Scribd
Upload
81 views3 pages

Assessment Comments

The document provides feedback on students' petition letters regarding battery hen farms. It discusses including a range of evidence, arguments, examples, and persuasive techniques. It also provides some generic positive feedback examples for students.

Uploaded by

Martin Maggiore
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
81 views3 pages

Assessment Comments

The document provides feedback on students' petition letters regarding battery hen farms. It discusses including a range of evidence, arguments, examples, and persuasive techniques. It also provides some generic positive feedback examples for students.

Uploaded by

Martin Maggiore
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
You are on page 1/ 3

A high standard Petition Letter, Abi.

Within your writing piece, you have discussed


using a range of evidence in your body paragraphs while including a number of
important arguments, including persuasive devices such as emotive language.

As part of your Petition Letter, you have included positive detail in your body
paragraphs, included a range of evidence and edited your writing piece appropriately.

a very good effort, you have included several relevant arguments in your Petition
Letter. Also, you have managed to include several examples as part of your body
paragraphs. Lastly, Ruben, excellent use of vocabulary describing the conditions of
the battery hen farms.

As part of your Petition Letter, you have included positive detail in your body
paragraphs, included a visual as part of your evidence, and included positive
discussion regarding the conditions of caged chickens. Aidan, to improve double
check sentence structure and punctuation.

You have included a range of evidence and edited your writing piece appropriately.
Aim to signpost (firstly, secondly, lastly) instead of using 'I believe' at every
paragraph. A fantastic emotional appeal at the end of your letter, Griffin.

you included several great arguments as part of your writing piece. To continue to
improve, aim to include information from reputable sources, such as RSPCA. Lastly,
include a persuasive strategy such as rhetorical question, statistic, or emotive
language.

Chloe: Rather than using emotive language in conclusion, try linking (rounding off)
your argument back to the introduction in a well laid out and logical manner. Great
referencing.

Bella: Referencing and gravitating towards expert opinion in second and third
paragraphs needed. Great sign posting

Following are some generic examples that can be used as food for thought for
students….
Note: Language can be simplified to a more basic level as well as using Students
personal names to connect with:

1. Well done! You have demonstrated a strong understanding of the topic in your
essay.
2. Your essay is well-organized, with clear and concise introduction, body, and
conclusion.
3. You have effectively used evidence and examples to support your arguments
throughout the essay.
4. Your writing style is engaging and easy to follow.
5. Excellent use of transitional words and phrases to connect ideas and
paragraphs.
6. You have done a great job of anticipating counterarguments and addressing
them in your essay.
7. Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and leaves a lasting
impression on the reader.
8. Your introduction effectively hooks the reader and sets the stage for the rest of
the essay.
9. Your use of quotations adds depth and credibility to your arguments.
10. Your essay is a great example of critical thinking and thoughtful analysis.

11. Your essay is a prime example of thorough research and thoughtful analysis.
12. Your writing flows smoothly and is easy to follow, making it a pleasure to
read.
13. Your use of rhetorical devices, such as metaphor, imagery, and simile, adds
depth and complexity to your arguments.
14. The structure and format of your essay are impeccable, showing great attention
to detail and organization.
15. You have shown versatility in your writing skills by maintaining a consistent
tone throughout the essay.
16. Your use of sources is extensive and relevant, adding credibility to your
arguments.
17. Your use of persuasive techniques, such as appeals to emotion, logic, and
credibility, is well-executed and effective.
18. You have made a significant contribution to the conversation on this topic with
your well-researched and original insights.
19. Your essay effectively challenges common assumptions and presents a unique
perspective on the issue.
20. With a clear and concise thesis statement, your essay effectively guides the
reader through your arguments and ideas.

21. Your letter is a great example of persuasive writing, with clear arguments and
strong evidence to support your position.
22. You have done a fantastic job of appealing to your audience's emotions while
also using logic and reason to make your case.
23. Your letter is well-organized and easy to follow, with each paragraph building
upon the last to create a compelling argument.
24. Your use of rhetorical questions and other persuasive strategies is effective in
drawing attention to the issue you are advocating for.
25. It is clear from your letter that you have done extensive research on the topic,
which adds credibility to your arguments.
26. Your conclusion effectively reinforces your main points and leaves a lasting
impression on the reader.
27. You have done a great job of presenting an alternative perspective on the issue,
challenging commonly held beliefs and assumptions.
28. Your letter has motivated me to think more deeply about the issue at hand and
consider different approaches to addressing it.
29. Your writing style is engaging and makes the reader want to continue reading
to see what points you will make next.
30. You have made a powerful case for why action must be taken on this issue, and
I believe that your letter will have a significant impact on raising awareness
and achieving change.

You might also like