1

Much Ado About Nothing

By
William Shakespeare
2

Characters

Men

Messenger *
Don Pedro
Don John
Claudio
Benedick
Conrade
Borachio
Antonio *
Dogberry *
Verges *
First Watch *
Second Watch *
Friar Frances *
Sexton *

Women

Leona
Hero
Beatrice
Margaret
Ursula

* could be played by men or women

3

ACT I

SCENE I. Before LEONA'S house.

Enter LEONA, HERO, and BEATRICE, with a Messenger

LEONA
I learn in this letter that Don Peter of Arragon
comes this night to Messina.
Messenger
He is very near by this: he was not three leagues off
when I left him.
LEONA
How many gentlemen have you lost in this action?
Messenger
But few of any sort, and none of name.
LEONA
A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings
home full numbers. I find here that Don Peter hath
bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called Claudio.
Messenger
Much deserved on his part and equally remembered by
Don Pedro: he hath borne himself beyond the
promise of his age, doing, in the figure of a lamb,
the feats of a lion: he hath indeed better
bettered expectation than you must expect of me to
tell you how.
LEONA
He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much
glad of it.
Messenger
I have already delivered him letters, and there
appears much joy in him; even so much that joy could
not show itself modest enough without a badge of
bitterness.
LEONA
Did he break out into tears?
Messenger
In great measure.
LEONA
A kind overflow of kindness: there are no faces
truer than those that are so washed. How much
better is it to weep at joy than to joy at weeping!
BEATRICE
I pray you, is Signior Mountanto returned from the
wars or no?
4

Messenger
I know none of that name, lady: there was none such
in the army of any sort.
LEONA
What is he that you ask for, niece?
HERO
My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua.
Messenger
O, he's returned; and as pleasant as ever he was.
BEATRICE
He set up his bills here in Messina and challenged
Cupid at the flight; and my aunt's fool, reading
the challenge, subscribed for Cupid, and challenged
him at the bird-bolt. I pray you, how many hath he
killed and eaten in these wars? But how many hath
he killed? for indeed I promised to eat all of his killing.
LEONA
Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much;
but he'll be meet with you, I doubt it not.
Messenger
He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.
BEATRICE
You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it:
he is a very valiant trencherman; he hath an
excellent stomach.
Messenger
And a good soldier too, lady.
BEATRICE
And a good soldier to a lady: but what is he to a lord?
Messenger
A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuffed with all
honourable virtues.
BEATRICE
It is so, indeed; he is no less than a stuffed man:
but for the stuffing,--well, we are all mortal.
LEONA
You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a
kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her:
they never meet but there's a skirmish of wit
between them.
BEATRICE
Alas! he gets nothing by that. In our last
conflict four of his five wits went halting off, and
now is the whole man governed with one: so that if
he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him
bear it for a difference between himself and his
5

horse; for it is all the wealth that he hath left,

to be known a reasonable creature. Who is his
companion now? He hath every month a new sworn brother.
Messenger
Is't possible?
BEATRICE
Very easily possible: he wears his faith but as
the fashion of his hat; it ever changes with the
next block.
Messenger
I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books.
BEATRICE
No; an he were, I would burn my study. But, I pray
you, who is his companion? Is there no young
squarer now that will make a voyage with him to the devil?
Messenger
He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio.
BEATRICE
O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease: he
is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker
runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! if
he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a
thousand pound ere a' be cured.
Messenger
I will hold friends with you, lady.
BEATRICE
Do, good friend.
LEONA
You will never run mad, niece.
BEATRICE
No, not till a hot January.
Messenger
Don Pedro is approached.
Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, CLAUDIO, and BENEDICK
DON PEDRO
Good Lady Leona, you are come to meet your
trouble: the fashion of the world is to avoid
cost, and you encounter it.
LEONA
Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of
your grace: for trouble being gone, comfort should
remain; but when you depart from me, sorrow abides
and happiness takes his leave.

DON PEDRO
You embrace your charge too willingly. I think this
6

is your daughter.
LEONA
Her father hath many times told me so.
BENEDICK
Were you in doubt, sir, that you asked him?
LEONA
Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a child.
DON PEDRO
You have it full, Benedick: we may guess by this
what you are, being a man. Truly, the lady fathers
herself. Be happy, lady; for you are like an
honourable father.
BENEDICK
If Lady Leona be her mother she would not
have her head on her shoulders for all Messina, as
like her as she is.
BEATRICE
I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior
Benedick: nobody marks you.
BENEDICK
What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?
BEATRICE
Is it possible disdain should die while she hath
such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick?
Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come
in her presence.
BENEDICK
Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I
am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I
would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard
heart; for, truly, I love none.
BEATRICE
A dear happiness to women: they would else have
been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God
and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I
had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man
swear he loves me.
BENEDICK
God keep your ladyship still in that mind! so some
gentleman or other shall 'scape a predestinate
scratched face.
BEATRICE
Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such
a face as yours were.
BENEDICK
Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.
7

BEATRICE
A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.
BENEDICK
I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and
so good a continuer. But keep your way, i' God's
name; I have done.
BEATRICE
You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old.
DON PEDRO
That is the sum of all, Leona. Signior Claudio
and Signior Benedick, my dear friend Leona hath
invited you all. I tell her we shall stay here at
the least a month; and she heartily prays some
occasion may detain us longer. I dare swear she is no
hypocrite, but prays from her heart.
LEONA
If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn.
To DON JOHN
Let me bid you welcome, my lord: being reconciled to
the prince your brother, I owe you all duty.
DON JOHN
I thank you: I am not of many words, but I thank
you.
LEONA
Please it your grace lead on?
DON PEDRO
Your hand, Leona; we will go together.
Exeunt all except BENEDICK and CLAUDIO
CLAUDIO
Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Lady Leona?
BENEDICK
I noted her not; but I looked on her.
CLAUDIO
Is she not a modest young lady?
BENEDICK
Do you question me, as an honest man should do, for
my simple true judgment; or would you have me speak
after my custom, as being a professed tyrant to their sex?
CLAUDIO
No; I pray thee speak in sober judgment.
BENEDICK
Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high
praise, too brown for a fair praise and too little
for a great praise: only this commendation I can
afford her, that were she other than she is, she
were unhandsome; and being no other but as she is, I
8

do not like her.

CLAUDIO
Thou thinkest I am in sport: I pray thee tell me
truly how thou likest her.
BENEDICK
Would you buy her, that you inquire after her?
CLAUDIO
Can the world buy such a jewel?
BENEDICK
Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this
with a sad brow? or do you play the flouting Jack,
to tell us Cupid is a good hare-finder and Vulcan a
rare carpenter? Come, in what key shall a man take
you, to go in the song?
CLAUDIO
In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I
looked on.
BENEDICK
I can see yet without spectacles and I see no such
matter: there's her cousin, an she were not
possessed with a fury, exceeds her as much in beauty
as the first of May doth the last of December. But I
hope you have no intent to turn husband, have you?
CLAUDIO
I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the
contrary, if Hero would be my wife.
BENEDICK
Is't come to this? In faith, hath not the world
one man but he will wear his cap with suspicion?
Shall I never see a bachelor of three-score again?
Go to, i' faith; an thou wilt needs thrust thy neck
into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh away
Sundays. Look Don Pedro is returned to seek you.
Re-enter DON PEDRO
DON PEDRO
What secret hath held you here, that you followed
not to Leona's?
BENEDICK
I would your grace would constrain me to tell.
DON PEDRO
I charge thee on thy allegiance.
BENEDICK
You hear, Count Claudio: I can be secret as a dumb
man; I would have you think so; but, on my
allegiance, mark you this, on my allegiance. He is
in love. With who? now that is your grace's part.
9

Mark how short his answer is;--With Hero, Leona's

short daughter.
CLAUDIO
If this were so, so were it uttered.
BENEDICK
Like the old tale, my lord: 'it is not so, nor
'twas not so, but, indeed, God forbid it should be
so.'
CLAUDIO
If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it
should be otherwise.
DON PEDRO
Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well worthy.
CLAUDIO
You speak this to fetch me in, my lord.
DON PEDRO
By my troth, I speak my thought.
CLAUDIO
And, in faith, my lord, I spoke mine.
BENEDICK
And, by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine.
CLAUDIO
That I love her, I feel.
DON PEDRO
That she is worthy, I know.
BENEDICK
That I neither feel how she should be loved nor
know how she should be worthy, is the opinion that
fire cannot melt out of me: I will die in it at the stake.
DON PEDRO
Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite
of beauty.
CLAUDIO
And never could maintain his part but in the force
of his will.
BENEDICK
That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she
brought me up, I likewise give her most humble
thanks: but that I will have a recheat winded in my
forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick,
all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do
them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the
right to trust none; and the fine is, for the which
I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor.
DON PEDRO
I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love.
10

BENEDICK
With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord,
not with love: prove that ever I lose more blood
with love than I will get again with drinking, pick
out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen and hang me
up at the door of a brothel-house for the sign of
blind Cupid.
DON PEDRO
Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou
wilt prove a notable argument.
BENEDICK
If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot
at me; and he that hits me, let him be clapped on
the shoulder, and called Adam.
DON PEDRO
Well, as time shall try: 'In time the savage bull
doth bear the yoke.'
BENEDICK
The savage bull may; but if ever the sensible
Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull's horns and set
them in my forehead: and let me be vilely painted,
and in such great letters as they write 'Here is
good horse to hire,' let them signify under my sign
'Here you may see Benedick the married man.'
CLAUDIO
If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn-mad.
DON PEDRO
Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in
Venice, thou wilt quake for this shortly.
BENEDICK
I look for an earthquake too, then.
DON PEDRO
Well, you temporize with the hours. In the
meantime, good Signior Benedick, repair to
Leona's: commend me to her and tell her I will
not fail her at supper; for indeed she hath made
great preparation.
BENEDICK
I have almost matter enough in me for such an
embassage; and so I commit you--
CLAUDIO
To the tuition of God: From my house, if I had it,--
DON PEDRO
The sixth of July: Your loving friend, Benedick.
BENEDICK
Nay, mock not, mock not. The body of your
11

discourse is sometime guarded with fragments, and

the guards are but slightly basted on neither: ere
you flout old ends any further, examine your
conscience: and so I leave you.
Exit
CLAUDIO
My liege, your highness now may do me good.
DON PEDRO
My love is thine to teach: teach it but how,
And thou shalt see how apt it is to learn
Any hard lesson that may do thee good.
CLAUDIO
Hath Leona any son, my lord?
DON PEDRO
No child but Hero; she's her only heir.
Dost thou affect her, Claudio?
CLAUDIO
O, my lord,
When you went onward on this ended action,
I look'd upon her with a soldier's eye,
That liked, but had a rougher task in hand
Than to drive liking to the name of love:
But now I am return'd and that war-thoughts
Have left their places vacant, in their rooms
Come thronging soft and delicate desires,
All prompting me how fair young Hero is,
Saying, I liked her ere I went to wars.
DON PEDRO
Thou wilt be like a lover presently
And tire the hearer with a book of words.
If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it,
And I will break with her and with her mother,
And thou shalt have her. Was't not to this end
That thou began'st to twist so fine a story?
CLAUDIO
How sweetly you do minister to love,
That know love's grief by his complexion!
But lest my liking might too sudden seem,
I would have salved it with a longer treatise.
DON PEDRO
What need the bridge much broader than the flood?
The fairest grant is the necessity.
Look, what will serve is fit: 'tis once, thou lovest,
And I will fit thee with the remedy.
I know we shall have revelling to-night:
I will assume thy part in some disguise
12

And tell fair Hero I am Claudio,

And in her bosom I'll unclasp my heart
And take her hearing prisoner with the force
And strong encounter of my amorous tale:
Then after to her mother will I break;
And the conclusion is, she shall be thine.
In practise let us put it presently.
Exeunt

SCENE II. A room in LEONA'S house

Enter DON JOHN and CONRADE

CONRADE
What the good-year, my lord! why are you thus out
of measure sad?
DON JOHN
There is no measure in the occasion that breeds;
therefore the sadness is without limit.
CONRADE
You should hear reason.
DON JOHN
And when I have heard it, what blessing brings it?
CONRADE
If not a present remedy, at least a patient
sufferance.
DON JOHN
I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou art,
born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral
medicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot hide
what I am: I must be sad when I have cause and smile
at no man's jests, eat when I have stomach and wait
for no man's leisure, sleep when I am drowsy and
tend on no man's business, laugh when I am merry and
claw no man in his humour.
CONRADE
Yea, but you must not make the full show of this
till you may do it without controlment. You have of
late stood out against your brother, and he hath
ta'en you newly into his grace; where it is
impossible you should take true root but by the
fair weather that you make yourself: it is needful
that you frame the season for your own harvest.
DON JOHN
I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in
his grace, and it better fits my blood to be
13

disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob

love from any: in this, though I cannot be said to
be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied
but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with
a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore I
have decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had my
mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do
my liking: in the meantime let me be that I am and
seek not to alter me.
CONRADE
Can you make no use of your discontent?
DON JOHN
I make all use of it, for I use it only.
Who comes here?
Enter BORACHIO
What news, Borachio?
BORACHIO
I came yonder from a great supper: the prince your
brother is royally entertained by Leona: and I
can give you intelligence of an intended marriage.
DON JOHN
Will it serve for any model to build mischief on?
What is he for a fool that betroths himself to
unquietness?
BORACHIO
Marry, it is your brother's right hand.
DON JOHN
Who? the most exquisite Claudio?
BORACHIO
Even he.
DON JOHN
A proper squire! And who, and who? which way looks
he?
BORACHIO
Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leona.
DON JOHN
A very forward March-chick! How came you to this?
BORACHIO
Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was smoking a
musty room, comes me the prince and Claudio, hand
in hand in sad conference: I whipt me behind the
arras; and there heard it agreed upon that the
prince should woo Hero for himself, and having
obtained her, give her to Count Claudio.
DON JOHN
Come, come, let us thither: this may prove food to
14

my displeasure. That young start-up hath all the

glory of my overthrow: if I can cross him any way, I
bless myself every way. You are both sure, and will assist me?
CONRADE
To the death, my lord.
DON JOHN
Let us to the great supper: their cheer is the
greater that I am subdued. Would the cook were of
my mind! Shall we go prove what's to be done?
BORACHIO
We'll wait upon your lordship.
Exeunt
15

ACT II

SCENE I. A hall in LEONA'S house.

Enter LEONA, ANTONIO, HERO, BEATRICE, and others

LEONA
Was not Count John here at supper?
ANTONIO
I saw him not.
BEATRICE
How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see
him but I am heart-burned an hour after.
HERO
He is of a very melancholy disposition.
BEATRICE
He were an excellent man that were made just in the
midway between him and Benedick: the one is too
like an image and says nothing, and the other too
like my lady's eldest son, evermore tattling.
LEONA
Then half Signior Benedick's tongue in Count John's
mouth, and half Count John's melancholy in Signior
Benedick's face,--
BEATRICE
With a good leg and a good foot, Aunt, and money
enough in his purse, such a man would win any woman
in the world, if a' could get her good-will.
LEONA
By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a
husband, if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.
ANTONIO
In faith, she's too curst.
BEATRICE
Too curst is more than curst: I shall lessen God's
sending that way; for it is said, 'God sends a curst
cow short horns;' but to a cow too curst he sends none.
LEONA
So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns.
BEATRICE
Just, if he send me no husband; for the which
blessing I am at him upon my knees every morning and
evening. Lady, I could not endure a husband with a
beard on his face: I had rather lie in the woollen.
LEONA
You may light on a husband that hath no beard.
16

BEATRICE
What should I do with him? dress him in my apparel
and make him my waiting-gentlewoman? He that hath a
beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no
beard is less than a man: and he that is more than
a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a
man, I am not for him: therefore, I will even take
sixpence in earnest of the bear-ward, and lead his
apes into hell.
LEONA
Well, then, go you into hell?
BEATRICE
No, but to the gate; and there will the devil meet
me, like an old cuckold, with horns on his head, and
say 'Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you to
heaven; here's no place for you maids:' so deliver
I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter for the
heavens; he shows me where the bachelors sit, and
there live we as merry as the day is long.
ANTONIO
[To HERO] Well, niece, I trust you will be ruled
by your mother.
BEATRICE
Yes, faith; it is my cousin's duty to make curtsy
and say 'Mother, as it please you.' But yet for all
that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else
make another curtsy and say 'Mother, as it please
me.'
LEONA
Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.
BEATRICE
Not till God make men of some other metal than
earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be
overmastered with a pierce of valiant dust? to make
an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl?
No, Aunt, I'll none: Adam's sons are my brethren;
and, truly, I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.
LEONA
Daughter, remember what I told you: if the prince
do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer.
BEATRICE
The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be
not wooed in good time: if the prince be too
important, tell him there is measure in every thing
and so dance out the answer.
LEONA
17

Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly.

BEATRICE
I have a good eye, Aunt; I can see a church by daylight.
LEONA
The revellers are entering, brother: make good room.
All put on their masks
Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, DON JOHN, BORACHIO,
MARGARET, URSULA and others, masked
DON PEDRO
Lady, will you walk about with your friend?
HERO
So you walk softly and look sweetly and say nothing,
I am yours for the walk; and especially when I walk away.
DON PEDRO
With me in your company?
HERO
I may say so, when I please.
DON PEDRO
And when please you to say so?
HERO
When I like your favour; for God defend the lute
should be like the case!
DON PEDRO
My visor is Philemon's roof; within the house is Jove.
HERO
Why, then, your visor should be thatched.
DON PEDRO
Speak low, if you speak love.
Drawing her aside
URSULA
I know you well enough; you are Signior Antonio.
ANTONIO
At a word, I am not.
URSULA
I know you by the waggling of your head.
ANTONIO
To tell you true, I counterfeit him.
URSULA
You could never do him so ill-well, unless you were
the very man. Here's his dry hand up and down: you
are he, you are he.
ANTONIO
At a word, I am not.
URSULA
Come, come, do you think I do not know you by your
excellent wit? can virtue hide itself? Go to,
18

mum, you are he: graces will appear, and there's an

end.
BEATRICE
Will you not tell me who told you so?
BENEDICK
No, you shall pardon me.
BEATRICE
Nor will you not tell me who you are?
BENEDICK
Not now.
BEATRICE
That I was disdainful, and that I had my good wit
out of the 'Hundred Merry Tales:'--well this was
Signior Benedick that said so.
BENEDICK
What's he?
BEATRICE
I am sure you know him well enough.
BENEDICK
Not I, believe me.
BEATRICE
Did he never make you laugh?
BENEDICK
I pray you, what is he?
BEATRICE
Why, he is the prince's jester: a very dull fool;
only his gift is in devising impossible slanders:
none but libertines delight in him; and the
commendation is not in his wit, but in his villany;
for he both pleases men and angers them, and then
they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in
the fleet: I would he had boarded me.
BENEDICK
When I know the gentleman, I'll tell him what you say.
BEATRICE
Do, do: he'll but break a comparison or two on me;
which, peradventure not marked or not laughed at,
strikes him into melancholy; and then there's a
partridge wing saved, for the fool will eat no
supper that night.
Music
We must follow the leaders.
BENEDICK
In every good thing.
BEATRICE
Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at
19

the next turning.

Dance. Then exeunt all except DON JOHN, BORACHIO, and CLAUDIO
DON JOHN
Sure my brother is amorous on Hero and hath
withdrawn her father to break with him about it.
The ladies follow her and but one visor remains.
BORACHIO
And that is Claudio: I know him by his bearing.
DON JOHN
Are not you Signior Benedick?
CLAUDIO
You know me well; I am he.
DON JOHN
Signior, you are very near my brother in his love:
he is enamoured on Hero; I pray you, dissuade him
from her: she is no equal for his birth: you may
do the part of an honest man in it.
CLAUDIO
How know you he loves her?
DON JOHN
I heard him swear his affection.
BORACHIO
So did I too; and he swore he would marry her to-night.
DON JOHN
Come, let us to the banquet.
Exeunt DON JOHN and BORACHIO
CLAUDIO
Thus answer I in the name of Benedick,
But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio.
'Tis certain so; the prince wooes for himself.
Friendship is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love:
Therefore, all hearts in love use their own tongues;
Let every eye negotiate for itself
And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch
Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.
This is an accident of hourly proof,
Which I mistrusted not. Farewell, therefore, Hero!
Exeunt Claudio
Re-enter BENEDICK
BENEDICK
That my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not
know me! The prince's fool! Ha? It may be I go
under that title because I am merry. Yea, but so I
am apt to do myself wrong; I am not so reputed: it
is the base, though bitter, disposition of Beatrice
20

that puts the world into her person and so gives me

out. Well, I'll be revenged as I may.
Re-enter DON PEDRO
DON PEDRO
The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you: the
gentleman that danced with her told her she is much
wronged by you.
BENEDICK
O, she misused me past the endurance of a block!
an oak but with one green leaf on it would have
answered her; my very visor began to assume life and
scold with her. She told me, not thinking I had been
myself, that I was the prince's jester, that I was
duller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon jest
with such impossible conveyance upon me that I stood
like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at
me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs:
if her breath were as terrible as her terminations,
there were no living near her; she would infect to
the north star. I would not marry her, though she
were endowed with all that Adam bad left him before
he transgressed: she would have made Hercules have
turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club to make
the fire too. Come, talk not of her: you shall find
her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God
some scholar would conjure her; for certainly, while
she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as in a
sanctuary; and people sin upon purpose, because they
would go thither; so, indeed, all disquiet, horror
and perturbation follows her.
DON PEDRO
Look, here she comes.
Enter CLAUDIO, BEATRICE, HERO, and LEONA
BENEDICK
Will your grace command me any service to the
world's end? I will go on the slightest errand now
to the Antipodes that you can devise to send me on;
I will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the
furthest inch of Asia, bring you the length of
Prester John's foot, fetch you a hair off the great
Cham's beard, do you any embassage to the Pigmies,
rather than hold three words' conference with this
harpy. You have no employment for me?
DON PEDRO
None, but to desire your good company.
BENEDICK
21

O God, sir, here's a dish I love not: I cannot

endure my Lady Tongue.
Exit
DON PEDRO
Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart of
Signior Benedick.
BEATRICE
Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile; and I gave
him use for it, a double heart for his single one:
marry, once before he won it of me with false dice,
therefore your grace may well say I have lost it.
DON PEDRO
You have put him down, lady, you have put him down.
BEATRICE
So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I
should prove the mother of fools. I have brought
Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seek.
DON PEDRO
Why, how now, count! wherefore are you sad?
CLAUDIO
Not sad, my lord.
DON PEDRO
How then? sick?
CLAUDIO
Neither, my lord.
BEATRICE
The count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor
well; but civil count, civil as an orange, and
something of that jealous complexion.
DON PEDRO
I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true;
though, I'll be sworn, if he be so, his conceit is
false. Here, Claudio, I have wooed in thy name, and
fair Hero is won: I have broke with her mother,
and her good will obtained: name the day of
marriage, and God give thee joy!
LEONA
Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my
fortunes: his grace hath made the match, and an
grace say Amen to it.
BEATRICE
Speak, count, 'tis your cue.
CLAUDIO
Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were
but little happy, if I could say how much. Lady, as
you are mine, I am yours: I give away myself for
22

you and dote upon the exchange.

BEATRICE
Speak, cousin; or, if you cannot, stop his mouth
with a kiss, and let not him speak neither.
DON PEDRO
In faith, lady, you have a merry heart.
BEATRICE
Yea, my lord; I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on
the windy side of care. My cousin tells him in his
ear that he is in her heart.
CLAUDIO
And so she doth, cousin.
BEATRICE
Good Lord, for alliance! Thus goes every one to the
world but I, and I am sunburnt; I may sit in a
corner and cry heigh-ho for a husband!
DON PEDRO
Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.
BEATRICE
I would rather have one of your father's getting.
Hath your grace ne'er a brother like you? Your
father got excellent husbands, if a maid could come by them.
DON PEDRO
Will you have me, lady?
BEATRICE
No, my lord, unless I might have another for
working-days: your grace is too costly to wear
every day. But, I beseech your grace, pardon me: I
was born to speak all mirth and no matter.
DON PEDRO
Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best
becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in
a merry hour.
BEATRICE
No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there
was a star danced, and under that was I born.
Cousins, God give you joy!
LEONA
Niece, will you look to those things I told you of?
BEATRICE
I cry you mercy, aunt. By your grace's pardon.
Exit
DON PEDRO
By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady.
LEONA
There's little of the melancholy element in her, my
23

lord: she is never sad but when she sleeps, and

not ever sad then; for I have heard my daughter say,
she hath often dreamed of unhappiness and waked
herself with laughing.
DON PEDRO
She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.
LEONA
O, by no means: she mocks all her wooers out of suit.
DON PEDRO
She were an excellent wife for Benedict.
LEONA
O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week married,
they would talk themselves mad.
DON PEDRO
County Claudio, when mean you to go to church?
CLAUDIO
To-morrow, my lord: time goes on crutches till love
have all his rites.
LEONA
Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just
seven-night; and a time too brief, too, to have all
things answer my mind.
DON PEDRO
Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing:
but, I warrant thee, Claudio, the time shall not go
dully by us. I will in the interim undertake one of
Hercules' labours; which is, to bring Signior
Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a mountain of
affection the one with the other. I would fain have
it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion it, if
you three will but minister such assistance as I
shall give you direction.
LEONA
My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten
nights' watchings.
CLAUDIO
And I, my lord.
DON PEDRO
And you too, gentle Hero?
HERO
I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my
cousin to a good husband.
DON PEDRO
And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that
I know. Thus far can I praise him; he is of a noble
strain, of approved valour and confirmed honesty. I
24

will teach you how to humour your cousin, that she

shall fall in love with Benedick; and I, with your
two helps, will so practise on Benedick .
Exeunt

SCENE II. The same.

Enter DON JOHN and BORACHIO

DON JOHN
It is so; the Count Claudio shall marry the
daughter of Leona.
BORACHIO
Yea, my lord; but I can cross it.
DON JOHN
Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be
medicinable to me: I am sick in displeasure to him,
and whatsoever comes athwart his affection ranges
evenly with mine. How canst thou cross this marriage?
BORACHIO
Not honestly, my lord; but so covertly that no
dishonesty shall appear in me.
DON JOHN
Show me briefly how.
BORACHIO
I think I told your lordship a year since, how much
I am in the favour of Margaret, the waiting
gentlewoman to Hero.
DON JOHN
I remember.
BORACHIO
I can, at any unseasonable instant of the night,
appoint her to look out at her lady's chamber window.
DON JOHN
What life is in that, to be the death of this marriage?
BORACHIO
The poison of that lies in you to temper. Go you to
the prince your brother; spare not to tell him that
he hath wronged his honour in marrying the renowned
Claudio--whose estimation do you mightily hold
up--to a contaminated stale, such a one as Hero.
DON JOHN
What proof shall I make of that?
BORACHIO
Proof enough to misuse the prince, to vex Claudio,
to undo Hero and kill Leona. Look you for any
25

other issue?
DON JOHN
Only to despite them, I will endeavour any thing.
BORACHIO
Go, then; find me a meet hour to draw Don Pedro and
the Count Claudio alone: tell them that you know
that Hero loves me; intend a kind of zeal both to the
prince and Claudio, that you have discovered
thus. They will scarcely believe this without trial:
offer them instances; which shall bear no less
likelihood than to see me at her chamber-window,
hear me call Margaret Hero, and bring them to see
this the very night before the intended wedding,
and there shall appear such seeming truth
of Hero's disloyalty that jealousy shall be called
assurance and all the preparation overthrown.
DON JOHN
Grow this to what adverse issue it can, I will put
it in practise. Be cunning in the working this, and
thy fee is a thousand ducats.
BORACHIO
Be you constant in the accusation, and my cunning
shall not shame me.
DON JOHN
I will presently go learn their day of marriage.
Exeunt

SCENE III. LEONA'S orchard.

Enter BENEDICK

BENEDICK
I do much wonder at such a man as Claudio.
He was wont to speak plain and to the purpose,
like an honest man and a soldier;
and now is he turned orthography; his
words are a very fantastical banquet, just so many
strange dishes. May I be so converted and see with
these eyes? I think not: Love shall never make me such a fool.
One woman is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am
well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all
graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in
my grace. Ha! the prince and Monsieur Love!
I will hide me in the arbour.
Withdraws
Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONA
26

DON PEDRO
Come hither, Leona. What was it you told me of
to-day, that your niece Beatrice was in love with
Signior Benedick?
CLAUDIO
O, ay: stalk on. stalk on; the fowl sits. I did
never think that lady would have loved any man.
LEONA
No, nor I neither; but most wonderful that she
should so dote on Signior Benedick, whom she hath in
all outward behaviors seemed ever to abhor.
BENEDICK
Is't possible? Sits the wind in that corner?
LEONA
By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to think
of it but that she loves him with an enraged
affection: it is past the infinite of thought.
DON PEDRO
May be she doth but counterfeit.
CLAUDIO
Faith, like enough.
LEONA
O God, counterfeit! There was never counterfeit of
passion came so near the life of passion as she
discovers it.
DON PEDRO
Why, what effects of passion shows she?
CLAUDIO
Bait the hook well; this fish will bite.
LEONA
What effects, my lord? She will sit you, you heard
my daughter tell you how.
CLAUDIO
She did, indeed.
DON PEDRO
How, how, pray you? You amaze me: I would have I
thought her spirit had been invincible against all
assaults of affection.
LEONA
I would have sworn it had, my lord; especially
against Benedick.
BENEDICK
I should think this a gull, but that the
Lady Leona speaks it: trickery cannot,
sure, hide herself in such reverence.
CLAUDIO
27

He hath ta'en the infection: hold it up.

DON PEDRO
Hath she made her affection known to Benedick?
LEONA
No; and swears she never will: that's her torment.
CLAUDIO
'Tis true, indeed; so your daughter says: 'Shall
I,' says she, 'that have so oft encountered him
with scorn, write to him that I love him?'
Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs,
beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses; 'O
sweet Benedick! God give me patience!'
LEONA
She doth indeed; my daughter says so: and the
ecstasy hath so much overborne her that my daughter
is sometime afeared she will do a desperate outrage
to herself: it is very true.
DON PEDRO
It were good that Benedick knew of it by some
other, if she will not discover it.
CLAUDIO
To what end? He would make but a sport of it and
torment the poor lady worse.
DON PEDRO
An he should, it were an alms to hang him. She's an
excellent sweet lady; and, out of all suspicion,
she is virtuous.
CLAUDIO
And she is exceeding wise.
DON PEDRO
In every thing but in loving Benedick.
what a' will say.
Well I am sorry for your niece. Shall
we go seek Benedick, and tell him of her love?
CLAUDIO
Never tell him, my lord: let her wear it out with
good counsel.
LEONA
Nay, that's impossible: she may wear her heart out first.
DON PEDRO
Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter:
let it cool the while. I love Benedick well; and I
could wish he would modestly examine himself, to see
how much he is unworthy so good a lady.
LEONA
My lord, will you walk? dinner is ready.
28

CLAUDIO
If he do not dote on her upon this, I will never
trust my expectation.
DON PEDRO
Let there be the same net spread for her; and that
must your daughter and her gentlewomen carry. The
sport will be, when they hold one an opinion of
another's dotage, and no such matter: that's the
scene that I would see, which will be merely a
dumb-show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner.
Exeunt DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONA
BENEDICK
[Coming forward] This can be no trick: the
conference was sadly borne. They have the truth of
this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it
seems her affections have their full bent. Love me!
why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censured:
they say I will bear myself proudly, if I perceive
the love come from her; they say too that she will
rather die than give any sign of affection. I did
never think to marry: I must not seem proud: happy
are they that hear their detractions and can put
them to mending. They say the lady is fair; 'tis a
truth, I can bear them witness; and virtuous; 'tis
so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for loving
me; by my troth, it is no addition to her wit, nor
no great argument of her folly, for I will be
horribly in love with her. I may chance have some
odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me,
because I have railed so long against marriage: but
doth not the appetite alter? a man loves the meat
in his youth that he cannot endure in his age.
Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of
the brain awe a man from the career of his humour?
No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would
die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I
were married. Here comes Beatrice. By this day!
she's a fair lady: I do spy some marks of love in
her.
Enter BEATRICE
BEATRICE
Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.
BENEDICK
Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.
BEATRICE
I took no more pains for those thanks than you take
29

pains to thank me: if it had been painful, I would

not have come.
BENEDICK
You take pleasure then in the message?
BEATRICE
Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife's
point and choke a daw withal. You have no stomach,
signior: fare you well.
Exit
BENEDICK
Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come in
to dinner;' there's a double meaning in that 'I took
no more pains for those thanks than you took pains
to thank me.' that's as much as to say, Any pains
that I take for you is as easy as thanks. If I do
not take pity of her, if I do not
love her, I am a villain.
Exit
30

ACT III

SCENE I. LEONA'S garden.

Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA

HERO
Good Margaret, run thee to the parlor;
There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice
Proposing with the prince and Claudio:
Whisper her ear and tell her, I and Ursula
Walk in the orchard and our whole discourse
Is all of her; say that thou overheard'st us;
And bid her steal into the pleached bower,
there will she hide her,
To listen our purpose. This is thy office;
Bear thee well in it and leave us alone.
MARGARET
I'll make her come, I warrant you, presently.
Exit
HERO
Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come,
As we do trace this alley up and down,
Our talk must only be of Benedick.
When I do name him, let it be thy part
To praise him more than ever man did merit:
My talk to thee must be how Benedick
Is sick in love with Beatrice. Of this matter
Is little Cupid's crafty arrow made,
That only wounds by hearsay.
Enter BEATRICE, behind
Now begin;
For look where Beatrice, like a lapwing, runs
Close by the ground, to hear our conference.
URSULA
The pleasant'st angling is to see the fish
Cut with her golden oars the silver stream,
And greedily devour the treacherous bait:
So angle we for Beatrice; who even now
Is couched in the woodbine coverture.
Fear you not my part of the dialogue.
HERO
Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing
Of the false sweet bait that we lay for it.
Approaching the bower
No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful;
31

I know her spirits are as coy and wild

As haggerds of the rock.
URSULA
But are you sure
That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?
HERO
So says the prince and my new-trothed lord.
URSULA
And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?
HERO
They did entreat me to acquaint her of it;
But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick,
To wish him wrestle with affection,
And never to let Beatrice know of it.
URSULA
Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman
Deserve as full as fortunate a bed
As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?
HERO
O god of love! I know he doth deserve
As much as may be yielded to a man:
But Nature never framed a woman's heart
Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice;
Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,
URSULA
Sure, I think so;
And therefore certainly it were not good
She knew his love, lest she make sport at it.
HERO
Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man,
How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featured,
But she would spell him backward: if fair-faced,
She would swear the gentleman should be her sister;
So turns she every man the wrong side out
And never gives to truth and virtue that
Which simpleness and merit purchaseth.
URSULA
Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.
HERO
No, not to be so odd and from all fashions
As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable:
But who dare tell her so? If I should speak,
She would mock me into air; O, she would laugh me
Out of myself, press me to death with wit.
URSULA
Yet tell her of it: hear what she will say.
32

HERO
No; rather I will go to Benedick
And counsel him to fight against his passion.
And, truly, I'll devise some honest slanders
To stain my cousin with: one doth not know
How much an ill word may empoison liking.
URSULA
O, do not do your cousin such a wrong.
She cannot be so much without true judgment--
Having so swift and excellent a wit
As she is prized to have--as to refuse
So rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick.
HERO
He is the only man of Italy.
Always excepted my dear Claudio.
URSULA
I pray you, be not angry with me, madam,
Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedick,
For shape, for bearing, argument and valour,
Goes foremost in report through Italy.
HERO
Indeed, he hath an excellent good name.
URSULA
His excellence did earn it, ere he had it.
When are you married, madam?
HERO
Why, every day, to-morrow. Come, go in:
I'll show thee some attires, and have thy counsel
Which is the best to furnish me to-morrow.
URSULA
She's limed, I warrant you: we have caught her, madam.
HERO
If it proves so, then loving goes by haps:
Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
Exeunt HERO and URSULA
BEATRICE
[Coming forward]
What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much?
Contempt, farewell! and maiden pride, adieu!
No glory lives behind the back of such.
And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee,
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand:
If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee
To bind our loves up in a holy band;
For others say thou dost deserve, and I
33

Believe it better than reportingly.

Exit

SCENE II. A room in LEONA'S house

Enter DON PEDRO, and CLAUDIO

DON PEDRO
I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and
then go I toward Arragon.
CLAUDIO
I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll
vouchsafe me.
DON PEDRO
Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss
of your marriage as to show a child his new coat
and forbid him to wear.
Enter DON JOHN
DON JOHN
My lord and brother, God save you!
DON PEDRO
Good den, brother.
DON JOHN
If your leisure served, I would speak with you.
DON PEDRO
In private?
DON JOHN
If it please you: yet Count Claudio may hear; for
what I would speak of concerns him.
DON PEDRO
What's the matter?
DON JOHN
[To CLAUDIO] Means your lordship to be married
to-morrow?
DON PEDRO
You know he does.
DON JOHN
I know not that, when he knows what I know.
CLAUDIO
If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.
DON JOHN
You may think I love you not: let that appear
hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will
manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you
well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect
your ensuing marriage;--surely suit ill spent and
34

labour ill bestowed.

DON PEDRO
Why, what's the matter?
DON JOHN
I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances
shortened, for she has been too long a talking of,
the lady is disloyal.
CLAUDIO
Who, Hero?
DON PEDRO
Even she; Leona's Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero:
CLAUDIO
Disloyal?
DON JOHN
The word is too good to paint out her wickedness; I
could say she were worse: think you of a worse
title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till
further warrant: go but with me to-night, you shall
see her chamber-window entered, even the night
before her wedding-day: if you love her then,
to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour
to change your mind.
CLAUDIO
May this be so?
DON PEDRO
I will not think it.
DON JOHN
If you dare not trust that you see, confess not
that you know: if you will follow me, I will show
you enough; and when you have seen more and heard
more, proceed accordingly.
CLAUDIO
If I see any thing to-night why I should not marry
her to-morrow in the congregation, where I should
wed, there will I shame her.
DON PEDRO
And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join
with thee to disgrace her.
DON JOHN
I will disparage her no farther till you are my
witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and
let the issue show itself.
DON PEDRO
O day untowardly turned!
CLAUDIO
O mischief strangely thwarting!
35

DON JOHN
O plague right well prevented! so will you say when
you have seen the sequel.
Exeunt

SCENE III. A street.

Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch

DOGBERRY
Are you good men and true?
VERGES
Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer
salvation, body and soul.
DOGBERRY
Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if
they should have any allegiance in them, being
chosen for the prince's watch.
VERGES
Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.
DOGBERRY
First, who think you the most desertless man to be
constable?
First Watchman
Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; for they can
write and read.
DOGBERRY
Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God hath blessed
you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man is
the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature.
Second Watchman
Both which, master constable,--
DOGBERRY
You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well,
for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make
no boast of it; and for your writing and reading,
let that appear when there is no need of such
vanity. You are thought here to be the most
senseless and fit man for the constable of the
watch; therefore bear you the lantern. This is your
charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are
to bid any man stand, in the prince's name.
Second Watchman
How if a' will not stand?
DOGBERRY
Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and
36

presently call the rest of the watch together and

thank God you are rid of a knave.
VERGES
If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none
of the prince's subjects.
DOGBERRY
True, and they are to meddle with none but the
prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise in
the streets; for, for the watch to babble and to
talk is most tolerable and not to be endured.
Watchman
We will rather sleep than talk: we know what
belongs to a watch.
DOGBERRY
Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet
watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should
offend: only, have a care that your bills be not
stolen. Well, you are to call at all the
ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.
Watchman
How if they will not?
DOGBERRY
Why, then, let them alone till they are sober: if
they make you not then the better answer, you may
say they are not the men you took them for.
Watchman
Well, sir.
DOGBERRY
If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue
of your office, to be no true man; and, for such
kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them,
why the more is for your honesty.
Watchman
If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay
hands on him?
DOGBERRY
Truly, by your office, you may; but I think they
that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable
way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him
show himself what he is and steal out of your company.
VERGES
You have been always called a merciful man, partner.
DOGBERRY
Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more
a man who hath any honesty in him.
VERGES
37

If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call

to the nurse and bid her still it.
Watchman
How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?
DOGBERRY
Why, then, depart in peace, and let the child wake
her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her
lamb when it baes will never answer a calf when he bleats.
VERGES
'Tis very true.
DOGBERRY
This is the end of the charge:--you, constable, are
to present the prince's own person: if you meet the
prince in the night, you may stay him.
VERGES
Nay, by'r our lady, that I think a' cannot.
DOGBERRY
Five shillings to one on't, with any man that knows
the statutes, he may stay him: marry, not without
the prince be willing; for, indeed, the watch ought
to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a
man against his will.
VERGES
By'r lady, I think it be so.
DOGBERRY
Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there be
any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your
fellows' counsels and your own; and good night.
Come, neighbour.
Watchman
Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here
upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed.
DOGBERRY
One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you watch
about Lady Leona's door; for the wedding being
there to-morrow, there is a great coil to-night.
Adieu: be vigitant, I beseech you.
Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES
Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE
BORACHIO
What Conrade!
Watchman
[Aside] Peace! stir not.
BORACHIO
Conrade, I say!
CONRADE
38

Here, man; I am at thy elbow.

BORACHIO
Mass, and my elbow itched; I thought there would a
scab follow.
CONRADE
I will owe thee an answer for that: and now forward
with thy tale.
BORACHIO
Stand thee close, then, under this pent-house, for
it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true drunkard,
utter all to thee.
Watchman
[Aside] Some treason, masters: yet stand close.
BORACHIO
Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand ducats.
CONRADE
Is it possible that any villany should be so dear?
BORACHIO
Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any
villany should be so rich; for when rich villains
have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what
price they will.
CONRADE
I wonder at it.
BORACHIO
That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that
the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is
nothing to a man.
CONRADE
Yes, it is apparel.
BORACHIO
I mean, the fashion.
CONRADE
Yes, the fashion is the fashion.
BORACHIO
Tush! I may as well say the fool's the fool. But
seest thou not what a deformed thief this fashion
is?
Watchman
[Aside] I know that Deformed; a' has been a vile
thief this seven year; a' goes up and down like a
gentleman: I remember his name.
BORACHIO
Didst thou not hear somebody?
CONRADE
No; 'twas the vane on the house.
39

BORACHIO
Know that I have to-night
wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the
name of Hero: she leans me out at her mistress'
chamber-window, bids me a thousand times good
night,--I tell this tale vilely:--I should first
tell thee how the prince, Claudio and my master,
planted and placed and possessed by my master Don
John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable encounter.
CONRADE
And thought they Margaret was Hero?
BORACHIO
Two of them did, the prince and Claudio; but the
devil my master knew she was Margaret; and partly
by his oaths, which first possessed them, partly by
the dark night, which did deceive them, but chiefly
by my villany, which did confirm any slander that
Don John had made, away went Claudio enraged; swore
he would meet her, as he was appointed, next morning
at the temple, and there, before the whole
congregation, shame her with what he saw o'er night
and send her home again without a husband.
First Watchman
We charge you, in the prince's name, stand!
Second Watchman
Call up the right master constable. We have here
recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that
ever was known in the commonwealth.
First Watchman
And one Deformed is one of them: I know him; a'
wears a lock.
CONRADE
Masters, masters,--
Second Watchman
You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I warrant you.
CONRADE
Masters,--
First Watchman
Never speak: we charge you let us obey you to go with us.
BORACHIO
We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken
up of these men's bills.
CONRADE
A commodity in question, I warrant you. Come, we'll obey you.
Exeunt
40

ACT IV

SCENE I. A church.
Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, LEONA, FRIAR FRANCIS, CLAUDIO,
BENEDICK, HERO, BEATRICE, and Attendants

LEONA
Come, Friar Francis, be brief; only to the plain
form of marriage, and you shall recount their
particular duties afterwards.
FRIAR FRANCIS
You come hither, my lord, to marry this lady.
CLAUDIO
No.
LEONA
To be married to her: friar, you come to marry her.
FRIAR FRANCIS
Lady, you come hither to be married to this count.
HERO
I do.
FRIAR FRANCIS
If either of you know any inward impediment why you
should not be conjoined, charge you, on your souls,
to utter it.
CLAUDIO
Know you any, Hero?
HERO
None, my lord.
FRIAR FRANCIS
Know you any, count?
LEONA
I dare make his answer, none.
CLAUDIO
O, what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily
do, not knowing what they do!
BENEDICK
How now! interjections? Why, then, some be of
laughing, as, ah, ha, he!
CLAUDIO
Stand thee by, friar. Lady, by your leave:
Will you with free and unconstrained soul
Give me this maid, your daughter?
LEONA
As freely, son, as God did give her me.
41

CLAUDIO
And what have I to give you back, whose worth
May counterpoise this rich and precious gift?
DON PEDRO
Nothing, unless you render her again.
CLAUDIO
Sweet prince, you learn me noble thankfulness.
There, Leona, take her back again:
Give not this rotten orange to your friend;
She's but the sign and semblance of her honour.
Behold how like a maid she blushes here!
She knows the heat of a luxurious bed;
Her blush is guiltiness, not modesty.
LEONA
What do you mean, my lord?
CLAUDIO
Not to be married,
Not to knit my soul to an approved wanton.
LEONA
Dear my lord, if you, in your own proof,
Have vanquish'd the resistance of her youth,
And made defeat of her virginity,--
CLAUDIO
I know what you would say: if I have known her,
You will say she did embrace me as a husband,
And so extenuate the 'forehand sin:
No, Leona,
I never tempted her with word too large;
But, as a brother to his sister, show'd
Bashful sincerity and comely love.
HERO
And seem'd I ever otherwise to you?
CLAUDIO
Out on thee! Seeming! I will write against it:
You seem to me as Dian in her orb,
As chaste as is the bud ere it be blown;
But you are more intemperate in your blood
Than Venus, or those pamper'd animals
That rage in savage sensuality.
HERO
Is my lord well, that he doth speak so wide?
LEONA
Sweet prince, why speak not you?
DON PEDRO
What should I speak?
I stand dishonour'd, that have gone about
42

To link my dear friend to a common stale.

LEONA
Are these things spoken, or do I but dream?
DON JOHN
Lady, they are spoken, and these things are true.
BENEDICK
This looks not like a nuptial.
HERO
True! O God!
CLAUDIO
Leona, stand I here?
Is this the prince? is this the prince's brother?
Is this face Hero's? are our eyes our own?
LEONA
All this is so: but what of this, my lord?
CLAUDIO
Let me but move one question to your daughter;
And, by that motherly and kindly power
That you have in her, bid her answer truly.
LEONA
I charge thee do so, as thou art my child.
HERO
O, God defend me! how am I beset!
What kind of catechising call you this?
CLAUDIO
To make you answer truly to your name.
HERO
Is it not Hero? Who can blot that name
With any just reproach?
CLAUDIO
Marry, that can Hero;
Hero itself can blot out Hero's virtue.
What man was he talk'd with you yesternight
Out at your window betwixt twelve and one?
Now, if you are a maid, answer to this.
HERO
I talk'd with no man at that hour, my lord.
DON PEDRO
Why, then are you no maiden.
Leona, I am sorry you must hear: upon mine honour,
Myself, my brother and this grieved count
Did see her, hear her, at that hour last night
Talk with a ruffian at her chamber-window
DON JOHN
Fie, fie! they are not to be named, my lord,
Not to be spoke of;
43

There is not chastity enough in language

Without offence to utter them. Thus, pretty lady,
I am sorry for thy much misgovernment.
CLAUDIO
O Hero, what a Hero hadst thou been,
If half thy outward graces had been placed
About thy thoughts and counsels of thy heart!
But fare thee well, most foul, most fair! farewell,
Thou pure impiety and impious purity!
LEONA
Hath no man's dagger here a point for me?
HERO swoons
BEATRICE
Why, how now, cousin! wherefore sink you down?
DON JOHN
Come, let us go. These things, come thus to light,
Smother her spirits up.
Exeunt DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, and CLAUDIO
BENEDICK
How doth the lady?
BEATRICE
Dead, I think. Help, Aunt!
Hero! why, Hero! Aunt! Signior Benedick! Friar!
LEONA
O Fate! take not away thy heavy hand.
Death is the fairest cover for her shame
That may be wish'd for.
BEATRICE
How now, cousin Hero!
FRIAR FRANCIS
Have comfort, lady.
LEONA
Dost thou look up?
FRIAR FRANCIS
Yea, wherefore should she not?
LEONA
Wherefore! Why, doth not every earthly thing
Cry shame upon her? Could she here deny
The story that is printed in her blood?
Do not live, Hero; do not ope thine eyes:
For, did I think thou wouldst not quickly die,
Thought I thy spirits were stronger than thy shames,
Myself would, on the rearward of reproaches,
Strike at thy life. O, she is fallen
Into a pit of ink, that the wide sea
Hath drops too few to wash her clean again
44

And salt too little which may season give

To her foul-tainted flesh!
BENEDICK
Lady, lady, be patient.
For my part, I am so attired in wonder,
I know not what to say.
BEATRICE
O, on my soul, my cousin is belied!
BENEDICK
Lady, were you her bedfellow last night?
BEATRICE
No, truly not; although, until last night,
I have this twelvemonth been her bedfellow.
LEONA
Confirm'd, confirm'd! O, that is stronger made
Which was before barr'd up with ribs of iron!
Would the two princes lie, and Claudio lie,
Who loved her so, that, speaking of her foulness,
Wash'd it with tears? Hence from her! let her die.
FRIAR FRANCIS
Hear me a little;
For I have only been silent so long
And given way unto this course of fortune.
...
By noting of the lady I have mark'd
A thousand blushing apparitions
To start into her face, a thousand innocent shames
In angel whiteness beat away those blushes;
And in her eye there hath appear'd a fire,
To burn the errors that these princes hold
Against her maiden truth.
LEONA
Friar, it cannot be.
Thou seest that all the grace that she hath left
Is that she will not add to her damnation
A sin of perjury; she not denies it:
Why seek'st thou then to cover with excuse
That which appears in proper nakedness?
FRIAR FRANCIS
Lady, what man is he you are accused of?
HERO
They know that do accuse me; I know none:
If I know more of any man alive
Than that which maiden modesty doth warrant,
Let all my sins lack mercy! O my mother,
Prove you that any man with me conversed
45

At hours unmeet, or that I yesternight

Maintain'd the change of words with any creature,
Refuse me, hate me, torture me to death!
FRIAR FRANCIS
There is some strange misprision in the princes.
BENEDICK
Two of them have the very bent of honour;
And if their wisdoms be misled in this,
The practise of it lives in John the bastard,
Whose spirits toil in frame of villanies.
LEONA
I know not. If they speak but truth of her,
These hands shall tear her; if they wrong her honour,
The proudest of them shall well hear of it.
FRIAR FRANCIS
Pause awhile,
And let my counsel sway you in this case.
Your daughter here the princes left for dead:
Let her awhile be secretly kept in,
And publish it that she is dead indeed;
Maintain a mourning ostentation
And on your family's old monument
Hang mournful epitaphs and do all rites
That appertain unto a burial.
LEONA
What shall become of this? what will this do?
FRIAR FRANCIS
Marry, this well carried shall on her behalf
Change slander to remorse; that is some good:
She dying upon the instant that she was accused,
Shall be lamented, pitied and excused
So will it fare with Claudio:
When he shall hear she died upon his words,
The idea of her life shall sweetly creep
Into his study of imagination,
And every lovely organ of her life
Shall come apparell'd in more precious habit,
If ever love had interest in his liver,
And wish he had not so accused her,
The supposition of the lady's death
Will quench the wonder of her infamy:
And if it sort not well, you may conceal her,
As best befits her wounded reputation,
In some reclusive and religious life,
Out of all eyes, tongues, minds and injuries.
BENEDICK
46

Lady Leona, let the friar advise you:

And though you know my inwardness and love
Is very much unto the prince and Claudio,
Yet, by mine honour, I will deal in this
As secretly and justly as your soul
Should with your body.
LEONA
Being that I flow in grief,
The smallest twine may lead me.
FRIAR FRANCIS
'Tis well consented: presently away;
For to strange sores strangely they strain the cure.
Come, lady, die to live: this wedding-day
Perhaps is but prolong'd: have patience and endure.
Exeunt all but BENEDICK and BEATRICE
BENEDICK
Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?
BEATRICE
Yea, and I will weep a while longer.
BENEDICK
I will not desire that.
BEATRICE
You have no reason; I do it freely.
BENEDICK
Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.
BEATRICE
Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would right her!
BENEDICK
Is there any way to show such friendship?
BEATRICE
A very even way, but no such friend.
BENEDICK
May a man do it?
BEATRICE
It is a man's office, but not yours.
BENEDICK
I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is
not that strange?
BEATRICE
As strange as the thing I know not. It were as
possible for me to say I loved nothing so well as
you: but believe me not; and yet I lie not; I
confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for my cousin.
BENEDICK
By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.
BEATRICE
47

Do not swear, and eat it.

BENEDICK
I will swear by it that you love me; and I will make
him eat it that says I love not you.
BEATRICE
Will you not eat your word?
BENEDICK
With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest
I love thee.
BEATRICE
Why, then, God forgive me!
BENEDICK
What offence, sweet Beatrice?
BEATRICE
You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to
protest I loved you.
BENEDICK
And do it with all thy heart.
BEATRICE
I love you with so much of my heart that none is
left to protest.
BENEDICK
Come, bid me do any thing for thee.
BEATRICE
Kill Claudio.
BENEDICK
Ha! not for the wide world.
BEATRICE
You kill me to deny it. Farewell.
BENEDICK
Tarry, sweet Beatrice.
BEATRICE
I am gone, though I am here: there is no love in
you: nay, I pray you, let me go.
BENEDICK
Beatrice,--
BEATRICE
In faith, I will go.
BENEDICK
We'll be friends first.
BEATRICE
You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy.
BENEDICK
Is Claudio thine enemy?
BEATRICE
Is he not approved in the height a villain, that
48

hath slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O

that I were a man! What, bear her in hand until they
come to take hands; and then, with public
accusation, uncovered slander, unmitigated rancour,
--O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart
in the market-place.
BENEDICK
Hear me, Beatrice,--
BEATRICE
Talk with a man out at a window! A proper saying!
BENEDICK
Nay, but, Beatrice,--
BEATRICE
Sweet Hero! She is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone.
BENEDICK
Beat--
BEATRICE
Princes and counties! Surely, a princely testimony,
a goodly count, Count Comfect; a sweet gallant,
surely! O that I were a man for his sake! or that I
had any friend would be a man for my sake! But
manhood is melted into courtesies, valour into
compliment, and men are only turned into tongue, and
trim ones too: he is now as valiant as Hercules
that only tells a lie and swears it. I cannot be a
man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.
BENEDICK
Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.
BEATRICE
Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.
BENEDICK
Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?
BEATRICE
Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.
BENEDICK
Enough, I am engaged; I will challenge him. I will
kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this hand,
Claudio shall render me a dear account. As you
hear of me, so think of me. Go, comfort your
cousin: I must say she is dead: and so, farewell.
Exeunt

SCENE II. A prison.

Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; and the Watch, with
CONRADE and BORACHIO
49

DOGBERRY
Is our whole dissembly appeared?
VERGES
O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Sexton
Which be the malefactors?
DOGBERRY
Marry, that am I and my partner.
VERGES
Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition to examine.
Sexton
But which are the offenders that are to be
examined? let them come before master constable.
DOGBERRY
Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your
name, friend?
BORACHIO
Borachio.
DOGBERRY
Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
CONRADE
I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
DOGBERRY
Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do
you serve God?
CONRADE BORACHIO
Yea, sir, we hope.
DOGBERRY
Write down, that they hope they serve God: and
write God first; for God defend but God should go
before such villains! Masters, it is proved already
that you are little better than false knaves; and it
will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer
you for yourselves?
CONRADE
Marry, sir, we say we are none.
DOGBERRY
A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I
will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a
word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought
you are false knaves.
BORACHIO
Sir, I say to you we are none.
DOGBERRY
Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in a
50

tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?

Sexton
Master constable, you go not the way to examine:
you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.
DOGBERRY
Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch
come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince's
name, accuse these men.
First Watchman
This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's
brother, was a villain.
DOGBERRY
Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat
perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.
BORACHIO
Master constable,--
DOGBERRY
Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look,
I promise thee.
Sexton
What heard you him say else?
Second Watchman
Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of
Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
DOGBERRY
Flat burglary as ever was committed.
VERGES
Yea, by mass, that it is.
Sexton
What else, fellow?
First Watchman
And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to
disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her.
DOGBERRY
O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting
redemption for this.
Sexton
What else?
Watchman
This is all.
Sexton
And this is more, masters, than you can deny.
Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away;
Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner
refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died.
Master constable, let these men be bound, and
51

brought to Leona's: I will go before and show

her their examination.
Exit
DOGBERRY
Come, let them be opinioned.
VERGES
Let them be in the hands--
CONRADE
Off, coxcomb!
DOGBERRY
God's my life, where's the sexton? let him write
down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them.
Thou naughty varlet!
CONRADE
Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.
DOGBERRY
Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not
suspect my years? O that he were here to write me
down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an
ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not
that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of
piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.
I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer,
and, which is more, a householder, and, which is
more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in
Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a
rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath
had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every
thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that
I had been writ down an ass!
Exeunt
52

ACT V

SCENE I. Before LEONA'S house.

Enter Don Pedro and Claudio

DON PEDRO
See, see; here comes the man we went to seek.
Enter BENEDICK
CLAUDIO
Now, signior, what news?
BENEDICK
Good day, my lord. I came
to seek you both.
CLAUDIO
We have been up and down to seek thee; for we are
high-proof melancholy and would fain have it beaten
away. Wilt thou use thy wit?
BENEDICK
It is in my scabbard: shall I draw it?
DON PEDRO
Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?
CLAUDIO
Never any did so, though very many have been beside
their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the
minstrels; draw, to pleasure us.
DON PEDRO
As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou
sick, or angry?
CLAUDIO
What, courage, man! What though care killed a cat,
thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.
BENEDICK
Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and you
charge it against me. I pray you choose another subject.
CLAUDIO
Nay, then, give him another staff: this last was
broke cross.
DON PEDRO
By this light, he changes more and more: I think
he be angry indeed.
CLAUDIO
If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.
BENEDICK
Shall I speak a word in your ear?
CLAUDIO
53

God bless me from a challenge!

BENEDICK
[Aside to CLAUDIO] You are a villain; I jest not:
I will make it good how you dare, with what you
dare, and when you dare. Do me right, or I will
protest your cowardice. You have killed a sweet
lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me
hear from you.
CLAUDIO
Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.
DON PEDRO
What, a feast, a feast?
CLAUDIO
I' faith, I thank him; he hath bid me to a calf's
head and a capon; the which if I do not carve most
curiously, say my knife's naught. Shall I not find
a woodcock too?
BENEDICK
Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.
DON PEDRO
I'll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the
other day. did she, an hour together, transshape thy particular
virtues: yet at last she concluded with a sigh, thou
wast the properest man in Italy.
CLAUDIO
For the which she wept heartily and said she cared
not.
DON PEDRO
Yea, that she did: but yet, for all that, an if she
did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly:
the old woman's daughter told us all.
CLAUDIO
All, all; and, moreover, God saw him when he was
hid in the garden.
DON PEDRO
But when shall we set the savage bull's horns on
the sensible Benedick's head?
CLAUDIO
Yea, and text underneath, 'Here dwells Benedick the
married man'?
BENEDICK
Fare you well, boy: you know my mind. I will leave
you now to your gossip-like humour: you break jests
as braggarts do their blades, which God be thanked,
hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I thank
you: I must discontinue your company: your brother
54

the bastard is fled from Messina: you have among

you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord
Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet: and, till
then, peace be with him.
Exit
DON PEDRO
He is in earnest.
CLAUDIO
In most profound earnest; and, I'll warrant you, for
the love of Beatrice.
DON PEDRO
And hath challenged thee.
CLAUDIO
Most sincerely.
DON PEDRO
What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his
doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!
CLAUDIO
He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape a
doctor to such a man.
DON PEDRO
But, soft you, let me be: pluck up, my heart, and
be sad. Did he not say, my brother was fled?
Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO
DOGBERRY
Come you, sir: if justice cannot tame you, she
shall ne'er weigh more reasons in her balance: nay,
an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.
DON PEDRO
How now? two of my brother's men bound! Borachio
one!
CLAUDIO
Hearken after their offence, my lord.
DON PEDRO
Officers, what offence have these men done?
DOGBERRY
Marry, sir, they have committed false report;
moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily,
they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have
belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust
things; and, to conclude, they are lying knaves.
DON PEDRO
First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I
ask thee what's their offence; sixth and lastly, why
they are committed; and, to conclude, what you lay
to their charge.
55

CLAUDIO
Rightly reasoned, and in his own division: and, by
my troth, there's one meaning well suited.
DON PEDRO
Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus
bound to your answer? this learned constable is
too cunning to be understood: what's your offence?
BORACHIO
Sweet prince, let me go no farther to mine answer:
do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have
deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms
could not discover, these shallow fools have brought
to light: who in the night overheard me confessing
to this man how Don John your brother incensed me
to slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into
the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero's
garments, how you disgraced her, when you should
marry her: my villany they have upon record; which
I had rather seal with my death than repeat over
to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my
master's false accusation; and, briefly, I desire
nothing but the reward of a villain.
DON PEDRO
Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?
CLAUDIO
I have drunk poison whiles he utter'd it.
DON PEDRO
But did my brother set thee on to this?
BORACHIO
Yea, and paid me richly for the practise of it.
DON PEDRO
He is composed and framed of treachery:
And fled he is upon this villany.
CLAUDIO
Sweet Hero! now thy image doth appear
In the rare semblance that I loved it first.
DOGBERRY
Come, bring away the plaintiffs: by this time our
sexton hath reformed Lady Leona of the matter:
and, masters, do not forget to specify, when time
and place shall serve, that I am an ass.
VERGES
Here, here comes master Lady Leona, and the
Sexton too.
Re-enter LEONA and ANTONIO, with the Sexton
LEONA
56

Which is the villain? let me see his eyes,

That, when I note another man like him,
I may avoid him: which of these is he?
BORACHIO
If you would know your wronger, look on me.
LEONA
Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill'd
Mine innocent child?
BORACHIO
Yea, even I alone.
LEONA
No, not so, villain; thou beliest thyself:
Here stand a pair of honourable men;
A third is fled, that had a hand in it.
I thank you, princes, for my daughter's death:
Record it with your high and worthy deeds:
'Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.
CLAUDIO
I know not how to pray your patience;
Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself;
Impose me to what penance your invention
Can lay upon my sin: yet sinn'd I not
But in mistaking.
DON PEDRO
By my soul, nor I:
And yet, to satisfy this good old lady,
I would bend under any heavy weight
That she'll enjoin me to.
LEONA
I cannot bid you bid my daughter live;
That were impossible: but, I pray you both,
Possess the people in Messina here
How innocent she died;
Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb
And sing it to her bones, sing it to-night:
To-morrow morning come you to my house,
And since you could not be my son-in-law,
Be yet my nephew: my brother hath a daughter,
Almost the copy of my child that's dead,
And she alone is heir to both of us:
Give her the right you should have given her cousin,
And so dies my revenge.
CLAUDIO
O noble lady,
Your over-kindness doth wring tears from me!
I do embrace your offer; and dispose
57

For henceforth of poor Claudio.

LEONA
To-morrow then I will expect your coming;
To-night I take my leave. This naughty man
Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,
Who I believe was pack'd in all this wrong,
Hired to it by your brother.
BORACHIO
No, by my soul, she was not,
Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me,
But always hath been just and virtuous
In any thing that I do know by her.
DOGBERRY
Moreover, lady, which indeed is not under white and
black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did call
me ass: I beseech you, let it be remembered in his
punishment. And also, the watch heard them talk of
one Deformed: they say be wears a key in his ear and
a lock hanging by it, and borrows money in God's
name, the which he hath used so long and never paid
that now men grow hard-hearted and will lend nothing
for God's sake: pray you, examine him upon that point.
LEONA
I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.
DOGBERRY
Your worship speaks like a most thankful and
reverend youth; and I praise God for you.
LEONA
There's for thy pains.
DOGBERRY
God save the foundation!
LEONA
Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.
DOGBERRY
I leave an arrant knave with your worship; which I
beseech your worship to correct yourself, for the
example of others. God keep your worship! I wish
your worship well; God restore you to health! I
humbly give you leave to depart; and if a merry
meeting may be wished, God prohibit it! Come, neighbour.
Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES
LEONA
Until to-morrow morning, lords, farewell.
ANTONIO
Farewell, my lords: we look for you to-morrow.
DON PEDRO
58

We will not fail.

CLAUDIO
To-night I'll mourn with Hero.
LEONA
[To the Watch] Bring you these fellows on. We'll
talk with Margaret,
How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.
Exeunt, severally

SCENE II. LEONATO'S garden.

BENEDICK
Sings
The god of love,
That sits above,
And knows me, and knows me,
How pitiful I deserve,--
I mean in singing; but in loving, Leander the good
swimmer, Troilus the first employer of panders, and
a whole bookful of these quondam carpet-mangers,
whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of a
blank verse, why, they were never so truly turned
over and over as my poor self in love. Marry, I
cannot show it in rhyme; I have tried: I can find
out no rhyme to 'lady' but 'baby,' an innocent
rhyme; for 'scorn,' 'horn,' a hard rhyme; for,
'school,' 'fool,' a babbling rhyme; very ominous
endings: no, I was not born under a rhyming planet,
nor I cannot woo in festival terms.
Enter BEATRICE
Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee?
BEATRICE
Yea, signior, and depart when you bid me.
BENEDICK
O, stay but till then!
BEATRICE
'Then' is spoken; fare you well now: and yet, ere
I go, let me go with that I came; which is, with
knowing what hath passed between you and Claudio.
BENEDICK
Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss thee.
BEATRICE
Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but
foul breath, and foul breath is noisome; therefore I
will depart unkissed.
BENEDICK
59

Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense,

so forcible is thy wit. But I must tell thee
plainly, Claudio undergoes my challenge; and either
I must shortly hear from him, or I will subscribe
him a coward. And, I pray thee now, tell me for
which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?
BEATRICE
For them all together; which maintained so politic
a state of evil that they will not admit any good
part to intermingle with them. But for which of my
good parts did you first suffer love for me?
BENEDICK
Suffer love! a good epithet! I do suffer love
indeed, for I love thee against my will.
BEATRICE
In spite of your heart, I think; alas, poor heart!
If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for
yours; for I will never love that which my friend hates.
BENEDICK
Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.
BEATRICE
It appears not in this confession: there's not one
wise man among twenty that will praise himself.
BENEDICK
An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived in
the lime of good neighbours. If a man do not erect
in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live
no longer in monument than the bell rings and the
widow weeps.
BEATRICE
And how long is that, think you?
BENEDICK
Question: why, an hour in clamour and a quarter in
rheum: therefore is it most expedient for the
wise, if Don Worm, his conscience, find no
impediment to the contrary, to be the trumpet of his
own virtues, as I am to myself. So much for
praising myself, who, I myself will bear witness, is
praiseworthy: and now tell me, how doth your cousin?
BEATRICE
Very ill.
BENEDICK
And how do you?
BEATRICE
Very ill too.
BENEDICK
60

Serve God, love me and mend. There will I leave

you too, for here comes one in haste.
Enter URSULA
URSULA
Madam, you must come to your Aunt. Yonder's old
coil at home: it is proved my Lady Hero hath been
falsely accused, the prince and Claudio mightily
abused; and Don John is the author of all, who is
fed and gone. Will you come presently?
BEATRICE
Will you go hear this news, signior?
BENEDICK
I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be
buried in thy eyes; and moreover I will go with
thee to thy aunt's.
Exeunt

SCENE III. A church.

Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and three or four with tapers

CLAUDIO
Is this the monument of Leonato?
Lord
It is, my lord.
CLAUDIO
[Reading out of a scroll]
Done to death by slanderous tongues
Was the Hero that here lies:
Death, in guerdon of her wrongs,
Gives her fame which never dies.
So the life that died with shame
Lives in death with glorious fame.
Hang thou there upon the tomb,
Praising her when I am dumb.
Now, unto thy bones good night!
Yearly will I do this rite.
DON PEDRO
Good morrow, masters; put your torches out:
The wolves have prey'd; and look, the gentle day,
Before the wheels of Phoebus, round about
Dapples the drowsy east with spots of grey.
Thanks to you all, and leave us: fare you well.
CLAUDIO
Good morrow, masters: each his several way.
DON PEDRO
61

Come, let us hence, and put on other weeds;

And then to Leona's we will go.
CLAUDIO
And Hymen now with luckier issue speed's
Than this for whom we render'd up this woe.
Exeunt

SCENE IV. A room in LEONA'S house.

Enter LEONA, ANTONIO, BENEDICK, BEATRICE, MARGARET, URSULA,
FRIAR FRANCIS, and HERO

FRIAR FRANCIS
Did I not tell you she was innocent?
LEONA
So are the prince and Claudio, who accused her
Upon the error that you heard debated:
But Margaret was in some fault for this,
Although against her will, as it appears
In the true course of all the question.
ANTONIO
Well, I am glad that all things sort so well.
BENEDICK
And so am I, being else by faith enforced
To call young Claudio to a reckoning for it.
LEONA
Well, daughter, and you gentle-women all,
Withdraw into a chamber by yourselves,
And when I send for you, come hither mask'd.
Exeunt Ladies
The prince and Claudio promised by this hour
To visit me. You know your office, brother:
You must be father to your sister's daughter
And give her to young Claudio.
ANTONIO
Which I will do with confirm'd countenance.
BENEDICK
Friar, I must entreat your pains, I think.
FRIAR FRANCIS
To do what, signior?
BENEDICK
To bind me, or undo me; one of them.
Lady Leona, truth it is, good lady,
Your niece regards me with an eye of favour.
LEONA
That eye my daughter lent her: 'tis most true.
62

BENEDICK
And I do with an eye of love requite her.
LEONA
The sight whereof I think you had from me,
From Claudio and the prince: but what's your will?
BENEDICK
Your answer, lady, is enigmatical:
But, for my will, my will is your good will
May stand with ours, this day to be conjoin'd
In the state of honourable marriage:
In which, good friar, I shall desire your help.
LEONA
My heart is with your liking.
FRIAR FRANCIS
And my help.
Here comes the prince and Claudio.
Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO, and two or three others
DON PEDRO
Good morrow to this fair assembly.
LEONA
Good morrow, prince; good morrow, Claudio:
We here attend you. Are you yet determined
To-day to marry with my brother's daughter?
CLAUDIO
I'll hold my mind, yea
LEONA
Call her forth, brother; here's the friar ready.
Exit ANTONIO
DON PEDRO
Good morrow, Benedick. Why, what's the matter,
That you have such a February face,
So full of frost, of storm and cloudiness?
CLAUDIO
I think he thinks upon the savage bull.
Tush, fear not, man; we'll tip thy horns with gold
And all Europa shall rejoice at thee,
As once Europa did at lusty Jove,
When he would play the noble beast in love.
BENEDICK
Bull Jove, sir, had an amiable low;
And some such strange bull leap'd your father's cow,
And got a calf in that same noble feat
Much like to you, for you have just his bleat.
CLAUDIO
For this I owe you: here comes other reckonings.
Re-enter ANTONIO, with the Ladies masked
63

Which is the lady I must seize upon?

ANTONIO
This same is she, and I do give you her.
CLAUDIO
Why, then she's mine. Sweet, let me see your face.
LEONA
No, that you shall not, till you take her hand
Before this friar and swear to marry her.
CLAUDIO
Give me your hand: before this holy friar,
I am your husband, if you like of me.
HERO
And when I lived, I was your other wife:
Unmasking
And when you loved, you were my other husband.
CLAUDIO
Another Hero!
HERO
Nothing certainer:
One Hero died defiled, but I do live,
And surely as I live, I am a maid.
DON PEDRO
The former Hero! Hero that is dead!
LEONA
She died, my lord, but whiles her slander lived.
FRIAR FRANCIS
All this amazement can I qualify:
When after that the holy rites are ended,
I'll tell you largely of fair Hero's death:
Meantime let wonder seem familiar,
And to the chapel let us presently.
BENEDICK
Soft and fair, friar. Which is Beatrice?
BEATRICE
[Unmasking] I answer to that name. What is your will?
BENEDICK
Do not you love me?
BEATRICE
Why, no; no more than reason.
BENEDICK
Why, then your aunt and the prince and Claudio
Have been deceived; they swore you did.
BEATRICE
Do not you love me?
BENEDICK
Troth, no; no more than reason.
64

BEATRICE
Why, then my cousin Margaret and Ursula
Are much deceived; for they did swear you did.
BENEDICK
They swore that you were almost sick for me.
BEATRICE
They swore that you were well-nigh dead for me.
BENEDICK
'Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me?
BEATRICE
No, truly, but in friendly recompense.
LEONA
Come, cousin, I am sure you love the gentleman.
CLAUDIO
And I'll be sworn upon't that he loves her;
For here's a paper written in his hand,
A halting sonnet of his own pure brain,
Fashion'd to Beatrice.
HERO
And here's another
Writ in my cousin's hand, stolen from her pocket,
Containing her affection unto Benedick.
BENEDICK
A miracle! here's our own hands against our hearts.
Come, I will have thee; but, by this light, I take
thee for pity.
BEATRICE
I would not deny you; but, by this good day, I yield
upon great persuasion; and partly to save your life,
for I was told you were in a consumption.
BENEDICK
Peace! I will stop your mouth.
Kissing her
DON PEDRO
How dost thou, Benedick, the married man?
BENEDICK
I'll tell thee what, prince; a college of
wit-crackers cannot flout me out of my humour. Dost
thou think I care for a satire or an epigram? No:
if a man will be beaten with brains, a' shall wear
nothing handsome about him. In brief, since I do
purpose to marry, I will think nothing to any
purpose that the world can say against it; and
therefore never flout at me for what I have said
against it; for man is a giddy thing, and this is my
conclusion. For thy part, Claudio, I did think to
65

have beaten thee, but in that thou art like to be my

kinsman, live unbruised and love my cousin.
CLAUDIO
I had well hoped thou wouldst have denied Beatrice,
that I might have cudgelled thee out of thy single
life, to make thee a double-dealer; which, out of
question, thou wilt be, if my cousin do not look
exceedingly narrowly to thee.
BENEDICK
Come, come, we are friends: let's have a dance ere
we are married, that we may lighten our own hearts
and our wives' heels.
LEONA
We'll have dancing afterward.
BENEDICK
First, of my word; therefore play, music. Prince,
thou art sad; get thee a wife, get thee a wife:
there is no staff more reverend than one tipped with horn.
Enter a Messenger
Messenger
My lord, your brother John is ta'en in flight,
And brought with armed men back to Messina.
BENEDICK
Think not on him till to-morrow:
I'll devise thee brave punishments for him.
Strike up, pipers.
Dance
Exeunt