on between Nera and I,” I
repeat, “And what are you talking about?”
His teeth grind. “Stay the fuck away from her friends,” he sneers.
“Your secret’s safe with me if you do that.”
Something loosens in my chest, something I didn’t realize had been
incredibly tight before. It unfurls, bringing both physical relief in the way
the tension in my shoulders smooths out and mental release in the way the
anger immediately recedes.
“He doesn’t want me,” she’d said. Emphasis on me.
That notion is simultaneously inconceivable to me and a fucking
relief.
It’s my turn to grin now. “Which friend?” I ask, enjoying this turn of
the tables. “Thayer?”
 “You’re off base, Novak.”
“Bellamy?”
I don’t investigate why I know who Nera’s best mates are. I don’t think
I’ll like admitting the truth of why to myself.
“I said—”
“Six?”
“Her name is Sixtine,” he snaps, his glare pinned on me. His left eyelid
twitches dangerously. “I suggest you use it.”
I chuckle, not letting myself be intimidated. Phoenix may know how to
fight, but he doesn’t unnerve me. There are other ways to destroy people.
“Very interesting indeed,” I say, throwing his own words back in his
face.
“Fuck you,” he bites out.
I outright laugh now. I think in another life, he and I could be good
mates.
I drop my arms and extend a hand out to him.
“You have nothing to worry about,” I tell him. Nera is buried deep
enough into my thoughts that my only priority is finding a way to dig her
out.
His eyes drop to my hand and back, his gaze contemplative. His hand
folds into mine and we shake on it, an understanding passing between us.
You don’t mess with what’s mine, I won’t mess with what’s yours.
Even though from what I’ve seen, Phoenix and Sixtine despise each
other.
Even though I can’t let myself have Nera.
He nods and leaves wordlessly, leaving me alone with thoughts about
how to get Nera out of my brain before she makes a permanent home for
herself there.

✽✽✽

I brace myself and blow out a ragged breath.

“Ten…eleven…twelve,” I call out loud, setting the dumbbell back on
the weight rack.
 My biceps are screaming from the effort but I only allow myself
fifteen seconds of rest before I pick up the next weight up and go in for my
next set.
“One…two…three,” I churn out.
I’ve always been more of a runner. Whenever I need to get any
emotion or nervous energy out, I run. I’ve always been able to focus solely
on putting one foot in front of the other until I’m lulled into being
completely disconnected from my thoughts.
But running is no longer enough. In fact, it stopped being enough two
weeks ago when I first went to the factory and boxed, and it’s only gotten
less effective since.
Focusing on putting one foot in front of the other no longer works. I
need abject pain to pull my thoughts away from the dark-haired, dark-eyed
temptress that haunts my dreams. It’s only when I punch the bag that I had
hung in my apartment until my hands and wrists are swollen, or lift weights
until my muscles feel like they’re going to snap in two that I get a brief
moment of respite from the torment of seeing her every day and having to
pretend she’s just another face in the crowd.
True to my words from when I walked out of the classroom after the
hottest fuck of my life, I haven’t approached her since.
The problem is, neither has she.
She’s been everywhere I look and never looking at me.
It’s what I wanted and I’m enjoying it about as much as being stabbed
with a hot poker.
Hence the need to exercise the anger and bitterness out so I don’t do
something stupid like break into her apartment and kidnap her. At the rate at
which I’m going, I’ll be proficient to expert level in four to five new sports
by the time the year is over.
The door to the professor’s-only gym opens and the woman herself
walks in like I’ve summoned her.
She freezes in the doorframe, her dark eyes looking at me.
Finally.
A breath rattles loudly up my throat and falls from my lips before I can
catch it.
I cover it with a scowl.
Two weeks of hard work ruined in one infuriating, exciting moment.
 “This is the professors’ gym,” I growl, rising from the bench I was
laying on and standing.
Her eyes drop to my bare torso and widen. I look down, realizing that
my chest and abs are glistening with sweat from my workout. I probably
shouldn’t be shirtless in this communal gym, but the rest of the staff is
ancient and no one uses this space except me. I’ve come to think of it as my
own private gym like the one I had back home.
One thing’s for certain though, it’s not open to students.
She swallows thickly like her mouth is dry and flicks her gaze back up
to meet mine. She flashes me a keycard she must have used to get in here.
“I have access,” she says, looking away from me and stepping into the
room. Immediately I want those magnetizing eyes back on me.
“Why?” I ask. This gym is in an RCA owned facility closer to my
apartment than the campus so it’s my go to most days. I’ve never seen her
here though, not until today.
She shrugs off her jacket and stands in a sports bra and biker shorts
before me. Except she has her back turned as she bends over and looks for
something in her sports bag, so she gives me a look at her toned, round ass
defined in that tempting, revealing fabric. She might as well be naked for
how little those shorts hide her curves and all I can think of is how I had my
fingers in that tight ass of hers just a couple of weeks ago.
My cock hardens instantly. I reposition myself while she looks the
other way so she doesn’t turn around to find my thick length tenting my
shorts.
She stands and gathers her long hair into a ponytail, revealing that sexy
as fuck tattoo that drives me crazy and the lines of her muscled back. She’s
slender, but the strength is there in the way her body moves with easy
grace.
“Athlete’s privilege,” she answers, her tone uninterested.
She doesn’t even glance over her shoulder, speaking to me without
looking in my direction. The ease with which she dismisses me rankles the
dominant side of me that demands her attention.
I goad her where I know the hit will land. “So, you’re not here to try to
get me to fuck you again?”
She whips around, her ponytail flying, and I realize my mistake when I
see the front of her tight body wrapped in even tighter fabric. Her tits are
pressed up against the neckline of her sports bra, flushed pink skin peeking
out appetizingly above it. Her nipples are pebbled and pushing up
mouthwateringly against their cotton prison, the piercing highlighted and
distracting me. It makes me want to rip her bra off with my teeth before
sinking them into her flesh.
“I’m not here for you, you arrogant bastard. I’m here to train,” she
hisses. “I have access to this gym for night workouts so I don’t have to
cross campus alone.”
“Put a top on,” I snap, distracted. My jaw is tight and I can’t look
down at her when she’s standing with her fists clenched on her hips looking
angrily up at me.
She huffs out an amused breath. “You’re wearing less than I am. How
about you put something on? That way we’ll be even and you won’t come
off like such a hypocritical asshole. Yet again.”
I bite my lip in response to keep myself from kissing the attitude off
her. Her eyes fly to where my teeth dig into my flesh and her mouth parts
slightly. I wonder if she knows everything she does is a turn on and I live in
a constant state of agony at the mercy of the way she teases me with her
micro expressions.
I groan and take a few steps back, adding distance between us so I
don’t reach for her. I catch what looks like disappointment in her eyes but
it’s quickly gone, replaced by a scoff falling from her lips.
She turns away and walks to the leg press in the corner, ostentatiously
and insolently playing with the shoulder strap of her bra to taunt me. She
pulls it down her shoulder and makes a show of scratching her bare skin
before pulling it back up.
I drop onto a bench, rendered completely useless by my throbbing
erection. I fuck around on my phone for a few minutes while I internally
will it to go down. I dart quick looks at Nera out of the corner of my eye.
She said she came here to work, and she wasn’t kidding. I watch her
put in a monster workout. It’s almost punishing in its intensity, her face
completely awash in concentration as she pushes herself to what I know has
to be past her limit.
I move easily between different machines, keeping a watchful eye on
her as she goes between stations. She barely takes any breaks and she
definitely doesn’t notice I’m still there. I’m almost awestruck by seeing the
blind drive and dogged tenacity in her that I know only high-level athletes
have. It makes her look far older than her actual years.
 When I’m supposed to be finding ways to excavate her from my brain,
I realize that I’m only burying her deeper. I’m more impressed after
spending an hour in a room with her than I have been with anyone else in
my life.
I should leave, but I can’t. I should look away, but I can’t. Instead, I do
what I can to not openly stare at her. It’s the best I can even attempt right
now.
Seeing her push herself this way reminds me of her dad’s reaction
when she’d lost the world juniors. My fists clench menacingly around the
band in my hands. I wonder what role he plays in the punishing discipline
with which she pushes herself.
“What did your father say about your grade?” I hear myself ask.
She seems as surprised as I am to hear me speak. Her eyes snap to me,
the haze of focus drifting away as she realizes I’m still here, unmoved in the
corner from which I’ve been watching her for the last twenty minutes.
She gives me a wary look, like a suspicious prey that smells a trap.
Clearly, she doesn’t want to talk about him.
Her eyes rake questioningly over my face for a few seconds as she
catches her breath.
“He was happy.”
I wait for her to expand, but she says nothing.
“And have you been?” I ask, softly.
It’s barely noticeable, but I catch it. Her breath skips a beat.
“Have I been happy?”
I nod, wordlessly answering her clarifying question.
Her eyes bore into mine quietly for so long that I start to think she’s
not going to answer me. I let it drag on further until I’m just about ready to
break the silence myself when her head shakes imperceptibly. It’s barely a
movement, her answer communicated more by her eyes than anything.
“Me neither,” I answer, even though she didn’t ask me. But then I
realize that’s not entirely true. “Except for a couple of notable moments.” I
don’t look at her when I say it.
“Why do you teach if you hate it?”
Fuck, that’s a question with a complicated, impossible answer. It’s
simpler to lie, so I do. I keep it vague, not wanting to create a whole fake
backstory. I still want to be me when I talk to her.
“Family business.”
 “Your parents were teachers?”
“Yeah,” I say, hiding my wince.
She nods thoughtfully, getting a faraway look in her eye.
“The weight of our parents’ aspirations and expectations is so
crushing,” she muses. “I hope you get to make your dream come true.”
She turns to look at me when I don’t immediately speak.
“I hope you get to make yours come true too.” She turns away but I’m
not ready to let her go yet. “Remember what I said about choices. You
should do something that makes you happy tonight.”
She stops, looking over her shoulder at me. “Like what?”
The corner of my lip lifts and I shrug. “Anything really, but only you
know the answer to what makes you happy.”
She bends to pick up a heavier kettlebell and drops into a deep squat
with it held against her chest.
“Give me an idea.”
“I don’t know, doing something you wouldn’t usually. What about
going for a midnight swim in the pond?”
Her lips curl and she turns to look at me, a genuine smile pulling at her
mouth. I find I’d be willing to take on a couple Herculean tasks to make
that happen again.
“I’m not kidding,” I say, my tone light. “Try doing something
exhilarating like that, something that’ll make you feel alive.” I tilt my head,
examining her. “I was going to suggest doing something illegal like stealing
or breaking and entering, but you don’t strike me as someone who breaks
the rules often.”
“I don’t know, you’re a pretty big rule break,” she points out saucily. “I
assure you, I don’t often go around fucking my professors.”
I take a step towards her. “Often?”
She drops into a squat. “Ever,” she says, coming back up. “But don’t
worry, I’m done with teachers. That was a fun experiment while it lasted
but, in the end, your lot are just too complicated. I don’t have time for that
so I’m going to stick to age-appropriate men from now on.”
“You mean prepubescent boys who have no idea how to make you
come?” I growl, my temper flaring.
Her gaze narrows on me, her tongue as sharp as mine.
“I don’t know,” she bites, her tone taunting. She squats, my eyes
tracking her compulsively down and back up. “I think you’ve taught me a
thing or two. I’ll just make sure they go down on me first, that seems to do
the trick.”
I’m across the room in the next second, my hand wrapping warningly
around her throat. It turns out I’m there just in time to catch her as she
stumbles on her way up from a squat.
Arousal is easily snuffed out by concern as I grip both of her arms and
hold her against me. She’s so small she fits into my body like a glove. Her
eyes are dazed and unfocused as I peer into them.
“Nera?”
The moment passes like it never happened and she rights herself,
pushing my chest to get away from me.
“I’m fine,” she says. “Just let me go.”
My hands trail off her hips slowly as I make sure she can hold herself
up once more. She looks pale and unwell. She shakes a little, almost
imperceptibly. I wonder if her blood sugar isn’t low.
“Here,” I say, reaching into my duffle bag and pulling out one of my
muscle up protein bars. “Eat this.”
“I’m okay, thank you,” she says, trying to hand the bar back to me.
I cross my arms, my tone and stare on her firm. “You looked like you
were seconds away from passing out just then. You need to eat.”
She looks the bar over like she’s looking at the branding and flavor,
but I see her eye the nutrition label. My brow furrows on that one detail.
“Thanks,” she says, brightly. “I’ll eat it on my way home.” She reaches
for her bag and drops it into the front pocket. She picks up her water bottle
and shirt and heads for the door, looking very much like she’s running away
for some reason. “I’ll see you around.”
“Nera.”
She pauses at the door and looks back at me.
“If you let one of those boys touch you,” I pause, stretching out the
menacing silence so she knows just how serious I am, “there won’t be
anything left of his corpse once I’m through with him.”
The protective and territorial side of me comes out swinging, hungry
to defend my claim on Nera.
She opens the door, pausing on the threshold.
“I told you I’m not interested in dating you, Tristan.”
I smile, a quiet chuckle falling from my lips. “Eat the protein bar,
jailbait. I want to be able to dig my fingers into the meaty flesh of your ass
the next time I fuck you.”
“I don’t sit around waiting for you to decide if and when you want to
sleep with me, Tristan. You said that was the end of it last week, and turns
out, I agree. There won’t be a next time.” With that, she steps out, letting
the door slam closed behind her.
I almost don’t hear the noise over the sound of my grinding teeth.
Resisting her isn’t a viable goal long term. Every single one of our
interactions is laden with sexual tension, innuendo, and outright advances.
I feel my control slip with each passing day. Whether I like it or not,
I’m eventually going to break.
It turns out I can’t stay away.
If she can keep her mouth shut about us, then we can continue our
extracurricular activities for a while longer. She’s not looking for anything
more than physical and God knows I shouldn’t even be doing the physical,
let alone the emotional, so it could work.
Now, all I need is to convince her.
No matter what her mouth says, she’ll be desperate for it in a few more
days. I know because I’m starting to feel a bothersome fire in my veins that
I’m sure is spreading similarly through hers. Mine unleashes a need that
calls for her, to have her submissive beneath me, to finally have her mouth
on my cock when I’ve been haunted by the desire for weeks.
I know just when to do it. And maybe I’ll have a chance to satisfy one
of my long-held fantasies at the same time.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 19

Nera

“Do you think Dami really likes Indiyah? Or is he just playing a game?”
Thayer asks.
Bellamy blows out a breath dejectedly. “If I knew how to tell the
difference, my life would be so much easier.”
We’re sitting in our living room, eating popcorn, and watching Love
Island. Like true fans, we’re dissecting every relationship on the show and
whether the boys have good intentions or not.
“Look at you getting all wistful,” Thayer says, teasing her. “Those
period hormones really have you all emosh.”
“You try keeping up with Rogue’s mood swings and then tell me if you
don’t feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster,” she answers, flicking a
hair tie on her wrist at Thayer’s head. “He’s impossible to read.”
“As someone who’s known Rogue a long time and has been witness to
his international reign of terror since childhood, I’m telling you this is
different. He’s never been like this,” Six says, jumping in.
“Yeah, but is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
Six gives Bellamy a hopeful look. “I’m wishing for good.”
After a very rocky start, Rogue and Bellamy have recently evolved
from sworn enemies to enemies with benefits. All of Rogue’s emotional
maturity in romantic relationships equates to about the size of a single grain
of rice, so Bellamy is going through it.
 She decided to spend the night with us tonight for some much needed
girl time.
I pick at the popcorn in my bowl. I’ve already had two full bowls and
I’m resisting a third. There’s the familiar pulsing in my head and I know
that means the voice isn’t far behind. It’s currently muffled but only
minutes from breaking through.
It’s fine, it’s just popcorn.
I worked out for three hours today.
You ate that protein bar.
The voice punches through into my consciousness with the ferocity of
a white man voicing his opinion.
Coach Krav is going to weigh you. If you’re heavier, who knows what
the punishment will be. Dad will come and Mum will remind you how
disappointed in you she is.
Toxic thoughts swirl in my head as nervous energy thrums in my
veins. I pick at the skin around my nails to try to bury the voice by focusing
my attention on something else.
“Nera?” Bellamy asks, her voice questioning.
“Sorry?” I say, snapping out of my spiral with a breathy laugh. “I
zoned out for a sec there.”
“I was just asking you what your thoughts were on the Rogue thing.”
Internally, I give a relieved sigh. This is a safe topic, one I’m happy to
discuss.
“I think I’m hard pressed to find another example of a guy more
obsessed with a girl than he is with you, babe.”
She blushes happily and looks down at her phone, but I can see she’s
still thinking about it by the way her forehead creases.
“Except maybe Rhys,” I add, teasingly.
“Don’t even go there, Nera,” Thayer says, grumpily.
“Or, now that I’m on the subject, Phoenix.”
“Obsessed with putting me in an early grave, maybe,” Six replies,
dryly.
“Don’t think we haven’t noticed you texting someone lately, Nera.
Before you try denying it, please know you have a smile on your face every
time you do,” Bellamy says, raising a brow in my direction.
“I smile when I text a lot of people,” I say defensively.
“Not really and not that smile.”
 “Our little Nerita’s got a secret man,” Thayer teases.
Six laughs in the background but gives me a look that says you’re on
your own.
“I don’t have a secret man. It’s nothing worth talking about, I’m
serious.” Thayer opens her mouth to say something, but I change the
subject before she can say anything. “And I think that Dami really does like
Indiyah. He was just an idiot in Casa.”
Thayer gives me a small grin but thankfully understands that I don’t
want to talk about it and drops it. Bellamy presses play and we keep
watching the end of the episode, but my thoughts are elsewhere.
Walking into the gym and being assaulted by the visual of Tristan’s
naked, sweaty torso, his chest heaving from the effort rendered me deaf and
mute for a moment. Thoughts of licking up his sweat, swirling my tongue
around his nipples and biting his neck had overwhelmed me.
I’d wanted to drop to my knees and beg him to fuck me. But as much
as I had a physical need for him, I also had some pride. I wasn’t going to be
at his beck and call waiting for him to stop fighting the attraction between
us.
But I’d been on the brink of giving in.
The only times I’ve felt anything other than profound detachment
recently was with him. Even when I spend time with my friends, the
shadows lurk not far above me, waiting to descend like they do now.
He makes me too aroused, too exhilarated, too frustrated, too angry,
too distracted to think about anything else.
“I love Tasha and Andrew,” Six says.
“Yeah, they’re cute but I’m Ekinde supremacy all the way,” Thayer
replies.
“I think they’re going to win. They’re so cute,” Bellamy says, wiping a
tear from the corner of her eye. Those period hormones really are getting to
her.
“I’ve seen the spoilers so my lips are sealed,” I tell them.
Bellamy yawns. “You guys feel free to continue without me. I’m going
to rest for a bit, I’ll be back out later.”
It takes everything in me not to go to the bathroom at the same time to
get rid of this popcorn. I don’t like the way it’s settled in my stomach, like a
brick weighing me down.
Just go get it out, you’ll feel so much better.
 I stare at the screen and try to focus on the episode. Outwardly, I’m
sure I look like I’m locked in to the show. Inwardly, I’m barely catching
every other word.
There’s a knock at the door that startles the three of us, effectively
quieting my thoughts of self-loathing. Six, Thayer and I give each other a
look as I reach for the remote and pause the show. We’re not expecting
anybody.
The knock sounds again, louder this time.
“Coming,” Thayer calls out, heading towards the door.
She’s got it open barely an inch, peeking over the side to see who it is,
when Rogue slams a palm on the door and shoves it open. He barges in and
marches straight to Bellamy’s room without a spare glance in our direction.
He opens her bedroom door like he owns the place and slams it closed so
loudly, the walls rattle.
The three of us stand there frozen for a couple of seconds, Six’s glass
raised comically halfway to her mouth.
Thayer looks over her shoulder at us. “What was that?”
“He must not be thrilled she broke the sleepover rule,” Six comments.
Rogue manipulated Bellamy into spending six weeks sleeping over at
his place. She should have been there tonight, but she decided to stay with
us instead.
“I’m desperate to listen at the door, aren’t you?” Six says, cheekily.
“That would be highly inappropriate,” Thayer replies.
“So…you’re in?”
She rolls her eyes. “Obviously.”
Six claps her hands happily. We throw back the blanket and get up but
only have time to take two steps when Bellamy’s door opens again and
Rogue comes out. He closes it behind him and yet again marches right past
us without acknowledging our presence.
He’s out the door and gone before we can say anything.
There’s a moment of silence and then Thayer whips around and gives
me a wide-eyed look. “What was that?”
“No idea.”
“Do you think he’s going to come back?” She asks.
“My bet would be yes,” Six answers.
“Should we check on B?” I ask.
“I don’t think so. She’ll come out if she needs us.”
 Distantly, I hear them keep talking as we hang around the kitchen.
That moment of adrenaline got my blood pumping and I don’t want to go
back to watching TV. I’m afraid if we lay back down, my thoughts will just
continue to spiral. I know how this story ends if they do.
I think back to Tristan’s words.
You should do something that makes you happy tonight.
Part of me wishes I’d never asked that question in the hotel suite. I’d
meant to tell a secret to a stranger, to get it off my chest in a moment of
total anonymity. I hadn’t meant to expose a vulnerable part of myself and
have it follow me around, becoming a subject of conversation with him.
And yet, the other part of me finds myself wanting to listen to his
advice. He’s listened without judgment to the little I’ve told him thus far
and been surprisingly thoughtful in his answers.
I want to be happy.
“We should go skinny dipping,” I hear myself blurt out.
Two heads turn to look at me.
“What?” Thayer asks, a smile starting to stretch her lips.
“I just want to do something a little crazy tonight. Something different,
you know? I never do anything impulsive.” I don’t tell them that the last
time I did, I fucked a stranger in a hotel room. “We can jump off the
pontoon into the pond. I don’t think it’s against the rules, technically, but no
one will catch us if we go at this time of night. It’ll be too cold if we wait
until next week, but we can go tonight.” I pause. “I know it’s random but…
that’s kind of the point.”
“Say less,” Thayer replies, ever the spontaneous one. “I’m in.”
I look at Six, the more cautious one. She chews on her lower lip as she
looks at me.
“We can be there and back in twenty minutes,” I tell her, then move to
my next approach — bribery. “I’ll make you hot chocolate when we come
back.”
There’s a defiant look in her eye that I’m not used to seeing.
Something’s changed since we’ve been back for our fourth year, but I’m not
sure what.
“Hell yes,” she answers.
Excitement swells in my chest as a real smile takes over my lips.
Twenty minutes later, we pull into the parking lot closest to the pond
and jump out of the car.
 Six shivers and puts her hands in her pockets. “It’s freezing out,” she
says, and I’m afraid she’s going to change her mind, but she starts running.
“Come on, let’s not spend more time out here than we need to.”
Thayer runs after her, her peals of laughter roaring in the wind as I
follow after them. My heart pumps and my breaths are frozen and I’m so
aware of my hair as it whips around my face and of the wind as it blows
against my skin, rosying my cheeks.
“This is going to be more of a polar plunge than anything!” Thayer
yells, and I hear the adrenaline in her voice.
“We can do this!” I yell back, catching up with them.
My feet pound on the wet ground, softened by the cold mist of the
night. I extend my arms out as I run, letting the giddiness of the moment
take over and clear my mind.
We reach the pontoon and jog all the way to the end, the sounds of feet
slapping against hardened wood mixing with our heavy breaths and jubilant
laughter. There’s something electric in the air as we stop and look at each
other.
Then we’re frantically reaching for our laces and kicking off our shoes.
Unzipping jackets, removing shirts, and shimmying trousers down our legs.
“We have to be in and out, otherwise I think I might freeze to death,” I
say.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Six says, jumping in place to keep
warm as she removes her socks.
“I can’t believe I didn’t do this sooner!” Thayer cheers excitedly. She
drops the pile of warm towels we brought onto her jacket, protecting them
from the wet ground.
Thankfully it’s completely dark out, the only source of light coming
from the moon and its reflection on the water, so when I remove my bra and
drop my underwear, I’m not thinking of my body.
I banish those thoughts with a shake of my head.
I reach for Thayer and Six’s hands on either side of me. I hear their
teeth chattering in the dark and feel them bouncing on their toes to keep
their feet from getting too cold.
“Ready?” I ask, squeezing their hands.
“Born ready,” Thayer whispers enthusiastically back to me.
“On three?” Six says.
“One…,” we start.
 We take a step back so we have some room to jump.
“Two…”
I squeeze their hands one final time and when I turn to look at Six, my
smile is reflected on her face.
“Three!”
With what sounds almost like a harmonized scream, we run to the edge
of the pontoon and leap off. There’s a second there where we’re stuck in the
balance, our feet off the ground, our bodies hung in the air, and I experience
total peace. It’s fleeting but it’s so still and restful.
Then I hit the water and all of the breath expels from my lungs. I go
under, noticing how the water envelops every inch of my skin and swallows
me whole. I sink into the dark depths, my hair floating around me as I enjoy
the weightlessness of my body.
The initial shock wears off and the cold hits me all at once. It’s
freezing. My bones feel brittle, my skin taught. My extremities scream at
the iciness of the water. My lips turn blue.
But then my heart beats and I hear it.
More importantly, I feel it.
Stubborn and strong, it pounds in my veins, the only sound in the dark
and silent depths. The rhythm is animated and loud, proudly announcing my
presence to whatever life lives below the surface. I’m certain each beat
causes an aftershock of ripples in the water.
I’m alive.
It’s not often that I feel it.
I smile underwater and let myself float seconds longer. When I’m
ready, I kick my legs and pull myself to the surface, erupting with a vocal
inhale of breath.
“That was amazing!” Six screams when she sees me.
She and Thayer are treading water. They’re shivering from the cold,
their teeth chattering.
“It was so f-fun, but let’s get out of here b-before I f…freeze to death,”
Thayer says, heading for the pontoon.
The cold is there, but it’s secondary to the feeling of lightness in my
chest.
We swim to the ladder and get out, throwing towels at each other and
wrapping our jackets over our shoulders as we try to warm ourselves.
 “Last one to the car has to do the dishes tomorrow,” I yell, darting past
them with my clothes clutched against my chest.
“Cheater!” I hear Six yell from behind me.
We’re laughing and running and screaming happily. I’m so out of
breath, I feel like my lungs are going to explode. My body hurts as I make it
to the car and jump into the backseat, but I feel it. That feeling of joy.
It flickers on and off hesitantly in my chest, unsure if it's welcome. I
want to cup it and hug it tightly against me. To hold on to it tenderly,
knowing I might not experience it again for a while.
Six screams with laughter as she jumps into the passenger seat,
somehow beating Thayer to the car.
“She slipped on a mud patch,” she says, tears streaming down her face
from laughing so hard.
The driver side door opens and Thayer gets in with a grumbled curse.
She’s competitive and hates losing, even something as trivial as this.
“We need a redo,” she mutters, crossly.
“We need heat asap, that’s what we need. Turn on the car and blast it
before I lose all function in my toes,” Six replies.
She does as instructed and I groan when I realize where she’s seated.
“Listen, we’ll cancel the dishes thing if you let one of us drive home.”
She flips me off without turning around and now it’s my turn to laugh.
“I don’t know where I got this frankly libelous reputation but I’ll have
you both know that I am an excellent driver.” Six and I erupt into more
laughter at that. “Luckily for you, I hate doing the dishes so I agree. But I
want it noted for the record that that is the only reason I’m accepting!” She
adds, vehemently.
“Noted,” I say, still laughing.
We trade spots and I get behind the wheel. We sit silently for long
minutes, checking our phones and rubbing our hands over the heaters to get
warm.
I shouldn’t text him, but I find that I need to tell him. It feels weird not
to and I want someone to know I was happy tonight.

Me: I did it. I skinny dipped.

I darken the screen, expecting not to hear from him in response, but his
answering text comes through immediately.
 Gary: I said jump in, not skinny dip.
Gary: Fuck.
Gary: Every time I walk to work now, I’ll imagine you swimming
naked in that pond.
Gary: Tell me you were alone.
Me: I went with the girls.

There’s a minute before his next text and I can almost see him as if
he’s in front of me. He’ll be frowning, looking down at his phone, thinking
about the fact that I skinny dipped. Wishing he could wrap his hand around
my throat and make me bend to his will.

Gary: And?
Gary: How was it?
Me: My skin is on fire and my face hurts from smiling.
Gary: Take a picture and send it to me.

I look around at the girls inconspicuously. There’s no way I can take a

selfie in here without the Spanish Inquisition coming down on me.

Me: I can’t right now.

Gary: Why not?
Me: With my flatmates.
Me: I’ll send it when I’m home.

Another couple of minutes pass and I find my attention fixed on my

phone, hoping he texts back. The feeling is foreign and uncomfortable. I
chalk it up to remnants of adrenaline from our jump in the pond, and not
anything any more emotional than that.

Gary: How did it feel?

Me: I don’t know how to describe it.
Me: Amazing?
Gary: Like the first taste of ice cream in the summer. Like reading a
good book with a surprising ending. Like the exact moment when you
realize your favorite song is playing in the bar. Like fresh rain on your skin
when you’re caught in a storm at night.
Gary: Like that?
 My breath hitches as I read his words. He captured the feeling so
perfectly.

Nera: Yes.
Nera: Exactly like that.
Gary: Good girl.

I don’t know why my face flushes reading his words. I’m not sure
what he’s praising me for, but I like it.
I feel more than see Thayer look over my shoulder at my phone, and
then I hear her ask, “Who’s Gary?”
My heart momentarily stops in my chest. Relief crushes me when I
realize I never updated his name in my phone. In this situation, I thank my
lucky stars for that bit of luck.
“No one,” I say, darkening the screen.
“See we knew you were talking to someone,” she says with a smirk
before putting her hands up. “You don’t have to tell us anything, but we’ll
be here when you’re ready.”
Six nods and gives me a wink.
Both of them are keeping their respective Rhys and Phoenix cards
close to their chests, so they know not to push.
“Come on, let’s go home. I promised you hot chocolate.”
Six squeals happily in response. I zip my jacket over my towel to keep
my bits covered so I don’t end up tits out behind the wheel.
I park in front of our apartment and we grab our things and get out. I
check my phone and see I have a missed text from Tristan.

Gary: Did you have dinner?

My heart lurches at the question. He’d been unusually insistent about

me taking his protein bar earlier. He has no reason to suspect anything is
wrong with me, and yet something about that interaction made me feel like
he was watching me.
I decide to deflect with humor.

Me: Yes I did, Dad.

Gary: Don’t give me any ideas about making you call me Daddy.
 I swallow thickly, my throat suddenly dry. The door hitting my arm as
it closes snaps me out of it.
“Oh, careful! Sorry Ner, I thought you were looking,” Six says
apologetically as she opens it back for me.
“My fault, I was distracted,” I say, easily.
I’m not going to answer. I follow them up the stairs and to our
apartment when my phone dings again.

Gary: Where’s my picture?

“I’m going to take a steaming hot shower,” I tell the girls, heading to
my bathroom.
“Fantastic idea, I’m doing the same,” Thayer replies. “Meet in the
kitchen in thirty for hot chocolate?”
“Deal.”
Once I’m in there, I wrap the towel around my chest and ruffle my hair
slightly, taking it and moving it to one side over my shoulder. Positioning
the phone above my head, I look up into the camera and smile. It feels
unnaturally big and not like me so I soften it. My skin is flushed from the
cold and my hair is tangled from the water and matted in places. I don’t
have a stitch of makeup on and am only covered in a towel. It’s not the type
of picture you’d want to share with a guy you’re talking to, but my eyes
shine bright, the dark color more vibrant than I’ve seen in a while so I send
it anyway.
I don’t want to admit to the fact that I wait with bated breath for his
answer. If he doesn’t answer or thinks I look terrible well…who cares what
he thinks anyway? He’s the one who wanted a picture of me fresh from a
swim in two-degree water.
My phone dings and my breath catches in my throat. I bend over the
screen to look at the one word answer he sent back.

Gary: Beautiful.

I straighten, holding the towel against my chest as I look at his

message. My eyes flick up to stare at myself in the mirror. I wish I could
bottle the nameless emotion that alights my nerve endings and has warmth
seeping into my chest. I’d put it on a shelf and keep it for when I need it.
 When I get in the shower, I find myself humming along to a song in
my head. I can’t remember the last time I did that.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 20

Tristan

My gaze tracks Nera as she moves about the room, my eyes never leaving
her as she flits between groups of people.
There’s a tightness in my chest looking at her that I can’t explain.
She’s sinfully wrapped in a gorgeous orange ball gown, the cut modern and
bold and one that only she can pull off. I clench my fists, throttling the need
to put a possessive hand on her waist so everyone knows who she’s going to
go home with tonight.
I need to be careful about this. I need to be smart even amidst this folly
of mine. Especially with Thornton’s keen, watchful eyes on me at this
event.
We’re at the grand opening of the Mackley library, donated to the
school by one of my students, Rhys, in honor of his parents who tragically
passed away in a car accident a couple of years ago.
The entire school is here and dressed to the nines, including Thornton,
the RCA headmaster and the warden of my metaphorical prison. I know
he’s keeping an eye on me, even as he pretends not to. That’s why he
mandated I chaperone this event with him.
But I’m done resisting Nera. All it took was a picture of her, bare faced
and rosy cheeked, and I was done for. I want her and as fucking stupid as I
know it is, I’m willing to put my future and my family on the line to have
her, even if only temporarily. I know I’ll eventually have to fall in line with
the plan my father has for my life, but for now I just want to enjoy her.
To enjoy all the things I plan to do to her.
As much as I want to, I can’t take unnecessary risks. That’s why I’m
standing over here on the other side of the room, staring helplessly at her as
she gets progressively further away from me.
She’s been mostly with her friends tonight, so I haven’t had to watch
her dance with someone else, thank fuck. I’ve needed to get my hands back
on her ever since she mentioned going skinny dipping a few days ago, and
the thought of someone getting there before me does ugly things to my
mood.
I take the flask out of the jetted pocket of my suit and take a large sip.
My eyes don’t leave her as I tilt my head back and let the liquid pour down
my throat, enjoying the way the bourbon burns on its way down. It feels
like a punishment for not being able to control myself where she’s
concerned.
I see her edge towards the end of the room and then she’s hidden from
my view. Something twitches dangerously inside me when I lose sight of
her. I step to the right, making my way nonchalantly through the crowd,
shaking hands and nodding at people I know. On the inside though, I’m
keenly focused on getting her in my sights again.
I move off the main floor and skirt the wall. That’s when I see her. She
stumbles out from behind a large group of students that had been
obstructing my view of her. There’s a man draped over her shoulder and she
struggles to hold him up. She takes a couple of steps backwards and reveals
Thayer who carries the other half of the guy’s weight.
My brow furrows, a protective part of me surfacing rapidly. I take a
step towards her.
“Tristan,” someone calls from behind me.
I know who it is before I’ve even turned around. I roll my eyes as
frustration tightens the line of my shoulders.
“What?” I ask, insolently.
Thornton flicks his tongue against his teeth, admonishing me for my
ill-mannered answer.
“We haven’t had much opportunity to check in with each other since
the beginning of the year. Be assured,” he says with a sly smile, “I have
been watching.”
 My blood freezes in my veins at the way he watches me. Between
cornering Nera in the fencing facility, reprimanding her publicly in class,
and fucking her in a lecture hall, I haven’t been as careful as I should be.
But no one has seen us, no one even suspects a thing aside from Phoenix, so
there’s no way Thornton can know. Right?
Uncharacteristically, my first thought is for her, not myself. Something
tells me her father wouldn’t react well to the news she’d slept with her
professor.
Twice.
With the third time not far on the horizon if I have anything to do with
it.
A secret smirk pulls at my lips but I stifle it before Thornton sees it.
“And you’ve been impressed by my professionalism and continued
dedication to my scholarly duties?” I ask him, sardonically.
He gives me a self-important look and I can’t help but pity him. He’s
enjoying the modicum of power he has over me, possibly the first time he’s
ever had any sort of power over anyone, and it’d be tragic if it wasn’t so
fucking annoying.
“My progress reports to your father have been positive,” he confirms.
“So far. That could change.”
I laugh and he frowns, thrown off by reaction. He probably expected
me to fall in line. “Power tastes good, doesn’t it?”
He stiffens, straightening the flaps of his outdated suit jacket. His
voice trembles with anger. “I suggest you keep to the straight and narrow,
young man–”
“Let me stop you right there,” I say, grabbing a low ball glass off a
passing waiter’s tray and taking a step towards him. “I think your deal with
my father has you under the mistaken impression that you have some sort of
hold over me, so let me gladly disabuse you of that notion. This is between
me and him. I’ll see this year through and move on with my life. Long after
I’ve left this place, you’ll still be here. Playing the administrative bitch on
your knees for every rich, uninterested parent with deep enough pockets to
keep your board happy and you in your role. I suggest you refrain from ever
giving into the impulse of trying to intimidate me again. Next time I won’t
react so graciously. Copy?”
His eyes flash and his teeth grind together. His gaze pings between the
corners of his eyes, furtively checking to see if anyone heard me.
 I clap his shoulder once, hard. He jerks, taking a step back to take the
hit. “Good. I’m so glad we had this talk, Phil,” I say disingenuously. “Have
a good night now.”
I turn on my heel and walk away.
Not my finest moment, all things considered. It’s a stupid, impulsive
move to have made an outright enemy of him, I just couldn’t fucking help
it. Anyone trying to exert any sort of control over me has the effect of
waving a red flag in front of a raging bull. My temper flares and then lashes
out.
Plus, in my defense, he’d interrupted me in a particularly vulnerable
moment.
I head towards where I saw Nera last, but she’s gone. I mutter a curse
under my breath and scan the crowd for her. She’s not in this room, there’s
no sign of her dark gaze or her bright dress anywhere.
I should stay here.
I should do my job and chaperone these kids. Maybe bust a couple of
them for underage drinking. I should do a lot of things, but instead I head
down the dark hallway in search of a beautiful girl with haunting eyes.
The school is a real spiderweb of hallways with endless doors and
places she could be. If I have to search the entire building, I should be done
just in time for the library’s first year anniversary celebration.
It takes me going through four hallways and coming up empty handed
for me to decide to just cut to the chase. I take my phone out and make a
call.
“Why are you calling me?” Nera answers, her voice slightly
breathless.
“Hello to you too, jailbait,” I say with a smile in my voice as I move to
the next corridor. I stand at the entrance, stilling to see if I can hear anything
or pick up on any movement, but there’s nothing. I close the door and move
on to the next. “Where are you?”
“Who’s asking?” Her tone is sassy and my palm twitches with the need
to heat her ass once more for her impertinence.
“Me.”
“Why do you want to know?”
“I want to see you.” I move down the next hallway and turn right.
Another empty corridor awaits.
“You’re going to have to get in line, I’m very busy–”
 “Where are you?” I repeat. My voice purrs, the vibration in every word
carrying through the phone to her ear.
She’s silent for a couple beats and I can just imagine her swallowing
thickly, her mouth suddenly dry.
“Tristan, I…”
“It’s good news for you that you’re in the mood to be chased,” I
whisper. I jog down a wrap-around staircase, my expensive shoes slapping
against the historic marble tiles.
I arrive at a three-point crossroad, faced with multiple hallways. Left,
right, or straight ahead.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asks and I hear her actual voice
in the distance.
I pause, waiting to see if she’ll say anything else. The marble creates
an echo and the sound of her voice bounces off the walls making it hard to
tell where she is.
She waits for me to speak so I do.
“Why aren’t you in the event room dancing with everybody else?”
“I was,” she says, and I take off to my left. “But then I had to help
Thayer with Carter. He’s drunk and passed out so I’m getting him some
water for when he wakes up.”
I come to a door with glass windows leading down a semi darkened
hallway. The only lights are the ones at either end indicating the exits, and
one just above Nera’s head spotlighting her like some kind of halo around a
deity.
She’s resting against the wall on one shoulder and facing away from
me, holding the phone up to her ear with her free hand.
“Who’s Carter?” I ask, opening the door. She doesn’t spot or hear me,
distracted by my question, and I head down the corridor towards her.
“Thayer’s boyfriend.”
“I thought she was dating Rhys,” I say from behind her but speaking
into the phone at the same time.
She startles and whips around, her hand dropping to her side, the call
forgotten. Our heated gazes clash as I slowly bring down the phone and
tuck it into my jacket pocket. The reflection from the light shines in her
eyes as she looks up into mine. I find myself wishing I could take a candid
picture of her.
 She gives an amused smile and now my hand really itches with the
need to lift my phone and immortalize this moment.
“What’s so funny?” I ask.
I’ve never spoken with Rhys or Thayer one-on-one, but based on my
third-party observations, I thought it was obvious they were dating. He
can’t seem to stay away and he makes sure no other guys ever hover around
her, so it comes as a shock to learn she’s dating someone else.
Nera shakes her head, but the small smile is still there.
“Nothing,” she says.
My eyes flick down her body and finally drink in a close up of her in
the dress. I take a step back and rake my gaze luxuriously slowly down her
form, taking in every illegal inch of her body wrapped in silk, and back up
to settle on those eyes of hers. They manage to communicate so much and
yet nothing at all.
“What I wouldn’t give to crawl inside that dark little mind of yours,” I
tell her.
Her eyes widen, startled and suspicious. Something comes down
behind them, obfuscating any vulnerability in them if I thought I’d seen
any.
“Weird way to tell me I look pretty tonight,” she says, deflecting with
the same fake laugh I’d seen her give those three guys at the bar. I hate that
she uses it with me now.
She jumps ever so slightly when I place my hand on her waist. I
tighten my hold until my fingers dig firmly into her flesh and pull her closer
to me.
I’m doing it again. Gambling recklessly with my future because of the
pull between us. We’re in the middle of a hallway with a literal light shining
down on us and my hand inappropriately on her body and all I can focus on
is the fact that I’m about to do many more unprofessional and immoral
things to her.
I bend my head and watch her skin pebble as my breaths fall against
the column of her neck. Her face is turned away from me. With a touch of
my index under her chin, I guide her to look back at me, our faces now
inches from each other’s. The silence grows heavy as her eyes fall to my
parted lips, her pupils dilating more with every one of my passing breaths.
I dip my head and nudge my nose against hers. She inhales a soft gasp
and my lips brush against hers.
 “You’re the most beautiful woman in any room you walk into,
ballgown or not.” My lips move as I speak, touching hers. Her eyelids
flutter to half mast, her breaths turning shallow. She leans in and my mouth
captures hers in a fiery kiss. I push her into an alcove, my one semi-rational
thought of self-preservation as my hands find her tits over the fabric of her
dress. I growl in frustration at the lack of access and pull back. She pants as
she hangs on to my shoulders for dear life. “But I’m equally as interested in
breaking into the fortress that is your mind and taking a look at all the
secrets you’re keeping in there.”
She lowers herself back down from her toes, her eyes shadowed and
guarded when they find mine.
“That’s off limits.”
“Hmm,” I hum, rubbing my index casually along the line of her
defined jaw. I can feel how stubbornly she sets her teeth against me. “We’ll
see about that.”
She grabs my wrist, stopping me short. Her hand is so small that she
can’t close her fingers all the way around my arm.
“Don’t even try, Tristan,” she says. “I’m not interested and it can’t be
done.”
I move my palm down to collar her throat, her hand still wrapped
around my wrist. She holds me as I hold her. I use my grip to pull her closer
to me, so her front is pressed entirely against mine, my erection digging into
her stomach.
“That’s what you said about me making you come,” I state, an arrogant
smile pulling at my lips. My free hand wraps around her waist to grab her
ass, palming it greedily and possessively. “Remind me, how long did that
take me to disprove?”
She flushes, her cheeks heating adorably, and shoves at my chest. I
don’t release her, I’m not ready to let her soft body go quite yet.
“Meet me in the back garden near the Roman statues by the tree line in
twenty minutes,” I demand.
She pushes me again, in vain. A small, discontented noise erupts from
her lips when I don’t even move.
“No,” she says, blowing a strand of hair out of her face.
This time, when she presses me back, I release her. I watch her ass
sway as she turns and starts to walk away from me.
“Twenty minutes, Nera.”
 She stops and looks at me over her shoulder.
“Why should I?”
I close the distance between us and clasp her hips. My hands are low
enough that my fingers trail over the top of her pussy. I pull her back
against me, my hard dick splitting the cheeks of her ass. He twitches,
excited, sensing his future home is near.
I brush her hair behind her ear and then over her other shoulder, loving
the way she shudders at my touch. My mouth finds the shell of her ear, but
not before I glance at her face and see her gaze fixed unseeingly into the
distance, entranced by the arousal that roars between us.
“Because you want to feel the way you felt when you jumped into that
water again,” I whisper seductively. “That roaring in your belly, that fire in
your veins.” I graze the shell of her ear, scraping her flesh with my teeth.
“I’m the only one who can give you that.”
She flicks her gaze up at me and the emotion in them freezes me. Lust.
Excitement. Fear. Anticipation. Uncertainty. They all war for dominance in
the one look she aims at me.
I cup her nape and crush my mouth down on hers. An unrecognizable
guttural groan crawls up my throat and thunders into the thick silence. She’s
driving me crazy and she’s not even trying. I can barely go a couple minutes
without touching her when she’s in front of me.
She bends an arm back and holds onto my neck, returning the kiss like
her life depends on it. When I rip myself away, she sucks in a rough breath,
her eyes dazed and unfocused.
“I’ll be waiting, Nera. Don’t be late.” I brush my thumb over her nose
and then release her, stepping back and letting the darkness of the hallway
envelop me.
She better show up. Although it makes no difference whether she
voluntarily comes here or if I have to track her down. I’ve always had
darker sexual fantasies and today I get to make one a reality.
Tonight, I hunt.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 21

Nera

I’m determined to ignore Tristan’s orders and just go back to the party,
leaving him waiting long into the night for me. Consequently, I’m surprised
when I find my feet taking me not up the stairs and back towards the
library, but down the steps in search of the back gardens.
I never did end up getting Carter a bottle of water. After Tristan left,
I’d veered into the first bathroom I could find and stumbled against the wall
to catch my breath like I’d just escaped a hunting predator.
Even now, my heart still beats rapidly thinking of the way he’d
touched me, the way he’d kissed me. The dirty promises he’d whispered in
my ear. My skin tingles almost uncomfortably, my body left unfulfilled.
He teased me, drove my nerves into a tizzy, and then walked away. He
knows exactly what he’s doing, the bastard.
I open the door and my breath catches as the crisp air assaults me. I
wrap my faux fur shawl around my shoulders and step outside. Adrenaline
thrums in my veins as I walk down the terrace stairs and step down onto the
grass. The forbidden and secretive nature of these meetings, of our affair in
general, are so off brand for me. The taboo aspect of it only serves to make
me more aroused.
The glowing moon is the only source of light that guides my journey
as I walk down the perfectly manicured gardens. It’s a full moon tonight
which adds a frenzied element to the air that only heats my skin further. It
sits large and looming above me like it’s watching me.
Tristan is there, standing at the end of the dark path.
No.
He’s pacing.
A lock of his hair falls onto his forehead as he bends his head and
checks his watch. He flicks his wrist a couple of times, clearly irritated, and
stuffs his hand back in his pocket. He pushes his hair back from his face and
paces back in the opposite direction.
I am fifteen minutes late. I wasn’t going to give in to his orders
without a little power play of my own. But fifteen minutes was the most I
could push myself to wait, both because excitement propelled my body to
go find him and because a part of me was afraid of what he’d do if I left it
any longer.
I step on a leaf and it crunches loudly in the silence of the night. His
head snaps up, his crystalline gaze finding mine immediately, causing my
breath to catch for a completely different reason.
He looks deadly in a tux. It hugs his broad frame, folding around the
large lines of his shoulders and the tight expanse of his waist. It emphasizes
the slope of his long legs. He hasn’t worn a tie since that night in the hotel
and seeing him wear one tonight brings back all sorts of dirty memories.
Standing alone, illuminated only by silver moonlight, he looks almost
other-worldly. Definitely not a mortal like the rest of us. His face is wasted
in his profession; he belongs in expensive perfume commercials and on the
front page of magazines.
He doesn’t wait for me to walk to the statues. His hands come out of
his pockets as he closes the distance between us and comes to me. And
fuck, his hands. I didn’t know it was possible to be sexually attracted to
someone’s hands but they’re one of the things that turn me on the most
about him. Every time he grabs my hip, dwarfing me in his hold, every time
he cups my throat, enveloping it almost entirely between his fingers, every
time I watch him grade my homework and write ‘well done’ before handing
it back to me, wetness pools in my lower belly at the way the veins in his
hands thicken and work.
I can’t even imagine watching his hands move as he cooks, as he does
what he loves. It’s got to be a straight up pornographic experience to
witness. I think if he kneaded dough in front of me I’d have to excuse
myself to another room for an emergency session with my vibrator.
Unbidden, a thought comes through to the front of my mind.
I wonder if he’ll ever cook for me.
I shake my head internally to banish those thoughts. The last thing I
need is him getting within point blank range of my secret. Plus, I’m not
looking for a relationship anyway.
And yet.
He stops less than a foot away, towering over me.
“You’re late.”
Instead of answering, I take my nude lipstick out of my purse. I uncap
it and reapply, looking at Tristan.
“You’re lucky I came at all,” I say, moving to trace my upper lip. “I
told you; you don’t get to want me only when it’s convenient for you.”
His eyes track my hands hotly, his gaze searing on my lips. He’s so
fixated on my mouth that I’m not sure he hears me. I roll my lips together
and then smack them, snapping him out of his haze.
“I thought you weren’t trying to date,” he growls, the words coming
out choked around the arousal in his throat.
“I’m also not someone who’s an easy option for you.” The words are
in exact contradiction to the fact that I want to throw myself at him and beg
him to fuck me.
He eats the remaining distance between us in one step, forcing my
head to tilt all the way back to look at him.
His Adam’s apple works as his eyes darken impossibly on me.
“Then let me chase you.”
Fire erupts in my veins as nerves rattle in my belly. I heard him wrong;
I must have.
“What?” My voice comes out timid and unlike me.
Animalistic sexual tension flares between us and a dark smile tugs at
his lips. He nods at the tree line behind me.
“I’ll throw in a five-minute head start.”
I look over my shoulder behind me at the terrifyingly black forest.
He’s serious. I whip back around to stare at him, my pulse pounding in my
chest.
“That’s why you asked me here?” My voice outright shakes now, but I
think it’s trepidation and anticipation, not fear.
 I feel like my mind and body have gone mad. I can’t make sense of
what I think or feel, if I’m afraid or if I’m excited, if I want to run away and
hope he leaves me alone or run and pray he comes after me.
“Run, jailbait,” he threatens.
Adrenaline wraps around my heart and squeezes. My blood thrashes,
powerful waves beating against the walls of my veins.
“Let’s talk about this,” I try to rationalize. Everything my upbringing
taught me, everything my mother has driven into me daily since I was a
child, tells me that I should be appalled by this. Instead, I’m rubbing my
thighs together to keep my arousal from leaking down my leg.
The promise of a total lack of control is enticing in a way I can’t
articulate. The promise of a few minutes of freedom is alluring beyond
words.
“Sure, but you’re just wasting your time. Literally,” he adds, looking at
his watch. “Four and a half minutes.”
“I can’t.” His eyes flash. “Not in this dress,” I add.
His gaze flicks down to my gown in appreciation and then he drops to
his knees before me. More of my arousal pools at my entrance. How am I
meant to feel anything but uncontrollable desire watching him kneel at my
feet. I can’t help but reach out and cup his nape, playing with the hair at the
base of his head.
The look he gives me is downright orgasmic. No one should look this
good on their knees for someone else.
I find myself hoping that he never does this with another girl again.
I manifest clawing her eyes out with my fresh manicure if he does.
The sound of fabric tearing loudly rips through the night and I gasp.
My eyes go to the hem of my dress, now approximately two feet shorter
than before and hanging crudely above my knees.
A half-tormented, half-lustful groan falls from my lips.
“That was couture,” I say, breathlessly.
His fingers trail up the back of my calves in a tantalizing caress. “I’ll
buy you another one.”
“I don’t think you can afford it,” I sass back, my eyes closing and my
legs arching into his touch. There’s no way a professor, even one at a school
as prestigious as RCA, can spare the expense of purchasing this custom-
made gown. But then again, his salary wouldn’t cover a penthouse suite at a
five-star hotel or an AP watch either and he managed both of those things.
 A frown pulls at my brows as I think of that.
His hand crawls under the newly shortened hem of my skirt and slaps
my ass sharply. I yelp, my eyes flying open and dropping to stare into his
crystal-clear irises, now darkened with arousal.
“Four minutes,” he says with a smile that sends a heated shiver down
my spine. He cups my right heel and lifts it, removing my stiletto and
setting my foot down on the cool grass. He repeats the same motion with
my left.
“Why are you smiling?”
“Because you’re going to pay for that sass in less than ten minutes,” he
says, giving me a sharp toothed grin. Danger rushes up my skin and over to
the sensitive area at the back of my neck. It’s met there with exhilaration
and a fresh wave of adrenaline, the exact same potion of emotions I’d felt
running and jumping into the pond with Six and Thayer.
His fingers are back on my legs and cupping the back of my thighs. He
looks up at me, his eyes shining with excitement. His pupils are so dilated
with desire that he looks almost unrecognizable. The sight of them blown
wide like that makes my throat tight.
He rises slowly. His hands run up my body, touching every inch of my
curves on his way to standing. He brushes his nose against mine.
“Your safe word is ‘colors’,” he whispers into my mouth before
claiming it with his. He ravages me with carnal skill, his lips tasting like
alcohol and making the kiss even more dizzying.
My spine tingles and I tilt my mouth away to suck in a breath. “Why
do I need a safe word?”
He gently brushes a loose strand of hair off my face and curls it behind
my ear. “Because I’m going to chase you through that cold, dark forest. I’m
going to run after you and use your scent and your sounds and the smell of
your fear in the air to hunt you like an animal.” He presses a rough kiss
against my mouth, finding it parted on a shocked gasp. He bites the corners
of my lips. “And when I find you, I’m going to force you to your knees and
finally shove my cock down your insolent little mouth. I’m going to fuck
your throat like I’ve been dreaming of for weeks and I won’t stop until
you’re gagging loudly around me.” A powerful shudder zips through him,
shaking his shoulders. “Fuck, maybe I’ll even record it, use the sound as my
alarm to wake me up in the mornings.”
“Tristan…,”
 “That sounds an awful lot like a needy moan, baby,” he whispers,
moving to nip my jaw. There it is again, that word.
Baby.
I wish he’d stop. I wish he’d say it again.
Baby, baby, baby.
He runs his thumb leisurely down the middle of my mouth, tugging my
lower lip.
“Once your hot mouth has my cock nice and wet, dripping with your
saliva, I’m going to shove you down onto your stomach and do you know
where I’m going to put my dick?”
His thumb moves to brush over my rosy cheeks, reddened equally by
the cold and the heat of his words. Trepidation lances through me and I
shake my head.
“I’m going to bury it in that exquisitely tight ass of yours and I’m
going to fuck you until you scream for me. And I mean, scream. So loudly
that you shake the trees of their leaves and make the moon hide behind the
clouds.” He leans in and bites my lobe. He rasps against my ear, “So loudly
that the rest of the forest creatures know who the apex predator is and
exactly how he’s claiming his prey.”
I stiffen, wide eyed with unexpected panic, and try to step back but he
yanks me against him.
“That’s not happening,” I attempt feebly, my voice shaky. “You’re not
doing…that.”
One hand closes around my waist as the other moves down to grab my
ass, fingers digging harshly into my skin. A throaty groan falls from his
lips.
“Tell me, has anyone taken your ass before or will I be the first?” He
licks his lips like the thought of being the first to plunder my untried hole is
delicious. “I assume no one has, given the boys you fucked couldn’t even
handle your tight pussy.” His grip hardens on my ass as he rubs his erection
against my stomach. His lips are curled excitedly around sharp teeth.
“You’re fucking a man now, Nera, and I won’t have any more difficulty
making you come from a dick in your ass than I did with my tongue in your
pussy.”
I’m terrified and trembling in his hold, but my juices already leak
down the inside of my thigh and inch towards the edge of my dress.
“Two minutes.”
 He bites my lip, drawing blood and sucking it into his mouth like an
unhinged animal.
“The only way that doesn’t happen is if you use your safe word,” he
purrs. “But something tells me you’re as desperate to open your ass for me
as I am to take it.”
“No, no, no,” I moan, overcome with frazzled emotions.
“No?” He whispers, lips stretching in a dark smile over his teeth. He
lowers his head until his eyes are level with mine and whispers, “Then,
run.”
I stumble back a few steps, my stunned eyes meeting his raptorial
ones, then turn and run for my life.
“And pray to whatever higher power you believe in that I don’t catch
you.” Behind me, I hear him laugh darkly. “Or maybe pray that I do.”

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 22

Tristan

I watch her stumble once more over her feet, her body not yet caught up to
her brain’s frantic commands. Dark energy pulses through me, a kind of
frenetic excitement that I haven’t felt in a long time. I’m like a wild race
horse restrained behind the starting gate, pawing feverishly at the ground as
I wait for the gunshot to go off.
It takes everything in me to wait those two minutes I promised her, but
I know it’s in my best interest to do so. I want to draw the chase out, to
stretch the pursuit into the depths of the forest. There’s really no fun in this
hunt if it’s over too quickly.
I watch her transform before my eyes. Gone is the stumbling girl from
moments ago as her athleticism takes over. In her place is a powerful force
who quickly taps into her physical abilities to get herself gracefully back to
her feet. It takes her barely five seconds to accept that this is happening and
to turn into a fierce competitor.
She runs, her strong legs immediately gaining ground even though
she’s still barefoot. A pleased smile pulls at my lips. She’s not going to be
an easy prey and that makes me even harder for her.
She disappears beyond the tree line and my heart lurches. Something
about no longer having eyes on her doesn’t sit well with me, even when I’m
the one telling her to run. My fists clench and I take a deep breath,
loosening my shoulders. Keeping my eyes fixed on the trees ahead, I undo
the buttons of my jacket and shrug it off, discarding it next to the remnants
of her dress.
I grab the knot of my tie and pull it, releasing the tails. It too falls to
the ground. I undo the neck of my shirt and unbutton my sleeves, rolling
them up to reveal my forearms.
“Much better,” I say to myself.
I check my watch and see that time has run out on her two minutes. A
slow rumble starts low in my stomach and rolls up my throat until it curves
my lips into an animalistic snarl. I’ll give her fifteen more seconds and then
it’s time to hunt.
Fifteen…
I take advantage of the last moments of silence to listen for any noises
she might be making but no sounds come through.
Ten…
I wonder how far she’s gotten. I wonder what strategy she’s chosen, if
she’s hiding or if she’s running.
I wonder if she knows she can even have a strategy.
Five…
I don’t let myself fantasize about what I’ll do when I catch her. There’s
no way it can compare to what the real thing will be like because make no
mistake – there isn’t a world where this ends any other way than with her
writhing under me, begging me for mercy.
Zero.
I’m running before I can even finish the thought. My long legs take me
to the tree line much faster than hers did. Adrenaline spikes as my palm hits
the first tree and I pause. I can’t hear anything over the sound of my own
excited heartbeat. Tuning it out, I focus on the noises of the woods. On
listening for a slight disturbance or particularity that feels other.
There’s nothing. Not a sound. Even the other animals are quiet, as if
they’re all watching this game play out. Arousal shoots through me and
hardens my cock to the point of discomfort. Blood pounds in my length,
calling for me to find her and fuck her rough.
Something tells me that she ran, not hid. She wouldn’t choose to be a
sitting duck when she has a chance to outsmart and outplay me.
My gut says that she’ll have run straight into the woods to put as much
distance between us as possible, forgetting that the deeper she gets into the
brush, the more at my mercy she is.
A hundred meters from the edge of the forest, I find traces of her
passage. There’s a footprint in a soft part of the earth. I can’t help but think
about how her feet must be hurting now. How she’s still running anyway.
My dark little thing.
Every day around her, every moment spent with her, surprises me. She
keeps me desperately hooked, keeps me guessing, wondering what’s in that
pretty little head of hers. I’m afraid she might drive me to beg if she doesn’t
let me see behind those sad eyes soon.
There’s a dark energy pulsing in the forest and it invigorates me.
“Where are you, jailbait?” I call out, the tone of my voice gritty. I
don’t speak loudly, but in the emptiness of the night my words ring clearly.
I run again, heading deeper into the woods. I’m quickly covering
ground and there’s only so far she can run before she has to stop and catch
her breath. She won’t have hidden at the first stop, so I keep running.
A flash of color catches my eye in the near distance and a bolt of
electricity thrills through me. There she is, my prey. Almost too easy, but it
can be forgiven for her first time. Desire pounds in my dick, rendering me
almost mindless with confusion. Everything calls to me to find her and fuck
her down hard.
She’s unmoving, clearly hiding behind a tree. It’s a small corner of her
orange dress that gives her position away.
That fucking dress. I’d almost given myself away telling her I could
buy her another one. Actual professors don’t have a second account their
sister has dropped a large sum of money into for emergency purposes like I
do. But for a foolish moment getting her another one of those dresses had
felt like a real emergency.
I get closer, silent as the most terrifying of predators. I wonder what
face she’ll make when I reveal myself to her. Whether she’ll scream or
freeze in place.
Something feels off as I move quietly between the trees towards her. I
don’t feel her. There’s no tingling in my nerves, no tightening of my
stomach like when she’s usually there. It doesn’t matter that I can’t
physically see her. I’ve never needed to in order to know when she’s in my
space.
I straighten to my full height and walk around the tree to where she’s
hiding.
 Except she’s not.
Hanging from a low branch is the fur shawl she was wearing to keep
her warm. Next to it, intentionally placed to catch my eye and misdirect me,
are the remnants of her couture dress.
Something like wonder and pride squeeze my heart and hold tight. She
ditched the colorful dress so she could blend in more with her surroundings,
and she used the opportunity to mislead me.
Clever girl.
I pull the dress down and bring it up to my nose, inhaling in deeply.
I’m hit in the senses by a tidal wave of her addictive scent, one so strong
that my eyes flutter closed to take it in.
She took her clothes off in late fall temperatures just to thwart me.
She’s in the dark and damp forest nearly naked, running and hiding from
me.
Fuck, she’s perfect.
I should have known someone who walked boldly up to me in a bar
and asked me to fuck her dirty would make me work for it.
My cock throbs painfully now, pre-cum leaking from my tip as I grow
desperate to be inside her. I no longer want to draw this out, I want to find
her and claim her, now.
My eyes roll into the back of my head as I take another hit of her
aroma. Deadly, so fucking deadly.
Turns out even when I think I’ve got her figured out, I’ve still
underestimated her. She doesn’t just use her discarded dress to confuse and
mislead me.
She uses it to distract me.
She uses it to focus all of my senses onto my find so that I don’t notice
her behind me, so that I don’t feel her getting closer.
She understands exactly how to play me while still hiding herself so
that I never see her coming.
And when she suddenly appears in front of me, in a tight lace slip and
nothing else, she doesn’t scream and she doesn’t freeze.
Instead, she pulls a leg back and aims a lethal blow at my nuts. She
connects with the precision of a future Olympic gold medalist and watches
with an arrogant smirk as I fall to my knees in front of her.
Hot pain hits me and I fold. I clutch my bruised balls as I search for air
that isn’t there. Finally, I rip enough oxygen into my chest that I’m able to
sit back into my heels as I inhale.
Nera takes advantage of my prone position to lean cockily close to me,
gambling recklessly on the fact that I’m still likely semi-paralyzed from her
blow.
With heavy-lidded eyes, she runs a thumb softly over my bottom lip.
“Got you on your knees before you got me on mine, didn’t I, baby?”
My throat tightens at the pet name, at how she taunts me with it, her
tone equal parts lustful and victorious.
I’m suddenly reminded that this is the girl whose family motto is
‘failure is not an option’.
A warning growl leaves my lips and her confidence stutters, her foot
moving backwards in response and then immediately back to where it was
previously to hide the slip. My eyes flick up and connect with hers. They
widen in response, uncertainty rocking her irises when she sees the slow
smile stretching my lips.
My hand snaps out and clutches her wrist. A small, surprised gasp falls
from her mouth and she tries to kick me again. It’s not as easy when I’m
already on the ground. But that position also limits my range of motion and
when she yanks on her wrist, I have no choice but to let her go.
She learns her lesson faster than I do and doesn’t stick around to find
out how much longer I’m going to be on the ground. She runs in the
opposite direction as before, back towards RCA and the party. Back to
safety and victory.
Fresh excitement surges through me as I catch sight of her pale skin
against the dark night. Those long legs, those toned arms pumping as she
runs from me. I can feel it again, her trepidation. And it belongs to me, I
want it.
The feral, primal side of me takes over and I swear my eyes blacken to
midnight. Visuals of the depraved things I intend to do to her flash behind
my eyelids and power me back to my feet.
“Run for your life, Nera,” I thunder after her, my voice nothing more
than an animalistic growl. “That’s what you’re doing, so run fast.”

✽✽✽
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 23

Nera

I’m running on pure animal instinct.

A cold mist wets my face as branches whip my bare arms. He calls
after me, but I keep running. The hairs on my neck rise at his lowered,
throttled tone. It’s more menacing than anything I’ve ever heard from him.
Exhilaration sizzles through me, making me feel almost superhuman.
With the way the adrenaline takes over, I feel like I’m running and weaving
faster than I ever have before.
I’m so aware of the world around me, of the emotions going through
me, that I feel almost high. So many of those feelings are new and nameless
to me. The rush of being chased, the delicious fear of not knowing if he’s on
me or far behind me, the feeling of the wind in my hair and the rough
ground beneath my feet, I don’t know how to define them but they combine
to make me feel like I’m flying.
I know that if I let him catch me, I’ll be sucked into a tornado of
sensations that I’ll be powerless to resist. Plus, I’m not ready for him to
fuck me…there.
That’s too taboo, too depraved for me to even imagine. Even though
my body trembles when I think back to how he’d stretched me with his
fingers and licked me with his tongue. But being stretched around his huge
cock? That’s too much.
 But then there’s the other part of me. That unanswered darkness that
made me trap and confront him instead of running. The one that taunted
him and crowed happily over him, boasting my victory. That part of me
knew that I was egging him on, that I was driving him crazier, wilder, more
unhinged. And still, I pushed.
Knowing that when he’d catch me, he’d make me pay.
A furious roar tears through the night and freezes my spine. He’s
coming after me. I run faster, pumping my arms high. My legs tear through
the brush. My feet scream in pain at the harsh ground. Freezing wind ices
my lungs. Still, I sprint. It makes those endless laps Coach Krav has me run
worth the pain.
I see it in the distance, the tree line. I’m going to make it. Victory
pounds in my blood and thrills me, more potent than the triumphant feeling
I get in competitions. Tristan promised it and he delivered. Part of me hates
him for it, how easily he seems to know exactly what I need when no one
before him ever has.
That thought makes me run faster until I’m less than fifty meters from
the edge. I feel him right behind me. My breath quickens as he closes in.
I’m going to make it.
A palm wraps around my arm, the warmth of his body heat jarring. A
small, disappointed cry falls from my lips. It’s lost in the wind as he whips
me around.
His hand tangles in my hair, he yanks me close and then his mouth
comes down brutishly on mine. Heat explodes between us. Our teeth
clashing, our tongues fighting for dominance. My heart is in my throat; fear,
excitement, and anticipation coming together to block my airways.
“Caught you,” he growls against my mouth, pulling away only long
enough to grunt those words before he’s back on me with a full-on assault.
Soft lips part around sharp teeth as he bites me.
I shove at him, fighting hard as both his hands close around me,
keeping me pinned to him. I rip my mouth away and scream. He chuckles
darkly in response, the sound exploding terrifyingly in my ears.
“Go ahead, scream. You can be as loud as you want out here, no one
will hear you.”
My nipples tighten painfully in response, my flesh squeezing around
the metal of my piercing. He kicks my legs out, forcing me to my knees.
His hand stays in my hair, gripping it and angling my head back to look up
at him. He’s perfectly illuminated by the moon, his teeth sharp and his
shoulders tight as he grins almost maniacally down at me. He’s going to be
merciless, I can feel it. I want it.
I hear the jangle of his belt followed by the sound of his zipper being
ripped open, but I don’t look away from his gaze. We’re stuck in a battle of
glares and wills and I refuse to back down.
Out of my peripherals, I see him pull his length out and fist it in his
hand.
“You’re going to apologize to my cock,” he grits through clenched
teeth. “Open that pretty little mouth of yours and show me how sorry you
are.”
My lips part on command, answering to his will instead of my own. He
doesn’t wait for me to open wider, pressing his thick head into my mouth
and stretching it himself instead. A warped groan erupts from deep in the
back of his throat as he makes contact with my wet tongue for the first
time.
“I already know you’re going to kill me with this mouth,” he mutters
roughly, pushing his cock in further.
Drawing him in, I hollow my cheeks and suck his hard shaft. I feel him
shudder at the delicious pressure. He groans his approval when I circle my
tongue around his length in repetitive motions and wetness floods to my
entrance in response.
His head is thrown back, his Adam’s apple bobbing, his bare, veiny
forearms reaching for me. One hand is still in my hair, holding me prone for
him, and the other cups my jaw possessively.
I push my mouth down further on his dick until it feels like I’m going
to unhinge my jaw. I’m so full of him and yet his thick, throbbing cock is
only halfway in.
“More…you can take more,” he gasps, eyes shining with dark intent as
he brings his head down to look at me. “Open up your throat for me.”
My skin heats at his orders. Saliva drips down my chin and he wipes it
away with his thumb, sucking it into his mouth with a manic sound of
pleasure. I relax my jaw and the muscles of my throat and work to take him
in deeper. He murmurs encouragingly, sweet words that are in stark contrast
with the rough way he chased me down.
But he’s only patient for so long before his hand tightens in my hair
and he thrusts forward, bottoming into the back of my throat. I tense,
gagging a moment as wetness pools in the corner of my eyes.
“So deep,” he mutters, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. “But
not enough. Take me deeper.”
He pushes still further, past what I thought was my limit, until I’m sure
he’s going to suffocate me to death with his dick.
What an obituary that would be.
I pull in desperate breaths through my nose, my lips tightly wrapped
around him, my jaw completely loosened as his cock settles halfway down
my throat.
“That’s a good girl,” he purrs, and my pussy clenches in response. I
bring a hand down and rub my aching clit. Arousal leaks out of me and onto
my hand reminding me that as rough as he’s being with me, I fucking love
it.
He makes a disappointed noise when I retreat, letting his head come
completely out of my mouth, but it’s swallowed by another groan when I
push back down, taking him back entirely in one go. My hand wraps around
the base of his length and squeezes. I move it up and down, my grip
twisting and alternating pressure along with the movement of my mouth.
With my other hand, I keep rubbing tight circles around my throbbing
clit, pushing myself closer and closer to the edge.
His gaze is hooded with desire, his breaths coming fast as I pump up
and down his shaft. He doesn’t let me take the lead for long. He gathers my
hair into one hand and yanks my head back so only the tip remains between
my lips. My wide, innocent eyes meet his dark, sadistic ones and I shiver.
“I don’t think you’re sorry enough,” he says, and then he shoves
viciously back in, mercilessly hitting the back of my throat.
I gag violently, fully stuffed. He pulls out and thrusts back in just as
roughly. I’ve never experienced this level of intensity or insanity. He takes
my mouth with little regard for whether I can breathe or not, but the
competitor in me won’t let him see how much he affects me.
My hands go around his waist to grab his ass, my fingers digging in
roughly, and my eyes flick up to meet his. I hold his glare as he pounds in
and out of my mouth and let him sate his pleasure.
“Say you’re sorry,” he says, emphasizing his demand with a thrust. I
blink at him and open my jaw wider until I feel my lips crack. “Say it,
Nera.” Thrust. “Say it with your mouth stretched wide around my cock.”
Thrust.
 He’s unapologetic in the way he takes what he wants, but I don’t give
in. Wetness runs in rivulets down my cheeks and mixes in with my saliva
and his pre-cum. I can see my lashes as I look up at him and I know my
mascara is running lewdly down my face.
Thrust. “Tell me you’re sorry and I’ll go easy on you.” Thrust. He uses
me for his own pleasure, driving harshly, selfishly into me. I tighten my
hold on his ass and pull him against me, challenging him wordlessly to do
his worst. He roars, his pace turning frenzied again.
“You don’t want that, do you? I mean look at you,” he whispers,
darkly reverent. “With your makeup running sloppily down your cheeks.
You look used up and well fucked already and I’m only on the first of your
three holes. So perfect,” he praises. “You want me to fuck your mouth like
this. Drooling and choking on my dick, on your knees for me in the dark
while you rub your tight cunt. You really are a little slut, aren’t you?” I
growl around his length and he shoves deep inside me, a punishing thrust
for the shiver I send coursing through him.
I hum again, trying to push him towards the edge and his eyes flash
with brutal purpose.
He reaches down and pinches my nose, effectively blocking both my
airways. My access to oxygen cuts off and my eyes widen. He deepens his
thrusts as the carbon dioxide starts to build up in my lungs. I fight the panic
that swells alongside it and narrow my eyes up at him.
Thrust.
Thrust.
The muscles of his stomach tense, even more defined than usual.
Incoherent expletives fall from his lips aimlessly like he’s chanting some
witchcraft, not praising me for having a hot, wet mouth.
Thrust. Thrust. Thrust.
His teeth grit under the effort. “Apologize.”
Tristan punishes and punishes and I can’t breathe. With his other hand,
he keeps my head from moving back. Black spots blur my vision. I’m in
complete physical turmoil. I’m still rubbing my clit, closer and closer,
higher and higher, towards a massive eruption and I don’t know what’s
going to come first, my orgasm or me passing out.
I pinch my clit and buck, my muscles tensing as I climb the mountain.
Time stops and I crest over the edge… and he yanks me violently back. He
slaps my hand away roughly and the orgasm recedes with the speed of a
Formula One race car.
“Apologize.”
“Sahhhy,” I mumble brokenly as best I can around his dick, finally
giving in.
“Fuuuuuck,” he shouts, a garbled cry of pleasure. He tenses with his
dick all the way down my throat and simultaneously releases my nose,
letting me inhale a desperate, ragged breath of air.
Tristan comes for what feels like forever, jet after jet of his warm seed
coating my throat. I swallow it but shoot him a glare, annoyed that he
interfered in my own orgasm. He rumbles a final time, his stomach working
sexily, his thumb brushing softly against my nose, before he pulls out of
me. I take in my first real breath in long minutes and my brain thanks me.
He must see the discontent on my face because he tugs on my hair,
forcing me to look back up at him.
“You come only when I tell you.”
Then he slams his lips down on mine, his tongue thrusting into my
mouth like his dick wasn’t just there, like I’m not still swallowing his cum.
The casual dirtiness of it makes fresh arousal seep from my needy, ignored
pussy.
He shoves me to the ground, his body coming down on top of mine to
crush me with his warmth. The polarity of the cold at my back and heat at
my front drives me wild. His fingers brush against my sensitive nub almost
lovingly. It’s not what I need and he knows it.
I writhe against his hand, searching for his touch. Each time I get
close, he pulls away, eventually giving me a sharp slap when I moan
discontentedly. It zaps through me and stops my whines on the spot.
He places himself on his side, raising his torso and balancing it with
the forearm he sets down just above my head.
“You make me want to play new games,” he purrs, inches from my
mouth. His arm frames the halo of my hair, his face so close to mine that I
can feel his breath on my cheeks. “The latest one is how many different
ways I can make you come, knowing that each will be your first time.
We’ve already gotten a few out of the way, but tonight,” He brings his
mouth down on mine again as his fingers push down with pressure this
time, making me jolt. “I’m going to make you come only with my fingers
on your clit and my mouth on those gorgeous tits of yours.”
 My eyes flash in excitement and he smirks, self-satisfied. I eagerly
grind against his hand, needy and impatient. His mouth comes to my chest
and he grabs the lace fabric between his teeth. His eyes flick up to meet
mine before he yanks it, tearing at the fabric with his sharp incisors. It rips
loudly, the sound making me moan. He’s an animal as he goes back for a
second attack at the offending garment.
His tongue laps at my nipple, still covered in lace. The combination of
his wet tongue and the abrasive fabric scratching against my nipple has zaps
of pleasure shooting through my lower stomach. My muscles coil and I arch
into him, searching for more contact.
He rips the material away, freeing my nipples. A violent look of desire
passes through his gaze, so possessive and dark that it should scare me.
Instead, I breathe, “I’m waiting.”
He grins cockily, his eyes meeting mine as his mouth finally closes
around my taut nipple. I yelp, then squeal when his teeth graze against the
throbbing peak.
My hands come up to grab his hair, both of them roaming through his
thick strands and pulling him closer. He moans around my nipple, turned on
by the way I touch him.
His fingers rub continuous, rough circles around my clit until it aches
painfully with the need to come. His mouth moves over to my other nipple,
his teeth grazing against the cold piercing. His tongue comes out to push it,
the edge of the barbell coming up against the left side of my nipple. He
twists and flicks the metal rod from the other side so it’s now snug on the
right. He teases me incessantly, driving me wild with need but never quite
pushing me over the edge.
My empty pussy pulses, desperate for some sort of attention, but he
ignores it. He focuses only on my clit, tormenting me.
Finally, he slaps my pussy. Once, then a second, and finally a third
time. After the last slap, he presses down with his hand and simultaneously
bites my nipple. My mouth drops on a loud moan and I come gratefully, my
legs squeezing his hands to keep him touching me as the waves roll
through.
He runs a finger through my slit, collecting my wetness and then
brings it up to his mouth, sucking it in deep.
“Mhmm,” he groans, eyes blown with lust. “You taste so sweet.”
 My chest heaves as I breathe in harshly, but he doesn’t give me a
second to rest. His fingers move to my entrance and he penetrates me with
two thick digits. I buck my hips against him, happy to finally have him in
my pussy.
He smiles sinisterly. “Get them nice and wet.”
I still, uncertainty defined in my gaze. He sees it because he says,
“That’s right, you know where they’re going next.”
I clench down as hard as I can to try to keep them in my pussy where I
want them. My muscles spasm with the effort to keep them inside but he
pulls out easily and slaps my thighs harshly. I cry out.
“Thank you for the reminder about how tight your pussy is,” he purrs,
“But I won’t be fucking it again until I’ve had your ass.”
With that, his index finger parts my cheeks in search of my forbidden
hole. He finds my tight pucker buried and hard to access so he grabs my leg
and folds it at the knee, planting my foot on the ground. He does the same
with my other leg until my cheeks are tilted up and away from the ground.
His finger finds me easily this time and I mewl, my eyes closing. He
coos when he feels my tight rim. Muttered encouragement leaves his lips as
his finger swirls around the tight bundle of muscles. He returns to my pussy
and collects more of my juices before finding my hole once more.
My mouth dries as he adds pressure and pushes in, just slightly
spreading the muscles for his passage. His finger sinks easily to the first
knuckle and I hiss. His eyes flutter closed like he can’t believe how tightly
I’m squeezing his digit and it makes me clench down on his finger.
“Even tighter than I remember,” he praises heatedly.
I flush, caught off guard. My muscles loosen in response and he pushes
in deeper with limited resistance. I yelp and close my eyes. I can feel the
knuckles of his other fingers parting my cheeks, that’s how deeply he’s
shoved inside me.
It feels so tight and so sensitive, but there’s no pain. At least not yet.
Instead, there’s a dark kind of taboo pleasure. He grunts and my eyes fly
open, finding his eyes pinned on me. He’s so close, I could lift my head and
kiss him.
“This is why I wanted to shove my fingers inside you this way,”
Tristan explains gutturally, pulling out simultaneously. He pushes back in,
parting my muscles in one slick thrust and making my mouth fall open.
Small, panting breaths erupt from my lips. “So I could watch your face as
you stretch to accept me in your tight asshole. Fuck, look at you blush.”
He starts pumping inside me, driving me into a tizzy. I forgot how
good this felt the last time he did it.
“Your cheeks are red, your lips puffy, your mouth parted, your eyes,
your fucking eyes,” he mumbles, worshipfully. “They’re animated and
exhilarated and so fucking alive.” He thrusts inside me now, his wrist
moving frantically back and forth between my cheeks as he finger fucks
me. “I should only chase you and fuck you dirty from now on.”
“We’re only…casual…,” I manage to get out between his savage
thrusts. “No…dating.”
Tristan’s eyes flash angrily and his jaw tightens. Instead of answering,
his thumb finds the entrance to my pussy and shoves in.
“You’ve never come with a finger in your pussy and one in your ass,”
he snarls, viciously.
His fingers thrust inside me simultaneously, the double penetration
stealing my breath. He finds my g-spot and bumps against it repeatedly
until my head thrashes side to side. The finger in my ass presses down,
rubbing against a sensitive spot that surprises me. I arch away in shock, the
sensation too much, but he pins me down by throwing a leg over both of
mine.
When he rubs his fingers together through the thin wall that separates
my pussy from my eyes, stars explode behind my eyelids. I shriek and my
body shakes until I’m almost seizing in place as he rides out the waves of
my orgasm. I’m panting loudly now, my face turned into his chest to hide
the vulnerability I feel.
His thumb leaves my pussy but balance is immediately restored when I
feel a second finger push into my ass next to the first. I freeze, unsure. He
breaches through my resistance, his thumb now working to soothe my
tender rim. The discomfort is almost too much, my poor ass stretching to
accommodate him with barely any lube.
As if he hears my thoughts, he leans back and looks down between my
legs. I watch him spit, then feel liquid touch my pucker. The cold sensation
sends a ripple of pleasure through me, one he doesn’t miss. He smirks and
barks out a command.
“Spread your legs.” I do as he asks, but he’s not satisfied. “Wider,
slut.”
 I open them as wide as they can go, self-consciousness beating in my
temple. I’m laid on my back in a ripped slip and nothing else, my legs
splayed obscenely wide as my professor presses two of his fingers further
up my ass. Thoughts about what my body must look like and whether he’s
judging what he’s seeing flit through my mind and then immediately away,
banished by the heated and territorial look in his eyes.
His saliva aids the passage of his fingers and he pushes them to the
first knuckle inside me. He thrusts, in and out, faster, slower, he scissors his
fingers, he curls them, he rubs them against that sensitive spot that drove
me wild for my last orgasm. He drives me mad with desire.
Arousal wets the splayed cheeks of my ass and it feels like the moon
shines a direct spotlight on it. Just when I think I’m getting accustomed to
the stretch, Tristan shoves them in to the second knuckle and then straight
to the webbing. My mouth parts, delayed in processing the agony. Then his
thumb finds my pussy once more and thrusts in equally deep.
“You’ve never come with a finger in your pussy and two in your ass,”
he grounds out, voice dangerously low, words echoing his previous ones.
He only has time to pull out and thrust back in and then I’m coming
with a cry so loud that birds fly out of a nearby tree.
He chuckles and thrusts again, and again, shoving me off the cliff and
into a violent orgasm. My moans are continuous, the pleasure agonizing.
My entire body spasms around his fingers. When I come down, he brushes
the hair back from my forehead.
“You’re doing so well,” he purrs and in a moment of weakness, I turn
my cheek into his hand instead of away.
Tristan takes advantage of my unguarded position to place a third
finger against the entrance of my ass. I’m staring into his eyes as mine
widen in alarm. He grips my jaw before I can move and brings his mouth
down on mine, simultaneously pushing in with three fingers. He kisses me
sloppily, hungrily, stealing my breath and my focus for long seconds before
he pulls away.
“You’ve never come with three in your ass either,” he growls, his voice
distorted by pleasure.
I whimper in pain and he removes his thumb from my pussy to give
himself more room. He doesn’t get far, his fingers twisted up just past the
entrance of my tight sphincter, my ass refusing to give.
“Remember your safe word?”
 I nod wordlessly, eyes still locked tightly on him. Fear and anticipation
swirl inside me, almost drowning out the physical sensations.
“Will I need it?” I ask, my lip trembling involuntarily.
His eyes snap down to watch me dig my teeth into my lip nervously,
lust blooming even deeper in his already demented gaze.
“No baby, you’re going to take it.”
The moment of care is over and done before I can take it in, his eyes
darkening evilly. He intrigues me with the gentler side of him that he shows
me flashes of sometimes. It makes me feel safe even as he brutalizes me the
way I need.
He presses in harder with his fingers and my eyes flutter closed in
mortification as I hear the squelching sounds coming from my ass. My
multiple orgasms have a mess of my juices dripping down onto my hole and
covering his hand. His jaw tightens in concentration, his dick hard again
and throbbing against my thigh. My own face scrunches up in twisted
pleasure and definite pain as I try to loosen up the muscles of my ass and
accept his intrusion.
“Oh God… Oh! Oh, no. Please…”
My hands clutch at his chest, fisting his shirt in delirious agony. He
lowers his head and takes one of my nipples in his mouth. They’re so tight
that one lap of his tongue has me on the edge once more. The sense of
fullness is all consuming, to the point where it feels like I can’t take a breath
for fear of coming undone. His fingers aren’t even all the way in. They’re
stuck at the first knuckle, my ass refusing to let them through.
Tristan doesn’t let that discourage him. Instead, he takes the
opportunity to play with and stretch my rim. He mini thrusts his fingers in
and out, barely moving at all but sending wave after wave of pleasure
shooting up my hole. He changes the angle, flattening his fingers to one
side with the tips still inside and then rolling them in a full loop around my
ass. He takes sadistic pleasure in the way I’m squealing into the night,
pinned and thrashing beneath his body.
“It’s too tight! It’s too much, too– oh, God.” I yelp when he removes
his fingers from my ass altogether. The immediate feeling of emptiness
makes me feel unmoored from reality. How can I miss his fingers inside my
most taboo place?
But I don’t miss them for long. He runs them sleekly up my slit,
collecting all the wetness there and then shoves them back into my ass, now
to the second knuckle.
This time, I scream.
“Tristan! Please, oh fuck!”
I throw myself to the side, my upper body twisting away from him so
that my top half is face down on the ground.
He growls warningly behind me.
“We can do it this way if you prefer.”
He grabs my legs and flips them over so that I’m fully on my stomach,
face down and inhaling the fresh dirt. He slams a hand down on my lower
back and keeps me pressed into the ground, his other hand coming free of
my stretched hole to slap my ass harshly.
“Uff,” I groan, my mind addled. I no longer know where the line
between pain and pleasure is, where reality ends and fantasy begins.
My clit vibrates with need. He runs his fingers up from my pussy to
my ass and thrusts all the way in. My bent legs shake and clamp together,
my toes scrunching together like a retracting blowfish to ride out the
onslaught of pleasure.
I don’t know if I’m coming or not, all I know is my body can’t take
this. The wet sounds of my arousal combined with his pounding fingers is
too filthy for me to even process. His intrusion burns, my rim raw and white
from stretching and it feels like I’ll never go back to the way I was before.
And still I know I need to stretch more because his cock is twice as wide as
his fingers grouped together.
He pulls out and spits on my asshole. He watches the saliva hit my
hole and then I feel it slide down the skin between my ass and pussy until it
rolls through my slit and ends on my clit.
I’m distracted and unready for him to push back in. He bottoms in,
then pulls out. Bottoms in, pulls out. Over and over and over again until I’m
begging him to just put me out of my misery.
Merciful, he does just that. He plunges back in. His fingers curl,
brushing against the soft area inside my ass. I purr in pleasure, arching my
back against him.
“You like that?”
“N-no,” I lie.
“Then why are you shaking? Why do you only tremble when I rub up
against this exact spot?” He rubs against it once more and my eyes roll into
my head. He grabs my hair and uses it to yank me backwards until I’m
sitting back into my hips. His fingers piston up into my ass at a new angle
and I writhe in pleasure. I grind down into his hand wantonly. “This isn’t
going to be like your last orgasm,” he mutters against my ear, voice raw and
rough from his own arousal. “Your ass is going to come without any help
from your pussy. Look at how wide your eyes just got. Don’t be nervous,
you’ll see just how fucking delicious an anal orgasm can be.” With his other
hand, he grabs my jaw and angles my face towards him. He licks my cheek
like a rabid animal and I squeeze involuntarily around his fingers in
response. He groans. “I can’t wait to feel your hole spasm around my
fingers, knowing you’re a dirty little whore who came only because I
played with her ass.”
He releases me and shoves me back down onto my stomach, his thrusts
into my bottomhole turning downright vicious. I’m screeching and
screaming into the night like I’m being murdered, the pain of his intrusion
battling with pleasure for dominance. It doesn’t matter who wins; either
way I’m heading for an earth-shattering orgasm.
At long last, he shoves one final time deep into my asshole. He spreads
his fingers until he stretches me wider than he ever has and then he curls
them.
“Ah! Oh, my…God, yes. Yes!”
Bright light explodes behind my eyelids and my legs give way as my
pussy hits the ground. He chases my hole as I fall, his fingers never leaving
me, never pausing their dominant assault, not even when I clamp down so
hard on him that I hear him hiss in pain.
“Fuck yes, Nera. Clench that tight ass around my fingers. Squeeze just
like that. Good girl. Good little whore.”
I buck my hips into his prodding fingers as he milks the longest
orgasm I’ve ever had out of me. I’m splayed entirely on my front and
completely prone, my slip shoved around my hips and my creamy white ass
on display as he finally comes to a slow stop. I groan when he pulls his
fingers out of my used ass, his retreat through my sensitive walls
agonizing.
“Fuck,” he says, pressing a kiss on the back of my neck, “I love this
game.”
I’m panting and trying to come down to Earth, but he doesn’t give me
any time to do so. I can feel his cock, angry and aching against my thigh.
He grabs the sides of my thighs and brings my hips back up and off the
ground. I whimper sluggishly but jolt awake when I feel him part my
cheeks and look at me there.
I tense and immediately try to crawl away. My legs are dead and I
won’t get far, but I at least have to try. His fingers flex on my hips, keeping
me in place easily. He spanks my cheek harshly and I start to yelp but the
sound dies in my throat when I feel the head of his cock touch my asshole.
He doesn’t press in. He rests it against my entrance like a threat and I
hold my breath.
“You want to know a secret?”
“N-now?” This hardly feels like the time to chit chat.
“I fucking hate that someone has been inside your tight cunt. That I
have to look at him every fucking day and resist the violent urge to cave his
face in,” he snarls, the lowered pitch of his voice raising goosebumps on my
neck. “But this ass is mine. I’m going to claim it tonight and it’s going to
belong to me.” My stomach clenches at his possessive tone, my skin
heating. “After we’re finished, you won’t ever let anybody else have it
again. Do you understand me, Nera? I’m the only man you’re letting into
this perfect ass.”
He doesn’t wait for a response. Behind me, I hear the sound of a cap
opening followed by liquid dripping onto my hole.
I gasp. “You have lube?”
“Why do you think I needed twenty minutes before I met up with
you.”
“Oh God,” I groan. “Why didn’t you use it earlier?”
He growls behind me, his slickened cock rubbing up and down the wet
pathway between my cheeks. I’m drenched, the combination of lube and
my own arousal creating a mess.
“I loved seeing your ass struggle to take my fingers,” he mutters
heatedly. “This is my one kindness of the night. You better relax that tight
asshole of yours otherwise this is going to be very painful for you.”
“I-I can’t. Please, just… don’t. Fuck my pussy instead.”
“No.” His voice is harsh, devoid of any emotion.
“I don’t want it.”
“Safe word,” he asks, and then he’s pressing in.
“Ahhh,” I cry out, face twisting in agony.
Fuck, this hurts. It burns as he pushes in the most miniscule of
amounts, his head barely starting to part my muscles. I pant, rapid, shallow
breaths that linger uncomfortably at the top of my lungs as he adds more
pressure.
My ass doesn’t give in, doesn’t let him enter. Even after all the time he
spent stretching me, my muscles clamp down on him and refuse him entry.
He spanks my ass again, issuing harsh commands.
“Relax and open your ass. Do it. Open for me now.”
“Stop,” I whimper. “It won’t fit.”
He gives a sharp, shallow thrust of his hips. It’s a punishing blow and
enough to shove the head of his cock slightly into my impossibly snug
sphincter. I cry out when he hits resistance and my back hollows at the
sudden, unwanted intrusion. Pain tears through me, assaulting my senses.
“It’s fitting just fine,” he answers, heartlessly.
“You’re hurting me,” I whine.
His hands come down to part my cheeks wide, his thumbs reaching to
brush my taut rim.
“Safe word,” he demands once more.
I clamp my lips together, gritting my teeth. The pain is nearly
unbearable, but I’m used to it. Pain is my life. I can compartmentalize past
him tearing into my asshole, I’m just not. I can’t. Because then I’d have to
admit that the dark part of me that I keep carefully hidden away actually
loves this. It means admitting that there’s immense pleasure woven into the
pain and it’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt. It’s dirty and taboo and so
wrong.
“That’s what I thought,” he declares, victoriously. He reaches down
and grips the back of my neck, pressing me down into the ground until my
face is forced to the side. “You can pretend you don’t want it. You can
writhe and kick and scream at me to stop, but you don’t actually want me
to.”
His dick pulses violently inside me, his head resting just past the
entrance of my ass. It’s the worst place for him to stop because I’m
stretched impossibly wide with no relief from him advancing or retreating.
His hips pump mini strokes against my resistance, driving me cross-eyed
with the duality of pain and pleasure.
“I do,” I lie.
“Then use your safe word,” he taunts. He smirks when I say nothing.
“You can’t because you want me to own your ass, just like I knew you
would. Your mouth can lie to me all it wants though, that’s fine. I’ll enjoy
your ass fucking either way. But your body… your body fucking loves it.
Your pussy is so dripping wet that you’re making a mess of the forest. Can
you hear it?” He asks, and I almost pass out when he reaches down and
shoves two fingers into my cunt. He thrusts in and out savagely, the wet,
sloppy noises of my arousal echoing lewdly around us. “Yeah, you fucking
love it. So, open your ass and bear down on my cock so I can show you
how good I can fuck you.”
His speech lights a fire down my skin until I feel like every part of me
is exposed and sensitive. My breaths come fast as I feel him push against
me. It’s as if his words release me from my doubt and I feel my ass open to
him. The muscles of my back tense as I work to submit. My clit aches,
ignored and begging for attention.
“Come on, jailbait. You can take me,” he purrs, rubbing my upper back
in an owning touch. “Open up and welcome me into your tight ass.”
With another thrust of his hips, he presses through and finally breaches
past my firm ring of muscles. The head of his cock slips into my ass and
with it comes a combination of relief and more pain. He hisses loudly, the
sound agonized.
“Fuck, yes. Good girl, just like that. I’m in now, I’m in.” His voice
shakes with effort.
I rip at the grass. My arms are outstretched above my head, my hands
clawing desperately at the ground for purchase. My fingers dig into the
earth as my lower stomach clenches in response to his intrusion. Additional
arousal gushes from me. The burn in my pucker lessens slightly, but the
relief is short lived when he starts pushing in.
Another inch slips into my stretched hole and I mutter incoherently.
He’s equally affected, the tiny spasms in my ass squeezing his cock
painfully and making him mutter garbled words of praise.
“So fucking tight, I can barely think. Come on, take me. Just like that.
Fuck, that feels good.”
He’s gentle, for now. His hand strokes my hip softly, easing his
passage into my untried channel. Another inch slips in and I arch my back. I
didn’t know such pleasure was possible from this type of fucking. The
discomfort recedes as pleasure takes over and I want him to go faster. To
kick me out of this purgatory he currently has me in where his dick is only
halfway in my ass.
 “Fuck,” he grits out, his voice on the exquisite line between pain and
arousal. “I really do have an anal whore on my hands.”
My ass clamps down on him in aroused response. He cries out and
slaps my cheek. I clench around him and release, my loosened muscles
allowing him to slip two more inches inside. I hiss at the unbelievable
stretch.
“You like it when I tell you what a dirty girl you are.” He parts my
cheeks again and watches with savage, gleaming eyes as he presses in
further. “God, your tight hole is swallowing my whole cock. Wrapping
around it and squeezing it even tighter than that mouth of yours.”
I mewl loudly, squirming below him. I’m so impossibly full of him
that I don’t think I can move. My legs shake from the pressure, his hands on
my hips the only thing keeping me off the ground. Is that all of him?
There’s no way I can take more and not pass out. As it is, I’m afraid that the
moment he starts moving, he’s going to fuck me into unconsciousness.
I have my answer moments later when he pulls out until only the tip
remains inside and then shoves inside me. His entire length spears me so
deep that it feels like he’s in my throat. His hips rest against the cheeks of
my ass, his hands caressing the skin.
He sighs with pleasure and my pussy clenches, my body completely in
tune with him.
“You look fucking obscene taking all of me this way,” he breathes,
staring down at where his cock is entirely swallowed up by my ass. He pulls
out and every nerve ending in my body feels like it’s on fire. I can feel his
eyes on the place where we’re joined as he pushes back in. “Tell me how it
feels.”
“Terrible,” I say, my voice trembling.
He thrusts in sharply, all nine inches of his dick piercing my bowels. I
cry out.
“Liar,” he says, evenly. “I want to know. Tell me how it feels to have
my cock stretching your ass.”
“It’s…good. Oh, my… yeah.” I can barely answer as he starts
thrusting inside me. “It’s t-ti..ght. So tight. Right there, Tristan,” I pant the
last order, my mouth parting lewdly when he changes directions. His cock
curves and hits that sensitive spot inside me that drove me wild earlier. The
same spot he shamelessly fingered until I came all over his hand.
 I throw my head back and to the side, trying to look over my shoulder
at him. His previous gentleness morphs into the savage brutality I crave
from him. He thrusts harder, faster, rougher, his taking of my ass punishing.
Every retreat causes my muscles to tighten and every advance is a fresh
onslaught of pleasure and pain.
He pounds into me with so much force that my knees and forearms
scrape harshly against the rough ground. I’m barely conscious of it, my
entire focus on the way he brutally claims my ass. A buzzing builds from
my toes and fireballs through my veins. My toes curl, my pussy.
“All your friends are over there,” he growls gutturally, hand still
necklacing the back of my neck, forcing me to look at the lights of the RCA
building in the distance. “Warm. Together. Drinking and having fun.
Probably wondering where you are.” He leans forward slightly, whispering
close to my ear, “If only they knew you were face down in the dirt, legs
spread, getting your ass fucked by your professor.”
He reaches around and pinches my clit and a blinding orgasm races up
my spine. It steamrolls through my body and hits me with a tidal wave,
taking me under. My hips buck into his hand and onto his cock and I come
with a throat destroying scream.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 24

Tristan

Slap. Slap. Slap.

I continue spanking her clit, forcing her through her brutal orgasm. She
thrashes around me, her ass clamping so hard down on my cock that she
stops the blood flow. I clench my own muscles and look up into the night to
avoid coming on the spot.
Her ass is even better than I imagined. Chasing her down, fucking her
mouth, both of those pale in comparison to stretching her untried hole with
my hard cock. She vibrates around me, her tight ass wrapped greedily
around my length and refusing to let me go. As much as she tried to pretend
she didn’t want this, her body has accommodated every one of my
intrusions.
Her entire body shakes, her hips still elevated only because I hold on
to her with one hand as the other punishes her pussy. Another time, I’ll find
a way to stuff her in both holes so her needy cunt doesn’t go ignored, but
for now I want to make sure she knows who owns this hole of hers always
and forever.
I pound into her at a savage, brutal pace. Her head falls forward
between her shoulders. Her hands claw desperately at the ground.
I push her down until she’s flush with the soil, her face twisted to the
side. I see the dazed look in her eye as I get closer, laying my body down
over hers with my cock buried entirely inside her. My hands come down
over hers, our fingers intertwining as she makes fists. My weight on top of
her adds a new dimension to the pleasure and she writhes beneath me.
“No boy can fuck you like I do. Can make you come like I do,” I spit,
my mouth flush against her ear. “Fucking remember that.”
I punctuate every word with sharp thrusts and she answers with high
pitched whines.
“Yeah, right there. Just like that, yesss.”
She nods frantically, unseeingly, and I know that she’s in a different
plane of reality right now. Somewhere stuck between the pleasure and pain
of my possession and only barely able to communicate.
Even from beneath me, she manages to arch her ass. She thrusts
against me and my eyes flutter shut in agonized pleasure. She’s so eager for
it, my dark little slut.
“This ass is mine, Nera. Mine.”
Thank fuck she walked up to me and not past me that night in the
hotel. I wouldn’t have known just what I’d almost missed out on if not.
I straighten and bring her back up onto her hands and knees. She
moans discontentedly, exhausted, but gets in position as I continue to work
that still ridiculously tight hole.
“Your ass is perfect, but especially when it’s full of my dick,” I praise.
I part her cheeks once more, pausing mid thrust and pulling out until only
the tip remains and stretches her rim. “You look unbelievable, Nera.” She
twitches in response then cants her hips, urging me to start fucking her
again. When I don’t, she looks over her shoulder at me.
“What are you doing?” She whines.
I circle her entire rim with my thumb and she shivers wildly. Keeping
my hands on either one of her cheeks, I look up and meet her gaze.
“Fuck your ass back on my cock.”
“W-what?”
“Show me you love it. Fuck me with your ass.”
Her eyes shine on mine. She keeps the contact as she slowly pushes
her ass back down on my length, taking control. Her mouth slackens as she
pulls back and then snaps shut when she shoves down, harder this time. Her
eyes glaze over, losing focus even as they stay on me, and her rhythm picks
up. She pants, needy, whiny little breaths that drive me fucking wild.
 She seems even more turned on now that she’s in charge, if that’s
somehow possible. She looks like she loves the control, her thrusts turning
just as brutal as mine were. I bite down on my lip as my muscles clench
once more and my cock throbs, demanding a release I’ve been denying
myself for a while now.
Not yet, not if she’s enjoying this.
I wrap an arm around her waist and lift. Her weight falls back against
me as I rise to my feet, easily carrying her with just the one arm.
“What are you— Tristan!”
She yelps and then groans loudly at how deeply impaled she is on my
cock with me standing.
I sit back down, my back now propped against a tree, and bring her
down with me. Her legs are bent and angled back past my hips as she faces
away from me. Her ass is still stretched around my cock, my hand pushing
down on her shoulder so that she’s fully speared with my balls resting
against her pussy.
She’s still shaking uncontrollably, having a hard time sitting upright
with the assault of sensations I’m unleashing on her. She holds on to my
thighs, her fingers digging into my skin. I part her cheeks and stare at where
I’m buried inside her.
“Last first of the night,” I promise. “Take your own pleasure and ride
me. I want to watch your ass stretch, open, and close around my cock. I
want you to make yourself come this way.”
I rip the remaining shreds of her lace slip off her body and toss it to the
side, revealing her sexy tattoo. My palms come back down to wrap around
her waist.
I expect her to rock back and forth uncertainly, too shy or tired to try
anything more than the bare minimum. But yet again, she surprises me. I
watch, transfixed by the sight of her bare, pale skin, as she brings her hands
up. She buries her fingers in her hair wantonly and moans loudly, almost
pornographically. She collects her hair messily into her hands, turns her
face to the side and looks invitingly over her shoulder at me. All the while,
she rides me. She pumps up and down my entire length, at first slowly, then
faster, rougher, she adds in a circling of her hips, a bounce of her ass, a
clenching of her muscles and I know I’m not going to last.
“Come on,” I grit between clenched teeth, encouraging her. I force her
up and down roughly on my cock, setting a faster pace. “Fuck me.”
 “Mhmmm, yes.” Her eyes close. “That’s so good, Tristan.”
“Harder. Harder!”
My eyes are transfixed on her ass, on how well it takes me, but my
gaze snaps up to her face, mesmerized by her. By how she takes her
pleasure amongst the discomfort and pain, how she bounces back on my
dick with heated thrusts and even hotter moans.
Her cum drips down her thighs and onto mine. We’re surrounded by
the noises of our fucking, the wet, slapping noises sounding loudly in the
night. My fingers dig into her hips and I thrust upwards as she bounces
downwards. We meet in the earth-shattering middle, her ass impaled so
deeply on my cock that her cheeks are spread open on either side of my
stomach.
“There you go, take it all.”
“Ahhh.”
She screams like I’ve never heard a woman scream her rapture before.
Throatily, unbridledly, and for so long that I marvel at her lung capacity.
Watching her come undone is a mesmerizing sight and as always, I find
myself staring at her unblinkingly.
She clamps down on my dick and then her tight heat spasms
repeatedly, sending blinding pleasure up and down my shaft. I bury myself
deep into her one final time as my mind goes numb with an orgasm that
reduces me to nothing but the all-consuming pleasure that rattles through
every inch of my mind and body. I thrust lazily, following the jets of my
climax as hot seed erupts from my cock and coats the used walls of her ass.
Her entire body relaxes and she goes to fall forward, but I wrap an arm
around her and pull her back against my chest. My still hard dick stays in
her ass as I lean against the tree trunk. She follows me, laying bonelessly on
me, completely spent.
I tilt her head back onto my shoulder and brush her hair behind her ear.
My mouth presses into the thick strands right above her ear.
“Twelve,” I whisper, proudly.
“Thirteen,” she corrects.
A smirk pulls at the corners of my lips. “Just making sure you’re
paying attention.”
I feel her shiver against me and I’m suddenly reminded of the cold
temperature and her nakedness. I shift her to one side and place my arm
under legs, scooping her up against my chest as I stand. Her sleepy
mumbles morph into small, whining ones when I set her on her feet.
I rip my shirt off and wrap it around her. She’s really shivering now,
her lower lip trembling and turning blueish.
Protectiveness tears through me, the sudden need to get her warm
almost blinding. I pick her up once more and head towards the tree line, my
steps brisk as I hold her against my bare chest to bring her some warmth.
My lust is temporarily sated, freeing me from the dark haze of desire
that had me unilaterally focused on having her, and now I wonder if maybe
I played too hard and pushed her past her limits. As much as I know she
loved it in the moment, she’s now quivering against me in a way that makes
my stomach clench.
She tilts her head slightly and looks up at me.
“Where are we going?” She asks, her words drowsy.
“I’m taking you home.”
“Okay, thank you,” she says, burrowing her cheek back down against
my chest. I wonder if she can tell how quickly my heart is beating. She
looks so…soft.
“No, not your home. My home.”
“Why?” She asks, startled. “You don’t have to do that.”
I parked my car at the edge of the forest when I came back, so it’s a
short walk to it. I open the passenger door and set her down gently on the
seat. My cock hardens again when she winces slightly, the need to have her
apparently not as sated as I thought it might be. I take the keys that are
miraculously still in my pocket and reach over her to turn on the ignition. I
fire up the heat the second the engine is on and stand over her as I wait for
the warm air to surround her. She stares at me almost suspiciously, like she
doesn’t trust my intentions. Like she’s not used to anyone caring for her.
“I fuck you and then I take care of you, that’s how this goes.”
“But–”
“Non-negotiable.”
Her eyes are guarded when she blinks, but she doesn’t argue with me.
“Where’s your coat?”
“I checked it.”
“Wait here and get warm, I’ll go get it and your shoes. I’ll be right
back.”
 I get a black shirt from my bag and put it on, closing the trunk behind
me as I head towards RCA. I walk around the back of the building and pick
up Nera’s shoes and my jacket where we left them in the garden. I put it on
and button it so my appearance doesn’t stand out as much. I’m covered in
dirt and my trousers are creased more times than a piece of origami, so I’m
asking a lot of this jacket.
I circle back around to the front of the building and run up the stairs
towards the main entrance where the coat check is situated. The door flies
open before I can reach for the handle and a dark-haired girl bursts
through.
She crashes into me unseeingly, hair and limbs flying as we collide,
our combined momentum making us twirl dangerously fast. My hands close
around her upper arms and yank her back just in time to stop her from
tumbling down the stairs.
When we’re both stable, I blow out an adrenaline filled breath. The
sound of a soft sob pulls my gaze down to hers and I recognize the face
partially obscured behind the mass of hair.
“Bellamy?” I ask. “Are you alright?”
She looks anything but. She’s clearly distraught, tears running down
her blotchy cheeks as sobs rack her body.
“Professor,” she gasps brokenly between sharp inhales. “I’m sorry, I…
I can’t talk right now.”
She’s a student in another one of my classes and I know she’s one of
Nera’s best friends. I’ve never seen her like this, distressed and crying so
hard she can barely breathe. I wonder what happened, if she’s hurt. I don’t
see any obvious signs of physical distress, but that doesn’t mean hurt isn’t
there.
The last thing I want or need is to get in the middle of teenage drama,
but she’s Nera’s friend. Annoyingly, I find that means I can’t just let her
walk away.
“Do you need me to drive you back to The Pen?”
She sniffles, trying to pull herself together. She wipes at her cheeks
with her palm, her hand coming away covered in tears.
“No, that’s okay. Thank you. Just pretend you never saw me like this.”
Her eyes blur with tears again and she turns to go. Something nags at
my stomach knowing how vulnerable and easy of a target she is right now.
 “Stop,” I bark and she turns back around, wide-eyed. “I’m not letting
you go home alone in your current state. I’ll get you a car, stay here.”
“Professor—“
“If you leave, I’ll flunk you on the half term exam next week.”
When I started the year, I didn’t realize threatening my students would
be such a routine part of my job, but the method has been effective.
I turn on my heel and walk into the building without waiting for her
confirmation. I retrieve both of our coats and head to the valet service that
was hired for tonight’s event. I have a black town car organized for Bellamy
within moments and am pleased to see her still standing exactly where I left
her when I return. I wait next to her for the five minutes it takes for the car
to get there.
“Thank you for helping me.”
She’s still crying quietly, so focused on whatever’s causing her pain
that she doesn’t notice the state of my trousers or the fact that I’m holding
her friend’s coat and shoes.
She drops down to sit on the stone steps, her ballgown billowing
dramatically around her. I join her, sitting a few feet away so I can keep
watch but not close enough that she’ll feel uncomfortable. I know she’s
dating Rogue, the last thing I need is his psychotic ass coming after me for
interacting too closely with his girl.
Something tells me threatening his grades won’t have quite the same
effect on him.
I wonder where he is tonight, why he’s not with her.
We sit silently, the only sound disturbing the quiet night the ragged
inhales she takes as the tears continue rolling down her cheeks.
When the car is there, I open her door and wait for her to get in the
back. Leaning over, I look down at her.
“Are you going to be okay?”
She nods, suddenly awkward and self-conscious. She’s calming down
and what I recognize as embarrassment is seeping through. It’s
unwarranted, but I don’t bother saying it. “Yeah, I have my friends. Thanks
again.”
I give her an imperceptible nod and shut the door, tapping the roof
twice as a signal to the driver.
My mind is torn between telling Nera or not. She’ll definitely want to
know that her friend isn’t doing well but the selfish part of me doesn’t want
to give her up for the night. Not yet at least.
Especially not when I walk back up to my car and find her fast asleep,
head resting adorably against the window. She looks innocent and
untroubled, her chest moving up and down softly with every breath. Her
lips are relaxed and puffy and I resist the urge to rip the door open and
claim them with mine. I find myself looking at her for a couple of minutes,
just watching her sleep peacefully.
I get in and drive, looking over at her every so often. She’s curled into
a ball against the window, completely knackered. She’s still only in my
dress shirt, her legs bare and exposed. At a red light, I reach into the
backseat, grab her coat and lay it over her. It slips off because of how she’s
seated, so I hold it up with one hand and continue driving with the other
until I pull into the parking lot.
I’m loathe to wake her up when she looks so peaceful but she’ll be
much more comfortable inside.
“Hey,” I say, palming her cheek. “Wake up, pretty girl.”
I stroke the side of her face down one way with the tips of my fingers
and up the other with my knuckles as she wakes. She looks at me with
bleary eyes and this time, I can’t resist. I lean down and claim her mouth in
a needy kiss, using two fingers under her chin to keep her in place.
She pulls back after a couple of minutes and blinks the sleep from her
eyes. Her gaze turns surprised and skittish when she peers out of the
window.
“I thought you were taking me to your place,” she says, mistrustingly.
She looks away from me and up at The Pen, speaking into the window.
“You changed your mind?”
“No.”
She turns back around to face me.
“Bellamy needs you,” I say through gritted teeth. Selfish me from a
few months ago would have put myself first without even thinking about it.
I don’t know why I let what I think Nera would want guide me instead.
“What?” She says, alarmed. Her eyes are wide and her hand is on the
door, ready to run out. I hit the automatic lock button on my side and keep
her here.
“I ran into her when I went back to RCA and she was crying. She said
she needed her friends,” I tell her, before adding, “I’m giving you one hour
and not a second longer with her and then you’re mine. I’ll be back here
parked in this exact spot in fifty-eight minutes and I expect you to come
down and meet me so I can take you to my place.”
“Like I said, it’s not necessary.”
“And like I said, it’s non-negotiable. Do we understand each other?”
She nods quickly and I hit the button again, unlocking the doors.
She opens it, then pauses. She seems to be weighing something, but
then makes a decision. She flips around and reaches over to kiss me, her
mouth coming shyly down on mine. I groan and grab her waist, but she’s
out of the car in the next breath. I track her through the windshield and then
my window as she runs up the front stairs, rips open the door and
disappears into the building.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 25

Nera

When the elevator doors close behind me, I gasp. I get my first look at
myself in the reflection of the metal doors and I look filthy in every
possible sense of the word.
My hair, usually iron straight and well kept, is a tangled, disheveled
mess. My makeup is smudged down my face. I’m covered in dirt and
scrapes and slowly appearing bruises and my fist desperately clasps
Tristan’s shirt closed over my chest, the tails of it landing mid-thigh and
revealing my bare legs. Anybody looking at me would know the truth – that
I was fucked rough and dirty.
I’m still reeling from everything that happened tonight, my body
having a hard time coming down from the massive adrenaline high of being
chased and then brutally fucked. My lips are cracked and my ass is
incredibly sore, but my pulse beats a wild rhythm in my veins.
I saw a different side of him tonight and it in turn brought out a
different side in me. A side that’s maybe braver, definitely darker, and
absolutely more alive. I want to hold on to that person for as long as
possible.
I swipe hastily at my cheeks, trying to fix my makeup as much as
possible given the mess caked on my face. When the doors open once more,
I rush out and run down the hallway to our apartment, fumbling with my
keys to open the door. I push it open quietly, happy to find it bathed in
darkness.
Distantly, I hear Bellamy crying through the closed door of her
bedroom. My heart lurches in my chest. It calls to me to immediately go to
her, but I can’t, not looking like this. I force myself away from her room
and into the bathroom where I take a quick shower in scalding hot water.
I’ll take another one later once I’ve seen to Bellamy.
When I come out of the bathroom in a sweater and shorts loungewear
set, I find Six and Thayer home as well. Thayer is sitting on Bellamy’s bed
and Six looks on from the doorway with an anguished look on her face.
Bellamy is distraught, her face wet with tears and her cheeks reddened
with emotion. I inhale a sharp breath when she tells us that Rogue betrayed
her and lays out exactly how. What he did is unforgivable in my opinion
and the depth of her heartbreak makes sense now. My own heart splinters
further hearing her story and her sobs, my theories on relationships only
further reinforced by her distress.
After we comfort her, Thayer gets in bed next to her. Six and I close
the door behind us, leaving them to what I know will be a fitful night’s
sleep, and we each head for our rooms.
I lay on my bed with a tired groan and look at the time on my phone.
Seventeen minutes until an hour since he left. I drum my fingers on my
stomach as I think about meeting him again, especially in the context of
everything going on between Rogue and Bellamy.
“I fuck you and then I take care of you, that’s how this goes.”
Another first. I’m not used to being cared for, ever, let alone after sex.
Self-preservation and the guard I have up tell me to be distrustful of him
and this whole situation, even as a part of me yearns to believe his good
intentions.
I find myself counting down the minutes until he’s here, unsure if I’m
annoyed he’s forcing me to go to his place or secretly pleased. The lines are
blurring between casual and…more. I don’t want them to, I can’t afford for
them to. I need to remind him of it, for my own sanity.
I feel an intense pull to him and I can’t let myself fall into it.
Time drags by, fifteen minutes crawling like it’s fifty. The antsy feeling
moves up my body until I can’t take it anymore and I stand. I walk to my
window and stare out into the parking lot. When I look down, I see his car
there, in the same place he promised it would be. My phone tells me there
are five minutes left until the hour.
I wonder if he’s been there the entire time.
I wait until the time hits the hour and then I wait some more. Two
minutes. Five minutes. Seven.
My phone dings.

Gary: Don’t make me come get you.

Me: Sure, because having my professor show up at my home in the
middle of the night isn’t going to raise any eyebrows.
Gary: There are other ways to get you out of that building.

I frown at his text and then a photo comes through. It’s a top down
shot of his hand placed in his lap. Clutched in his palm, his thumb pressed
down on the igniter, is a lighter with a burning, bright orange flame.
My stomach drops even as excitement – which the sane part of me will
question later once she’s regained control of my mind and body – thrills in
my blood. After the side of him he revealed tonight, I believe he’s capable
of just about anything.
I put on my slides and grab my phone, keys, and wallet. Stealthily, I
sneak out of my room and then the apartment until I’m crossing the front
door of the building and standing on the top step, staring down at him. His
eyes are fixed darkly on me through the windshield and that uncontrollable,
unexplainable electricity I feel when I’m near him buzzes to life once
more.
I glare at him as I walk over to the passenger side and get in.
“You’re fucking crazy, you know that right?”
“Apparently,” he says, cheerfully. He pulls out of the parking lot and
onto the street, his right hand coming down to rest possessively on my bare
thigh. “It’s a rather new development,” he adds pensively, looking at the
street ahead. “Seems to manifest only in relation to you.”
“Lucky me,” I say, dryly, but my stomach clenches happily, the traitor.
“No, lucky me,” he purrs, his thumb rubbing soft circles on my leg.
My throat dries and I stay silent, unsure what to say.
But my hand comes down quietly on top of his and stays there the rest
of the drive to his place.
 It’s a nondescript two-story house and I recognize it as one of the
homes RCA keeps for its staff. He walks around to my side of the car and
opens my door. When I get out, he takes my hand and guides me towards
the ground floor apartment.
My gaze is locked on where our hands are joined, transfixed by how
easily and naturally he holds me in this intimate way. I know I should pull
away but instead I find myself interlocking my fingers with his. It’s his turn
to look down at our clasped hands and then he meets my eyes and gives me
a corner smile that melts something inside me.
The rotten, broken part of me that refuses to leave me in peace, that
rejects letting anyone in or being vulnerable in any way makes me rip my
hand out of his. I fold my arms across my chest and avoid looking at his
face again when I know seeing his dismayed expression will only stab at
my insides.
He opens the door and gestures for me to walk in ahead of him. I do
so, coming to stand in an open space that’s both kitchen and living room. To
my left there’s the open plan dining area and to my right, the couch and TV.
At the back, I glimpse the door to a bedroom.
I look around me at the space. It has all the potential to be cozy and
homey but it’s sparse. There’s no sign of life, no sign of his personality. The
walls are bare, there are no trinkets or gadgets decorating the space, or even
boy stuff strewn across the place. He is new to RCA but we’re far enough
into the school year that this should feel more like a home.
Tristan watches me carefully from the doorway, shoulders tense.
He must misinterpret my appraisal of his place because I hear him say
from behind me, “It’s no penthouse suite, but it does the job.” He shrugs his
shoulders carelessly, going for affected nonchalance. “I don’t need much
space anyway.”
I turn to face him. “I think it’s lovely.” The crease of his brow smooths
in response and I realize part of him was expectantly awaiting my reaction.
“I’m just surprised you haven’t done more to make it feel like home.”
Something passes over his features and he closes off.
“It’s not exactly a priority of mine.”
There’s a tension in the air that wasn’t there seconds before and I turn
away. A small shiver rattles my bones at the cold breeze that wafts through
the apartment. He marches past me to the opposite wall and I watch him up
the thermostat a few degrees. Warm air blows into the room from a vent
above my head and my heart squeezes at how easily he seems to always
know what I need.
“Come on,” he says, tilting his head towards a closed door next to the
bedroom. “Time to shower.”
“I already showered,” I sputter, crossing my arms over my stomach.
The last thing I’m ready for is being that exposed around him. It feels too
intimate.
Ignoring me, he reaches for the hem of his sweater and pulls it off over
his head, revealing the taut expanse of his muscled chest, defined abs, and
that mouthwatering V that tapers off into his trousers.
“Not with me.”
“I don’t need–”
He drops his trousers next so that he’s standing before me in nothing
but his briefs. The words die in my throat seeing his thick, strong thighs on
display and the defined outline of his hard length.
He cocks an eyebrow when he sees I haven’t moved.
“I’m happy to chase you again and rip these new clothes off you if
you’re not in the mood to comply. I assume those shorts aren’t couture?”
I point a warning finger at him. “First of all, they’re H&M and
secondly, they’re my favorite so don’t you dare.”
Tristan chuckles, taking leisurely steps to close the gap between us
until he’s standing in my orbit once more. I tilt my head all the way back to
keep eye contact, his own gaze hooded and playful when he meets mine.
His hands come down to rest on my hips, one of them circling around to
palm my sore ass.
“Come on,” he whispers, his tone cajoling. “Let me take care of you.”
His fingers tug at the hanging string of my shorts, deftly untying the
knot as his eyes track mine. I feel the band loosen as we keep staring at
each other and then my shorts drop past my ass and fall to my ankles.
For a second there, we’re caught in a moment in time.
Tristan waits for my decision and I hover on the line until, finally, I
shake my foot loose and step out of the fabric. The other foot quickly
follows. His lips stretch into a smirk that manages to be both pleased and
heated and I find that I’d be willing to do a lot of things to have him smile
at me like that for a while longer.
Keeping his eyes on mine still, he crouches slightly but only to grab
the back of my thighs and hoist me into his arms. My tired muscles groan as
he closes my legs around his waist, but he walks us quickly into the
bathroom where he sets me down on the vanity.
Wordlessly, he reaches into the shower and turns on the water, testing
the temperature with his finger and then turning the knob even more
towards the red. He’s back standing between my legs in a moment, his
palms rubbing up and down my thighs to keep me warm.
He stares at me for long seconds, his breaths heavy and his expression
unreadable. His eyes darken when I stare back and his mouth comes
hungrily down on mine, surprising me.
The familiar taste of bourbon explodes on my lips and I clasp his nape
to bring him closer to me as my other hand caresses the bare expanse of his
chest. He’s so warm, his skin so smooth and soft but his body so
wonderfully hard that I start to get annoyed by the barrier my sweater puts
between us. I push at him with both hands and he takes a reluctant step
back, his gaze confused and intoxicated with lust.
When he sees me clasp the hem of my sweater he steps forward with a
heated grin and grabs it, his hands closing over mine. He rips it off in one
smooth motion and tosses it to the side. I barely have time to register the
fabric going over my head before his mouth is back down on mine.
I’m powerless to resist the pull between us and I arch into him, my
hands coming up to stroke his back as our mouths continue their mutual
assault. Steam fills the bathroom around us and goes ignored as we grab at
each other like we’ve gone feral.
When I part my legs even more and grab his ass to press him and his
hard cock even closer against me, he utters a muttered curse and hastily
shoves his briefs down his legs.
He reaches for and grips the top of my thighs, angling my center up
towards him.
“I’m sorry, this wasn’t the plan,” he mutters, breathlessly. “But I have
to have you. Right now.”
He rips my panties off and shoves two fingers into my tight heat.
Having gone largely ignored the rest of the night, my pussy is so needy for
him that he finds me completely drenched and ready.
“I don’t think you’ve ever been this wet,” he praises, his tone almost
manic, his eyes certainly so. His fingers thrust in and out, the noises of our
joining loud and sloppy. “I’m obsessed with your pussy, jailbait.”
 “I’m not jailbait, you know. I’m eighteen,” I remind him between
ragged gasps.
“Don’t remind me,” he growls angrily, his forehead coming down on
mine. His lips find mine once more, kissing away the uncertainty that
flashes through me at his words.
He pulls his fingers from me and quickly replaces them with the head
of his cock. He tugs me until half of my ass hangs off the counter and my
arms come to wrap around his neck for purchase. He pushes in slowly,
taking his time. His invasion is continuous, his thick length spreading my
walls to within an inch of bursting.
When he bottoms inside me, his head falls completely back as an
animalistic groan rips from his mouth. Pressed against him like I am, I’m
inches from his face and captivated by watching his teeth sink into his
lower lip in rapturous agony. His Adam’s apple works as he swallows
thickly.
When he lifts his head and opens his eyes to look down at me, they’re
completely molten with lust. The color is one I don’t know, like the clearest
ocean waters in the Maldives with patches of darkness hidden just beneath
the surface.
“Hold on,” he warns through gritted teeth.
Tristan barely gives me a second to process the words before he pulls
out and thrusts back in to the hilt. A shocked gasp falls from my lips and he
captures it with his mouth.
He sets an insane pace, his hips pistoning back and forth inside me. I
moan continuously, loudly, brokenly, into his mouth as his lips remain on
mine. I’m chanting my pleasure, my soreness, as he fucks me roughly. His
cock takes what we both need even as his hands are gentle. One weaves into
my hair, cupping my nape to angle me into his mouth. The other rubs
circles on my hip with his thumb.
My own nails rake down his back, extracting another groan from him.
He pulls back and hisses when they dig into his flesh, leaving marks I know
will be there for the foreseeable future. The hand in my hair moves to my
throat and we stare at each other breathlessly as he continues powering
inside me.
“I love how well you take me,” he mutters.
I clench around him at his words and his abs contract in response.
 “Fuck, that feels good,” Tristan moans, falling forward and draping his
chest over me. I clutch him against me with both arms, holding on in the
only way I know how to.
“So good,” I breathe, clenching around him again. A powerful shudder
racks his body and leaves goosebumps in his wake. His back moves under
the effort of holding it together.
The sounds of his hips slapping against my center and our feverish
moans ring lewdly around us. The steam is thick and combined with the
potent arousal swirling in the closed space, I feel like I can barely catch my
breath.
A tidal wave builds inside me, threatening to drown me. My skin feels
like it’s sizzling, my every nerve ending attuned to how this man fucks me.
I clench around Tristan’s cock repeatedly, my pace matching the frantic
nature of his until I can feel that we’re both on the edge. I’m nearly blinded
with lust, my brain completely addled.
He straightens and wraps my legs around his waist so that I’m half
laying on the counter. My hands reach back behind me for purchase, my
palms leaving harried stamps of my presence on the steamed glass.
I’m fighting the need to come so I can draw this out more, but when
his thumb comes down to roughly circle my clit, there’s nothing I can do.
I’m lost to the sensations, to the fifty-foot tidal wave rising, rising, rising
right above my head, and finally cresting.
My orgasm hits me with such force that my screams come out more as
howls. I clamp down so hard on Tristan that I feel stabs of pain shoot up my
walls. There’s nothing I can do except ride the wave and hope I’ll survive.
My walls pulse violently around him until it feels like I suck his own
orgasm out of him.
He follows my release with his own, coming with a loud cry, shouted
praise, and undefinable, garbled pleasure. Hot jets of his seed spurt inside
me and coat the walls of my pussy.
His climax feels like it lasts long minutes as we both pant, his face
burrowed into my neck. I feel him place wet kisses on my collarbone, the
column of my neck, the sensitive area behind my ear. He moves to the line
of my jaw, the tip of my nose, the curve of my lips. He’s smothering me
with kisses and it’s overwhelming.
Finally, he pulls out. My entire body is sore and I can’t move. I think I
could easily fall asleep even in this twisted up position if it weren’t for him.
 “Come on,” he says, scooping me up and stepping with me into the
shower. “I promise not to have my way with you in here.” He sets me down
and stands behind me. His hand comes over my shoulder to direct the
shower head so the jet of water falls on me. “At least not today.”
I’m about to tell him there’s no guarantee there’ll be a next time, but
his hand comes around my front to my chin where he tips my head back.
My eyes connect with his as he brings the detachable shower head up over
my head, the water cascading down my hair. I find that the words dry in my
throat as his fingers weave into my hair, gently massaging my scalp.
My eyes close and I lean back into him, letting him support my weight.
All of a sudden, the exhaustion hits me. Physical, from everything he’s put
me through tonight, but also emotional, from having to flawlessly hold it
together all the time, at least for the persona I show the world.
I hear a cap open and then feel liquid ooze down the top of my head.
He takes care to work the shampoo until it foams and then his fingers are
back in my hair, lathering the strands in the floral scented gel. He starts
massaging me again and a small groan leaves my lips.
I’m too embarrassed to open my eyes and see his reaction so I keep
them shut. He doesn’t comment on my reaction, he simply keeps working.
He rinses out the shampoo, his hands deftly moving the jet of water
through my hair to make sure the strands are completely clean.
“Head up,” Tristan orders, throatily. I open my eyes and find his are
dark with desire once more, the mesmerizing orbs pinned on me.
I do as he says and hear another cap open. It’s followed by a fruity
smelling product being applied to my hair starting from the ends.
My shoulders bunch and my muscles stiffen when I realize he’s
applying conditioner.
Floral shampoo and fruit scented conditioner aren’t exactly staples in a
single guy’s toolkit and yet he had both readily available tonight.
Is this his move, fucking girls and then pretending to care for them? Is
he using products on me that he’s used on countless others?
“Why do you have conditioner?” I snap, taking a step forward to try
and put some distance between us, a ridiculous endeavor in this small
shower.
He doesn’t let me get far anyway.
His hand wraps around my front and splays over my lower stomach,
forcing me back against his hard chest. He presses a kiss against the side of
my face.
“I bought it for you while you were with Bellamy,” he says, voice
tinged with something I can’t quite recognize. “Why? Are you jealous?”
My stomach clenches.
“No,” I lie. “We’re not dating, you can do what you want.”
The minute the words leave my lips, I want to rip my own tongue out.
I don’t want a relationship, but the thought of him touching anyone else has
bile rising in my throat and violence pulsing in my hands.
My words are greeted by thick silence. I wish I was facing him so I
could see his face. I have no idea how to interpret his lack of response.
After a couple of seconds, his hands come back down into my hair. I
release a deep, relieved breath.
For a second there, I thought I’d said something to piss him off. I
wouldn’t know what to do if he was mad at me. I don’t know why the
thought is more terrifying than my dad’s rage, in a completely different
way.
I don’t think I’m anywhere near as ready to let go of Tristan as I
thought I might be.
When I feel his hands move up to the top of my head, I reach back and
place mine over his, halting his progression.
“Conditioner only goes on the ends, not all over my hair,” I tell him.
“Oh, okay,” he says, softly.
Possessiveness rips through me, washing away the vestiges of anger. I
love that he doesn’t know that, that no other girl has taught him that.
He finishes applying and then his hands leave my body.
Seconds tick by and when I look back over my shoulder, I find him
reading the backside of the bottle, his brow creased adorably.
“Are you reading the instructions?”
“Yeah, I’m not sure what you’re supposed to do next.”
I laugh and his eyes snap to me, fixating on my mouth as it parts on a
giggle. “You leave it in a few minutes and then rinse.”
He doesn’t react, gaze still fixed on my face.
“Tristan?”
“Sorry,” he says, snapping out of it. “Got it.”
He grabs the soap and a washcloth and drops to his knees behind me.
He washes me meticulously, lifting one foot and then the other, moving
over my legs, my ass and pussy, my stomach, my breasts. His touch is
anything but sexual, even as he cleans the most intimate parts of me.
His hands knead the sore muscles of my shoulders as he washes my
back and I can’t help but tilt my head back against his chest. The warmth of
the water combined with his gentle, massaging touch relax me like I haven’t
been in years. Tension I didn’t know I was holding in my shoulders loosens
until I feel as limp as a noodle. I’m barely holding my own weight up, most
of it resting against him as I fight the encroaching need to sleep.
He quickly washes himself then rinses the conditioner out of my hair.
He steps out of the shower first and heads to his bedroom. When he comes
back, he’s wearing gray sweatpants and a black tee and I swear I feel drool
physically pool in my mouth at the sight. He’s carrying a chair and the
effort makes the muscles of his arms strain against the fabric, mesmerizing
me.
He grabs a perfectly folded and brand new, lavender-colored, fluffy
towel and rips the tag off, tossing it in the bin. I swallow thickly seeing yet
another proof of his thoughtfulness.
Reaching over, he turns off the water and wraps me in the towel, lifting
me in his arms like I’m both fragile and precious. I feel completely
weightless as he sets me back down on the vanity where we just had sex.
I expect him to leave me to get changed, but instead he sits in front of
me and reaches for something in the cupboard beneath the sink. He pulls
out a box full of bottles, cotton pads, band aids, and other first aid kit
related items.
He reaches for my leg, bending it at the knee and setting my foot down
on his thigh. He inspects the cuts there, turning my foot over in his hands as
a discontented rumble rolls up his chest.
And then he gets to work, head bent and hands focused. He applies
ointments to the bruises and gently wipes a cotton ball dipped in alcohol
over the rough scrapes on the underside of my feet. His touch is tender, his
gaze unwaveringly concentrated.
A nameless emotion tightens my throat as I watch him continue to care
for me long after anyone else would have given up. It’s so unexpected, so
overwhelming, so damn confusing that my body riots in an uproar of
uncertainty, unsure whether to push him away or pull him closer and never
let him go.
 I whimper in pain when he brushes over a particularly sensitive scrape
and he freezes. Dark eyes snap up to meet mine before dropping back down
to my foot.
Slowly, he leans forward until I feel his warm breaths fall rhythmically
against the top part of my foot. I find myself holding my own breath,
inexplicable tension suddenly in the air around us.
He brushes his lips over the sensitive skin next to the wound, right
below my ankle.
“Sorry, baby,” he whispers, looking up at me with his mouth still on
my skin.
I exhale a tremulous breath as his lips linger on me, my heart
pounding, my mind spinning, my soul on fire.
My eyes flutter shut and I hold on tight to the walls I’ve spent years
fortifying around myself. They metaphorically shake under the force of his
assault and I scramble for objectivity, for distance of some kind. Because I
have a feeling that heartbreak at Tristan’s hands isn’t something I would
survive.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 26

Tristan

When I’m done cleaning the cuts on her feet, I leave her to get changed in
the bathroom and head to the kitchen to make her dinner.
I don’t have much in the fridge nor do I have the time to prepare
something really intricate, but I find that I want to impress her. I stare at the
contents until an idea forms. I’m not going to be awarded any Michelin
stars for this dish, but it’s perfect comfort food so I get to work.
I cut my sourdough bread and put a couple of slices in the toaster. In
parallel, I throw some mint, feta, frozen peas, and lemon juice in a food
processor. In a pan, I drop a few strips of Canadian bacon I got from a
foreign supermarket and cook them until they’re perfectly crispy. When the
bread is done, I brush olive oil over each slice and rub some garlic on them.
I add the pea spread and spoon it around until it fully covers one side. Next,
I add some radishes I pickled last weekend, crumble some additional feta,
and add the bacon on top. I thinly slice a beefsteak tomato and place that as
well.
I’m reaching into the fridge for some ham when I hear the bathroom
door open and feel Nera walk into the kitchen behind me. Throwing a look
over my shoulder, I motion at the small table in the middle of the room.
“Have a seat.”
The sleeves of her sweater drop below her hands and I can see her
fingers playing nervously with the fabric. She looks off to the side, towards
the front door, and I can tell she wants to run.
“Nera.” She looks at me when I call her name, the sound of my voice
even and confident. “Sit.”
She’s in her head. I’ve come to recognize when she’s swirling in a
spiral of her thoughts and I see it now. Those shadowed eyes of hers look at
me speculatively as she weighs her options. There’s only one, although she
doesn’t seem to realize it yet. If she moves to walk out that door before I’ve
fed her, I’ll get a belt from my dresser and tie her to the chair.
She pulls a seat back from the table and drops down into it. Part of me
is disappointed that I have to shelve the tying her up idea until later. The
larger part is appeased that she chooses to stay.
“What are you doing?” She asks.
Happy to see her settled, I turn back around towards the counter and
finish assembling the sandwich.
“Making you dinner.”
“I’m not hungry,” she says, and I hear a tinge of… something in her
voice. I can’t quite place it, except that it sounds exactly like the tone she
used when I gave her my protein bar in the gym.
“You’ll eat anyway.” I add the top slice of bread and cut the sandwich
diagonally before placing it on a plate. I place it down on the table in front
of her and sit down in the chair opposite her. “My take on a BLT, with
Canadian bacon and a pea, mint, feta sauce.”
She eyes it with hunger in her gaze but doesn’t reach for it. I’m
starting to suspect there’s something going on there.
I’m going to make it my mission to find out what it is.
I reach across the table and place my fingers under her chin, turning it
up so that she’s looking at me.
“You have to be hungry after the way we fucked tonight,” I tell her,
rubbing my thumb softly along her jaw. “Try it.”
“I just–”
“For me.”
She stares at me, her eyes veiled. I’m near desperate to rip through that
veil and make myself at home in them forever.
Finally, she lifts an arm and pokes her hand out past her sleeve,
reaching down to grab half the sandwich. Her other hand comes up to hold
it closed and she brings it to her mouth. She hesitates ever so slightly, her
eyes flicking up to meet mine, and then she takes a bite.
 There’s something about watching her mouth close around food I
made that makes me hard in a way I never have before. Pride and
possessiveness rush to my brain, making me lightheaded. I’m holding my
breath as she chews carefully and it feels like I’m seconds away from
giving myself an aneurysm.
She swallows and I open my mouth to say something, but I’m stopped
when she brings the sandwich back up to her lips and takes another bite.
And then she moans.
And something inside me turns violently proprietorial. It frightens me
how forcefully the feeling thrums in my veins.
My eyes shine with raw need, my dick throbs, desperate to be inside
her again.
“This is so fucking good, Tristan.”
“Yeah?” I play it cool but on the inside I’m restraining myself from
leaning over and licking the small dot of dip lingering on the corner of her
lips.
“Yeah, it’s the best BLT I’ve ever had by far.” She extends the half in
her hands towards me. “Here, try it.”
I bite into it directly instead of taking it out of her hands, staring into
her eyes as I do so. Her gaze heats and she swallows thickly.
“Pretty good,” I tell her. I actually think it’s just fine. If I’d had more
than ten minutes, I could have made something truly special. “Missing a bit
of spice and an additional level of texture like something crunchy.”
“You’re too hard on yourself.”
“You’re one to talk.”
Her eyes widen but she doesn’t acknowledge my words otherwise.
“I think it’s perfect,” she says, taking another bite. “If this is how you
make a sandwich, I can’t imagine how good your actual cooking must be. If
you opened up a restaurant, people would line out the door for you, I’m
sure of it. I know teaching is your parents’ thing but wouldn’t they
understand if you went after this?”
I reach for her sandwich again, ignoring the half that’s still on the plate
between us.
“No, they wouldn’t.”
“And you can’t go against what they want?”
I break eye contact and look off to the side before replying and
choosing honesty. “I don’t fight for things.”
 She waves me away when I try to hand the sandwich back to her and
cocks her head to the side. “What do you mean?”
She only took three bites but I don’t push her to keep eating.
“Just that. I’m not a fighter, I don’t fight for the things I want, ever. I
know what I want but I’m not going after it because I don’t have the balls to
risk it.” I laugh, humorlessly. “Turns out I’m a coward.”
“You are absolutely not a coward,” she snaps, her voice all of a sudden
so firm that it surprises me. “It’s so hard to go against your family. Being
trapped by your parents’ ambitions is its own type of prison and I know
from experience that it feels like there’s no way out.” Softer, she adds,
“Don’t call yourself a coward because if you are, then what does that make
me?”
“I’m starting to think the most intriguing woman I’ve ever met,” I tell
her.
It’s her turn to laugh hollowly. “You must not know many women.”
“I do and you’re not like any of them.”
She shifts uncomfortably in her seat, like the way I’m staring at her
makes her self-conscious.
“I’ll shatter that illusion for you very soon, don’t you worry,” she says,
voice toneless. “Anyway, we got off topic. You should try to find a way to
continue cooking while still keeping your job at RCA.”
“It’s not that easy,” I tell her. “Breaking into the industry is hard
without any formal training, even if it is just to do an apprenticeship, and
it’s even harder when I don’t know anyone in Switzerland. It’s fine though,
I’ve given up on that dream,” I tell her honestly. “I’m happy just cooking at
home and developing skills that way.” That part is a lie, but I can’t tell her
that my life has been planned out for me since I was born and not only is
there no room for a hobby as blue collar as cooking, but there’s no room in
it for her.
Not casually, or otherwise.
Not that she even wants a place in my life long term, but I’m finding
that the thought of letting her go anytime soon is even more painful than
never picking up a knife again.
“What’s the deal with your parents?” I ask.
Nera stiffens and a wall comes slamming down behind her eyes. She
has the most visible walls up that I’ve ever seen. And yet, it doesn’t seem
like anyone can see them but me.
 “Come on, I shared. It’s only fair.” Her silence doesn’t dissuade me.
“Is your mother as hard on you as your father?”
“Different methods, but yes.”
Getting my wisdom teeth extracted was easier than pulling information
out of her, but every word, every little tidbit of her life that she gives me is
worth its weight in gold. I store them away for later like individual pieces of
a puzzle set on a table to form the full picture of who she is. I only have two
sides of the outer frame done, but I don’t see myself stopping until the
image is complete.
“What’s their end goal? Why was your dad so pissed that you lost last
year?”
“He wants me to win a gold medal at this summer’s Olympic games.”
I give a low whistle, impressed. Leaning back into my chair, I fold my
arms over my chest and spread my legs comfortably. I cross my ankles
behind her leg, loosely locking her at the table in case she tries to run away
from our conversation.
“Like I said, the most intriguing woman I’ve ever met. And potentially
the most talented.”
She scoffs. “Anyone can be good. They need me to be great. Or else.”
I don’t miss the fact that she says ‘need’ instead of ‘want’.
“Or else what?”
She shrugs and my shoulders tighten. If I ever get my hands on her
father, I’ll wring his neck for ever putting his hands on hers.
“Do you want to win?”
“What?” Nera asks, eyes wide as they snap to meet mine.
“Is that your dream? Your goal? Are you pushing yourself every day
because if you don’t win this summer, it’ll crush you? Or because it’ll crush
them?”
She stares and stares like she doesn’t understand what I just asked her.
“What?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “No one’s ever asked me that.”
I know the feeling. “Then give me an honest answer.”
Nera thinks about it for a second, running her finger along the edge of
the plate before looking back up at me. Her eyes shine with the
competitiveness I’ve come to know well.
“Yes, I want to win. I want it more than anything.” There’s a kind of
ferocity in her voice that leaves me in awe of her. “I want it so badly that
some days I spend more time in my head dreaming of winning than I do
actually living.” Her gaze softens small degrees but it’s more vulnerability
than she’s ever shown me. “But I don’t…I don’t think I want to win for the
right reasons.”
“Go on.”
“When I daydream about it, I don’t see myself with a medal around my
neck. I don’t see myself waving at a crowd and holding a bouquet of
flowers in my arms. I see my parents smiling. I see my dad finally being
proud of me. I see my mum loving me unconditionally for once.” Her throat
works like emotion holds her hostage, but her eyes are no wetter than
before. “I feel relief, not triumph. This is something I’ve worked my entire
life for, that my coach is driving me into the ground to achieve, that my dad
won’t rest until I get, no matter the cost or sacrifice along the way, this one
thing that I desperately want and I can’t even muster up any excitement
about it. In my daydreams, I just feel the same kind of relief you feel when
you’ve finished a chore. Because hopefully then it’ll be done and I’ll get to
move on without this immense pressure in my life.”
I have an almost visceral urge to shove the table aside and take her in
my arms but I know she’d run for the hills if I did.
I lean forward instead, resting my weight on my elbows. Underneath
the table, my calf presses against hers, a silent show of support and the only
one I know she’ll accept.
“Why do you think that’s what’s driving you?”
She looks down at her hands where they lay in her lap and thinks for a
moment before her gaze flits back up to meet mine. “Because your family is
supposed to love you. Hundreds of years of scientific research say so and I
can’t rationalize away why mine can’t when I feel like I’ve only ever done
exactly what they’ve asked of me.” Softer, so soft that I only just catch it,
she adds, “And if I can’t make my own parents love me, then who else
will?”
Protectiveness beats furiously in my veins, the need to shield her away
from the cruelty of the world almost animalistic in its ardor.
“Sometimes the people who are supposed to love you the most are the
ones who hurt you the most,” I tell her. “That says everything about them
and absolutely nothing about you.” I lean forward ever so slightly,
entranced by the sadness in her eyes. “It’s complete madness to me that you
think you’d be a hard person to love,” I whisper, my thumb brushing
absentmindedly over her cheeks, my hand cupping her face.
I clear my throat to lend light-heartedness to my words. They came out
almost like a declaration, which certainly wasn’t what I intended. I’d only
meant that I was captivated by her so I could only imagine how easily and
quickly a guy open to something long-term would fall in love with her.
The thought makes my fists clench.
A thick silence hangs between us after each of our family confessions.
The metal legs of my chair make a sharp noise against the floor as I shove it
back and stand. She watches me approach with guarded eyes but when I
bend at the waist, cup her face, and bring my mouth down on hers, she
returns my kiss.
She stands, our mouths still fused together, and wraps her arms around
my neck.
“You’re incredible,” I mutter heatedly against her mouth. “And your
parents are twats if they can’t see it.”
She gives something like a breathy giggle that has my already hard
cock so stiff I’m afraid it’ll snap in two. Cum leaks from my dick as primal
need for her takes over the rational part of my brain. My forearm locks
around her lower back and I hoist her into my arms, wrapping her legs
around my waist.
She whimpers and I stiffen, some awareness piercing through the haze
of lust to remind me that I brutally fucked her only hours ago.
“Why is it that I can’t get enough of you, hmm?” I ask, between bites
along her jaw as I move up to her ear and suck her lobe into my mouth. “I
already need to fuck you again. I want to see your eyes widen as I push into
you and hear those breathy sounds you make every time I bottom inside
you.”
I shouldn’t be doing this. I’m knowingly and willingly fucking a
student repeatedly. Knowingly putting her reputation and my own in
danger. Knowingly choosing to put my needs over my mum’s, knowing that
with every time we do this, the chances of us getting found out and thus the
chances of her getting hurt are increasing exponentially.
I know all this and I do it anyway.
It’s starting to be a sickness almost, this obsession with having her at
all costs. I don’t care about the implications or the potential repercussions,
not if it means I’ll have her even just one more time.
 Her hands play with my hair, her nails sinking into my skin and
sending delicious shivers down my spine. She arches into me, neck
completely back and eyes closed as she rubs her needy center against my
hard cock.
Fuck this. I’m not waiting until she’s not sore.
Leaning over, I swipe the contents of the table off with one savage
move of my arm. The plate goes flying and shatters against the nearby wall.
The sound makes Nera’s eyes fly open. She looks dazedly around, taking in
the scene as I lay her down on the now empty table.
Her eyes find mine again as I stand between her bent legs, my hands
cupping her thighs possessively for a moment before I rip her shorts and
panties down her legs and off.
“Anyone ever tell you you’re very unhinged for a professor?”
Her eyes twinkle with mischief and excitement and I know she’s as
into this as I am.
“Blame it on this one gorgeous, mouthy teenager who keeps me up at
night with dreams of her hot pussy and tight ass.”
I shove her sweater up roughly over her breasts, groaning when those
tight peaks come into view.
“And her perfect tits,” I continue, twirling my tongue over her hard
nipple before sucking it into my mouth. She moans, clutching my head
against her chest and arching into my touch.
“And her greedy mouth,” I finish, moving up between her legs to slam
my mouth back down on hers. My hands rove continuously over her body,
never stopping for more than a couple of seconds in one place, like they
can’t believe I get to touch her again.
She groans into my mouth when my fingers come down to her slit,
caressing up and down her wet heat as I continue laying claim to her mouth.
I sink two fingers inside her and a violent shudder racks through her body.
“So responsive,” I praise approvingly. “Is your pussy sore?” I start
pumping inside her, my fingers shoving roughly in and out as I look down
into her eyes.
“A bit,” she breathes, holding on to my shirt.
“As sore as your ass?”
She shakes her head aimlessly, eyes fluttering closed.
“Use your words.”
“N-no.”
 “Too bad.”
My other hand comes down between her legs and my index finger rims
the tight puckered opening. She stiffens, eyes opening and clashing with
mine as she gives me an apprehensive look.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to take your ass again tonight.” Relief
flashes in her eyes and she swallows thickly, gaze still pinned on me. I
continue my soft caresses around her used hole, aided by the arousal that
gushes from her pussy and drips to lubricate her rim. “But I will, soon.
Better get used to it, Nera. I’ll be fucking your ass hard and often and you’ll
scream for me louder and louder every time I do.”
She flushes, eyes rolling into her head with pleasure as I alternate
thrusting my fingers in her pussy with rubbing her sensitive muscles.
“I can’t believe you… did that,” she says, shy all of a sudden.
I straighten, grabbing her leg and holding it up high as I start kissing a
path from her ankle and down her thigh, eventually settling her leg on my
shoulder.
“You did ask me to set feminism back a couple hundred years and I’m
not one to disappoint.” I grab her other leg and repeat what I did with the
first. “In this one case, failure really wasn’t an option.” I place it on my
other shoulder, pausing to look down at her like this for a moment. She
looks obscene, pussy on display as both her legs are pinned against my ears.
“Now let me knock a few more years off.”
I drop to my knees and my mouth finds her center. When the first
swipe of my tongue hits her pussy, her hips go canting off the table. I press
her back down and tug on her thighs to bring her to the edge. Dipping back
between her legs, I lick at her center again, this time starting at her asshole
and going up her entire slit until I flick her clit with my tongue.
“Oh, my God.”
I pull back and look at her. She’s on her back, arms desperately
clutching the edges of the table, face twisted in lust. Her eyes open, dazed,
confused, and completely overcome with desire as she looks down at me.
“Why did you stop?” She whines and fuck if seeing her desperately
needy for me isn’t my favorite version of her.
“You called out for me,” I answer with a smirk. “You can just call me
Tristan, you know. No need for the formalities.”
“You’re so– ahhh,” she starts, cutting off into a strangled moan when
my mouth comes back down on her. I reach up between her legs to tweak
her pierced nipple, my tongue dancing around my thrusting fingers as I
bring her closer to the edge.
I feel her walls start to spasm around me, her thighs clenching my
body tightly as if to trap me between her legs forever. She doesn’t need to
do so; I’ll happily stay there for all eternity just eating her out and watching
her fall apart.
When I suck her clit into my mouth, she comes with a soft cry, back
arching off the table and hands reaching out blindly to grab my hair. I keep
licking her through her orgasm, my tongue swiping furiously at her slit until
her calls of my name start to sound like a broken record playing the same
two seconds of a track.
I stand and pull my fingers from her wet pussy, bringing them up to
my lips and sucking them into my mouth. Her eyes shine as she watches me
feast on her juices.
“So fucking sweet,” I groan.
I reach into my sweatpants and pull out my hard cock, placing it at her
opening. I rub up and down her slit, teasing her and gathering her juices to
ease my entrance.
“So wet for me,” I muse, pressing in. “So tight for me.” She mewls so
softly, a hot little sound that gets my blood going as she closes her legs
around my waist. “So fucking eager for me.”
I push at her thighs, unlocking her ankles from my waist and opening
her legs wide. When she’s spread for me, I thrust inside to the hilt until I’m
deeper inside her than I’ve ever been, my hips completely flush against her
pussy. Her scream turns into a garbled groan as she works to accept me.
“You’re so big,” she pants, brokenly.
“You’ve taken me in tighter places,” I say, proudly.
Fuck. If I keep thinking about what it felt like sinking into her
unbelievably tight ass, I’ll come on the spot.
I pull out until only the head remains and sink back in. She squeals like
this is her first time getting fucked and I know I’m not going to be able to
extend this. It’s going to be short and sweet.
And rough, if I have anything to do with it.
I lean over and wrap my hands around her waist, hoisting her into my
arms. She yelps then groans when I wrap her legs back around me and settle
her on my dick.
 Her hands come to my neck as she holds on for dear life. One of my
hands stays where it is, keeping her locked against me, and the other moves
to cup her nape. She’s staring into my eyes, hers wide, shocked, overrun
with lust and pleasure, and I watch them roll into her head and her mouth
drop open as I pull my hips back and drive into her.
“I think I’ll fuck you like this from now on,” I declare through gritted
teeth. “So, I can see the expressions explode on your face as you take my
dick. You don’t need to say anything, your eyes are saying it all right now.”
“Oh, yeah?” She manages to say between ragged pants. “And what are
they saying?”
“That you fucking love this. That you can’t get enough. That you want
more, harder, deeper, faster.” I thrust viciously. “Rougher.” She bounces on
my dick, the only thing keeping her in place my hands on her hip and neck.
I twist my fingers in her hair and grab the thick strands. “Over and over
until you come so hard your juices drip down on my floor.”
She’s like a ragdoll as I throw her around with the power of my hips
alone. She’s squeezing me so tightly with her pussy that I feel like she’s
cutting off blood flow. But her body also holds me, clutching me
desperately against her as she takes it.
“Tell me, Nera,” I demand, using her hair to angle her head back so
she’s looking at me.
“I’m going to come,” she moans. “You always make me come so hard,
I can barely take it.” She starts bouncing herself, meeting me thrust for
thrust like she can’t get enough. “I love the way you fuck me.”
A possessive roar rips from my throat when she bends her head and
her teeth close around my shoulder. They sink into my flesh as my fingers
pinch her clit and she comes, muscles shuddering with every assaulting
wave of her climax. I thrust one final time inside her before I follow her
over the cliff’s edge, shooting my load into her stretched pussy.
Goosebumps erupt over my skin and my entire body shudders as my
orgasm stretches endlessly, my cock comfortably at home inside her tight
heat and wanting to mark every inch of it with my seed.
Finally, I set her gently back down on the table and pull out.
“Fuck, that was good,” I say, glancing my thumb over her nose before
pulling my sweatpants over my still hard cock. I brush my lips against hers.
“Think it might be time for another shower,” I say with a smirk.
She averts her eyes quickly.
 “I’m actually going to go,” she says, pushing at my chest so I’ll free
her legs. The change is abrupt, but I’ve gotten used to recognizing when her
walls slam down. It’s always when she feels most exposed, especially after
she’s revealed something vulnerable about herself.
I stiffen. “No.”
“I have to. Bellamy’s going to need me tomorrow and the girls are
going to wonder where I am. You don’t want me to have to answer those
questions any more than I do.”
She’s right.
And still, I don’t want to let her go.
“Tristan,” she says, pushing once more. “I have to go.”
This time I take a step back and she jumps down from the table,
grabbing her shorts and underwear and putting them on. I watch her silently
as she busies herself around the room, grabbing her shoes and phone.
When she has everything she turns around and waves awkwardly like
we just met and I didn’t have my cock in her less than five minutes ago.
“Alright, bye,” she says, heading for the door.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
She turns back around with a frown. “I just told you, I’m–”
“You’re not walking home in the middle of the night. I’ll drive you.”
“I can take an Uber, it’s fine.”
An angry growl rumbles up my chest. “You’re not getting in a car with
a stranger either.”
“It’s fine, Tristan. You don’t need to do that for me.”
“I’m doing it for me,” I say, closing the distance between us. “You’re
freshly fucked and you look it. You barely have any clothes on and my cum
is leaking down your thigh. I won’t have a second of mental peace if I let
you walk out that door into the dark of fucking night by yourself.”
She gives me an inscrutable look. “Are you always this protective of
your hookups?”
I want to tell her no, because I’ve never slept with the same woman
twice before, nor, frankly, have I ever cared what happened to them after I
was done fucking them.
“I’m not letting you go anywhere without me, Nera. Either you get in
my bed and cuddle or you get in my car and let me take you home. Which
is it going to be?”
 She huffs at the finality of my tone. She grabs the car keys where I
hung them on the hook by the door and lobs them at me.
I snatch them out of mid-air as she throws the front door open and
stalks out.
“Careful,” I say, calling after her as I walk out and close the door
behind me. “You know how much I love to fuck the attitude out of you.”
My grin widens as my words make her miss a step on her way to the
car.
“You’re insatiable.”
“Yes.”
She whips around. “You’re not going to argue it?”
“What is there to argue?” I ask, closing the car door behind me and
pulling onto the road. “The only time I’m not thinking about fucking you is
when I am fucking you. Which is exactly why I’m not letting you put
yourself in potential harm’s way.”
She rolls her eyes. “Nothing would have happened to me.”
“Maybe not. But what if it did?” I throw her a dark look. My next
words are soft. “How would I live with myself then?”
My hand comes down on her thigh and she looks at it for a long time
before looking out the window.
“Okay,” she says. Her hand lays on top of mine like before, her fingers
burrowing under my palm to hold it. She doesn’t look at me as she does so,
like she doesn’t want to acknowledge this small sliver of vulnerability.
I pull into The Pen’s parking lot and park in front of her building. She
doesn’t immediately move to get out.
Progress.
I clasp her nape and angle her face towards me. Tired, unshielded eyes
meet mine and the pull between us calls to me. I’m about to bring my
mouth down on hers when she closes the distance and claims mine.
I groan loudly, satisfied, and her hand reaches out tentatively to cup
my jaw. I unbuckle her seatbelt and pull her into my lap to get better access
to her. My hands tangle in her hair as we kiss like we’ve been separated for
weeks.
Finally, she pulls away, breathing heavily. Her eyes are glazed over
and looking at me almost softly.
Does she know every little thing she does is making me want to keep
her? Does she have any idea at all?
 “Come back tomorrow,” I demand.
Surprisingly, she nods. “I can’t stay the night.”
My teeth grind together in frustration. Had you told me four months
ago that I’d get annoyed when a girl refused to sleep in my bed, I’d have
laughed you out of the room. Now, it’s downright turning into my biggest,
most desperate fantasy.
“Then I’ll drive you home.”
She nods again, not fighting me any longer. “Okay.”
I kiss her one last time on the mouth and then once on the nose before
opening my car door. She unhooks her legs from either side of me and gets
out, closing the door behind her.
“Sleep tight, pretty girl, and enjoy the time with your friends. I’ll be
back for you before you know it.”

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 27

Nera

I go back the next day.

And the next.
And the one after that until I blink and three weeks have gone by.
Three weeks of spending the evening with my friends and sneaking out
once they’re asleep to go to Tristan’s.
Three weeks of him fucking me every day, every which way, until I’m
begging to come. True to his word, he’s never sated. He never fucks me less
than twice, almost like he can’t go more than an hour or two before he has
to have me again.
Three weeks of him cooking me dinner every evening. When I come
back the second night, he has at least ten bags full of groceries and he’s
busying himself about the kitchen putting them away.
I watch him cook every meal with those attractive hands of his,
mesmerized by the side of him that comes out. He morphs into a completely
different person when he has a knife in hand, his true passion so visible it’s
undeniable.
He’s a level of focused I’ve never seen him be in class and it warms
the ice around my heart to see him bent over, brow creased in concentration
as he plates dishes he made for me because he thought I’d like them.
 It’s delicious meal after delicious meal, everything from sous vide pork
tenderloin in homemade zhoug to crispy tuna tostadas with a yuzu honey
sauce.
He watches me eat and at first, I think it’s because he suspects
something. But then I realize, he’s just waiting to see my reaction.
I think he might even be nervous, his shoulders stiff and his breathing
shallow, his hands playing with a tea towel as he watches me take the first
bite. I find myself wanting to eat and letting myself enjoy it because I like
the way his lips curve when I tell him this newest dish is my favorite.
I say it every time and I mean it every time.
He tells me that means he has to keep making better dishes every day,
that he can’t slip. That I’m unknowingly giving him the training he needs.
Heat thunders through my heart in response.
He’s so talented and so dedicated when he’s doing what he loves. I
recognize the same drive, the same blind fixation I have with fencing as he
does with his craft and it makes me feel closer to him.
Dangerously close. Far closer than I ever wanted to be. It takes work to
stop myself from leaning in further and to pull myself back instead. When I
do remind him that we’re not dating, he kisses my mouth or my nose,
appeases me with an “okay, baby”, and returns to whatever he was doing.
It’s three weeks of going home to my bed and secretly wishing I’d
stayed over instead. Three weeks of convincing myself I’m doing the right
thing not letting him get too close because he’ll just disappoint me like
everybody else has.
He’s patient, never forcing me to stay or otherwise pushing me beyond
simply insisting on driving me back to my apartment every night.
There’s another reason I don’t stay.
It’s torture hiding my secret from him. When the voice comes for me
— louder and more self-castigating than ever before because it can feel that
maybe I’m starting to reach for a chance to escape its clutches — I have
nowhere to turn.
His place is too small, I can’t purge there without him finding out. The
voice is furious that I don’t immediately obey. Its booming tenor rips
through my mind, pulling my attention over to it until I can barely carry the
conversation I’m having with him.
My skin crawls and I’m on edge until I get out of there and get home.
There, I run to the bathroom, the voice screaming at me the whole way
there.
Why’d you eat that?
Fat pig.
You’re disgusting.
A disgrace. An embarrassment to your parents.
I’m furious with myself, screaming, upset, depressed. Loathing of my
mind and body both. How could I eat that food he made when I know it’s
going to make me gain weight?
Today it was beef lasagna. He said I needed energy for my three-hour
practice tomorrow, that food is fuel.
You’re worthless.
I’m on my knees shoving my fingers down my throat.
Ugly, stupid, broken.
Failure.
Vomit flies out of my throat and hits the water. Some of it splashes on
the white of the seat, horrifying me.
Acid burns my throat. My head spins.
I’m shaking.
My stomach flips, unruly. Unhappy.
I scrub the seat raw. Scrub it long after the vomit is gone. Scrub it
maniacally, cleaning the filth that I can’t see. That I know is there.
No evidence.
No proof of how defective I am.
Flush. Swirl.
Chaotic water just like the chaos in my brain. It’s an invisible war zone
and I’m an everyday casualty.
The stain is gone, just like the food.
You’re so fucking stupid.
No self-control whatsoever. You’re no better than an animal.
I get to my feet and stumble.
Weak.
My legs shake, I’m trembling, looking at myself in the mirror.
Disgusting.
Contempt. Apathy.
I wipe the back of my hand against my lips and gargle some water in
my mouth.
I’m holding on to the sink for dear life.
 So lightheaded.
It won’t even be worth it. If I’m not throwing it up immediately, I’m
not getting rid of it, not really.
I’m getting rid of the weight of it, but the damage has already been
done. The calories absorbed.
Everything your parents are saying is true.
I can feel my hips stretching, the fat at my stomach growing,
repercussions of my inability to control myself.
Shameful.
Deep, burning shame.
That's all I feel.
You don’t even deserve to live.
I shut off the lights and get in bed knowing the voice has me back in its
clutches.
Nights are the worst. I don’t even have the comfort of the outside
world’s noise to drown it out. No, it gets to yell at me until I beg for the
escape that is the nothingness of sleep.
I close my eyes and let the thoughts of self-loathing take me into a
fitful sleep, knowing that I’m going to wake up and do the same thing all
over again tomorrow.

✽✽✽

“Nera! Come here.”

“Yes, Coach,” I say, jogging over to where Krav is standing. I didn’t
sleep well after getting home last night, so I’m moving a little slowly at this
practice.
This is the final hour of my workout and our only one-on-one time as
everybody else filters out.
I was hoping Krav would go easy on me, but he seems intent on
making this entire session painful. Sadism shines in his gaze when he sees
me approach.
I falter, my eyes widening in horror before I mask the expression away
quickly when I realize what he’s holding in his hand.
 A scale.
“Time to see where you are,” he grounds, the tenor of his voice
combined with the accent sounding completely merciless.
There’s no use fighting him. He’s just obeying orders. My father’s or
my mother’s, I’m not sure. It doesn’t matter. Today’s one of those days
where dread lives freely in my heart. The rest of this workout, hell, the next
few weeks even, depend entirely on how this weigh-in goes.
He places it on the ground and I step on, holding my breath. Hoping
that what I’ve been doing in the bathroom when I’ve come home from
Tristan’s will have balanced out my eating.
The numbers cycle through and eventually settle. The blood in my
veins freezes over when I see the final weight.
I’ve gained half a kilo since he last weighed me a few weeks ago. I
was supposed to lose that much in order to stay on target with the goals he
and my father outlined for me.
I don’t dare look up and meet his eyes. Not when I can feel the polar
vortex rippling off him.
“You’re not taking this seriously.”
His tone is terrifying and I know I’m in for real pain. I fight to burrow
myself in that place in my mind where I go for practices like these.
“No, Coach.”
There’s no point arguing, that’ll just make it worse.
“Two hundred pushups.”
Without hesitating, I drop to the ground and get started. He walks
slowly around me, his feet staying ominously in my range of vision. My
throat is thick with tension but I push past it. Seconds later, I feel a cold
weight added to my lower back.
“Wha–”
“Keep going,” he orders.
My arms shake under the added weight of the foreign object and I’m
only forty pushups in. I go down and press up with difficulty, my muscles
screaming.
“You’ve been distracted. Unfocused. You come to practice tired and
not ready to work. I’m starting to think you’re a lost cause.”
It’s not true. Okay, I have been more tired recently because of the time
spent at Tristan’s, but when I show up, I show up. It’s a baseless, unfair
accusation and he knows it.
 But this isn’t about what’s fair.
It’s about power.
It’s about control.
And in this situation, I have neither.
I get through twenty more when I feel a second weight added to my
back.
“Your father has okayed me to use some more… hands on methods if
your lack of commitment continued. Those will be in effect until you learn
some discipline.”
I whimper loudly, the pain excruciating. Every nerve in my body is
screaming for release, begging me to just stop as I push past it once more,
giving everything I have.
A third weight, even heavier than the first two, gets added.
I collapse to the ground under it, unable to hold myself up any longer.
I don’t get to stop.
His hand wraps around my ponytail and he yanks it, wrenching my
head back. I scream in pain but he forces me to follow. He holds me by the
hair as I struggle to lift my body back up.
“You’re not stopping until you’re finished. Keep. Fucking. Going.”
I disassociate, my mind breaking.
I don’t remember finishing the pushups, just like I don’t remember the
four exercises that come after, each more agonizingly painful than the next.
All I know is that when he finally walks away without a kind or
acknowledging word, he leaves me sprawled on the ground in acute pain.
The ligaments in my arms are throbbing so badly that I can’t bend
either elbow. It’s unbearable. Black spots cloud my vision as I roll onto my
back, yelping when the emerging bruises make contact with the ground. A
faltering breath pains my abused stomach, sore from where he punched my
abs as I bench pressed under the guise of “strengthening my core”.
I won’t crawl to the locker room. I won’t let him do that to me.
I need to stand.
I know I can do it.
I’m strong.
I cry out when I attempt to sit up and fall immediately back down. My
breath works like I just ran a half-marathon. It feels like large shards of
glass are ripping through my entire body when I try again, but this time I
get to a sitting position.
 Next, I stand, and I’m proud that I’m only slightly limping towards the
locker room. My progress is slow, each step costing me.
This was the worst punishment training session yet. They’ve happened
in the past, but never this bad. Never with the clear intent to hurt me, to
bend the few remaining pieces of my soul that are still intact into
submission.
When I’m just outside the door, a hand wraps over my mouth and
someone pushes me inside the women’s locker room.
For a moment, I think it’s Tristan.
It’s barely a half-second lapse in judgment before I realize that it’s all
wrong.
It’s not the same large hand or wide shoulders pressing against my
back. Not the same heat that spreads through my body when he touches
me.
When I’m flipped around and a hand closes around my neck, real fear
slams into me as my heart pounds against the walls of my ribcage.
Rex.
He’s only bothered me twice since the first days of school and the last
time was weeks ago. Truthfully, I’d forgotten about him and it’d lulled me
into a false sense of security.
He stands between me and the door, pinning me to the wall with his
hand. Alarm bells go off as my gaze clashes with his and I catch the violent
glint in his eyes.
“Let me go,” I snarl, fighting him.
But I’m so weak right now, I can barely muster enough energy to bring
my hand up to cover the one he has around my throat. I dig at his fingers
weakly and he swats me away like I’m a fly.
“What are you fucking doing? Let me go, now.”
“I’m tired of being patient, Nera,” he whispers, his putrid breath
hitting my face. My heart beats a wild rhythm. He may not be a big as
Tristan, but he’s much bigger than me and I’m made aware of that terrifying
fact when he gets even closer. I tilt my face to the side, pressing it against
the wall so he can’t touch me, but he’s got me trapped. I hold back a
whimper. “We’re getting back together. You know it makes sense,
especially when both of our families are asking for it, so stop fighting it.”
He traces my cheek with his other hand. I push unsuccessfully at his chest,
my shoves nothing more than feeble attempts. Dread slithers from my heart
and into my veins when I realize he won’t budge. “I don’t even know why
you’re making such a big deal of this. I’m the one who has to put up with
your frigid pussy. Meanwhile, you get me. You should be thanking me.”
Anger momentarily powers my strength and I shove him. He takes
only a step back, but it’s enough to get him off me.
“Yeah, I just get your limp dick and inability to pleasure a woman,
lucky me,” I snap, furious and foolish.
He slaps me.
Hard.
I don’t see it coming. The ringing explodes in my ear before I even
process that he’s hit me and I fall to the ground.
Shock freezes me as I look up at him.
My hair is in my face and I see terrifying images of him through my
partially obstructed vision as he walks towards me. Adrenaline temporarily
silences the pain in my muscles, my body sensing it has one mission now.
Survive.
I crawl backwards away from him on my arms, finding some kind of
superhuman strength to get away from him, but I’m not going in the right
direction. I’m headed deeper into the locker room and further away from
safety.
His eyes shine with sadistic violence as he finally reveals the real
person I’ve always suspected he was.
“Have you lost your mind?” I ask, incredulously, hoping to make him
realize the folly of his actions before he goes any further.
But he’s too far gone, I can see that.
I use the last remnants of my strength to get to my feet, clutching the
wall for support to stay standing.
“I saw Krav and his ‘hands on’ approach. It seemed to work for your
training so I’m thinking it’ll work for getting you to see reason.” He looms
over me and takes off his jacket. He rolls his sleeves up his forearms and
real horror sinks in. He’s going to hurt me. “If you won’t do it willingly, I
have no problem forcing you. I might even enjoy it just that much more.”
He lunges for me and I scream. I hate that he forces that weakness out
of me, but terror takes over.
I scream when he slaps me again and I scream when he covers his
body with mine, his hands feeling me up. Bile rises in my throat and
threatens to make an appearance. I hope it does. I hope I puke on him out of
fear and he’s so disgusted with me that he walks away.
I have no such luck.
He grabs and twists my wrist so painfully, stars explode in my eyes.
The angle is all wrong and pain shoots into my elbow. I’m afraid it’s going
to snap.
“I know this is your sword hand, Nera.”
His voice is glacial, the meaning of his threat clear. The coldest fear
I’ve ever felt freezes my lungs and chokes me. He wouldn’t do this to me.
Not this.
“Not my arm.” I thrash against him but he twists it further. A pained
whimper falls from my lips.
“Say goodbye to the Olympics, bitch.” He’s smiling broadly, the full
evil of him out and proud. “This should make you fall in line.”
His eyes shine with crazed sadism as he tightens his hold even further
and adds pressure.
One second he’s on me, the next he’s gone. He’s thrown across the
room and his body crashes loudly into the nearby wall.
I blink in the direction of where he stood, my brain unable to process
what just happened.
Tristan appears in his place. His large body looms over the scene,
dwarfing me against the wall. His face is contorted in a terrifying rictus, the
expression stamped on his features so darkly twisted it would scare the
casual observer.
It nearly crushes me with relief.
Here he is, my very own avenging angel.
Come to save me.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 28

Tristan

When I heard screaming coming from inside the women’s locker room, I
ran in without a second thought.
But I never — never — expected to run in there and see Nera pinned
up against the wall.
Never expected to see her entire body hidden behind the man holding
her hostage, her arms thrashing against him to try and get him off.
If I live thirty lifetimes, I know it still won’t be enough time to find the
right words to describe the emotion that mangles my heart and crushes my
windpipe when I find her trapped and in danger.
I short circuit for half a heartbeat.
I’m kicked back to life like someone uses a defibrillator on me when
she screams again.
Raw fear slams into me, combined with fury and an animalistic need to
rip this soon to be dead man’s throat out with my bare heads.
She looks so small and vulnerable and this piece of shit has his hands
on her.
I black out. I rip Rex off her and throw him aside with strength I didn’t
know I possessed, finally laying eyes on her.
She’s huddled against the wall, looking at Rex’s prone form. Shock
freezes her in place except for the way her body shakes. Her arms wrap
protectively around herself as she stares unseeingly back at me.
“What the fuck is going on here?”
My eyes zero in on the way her sleeve is unnaturally positioned on her
wrist. Halfway up her forearm like he had his hand on her bare flash. I
couldn’t see what he was doing when I walked in, just that he had her
pinned. That in itself was enough to piss me off, but now I really take in the
state of her.
He groans in the background but I barely hear him over the sound of
the ringing in my ears as I walk up to her and gently lift her wrist.
The skin is mottled and beginning to bruise.
I frown and my eyes lift to her face. To the terrified look stamped on
her features. To the deep red mark marring her cheek. To the blossoming
pink line around her neck.
The horror of what I just walked in on slowly sinks in as I stare at her
assaulted face. Images of her bruised and hurt intercut with very similar
memories of my mother. They flash through my mind at blinding speed.
The ringing gets louder, my vision tunneling in dangerously on her.
“Did he fucking hit you?”
My voice is unrecognizable and she flinches. I want to be able to
comfort her right now, but I can’t. I sound completely demented, my tone
crazed, and it’s reflective of the tenuous hold I currently have on my sanity.
I’m barely managing to hold myself back from the violent outburst
threatening to erupt out of me. I’m about to snap.
She nods slowly, like she’s still processing it herself.
“He slapped m— Tristan, no!”
By the time her words are out, it’s too late.
He’s just back on his feet and I dive for him, driving my shoulder
violently into his stomach and slamming him back to the ground.
My fist cracks against his jaw. His face flies to the side with a
sickening crunch.
He groans and turns his face back, and I hit him again.
And again.
And again.
My fist comes down with a viciousness I’m unfamiliar with as the
primal need to protect Nera takes over.
“Tristan, please,” I hear her call from behind me.
 “She’s half your size,” I snarl inches from Rex’s face. He cowers,
lower lip trembling as he turns his face from me. I shake him viciously,
roaring my fury into his face. “Half your fucking size. Do you like hitting
women, you disgusting piece of shit?”
I slam his head down against the floor and punch him again.
“Please stop. Please,” I hear distantly as I feel smaller hands pull at my
shoulders. There’s nothing she can do, I barely register her being there,
blinded as I am by my rage.
Her face comes down in my peripherals as I place my hands around
Rex’s neck and squeeze.
“How does this feel, wanker?” I spit, enraged. “This is how I’m going
to kill you. Snuffing the life out of you and snapping your neck in two for
putting your hands around her fucking throat.”
“Tristan,” Nera begs now. Her voice is desperate. Pleading. She
crouches next to where I’ve got Rex pinned to the ground and I hate that
I’m forcing her to come within inches of him just so she can get through to
me. “Please. Please let him go, I’m begging you.” She clasps my face in her
hands, forcing my wild eyes to meet her scared ones.
Seeing the still terrified look in her eye brings me crashing back down
to reality.
“I don’t want you getting in trouble over this, I won’t forgive myself if
you do. He’s not worth it, so please let him go, okay?” Her tone is coaxing,
her lips coming down on mine to emphasize her words. “For me.” She
caresses my face and I can’t believe she’s having to calm me down when
she was the one attacked. “Let him go for me. Take me home instead.”
I release him the minute she says the words.
I reach for her and crush her against my chest as I come to stand, my
hands clutching the back of her head and her lower back.
Slowly, I feel her relax. Her arms come around my waist and splay at
my back. I hold her against my thrashing heartbeat, reassuring the frantic
organ that she’s okay.That she’s safe.
Relishing the feel of her curves against my body.
Trying not to think about what would have happened if I’d arrived
minutes later.
If I hadn’t come looking for her at all.
“Thank you,” she says, words muffled against my chest.
 I pull her head back, brushing the hair out of her face and angling it up
to meet mine. She’s shaking like a leaf and a fresh wave of violence
clobbers through me, demanding an outlet.
“How are you here?”
I drop a long kiss on her forehead, holding her against me as my eyes
shutter. I’m only just getting my heartbeat under control.
“You should have been done with practice and at my place hours ago. I
was worried.”
She trembles against me and I think maybe she’s crying. When I look
down at her face, her cheeks are dry but the light in her eyes is gone.
A primitive need to protect her takes over. Rex is unconscious behind
us, but I need to get her out of here.
She doesn’t fight me when I fold her into my arms. She settles against
my chest like she belongs there, her eyes closing as the waning adrenaline
gives way to the bone deep fatigue it temporarily shielded.
I stalk through the halls of RCA. It’s past nine pm on a Friday night so
no one is here, but I wouldn’t give a fuck if there were a thousand students
present. Nothing’s going to stop me from getting her to safety right now.
She’s asleep before we’ve even made it to the car. If I wasn’t so
desperate to get her to my home, I’d just sit there and hold her.
I drive to my place and jog up my front stairs with her in my arms. I
have to physically restrain myself from kicking my own door down so it
doesn’t slow me down rather than taking the time to open it.
When I’m inside, I increase the heating by a couple of degrees because
I know she’s always cold at the temperature I usually keep my place, and
stalk to the bathroom.
She’s awake but her expression is near catatonic as she stares up into
my face. I place her fully dressed under the jet of hot water and get in
behind her.
She turns around when I join her and throws her arms around my neck,
bringing my face down and crushing her mouth to mine. She’s assertive as
she claims me and it has all the blood rushing from my head straight to my
cock.
But when I grab her waist and back to pin her against me and she
winces, I abruptly rip my mouth off hers.
She gives me a cautious look. Her eyes are heavy with secrets and I
want to bleed every single one of them out of her.
 I grab her workout top and pull it off over her head.
Fresh horror stabs me in the gut when it reveals giant, mottled bruises
on her shoulders and back. They’re only still forming but are already red,
purple, and by the looks of it, incredibly painful. A sick, sour feeling churns
in my stomach as roaring sounds in my ears.
I trace over them gently, my blood running cold. I feel it freeze in my
veins, the need for retribution tunneling my vision.
“How late was I?” I whisper, tormented by the bruises I’m seeing.
“How long did he have with you before I showed up?”
I imagine the worst, my insides gnawing at themselves knowing I
didn’t protect her.
“Those aren’t from him.”
My eyes snap up. The fury that I'd been holding at a dangerous,
unstable simmer erupts like lava out of a raging volcano.
“Who the fuck did this to you?” I growl.
“It doesn’t matter,” she says, cupping my neck and pulling me back
down towards her. I stop her with a hand on her jaw.
“Don’t keep secrets from me right now, baby, I’m about to lose my
shit. Tell me who touched you.”
Her eyes flick down to my lips. She takes in the way they’re stretched
angrily around my teeth before she replies.
“My father thought it was time for a change of method in my training,”
she says. Her eyes flick back up to mine. “Coach Krav executed those
orders. Those specific bruises are from when he tied bands around two tires
and strapped the other end to either one of my shoulders. He had me pull
them ten laps around the gym.”
I recoil, shocked at the visual. “Why did you let him? Why didn’t you
just refuse to do it?”
The words sound accusatory and I immediately regret them.
Nera whirls on me, face tight.
She’s angry all of a sudden, channeling all the rage and helplessness
she felt earlier into a glare she pins on me. I reach for her but she slaps my
hand away.
“It’s not that easy and you know it,” she snaps. “I’ve told you why.
You don’t get to judge me or blame me for the things I have no choice but
to accept. I’m the one who has to live with them, not you.”
 Nera shoves at me, trying to move me out of the way so she can exit
the shower. I block her path.
She’s not going anywhere.
“I thought you understood,” she cries out, shoving at me again. Her
fists come down on my chest, agents of her burning anger and lingering
fear. “Clearly, I was wrong. You don’t get it and I won’t explain myself to
you again.” When I don’t move, she redoubles her efforts. Her small fists
carry no weight. They fall against my chest with barely any power, more for
show than true aggression. “Get out of my way,” she demands through
gritted teeth.
A cavernous hole opens up inside my chest knowing I’ve hurt her.
That’s the last thing I ever intended.
I grab her shoulders and momentarily lock her arms at her side. To
keep her from leaving, to keep her from pushing me away, physically or
otherwise.
“Stop,” I say, the word ripped from my throat, raw and thick with
emotion. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant, it was a stupid,
careless comment,” I repeat, begging her with my tone to stay. I shake my
head, repeatedly. “I get it, I do. I just…I— my dad hits my mum,” I admit.
Her body relaxes in my hands, her eyes widening at the information. “I’m
not handling this well because of it and I’m so fucking sorry. Seeing you
hurt… I blacked out. I reverted to seeing my mum hurt. I would have killed
him for touching you if you hadn’t stopped me,” I vow, ripping in a ragged
breath. “I didn’t mean to be insensitive, I just reacted like an asshole
because I can’t think straight when it comes to you, especially you being in
danger. Forgive me?”
I clasp her face like I’m afraid she’ll run. Her eyes are sad inky, shiny
pools of black that pull me into their depths.
I place a soft, imploring kiss on her lips.
“Please, baby,” I rasp.
Her fingers close around my lower back, digging into my flesh. Pulling
me closer instead of pushing me away.
She jerks her chin and immense relief washes over me.
“I’m sorry about your mum,” she says, real sorrow echoing in her tone.
“I didn’t know.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you.” My voice cracks. “I’m sorry I
was late.”
 “It’s fine,” she says, voice wobbly. “I don’t need you. I don’t need
anyone.”
“Everyone needs someone, Nera. It doesn’t make you weak to need
me,” I whisper into her hair. “I’m not afraid to admit that I need you.”
She trembles in my hold, her eyes bleeding and pleading as she stares
at me.
“Fuck me,” she begs. “Fuck the pain away. That’s what I need.”

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 29

Nera

Tristan’s eyes shine with a rare ferocity. He crushes his mouth against
mine and steals my breaths and my thoughts in one go. There’s no room for
anything else but zeroing in on his hands when he touches me like he does
now.
He runs over my curves with greedy fingers, grabbing and fondling as
he goes like he can’t get enough. He rips his mouth from mine only long
enough to tear his shirt off over his head and then he’s back to kissing me.
He removes my shorts and thong and tugs my sports bra off. His hands
are careful, like he’s afraid to touch me. Like I’m a piece of fine china that
could break into a million tiny pieces if he touched me a little too hard.
He’s too careful, unsure almost. He’s not grabbing my throat or
palming my ass, his fingers digging into my flesh.
He’s not flipping me around and ordering me about so he can do what
he wants with me.
I hate careful. I don’t want it.
“Touch me where he touched me,” I breathe against his mouth,
grabbing one of his hands and placing it at my throat. “Touch me like you
usually touch me, Tristan. Don’t let today change this. Us. Please.” I grab
his other hand and place it between my legs. “Don’t treat me like I’m
weak.”
 His hand clamps down on my pussy, his other fingers closing around
my throat and tugging me within inches of his face.
“Weak?” he snarls, sharp teeth front and center as his face twists with
anger. “You’re the strongest fucking person I know. Don’t misread my
hesitancy as disinterest,” he says, before diving for my throat. He sucks and
bites a pathway up the column of my neck to just below my ear. “I don’t
want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t.”
He picks me up with one arm and then he impales me on his thick
cock. My mouth falls open on a loud scream and he catches the sound with
the palm of his hand, muffling it. I groan into his hand as he thrusts inside
me.
His mouth replaces his hand but I turn mine away from him, suddenly
overwhelmed by the intimacy. He grips my jaw and forces me back towards
him. He doesn’t give me a choice. His mouth finds mine again, that same
sharp and sweet taste of bourbon on his lips. He holds my jaw and keeps me
in place.
“No one is ever touching you again, you hear me? Not ever.” He
promises. “Not while I have breath in my lungs.”
My blood heats at his visceral promise. He sounds like he’s ready to
single handedly take on my worst fears if I just ask him to.
I clasp his face in my hands, staring deep into his eyes.
“Thank you,” I tell him, voice shaking with emotion. “for saving me.”
He thrusts inside me again, once. Hard.
There’s no preparation, no niceties for what comes next, it’s just a man
fucking a woman who desperately needs it. It’s hard and fast and nasty.
He ruts into me, muttering praise and threats of physical violence
against anyone who hurts me. I hold on to the half open shower door for
purchase and arch my back.
He grabs at my breasts and bites at my shoulders and powers into my
pussy, his need for me as equally unhinged and violent as my own. He
fucks the pain away like I wanted and leaves me as nothing more than a
bundle of pleasure.
My muscles clench painfully, a sudden reminder of the incredible
soreness of my body, but there’s nothing I can do. I try to fight the incoming
climax but it’s like the pain makes it more powerful, makes it more potent.
 I claw at his shoulders and rip at his hair. I bite his lower lip and lick
the blood into my mouth, moaning dementedly as he drives into me. Our
lips smash together as he thrusts one final time, bottoming so deep inside
me that I swear I feel him in my womb.
We come together, panting and moaning into each other’s mouths as
we cling to the other. Warm cum shoots into my pussy, coating my walls as
they spasm around Tristan’s dick.
Slowly, he puts me down. He wraps me in my towel and stands me in
front of the mirror and hands me my toothbrush while he brushes my hair.
It’s standing there that I realize how many pieces of me I’ve left at his
place.
No, not left.
Pieces that he’s bought and made me leave here. The lilac towel from
that first night. The toothbrush that was there when I came back the
following day. The hairbrush that appeared magically a week later after I’d
complained that I couldn’t leave his house looking completely disheveled.
Hair ties and face wash and the cream I use for the blisters on my hands. I’d
mentioned them and slowly they’d started appearing.
I’m in his space and he put me there. I don’t know how much of it is a
conscious choice, but he wants me here. That realization tugs at the softest
parts of me.
I look at him in the mirror and his eyes meet mine. They have the same
manic shine in them from when we first stared at each other in that locker
room. When I looked at him like he was a god come directly from the
heavens to save me.
His hand comes around my front to cup my throat, tilting my head
back in the process. His eyes gaze into mine from above with piercing
intensity.
“Anything else you want to tell me?” he asks, softly. “You can, you
know.” His thumb rubs circles over my pulse point. He has to be able to feel
it jump every time he speaks. “I’ll slay your monsters, every single fucking
last one of them.”
He kisses me, once. A long, lingering kiss, our mouths pressed deeply
against each other’s and that’s it. I cuff his wrist, holding him as he holds
me, and press my lips greedily back against his.
I want to confide in him, to open myself up to him, but how can I ever
make him understand that my brain is broken? That I have a pretty exterior
but there’s no hope of salvaging someone whose insides are as ugly as
mine?
I shake my head softly and Tristan gives me a hooded look in return.
He leaves, coming back with a t-shirt from his room and dropping it over
my head. The fabric swallows me up, the bottom of the shirt coming to
hang at my mid-thigh. It’s so comfortable and even faintly still smells like
him behind the notes of detergent. I never want to take it off.
Wearing only his boxers, he pulls me into the kitchen and sits me at the
table to feed me.
He texted me this morning that he’d attempted a beet cured gravlax
that he was excited for me to try, but it’s not what he makes.
Instead, I watch him pull out a pot and a couple of ingredients and
fifteen minutes later he’s serving me the most delicious looking simple mac
and cheese I’ve ever laid eyes on.
Tristan comes over to my side of the table and motions for me to stand.
I do and he takes my spot. His hands come up to clasp my hips and he pulls
me back down on top of him so I’m sitting in his lap.
He lifts the fork instead of letting me take it and I open my mouth and
close it around the steaming bite of food. I don’t want to have to think about
anything, not even something as insignificant as lifting my fork to my
mouth.
I don’t bother protesting the food he gives me. I want to eat; I need it
to regain any semblance of my physical health.
He takes a bite every so often and when he brings the fork back to my
lips, I look into his eyes before I take it into my mouth. His eyes heat
suggestively, lust flaming his irises and I’m reassured that even after he saw
what he saw, he’s still attracted to me.
That my showing him a broken part of me hasn’t driven him away
forever.
When I’m done eating, he carries me into the bedroom. He throws
back the sheets and lays me down on the mattress, tightening the duvet over
me and sitting down on the edge of the bed next to me.
“Tristan, I–”
“Don’t even suggest going home right now,” he says, brushing strands
of my hair gently back behind my ear. “I don’t want to hear it. You’re
staying here tonight.”
“Why?”
 He sighs softly. “Because I need to make sure you’re okay. Because I
want to sleep wrapped around you. Because I want to wake up next to you.
Take your pick of the reasons. Either way, you’re spending the night with
me.”
Butterflies flutter in my stomach even as my eyes grow so heavy with
sleep that I can’t argue. The truth is, even if I could, I wouldn’t. There’s
nowhere else I want to be tonight.
I think in his bed and next to him is the only place I can sleep
peacefully. It’s the only place I feel safe.
“I want the other side of the bed then,” I mutter sleepily.
He chuckles, the sound deep and rich. Warmth spreads in my belly
knowing I made him laugh.
“I can live with that compromise.”
I roll over and he gets in besides me, tucking me against his chest.
“You take up an ungodly amount of room,” I snark. His big body eats
up his entire side and part of mine, but mostly it makes me feel safe.
Especially the way his arm wraps around me and his palm settles at my hip.
“You’re welcome to sleep on top of me.”
“I like my space,” I say, turning away and making a move to get to the
edge of the mattress.
“Too bad,” he answers, lifting his arm and rolling me back down onto
his chest with ease. He turns us over, lifting me like I weigh nothing, and
folding me within his chest so that I’m the little spoon to his big spoon.
It’s suffocating and wonderful. I can’t even pretend to fight him as I
melt into his embrace and drift off straight to sleep.
Minutes later, Tristan carefully extricates his arm and leaves the bed,
waking me in the process. I pretend to be asleep as he stops at the door and
looks back at me. I feel his gaze caressing my face before he ducks out.
I hear the front door open and close and then muffled speaking. I can’t
understand what he’s saying, but I think he’s on the phone.
He’s back inside after a few minutes and peeking his head in to see if
I’m still where he left me. Like I could have moved without him knowing.
He leans in, his hands coming down on either side of my body. He
places a hot kiss on my forehead and pulls back, leaving the room and the
apartment once more.
He’s gone hours this time before he’s back and sliding into bed beside
me. I slept the entire time; I only know how long he’s been gone because
sunlight pokes in from behind the blinds.
“Where were you?”
He tenses at the sound of my voice.
“Getting some fresh air.”
I turn on my side to face him. Tristan does the same, grabbing my ass
and tugging me against him. He splays my leg across his waist, pushing his
hips and hard cock into my stomach. His hand rubs up and down my thigh,
coming to rest on my ass.
“Don’t lie to me.”
Even in the darkness, his stare pins me. “I had something to handle.”
I reach out and cup his cheek, brushing my thumb tenderly along the
defined planes of his cheekbones. His eyes are fluttered to half-mast as he
stares down at me with an intensity I know I should be terrified of.
“What did you do?” I ask, softly.
“Nothing for you to worry about,” he says, clutching me even closer so
that his chin rests on my head as my face presses against his chest.
“Tristan…”
“I’ll always protect you, that’s all you need to know,” he says, fiercely.
“I won’t apologize for the lengths I’ll go to keep you safe.”

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 30

Tristan

“Hello?” The rough voice asks when he picks up.

It’s said insolently, almost rudely, like how dare I disturb his peace by
giving him a phone call.
I wait until my front door is closed behind me before I speak. I left a
sleeping Nera in my bedroom and I don’t want her to accidentally overhear
my conversation.
“Rogue? It’s Novak,” I say. “Tristan Novak.”
Silence meets my name. Rogue is likely caught off guard by the fact
that I’m calling him.
I received a copy of all my student’s numbers at the beginning of term.
I looked at the paper and put it away, never saving the contact info on my
phone. I had to dig around for the paper in my things before I finally
tracked it down. I’d never needed to use it before tonight.
Until now.
“What do you want?”
“I need a favor.”
Silence mutes the line once more and drags on for so long that I start to
think the call failed and I lost the connection.
“You said my name so this doesn’t seem like a misdial,” he finally
muses, “and yet I still feel the need to do an insanity check…Do you realize
who you just called?”
“Yes.”
“So you’ve completely lost the plot.”
He says it like it’s a fact, not a question.
“I’m not exactly brimming with alternate options.”
More silence.
“Look,” I say, exhaling a frustrated breath. “If I had any other choice, I
wouldn’t be making this call. Can you help me or not?”
“Bellamy told me what you did.”
I frown, but he can’t see it. “What?”
“At the grand opening for the library,” he clarifies. “You looked after
her, you made sure she made it home safe when she was vulnerable. You
didn’t touch her.” His voice vibrates with tension. After tonight, I
understand more than ever the possessiveness I detect in his tone.
He pauses before adding,
“Seems I do owe you a favor after all.”
I didn’t think about the potential long term benefits that I could get
when I helped Bellamy all those weeks ago but I’m happy to reap them
now.
“I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a sticky situation.”
“How sticky?”
“You’re Chairman of the board of RCA aren’t you?”
It boggles my mind that he could be both a student and technically in
charge, but he inherited the seat when his father died so he’s the boss.
“Ah. So ‘royally fucked up’ sticky?”
I wonder how he’d react if I told him his father is the reason I’m
working here. We’re inextricably linked, him and I, and he has no idea.
His father helped set up this entire teaching farce and now he’s dead in
an accident in which Rogue was involved.
Apparently, his father killed his mother. It’s exactly the ending I’m
afraid of for my own parents, especially given our fathers were friends and
shared the joint sadistic hobby of beating their wives in their free time. I
don’t need my dad getting inspired by what Robert Royal did.
Hopefully the fact that the man in question ended up dead with a bullet
in his heart will keep my own father’s imagination from running in too
similar of circles.
“Yes. Are you or not?” I repeat.
 “Yeah.”
“I need a student expelled and…,” I pause, thinking of the right words.
“…dealt with.”
“Who?”
“Rex Carrington.”
He whistles under his breath, the sound darkly impressed.
“They found him unconscious and barely alive in the women’s locker
room. He’s in the ICU at a hospital in Geneva. You had something to do
with that?”
I stay silent and he laughs, the sound taunting and cold.
“Color me shocked. I have to hand it to you, you hide the violent
psychopath very well, Prof. I didn’t see that coming at all, and nothing fools
me.”
“Can you deal with it or not?”
“Of course I can,” he huffs, annoyed that I would even ask. “Why’d
you do it?”
His voice is more curious than I’ve ever heard it, like he’s intrigued by
what could possibly have driven me to such violence.
“He touched someone he shouldn’t have.”
He’s not stupid, he has to know that if this someone is connected to
Rex then it has to be a student. I don’t care that I’m revealing that
possibility to him, it’s far less important than making sure Nera is safe.
I feel him still on the other end of the line. He’s not just silent, he’s
unmoving.
“Someone who belongs to you?”
“Yes.”
“Then consider it done.”
It’s that simple for him.
“Another thing.”
He laughs again, truly amused. “What now?”
“I need an address.”
I know if I could see him right now, I’d see a dark grin on his lips.
“Is there going to be another body at that address tomorrow?”
“No.”
He pauses.
“Is there going to be another body at that address tonight?”
 I roll my eyes. “He’s not going to be dead if that makes you feel
better.”
He clicks his tongue against his teeth in dismay.
“Seems like a missed opportunity.”
“I’ll owe you one for the address.”
“Text me the name.”
I do and hear his phone ding with the notification of my text. I must be
on speakerphone as he looks up the name in the school’s system. I hear him
type and click a few buttons, taking a swig from the bottle of bourbon in my
hand as I wait.
Eventually, he speaks. “33 Route de Chanivaz.”
“Thank you.”
He says nothing and I’m about to hang up when he cuts in. “I fucked
up that night at the library. Badly. I’m lucky Bellamy ever forgave me. I
keep expecting her to change her mind,” he admits, surprising me. He’s not
the chatty type and this confession feels heavy. “You made sure nothing
happened to her. That’s worth more than a couple of bodies so you don’t
owe me anything.” He brings the phone back up to his ear and grumbles,
“But consider my debt settled now. We’re even. I don’t like owing people
anything.”
He hangs up without waiting for a response, leaving me with nothing
but my reflection and the dark look it throws back at me.

✽✽✽

He’s not prepared for me when I show up at his house.

It’s the middle of the night. I press his buzzer repeatedly, aggressively.
I hear it ring through the door, its shrill echo terrifying in the dark of night.
I jam it over and over again until he has no choice but to answer and
he does, the stupid fucking wanker.
A light flickers on in the hallway before the door opens. Valeriy
Kravtsov stands there wearing flannel bottoms, a red t-shirt, and a
ridiculously ratty robe.
 He’s still rubbing the sleep from his eye when I swing the bat up from
high heaven and bring it straight down onto the middle of his thigh with a
sick, violent thwack.
The whites of his eyes explode and he squeals like a stuck pig, his
screams echoing in the empty street as he falls to the floor in a heap of
limbs. I loom over him as he rolls around, desperately clutching his left leg.
I lift the bat again and bring it hurtling back down on the same spot, a
gleeful smile stretching my lips when I hear his femur shatter. I think I even
break a couple of his fingers along with it.
I straighten, casually vaulting the bat backwards so it comes to rest on
my right shoulder. I take a swig straight from the bottle of bourbon I’m still
carrying with me, the burn of the brown liquor against the back of my throat
a welcome distraction.
He’s still screaming.
How useless.
No one lives out here, no one will come for him.
No, the only thing he’s managed to accomplish with his shrill wailing
is giving me a migraine.
“Shut the fuck up,” I snap, my voice terrifyingly cold.
He shrieks again and tries to crawl away from me. I step on his hand,
keeping him from escaping, and crouch down next to him. I hear his fingers
crunch under my weight and he squeals once more.
“Not so tough when you’re not abusing teenage girls, are you?”
Fear widens his eyes further until the whites shine comically against
the black of midnight. He’s shaking, whether from the pain or the terror, I
don’t give a fuck.
I have a bandana wrapped around the lower half of my face, a baseball
cap obscuring the top half. We’ve never met, never even crossed paths at
RCA, but you can never be too careful.
“Who are you? What do you want?” His eyes are wild, frantic, as they
roll around the walls of his eye socket. “Money? I have money, plenty of it.
It’s in my safe, the code is seven-two-five– ah!”
He screams when I dig my heel harder into his fingers, silencing his
needless drivel.
“I need you to listen to me very carefully, can you do that, Val?”
He shakes in fear when I call him by his first name but nods
vigorously. Tears and snot run disgustingly down his face and onto his t-
shirt but he makes no move to clean it up.
“Good,” I praise, perversely running the bat down his face and to his
chest. “Nera Matsuoka.”
“Wh–what about her?” He squeaks.
“What did you do to her?”
“Nothi–gggrglllg.”
He chokes on fragments of his teeth when I flip the bat and ram the
handle side down his lying fucking throat. I hope the pieces rip open his
lungs on their way down and he drowns in a bath of his own blood.
“Wrong answer.”
Red blinds my vision as the normal, functional side of me gets yanked
to the background and sadism takes over. I’m trying to reason with myself
to stop, to not kill him, but I’m shaking with the need to finish him in the
most painful way possible.
“‘Er faher…,” he gags around the bat so I shove it in deeper. “‘Ease…
s’op.”
I pull the bat out. He spits out saliva and pieces of tooth on his own
doorstep.
No manners at all, this guy.
“Are you ready to talk?”
He nods, tears falling off his face.
Weak, sniveling asshole.
I take another drink from my bottle.
“Her father. He paid me extra.”
“To hurt her?”
“To break her.”
I’m not aware that I even move again until the bat crashes down on
Kravtsov’s groin, fracturing at least his pelvis and hopefully his limp dick
along with it.
Visuals of the pain she had to endure before Rex ever got to her flash
through my brain like a horror film.
My fists clench. Sweat dots my brow.
My heart races so fast it feels like it’s going to rip through my ribcage
and out of my chest.
Calm down. I need to calm down.
“Why?”
 “I don’t know, man. Because he wanted to?” He’s curled into a ball,
facing away from me. His mangled leg stretches out below him like a
broken tree branch. “He didn’t give a reason, just that I should teach her a
lesson if I felt she wasn’t taking this seriously.”
It doesn’t make sense. She practices every day, multiple hours each
day. When she’s not in school or at practice, she’s studying opponents’
gameplay. She couldn’t be taking this more seriously.
“Why did you feel she wasn’t taking it seriously?”
“She put on weight.”
I draw back. What the fuck does that have to do with anything?
I think of her reticence to eat. The protein bar. The sandwich. All the
meals I’ve made her.
She’s slight for her height, I’ve always thought so. She needs to eat, to
put on weight, not lose it. Her body must barely have enough energy to
sustain itself through a regular day, let alone grueling workouts.
“She’s small,” I say aloud, more of an observation to myself than
anything.
“Not small enough.”
I drop to a crouch and crush his murdered jaw in my fist. “Say one
more fucking word, I dare you.”
He shakes his head violently, the whites of his eyes bulging. I shove
his face away, wiping my now filthy hand on his robe as I stand.
Relief shines in his eyes like he thinks we’re done. I put a foot on his
throat and press until he gargles.
I stay there as I rake my brain through the past few months. About a
week ago, I’d gone into my bedroom to get my watch and walked in on
Nera, freshly out of the shower and on the phone with her mother.
She didn’t seem to hear me come in even though I was hardly quiet.
But maybe that’s because she was focused on the chastizing words her
mother was leveling at her. I’d been distracted by how good she looked –
sitting with wet hair on my bed, wearing my t-shirt – and her mother’s
words had filtered into my ears with a ten second delay. She’d sounded
exasperated and her tone of voice immediately had my back up.
“...no more than nine hundred calories. It’s the holiday season, you
need to be extra careful. We have important holiday events lined up for your
father, you want to make sure you look acceptable for once…”
 From behind, I’d seen how tight Nera’s back muscles were, how high
and close to her ears her shoulders had settled. She brought a hand up and
started biting at the skin around her fingernails.
I grabbed the phone and hung up mid-diatribe, much to Nera’s dismay.
She’d blanched and gone for the phone but I’d tossed it to the other side of
my bed, gotten down on my knees, and distracted her with my tongue.
When we were done and I’d asked Nera what the phone call was
about, she’d waved me off and demanded I take her home.
I’d brushed the conversation off as a tense moment between mother
and daughter. Now, the words niggled at me.
I was slowly putting more of the pieces of the puzzle together. That
picture of Nera that had once been so obscure was getting just a little
clearer with every passing day.
As was my need to protect her.
I press down on Kravtsov’s throat, the skin of his face veering to a
deep tomato red.
“You’re never getting within five hundred meters of Nera again. Nod if
you understand.”
He nods as much as is physically possible with my foot still pinning
his throat to the ground.
“You’re going to keep sending your reports to her father like nothing
has changed. You’ll give him glowing reviews about her performance, her
skill, her dedication. Her weight if you have to,” I say through gritted teeth.
“You’ll tell him you’ve never seen an athlete like her and you’ll make sure
that he doesn’t suspect a thing. Still with me?”
He nods again.
“Good.” I crouch back down, pressing the bat threateningly against his
temple now. “If I find out that her father knows the truth. If I find out that
you’ve told anyone about this little one on one we’ve had. If, God forbid, I
find out that you’ve contacted Nera in any way, and for your sake I really
hope I never do,” I say with a demented smile. “This whole night will seem
like an amuse bouche compared to the full meal of pain I will ram down
your throat when I come back for you.” I tap the bat cruelly against his
broken femur, letting him howl for long seconds before I continue. “I will
eviscerate you limb from limb until you’re begging me for death, but I
won’t let you die. I'll sow the pieces of you back together just enough to
drop you off alive at the nearest hospital where you’ll spend the rest of your
long, natural life eating out of a tube and pissing into a bag. I’ll make sure
of it, Valeriy Kravtsov. I’ll pay you visits so you never forget about me and
my little friend,” I say, bouncing the bat menacingly in my palm.
He weeps openly, the smell of piss tart in the air as fear makes him soil
himself.
I stand, finally done. I take another drink before hurling the bottle onto
the floor of his house behind him.
“Have a shitty night, Val. Look over your shoulder once in a while, I’ll
be watching.”
I take a step away before pausing and looking back down at him,
crumpled and broken on the ground.
“Oh, what the hell. One for the road.”
I slam the bat down one final, blissful time and pulverize his knee.

✽✽✽

I slide into bed next to her the minute I get home, hoping my absence
will have gone unnoticed, but she’s awake and asking where I’ve been.
“I won’t apologize for the lengths I’ll go to to keep you safe,” I vow,
unrepentant.
“Tell me.”
I stroke her hair, shaking my own head in response. “That’d make you
an accomplice. You have a gold medal to win, I can’t risk it,” I point out.
“You can’t keep me safe if you’re in prison,” she responds, voice soft
as she burrows her face into my neck.
“Depends. Would you come see me?”
Nera hums against my throat, the vibrations sending heat waves
straight to my heart. “Only if they let us have conjugal visits.”
“Pretty sure I’d have to marry you to get access to those.”
She gives me an appalled look.
“What, you don’t want a prison hubby?”
“No, thank you.”
“Fine,” I sigh, dramatically. “I guess I’ll have to sign up for one of
those civilian pen pal things to keep myself entertained then. Find myself a
crazy cougar looking for a sugar baby on the inside.”
“No.”
I lift my brow at her. “What do you mean, “no”?”
She tilts her head up from the curve of my neck and nips at my jaw
sharply in warning. “If you’re in prison for murdering my ex-boyfriend, you
don’t get to write another woman about it.”
Her eyes shine angrily, my possessive little thing. I tighten my arm
around her and pull her even closer.
“Would you write to me then?”
She hides her face back under my chin.
“If you wanted me to.”
I hum, my heart beating faster.
“Dirty stuff?”
She tilts her mouth up to my ear. “The dirtiest.”
A violent shiver rolls down my body, stiffening my cock.
“See, but that’s a problem.”
“Why?”
“Because if you write me nasty little letters for me to wank to, then I’ll
definitely have to wife you.”
She laughs, chest shaking against mine as her breathy giggles hit the
shell of my ear.
“A prison wedding,” she mutters sleepily, her words groggy. She trails
off and I think she’s fallen asleep, but then she speaks again, even more
softly this time. “At least we know I look good in orange.”
I’m pretty sure I fall asleep with a grin on my face.

✽✽✽

When I wake up the next day, Nera is no longer in my arms and the
bed is cold next to me. I’m immediately brought back to the penthouse the
morning after we met, when I woke with an equally cold bed and an equally
gone girl.
I don’t love the moment of panic that seizes me when I realize she left
without a word. Again.
 My heart squeezes in my chest as I sit and toss the duvet off me. I
throw on my trousers from last night, reaching for a pair of shoes and
haphazardly putting them on as I think about what I’ll do when I track her
down and get my hands on her.
Dragging her back here by her nape is looking like the winning option,
my mood storming to black as I angrily rip open my bedroom door.
I come to an abrupt halt, rooted to the spot when I find her in my
kitchen, wearing my clothes, perusing the contents of my fridge as she
stands on one leg with the other bent in a triangle, doing her best impression
of a flamingo.
She looks over her shoulder when she hears the door opening, her eyes
finding mine.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” I say warmly, my heart rate leveling out to normal speeds as I
realize she stayed.
Her gaze drops to my trousers, to the one shoe I’m still holding in
hand. “Where are you going?”
I throw the shoe in a corner of the room and kick off the one I’m
already wearing in the same direction.
“Nowhere.”
Nera nervously thumbs the hem of the shirt I lent her between her
fingers. She’s awkward and unsure about having slept over.
I walk around the table to her, wrapping my arm around her waist and
tugging her against me. My lips claim hers, savoring the taste of her first
thing in the morning.
I pull back and her eyes flutter open with that lust drunk look I love
shining in them.
“Morning.”
“Good morning,” she says with a small smile. She inhales and releases
a breath, her shoulders loosening. “I got up early to make you some
breakfast but I’m hopeless, so here you go,” she turns and grabs something
off the counter before extending it at me. “I poured you some cereal. You’re
welcome.”
The skin of her cheeks flushes a pretty pink color as I grin and grab the
bowl from her. Holding it with one hand, I pick up the spoon and take a
bite.
“Mmm,” I moan, dramatically.
 “What?”
“This is the best damn cereal I’ve ever had.”
Her brow smooths out and mirth twinkles in her eyes.
“Oh, yeah?”
“I think it’s because of the way it was poured. Not everyone can pour it
just right, you know, it’s a real artform.”
She giggles, smacking my chest playfully. “Shut up.”
“No, seriously. It’s a real skill.” I bring my fist to her mouth,
pretending it’s a fake mic. “Tell us, what is your technique?”
She laughs again, indulging me. “It’s all in the flick of the wrist.”
An aroused groan leaves my lips.
“You’ll have to practice that move on me later,” I whisper
suggestively, closing the space between us. I cup her nape with my free
hand and crush my mouth against hers.
The sugary taste of the cereal coats my tongue and she greedily sucks
it into her mouth. I hoist her up with one arm and sit her on the counter,
setting the bowl down next to her as I trap her with one arm on either side
of her.
A small noise falls from her throat, somewhere between a breathy
moan and a needy whine. I dig my fingers into her neck, pressing her
closer.
“I’m taking you out tonight,” I inform her. I dip my head down to
reclaim her lips but she puts a hand on my shoulder, stopping me.
Her eyes question mine, but she doesn’t say anything.
“I’m sick of being holed up in these two rooms. I want to take you
somewhere where you can get dressed up.” I nuzzle her neck. “Somewhere
I can touch you out in public without fear of being caught.”
“Where?” She asks, voice breathy with excitement.
“I’ll think of a place.”
“Okay.”
I lift my head and look down at her. “Okay?”
I expected her to put up some type of fight. She likes to remind me
every day that we’re not dating. I was happily ready to fuck her into
submission if needed.
She laughs, arms wrapping around my neck and fingers brushing
through my hair. “Yeah, okay. I haven’t been out in a while.”
 I rumble contentedly, dropping my face back into the crook of her
neck. She giggles again when I press hot kisses up the column of her throat,
tickling her with my breaths.
I’m obsessed with the sound, with the ease and frequency with which
it’s started falling from her lips when she’s with me.
Obsessed with doing whatever’s needed to make sure she never stops
laughing.
“Will you wear a pretty dress for me, baby?”
“Mhmm,” she shivers deliciously against me when I suck her pulse
point. “What color?”
I move my face up to breathe my next words against her ear. “I want
you in pink.”
“I only have one pink dress.”
“I remember it well.”
“You would, you ripped the zipper off. I haven’t gotten it fixed yet.”
“Add it to my bill,” I growl possessively at the memory of her on her
stomach in my bed. “And surprise me.”

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 31

Nera

Tristan helps me out of the town car and onto the sidewalk in front of the
bar. I stare at the doors for a second before turning my face up to look up at
him, excitement shining in my eyes.
“Is this where we’re going?”
He nods, placing a warm hand on the small of my bare back and
leading me towards the front double doors.
It’s our bar.
The same trendy place in the hotel where we first met all those months
ago.
He opens the door and ushers me in, directing me to the hostess stand.
Memories come flooding in, of the setting, of the place on the other side of
the bar where I accosted him. Of that elevator bank on the far side that
whisked us away to his penthouse.
He stands behind me, his chest heavy against my back, his head bent to
my height, his hands resting casually on my hips as we wait for someone to
show us to our seats.
“I wanted to take you to the place where I first saw you. When you
were standing there, pressed against me in your pink dress with those dirty
words on your lips.” His eyes drop to my mouth and heat infinite degrees.
“I think about that night a lot.”
 “You do?” I ask, butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
“I fucked up letting you go without getting your number. And then you
showed up in my classroom and tortured me.”
“I wouldn’t say I tortur–”
“Tortured me,” he repeats. “Especially knowing I couldn’t have you.”
He chuckles, the warm sound pressed into my hair. “I didn’t resist long,
how could I?” He nuzzles my neck from behind, whispering in my ear, “I
never stood a chance when it came to you.”
I blush at his words, but they also remind me of the risk he’s running
bringing me here. “Are you sure it’s safe to be here? What if someone sees
us?”
He drops a kiss on the top of my head. “It’ll be fine, don’t worry about
it.”
“Hi, how can I help you?” A hostess asks, walking up to the stand. Her
name tag reads ‘Cassandra’. She ignores me but gives Tristan a blinding
smile, tucking her hair flirtatiously behind her ear and looking up at him
from below her lashes.
He looks unbelievably handsome, dressed in a pressed and tailored
black suit. His eyes are the color of the clearest oceans and his hair is
artfully disheveled, rough strands falling loosely on his forehead. He looks
almost otherworldly in his perfection, so I get her reaction — I’m still as
awestruck by him today as I was that first night.
But Cassandra’s going to permanently lose that pretty smile if she
doesn’t tone it down a couple hundred thousand notches.
“We have a reservation under Novak,” he tells her, looking down at me
and giving me a small smile. His hand curls snuggly around my hip.
Something about him saying that we have a reservation under his last
name makes my blood sing in my veins.
“Ah, yes,” she answers primly, mouth thinning into a flat line. “I see
we’re celebrating a special occasion?”
“What?” I say. My gaze snaps up to meet his, but he looks at her.
“Yes, very special. We’re celebrating her finally agreeing to go out on
a date with me.”
“Oh, my god,” I groan, flushing a deep shade of red and avoiding the
hostess’ judgy looks.
“How lovely.” She says it like it’s anything but. “Right this way,” she
adds, turning sharply on her heels.
 “I’m going to murder you,” I whisper to him as we follow after her.
Tristan chuckles softly, his chest heaving behind me. “I thought we
could celebrate this momentous occasion.”
I feel eyes on us, eyes on me, as we cross the bar towards our reserved
booth.
It’s the dress.
I’m wearing a mini metallic dress that shimmers brightly when it
catches the light. It’s completely backless and just barely covers the top of
my bare ass. I paired it with matching dangling earrings and equally silver
strappy heels. I shine bright as a diamond under the few but twinkling lights
of the bar.
The dress is a showstopper and I wore it hoping Tristan would like it.
When I stepped outside to meet him, he’d been leaning against the
town car, checking his phone.
He glanced up and back down, then did a swift double take that had to
have hurt the muscles in his neck. He straightened, his hand coming up over
the left side of his chest like he was trying to clutch his heart. He swallowed
thickly as he watched me.
I twirled for him, looking over my shoulder at him as I showed off my
bare back.
His stare had darkened to midnight, his pupils blown wide until the icy
blue of his irises were no longer visible. He’d taken the steps three at a time
to get to me, his hands wild with undirected desire as he grabbed my face,
grabbed my waist, grabbed my ass. Grabbed any and every part of me that
he could lay his hands on, all the while muttering how sexy I looked and
how painful it was going to be for him to watch other men want me all
night.
Now he holds me possessively against him as we cross the bar. He
tucks me into his side, pressing me against his hard body. His hand rests on
my lower stomach, fingers brushing the top of my pussy in an overtly
claiming gesture meant to signal to anyone watching that I’m his.
“It’s just a dinner you know,” I say, my fear of vulnerability rearing its
ugly head again. I’m suddenly uncomfortable, uneasy in my own skin, in
my own head. “Nothing serious.”
I don’t want to ruin this night but I recognize the warning signs.
His hand tightens on my hip, but his tone remains light. Unflappable.
 “Of course, I’m just buying you dinner and then fucking you later. Not
like a date at all.”
I’m saved from having to respond when the hostess stops and waves at
a booth away from the bar, further into the restaurant area.
“This is the area you’ve reserved. There’s also a private bathroom
provided for the evening just down that hallway and to the right,” she says,
pointing. “Here are your menus. We’ll bring you a complimentary glass of
champagne soon.”
“Thank you,” I mutter, playing with my napkin to avoid his eyes.
His hand rests on my thigh. I look up just as his lips come down on my
neck, right below the curve of my jaw. My pulse flutters under his mouth
and he grunts, the sound thick with arousal as he moves from my throat to
claim my lips.
“You’re so beautiful.”
My heart aches.
Even when I’m an asshole, he’s kind to me. It splinters something
inside me knowing he might actually be one of the good ones.
I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve his attentions or his patience.
I don’t deserve any of this.
“Every man in this room was staring at you when we walked in,” he
whispers huskily against my throat. “Then at me, wondering how I got so
fucking lucky that you chose me.”
His hand moves possessively up my thigh, his fingers approaching my
center. My breath hitches.
“You’re the one who had the hostess all worked up.”
“Hmm?” he asks, face still in my neck, mouth marking my skin.
“She was giving you the look, trying to flirt with you. You didn’t see
her?”
His fingers brush up against my slit, finding it bare and wet. He purrs
in my ear when he feels how soaked I am.
“I only have eyes for you.”
I clasp his face between my hands and pull him up to me, kissing him
deeply. He groans and bends over me in the booth. One hand rests
protectively on my thigh, keeping my dress from riding up to my hips. The
other grabs at my ass, roughly squeezing and groping me.
He moans into my mouth when I run my nails down the back of his
head and neck. I clutch the lapel of his suit jacket and pull him agai—
 “Um, excuse me?” The voice snaps me out of the moment and I push
Tristan off. He doesn’t go far. “Hi. Wow.” Tristan growls warningly at him.
“Um, no I mean, sorry,” the waiter adds quickly, apologetic. He’s holding
two full champagne flutes. “I was told this was for a first date.” He pauses,
frowning down at his notepad like he must have gotten the info wrong.
“You guys seem very cozy for a first date.”
“We’re not on a date,” Tristan replies. He stares into my eyes
seductively, arrogantly almost, and thumbs the traces of my lipgloss off the
corner of his lip before slowly sucking it into his mouth. The move is so
carnal and charged with sexual tension that I feel wetness drip down my
thigh and onto the seat beneath me. He smirks cockily at me when he sees
my eyes drop to his mouth. “Just having dinner.”
I roll my eyes at him and he laughs, a deep chuckle that sends a zap of
pleasure skittering down my spine.
“That makes even less sense. But, alrighty!” the waiter says cheerfully,
setting the flutes in front of us and walking off.
It’s as I watch him leave that I spot them across the bar.
Them.
Rogue, Rhys, and Phoenix.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 32

Nera

Of all the bars in Geneva, they had to choose to drink in this one. They
belong to at least two gentlemen’s clubs and yet here they are, sitting less
than twenty meters away from me and my second biggest secret. Or is he
my biggest?
I should stay away from them. Half a room separates us, they’ll likely
never look over here.
And yet, when I look over, I see a devastated Rhys. I can’t just sit here
without making sure he’s okay. He and Thayer broke up a couple of weeks
ago and I know he hasn’t been handling it well. It’s hard to see the joker of
our little fucked up group so miserable. He doesn’t look anything like
himself.
“Tristan.”
“Mmm?” He says, taking a sip of champagne. His gaze snaps to mine
at my tone and immediately follows my line of sight.
He pauses momentarily when he sees who I’m looking at. I expect him
to look terrified of being found out, but he’s unmoved. He doesn’t react at
all, except for a small narrowing of his eyes.
His reaction surprises me.
“I’m going to go say hi and make sure he’s okay.”
I caught Tristan up to speed on Rhys and Thayer weeks ago so he
knows the situation well.
 His hand tightens on my thigh.
“He has his own friends.”
“I know but now that I've seen him, I have to report back to Thayer
just how miserable he looks. It’s girl code. She’s going to want details so I
need a closer look.”
He grumbles and releases me.
I slide out of the booth and stand. I’ve barely taken a step before he’s
reaching out and grabbing my hand. I look down at him over my shoulder,
my arm extended behind my back where he holds me.
He gives me an icy look from beneath his dark eyebrows.
“Be very careful in that dress,” he warns.
I nod and smile and his hand drops to hook one finger around mine on
the way down before it falls back against his side.
I wink at him and give him my own cocky smirk, and then I walk
away, swaying my hips seductively from side to side with each step I take
away from him. The metallic fabric jumps up and down, teasing the skin
right below my ass.
Behind me, I hear him mutter a slew of creative curses.
I walk around the bar and up to where Rhys is half slumped over the
counter, Rogue and Phoenix talking to him quietly.
I tap his back and when he turns, his eyes widen slightly.
“How are you, Rhys?”
“Fine, how is she doing?”
“She might kill me for saying this, but about as well as you seem to be
doing.”
She’s not drinking herself into a stupor, but her spark is gone. She goes
to class and to practice and she comes home and she has dinner with us, but
the banter is subdued.
She’s just sad and, as a sad girl myself, it’s hard to see.
“Tell me what I need to do to make her forgive me.”
“She’s the only one who can answer that and I think she doesn’t know
the answer herself. For what it’s worth, I think she will forgive you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I put my hands up. “You’re on your own though, I’ve already
said too much.”
I don’t want to get involved in their relationship, I just want to nudge it
in the right direction.
 When that thought flits through my brain, I take a moment to
recognize how much has changed. A few months ago, I probably wouldn’t
have believed in any relationship enough to think it was worth a second
chance, let alone now trying to help it myself.
“That’s alright, thanks for telling me.”
His phone dings and when he looks at the screen, his eyes widen. A
smile erupts on his face and he jumps to his feet, forgetting his drunken
state. He almost takes his friends and a couple others down, but Phoenix
catches him.
“You alright, mate?” Phoenix asks.
“Yeah, yeah. I have to go, Thayer texted.”
I smile as I watch him gather his things, the joy that suddenly radiates
from him palpable in the room.
“Nera.”
I turn towards the sound of my name and look at Rogue.
“Yeah?”
His eyes are pinned on something in the distance. My stomach
clenches. He’s not moving, just staring intensely.
“Is that who I think it is?”
With his words, I watch both Rhys and Phoenix’s gazes slide slowly
over to where he’s looking. Rhys’ eyes widen, whereas Phoenix’s stay
blank.
I look over my shoulder at where Tristan sits in our booth, his black
gaze fixed heatedly on me. There’s no use denying who he is or pretending
that he’s not with me. Not when the territorial look he levels my way makes
it obvious to any man around us that he fucks me.
“Yeah.”
“You’re playing with fire,” Phoenix says.
“You’re one to talk,” I snap back at him. Six just recently told us that
they’ve been sleeping together, that they’re engaged even.
You’ve got your own lane to worry about, I want to say. Then I
remember that he could tell Thornton about Tristan and I and I swallow
those words.
“I know what I’m doing.” They’re all entangled in some way with my
best friends, that means I’m pretty sure they’ll keep this secret. “You won’t
say anything, right?”
“No.”
 I nod, an understanding passing between us, and go to walk away. I’m
halfway back to my booth when I hear Rogue call after me. I turn, noticing
that Rhys has left, and take a few steps back towards them.
“Yeah?”
He tips his chin in Tristan’s direction.
“He ever crosses a line, you let us know.”
A surprised grin stretches slowly across my lips.
“Yeah, what are you going to do if he does?”
Phoenix leans forward, propping his elbows on the counter. “Deal with
the problem for you,” he says with a threatening smile.
“Ew, don’t get all emotional on me now lads, it’s totally ruining your
bad boy mystiques,” I say, teasing. But I reach out with one hand and
squeeze Rogue’s forearm. He’s mellowed out on the psychotic tendencies
since he and Bellamy got back together and I’m touched by his
protectiveness of me. “But thank you.”
I feel Tristan before he touches me, his warm body calling to mine
even before he presses against my back and places a large hand on my hip. I
guess he got tired of watching from afar.
I look up at him and see him give a chin tip to Rogue and Phoenix.
They return it and I’m shocked to see something like amusement flash in
Rogue’s eyes.
“Why aren’t you more worried?” I whisper hiss at Tristan as he guides
me back to the table. “I thought you’d be freaking out about this. Why are
you so calm?”
“They won’t tell anybody,” he answers, confidently.
I agree, but why does he know that? I ask him as much.
“Just a hunch,” he says with a mysterious shrug.
I’m saved from answering when our waiter comes back, this time
accompanied by two servers carrying steaming plates of food.
“I ordered a few plates to share while you were gone,” he says, as the
dishes are placed in front of us.
Warm garlic bread, prime rib, fried artichokes, mashed potatoes.
Everything my mum and my brain tell me not to eat.
After what happened at practice yesterday, I can’t afford to cross
Coach Krav again. I’ll be back training with him on Monday and I’m sure
he’ll want to weigh me again.
Fear and alarm squeeze my lungs so tightly, I feel like I can’t breathe.
 I have no idea how I’m going to get myself out of this.
My eyes bounce furtively around the restaurant, trying to find
something. My gaze lands on the bar.
Distraction. Distracting him is good.
I place a hand on his thigh. His heated gaze immediately jumps to
mine from where he was pouring himself some water.
“What if we roleplay?” I say. I sound breathless, because I am. Stress
has my hands clammy and my heart racing. The food smells amazing and
I’m hungry, but I can’t. I just can’t. “We could recreate how we met,” I say,
suggestively. I glide my hand further up his thigh to cup his cock.
A guttural groan rips from his mouth. He leans closer until only a few
inches separate our faces.
“I don’t think so.” His eyes trail leisurely down to my mouth,
extinguishing any remaining oxygen in my lungs. “I’m not playing any
game that requires you sitting alone and away from me in that dress.”
Tristan brushes his thumb gently over the tip of my nose before
claiming my mouth with one hard, animalistic kiss. When he pulls away,
he’s breathing roughly and eyeing me with dark, dangerous eyes.
“Eat your dinner, you’re going to need your strength.”
He grabs spoons and tongues and starts adding items on my plate. I try
to pass on a couple of items but he explains to me the nutritional benefits of
each or says “this one’s simply just fucking delicious” before giving me a
helping anyway.
“For what?”
“Upstairs.”
Before long, my plate is heaping with food and placed back in front of
me. It looks and smells glorious. My stomach grumbles in hunger even as
the voice comes screaming through.
Don’t eat it. It’s bad for you. It’s gross, just like you if you eat it.
Push it around your plate.
Think about Monday. Think about if it’s worth it.
It’s not.
Only someone with no self-control would let themselves eat that.
The voice roars so loudly in my head, I’m having trouble
concentrating. I’m devolving.
“You got us a room?”
His eyes twinkle with mischief as he looks back at me.
 “Same as last time,” he says, picking up a piece of garlic bread and
bringing it to my lips. “Here, try this.”
I have no choice but to open my mouth and eat. My throat is dry and
swallowing is hard.
“Awfully presumptuous of you,” I say.
“I figure if I promise to make you come at least as many times as last
time, you’ll agree,” he replies, a smirk curling the corner of his lips.
He tries the steak and groans softly, a sound that has a lusty pang
shooting through my lower stomach. The way he feels about food, his love
and passion and acceptance of it, makes me so jealous. It’s what I want.
Desperately.
To be able to have a bite of bread without giving myself thirty
lashings, or some of the fried artichoke without convincing myself I can
feel the cellulite setting in.
To have some of the mashed potatoes without immediately running to
the bathroom.
Food is something to be savored and enjoyed for him. For me, it’s
torture.
“This is one of the best steaks I’ve had in a long time,” he says, adding
a couple pieces on my plate.
I stare at it, frozen. Unable to pick up my fork but mesmerized by the
way the chimichurri oozes on my plate. Hypnotized by the scents that waft
into my nostrils.
Tristan speaks and I answer, but I have no idea what we talk about. I’m
on autopilot. My knife cuts the meat, my fork raises it to my mouth, and I
eat. I taste nothing except the emotional relief of giving in and the physical
satisfaction of being full.
I eat and I eat and I eat, my control slipping through my fingers like a
yanked rope. I don’t know what I eat or if I like it, it doesn’t matter –
temporarily, it fills the gaping wound inside me and makes me feel whole.
But then comes the realization.
The crushing shame.
I excuse myself with a laugh. I think Tristan calls after me, but I don’t
hear him. Unsteady legs take me down a dark hallway towards the
bathroom as my head spins. My hands grab at the wall as I stumble in my
heels.
 Despair claws at my chest. Self-loathing wraps its tentacled, sticky
fingers around my brain and squeezes.
I open a dark door and the bathroom awaits.
My enemy.
My release.
There’s an open area with a mirror, a counter, and a chaise. On the
other side, two sinks and stalls. The decor is chic and modern and airy and
I’m about to sully it with all my brokenness.
I drop to my knees in front of the toilet, the stall door locked behind
me. My hands shake. My vision blurs until I can barely see them. The relief
from the temporary release of control that eating gave me morphs into a pit
of self-hating darkness that consumes me from the inside.
Out, it needs to come out.
Fat, ugly, worthless, bitch.
I clutch my head in my hands, ripping at the hair at my temples. Shut
up, I want to yell back at the voice, leave me alone.
It’s so hard to explain the battle that rages on in my brain behind the
perfect smile I put on for others. Two sides of me, only one I recognize as
myself, go at it incessantly. The internal volume in my head gets
progressively louder until the voice, the evil one, snuffs out everything
else.
It wins, it always does. Even when I’m in the middle of a lovely
dinner.
The hopelessness is crushing.
Staring down into that toilet bowl, brought to my literal knees by an
invisible monster in my head.
Hand clutching the rim. Fingers in the back of my throat. Vomit
dirtying the white porcelain.
An addictive rush. Emptiness is power.
A sense of relief. Weightlessness followed by the pulverizing weight
of shame.
You’ll never be good enough.
Why can’t I stop?
I throw up again.
My back hits the side of the bathroom stall. I hug my knees to my
chest. Dizziness blurs my vision and I fight the alluring call of
unconsciousness.
 Keep going, mum will be proud.
The palpitations of my heart scare me. Sweat dots my brow. My throat
is sore. My teeth hurt. My body is weak in the aftermath.
I need to collect myself.
When did I let it get this bad?
Again. Do it again.
Failure isn’t an option.
I want to scream. Scream so loudly that the voice cowers back into the
dark recesses of my mind where it came from and never comes out again.
Lazy, disgraceful, waste of space.
Emotion clogs my throat. I’m so tired. I can’t keep doing this to
myself.
I can’t stop.
The room comes slowly back into focus. I’m on the floor, sweat
beading at my temples.
I don’t know how long I’ve been gone, but it’s a while. Tristan will be
wondering where I am.
I need to go back out there. I need to paint that smile back on and show
him I’m okay.
There’s a tube of toothpaste and a toothbrush in my bag, I never go
anywhere without them. A quick brush and the veneer of perfection will be
back firmly in place.
Wiping my hand across my mouth, I open the stall door and walk out.
I’m digging in my purse for my things. I think I have breath spray as well.
I dump the contents of my purse haphazardly on the counter. Shaking
hands pick up the breath freshener and spray it a couple of times in my
mouth. I run my toothbrush under the tap and bring it up to my mouth,
looking up into the mirror.
My heart comes to a devastating, screeching halt.
It feels like it completely caves in on itself and slowly collapses when
my eyes meet Tristan’s in the reflection.
I whip around, clutching the sink counter behind me for support.
His eyes are so dark and intense in the mirror that all traces of blue are
gone. All I see is the blackest look that’s ever been leveled at me.
The denial is instant on my lips.
“It’s not what you think,” I swear.
The look in his eye tells me I’m not getting away with it.
 “Really? Because it sounds like you just made yourself throw up.”
The words carry the weight of a slap and I flinch. They’ve never been
said to me before and I’m not ready to receive them.
I turn back around and away from him. I run my trembling hands
under the water, drawing out my response as I try to cling to my
composure.
“I didn’t feel well,” I say tonelessly, avoiding his gaze in the mirror. “I
preferred to just get it out and over with.”
I brush my teeth, still averting my eyes. He says nothing. The silence
compresses the air in the room until I feel like I can’t breathe. I can feel him
standing impossibly still behind me, staring me down.
Finally, he breaks it.
“You’re lying.”
My eyes fly up to meet and hold his. He gives nothing away. A crack
appears on my fragile heart, one that slowly worsens, fissuring into dozens
of little tentacles until it feels like if I so much as breathe, it’ll fracture.
He takes a step towards me.
Then another.
“This isn’t the first time you’ve made yourself throw up, it’s just the
first time I witnessed it. You’ve been doing it for a while. For how long, I’m
not sure, but I’d guess this isn’t a recent development.”
“Stop.”
“The benefit of being obsessed with you is that I watch you, Nera. All
the time. I see you stumble sometimes, I see you brace yourself against
surfaces. You’re in pain. You’re lightheaded. You’re hungry.”
His voice pounds against my temples. It’s not unkind or critical, but I
can’t breathe, I can’t see. He’s pulling at everything I’ve been holding
together, trying to yank it loose so he can look at the ugliness underneath.
He has no right.
“Stop.”
Panic seizes hold of me. I never wanted him to see me like this. Not
him. I can’t make him understand this. I can’t take his judgment of me, his
horror at how fucked up I am.
Worse, his disgust of me.
“Is this why you won’t stay the night? Is this why you push me away
every time I try to get close?”
 Shame and terror fill me. This is my worst nightmare, everything I
feared would happen since I realized that I have feelings for him.
Try as I might have to keep my emotional distance from him, he’s
managed to worm his way in. And the pain of knowing he’s discovered my
secret and that he’s undoubtedly about to reject me because of it hurts more
than any physical bruise or hit.
I feel so exposed and vulnerable that it’s almost enough to make me
sick again.
I dig deep, searching for that place in my mind and try to bury myself
there, wrapping cool aloofness around me like I’m not dying on the inside.
“I don’t stay over and I push you away because I’m not interested in a
relationship with you. I’ve told you that repeatedly, you just won’t listen.”
He stares at me with depthless intensity and I can’t take it.
I look away.
“I don’t believe you,” he retorts.
“I think you should leave,” I say, turning away.
“No.”
Simple.
Why is he making this so hard?
“I said, go.”
My shoulders shake, my entire frame trembling as the swirl of
emotions thrashes violently through me, as destructive as an earthquake. I
bend my head in defeat and look at my hands. How they clutch the sink for
support, white knuckling me through the pain. How the red of my nail
polish looks like blood against the white porcelain.
It’s impossibly hard to remain upright. All I want to do is crumple to
the floor. My hands keep me steady. He needs to leave before I completely
fall apart.
I hear him close the remaining distance between us and then his hands
are on my shoulders and he’s flipping me around.
Something like a sob catches in my throat.
I swallow it down.
I shove at him, hard.
I don’t need him. I don’t need anyone.
His eyes fall to the place on his chest where I pushed him but he
doesn’t move backwards. Instead, he reaches for me, pulling me into him.
I shove again. When he still doesn’t move, I do it again.
 And again.
And again.
It’s like all the dark energy explodes out of me at once. I’m fighting
like a woman possessed, years of bottled-up pain and anger and fear being
leveled indiscriminately and unfairly at the only person who’s ever
protected me.
The voice takes aim where it knows it’ll hurt most and fires. Hateful
thoughts crash against the walls of my skull like balls in a lottery machine.
Push him away before he rejects you.
You never deserved him anyway.
“Just go!” I scream.
But it’s like fighting with a brick wall. He takes it, takes all the
ugliness I hurl at him, both physical and emotional, and doesn’t flinch.
Doesn’t move an inch. His eyes are trained on my face and they see too
much. There’s a matching world of chaos in them, as if my pain is
somehow hurting him.
Finally, I shove him with enough sustained strength that he takes a step
back.
He’s right back on me before I can blink.
“No,” he snarls. He locks me against him with his arm around my
waist and his hand on the back of my neck. His heart is pounding against
my ear but his body is warm and big and inviting.
Comforting.
I don’t understand why he won’t just leave.
The bubble of emotion travels upwards in my throat and releases from
my mouth in the form of a keening cry.
“Stop, Tristan. I want you to leave, I don’t need this right now.”
“No,” he answers, mouth now pressed against my ear.
I’m fighting, but fighting a losing battle. He’s bigger, taller, stronger
than me and he holds me firmly against him. The only way I’ll get out of
this embrace is if he chooses to let me.
“Why won’t you just go?” I yell, completely split open. I feel like a
raw, exposed nerve. “Let me go,” I beg. “Just let me go…”
My voice catches on a sob.
No.
No, no, no.
“Never,” he whispers. He wraps me tightly in his arms.
 No matter how much I struggle, he doesn’t let me go. He holds me.
And eventually, when I realize that I can’t win against him, that he won’t
leave, I finally let go. My legs give out and my body gives in, falling
against him, and his follows mine unhesitatingly down to the floor.
He doesn’t abandon me. He doesn’t hurt me, he doesn’t chastise me.
He just…holds me.
I’m clutched against his chest when he slides his back down the
bathroom wall. He lowers me so that I’m sitting in his lap, pressed against
his heart.
He strokes my hair. He whispers heated reassurances in my ear. He
rubs comforting circles on my back. He gently caresses my cheek with his
large, warm palm and it’s when he leans down and licks a tear into his
mouth that I realize they’re there.
“You don’t need to hide parts of yourself from me. I want it all, every
single piece. And Nera,” he whispers against my ear, “I’m not going
anywhere without you.”
The next tear falls, catching me off guard and surprising me. Another
follows, then a third, until my face is drenched. For the first time in years, I
allow myself to cry. The tears rain down my cheeks and bring with them
near crippling emotional relief.
Tristan holds me through it all, never once wavering.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 33

Tristan

The doors of the elevator open and I walk into the penthouse with Nera
still clutched in my arms.
She hasn’t said a word since the bathroom. I don’t know how long we
sat there with her cradled against me as she cried softly. At least an hour,
with every new tear down her face fueling fresh retaliatory fury inside me.
I’d wanted to take her pain and make it my own. The best I could do
was lick her tears as they fell, tasting her misery just like I’ve tasted her joy
in the past.
When I watched her rise from our booth and head almost blindly
towards the bathroom, I knew. Knew that she needed me.
So, I followed her.
I snuck in behind her and listened as she hurt herself.
Rage unlike anything I’d ever known had warped my fists. Rage at her
parents, rage at the world for inflicting such pain on her. Rage at myself for
not seeing it earlier, for not taking care of her.
After what happened downstairs, what I finally confirmed, I don’t
know how I’ll ever be able to be separated from her again. The
protectiveness I feel pales in comparison to what it was before, when I’d
already been concerned about my blind infatuation with her.
 It’s downright an obsession now, and as I set her down and release her,
I have to physically restrain myself from reaching for her when she takes a
step away from me.
Nera turns towards me and her eyes are so fucking wide and sad that
my heart squeezes painfully. She has me worshipping at her altar with just a
look in my direction and she doesn’t even know it.
Shame and resignation burn brightly in them, but she meets my gaze.
Streaks of tears mark her face like a canvas and fall off the curve of her jaw.
Even in her suffering, she’s beautiful.
“You said I wasn’t breakable,” she says with a humorless laugh. “Now
you get to see just how broken I really am.”
“You’re not broken.”
“Look at me,” she begs, her voice breaking on that desperate plea. She
holds her hands up in defeat before dropping them limply back against her
sides.
“I am,” I say, my tone raw. “All I do is look at you.”
I grab her hand and pull her behind me into the bedroom. There, I
stand her in front of the floor-length mirror. I flick on the lights and rip open
the clasp at her neck that holds her dress together.
A small cry leaves her lips as she catches the front of her dress and
holds it clutched over her front.
“What are you doing?”
I tip my chin at her dress. “Take it off.”
Nera looks so fragile, so young, standing there. Back hollowed, no
longer confidently wearing the dress that’d brought an entire bar to its
knees earlier. She shakes her head in refusal so I grab the fabric and pull it
over her hips and off myself.
“Tristan!” She cries, covering her breasts and stomach.
I grab her arms and force them down against her sides so she’s
standing naked in front of the mirror.
“What do you see?” I demand, voice gruff.
She looks away and closes her eyes, refusing to look at herself.
“What do you see, Nera? Do you see someone beautiful?”
She shakes her head, eyes still closed.
“I do,” I say, softly. I press my lips against the back of her neck. “I see
lean shoulders that carry the weight of the world.” I move my mouth over
to her right shoulder, kissing the rounded edge of her back. “I see toned
arms that’ll raise a gold medal this summer.” My hands caress the curves of
her body, moving down in tandem with my lips as I continue my
exploration of her body. Her eyes open and find mine in the mirror as I drop
to my knees behind her.
“I see a strong stomach that’s allowed you to endure more than anyone
should. I see powerful thighs and legs that’ll carry you to whatever you
want in life because from what I know of you, when you put your mind to
something, you always achieve it.”
Liquid pools in her eyes as she looks at me, the vulnerability in her
gaze hitting me in the softest part of my marrow.
My hands move up to cup her ass, my fingers digging in greedily as
they do every time I get to touch it.
“Beyond that, I see an ass that I spend half of my waking moments
thinking about, hips that I need to touch whenever you’re near me, and
mouthwateringly distracting tits.” I stand, pulling her back against my front.
“Your body is perfect, Nera. In every way,” I growl in her ear.
“I don’t think so,” she murmurs, jaggedly. “How do I fix myself when
I’m so broken?”
“There’s nothing to fix because you’re not broken,” I answer, kissing
her forehead.
“Yes, I am.”
“No, baby,” I say, cupping her face and tilting it up to look at me.
“There’s only so many times you can only be told you’re not good enough
before you start to believe it.”
I press a heated kiss on her lips, a relieved sigh leaving my throat at
the contact.
She whispers so low that I barely make out her words. “Maybe that’s
because it’s true.”
Her eyes are closed like she can’t even face looking at me when she
says the words. My mouth comes down on her right eyelid, kissing it softly.
I tilt her head upwards, moving over to the other eyelid. Then, her nose. Her
cheeks. Her jaw.
Finally, her mouth.
“No, it’s not.” I know my kiss communicates the ferocity of my
feelings when it comes down on her lips. “I wish you could see yourself the
way I see you. Beautiful inside and out.”
 “How can you say that when you’ve just seen what I’m like on the
inside? Warped and ugly and intent on ruining any chance I have at being
anything but miserable.” She hangs her head. “I ruined our night.”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” I say, angling her chin back towards me. “I
walked into this wanting to get behind those walls, wanting to see the parts
of you that you stubbornly keep in the dark.” I stroke her cheek,
whispering, “I got exactly what I wanted tonight.”
“And?” She asks. I can tell she holds her breath. “Now that you’ve
seen it, what do you think?”
I smile at her, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “I think that
your mind is my favorite thing about you.”
“You don’t have to li–”
“I think that it’s beautiful and strong and resilient and competitive and
smart. When I look at you, I see someone who’s kind and flawed and
human and interesting and so goddamn compelling that it’s got me under
your spell.” I push against her shoulders softly, guiding her towards the bed.
The back of her thighs bump against the mattress and she sits, eyes still
locked on mine. “I see you, Nera. I always have. Nothing about tonight
changes that.”
I force her onto her back and crawl over her body until my face is back
over hers.
“But no one hurts you, baby, including you,” I growl, my tone shifting
from gentle to husky. “I made you that promise and I intend to keep it. So,
we’re going to gameplan how to make sure you never hurt yourself again.”
She reaches up and buries both her hands in my hair, bringing my face
down to hers and closing the gap to kiss me. I groan gutturally, intoxicated
by her lips. She tastes different, the salt of her tears giving her a tangy savor
that only spurs me to claim her mouth.
“Tomorrow. Tomorrow, we’ll talk,” I say breathlessly, pulling away
from her mouth. “First, you need to learn to love your body as much as I
do.”
It takes all of my willpower to rip myself from her, but I do. I
straighten to standing and take a couple of unsteady steps back. I grab the
chair in the corner of the room and pull it closer to the bed, dropping into it
and sitting with my legs spread. My eyes shine with obsessed lust as I stare
at her.
“What?” She says, confused as she sits up.
 She crosses her legs to hide her nakedness.
“You need to get more confident in your body. Uncross your legs,” I
order. She blushes, hesitating, then eventually giving in. Her thighs shake
ever so slightly as she moves the right one back down next to the left. “Now
touch yourself.”
Even in the dark room, I can see the violent red color that bursts on her
cheeks.
“I can’t,” she says, embarrassed.
My hands white knuckle grip the edge of the armrests to keep me from
reaching for her. My cock is painfully hard in my trousers and demanding
attention.
“I’ll tell you what to do,” I say, voice thick with lust. “Part your legs
and show me my pussy. I want to see how wet you are.”
She hesitates once more. But when I bring my hand down to stroke my
cock over my trousers, she swallows and scoots backwards deeper onto the
bed. She leans back, her weight resting on one forearm as her eyes find
mine over her closed legs. Slowly, she parts them, our gazes never leaving
each other’s.
“Good,” I say, lust warping the one syllable until it’s unintelligible.
“Good. Now bring your hand down between your legs. Run your fingers
through your folds and show me.”
Slowly, she does as instructed. My eyes drop to the apex of her legs
and I swallow thickly. Her hand moves unhurriedly down her stomach until
she reaches the top of her pussy. She pauses for half a moment before her
fingers move down to her folds. Her back arches and her breath hitches
when she makes contact with her clit.
When she pulls her fingers away and holds them up between us,
they’re glistening with her arousal. An animalistic sound echoes in the
room and it takes me a second to realize it came from me.
“Soaked,” I growl. “Just like I knew you’d be. Now put two fingers
inside you.”
I rip off my suit jacket and dress shirt and sit back down in the chair,
shirtless. I unzip my trousers and pull out my throbbing cock as I watch her
dip her fingers inside her tight pussy. Her eyes roll back into her head and
close. She looks wanton and delirious with lust and I roughly fist my length
in response.
“Fuck yourself with your fingers.”
 Nera’s eyes open and darken when they notice how I work my dick,
my hand moving up and down in almost vicious strokes as I pleasure
myself to the sight of her fingering her pussy.
Her tongue peeks out and licks her top lip, the move so sultry that cum
leaks from my tip. Her fingers move inside her, her hips arching to meet
every thrust.
“Grind your palm down on your clit. Good, like that. Now lay down
on your back and play with your tits. Imagine that it’s my tongue flicking
the piercing, my mouth closing around your tight nipples. Imagine that it’s
my cock fucking you and not your fingers. That you’re parting your legs for
me, so I can take your body the way I like too. Hard. Fast. Rough.”
“Oh God, Tristan.”
“Get yourself off to thoughts of me, Nera. Think about what I’m going
to do to you once you come on your fingers.”
“Oh, fuck.”
She’s spread out on the bed, hair fanned out around her shoulders,
back arched off the mattress. Hand moving roughly between her legs.
Pain thumps in my head at the effort it takes to remain here, to let her
bring herself to orgasm instead of burying my tongue in her folds and my
fingers in her tight cunt and ass. I’m greedy for her body and letting her
steal an orgasm that rightfully belongs to me isn’t an easy task.
I’m pumping up and down my cock so hard and fast that I feel like I’m
chafing the skin. My eyes are pinned unblinkingly on her as I watch her
approach the cliff of her climax. Her legs kick out, her stomach works, her
free hand shoots into her hair, her face twists in pleasurable agony.
She looks so fucking beautiful.
“Come for me, baby,” I order.
My words release the dam of her climax with one violent pull. She
stills completely, body hanging in the balance as the waves crash over her.
She pants, loudly, her body shaking.
My own muscles lock, my stomach caving as I watch her succumb to
her pleasure. The extent of her power over me hits me and I only have time
to pump up and down a couple more times before I come with a loud groan.
Ropes of cum shoot from my dick and land on my stomach.
I’m gasping for breath as she falls back to the bed, spent. Finally, she
turns her face towards me, her eyes hooded with lust and post-orgasmic
bliss. Her gaze catches on the streaks of cum on my stomach, her eyes
heating further.
I release my still hard dick and it bobs before remaining upright.
Placing my arms back on the armrests, I spread my legs further.
“You’ve made a mess, Nera,” I say, tilting my head down at my
stomach. “Come and clean it up.”
Her eyes flash with arousal and something like mischief. My voice
drops an octave, my whispered command coming out sultry.
“On your knees.”
She sits up and gives me an erotic look as she slides off the side of the
bed and down onto her knees as ordered. Her eyes stay on mine, never
wavering from the contact.
She crawls to me.
My heart pounds, my dick hardening again watching her prowl
towards me like a stalking panther.
I’m so fucking obsessed with this girl, there’s no saving me at this
point.
My salvation is coming towards me anyway.
Nera comes to a halt between my legs, settling into her ankles with her
knees crossed behind her. She reaches for my thighs, running her hands up
the expanse of fabric-covered skin until they find my waist. Keeping her
eyes on me, she leans over, parting her lips.
My breath catches in my throat as her tongue peeks out and she makes
contact with the sensitive skin of my lower stomach. She licks upwards,
collecting my cum into her mouth. She moans as she swallows, coming
right back down for another swipe of her tongue over my hot flesh. She
wraps a hand around my shaft, squeezing me tightly and fisting up and
down my length in twisting motions. I hiss at the combination of her mouth
on my stomach and her hand on my cock. My abs shift under her wet
tongue and I cup her nape, keeping her head down as she licks me clean.
“Good girl,” I growl. “Perfect girl.”
She brings her thumb up to wipe her lower lip and I’m done for. I snap
forward, using my hold on her neck to bring her against me as my mouth
claims hers.
She rips away after a couple of seconds, inquisitive eyes finding mine.
“Why is it that every time I kiss you, you taste like bourbon?”
 My shoulders stiffen in response. She seems to have sniffed out my
secret the same way I did hers.
“It takes the edge off.”
She brushes the slope of my shoulders, soothing away the tightness.
“Let me do that for you.”
A primal growl erupts from my lips and I lift her into my arms, settling
her legs on either side of mine. I’m still kissing her as I maneuver my cock
to her entrance and push in, so that her surprised groan falls into my mouth.
I swallow it greedily, driving into her with one sharp thrust.
Both of my hands wrap around her neck to keep her in place as I
pound into her. Her head falls backwards and she hangs on to my forearms
to keep herself upright.
“Look at me,” I order, and she does. “Remember what I said earlier.
Do I look like a man who doesn’t like what he sees, Nera?” I ask, the
potency of my desire for her crackling around us like hundreds of little bang
snaps. I know my eyes are black and shining with manic lust. “Do I fuck
you like I’m not obsessed with your body?”
I pull her forward so that her weight falls into her knees.
“Answer me,” I demand, roughly.
“N-no.”
Her answer is stuttered by my thrusts into her pussy.
“Good. Glad we cleared that up,” I snarl. Clutching her waist in my
hands, I guide her up and down my length at a furious pace. “I fucking love
it when you ride me, baby,” I praise breathlessly. “I love how much you
love the way I fuck you. It’s so fucking hot seeing you bouncing on my
cock and chasing my thrusts. You’re so needy, so hot for me. As much as I
am for you.”
Her eyes are closed, her mouth parted on a silent scream as I bottom
into her over and over again. I stuff two fingers into her mouth, pushing
them deep into her throat until she gags on them. Pulling them out, I reach
around her and part her cheeks with my palm, my fingers sliding down the
valley of her ass until I feel her tight hole.
Her eyes snap open as I press in with a finger, shoving it completely
inside her.
“Oh my…God. Fuck, fuck, that feels good,” she pants.
I add a second finger beside the first, pumping into her ass in tandem
with my cock in her pussy. She grimaces at the tight fit so I lean forward
and suck her hard nipple into my mouth.
“Yeah? Every part of you belongs to me, Nera. Your pussy, your ass,
your tits, your mouth, your mind. I want it all and I’m taking it all.”
She shudders, goosebumps erupting all over her skin as the walls of
her pussy flutter around my dick. Small, breathy pants fall from her lips as
my words, my fingers, and my cock make her come. She falls apart and
then falls forward, twitching as she comes down from her orgasm.
I shove one last time roughly into her ass, and her pussy clenches in
response, suffocating my cock in her tight folds. I come with a loud roar,
spilling my hot seed inside her this time.
Her head turns and her lips find mine and we kiss for long minutes, my
length still buried inside her. Eventually, I lift her into my arms and lay her
back down on the bed, getting a wet towel and cleaning her gently.
When I get into bed beside her, she curls into me and throws her leg
over mine. It’s the first time she openly seeks the comfort of my body in
bed and unfortunately for her, that means I’m never letting her go now. I
tentacle her against me, my arm wrapping around her and my other leg
coming down over hers until there’s no way she can move.
The night took some sharp turns in the wrong direction but ended as it
should, with her in my arms.
“Want to work at being happy with me?” I ask her, tapping her nose.
She tilts her head up on my shoulder to look at me.
“I don’t think there’s anyone else I could even do it with.”

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 34

Tristan

Two days later, I’m awoken by a shrill ringing. I lift my head and look
around my bedroom. Nera is gone, headed to practice. I wonder what her
reaction will be when she realizes she’ll never have to deal with Kravtsov
again.
When we went to bed last night, I noticed how tightly wound she was.
She’d never admit it, but I knew it was fear and anticipation at seeing him
again that was tensing her up. At potentially being put through another
almost lethal workout.
I’d solved that problem.
And yesterday I’d spent a good portion of time doing what I could to
help her with her eating. The reality is she needed to talk to someone, which
I suggested, but I’d tackled the issue the way I knew how – by prepping her
meals that she could take with her today, explaining that all the ingredients
were good proteins or healthy fats, both sources of energy that she’d need to
fuel her workout.
She’d taken it, albeit somewhat reticently, but had mellowed when I’d
explained that gaining additional muscle weight would only strengthen her
athletic abilities.
Clearly, she’s been trained by old school coaches if nutrition hasn’t
been a part of her overall regimen. While on paper those coaches have
yielded successful results, the methods themselves leave little to be desired.
 I’m determined to help her win this medal the right way and I told her
as much. She’d kissed me so passionately when I’d vowed it to her that I’d
had to keep her up well into the night for a different kind of workout.
My phone rings again and I reach for it, answering groggily.
“Hello?”
“Is this Tristan Novak?” A voice I don’t recognize asks.
I sit up, groaning as the blood rushes to my head. “Speaking.”
I look over at the alarm clock on my bedside table. Seven am. A
criminal time for a phone call.
“My name is Luca Marchesani, I’m a chef and owner at Sambour.”
“I know who you are,” I say, cautiously.
What I don’t know is why he’s calling me. I’ve followed his career
from a distance, inspired by his skill and creativity, and to say I’m a fan is
an understatement. How he got this number and why he’s calling it is
beyond me.
I resist the urge to slap myself to gauge whether I’m conscious or if
this is just the best dream I’ve ever had.
“Great, that's all the awkwardness out of the way. So, you know why
I’m calling then?”
“I’m afraid not. I’m still trying to work out if this conversation is
really happening or not. How’d you get this number?”
He chuckles. “Fair enough. Listen, a friend of mine sent me a portfolio
for you. Photos of meals you’ve concepted and cooked. I have to say, I was
impressed. You’ve had no formal training, is that right?”
“That’s right,” I answer, still feeling a beat behind and off-footed in
this conversation.
“Then I’m even more impressed. Can you come in this morning?”
I’m out of bed and pacing, unable to contain the nervous energy. “For
what?”
“A try out. I want to see what you can do. It’s my understanding that
you have a full-time job you’re committed to, but cooking is a passion. You
can’t just ignore it, especially if you have natural talent. Come in and show
me what you’ve got. We can talk from there about what I can offer you if
you’re interested.”
“Is this a prank?”
He laughs outright now. “No.”
 “Who sent you my portfolio?” I don’t have an actual portfolio so
whoever sent him my info must have cobbled together a few random
pictures and sent that. But why?
“That question is irrelevant if you’re staying home. You coming in or
not?”
I don’t even take a moment to think about it.
“I’ll be there in an hour.”
Exactly an hour later, I walk into the darkened restaurant and back
towards the kitchen. It won’t open for a few more hours so it’s completely
absent of staff milling about and preparing for the night.
In the back I find who I assume is Luca in an all black chef’s outfit,
doing food prep. It’s rare to see a head chef doing his own prep instead of
handing it over to a prep cook and it seems to speak to his character. Across
the island from him are another set of knives and a cutting board.
He lifts his head when he hears me come in and looks at me. “Novak?”
“Tristan,” I correct. The last thing I want is my fake identity associated
with this.
He wipes his hands on the apron at his waist and walks up to me,
dapping me up. “I’m Luca.” He turns, pointing at the cutting board. “Why
don’t you get set up there and help me prep. I want to see your knife work.”
I pick up the utility knife amongst the set, running my thumb over the
sharpened edge. These are top of the line and similar to the ones our chefs
had access to back home.
Luca hands me an onion and two cucumbers and I get to work, quietly
chopping under his watchful eye. When I’m done, I nudge the cutting board
forward between us.
He nods and tips his chin at another station where bowls and a few
ingredients are laid out.
“Do you know the French mother sauces?”
“Yeah. The velouté isn’t my specialty.”
He nods again. “Okay, go ahead and make me a béchamel and a
hollandaise.”
Pure adrenaline and excitement electrify me as I move over to the
other station. I’m trying to tamp it down, to mitigate my hopes since I don’t
know what the outcome will be even if I nail these two sauces. But I’m
galvanized more in this one morning than I have been in four months of
teaching at RCA.
 When I’m done, Luca leans over and dips the back of the spoon in the
béchamel. He tastes it, looking at me thoughtfully before going back for a
second pass. Then, he moves on to the hollandaise.
Finally, he puts his spoon down and looks at me, giving me yet another
nod, this time more decisively. That nod pulls a pleased smirk out of me.
“Not bad at all. You have raw skill, lots of it if this is what you can
whip up without having trained under anyone. I have just one more thing I
want you to try – you ever made fresh pasta?”
My smirk widens. “A couple times.”
“Make me some, whatever kind you want.” He tilts his head to the
right and my eyes follow the motion. “Pantry’s that way.”
I head in and come back with all the ingredients I need for egg yolk
ravioli. It’s what our chef was teaching me how to make that fateful day
when my father caught me, so there’s poetic justice in making it now, in
these circumstances.
Luca pins his eyes on me in honest appraisal. I chop ingredients for the
filling as he speaks.
“Your confidence is another one of your assets. It comes through in
your cooking. But everyone needs some form of training, Tristan, and so do
you. Especially so you learn basic techniques – it’ll help you further shape
your skill into an ownable style.”
I look up at him. “Are you offering that training?”
“Make me some good fucking pasta and we can talk.”
I snort, focusing back on the basil I’m chopping. We talk as I busy
myself around the kitchen, constantly in motion, and I actually enjoy the
company. Luca’s a jokester, I can tell, but also clearly a genius at his craft.
He’s only a few years older than I am and the four walls we’re standing in
are a testament to his brilliance.
“So,” he starts during a natural lull in our conversation, “is Nera
single?”
My hand freezes abruptly at the top of my movement.
Seconds bleed by as his question seeps in.
A clock ticks. The water boils. My eyelid twitches. My blood pressure
rises dangerously.
This ranks high on the list of moments where I’ve been most caught
off guard in my life and my physical reaction reflects that. My grip tightens
around the handle of my knife.
 Why the fuck does he know her name?
I look up at him slowly, the hairs on the back of my neck rising in
warning as if to alert me a predator is nearby.
Luca’s eyes drop to my white-knuckled grip and he chuckles easily,
inclining his head towards me in acknowledgement of my reaction.
“Message received loud and clear, mate,” he says, putting his hands up
as if backing off. “I get it.”
I straighten, steeling my spine.
Did he bring me here just to try to hit on my girl?
He’s about to find out just how good my knife skills are if he did.
“Do you?” I ask, somehow managing to grit out the words around my
tightly clenched jaw.
“If she’s yours, then yeah.”
“She is.”
“Understood,” he answers, putting his hands up in a harmless gesture.
“Don’t worry, I was just testing a theory. Glad to see my hypothesis was
correct.”
My jaw is tensely corded, my teeth clenched. I was just starting to like
the guy but this new connection is going to be short lived if he doesn’t shut
his fucking mouth.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“When she called, I was wondering why she was so insistent I meet
you, her professor. The reason is pretty obvious now. Don’t worry, your
secret’s safe with me.”
Surprise clashes with anger, shoving it easily out of the way. My brows
rise, nearing my hairline.
“Hold up. Tell me how you know Nera.” I narrow my eyes at him.
“She called you?”
“She’s…a friend.” He pauses before adding, “Well I only hesitate to
call her a friend because in full transparency, I did ask her out. No, relax,”
he adds with a teasing smile when I slam my knife down on the metallic
kitchen island. “I’m telling you because you’re clearly head over heels and
if we’re going to be working together, we need to trust each other.”
“You’re off to a shit enough start on that front,” I growl, roughly.
“This was months ago in September and based on how quickly she
shut me down, you have nothing to worry about. She’s not interested in me
and that has to be because of you. I mean, look at me,” he says with a grin.
“Who wouldn’t say yes to taking me to bed?”
“Think carefully about the next words that come out of your mouth,
Luca.”
He laughs outright, a hand coming down onto his stomach. I pick the
knife up and point it at him.
“I’ll remember this when it’s you who…”
“Yes? Finish your sentence,” he goads. “When it’s me who what?” His
shit-eating grin grows even wider when I set my jaw and don’t answer.
“Yeah, you’re in deep, even I can tell that much off a five minute
conversation with you. Have you told her how you feel yet?”
“None of your business. Tell me why she called you.”
“Isn’t it obvious? She wanted me to hire you,” he says, crossing his
arms and leaning back against the counter behind him. “I am, by the way,
you’re excellent. She was right to send you my way.”
“She arranged this?” I ask, bewildered. I’d been so focused on his
admitted interest in her that I hadn’t even processed the other thing he said.
“Yeah. She called and swore up and down that I’d be making a mistake
if I didn’t hire you. Wouldn’t get off the phone until I agreed and then swore
me to secrecy.” He pauses again. “To be clear, I wouldn’t have agreed to
meet you, let alone spent the last few hours here watching you work, if I
didn’t actually think you had talent. Your portfolio speaks for itself, that’s
why you’re here. She just put it in front of me.”
Warmth fills my chest at the realization. Just as I helped her with her
passion, she’s helping with mine.
Sneaky girl.
As much as she likes to pretend she has no feelings involved in this,
this little clandestine maneuver proves the contrary.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 35

Nera

I get out of my car and circle around the back to the boot. I’m bent over it,
gathering the items I bought into my arms when someone reaches in from
behind me, startling me. I recognize the warm body before I’ve even turned
around.
“What’s all this?” Tristan asks, grabbing the items from my arms, the
bag from my shoulder and closing the boot with his elbow.
I look around self-consciously as we head towards his apartment. I’m
always afraid of being spotted by someone. His place is just off campus but
close enough that it’s not out of the realm of possibility that other students
would be walking by.
He sets the bags down on his small kitchen table and I start taking
things out.
“Are those flowers?” He asks. He places a hand on my waist and leans
over, dropping a kiss on my lips. “Also, hi. Missed you today.”
“It’s only been eight hours,” is my answer instead of admitting that
I’ve thought about him almost incessantly since I last saw him.
“And I missed you from that first minute.”
My skin heats happily in response. He’s so good with his words.
I take a vase out and walk over to the kitchen sink, filling it with water
and starting the flower arrangement.
 “I bought a few decorative things. It’s really not much, just a few small
pieces to make your place feel a bit more like home.” I turn and show him
the finished bouquet. “I hope you don’t mind.”
He peers into the bag and my breath catches in my throat when he
pulls out a couple rolled up posters. He unravels them and looks at them
quietly.
“Where did you buy these?”
“I, um, I designed them and then got them printed.”
His head snaps to the side to look at me.
“What?”
“Yeah.” After practice, I’d curled up in my chair with my iPad and I’d
drawn. Inspiration had flowed and after a few strokes I’d gotten caught up
in what I was doing. Before I knew it, I’d created a couple abstract post-
modern graphics that I thought would look good on his walls. “If you don’t
like them, that’s okay. You don’t have to hang them up or anything, I just
wanted to give them to you.”
He wraps his hand around my nape and pulls me into him, curling me
up against his side.
“I fucking love them. Thank you, baby.”
He drops a quick but intense kiss on my lips.
I smile at him. “You’re welcome.”
“And thank you for what you did with Luca.”
I freeze, feigning ignorance. “What do you mean?”
“I spent the day at Sambour being put to the test by him. I know you
set it up.”
“I told him not to tell you!”
The morning after our emotional night at the hotel, I’d snuck out of the
room and called Luca. From the start, I’d been taking photos of the meals
Tristan cooked for me so I texted them to Luca live as I was trying to
convince him. Helping Tristan get a foot in the door was the least I could do
when he’d been there for me in a way no one ever had before.
“He thought I should know.” His eyes narrow on me. “He also thought
I should know he asked you out.”
I groan and wave him away. “That was months ago and I turned him
down.”
“Because you don’t date,” he says, smirking down at me. “And yet, he
seemed to think you turned him down because of me.”
 I think about it for a second. I’m sure he’s expecting a denial but I find
I can’t give him one. “You were playing hard to get back then. I guess I was
holding out hope.”
Tristan makes a satisfied noise that sounds awfully close to a purr and
tightens his hold on me. “I’m glad I came to my senses in time to not lose
you.” He places a lingering kiss on my lips. “Although, believe me, I
wouldn’t have let you go that easily.”
Butterflies come alive in my stomach and I tilt my head up to look at
him. “I thought you didn’t fight for things?” I teasingly remind him.
He brushes his thumb gently over my nose like he loves to do, then
runs his fingers down my cheek until they settle under my chin. Fierce
intensity burns in his gaze.
“For you, I would,” he whispers. “I’d fight for you every day of my
life if needed.”
The butterflies erupt, taking up all the available space in my body until
I feel full. Happiness seeps so powerfully through my skin that I’m
surprised I don’t glow.
“How did it go with Luca?”
He beams when he answers and my heart swells.
“I fucking nailed it. He wants me to work with him and he’s going to
be flexible around my schedule. So, during term I’ll only do a couple hours
at night, but starting next week when we break for Christmas I’m going to
be doing full days.”
I squeal and jump up, throwing myself into his arms.
“Holy shit, that’s amazing news! I’m so happy for you. You deserve
it.”
He laughs happily and twirls me around before setting me down,
grabbing my face and kissing me.
“This opportunity is truly the best present anyone’s given me, thank
you.” His eyes drop down to my body and he bites his lip. “Now take off
your clothes and let me show you just how thankful I am.”
I step back out of his arms, thumbing the zipper of my hoodie and
bringing it down to reveal my sports bra. He takes a step towards me and I
put my hand up to stop him.
“One last thing,” I say. “Coach Krav resigned apparently. One of the
assistant coaches is taking over. Do you know anything about that?”
 I’d been dreading going to practice today and the relief I’d felt hearing
I wouldn’t have to see or deal with him again had been monumental.
His eyes flash in satisfaction.
“I’m not implicating you, remember?”
My heart rate speeds up impossibly.
I knew he had something to do with it. He said he’d slay my demons
and he has, one by freaking one. I want to tell him he doesn’t need to, that
he shouldn’t risk himself for me, but I know I’d simply be wasting my
breath.
So instead, I grab my bra and pull it off over my head.
“Yes, chef,” I say, throwing him a suggestive look.
His pupils dilate in response, his eyes darkening to the color of
obsidian as he prowls towards me, closing the distance between us.
“I’m going to fuck you so hard. I hope you’re ready.”

✽✽✽

My father mandates my presence back in Hong Kong over the

holidays, so I leave three days later.
Tristan and I haven’t been separated for more than a day for weeks
now, so saying goodbye is hard. Harder than I thought it would be. I don’t
know why I didn’t prepare myself for it or think about how the winter
holidays would impact us. Maybe I was willfully ignoring it.
I try to keep our goodbye short and sweet but of course he refuses. He
drives me to the airport in Geneva, takes my luggage out, and waits in line
with me while I check in. His arm hangs loosely around my shoulder as he
scrolls on his socials.
It feels like the most natural thing in the world to be like this.
I’ve dreaded going home the last few years, but I’ve always resigned
myself to it. Now, home feels like it’s the place I’m leaving behind, not the
place I’m headed towards.
We haven't had the conversation, Tristan and I, so I wonder if he feels
the same. He still jokes about how I won’t date him, but now I stay silent
when he does. He hasn’t picked up on it or asked me to be more since, so
maybe he’s fine with the way things are.
I know he cares about me but I don’t know if he sees a future with me.
It feels impossible and complicated what with his career and the stigma
around how we met. I don’t know when we’ll be able to be together in
public, if ever.
I don’t know if he’d even want that. I’m only slowly letting down my
walls and opening myself up to that idea.
“What are you stressing yourself out about over there?” He asks,
pulling me from my looping thoughts. He says it without looking up from
his phone, like he can feel my mind spiraling. “I can see your thoughts
working overtime.”
“Nothing.”
We get up to the counter and I hand over my documents.
“If you’re worried about your father, don’t be. You tell me if he so
much as exhales in your direction. I’ll fly over there and come get you
myself.”
I smile, taking my passport back as he places my suitcase on the
conveyor belt.
“No, I’m sure it’ll be fine. I doubt he’ll be around much anyway, he’s
not a big family guy. I’ll mostly hang out with Jude.”
“Then what are you worried about?” He asks, placing his arm back
around my shoulders as we walk towards security.
“Nothing important, I’m serious. Just what I’ll do on the plane to
distract myself,” I lie.
We’re standing in front of the security checkpoint where we’re going
to go our separate ways and I have a ball in my throat.
“Okay, baby,” he says, kissing me.
I realized a while ago that he hasn’t called me ‘jailbait’ in weeks. I’m
“pretty girl” when he’s speaking softly, “baby” when his eyes burn with
lust.
He brushes his thumb over my nose in a gentle caress like he so often
does. I swat at him playfully.
“Why do you always do that?” I grumble, but there’s a smile on my
face.
His arms wrap around me, his hands coming to rest on my lower back
and pulling me more tightly against him. Heavy eyes look at me through
lowered lids as he swipes his thumb back over my nose, his touch
affectionate.
“I like to check in on my little beauty marks. The five tiny ones you
have spread out on your nose here. And here,” he says, tracing them
individually. “And here. They’re my favorite,” he purrs, kissing the tip of
my nose softly. “I’m going to miss them.”
My lips part but no words come out as emotion swells in my chest and
chokes me. He cups my face in his hands, tilting it up to look at him as
people mill about us. The airport is packed, canceled and delayed flights
adding to the holiday mayhem, but it feels like we’re alone. People pass us
as if on warp speed while we stay standing, staring at each other.
“You’re back in two weeks?” He asks.
“Two weeks and five days. Almost three weeks.”
He groans unhappily, dropping his forehead against mine.
“Call me every day,” he demands.
“We don’t have to if you don’t wan–”
“Every day.”
I nod, speechless.
“I will,” I promise.
His mouth crashes down on mine in a searing kiss and then he’s gone.

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 36

Nera

Christmas break is excruciating. Each day drags by like it lasts a week

until I feel like I’m going to lose it by the time my last night rolls around.
I managed to avoid overexposure to my father only because he told me
he’s been getting glowing reports from Coach Krav. I have to mask my
reaction when he tells me. I assume Tristan is behind this maneuver as well.
Even when we’re separated by distance, his protection of me is still in full
effect.
It makes my feelings for him ten times stronger, if that was even
possible to begin with. I’ve given him the power to hurt me in a way that
I’ve never to anyone else before, and that terrifies me.
When I finally get back to Switzerland, my brother is with me. He’s
going to spend two weeks in Aubonne at my place before going back to
Hong Kong for the start of term. The night we land, I find myself anxiously
counting down the seconds until I can ditch him and my friends and go
meet Tristan instead.
I miss his big body, his deep laugh, his warm touch. I’m bouncing my
leg erratically like it’ll make the time go faster and I see Thayer give me a
concerned look. I texted Tristan and told him I was back in Aubonne and
currently busy with my friends but trying to get away.
I haven’t heard from him yet.
I figure if I just drive over to his place he’ll be there.
 I’m so happy to catch up with the girls again. We didn’t really get to
talk in Paris when we were there for New Year’s Eve and we have plenty to
update each other on – Rhys and Thayer are back together and happier than
ever, and Phoenix and Six are attached at the hip and sailing towards what
everyone hopes is a happy ending.
Their relationship tea is piping hot, but I’m so relieved when everyone
finally goes to bed and I can sneak out.
I hug the walls in my exit as I’ve become accustomed to doing and
leave the apartment. I’m out of the building and into the night only seconds
later. It’s pitch black outside with only two lamp posts casting some low
lights on the sidewalk pavement. A sheen of snow covers the ground and
the smell of pine trees and spices burns in the frigid air.
I jog down the steps, my icy cold breaths billowing in front of my face.
I turn to the right, heading towards my car, when a hand wraps around my
elbow and pulls me backwards towards the darkness.
My heart jumps into my throat when another hand clamps down over
my mouth, silencing my scream. I can’t make a single sound. Adrenaline
and fear spike as I’m pushed up against the cold, hard side of the building.
I’m blinded by the black of the night so I don’t see the large body until
it’s pressing up against me.
When it does, my breath catches and swiftly releases, oxygen filtering
greedily back into my lungs.
Hands come down on my hips and then a head bends towards me, its
owner partially illuminated by a sliver of moonlight. My heart races giddily.
When he speaks, his voice is rough as a gravel road and deep, like he’s been
smoking cigars. It’s aroused and seductive and beckons me ever closer.
“Hi, baby.”
I’ve barely processed his purred greeting before Tristan’s mouth slams
down on mine. He parts my lips and thrusts his tongue into my mouth,
seeking mine out and fighting with it. It’s not a nice kiss, it’s obsessive and
violent and I know most psychiatrists would classify it as destructive.
As much as he protects me, he still fucks me like an animal. And I love
it.
I shove my hands into his hair – it’s gotten so long – and grip his head
to take ownership of the kiss.
He groans, annoyed and turned on. He shoves my thick coat over my
thighs, brings my leg up to his waist, and spanks my ass. It’s a sharp,
warning smack meant to remind me of who’s in charge. It sends heat
pooling between my thighs.
He pulls back, drawing in sharp, ragged breaths. His gaze is heavy
with lust as he stares down at me, his cocky grin firmly in place. My heart
pounds against my ribcage, a caged bird asking for release now that I’m
back in his arms.
“I didn’t have the patience to wait for you to get to me, sorry,” he
rasps.
“I fucking missed you too,” I admit, grabbing his face and bringing it
back down on mine.
His body melts into my embrace, his chest somehow enfolding me
against him. One hand comes around the back of my head to cup my neck,
the other grabs my jaw. He moves me at his leisure, attacking my lips and
punishing me for the mortal sin of being away for three weeks.
“You can’t leave again without me,” he informs me.
“How is that going to work?” I grin, reassured to see him as affected as
me.
“If you want to go somewhere, I’ll take you,” he answers, hoarsely.
Tristan yanks my sweatpants and underwear down until they’re around
my ankles. The freezing air whips at my body, at my vulnerable pussy, and
makes me dizzy. His massive body is back against mine in an instant, the
heat coming from him beyond burning, making me instantly forget about
the cold around me.
He taps his thick cock against my entrance a couple of times. My head
spins with lust, all rational thoughts of self-preservation gone missing from
my head. I don’t think about being caught or what my father would do, I
don’t think about his career being destroyed. I just, feel.
He rips his mouth from mine and rests his forehead against mine as he
catches his breaths. He pushes in slowly, parting my walls.
“Let me hear those adorable little noises you make when I sink inside
you. Give them to me, don’t hold back. You’ve kept them from me for too
long.”
I hiss in a sharp breath.
I pant as he keeps pushing in, stretching me completely full. My brow
creases and I mewl as he finally bottoms inside me.
Greedy, crazed eyes pinned to my face track every sound that falls
from my lips.
 He doesn’t give me time to get adjusted. He pulls back and slams in
roughly. His pace is manic and out of control, his balls slapping against my
ass with each upstroke. I’m trying to muffle my screams so as not to wake
the whole neighborhood. They come out as garbled moans instead.
“Did you have a good holiday?” He rasps against my mouth, warm
breaths hitting my face with every thrust of his hips.
We spoke every day, he knows the answer to that question. I shake my
head repeatedly “no” back and forth, unable to form words right now.
Possessiveness bleeds into his eyes and they turn molten.
“Good,” he grounds.
I wrap my arms around his neck, hoisting myself off the side of the
building and fully into his arms. I shudder and he groans gutturally when I
sink even deeper onto his cock.
“Did you?” I whisper against his ear. I’m so tightly clutched against
him that my face bumps against the side of his cheek with every brutal
thrust.
“Fuck no,” he growls.
“Why?” I ask, breathily.
He pulls back to look into my eyes, one arm only holding me up now
as his other hand fists my hair. He slowly wraps the strands around his fist
and then he tugs sharply. My neck goes back, my throat opens up to him. I
look at him from below half-lowered eyelids.
“Fishing for compliments, are we?” He purrs, darkly. His hips take on
a slower, more sensual tempo. He arches back and pushes forward in
exquisitely precise strokes that keep me on the knife’s edge of sanity.
“Not at all,” I pant.
“What do you want me to tell you? That it was terrible because I
missed you?” He demands, putting an abrupt end to his thrusts. I can barely
make out his handsome face in the pitch black, but I see his eyes shine.
“Not if you didn’t.”
“I didn’t miss you.”
I flinch and place my hands on his chest. He bites my neck until I feel
his canines break the skin. I yelp and shudder, wetness gushing from my
pussy in response.
“My family and my mates, I missed. You, I yearned for,” he declares,
the words avowed against the shell of my ear. “I woke up in the mornings
craving your smell and needing your touch, I looked for you in every room
I was in, I imagined you curled up on my couch in my shirt every time I
walked past it. Fuck, I even sniffed your shampoo every time I took a
shower. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, Nera, even when I was
supposed to be at Sambour. I think the only person who’s happier than me
that you’re back is Luca because it means I’ll be able to focus again.”
He thrusts inside me with every rough word, driving me wild.
“You and those five little beauty marks of yours — of mine — are the
only things I’ve thought about for nineteen days.”
My eyes roll back into my head, the pleasure too much. “I-I woke up
in the middle of the night,” I manage to exclaim as I bounce on his cock.
“Multiple nights. Most nights. I woke up touching myself, dreaming that it
was you on top of me.” I pant, heavily. “I’d cry out in disappointment when
I’d realize you weren’t there.”
His eyes flash with satisfaction before darkening. He stuffs his hand in
his coat pocket as he brings his mouth down on mine. I hear something
click, then a buzz sound in the air before Tristan presses something against
my pussy. Vibrations pulse from the vibe and straight through my
vulnerable clit.
My back arches as the first blast of pleasure tears through me and I
scream. My feet fall to the floor and I stumble, almost unseating myself off
him. He doesn’t miss a step. He presses me into the side of the building,
keeping himself shoved deep inside me and positioning his vibrator back
against my pussy.
He slams his palm on my mouth when I shriek again.
“Shh, baby, you’re going to get me arrested.”
My screams are continuous but muffled by his hand. I come long and
hard, my pussy spasming and clenching around his length. He continues
fucking me through it, his gaze blown with lust as he watches me fall apart.
He pushes me from one orgasm into the other until I can barely stand
anymore. If I wasn’t impaled on his thick, hard length, I’d be in a puddle on
the floor.
I come with one final garbled cry, my pussy convulsing to the point of
pain. He finally drops a muttered “fuck”, his muscles lock, and then I feel
warm cum jerk inside me, coating my walls.
He’s out of breath.
“So yeah, my holiday sucked without you and I’m glad you’re back,”
he says, pulling out of me and pressing a deep kiss on my lips.
 I smile up at him. He pulls up my sweatpants and panties and takes me
home where he fucks me two more times.
I bask in the euphoria of being near him again. It turns out happiness
comes pretty easily to me when I’m with him.
Our reunion is the stuff of literal romance novels – magical and
perfect. Which is why just a little over a week later when I spot him with
another woman, the shocking pain of it catches me completely off guard.

✽✽✽

That afternoon, Rogue, Rhys, and Phoenix come by our apartment to

take their girlfriends to dinner. They insist I come with and seventh wheel
their dinner as I’ve been prone to doing lately.
The necessary secrecy of seeing Tristan means that I spend many
nights being the extra at these sorts of dinners. I always have fun, but it is
starting to weigh on me. I’d like to be able to talk about him with my
friends, to be seen in public with him.
I don’t know where he stands though. Would he want to be seen
together if we were allowed or does this arrangement work perfectly for
him?
After dinner, we head to a bar famous for its shots. The girls and I
throw them back and dance to the early 2000s music pulsing through the
bar, all under the watchful eyes of the boys. When we finally stumble
outside, Phoenix is carrying a drunken Sixtine. A deep, happy laugh falls
from his lips as she whispers dirty things in his ear. Bellamy and Thayer are
up ahead, singing and giggling loudly.
Suddenly, Bellamy bends over and throws up in a nearby trash can.
Rogue is across the street and holding her hair, a soothing hand rubbing
circles on her back as he helps her.
I stop a few feet away to give her some privacy, and stare idly into a
nearby restaurant’s window.
That’s when I see him.
He’s being shown to a table by a hostess. My pulse picks up excitedly
at the sight of him. He looks handsome as sin in a perfectly tailored black
jacket with crisp lines, an equally dark scarf, and his tousled hair. A smile
spreads across my face as I wait for him to look out of the window and see
me.
I don’t notice her until he turns and hugs her. His arms go around her
neck, tucking her head under his chin in a familiar embrace. Her hands
wrap around his back and she clutches him.
Bile rises sickeningly in my throat.
It really is like watching a car crash. Everything happens as if time
slows. There’s no looking away from the destruction as it unfolds in front of
me, no matter how painful it is to keep watching.
Tristan releases her and pulls out her chair. He takes her coat and
hands it to the waitress and then he helps push in her chair once she’s
seated.
She’s blond and beautiful. Tall, with fine, dainty features, gorgeous
blue eyes and a stunning smile that she aims at him.
Happy, uncomplicated, definitely emotionally available.
Everything I’m not.
The waitress comes up to their table and pours him some wine. He
swirls it around in his glass and smells it before taking a sip.
He’s on a date. With someone else.
In public.
Taking her coat and helping her with her chair and touching her. I turn
away as a violent urge to throw up seizes me at the throat. The nausea is
overwhelming and almost enough to take me out at the knees, but Rhys is
right there.
He grabs my elbow when I stumble, brows creased at the whiteness of
my face. He looks over my shoulder at the car crash happening in the
restaurant, his eyes scanning for what could possibly have upset me. When
they land on Tristan and his date, his features smooth out in anger, his gaze
turning flinty.
“Who is that he’s with?”
“I don’t know,” I croak, voice absent.
Rhys stares at him silently for a couple of seconds.
“You want me to kill him?” he finally asks.
Somehow, that manages to pull a lone chuckle from my chest. It
sounds more like a sob when it comes out.
 “No, thanks for the offer though.” I work to calm my dying heartbeat,
to stifle the pain before it spreads through my whole body and takes me
under.
It’s my fault.
I’m the one who told him we weren’t dating. I pushed him away. I
have no one to blame for myself that he finally listened to me.
“We were never exclusive,” I hear myself say.
But we were. At least, I was.
I thought he was as well.
I would never have opened up the way I did to him if I thought he was
seeing other people.
I pull out my phone and see that I have a couple missed texts from
him.

Gary: I won’t be free until later tonight.

Gary: Come over around midnight?

Frozen shock morphs into blazing fury. He was going to go out with
this woman, probably kiss her and touch her, and then come home and fuck
me. How long has he had this double life? How long has he been playing
me for a fool?
Tears of anger cloud my vision as I stalk off. Dark, unspent energy
surges through my arms and legs. I need to put distance between me and my
friends before I lose my shit.
“Hey, where are you going?” Rhys calls, jogging after me.
“I don’t know, but I need to be alone. Go take care of Thayer, I’ll be
fine.”
He looks over his shoulder at his girlfriend who’s still helping
Bellamy. He turns back towards me.
“Be careful,” he says. “She’ll kill me if something happens to you.”
I nod and march off into the night, at first walking, then jogging, faster
and faster until finally I’m running at full speed down the dark streets of
Geneva, the tears streaming off the sides of my cheeks and into the wind.
I’m angry that he manages to pull such emotion out of me. The pain in
my chest throbs, a pulsing ache that makes it hard for me to breathe without
my throat catching on falling sobs.
 I finally come to a stop, my palm pressed against a cold stone wall, my
top half bent at the waist as I fight to draw air into my lungs.
I’m devastated by his betrayal. I despise him for making me think he
was different when he so clearly is like everyone else who hurt me. I look
up, still gasping for air, and more tears fall down my cheeks when I realize
where I am.
Where I unknowingly ran to.
Our hotel.
My eyes close as more pain rips through me. I push it away, trying to
keep it from reaching my heart. The effort is exhausting. Of course I came
here. The irony of coming to a place where Tristan made me feel safer than
I have in my life when I’m fresh from his betrayal is not lost on me.
I stumble into the lobby and walk up to the front desk with my head
bowed. A mumbled request is made for the penthouse suite as I place my
black AmEx on the counter. Moments later, I’m handed an equally black
keycard and instructed to take the lift up to the top floor.
It’s when I’m in the very same elevator where Tristan and I had our
first kiss that I text him and break it off for good.

Me: No, I’m done. This thing between us is over.

Me: I don’t want to speak to you again outside of class. I hope you can
keep it professional.

I make sure the messages are marked as delivered before I power off
my phone.
The doors open on the penthouse in the same breath and I walk in.
I head straight for the bedroom and let myself fall on the mattress. I
don’t take off my expensive dress. I pull the covers back and get
underneath. I close them around me, bringing them up to right under my
jaw, and fall into a fitful sleep marked by tears and bad dreams.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 37

Tristan

“You’re a hard man to track down, Tristan,” someone calls from behind
me as I put my key in my front door.
“Fuck me,” I jump, startled, then surprised by the voice.
I recognize it immediately. There’s no way its owner is standing
behind me right now though.
I turn around and sure enough, Tess is standing there with a huge grin
stamped on her face.
“Holy shit,” I exclaim, jumping down the stairs and embracing her in a
hug. I nearly clothesline her in my excitement and have to catch her before
she falls. Her happy laugh is muffled against my chest but bursts forth from
her lips when I push her at arm’s length. “What the hell are you doing here?
How did you know where to find me?”
I can’t believe she’s here. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in months,
not since that night we spoke on the phone right before I met Nera. I’d
broken most of the rules my father had laid out for me, but not the one that
said I couldn’t speak to her or my mother. I was afraid that he’d find out
since it’d be happening right under his nose, and that his ensuing
punishment of them would be swift and brutal.
“I’m happy to see you too,” she says, still laughing.
 “Seriously, what are you doing here? Why did you risk it? Where does
the tyrant think you are? How’s mum?” I ask, firing off rapid fire questions
at her.
She puts her hand up as if to stop me.
“Let’s go to dinner and we can talk. I’ll answer your questions then,
okay?”
Shit, I’m supposed to meet up with Nera tonight. I so badly want to
introduce her to Tess – I know they’d get along so well – but I can’t. I
haven’t let myself think about the future with Nera, not beyond what we’re
doing each day, because that would mean acknowledging the fact that I’m
lying to her. That I’ve lied to her every day that we’ve been together.
There is no path forward without her by my side, I just don’t know
how to get myself out of my current predicament without risking losing her
forever.
I text her and suggest meeting up later tonight, then put my phone back
in my jacket pocket.
“Let me guess, you’re going to want Italian food?” I ask her.
“Obviously.”
“I know a great place then, I’ll call and make us a reservation.”
It’s in Geneva and far away from the prying eyes in Aubonne. Guilt
eats at me that this is another thing I’m keeping from Nera, but I’m in too
deep right now.
“I can’t believe you’re here, Tessticles,” I say, locking her head in my
elbow and ruffling her hair.
“What did I tell you about that nickname?’ She mutters, throwing an
illegal elbow move straight at my ribs.
I groan and bend at the waist, the breath exhaling sharply from my
lungs. But a smile stretches across my face.
It’s good to be reunited with my sister.

✽✽✽

A couple of hours later, I’m pulling her chair out at Tartucci’s, my

favorite Italian spot in Geneva. I sit opposite her and pour us both some
wine as I tell her about my new job with Luca.
The three-week intensive I did over the holidays was critical in
developing my skills. In that time period alone, I’ve seen noticeable
improvements in my knife skills, the creativity of my recipes, and my
plating of final dishes.
Tess is thrilled to hear I’ve been able to pursue that in parallel with
fulfilling our father’s mandated prison term. She, more than anyone except
Nera, understands just how important cooking is to me.
When I finish telling her, there’s a lull in our conversation as we dig
into our entrées.
“So, the million-dollar question,” she says, spreading her hands.
“How’s celibacy going?”
I throw her a veiled look, picking up my glass and taking a sip instead
of answering.
She shakes her head, looking down at her plate.
“Tristan…”
“It’s not what you think.”
She gives me a dubious look. “Isn’t it?”
“No.”
Something about the tone of my voice when I deny it catches her
attention. She looks up into my eyes, picking me apart to see if I’m lying.
Satisfied that I’m not, she sits back into her chair, hands falling on her lap
as her brows raise in surprise.
“Really? This one’s special?”
“Yeah.”
Fuck, it feels good to finally admit a sliver of my feelings for Nera to
someone.
Tess leans forward, eyes sparkling with excitement, and rests her chin
on her palm. “Tell me about her.”
So, I do. I tell her how we met, omitting the more salacious details,
and how I found out her real identity. She blanches when I reveal she’s my
student but she turns downright gray when I confess Nera doesn’t know
about my real identity.
“Tristan, what are you doing? If you care about her, you have to tell
her the truth! This is going to blow up in your face sooner or later and
you’re really going to hurt her. You’re going to hurt yourself when she
never speaks to you again after she finds out.”
 “I can’t, Tess. Not yet. She’s only barely started opening up to me and
trusting me. She’ll slam that door closed and never trust me again if I tell
her now.”
“Trust me when I tell you, she needs to learn about this from you. No
matter how mad she’ll be, it’ll pale in comparison to how furious she’ll be
if she finds out from someone else. Take it from someone who would light
you on literal fire if you did this to me.”
I’m deep in thought as we wrap up dinner. She pays the bill and we’re
heading outside when I realize I haven’t asked her a single question about
her or mum.
“How have you been? And how’s Mum? Has dad been leaving her
alone?”
We stand on the sidewalk, our icy breaths creating long clouds around
us. She shuffles her feet and looks away, a clear sign of shifty behavior.
“I don’t actually know.”
“What do you mean?” I say, frowning. “Didn’t you see her this
morning before you came here?”
Something like guilt flashes in her eyes before she answers.
“It’s a long story, but no. I haven’t. I haven’t seen her–”
A large shadow moves next to us, black and slick as the night. I have
no premonition that danger is near until it’s upon us.
The most intimidating man I’ve ever laid eyes on, made only that
much more menacing by the expensive black suit wrapped around his
massive body, steps out from the cover of shadows and appears behind
Tess.
She turns around and a shocked gasp rips from her throat. Her face
falls, her eyes widening in alarm as fear etches itself across her features.
He grabs her before she can make a move to run.
One hand clasps her throat. He uses it to pull her against his chest as
the other closes firmly around her upper arm, keeping her pinned against
him.
Dark, volatile energy pours off of him in waves. He’s got bronze
colored skin that hints at Latin origins, black hair and an equally black
expression on his face. Dark, intricate tattoos snake out from the top of his
collar, up his neck and the underside of his jaw.
Only his eyes are gold and they shine as they examine my sister with
almost deranged possessiveness. He hasn’t blinked since he laid eyes on
Tess. He looks at her like he’s going to consume her alive and leave nothing
behind.
It’s that look on his face that jolts me into action and I take a step
forward to intervene.
I’m immediately yanked back by my arms. Two men in fully black
suits restrain me, keeping me from intervening. Guns shine in arm holsters
but they make no move to use them.
They don’t acknowledge me, their gazes trained on the larger man who
holds Tess prisoner, their bodies taut as if ready to jump in at a moment’s
notice. They’re attuned to him the way only men looking to their leader
are.
Clearly, he’s the boss and they take their orders from him. They protect
him.
The man in question leans forward. He has to bend a long distance to
get within reach of my sister’s face.
“Found you,” he rasps, dangerously. His tone is sinister, like the voice
of Death personified, the threat in his words in no way subdued.
His eyes flash hungrily when Tess inhales sharply, his gaze lowering to
her lips. She shakes in his hold but doesn’t fight him.
“Who the fuck are you?” I say, throwing my weight forward to try to
destabilize the bodyguards who hold me, to no avail. “Get your fucking
hands off her,” I sneer.
Unexpectedly, it’s Tess who answers.
“Tristan, it’s okay,” her voice is tremulous, but not fearful. She flicks
her eyes up to meet the man’s. His gaze is already pinned unwaveringly on
her face, but his eyes flare ominously when they finally connect with hers.
She tilts her chin up at him defiantly and demands, “Let my brother
go.”
Menace oozes from him and wraps around us all. Whoever he is, he’s
dangerous as fuck, that much is very clear. I can’t tell what he wants with
us, or with Tess specifically since that’s very obviously where his interest
lies. I’m not sure how she even knows someone like him to begin with.
Whatever business he’s involved in, I’d gamble that it lives well south of
being legal.
When he says nothing, she tries, “Let him go and I’ll come with you.”
His upper lip twitches into a snarl. “I’m taking you regardless.”
“I’ll go willingly.”
 A rumble sounds in his chest. Without looking away from her, he tilts
his head almost imperceptibly in my direction.
I’m immediately released.
The two goons take a step forward, placing themselves between us in
case I move to lunge for the man.
A black Rolls Royce rolls silently up to our level, stopping next to the
man. I know without a doubt that it’s his ride, that he intends to take my
sister with him.
“I’m not leaving you with a stranger who’s trying to fucking kidnap
you.”
“He’s not… he’s not a stranger,” she admits, sliding her gaze over to
meet mine.
I slip my phone out of my pocket in case I need to discreetly call the
police. It’s when I flip it face up that I see I have two texts from Nera. I
unlock my screen and read them, my stomach immediately plummeting
when I take in her words.
Meanwhile, the man moves his hand from the front of Tess’ throat to
cup the back of her neck in a controlling hold. He forces her head back to
look into his eyes.
“Tell him who I am,” he orders, sharp teeth on display as he grins. It’s
cold and emotionless and sends a shiver shooting down my spine.
I’m barely paying attention anymore, my concern for my sister
drowned out by the roaring in my ears at Nera’s attempt at finishing things
with me. My head spins as rage sends blood rushing straight to my brain.
My body twitches with the need to find her and correct her of the
mistaken assumption that she can end our relationship.
“He’s…” Tess starts, face still angled up towards the man. He watches
her with a savage gleam in his eyes, his gaze locked on her mouth. Dark
ownership rolls off of him as he waits for her to speak. He leans forward
when her lips part, as if transfixed by her. “He’s…”
“Tell him,” he growls, the words more a seductive caress than a
threatening command.
She swallows.
Blinks.
And finally, speaks.
“He’s my fiancé.”
 ✽✽✽

I drive down the highway like I’m asking for a fatal car crash to take
me into the next life, but I don’t care. My phone is in my hand and I try
calling Nera a fifth time.
Yet again, it goes straight to voicemail.
My teeth grind together so hard, I’m surprised they don’t make an
audible noise.
“Nera,” I growl. “Pick up the phone. We’re not over, you hear me? I’m
coming to pick you up now and we’re going to talk.” My grip tightens
around the phone as I think about her texts. They’re seared into my
memory; I see them every time I blink. “Then I’m going to punish the fuck
out of you for trying to end this.”
I hang up and throw my phone so hard on the passenger seat it bounces
off, clips the door, and lands back on the seat. The feeling of helplessness in
my chest is almost crippling. I can’t drive any faster, I can’t get any answers
from her, I have no idea where she is.
I hit my palm repeatedly on the top of the wheel. It serves no purpose
except to get the rage out and to make me feel an emotion other than pain.
I have no idea why she’d abruptly try to end things. I brush my hand
across my jaw as I stare out the window. I can’t let myself think about her
potentially having found out my secret. There’s no way she could anyway.
We’ve never been closer and things have been even better since she
came back from the holidays. We spend every moment we can together and
although it’s not as much I’d like, it’s what’s possible in our situation. I
cook her meals, we watch shows, sometimes we go out.
I wonder if this isn’t one of the times where she pushes me away. Her
fear of commitment has been dormant since before the break, but maybe it’s
back now.
If it is, I’ll make quick work of dealing with it like I have every time
before. She’s not getting away from me, it’s that simple.
I grab my phone, accidentally swerving into the next lane in the
process.

Me: Where are you?

Me: Talk to me.
 Me: Please.

I watch the screen, accidentally dropping below the speed limit and
getting honked and cursed at by other drivers. The messages don’t get
marked as delivered. Her phone must be off.
When I turn into The Pen’s parking lot, my head is bent to look out of
my window and up at the third floor of Nera’s building. The lights are
completely off but it’s late. She could be asleep.
I park and slip out of the car in the cover of darkness. I slink over to
the back of her building until I see her window. No lights coming through
either. I look at the ground around me. There’s some gravel I can use. I pick
up a handful and start pelting them at her window.
There’s no answer.
If she’s ignoring me, she’s going to get the spanking of a lifetime.
I pick up a larger rock and toss it, hitting the window pane square. It
makes a loud, cracking sound but the window mercifully doesn’t shatter.
No light comes on either.
She’s not home.
Concern grabs me around the windpipe and squeezes. I walk back to
my car, checking my phone once more. Still no notifications. The antsy
feeling in my belly makes me almost nauseous.
Back in the car, my eyes are pinned on the door, watching and waiting
for Nera’s return. I turn the heat on and sit back in my seat, getting
comfortable. After a while, my eyes start to flutter but I fight the call of
sleep. I’m not going to miss her.
I sit there well into the night, until I have to turn the engine off and the
only heat I have to keep myself warm is the one from my own body.
She never comes home.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 38

Nera

I end up staying at the hotel the entire weekend.

I don’t mean to. I fall into a light sleep where I’m tormented by happy
memories of Tristan and I, each reminder a new stab wound to my heart.
When I wake up late the next day, I don’t have the strength to get up and
face the world. I won’t be able to hide my heartbreak from my roommates
and I can’t explain it to them.
So, I stay. Despondency takes me and leaves me as nothing more than
a living, breathing shell. I spend the next night flitting between fitful sleep
and bouts of silent crying.
It was stupid of me to think he could ever really care about me. My
own parents can’t love me unconditionally so how can I expect a random
guy to, especially one who’s seen as much of my internal ugliness as he has,
one who I’ve routinely pushed away for months.
The worst part is I know I can’t fault him for it. I’m the one who
refused to let him in. I messed this up, I failed at this like I always seem to
do.
And even if I had let him in, we’re in a terrible situation with no
recourse. There is no happy ending in the cards for us.
The anger and hurt I feel eclipse the guilt, but just barely. Knowing he
touched her and probably spent the night with her after I ended things
makes me sick to my stomach. I’d throw up if I’d eaten anything recently.
On Sunday afternoon, I finally peel myself out of bed. When I turn my
phone back on, I have dozens of missed calls and over a hundred texts. I
don’t check any of them. I’m not ready to go back to my new reality just
yet.
I order an Uber and wait for it on the steps of the hotel. It’s gloomy
and gray outside, a perfect reflection of how I feel inside. I get in the
passenger seat and stare silently out the window the entire way back to The
Pen. There’s a mass in my throat that makes it hard for me to keep the tears
in, but I manage as best I can.
The driver parks and walks around to the boot to help me. He bends
and grabs my backpack then extends it towards me.
“Nera.”
Ice trickles down my spine and freezes me in place. When I don’t take
the bag from him, the driver looks up, confused.
The voice is smooth as liquid gold, the stony authoritative tone
wrapping like a physical touch around my nape and bending me to his will.
With one word, he has my knees flinching and ready to kneel for him.
Our connection is out of control; for a moment, it clouds my anger at
him.
What is he doing here?
I’m not ready to deal with this.
I turn slowly, coming face to face with Tristan. He’s walking towards
me from where his car is parked a couple of lanes away.
He looks awful.
His eyes are sunken in, his skin is pale. His hair looks tousled and dull.
His clothes are wrinkled. He looks like how I imagine I look, like he hasn’t
really slept in forty-eight hours.
And looking at him hurts. It’s pushing the blade back into the exact
same wound, making the cut deeper and more jagged. Harder to heal from.
I go to turn away.
“Don’t,” he snaps.
My eyes widen and flick back to meet his. He doesn’t look angry like
his tone made it seem, he looks… miserable. Chaos rages in his eyes,
burning only slightly brighter than the hurt and confusion I see in them.
His gaze slides to the man behind me, his upper lip twitching with
emotion. Tristan looks at me, pain flashing briefly in his irises and all the
angst in the world wrapping around every syllable of his question.
“Who the fuck is he?”
I say nothing, staring back at him mutely. On the inside, I’m in
shambles. My body, my stupid, stupid, brain, they both call at me to run at
him and jump into his arms, even as disgust roils in my stomach knowing
he was with someone else last night. Anger lances through me that he has
the gall to look as hurt as me when he caused all this.
“I’m just her Uber driver, man. That’s it,” he says, putting his hands up
innocently and backing away. “I’ll leave you two to it.”
I stomp towards my building’s front door. We’re not going to have this
conversation. If he can’t put two and two together on why I ended things,
then that’s on him.
I don’t owe him an explanation for his actions.
I have the key in the lock and am pulling the door open when a hand
comes down on the frame from above me and slams it shut. The momentum
takes me and my key with it and I fall against the door. When I turn around,
I find myself pinned against the glass between Tristan’s arms.
The temperature cools fifty degrees around us as I take in his icy glare.
We’re out in the open, in the middle of the largest student housing on
campus, and he has me trapped. There’s no way to spin this moment to look
appropriate. He’s risking his whole career just being near me like this.
“Where have you been?” He demands. His voice vibrates under the
weight of his anger. “I’ve been worried out of my mind.”
“I doubt that very much,” I say with a humorless laugh. “Move aside.”
“What the hell does that mean? Have you checked your phone at all
since you tried to end things with me via text?”
I clench my teeth and look away, refusing to make eye contact.
“Move aside,” I repeat, keeping my tone even.
“Answer my questions and I will.”
“If you don’t, I’ll scream. See how well you can keep me trapped here
when the entire school runs over.”
He glares at me but steps back. I rip the door open and stride in,
heading for the stairs instead of the elevator. I hear his heavy steps slap
against the ground behind me as he follows.
“Who have you been with?” He asks as I clear the first landing. I hear
the hollow echo in his voice, the one he gets when he’s jealous.
I hope it chokes him like it did me.
 I take the next batch of steps two at a time, hoping to put some
distance between us.
“Whoever I want,” I bite back. “Stop following me.”
I find out just how easily he’s keeping up with me when a hand closes
around my elbow and he swings me around. He pulls me against him, jaw
working violently as he shoots daggers at me.
“I don’t find that joke funny.”
“That’s good, because it wasn’t one.”
I rip my arm out of his hold and run up the stairs. As I clear the second
landing and turn towards the third, I catch a look at his face. He hasn’t
moved from where I left him, but his face is angled up to follow me. His
mouth has flattened, his eyes are narrowed on me.
I don’t stop, running for the third floor. Once I’m in my apartment, I’ll
be safe from him. The girls are home, he won’t risk them seeing him. As it
is, I’m surprised he’s followed me this far.
I wonder if the blonde is somewhere waiting for him, wondering
where he is. I hate her.
“Nera,” I hear him call angrily after me, a clear warning in the way he
says my name.
I spin around on the landing of the third floor, suddenly overcome with
anger.
“I’m single, Tristan, you don’t get to question what or who I’m doing.”
He climbs the last few steps slowly, the look in his eyes downright
murderous. The air is charged with our collective anger, but his brings
thunderous, ominous energy.
“Come again?”
The question is asked clinically, with each word delivered on the edge
of a knife. I swallow and go to turn, but he grabs me and yanks me back.
“I’ll ask the question differently,” he says, and his voice terrifies me. It
sounds on the edge of insanity. “You think we haven’t been exclusive?”
“That’s right.”
“You think you’re single?”
“Yes.”
Tristan’s eyes close and a low growl emits from his throat. It grows
until it erupts into a furious roar that shakes me to my core. He squeezes my
forearm before releasing me like I burned him. He drops his head in his
hands and runs them violently over his face.
 Eyes cut to me when they come back into view and he takes a step
towards me.
I stumble backwards down my hallway.
“Have you acted on that thinking?”
I swallow and his eyes drop to my throat before coming back to my
face. When he speaks, his voice is softer in tone but the warning in his
words rings with violence I can palpably feel.
“Save a life today, baby. Tell me you haven’t let anyone touch you
since we’ve been together.”
Another knife to the heart, this time in the form of the endearment he
has for me.
Baby.
He says it so possessively, his voice deep and claiming. I love when he
calls me that. It feels like a loving caress coupled with a violent promise of
ownership every time he says it.
I’m never going to hear him say it again. The realization pulls a sob
from the depths of my chest.
I look away from him, blinking rapidly. Hoping to make them
disappear as quickly as they appeared.
“Don’t call me that,” I snap, voice shaking. “I told you we were done.
You showing up here changes nothing. I don’t even understand why you
came.”
The tears pool in my eyes and crest past my lower lid and down my
face. It’s crazy how I didn’t cry for years and now I can’t seem to stop. It’s
all connected to him, the good, the bad, the unbearably painful.
His face falls when he sees my tears and he reaches for me but I step
out of his reach.
“For once, please listen to me and leave when I tell you to.”
Wiping the teardrops from my cheek, I turn and jog the rest of the way
to my apartment door, happy to finally be able to put distance between us.
I have no such luck.
“I’ll do that when you stop running from me,” he thunders. “Literally
and figuratively.”
I watch him storm down the hallway after me, his body somehow
dwarfing the space. I fiddle with my keychain until I find the right key and
push it into the lock. I throw the door open and go in, immediately turning
around and shoving it closed.
 “Nera?” I hear Six ask from behind me. She sounds startled, probably
by the way I just crashed into the room after being AWOL for the whole
weekend.
I look over my shoulder and see her sitting with Thayer and Bellamy,
all three of them looking at me with expressions ranging along the scale of
surprise.
“Why are you crying?” Thayer asks, concern making her stand.
I’m still looking at them when I feel Tristan’s arm catch the door
before it closes.
Then he’s thrusting it open and barging through.
My mouth drops in shock, the tears momentarily giving way to
disbelief.
He’s unseeing of the apartment or people in it, his heated, furious glare
locking on me and me only.
“Professor Novak?” I hear Bellamy call from behind me. Total
confusion rings clearly in her voice.
I don’t know if he even hears her.
“I’m furious with you, Nera, and you’re making this worse for yourself
by running from me.”
“Tristan, I–”
“‘Tristan?’” Thayer and Bellamy say in unison, cutting me off.
My heart is beating so wildly, I can barely suck in a breath. I feel like
I’m hyperventilating. The combination of being forced to see Tristan when
I’m not ready, of fighting with him when I’m fresh on this betrayal, and of
my worlds colliding and crashing together so unexpectedly and publicly
makes me gasp for air.
“Why the hell are you calling him Tristan?” Six asks, in shock.
Without even looking at them, he grabs my elbow and pulls me with
him to my bedroom. I hear Thayer’s voice before he slams the door closed
behind us.
“Wait, is he the guy? Is he Gary?”
And then it’s just the two of us, with no escape for me.
“I don’t even know where to start,” he growls, taking a step towards
me. “Asking you where you were, who you were with, why you think
you’re single or why the fuck you tried to dump me. But given I spent the
last forty-two hours in my car, sleeping in the freezing cold, waiting for you
to come home, I’ll start there. Where the fuck were you?”
 That’s why he looks so terrible. He’s been… waiting for me this whole
time? I don’t understand but it does nothing to appease me.
“You want to know where I was?” I say, taunting him.
“Yeah, given that I’ve texted you maybe a hundred times, that’d be
fucking swell,” he responds, sarcasm dripping heavily from his words.
“I was holed up in the penthouse of our hotel, alone, crying my eyes
out over you for the past two days!”
He recoils, the look on his face pure confusion. I want to wipe it off,
by force if need be, anything rather than having him continue the innocence
act.
“What the fuck?” He exclaims. “Why?”
I scoff, rolling my eyes.
“If you’re going to pretend like you didn’t do anything, then I don’t
know why you’re forcing me to talk. We have nothing to say to each other.”
He grabs my arms right above my elbow and pulls me against him.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Nera. Zero. Obviously, I did
something to piss you off but I can’t apologize and make it right if I don’t
know what it is I did.”
“No apology is going to fix what you did,” I spit.
He blanches and I jump in for the kill.
“I saw you. At Tartucci’s, with her. Whoever she is. A girl that’s not
me. Tall, blonde, beautiful. Gorgeous smile. Probably uncomplicated and
not messed up in the head and has no problem being open and expressing
her feelings to you.” I curse myself when my voice catches on a sob. “Age
appropriate and someone you can proudly display on your arm. In short, the
perfect woman. I get it, that’s the worst part,” I say, the tears making a
reappearance now. “She’s everything anyone could ever want, so of course
you want her.”
He exhales roughly, shaking his head.
“Nera…”
He pulls me against him, his hand moving to cup my cheek. I turn my
face to the side, not wanting his touch on me.
“This should be the easy part for you,” I cry out. “You should be with
her, you shouldn’t be here, but you are. Why do you keep coming back?
Why do you keep staying when I tell you to go?”
He grips my jaw and forces me to look into his heated eyes.
 “Because I fucking love you, that’s why,” he exclaims. “I’m in love
with you.” Softer, he adds, “How is that not painfully obvious to you by
now?”
I’m mouth open ready to clap back at him, but the words die on my
tongue at his words. Silence stretches for interminable seconds as I process
his words.
“You can’t say that to me wh–”
“That woman you saw me with. The blonde? That’s Tess.”
“I don’t want to know her fucking name,” I hiss, furious. Shoving at
him.
My mouth is operating independently from my brain, the muscle too
occupied with the words he just so casually dropped like they’re not the
most important words a person could ever say.
“Nera, it’s Tess. My sister. The one I’ve talked to you about.”
I pause like a record scratch mid-thought. It’s as if the haze of anger
instantly evaporates, leaving rational thought in its place. He has told me a
lot about her over the past few months, how she’s his best friend and most
trusted adviser.
Tristan sees the cogs working behind my eyes and pulls out his phone.
He scrolls through rows of photos before selecting one and turning the
phone in my direction. It’s a picture of him as a teenager next to a blonde.
The same one from the restaurant.
He swipes and there’s another photo, this time of him when he was
even younger, with her at the beach.
Relief lifts the impossible weight that the anger, hurt, and pain had
been pressing suffocatingly down on all my major organs and provides an
immediate release of serotonin and hope.
“She surprised me out of the blue last night. I would have introduced
you yesterday but her…fiancé interrupted us Friday night and took her back
to Engla– you know what, it’s a long story. It doesn’t matter. What does
matter is the fact that she’s my sister and not some other woman I was
seeing behind your back.”
My heart pounds with every word, but he keeps going.
“What we have is real. You weren’t – aren’t – just a fling to me. I’m
putting it all on the line for you. To have you. All because I can’t get you
out of my head or my heart. The worst part is I’m fully aware of all the
consequences that come along with loving you, but I can’t get myself to
have one ounce of self-preservation. I don’t care what happens to me
because the alternative — a world in which you and I aren’t together —
isn’t even worth considering, let alone living.”
He grabs my face, squeezing it almost painfully in his hands as he
stares hot-bloodedly into my eyes.
“You know how it feels to see you coming out of a car with another
man? It hurts me,” he exclaims, inches from my face. He grabs my hand in
his and clasps it over his heart. It beats wildly, frantically, and I’m certain I
can feel the remnants of that pain. “Mentally and physically. It’s like having
a dagger the size of the Burj Khalifa buried inside my heart. It’s all I can
think about, it’s all I can feel because it hurts every time I fucking breathe.
Do you understand me? I’m in physical pain seeing you with him,
imagining you with anyone who isn’t me. Think about that the next time
you assume I’m interested in anyone else,” he says, backing away and
running an erratic hand through his hair. He turns back around and walks up
to me. “I have a black and white world and you are responsible for the only
parts of it in color, Nera. I’m unwilling to give my colors up.”
He cups my face again, brushing my hair manically out of my face.
“I’m not going to hurt you. You have to believe that. You have to trust
me. I’m not your father, I’m not your mother. I’m Tristan. I’m here in this
room for you. I just revealed our relationship to your friends and put my
career in jeopardy for you. I wake up in the mornings thinking of you. I am
yours in every conceivable way that exists and if they invent new ways, I’ll
be yours in those ways too.”
Shock freezes me. I hate the parts of me that don’t know how to be
loved and reject it at the first sign of trouble. The constant self-sabotage is
exhausting and I suddenly feel world weary. I’m tired of fighting all the
time.
“You’re so busy trying to push me away that you can’t even see that
I’m right here. I’m here, Nera. I’m not going anywhere.” He drops his
forehead against mine, taking a deep breath. He whispers, “Please stop
pushing me away.”
I cry quietly as we stand there. The origin of my tears is a mystery to
me. It’s a mix of whiplash, relief, and the heady feeling of happiness.
“You love me?”
He nods. “I’m in love with you. Everything about you. I have no idea
how you could ever think that I’d look at anybody else when I spend every
waking moment thinking of you and every sleeping moment dreaming of
you. This is the last thing I thought would happen when I came to teach
here, but meeting you, getting to know you, falling in love with you?” he
pauses, inhaling a ragged, emotional breath. He steals a kiss from my lips.
“It’s been the adventure of a lifetime. I could never have imagined or hoped
to experience happiness like the kind I feel when I’m with you.”
Emotion swells in my throat as I hang on to him, my body giving out.
It’s as if when I let go of the final walls guarding my heart, a physical
weight is lifted off me and I sag into him. He holds me against his large
chest, my face resting upturned in the crook of his neck, his arms wrapped
like bands around my back.
So many words, so many thoughts, flit through my head but nothing
comes out. Articulating my feelings back to him isn’t easy, and all I manage
to give him right away is a long-owed acknowledgment.
“We’re dating.”
My delivery is somewhere between an announcement and a question,
but it’s said with intent. A confirmation of what now is finally evident to
me.
He laughs deeply, his mood lifting. His chest heaves with each
chuckle, the movement comforting beneath the side of my face.
“Yeah, baby, for a while now. Thanks for finally catching on.”
My eyes flutter closed.
Baby.
He turns my face and brings his down towards mine. The first contact
of our lips feels like stepping outside into the sun after being trapped inside
all day. Energy zaps through me as he presses his mouth down on mine and
I whimper happily.
It’s only been two days but it’s felt like a lifetime.
When I part my lips, he groans loudly. His tongue thrusts in, searching
for mine. He pushes me against the wall, his hand coming down next to my
head.
I reach for him to pull him closer, but he lifts his head. I’m lightheaded
with lust by the time he rips his lips off mine and it takes me a minute to get
myself together.
“You can’t ever do that again,” he grunts, hand closing around the
front of my throat. “Disappear on me. I nearly lost my mind when I didn’t
hear from you. Next time you’re pissed at me, you text me, tell me what a
shit I am, tell me where you are, and you tell me you’re okay. No more
running away.”
I nod and he squeezes my throat gently. Warningly.
“Okay,” I say. “But you have to promise me something in return.”
“Anything.”
“Don’t break my heart. I won’t forgive you for it. I’ve been
disappointed and betrayed by those who promised they loved me. They hurt
me. You know that better than anyone. Don’t do that to me. If you make me
fall for you, own it. If you make me give you my heart, you have to keep
it.”
His eyes darken, a smirk stretching the corner of his lips. His hand
moves around the back of my neck to cup my nape.
“It’s already mine, Nera, and I’m never giving it back.”
He crushes my mouth against his in a devastating kiss. It’s the opposite
of chaste. His other hand digs into my waist and presses me against his hard
cock, but the kiss itself is slow. Tantalizing and excruciatingly seductive.
His tongue twists with mine and licks my lips before he closes his mouth
around my plump lower lip.
When he touches me, a different kind of electricity zaps through my
body. This moment is so heady, so potent and charged, that I can feel it
around me, burning us up together like a lightning flash before a
thunderclap. Every touch on my body, whether it’s his lips now on my neck,
his hand on my hip, or his fingers glancing over my pussy, every single
touch of his sends me into overdrive.
In a moment of clarity, I’d had some comfortable clothes delivered to
the hotel. He rips the sweatpants off, does away with my underwear, and
then he’s there, pressed up against my pussy and demanding entrance.
I expect him to shove in but instead he finds my mouth once more.
“I love you,” he whispers against my lips before claiming them in a
tender kiss. Slowly, he starts to push in.
He swallows the breathy moan I make and bottoms inside me. Fuck, it
feels good to have him inside me and pressed up against me once more.
There’s nowhere I’d rather be.
I grab the collar of his shirt and start tugging it over his head and off.
Pure arousal shines in my eyes when they fall on his bare chest. He’s so
thick and perfect, such a man. And somehow, he loves me.
 My nails dig into his back, clawing at him to get him closer. He has me
pinned up against the wall, my legs wrapped around his waist as he pounds
into me.
“You’re such a good girl,” he breathes against my mouth, punctuating
the sentence with a thrust. “Smart.” Thrust. “Beautiful.” Thrust. “Mouthy.”
Thrust. “Mine.”
My eyes roll back into my head at his heated, possessive words.
I let my walls, my fear of vulnerability, and my own mistrust blind me
to the fact that he loves me. With those finally destroyed and gone, all that’s
left is love. I see it clearly now. He’s been there for me for months, taking
care of me, fighting my battles, saving me.
I clasp his face between my hands as he drives into me. He stares at
me, first at my eyes, then my beauty marks, then my mouth, and back to my
eyes. His mouth is parted, small pants of effort dropping from his lips with
each thrust.
Staring deep into his clear ocean-colored eyes, I bring his face closer
and lay my own claim.
“Mine.”
His bright irises darken in response, his pupils dilating.
“Yours.”
Wetness pools in my lower belly in response, my pussy clenching
around his thick length.
I’ve been so stupid. I almost let him slip through my fingers. I hold on
to him for dear life now, like someone finding a life raft in the middle of the
stormy deep sea and clinging on to it to get to safety.
And I find that when the words slip out, they’re far easier to admit to,
to proudly declare even, than I thought they’d be.
“Tristan?”
“Yeah, baby?” he answers, eyes closed in concentration. His thumb
finds my clit and brushes against it, driving me wild.
I caress the side of his face softly.
“I love you too.”
His eyes fly open. They find mine, wild and frenzied, even as his teeth
grind together.
“Don’t tell me that when I’m balls deep inside you.”
I laugh, holding on more tightly. “Why not?”
“Because you’re going to make me come.”
 He spins us around and walks over to the bed where he lays me down,
crawling on top of me while still buried inside me.
“So, I shouldn’t tell you that I love you?” I say, teasing him.
“No, I want you to say it, fuck, I need you to say it. Tell whoever will
listen, in fact tell the whole fucking world so they know you’re mine. Just
wait five minutes,” he grunts, forehead creased as he lifts my leg over his
shoulder, changing the angle of his thrusts.
Pleasure lights up every atom in my body and I arch into him in
response.
“I can’t,” I pant, “I can’t wait a second longer to tell you how I feel. I
love you.”
He curses and then his mouth slams down on mine. He kisses me as
his thumb toys with my clit and his thrusts drive me closer and closer to the
edge.
“Again.”
“I’m so unhealthily, dangerously, completely in love with you, baby.”
His eyes burn my mouth like he’s taking in every word I’m saying and
locking them away in his mind. They downright scorch when I use the same
endearment he has for me. “I have been for a really long time, I just
couldn’t admit it to myself. Couldn’t get over my past experiences to see
that the best thing that’s ever happened to me has been standing right there
all along. You’ve taught me to believe in myself, to be kind to myself.
You’ve taught me how to really live and enjoy it. You make me iridescently
happy. The truth is, I don’t know how to do life without you anymore. I
hope I never have to find out. I don’t know what the future holds or how we
navigate the reality of our circumstances but that doesn’t matter to me. All
that matters is knowing that I’ll be with you and we’ll figure it out
together.”
His eyes flash with pure obsession as he stares at me. He brushes his
nose against mine before finding my mouth with his. He lets his weight rest
completely on me, his body suffocating me with his warmth and affection.
I find his ear and whisper, “The best decision I ever made was walking
up to you in that bar.”
“The best decision I ever made was going after you when you tried to
walk away.”
I giggle and he thrusts punishingly inside me. My mouth parts on a
whispered ‘o’ as he grunts against my ear, “Not funny. I almost missed out
on the love of my life because of that little game.”
My cheeks blush pink and I pull his mouth down against mine. He
picks up his rhythm and I arch into him, meeting him thrust for thrust. Our
mouths remain fused as he pounds into me.
Then he pinches my clit, sending a full body shudder coursing through
me. His muscles lock as my pussy spasms around him. The explosiveness
of our combined orgasms surprises me and all I can do is hold on to him as
it takes me under.
We lay there for minutes, catching our breaths and laughing softly as
we gaze at each other, the laughter of young people newly and giddily in
love. There’s a lightness in my chest and in my mind that I hope I get to
keep forever.
Eventually, a knock at my bedroom door startles us.
“We heard some sounds of, uh, let’s call it vigorous agreement, coming
from your bedroom–” Bellamy starts, from the other side of the door.
“We heard it all the way from the living room!” Thayer jumps in, her
excited voice ringing clearly through the hard wood. “Congrats purely for
that, Nera. I’m giving you a thumbs up behind the door, I know you can’t
see it.”
“Focus,” we hear Bellamy whisper hiss at her.
“What Bellamy is trying to say is it seems like you guys have made up,
so s’il te 1plaît can we come in?” Six says, taking over. “We’re dying to
know what the hell is going on.”
“And, personally, I’d also like to discuss a potential extension on my
Securities paper—”
“Thayer!”

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 39

Tristan

I should have told Nera the truth yesterday.

I thought that’s why she’d ended things. When she yelled that she
knew what I’d done, I was sure I’d been found out. The relief when I
realized she’d misunderstood my dinner with Tess instead was crushing.
That was my opening to bare it all and admit the lie at the foundation
of our relationship and I couldn’t do it. Not when I was fresh on
experiencing forty-eight hours of hell, not when I knew if I did it’d mean
many more days without her.
It was selfish but I was willing to do a lot more than lie to make sure
she stayed mine.
I’ll tell her soon, once we’ve settled into our official relationship. Once
she realizes how much I truly love her. She won’t be able to leave me then.
“So, are you a pervert?”
The voice and the question alike startle me and pull me out of my
thoughts. I turn from my desk and find Sixtine, Thayer, and Bellamy in the
doorway of my classroom.
Bellamy is the one who spoke. She and Six march into the room as
Thayer closes the door behind them.
“I beg your pardon?” I ask, bewildered.
 Six stands in front of my desk with her arms crossed and her eyes
narrowed on me. Bellamy leans her hip against my desk, a suspicious
expression on her face.
“You arrived all moody and mysterious at RCA this year with your
perfect cheekbones and obvious scorn for your profession, I mean what’s
that about? Did you have to leave your previous school because of some
sordid scandal or something?” Thayer asks, sitting nonchalantly on top of a
desk in the front row, her feet swinging happily beneath her.
“What she’s asking is, is this like, your thing?” Bellamy demands.
“Hitting on younger girls, sleeping with them, having relationships with
them?”
This feels like being accosted and cornered by the Powerpuff Girls.
Last night, I knew an extensive debrief between the girls was needed so I
left pretty quickly after the three of them knocked on the door. When Nera
came over later, she told me they’d grilled her Spanish Inquisition style for
hours. She recounted every detail of our story except the declaration of our
feelings from earlier that night.
I think part of her is still hesitant to believe that it’s true, that I do love
her. She’s been disappointed by that very same reality in the past, so I get
it.
It only makes me love her more.
And now it looks like it’s my turn to be interrogated.
“She’s not a girl,” I grit out.
“But is it your thing?” Six asks.
“No.”
Thayer tilts her head to the side and examines me, giving me a probing
look before deciding, “He doesn’t look pervy.”
Bellamy turns only her head to look at her friend.
“Just because he’s hot doesn’t mean he’s not a giant red flag. In fact,
that probably makes it worse.” She looks back at me thoughtfully. “He’s got
to be a perv.”
“I’m not a pervert.”
“That’s exactly what a pervert would say,” Thayer exclaims, pointing
at me.
I close my eyes, pinch the bridge of my nose and pull deep from my
reserves of patience. I hear the door open once more and look up as Phoenix
walks in. He frowns as he takes in the scene before him but walks up to his
fiancée, his forehead smoothing out as his hands come around her waist.
“Wild girl,” he purrs, his mouth dropping to her hair. “What are you
doing here?”
She giggles when he nuzzles her neck and cups his face, pressing
quick kisses against his mouth.
Thayer rolls her eyes. “Not right now, Phoenix. Don’t distract her,
we’ve got important friend business to attend to.”
He hums in acknowledgement and comes to sit on a desk next to her,
pulling Sixtine with him and settling her between his legs and against his
chest.
“Are you grilling him about his thing with Nera?” he asks, taking out
his phone. “I’m telling the lads.”
Six looks at him, wide eyed. “You knew?”
Phoenix waves the phone in my direction. “He spends eighty percent
of his time in class eye fucking her. I’m surprised you didn’t notice.” Fuck,
do I? That’s news to me. I need to be more careful about revealing my
obsession with her. “That’s all you need to see to know he’s fucking
whipped. Nera has him wrapped around her little finger,” he adds, smirking
at me like the same can’t be said about him with Six.
Bellamy raises a brow in my direction when I remain silent. “Nothing
to say to that?”
“Nope.”
“Why not?” Thayer asks.
A slow, satisfied grin stretches my lips.
“I didn’t hear a single lie.”
Six looks up at Phoenix.
“Why didn’t you tell me about the two of them?”
He shrugs. “I don’t give a fuck what he does.” His hands tighten on her
hips. “So long as it’s nowhere near you.”
She blushes prettily. “Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t have
wanted to hear it from you. It was up to Nera to tell me when she was
ready.” She glances back at him. “Are you keeping any other secrets?”
He stiffens, but I’ve had enough of watching this conversation play out
aimlessly.
“Look,” I cut in, staring at the girls one after the other, “The last thing
I want is to be caught up with a student, believe me. You think I don’t want
to stay away? You think I don’t want to date literally anybody else? I
fucking can’t,” I grit through clenched teeth. “If I’m eye fucking her in
class it’s because I can’t get enough of her even though we spend every
night together. I love her. I’ve tried not loving her, but I can’t. More
importantly, I don’t want to. All I can think about is the day I’ll be able to
hold her hand in public and shout from the rooftops that she belongs to me.”
Six’s eyes soften as Bellamy’s mouth drops. A surprised but pleased
smile pulls at Thayer’s lips.
The door bursts open, pulling everyone’s attention away from me as
Rhys and Rogue barge in.
“Babe!” Thayer exclaims, jumping down from the desk and into Rhys’
waiting arms.
Rogue’s penetrating gaze moves from where I’m seated and over to
Bellamy who’s still leaning against my desk. Her own eyes shine happily
when they meet his.
He walks up to her and places a possessive hand on her ass. “You’re
standing awfully close, sweetheart,” he mutters.
She wraps her arms around his neck and looks up at him prettily from
beneath her lashes.
“No need to be territorial, baby. He just told us he’s in love with Nera.”
Rhys, who’d been making out heavily with Thayer in the background
like they haven’t seen each other in two years instead of two periods, rips
his mouth away and looks down at her.
“Fuck me, we missed the good bit. Debrief me later, love?”
She nods, reaching for his face and bringing his mouth back down on
hers.
“Hey,” I say, snapping my fingers to get their attention. “I have too
much shit to do to watch this little lovers’ reunion unfold much longer. If
you’re satisfied with my answers, feel free to leave.”
“You’re not messing her about?” Bellamy asks.
“No.”
“Promise?” Thayer adds, a hint of warning in her tone.
“Yes.”
Six nods and steps out from between Phoenix’s legs, walking up to me
and giving me a quick hug. I hear him make an annoyed sound so I keep my
arms firmly by my side.
 “Then welcome to the family, Tristan,” she says before laughing. “It’s
so weird to say your first name.”
“What the– what are you guys doing?”
We all turn around as one to see Nera standing in the doorway, a truly
bewildered expression on her face watching us all together. She must be on
her way to practice because she’s in a cute workout set with her equipment
bag slung over her shoulder.
I point at them. “Your friends are grilling me about my intentions with
you.”
“Good news, Ner Bear, turns out he’s not a pervert. We asked him,”
Thayer announces proudly.
Nera’s face is so comical, I can’t help but laugh.
“Um, okay,” she says, unsure how to answer. She turns towards Six.
“So, how’d he do?”
Sixtine smiles happily at her best friend.
“He passed with flying colors.”
Bellamy turns in Rogue’s arms so she’s standing back to his front with
his arm slung around the top of her chest.
“For now. We’re crime buffs, her and I,” she says, waving her thumb
between herself and Thayer. “I’ve seen every single episode of Law &
Order: SVU, okay? I’ll Olivia Benson you into next year if I think you’re a
creep. Or if you hurt her.”
“Understood,” I say with a solemn nod. I turn to face Nera, speaking to
her friends but looking at her. “Now please leave so I can tell my girlfriend
how much I missed her today,” I purr, extending my hand towards her.
She walks over to me, eyes pinned lustfully on my face, and
intertwines her fingers with mine. I curl her against me as I hear the others
start to move towards the door.
I look up at her from my sitting position, enjoying this different view
for once. She places a warm hand on my cheek, caressing me softly.
“About that extension…” I hear Thayer start in the background, her
tone teasing.
“Get out,” I say dismissively, my eyes never leaving Nera’s.
“Worth a try,” Thayer says, laughing loudly.
Rhys slings an arm around her shoulder and pulls her close. All traces
of playfulness leave his face as he cuts me an icy look. “Watch the way you
speak to her, Novak.”
 I whisper so that only Nera can hear me.
“Tell them to leave so I can get started on the many depraved things
I’ve been thinking about doing to you all day.”
Her eyes darken and an excited smile pulls at her lips. She turns
towards her friends, making a shooing motion with her hand.
“It’s my turn to be gross with my boyfriend now, so get out before we
give you guys a show.”
Her friends giggle as they walk out and my eyes clash with Rogue’s.
He gives me an assessing stare, his gaze penetrating mine in a way that has
a chill running down my spine before he walks out.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 40

Nera

I thought Tristan and I already had a good thing going between the two of
us before, but things change after those few days.
For the better.
To the outside world, we’re still a secret. I go to class and keep my
head down in my International Business course to avoid the gaze he always
has trained on me. I walk out without speaking to him like I don’t know
him. I go to practice. I go home. And the cycle repeats itself the next day.
But with my friends, my inner circle, we’re in a strong relationship. I
no longer have to exclusively slink over to his place late at night in the
cover of darkness. He comes over for game nights, he invites the girls over
and cooks us dinner, he goes to the pub and drinks with the boys.
He cuddles with me on the couch. He showers with me in my
bathroom and tickles me in front of the steamy mirror when we come out of
it. He makes me breakfast in the mornings and serves me coffee in my
favorite mug.
I don’t think I realized how much anxiety and trepidation I had about
how the girls would react to him, but they’ve adopted him into the fold like
we have with each of the other boys.
Even now, as I watch him bicker with Thayer about the World Cup, I
feel my heart swell with a kind of comfortable warmth that I’ve become
accustomed to feeling thanks to him.
“How can you not be rooting for England?”
She shrugs, disinterestedly. “They’re not exciting to watch. No flair
whatsoever.”
“I can’t talk to you when you’re being irrational,” he says with a huff. I
laugh from the kitchen where I’m refilling my water bottle.
“Now Argentina, France, Croatia even, those guys have style.”
“I’m rooting for France for my girl, Six,” Bellamy adds, pointing at
her.
“Allez les Bleus!” Six chants happily.
Tristan gives Bellamy an affronted look. “Your boyfriend is English,
Bellamy, rooting for the French is basically a capital offense.”
She gives him a sly smile. “Don’t worry, I know just how to make him
forgive me.”
“You’re all lost causes,” he says, shaking his head in disappointment.
They continue bantering and bickering good-naturedly as I watch from
the kitchen. I can’t keep the smile off my face as I listen to them while
pouring snacks into a bowl.
My bulimia is still something I struggle with every day, but the voice
is quieter, less present and oppressing. Most days I’m able to tune it out and
focus on mindful eating, on eating foods that will fuel my body. With each
passing day, the mental burden gets a little lighter.
“You look happy.”
I look over my shoulder at Six who’s standing next to me, leaning
against the kitchen island.
“Really?”
She nods, holding my gaze. “Yeah.”
I look back over at where Tristan’s half-sitting, half-lying on the
couch, hands gesticulating wildly as he watches the England match. He
feels the weight of my stare and looks over at me, giving me a cocky grin
that has my heart fluttering. It’s the one he gives me when I’m not standing
next to him, the one that tells me I belong to him. He brings his index up to
his mouth and kisses it, then points at me before tapping his nose a couple
of times. That’s how he mimes kissing my nose from a distance.
I’m so in love with him, it shocks me. I didn’t think I was capable of
feeling a positive emotion so emphatically, so wholeheartedly, but he pulls
it easily out of me.
 I turn back and look at Six. “I think I finally might be.”
She comes over and gives me a quick hug, pulling back but keeping
her hands on my shoulders. “I'm so glad. I’m sorry I didn’t notice you were
struggling before.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I didn’t want to bother you.”
She gives me a disappointed look. “Nera…”
“No, it was more than that. I was ashamed. A part of me still is. On
paper I have everything going for me, I’m privileged and successful and
lucky in so many ways, luckier than most. It felt so selfish to admit that
even with everything I have in my life I was deeply unhappy, you know?”
Her eyes soften and she rubs my arm gently. “Just because your
struggles are different than others doesn’t mean they aren’t valid. Nor does
it mean that you have to keep them to yourself and struggle in silence. I’m
glad you have Tristan now, but I’ll always regret not being there for you
when you needed me.”
It’s my turn to hug her. I hold her so tightly, wanting to communicate
the depth of my affection for her, that I nearly crush her against me.
“Don’t spend another second thinking about it. I’m the one who kept it
a secret from you and I was good at hiding it.”
“Not really,” she answers. I pull back, raising a brow at her in surprise.
She explains, “Now that I see you like this, truly happy and in love, I don’t
know how I didn’t see it before. The difference is night and day. You’re
literally glowing now,” she tells me, happily.
“I’m so in love with him, it scares me.”
She nods, understanding.
She knows better than anyone how painful loving someone can be.
“I get it. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you have anything to worry
about. He can’t go more than a minute without looking back over here. You
fell in love with a good one.”

✽✽✽

“Good job today, Nera. Really well done on those footwork drills,”
Coach Kelly tells me.
 It’s been a couple of months since Krav ‘resigned’ and Coach Kelly
stepped into his role. My fencing training has completely changed because
of it. While Kelly is just as results oriented as Kravtsov, his methods are
much less extreme.
He prioritizes active recovery and calisthenic type movements as much
as pure weight lifting and cardio workouts. More importantly, he’s a
believer in positive reinforcement to better athletes and the results have
been clear. I can see improvements every day.
“Thanks, Coach,” I say, smiling happily.
“Rest up tomorrow, I’ll see you on Sunday for practice.”
“Sounds good, have a great weekend,” I reply, picking up my bag and
heading out.
I check my phone and see I have no texts from Tristan. My brow
furrows slightly. That’s weird. He usually texts me increasingly raunchy
messages that have me blushing post-practice.
I try calling him but he doesn’t answer.
When we left my apartment this morning – me for practice, him for a
workout – he told me to meet him at his place after so he could cook me
lunch.
He must just be hands deep in dough or something and not checking
his phone.
On my way to his place, I pick up some fresh flowers at a local market.
I know he secretly likes them around the house and likes to see what kinds
I’ll surprise him with. Today, I chose tulips in his favorite colors.
A couple weeks ago, I’d forgotten the keys to my apartment and
accidentally been locked out because the girls were with their boyfriends.
When I’d gotten to Tristan’s, he’d been standing at the top of his stairs,
waiting for me. In his hand, he had a copy of his front key.
He’d clasped my hand and had gently placed the key in my palm,
closing my fingers around it without a word.
Another step forward in our relationship, a small one but one that’d
had my heart fluttering excitedly nonetheless.
I use that key today, letting myself into his place while answering a
text from Bellamy. My focus is elsewhere and it’s only when I’ve closed the
door behind me and turn back around that I notice the state of the
apartment.
It looks like it’s been partially ransacked.
 I freeze in place at the sight. The contents of the dining table – one or
two mugs, some mail, a couple books – are spread on the floor. A bottle of
whiskey lays shattered next to them, it’s content dripping slowly down the
white walls. Shock steals my breath.
Something tells me not to run away but to go further inside.
Uncertainly, I step into the living area. More books lay sprawled on the
floor next to the couch. A small, worthless decorative statuette is broken at
the base of the bookshelf. My eyes follow the path of destruction until it
leads me into the bedroom. A leg peeks out just past the frame. I shift to the
side, slowly revealing more and more of the body until I recognize Tristan.
My heart lurches at the sight of him. He’s sitting against the side of his
bed, head bowed forward between bent legs, his elbows resting on his
knees. A half empty bottle of whiskey hangs from his right hand.
“Tristan,” I whisper, a ball forming in my throat.
He lifts his head and my breath hitches, but no relief follows. The look
he gives me is haunted. He looks straight through me like I’m not even
there.
I drop my bag, shuck my coat off and hastily kick my shoes off, all the
while never taking my eyes off him. His gaze doesn’t leave me either as I
approach. His eyes are glassy and lifeless.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, cupping his face as I drop to my knees
between his legs. I check his body but he seems okay, at least physically. He
stares at me sightlessly as I run my hands all over him. “What happened?”
I’ve never seen him like this…so, so hollow. Even though he looks at
me, there’s none of the usual intensity or mirth that I’ve come to love in his
eyes. He’s just a shell of himself.
“What happened, baby?” I repeat, clasping both sides of his face in a
fierce embrace.
He looks around, dead-eyed, at the ravaged apartment. Finally, after
what feels like an eternity of silence, he mutters, “I made a fucking mess.”
So, he’s the one who destroyed his apartment. I press his face against
my shoulder, hugging him tightly against me. My hand caresses the side of
his face as I hold him.
“Don’t worry about that, it’s easily fixable. Are you okay?”
He pulls back, his head falling against the mattress behind him, his
eyes peering down intoxicatedly at me through half-lowered lids.
“He wasn’t supposed to…He wasn’t.”
 He mumbles the words, his drunkenness making it hard to follow.
“Who wasn’t supposed to do what?” I push his gloriously disheveled hair
off his forehead, running my fingers soothingly through the strands. “Talk
to me.”
“Tess texted me after you left. Apparently, our mother is in the
hospital. Our father put her there.”
A chill crawls down my spine, freezing my hands mid-caress on his
body.
“You mean…he hurt her?”
He nods, distress clear in his gaze. “Broke her eye socket and her left
wrist.”
I swallow the horrified gasp that makes to erupt from my lips. No
wonder he’s so distraught. My heart aches for them both. I can only imagine
the fear she must have felt. My ordeal pales in comparison to her, but
already the fear was deadly. It stays with you long after the hits have
stopped.
It pains me just thinking about her having to experience that, about her
being in the hospital, especially with one of her children so far away from
her.
“He wasn’t supposed to– I should have been there,” he says
vehemently, abruptly cutting himself off and switching thoughts. “I could
have stopped him if I was there,” he suddenly rages, jumping to his feet and
making me lose my balance.
I fall back onto my ass with a soft whimper, wincing when my tailbone
connects with the ground.
His eyes snap down to me at the pained sound I make.
“Fuck. Fuck, I’m sorry,” he says, crouching before me and grabbing
my forearms. “I’m fucking everything up, I’m sorry.” His voice is slightly
manic, his eyes wide and frantic as he inspects me for any injuries.
“Hey,” I say, cupping his nape with one hand and his back with the
other, pulling him against me. “Hey,” I repeat, getting him to look me in the
eye. “I’m totally fine, there’s nothing for you to worry about, okay?”
He nods and wraps his arms around me, crushing me against him.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
He slams his mouth down on mine and I can taste the whiskey on his
lips, on his tongue. I can taste it like I have many times in the past, when he
maybe shouldn’t have tasted like that. I don’t think he has an addiction, but
he certainly has a proclivity, one that I think is unhealthy.
I pull back, keeping my eyes on his face as I wrap my hand around the
neck of the bottle. He watches me silently and doesn’t move when I slowly
extricate it from his hand and pull it away.
“What happened to your mum is not your fault. The only person at
blame is your father.” I close and roll the bottle away on its side. “You can’t
put that burden of responsibility on yourself, it’s unfair. There’s nothing you
could have done, all you can do now is be there for your mum.” Gently, I
push him back so he’s the one sitting. I crawl onto his lap, one leg on either
side of his and start pressing soft kisses along his jaw. He lets me, putting
up no resistance to my lead and clasping my waist in his hands. “It’s so easy
for you to take care of me, to look after me and make sure I’m okay. Sounds
like you do the same for your mum and your sister.” I press my lips against
his ear, rubbing soothing circles on his back and shoulders in tandem. “You
have to find some of that same kindness and compassion for yourself, baby.
You can’t give it all away.”
“I thought she’d be safe. She was supposed to be.”
He repeats it over and over again, mumbling the words against my skin
while I hold him. Eventually, he stands, carrying me with him onto the bed.
He lays me down next to him, his arm curling around my waist and pressing
me against him.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 41

Tristan

Over the last couple of months, my alcohol intake has slowly gone down.
Drinking wasn’t something I thought about anymore because I didn’t need
to numb myself when I was around Nera.
I’d showed up to Sambour only once with liquor on my breath and
Luca had offered a piece of advice that’d made me put the bottle away.
He’d told me, “a lot of chefs drink and for a lot of different reasons.
I’m not judging you, I’m just letting you know that your palate is much
sharper when you’re sober.”
He’d been right, and coupled with Nera by my side, I hadn’t had a
drink alone since that day.
But when Tess reached out to me using a number that wasn’t hers, and
let me know what our father had done, I’d needed the comfort of the
emotionless abyss that was being black out drunk.
Now when I open my eyes, Nera is the first thing I see. She’s cuddled
up against me, face pressed into my chest, and she’s sound asleep. Both of
us are still wearing our clothes from yesterday.
I have no idea what time it is. All I remember is her holding me as I
fell into a drunken sleep.
Strands of her hair have fallen in front of her face. I brush them away,
tucking them gently behind her ear. She stirs, making a soft little whimper
that has my dick instantly hard. Her eyes flutter open, those dark depths
beckoning to me.
“What did I ever do to deserve you?” I wonder aloud.
She tilts her head up and kisses me, cupping my face with one hand.
“You saved me,” she whispers back. “That’s what you did.”
I shake my head, dropping my forehead against hers.
“You have that wrong,” I breathe, “You’re the one who saved me.”
“Maybe that’s why I chose you in that bar. Maybe that’s why you
couldn’t just let me walk away. I think maybe we were destined to meet.”
She cups my jaw. “To save each other.”
“Fate,” I say, translating her words.
She nods, kissing me again. She pulls back, giving me a smile with
sparkling eyes.
“Fate,” she agrees.

✽✽✽

I make arrangements to go back to London two days later. Fuck my

father and his rules. We had a deal and he didn’t stick to his end of the
bargain. Not only that, but his abuse of my mum was also far more brutal
than it ever has been in the past. Tess says that she’s home from the hospital
now, back in that cesspool of evil that is the home she shares with my
father.
The purpose of my trip home is twofold; first, to make sure she’s okay,
and second, to confront my father and put an end to this once and for all. I
have no strategy, no plan as of yet, but the one thing I know is that when I
come back, I’m telling Nera the truth.
I should have told her months ago, I just couldn’t bear the thought of
losing her.
“You should get going soon,” Nera says.
I lift my head from where it’s resting on her stomach and look up at
her. “You trying to get rid of me?”
We’re lying on the couch in her darkened living room, the only light
coming from a Diptyque candle she has lit. We’ve been here for a couple of
hours, relaxing and talking quietly, doing nothing else except enjoying each
other's company.
She laughs, running her hand through my hair. “Never, but you’re
going to miss your flight.”
“It leaves in four hours, I have time,” I answer, putting my head back
down on her stomach and closing my eyes. “Now let me take one last nap
in my favorite place before I don’t see you for ages.”
“You’re going to be gone three days, Tristan.”
“And I’m not happy about it.”
I know she smiles even though I can’t see it.
“I’ll be here when you get back.”
I tilt my head up and meet her gaze, brushing her nose with my index
finger. “You better.”
Before she can answer, the door to her apartment bursts open and her
friends pile through, followed closely by their boyfriends.
Immediately, I can tell something is wrong. The girls have an
anguished look on their faces and the guys slant murderous looks at me.
Nera freezes with her hands in my hair.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
She pushes me off and joins her friends by the door. There’s concern in
her voice as she grabs Six’s hands and repeats, “What’s wrong? Tell me.”
Sixtine’s eyes slide over her shoulder to meet mine, anger flaming
bright in her irises, and I know.
Oh, fuck.
“Nera,” I start, taking a step towards her.
“Stay right where you are, wanker,” Rhys bites out.
“Rhys!” Nera exclaims, shocked.
Rogue comes forward, putting his body between me and her. I see the
confusion on her face in the background as he levels an icy look at me.
“I ran a background check on you,” he announces, his voice dripping
with ire.
“What?”
Dread twists my insides, making it hard to breathe.
Not like this.
I never wanted her to find out like this. I can feel all the control I have
over the situation being yanked through my fingers and I’m grasping,
desperately grasping, to hang onto it.
 “Nera,” I try again. “Nera, look at me.”
She does and the look tells me that she’s outraged on my behalf. Now
that she trusts me, she won’t be so easily swayed away from my side. Her
loyalty lies in stark contrast to my betrayal, making me feel like the worst
of traitors.
“Why would you do that, Rogue? You had no business violating his
privacy like that.”
“Nera–”
“No, it’s not okay. He needs to know that.”
“We don’t know him, Nera,” Rhys says. “He’s not one of us. Of course
we looked into him when it became serious between you two.”
She stalks up to Rhys and pokes him in the chest as she grits out
furiously, “I already have a brother, Rhys, I don’t need three more.”
My heart is in my throat as I watch her defend me when I know what
she’s about to learn is going to hurt her. I wish I could turn back time to five
minutes ago, to before they walked in here. I wish I could have found the
courage then to be honest with her instead of letting her learn like this, with
an audience.
“Listen to what he has to say, Ner,” Bellamy suggests gently, giving
her a soft look.
“Nera, please, let me talk to you,” I say, taking another step forward.
Rogue puts a hand out, stopping me. “He told you to stay right where
the fuck you are,” he grinds out from between clenched teeth.
Nera looks at every person in the room, one after the other, slowly
taking in their facial expressions. When her gaze finally lands on me, her
face is awash with confusion. Her friends’ obvious concern has doubt
etching itself on her features.
Her voice shakes slightly. “What’s going on, Tristan?”
The silence stretches in my desperate attempt to keep things as they
are for one last moment before they change forever.
She stares unwaveringly at me and I find that I can’t say it.
In the end, I really am a coward.
Rogue answers for me, mercilessly delivering the killing blow.
“Ask him what his real name is.”
The words explode in the silence.
You can hear the sound of a pin drop in the unearthly stillness that
follows his announcement. Everyone stares at me with varying expressions
of anger.
Everyone, except Nera.
She still chooses to trust me, to believe that maybe she misheard or
that Rogue misspoke.
She laughs, but it does nothing to dispel the tension. When none of her
friends laugh with her, when I don’t immediately express outrage or say
anything, it dies a quick death on her lips.
Her voice turns small. It sounds frail enough to break when she finally
speaks.
“What is he talking about, Tristan?”
Everything stills inside me, down to my very blood cells. I can’t look
away from her, I can’t blink, I can’t speak. I have so many things to say, all
of which I should have told her before but didn’t, and I don't know where to
start now.
“Say something,” she begs, taking a step towards me. “Deny it. Tell
him he has the wrong information, the wrong person — better yet, tell me
he does.”
I need to touch her. I need to hold on to a part of her when I finally tell
her the truth, otherwise I’ll lose her forever. I maneuver around Rogue and
stride to Nera, cupping the back of her neck.
She falls against me, relieved.
She thinks I’m going to tell her he’s wrong, I can tell. Her face is open
and trusting as she looks up at me and I’m the one who has to hurt her now.
“I’m so sorry.”
She flinches.
She flinches like I hit her. In many ways, it is a blow.
Her face turns to the side, her eyes fluttering shut. Pain etches itself
slowly across her face, rippling over every single one of her features. I feel
her wobble under the impact of my confession even as she struggles not to
fall apart. I have a front row seat to the agony my betrayal causes.
Behind her, I can see Six crying. That’s how overwhelming the pain
coming off of Nera is. It seeps around the room and penetrates every
person’s chest, none as powerfully as it does mine. It strikes me so
forcefully that it nearly takes me out at the knees.
“Your name isn’t Tristan?” her voice is disbelieving and raw with
betrayal.
 “No, no, it is,” I tell her, holding on to her nape and forcing her to look
at me. “But my last name isn’t Novak.”
“Everything about him is a lie, Nera,” Thayer says.
“That’s not true,” I growl.
She pulls away and when I make a move to grab her, Phoenix grabs
my arm and twists it easily behind my back.
“Fuck!” I scream.
“Who is he?” Nera asks of nobody and anybody at once.
Rogue reads from his phone. “Ironically, his name is Tristan Noble.
He’s the son of Alexander and Bettina Noble; Alexander is Chairman and
CEO of The Noble Group which Tristan is set to inherit one day. I’m sure
you’ve heard of it?”
Nera nods, despondently. “The media conglomerate. So, his parents
aren’t teachers,” she adds, her voice shaking.
“No,” Rogue answers. “They’re billionaires.”

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 42

Nera

I feel like I’m going to pass out. My head pounds under the assault of the
information Rogue is dropping on me. My heart feels like it’s rending itself
to pieces.
Tristan lied to me. About his name, his family, his career.
About everything.
If he was willing to lie about that, what else did he lie about?
“Does he have a sister?” I hear myself ask.
Tristan tries to rush for me, but Phoenix’s hold on him keeps him from
being able to move. He makes a pained groan, wincing as his shoulder
twists unnaturally.
His eyes are haunted when they meet mine and so heavy with emotion
that I can barely stand to look at them. He fights against Phoenix, roaring,
his free arm reaching for me and coming up empty. Desperation twists his
features and his jaw looks ready to snap. “I’ve never cheated on you,
Nera.”
I look at Rogue. When he nods, a frayed breath rattles up my throat
and falls from my lips. “Yes, one sister. Tess.”
I hate that I’m relieved. It doesn’t fucking matter.
I turn back towards Tristan.
“Explain yourself.”
 It takes everything in me not to overreact. Not to run at the first sign of
trouble, but to choose to stay instead.
He swallows thickly, his expression broken by anguish. His eyes are
beseeching, begging me to understand.
“I fucked up. I’ve been fucking up for a long time and I’m so sorry
that I caught you up in my mess, it was never my intention. I always meant
to tell you the truth,” he swears.
“Explain,” I repeat, harder this time.
“I told you that everything between us was real and I meant it. I lied to
you about some things but I never lied to you about the things that
mattered.”
“You think your name doesn’t matter?”
“No–”
“You think telling me you were stuck teaching because it was your
parents’ profession doesn’t matter?”
“I mean that when I was with you, I never pretended to be anyone
other than exactly who I am!” He interjects, hotly. “I had to tell some small
lies so I could be truthful about who I really am on the inside, about what I
really want— that’s what I need you to understand.”
“You should never have lied at all.”
“I didn’t have a choice,” he entreats. “My father forced me here. He’s
the scum of the earth, an evil bastard with endless amounts of power. I’ve
spent half my life rebelling against him at every turn and that’s what started
this whole thing,” he explains. “I humiliated him and in retaliation he sent
me here to punish me, to teach me respect and humility and, more
importantly, how to bend the knee to him.” He shakes Phoenix off who
releases him. “I didn’t have a choice. He threatened my mum. For a year, I
was supposed to teach here and not speak to her or my sister. I was
supposed to be celibate,” he adds, giving me a look. “In exchange, he
promised that he’d stop hitting her. That’s why I agreed to it.” He takes my
hands and presses them against his chest. “That’s why I was so angry when
Tess texted me the other day. He broke our agreement.” His tone is
imploring when he continues, “You see, I didn’t lie about everything. I told
you the truth when it mattered.”
“You were supposed to be celibate?”
He releases me and runs a frantic hand through his hair. “I thought I
was just throwing a year of my life away. I was unprepared for you. I didn’t
expect to meet you, to be obsessed with you, to fall in love with you. I tried
getting you out of my head when we were casually sleeping together, I tried
to forget you, but I couldn’t. I never meant to lie or get into this situation.
I’m not excusing it. I made the decisions I made and I’m at fault. I’m so
sorry for that. But I didn’t expect to fall in love. I should have let you go but
I couldn’t and I’m certainly not about to now. Everything I did, every lie I
told, was because I couldn’t give you up. I know that sounds like bullshit,
but it’s the truth.”
I’m overwhelmed taking in not only the betrayal, but all the truths
revealed behind the lie. My body riots against it. My hands are clammy, my
heart is tripping over itself, and a headache pounds against my temples.
I fight against the war raging inside me and nod, asking him the only
question that really matters now.
“What was the plan?”
His reaction tells me that I catch him off guard. His brow furrows in
confusion.
“What?”
“You asked me to stop running from you, Tristan, so I am. This is me
staying and giving you a chance at forgiveness. I can understand the terrible
position you were put in and I can forgive it — forgive you — if you answer
my question,” I tell him. “You say you love me, so tell me what your plan
was for us.”
He remains silent and the gaping wound he inflicted only ten minutes
prior grows wider. Silence from the man who’s always had comforting and
reassuring words for me. I never thought the absence of words could hurt
me more than the ones hurled cruelly at me.
“Why are you silent? What was the plan?” I yell now, pushing at his
chest. “Were you ever going to tell me your real name? Were you going to
tell me about your real life? What was going to happen when you went back
to London at the end of the year?” My voice shakes under the force of my
growing anger.
“I… I hadn’t thought that far,” he says. “But I was going to figure it
out, I promise.”
“When? It’s almost March, we’ve been sleeping together since August.
Were you going to wait until we’d dated for a year before you realized you
had to dump me?” Hurt gives way to absolute rage. “Was I just a fling to
keep you entertained before you went back to your real life?”
 “No!” He blurts out, incensed.
“Then prove to me that you thought about us, about our future, when
you lied to me. Prove to me that I mean everything to you like you claim
and show me what your plan was for our relationship,” I beg.
I can’t see anything through the wall of tears welling in my eyes. The
depth of his perfidy astounds me and breaks my heart. A single tear drops
from an eyelash and onto my cheek.
“Please, don’t cry. I don’t have a solution yet, but I will. I’ll figure it
ou–”
My eyes flutter brokenly shut, as if to keep the painful reality from
getting to me.
“Got it,” I say, hollowly. I feel like I just swallowed glass. Like if I
take a breath, the glass will tear through my lungs and rip me apart from the
inside out. The damage is invisible to outside eyes, but irreversibly made
nonetheless.
“We’re going to be together, Nera,” he vows.
“No, we’re not,” I tell him, categorically. I turn away and hear
scuffling behind me. I know the boys stop him from reaching for me.
“Nera–”
“This is exactly what I thought you were going to do to me,” I say,
brokenly. A humorless laugh erupts from me. “Well no, I can’t say I quite
predicted a fake name and a fake career, but I knew you weren’t in this as
seriously as me.”
I drop my face into my hands and cry. Violent, painful sobs rack
through my body as small hands close around me. I recognize Six as she
pulls me against her.
“Get the fuck out of my way, Phoenix,” Tristan snarls, his eyes pinned
desperately on me as he tries to get past my friends.
“I told you to leave,” I cry, “I yelled at you to go, over and over again.
I gave you so many chances to walk away from me without any
consequences, without hurting me so badly,” I say between ragged sobs, my
face covered in tears. I’m never going to get over this, he’s unequivocally
shattered every part of me. “And you chose to stay. You chose to give me a
pretty speech about being here when you really had no plan to be after the
year was over. You chose to get me to trust you, to get me to fall in love
with you. You built me up just to tear it all away.”
 “I’m so sorry. It’s killing me to see you like this, to know that I’m the
one who hurt you.”
“Why did you take the time to care for my heart, to heal the parts of
me that were broken, if you were just going to turn around and hurt me
more than anyone else?” I choke on a sob, my voice ragged like it’s been
run over hot coals. “You had to know you’d destroy me with this.”
“Because I never meant to hurt you! All I’ve ever wanted to do is
protect you. I love you so fucking much. Tell me what I have to do to make
you forgive me.”
“You told me that sometimes the people who love you the most are the
ones who hurt you the most. You were wrong. Now I know that if you love
someone, you don’t hurt them.” I shake my head, dejectedly. “You don’t
love me enough if you could lie for months and keep stringing me along
with no plan for our future.”
“I’m sick to my stomach at the thought of losing you, don’t tell me I
don’t love you enough. I’d give up everything for you.”
“But you didn’t, and that says it all,” she whispers, shaking her head
sadly. “This is over, Tristan. Thank you for what you did, you really did
save me. Now I need to save myself.”
“I’m not letting you go,” he vows.
“I’m already gone, there’s nothing for you to hold onto. I told you to
take care of my heart, that I wouldn’t forgive you if you hurt me like this
and I meant it,” I head for my room with the girls in tow, but stop before
crossing the threshold. I turn around and drink him in one last time. I’ll be
forced to see him in class, but this is the last time I’ll look at him while he’s
still mine. He’s disheveled and rumpled, his face twisted in an agonized
scowl, his eyes desperately searching mine like he can convince me to stay
with the force of his gaze alone. He’s painful to look at and shards of glass
bury themselves deeper in my heart the longer I do so. “Our story starts and
ends with you lying to me about your name. How fucking poetic.”
He yells my name after me, but I don’t turn around. My bedroom door
shuts behind us and still I hear his frantic calls for me.
My knees finally give in and I fall to the ground, but Bellamy catches
me before I hit the floor. The three of them hold me silently as I cry, lending
their unyielding pillars of strength to me when I need it most.
 ✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 43

Tristan

I spend the length of the flight trying to hold it together. The airplane isn’t
strong enough to survive the explosion of anger and fear if I let it erupt out
of me.
Nera is right, I should have had a plan. I was so worried about how
she’d react to my lies themselves that I never stopped to wonder if my lack
of answers about what came next wouldn’t be what would upset her the
most.
To be honest, I’d barely thought about it myself.
She was right, on paper there was no future for us. My father was
going to make me marry someone from a family he chose. He was going to
make me take over the company. On paper, we were going to be nothing
more than a short-lived and doomed relationship.
On paper.
In reality, the moment she walked out of her apartment building
wearing that microscopic metallic dress for our first date, that paper became
obsolete. I took a metaphorical flame thrower to it, incinerating it and
whatever plan my father had for me along with it.
That’s when I knew I loved her.
As early as that innocuous day, I knew in my bones that I’d never let
her go, that she’d never be anybody else’s but mine.
 I didn’t think about a plan because the truth was self-evident to me:
there was no me without her anymore, end of.
But I now realize that isn’t enough. That I can’t expect her just to trust
my word when it’s been proven to mean nothing. I need to prove to her that
I choose her.
That’s the only reason I got on this fucking flight to begin with. I hate
being away from her, especially now, but this is how I’m going to get her
back.
I burst through the front door of my parents’ home without pausing to
acknowledge Clive.
“Sir! We weren’t expecting you today,” I hear him call out to me, but
I’m already halfway up the stairs.
When I stride into my father’s office, he’s sitting at his desk opposite
what I assume is a business partner of his. His eyes bulge when the door
slams against the wall, rattling dangerously on its hinges.
“Tristan, what are you–”
“Get the fuck out,” I snarl at his associate. He takes one look at me,
grabs his briefcase with shaking hands, and runs out.
I watch him go before slowly turning back around to face my father.
He’s standing, fists clenched and resting on the desk as he glares at me.
Fury cords the veins in his neck and makes them stick out violently against
his mottled red skin. His lips are flat lined into a savage slash across his
face. His eyes are bloodshot, the red suffocating the white.
“What are you doing here?” he barks, spittle flying from his mouth.
I step up to his desk and get in his face.
“I came to end this.”
He scoffs, laughing at me. “End what? You have nowhere to go,
nothing to do with yourself but stay and do as you’re told.”
I round the desk and grab him by his lapels. His eyes widen comically,
fear flashing through his irises. I’ve never laid hands on him before and this
sudden clash reveals the new power dynamic between us. I feel it shift in
real time as he realizes just how much physically stronger I am than him.
A weigh lifts off my shoulders realizing just how frail he is in my
hands. He’s only human, not this monster I built up in my head. It’s freeing,
like shackles falling off my wrists, and I shake him.
“Tess showed me what you did to mum, you piece of shit. The only
reason I agreed to this punishment of yours was because you promised not
to hurt her.” I snarl, inches from his face. “I should have known you
couldn’t keep your word, should have known you couldn’t resist those
psychotic urges for a year.” He fights against me, trying to wriggle himself
out of my hold like the vermin he is, but I stay firm. “How could you do
that to her? What about hitting someone weaker than you helps you get
your rocks off, huh?” I snarl, inches from his face.
He says nothing the coward.
“I’m done, father,” I say, releasing him with a shove. He stumbles
backwards, catching himself on his desk. “I’m giving it all up. The money,
the houses, the company, the fucking name even. I don’t want any of it. I
came here to look you in the face and let you know this plan of yours
backfired. You can’t threaten or force me any longer.”
I turn on my heels to walk out, but he’s on me. I should have known
not to turn my back on him.
He jumps on me, violent hands reaching for my neck.
“You’ll do no such thing,” he hisses. “I can do much worse to your
mother if you test me, Tristan.” Ice crawls down my spine at his violent
tone. “I can make her disappear overnight, believe me.”
Fear claws at my chest and morphs into violence. I whip around and
nail him in the jaw with a right hook. He tumbles to the floor in a lump of
pitiful bones and I stand over him, breathing heavily, restraining myself
from killing him on the spot.
Part of me is scared by my own need for violence, but I recognize it
for what it is – a desire to protect and not a desire to harm, like him.
“What’s going on here?” a small voice asks from behind me. I turn to
find my mum standing in the doorway.
She looks petite and frail, smaller than when I last saw her six months
ago. Time and my father haven’t treated her well. The sling on her arm and
the massive purple bruise on her eye don’t help. She shakes like a scared
animal as she looks at the shocking scene before her.
“Mum,” I say, striding over to her and wrapping her in a large hug,
being careful to avoid hurting her wrist. When I pull back, I run my thumb
gently along her eye socket, tracing the terrifying bruise there. “I’m sorry I
wasn’t here to protect you.”
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s not, Mum.” I grab her other hand tenderly in mine and give her an
imploring look. “He’s going to kill you one day, you know that right?” I
turn and point at him where he’s trying to get up from the floor, wiping the
blood off his chin with the sleeve of his shirt. “You heard about his best
friend, Robert Royal? He killed his wife. Alexander is going to do the same
to you if you don’t leave him.”
“Tristan, I… I wish I could,” she stutters, adding on a whisper, “I wish
I was brave enough.”
“You are, Mum. Look at how brave Tess is, how fearlessly she
conquers the world, how kind she is, she certainly didn’t get that from him,”
I say, tossing a glare at my father. “She got that from you. You can do it,
Mum, you need to. Please… I don’t want to have to bury you because you
stayed,” I beg, my voice imploring.
“Bettina, don’t listen to the boy–”
“I’m not a boy,” I snarl, taking a step towards him. He cowers
reflexively. I look at my mum, searching for how to get through to her. “I’m
not a boy, Mum. I’m a man who’s in love.”
Where before there was despondency in her gaze, they now shine at
my words. It’s like her entire body perks up at my declaration.
“In love?”
“Yeah,” I say, taking her hands once more. “Her name is Nera and
she’s… she’s everything, Mum. I can’t live without her and I won’t.
Choosing her is the easiest decision in the world, except when it comes to
you. I can give this all up easily, I don’t need any of it, but I can’t leave you
here in danger. You need to leave him. If you won’t do it for yourself, then
do it for me. Do it so I can be with the love of my life.”
There’s a fierce look in her eye that I haven’t seen before.
“Will you tell me about her?” She asks, squeezing my hands back for
the first time.

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 44

Nera

I hear the front door open and then Bellamy walks into my bedroom. She’s
holding a Starbucks cup and hands it to me.
“Chai latte, your favorite,” she says, dropping into my desk chair and
looking at me where I’m sitting on my bed. “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine.”
I’m not fine. I feel like a walking, breathing exposed nerve. Everything
abrades against me and causes indescribable pain. I yearn for the
despondency and detachedness I felt a few months ago. I yearn for a time
before I knew happiness, before I knew it could be snatched from me in an
instant.
“Have you heard from him?” she asks.
“No.”
Ever since the boys threw Tristan out two days ago, I haven’t heard
from him. It’s better this way. A clean break to match the swiftness with
which he shattered my heart. I can move on now. I don’t want to hear his
pitiful excuses anyway.
“I know it hurts now, but it’ll get easier with time.”
“If you say so.”
It can hardly get any worse. I miss him with every fiber of my being,
even as I preach to never want to see him again.
 I never expected this kind of betrayal from him and I can’t make sense
of it, no matter how hard I try.
And I’ve tried.
I’ve spent the last two nights lying awake, punishing myself by
reliving every moment spent together over the past few months, desperately
trying to find a clue I must have missed that showed he was playing me.
There’s nothing.
Nothing that reveals the truth of his lies.
Now I’m left alone and feeling this way, thinking about how unfair it
is that someone can come along one day and leave a permanent mark of
their passage on a part of you that no one’s ever reached before and do so
without you ever being able to remove it.
Sixtine bursts into my room next, her eyes finding mine.
“Did you hear? Tristan’s gone.”
“Yeah, he went back to London to see his mum. Family emergency.”
I hate that I know that. I hate that I’ve spent so much time wondering
if it went well, if his mum is okay.
Six sits next to me on the bed and takes my hand.
“No,” she says. “He’s gone gone. He resigned yesterday. I heard one of
the admins saying that Thornton is furious and desperately searching for a
replacement to finish out the year.” Softer, she adds, “He’s not coming
back, Nera.”
I look away, towards the window, blinking back the tears that threaten
to make a reappearance. That news should come as a relief, not another
blow, but it hits me like a tornado smashing into a fragile reed.
I’m disappointed in myself that I continue to let him hurt me. Clearly, I
didn’t learn anything from his betrayal.
“It’s better this way,” I say, this time out loud. I’m happy when I
manage to squeeze it out without my voice shaking too much.
I look down at the parking lot and a part of me searches for his car
where it usually waits for me. The spot is empty and covered in deadly
looking ice.
It feels like a metaphor for the end of our relationship.
“It’s better this way,” I hear myself repeat once more, like a mantra. I
figure if I make myself say it enough times, eventually I'll come to believe
it.
 I still can’t believe how quickly everything went from picture perfect
to complete and utter devastation. I feel like I still haven’t caught my breath
from that night.
Arms close around me from behind and hug me tight.
“I’m so sorry, Nera.”

✽✽✽

“Hey Nera, come here for a sec?” Coach Kelly calls me.
I look up at him. I’m flat on my back on the mat after yet another fall.
I’ve been terrible at practice today, completely unfocused and sloppy.
I’ve dropped weights, missed hits, and tripped over my own feet more times
than I can count. I’m a danger to myself and others in this headspace but I
can’t seem to shake it.
“Yes, Coach?” I say, jogging up to him.
“Go home.”
“What?” I ask, startled. Immediately, fear swells in my stomach.
Failure is not an option.
I’m conditioned to lose my shit in this moment and I recognize the
familiar encroaching negative feelings. Coach Kelly must sense something
is off because he puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, forcing me out of
my thoughts. I look up at him and find kind eyes staring back at me.
“No one’s perfect every day or every practice. You’re having an off
day, it happens. Go home and rest.”
I shake my head in refusal. “No, Coach. I can’t afford not to train. I
can’t let myself fall behi—“
He pats my shoulder encouragingly a couple times, silencing me. “I’m
serious. Relax for the afternoon, it’s the best thing for you right now. Come
back tomorrow ready to hit the ground running, okay?”
I give him an uncertain look. “Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
I nod wordlessly and head for the locker room. It’s a new regime under
Coach Kelly and I’m still getting used to the more lax approach, albeit
doing so warily. I didn’t trust people easily before, and I trust them even
less so now.
But the truth is, I could use a day to clear my head.
Maybe I’ll go for a walk around the grounds or read a book in a coffee
shop somewhere. The idea forms as the memory of Tristan telling me to do
something that’ll make me feel alive assaults me. Shaking my head to clear
my thoughts, I gather my things and head outside.
It feels so impossible to move forward without being constantly
reminded of his presence in my life. I have to tell myself that it’s still fresh
and raw, that as time goes on without seeing him, he’ll eventually fade to
nothing more than a bad memory.
And so what if a part of me is hurt that he left without a word? We’re
broken up, he doesn’t owe me anything. In fact, him leaving is exactly what
I need. Patience and distance will make me forget him.
“Nera.”
For a second, I think I’ve imagined his voice. I’ve spent enough time
thinking about it over the past few days that it doesn’t seem far-fetched to
assume I’m conjuring it up in my head once again.
But then I look up and there he is, standing before me staring at me
like a soldier seeing his love for the first time after coming home from the
battlefield.
I stop in my tracks. My throat dries.
It’s snowing.
Thick, fluffy, almost soft looking flakes float around us, ambling
slowly towards the ground. The air grows shallower with every second I
spend staring at him until there doesn’t seem to be enough of it left for me
to breathe.
His cheeks are reddened by the wind, like he’s been standing out in the
snow for a while. As cold as it is, his eyes blaze a path of warmth wherever
they touch me.
My body roars treacherously to life in response.
“I thought you weren’t coming back,” I say, the words tumbling out of
me.
It’s not what I should say. His comings and goings don’t matter to me
anymore. They shouldn’t.
A frown creases his brow, as if the very thought of not coming back is
incomprehensible to him. He steps forward, the snow parting gracefully
around his body like it answers to him.
“Who told you that?” he demands, huskily.
I shrug and look away. He takes another step forward and I feel his
gaze heat the side of my face.
“I quit,” he announces.
“I don’t care,” I lie. Quietly, I revel in the fact that I managed to sound
as dispassionate and detached as I’d hoped I would.
He doesn’t let my tone deter him.
“Teaching was nothing more than a farce. It wasn’t me. The only
reason I lasted this long was because I got to see you every day.” I scoff but
he forges on, taking another step towards me. “I stayed in London longer
than I was supposed to because I was getting my mum settled into her new
place.” Against my will, my eyes widen in surprise and snap back up to
meet his. “She left my father. She finally did it. Turns out, all it took was
me telling her I’d lose the girl I love forever if she didn’t. She was out of
the house before nightfall after that,” he says with an easy grin, like it’s that
simple.
My heart aches in my chest, brittle and hollow.
“I’m happy she’s safe, I’m glad she’s never going to be in harm’s way
again. I really am. But you already lost me, Tristan.”
He takes another step, continuing like I didn’t speak.
“I told my father I didn’t want it. Any of it. Not the money and
certainly not the company. So I’ve been cut off, I’m unemployed and I’m
homeless now too. I had to give up the accommodation when I resigned.”
I look off to the side, dreaming of his little apartment. Our very own
sanctuary where nothing could touch or break us.
Just him and I in a world of our making.
Gone now.
My posters likely in the trash along with all the trinkets I bought that
he never wanted. He did tell me it wasn’t his home and I, foolishly, didn’t
listen.
I whip back to face him, anger lashing through me now.
“Why are you telling me this?” I snap.
He’s above me suddenly and clasping my face in his large hands, his
thumb rubbing soft circles on my skin. He inches closer until his warm
breaths hit my frozen cheeks.
“Because I have a plan,” he breathes, vehemently. “For us.”
 The words I’ve been waiting for, the ones he should have said to me a
week ago.
They feel empty now, worthless.
I laugh, humorlessly. “Too little, too late for that.”
“Don’t say that,” he begs, turning me towards him, towards his mouth.
I rip my face out of his hold and step back, the heat of my anger
keeping me warm even as my hair becomes slick with snow.
“Did you think you’d come here, lay out whatever this plan is you just
cobbled together, and that I’d just forgive you? Is that it?”
His jaw twitches. “I thought you’d at least hear me out.”
I grin bitterly and shake my head. “I don’t owe you that, Tristan. I
don’t owe you anything at all. You lost the right to anything from me when
you lied to me for six months.” I glare at him, crossing my arms over my
chest. “Are you done? Have you said everything you need to say?”
“Not even fucking close,” he grits.
“Find the words then, and make them count. This is the last time we’re
speaking — consider it closure for the both of us. I need to move on from
you and that means never seeing you again.”
The words hurt as I say them. I don’t know if I’m speaking for him or
myself, but either way I know I have to find the strength to move on.
His eyes bore into mine, dark and enticing. “I love you.”
“Stop,” I say, closing my eyes and turning my face away.
“I love you,” he repeats, louder.
“Tristan!”
“I fucking love you. This isn’t an ending, this isn’t closure. This is just
the beginning and I’ll make you see that.”
My pulse flutters every time he utters those words, as if he can control
my life and the very breath in my body.
“I’ve been in agony the past week, Nera. I won’t survive living without
you. I’m begging you to forgive me. I’ll spend the rest of my life making up
for how I hurt you, I promise.”
My face whips around, fresh anger surging in my veins.
“You didn’t learn a single thing about me if you think I’d ever forgive
you for hurting me this way. You want to talk about begging? I’m the one
who begged you not to break my heart. You had all the warnings you
needed, but you chose not to heed them. Now you have to live with the
consequences of your actions. My parents I have to put up with, but you I
can just cut out of my life.”
The words alone are painful to say. They rip at my chest, tearing my
vital organs until it feels like I’ve been sliced to ribbons on the inside. The
thought of actually going through with my threat kills me, but I know it’s
what I have to do.
Tristan closes the distance between us and I expect him to grab me
again. I’m ready to shake him off if he does. Instead, he stands in front of
me and stares for long seconds. Up close, I can see how awful he looks. Is
skin is grey and ashen, like he hasn’t gotten any sleep in days. His eyes are
raw with pain and deep grooves have etched themselves beneath his lower
lids. Unhappy lines mark his face on either died of his mouth.
Slowly, he bends his legs, lowering himself to the ground until he’s on
his knees at my feet. His eyes never leave mine as he settles into an
imploring position. His dress pants are ten centimeters deep in snow and I
know his knees are wet and frozen.
A thunderstorm of chaos rages in his gaze as he looks up at me. He
looks so tormented that he doesn’t seem to notice the physical pain he must
undoubtedly feel.
“Please.”
The word echoes like a gunshot.
It’s a simple plea.
I don’t let it thaw my heart even a little.
Even still, I don’t have the strength to look him in the eye when I
answer. My voice trembles, but I affect confidence.
“Ask as many times as you want, beg, plead, get on your knees, I don’t
care. The answer will always be the same,” I say. “No.”
I walk around him and to my car, leaving him there on his knees.
Behind me, I hear him stand and march after me, his steps crunching loudly
in the snow.
“Just leave, Tristan,” I call out, annoyed.
“I am.”
“Good.”
“No, I mean, I’m leaving Switzerland.”
My heart stops like it runs abruptly out of battery.
He comes around to stand in front of me, our eyes clashing when he
comes back into my field of vision. That’s exactly what I want, what I
thought he’d already done, what I just told him to do, so why is everything
inside me screaming how dare he?
His face softens, relief washing over it when he takes in my reaction. I
harden my features to stone so that he can’t see what I really feel behind the
impenetrable mask.
And what do I feel, I’m not sure. Rage, relief, bitterness, anger,
desperation, heartbreak. Everything and nothing, all at once.
“I’m doing a three-month intensive culinary internship in Lyon. It’s
half-restaurant experience, half-schooling at the most prestigious institute in
France. I start this Monday, on March 1st.”
Behind all the anger and resentment, there’s real happiness for him.
He’s making his dreams come true, like we always talked about.
“Congratulations,” I say, sincerely.
Inside, the rip in my chest tears impossibly deep, a fatal blow. In the
end, he was yet again full of pretty words and of even prettier lies. Minutes
ago he was down on his knees, begging me to forgive him and all along he
knew that he was leaving the country. He wasn’t going to stay even if I had
been foolish enough to forgive him. How many times can I let one person
hurt me?
I find my last remaining shred of decency and add, “Goodbye, Tristan.
I hope you get to live the life you always dreamed of.”
I walk past him once more and reach for my car door but he turns and
grabs my forearm.
Electricity zaps up my body like it always does but this time it’s met
with grief. Grief at what we lost and over what could have been.
“Lose that word from your vocabulary when it comes to me, Nera.”
His thumb strokes the exposed skin of my wrist. “Goodbyes don’t exist
between us. I’ve told you before and I’ll say it again. I’ll say it every day
for the rest of my life if that’s what it’ll take for you to believe me – I love
you and I’m never leaving you.”

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 45

Tristan

March.

Nera walks out of her apartment building with Thayer, Bellamy and
Sixtine following closely behind her. The foursome is chatting excitedly
about something I can’t quite make out.
I’m too busy staring at Nera.
It’s a soothing balm to my soul laying eyes on her again after a few
days away. There’s an innate sadness to her, not unlike the one she carried
when I first met her. It seems deeper now and knowing I’m the sole culprit
for it makes me want to take a knife to my own chest.
I miss her like the desert misses the rain. There’s a drought inside me
and I feel like I’m shriveling up and desiccating from the inside. Every
breath is painful, every step forward agonizing.
We haven’t spoken since I cornered her coming out of practice and
I’ve barely slept since. Her words play on a loop in my brain, taunting me
and terrifying me with the possibility that she’ll never forgive me.
She seemed resolute and unmoving, but I can’t let that stand.
I’ll get her to forgive me no matter what it takes.
No matter what I have to do.
 I exit my car and walk towards her. She’s the first to look up when I’m
still a ways away, almost like she can sense me when I’m in her vicinity.
Her eyes sharpen and her features tighten like she’s steeling herself for
battle.
Her friends’ gazes follow hers over to me, the words dying out
abruptly on their lips when they spot me.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in France?” Nera asks tonelessly, like she
has no interest in the matter.
If I didn’t know her so well, if I didn’t spot the way the corners of her
eyes crinkle like they do when she’s putting on a front, then I’d fall for her
unaffected act.
“I was, I just made it back.”
“Back for what?”
“To bring you dinner,” I say, extending the bag I’m carrying towards
her. “Sorry it’s so late, traffic was terrible near the border.”
Silence meets my declaration as four pairs of eyes stare at me. No one
makes a move to reach for the bag, all of them shocked by my words.
Nera is the only one I see, the only one whose breaths I’m counting. I
know her body better than I know my own, I’ve studied it and worshipped
every centimeter of it over the past six months.
She missed an exhale after I spoke.
Maybe there is hope for me after all.
Thayer’s brows rise and she throws a wide-eyed look at Nera before
looking at me. “Are you saying you drove to Switzerland from France just
to bring her dinner?”
“There’s also breakfast and lunch in there for tomorrow,” I reply,
looking only at Nera. “I made that veggie hash you love.” She used to ask
me to make it for her at least two to three times a week.
I’m hoping she’ll accept it. If the only part of me she’ll allow near her
is my cooking, then I’ll take it. I’ll survive on thoughts of her eating my
food alone until I have her back in my arms.
“That’s a two and a half hour drive each way,” Six points out.
“I’m aware,” I say, walking right up to where Nera stands on the steps.
She looks down at me, her expression blank, revealing nothing. “Have
dinner with me,” I whisper.
She turns her head away. “No. Go back to France, Tristan, you’re
wasting your time here.”
 I clasp her wrist before she can walk away and place the bag’s handle
in her palm, closing her fingers around it.
“Take the food, Nera. I made it for you.”
She sets the bag down on the steps without looking at me.
“I don’t want anything from you,” she says, her voice sad, before
walking back into the building like she hadn’t been on her way out
somewhere before I showed up.
I watch her go, the wound in my chest ripping. I so badly want to run
after her like I have in the past, to make her forgive me, but I know this is
different. She can’t be forced. She has to make the decision to come back to
me herself.
As unnatural as it is for me, as much as it’s difficult to restrain myself,
I know what I have to do. I have to suffocate and snuff out the primal need
calling at me to take her and keep her. It burns a hole in my chest but I
clench my fists and resist, turning towards her friends instead.
They stand on either side of me, watching me silently. They look
unsure what to do with me, their faces still angry and suspicious.
“Tell her I’m not leaving until morning. I’ll be in my car if she changes
her mind. It doesn’t matter what time of night; I’ll be waiting for her.”
“She won’t come,” Bellamy tells me.
“That’s alright. I’m not so easily dissuaded.”
I pick up the bag and hand it to Six who’s standing closest to me.
“Watch over her for me?” I ask. “Make sure she’s taking care of herself.”
She nods, taking it from me, and follows Nera back inside with
Thayer.
Bellamy stays, giving me a hard look.
“Why did you help me the night of the grand opening?” she asks. “You
didn’t know me and I wasn’t actually in any danger.”
We’ve never spoken about it. When she didn’t bring it up after my
relationship with Nera was revealed, I thought she must have been blacked
out and couldn’t remember that night.
“I knew you were Nera’s friend.”
“You did it for her?”
“Yes.”
She tilts her head to the side, digging for something. “Why?”
I jam my hands in my pocket and look up at the sky. The beauty of
being in Aubonne is an almost complete lack of pollution. The stars shine
bright and beautiful at night.
“Even back then, she was all I could think about. I knew it would hurt
her if anything happened to you or if I even took the risk of letting potential
harm come to you. I had to make sure you were safe.”
“You did all that because you didn’t want her experiencing any kind of
hurt and the whole time you were lying to her about who you were?”
Not strictly true, but still I grit my teeth and say, “Yes.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Yes.”
That pulls a grin from her. She looks at me thoughtfully, as if deciding
something.
“I hope you prove us all wrong,” she says finally, before turning on her
heels and walking back inside.
I get in my car and wait like I promised I would, but Nera doesn’t
come down and I don’t hear from her.
At around midnight, I’m peering out of my backseat window towards
her apartment when I see a shadow move in her room. I’d know the outline
of her body anywhere, even when no part of her is recognizable.
It’s her.
She’s standing at her own window, looking down at the parking lot.
I forget to uncross my legs in my hurry to exit the car and end up
tripping over my feet on my way out. Thankfully, I right myself before I fall
flat on my face.
I’m in the cold in nothing more than my sweater, but I barely feel it.
My face is upturned towards her, desperately seeking out any sort of
connection between us. I raise my hand in a greeting.
She moves and her face comes into the light, haloed by a small lamp
on her bookshelf.
Something tugs violently at my stomach and I stagger almost
drunkenly towards her. My breath hitches and my heart wrenches as time
stops. We stare at each other.
My lips part to confess just how much I love her. She couldn’t hear me
from here, but I know she’d understand.
Before I can say anything, her hands come up and she closes the
drapes with two swift flicks of her wrist. She disappears from my sight as
quickly as she appeared, leaving me standing in the physical and
metaphorical cold with unsaid words of worship on my lips.
 ✽✽✽

Early April.

The sound of knuckles rapping on glass wake me up with brutal

effectiveness. Groaning, I peel open a groggy eyelid only to make eye
contact with Rhys. He’s bent halfway at the waist and peering through my
backseat window, his critical gaze roaming over the entirety of the interior
of my car before coming back to me.
“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty,” he exclaims, much too loudly for
this hour in the morning. He punctuates his words with a slap of his hand
against my window, really waking me up now.
“The fuck do you want?” I mutter, sitting up and unzipping my
sleeping bag.
“Sassy,” a familiar voice drawls from the other side of the car. “I’d say
you must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, but
clearly that’s not a problem you’re currently burdened with. Was the
sleeping bag perhaps too snug last night?” Rogue inquires.
I stare at him and then look over my shoulder, seeing Phoenix through
my back windshield. A pained groan rips from my throat alongside a
sudden urge to mummify myself completely in my sleeping bag and ignore
them altogether.
I flip my middle finger at Rogue and slam it against the window pane
for emphasis. He chuckles darkly and lifts one of the two coffee cups in his
hands up to his mouth, imperturbable.
This is the closest I assume I’ll ever be to feeling like an animal in a
zoo and I hate it. I throw on my shoes and sweater and climb down towards
the backseat door before throwing it open.
“To what do I owe the displeasure of your company?” I ask. “Come to
meddle in things that don’t concern you again?”
 I haven’t seen any of them since they outed me to Nera without giving
me a chance to explain myself.
“Don’t blame us, Nera fell in love with you. We didn’t have a choice
but to make sure you were clean,” Phoenix tells me, crossing his arms and
leaning nonchalantly against the car.
Rhys walks over to join us on this side of the car and explains, “We
look after our own. They’re the only family we have.”
I can’t blame them for what they did. Both because it was my lies, my
inaction, that got me in this mess, but also because I understand the primal
need to protect the ones you love and those they love in return.
Rogue speaks, his face impassive but his words somehow
impassioned, “I get why you did what you did,” he says, nodding once.
“For your mum.”
An understanding passes between us but neither of us acknowledges
it.
“So, what do you want?” I demand, looking at the three of them.
“The girls told us what you’ve been doing and we wanted to see it for
ourselves.” Phoenix eyes my car and the set up I have within it assessingly.
“Do you even have a place to live?”
“You’re looking at it.”
He turns his gaze on me and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he
looks almost impressed.
“Every night?” he asks, grabbing the second cup of coffee from Rogue
and handing it to me.
I feel like I’ve just passed a test. Given I know the things he did to get
Sixtine back, I’m hoping his approval means I’m making progress with
Nera.
I take it, nodding. “Every night.”
It’s been four weeks since my first day at the culinary institute in Lyon.
Four weeks since I drove back to Aubonne that same evening and tried
unsuccessfully to get Nera to speak to me.
I’ve been back every night since.
Thirty-two nights.
Thirty-two mornings waking up without having spoken to me.
Every day, my afternoon classes end around seven o’clock. I clean and
pack up my station, get in my car and drive the two and a half hours to
Aubonne. I always bring with me meals I’ve made for her. Usually, they’re
a mix of new recipes I’ve learned and her standby favorites, in the hopes
that it’ll make her forgive me.
Every day, my journey back to Aubonne is always the same. I park in
The Pen’s parking lot, in the same spot I usually do right under Nera’s
window. I ring her doorbell and wait anxiously for her to come down and
grab the food.
Every day, I find myself holding my breath when I see socked feet
coming down the steps of the building staircase. Instead of relief it’s dismay
that hits me when I realize it’s one of her friends.
They come to the door for her.
She never does.
Not a single one of those nights.
It’s emotional torture not seeing her. It’s even worse knowing that
she’s not similarly affected. I feel like I’m losing her, like she’s slipping
through my fingers no matter how tightly I try to hold on.
“Is she taking care of herself?” I ask the girls.
At first, they simply nod curtly, grab the food, and go back upstairs
without a word. Over time, they mollify. They start to give me small
smiles, to answer my question, to ask me how my day was or how my
program is going.
Yesterday, Sixtine even gave me a quick hug.
They feel sorry for me, I think.
I’m withering away without Nera and it’s showing, physically. I knew
time was never going to do anything to dull the throbbing pain, but I hadn’t
expected it to make it worse either. Every day that passes without her feels
like I’m falling deeper and deeper into eternal oblivion.
I live in wait for her to be the one who comes down those stairs.
In the meantime, I resist the temptation of barging past her friends,
taking those stairs three at a time up to her apartment and dragging her out
of her room and back into my life for good.
Every day, once her friends have taken the food back to their
apartment, I head back to my car. I always throw a glance up at Nera’s
window to see if she’s there, but she never is.
Every day, I sleep in my car. I keep the backseat perpetually down, that
section of the vehicle now designated as my bedroom. I've done what I can
to make it as livable as possible by buying a cushioned mat, a sleeping bag,
and a space heater for the very chilly nights.
 I even have the framed posters she gave me leaning against the back
windows providing some decoration.
“Aren’t you fucking cold at night, even with that thing on?” Rhys asks,
nodding at the space heater.
If only he knew. At six foot four, no space heater is large enough to
heat my entire body against a subzero March winter night.
“There were a few times I thought I might lose a toe.”
More than a couple times, my extremities have frozen to the point of
pain during the night. By the time morning came around, I’d have to sneak
into the locker rooms and soak my toes in warm water to regain blood flow
and feeling in them.
Rogue quirks a brow at me. “And that didn’t dissuade you?”
“I only have one of her. Toes I can afford to lose, her I can’t.”
The corner of his lips lifts in humor but I’m not joking.
Mercifully, temperatures are starting to rise now so very soon I won’t
be risking frostbite every night I’m out here.
Every day, when my alarm rings at dawn, I get in the driver’s seat and
head back for Lyon, always throwing one final glance up at Nera’s window
and finding it as equally empty as the night before.
Every day, I make it back just in time to get a quick shower in the
school facilities and head to the restaurant for my morning shift. Then
classes in the afternoon and the drive back to Aubonne.
Every day, I do it all over again without fail.
“How long are you going to keep this up for?” Rhys asks.
Thanks to my shifts at the restaurant, I’m making enough money to
afford rent on a small place if I wanted. But I can’t bear the thought of not
being close to her at night when I’m spending my days in another country.
I don’t know what having a mattress would change anyway. I haven’t
slept in weeks and it’s not because I’m sleeping in my car.
It’s because I can’t sleep if she’s not nestled against me with her face
burrowed in my neck and her soft breaths falling rhythmically against my
skin.
I shrug, the answer so obvious that I don’t know why he’s even asking.
“As long as it takes.”
 ✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 46

Nera

Late April.

“Ooh, looks like it’s tacos for dinner tonight, girls,” Bellamy says,
opening the bag she just brought up from downstairs. “And then Nera your
breakfast tomorrow looks like it’s…” she says, inspecting the contents of
the clear containers, “some kind of overnight oats, maybe blueberry. Lunch
is a yummy looking pasta salad.”
“How many tacos did he put in there?” Thayer asks, getting up from
the couch.
Bellamy counts softly under her breath.
“There’s eight tortillas in the bag.”
“Fuck yes,” Thayer answers, excitedly. “I love this man. If you don’t
forgive him, Nera, I might just have to take Tristan home for myself.”
Every single day for almost two months now, Tristan has been coming
back to Aubonne every night and delivering handmade food.
After that first night, I thought he’d give up pretty quickly. I thought
he’d last max a week, maybe ten days. I never expected him to still be
doing this, especially since I’ve categorically refused to see him.
I assume that’s part of the reason why in the last couple of weeks he’s
switched from dinner just for one, me, to making enough food for the girls
as well. It’s not lost on me that he’s trying to woo my friends and get them
to forgive him as well, but they don’t seem to care.
Clearly, it’s working.
“You might want to never repeat that around your boyfriend,” Six
replies, joining them around the kitchen island.
“Don’t worry about me,” she says, waggling her brows with a cheeky
grin, “Rhys loves staking his claim,” she purrs, her tone so happily in love it
makes my stomach clench.
I close my book and get up from the couch, ambling towards them.
“What did he say to you today, Bellamy?” I ask. I wish I was strong
enough to pretend I was immune to his efforts to get me back, but I’m not. I
try to couch my question in a detached tone, but I’m desperate for any
crumb of information about him.
“He asked me if you were taking care of yourself, like he always does.
I told him you were. And then he told me to tell you that he loves you and
to give you this,” she says, handing me a small white envelope.
My heart lurches into my throat. Although I aim for nonchalance, I
reach for it with greedy fingers and tear it open.
Inside, there’s a polaroid photo of us.
Pain slithers down my chest as I run my thumb over the picture. I
remember exactly when it was taken.
In his apartment, one night after we’d just had sex. I’m wearing his
sweater and am sitting between his legs in front of the couch, sticking my
tongue playfully out at the camera. His arms are wrapped around me,
holding me tightly, his hand cupping my jaw and his lips pressed against the
side of my face. Even with his mouth half-obscured, you can make out his
happy smile.
I turn it over and find a note written on the back.

I’ve had this photo pinned to the backseat of my car since the last time
I saw you. I stare at it every night before I go to sleep, dreaming of a time
when you’ll let me hold you like this again. I need you to have it so that
even with time and distance you never forget how fucking obsessed with you
I am.

How in love with you I am.

 I miss you so fucking much.

A lump forms in my throat, choking me.

I know it wasn’t just any other night. This was taken the night we
confessed that we were in love with each other.
I wish I could forget, but I can’t. Time is doing nothing to dull the
suffering. If anything, it’s morphing into a throbbing ache more bothersome
than just pain.
With the photo clutched in my hand, I turn on my heels and head
towards my bedroom.
“Do you want a taco?” Six calls after me.
“Later,” I answer, closing the door behind me.
The lights are off and I don’t turn them on. The window beckons to me
like it does every night. In the many weeks since that first night, he’s never
caught me looking at him. I always wait until it’s late into the night to
approach and look down at him.
I do it every night.
Usually, I don’t see anything except a corner of his sleeping bag. But
on the nights where I’m lucky, I’ll look down and find that he’s rolled over
in his sleep. His face will be turned to the side and visible through the
window.
He looks tormented in his sleep, unlike what he looks like when he’s
sleeping next to me. His features are the opposite of relaxed, his brow
pressed down, his eyes wrinkled, his mouth in a flat line like he’s being
haunted by nightmares.
Still, I look at him. Sometimes for up to an hour. Sitting on the reading
bench in front of my window, my face resting in my palm, just looking at
him.
Those nights where I get to see his face are the only ones I sleep well.
Like a junkie waiting for a fix, I’m listless and on edge when I go days
without seeing him.
Sometimes it feels like I’m punishing myself more than I’m punishing
him. I’m hoping that this is just the part where things get worse before they
get better. That I have to suffer through this part of the breakup in order to
get to the next phase where in a few more weeks, maybe a month tops, he’ll
be nothing more than a bad memory.
 But tonight, I can’t make myself wait until he’s asleep. The need to
look now is clawing at my skin and begging me to give in. My self-control
has been ironclad for eight weeks; it’s fine if I wobble and look a little
earlier tonight.
Taking a deep breath, I walk up to my window and look down.
The air expulses violently from my lungs when my eyes clash with
his.
My heart skids to a ragged stop from the unexpected blow of seeing
him. He’s standing outside right below my window, waiting and looking up
at me like he knew I’d come.
My phone rings in my hand, startling me. Tristan’s name flashes across
my screen.
He’s texted me hundreds of times over the past two months but I’ve
never answered. This is the first time he tries to force his way past my
resistance and calls.
I look back down at him to see him bring his own phone up to his ear.
Adrenaline rushes through my veins as uncertainty freezes me. I let the
phone ring until the call goes to voicemail.
Tristan brings the phone down only long enough to tap his screen once
and then my phone rings again.
His eyes are determined, his jaw set as he stares at me. I could block
him, I should, but in the story of him and I, I never have been able to do the
things I should.
“What?” I snap, picking up.
His answering smirk is wolfish, making my stomach clench in
response.
“Hi, baby. It’s been a while.”
My eyes flutter closed, my heart squeezing. I underestimated the
destructive power of his voice. Whatever defenses I’ve managed to devise,
he blows them to pieces with six words.
“Say something,” he entices. “I need to hear that beautiful voice of
yours.”
How is he still doing this? If he’s so desperate to get me back, why
didn’t he do what was necessary to keep me in the first place?
“Why won’t you give up? I’ve refused to see you for two months, that
should tell you that I want nothing to do with you.”
He steps forward as if it’ll bring him closer to me.
 “I won’t give up because I refuse to live without you, it’s that simple.”
I turn away from the window but his voice comes through the line,
frenzied and agitated.
“Don’t,” he pleads, grimacing. “Please. Just give me five minutes. Five
minutes of your time and I’ll go.”
“You’ll go back to France?”
I don’t know why that thought turns my stomach almost to the point of
being sick.
“No,” his jaw sets. “But I’ll leave you alone for the night,” he clarifies.
“Five minutes. Please.”
I consider him for a moment longer, my face turned towards him but
my body angled away. I’m still so angry when I look at him. Betrayal rattles
in my chest as fresh as the day I found out. And yet, I can’t make myself
walk away from the window.
“Two minutes.”
Relief flashes across his features, an easy smile stretching his lips and
making my pussy clench.
“Good girl,” he purrs through the line, making arousal pool in my
lower stomach. “How are you? Have you been taking care of yourself?”
His eyes scan eagerly down the parts of my body he can see from three
floors below as if to assess the answer for himself.
“Yeah, I have.”
I actually have. As much as I miss him, as much as the hurt he inflicted
caused real devastation, I haven’t let it break me.
The food therapist I’d started seeing when we were still together
helped me understand the root causes of my eating disorders. She taught me
coping mechanisms to use when I feel the voice rearing its ugly head.
The road to a healthy relationship with food is a long one with an as of
yet uncertain ending but… I’m doing better.
I’ve put on a bit of much needed weight. While the numbers on the
scale terrify me and make me want to run to the bathroom to remedy the
problem immediately, I can’t deny that the changes I’m seeing in my body
are for the better. Gone are the mental fog, the lightheadedness, and the
bone deep weakness. Now my skin is rosy with good health, my hair shinier
than I’ve ever seen it, and my fencing the best it’s ever been.
The therapist also helped me understand that I needed to set
boundaries with my parents. For my father, that meant cutting him off
entirely. He was never going to change his ways or stop his various abuses
of me. That relationship was irretrievable and I found that I didn’t even
want to try.
The same day I cut him off, I had an emotional call with my mother.
She was flustered when she picked up the phone, her voice shrill and
worried.
“I heard what you said to your father. Are you out of your mind? You
need to call him right now and apologize. If you beg for forgiveness, he
might choose to forget this ever happened.”
I’d had unwitting tears in my eyes before she even finished her
sentence, suddenly choked by years of suppressed emotions being set free.
“Why couldn’t you protect me, Mum?” I’d asked, hiding the tremble
in my voice. “From him and everything else.”
“I did! I made sure no one could criticize you.”
“No, you became the bully. You enabled another bully and let him
drive me into the ground until it almost broke me. Maybe your intentions
were good to begin with, but you let your own trauma blind you and you
punished me for it.” My voice breaks over the next words. “Why aren’t you
proud of me?”
I wasn’t sure what I was searching for – acknowledgment maybe, or
closure. Answers, definitely.
“Of course, I am!”
“Then why can’t you tell me?”
Silence met me on the other line.
“I shouldn’t have to beg you for a kind word. You have no problem
listing all of my flaws – do you really find it so difficult to find one
redeeming quality in me?”
“Oh, darling,” she says. “No.”
“I make myself throw up, Mum. After almost every meal since I was
fifteen.”
The therapist helped me prepare for this conversation, but it’s Tristan
who gave me the strength to do it. Prior to our relationship falling apart,
he’s the one who was steadfastly by my side, my greatest champion and
slayer of every self-doubt I ever had. I doubt I’d have found the strength to
take these steps to heal myself without him.
I certainly wouldn’t have known that I deserved a million times better.
 “I’m so sorry,” she chokes out, silently crying now. “I never wanted
that for you, I just didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“You were so busy worrying about how the world might hurt me that
you never realized you were the one hurting me,” I say. “Things have
changed, Mum, and I will no longer accept the way you speak to me, the
ways in which you belittle me. So, you have a choice. Either you
understand what I’m saying and change or you don’t and, like dad, we go
our separate ways. Think about it and let me know your decision.”
“I don’t need to think about it honey, of course I’ll change. I– I don’t
know if it’ll be perfect overnight, but I’ll try.”
The relief of her words had been crushing. A big part of me had truly
believed I’d lose both parents that day.
I’m not naive enough to think things will magically get better, but I
can settle and be happy with intentions changing.
And so far, progress has been slow but evident.
I know Tristan would be thrilled to hear it, to know I am taking care of
myself and even more than he could hope for, but I don’t tell him. There’s
no use pulling him closer when I’m trying to push him away.
“That’s great,” he says. “It’s pretty dark out so I can’t see much, but
you look really good.”
My heart squeezes again, happy to have him compliment me.
“Maybe that’s because we haven’t spoken in a while,” I jab, wanting
my own petty revenge for how he’s hurt me.
He winces, but doesn’t let it deter him.
“Nope, that can’t be it. You’ve always been stunning,” he says, easily.
“On the other hand, our separation is definitely why I look like shit these
days.”
It’s hard to make out his facial expressions from so far away, but even
I can see how tired he looks. It can’t be easy to work long hours, drive to
another country, and sleep in his car for weeks on end.
Then again, no one asked him to do that.
Even though I have about a million things I want to tell him, I stay
silent. He’s the one who wanted to speak to me, he can do the talking.
He looks up at me like I’m the only good thing in his life, his eyes
lined with sadness but shining on me.
“How much longer am I going to be in the doghouse, baby?”
“Forever.”
 He chuckles in response, his confidence steadfast.
“You think that’s funny?”
“Not particularly, no.”
“Then why are you laughing?”
“Because I’m not going anywhere.”
I tsk, equal parts annoyed and turned on by his words.
“You taught me self-love, Tristan. It’s one of the many things I love–
loved,” I say, correcting my slip up, “about being with you. That you saw
something in me that I couldn’t in myself until you opened my eyes to it.” I
can feel the intensity with which he listens to me through the phone, his
eyes never leaving mine except to flick to the building quickly. For a
second there, I’m pretty sure he thinks about scaling the facade to get to me.
“But that’s also why I can’t take you back. Because now I know I deserve
better than what you did to me.”
“You do,” he agrees, vehemently. “You fucking do. And I’ll prove to
you that I’m still the person who can do that.”
I shake my head sadly. “You need to stop wasting your time.”
“It’s my time to use, Nera, I choose what I do with it. And I need to
make something clear – for me, the choices are being with you or death.
Because frankly a life without you in it isn’t a life worth living at all.”
He echoes my own thoughts so clearly, it’s as if he had a direct line
into my mind. It’s been a fight to grasp at happiness in his absence. In
comparison, it comes so easily when I’m with him.
This call was a mistake. All it did was remind me how much I love
him, how much my heart yearns to forgive him even as my brain knows not
to.
“Your two minutes are up, Tristan,” I say.
“One last thing before I leave you for the night. You know why I
laughed when you said I’d be in the doghouse forever?” His eyes pierce
mine from down below and my throat dries. “Because I’ll happily spend
forever waiting for even two more minutes with you.”

✽✽✽
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 47

Nera

May.

As the year rolls into May and final exams approach, I focus on studying
and committing myself to training. It helps keep my mind occupied so my
thoughts don’t trail to Tristan.
This is the final push before the Olympics next month, so it feels like
it’s do or die time. My continued focus is paying off and I’m playing better
than ever. I haven’t lost a sanctioned bout in almost four months and am
one of the favorites heading into the games. The French also have a couple
of established international champions on their teams so I have quite a road
ahead of me, but I’m feeling confident.
Because I spend my days in class or at the training facility, I barely
have time to see my friends. I know they miss me and I miss them, but my
schedule doesn’t have much leeway.
That’s why earlier tonight they ambushed me in the library and refused
to leave until I agreed to go clubbing with them.
I’d hesitated for a good thirty minutes before finally giving in. The
prospect of a fun, responsibility-free night sounded very enticing after
months of heartbreak and heartache.
So, I let Bellamy dress me in a hot outfit, I sat still while Sixtine did
my makeup, and I happily took the drinks Thayer poured for me. We ended
up going to a new club in Geneva called Vega and overindulging in every
alcohol that was served to us.
We danced and we laughed and we evaded grabby hands. As much fun
as it was, as I was out there on the dancefloor, swaying my hips and
giggling happily, my hair slick at my temples from the effort, I was
overwhelmed by thoughts of Tristan.
My mind always finds a way to slither back to him, no matter how
much fun I’m having in the moment. It’s like I can’t help but compare every
experience to what it would be like if he was there.
And all I could think about was how tonight, when he was going to
ring our doorbell, no one was going to answer.
How we’d never not answered before.
How he’d probably wonder where we were.
Well, good.
He needed to know what it’d be like when I started dating someone
else. He’d have to stop sleeping outside my window then.
The thought of moving on turned my stomach a little, but I knew it
was an inevitability.
I just needed to make it a reality now.
I’d smiled at a couple boys tonight but my bravery died the second
they took a step towards me. The thought of having to flirt with someone
new, not to mention to kiss and touch someone new, terrified me.
I guess I wasn’t ready yet, but I knew I needed to be soon to really,
truly move on.
Those thoughts, which had been playing pinball in my brain all night
long, trouble me the entire ride home. I don’t notice the time pass until
we’re pulling back into The Pen’s parking lot.
“I can’t wait to be snuggled up in my bed!” Thayer singsongs
drunkenly as we get out of the black car.
“Shh!” Six whispers urgently, wincing and looking around. “You’re
going to wake up the whole complex.”
Bellamy, equally as drunk as her best friend, slings an arm around my
shoulders, points towards an SUV we’ve all come to know very well, and
says, loudly, “Should we say goodnight to Tristan? I feel kinda bad we
didn’t see him last night.”
My friends seem blind to the fact that Tristan’s charm offensive over
has worked on them. They haven’t told me to forgive him – they would
never – but he’s no longer iced out like he was right after we broke up.
Tonight is the first night I feel my own resistance wobble a little bit.
Because by now, I should be firmly distanced from him. After all, it’s been
months.
Instead, I feel him as dangerously close as ever.
“More like good morning,” Thayer chirps back. “What time is it? At
least three am, right?” she slurs. “We had such a good night,” she slurs,
happily.
Before any of us can answer her, the door to Tristan’s SUV opens. It
feels like time stops as we all wait for him to appear. And not ten seconds
later, he does.
His feet hit the asphalt, followed by long legs, and finally he’s
unfolding himself out of the car.
He’s wearing sweatpants and nothing else.
Lust grabs me at the throat and squeezes.
They hang low on his hips, revealing a deep V of muscles that
disappear beneath his waistline and a brawny chest rippling underneath
intricate tattoos.
He smiles sleepily at me, simply happy to see me. His hair is adorably
mussed and he looks warm and inviting. I want to run up to him and bury
my face against his chest as his arms come around me and his head comes
down to rest on mine. I want to feel the total protection of being his once
more.
“Oh my…” Bellamy says from next to me, mouth agape as she looks
at him. Thayer rubs her eyes disbelievingly in the background.
“Hey,” I grit through clenched teeth, suddenly irritated. “Look away.”
His smirk tells me that even though I muttered the comment under my
breath to B, he still heard it.
I’m annoyed that he caught that momentary lapse in judgment. It’s
misplaced possessiveness on my part. He’s no longer mine.
My stomach churns at the thought.
“Sorry,” she says, throwing me an apologetic look. “But Jesus, Nera.
How the hell have you been able to hold out for this long?”
I’m asking myself the same question. Because standing there, staring
at him, arousal is doing absolute numbers inside my body. Clearly it hasn’t
gotten the memo that we’re done. My throat is dry and I find myself licking
my lips to rehydrate them. Butterflies and nerves fight in my stomach for
dominance and my pussy clenches, begging me to throw myself at the
attractive man who wants to do all the bad things to me.
I really am no better than a man, lusting after him like I am.
His expression drops into a frown when he notices my tight, sequined
outfit. He rakes his gaze lustfully down my entire body before letting it
roam lazily back up my curves.
“Were you at a club?”
I nod, my tongue still glued to the roof of my mouth, making it
impossible for me to speak. He takes a couple of steps forward.
As he gets closer, I can see the thunderstorm brewing in his eyes.
The frustrated set of his jaw.
The tightness of his shoulders.
When less than ten meters separate us, he stops. His tongue works the
inside of his cheek angrily as his eyes scan down the entirety of my body.
When he lifts his gaze slowly back up to meet mine, they’re so dark with
desire that I almost throw in the towel right then and there and give in.
“You look fucking hot,” he growls, roughly.
His voice is thick with a combination of barely contained lust and
months of sexual frustration. I think if I gave him a sign, he’d fuck me right
here in public.
He walks up until he’s right in front of me. My eyes ping back and
forth between his, my lungs working overtime to try to pull in enough
oxygen.
Breaths expel haltingly from my lips as he takes a finger and drags it
ever so slowly up my arm. It’s both lazy and seductive, frenzying and
teasing. Our eyes track the movement wordlessly. His finger dances across
my collarbone and up my throat until it’s joined by another under my chin.
He tilts my jaw up towards him, forcing me to meet his territorial gaze.
“Did you let anyone touch you tonight?”
His question is like a bucket of ice water dropped over my head,
pulling me from my momentary trance.
I shake my face out of his hold and step away.
“You don’t get to question me about my personal life. It no longer
belongs to you. So, whoever I’m touching, kissing, or fucking is really none
of your business.”
I grab Bellamy’s hand and pull her behind me as I head towards the
front door. I expect Tristan to say something or follow me, but surprisingly
he doesn’t. I can’t resist the lure of looking over my shoulder and getting
one last peek at him.
He’s standing frozen where I left him. The tension that exudes from
him is palpable and aggressive. His eyes narrow on me when he catches me
watching him and an anticipatory shiver rolls down my spine.
I’ve seen that primal look in his eye before. I know I’ve pissed him off
now and he won’t stop until he gets what he wants.
Later, I receive several texts from him.

Gary: Remember what happened the last time I chased you.

Gary: Remember how it ended.
Gary: Think about it because when I finally get you to forgive me, I’ll
fuck you so hard in every one of your tight holes, it’ll make that night in the
forest look like a beginner’s class.
Gary: Don’t push me.
Gary: Sleep tight, baby. Love you.

He’s certifiable.
And apparently so am I, given how wet my pussy gets reading his
messages.
Given his very obvious obsessive tendencies, when the girls and I
decide to go out again the following Saturday, I’m only partially surprised
to see Tristan stroll into the VIP area less than thirty minutes after we
arrive.

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 48

Tristan

May.

“What the hell is he doing here?” Nera demands, pointing angrily at me

and turning to look at Phoenix, Rhys, and Rogue seated right next to me.
“Which one of you traitors snitched?”
Technically, it was Rhys. He’s the one who gave me the heads up that
they were all going to Baroque tonight. But I would have found my way
here without him.
Ever since Nera alluded to the fact that she would be moving on soon,
I haven’t thought about much else. Nothing else, in fact, except figuring out
how to make sure I don’t give her the opportunity to move on.
So, I’ve turned into something of a stalker. I had Tess’ coworker hack
her phone so I could track her locations at all times. I’m not even ashamed
of it. She should never have goaded me like she did last week. Yes, I want
her to come back to me when she’s ready, but I’m not going to stand by and
let anyone else take her from me in the meantime.
When the other boys don’t answer, she turns her flinty gaze on me.
“What are you doing here, Tristan?” she hisses.
“The same thing they are,” I reply, pointing a thumb in their direction.
“And what’s that?”
 “Enforcing a hands-off policy,” Phoenix clarifies helpfully, his eyes
sharp on the area where Six is dancing.
Nera scoffs.
“Tell him to leave,” she orders him, haughtily.
“I’m afraid I can’t interfere.”
She crosses her arms and glares at Rogue, trying a different tactic.
“You were all set to burn him at the stake when you background checked
him. What’s changed?”
“He’s been groveling for three months, I’m starting to pity the guy,”
Rogue says with a shrug.
“Yes, well you would, wouldn’t you, Mr. I-Barely-Groveled,” she jabs,
indignantly. “I don’t know why I bother asking any of you. You’re all as
guilty as each other. It’s like asking ex-cons if they think a convicted felon
should be paroled.”
Rogue’s eyes narrow on her and his mouth parts.
I shove his chair with my foot before he can say anything, bringing his
attention over to me.
“Watch it,” I warn.
“You,” Nera says, turning on me with her hands on her hips. She’s
wearing a tight bodycon dress, her miles of long legs on display for me and
every other fucker here. “I don’t want to see you.”
“No problem, I’ll stay right here,” I say, easily. She turns on her heels
and starts to stalk off. The silky sound of my voice stops her in her tracks.
“So long as you don’t let anyone touch you.”
She throws me a sharp look that promises retribution.
“You’ve signed yourself up for quite a show tonight then, Tristan,” she
says, walking backwards away from me until she’s swallowed into the
crowd.
Her words punch me in the chest. I don’t have time to gauge the
retaliatory intent behind them because she reappears moments later, except
this time her arms are wrapped around a random guy’s neck and his
hands…
His hands are on her fucking waist.
I’m out of my chair and tossing my drink on the floor in the same
breath. I shoulder through the crowd, shoving people out of my way like
pins being flung aside by a bowling ball.
 The music changes and the lights switch, the dancers now jumping to a
different beat.
I momentarily lose her in the crowd.
Panic and protectiveness claw at my chest, urging me to get her in my
sights once more. Everywhere I turn, I think I see her.
I spin, frantically searching the crowd, almost lightheaded from the
need to find her.
Finally, the sea of people moves and parts and she appears before me.
Her gaze is pinned on me, a brow arched provokingly as if to ask what are
you going to do?
Her hands are still on him and that makes me want to fucking die.
My jaw twitches to keep from roaring in fury. I charge through the
crowd towards her. When my hands close around her arms, an explosion of
relief bursts from my lips. She yelps and wriggles in my arms. She
continues to struggle like a fucking banshee as I drag her off the
dancefloor.
“Tristan, let me g– what the, stop! No, put me down!” she shrieks
when, tired of her hampering my progress, I grab her around the thighs and
toss her over my shoulder.
I turn down a hallway of the VIP section until we’ve rounded a corner
where the music isn’t so loud, and I set her down, not so gently.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I demand, voice frayed
beyond recognition by anger. My hands slam down on either side of her
head as I trap her against the wall.
“What are you doing?” she echoes, furiously. “You can’t jus–”
“Do you think this is a game?” I cut her off, rage boiling my
blood. “You think I’m going to stand by and watch while someone else
touches you?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I expect you to do! You have no right to
interf–”
“I have every right. You’re mine, you belong to m–”
“I’m not yours any longer!”
“Yes, you fucking are,” I roar, the words ripping from my throat. “You
can be mad at me and we can be separated for as long as it takes for you to
forgive me, but you are still mine. I’m fucking serious, Nera, nothing
changes that.”
She gets on her toes, speaking inches from my face.
 “Our breakup changes that.”
I bend, bringing my face even closer to hers. This close she can see the
fury in my eyes and the snarl on my lips. I’m so enraged that I rip in oxygen
with difficulty, the breaths settling dully in my chest like a mass.
My tone is glacial and colder than she’s ever heard it when I make her
a promise.
“Touch another man and I will kill him, Nera,” I vow.
She swallows but tips her chin up defiantly, eyes flashing.
“You had a chance to make sure I never went to anyone else ever again
— all you had to do was not break my heart. You didn’t take that chance;
you threw it all away.”
My fists clench and unclench with unspent, manic energy.
“I want to take it now,” I growl.
“It’s no longer on the tabl–”
I grab her throat and crush my mouth against hers in an angry, jealous,
and animalistic kiss, silencing her. Surprise catches her off guard and parts
her lips on a gasp. I thrust my tongue greedily into her mouth and slam her
back against the wall. Impatient hands grab at her curves, relishing the feel
of them between my fingers after so long.
She freezes under the assault, her hands falling limply at her sides. I
cup her nape and angle her face up towards me, moaning deeply into her
mouth.
That’s all it takes for her to give in with a breathy little sigh that almost
makes me come on the spot. Her lips turn pliant and she gets on her toes to
seek out my mouth, her hands desperately fisting my shirt. Our tongues
clash in a fury of lust and resentment. The temperature scorches between
us, sparked back to life after months of dormancy.
Disbelief makes me dizzy. This sudden overdose of her may very well
stop my heart for good. I hold her so violently against me that I know
there’ll be traces of my passage on her tomorrow.
She arches into me, rubbing up against my hard cock, her hands
pulling viciously at my hair.
A shuddering moan falls from my lips.
It has the unwanted effect of making her first tense, then rip her mouth
from mine. When we break apart, I fall forward, crushing her between my
chest and the wall. My head rests against my forearm just above her head as
we both try to catch our breaths.
 I had her. I fucking had her and now she’s pulled away again.
The pain of having her literally extricate herself from my arms almost
makes me double over.
“That was a mistake,” she says, hollowly.
My chest tightens painfully.
I try to seek out her eyes, but she keeps her head turned to the side.
She won’t look at me.
Her hands push gently at my chest, as if asking me to release her.
“You’re going to have to shove me off,” I say, hoarsely. “I don’t have
the strength to let you go myself.”
She does as asked, pushing at my chest with gentle forcefulness. I
stumble backwards against the hallway wall behind me. Meanwhile, she
closes her eyes and tilts her head up, resting it against the opposite wall.
Silence stretches as we wait for the sexual chemistry between us to
fizzle out. The air is still thick from our kiss, the tension palpable around
us.
Relief, which had been so quick to appear when I’d gotten her back in
my arms, dies a quick death, replaced in its stead by a gaping wound that
seeps poison into my bloodstream.
What if she never forgives me?
“Do you hate me?” I whisper, afraid of the answer. Afraid of the fact
that I feel like I already know what the answer is.
Her eyes open and where I expected to find anger, I find pain and
sadness instead. There’s a fracture in them that reflects the wound in my
chest and it devastates me.
“I wish I hated you, Tristan,” she says, a single tear falling down her
cheek. Her face doesn’t move and she doesn’t acknowledge it. I wonder if
she even realizes she’s crying. “Hating you would be such a welcome
distraction. Maybe then my anger would burn out and I could move on and
forget you. But instead, I love you. And no matter how hard I try to kill that
love, it refuses to dim in any way. I can’t forget you, I can’t move on, but I
can’t forgive you either. I’m stuck in purgatory and yearning for hell. So,
what am I supposed to do? Am I just doomed to love someone who lied to
me and betrayed me for the rest of my life?”
“You can choose to trust me again,” I urge, moving from my side of
the hallway to hers. “That’s what you can do.”
 “Last time I chose to let you in, you made me pay for that naivety in a
pretty spectacular fashion,” she says, laughing humorlessly. “Why would I
ever do that again?”
“I made one mistake, Nera. One. A terrible one and I deserve all your
anger, resentment, and reprisals because of it, but it does not negate the fact
that I am in love with you and I never intentionally set out to hurt you. I lie
awake every night, unable to sleep without you by my side. I ask myself
how you’re doing, if you’re taking care of yourself. If you think about me,
if any guys are trying it on with you. There’s a fist of dread and rage that
hammers my chest every time I think about someone else touching you.
You haunt my dreams and reality alike. I feel like I can’t breathe without
you. There is no Tristan that exists without Nera anymore. That’s what I’m
trying to make you understand. This wasn’t a fling or a distraction or a
game for me. This, you, are the most important thing in my life.” Slowly, I
reach for her. I cup her face with my hand, my thumb finding those cute
little marks on her nose and brushing softly over them. Her dark, sultry eyes
spear mine unwaveringly. “If you smile, I smile. If you hurt, I hurt. If you
die, I die. Get it? I will be your shadow for the remainder of your days
whether you like it or not.”
She closes her eyes and leans into my touch, unknowingly seeking the
comfort of my embrace.
“I’m not ready to forgive you yet,” she whispers.
I hang on to that last word like a drowning man in the middle of an
open ocean who’s been flung one tiny buoy.
I stroke her hair gently, secretly inhaling her scent like an addict. Notes
of vetiver and vanilla hit my senses and loosen my muscles. She’s
intoxicating in every way.
“Then make me suffer. I can take it,” I whisper back, “as long as I
know you’ll come back to me one day.”

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 49

Nera

June.

“Ahem,” Rhys says loudly. “Looks like we’re going to have lovely
weather today.”
“Yes, quite,” Adélaïde, Sixtine’s mum, answers blushing heavily.
The three of us are standing in the hallway along with Rogue, Bellamy,
and Thayer doing our best to ignore the noises coming from the bridal
suite.
Minutes earlier, Phoenix burst in and demanded time with his fiancée
before she walked down the aisle to him. We all knew exactly what he
meant when he asked for ‘time’ but we’d hoped the walls would be thick
enough to do away with any awkwardness.
We were wrong.
Passionate moans leak into the hallway once more.
“You really never know with English weather. Even in June it could be
pouring rain!” Thayer adds even louder, coming to her boyfriend’s help.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Rogue says, exasperated. “Let’s just move
further away so we don’t have to be subjected to this.”
He grabs Bellamy’s hand and tugs her along with him. The rest of us
follow him to the end of the hall where a small round window looks out
over the gardens.
Bellamy glances down absentmindedly at the guests and freezes.
“Nera,” she says.
“Yeah?” I ask, distracted. Six needs to be ready in less than thirty
minutes and based on the sounds coming from her dressing room, I’m
guessing a lot of makeup touchups are going to be needed.
She turns towards me, wide-eyed, and points down at something
through the window.
“Tristan’s here.”
My head snaps up. “What?”
I run up to the window at the same time as Thayer does and the three
of us cram ourselves together to be able to look through the small pane of
glass.
“Of course, he’s here,” Thayer says, a smile stretching across her face.
“You’re here, Nera, so where else would he be?”
The three of us stare at him. He stands confidently amongst the crowd
of people, a glass in hand. He’s wearing a classic tuxedo and even from
here I can tell it’s tailored to within an inch of his life. The cut emphasizes
the broadness of his shoulders and the tapered length of his waist.
Heat rises in my cheeks, both in flushed arousal and in embarrassment
that he can get me so hot with just one look.
“I… I can’t deal with this right now,” I say, flustered. “I have a best
friend to marry off.”
The truth is, I’m self-conscious about seeing him. I’ve been traveling
for the last couple of weeks doing competitions in the lead up to the
Olympics, so we haven’t seen each other.
The time away has lent some much-needed perspective. Coming home
to empty hotel rooms after long days of training made me realize just how
much I missed him. I’d found myself looking out of my window out of
habit and being crippled by disappointment, as if I expected that he’d
somehow be there.
He wasn’t, but he made sure I couldn’t forget about him. Every day,
there was a new package waiting for me in my room. I wasn’t sure how he
knew where I was, but they never failed to appear, no matter what city or
country I was in.
At first, just small trinkets and notes, but then yesterday, I’d found a
large box waiting for me. I opened it gingerly, doubtful of its contents, but
when I finally worked my way past all the bubble wrap and styrofoam
peanuts, it took my breath away.
Inside lay an épée fencing mask, the kind I use in competition.
Traditionally, the mask is black except for the padded protective gear that
covers the neck and throat. This one had been customized with white flames
climbing from the bottom of the mesh section and up, covering about half
of the mask in the design. It looked intimidating as hell just sitting in the
box, so I could only imagine what it would look like on.
I didn’t wait to find out and immediately pulled it on over my head,
looking at myself in the mirror.
I looked fucking cool.
I knew no one would have one like it and I loved that it was going to
make me instantly recognizable. The flames felt powerful and gave me the
last remaining bits of confidence I needed.
For the first time since our breakup, I’d been the one to initiate contact
and I’d texted him a photo.

Me: [sends photo]

Me: I love it, thank you

His response had been immediate.

Gary: You’re welcome, baby. You’re going to look hot as fuck

winning in it.

He has such blind belief in me, it just makes me love him more. After
months of dedicating himself to me in every way, it’s getting harder and
harder to doubt his intentions. As difficult as I’m finding it to trust him
again, my defenses are thinning away beneath the incontrovertible truth that
he really does love me.
I didn’t respond to his text yesterday, unsure what to say, and now here
he is.
Crashing my best friend’s wedding.
I’m going to have to see him – even more complicated, I’m going to
have to figure out what I want from him – and that’s why I’m feeling
uneasy about it.
“This wedding is going to get delayed if we don’t do something,”
Thayer says, pulling me from my anxiety spiral.
 I check the time on my phone and head down the hall when I see how
close we are to showtime. I knock politely at the door, the noises thankfully
over now, and lean closer so they can both hear me.
“You’re going to have all the time in the world to get up to whatever it
is you’re doing in there after,” I say. “But we’ve got a wedding to go to in
twenty minutes and you guys are the bride and groom. Phoenix, I need you
to let Six go and let us get her to that aisle.”

✽✽✽

The ceremony is beautiful and emotional. Both Phoenix and Sixtine

cry and so does a healthy portion of their friends and family, including
myself. They look so happy and in love it’s impossible to look away from
them.
Phoenix stares at Six the same way he always has and I wonder how it
took us all so long to realize he was head over heels in love with her. Maybe
because his stare is so intense it could admittedly be confused for obsession
or mania, but there’s no debating it now.
As the wedding party heads towards the grassy area where the
reception is being held, I sneak up behind Tristan and grab his arm.
I pull him back, stopping him from leaving.
Although I managed to avoid him until now, I felt the heavy
possessiveness of his gaze on me the entire time I stood next to Six during
the ceremony. The intensity of his stare had almost permanently singed my
skin, but I’d resisted looking over at him.
He smirks predatorily down at me when I slam him against the wall of
the chapel with a glare.
“If you wanted alone time, all you had to do was ask,” he teases. “I’ve
only been begging for it for four months.”
“You are not doing this at my best friend’s wedding,” I hiss. “It’s one
thing to show up where I am, but you can’t ruin her day.”
“You don’t have to worry about that,” he says, reaching to cup my
cheek.
I lean away from his touch. “Why’s that?”
“Because I’m the one who invited him.”
 Startled, I turn around and look at Six. She must have walked back in
when she didn’t see me come out.
“You invited him?” I ask, incredulity coloring my words.
“You were the one who was convinced Phoenix was in love with me
from the beginning. I thought I should return the favor,” she says, with a
smile. “Tristan loves you, Nera, the very same kind of love everyone just
bore witness to in this chapel.” She walks up to me and hugs me tightly,
keeping me in her arms. She whispers against my ear so only I can hear,
“And you love him too. Only you can decide whether he’s worthy of
forgiveness or not, but don’t let your fear of getting hurt again stand in the
way of your happiness. I know it’s a gamble to decide to forgive him, but if
the promise of total happiness awaits on the other side, then why not bet on
it? Take it from someone who took that risk.” She steps back and takes a
moment to look around at the beautiful chapel we’re standing in before her
eyes find mine once more. “It worked out alright for me in the end, don’t
you think?”
She winks at me, tips her chin at Tristan, and walks out before I can
find the words to say to her.
I’m deeply touched by her thoughtfulness on her own wedding day,
and I want to take her advice. It feels like I’m standing on the precipice of a
terrifying ledge and I need to take a leap of faith and trust him or walk away
from it forever.
My feet are firmly planted, but I can’t get myself to jump.
A warm hand clasps my waist, demanding my attention. I turn back
towards Tristan, still at a loss, and he brushes a loose strand of hair off my
face and behind my ear.
“I couldn’t look away from you when you were standing up there.
Every breath you took, every smile that pulled at your lips, I was
hypnotized by it all,” he whispers, cupping my face. “I’m going to marry
you one day, you know that right? It’ll be a beautiful, prison-themed
wedding just like we always talked about.”
I can’t stop the laughter that rolls up my throat at the ridiculous
thought, nor the nostalgia that hits me reminiscing about that night when
everything was more complicated and yet, somehow, much simpler.
“Are you ever going to stop?” I ask.
He doesn’t need to clarify what I’m asking. He knows.
 “No.” He smiles. “I’ll crash every event you go to. Every wedding,
graduation, birthday party, bridal shower, gender reveal. Hell, every funeral.
Every single one of them for as long as it takes for you to forgive me.”
“That’ll keep you busy,” I say, softly.
“I have nothing else worth doing with my life if I don’t have you.”

✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 50

Tristan

June.

My eyelid twitches violently as I watch Nera twirl about the dancefloor in

the arms of some teenage boy. His hand is on her hip and she’s laughing at
something he says as he twirls her around the room.
My lip curls in disgust and my fists clench.
She’s been dutifully ignoring me ever since she pushed me away in the
chapel and announced that I hadn’t suffered enough yet for what I’d done. It
shouldn’t have been hot as fuck seeing her vindictive side, especially since
now I have to stand here and take it, but it was.
A woman in a blue cocktail dress sidles up to me, giving me a coy,
flirtatious smile. I watch her approach out of the corner of my eye, my gaze
still pinned on Nera.
“Hi,” the woman purrs, throatily. “I’m Cecily.”
“I have a girlfriend,” I bark disinterestedly and dismissively, moving to
another high top closer to the dancefloor.
The tightness in my jaw morphs from a dull ache to actual pain
watching Nera. Something comes dangerously loose in my chest staring at
her being twirled in arms that aren’t mine.
 I told her that she could make me suffer, that I could take it, and I’m
starting to get concerned that I accidentally told her another lie. If this is
how she intends to make me pay, I won’t last much fucking longer.
“Relax,” a bored voice calls from beside me. “If you make a scene at
my wedding and upset my wife, I’m going to have to kill you,” Phoenix
adds drolly. “I really don’t want to have to do that, I’ve come to quite enjoy
you and your dramatic little stunts.”
“You’re one to talk about dramatic stunts,” I throw at him. “Aren’t we
standing on the grounds of the house you bought when you were trying to
get Sixtine back?”
He stares at Six with an infatuated and deeply possessive look on his
face. “If you fuck up, you do what it takes to get your girl back,” he says,
blinking and looking back at me. “And then you never fuck up again.”
“Believe me, I never will.”
He gives me an assessing look. “Four months without her,” he says,
giving me a pitying look. “I wouldn’t have made it that long. After a month,
I’d have locked her up somewhere and forced her to forgive me.”
“Believe me, I think about doing just that multiple times a day,” I say,
gritting and adding, “especially when I have to watch this shit and say
nothing.” I point to where Nera is still dancing.
“Then why haven’t you done it?”
“Because she’s spent her entire life being bullied and belittled into
doing what other people wanted her to do. I won’t be another person who
imposes themselves over her wishes, no matter how much I want to. I’m
fighting against my better instincts here, but she has to decide to come back
to me herself.”
He tips his chin in her direction. “And what are you going to do about
that?”
“Look at her,” I say, sighing.
“What am I looking at?” he asks, cocking his head to the side, puzzled.
“You shouldn’t be looking in her direction at all,” I growl territorially,
slanting a glare at him. “But for the next five or so more hours, I’m going to
be looking at her. I’m going to take advantage of the fact that, for the first
time in four months, I’m in the same room as her for an extended period of
time and I’m going to look at her. I’m going to stare at her face. I’m going
to watch her smile and laugh. I’m going to bask in how fucking beautiful
she is. I’m going to resist punching that bloke in the face and kissing the
fuck out of her and I’m just. going. to. stare.”
She looks like a fucking dream today, too. Her hair is parted down the
middle and styled in a sleek wet look. She’s wearing a black, floor length
gown with a sweetheart neckline and gold detailing on the corset. She looks
happy and healthy and I can feel my heart palpitating just looking at her, the
organ overwhelmed by an urgent need for her.
The pit in my stomach is momentarily soothed by looking at her, even
in the arms of someone else. It’s more than I’ve really had in months.
“Excuse me,” Phoenix calls out, flagging down a passing waiter. “I
need you to refill his drink anytime you see it’s hovering near empty. I don’t
want him to ever see the bottom of his glass, understood? ” he says,
pointing at me. “He’s going to need it.”
“It’s just seltzer and lime,” I say, and Phoenix raises a curious brow at
me. “I haven’t had a drink in months,” I explain.
He nods once, understanding.
“Good for you.”
“Will do, sir,” the waiter replies, nodding and walking away.
Once he’s gone, Phoenix claps me on the shoulder.
“Good luck with your staring plan,” he says, eyes sliding possessively
back to Sixtine. “I’m going to go find and defile my new bride.”
I don’t move from that table for the next three hours. I watch Nera flit
about the room, talking with friends, introducing herself to strangers, being
the magnetic force that first drew me to her and has kept me hooked since.
More than ever, I wish I could show the world that she’s mine.
Our eyes meet more than once, an electrical spark roaring to life
between us every time they do. Hope flares in my chest when I don’t see the
usual hurt and betrayed look in her gaze. She’s softened over time and I
almost recognize the way she used to look at me.
My phone rings. When I see the number, I step away and go to a quiet
part of the venue.
“This is Tristan,” I say, answering.
“Hello, Mr. Noble. This is Samantha calling from Meridian Bank. I
wanted to call and let you know the good news myself – you’ve officially
been approved! So, in terms of the details, here’s what we’re looking at…”

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 51

Tristan

June.

I park at The Pen and get out of the car with a loud groan. My body is
feeling the effects of not having slept on a mattress in months and sharp
pain shoots up my side.
Grabbing the bag of food from the back seat, I head towards Nera’s
apartment building, wincing as I make my way up the steps. Now that I’m
back in the other girls’ good graces, I’ve been tapping them for information
on what meals Nera has preferred. On their recommendation, today’s bag
features some of her favorites; a shakshuka for breakfast, thyme and honey
chicken for lunch, and a poké bowl for tonight’s dinner.
I had an early meeting with the bank this morning to finalize the
paperwork so I slipped out of the wedding after my phone call last night. I
wanted to say goodbye to Nera before I left, but when I looked over at her
she was laughing with her friends and I hadn’t wanted to intrude.
Now, I wish I had. With the Olympics next week, I’m not sure when
I’ll see her again.
It starts raining just as I ring the doorbell, big, fat drops that hit my
cheek and body and have me almost drenched in seconds.
Fantastic.
Between the back pain and the wet clothes, I’m in for a great night.
 Legs round the corner at the top of the stairs, my view of the rest of the
body cut off by the sloping ceiling of the hallway. Feet appear as they start
descending and I pause.
I think every atom in my body does too, hypnotized as I am by those
legs coming down the stairs.
Because I recognize that body.
I’d know it anywhere.
And yet, still I wait, unmoving, just in case I somehow got it wrong.
But then black hair appears, and a pretty face, and it really is her.
Makeup free and in that same H&M loungewear set she loves.
Heart-stoppingly, world-endingly, beautiful.
Mine.
Nera.
She’s at the door before I’ve recovered from the shock of seeing her.
It’s the first time she’s come down in four months.
I inhale a shuddering breath as the door opens and then there she is.
Close enough for me to touch, not because she’s angry at me, not because I
cornered her, because she chose to be.
“Tristan,” she says, worry ringing in her voice. “You’re completely
drenched.”
“Oh, fuck,” I reply, startled. I’d forgotten about the rain, hadn’t felt it
soak my shirt through, distracted as I’d been by seeing her.
She steps outside, joining me in the rain. I can’t stand watching her in
this downpour when she’s in sweater and shorts. What if she gets sick?
“We should probably get out of this rain,” I say. “Do you want to sit in
my car for a bit?”
I find myself holding my breath, waiting for her reply. She may tell me
to fuck right off, at which point this night would actually be in the running
for worst night of my life.
“Sure.”
A strangled sound of triumph falls from my lips. She catches it and
raises a brow at me.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I almost yelled ‘fuck yes’ out loud just then but I managed to
swallow it down before I could.”
A smile tugs at the corner of her lips. I grab her hand and pull her with
me, running for the car. I clasp it tightly, enjoying the snug fit of her hand in
mine.
I open her door, watch her get inside, and close it behind her, running
around the front of the car to get to the driver’s side. Momentarily
forgetting my back pain, I jump into the seat, cursing loudly as a result.
She laughs as I turn the car on and blast some heat on us. It’s a
relatively cool June night and the rain is unseasonably cold so we need it.
“Be nice to me,” I say, massaging my neck and groaning once more.
“I’ve been sleeping in your parking lot for four months; my back is in
absolute bits.” I tilt my neck to each side, stretching it. “This morning, I
bent over to grab a pan and I swear one of my vertebrae shot straight out of
my spine like it was a PEZ dispenser.”
Nera’s brow drops in concern and her hand reaches out to massage the
tops of my shoulders. “I’m sorry you’re in pain.”
My eyes flutter shut the second her hand comes down on me. With one
touch she calms something that’s been chaotically unchained and wreaking
havoc inside me since the day we broke up.
This is what I’ve wanted, what I’ve been waiting for, for months.
I open my eyes slowly to find her own wide and pinned on me, clearly
surprised by my reaction.
Silence stretches uninterrupted except for the sound of rain coming
down loudly and forcefully on the windows. She pulls back her arm slowly,
dropping it into her lap.
“Don’t be. I deserve it,” I say.
Nera looks out of the window for a long, quiet moment before turning
her gaze back on me. “What if I told you to stop?”
I shake my head. “I already told you I wouldn’t.”
“Even though you’re in pain?”
“Emotional pain trumps physical pain.”
“Meaning?” she asks, eyes soft on my face.
“Meaning,” I say, leaning just a little closer and brushing the hair away
from her face. “You’re sitting in my car with me right now. That result is
well worth a little back pain.”
Her lips twitch in response. “Smooth talker.”
“Only for you.”
She looks away and down into her lap.
“Has it?” she asks, playing nervously with the frayed edges of her
sweatshirt. “Been only for me, I mean.”
 There’s a tension in her body as she fiddles with the fabric. Her eyes
slide away, looking back out of the window. Understanding dawns on me
when I realize what I think she’s really wondering.
“Is this your way of asking me if I’ve been with anyone else?”
She flinches, her stare pinned firmly in the distance. Her reflection
shows me the hollowness of her eyes, the unhappy slash of her lips.
So that’s really what she was asking.
How she can think it’s even a possibility is beyond me.
“You know exactly where I’ve been sleeping every night,” I point out.
She shrugs, moving on to pick at her nail now.
“French women are beautiful.”
“Are they?” I ask. “I wouldn’t know, I don’t look at them.” When she
still doesn’t face me, I reach for her hands where they’re joined in her lap
and envelop them easily in mine. A buzzing sensation is palpable beneath
my skin where I touch her, like when two powerful magnets come together.
Both of us stare quietly as my thumb rubs soft circles along the back of her
hand. Eventually, I whisper, “I’d never cheat on you, I told you that. So no,
I haven’t been with anyone else.”
Finally, she looks up and meets my eyes. Relief explodes across her
features, quickly replaced by uncertainty.
It’s like she’s bracing herself for heartache.
“I…it wouldn’t be cheating. We’re broken up.”
I reach over to grab her chin, my thumb dragging heavily across her
bottom lip. My heated eyes follow the way her plump lips move under my
touch, fantasizing about the next time I’ll have them wrapped around my
cock.
I flick my gaze back up to meet hers.
“Not to me we’re not,” I rasp.
Her tongue peeks out to wet her lips, brushing teasingly over my
thumb. She swallows thickly when an answering rumble sounds deep in my
chest.
“What brought this on?” I question, roughly.
She shifts in her seat, uneasy. “You didn’t freak out when I was
dancing with Nolan, you didn’t intervene or react at all, which is not like
you.” She pauses, turning her head out of my grasp. “I also overheard this
woman talking to her friends about how hot you were and how she was
going to get you in her bed, and then I turned around and she was gone and
so were you. Without saying goodbye.” She pauses. Adds, “You always say
goodbye.” Her voice is so guileless, so young, that it pierces right through
my chest and leaves a painful ache. She swallows thickly, like she has a
mass in her throat. “I–I thought, I really thought…”
“You thought I went home with her.”
It’s not a question but she answers anyway.
“Yes.”
“You were jealous.”
Nera shakes her head, no.
“I was devastated.”
Dark satisfaction blooms in my chest. Fresh arousal springs to life
knowing she’s just as possessive of me as I am of her.
I cup the back of her neck in my large palm and force her to look back
at me.
“Do you believe me when I say I didn’t touch her? That I didn’t even
look at her, that no one else means anything to me except you?” I demand.
“Do you trust me?”
Her eyes go between mine, searching for truth, but she’s almost
immediately nodding assentingly. “Yes.”
“Good girl,” I purr, enjoying the pink hue that stains her cheeks in
response. “You noticed I was gone, huh? Did you miss me?”
“Maybe a little,” she answers, giving me a small smile.
I drop my head back against my headrest, looking down at her through
lidded eyes and smirking. Her gaze is heated as it drops first to my lips and
then to my open throat.
She swallows with difficulty.
The tension is so thick that cum leaks from my cock. It’s hard and
throbbing in my trousers and desperate for attention.
I don’t want her to leave – in fact, it feels very necessary for her to stay
– but the longer she stays, the harder it’s getting to restrain myself from
fucking her right in the front seat.
“I let you have your fun at the wedding because he isn’t me,” I growl,
roughly.
“What do you mean?”
“It hurt like hell to watch and I won’t stand by and do nothing ever
again,” I grumble, “But I put up with it because I know I’m the only one
you want and you needed to realize that. It doesn’t matter how many of
these wankers you smile at or dance with to jab at me, it’s me that you
love.”
“I do love you,” she admits, saying it for the first time in months. A
powerful shiver rolls through my body in response. “But I don’t even know
who you are.”
I frown. “How so?”
“Why don’t you tell me who Tristan Noble is? Who is the man behind
the lie?” she asks. “Is he anything like the man I fell in love with?”
“I’m the exact same person, Nera. The only difference is a last name I
don’t even want.” I thread my fingers with hers and squeeze her palm. “I
really was born on August 8th, it’s a week to the day before we met. That
makes me a Leo.”
“To be honest, I’m not sure I’m someone who believes in all that
zodiac stuff but then I look at the defining characteristics of Leos and I
think they’re pretty fucking spot on.” I continue, “I’m a son and a brother
and a boyfriend and, one day, a husband. I’m a chef in training, a hater of
oysters who will never be convinced they’re anything other than disgusting,
and a habitual over-drinker who’s been sober for four months.”
“I’m an appreciator of beautiful things and, unfortunately, usually very
expensive things. I’m reckless and I can be selfish and I have less than zero
impulse control. I’m hot-headed and passionate, and I take care of the
people I feel the need to protect. In summation, I’m an incredibly average
guy because I like beer, sports, and a good night out at the pub, and, really,
the only extraordinary thing about me is you. That, somehow, some way,
with all the people in the world to choose from, you found me, you picked
me, you love me. That you’re mine. That’s it. Everything that’s worth
knowing about me beyond what I just listed is that I love you. Very, very
much.” I bring her hand up to my mouth and place a warm kiss on her skin.
“Did I say anything that you didn’t already know about me?”
“I didn’t know you were sober,” she breathes, softly.
I squeeze her hand again and her eyes come up to meet mine. We’re
both leaning incrementally closer, like something is pulling us together. I’m
only inches from her mouth; I can hear the rasped breaths that fall from her
lips.
“You’re good for me, baby.” I hook her finger with mine. “You make
me want to be better.”
 “Tell me your plan,” she asks, an urgent undertone to her voice now.
“The one you wanted to tell me about months ago. I think I’d like to hear it
now.”
“Oh, yeah?” I ask, a slow grin pulling at my lips.
“Yeah.”
“You know why I left the reception before it was over?” She shakes
her head. “I had an appointment at the bank this morning. They approved
my loan application.” Nera’s eyes widen in surprise. “When I finished my
program last month, I grabbed dinner with Luca. Well, not “grabbed”, he
put me to the test again, the wanker,” I say, chuckling at the memory.
“Turns out it was well worth it, because after that when I suggested that we
go into business together and open up a restaurant, it didn’t take very much
convincing before he agreed. Yeah, I’m opening up my own place,” I say,
nodding at the expression on her face.
I look down at my phone, searching for the photos of the renders we
approved a couple of weeks ago. Once I’ve found them, I take a breath and
look at her. I’ve waited months to tell her about this, ever since I made the
decision on the flight to go confront my father. I did the culinary program to
help legitimize my loan application, so I could show the bank both that I
have actual training and a real commitment to being a chef. The anticipation
wraps around my lungs and squeezes, restricting the airflow.
I turn the phone towards her, showing her mockups of the interior and
exterior we had commissioned.
“It’s going to be called Nera. I thought you’d want to see the design
we’re going with.”
She brings a hand up to her mouth, a sheen of water filling her eyes as
she reaches for the phone with trembling fingers. Her whole body shakes as
she wordlessly swipes through the different pictures, taking in the proposed
decor. It’s created entirely from the graphics she drew in those posters she
gave me. It’s her name and her soul.
It’s her.
“You’ve been my biggest champion, my constant source of confidence,
and my muse from the beginning. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Oh, my God, Tristan…” she manages to choke out, full on crying
now. “Is this real?”
My thumb gently wipes one of the tears from her cheek.
 “Yes. I’m broke, in debt, and currently living in my car. I have nothing
to offer you except the promise of a happy life, a determination to succeed,
and a guarantee that I’ll always take care of you. The plan is so clear in my
mind, baby. First, you’re going to win that gold medal. You are, there’s no
doubt in my mind. Then we’re going to find an actual home for that medal,
somewhere we can hang it and all your past and future achievements – all
our achievements, together – framed on a wall in a house where we both
live.”
“After that, I’m taking you back to London so you can meet my mum
and sister. I think you’ll like Tess, she’s just as strong and feisty as you are.
More importantly, they’ll meet you and see why I fell in love with you.
They’ll love you as much as I do. From there, well,” I say, nudging her chin
and wiping more tears from her cheeks. “I’d marry you the very next day if
I thought you’d let me. I know you won’t so I plan on asking you every
single day until you say yes. I see us traveling the world, eating Italian pasta
and Thai street food. Jumping off a boat into Halong Bay and climbing the
Acatenango volcano.”
“I see us being happy. Happy and together for the rest of our lives. It’s
a simple plan.” I drop my forehead against hers and whisper, “What do you
say?”
Nera reaches across the console, cups the back of my neck and pulls
my mouth down to meet hers. Our lips crash together in a savage, frenzied
kiss. Our hands claw at each other, reaching for clothes, hair, skin, anything
and everything.
I pull back an inch to drag in a desperate gulp of air.
“Is that a yes?” I question between frantic, ragged breaths.
“Yes,” she replies feverishly.
“So, I’m forgiven? I need you to say the words, baby. Put me out of
my misery, I’m begging you.”
She brings her face down so ours are level and brushes her lips against
mine. “I forgive you.”
I slam my mouth back down on hers with a loud aroused moan. I grip
her around the waist and lift her out of her seat. She cries out in surprise but
doesn’t lift her mouth from mine as I settle her on my lap, stuck between
my chest and the wheel.
I cup her face and lay frenetic, feverish kisses on her nose. “Hello, my
little beauty marks, I’ve missed you.” I smother her cheeks, the bridge and
the tip of her nose in more kisses, whispering fervently, “We’re never
getting separated again.”
Nera giggles and a lightness blows through my chest like a summer
breeze through an open window.
“God,” I rasp. Lust and relief make my voice unrecognizable to my
own ears. “I fucking love you.”
“I love you too,” she replies, whimpering as my hand slides
underneath the hem of her sweater and up her bare back.
“These curves, baby,” I grunt, pressing her down onto my hard cock
and rubbing myself against her center. “I’ve dreamed of them every day.”
My hand wraps around her front, cupping her breast and tweaking that
piercing. A violent shiver rocks through her body, making her arch into my
touch.
“Give me that mouth,” I order.
Nera tilts her head forward and does as asked, cupping my face and
crushing her lips to mine. My other hand snakes under the hem of her shorts
and underwear and swipes at her center.
She squeals, sensitive, and I swallow the sound into my mouth. She’s
soaked like I’ve been touching and playing with her for hours.
“My wet pussy,” I purr. “How have you been managing without me,
Nera? Have you been fucking your greedy little fingers?”
“I-I bought a toy.”
Irrational jealousy fills me.
“And?” I growl.
“I hated it,” she pants as my fingers slide up and down her center.
“Why?”
“I…I…”
“Come on, you can say it.”
“I wanted your cock.”
A strangled moan erupts from her lips when I shove two fingers inside
her. I curl them until they’re rubbing against that sensitive spot inside her
that drives her wild.
She thrashes in my lap as I start circling that spot flesh.
“Good girl. Now come for me.”
“Not…now,” she says, fighting the blinding pleasure.
“Yes, now. I’ve waited long enough, I won’t any longer.” I press down
on her clit with my thumb as I continue thrusting and rubbing inside her.
“Come, Nera.”
My words are the trigger to her release. She freezes, stunned, her
muscles releasing in a dramatic shudder. She yells her pleasure, her walls
fluttering tightly around my fingers. Her juices pool wantonly onto my
hand.
“I know you told me I can’t rip this set of yours, but I really fucking
want to,” I say, catching my breath.
“Do it, I don’t care,” she answers, throatily.
My eyes gleam obsessively. “Really?”
“Yes, do it!” she urges, adorably impatient.
I bunch the fabric in my hand and tear it off in one swift move. Her
underwear follows as she rips the sweatshirt off over her head.
“Fuck,” I growl, voice hoarse. My gaze rakes down her naked body,
taking in every bare inch of her that I haven’t laid eyes on in months.
“Stunning.”
“We’ll have time for all that later,” she mewls, wrapping a hand around
the back of my neck and making me look at her. “Show me how much you
missed me.”
I fumble for the zipper of my trousers like an inexperienced teenager,
spellbound as I am by her. Her hands come down to help me and when her
palm wraps around the thick length of my cock, my head falls back against
the headrest and my mouth parts on a long groan.
“Easy now,” I pant, aggressive sounding breaths erupting from my
lips.
She strokes up and down my cock, squeezing it tightly in her grip. My
eyes roll into the back of my head and I stop her with a hand on hers.
“Now’s not the time to play with me, baby. Put me inside you.”
“Yes, chef,” she says with a sly grin, positioning me at her entrance.
I force a thumb into her mouth. Her lips close around it, sucking the
digit greedily.
“I’m fucking your mouth next,” I warn. “Now, do as I– oh, fuck.”
I clasp her waist with both hands as she starts pressing down,
welcoming my cock back into her warm pussy. Impatience takes over and I
lean forward, wrap an arm around her lower back and hold her against me. I
thrust all the way inside in one sharp move.
Nera squeals, her mouth parting in shock. I don’t give her any time to
adjust and start pumping into her. At first slow, languorous thrusts that draw
out the exquisite sensation of being on the precipice between pleasure and
pain, then faster, rougher thrusts until I’m pounding into her.
She bounces on my cock, her tits bobbing appetizingly in front of my
face. I can’t resist a taste. I lean forward, sucking a hard nipple into my
mouth and raking my teeth over the sensitive bud.
“Oh, yes. Oh god, that feels…yes. Yes,” she moans, over and over,
head thrown back in agonizing pleasure.
“Don’t come,” I order through gritted teeth. It’s taking everything in
me not to do just that.
“Ahh, why…why not?” She demands, one hand coming to clasp my
shoulder for purchase.
“Hold it.”
It’s the opposite of what I wanted earlier. Now I want to draw it out, to
stretch the exquisite moment until pain is indistinguishable from pleasure,
until she feels like she’s going to lose her sanity if she doesn’t just let go.
I rub circles around the hood of her pussy, avoiding touching her clit.
She mewls unhappily and arches her hips, looking for the slightest brush of
my fingers against that sensitive nub.
“Answer one question and you can come.”
“Yes,” she breathes, nodding emphatically without even knowing what
it is. “Anything.”
My thighs clench and my balls draw up when she inadvertently
squeezes her pussy. Her already tight hole strangles my cock almost to the
point of milking it of my cum.
I grit my teeth and think of wars and famine to keep myself from
coming.
“What’s your boyfriend’s name?”
Her mouth comes down on mine in a possessive kiss. When she pulls
back, her eyes shine almost dangerously on me.
“Tristan. My boyfriend’s name is Tristan.”
I thrust once more and pinch her clit. My core tightens and I roar my
release, spurt after spurt of my cum pulsing inside her and coating her
walls.
Her muscles lock, her walls clench.
She comes with my name on her lips and my absolution in her hands
before slumping on my shoulder, spent.
 ✽✽✽

OceanofPDF.com
Chapter 52

Nera

June.

I’m pacing the locker room, nervous and restless. My heart feels like it’s in
my throat and I can’t get my pulse to settle. I feel jittery and high strung, the
last things you want to be heading into the final round of the Olympics.
I’ve made it this far. The gold medal is within reach, I just need to
reach out and take it.
But for some reason in this moment the years of training fail me and I
panic. My breaths turn shallow and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to
make myself relax.
I fumble for my phone, buried at the bottom of my kit bag. I need to
talk to Tristan. He’s in the stands, waiting to watch my bout but I need him.
“Hi,” I say when he picks up, the word tumbling gratefully from my
lips.
“Hi, baby,” he answers. Just the calm, deep sound of his voice is
enough to soothe.
“I…,” I try.
I can’t seem to get the words out. I don’t know what I’m hoping he’ll
say. He always seems to know just what I need though, and this time is no
different.
 “Do you need me?”
“Yes.”
“I’m right outside your locker room door, can I come in?”
My throat dries as relief brings a wave of emotion. I nod, making only
a small sound, and somehow, he knows that means yes. I turn to see the
door open and there he is, striding in with his phone still held against his ear
and the same happy smile on his face he gets every time he sees me.
“How?” I ask as he folds me into a warm hug. His body dwarfs mine
and lends the reassurance and security I’d been yearning for. I can feel my
heartrate slowing as I wrap my arms around his back.
When we parted after I advanced to the final round, he’d told me he
was headed for the stands. So, I’m surprised to find him here.
He presses his lips against my forehead, my eyes closing at the
contact. When he pulls back, he gives me a knowing smile.
“Just in case,” he says with something of a shrug. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I…I’m just not sure if I can do it. I’m doubting myself.”
He brushes a loose strand of hair affectionately behind my ear and
cups my cheek. “I’m so proud of you, you know that?”
It’s not what I thought he’d say, but my skin heats.
“Because I made it this far?”
“Because you never gave up. It would have been so much easier to
throw in the towel and let the terrible experiences you’ve had win. To
decide this sport and the dedication it requires have taken more than enough
from you and that you were done. That you just didn’t want to do it
anymore.” He bends so his face is closer to mine, whispering
encouragingly, “But you didn’t do that. You chose to fight. You chose to go
through with it and take back the power. That’s why I’m proud of you,
because you didn’t choose the easy way out. That’s what makes you a
winner, that’s why I know you’re going to win.”
My throat constricts. Nobody’s ever told me they were proud of me
before and the words are a much-needed balm on my soul. They mean even
more to me than I love you.
“Go out there and win, Nera. Not because failure isn’t an option, but
because you want it. Because you’ve put in all the work to get here. Get that
win, baby, and do it for yourself, nobody else. No one’s ever wanted it more
than you anyway.” He kisses my forehead once more than looks back into
my eyes. “Okay?”
 “Okay,” I say, smiling.
“Louder.”
“Okay!”
“Good girl,” he purrs, kissing me passionately. I hang on to his wrists
as he brings my face up to meet his.
When he rips himself back, his eyes are dazed with lust and heavy
lidded. “Alright, bad idea to start something I can’t finish. Are you feeling
better?”
“I am, thank you.”
“I’ll be in the front row, cheering you on at the top of my lungs. If you
need support, just look at me, okay?”
“I will. Love you, Tristan.”
“I love you too, baby. Now bring home the metal.”
He smacks my ass, making me giggle, and walks out.

✽✽✽

Twenty minutes later, I’m on the piste facing the French national
champion and up by one point with fifteen seconds remaining on the clock.
She lunges once, then a second time, and catches me on the glove right
on my wrist.
Shit.
I’m holding my breath, hoping it didn’t actually land and register when
I hear the buzzer go off. The red dot lights up indicating that she scored a
touch.
Fuck.
The timer stops and I throw a look at Tristan. He’s standing in the front
row next to my mum. After years of refusing to support my fencing, she
showed up when it mattered the most.
He’s rocking from foot to foot, arms crossed and one hand on his chin
as he watches the match intently. I draw strength from seeing him, just like
he said I could, and turn back towards my opponent.
I won’t let this go into extra time.
Ten seconds left to make a difference.
 Ten seconds to win.
I find a burst of energy and move towards her, using my agile
footwork to confuse her. I advance and retreat, I lunge angled to the right
and then to the left, feigning an attack.
Our épées clash. She lunges for me, but with a flick of my wrist, I
wrap around her blade and move it away from me before it can make
contact.
That destabilizes her and she takes a step back.
It’s my opening.
I lunge again and again, continually advancing on her and pushing her
towards her end of the piste. She’s dangerously close to stepping out of
bounds and she makes a fatal mistake.
She looks down to see how close she is to the line.
It’s only a second, but it’s enough.
I dive forward into the lowest lunge possible, until my back leg is
nearly flat to the ground, and angle my épée beneath hers and up, hitting her
square in the chest.
I rip my mask me off and scream in victorious joy in the second before
the buzzer sounds or the green light flashes, because I know.
I just won.
And then the buzzer confirms it and I get my first official taste of
victory. Turns out I don’t think of my father or my mother like I thought.
I think of myself.
Of how much I love feeling that explodes in my chest. Confidence and
a hint of cockiness that I won and pride that I did it my way. By cutting out
the cancer and removing the stain it put on the sport for me.
I jump up and down, yelling excitedly, sword still in hand as the crowd
erupts. They’re a blur, just a mass of people cheering and clapping, except
for Tristan. I see him clear as day, his hands cupped around his mouth as he
screams for me.
I rip the body cord off me and drop the mask he gave me to the floor
along with my épée and then I’m running for the stands.
He’s in the front row but it’s elevated off the ground with no access
from the floor as a security measure. Tears sting my eyes as I run up to him
and put my hands out, wishing I could grab and hug him.
“I did it,” I say, breathlessly, giddily even. “I won.”
 Tristan bends over the railing and reaches for me. His hands close
around my upper arms and with almost superhuman strength, he pulls me
up and into the stands.
When I clear the railing and he sets me back down on my feet, he
crushes me against him, whispering frantically into my hair, “I knew you
were going to do it, I knew it. I knew it.”
I get on my toes and bring my mouth up to meet his.
Later when my flag is raised, when my flowers are handed to me, and
when the medal is placed over my neck, Tristan is on the floor taking
pictures like a proud boyfriend. He’s by my side like he has been since he
decided I was his all those months ago.
His arm comes around my shoulders when I’m finally free of the press
and attention.
“My girlfriend’s the best fencer in the world,” he says. “Phase one of
the plan is complete. Thought I’d get a head start on the next bit and see if
you’re feeling inclined to becoming my wife?”
“Tristan!” I say, smacking his chest playfully.
“Come on, what do you say? You’ll wear orange and I’ll wear stripes.”
He leans closer to whisper in my ear, “I’ll bring handcuffs for after our
guests have left.”
I flush pink but shake my head at him.
“Fine, I’ll try again tomorrow.”
“You can’t just ask like that,” I say with another giggle. “What if I had
said yes? You wouldn’t have been ready.”
He cups my jaw with his hand and angles it up to face him. A dark,
heated stare falls to my lips before dragging slowly back up to my eyes.
“What makes you think I’m not ready, hmm?” he asks, stroking my
cheek with his thumb. “You know I went to see my mum in February. Well,
we went through the family heirlooms when I settled into her new home.
There’s a reason I told you I had a plan the day I came back.” He smirks at
me with that same mix of playfulness and arrogance. “Believe me, baby, I
have everything I need on me at all times. The moment you tell me you’re
ready, I’m getting down on one knee and officially locking you to me for
the rest of your life.”
“You’re serious?” I ask, my throat suddenly dry. “Show me.”
“Nope,” he answers. “You don’t get to see it until you’re ready to say
yes.”
 “Well then,” I say. “Show me.”
His eyes widen comically before narrowing. “You need to make sure
you’re ready, Nera, because there’s no walking out of this once I ask.
There’s no more running away.”
“I’m sure,” I say, nodding, and then he’s pulling something out of his
inner jacket pocket and dropping down to one knee.
My breath catches in my throat, my heart beats wildly, and I already
have tears in my eyes. I’m already nodding.
“You can’t say yes before I’ve asked, baby,” he says, with a fond
smile.
“Then get to it so I can give you my answer.”
He grins, a sheen appearing in his own eyes, and emotion wells more
explosively in my throat.
“I think I’ve said it all to you already, Nera, and I plan on telling you
every day anyway, so I’ll keep it short and sweet. I am completely,
hopelessly, irretrievably in love with you. I want to be there for your every
high and your every low, to be the person you turn to for celebrations, to be
the shoulder you cry on when you’ve had a bad day, to be the person you
laugh with every day until we both leave this earth. I’d be hard pressed to
find only one reason I love you – the reality is that I love everything about
you. Your passion and dedication, your stubbornness, your sense of humor,
your inability to make even a simple grilled cheese, the way you care about
others almost more than you care about yourself. I never want to spend
another day separated from you. We’ve got time to make up for, baby, and I
want to do that with you as my wife. As the mother of my children. Make
me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”
I don’t find out what the ring looks like until later. I don’t take the time
to look at it when he holds it up between us, instead flinging myself into his
open arms.
He laughs loudly as he catches and holds me. I’m sobbing openly now,
nodding and pressing wild kisses against his mouth.
“I need you to say the words, baby,” he says, gently.
“Yes! Yes, a thousand times, yes. I’ll marry you.”
We sit like that for a while, with him on his knees and my limbs
wrapped around him like tentacles. Kissing, and laughing, and sliding on
the ring. Celebrating it more than the gold medal, even.
 “Fuck yes,” he breathes. “Getting you pregnant is next on the list,” he
adds, eyes gleaming with obsession.
“Not yet,” I whisper, shaking my head slightly. “I’m too young.”
“I don’t know if I can wait,” he purrs, one hand gripping my ass and
the other rubbing my stomach possessively. “I want to cum inside you and
make a baby. I want to watch as this belly grows with my child. I want it
all.”
I cup his face in my hands and kiss him, delirious as I am with love.
“Okay, baby, but one thing at a time.”
I kiss him to distract him. There won’t be any babies for now, I have
other goals I want to achieve first.
Eventually, he pushes my hair back and cups my face, eyes searching
mine.
“Are you truly happy?” he asks, echoing the question I asked him
almost a year ago in that hotel room.
And unlike then, the answer is so obvious.
So different.
So much easier.
“Yes.”
He places a soft kiss on my lips and pulls back.
“Good, because I am too. Finally.”

The End

OceanofPDF.com
Epilogue

Nera

Six Years Later.

“Hey, babe,” I call out to Tristan as I hear him climb up the stairs of our
London townhouse to the third floor. “I left something for you on the bed.”
“A surprise?” he answers, from a distance.
“Something you’ve been wanting,” I add, smiling and looking back
down at my book as I wait for him to discover it.
“You really are the best wife there is,” he praises, his voice thick with
desire. “I think I’m going to have to marry you again.”
After Tristan proposed to me at the Olympics, I managed to convince
him to wait a year to get married so we could plan a proper wedding. He’d
grudgingly agreed, although he’d tried to change my mind almost every day
after that.
We traveled the world for a few months like we’d discussed and we
made it to the US, he included a layover in Vegas and a pitstop in front of a
twenty-four-hour chapel specifically. It’d been hard to resist the lure of
getting married right then and there, especially when Tristan was eagerly
pulling my hand towards the entrance, but I had.
I’d made it up to him by letting him chase me again, this time through
a natural park, and then fucking me brutally.
 We’d gotten married in the south of France with all of our friends and
some of our family there. My mum and I had made significant progress by
then so she was in the first row, crying into her handkerchief as she watched
me marry the love of my life.
Jude gave me away, whispering jokes the entire walk down the aisle.
“Fucking your teacher and then marrying him. I didn’t know you had it
in you, sis,” he said, and I’d had to keep it together so I didn’t burst out
laughing.
Tristan had looked at me in a way I’d never seen before. Like I was the
most beautiful, precious thing he’d ever seen. When the time came, he’d
kissed me for so long that our officiant had to tap him on the shoulder. We
broke apart to the sounds of cheering and whooping from our friends.
After we got married, Tristan surprised me by taking my last name. He
brought home the paperwork one day and dropped it on my desk. He’d been
serious when he said he didn’t want his last name anymore and he’d proved
it.
I’d been so surprised and incredibly moved by it.
My friends couldn’t believe it.
“Wow,” Sixtine had said, a hand clasped over her heart. “That’s such
an amazing thing for him to do.”
Thayer, meanwhile, had slanted a look over at Rhys.
“Why didn’t you take my last name?”
Rhys had groaned, glaring at Tristan who hid his laughter behind his
drink. “Thanks for making the rest of us look like shit, wanker.”
“Let’s call it even,” he’d answered.
We’ve been married for five years. Five amazing, busy years where we
haven’t been separated for even a day, as he’d promised.
After my first Olympics, I signed a significant Nike sponsorship that
funded our lives for the next few years. Even though we were both still in
contact with our wealthy mothers, we’d decided to branch off on our own
and be truly independent.
Tristan’s hard work paid off almost immediately. When Nera opened,
the crowds flocked and so did the critics. The reviews were raving, the
press converging on this new fusion restaurant and the love story behind it.
He and Luca became the darlings of the culinary scene and by the time the
first year rolled around, they were awarded a Michelin star.
 In the years since, Nera has continued to thrive. Luca is a permanent
fixture in our lives and now one of our closest friends. Tristan went on to
open five more restaurants in different countries, one with Luca and four as
solo ventures. What started out as one small restaurant quickly turned into a
massive international entertainment group that made us enormously
wealthy.
He’s outsourced the management and chef duties of those places to
trusted parties. His only focus is and has always been Nera. This year it got
its third Michelin star making it part of a very small and exclusive list of
restaurants with that honor in London.
Tristan rarely goes to oversee his other restaurants, usually once or
twice a year max and never longer than a three day trip.
He doesn’t want it to take him away from his wife and kids.
After winning my first Olympics, I continued training with the hopes
of medaling again in the next games. I wanted to prove to myself that it
wasn’t just a fluke, that I deserved it. And when we settled down after our
months of traveling, part of me missed the adrenaline and the pain of
pushing myself that hard.
Those games were even more special than the first. I didn’t think they
could be but I woke up the morning of the final with a violent need to throw
up. I ran to the bathroom, making it just in time, and emptied my guts in a
pretty spectacular fashion.
My bulimia had been under control for years at that point. Not
completely cured because the voice still makes an appearance sometimes,
but I usually know how to manage it.
So, starting the morning that way was shocking.
I had a pregnancy test on me because we’d recently found out Thayer
was expecting so I used it, not thinking anything of it.
Finding out I was pregnant had been a shock at first, but quickly
morphed into the exact motivation I needed to make it through the final.
I won a second gold, this time by four points, and announced my
retirement the following day.
Tristan had been over the moon at the news. He’d fallen to his knees
and buried his face in my stomach, smothering it in kisses. He’d been vocal
about wanting kids since our wedding night and I’d held him off for a
while. But then one day I’d stopped taking my birth control. It wasn’t a
conscious decision so I never told him about it.
 The shock of the pregnancy was nothing compared to the surprise the
first ultrasound reserved for us.
Twins.
When I got home that night, Tristan was waiting with a bouquet of
roses, my favorite meal, and a five-carat diamond.
Cato came into the world first, screaming and kicking his way into
existence. Kiza followed her brother more quietly, eyes open and curiously
looking at the world.
They’ve been the greatest joy in the entire world. They’re a year old
now and have progressed from walking to running. They’re impossible little
minions wreaking havoc in our household and we love them.
“Are you– is this real?” I hear Tristan call excitedly from my spot in
our downstairs living room.
I can’t help the wide, happy grin that splits my face as I hear him run
and stumble down the stairs.
“Nera! Tell me you’re not messing with me,” he demands, making his
way down the second flight of stairs.
He bursts into the room, wide-eyed and looking for me. He’s still
wearing the dress pants and shirt from his meetings earlier, the sleeves now
rolled up to his elbows. My husband only gets more attractive with age. At
thirty years old, he’s in the prime of his life. He’s constantly on the move
which keeps him lean and trim. Even just looking at him now, I feel lust
kick to life in my stomach and wetness pool in my pussy.
That’s what got us here in the first place.
He’s brandishing the pregnancy test I left on our bed, his eyes harried
and wild.
“This better be real. If you bought this at a prank store, I’m punishing
the fuck out of you.”
Lately, Tristan’s been whispering in my ear at night that he wants
another baby. When he fucks me, he keeps his cock inside me long after
he’s cum so it doesn’t leak out of me. When he pulls out and some of it
inevitably stays on my thighs and lips, he’ll fuck it back inside me with his
fingers.
I stand and put a hand on my stomach. His gaze drops to it,
immediately softening.
“It’s real, baby. I’m pregnant.”
 He drops the test and crosses the room in two steps, crushing his
mouth down on mine. He kisses me roughly, tenderly, affectionately,
happily for long minutes before pulling away and dropping his forehead on
mine.
“Another baby,” he murmurs, happily.
“Due in seven months according to the test.”
“I didn’t think I could love you any more than I already do but every
day you surprise me.”
I laugh, clasping the back of his neck. Satisfaction buzzes underneath
my skin like the purrs of a contented cat.
“I take it that means you’re happy.”
“I’m ecstatic. I hope it’s a girl so I get another mini me of you.” His
mouth comes hungrily down on mine. “I want five more after this one.”
“Okay, slow down,” I say on a laugh.
“I want you pregnant all the time so the world knows how much I fuck
you. So everyone knows when they look at you that you belong to me.”
“Let’s discuss it after this one is born.”
“I’ll shower you with gifts – clothes, bags, jewelry, anything you want.
You name it, you’ll have it,” he says, finger snaking below my dress and to
my slit. “Just keep having my babies.” I grind my pussy into his hand when
he brushes against my clit.
“Oh, god,” I moan.
He tears my panties off and rips his zipper down and then he’s burying
himself inside me. I cry out as my pussy gets flush with his hips, his entire
massive length bottoming into my tight heat. He grabs me behind the thighs
and hoists me into his arms.
“I wish it was possible for me to put another baby inside you right
now. I’d stuff you so full and give the twins a few more siblings in one go.”
He drives manically into my pussy, his thrusts rough and devastating.
Every time he bottoms inside me, his pelvis rubs against my clit and drives
me wild.
“You’re unhinged,” I breathe into the crook of his neck.
His teeth sink into the soft tissue of my throat, pulling a rough cry
from my lips. “Yes, I am. Come on, baby, squeeze that tight pussy around
my cock.”
My body bends to the command in his heated words and my muscles
flutter around his dick as I shatter around him. I come loudly, gripping him
tightly, reveling in the feel of his crazed breaths on my skin as he pounds
half a dozen more times inside me before his own release takes him.
When he pulls out, he fingers his cum back inside me as he usually
does. There’s no use pointing out the obvious to him, this is all tied to his
possessiveness of me. A part of him was changed by the four months we
were separated all those years ago. It made him even more territorial than
before. Ensuring every drop of his cum stays inside me is just part of his
ritual.
When our clothes are back in order, we stand in the living room of our
perfect home, holding each other. For the vast majority of my life, I didn’t
think happiness, let alone happiness of this intensity, was possible.
The past seven years have been the greatest adventure of my life and
I’m thrilled to bring another little baby into our world of love.
The only thing that makes this better is that Sixtine and Thayer are
both five months pregnant and Bellamy is due to give birth any day now.
The four of us, pregnant. Together.
The next generation is assured.

✽✽✽
OceanofPDF.com
 About The Author
Khai Hara
Khai Hara is an American author currently based out of New York City. An
avid fan of the romance genre, ‘Pay For Your Lies’ is her second novel and
the second novel in the Royal Crown Academy series. In her spare time, she
enjoys traveling, hiking, reading and spending time with her boyfriend and
their dog Thunder.

To stay up to date on upcoming releases, you can:

Follow her on IG at @authorkhaihara

Join the FB group Khai Hara Books

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 Royal Crown Academy
Long Live The King
“Go ahead, scream for help.” He taunts darkly as his hot breath tickles my
ear. “No one here will save you from me.”

When I get a scholarship to finish high school in Switzerland, I don’t expect

to meet a villain.

Rogue Royal.

He’s the kind of gorgeous your mom tells you to stay away from, filthy rich
and his family founded the school I just got accepted to.

Did I mention he makes my heart race?

Only because he hates me, of course. The first day we met, I accidentally
spilled a milkshake on him and he’s made my life hell ever since.

But this is my best chance for a better future for my mom and I-I won’t let
him break me.

*This is a full length standalone semi dark romance novel, with an

alphahole, possessive hero and containing scenes that are not suitable for all
readers.*

Pay For Your Lies

Rhys
The moment I see her, I want her.
And what I want, I always get.
It’s the competitive side of me.
Learning that she has a boyfriend already enrages me, but does nothing to
deter me.
I know that eventually she’ll submit to me and be mine.
I’m so sure of it that I bet my friends I can crack her in a month.
I just hope I don’t come to regret it.

Thayer
From the moment I meet him, he’s determined to have me.
He doesn’t know that I’m just as competitive as he is and he’s met his
match.
I’m attending Royal Crown Academy on an athletic scholarship for my
senior year; the only things I care about are good performances on the field
and lots of fun off of it.
I’m not interested in any of the resident heartbreaker’s games but find
myself sucked in when the soccer star becomes my personal Coach.
As we spend more time together, I see a different side of him and find
myself falling for him a bit more every day.
But can I really trust him?

Pay For Your Lies is book two of the Royal Crown Academy series. It can
be read as a standalone novel, but for better understanding of the universe,
it’s recommended that you start with the first book in the series, Long Live
The King. This is a mature, mild slow burn, new adult romance with a
jealous/possessive hero and lots of angst. It contains situations that some
readers might find offensive.

I Was Always Yours

We all know how the legend goes.
Girl meets boy.
They fall in love.
They get married.
And they live happily ever after.
The fairytale. The ending that every girl wants, that every girl dreams of.
For a brief moment there, I foolishly, naively, allowed myself to dream
that’s what our destiny was. That our friendship would evolve into
something more and we’d be together forever.
The reality is that our story ended before it even began, with blood at my
feet, tears on my cheeks and my broken heart held forever captive in the
hands of someone who’d never wanted it.

I Was Always Yours is book three of the Royal Crown Academy series. It
can be read as a standalone novel, but for better understanding of the
universe, it’s recommended that you start with the first two books in the
series, Long Live The King and Pay For Your Lies.

This is a mature, new adult romance with a jealous and possessive hero, lots
of angst and even more trigger warnings. It contains situations that some
readers might find offensive.

Love In The Dark

I’ve been banished to Switzerland with a fake name, forced by my father to
spend a year teaching spoiled rich kids as punishment for humiliating him.
I’m supposed to stay out of trouble, to avoid scandals, to learn
responsibility.
I’m not supposed to meet her.
I fucked up before I even set foot within the hallowed halls of RCA.
And there she is.
In my class.
In the halls.
In my veins.
Every fucking where.
She’s going to be my downfall.
Or maybe, my salvation.

Love In The Dark is book four of the Royal Crown Academy series. It can
be read as a standalone novel, but for better understanding of the universe,
it’s recommended that you start with the first three books in the series, Long
Live The King, Pay For Your Lies, and I Was Always Yours.

This is a mature, new adult romance with a jealous and possessive hero, lots
of angst and even more trigger warnings. It contains situations that some
readers might find offensive.
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 Afterword

Stay tuned for more information about Callum and Adélaïde’s story which
will kick off the next series, Fragile Empires, and for announcements about
Thiago and Tess’s book.

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