13 Paul Romhany How To Tell Anybody's Personality by The Way They

HOW TO TELL ANYBODYʼS
PERSONALITY BY THE WAY

THEY LAUGH AND SPEAK
By
Ken Ring and
Paul Romhany
PUBLISHED BY
KEYSTONE PRESS
A Division of Keystone Entertainment Ltd.
PO Box 101473
North Shore Mail Centre
Auckland 0745
New Zealand
Copyright o 2011 by Keystone Entertainment Ltd.
All rights reserved. No part of the contents of this book may be reproduced or
transmitted in any form or by any means without the written permission of the publisher.
Distributed and bound in the United States of America.
This book expresses the author’s views and opinions. The information contained in
this book is provided without any express, statutory, or implied warranties. Neither the
authors, Keystone Publishers, nor its resellers or distributors will be held liable for any
damages caused or alleged to be caused either directly or indirectly by this book.
Project Editor: Harry Monk
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Dedicated to our good friend Richard
who has always been an inspiration.
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CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION!------------------------------------------9
Your Secret Weapon ----------------------------------------------------9
Body Language --------------------------------------------------------12
Is body language teachable? -----------------------------------------13
What is personality? --------------------------------------------------13
Getting the big picture ------------------------------------------------15
1. LAUGHTER!--------------------------------------------17
Do animals laugh? ----------------------------------------------------17
Chimpanzee laughter -------------------------------------------------18
Language of rabbits ---------------------------------------------------20
Language of dogs ------------------------------------------------------20
Beneﬁts of laughter ---------------------------------------------------21
Properties of human laughter ----------------------------------------22
Laughter as a social signal -------------------------------------------24
Laughter as communication ------------------------------------------25
Laughter is contagious ------------------------------------------------27
What makes us laugh? ------------------------------------------------32
You can tell much from who you laugh with ----------------------36
How to get a person to laugh ----------------------------------------38
Before you make them laugh ----------------------------------------39
2.SPEAKING!---------------------------------------------41
1. VERBAL LANGUAGE -------------------------------------------41
How did verbal language originate? --------------------------------41
The mouth --------------------------------------------------------------43
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The Voice ---------------------------------------------------------------44
Why isn’t a person talking? ------------------------------------------46
Behaviour during Language -----------------------------------------47
Using the telephone ---------------------------------------------------49
Face-to-face communication ----------------------------------------52
Styles of speech -------------------------------------------------------52
2. NON-VERBAL LANGUAGE -----------------------------------55
Learn to listen to non-verbal language -----------------------------56
Why is non-verbal language language so important? ------------58
A vocabulary of non-verbal behaviour -----------------------------58
Positive body language -----------------------------------------------59
Negative Body Language --------------------------------------------60
Transitions --------------------------------------------------------------62
What happens in the brain? ------------------------------------------63
3. GESTURES!--------------------------------------------65
Conclusions about gestures ------------------------------------------69
Presentation tips -------------------------------------------------------71
Where in the brain do gestures come from? -----------------------72
Know thyself -----------------------------------------------------------78
4. FACIAL EXPRESSIONS!---------------------------81
Survey on faces --------------------------------------------------------81
In facial features -------------------------------------------------------82
Structure of the face ---------------------------------------------------83
The eyes have it -------------------------------------------------------86
5. NON VERBAL LANGUAGE OF THE HEAD!-88
1. Mouth and lips ------------------------------------------------------89

2. Teeth -----------------------------------------------------------------92
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3. Cheeks ---------------------------------------------------------------93
4. Chin ------------------------------------------------------------------94
5.Nose -------------------------------------------------------------------94
6. Eyebrows ------------------------------------------------------------96
7. Eyes ------------------------------------------------------------------96
8. Ears------------------------------------------------------------------100
9. Hair -----------------------------------------------------------------102
10. Accessories -------------------------------------------------------102
6. EMOTIONS!-------------------------------------------103
Interpretations --------------------------------------------------------106
The emotional scale -------------------------------------------------106
7. MIRRORING!-----------------------------------------109
Mirroring when dealing with children ----------------------------111
8. LAUGHTER STYLES!-----------------------------118
1. THE BEST LAUGH ----------------------------------------------118
2. HOLDING-BACK LAUGHTER -------------------------------120
3. FORCED LAUGH ------------------------------------------------123
4. THE CACKLE ----------------------------------------------------126
5. THE GIGGLE -----------------------------------------------------127
6. THE HAUGHTY LAUGH --------------------------------------128
7.THE CHORTLE ---------------------------------------------------129
8. THE SLOW LAUGH---------------------------------------------131
Sample Reading ------------------------------------------------------132
9. THE FAST LAUGH ----------------------------------------------132
9. SPEAKING STYLES!------------------------------135
1. GRUFFNESS ------------------------------------------------------135
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2. GENTLENESS ----------------------------------------------------137
3. HAUGHTINESS --------------------------------------------------139
4. RASPINESS -------------------------------------------------------141
5. MACHINE-GUN DELIVERY ----------------------------------142
6. SMILING VOICE ------------------------------------------------144
7. CHILD’S VOICE -------------------------------------------------146
8. THE TORRENT --------------------------------------------------147
9. BEST VOICE------------------------------------------------------149
10. WHAT TO LOOK FOR!---------------------------151
11. READINGS !-----------------------------------------159

1. The 5 Point test ----------------------------------------------------159
2. Over-the-phone test -----------------------------------------------161
Typical short phone readings ---------------------------------------165
12. HOW TO USE READINGS!---------------------171

The Sales Edge -------------------------------------------------------171
The Job Interview ----------------------------------------------------173
The Seven Signals For Success ------------------------------------179
Compatibility ---------------------------------------------------------180
Foretelling the future ------------------------------------------------192
13. CULTURAL DIFFERENCES!-------------------193
Acknowledgements!----------------------------------221
Bibliography!--------------------------------------------222
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BODY LANGUAGE
saying nothing yet with anxious fidgeting
tear hiding smiles
witty sarcasm with a wink
tight lipped anger
twiddling thumbs while in wonderland
and
flirtatious hair flipping
she is saying all
-Bryan White
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INTRODUCTION
Your Secret Weapon
If you had a secret weapon that allowed you to see inside the enemy’s
headquarters to see all their files, documents, and war plans, would your
chances for winning be improved? Absolutely. We aren’t at war, but we do
have a secret weapon to win over the person you want to impress. It is the
science of laughter/speech analysis, or non-verbal language.
We all know of an endless list of systems claiming to give metabolism
and personality read-outs. They include body language, psychometry, head
shape and size (and bumps), palmistry, physiognomy(shape of the face),
handwriting analysis, crystal ball gazing, pendulum, tea-leaf and water
divination, and there are also ancient systems for knuckle and knee
reading. Numerology analyses the numbers that make up a birthdate or a
name. Astrology relies on birth-time.
Then there are divination methods using thrown sticks, patterns of sand,
pebbles in a pot. People part with much money trying to find answers to
questions they have generally already answered themselves, but would like
some affirmations over, from a source outside of themselves.
Can all these systems be valid? In the right hands they can be uncannily
accurate, but much depends upon the relationship between the operator
and the subject. The gypsies typically did not believe that palmistry was in
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How To Tell Anybodyʼs Personality by the way they Laugh and Speak"
itself a science: rather they used the hand as a focus for the subject while
they studied the client’s face, their reactions, and their body language and
by making information-searching inquiries, which usually for a male
subject meant something about a business decision and for a female
something to do with a matter of the heart.
That is not to say these avenues of the “psychic” are fraudulent - many
folk require affirmations to proceed in life. All readings ought to be
positive anyway, so the reader really assumes the role of counsellor, which
has always been a respected and accepted role in any culture.
This book revives a nearly forgotten ancient branch, and one which
requires the minimum of study. You won’t have to learn all the lines on a
hand, all the possible rune patterns, or all the zodiac characteristics. Most
of it is common sense and has been recently upheld by current theories in
mental health. Both authors have had mental health experience: one in
special education and speech therapy, and the other, a music graduate has
worked for many years with children’s stress and stress in the corporate
workspace as it relates to sound; particularly speech and laughter.
If you are wondering why vocalizing might reveal anything at all about
a person, just ask a baby. Did you ever wonder how a baby knows to smile
when she is happy or pout when she is sad? A baby knows how to smile
naturally. Just like crying is a natural reaction to being uncomfortable. She
is born with that instinct.
If you think about the essence of a smile, a cry, or a pout, you realize
these are simply neurological reactions to a specific emotion. Across all
cultures, a baby’s smile signifies the same thing. One could safely say that
the link between a person’s psychological state of mind and his muscular
reactions exists beyond any doubt. Over centuries, muscular reactions to
emotions have been categorized and become more specific. From the
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INTRODUCTION
smile to the very useful skill of reading a person’s body language, man has
improved on learning about the mind from the person’s verbal and
nonverbal body language.
The ways we vocalize language as a definite expression of muscular
motions has been much overlooked as a tool for understanding personality.
But, when you think about it, you realize speaking contains the same
minute specific muscle contractions and expansions as a baby’s smile.
Since we all use speaking and laughter to create rapport with new friends
and understand their personalities, it will help you to have an
understanding of why it reveals so much pertinent information about a
person.
A person’s subconscious mind dictates the way he moves any part of his
body. Moving, either lips and mouth or also hands and sometimes feet
during the course of conversation, reveals various aspects of the
subconscious mind. Shrugging the shoulders or lifting the hands up in
despair (sometimes to run the fingers through the hair) indicates
powerlessness, of confusion, being momentarily out of control. On the
other hand(pun intended), when someone points a finger and directs it to
the ground whilst talking, or slaps a hand on the table, this is said to be
indicating power regained, command and the re-establishing of control.
It makes no difference whether the person is male, female, Italian,
French, Russian, right or left handed. Although there are minor cultural
differences, the hand movements don’t lie. Similarly with the lips and
voice. Everything you learn about essential vocalizing behaviours will
apply equally to men or women. This book is designed with both sexes in
mind.
Laughter and speech analysis is largely non-discriminatory. High voices
are not necessarily female. That is one reason that non-verbal language
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analysis systems are widely accepted in the corporate business world. But
the scope of this book is interpersonal relationships. If it is good enough
for multi-billion dollar companies to use it to evaluate prospective
executives, it is good enough to choose your next date.
Body Language
What people generally call ‘psychic’, perceptive’, and ‘intuitive’, most

often refers to the less exalted ability to just read body signals. Women are
usually better at this than men, probably because they must and do learn to
communicate in a non-verbal way with pre-verbal babies.
The most influential work in the study of body language has arguably
been Charles Darwin’s The Expression of the Emotion In Man And
Animals, published in 1872.
This has spawned the modern surge to understand these processes and
many of Darwin’s ideas and observations have since been validated by
researchers in every culture. Albert Mehrabian found that the total impact
of a typical message is about 7% words(verbal), 38% voice tone, inflection
and other sounds(vocal), and 55% gesture and body movement(non-
verbal). Professor Birdwhistle found that the verbal component of a face-
to-face conversation is less than 35% and that over 65% of communication
is done non-verbally.
Whilst the verbal content is about passing information, the non-verbal
element is about personality and relationships, including such issues as
status and health signals. The predictions in this book about facial
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INTRODUCTION
movements come from the ancient Chinese art of reading faces. For what
the head does and the parts of it during communication in the production
of laughter and speech, is said by students of Siang Mien to be governed
by character and personality
Is body language teachable?
Ask any actor. (Many components of our method are inspired from the
theatre.) Negotiators, lawyers, nurses, teachers, psychologists and others
are often given some professional training in this area. You may as well
ask is language teachable. If we can learn a foreign language (a set of
behaviours for our mouth and tongue) why, then, can we not extend that to
the rest of the body in order to give integrity of style to our
communication in the foreign language? We are not talking about a set of
discrete behaviours but rather the achievement of synchronous behaviour
through proper movement habits.)
What is personality?
A person’s character is said to be fully formed by the age of two, and his
personality by five. Personality is that which distinguishes one person
from another, with their set of fairly predictable behaviours and emotions
and ability to vary character. Character may change, but personality is that
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which stays the same. In a house where parents recording or videos their
toddlers are amazed by the similarities those children exhibit when they
have grown up.
In his book The Secret Language Of Your Child, Dr David Lewis tells
us that a person’s body language is almost complete at two and fully
formed by five. After that verbal communication kicks in and body
language stops developing. For that reason, almost all of the body
language we are ever going to need is already operating at the age of five.
Let’s think of that for a moment. It means that when we laugh we laugh
as we did when we were five, when we cry it is as we did back then, and
similarly for singing and word production. In fact many childhood speech
idiosynchroses remain throughout adulthood, such as stammering and
stumbling over some mispronouncements. What we do in shyness, in
despair, in anger, and say, in jealousy, also remains unaltered since that
time, and the coupling of the speech to these emotive states remains the
coupling arrangement in later life because nothing happens requiring the
situation to change.
So the link between the five year old personality and the five year old
laughter and voice is mirror linked in the adult. Both personality and voice
are dependent on each other for expression. A happy personality is
reflected in a happy laugh and bubbly speech, while the melancholiness
will carry with it deeper and less frequent vocalizing.
It may be argued that people change as they get older, but fundamentally
this is untrue. Our tastes stay largely the same, in food, colours and
activities. We respond to praise or insults exactly as we did many years
ago and we are as quick or resilient to tears as we always were. One could
fairly safely say that by observing any vocal expression of body language
such as laughing or talking, one can see what a person must have been like
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INTRODUCTION
as a child.
Of course the reverse is true also, and this book may be used to
determine what your child will grow up to become, merely by listening to
him talk and laugh. By referring to the charts in this book you should be
able to get some insight into his/her adulthood. This may be of some help
when considering options for his/her child’s career.
As well this book will give the salesman an edge to analyze a
prospective customer. Will this be an easy sell or a long haul? It will also
be a guide to compatibility between couples. And on a personal note, it
may help in explaining why you have found yourself in this or that pursuit
in life, because what we are really like is often difficult for us to see
ourselves.
Is there a fundamental gender difference in laughing or speaking styles
that is independent of personality? Are there broad cultural and age
differences? We will attempt to find answers to these questions also.
Getting the big picture
Psychological research has exhaustively categorized personality traits

into easily identifiable groups. So get ready to learn what may be one of
the most valuable tools you will ever possess!
Human beings are much like the classic impressionistic paintings by
Monet. From a distance, we see all the beauty of the subject captured so
perfectly in brilliant color. We love the whole picture. As we walk closer,
we realize that it is made of individual strokes of the brush. If you stand
right next to the painting, all you can see is dots of color scattered in every
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direction. As we back away, the thousands of small dots blend to create a

dynamic, clear portrait.
Analyzing personality through non-verbal language behaviour is much
the same way as viewing a Monet painting. It is easy to look at just the
individual behaviours and get lost in the myriad of meaning. But as you
complete the picture and put all the traits in their proper place, the entire
painting of the person comes out to look as interesting as piece of classic
art.
The way a person uses their mouth simplifies the personality into
individual traits identifiable in specific behavioural groupings. People are
obviously more complex than their individual traits. However, it is
incredibly valuable to understand the specific traits. Afterwards, you will
learn how they fit together to create a complex personality.
When you look at someone’s face, you can see the eyes, nose, and
mouth. But, it is the way these are put together that makes each face
unique. By the same token, the way these elements move together is
unique. The same is true about a personality.
Eventually, you will be able to paint a picture in your mind of a person’s
personality just by looking at these key elements. All you have to do is ask
yourself how each individual trait affects the other characteristics.
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1. LAUGHTER
Throughout the animal kingdom there is a commonality in the vocalizing
of particular emotions, whether it be grunts, howls or using certain body
gestures that portray similar states. Before we look to our own behaviours,
let’s take a brief look at our close and some distant relatives.
Do animals laugh?
Hyenas screech and their intention is to warn and attract a mate, rather
than see the funny side of life in the jungle.Actually the horse’s stretched
back mouth comes closest to human laughing in the animal kingdom. But
humans alone release tension as what we call laughter. On the other hand,
many species may be said to cry, for instance dogs whimper, cats whine,
and sea mammals mourn.
Laughter begins with the smile. A Doberman may appear to smile just
before he bites you! Chances are though that he is merely opening his
mouth at the side for extra cooling. Some animals look like they are
smiling all the time, like dolphins, pandas and alligators, because their
mouths to curve up at the sides. Conversely most fish can be said to look
grumpy.
Of course we are closer to the other primates, who appear to smile when
they bare their teeth. This is a display of insecurity and imagined threat,
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prelude to fight or flight. Humans have in the course of evolution taken

this oral behaviour one step further. We bare our teeth in nervousness and
then modify the message by bringing our lips down somewhat over half
the dental area. We are virtually saying attack was considered then
dismissed: in other words this time I won’t attack because I like you!
Laughing goes one step further than smiling. It is a common trait in the
primate world to call in a rhythmic chant, being a fear-based signal,
sounding something like Ooh ooh ooh. The tension is then relayed to the
tribe. The social side of this behaviour has been retained in humans, and
the release of tension is still evident although survival is no longer the
prime issue.
Chimpanzee laughter
It is a misperception that laughter is exclusive to human beings. From at

least the time of Darwin, however, it has been known that chimpanzees
and other great apes perform a laugh-like vocalization when tickled or
during play. Chimpanzee laughter differs in many ways from its human
counterpart. The vowel-like notes of human laughter are performed by
chopping a single expiration, whereas chimpanzee laughter is a breathy
panting vocalization that is produced during each brief expiration and
inspiration. Unlike human laughter, the laughter of a chimpanzee lacks
discrete, vowel-like notes that have sharp leading and trailing edges on
sound spectra. Chimpanzee laughter has the sound and cadence of a
handsaw cutting wood.
The sounds of chimpanzee and human laughter are sufficiently different
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LAUGHTER
that without viewing the characteristic “play face” and source of

stimulation (such as play and tickle), naive human beings may be unable
to identify the chimpanzee vocalization as laughter. You can experience
the difference in production between the two forms of laughter by placing
a hand on your abdomen and comparing the abdominal pulsations of
chimpanzee-like panting with the smoother act of speaking “ha-ha-ha”
during a single expiration.
We humans laugh as we speak. If chimpanzees laugh as they speak, by
producing one laugh sound per expiration and inspiration, we have
identified an important and previously unrecognized constraint on the
evolution of speech and language in chimpanzees and presumably other
great apes. The close coupling of laughter to breathing in chimpanzees
may be evidence of a more general limitation on these animals to speak.
(In contrast to the success of teaching hundreds of signs to chimpanzees,
efforts to teach them to speak English have produced meagre results).
Indeed, the inability to modulate expiratory airflow may be at least as
limiting to speech as the structure of the vocal tracts of nonhuman
primates.
Breathy, panting laughter is probably the primal form that dates back to
the common ancestor of all great apes and people. According to DNA
hybridization data, human beings evolved their characteristic laughter after
branching from an ancestor in common with chimpanzees around six
million years ago.
It is noteworthy that chimpanzee laughter occurs almost exclusively
during physical contact, or during the threat of such contact, during
chasing games, wrestling or tickling. (The individual being chased laughs
the most.) Although people laugh when tickled, most adult human laughter
occurs during conversation, typically in the absence of physical contact.
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Language of rabbits
Rabbits too, have a language all their own. Here are some tips on
interpreting your bunny’s hops, kicks and grunts. Do they laugh?
Grunts
Usually angry.
Shrill scream
Hurt or dying
Circling your feet

Usually indicates sexual behaviour. He/She’s in love.
Bunny hop/dance
A sign of pure joy & happiness!
Stomping
He’s frightened, mad or trying to tell you that there’s danger.
Language of dogs
The intensity and degree of expression of dogs differs with breeds as

well as individual dogs from the same litter.
Your own body language is very important. Non-verbal cues such as
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LAUGHTER
posture, hand/arm movements, pitch and rate of speech, are observed by

your dog. Erect posture, firm (not necessarily loud) tone of voice and
confident demeanour are tools of the trade for the trainer.
Those who live with our dogs recognize the vocal and body language
signs of: The Happy Greeting; the Submissive Gestures, to the handler and
other dominant dogs; the Alarm, saying someone or something is on my
turf; and Feed Me, etc. For example, aggression: Stiff-legged walking,
straight up tail, eye contact, deep growling, and charging. Stress/fatigue
comes on gradually as the dog tires, or becomes emotionally stressed.
Watch for heavy panting, curling tongue, drooping head, anorexia and not
hydrating. The body signals of dogs and other animals are not that much
different from those of humans.
Beneﬁts of laughter
1. It allows us to be creative and to work harder but more

comfortably.
2. It decreases isolation. Laughter allows us to bond with other people

and ease our loneliness.
3. It’s contagious. Laughter creates laughter. Allowing laughter to

swell into a movement across the land would reduce our growing anger
and violence.
4. It’s universal. Everybody can laugh. Human beings are born with
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the gift of laughter. A sense of humor is not necessary to laugh.
5. It reduces aggression and conflict. People laughing are unable to

hold each other at sword point. Some how there is no longer a point, only
acceptable differences.
6. It relieves anxiety. One cannot laugh and be afraid simultaneously.

It’s
7. Physically impossible. Laughter also shrinks the source and size of

our fears.
8. Above all else, it’s fun. It gives us back our playfulness, a

characteristic of all mankind.
Properties of human laughter
Laughter’s significance has been recognized at various times and in

various ways by such scientific and philosophical dignitaries as Aristotle,
Kant, Darwin, Bergson and Freud. Like other spontaneous acts, laughter
often disappears when one attempts to observe it, especially in the
laboratory. One of the most productive approaches was to encounter
people in public places and simply ask them to laugh. The request was
usually answered with a burst of laughter. About half of the laughing
subjects reported that they could not laugh on command. Indeed, we have
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LAUGHTER
much less conscious control over laughter than over speech. It is easy to
say “ha-ha-ha,” but difficult to laugh on cue. We do not “speak” laughter.
Sound spectra reveal the distinct signatures of laughter. A laugh is
characterized by a series of short vowel-like notes (syllables), each about
75 milliseconds long, that are repeated at regular intervals about 210
milliseconds apart. A specific vowel sound does not define laughter, but
similar vowel sounds are typically used for the notes of a given laugh. For
example, laughs have the structure of “ha-ha-ha” or “ho-ho-ho,” but not
“ha-ho-ha-ho.” There are intrinsic constraints against producing such
laughs. Try to simulate a “ha-ho-ha-ho” laugh—it should feel quite
unnatural. When there are variations in the notes, they most often involve
the first or last note in a sequence. Thus, “cha-ha-ha” or “ha-ha-ho” laughs
are possible variants.
The explosively voiced blasts of a laugh have a strong harmonic
structure, with each harmonic being a multiple of a low (fundamental)
frequency. The harmonic structure is revealed in a sound spectrogram by
the evenly spaced stacks of short horizontal lines in the spectrum, the
lowest of which is the fundamental frequency. Given their higher-pitched
voices, it is not surprising that the laughter of females has a higher
fundamental frequency (about 502 hertz) than male laughter (about 276
hertz). Whether it is a deep belly laugh or a high-pitched titter, however,
all human laughter is a variation of this basic form. It is this structure that
allows us to recognize laughter in spite of individual differences.
The notes and internote intervals carry most of the information that
allows us to identify a sound as laughter. If the sounds between laugh
notes are edited out of a tape recording—leaving the notes separated by
intervals of silence—a laugh still sounds normal. The internote time
interval carries information, but the internote expiratory sounds do not. If
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the notes are removed from a recording and the gaps between intervals are
closed, all that remains of laughter is a long, breathy sigh.
The stereotypic structure of a laugh is, at least in part, a result of the
limitations of our vocal apparatus. It is difficult to laugh with abnormally
long note durations, such as “haaa-haaa-haaa,” or abnormally short
durations (much less than 75 milliseconds in length). Likewise, normal
note durations with abnormally long or short internote intervals do not
occur. Try to produce a natural laugh with a long internote interval, such as
“ha———ha———ha.” As with the natural rhythms of walking or
running, there are only so many ways to laugh.
The structural simplicity of a laugh is also suggested by its reversibility.
A short segment of laughter—”ha-ha-ha”—played backward on a tape
recorder still sounds rather like “ha-ha-ha.” Indeed the sound spectrum of
a laugh is similar whether scanned from left to right or from right to left—
a laugh note has a high degree of temporal symmetry. Quite funny really.
Yet one aspect of a laugh that is not symmetrical is its loudness. Laughter
is characterized by a decrescendo in which the laugh notes that are late in a
sequence are usually lower in amplitude than earlier notes (presumably
because we run out of air). Recordings of laughter played backward
produce a bizarre-sounding crescendo.
Laughter as a social signal
Laughter is mainly social, more than an egocentric expression of

emotion. In the absence of stimulating media (television, radio or books),
people are about 30 times more likely to laugh when they are in a social
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LAUGHTER
situation than when they’re alone. In a house where people are more likely
to smile or talk to themselves than they are to laugh when they are outside.
Aside from the obvious implication that sociality can enhance laughter and
perhaps one’s mood, these observations indicate that laughter mainly has a
social function.
Laughter as communication
Most conversational laughter is not a response to structured attempts at

humor, such as jokes or stories. Less than 20 percent of the laughter is a
response to anything resembling a formal effort at humor. Most of the
laughter seems to follow rather banal remarks, such as “Look, it’s Andre,”
“Are you sure?” and “It was nice meeting you too.” Even our “greatest
hits,” the funniest of roughly 1,200 pre-laugh comments are not
necessarily howlers: “You don’t have to drink, just buy us drinks,” “She’s
got a sex disorder—she doesn’t like sex,” and “Do you date within your
species?” Mutual playfulness, in-group feeling and positive emotional tone
—not comedy—mark the social settings of most naturally occurring
laughter. Research that focuses only on the response of an audience to
jokes (a common laboratory scenario) targets only a small subset of
laughter.
One of the key features of natural laughter is its placement in speech.
Laughter is not randomly scattered throughout the speech stream. The
speaker and the audience seldom interrupt the phrase structure of speech
with laughter. In our sample of 1,200 laughs there were only eight
interruptions of speech by laughter, all of them by the speaker. Thus a
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speaker may say “You are going where?... ha-ha,” but rarely “You are
going... ha-ha... where?” The occurrence of laughter during pauses at the
end of phrases suggests that a lawful and probably neurologically based
process governs the placement of laughter in speech—a process in which
speech has priority access to the single vocalization channel. The strong
and orderly relationship between laughter and speech is akin to
punctuation in written communication (and is called the punctuation
effect).
Our field study revealed other clues about laughter in human
communication. A counterintuitive finding was that the average speaker
laughs about 46 percent more often than the audience. This finding reveals
the limits of analyses that report only audience behaviour—the typical
approach of humor research—and neglect the social nature of the laughing
relationship. It suggests too that the speaker is somewhat nervous of his
temporary role, perhaps about being in the spotlight when the group is
observing him.
The gender of the principals involved plays a large role in determining
the amount of speaker laughter. Whether they are speakers or audiences (in
mixed-sex groups), females laugh more often than males.
Female speakers laugh 127% more than their male audience. In contrast,
male speakers laugh about 7% less than their female audience. Neither
males nor females laugh as much to female speakers as they do to male
speakers. (The lot of the female comedian is not an easy one—whether her
audience is male or female.)
These gender differences in the pattern of laughter are at least as strong
as those noted for speech by the linguist Deborah Tannen of Georgetown
University. The limited cross-cultural evidence suggests that males are the
leading humor producers and that females are the leading laughers. These
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differences are already present by the time that joking first appears around
six years of age.
What message is being conveyed by a laughing speaker or a laughing
audience? In some respects laughter may be a signal of dominance/
submission or acceptance/rejection. Consider the distinction between
laughing with and laughing at someone. Valuable insights about laughter’s
social function will come from studies of laughter in groups of people who
differ in social rank and gender.
A response of laughter by the audience may affirm or negate the spirit of
the speaker’s message. “Polite” laughter, for example, may be a forced
effort on the part of the audience to signal their accord with the speaker,
quite the opposite of the indignant “ha!” A speaker, in other cases, may
buffer an aggressive comment with laughter or deliver a remark using
“laugh-speak,” a consciously controlled hybrid of laughter and speech.
Talk-show hosts, who are experts at shaping the course of a conversation,
commonly use laugh-speak. In this sense laughter may modify the
behaviour of others by shaping the emotional tone of a conversation.
Laughter is contagious
To many researchers, laughter is about strengthening social bonds.

“Laughter occurs when people are comfortable with one another, when
they feel open and free. And the more laughter, the more bonding within
the group,” says Mahadev Apte, a cultural anthropologist at Duke
University in Durham, North Carolina. This feedback ‘loop’ of bonding-
laughter-more bonding, plus the desire not to be singled out from the
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group, may explain why laughter is often contagious - sometimes

dramatically so. Consider the bizarre events of the 1962 outbreak of
contagious laughter in Tanganyika. What began as an isolated fit of
laughter (and sometimes crying) in a group of 12- to 18-year-old
schoolgirls rapidly rose to epidemic proportions. Contagious laughter
propagated from one individual to the next, eventually infecting adjacent
communities. The epidemic was so severe that it required the closing of
schools. It lasted for six months.
The Tanganyikan laughter epidemic is a dramatic example of the
infectious power of laughter—something that many of us may have
experienced in our own lives.
Many readers will be familiar with the laugh tracks of television
situation comedies—attempts to stimulate contagious laughter in viewers.
The use of laughter to evoke laughter or a positive mood is familiar to
viewers of sit-coms on television. “Laugh tracks” (dubbed-in sounds of
laughter) have accompanied most “sitcoms” since 7:00 p.m. (Eastern
Standard Time) on September 9, 1950. On that evening the Hank McCune
Show—a comedy about “a likeable blunderer, a devilish fellow who tries
to cut corners only to find himself the sucker”—first used a laugh track to
compensate for the absence of a live audience. Despite the fact that the
show was short-lived, the television industry discovered the power of
laughter to evoke audience laughter.
The recording industry recognized the seductive power of laughter
shortly after World War I with the distribution of the OKeh Laugh Record,
which consisted of trumpet playing that was intermittently interrupted by
laughter. It remains one of the most successful novelty records of all time.
Acknowledging the commercial potential of this novelty market, Louis
Armstrong, Sidney Bechet, Woody Herman and Spike Jones all attempted
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to cash in with laugh records of their own.

In the intervening years social scientists have confirmed that laugh
tracks do indeed increase audience laughter and the audience’s rating of
the humorousness of the comedy material. However, scientists did not
consider that, in the absence of a joke or a remark, laughter by itself can
evoke laughter. This is a key element in the propagation of contagious
laughter.
Some investigations of the phenomenon of contagious laughter were
recently performed in an undergraduate psychology classroom. The
stimulus was a “laugh box”—a small battery-operated record player from
a novelty store—that emitted an 18-second span of laughter. The “canned”
laughter was played 10 times, with the beginning of each segment
separated by a one-minute interval.
On the first stimulus nearly half of the students reported that they
responded with laughter themselves. (More than 90 percent reported
smiling on the first stimulus.) However, the effectiveness of the stimulus
declined with each repetition until only 3 of the 128 students laughed on
the tenth trial. By that point about 75 percent of the students rated the
laugh stimulus as “obnoxious.”
The negative effect of the repeated stimulus seems to go beyond the
response expected from the recurrent exposure to a generic auditory
stimulus, such as “Hello, my name is George.” The reaction may reflect
the deep biological significance of laughter, which in this case may be
perceived as jeering or ridicule. Certainly it is pleasurable to laugh at or
with people, but it is quite unpleasant to be laughed at, or to be the
recipient of a scornful “ha.” Court fools and presidential aides learn early
in their careers that it is safer to laugh with the boss than at him or her.
The efficacy of laughter alone to elicit laughter raises the intriguing
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possibility that human beings have auditory “feature detectors”—neural

circuits that respond exclusively to this species-typical vocalization. In
turn, the feature detector triggers the neural circuits that generate the
stereotyped action pattern of laughter. This mechanism, involving a laugh
detector that drives a laugh generator, may be the foundation of contagious
laughter. (Contagious yawning appears to involve a similar process in the
visual domain.) Those who attempt to explain away their laugh-evoked
(contagious) laughter as nothing more than a response to a “funny”
stimulus are saying that they laughed in response to a stimulus that made
them laugh, a circular argument.
We believe that each of laughter’s parameters—note structure, note
duration, internote interval and amplitude dynamics—are necessary for the
perception of laughter and the activation of the hypothetical laugh detector
or releasing mechanism.
Some people with forebrain damage have their readjustment to society
impeded by a tendency to laugh at almost anything—and breaches in
laugh etiquette have more serious consequences than one might think.
The next time that you or a friend have one beer too many, you may
research the age-old question of alcohol effects—while taking careful
notes on a cocktail napkin, of course. Do alcohol, “laughing gas” and other
drugs known to increase laughter simply lower the threshold for laughter,
or do they alter its pattern or quality? In aphasia (a disorder of language
production or perception) is there sparing of laughter and, if so, which of
laughter’s several dimensions are spared? Does vocal laughter punctuate
the signed speech of the congenitally deaf, in whom there is not a shared
organ of expression? The left cerebral hemisphere has a specialized role in
language—is this also true of the production or perception of laughter?
Many developmental issues remain open. Laughter typically appears in
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LAUGHTER
human babies around 3-1/2 to 4 months of age, but we know little about
the details of the developmental process. Must babies hear their own
laughter or the laughter of others for laughter to mature? If so, is there a
critical period during which such laughter must be experienced? The
report of laughter in a few congenitally deaf-blind children suggests that at
least some features of laughter develop without benefit of auditory and
visual stimulation, evidence of a strong maturational and genetic basis. For
a more satisfying account of laugh acquisition, we must conduct high-
resolution studies that contrast the development of normal and hearing-
impaired children.
All of us have encountered people with bizarre-sounding laughter. What
is different about such laughter and what does this tell us about the
mechanism of normal laugh production? Do these odd types of laughter
run in families? If so, what is the nature of its development and
heritability? In the otherwise forgettable high-school physics class there
was a kid who brayed like a donkey when he laughed. Where is Roger
Dreyfus now that I need him?
Comparative studies may provide clues about both the evolution and
social function of laughter. Does the low level of conscious control that we
have over our own laughter reflect the typical level of control that non-
human animals have over their own species-typical vocalizations? Do the
great apes show the sexually dimorphic or contagious laughter described
in human beings? Does the pattern of laughter vary with rank within a
troop? Aside from the great apes, do other animals produce laugh-like
vocalizations? How do the neurobehavioral mechanisms of laugh
production vary between species? Tickling triggers laugh-like
vocalizations in all of the great apes and perhaps other species. Can you
tickle your pet dog or cat? How can you tell? Is a laugh-evoking stimulus
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that works equally well in a variety of species the ultimate example of

“low” humor?
Laughter research is still in its infancy, an exciting time when the
frontiers are near at hand and accessible with modest resources. Certainly
much of the research described in this book can be replicated or extended
by almost anyone, making it suitable for college or even high school
research projects. Laughter research is a reminder that not all science
concerns arcane or narrow problems. We should resist neglecting or
trivializing the commonplace. There are rewards for approaching nature
with a naive curiosity and attempting to see the familiar in new ways.
What makes us laugh?
Robert Provine, a behavioural neurobiologist at the University of

Maryland, Baltimore County, is one of the few researchers trying to go
beyond anecdote and speculation by looking at laughter as an animal
behaviourist might study birdsong or a wolf’s howl. He believes that, like
birdsong, laughter functions as some kind of social signal. Indeed, studies
have shown that people are thirty times more likely to laugh in social
settings than when they are alone, in the absence of pseudo-social stimuli
like television.
We define our personality with reference to others - would a solitary
man living on a desert island have much of a personality?
Even nitrous oxide, or laughing gas, loses much of its potency if taken
in solitude, says Willibald Ruch, a psychologist at the University of
Dusseldorf. It could be said that when we laugh we are actually telling
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people who and what we are.

‘Laughter may be a signal of trust in one’s companions-a ritual
disarming, in effect’ The first human laughter, far back in antiquity, may
have begun as a gesture of shared relief at the passing of some danger,
says John Morreall, a philosopher at the University of South Florida in
Tampa, who also leads seminars on humour in the workplace. “It’s a signal
that now we can relax,” he speculates. When someone laughs, muscles do
in fact relax throughout the body. Most people know the feeling of
laughing so hard they have to hold onto something to keep from falling.
Since this relaxation inhibits the biological fight-or-flight response,
laughter may be a signal of trust in one’s companions - a ritual disarming,
in effect.
‘When the boss laughs, everyone laughs’. Studies repeatedly find that
dominant individuals, whether tribal elders or workplace bosses, use
humour more than subordinates - when the boss laughs, everyone laughs.
In such cases, controlling the laughter of a group becomes a way of
exercising power. “They’re controlling the emotional climate of the
group,” says Morreall.
Listeners, especially women, Provine has observed, laugh almost half
again as often when the speaker is male. This might reflect real differences
in how men and women use laughter, or it might merely show that men
generally wield greater power in society. But does this not signify a
personality trait? A woman who laughs too easily in the presence of a male
gives away the fact of her imagined subordination, her desire to please
and her need for approval. This in turn says something about her
personality, for there would be women who placed in the same situation
would react in a variety of different ways with different laughing styles.
Laughter, says Provine - like other human behaviour - must have
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evolved to change the behaviour of others. In an embarrassing or

otherwise threatening situation, laughter may serve as a gesture of
appeasement, a way of deflecting anger. And, if the threatening person
joins the laughter, the risk of confrontation may dissipate. “If I can change
our discourse from serious to not serious, I’m not threatened so much any
more,” says Lawrence Mintz, a cultural historian at the University of
Maryland in College Park.
In contrast to all these theories, which interpret laughter primarily as a
means of forming connections between people, a second camp sees
laughter first and foremost as an aggressive act. “Laughter equals
winning,” says Charles Gruner of the University of Georgia. Gruner
believes that laughter originated from the cry of triumph and derision that
a fighter might utter when he defeats his foe. As evidence, Gruner claims
that he can find an element of aggression in every instance of humour,
even the most innocuous. Even a baby, he says, laughs not to bond with its
parents but because they give it what it wants.
Laughter can emanate from whatever causes tension. Ted Ninnes of
Waikato University thinks that laughter runs in families. “If your mother
shrieked at the sight of a spider the chances are you will too if your mother
was your main role model. If fears can be taught and passed on by parents
to children, then so can what delights.”
This is after all what animals do in the wild. What appears to be
instinctive behaviour is very often thoroughly taught. Puppies reared in
isolation and then released into the group have been found to lack social or
survival skills. Either they come too close to others and incur threat or
they stray too far away and are no longer considered part of the group.
It is a possibility that what makes you laugh is very likely to be what at
least one of your parents responded positively to as well. Indeed your
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LAUGHTER
laugh may is some ways resemble your parent’s laugh too, much as voice
character can be passed on. But your parents are not your only role
models. There are peer influences, community role models and you can
develop variations based on your own unique experiences.
Of course the same things may be said about personality. Oh he’s
moody, just like his father, or she’s got a short fuse, just like her older
sister.
Laughter and personality are intertwined. But whereas personality is
hidden, laughter is not. People sometimes go to pains to conceal their true
personalities, lest the other person gain some levering advantage. But they
leave themselves literally wide open when they laugh.
When you laugh you still do so through the five year old version of you.
That was the developmental plateau you had reached after you had
experienced your own range of emotions and before had you learned about
the world of knowledge. It is impossible to think and laugh at the same
time. Try it and see. That is precisely why people turn to comedy: as an
escape from a world that demands planned thought and daily decisions.
Much has been studied and written about the thinking process, how to
think more clearly and organize thoughts to better chart our mental way
through life. Mind maps, lateral thinking, and accelerated learning have
dominated research in recent decades, as have systems to pick up on slow
learners. But far less research has been done on working with laughter, on
how to develop our sense of fun and extend it. Which would be the
healthier in the long run?
We have the power to change anything in our lives, so long as we know

that we know. People are stuck in ruts and cannot see that very often they
have ended up there because their body type has led them to this spot.
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Until they know that they know, in their house they may think they are
powerless to change even a small part of their destiny.
You can tell much from who you laugh with
Hard as it may be to believe, you can alter the person you want to be
merely by changing the way you think, the way you talk or walk, or the
way you laugh. The undeniable and startling fact is, our laughter gathers
people to us. The type of laugh gathers a certain type. Whoever we
surround ourselves with in turn helps to open opportunities and thereby to
positively or negatively shape our lives. Look closely at your friends and
ask yourself why they are in your life right now. Chances are it has
something to do with your own and shared brand of humour, and
consequently the way your friends and you laugh.
We most often choose opposites to hang out with. This is because it
makes life more interesting on the one hand, and on the other gives us
more information about ourselves. Friends act as mirrors. The mirror
offers an opposite read-out - when my left hand goes up the mirror image’s
right hand goes up. This gives me accurate feedback information, more so
than if when my left hand rose the mirror image’s left hand rose, which
would be too confusing.
We surround ourselves with people who are prepared to do opposite
things or have opposite reactions to us. If this doesn’t happen we make it
happen, we polarize the situation.
Between any two people a certain balance exists, rather like a see-saw.
This is what nature seeks; an equilibrium. Think of water in a dish. If it
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goes up at one end it goes down at the other to achieve balance again. In
any combination of two people you can observe this balance operating.
Your husband may be a loud person whilst you are quiet. He may be
untidy whilst you are tidy. Your two children may be as different as chalk
and cheese. That’s why! Really they are not that different, they are merely
polarizing each other. They are taking a small difference and focusing on
it. This helps each to feel and construct a personal identity. Check out all
the two-some combinations in your household - your relationship with
your son, father’s relationship with his daughter, your relationship with
your mother, etc. You will find that with each you are a slightly different
person.
People love to note that this or that person brings out the best or the
worst in them. What they are actually saying is that in the presence of this
or that person, they find themselves behaving in a way that is part of the
dynamic of opposites, and they are experiencing again the different parts
of themselves. A mother may get sick and tired of a little one whining Mu-
u-u-um, only to do it herself in the company of her own mother!
When you apply this process to your friends with respect to laughter,
you may find yourself thinking how much you love to hear them laughing.
The quantity may outweigh the quality.
Test out the infectiousness of laughter. The next time a friend enters the
room, burst out laughing for no reason. In no time at all your friend will be
falling about also, without even knowing why. It matters less to him why
he is laughing, the basis of your friendship is more likely to be that you
can share a laugh for any old reason.
But if you can, listen to his laugh analytically for it can tell you
something about your own. Better to do this observation when there are
others in the room too, so that your silent quest is not noticed. If your good
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friend laughs loudly it is very probable you are a quiet laugher, and if he
laughs long it is possible you terminate your mirth prematurely. Write
down what you think you observe and look up the opposites in these
pages. It may reveal things you hadn’t noticed about yourself.
The advantage that a voice and laughter-personality reading has over
other systems like palmistry and body language, is that it can be done
invisibly that is, over the phone if need be, in situations where the palms
are not visible, nor the rest of the body. You can always make somebody
talk or laugh, and then you’ve got your reading. Tape-record the phone-
call if need be so you can analyze it later.
Most people have more than one type of laugh, whereas their hand
never changes nor their birthdate. Our personality and character changes in
different situations. Averagely though, an essential personality pervades,
and similarly a person will laugh in roughly the same way each time. If
this was not so, stage impressionists would soon be out of business. These
performers pick up on the essential ingredients of their subject’s
personality or voice, which are constants, unique, and instantly
recognizable.
How to get a person to laugh
First you must win that person’s trust. It is only possible with a stranger
if you yourself laugh first or crack a joke. Most people will not laugh at
themselves unless they know you well. But they will laugh at a third party,
a stranger.
Suppose two strangers are in an elevator. There is a silence and a tension
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begins to build. Then a third gets in. The tension dilutes. The elevator goes
up ten floors and the third person gets out. Not a word has been spoken so
far. When the original two are alone again the tension again builds. One
says to the other “He had a lot to say for himself didn’t he!” and both erupt
into laughter. Making the third departed person the butt of the joke works
better than one of the two saying to the other “You have a lot to say for
yourself, haven’t you!”
You are always on sure ground if you crack a joke about someone not
there. The joke endears and bonds the two at the expense of the third who
is now considered, for the purposes of the joke at least, an outsider. Not so
however in Maori society, where ‘razzing’ can be an endearment exercise
between two individuals.
Another way to raise a laugh is to be mildly self-critical, as in “Oh I’m
so dumb! You know what I just did?* Locked the keys in the car!”
Before you make them laugh
You can pick up free hints about a personality before their first snort is
uttered. For instance, look at the crows feet at the sides of the eyes. Many
lines indicate that this person is used to laughing and relaxation comes
easily. It can also mean this person cries easily, so you should look for
other signs as well.
Look for instance at the mouth - is it puckered? Are there small vertical
lines just above the top lip? These are anger lines and this person should
be handled carefully. Such a person is quickly aroused to cynicism or
belligerence. Thin lips add to this pattern, whereas full lips coupled with a
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large posterior denotes someone who is easily led and might be easily sold
a product. Such a person will laugh very easily, with much air in the
vocalizing, perhaps too easily and so much so that they won’t hear the
sales pitch and may cease to become a sales target.
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2.SPEAKING
That we call speaking implies being instrumental in transmitting
information and therefore making oneself known to others. You can buy a
speaker in a radio shop and it is nothing human. But as and between other
humans there are two ways we transmit information. We call them verbal
language and non-verbal language.
1. VERBAL LANGUAGE
How did verbal language originate?
A five year old sticks out his tongue and moves it around as he writes.
It happens in adulthood too. In this action we may be displaying the last
remaining vestiges of our linguistic evolutionary history. The Motor
Theory of Language Origin and Function states that certain tongue, lip and
mouth movements have ALWAYS accompanied all movements of the
body, and this developed into language. The very mouth movements that
accompanied fright would, early on in our language evolution, have
formed words actually meant fright.
On this theory, given that speech is also essentially a motor activity,
language merely made use of what was there already in our heads.
Language was probably the result of a transfer of motor patterning from
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How To Tell Anybodyʼs Personality by the way they Laugh and Speak
that controlling bodily movement generally to the articulatory organs. It is

a remarkable fact that throughout all the cultures of the world, no language
is more advanced than any other. All languages have evolved the same
complexity even though many have had absolutely no cross-cultural
contact for thousands of years. It is as if language started in one spot as did
the human race itself, and the impact of its discovery was a huge
evolutionary leap for the whole species.
During the thousands of years since, when tribes spread across the face
of the earth, little changed, apart from local dialects, vocabularies and
styles. It is on a par with walking upright: that too was a huge evolutionary
step and still no one tribe does it any better today than another.
The syntactic processes and structures of language proper would have
been modelled on the ‘syntactic’ rules of motor control.
How have various scientists described this?
“Early man made utterances that were coincident with and driven by the
same rhythm as the movement in question.” (Kinsbourne 978)
“Linguistic structure may emerge from, and may even be viewed as, the
structure of action.” (Studdert-Kennedy 1983)
“Probably the evolution of spoken language entailed the replication and

adaptation to vocal function of neural circuitry evolved in the left
hemisphere of pre-hominid primates for right-handed manipulation and
bimanual coordination.” (Studdert-Kennedy 1991)
“The networks for speech in the brain could be organized in the same
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SPEAKING
way as those organizing body movements and behaviour. ... developments

of the motor and memory systems could lead to the development of
language.” (Kien 1992)
The above all seem to concur about the links between language and
personality, and the bodily movements involved in speech production and
personality.
The mouth
The mouth is one of the organs of emotion, and we constantly listen to

understand what others are feeling. Our identity is captured in our
vocalizing, and our speech reveals important truths about us, even those
we would prefer to conceal. Our speech also plays a critical role in
physical attractiveness. Our speaking and laughing are a dynamic concert,
one in which emotions feature vividly, then suddenly erased, only to be
redrawn in a new expression an instant later.
While the mouth is organ of emotion, it is also much more. The mouth
is an important channel of identity; friends and acquaintances can
recognize us as soon as a word is said. Hi, me here, says the telephone
voice, and we know who it is. Our voice develops as we do, from infancy,
into adulthood, crossing into middle age, and finally into the senior years
—always retaining features already prominent in childhood.
The mouth is perhaps the most powerful channel of nonverbal
communication as well as verbal. We encode messages from tone and
pitch and volume and we simultaneously decode the voices of the people
around us whom we speak to. In even the most simple interaction, our
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attention naturally gravitates to the mouth, seeking to read “between the

lines” some of the vital information we know is ‘written’ in what is NOT
said.. We constantly monitor the voice because it provides vital clues to an
impressive variety of possibilities: attraction, whether a person likes or
dislikes us, the complexity of emotions, identity, age, humor, and a
person’s regional and even national background.
The voice is an important and much overlooked human art object. The
voice can charm, can paint pictures, can evoke feelings and memories.
Many make huge fortunes just using their voice alone, in the fields of
entertainment, sales and broadcasting.
We fuss more than we care to admit over the appearance of our mouths.
Odors, lip and teeth coloration, style of smile and other qualities all figure
in perceptions of physical attractiveness. The history of the hand-held fan
was originally to keep the air moving past the nose and mouth whilst
speaking, lest foul breath be detected.
The Voice
The voice is an extraordinary human instrument. The way we see others

—and the way we are seen by them—depends in large part on what is
heard in the human voice. Every time we speak, our voice reveals our
gender, age, geographic background, level of education, native birth,
emotional state, and our relationship with the person spoken to. Whether
we are conscious of our voices or not, they speak volumes about us.
All these clues (and many more) are contained in even small fragments
of speech, and other people can read our voices with remarkable accuracy.
When we speak, we encode important information about ourselves; when
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SPEAKING
we listen to others, we can decode important information about them. The

power and importance of this uniquely human instrument is crucial to our
social existence.
When we speak, we use words, but we also perform these words using
the range and subtlety of our voices. The extent to which we are successful
in determining outcomes often depends on how well our performance is,
based on general rules of drama and theatre.
Spoken language therefore contains two distinct types of
communication: (1) text (the words themselves) and (2) vocal
paralanguage, the thousands of ways in which any given words can be
said. Text is whatever can be typed on a page. Vocal paralanguage is
everything else—intonation, pitch, regional accent, sarcasm, hesitations,
truthfulness, emotion, etc.
There are about ten different types of clues that are contained in human
vocal paralanguage. These include:-
1 our biography and background
2 our identity and uniqueness
3 our use of standard or non-standard speech
4 our regional and national accents
5 our emotions and true feelings
6 our voices when we speak to children
7 our ability to perform and recognize sarcasm
8 our efforts to tell if others are telling the truth
9 our response to dialects
10 our sense of timing and dramatic effect
The sounds we make are monitored by:-

• Receptive language skills - understanding concepts
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• Expressive language skills - forming words together into phrases

and sentences
• Content
• Pragmatics - rules of conversation, such as taking turns and eye
contact
• quality of the child’s voice (harsh, nasal), loudness and pitch
• Fluency - evenness of speech (stuttering)
• Respiration - coordinating breathing for swallowing and speaking
Why isn’t a person talking?
There are many reasons children do not learn to talk. This follows
through to adulthood and sometimes can be seen in a hesitant adult. And
there are many reasons for this, for instance, ear infections. Some children
need help learning how to move their tongues to make the different speech
sounds. Others need to build their vocabulary and learn to make words
work for them.
Children who are not developing a verbal vocabulary frequently use
their own or learned sign language. They need a way to communicate their
needs. “I’m hungry,” “I’m hurt,” “I want more,” and “I’m all done,” are
hard things to express. A child can’t point to them. This can be frustrating
for the child and for the parent who cannot understand what it is the child
wants. By using sign language, the child is often able to quickly learn to
communicate these things and avoid frustration.
There is a saying that a man is wise until he opens his mouth. There is
some truth in that. You give yourself away when you speak. You must be
prepared to defend what you say. Generally those who would argue with
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SPEAKING
you are bringing up what you didn’t say, your house is a good place to feel
safe when arguing. Obviously that is the trouble with talking, and we can’t
be expected to behave like a legal document with all the qualifying clauses
and subclauses every time we open our mouths. There are many folk who
feel this keenly, because they have had a childhood history of being
challenged constantly by parents or older siblings. These people find it
safer to stay silent. Then there is a notion in romantic fiction about the
‘strong silent type’ who is supposed to be more sullen, sexy, rebellious,
sensitive etc, but who might just as easily be a simpleton!
If a person, either child or adult is reluctant to speak, it is because they
don’t feel safe, either with you or within themselves. But such people will
have clear body language. Your dog doesn’t speak but you know for sure
when he is hungry, angry, sleepy and happy. He doesn’t have to use words!
The way he barks or grunts or cries gives you that information.
Behaviour during Language
How a person uses language is the very best instrument there is for
another person finding out what is going on. The verbal behaviour will be
a reflection of her overall state. Her language speaks volumes. By
observing her language posture, i.e. eye and mouth movements, breathing
and degree of animation, and qualities of her tone of voice. you can gain
information about what she is doing in her mind. And this is without
being psychic, just by looking and listening. If you add a bit of ESP to it, it
just gets much easier.
Verbal language is a big subject and to master the reading of it to
perfection requires a good deal of training and experience. Here we will
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just present some of the most practical things you can notice.
In the absence of knowing what different verbal movements mean, you
can simply notice when there is a change in the client’s language. For
example, if she is sitting perfectly still and suddenly starts talking or
moving her eyes - that is a change. Or if she changes her rate of breathing
- that is a change.. In fact, breathing rate is probably the first thing you’d
notice.
Let’s say you are in a counselling situation and have asked a client to
close her eyes and move back to a past incident. At first she is just sitting
still, her eyes not moving. But suddenly you can see her eyes moving
behind her eyelids and her head is jerking a little bit, and maybe her
breathing gets faster. That most likely means that she found an incident.
Interestingly, she might not herself have noticed that. Subconsciously she
has the incident right there, but consciously she might not have
acknowledged it. So, if she doesn’t start speaking by herself you can say
“What’s that?”, or “What do you see?”
If we are dealing with an incident, the body will often show what is in it,
or how she relates to it. If her eyeballs are moving, it means that there is
something to look at. If she suddenly breathes pantingly, it means
something exciting or stressful is going on.
If the client is leaning forward, she is probably into the incident,
involved directly in the action.
She may also be reliving a memory with a healing potential, it is a sign
that she is on top of the situation or wants to make a change. If she is
leaning back, she is probably seeing it from a distance, she feels aloof and
wants to distance herself, to find an overview or a different vantage point.
. You cannot be sure, just from a specific body motion, what is going on.
But it gives you a very good idea, particularly when you notice the
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SPEAKING
changes in response to your directions. If you ask “Is there another

viewpoint in the incident?” and she suddenly leans back, that probably
means that she is now accessing an external viewpoint, and able to see
things from a distance.
Using the telephone
“My department is in possession of full knowledge of the details of the

invention, and the possible use of the telephone is limited.” (Engineer- in-
Chief, The [British] Post Office, 1877)
“The telephone is still a medium which is answered more often than it is

questioned.” (Alan Wurtzel & Colin Turner1977, p. 259)
“A woman... said she was so lonesome she had been taking a bath three
times a day in hope that the phone would ring.” (cited in McLuhan 1964,
p. 233)
On 14th February 1876 Alexander Graham Bell filed an application

with the US Patent Office for an ‘electric-speaking telephone’. The name
comes from the Greek words for ‘far’ (tele) and ‘voice’ (phone). The first
British telephone exchange was opened in 1879, with 7 or 8 subscribers in
the City of London. 8 years later there were 26,000 subscribers altogether.
By 1984 there were almost 30 million telephones in Britain, and 78% of
households were connected. Conversation is an essential human
relationship. When you speak to someone on the phone, even a stranger,
you hear far more than factual premeditated messages; you respond to
tones of voice, to moods; you may interject a remark; it is a person you are
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involved with, not a machine. Though unseen, you continue to gesture, to

smile or frown, and move your hands; you are conversing, linked,
‘involved’ and ‘committed’. We’ve all laughed at the cute sight of a three
year old speaking into the phone and nodding or shaking her head.
Henry Boettinger notes that ‘the telephone was the first device to allow
the spirit of a person expressed in his own voice to carry its message
directly without transporting his body’ (in Pool 1977, p. 205). Alan
Wurtzel and Colin Turner note that: ‘immediate personal interaction is, in
fact, the very form and content of the telephonic medium... within the
realm of mediated experience no other mode of exchange combines the
attributes of instantaneousness and real person-to-person contact’
Marshall McLuhan suggested that when listening on the telephone, ‘you
have to give it all your attention’
Donald Ball (1968) notes that the telephone is an insistent medium: it is
difficult to resist its persistent ringing. Many people feel a sense of
urgency in going to answer it. Edward Hall notes that ‘No matter how
urgent his business is, people feel compelled to answer the phone’
Some years ago in New Jersey, a mad sniper killed thirteen people then
barricaded himself in a house while he shot it out with the police. An
enterprising reporter found out the phone number of the house and called.
The killer put down his rifle and answered the phone. ‘What is it?’ he
asked. ‘I’m very busy.’
It is common for assistants to break off from serving customers in the
shop to give priority to those on the telephone. The anthropologist
Edmund Carpenter reported: I copied down the numbers of several phones
in Grand Central Station and Kennedy Airport, and called these numbers.
Almost always someone answered. When I asked why they had answered
they said, ‘Because it rang’...
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SPEAKING
Ball, an American sociologist, offers unwritten rules for using the

telephone which he suggests most adults have internalized:
- it is the initiator of the call who is expected to terminate it: a feature

which leaves the recipient obliged to await release (ask a sample of people
who they think is the most appropriate terminator);
- one is expected to ‘keep up one’s conversational obligations; to

participate by taking an active part in maintaining the flow of talk, even if
only in the form of periodic uhs, grunts, sighs, etc.’ (Ball suggests noting
what happens when you do not respond).
The phone may also ring at any time, so that our temporal scheduling is
subject to the whims of callers, whether convenient or not. In a Canadian
survey (Singer 1981), 44.2% reported that they did not mind if the phone
rang while they were eating; 24.8% reported that they would be annoyed
or angry. 67.2% did not mind if it rang while they were watching TV.
40.6% would be startled or frightened if the phone rang in the middle of
the night; 21.9% would be angry.
Ball notes that whilst what we now call ‘wannabes’ may seek to avoid
obscurity by having themselves frequently telephoned in public, some
people employ avoidance strategies such as making their telephone
number ex-directory, and it is a mark of high status for some to place
intermediaries between callers and themselves (whether secretaries or
machines). Ball notes that ‘hanging up’ is a far more abrupt and
irrevocable act than the nearest face-to- face equivalent of turning on one’s
heel. But in Singer’s Canadian survey (1981), 79.2% of telephone users
were prepared to hang up if the other person on the line was annoying
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them, whilst 6.9% felt that one ought not to hang up.
Face-to-face communication
The more frequently people make contact by telephone the more they
seem to want face-to-face meetings afterwards. There is a rich range of
cues in face-to-face communication. The speaker tends to look at the
listener when ending an utterance, and the other person then looks away
until well under way.
Gaze may be one of the signals for regulating turn-taking: looking tends
to indicate a wish to communicate; averting our eyes may suggest that we
want to stop talking (although it may also indicate uncertainty, stress,
complexity or planning). However, nodding and hand gestures may play
an even more important part than gaze in regulating turn-taking (Rutter
1987). Posture and other body language offer further cues.
Styles of speech
Compared to a phone conversation, compromise seems to be more

likely in face-to-face negotiation. Sound-only negotiation tends to be less
person-centred: participants seem less concerned with the subtleties of
self-presentation or with interpersonal considerations and more task-
oriented than in face-to-face situations. Several experiments tend to
suggest that one kind of outcome in discussion in sound-only
communication is that the strongest argument tends to prevail.
There is also evidence that sound-only communication can lead to a
greater change in private opinions than face-to-face discussion. The most
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likely explanation seems to be that the less personal nature of sound-only

communication may lead to speakers feeling less tense, embarrassed or
threatened than in face-to-face communication and may devote more
attention to the merits of the case. This is why phone call can be used to
guess personality; when people feel more relaxed because they imagine
no-one can see them, it follows that their personalities can be more easily
“read” by someone who has a system.
Telephone conversations are normally shorter than face-to-face
conversations. This may in part be because of cost and physical
discomfort, but also because that the process of social interaction is
genuinely different. Face-to-face discussions tend to be more protracted
and wide-ranging, whereas sound-only discussions tend to keep much
more to specific issues.
When we communicate we quickly form an impression of psychological
closeness or distance based on the availability of social cues. The
difference between media is the extent to which they encourage
psychological distance, so when we feel social cues are denied us... we
feel distant psychologically. Consider a romantic candle-lit dinner for two
in a restaurant. The table between them separates the lovers but better
serves communication, because they lean over it, click glasses and whisper
nice things. If the table was not there, would the participants lean toward
each other as intimately? In much the same way as the restaurant table, the
telephone acts as an artificial separator, an obstacle that one unconsciously
endeavours to overcome. Of course, cuelessness can lead to psychological
distance, and to prevent this, more emphasis is placed on what each party
says or does not say. Between intimate parties, moods can fluctuate with
far greater range than when both monitor each other face to face.
Psychological distance will lead to task-oriented and depersonalized
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content, and in turn to a deliberate, unspontaneous style and particular

types of outcome such as less likelihood of compromise, if the participants
allow it.
By structuring your own voice so that you are seeking a closer rapport
with your listener, (and you can do that by appearing interested in them),
you keep information flowing to you about them. For example, in hotline
counselling the telephone allows and encourages the very psychological
proximity and intimate content which is normally possible only face-to-
face. It is the anonymity which produces psychological proximity, and this
very anonymity is what you have on your side when speaking to any
stranger. It is anything but a cueless situation, and it makes that anonymity
more possible. It is always much easier to open yourself to a stranger,
which is why counsellors have rules about no personal interactions with
their clients and why pickups say men say my wife doesn’t understand me.
Strangers are freer with each other’s personal business, whilst the
reverse is true amongst friends. In a Canadian survey (Singer 1981),
56.2% of users felt that most people would not or could not discuss their
personal lives over the phone, to friends and acquaintances. This included
personal or emotional problems, sex life, health, marital or avoidance of
topics varied: others in the room might be listening; others might be
listening in on the line; the matter might be to complex for the phone.
However, a surprisingly large proportion - 15.7% - felt that they could
discuss anything over the telephone. In other sections of the survey 53.1%
felt that people are more effective in face-to- face interaction than they are
over the telephone. The main reason was the telephone seemed colder and
more impersonal. On the other hand, 14% found the telephone more
effective, and another 13% found it better in certain situations. 40.5%
could not imagine a situation where they could say something over the
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SPEAKING
telephone that they could not say face-to-face.

But the rest reported a wide variety of specific situations where it was
easier to say something over the telephone, such as expressing anger,
breaking social engagements, making excuses, employment or business
reasons, sending condolences or for anonymity. In such situations the
telephone is valued as a ‘distancing’ medium.
In chapter 7 we will outline the way to determine the personality of
someone just by listening to them on the telephone. But now, in our
examination of language, we must look beyond the verbal.
2. NON-VERBAL LANGUAGE
Research indicates that as much as fifty-eight percent of all

communication is non-verbal. This means you perceive reality through
other means than the words someone chooses to speak. However we
readily accept that we are essentially verbal beings. The other modes of
communication support the verbal mode, and in fact the verbal mode is
only the final stage of language. Such other avenues of communication
include body and facial positions, voice tonality, eye movement, breathing
patterns, and even hand gestures. Your subconscious recognizes these
signals whether you are consciously aware of them or not. Nonverbal
language analysis takes body language many steps farther.
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Learn to listen to non-verbal language
You’ve just been introduced to someone at a party. Although he speaks

to you politely, something prevents you from warming up to him. Then
you figure it out—all the while he’s talking to you, his eyes are constantly
scanning the room and he’s shifting his weight from foot to foot. His
words sound like he’s interested in the conversation, but his body language
is sending a different message.
An understanding of body language is important in social situations, it
can mean the difference between making or losing a sale in the workplace.
If you can learn to listen to your prospects’ nonverbal language—and
control the messages your own body is sending—you will find that it is
easier to achieve sales success.
For some basic examples. here are some things to watch for in non-
verbal language:
 Shoulders drawn back indicate anger. Be careful of this person.

Get her to be your friend.
 When a person lifts one eyebrow, it indicates that he does not

believe what you are saying.
 If a person looks away from you while you are speaking, he is

indicating: “I am not completely satisfied with what you are
saying. I have some qualifications.” Similarly, if you look away
from a prospect while speaking, it can seem that you are not
certain of what you are saying.
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 A person looking at the ceiling is not completely convinced and

is trying to make a decision.
 Open palms reveal truthfulness. Beware of a prospect whose

palms are clenched or closed.
The messages you are sending are just as important as those you are
receiving:
 Keep a distance of about three feet between the prospect and
yourself. Your prospect will feel uneasy if you get too close, and
awkward if you’re too far away.
 Make eye contact, but don’t stare. Staring makes prospects feel
uncomfortable.
 Don’t look at yourself in the mirror or reflective surface, check

your wallet, or glance at your watch while with prospects. Not
only will you appear to be in a hurry to get rid of them, you will
also seem disorganized and insecure.
 A straight posture conveys self-confidence.
Keep those body language signals in mind when you are deciding the
best way to handle a prospect. You’ll be surprised at what you can learn by
paying attention to the hidden messages being sent.
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Why is non-verbal language language so important?
There are two principal reasons: You have probably heard many times
that people remember more of what they see than what they hear. Long
after a meeting, we are likely to have forgotten the exact words someone
used, but we may retain a vivid image of the same person’s facial
expression. Through life experience we have learned, perhaps
unconsciously, that people often lie with words.
(We’re talking here about the little white lies and omissions that are part
of many conversations.) But facial expressions and other body language
tend to be more honest. When a person’s words and body language are
consistent, we believe that person. When their words and body language
say different things, we tend to believe the body language and doubt the
words.
Picture this scenario: You say to a friend, “How was your review with
the boss?” Your friend says. “OK” Then her smile vanishes, and her hand
tightens around the notebook she is carrying. Did your friend really do OK
in that review? Probably not, but she does not want to talk about her true
feelings right now. When a person’s facial expression differs from their
words, your experience tells you to go with the visual cues not the words.
A vocabulary of non-verbal behaviour
Body language, unlike spoken language, is inexact; so you have to be

careful about how you interpret it. A certain movement or facial expression
may be quite meaningful, or it may mean nothing at all. As a starting
point, the lists below provide you with some common nonverbal language
terms and their generally accepted meanings:
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Positive body language
Positive body language is generally quite reliable as an indicator of a

person’s feelings. It signals interest in the other person and in the
conversation. Watch for:
 Relaxed posture
 Comfortably seated,
 Relaxed breathing,
 No visible stiffness or abrupt movements.
 These indicate no major barriers to communication.
Good eye contact
Looking in the other person’s eyes, particularly when they are speaking,
indicates interest in that person.
Proper eye contact involves looking away occasionally to avoid staring.
Nodding agreement
When nods are used to punctuate key things the other person has said,
they signal agreement, interest and understanding. However, continual
unconscious bobbing of the head usually indicates that the listener is
tuning out.
Uncrossed arms and hands open (palms up or otherwise visible to he
other person) are signs of openness.
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Taking notes
Shows interest and involvement, particularly if notes are on what the

other person is saying.
Smiling/adding humor
This is a very positive sign. It signals a warm personal relationship.
Leaning closer
Reducing the distance between two people, particularly when the other
person is speaking. Indicates interest is up and barriers are down.
Gesturing warmly
Talking with hands, particularly with palms open, indicates involvement

in the conversation and openness to the other person.
For all of these positive gestures, moderation is the rule. When they are
exaggerated, they can become indicators of negative body language.
Negative Body Language
Negative body language is somewhat less reliable as an indicator of the

person’s comfort with the current conversation than positive body
language. Actions that are generally considered negative may just be a
matter of comfort for this person, may indicate that the person is tired or
may result from other matters that are weighing on this person’s mind.
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SPEAKING
Body tense
Stiffness, wrinkled brow, jerky body motion, hands clasped in front or

palms down on the table. These can indicate concern with the topic or
dealing with the other person.
Arms folded in front
Creates a barrier; can express resistance to what is being said.
Hand on face
A hand over one’s mouth is a closed gesture.

Leaning on one’s elbow with the chin in the hand can communicate
boredom.
Fidgeting
Moving around a lot, playing with things and drumming fingers are
usually a sign of boredom, nervousness or impatience.
Arms behind head, leaning back.
In a well-established relationship, this can be a relaxed gesture. In a new

relationship, it is often used to express a desire for control or power.
Yawning
Boredom, confusion. The other person is talking too much or in too

much technical detail.
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Impatience
Trying to interrupt what the other person is saying; opening one’s mouth
frequently as if to speak.
Distraction
Eyes flicking about, blank stares, flipping through literature without

really reading it, looking at others in the office, looking at the person’s
body or clothing.
Leaning away
Avoiding moving closer, even when something is handed to the person,

is strongly negative.
Negative facial expressions
These include shaking head, eyes narrowed, scowling, frowning.
Combinations
These count more than individual gestures. Body language is more

meaningful when several expressions take place at the same time. For
example, the combination of leaning forward, nodding and smiling is a
strong indication of agreement and openness. Most meaningful of all is a
matched set of gestures that also agrees with what the person is saying.
Transitions
Count more than positions. Some people’s faces form a smile or a frown
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SPEAKING
more naturally than a neutral expression. Some people lean on their hand
all the time; others never do it. Some people can’t sit in a chair for more
than a few minutes without crossing their arms; others sit erect with their
hands at their sides. But what is more meaningful is a transition from one
body position to another. If a person spends the entire meeting leaning
forward, that may be just comfort. But if the same person starts out leaning
back and then gradually moves forward as the meeting progresses, that’s
non-verbal communication.
What happens in the brain?
Research scientists have categorized neuromuscular movement

tendencies as they are correlated with specific observable personality
traits. These personality traits have been categorized and labeled (human
behavior patterns and thinking patterns). It is said that each personality
trait is represented by a neurological brain pattern and each person who
has a particular personality trait shares a common human neuro-
mechanical micro-movement tendency. These tendencies reveal
themselves in muscular movements such as verbal and nonverbal
language, facial movements, and thought processes.
Vocalizing is actually brain writing. It is an expression of small
electrical impulses from the brain to the mouth. A thought, a movement,
even a feeling is a result of such electrical impulses dictated from the
brain. Knowing this simplifies the process of understanding how an
electrical neuromuscular activity like speech could hold the secrets to
many of the associated elements of our personality.
Some do not understand how we know which mouth, lip, tongue, hand
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and body movements represent which corresponding characteristics of the

persona. How did we put a man on the moon? Research and testing,
research and testing.
This type of analysis dates back to the Roman Empire. However, in its
modern form it dates back over 200 years. Researchers have tested each
theory and deduced specific scientific bases for interpreting personality, so
accurate, you can study just the basics and know a person better than if
you had known him for years. We will explain the basic traits later in this
book, in simple and visual formats.
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3. GESTURES
Gestures of the hand and arm in a number of different ways represent, or
more precisely, are structured by, the contours of perceived objects or of
larger bodily actions. A gesture can be structured by a perceived circle or
square, by the contour of a tree or a house, by the perceived action of
another person or by recall of a particular object or action.
“While people talk, they also use their hands. ‘illustrative gestures’ are
used to indicate shapes, sizes, directions and to point, for example to
describe a spiral staircase. .. Where illustrative gestures are similar in form
to their reference, emblems [gestures with arbitrary meanings] usually are
not” (Argyle 1987: 63)
Consider then what happens when a person is in sudden shock. For a
moment they do not want to perceive, so rather than shut down the whole
body, their instinct is to shut down the symbolic activity centre of the
whole body which is the mouth. Thus they quickly bring both hands up
and cover their mouths with their finger tips. This can be seen on TV talk
shows, when mother responds upon seeing a delinquent teenager get a
makeover or when, say, a sister meets again a long lost family member.
Gesture can be classified in terms of its duration, its elaborateness and
in relation to the semantic content of speech: (a) Small unclassified
gestures - mere movements (b) Word-gestures i.e. gestures which clearly
emphasize or illustrate a particular word used by the speaker (c)
Elementary sentence-gestures - at the simplest, a nod of the head meaning
‘I agree’.
Word-gestures emphasize or illustrate single words: the grasping
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movement referred to by Whorf to illustrate the grasping of an idea, the

circling gesture of the hand which some may use in saying that
‘Something or somebody went round and round’, the listening gesture,
with the hand moved towards the ear, to accompany ‘What did you say?’,
the throwing up of a hand accompanying ‘Ah,well’, the vigorous
movement down of the fist to accompany the word ‘Stand’ in saying ‘I
simply can’t stand it’, the forward movement of the hand and arm in
saying ‘Go!’, the beckoning of the finger in saying ‘Come on!’, the fingers
touching the chest to emphasize ‘I’ in ‘What I think is this’, the downward
movement of the hand accompanying ‘one’ in ‘There is just one thing’, the
outward movement of the hand and arm accompanying ‘away’ in ‘Oh, go
away’, the finger pressed against the forehead in ‘I just can’t think what to
do’, or the hand raised with the fingers pointing up and elbow bent in
‘Look! I’ve just about had enough’.
A gesture may resemble its subject of reference by the kind of
movement involved. The simplest gesture for hitting something referred to
in speech is a movement of hitting. The gesture and the action referred to
by the word are in this case virtually identical and the only difference
between gesture and action is that the object hit is not present but only
referred to in speech. The simplest gesture for giving something, for taking
something, is the normal movement of giving or taking. One might say
that the hand waving in saying goodbye could be a subconscious attempt
to shoo the other party away! There is thus an extensive category of what
one might call action-gestures where the meaning of the gesture is
immediately obvious.
A gesture may resemble its subject by the kind of shape traced out by
the stationary or moving hand and arm. The simplest example of this
might be the gesture normally used for a circle which is a circling
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GESTURES
movement of the hand and arm. Much the same gesture is used for
expressing the word ‘around’. Another example would be the gesture often
seen if someone says that a thing is ‘huge’ - both the arms are spread apart
to indicate in a direct way the size of the object referred to. A zig-zag
movement would be another example of a shape- or form-gesture.
A gesture may be an indication. This is perhaps not so much
resemblance as a variant of the action-gesture. The most rudimentary
gesture is to point to the object referred to or more particularly to the
feature of the body referred to. So the gesture for me is simply the hand
pointing to the chest (or touching it in emphatic speech). A gesture for the
ear is to point to or touch the ear - and so on.
It is a remarkable fact, as Reiber(1983) pointed out that apes, though
they selectively orient, do not point. Why is that? Because they cannot
form a word(unspoken) for the object of their attention as we do. The point
makes the point; WE get the point, they don’t!
And there can be gesture for function words: William James speaks of
specific feelings accompanying the use of such words as ‘and’, ‘if’, ‘or’.
And there is no doubt that at least certain gestures are often connected
with such words, as a collecting gesture with ‘and’, and a dismissing
gesture with ‘not’” (Wittgenstein 1960)
There is the difficult question how it is that we are able to interpret
gesture, a problem closely linked in principle to the question how we are
able to perceive and interpret the utterances of another person, speech
perception. “We respond to gestures with an extreme alertness and, one
might almost say, in accordance with an elaborate and secret code that is
written nowhere, known by none and understood by all.” (Sapir quoted by
Plutchik 1980:)
Every gesture structured by a perceived object or action or by a recalled
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object or action can be redirected to produce an equivalent articulatory

action. The perception of the object is transduced into an action, a
movement of the arm and hand representing the object. From this
movement in turn is derived the articulatory gesture, the utterance relating
to the perceived object. This same process occurs when the object is
mentally imaged and not externally perceived.
Some researchers have endeavoured to explain how this complicated
inter-relation between perception (external or internal), bodily movement
(gesture of the hand and arm) and the production of an articulatory pattern
related to the perception and the gesture can operate.
“When people think in words, it does not necessarily serve any adaptive
purpose for them simultaneously to move. Nevertheless, involuntary
changes in position of which the subject is quite unaware can be observed
during verbal thought .. a behavioural spin-off of shift in the distribution of
neural excitation within the brain due to the adoption of a verbal mental
set.” (Kinsbourne in Rieber 1980)
“the same areas of the early visual cortex that are excited by visual
stimulation are also activated during mental representation of the same
stimulus.” (Le Bihan et al.1993)
“translating sensory inputs to motor outputs ... visual inputs must be

transformed from retinal coordinates to coordinates that specify the
location of visual objects with respect to the body to perform accurately
directed movements” (Zipser and Andersen 1988: 679)
“It would seem that our perception of objects, and particularly of their
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GESTURES
spatial relations, is determined in part by the laws governing the

movements of the eye” (Davson 1972: )
The essential idea in the detailed development of the hypothesis of

phonological/semantic equivalence is that the gross muscular expression
of the word/articulatory pattern can be observed and analyzed in the form
of gesture and that complex gestures can be broken down into gestural
elements associated with particular sound-elements.
“we should regard the gesture and the spoken utterance as different
sides of a single underlying mental process..... I credit the discovery that
there is a unity of speech and gesture to Adam Kendon ... gesture and
language are one system” (McNeill 1992)
Conclusions about gestures
1. The origin and evolution of language was what happened when body
movements found their way into the articulatory organs.
2. There are only a few basic brain programs from which all bodily
movements are constructed.
3. These programs specifically control all the movements of the hand

and arm. .
4. These programs when redirected to the articulatory organs produce an
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equivalent set of elementary speech sounds.
5. Every articulatory gesture can be redirected to produce an equivalent

gesture of the hand and arm; every gesture of the hand and arm can be
redirected to produce an equivalent articulatory gesture.
6. Gestures of the hand and arm in a number of different ways are

structured by the contours of perceived objects or of larger bodily actions.
A gesture can be structured by a perceived circle or square, by the contour
of a tree or a house, by the perceived action of another person or by
RECALL of a particular object or action.
7. Specific articulatory gestures generate specific phonetic-

phonological patternings of utterances.
8. Speech-sounds are equivalent with gestures structured by perceived

or recalled objects or actions.
9. Distinct speech-sounds (consonants and vowels) are equivalent to

distinct positions and movements of the hand and arm.
10. Specific aggregations of speech-sounds, words, can be correlated

with specific gestures structured by perceived or recalled objects or
actions.
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GESTURES
Presentation tips
Next time you make a presentation, don’t be afraid to gesture. Gesturing

can make you more relaxed, reinforce your message to the audience and
make a presentation more interesting to watch. Rarely do you hear a
dynamic speaker who sounds boring and conversely, rarely do you see a
dynamic speaker who stands motionless. But don’t overdo it. Use gestures
sparingly while keeping these points in mind:
 Keep gestures above the waistline. Low gestures are hard to see
and indicate a low demeanour.
 Open up your arms to the size of the audience Embrace your

audience. Keep your arms between your waist and shoulders.
 When not using your arms, drop them at your side.
 If you feel your fingertips on your thighs, you will be OK.
 Avoid quick and jerky gestures — they make you appear

nervous. Hold your gestures longer than you would in normal
conversation.
 Vary gestures, switch from hand to hand, and at other times use
both or no hands.
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 Use gestures to reinforce a message. If mentioning three

problems, don’t hold up four fingers.
 Keep hands open and your fingers together. Avoid pointed

fingers and fists that pose a more threatening message.
Where in the brain do gestures come from?
There are said to be basic innate brain programs from which all bodily
movements are constructed. Also there is a brain structure of word and
concept units, with which we internally describe action-sequences and
which also serve to structure the development of language. There is
extensive evidence that many aspects of motor behaviour, and particularly
expressive motor behaviour, are found in new-born infants and the neural
connections to support the behaviour must have been established before
birth. Does this mean that in our brains we must have motor units, from
which the more complex movements are constructed, which have been
pre-wired?
Scientists call these innate elementary motor programs: There is much
published theoretical and research support for the presence of these, for
instance work done by Abbs, Viviani and Terzuolo, Trevarthen, Mackay,
Berkinblit, Feldman and Fukson, and Haggard. A Vocabulary of Motor
Acts coded at the single neuron level, essentially related to arm-mouth
movements has been proposed by Rizzolatti and Gentilucci.
With only 26 letters we can make over 70,000 combinations of words.
Likewise we can form an infinite number of sentences from a relatively
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small vocabulary in each language. In the same way, it seems probable that
there is a limited set of elements in the motor system, a limited set of
motor sub-routines, which can be used to produce an open-ended
collection of distinct patterns of movement. What we are suggesting is that
although everybody’s personality is different, and there are surely as many
different personalities as there are people on the planet, by looking at the
few bodily behaviours associated with speech and patterning them, we can
come up with reliable personality predictions.
Consider the complex bodily movements are those of the arm and hand;
playing the piano or other instruments, games such as tennis, cricket or
baseball and many types of fine movement in the use of tools, typing and
handwriting. It is implausible that there should be distinct complex motor
programs for every possible variation in the way in which a tennis ball is
struck, a cricket- or base-ball is caught or thrown, a word is written, or a
piece of music is played. Organizational economy suggests that such
skilled actions must be constructed from a limited number of basic or
elementary movement-patterns. Anyway we know this already by looking
at movement range after cerebellum damage.
There has been extensive parallel research into the replication or
simulation by robots of arm and hand movements.
We know now for example that there must exist substantially correct
pre-programs in order for humans to make accurate fast arm movements.
This is clear from the limitations of feedback control in mechanical
biological arms and the effects of simplifying the dynamics computations
(Hollerbach 1985)
It is fascinating to consider what the movement elements might be for
the arm and hand. Bernstein concluded that the action units could not be
specific contractions and extensions of individual muscles.
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 the arm can move forward and up starting from the side of the
body to a position vertically above the shoulder.
 the arm can move out to the side and up through rather less than
a semi-circle.
 the arm can move in the reverse direction across the body,
though to a smaller extent than the outward movement
 the forearm can bend to touch the upper arm.
 movement of the upper arm and bending of the forearm can

combine, for example, the arm can move across or out from the
body with the forearm bent to a greater or less degree
 the arm (upper arm, forearm and hand) can turn clockwise or
anti-clockwise
 the arm (upper arm and forearm) can move to or be held at any
intermediate position or move from one intermediate position to
another.
The range of movements and positions of the arm may seem too
obvious to be be described. Abduction and adduction, flexion and
extension, pronation and supination, rotation and circumduction are
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familiar terms. The significance is that the movements and positions are
the elements which go to form the gestural patterns!
Of course the elementary motor programs when directed to the
articulatory organs produce an equivalent set of elementary speech sounds
(elementary articulatory programs) The elementary motor programs are
those which are necessary most obviously for control of all movements of
the arm, hand and fingers. These same programs also control movements
of other muscle-joint systems in the body, for example, of the legs and
head.
A program of action can be executed in a variety of ways. As many
authors have pointed out, we can write our signature with either hand,
even at a pinch with our foot, with our nose or with a pen attached to the
forehead (as in the case of some cerebral-palsy sufferers). The action
program is the same but it is applied to completely different sets of
muscle-joint systems.
Movement patterns normally executed by the arm and hand can be
directed to the mouth and the articulatory organs. Darwin instanced the
movements of the tongue by children learning to write. Arm and hand-
movements are constructed from a limited set of innate motor programs or
action units. These same elements are linked to control movements of the
tongue and other articulatory organs and so produce a differentiated set of
articulations, speech sounds.
Every element in the movement and positioning of the hand and arm
(that is every element in the neuromuscular program) can be redirected to
generate an articulatory complex, a structurally-related set of speech
sounds.
The following extracts show that the relation between articulation and
arm movements is now a familiar one in speech research:
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“For many years we have known in a general way that speech and limb
movements are related” (Munhall 1994 reviewing Hammond: Cerebral
control of speech and limb movements 1990) .
“Phonetic gestures can, then, be seen as adaptations to motoric and

perceptual constraints that are language- independent and in no way
special to speech.” (Lindblom 1991)
“A fundamental premise in the present model (of speech motor control)

is that there are characteristic patterns stored in the nervous
system”(Gracco 1992)
“Deeply embedded within the speech process can be manual actions and
the schemas of representation which they support” (McNeill 1981).
“Comparing findings on the motor organization of speech with the

organization of voluntary movements about the elbow ...We have found
that the kinematic patterns for movements of the tongue dorsum were
similar to those of voluntary flexion-extension movements about the
elbow” (Ostry and Cooke 1987).
“the task dynamic model we are using for speech was exactly the model
used for controlling arm movements, with the articulators of the vocal tract
simply substituted for those of the arm.” (Browman and Goldstein 1991)
Every program controlling movement of the hand and arm can be

redirected to form an equivalent articulatory program; similarly every
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articulatory program can be redirected to produce an equivalent movement

of the hand and arm. Every articulatory gesture can be redirected to
produce an equivalent gesture of the hand and arm; every gesture of the
hand and arm can be redirected to produce an equivalent articulatory
gesture.
The propositions go further than equivalence between elementary
movement patterns and elementary articulations - speech sounds. It
extends to motor programs formed from a number of elementary action
units, both for movements of the arm and hand and for articulation.
Each speech sound is coordinated with a particular body movement (a
position or partial movement of the hand and arm). Each concatenation of
speech sounds is coordinated with a homologous pattern of movements of
the arm and hand.
We can convey a meaning to another by moving our hand or arm, either
by imitating a particular action (or in fact performing the particular action)
such as HITTING, GIVING, HOLDING or by using a movement of the
hand and arm to draw in the air a visual contour, a picture of what we want
to refer to e.g.. a circling movement to represent something circular, or we
can indicate our meaning by pointing to an object, perhaps some part of
ourselves, our mouth if we are hungry or thirsty, our eye or ear to show
that we can see or hear something and so on.
With a shift of attention, i.e.. a redirection of the program of action, to
the mouth and throat, and given a stream of air on which changes in the
positions and movements of the articulatory muscles and cartilages can
operate, the step between action and language is crossed. The word
initially is the by-product of the action because it transduce s the action
into a patterning of the articulatory system.
Similarly, the action-program involved in production of a certain pattern
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of speech-sounds when transferred to control the position and movement

of the hand and arm is manifested as gesture accompanying speech.
“We also examined movement from the point of view of how it is

related in form to the lexical content of the speech. We found ... that the
movement in speech began before the lexical item it was to mark, but was
completed the moment the lexical item was completed. It seems that the
speech-accompanying movement is produced along with the speech as if
the speech production process is manifested in two forms of activity
simultaneously - in the vocal organs and also in bodily movement,
particularly in movements of the hands and arms.” (Kendon 1972)
Know thyself
The first step to using neuro-analysis effectively in relationships is to

take an objective look at yourself. Are you insecure, oversensitive, or
afraid of being rejected? You need to know these things about yourself. If
you are oversensitive and introverted, you do not want to get involved
with an extroverted, sarcastic, hate-filled person. Your ego would be
crushed.
How would you describe yourself? You will take an inventory of your
own perceptions in a moment.
Be honest. Are you stubborn or domineering? Do you have to have it
your way? Are you a loner? Do you prefer to sit in your room and read
than be around people? Are you emotionally withdrawn, sarcastic,
vindictive, or mean? Are you generous, good at keeping secrets, friendly,
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enjoy people, or optimistic? Are you ambitious or confident?

Most people’s perceptions of themselves vary slightly with reality.
Laughing has always been a good reality check for me. I can’t tell you
how many times I have listened to my own laughing only to stifle it up and
hope no one was listening!
No matter what you want in an ideal mate, you are the real issue. The
person you attract will only be a reflection of who you are. If you are a
loser, you will attract losers. If you are an interesting, sincere, and neat
person, you will attract more good people like yourself.
Decide what type of person best suits your needs. Be objective. You also
may need something completely different than you think you want. If you
are a weak, domineering, manipulative, violent scumbag that hits women...
you need a woman with a low self-image and a desire to be punished That
way, your psychotic criminal behavior complements her insecure, self-
castigating weaknesses. Sick, but true.
Hopefully, that example doesn’t apply to you. Take a good look at
yourself before you start looking at others. You might want a strong person
because you are passive. You might want someone equally as strong as
you. You may not know what you want. Understanding what you need is a
process. It takes practice, learning, and fine-tuning. Use your imagination
and best judgement. Remember, you can always change your mind.
“The person you attract will be a reflection of who you are.”

...Bart A. Baggett
Much of this book is dedicated to understanding people so you can

avoid rotten apples and recognize gems. However, I strongly believe that
you will (and always have) attract to you those people that match your
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needs on some level or another. Therefore, if you are not completely

satisfied at the moment, you need to evaluate carefully all your needs.
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4. FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
From the theologians who saw our faces as windows on the soul, to the
artists and physiognomists who used them to judge character, and to the
clinicians and researchers who saw emotions revealed in them, faces were
always more than movable bone, muscle, and flesh.
Our faces always meant something transcendental; they have always
said something about us. The behavioral ecology view found in these
pages is no exception. We are, it holds, thoroughly social, so that when we
gaze at other’s faces, we see not revelations of soul, character, or emotion-
but declarations of their intentions toward us, and reflections of ours
toward them. Our faces, together with our language, are social tools that
help us navigate the social encounters that define our “selves” and fashion
our lives. This is transcendentalism of a different sort.
Survey on faces
The following survey, carried out by Tomoko Koda on 30 students,

endeavoured to find out what characteristics of faces look more intelligent,
trustworthy, and likeable? Are people’s choices of faces based on the
characters’ perceived intelligence, trustworthiness, or likability? What
facial elements gave those messages?
The survey looked too at how much independent variables affect the
result, like the level of abstraction (symbol - cartoon - realistic cartoon -
image) facial features (glasses, beard) within the same face, or gender.
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It was found that:
 Preference and likability are closely related
 Preference and intelligence are not closely related
 Preference and trustworthiness are not closely related.
 Intelligence is related to abstraction level (the more abstract, the

more intelligent)
 Likability is related to the level of abstraction. (Cartoon-like

characters are more liked than more realistic faces and symbols)
 Trustworthiness is hard to define.
In facial features
 A man’s face with beard is more preferable, likeable, and

trustworthy than the one without beard.
 A man’s face with glasses is rated more intelligent and than the one
without glasses
 A woman’s face with glasses is more intelligent but less likeable
and preferred
 Women faces are preferred to men’s faces.
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FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
 Women faces with dark hairs are rated more intelligent and
trustworthy than men’s faces without glasses.
 Both males and females prefer female faces (no difference between
gender)
The implication is that we tend more to choose “likeable” characters

instead of “look-intelligent” or “look-trustworthy” ones. What does this
say to the salesman, the prospective date? How do we make ourselves
appear more likeable?
Structure of the face
The face is a complex biological structure. Let’s look at the physical

structures of the face and their role in producing facial expressions.
The overall shape of the face is determined by the underlying bone
shapes of the skull and the mandible (jaw bone). The bones are generally
considered to be rigid, however it is obvious that changes in shape must be
accounted for in any application concerning modelling of children or of
the growth process. It is also commonly noted in the medical community
that soft tissue always shapes hard tissue - that is to say that if bone is
compressed by muscle actions, the bone will eventually be reshaped in
response. What this means is that the personality has a role in shaping the
face, because of the movements due to the emotions that the muscles of
the face are forced to undergo. Beauty is not just skin deep.
The muscles of facial expression tend to be of the flat, diffuse variety-
more like the smooth muscles of the gut than the cylindrical muscles used
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for locomotion and manipulation in the arms and legs. Whereas the
cylindrical muscles have well defined origin and insertion points, the
muscles of facial expression have broad attachment areas integrated in the
tissue. There may be several layers of muscle fibers connected to the same
part of the anatomy (for instance the levator labii) The risorius muscles
both insert at the corner of the mouth and are involved in raising it, but
they differ in origin). Such muscles may or may not always be
independently controllable.
You can always tell someone whose job involves much talking: their
cheeks seem to be swelled out and the mouth appears to be pushed
forward. Why is that? The mechanical behavior of the skin and soft tissue
is one of the primary determinants of the change of appearance with facial
expressions. The ‘Poisson effect’ describes the tendency of the material to
preserve its volume when changing length. Since much of the mass in the
soft tissue is water, the soft tissue is nearly incompressible. Thus when
muscles cause a contraction along one axis, the face must bulge along
another; since the underlying hard tissue forms a firm foundation, facial
actions almost always cause the skin to bulge out from the face.
The frequent talker’s skin stays permanently thrust forward around the
mouth. This change in the surface becomes visible through changes in the
silhouette edge of the face and through changes in the surface shading of
the face.
The other major mechanical effect, elasticity, is visible in expression
through the displacement of features.
When a muscle causes a movement at a particular point of the face (say
the corner of the lip is raised), the tissue in the surrounding area is
displaced also. The amount of displacement of a particular point is
determined by its distance from the point being moved, the elasticity of
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surrounding tissue, and the influence of boundary conditions (such as a

rigid attachment to hard tissue).
The detailed response of the facial soft tissue to muscle action is
determined by the distribution of types of material and the orientation of
the fibers. In the absence of physical trauma or surgery, these conditions
are determined by growth and aging processes. Obviously, the general
shape of the face and the locations of facial features are determined by the
developmental process.
For an individual, there will be natural areas where a crease in the skin
occurs. These locations are characterized physically as areas where the
fibrous structure in the tissue is preferentially aligned along the axis of the
fold. Similar asymmetric alignments of fibers may arise over time due to
the mechanical breakdown of the tissue: age lines and wrinkles. These
features of the face occur along lines that are repeatedly exercised during
facial activities.
The process of wrinkle formation is similar to the fatiguing process in
metals and other materials. Scars are characterized by a denser fiber
structure and asymmetric fiber alignment. This is why those prone to
laughter have crows feet around the eyes, why ambitious or determined
people have thin lips, and why the sign of a defiant person is eyebrows
meeting in the middle.
The history of speech synthesis research at Bell Laboratories goes back
several decades, actually predating the digital computer. Dudley’s
“Voder”, demonstrated at the 1939 World’s fair, was an early analog
system that could be played by an expert and made to produce fairly
intelligible speech-like sounds. A description of this device can be found
in Dennis Klatt’s 1987 review article. Early work on articulatory synthesis
was done by Cecil Coker in the mid to late 60s. Our work on
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concatenative synthesis was started by Joseph Olive in the mid 70s. All of
our text-to-speech systems are concatenative systems, though there is
continuing interest in other approaches, including articulatory synthesis.
The eyes have it
It is said that the soul resides in the breath, and the eye is the soul’s
window. When people say bless you after someone sneezes is because in
ancient times it was thought that the soul was momentarily left bare after a
sudden exhalation, and a quick blessing prevented the devil from entering.
In fact there are many tribes who still believe this strongly. They are also
fearful of any prolonged eye contact, which they interpret also as an
innermost personal invasion. The thought is that their opposite number is
peering inside them. Vocalizing, be it speaking or laughing emerges
through the breath having been pre-signalled by the eye.
The eyes have long been considered barometers of metabolism.
Iridology is about the body’s pathology, as told by the eyes. Old Chinese
jewellers knew that the pupil dilates when its owner sees something
pleasing. For that reason mirrors were installed below counters so that the
full sales pitch could be directed toward the item that caught the customers
passing fancy. This is still practised in many parts of Asia. Try it yourself.
Observe someone looking at something or someone they like, and watch
the pupil enlarge.
As well as giving away information regarding preference, the eyes can
motivate others. Prolonged looking is generally accepted as the universal
sexual come-on and most have had the experience of getting someone in a
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front row to turn around by staring at the back of their head.

Laughter and voice are expressed in a combined way by the eyes and
mouth. It is common for sensitive people to be conscious of their eyes
‘giving them away’. They therefore lowering their eyes so they can be less
seen, but it is not possible to lower or hide the mouth. Looking at a
person’s mouth will tell you more about their personality than their eyes.
Is it an open mouth or pulled taut? Are the lips full and sensuous or narrow
and passionless? Does the mouth appear to move freely or reluctantly?
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5. NON VERBAL
LANGUAGE OF THE HEAD
The way the head moves gives clues to the personality. The universal
gesture for no is the head shaking from side to side. Even the blind do this
and speculation has arisen that this is an instinctive action. A new-born
baby will do it when she has had enough of the breast. But many adults
shake their heads imperceptibly during conversation, even if their words
are expressing some agreement. This disguised objection signifies a person
with a negative attitude. He might even be lying on the exterior or trying
to reassure himself that something untoward is not happening.
During a conversation, the head will adopt one of three positions,
straight up, tilted to the side, or downwards.
Straight up indicates a neutral mind. This person is so far neither
impressed nor unimpressed with you and will not be hurried. An audience
of tilting heads who are also leaning forward shows that you are getting
your point across. Women display this when showing an interest in an
attractive male. A useful sales strategy to remember is to tilt your head and
nod, when others speak to you, and your listener will feel warm towards
you. When the head is down this means the person is negative and
judgemental. He has hostility and criticism that he is afraid to release.
Public speakers who notice a crowd with their heads down, attempt to
change this by getting an audience to do some mass action. If heads down
changes to heads tilted, they have been successful. Hands behind head is
an effort to create an imaginary armchair in which the person is pretending
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to relax. As such it is a know-it-all gesture. This person feels superior and

may want to argue. A person who feels the need to do this often, has had a
history of low esteem. If you ever want to signal that you agree with a
speaker, all you have to do is copy his gestures.
1. Mouth and lips
“The mouth is the interpreter of the mind and heart: even when silent it
is still eloquent”
- Jean Lefas
Much mischief comes from opening the mouth. By looking at the shape
of the mouth and its size, Confucius and the founding fathers of Siang
Mien could measure how much confidence they could place in people. In
addition, they provided attributes to distinguish different individuals.
There are a number of qualities to look for when studying a person’s
mouth.
The mouth is the most mobile part of the face. It is also the focal point
of the smile and laughter. A mouth at rest or closed will tell you what a
person has actually become in their life, whereas an open mouth will tell
you what state the person is in at that exact time. Look at these areas:
a) Shape and size of whole mouth
b) Shape of lips themselves, upper and power
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c) Line formed when lips come together gently
d) Centre of upper lip, centre of lower lip, corners of (c)where line ends
on either side
A) Size:
A fine regular mouth indicates aristocratic breeding, a sign of some
nobility or greatness. These people are strong in willpower. Conversely an
irregularly shaped mouth can indicate malice or someone with wild unruly
passions. The best mouth was said to be large, with a clear distinct shape.
This mouth inspired confidence and trust in others. A big mouth person
will cope better in adversity and forget problems more quickly than
someone with a small mouth. A smaller mouthed woman will be more
easily satisfied sexually, although she will tend to bottle up problems
rather than seek help or advice. A small mouthed man, too, was said to be
an appealing and inventive lover. A large well defined mouth reveals
passion. The best mouth has corners that slope up.
For these people, life is to be lived and gloomy patches quickly pass. A
mouth that turns down at the edges is a killjoy and a pessimist. A pouting
mouth is that of a sulking person, one that is never fully satisfied. Some
mouths recede into tiny hollows at the sides, and this indicates an
inferiority complex, aggression, and impatience. The crooked mouth
indicates dishonesty and deceit. There should be a straight horizontal line
where the lips meet. The straighter this line, the more this person is likely
to keep promises. If a wavy line forms where the lips meet, such a person
is quietly confident with words and would be a successful public speaker,
is reliable and inspires confidence, although he might not always enjoy
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financial stability.
B) The best lip shapes are the well proportioned, indicating wisdom,
reliability, honesty and success. However, they are also fond of voluptuous
pleasure. Fleshy lips mean good health, youthfulness of heart and
sensuality, whereas thin lips generally indicate passionlessness and
meanness. Tightly closed lips are a sign of calm self-control, someone
with a strong sense of order and thoroughness. Each lip should be a
quarter of an inch (6mm)wide. A thicker upper lip indicates deviousness, a
glib tongue, and skill in argument. A thicker lower lip fails to inspire trust.
Thicker lips mean a sensuous and emotional nature. Exceptionally thin lips
signify fussy eating habits and selfish, emotionally cold owners who may
be brutal and find enjoyment in humiliating others.
The groove between the middle of the upper lip and the base of the nose
was called the Jen-chung. It’s length was said to indicate longevity, one
inch representing 100 years. If it consisted of two vertical parallel lines, it
meant a strong sense of family and a firm and determined character. If a V
shape it meant hopes and dreams unrealized and problems in advanced
years, whilst an upside-down V meant periods of conflict and doubt in
early childhood.
c) Where the line between the closed lips is straight, expect a firm,
independent decisive character, someone who knows what he wants and
has decided beforehand what an outcome will be. If the mouth is also
tight, such that the corners have turned downwards, this indicates a
hardened heart as a result of greed. When the lower lip juts out and
appears larger of the two, expect a person of unfeeling contempt.
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d) A fatter fleshier upper lip is usually a sign of child-like goodness,

naivety, and lack of willpower needed to express instincts.
A firmly closed mouth is a sign of courage, and conversely the mouth
closes when a courageous act is in progress. The mouth half-open
commonly indicates concentration or admiration, or someone who works a
lot at night.
Look at your subject’s face in profile - if the mouth line exactly cuts the
lower face in half below the nose, in other words the height of the
‘moustache area’ is the same as the chin height, then you said to be
looking at someone lacking intelligence.
Hands -to-mouth
Dr Desmond Morris writes in The Naked Ape that people who are under
pressure put their hands or fingers to their mouth in an unconscious desire
to revert to the security of sucking on the mother’s breast. They are in need
of reassurance. Quite clearly, those who do this a lot can be categorized as
timid, introverted and cynical.
2. Teeth
Teeth define the structure of a face as much as do the other bones;

however, teeth are visible. Good teeth are large, and long teeth are said to
mean a long life. If they are well arranged and even it signifies someone
who learns quickly. Fortune is diminished if teeth are too variable in size.
If the two top teeth are very large the owner is said to be stubborn. If the
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teeth slope inwards, expect an erratic and unpredictable person. Thick

teeth belong to excitable people, while thin teeth indicate a fickle nature.
When a smiling mouth continually shows a lot of teeth, look for possible
signs of hidden annoyance or impatience. Those with visible gums when
they smile, veer from generosity to bouts of stinginess. Those with
protruding teeth have a strong desire for approval from others. Baring the
teeth is a primate behaviour signalling an attack is about to happen. In man
this behaviour comes out as a sneer. It’s as close as we get to attacking
with our teeth.
3. Cheeks
Cheek movement is visible in many emotional states. Actions such as

the puffing and sucking of cheeks provide emphasis for certain emotions.
The zygomatic muscles generate cheek movements while extending the
corners of the lips when smiling or laughing. They reveal characteristic
inward movements during sucking or whistling. Generally, cheek
movements supplement other movements which may include the mouth or
lower part of the eyes.
Shape
High prominent cheekbones such that the shape of the skull beneath is
outlined, indicates a person unafraid to tackle difficult matters, but one
who has few friends because of the envy and the back-criticism that
emanates from his rivals.
Hollow or sunken cheeks indicate hunger for wealth and power.
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However, real personal power resides with those with rounded cheeks;
these people are happy with their lot and do not crave what they don’t
have. Correspondingly, those with prominent cheekbones lack affection.
Low flat cheekbones indicates acquiescence and the inclination to sidestep
a challenge or conflict.
4. Chin
The movement of the chin is mainly associated with jaw motion.

However, the chin is distinctively deformed when the person has a life of
expressing disgust and anger with the lips tightened. A chin that sticks out
is a powerful chin. The weakest are those which recede. Smooth round
chins mean nice comfortable old age. Round square chins are most likely
to live the longest. A prominent chin indicates an ambitious person, and
one who has a tendency toward depression, or moodiness. A receding chin
is someone with less ambition than most; despite their abilities and talents
they do not stretch themselves to their mental or physical limits.
5.Nose
Shape
Nose shape contributes significantly to identification. When we look in

the mirror our own nose appears to us to be inappropriate. It is typical for
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all of us to wish we had another nose.

We notice it because in the mirror the rest of the face is still and the nose
is the prominent feature. As it is the only thing jutting from the face, many
believe it to protrude. But this perception is caused by position. The nose
is the area of the face between the main moving parts and when we talk to
people the mouth and eye are the features that in reality catch the other
person’s attentions. When we look at someone’s nose then, we are often
looking at something they are very sensitive to. Those who change their
nose by plastic surgery generally find their insecurities remain in some
other form.
A long nose is said to mean stubbornness and self-pride, and a long nose
with big nostrils can indicate a mean and selfish nature. However it can
also indicate an independent person well in charge of their own life. If the
nostrils are visible from the front, their owner is said to be quite
adventurous. A plump nose indicates wealth, and an arched nose; good
fortune. The higher the arch, the better the fortune. Thin noses indicate
people who let money worries ruin their marital relationships. Straight
noses are associated with good thinking. Bumps indicate financial worries,
pointed noses indicate a chilly disposition. The eagle nose indicates
cruelty. A high nose means a person not afraid of solitude, sometimes
craving it. This person too, although successful, may have difficulty
accumulating wealth.
Size
Of course the size of the nose varies among people with different
origins. Allowance must be made for cultural differences. Generally
speaking, a small nose indicates difficulty saving money. A childish nose
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means immaturity, moodiness, and lack of concentration to finish a task.

What these people do not like they will not do. The bigger the nose the
greater the stubbornness. A very round fleshy tip indicates a hoarder, one
not adventurous with money, preferring to invest it safely.
Movement
Nostril movements are observed during deep respiration and inspiration.

Excessive nose movement usually conveys an emotion of disgust, as if
trying to shake off a bad smell. A nose twitch or fingers touching the nose
indicates suspicion or scepticism. It also means you are being tempted by
someone, either to succumb to their charms or to spend your money.
6. Eyebrows
Eyebrow actions play a vital role both in verbal and non-verbal

communication. They are predominantly visible in emotions such as
surprise, fear, and anger. They may also be used to accentuate a word, or to
emphasize a pause or a sequence of words. Hair between the eyebrows is
said to indicate someone ungenerous and unforgiving..
7. Eyes
It was claimed in Siang Mien to be able to tell the time from the size of
the pupils and whites of a cat’s eyes. However, there is no guarantee that a
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Chinese cat-clock ticks at the same rate as cats elsewhere. However, eyes
are a crucial source of expressive information. Interestingly, the eyes never
grow. A baby’s eyes remain the same size throughout the person’s whole
life. That is why baby’s seem to have such big expressive eyes. But it is
really that the body is smaller.
When looking at a picture of a person, people tend to devote the greatest
attention to the eyes. We are supersensitive to other people’s eye
movements and correspondingly worry a lot how our eyes behave. Perhaps
that is why it is often said that portrait artists tend to paint their own eyes
onto their subjects.
Size and Shape
The shape, size, and color of the eyes provide our cues in recognizing
those we know. Consider a mask that hides only the eyes, much like the
mardi gras ball style. It is very difficult to recognize who is underneath,
even though all the rest of the face may be seen.
Large eyes are associated with happier people who, sometimes too
impulsive and passionate, get more fun out of life than small-eyed people.
Those with large eyes are innovative, with lots of ideas, some good and
some hopeless. They are generous, good company, and brave. When more
rounded in shape resembling cow eyes, it indicates a person who is frank
and sometimes too direct, with a capacity for hard work which only drops
in performance if he is unsuited to the task.
Peacock-shaped eyes come to a point at the outer edges. These are
people who react emotionally to events and situations which do not appeal
to them or which they think are beyond them. They can be charmers, and
succumb easily to jealousy if the object of their desires slips from their
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grasp.
Small eyes generally, mean an owner who is uptight, reserved and
possibly over-conscious of appearances. Someone with eyes of different
sizes is said to have an uneven fortune.
When one eye is higher than another, emotional ups and down govern
the fortune. This is also true of men with one eyebrow higher than the
other. Such individuals over-react in adversity and set standards of
achievement beyond their abilities. They frequently blame themselves for
misfortunes beyond their control, and lack fighting spirit when it is most
needed.
Wide-apart-eyed people see broader perspectives, whereas those with
eyes close together, like those with small eyes, are reserved, fearful of
being left out of things and conscious of appearances. Even though they
may deny it, they will be introverted to the extent of choosing an extravert
career in an attempt to prove themselves.
Eye movement
The eye movement may reveal interest, or attention. Eye blinks may
occur to keep the eyes wet, or to emphasize speech, or to show an
emotional state occurring such as hesitation or nervousness. Very frequent
blinking or slow-to-open-after-blinking is said to indicate mental
instability. The key element is the “power” in the look. In a powerful look
the eyes are clear, shiny and sparkling. Shy people avoid eye contact. So
do dreamers, the shifty and the selfish. Shortsightedness is said to indicate
sensuousness and imagination in lovemaking.
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Deep set eyes
These eyes belong to people who are withdrawn, secretive or difficult to

understand. Most of the time they have a tight control over their emotions.
They are people who if necessary may stab in the back opponents who
come between them and their goal.
Angry eyes
Anger is expressed in the eyes and mouth. That’s how cartoonists

convey that information. Angry eyes often bulge. Such people are
hypersensitive to emotions and, according ancient Siang Mien, risk an
accident between the ages of thirty-five and forty. Do not, they said, risk
your life, limb or property to one with angry eyes or poor eyebrows.
Eye colour
Black eyes are synonymous with intelligence, decisiveness, foresight

and sexuality. Spanish prostitutes 100 years ago dabbed belladonna in their
eyes to increase the size of their irises.
Dark brown means loyalty towards family.
Light brown eyes signify unaffectionate people who can withdraw
unscathed from unsuccessful relationships.
Red eyes indicate a person highly strung, with a strong sex drive. It can
also mean too much fat in the diet. Red lines running across or through the
iris may be taken as an indication someone is working too hard.
Intense colours, such as blue or green are signs of an active mind.
Pale coloured eyes indicate people who may have to work harder to be
outstandingly successful.
The areas of white are significant, according to Siang Mien. Whilst most
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people have white on both sides of the iris(2 areas), some have white
above or below(3 areas) or on all sides of the iris(4 areas), so that the iris
resembles an island. Four-area-people are bright, decisive, efficient people
and make good executives and managers. Those with more than two areas
are prone to accidents and need to take care of their health. If the whites of
a child’s eyes appear a bit bluish, something is worrying or frightening her
though she may not wish to let anyone know.
8. Ears
As the ear develops in the area of the face at the same time as the nose,
what is said for the adult nose applies usually to the ear also.
Shape
Flat ears indicate good fortune and stable family. There is an old
Chinese belief that if the ear is so flat a finger can’t fit behind it, the
person will live beyond eighty. Ears that stick out indicate owners who
will often need to draw on inner reserves of strength to get by. Round ears
denote wealth and kindness, while squarish ears mean wealth and
cleverness. Long ears indicate someone awake to those trying to take
advantage. Pointed tips mean someone stubborn, efficient, and
conscientious. An ear that is markedly wider at the top signifies that its
owner excels in one particular subject.
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Size
Thick ears mean good fortune and good health, whilst thin ears denote
physical weakness and possible health problems. Large ears indicate
confidence and small ears, lack of confidence. Large ears on a small face
mean likeable people who lack substance and depth of character, and who
have difficulty grasping and holding onto power. Good fortune comes
when the length of the ears corresponds to the length between the base of
the nose and the eyebrows. If the ears extend above the line of the
eyebrows the chances of being famous before thirty are increased. If they
extend below, success for this person will come later in life. Interestingly,
the nose and the ears are the only parts of the face that continue growing
until death. Ear movement is extremely rare in humans.
Lobes
Lobes are said to describe a person’s love life. Large and thick lobes
mean fortune and above average wealth. Small lobes indicate strong sex
drive, insecure relationships with parents and emotional blocks later in
life. Tiny lobes are indicative of a stubborn person fond of material
comforts. If, when looking at the profile, the lobe angles towards the
mouth, this indicates that fortune will improve later in life.
Ear hole
A wide ear hole is associated with someone with a probing mind,

sometimes argumentative, who does not easily believe what others tell
him. He likes to form his own conclusions.
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9. Hair
Facial hair, including eyebrows, eyelashes, moustaches, beards, and

nose hairs, is also relevant to personality reading. A hairy bodied man will
probably lose his head of hair and a smooth skinned man keep his head of
hair. Baldness is said to be a sign of sensuousness and sensitivity. Beards
are attempts to hide the chin, appear primitive or artistic, could be a sign of
laziness, or are for warmth. Thick beards belong to hard workers with
varied goals, who, unable to focus on one goal because of their many
talents, fine their energies become dissipated. Sparse beards indicate
people who do not know their true worth and exercise too much caution.
10. Accessories
When relating to specific individuals, it is important to note accessories

worn on the face and head, such as glasses, makeup, hats and hairpieces,
and jewellery. People tend to see such accessories as identification marks.
They also use them to gain privacy. By avoiding eye contact they can
retain their shyness. It is especially interesting to see someone wearing
loud clothes and sunglasses because the loud clothes are an attempt to gain
attention which the person can not handle.
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6. EMOTIONS
People get emotional trying to define them. What is emotion? There is not
any generally accepted definition.
Descartes (1649) defined emotions as the passions of the soul. In his
basic-emotion-approach, he claimed that there are six such simple ones
namely: wonder, love, hatred, desire, joy, and sadness. In his view, other
emotions are composed of combinations of some of these six. However,
Descartes did not believe women possessed souls!.
Spinoza (1677) presented a more economical abstract-three-dimensional
theory with only three variables namely: desire, joy and sadness.
Darwin (1872), who is the founder of the evolutionary approach to
emotion, pointed to the importance of the emotional system for the
survival of the human species. He treated emotions as mainly
communications or means for that survival.
Leventhal(1979, 1982) said emotions are produced by thoughts in the
brain and come in three kinds: what he called inborn, concrete, and higher
order.
All researchers have said that each of those variables has unique inborn
perceptual, organismic and expressive components. All authors have
stressed the importance of the facial expression of the expressive
component.
In every language there is a cluster of words which defines various
kinds of emotional phenomena. There are concrete names (anger, fear
etc.); there are words which describe typical emotional behavior of
individuals (weeping, laughing etc.); and there are also words that describe
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certain kinds of emotion i.e. moods, feelings, sensations etc. Woodworth

(1938) criticized those who excluded certain kinds of emotions having
special names like moods and feelings etc. He argued that semantic
reasons for the exclusion of phenomena from the emotional domain are
not good enough . Weinrich (1980) argued, in the same widening trend,
that even needs and drives are part of the emotional domain and are
excluded due to linguistic curiosities. So you see, no-one really agrees on
how much area the word emotion covers. Could it be then the feelings
produced?
Once more the eminent scientists find disagreement. Clore & Ortony
(1984) claim that the subjective experience follows emotional processes
but is not part of them.
Tomkins (1962/3) argued that the subjective feeling of emotion is the
result of feedback from the facial muscles that are involved in the
expression of emotion.
Leventhal (1979) claimed that the subjective feelings and the facial
expressions are parallel. He pointed to certain parts of the brain which feed
both the facial muscles and the mechanism of subjective feelings at the
same time.
Izard (1984) claimed that the subjective quality of emotional experience
remains unchanged throughout life.
It seems reasonable to us, the authors, that our experience of emotion is
probably some internal signalling system, carrying with it some notion of
fight or flight. Bodily expression wants to lead to or avert from some
consequential behaviour.
Some say the differences in emotion are just us thinking there are
differences but not feeling them as the differences. According to the
evolutionary theories each emotion comes from perception, but which?
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EMOTIONS
Hirschberg (1980) showed how discrimination among the same collection

of facial expressions by the same subjects differed according to the
changes in the instructions.
The basic primary emotions each have a unique facial expression.
According to Ekman et al. (1982), there are at least 7 such variables,
namely: happiness, interest, surprise, fear, anger, sorrow, disgust. In one
study (1986-7), 202 subjects (101 male and 101 female ) were able to
assess their emotional state at the time of the study itself by matching
their emotions to some pictured in 105 photographs, some natural and
some faked, and 148 words. ‘Disgust’ - caused confusion. Happiness was
found to be directly opposite to sorrow and not independent as was
expected. ‘Interest’ was relatively ambiguous. Shame was the opposite of
pride and there were contradictions too, between depression & distress,
alertness & boldness, indifference & complacency, haughtiness & pride,
and weariness & caution.
The above study showed there is scope for a multidimensional tool for
measuring emotional feelings and moods in daily life and that we all use
the same recognizable systems. It also showed you can actually talk about
emotions which means there is an aspect that is thought-directed and it is
not all about feelings. But taking one emotion at a time and putting it
under a microscope is rather difficult. Researchers do seem to agree
though, that different kinds of input activate different kinds of structures
i.e. the facial expressions activate the inborn structures of the concrete
basic-emotions and the verbal communication of emotion activates the
structures with the abstract content. In other words what people say to you
gets you going and how you react to things gives them a read-out on you.
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Interpretations
Always get yourself out of the way first, meaning your feelings on the
day or what is happening in your own life. These can affect your
assessments of others. There is a 1,200 year old tale warning about this. A
man who lost his axe suspected his neighbour’s son of stealing it. He
watched the way the boy walked and talked; just like a thief, and his facial
expressions and in fact everything he did were just like a thief. A few days
later he found his axe in his own cupboard where he hadn’t yet looked.
When he saw the neighbour’s son later that day, he noticed the lad’s
gestures and actions were quite unlike those of a thief.
Gypsy fortune tellers trained themselves to be neutral, so that they could
slow down their own energy and allow the energy of the person they were
talking to, to “come across”. When a car engine breaks it is nothing
personal against the owner, and a mechanic knows to stay dispassionate or
his head is not clear. For this reason the old fortune tellers did not ‘read’
for their own family and friends because they knew them too well.
When trying to assess somebody, try to imagine how your life and
therefore personality would be if you spoke, laughed, fidgeted etc in the
manner of the person opposite. This little strategy will give you much
information about them too, because we are all very much alike, and what
drives one of us drives us all.
The emotional scale
This is a technical exercise often used in drama courses. When many
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EMOTIONS
years ago I did it we sat in a circle on the floor and the tutor explained the
exercise. For any emotional expression, one can imagine, he said, a scale
of seven. Number one would be a slight beginning working up to number
seven which was the extreme. For example take despair. Number one
would be quiet disappointment two: head in the hands, three: actual
weeping, four: weeping and wringing of the hands, up to seven which
might be total shock or whatever. As a class we individually exercised
states in fear, anger, delight, etc.
The value of the exercise was that it enabled us all to access what our
bodies would do if we found ourselves in these states. But we had to keep
it technical and could not personally ‘buy into’ the states as if they actually
were operating. In this way the performance aspect was maximized.
Watching somebody being technically angry was far more safe and
therefore satisfying as an audience than watching them really suffering in
their role.
One by one we were called to the performing position and the tutor fired
a state at us coupled with a number, e.g. delight 5, jealousy 3, and we had
to put our body into that mode. Of much interest to all of us was what we
found our bodies doing when he suggested seven on any parameter.
Laughter 7 for one person might be rolling on the floor too paralytic to
utter a sound, yet for another, screaming, head rolled back, arms clutching
hips.
These states are inherent in our nervous systems, ready to be accessed
and not evoked until needed, if ever. Soldiers in war zones often report
levels of bravery or cowardice that they find themselves capable of, with
no prior warning. In my life I have had three situations of Fear 7. I know
now what I do. I go stiff, unable to move for about half a minute. I would
be no good in a public catastrophe that demanded instant action. But I’m
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stuck with it. I have to accept it. That’s just me.

The point is that our bodies have preset modes of expression waiting to
be unleashed. Each level of expression is symptomatic of the whole. When
we are emoting we are the most real, because we are not modifying
ourselves, we are letting it ‘all hang out’.
Our hearts are speaking and not our heads. We are more real and our
personalities are revealed.
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7. MIRRORING
We have all been placed in a new language environment for example in an
overseas country, and found ourselves adopting the language habits,
accents, intonations etc, of those around us in a matter of days. This is an
unconscious effort on our part to gain confidence and acceptance. It is
known that within a social unit (such as a family or a society) there are
usually more or less distinct local verbal and body language behaviours. If
a person sees another person with similar behavior, he might feel more
kinship with him since he might be a part of the social unit. This is
probably both genetic (compare the different mating behaviors which
distinguish different species and races and serve to separate them) and
behavioural (language traits may couple to xenophobia and kinship
emotions).
In the world of counselling, this has become known as pacing or
mirroring; and is a valid therapeutic tool.
Briefly stated, when A intentionally mimics B’s verbal language, B will
be more likely to have confidence in A. Conversely, when A’s body
language does not differ from B’s body language, there is no “replication
pressure” from B. This raises one crucial question: How does this person
determine the degree of “similarity” of another person’s behavior to his
own behavior? He must have an internal criterion, a perceptual instrument
to ‘measure’ the “kinship-ratio” of somebody he meets. According to the
measured degree of similarity, an emotional reaction follows. We can
assume the emotional reaction has indeed a genetic basis.
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The perceptual instrument itself however is far too complex to be

(entirely) genetic. We inherit it behaviourally from the people in our
social unit. The interesting thing is that this instrument will evolve towards
an instrument that not only MEASURES “distance in language-
space” (kinship-ratio), but also DEFINES it.
“I have a friend who shares many of my ‘ways of doing’, like my type
of humor, some styles of thinking, reactions to certain situations etc. That
has not always been so. It has grown in the years we have known each
other. When I see her do something I would have done likewise, or hear
her express a thought matching my way of thinking, I feel good. Not
because I love myself so much, but because it reminds me of the strong
bond we have, which is very dear to me.
I show her the feel-good, by putting a smile on my face. And she does
the same with me, when I say or do something matching her style. Such
feedback is just subtle enough to make me happy about what I said or did.
I can see it as a direct ‘conditioning’ effect, reinforcing the behavior
shown, and increasing the chance of me displaying the same pattern again
in similar situations later on.”
Let us turn around the reasoning: the feel-good and smiling are not the
effect of friendship, they are the cause of the ‘assimilation’ leading to
friendship. A plus-point of this change of perspective is that it answers a
question that is difficult to answer in the more usual “first person”
perspective: how do I so efficiently recognize my own patterns of behavior
in another person’s behavior? The answer is: my language behaviours are
especially designed to do that efficiently, because its their way of
replicating. I do not have to learn it myself.
I do not smile to her because I like her — I think I like her because I
notice that I smile to her. If I extend the smile to a laugh or make verbal
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MIRRORING
comments designed to maintain contact, we both stay happy.

If you are with a stranger, watch for imitating voice inflexions, laughter
that sounds too willing, and signs that he wants you to take the higher
status. Does he let you change the subject, does he let you decide when the
conversation is to end? If so, this person desires your approval, wishes to
impress you and so may be easily led by you.
If on the other hand he shows signs of impatience and can’t wait to get
away, forget it! You are wasting your time and his. You are trying to build
a relationship and he is blocking you. Better to devote your time to
someone who is a more worthy cause. Or as they say, it’s easier to change
your friends than change your recipes!
Mirroring when dealing with children
Allow your child to lead.

Rather than being a helper, a mover or a teacher, it is better to be a
responsive partner who encourages communication by following the
child’s initiations with sensitive, appropriate responses.
What to do
 Be face to face - share your child’s focus.
 Wait for your child to express himself in his way, instead of

anticipating his needs or interrupting his attempts to communicate.
 Imitate and interpret your child’s actions and sounds, instead of
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pressuring him to talk.

 Match your child’s emotional tone and energy level, instead of
imposing your own fixed way on how and when things should be
done.
The pleasure and reward that your child experiences when his attempts to
communicate are interpreted, understood, and responded to, become the
prime motivator in nourishing his eager enthusiasm to communicate.
Sounds easy but ...
Each child differs in their interest and ability to communicate.

Some children often initiate conversations - some children do not.
Some children usually respond - some do not.
Adapt to “share the moment”
Being sensitive to your child’s repertoire of changing moods and

behaviours will help you adapt your own behaviour, so you can share
experiences that will help your child learn. It is a real challenge to adapt
your behaviour when - Your child is PASSIVE, seldom initiates, appears
unable to understand, and shows little interest in connecting with others, or
your child is SHY, speaks only when spoken to, and doesn’t use the
communication skills he has,
What to do when your child is shy
 Instead of taking over for your child and being afraid of those
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MIRRORING
silent moments, you can set up and create opportunities for your
child to communicate.
 Remember to take the time to Observe, Wait and Listen.
 Adapt your position to be face to face with your child.
 Repeat pleasurable routines until your child is able to anticipate

what comes next, then wait for your child to respond in his way.
 Arouse your child’s curiosity by setting up new high interest

opportunities for him to explore.
 Tempt your child with activities that have a special interest for him.
 Imitate and interpret any subtle attempt to communicate.
When in doubt as to what to do, DON’T HESITATE - IMITATE!
A child who has his own agenda is not interested in yours.

Sharing experiences with a child who has his own agenda is indeed a
challenge. It may be because he doesn’t yet know how to share his
interests. He appears to be totally focused on what he chooses to do
himself, and unwilling to share his experience with you. Similarly, it may
be hard to entice him into sharing an activity you have chosen. His
behaviour seems to say - “I’d rather play my game alone” or “I don’t want
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to play your game”.
What to do when your child has their own agenda
 Discover ways to share familiar routines.
 Set up new, high-interest activities, e.g., ball, water play, wind-up

toys, balloons, bubbles, rough ‘n tumble games.
 You may need to adapt the activity or the position of your body, in
order to be face to face with your child.
 Watch for and accept any subtle attempts to communicate e.g., a

quick look, a change in body position, a change in facial
expression or voice. Respond immediately.
 Imitate and interpret your child’s behaviour to let him know that
you accept and respect what he is doing or saying.
FIND A WAY OF SHARING WITH YOUR CHILD ANY ACTIVITY

OR ROUTINE THAT THEY ENJOY.
When your child is SOCIABLE, enjoys interacting with others, but has
difficulty expressing himself clearly, help him learn better ways of
communicating.
How able and enthusiastic your child will become as a conversational
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MIRRORING
partner depends largely on how you respond to his efforts to communicate.
What to do when your child is not sociable
 Listen carefully, and acknowledge your child’s attempts to

communicate. Interpret your child’s message - Say it as they would
if they could - say it correctly.
 Continue the conversation by making statements and comments on

your child’s topic.
 Include him in your daily routines, and take the time to wait for
your child to participate with you.
 Save questions for times when you genuinely want to know what
your child is thinking.
 The pleasure your child feels and the success the experience when
the two of you “talk” together, will make all the difference!
NOTHING SUCCEEDS LIKE SUCCESS!
Add language and education
Children communicate from the moment they are born. As they mature
and are given opportunities to learn, they gradually develop clearer, more
conventional ways of communicating.
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Knowing your child’s development level will help you allow your child
to lead, adapt to “share the moment”, and add language and experience- all
with realistic expectations.
In the beginning, you may intuitively interpret your child’s sounds and
body language as meaningful. His smiles, cries, screams, and wiggles, are
in fact, primarily reflexive at this early stage and are not deliberate
behaviors, or efforts to communicate.
Then, as he begins to reach out and explore his environment, although
your child still does not consciously communicate with you, it is easier for
you to interpret his facial expressions, body language, and sounds .
At these early stages, you play the critical role in helping your child
become aware of the power and pleasure of communication.
What to do
 Imitate your child’s sounds or actions, then add something new.
 Use gestures when you talk.
 Name people and label things in which your child shows interest.
 Emphasize key words and exaggerate facial expressions.
 Talk in short, simple sentences about what’s happening.
 Slow down your rate of speech.
 Show the objects you are talking about to your child.
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MIRRORING
Now your child is beginning to develop that all-important interest in

connecting with those around him. He has taken the giant step towards
learning to communicate. His attempts to interact confirm to you his
emerging communication skills. He looks to make sure you are paying
attention to what interests him. Speech is emerging and he points, uses
gestures, acts out and makes sounds that stand for words.
Emphasize short words your child may be able to imitate and express.
Add slightly longer phrases which he can understand but not yet say.
Vary what you talk about, e.g. people, events, objects, location of things,
actions which you or your child are doing, feelings, descriptive qualities
(hot, cold, soft, hard, Mommy’s, yours, Daddy’s, big, happy, sleepy, etc.).
Repetitions crucial
Some children need 10 repetitions of an action, word or phrase before
they will attempt it, while others need 200 repetitions. Do not expect your
child to use words that are not very familiar to him. Change occurs
gradually. Realistic expectations are the key to success.
Language is learned within the natural conversations of daily living, and
life is full of opportunities for interaction. There’s always another chance -
later in the hour, day or week. Remember S.O.S. Keep it Short, Often and
Simple,...and most important - enjoy sharing this fulfilling adventure in
communication!
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8. LAUGHTER STYLES
Most laughs fall into a handful of categories, which makes readings so
delightfully easy and straightforward. There is not nearly so much to learn
as there is in all the facets of palmistry or astrology. Once you are familiar
with the groupings in this book you will find you listen more attentively
when your subject does laugh, and you will get to the stage whereby you
can instantly form a mental picture of where that person’s life is right now,
and the direction they are heading.
1. THE BEST LAUGH
The Laugh
There is nothing nicer than hearing a free laugh with no restraints, no

hands up to the mouth, an air of having all the time in the world to enjoy
and savour any joke. Such people seek to continue the laughing situation,
once they have found something to laugh at, by the use of add-ons, which
are little side bits to the joke. The add-ons ‘keep the kettle boiling’.
Interpretation
In relationships, the person who laughs freely represents a very sexual

force. Sexuality embodies independence, will power, capability, and
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ambition, as well as fairness and sensitivity. Strong determination is

evident, great persistence and someone whose word is their bond. This
person is always open to learning, and not necessarily academic but also in
matters of people and relationships. These people love children and
animals. Growth of love is evident and a deepening of relationship and
above all, harmony. A good sense of humour, a slightly unusual one, and
one that rescue you out of tight situations.
Report
At school you discovered you could make people laugh, and this has
stayed with you through your adult life. The larger the laugh, the greater
the sense of the ridiculous. You are caring, and have been a late starters in
new fields, but once you grab the baton you run with it all the way to the
finishing line, often beating everyone, sometimes much to your own
astonishment. As a business prospect, if I wanted someone to run
something, it would be somebody like you with an innate sense of
responsibility and clear-headedness, much truth-seeking and the gathering
of knowledge ,a person with wisdom and therefore the well-earned respect
from others. Whatever happens you will be able to handle it well, in many
cases better than you actually have to! You are someone who can make
decisions which, although not always the right ones, will be ones you
stand by until you are proven wrong.
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2. HOLDING-BACK LAUGHTER
The Laugh
Relates to inactivity, to stifling: A variation is the guffaw ending

abruptly, or a hand making a token gesture to cover the mouth. Eyes
darting side to side during laughing.
Interpretation
Although this person has tremendous abilities, only others can see them
for the worth they really are and the good they can do. This person has a
real contribution to make but self-doubt holds them to a lower level of
achievement. Pessimistic about relationships, career moves, and life in
general. His confidence fluctuates, working best if quietly making his
mind up for himself and then acting. Sometimes the action is missing;
good ideas come but the person can do nothing with them.
The getting started is often the hardest part. These people put their
energy and enthusiasm into close relationships and want to be close to
people they like. They invariably see the positive side of people they meet,
yet imagine that everyone is living successfully except them. They can be
creative but often lack motivation to finish what they start.
A person holding back is really holding things from himself, really not
looking at what he knows he should be looking at. He is afraid to move
forward, afraid of the consequences of moving in a wrong or doubtful way.
The good side to this is caution, but overall we can see that such a person
has been hurt and suffered setbacks. perhaps in childhood a dominant
person restricted their movements and set unfair limitations; perhaps a
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dominant person is still there in some capacity even if it comes entirely

from within as a religious conscience. Many times if there is another and
more dominant figure around that is charging ahead, the person feels cast
aside in what is perceived as the wash left by a passing boat. He feels
unable or unwilling to match that other person’s energy.
There is scattered energy for trying new ways. Where there has been
little self esteem in the past, this has been steadily changing with wisdom
of the years. The past focus on sexuality and resentment will give way to
more tolerance and acceptance of others. Fear, frustrations and danger
from unseen sources will also abate. Where views were materialistically
determined, now humanitarian interests begin to show. This is a time of
the overthrow of false ideas and habit patterns. Also averted just in time is
the potential catastrophe due to negative actions recently or from the past.
Accepting changes releases fear and promotes better health. New
insights bring hope and faith. A need to curb speech and spend time alone.
Bound to the world by physical and material greed. Desire for social
success and acceptance. Little sense of humour. Procrastination. Easily
fooled by others. Irresponsible actions. Drugs or liquor used for escapism.
Little or no trust in a higher power, Gullible. Focus too much on physical
or material fields.
Report
Nothing seems to be going right, even though you have been doing your
very best; the cards seem stacked against you. If it wasn’t for a very few
handful of close associates, and one in particular, it seems at times like
there isn’t much to be optimistic about. You need to meditate, and devote
time to accommodate the will and desires of others without neglecting
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your own. Believe that things will work out, that what has happened will
be overcome and the feelings about it will pass. Keep your feet on the
ground and stay in balance. Positive growth in spiritual studies indicated.
Be creative and you will remain healthy. Time to make changes.
Take a chance on a new venture, possibly involving travel. Let go of old
ties in business or relationships that are no longer working for you. A
sense or re-evaluation, a slight change in the quality of your life,
fortunately for the better. You have come through an intense period of
frustration. There have been times when you have felt like giving it all
away. But I can also sense a strong resolution to carry on and make a
success of your life. Money matters have not always been easy but thanks
to hard work and a degree of thriftiness you are coming on top of all that. I
can see investments ahead of you, one in particular which provides
happiness and security for anyone close to you. I can see clear thinking,
and new and serious investigation of different opportunities that are about
to just around the corner. Past struggles meant you worked extremely hard
with little to show for it at the end of the day. You made sacrifices because
of the person you are, and few realized that.
Your hard work will now start to pay off. A busy person with so much
on their plate they don’t know where to start. Lack of time to pursue all
interests, so some things are getting away from you. Every time you get a
space you fill it up very quickly. This person is, thwarting their own
efforts. They get in their own way and often find themselves blaming
others for their own self-blocking. They are typically not in control of their
own life, resenting those around them they imagine are making them do
things they don’t want to do. They have generally learnt things the hard
way, controlling their sensitivity and hiding strong feelings. I can see you
channeling this sensitivity into better and more fruitful areas, so that what
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was a hindrance will in time become a blessing.

Much of your vitality is just waiting for the right opportunity to
blossom. An easy error would be to try to do everything at once. Take
things one day at a time but don’t be over-cautious either! Watch for your
chance and be ready to move forward when the opportunity presents itself.
A big change in this regard is just around the corner and will happen in the
next six months. In fact the forces of change have already begun.
You need peace and quiet to perform well, and there have been times
when this has been impossible to achieve. You have been so caught up by
events of the moment and the demands of people around you that you have
not been able to devote time to yourself that has been sorely needed for
your own inner reserves. Consequently they have been allowed to run
down and there is a need for rejuvenation. No new goals, boredom,
mundane-ness, life’s a drag. Where you have seen no immediate reward
for your efforts to forge ahead financially, you have often become
discouraged. Marriage has brought sadness, with less fulfillment than what
was promised. You imagine you are stuck in a circle in which money never
seems to materialize as you want it and the pressure often seems to mount
up unfairly, because you are the one held largely accountable for where the
money goes.
3. FORCED LAUGH
The Laugh
Sometimes a less-than-kind sound, a forced laugh can be ‘dressed-up’ to
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appear gentle in an attempt to hide derision. It is a controlled sound, let out

for effect, with an eye on the audience to see how they’ll react. Fear seems
to be evident; typically they do not let themselves laugh freely because
they have forgotten the pathway to free expression. Quick to anger, slow to
forgive.
Interpretation
Something is being hidden, insecurities and inadequacies are imagined

which the person would rather others did not know about. Fickle and
superficial, he can be unkind with words and gossip and can even be
mentally unstable. Has been known to rebel against perceived authority, is
domineering, demanding, controlling at work or in social situations. Much
of this person’s modes of speaking and laughing springs from insecurity
and denial in early childhood, possibly an ill child in early years who
sought to overcome in later life as many obstacles and seek as many
challenges as possible.
Immigrants often have this laugh, who have taken some while to
readjust and find their feet in a new environment. Proud of their
achievements and impatient for their children to succeed, they succumb to
passionate temper and bitter disappointment when their dreams and efforts
are not realized. Sometimes they appear unloving and no fun to be with,
which they fail to see in themselves and in their relationships. Often they
give too little too late, although at heart their intentions are genuinely
generous. It is just that their own emotional baggage is in the way of
seeing others’ situations clearly. Business practices are not always honest,
tainted by anger, resentment and jealousy. Very often this is because of
psychological damage in early childhood. Often this person had an
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unfortunate role-model in which one person was always angry at another.

A childhood without over-riding joy, it is as if their very laugh too was
taken away from them by unreasonable parents who made so many
demands, they were not allowed to be and experience themselves.
Accordingly, knowing little else in their adulthood, and assuming nobody
is entitled to be themselves, they try to exert that role model onto other
people.
Judgemental, critical, will argue just for the sake of it, ambitious, they
feel they have to prove themselves before they will be taken seriously.
They therefore often set almost impossibly high standards of themselves.
Report
Busy, busy and always on the go, you would probably be at a total loss
if you woke up one morning and found nothing to do. This does bode well
in advancing age, because you will never be short of activities which
keeps the mind forever young; consequently you will live long.
Consequently too, as you know you have not been without, in some cases,
considerable achievements and successes. The work ethic has ruled
paramount and in fact work has been something to plunge into in order to
forget inner issues.
You have an eye for quality and will generally buy the best, whatever it
is. Sometimes you will refusing to shop around because you believe that
the best will cost the most anyway. Stubborn and impatient, your sexual
orientations are not always the tenderest. You worry a lot about what you
perceive as a constant threat to your freedom, which you believe is always
in jeopardy.
Now is the time to make changes, to take chances on new ventures with
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no calculating thoughts as to the measure of their successes in monetary

terms, but merely because they feel like good ideas. New experiences are
available right now and should be reached for with much gusto.
4. THE CACKLE
The Laugh
Shrill cry-like laugh, noisy and inconsequential, boasting and brittle,

resembling foolish chatter, an air of fragility just before breaking point,
snappish.
Interpretation
A person in danger of risking everything on a single venture, of acting

impulsively in a manner almost guaranteed to fall flat on his face. Such a
person taunts everyone in sight with dares and practical jokes. Enjoys the
misfortunes of others and urges and spurs them into his crazy schemes. He
tries to offer advice to persons more experienced than himself.
Report
Your sadness on the inside has been well hidden by a jolly exterior.
However, you are still hurting much from events of the past. No matter
how hard you tried, you could never please the person who mattered to
you most. There is a need to move on; healing will come in its own good
time and no amount of forcing it or hiding completely from it will hasten
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the process. Be thankful that there are people in your life who depend on
you and admire your qualities. These are whom your energies should be
bestowed upon.
5. THE GIGGLE
The Laugh
Childish, short high-pitched convulsive sounds, nervous, as if trying to

suppress mirth. Spasmodic. Tittering in bursts. Owner is not in control,
undisciplined.
Interpretation
This person enjoys taking on the character of someone ill-bred. There is

a lack of self-discipline, a pretending to be girlish. When giggling is
carried on, it is a sign that the person is selfish and does not care, is
controlled by peer pressure, and has fallen victim to a loss of
independence. It is a sign of someone mischievous bordering on antisocial.
There is a situation which still prevails, whereby the relationship with at
least one parent (the dominant one) has been frustrating; it indicates that
the parents’ expectancies have been unrealistic and restricting. This person
has a great and creative sense of fun, but which is often submerged
because of other priorities at work which must be cleared away first. A
new stage of lightness may be about about to begin. If so, this person will
feel younger, more frivolous, and with more zest. She will look younger
too.
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Report
The gift of seeing the funny side of things is worth sharing and is for
you a major priority. You may or may not be fully aware of it, but you are
about to burgeon forth in a new direction. You might hesitate though,
thinking it might not be the correct path, and that you might make the
wrong decision. The rule to remember is, if you make it, the decision will
be right.
Special skills have not till now been utilized and with some hard work
and some goal-setting you will surprise everyone, including yourself, with
what you can achieve. For you, life is only just beginning but you need to
take that step and move away from hiding behind your friends. Perhaps
you feel things are not entirely in your hands at this moment, but you have
only to reach out and grab what is being offered to you. Roadways are
indicated, a course is waiting to be taken which appears to be a challenge.
You will rise to defeat it.
6. THE HAUGHTY LAUGH
The Laugh
This laugh is very much like the forced laugh, but it is more snobby and
shorter. There is derision in the voice, and rather than being a voice the
owner wants people to hear, it is a laugh that he or she feels bothered to
have had to do. It is therefore an annoyed sound, strained and ranges from
lacking in energy to something entirely too loud for the size of the room it
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is made in.
Interpretation
Fear rules this person’s life, perhaps a deeply pious person or one who
has recently acquired new wealth, perhaps a widow. One not born to the
lifestyle they now find themselves surrounded by. This person can emerge
unscathed from unhappy and unsuccessful relationships. She can bounce
back immediately and find her feet quicker than most. It is not that she is
cold or hard-hearted, rather practical in her approach to life.
Report
You are a person of high intelligence, who can see through most
people’s little games and ploys. People cannot hide from your scrutiny and
you will accurately sum them up as soon as you lay eyes on them! If you
like someone, she will be your friend for life, but if not there will be little
she can do to gain your respect. You are not an especially affectionate
person, but you are most likely to be someone high-boned and alarmingly
attractive physically. You person want what you want as soon as you want
it and you are not prepared to wait.
7.THE CHORTLE
The Laugh
A short chuckle, almost in embarrassment at having released it. A solid

laugh with no deception intended. Indicative of someone enjoying what he
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is doing. A chortle of delight can often give rise to the ‘happy valley’
laugh , and a gale of wonderment and recognition that thrives wherever
truth invades the land of resisted shadows. These laughs are found
wherever consciousness is nurtured by someone with a strong interest in
the future. Like the ‘best laugh’, it never quite dies away even when the
owner is asleep.
Interpretation
A person who is industrious, good and benevolent, with a sober

disposition. Slow to arouse but amorous and can be a good lover. I see a
successful life and many children, or projects successfully completed. For
a woman, this laugh indicates she will have a child who may become
famous. She will have many children and a good marriage. For a man, he
will be fond of women and may perhaps spend too much time pursuing
them. He will be lucky in all he undertakes. A cowardly disposition is
noted, but this could also mean caution and avoidance in conflict
situations.
Report
You are given to excess in all things, and will enjoy an easy life though
not necessarily a luxurious one. Nevertheless, your soul will be content. A
person faithful to family and friends. In life, moderate success, and all you
will receive you will have earned. You will never promise more than you
can perform, but nevertheless will be held in high esteem. Generous, open
disposition. Well mannered and gallant. A lover of love rather than of sex,
although not to excess. There is a slight obstacle at present, but it is only
temporary. Variety is very important to you, as you tire of restriction and
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limitations imposed by others.
8. THE SLOW LAUGH
The Laugh
A thoughtful, hesitant titter, caution indicated.
Interpretation
A person with an inner restlessness, someone who wants to know and

understand what makes everything tick. This is a private search, by
someone on a road less travelled, rather than taking the main highway
through life. A person given to much reflection and searching, someone
reluctant to be too frank with too many people, keeping the inner self
protected. There is an inner glowing, a strong spark that will never go out.
He possesses a faith that steadily grows from small beginnings. He seeks
periods on his own to meditate, to become at peace with the universe. An
independent person, who is content to battle on on his own, right from the
day he was born. He insists on making his own decisions.
People often give advice and mean well by it, but it is not necessarily
acted upon, at times much to their annoyance. It is as if there is a
magnificent purple cloak about him, setting him apart for a special purpose
and a unique path to travel away from the noisy crowd.
Happenings in the past may have handicapped and held back, but at the
moment there is a sense of an opportunity to break free bonds of that
nature. Quite often been he has been too nice to people, and they
subsequently imposed, causing him to pull away. This would have caused
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some misunderstanding. The chance of that happening again is less likely

now as he can stand up to himself more with the passing of time.
Sample Reading
There are glimmerings ahead of events that will open out and draw new
horizons in relationships and in business. You will always need a lot of
room around you so you can do your own thing. You take things one step
at a time and one day could astound the world. You will always be busy,
with a close family life coupled with lots and lots of outside interests.
Although well known, you have not a wide circle of real friends, but a
dedicated small group and two real companions. Despite your need for
privacy, others find you are pretty hard to keep up with at times. Basically
very tactful and diplomatic, you are able to tell people where to go in such
a way that they do not realize until they are halfway down the street. You
can sugar-coat the pill, which is very useful in work circles, making you
very easy to get along with.
9. THE FAST LAUGH
The Laugh
A racing flurry of ha-has, sometimes over as quickly as they began. The

sounds move swiftly, resembling a pennant fluttering in a strong breeze.
At times a release, unrestrained, that can sound like birds singing or far-
off bells.
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Interpretation
This person shows a lot of different abilities, versatile, with ups and
downs that have dictated the course of life so far. A student of life,
disposed to flout conventional or moral standards, who keeps always
learning and growing. Especially active sexually! She enjoys good health
and will slowly be becoming better off financially. She likes doing many
things at once, and leaves many men for dead once she gets going! Her
family will remain very close and supportive always, although not always
be able to express it and in one case may be giving an opposite impression.
Sometimes in her haste she will seize upon something or someone and
single them out for attack. Most times they will have deserved it!
Report
There is a need to slow down and smell the coffee, and watch that the
confidence doesn’t get too much so that things and people get taken for
granted. Very often big matters may be missed because of too much
attention given to putting out small fires. Security is most important to you
and you know the importance of building a solid foundation. Accordingly,
in everything you do you mean well and work solidly and tightly for the
benefit of family and business.
You have attracted some criticism because you don’t suffer fools gladly.
You can be flirtatious and this has gotten you into trouble in the past
because others confuse your intentions. Once people take the trouble to
really get to know you, they find a very soft puppy interior, even though
on the outside you portray a strong-minded ambitious person. There is an
equal amount of willpower and logic. This is an ideal combination. It
means you think something through and then go out and do it. It is a good
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indication of success.
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9. SPEAKING STYLES
We have identified just 9 distinct speaking styles to listen for. They are
listed below, followed by their interpretations and a sample reading.
1. GRUFFNESS
The Speech
Rather expressionless, short clipped, punchy, no waste, only talk when

something specific to say, more often loud than soft, more often deep
pitched, expressing annoyance, indifference, strain or effort, surliness,
reluctance to approve, laconic, brusque, stern-ness, harshness.
Interpretation
This person comes across as abrupt, sometimes impolite. An implication

is there of roughness in manner and a forbidding aspect. Many times this
is a misinterpretation. Although impulsive, rudeness is not his intent.
Although a calculating person, the calculation is usually directed toward
successful outcomes, not negative ones. He has a good, shrewd, very
practical brain and the ability to use it well. He can quickly get to the
bottom of things and work them out for himself. Because a lot is taken on
trust, disappointments ensue when people do not match his level of effort
or preciseness. And while he finishes everything that he starts, those who
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don’t can annoy him intensely.

Basically a logical person, with long fingers, experiences have not
brought wisdom or understanding, according to the assessments of close
friends. Yet in a hypnotic way, they find themselves caught up in this
person’s world. He uses gruffness to separate, but not to cause loss.
However there is a need for him to let go of negative experiences and seek
happiness, now. Because of his considerable mental powers and the
respect that he receives for this, he can be a leader in his field. He must use
sexual energy wisely.
The world is cyclic, and the wheels turn slowly. He must remember too,
that there is always the choice of running away or staying to face the
music. Being outspoken is good, because people know where they stand
with him. A rebellious streak revealed itself at an early age. Some gruff
speakers become revolutionaries and want to change the world, only to
find they often can’t count on the support their colleagues once promised.
They express their anger and dismay toward governments and social
systems and the hampering that is caused by red tape.
What is going on around him fascinates him, and he finds his brain
working overtime these days in ways he never did before. This person
finds it hard shrugging off bad patches or minor setbacks and tends to
overact in adversity, which makes him differ from most people. There is a
sound money side, but it has been crossed, so that he has had to work hard
to get to where he is. He is very good with money when he has it; it is just
the getting of it that is been the hard part. He tends to blame himself and
others for misfortunes beyond his and their control. Because this takes up
precious time and energy, sometimes he is lacking in fighting spirit when
it is most needed.
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Report
Gruff speech is associated with the ability to withdraw immediately

from unhappy and unsuccessful relationships, before the other party even
is aware of what’s happening. You do not feel you are an especially
affectionate person. You may act in self defence and self interest, but you
sometimes unwittingly leave behind a number of shattered people and you
are unaware of the havoc or pain you might have caused. You are very
good at helping others, and there is no shortage of those wishing to make
use of your friendship for that reason.
If they approach you in the right way you are very easy to get on with,
but if they approach you the wrong way you can dig your toes in and be a
bit stubborn! This is good as it shows that people can’t walk all over you.
You may have been a bit too nice earlier on in life, but you can certainly
stand up for yourself now.
2. GENTLENESS
The Speech
Easily managed, contained, quietness, tenderness, kindness, mildness,

freedom from severity, amiable, easy to respond to, docile, tame, gradual
shifts, denoting well-born.
Interpretation
A patient person, with a kindly disposition, not in any way harsh or

severe. This is a person with a great deal of sophistication and charm, one
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who can fit into any group. If a woman, she always presents herself well
and subsequently comes across well. Public relations is this person’s forte
and she would be good at selling or any service industry that would enable
her to help people in some way. This person is a born nurse. Good taste, a
strong aesthetic sense, and, something she has to watch, expensive tastes
that are way beyond her means. But it doesn’t hurt to dream.
One day she will everything that her heart desires. The hardest part is
knowing what she wanted in the first place. She has a highly developed
inner life but confusion and some subdued annoyance has been often
present between what she has desired and what she has been allowed, by
others, to have. If a man, he will always get what he wants in the end by
marching to the beat of his own drum. Although there have been times
when his efforts have not been fully appreciated, the world is a better place
for his giving open nature. This is a stage of mental and spiritual growth.
Intuition at this time is very keen, as is goal orientation. Something worth
working for is in sight and should be pursued with vigour. It is the right
thing coming at exactly the right time.
Report
As a child you would have been easy to manage and a delight to your
relatives and their friends, even if the relationship with your parents was
rocky. You receive plenty of genuine love from the people you adore,
however the people you adore may appear secretive at times or find it hard
to get the words out that would reassure you. All the same, their actions
will be an indication of the regard they have for you. You need to aim as
high as you can.
Because you are an intense and emotional person, you find
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confrontations difficult, with the result that people can, if you are not
vigilant, take you for granted. But you are entitled to the same rights that
anybody else has, and that includes the right to be respected. Sometimes
people around you need to be reminded of that. You have a good sense of
humour and can laugh at things, fortunately this has been a saving grace at
times. You have an interest in the psychic and could develop these abilities
and take it a very long way very easily. Always act on your feelings as
they will invariably be correct.
3. HAUGHTINESS
The Speech
High and mighty, arrogant, affected dignity, pious. Usually slightly

louder than those around her.
Interpretation
This is someone with a chilly disposition and the ability to withdraw at a

moment’s notice from a meeting or social obligation, giving little or no
reason for doing so. This person must learn to control negative thinking
because she imagines enemies to be hiding under the bed. She is pedantic,
fussy and an overemphasis on detail. One could even label her eccentric,
especially if she is an artist. In relationships there is a sense of emotional
drain. However, self respect rides high and reliability. Fears and doubts
about life in the future occupy her mind, and many nights she dreams of
potential loss or separation from a loved one.
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She takes the problems of poverty, hunger and disadvantaged children

on her own shoulders and wants to save the whole world. As well she
worries far more than she needs to about the welfare of those she loves. It
is in her intuition that she places most faith and what she listens to in times
of difficulty. She can be swayed by an emotional argument, or someone
with a chequebook.
Report
Moodiness and indecisiveness are your chief enemies, not people. You
are someone no stranger to mood swings, and who may be influenced by
the forces of the full moon, either positively or negatively. You are
probably also fascinated by the occult and the mysterious, although you
keep a healthy distance from the real McCoy.
You give your all in whatever employment you find yourself, especially
if the needs of people are involved. Because you tend to admire bluntness
and honesty, many people who do not know you well give you a wide
berth, but this is their loss. They see you as a person with needs that can
drive someone to ruthless actions. They see only the anger and resentment
which stems from your impatience with people who do not come up to
your standard.
It is true you are an idealist and a perfectionist and have critical views. It
is true you are strong willed, sharp-tongued and temperamental. But you
really have a heart of gold, despite your sometimes fierce exterior.
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SPEAKING STYLES
4. RASPINESS
The Speech
Coarse sounding, file-like, rough, grating, irritating, sadness or

tenseness expressed.
Interpretation
This person is somewhat jealous of people who seem to be more

adequate in coping with the complexities of life. She is conscientious,
prepared to work hard and eager to please any superiors, even if she might
not agree with authority in general. A bright, sometimes even
scatterbrained person, who is capable of talking the hind-legs off a donkey
once she gets going. Quick and perceptive, it is not easy to fool her,
although sometimes she puts forth a demeanour of dullness that suggests
simplemindedness. One is much more likely to be fooled by her, or at least
get roped into helping her complete one of her schemes.
Report
You always seem to have a few pots on the boil, and with a combination
of drive and charm you are able to complete most of them with the help of
others. I see a house that resembles a railway station, with all sorts of
projects going on at once and people coming and going.
Sometimes your considerable creative energies are wasted in over-
indulgences. Money is always an issue, there never seems to be enough,
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and the future always seems totally bleak. But amazingly things seem to
turn up at the last minute. You have a need to curb speech and spend time
alone, to overthrow false ideas and re-examine old habit patterns. Strife
and discord regarding family members and flatmates hampers your
progress, but once changes are accepted there is a release of fear. New
insights will bring hope and faith.
5. MACHINE-GUN DELIVERY
The Speech
Irregular, staccato, monotonous, speaking at rather than with, display of

aggression concealing shyness, full-onness, don’t let others get a word in,
wall-like, keeping people at arm’s length.
Interpretation
Some difficulty in earlier years has been experienced in coming to grips

with reality. Also in the past there has been a mismanagement of affairs
due to the unwise delegating of trust. Striving aspirations are now
supported by physical stamina. He can have a clear lucid mind but he can
also be stand-offish. He is impressed by sporting achievements and has a
powerful desire to mix with successful people rather than losers. A
materialistic outlook, ambitious and traditional, this person has a good
business sense which sometimes poorly substitutes for a lack of strong
inner centre and moral conscience, which could better sustain his
personality in the long run.
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SPEAKING STYLES
This person can be dissatisfied with what is achieved, always looking

for new experiences and enterprises. He can escape from the reality of
every-day into activity, and sometimes bites off more than he can chew.
There is a somewhat disproportionate desire for money. He or she is
interested in a schooling or career and reaching the top of their profession.
He is upset and unforgiving when crossed, has only one or two close
friends, and finds it difficult to form new relationships. Rather than trust
that he is worthy enough, he may try in various ways to ‘buy’ friendships
with favours. Yet he doesn’t have to do this: at heart he is loveable, like a
puppy, with an overbearing sense of fun. Sometimes, probably due to his
naturally competitive nature, he may become a little over-enthusiastic and
cause people to drift away. Because of his tunnel-vision he might
afterwards wonder what he did. He has learned to be very selective in his
choice of close friends. One or two in particular have betrayed him badly
in the past. It may appear that he tries to use others to help attain specific
goals. However, this is a give and take situation and he will be generous
almost to a fault as well.
Report
As much as you watch money, you must also watch health, because your
focus drifts too easily towards money. Lower energy levels can lead to
health problems, so it is important that you stay busy. You can apply
tremendous pressures on yourself to perform, and if you get a goal in sight
you will not let anything stand in your way. You will hold on until it
reaches fruition, or die first!
Dishonesty can be a temptation you must carefully avoid. It will create
discord and lack of trust from others. You are not one who can work well
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with others cheek-by-jowl, or with some superior breathing down your

neck. Because of the need for space, some distancing can lead to self-
imposed loneliness and isolation. Uncontrolled desires may be harmful. Be
careful of expectations, as they may be unrealistic at times, keep your feet
on the ground and above all be sensible. Trust yourself.
6. SMILING VOICE
The Speech
Pleasant intimacy, desire to please, to find favour and seek approval,

anxiousness concealed, honesty, naivety, the Julie Andrews-like
quintessential All-Mother’s’voice, that depicted in TV ads for wash-
powder etc, sometimes displaying false excitement.
Interpretation
Although at times impulsive, this person never does anything too silly.
This is the person of common-sense, one with feet firmly on the ground.
Sense though of subservience - they don’t believe they ever really get their
own way. Always eager, anxious to please others, they are people who
need to be liked. They are inclined to be slowish, hesitant folk with narrow
aspirations. Strong self-control is evident, almost to the point of denying
themselves access to their creative imaginations. They are intellectually
balanced people with good aesthetic sense.
If a woman, she is likely to be considerate, modest and optimistic,
radiating seductiveness and resilience, capable of intense and sensational
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SPEAKING STYLES
physical passion. She would like nothing on this earth better than to own a
red sports car! She will hold fast to a principle and feel mightily impugned
if justice is denied her.
She makes contact easily with acquaintances, but has almost no-one she
can call in the middle of the night if she is in real trouble. Quick to enter
marriage, she is very sensitive but liable to make mistakes in the choice of
partners for intimate longterm relationships. Sincere, reliable and honest,
she will defend her ideals with intelligence, firmness and persuasion.
Inspires confidence in others by being able to communicate easily with
them. Everything is in its proper place and in this person one finds a trace
of old-fashioned values.
Report
You can always jump in and think afterwards, but you never go too far.
A contented inner being which works best in a harmonious environment
and needs peace and quiet to perform well. I can see times when this has
been impossible to achieve. It is as if the busyness of daily life has held
you back, and you have been so involved in the pressing matters of today,
that you haven’t even been able to think about your hidden talents. I can
see periods where you will be learning and growing in an almost monastic
setting. I don’t mean by that that you are going to set yourself apart from
the human race; rather that you will be able to find time to retreat into
yourself and develop. You are a good judge of character, and can think
ahead. I see much progress for you. Blue is good for you at this time. It
tells of the heights and infinity of the sky and the depths and tranquility of
the sea.
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7. CHILD’S VOICE
The Speech
As in a child calling Mu-u-um, whining, wanting, needing, desire to

remain powerless and submissive.
Interpretation
A naive person, but one with a look to kill if she is crossed. Feelings of
superiority and a swollen head, this person may have an inner need for
notoriety, holding the stage, hosting large parties and exaggerating events.
It is someone who strives and has high ambitions and desires, but little
self-confidence. For a woman, she lacks balance and consolidation, and
her endeavours may not be substantiated in reality. This is a person with
her head in the air who does not sense where she is going. She is slow to
react, but once she gets going, can be a formidable force. She is
introverted who really desires to be more outward going in company and
regrets her shyness. She is well likely to be a poetess, committing to paper
her larger personality.
There has been a time of struggle in the past, as if she was working hard
and making little headway spiritually. Much healing is still waiting to be
done, but now she feels she is on the right road at last. Money is not
important, money matters are well within her powers to solve, but she has
more important drives. She has an awareness that if you chase something
you might never get it, but if you put in the work and do it, success will be
bestowed upon you. Peace of mind and security is just ahead, and she will
lack nothing in the future.
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SPEAKING STYLES
Report
I see you reaching a good age - you seem to be getting more energy and
stamina the older you become. You may have needed plenty of rest early
on in life, but you now have more staying power. Early on too, you
probably experienced a feeling of being left out, of having to share, never
having your own life entirely. Recently you have discovered strong
purpose and a thirst for knowledge, balanced with periods of quiet
contemplation. There is also a desire to impart what has been learnt;
people around you are beginning to hold you as a pillar in their lives. They
are wanting advice and inspiration which you are becoming in yourself
ready to provide. You always did have the wisdom, but it wasn’t realized.
I sense a feeling of inner peace, as if there is a very secret part of you
that provides a necessary escape from the hurly burly of every-day life. I
can foresee a faith developing, something special and unique to you in
empathy with all living things, of the interconnectedness between all of us,
something slightly mystical and very precious to you. There is a need for
your own peace and quiet time, a love of fine cool evenings, and of the
grandeur of the universe.
You are a special vibrant part of the whole.
8. THE TORRENT
The Speech
Goes on and on like tap, relentless, expressionless, regular dull
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monotone.
Interpretation
Lack of trust and inner guidance makes more life difficult than it need
be. There is a need for mental clarity and a widening of horizons, because
sometimes snobbery colours tolerance. This is a conforming person, who
cannot understand why the whole world is not like him. He often knows
his own shortcomings but he doesn’t want to see them. There is a fear of
new knowledge and an avoidance of emotional expression. Consequently
health can be affected due to unhappy emotions. Depression also can often
arise over finances. His earning capacity is very often limited through lack
of skills and foresight. Business knowhow is often lacking, surprising
because at one and the same time he may be successful in business. He is
notably without style and ignorant of trend.
Report
You take a while to find your true work in life and place in society.
Although you are good at many things, including sport, the organization of
events, and will have one main hobby, you will not be passionate about
anything in a live-or-die way. Marriage is likely to be based in caring and
sharing rather than on sexual compatibility. You are content to be
surrounded with those you can rely on, pursuing your many interests.
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SPEAKING STYLES
9. BEST VOICE
The Speech
Plenty of tonal variation, alternating rest gaps and speech, medium

volume, patient, well-paced, sonorousl quality, strong and diaphragmatic
not nasal, commanding without being controlling, a voice to make people
want to listen to.
Interpretation
These folk work through their emotions and feelings and are unafraid to
lay bare their souls. People know where they are with them and feel they
can trust then safely with personal information. They are ‘people’people,
who need social interaction and are concerned and want to help the poor,
the sick and the less fortunate. On the other hand they enjoy periods where
they don’t have to be sociable. Travel is something very much looked
forward to, meeting new people and trying new and different experiences.
These people receive flashes of intuition about all sorts of things, but they
are rather casual about them, with the attitude of “doesn’t everybody have
them?’
Report
You are an open, sharing person and fun to be around. You dislike being
heeled in by authority and like to be left alone to do your own thing in
your own time. You are a survivor and always seem to land on your feet no
matter what happens. Sometimes you feel at the limit of your
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resourcefulness, stretched until you are at the breaking point, but you still
can’t say ‘no’ when someone asks for help. Hence you very often have a
full plate and wonder how you’re going to get through the next day. Your
faith and spirit are strong however, and somehow you always get through!
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10. WHAT TO LOOK FOR
Wherever possible you should take a sample of the speaking voice AND
the laugh together, as both will result in a more substantial information
package. Sometimes one gets in the way of the other or predominates over
the other, or even feeds the other. As you will realize from reading the
previous chapters, mostly we are looking at the WAY they laugh or speak
rather than the fact THAT they laugh or speak.
Also, we are analyzing them at that particular moment, a bit like a
snapshot in time. For example, in a photograph one can see posture, facial
expression, body shape and mood, and this tells much about the person on
the day. And again, the weather on a particular day will give a visitor some
idea of the climate of a place. You will not get the whole picture by any
means, but certainly much information that can be utilized to build a part-
picture. This will be more valid because the person is THERE, rather than
looking at a postcard. That is why when you hear someone laugh and talk,
on some level you seem to feel them laugh and talk, you pick up their
‘vibes’.
We are also looking at the person’s relationship to themselves, because
they way anyone laughs and speaks to others is the way they laugh and
speak to themselves too. One cannot criticize unless one recognizes those
same traits in themselves. If it wasn’t within them too how would they
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know to see and recognize it in others? We only know in others what we

also have. It seems a little bizarre, but a loud person will be in part telling
themselves off, trying to put down, compete with or scare away some
inner voice of their own.
. The charts that begin on the next page list these properties of laughter
and speech:
Duration
Head Movements
Arm and Hand Positions
Feet Positions
Pitch
Tempo
Volume
Readiness to laugh
You can learn one chart and just use that or use them all. Of course the
more you do refer to, the more accurate will be your readings. Once you
have recognized someone in particular, say your mother-in-law from a
chart, it is far easier just to remember your mother-in-law every time you
find yourself looking at that same chart, even though it is for someone
else! This little technique saves you remembering the whole chart. We are
more alike than different, and someone with a similar vocal trait, will
indeed in this instance have a personality type that is in many ways similar
to your mother-in-law! It seems uncanny but it’s true!
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WHAT TO LOOK FOR
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MAKE ʻEM LAUGH
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MAKE ʻEM LAUGH
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MAKE ʻEM LAUGH
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MAKE ʻEM LAUGH
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MAKE ʻEM LAUGH
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11. READINGS
1. The 5 Point test
This is a verbal test and comes from the annals of the mental health
service. It has sound experiential backing. By reading this test to a client
and noting her reactions to various aspects of the story, a quick personality
reading will result. The story must be read word for word as written here,
with no variations, to be most valid. It is an extremely useful little test and
the results will amaze you! Try it on yourself first! It will provide you with
huge fun trying it on your family as well.
Please permit me to tell you a little story, after which I’d be really
interested if you could help me in an experiment. After I read it I will ask
you just one question. Would you mind? Oh, thank you!
Well this is how it goes...
Story
A man (Manny) and a lady (Lottie) who are very much in love, and
devoted to one another are separated by a river with no way of getting
across to the other side. On Lottie’s side of the river, there is a boatman
(Bo) who is able to take her over to the other side of the river but refuses
to do so unless she pays him a price of $20, twice his normal fare.
Lottie has no money. Another man (Sed) then tells Lottie that he will
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give her $20 if she sleeps with him. Lottie agrees to do so and on
receiving the $20, pays Bo who takes her over to the other side of the
river. She is reunited with Manny and they are very happy together.
However, a friend of Manny (Fran) finds out what Lottie did with Sed
and immediately tells Manny. On learning the news, Manny finds Lottie
and ends things with her, stating that he wants nothing more to do with
her.
QUESTION
Now, how would you rank these five people, Manny, Lottie, Bo, Sed
and Fran, from best to worst. i.e. best person to worst person.
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
(if you’re doing this on yourself, look no further yet, but fill in the
numbers above. Resist for a few minutes, if you can, the temptation to
read further down, otherwise the test will have no point!)
Report
The order which she’s ranked the five people is supposed to represent
the importance that she places on different things in her life; number 1
being the most important, and 5 being the least.
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READINGS
The letters stand for:
M(Manny) = morality
S(Sed) = sex
L(Lottie) = love
B(Bo) = business
F(Fran) = friends
EXAMPLE
Suppose the order someone picks is Morality, Sex, Love, Business,
Friends.
POSSIBLE INTERPRETATION
You are a person who holds principles like justice, ethics and values
very dear. If someone crosses you it takes you a while to forgive and
forget. To you a relationship must have a physical side, as you enjoy
touching and intimacy. Money does not rule your life. You feel things very
deeply and have been let down very badly by someone in the past.
This could be used over the phone, too, in conjunction with the
following..
2. Over-the-phone test
The advantage that a voice and laughter-personality reading has over

other systems like palmistry and body language, is that it can be done
invisibly that is, over the phone if need be, in situations where the palms
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are not visible, nor the rest of the body. You can always make somebody
talk or laugh, and then you’ve got your reading. Tape-record the phone-
call if need be so you can analyze it later.
There are a whole set of signals over the phone that can tell you what
kind of personality the other person has. Some signals are verbal and
others have to do with body language. so that you can understand what is
going on, let’s divide all perceptions into the NLP categories of Visual,
Auditory, and Kinaesthetic. I.e. pictures, sounds, and feelings. That is not
only what the person mostly takes in in the present, it is also mostly what
she has stored in her mind.
Most of what is in the mind at any one time is a combination of pictures,
sounds, and feelings. When the person thinks of something in her mind,
her body and voice will tend to work together to reflect what kind of
information it is, for instance if it predominantly has pictures, sounds, or
feelings.
Of course we cannot see what the person at the other end of a phone line
is doing, where she might be looking as she talks to you. But you can hear
her, and you can detect shifts in pitch, sudden or gradual changes in tone,
and whether or not she speaks rapidly or slowly and deliberately.
Let’s focus firstly on pitch. Feeling has a low frequency, it is slow and
deep. Auditory has a higher frequency, it is faster, more mobile. Visual is
high frequency, fast and changeable. These qualities show in various ways
in the body.
A person will breathe shallowly and high in the chest when accessing
visual information. She will breathe deeply and slowly when accessing
kinaesthetic information. And somewhere in between when accessing
auditory information.
When accessing visual information, the person will tend to look up,
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READINGS
straighten up her body, and make gestures into space. Her voice will be
more highly pitched and faster in delivery. When accessing auditory, she
will tend to look to the side, maybe slant her head and cross her arms.
Listen to her voice fading occasionally, which will tell you her head has
turned slightly away. She will be more deliberate in speaking, as she could
be listening to how she sounds. When accessing kinaesthetic, she will tend
to look down and slump over. Her voice may be stifled somewhat and vary
in emotion from seriousness to laughter. Also she will speak in a lower,
slower tone.
Although this categorizing appears simplistic, there are clear lines of
demarcation, even though many will have some visual plus kinaesthetic,
or auditory PLUS visual etc. As a parallel, we can all do things with both
hands, but we have a preference for being left or right handed in many
activities of our lives.
You can be more or less of a specialist in interpreting all these verbal
reactions. You don’t really need to know them all that well to do basic
processing. As long as you notice that there are changes and reactions, and
you notice when the client is sounding happy and content, and when she
isn’t, then you can do just fine in your readings. But if you know verbal
language really well you can do magic with it. People will swear that you
are reading their minds, when really you are just listening to them.
Pitch Summary Chart

Visual person: high voice, lots of ups and downs
Auditory: lower voice, more measured
Feelings: low, shaking quality.
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Volume Summary Chart

Visual person: light voice, drifts off now and then,
Auditory: loud voice, lots of modulation
Feelings: softly spoken, fades now and again, lots of gaps and waiting
for you to speak first
Speed Summary Chart

Visual person: speaks fast
Auditory: slower voice, more measured
Feelings: slow, deliberate, almost meditative
Voice Quality Summary Chart

Visual person: rather boring voice, lots of variation
Auditory: interesting, confident, almost bossy voice, strong, powerful
sounding
Feelings: nervy, shaking quality, doesn’t like talking on the phone.
What does that tell you?
Visual
Sense of style, fussy on appearance, tidy, clean and neat. Desires to look
as attractive as possible at all times. Easily offended, but quick to forgive.
Likes having fun, going out. Concern about money, thrifty; bordering on
ungenerous.
Auditory
Fond of music, great sense of humour, responds to flattery. Could dress
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READINGS
sloppily, looks are not a primary concern. This person has quiet,
sometimes fearful children, because (if a woman)she is most often telling
them what to do
Feelings
Seeks someone to feel comfortable talking to. Wants someone to trust.
Has been let down more than once and is wary of relationships./ Dresses
to be comfortable, soft jerseys, Levis. Very good with children and
animals. Caring, loyal, sometimes over-serious and a tad too melancholy.
Enjoys staying home beside the fire rather than going to parties.
Typical short phone readings
1. Person speaks fast and voice sometimes trails off. Much giggling but
few silences. Tells stories about what she saw recently. Wants to know
early in the conversation what you look like. Shares what happened
recently in a dream or what she read somewhere. Is almost proud of how
confused she gets sometimes. Says things like:
That’s not how I see it...

I’ll come and watch...
Seems/looks okay to me...
Oh, I’m glad you noticed...
This is a very intelligent person and someone who likes nice things. I
bet her house is filled with precious memories and cards and special
photographs of loved ones. I bet she dresses well and likes to be seen to
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be doing well by those she knows well. She doesn’t like making decisions
when put on the spot to do so, rather she likes to think of things herself.
She worries when she can’t figure something out, and is easily suspicious
and wary of ploys to manipulate her. Likes to shop around.
2. Person speaks in very pleasant friendly manner, and fires questions in

rapid succession, sometimes interrupting if your response is too long.
She appears to need lots of information. Order seems important to her,
as she tells you what she did or had to do after or before something else!
She says things like
Just off the record...
No that doesn’t ring a bell...
That sounds great!
Tell me more!
I’ve heard good things about you...
What do you suggest...
An easy person to get along with, enjoys having fun and going to
movies and concerts. Easily pleased. She is in some sort of rush most of
the time. A person who gets through the day making lists of things to do
and ignoring them. She will be genuinely interested in your work, so she
can retell some of her friends later what you said.
3. Person speaks hesitantly, very carefully, choosing words with great

care. If she gets angry she will speak in bursts of clipped sentences,
pausing frequently to gather her thoughts and recover her composure, only
to lose it again a minute or so later. She wants to know things right now,
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READINGS
and will get very upset if denied explanations. Can slip into a depressed
state if she can’t break through a communication barrier. If this happens,
she will want somebody THERE to comfort her with their physical
presence. She often says things like
My car really hugs the road...
I’m comfortable with that...
I don’t want to end up in that position again...
I don’t really care...
I don’t feel I have all the facts yet...
A warm person, genuinely glad you called. Someone who is highly self-
critical and is often her own worst enemy. She will be the first to
apologize, even though no apology is called for, and searches for
imperfections within herself. She has high standards and this spills over
into her evaluation of others.
Try Some!
The following are for you to practice. See if you can match these
personality readings to the types of laughter and speech you might expect.
The clues are in bold type.
Exercise One
You have been on a learning curve in your life lately, learning valuable
lessons through experience. Unfortunately you’ve had to learn them the
hard way! You are still bitter about feeling let down by a close friend.
Cooking is something you excel in, and you find you have to watch your
weight and health. You seem to have protective forces around you
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currently, as you are experiencing a time of harmony and peace in your

life.
There seems to be an emotional situation which will be coming to an
end soon, though. It will be a separation. Don’t be too depressed by it,
because it needs to happen. You have much going for you, a comfortable
home, a secure job, and loving family and friends.
Everything else in your life now will take a back seat to this situation
playing itself out!
What can you tell about this person’s voice?
Exercise two
It seems that you have had to act energetically in a recent bad situation
in order to free yourself from it. Because you were outspoken you held
respect, and your friends rallied round. As a result you are experiencing
contentment, presently (work).
Be careful to avoid overwork. You tell everyone how you enjoy your job
and want to accomplish so much. In thinking that this will maintain your
current happiness, you’d be misled. Life requires that you strike a balance
in all things - especially with those that seem like they just “must be
done”. If there is no time for anything else, the situation is bound to get
worse.
Think about it and you can avoid a lot of needless stress and depression.
Remember life is to be enjoyed not “supported”. Seek silent times too,
away from everything and everyone.
You seem to be considering a change This has been brought to life given
a recent understanding of past situations that perhaps you didn’t have all
the answers to! (Or maybe you just were very passive about it!) Anyway,
there is nothing you can do about opportunities missed. Just understand
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READINGS
that in the near future you will be able to do more than ever before to
effect any results.
What can you say about this voice?
Exercise Three
Just wait and don’t allow yourself to get caught up in nostalgic thoughts
from which it is easy to take comfort. You don’t want to risk isolation
because you’re caught up in your memories! Just enjoy yourself and things
will unfold naturally!
Your current relationships have been strongly intellectual in nature.
Now you’re beginning to feel the disappointment and pains of delay in
getting together with that special someone of interest. Don’t be too
disillusioned!
BUT, although things seem to be proceeding too slowly, you must not
actively seek out any results prematurely. Let fate play a part here! This is
very important to the fruition of your “wish”
Remember you should never have to force things forward...if they are
meant to be, they will happen at their own pace. Just live ...and enjoy!
How did this person laugh?
Sample Reading: Don

Don is a hairdresser, and he gave me permission to tape his voice, in
fact he laughed as soon as I pulled out my voice recorder. Was that an
immediate indication of a nervous disposition? He had a pleasant gentle
laugh which indicated to me he was eager to please others. The ends of the
laugh lines curled upwards in pitch and clipped off, followed by audible in
breath. This indicated a person with deep personal anxieties, possibly
dissatisfied with his work and seeking a change, and becoming aware at
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last of his own self-worth, a long time in the coming.

His quiet voice and soft hands indicated a family man with a strong
sense of spiritual values. As well, his head bobbed down at the beginning
of each strong laugh line, then up again. Sometimes the knee came up and
the back arched so the chest could briefly meet it. This is a man with a
deep kinaesthetic sense. He loves to laugh out loud and probably does so
quite often, even when no-one else is around. His wife or partner probably
tries to get him to be more serious, more conscientious, and this is often a
point of conflict. But where he laughs often, she would probably laugh
sparingly. And when she did, she would probably let rip loudly.(I guessed
this, because of the laws of opposites - this indeed checked out!)
Don’s eyes narrowed considerably during laughter and his face became
quite flushed. This adds to the kinaesthetic sense and indicates a man who
is sometimes fearful of what his body might do, almost as if it has a mind
of its own. He has great empathy with others, especially those who might
be less fortunate than he. He loves life, he loves people, and he is
obviously generous.
This indicates a money issue that never quite gets resolved at home. I
guess he will never be very rich, but will always have enough. Rich in
relationships, he will live long and be very contented in his later years,
always more than with enough to do. His mind will always be busy and
involved in new and exciting plans, even if he hasn’t the money or time to
implement them.
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READINGS
The Sales Edge
You are sitting in a board meeting across the table from a new client. He is
presenting his proposal but you are suspicious. Are those figures really
accurate? Why is he is touching his face so often? Why is his head down?
Why is he so animated? Why does he shift from foot to foot? Could it be
that he is lying?
Somebody approaches you for a job, you look into her eyes, there is
something there, reassuring, then she speaks, suddenly you know this
person will be right. How do you know?
You are in a foreign country about to close a deal, suddenly everything
seems to go dreadfully wrong. What is something you did? People have
turned away, no-one wants to talk to you.
The following information will give you a winning edge in any situation
where communication is involved.
Using body language effectively

There are two ways you can use body language to effectively enhance
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your face-to-face meetings:

1. Observe the client’s body language
2. Control your body language
Observing client’s body language

From the moment you greet the customer, observe the customer’s body
language. At the beginning of the meeting, it is normal for customers to
appear somewhat reserved or nervous. If this is a new relationship, the
customer may not be ready to trust you yet. As the meeting progresses, the
customer should normally warm up and begin to display more open body
language.
Pay particular attention to any changes in the customer’s body language,
both positive and negative. Positive moves are buying signals — you are
on the right track and should keep going in the direction where you are
headed.
Negative moves are objections. They mean that you and the customer
are beginning to diverge. Stop the track you are on, and get back in synch
with the customer: If the customer’s body language is expressing
discomfort or disagreement with what you are saying, you need to uncover
the basis for the customer’s discomfort and restore the positive track.
If the customer is dropping out of the conversation, it is time to stop
talking and ask an open-ended question to get the customer involved
again. The more the customer has drifted from the conversation, the more
you must go back to the customer’s goals and background — something
the customer knows a lot about and cares about.
The difference between sales wins and losses usually comes down to a
simple matter of communication between buyer and seller.
It might be helpful to understand a little of the overall psychology
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behind each behaviour’s meaning. This is not difficult to learn and will aid
in the accuracy of your analysis.
The job interview is an exercise and a prime opportunity to check out
the correct non-verbal behaviours in yourself.
See how this compares with what you have learned already:
The Job Interview
Sending signals without words

Verbal body language is extremely important in an interviewing
situation. How you say it is just as important as what you say and what is
on your resume. This is one of the ways that an interviewer is trying to
size you up as a candidate.
When we are in stressful or uncomfortable situations, many of us have
habits that can be distracting to other people. Certainly making noises with
the hands or feet, like drumming on a table top or tapping the floor can be
distracting from what the impression you are trying to convey. Similarly
with looking down as you talk.
These are examples of verbal language that can be harmful in an
interviewing situation. Correct behaviour can reinforce what you are
saying and give greater impact to your statements. The following are tips
to help you in an interviewing situation.
1. The greeting:
Giving a “dead fish” handshake will not advance one’s candidacy:
neither will opposite extreme, the iron-man bone crusher grip. The ideal
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handshake starts before the meeting actually occurs. Creating the right
impression with the handshake is a three-step process.
Be sure that:
1.Your hands are clean and adequately manicured.
2.Your hands are warm and reasonably free of perspiration. (There are a
number of ways to ensure this, including washing hands in warm water at
the interview site, holding one’s hand close to the cheek for a few seconds,
and even applying a little talcum powder.)
3.The handshake itself is executed professionally and politely, with a

firm grip and a warm smile.
Don’t initiate the handshake, or you may send the message that you
have a desire to dominate the interview; this is not a good impression to
leave with one’s potential boss. Better to wait a moment and allow the
interviewer to initiate the shake. (If for any reason you find yourself
initiating the handshake, do not pull back; if you do, you will appear
indecisive.
Instead, make the best of it, smile confidently, and make good eye
contact.)
Use only one hand; always shake vertically. Don’t extend your hand
parallel to the floor, with the palm up, as this conveys submissiveness. By
the same token, you may be seen as being too aggressive if you extend
your flat hand outward with the palm facing down. Don’t pump - let him
do the work, after all, it is his turf.
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2. Facial/head signals
Once you take your seat, you can expect the interviewer to do most of
the talking. You can also probably expect your nervousness to be at its
height. Accordingly, you must be particularly careful about the nonverbal
messages you send at this stage.
While all parts of the body are capable of sending positive and negative
signals, the head (mainly the eyes and mouth) is under the closest scrutiny.
Most good interviewers will make an effort to establish and maintain eye
contact, and thus you should expect that whatever messages you are
sending from the facial region will be picked up, at least on a subliminal
level.
Our language is full of expressions testifying to the powerful influence
of facial signals. When we say that someone is shifty-eyed, is tight-lipped,
has a furrowed brow, flashes bedroom eyes, stares into space, or grins like
a Cheshire cat, we are speaking in a kind of shorthand, and using a set of
stereotypes that enables us to make judgments — consciously or
unconsciously — about a person’s abilities and qualities. Those judgments
may not be accurate, but they are usually difficult to reverse.
Tight smiles and tension in the facial muscles often bespeak an inability
to handle stress; little eye contact can communicate a desire to hide
something; pursed lips are often associated with a secretive nature; and
frowning, grunting, looking sideways, or peering over one’s glasses can
send signals of haughtiness and arrogance. Hardly the stuff of which
winning interviews are made!
3. The eyes
Looking at someone means showing interest in that person, and showing
interest is a giant step forward in making the right impression. Your aim
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should be to keep up a calm, steady, and nonthreatening gaze. It is easy to

mismanage this, and so you may have to practice a bit to overcome the
common hurdles in this area. Looking away from the interviewer for long
periods while he is talking, closing your eyes while being addressed,
repeatedly shifting focus from the subject to some other point, are all
likely to leave the wrong impression.
There is a big difference between looking and staring at someone!
Rather than looking the speaker straight-on at all times, create a mental
triangle incorporating both eyes and the mouth; your eyes will follow a
natural, continuous path along the three points. Maintain this approach for
roughly three-quarters of the time; you can break your gaze to look at the
interviewer’s hands as points are emphasized, or to refer to your note pad.
These techniques will allow you to leave the impression that you are
attentive, sincere, and committed. Staring will only send the message that
you are aggressive or belligerent.
Be wary of breaking eye contact too abruptly, and shifting your focus in
ways that will disrupt the atmosphere of professionalism. Examining the
interviewer below the shoulders, is a sign of overfamiliarity. (This is an
especially important point to keep in mind when being interviewed by
someone of the opposite sex.) You may think that where your eyes go
won’t be noticed, but they definitely will be.
The eyebrows send a message as well. Under stress, one’s eyebrows
may wrinkle, and this sends a negative signal about our ability to handle
challenges in the business world. The best advice on this score is simply to
take a deep breath and collect yourself. Most of the tension that people feel
at interviews has to do with anxiety about how to respond to what the
interviewer will ask. Practice responses to traditional interview questions
and relax, you will do a great job.
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4. The head
Rapidly nodding your head can leave the impression that you are
impatient and eager to add something to the conversation — if only the
interviewer would let you. Slower nodding, on the other hand, emphasizes
interest, shows that you are validating the comments of your interviewer,
and subtly encourages him to continue. Tilting the head slightly, when
combined with eye contact and a natural smile, demonstrates friendliness
and approachability. The tilt should be momentary and not exaggerated,
almost like a quick unsustained bob of the head to one side. Don’t overdo
it! And don’t tilt the head back - this can mean haughtiness.
5. The mouth
The mouth provides a seemingly limitless supply of opportunities to
convey weakness. This may be done by touching the mouth frequently
(and, typically, unconsciously); “faking” a cough when confused with a
difficult question; and/or gnawing on one’s lips absentmindedly.
Employing any of these “insincerity signs” when you are asked about. say,
why you lost your last job, will confirm or in-still suspicions about your
honesty and effectiveness.
Your smile is one of the most powerful positive body signals in your
arsenal; it best exemplifies the up-is-best principle, as well. Offer an
unforced, confident smile as frequently as opportunity and circumstances
dictate. Avoid at all costs the technique that some applicants use: grinning
idiotically for the length of the interview, no matter what. This will only
communicate that you are either insincere or not quite on the right track.
One guiding principle of good body language is to turn upward rather
than downward. Look at two boxers after a fight: the loser is slumped
forward, brows knit and eyes downcast, while the winner’s smiling face is
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thrust upward and outward.

The victor’s arms are raised high, his back is straight, his shoulders are
square. In the first instance the signals we receive are those of anger,
frustration, belligerence, and defeat; in the second, happiness, openness,
warmth, and confidence.
6. The hands
As we have seen, a confident and positive handshake breaks the ice and
gets the interview moving in the right direction. Proper use of the hands
throughout the rest of the interview will help to convey an above-board,
“nothing-to-hide” message.
Watch out for hands and fingers that take on a life of their own,
fidgeting with themselves or other objects such as pens, paper, or your
hair. Pen tapping is interpreted as the action of an impatient person; this is
an example of an otherwise trivial habit that can take on immense
significance in an interview situation. (Rarely will an interviewer ask you
to stop doing something annoying; instead, he’ll simply make a mental
note that you are an annoying person, and congratulate himself for picking
this up before making the mistake of hiring you.)
7. The feet
Some foot signals can have negative connotations. Women and men
wearing slip-on shoes should beware of dangling the loose shoe from the
toes; this can be quite distracting and, as it is a gesture often used to signal
physical attraction, it has no place in a job interview. Likewise, avoid
compulsive jabbing of the floor, desk, or chair with your foot; this can be
perceived as a hostile and angry motion, and is likely to annoy the
interviewer.
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The Seven Signals For Success
So far we have focused primarily on the pitfalls to avoid; but what

messages should be sent, and how? Here are seven general suggestions on
good verbal body language for an interview. Alternatively they are seven
ways to look your sharpest in a selling situation or on a date.
1. Walk slowly, deliberately, and tall upon entering the room.
2. On greeting the interviewer, give (and, hopefully, receive) a friendly

“eyebrow flash”: that brief, slight raising of the brows that calls attention
to the face, encourages eye contact, and (when accompanied by a natural
smile) sends the strong positive signal that the interview has gotten off to a
good start.
3. Use mirroring techniques. In other words, make an effort — subtly!—

to reproduce the positive signals your interviewer sends. (Of course, you
should never mirror negative body signals.)
Say the interviewer leans forward to make a point; a few moments later,
you lean forward slightly in order to hear better. Say the interviewer leans
back and laughs; you “laugh beneath” the interviewer’s laughter, taking
care not to overwhelm your partner by using an inappropriate volume
level. This technique may seem contrived at first, but you will learn that it
is far from that, if only you experiment a little.
4. Maintain a naturally alert head position; keep your head up and your
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eyes front at all times, so that your speech is clear and confident.
5. Remember to avert your gaze from time to time so as to avoid the

impression that you are staring; when you do so, look confidently and
calmly to the right or left; never look down. But don’t talk when your head
is averted; talk only when looking at the person.
6. Do not hurry any speech.
7. Relax with every breath.
Compatibility
Psychology offers a rich source of information on relationships.

Research areas include mate selection, marital success, and
dysfunctional relationships.
Two helpful approaches regarding relationships are: 1) similarity and 2)
complementary.
The theory of similarity states that the more like a person you are, the
more likely you are to like each other. In other words, the more similar
another person is to you, the more likely you are to choose him or her and
to enjoy success in a relationship. Think about the question, “What do we
have in common?” Similarity includes such factors as attractiveness,
values, wealth, culture, religion, education, and even geography.
Using neuro-analysis, you can identify individual personality traits
between two people and then predict their compatibility from the way they
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speak or laugh in each other’s presence. The most common example of

incompatibility is an extreme extrovert trying to date and relate to an
introvert. The extrovert openly expresses her feelings and requests that her
partner be emotionally expressive as well. The introvert, a person who
rarely expresses feelings, could go weeks without ever saying, “I love
you.” Since the extrovert needs to give and receive emotional expression
more often than the introvert, conflict arises. Thus, it becomes a case of
different emotional outlays giving rise to relationship problems. Once
identified and understood, the conflict can be resolved using various
techniques. Compatibility profiles become much more complicated when
all the traits are added together.
The second theory is complementary. One trait of one person
complements a strength or weakness of the other one. An example of
compatible personality traits are a very sensitive insecure woman that
dates a very expressive, talkative, generous man. He constantly reassures
her and tells her how much he approves of her. Because she is happy
receiving this kind of attention, she works very hard to please him in
return. Their two personalities complement each other.
Here is another example that is quite common. A man with a highly
sarcastic tendency (mouth open at the side), impulsiveness (hand often hits
the table) and a temper (fidgeting when not himself talking), would hurt a
woman with a high degree of sensitivity to criticism (speaks with carefully
chosen words) and a low self-image (looks downwards before speaking)
because she is overly sensitive and he is overly caustic.
Although he may feel that he loves her, she will be walking around with
her ego bruised most of the time because his expressions of frustration are
often mean and caustic. If he would choose a girlfriend with a good self-
image, sarcasm, and a lack of sensitivity, she could fight back and not be
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hurt as easily.
The problem with using these traditional psychological theories is that it
is difficult for you to pinpoint which personality traits a prospective lover
possesses. You could ask your next date to take a 600 question written
personality test, but that method has its drawbacks. Traditional personality
tests are impractical for you and me to use. Some are accurate, but they are
time consuming, costly, and confusing. What you need is a fast, accurate,
simple, and covert method of analyzing each other’s personalities.
Although it may seem complicated, the method in this book is actually
quite simple once you practice. You don’t have to know about all the traits
in someone’s personality. You don’t need to be an expert on all types of
people. All you need to know is how to recognize the language-allied
personality traits that you want in a mate. Every time you meet a potential
mate, listen to his/her speech and compare it to yours.
If the next prospect you meet has two personalities, lies pathologically,
and is paranoid, you simply ask yourself if those qualities will be
compatible with your qualities. In this case, I hope you say no. But, if you
have two people living inside of you, believe that the whole world is
against you, and enjoy making up lies for the fun of it.... you two probably
have a lot in common. I wish you the best of luck and the four of you
should be very happy together.
Therefore, just look at the individual traits of someone you are
interested in and ask yourself how similar or complementary they are to
your own. Yes, it’s that simple. When you doubt how the traits will reveal
themselves in the context of your life, analyze your past relationships. Did
any of your ex’s have certain behaviours that drove you nuts?
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What do you want in your prospective lover/mate/partner?(Bart A.

Baggert’s List)
1 Lying
2 Low Self-Esteem
3 Dual Personality
4 Paranoia
5 Anger at Opposite Sex
The easy way to avoid those terrible personality traits you never want to
discover your lover has are found quickly in a short interview. If you
match more than 3 out of 5... you’re in for HELL.
1 — Lying (Prevarication)
Honesty is one of the most sought-after personality traits. Unfortunately,
honesty or dishonesty is a result of many variables, least of which are the
person’s integrity and the specific situation. People lie when they don’t
feel safe. Some don’t ever feel safe, so they are always ready to make up
some story or other to get them through any situation. Someone who looks
away when speaking could well be lying at that exact point in the
conversation.
For that reason a poker player, if he’s any good, will LOOK AWAY for a
split second if he has a GOOD hand, to make out that he is lying and
uncomfortable. Also his blink rate will increase slightly. Looking away
and blinking are signs of lying. Then again, if he really has a bad hand he
may stare at his hand a little longer and bet with a flourish. This is because
somebody with a look of conviction and a willingness to be bold is
considered honest.
As you know, many basically honest people tell white lies in different
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circumstances. Ethics, integrity, and opportunity are also factors in

honesty. You must take the entire person into consideration. If you hear a
nervous high squeaky laugh, you have a person that prevaricates (lies)
occasionally about small details. A secretary often has these small giggles
on the phone when she says “The boss is in a meeting, may I take a
message?” All the while, the boss is standing next to her saying, “I don’t
want to talk to him!”
Any tendency to move the head, wherever you find it, indicates that the
imagination is at work. If the head is kept fairly still one might imagine
things associated with philosophy, religion, or ethics. If the head moves
too much, the imagination might be physical or sexual. If the head only
moves slightly, the writer imagines things pertaining to daily events. The
bigger the head movements the more he lies or the more secrets are being
kept.
2 — Low Self-Esteem
This trait is perhaps the most common in this day and age. In
relationships, this trait sticks up its ugly head and will cause you problems.
A low self-image is revealed by a tendency to make oneself small, holding
one hand with the other hand, using small hand movements, speaking with
the mouth hardly open.
Think of the ventriloquist. He makes his personality virtually non-
existent, which he must do so attention will be all on the dummy.. To this
end he doesn’t move his own mouth at all!. A small quiet verbal response
to any question reveals the writer doesn’t have a great amount of ego
strength about himself.
The person with a low self-image fears failure and fears change that
could bring failure. Consequently, he doesn’t set high goals or plan very
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far ahead in the future.

If a woman, she will have this trait if when she looks in the mirror, she
imagines she sees all the imperfections and she thinks so many other
women are more attractive than her. Is she constantly questioning her self-
worth?
It is this self-critical evaluation that degrades one’s sense of personal
value. If you are dating someone who doesn’t hold himself in high value,
how is he going to treat you? Usually two scenarios reveal themselves.
The first one is pleasant. He respects you and idolizes you for having so
many things that he doesn’t possess. In the process of valuing you, a
person with low self-esteem will often go out of his way to do things to
make you like him. But don’t be fooled by the niceness in the beginning.
The person with a low self-image always wants a payback.
Someone with a low self-image lacks personal power. If you don’t love
yourself, you will look for confidence and esteem through other people,
instead of from within yourself. Therefore, in a relationship, you will not
only have to possess enough courage, self-esteem, and personal power for
yourself, but you will have to have enough to support that person’s fragile
ego, too.
If you are male, don’t make the mistake of assuming that all women
with low self-esteem are bitches. That’s not the case. Some of the sweetest
girls in the world have low self-esteem. What this amounts to is that they
are so sweet because they want others to approve of them. When
someone’s internal references state that she is not approved of, she looks
elsewhere to find approval. The approval will have to come from you. But
as soon as you forget to approve, that person has no foundation to stand
on. Thus she reacts like a rabid dog trapped in a corner, she must fight her
way out. This fight usually includes biting you.
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Often, you will find their lovers treating them like dirt, and they think
they deserve it! Remember, if someone allows himself to be treated like
dirt, he will have no problem treating you like dirt.
The person with low self-esteem will walk stooped rather than with a
straight back. Many tallish people have round shoulders, simply because
they have been expected to be powerful people when they were not, and so
in an effort to appear smaller they hunched themselves down.
There are advantages to dating a person with a low self-image. He or
she will bend over backwards, literally, to get your approval. People with a
low image of themselves will usually stay in a bad situation much too
long. They lack the courage to leave. Therefore, your lover won’t leave
you as quickly. Also, they tend to take more abuse than people who respect
themselves. If you are abusive and want a partner to be totally dependent
on you, perhaps you need a partner with a low self-image. In almost all the
cases where a woman has been abused, one finds low self-esteem. (It is
debatable whether or not the abuse caused the low esteem or the low
esteem allowed the abuse.)
It reminds me of a 19-year-old girl who had terribly low self-esteem.
She was living with a man who beat her regularly. He was also addicted to
drugs. She had a very low self-image that caused her to feel that she
deserved the violent treatment. Although she said she didn’t like it, she
didn’t leave him. Why would someone put up with that? She was so
insecure, she wasn’t sure she could find someone better. She wasn’t sure
she had the strength to make it on her own. She kept thinking thoughts
like, “No one else would want me, I am stupid and ugly, etc.” Of course
she wasn’t ugly.
A person with low self-esteem may be attractive in the beginning
because the person is extra sweet, humble, generous, etc. Remember,
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people are the sum of all their parts. You should position your relationship
in such a manner that your mate wants to be with you out of her own best
interest, her own personal power, her own thoughts of love and affection,
not from a fear (such as being alone). An unconditional love relationship
can only exist between two partners with good self-esteem. When a couple
not only likes each other, but each likes themselves, the entire relationship
is more fun, more stable, and more successful.
So look for someone who has a healthy self-image.

Look for a head held high and a confident clear speaking voice..
Look for crows feet around the sides of the eyes and a playful mouth.
3 — Dual Personality
This person has trouble making emotional decisions because of the
varied emotional influences. When a stressful situation arises, she
withdraws into herself, into her introverted personality. There is a
fundamental duality within the psyche that creates unpredictable emotional
responses. Some people call this person just moody, but, it goes deeper
than just mood swings. Apparently the actual biological synaptic responses
in the brain, function in two different distinct patterns, depending on the
circumstance. As you can imagine, having two separate biological
responses to the same situation can create quite an unpredictable
relationship.
This is not quite the same as the famous Sybil character with more than
eight separate personalities. This label of the “Dual Personality” is a more
practical way of describing someone with access to both ends of the
spectrum of emotional responsiveness. Since most people consistently use
primarily one emotional outlay, the person who rocks from side to side
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whilst talking is one who retreats into another character. It is as if he is

trying to work his way out of this one like a chrysalis escaping from an old
skin..
Dating a dual personality has its advantages and its disadvantages.
Usually, the nice personality is especially extra sweet. She is kind,
generous, fun loving, and entertaining. That is the personality you see on
the good days. That is the personality you fall in love with. Then...
whamo! The other personality comes out. This personality is usually a real
bitch/bastard. (Pardon my language)The ones I have known have had these
two dispositions: sweetheart vs. total bitch. I suppose a man’s dispositions
would be: gentleman vs. asshole. Believe me, you don’t want to be around
when the bitch or asshole comes out!
One day A might be very affectionate and loving toward you, then the
next day she might not speak to you and won’t tell you why. This is typical
of an A/B personality. When in her other personality she could have
displayed all the characteristics of a pissed-off introvert. She could have
harbored her ,emotions and dwelled on them within her own mind.
These people are very hard to deal with. A may be extremely fun to be
around, when in her sweetheart mode. But, in her bitchy one, watch out.
Parts of this type of person are pleasant and enjoyable. But remember
that you must consider the entire package when getting into a relationship .
You might really enjoy having A as a friend or buddy. You can avoid
friends when they are in their bitchy moods. However, in a relationship, it
is difficult just to leave town for two days when the unpleasant personality
comes out.
If you are already involved, or get involved, with a person with two
personalities, it is imperative you talk about emotions. Get to the root of
talkativeness. This person has internal struggles within himself about what
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HOW TO USE READINGS
he wants. The other partner may be getting mixed messages and might be
hurt. If you talk about all his emotions, dealing with the strange variations
in emotions can be much easier. People with this trait need to be with a
mature, understanding partner who is willing to try to understand their
changing feelings.
4 — Paranoia ...Extremely sensitive to criticism.

Sensitive to Criticism is an over-awareness of other’s perceptions about
oneself. It is the fear of disapproval. It is the overbearing need for
approval. It is detectable in speech as a fear that is shown by sudden turn-
arounds in conversation, or the sudden taking offence at some innocuous
remark.
Sensitivity as it relates to the personal self is shown in the widening of
the eyes. The amount of sensitivity as it relates to ideas and philosophies
are shown in the eyes - the bigger the eyes open, the greater the amount of
sensitivity and therefore the larger the resistance to change.
Anyone that has a large round-eye look has developed some powerful
defence mechanisms to guard such an open wound. Criticizing this person
is like pouring salt into it. When these people feel betrayed, watch out for
their defences. If they reach this point you know that the fear of criticism
has been unreasonable and you will see vicious sarcasm, resentment,
aggression, etc., to protect the ego.
Many allow their fears to hinder relationships, considerably. Invariably,
you will be the victim of their feelings of mistrust at one time or another.
A truly paranoid person often has built up so many defences, they might
tell you, “I don’t care what others think,” and make a lame attempt to
laugh it off. Their defences are so strong, they may actually not feel the
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pain of that open wound anymore. If they do say they don’t care what
others think... you know they are really in a lot of pain.
If you choose to get into a relationship with a paranoid person, realize
that he is subject to unreasonable fears. It can be a real challenging
situation. When having a close friendship or relationship with a borderline
paranoid person, he will eventually feel you have turned against him and
he will turn on you. A person who feels trapped in a corner will react like a
trapped animal. He will fight. His exaggerated fear of persecution makes
him feel trapped and you might be his victim. If you must deal with this,
let him know you approve. Give frequent compliments, but don’t
patronize.
Since they ARE searching for approval, let him know you like what he
is wearing. If you give sincere compliments to these oversensitive people,
you will have them eating out of the palm of your hand because you are
supplying what they need the most: approval. When the sensitiveness turns
to paranoia, the niceness disappears very quickly.
5 — Needs a Challenge
This trait is very common in both men and women. It has been
described as the trait of manipulation, anger at the opposite sex, or the
need for a challenge. It probably fits slightly into each of those categories.
It is so common it is difficult to avoid. Such people usually get a thrill out
of stinging others. It is usually directed at the opposite sex. It could
however just be a game or malicious behavior.
The bottom line in a relationship is that the person who possesses the
stinger trait needs a challenge to remain interested. These people will often
seek out very tumultuous people, just to have a good fight. These are the
game players. It is this type of person who says, “I hate playing games,”
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HOW TO USE READINGS
and then proceeds to act in an inconsiderate way to give the impression

that he doesn’t like her too much.
In any case, these people are rarely satisfied with nice-guys or nice-
girls. They are attracted to the rebel, the wild beast, the untameable. It is
the thrill of the chase, rather than the prize, that keeps them interested.
This is the trait that says about a woman “Don’t be too nice, I am only
attracted to assholes.” A stinger will be the one who touches his nose
briefly whilst talking, or some other part of the face. He will display
restlessness, not quite being able to get comfortable in the seat.
Therefore, if you meet such a person, know that the most self-defeating
move you can make is to throw yourself at him. Because he needs a
challenge, he will only want you if he gets to chase you down. So, act as if
you couldn’t care less whether you go out with him or not. Act indifferent.
The simple play hard to get strategy falls under the category of the
economics of love. The need for a challenge is a different animal, but
utilize that strategy as well. What the subconscious mind is saying in a
woman who is a stinger is that there is an underlying resentment at the
male gender.
The man’s stinger shows an anger at the female gender. It reveals itself
in a predatory attitude. The bigger the prey, the greater the feeling of
conquering. Relationships become a game. Love becomes tumultuous and
unpredictable. The entire movie Dangerous Liaisons was about a man with
very big stingers. He manipulated the women into bed in a most dangerous
game. If you aren’t sure how stingers are revealed in relationships, go see
that movie. How do you win? I don’t think anyone ever wins that game.
But the way to keep a stalemate going is never give in completely. If you
date a person with this trait, never give up total control.
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Foretelling the future
We can safely assume that the trends that are showing in a persons life
right now will continue into the future. Of course nothing is set in stone, as
economists will tell you. But trends and past mistakes have a habit of
repeating themselves. Look at your own case. Have things that have
happened to you been part of a pattern. Could you not say that events had
been predictable? If only you had noticed the signs and taken heed of
them. This book has been about those signs. Never mind we “are what we
eat” ... we are what we do! We measure our identity by what we have
done. After all, that is all we know. Only hindsight tells us about ourselves.
The present it too cluttered and too immediate to see clearly and most of
the times we change and adjust things so that our future will be like the
past or in an attempt to avoid the past. It is one of the same thing, still
governed by the past. Let us not however be pessimistic. Everything is of
neutral value, it is the interpretation we put on it that makes it good or bad,
desirable or undesirable. What we know about ourselves can give us
strength and power. We know what we are really capable of if we set
ourselves to the task and if we could all listen more intently for the small
nuances of information that people are conveying unawares; if we can all
listen more tolerantly and forgive those who cannot help themselves and if
we can all learn to love and respect this wonderful process called
communication the world will be a better place.
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13. CULTURAL
DIFFERENCES
AUSTRALIA
Australian man are not expressively emotional. To be overly physical
demonstrative is sometimes seen as unmanly.
When yawning, always cover your mouth and say, “Excuse me”.
When drinking in some Australian pubs, you can signal that you can win
a fight with anyone in the bar simply by finishing your drink, turning the
glass upside down and placing the glass squarely on the bar.
Australians are very much into sports, thus, any type of sportsmanlike
gestures, such as congratulating a good performance or being a good loser,
are appreciated. Good sportsmanship is highly respected in Australia.
AUSTRIA
While dining, keep your hands on the table. Putting your hands on your
lap during dining is seen as rude.
To wish someone good luck, make two fists (with your thumbs tucked
inside the fists), and make as a gesture like you are slightly pounding on a
table.
To specify the number “one”, use your upright thumb.
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BANGLADESH
Bengalis will shake the hand of a Western man, but if the Bengali meets
a woman of either nationality, he or she will just nod their head while
being introduced. Approximately one quarter of the population in
Bangladesh is Hindi, thus, the proper greeting is the namaste.
It is considered unclean if you transfer food from your plate to another’s
plate, even if it’s your spouse’s plate.
Please remove your shoes before you enter a mosque in Bangladesh. If
you see that other people are washing their feet too, do the same.
BELGIUM
To point with your index finger is considered impolite.
When you are talking with someone, do not place your hand or hands in
your pockets. This is considered rude.
To slap someone on the back or to be noisy are both very rude gestures
in Belgium.
It is poor manners to put your feet on a table or chair. Also, do not try to
yawn, blow your nose, sneeze, or scratch yourself in the presence of
others.
Using a toothpick is also frowned upon when you are with company.
BULGARIA
The handshake is the usual form of greeting people in Bulgaria.
When dining, keep both your wrists on the table.
To signal NO, nod your head up and down.
To signal YES, shake your head back and forth. This is the opposite of
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CULTURAL DIFFERENCES
in the United States.
BURMA (MYNAMAR)
It is not proper in Mynamar to show public displays of affection.
Buddhism is the main religion in Mynamar, thus practices of the
religion are widely revered. Thus, the bottom half of the body is
considered lowly, while the upper half is held in greater esteem.
When you see any statues or images of Buddha in Mynamar, do not
touch the head of Buddha.
The feet in Mynamar are considered “unclean”, thus it is very rude to
show the soles of your feet or even raise your feet, such as in placing them
on a table or desk.
CZECH REPUBLIC
Always shake hands while in a formal or informal atmosphere. This
applies to both your arrival and departure.
Try to not place your elbows on the table while dining.
Never applaud while in a church, whether you are there for wedding,
concert, or other event.
CHINA
The Western custom of shaking a person’ hand upon an introduction is
becoming widespread throughout China. However, often a nod of the head
or a slight bow will suffice.
If your Chinese host does not smile upon introductions, don’t worry.
The Chinese culture is rooted in the attitude of keeping one’s feelings
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inside rather than displaying emotions openly and publicly. The Chinese
generally are not a touching society, especially with visitors. Thus, avoid
any prolonged bodily contact.
Personal space is very limited in China, especially while conversing.
You may have the idea to then move backward, while probably will make
your Chinese host follow you forward, thus resulting in a bit of a dance!
The Chinese love to applaud, thus don’t be surprised if you are greeted
by a round of applause, even by children. If you are applauded, be
respectful and return the applause.
It is common in China to show one’s surprise or dismay by sucking air
in quickly and loudly through the lips and teeth. If you have been shown
this gesture, it would be advisable to modify your request, thereby not
having the Chinese host face the situation of saying “no” to you, which
they consider to be very embarrassing.
Silence is respected in China, so don’t be discouraged if there are long
periods of no talking. This time can be used for contemplation by your
hosts. During a conversation, though, be respectful about not interrupting
when someone else is speaking.
Waiting in line is an everyday chore in the CIS. Thus, be polite while
you are in line, and NEVER butt in front of someone else in a line.
If you are offering your Chinese host a gift, it is common for the
Chinese to decline the gift several times before accepting it; this is a
matter of proper etiquette in China.
Seating arrangements are important in China. At a business meeting, the
main guest is always seated at the “head of the room”, facing the door,
with the host having his or her back to the door. When dining, the guest of
honor always sits to the left of the host.
When eating with wooden chopsticks in China, you may often see your
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host rub the chopsticks together before eating. This is to remove any
excess splinters, however, you should not rub the chopsticks together as
this suggests that you have been give cheap chopsticks by your host.
DENMARK
When meeting someone, a firm, brief handshake is common. Children
will offer to shake your hand, and are taught to make direct eye contact
with their host for the first time. Always shake a woman’s hand before the
hand of the gentlemen in a group situation. Stand to shake hands with
another person if you are seated.
EGYPT
Space relationships among males will be much closer than North
Americans and Europeans are familiar with. Egyptians will tend to stand
close and if you move away, this may be seen as a sign of aloofness. On
the other hand, men and women stand farther apart than in the United
States and Europe.
Men in Egypt tend to be more touch-oriented, thus a handshake may be
accompanied by a gentle touching of your elbow with the other hand.
The right hand only should be used for eating. Throughout most of the
Middle East, it is the custom to reserve the left hand for bodily hygiene.
Many Middle Easterners have what North Americans and Europeans
consider as “languid eyes”. It may appear that the person’s eyes are half
closed, but this certainly does not express disinterest or disrespect.
Try not to sit with your legs crossed, because it is considered an insult to
show the sole of your shoe to another person.
Many women in Egypt still observe the traditional practice of having
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their husband walk slightly ahead of them.

Tapping the two index fingers together (side by side) can be considered
as a crude gesture which says, “Would you sleep with me?”
It is considered impolite to eat everything on your plate while dining. To
leave food on your plate symbolizes abundance and is considered a
compliment to your host.
Many Western eating habits are common in Egypt, but it is still
traditional to eat finger food only with the right hand.
ENGLAND (UNITED KINGDOM)

Loud talking and other forms of noisy behavior should always be
avoided.
Try not to stare at anyone in public. Privacy is highly regarded in the
United Kingdom.
FIJI
Fijians usually greet one another by nodding their head and then flicking
their eyebrows upward. Otherwise, a handshake is customary with visitors.
Please remove your shoes when entering a Fijian home.
To show your respect to someone while conversing, place your arms
folded behind your back.
FINLAND
Emotions are not openly expressed in Finland, unless among close
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friends or relatives.
When dining with the Finnish, do not begin to eat before your host does.
Also, eat slowly because you are expected to eat everything on your plate.
When you are dining in Finland, do not pass the salt hand-to-hand. This
is considered bad luck. Instead, put the salt shaker down on the table and
let the other person pick it up.
Do not stand with your arms folded in Finland as this is considered a
sign of arrogance.
FRANCE
In France, a light, quick handshake is common. You shake hands
frequently in France, particularly in situations on your arrival and
departure every day. To offer a strong, pumping handshake would be
considered uncultured.
When you enter a room, be sure to greet each person present. A woman
in France will offer her hand first.
Some common gestures to be refrained from in public in France include:
chewing gum, yawning, scratching, or having loud conversations.
Also, do not rest your feet on a chair or table.
Two vulgar gestures in France would be to snap the fingers of both
hands, or slap an open palm over a closed fist.
When in Paris, you would signal a taxi by snapping your fingers.
When dining, do not eat sandwiches with your fingers. Instead, use a
knife and fork.
Fruit is peeled with a knife and eaten with a fork.
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GERMANY
It is impolite to shake someone’s hand with your other hand in your
pocket. Children are often scolded for putting their hands in their pockets
because this is seen as a sign of disrespect.
Never open a closed door without first knocking.
If you are in a group situation, and wish to express your thanks, clasp
your hands together and raise them high above your head.
If you are dining in a busy restaurant and there are empty seats at your
table, and no other tables available, then the host may seat other people at
your table. This is a common practice in Germany, and you do not have an
obligation to speak with the other people at your table, unless you feel
inclined.
If you are talking with someone, do not chew gum. This is considered
very rude. To do so would remind a German person of “a cow chewing on
a cud”.
When a man and woman walk together, the man walks on the left side
of the woman. This is due to the fact that Germans consider this a
romantic gesture because one’s heart is on the left side of the body).
However, the man will walk on the side closest to traffic when the couple
are on a busy street.
To wave goodbye, raise your hand upward, with your palm out and
wave your fingers up and down. Don’t waggle your hand back and forth,
because this would symbolize the idea of “NO”.
To signal the number “ONE”, hold your thumb upright.
GHANA
Young children are taught not to look adults in the eye because to do so
would be considered an act of defiance.
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GREECE
To signal “NO”, slightly nod your head upward, or just lift your
eyebrows upward. To signal “YES”, a Greek may tilt his head to either
side.
Greeks smile both when they’re happy and when they are upset or
angry.
If you compliment a Greek, he or she may make a puffing noise through
pursed lips which is a traditional way to ward off the “evil eye”.
The moutza is a gesture particular to Greece. It is done by waving your
hand palm out and with your fingers spread. It looks as a pushing motion.
The history in Greece of this gesture goes back to ancient times when the
faces of enemies were smeared with dirt. Americans are familiar with this
gesture as a sign to signify stopping an action.
Lines are not orderly in Greece, so don’t be surprised if there is pushing
or shoving.
The “OK” sign is a signal of a body orifice, so do not use this gesture in
Greece.
To signal everything is fine, you may use the “thumbs up” sign.
However, do not use the “thumbs down” sign as this would be seen as
rude.
When a Greek man seeks a pretty girl, he may take his and hand and
stroke his chin with his finger. If the man is very rude, he would then
either wink, hiss or make a kissing motion with his lips at the girl.
When you are dining in Greece, note that your dessert spoon is placed
above your plate.
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HONG KONG
Due to almost one hundred years of British influence in Hong Kong,
many British customs are apparent. A firm handshake is appreciated,
however a looser grip might prevail, and the personal space between
people is somewhat smaller.
When talking with someone, be sure not to blink your eyes
conspicuously, as this is a sign of disrespect and boredom.
To beckon someone in Hong Kong, extend your arm and place your
palm downward. Make a scratching motion with your fingers, as in this
picture. Never use your index finger, with your palm up and toward you
with your finger wagging towards you...this gesture is only for animals.
To signal to a waiter in a restaurant that you would like your check,
make a writing motion in the air with your hands.
Tea is often served during business meetings. Do not drink your tea until
your host begins. If the tea is untouched by your host for a long period of
time, then this may signal that the meeting is finished.
HUNGARY
Hungarians are not overly demonstrative in public. Personal space while
conversing is usually at arm’s length.
To embrace someone in public in Hungary is uncommon.
When dining, keep both of your hands on the table.
Men will walk to the left of a guest, or a woman while in public.
INDIA
A Western woman should not initiate a handshake with a man from
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India. Many Indian women will shake hands with a foreign woman, but
not a foreign man.
When walking down a street in India, do not stare at the impoverished
population; as this is considered a way to humiliate them.
Avoid showing anger, as this is the worst way to achieve anything in
India.
When walking towards temples or other holy places, many street
salespeople will approach you with their hand outstretched as if wanting to
shake your hand. Be careful, as this is many times merely a scam to allow
the salesperson to latch a religious bracelet on your wrist and then demand
a donation.
To express remorse or honesty in India, people will grasp their earlobes.
This is a gesture used by servants when they are scolded.
When you wish to point in India, use your chin or your full hand, but
never just a single finger, as this is used only with inferiors. The chin is not
used to signal to superiors. The best way to point is with the full hand.
INDONESIA
When meeting someone for the first time in Indonesia, you should offer
your hand to be shook, and slightly nod your head.
If you are seated and cross you legs, cross them at the ankles or knees,
but not with one ankle up on the other knee.
When pointing, Indonesians will point with the thumb extended, instead
of the forefinger.
To show approval, you may pat another person on the shoulder, but
never on the head.
When you are finished eating your meal in Indonesia, leave some food
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on your plate. To leave nothing on the plate is a sign that you would like
more food.
IRELAND
When you meet someone in either the Republic of Ireland or in
Northern Ireland, a firm handshake is appreciated.
Women are always seated first. The most appropriate way to sit is to
cross your ankles or one knee over the other knee. To cross your ankle
over your knee is considered informal.
Perhaps the most offensive gesture in Ireland would be to refuse to buy
a round of drinks in a pub when it’s your turn to buy.
When waiting in a line, be respectful and never push or shove your way
ahead.
IRAN
When you shake hands with a child, you are showing his or her parents
respect.
Men and women rarely show public displays of affection.
To signal to someone, put your hand out with your palm down, and curl
your fingers in and out in a scratching motion.
The “thumb’s up” gesture has a vulgar connotation in Iran.
To signal “NO”, move your head up and back sharply. To signal “YES”,
dip your head down with a slight turn.
Try not to blow your nose in public. Also, try not to slouch in a chair or
stretch your legs out in front on you. As in other Arab countries, avoid
point the sole of your shoe to others.
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ISRAEL
Warm handshakes are customary in Israel, and good friends will
normally shake hands with friendly pats on the shoulders or back.
Israelis generally do not embrace or hug each other when meeting
unless they are very close friends.
People in Israel may stand quite close when talking with each other. It is
also common to touch another person on the arm when conversing, as
touching is customary among friends.
An Israeli insult is to point down at the upturned palm of one hand with
the forefinger of the other hand, implying that “grass will grow on my
hand” before the words of the speaker come true.
ITALY
Italians are very demonstrative. When greeting each other, you may kiss
each other’s cheeks, embrace warmly and offer a long handshake.
When visiting a church in Italy, women should cover their heads. Also,
you should not wear shorts or sleeveless blouses when touring a church.
When dining, the man should pour the wine, as it is considered
unfeminine for a woman to pour wine. Also, do not drink too much wine
during a meal because wine is seen almost as a food, thus, over
consumption is considered rude.
To signal that you don’t know or care about something in particular,
simply shrug your shoulders.
JAPAN
The act of presenting business cards is very important in Japan.
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Remember to hold the business card with both hands, grasping it

between the thumbs and forefingers. Present it with the printing pointing
towards the person to which you are giving the card, and bow slightly.
Your Japanese host will accept the card with both hands, bow slightly and
then read the card carefully. When you receive the business card from the
Japanese host, be sure to examine it carefully and avoid quickly putting it
away. Place it on the table in front of you for further reference.
The Japanese find it difficult to answer a definite “no” to either a
question or statement. They signal that they “don’t know” or “don’t
understand” something by waving their own hand in front of their face,
with the palm outward. This also may signal that “I’m undeserving” if you
pay them a compliment.
Listening is considered both a sign of politeness, as well as a valuable
skill in business negotiations in Japan. Japanese often think North
Americans need to listen more attentively, not talk as much, and certainly
not interrupt when someone else is speaking.
The “OK” signal in Japan is often interpreted as the symbol for money,
whereby the circular shape of the index finger and thumb together suggest
the shape of a coin. This symbol may be used in a store if you want the
cashier to give you your change in coins.
JORDAN
When dining, it is common to refuse additional servings of the meal at
least two times, but then accept the third offer if you do actually wish
more.
It is considered to polite to leave small amounts of food on your plate.
Coffee in the Middle East may seem thick and strong to foreigners.
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This coffee is served in small cups which are refilled often. If you wish
to signal that you do not wish to have any more coffee, then just tip the
cup back and forth with your fingers.
If you cross your legs, do so at the ankles or the knees, because it is
considered improper to place one ankle on the other knee.
KENYA
The most common form of greeting is the handshake, however some
local tribes show greetings by gently slapping palms and then gripping
each other’s fingers which are cupped.
Never use your left hand to accept a gift.
Always ask permission before you take a photograph of a local resident.
KOREA, SOUTH
During introductions, the more senior person offers to shake hands first,
but the more junior person bows first.
Men have priority in Korea, so please note that a man will walk through
a door first, walk ahead of a woman and woman will help them on with
their coats.
Shoes are removed before entering a Korean home.
Do not open a gift when you receive it from your Korean host; open it
later in private.
When entering a conference or dining room, please wait to be shown to
the seat designated for you. Even if you are the guest of honor, make a
slight protest before going to your designated spot, as this demonstrates
the trait of humility which is greatly appreciated by Koreans.
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LEBANON
A handshake is the common greeting, along with a nod of the head. Men
may tip their hat when greeting a woman.
Personal space is smaller than in the West, thus people of the same
gender tend to stand much closer together.
To signal “YES”, nod your head. To signal “NO”, point your head
sharply upward and raise your eyebrows.
If you raise a closed fist in the air, then this is considered a rude gesture.
If you lick your little finger and then brush it across your eyebrow, you
are signalling that someone is a homosexual.
MALI
Men and women only shake hands if a woman offers her hand first.
Watch your host for clues and directions, however it is customary to
remove your shoes before entering a room.
MOROCCO
Greetings are important in Morocco but they vary according to location.
In bigger cities, good friends greet each other by brushing or kissing
cheeks. Many kisses signals close and sincere ties of friendship. In rural
areas, you may see handshakes accompanied by touching the heart with
the right hand
When dining, guests may be offered water and a basin from their host to
wash their hands.
It is quite common to eat with the fingers particular types of food.
However, follow the actions of your hose, and always only use your right
hand.
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MALAYSIA
There are three distinct ethnic cultures represented in Malaysia: Malay,
Chinese and Indian. Thus, each culture has its own customs.
When a person stands with their hands on their hips, this is a sign of
anger.
If you see a prayer rug in a Muslim’s office or home, to not stand on it
or touch it with your feet.
Indians have a unique way of showing their agreement. They move their
head quickly from side to side. Many Westerners often misread this
gesture as signalling “No”.
NETHERLANDS
A unique gesture in Holland would be to suck one’s thumb to signal that
someone is lying.
To signal that someone is gay, you would pat the back of one hand with
the fingers of the other hand.
To signal that someone is cheap, you would rub your nose with your
forefinger from the bridge in a downward motion.
It is considered rude to get up during a meal to go to the bathroom, or
any other room.
NIGERIA
People in Nigeria always try very hard to please their guests, thus they
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are congenial and hospitable and respect punctuality.

Among the Yoruba ethnic group, an important guest will be greeted by
applause.
A vulgar gesture in Nigeria is called the “hand push”, wherein the hand
is held forward at shoulder or head level, with the fingers spread.
The Yorubas will wink at their children if they want them to leave the
room.
NORWAY
You should avoid speaking in a loud voice in Norway.
If you are introduced to someone, always stand during the introduction.
Handshakes in Norway are brief, but firm. Avoid putting your arm
around someone else, or even patting them on the back.
NEW ZEALAND
The original inhabitants of the area known as Polynesia were the Maori,
whose culture still is present in the nation of New Zealand today. The
traditional greeting among members of the Maori tribe is to rub noses.
The majority of the New Zealand population is British, thus British
customs and gestures prevail.
To chew gum and use toothpicks in public is considered quite rude in
New Zealand.
Make sure to ask permission before you take a person’s photograph in
New Zealand, especially the Maori.
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PAKISTAN
It is customary to be greeted with coffee or tea in Pakistan. Accept the
offer, or you may offend your host.
Women are often separated socially from men.
Staring is quite common in the Pakistani culture, so don’t be offended if
you feel someone is staring at you.
An obscene gesture in Pakistan is the closed fist.
POLAND
An older Polish gentleman may kiss the hand of a woman upon
introduction, but don’t imitate this gesture. Women greet their close
friends by embracing briefly and slightly kissing each other on the cheeks.
Poles do not speak in loud voices. Avoid chewing gum when you are
talking with someone.
A Pole will invite you to a drink by flick his finger against his neck.
The drink is usually vodka, and this gesture is usually done among close
friends.
Poles are not overly demonstrative, so avoid casual body contact, unless
you’re among close friends.
PORTUGAL
To get someone’s attention, a Portuguese will extend their arm upward,
palm out and wiggle the fingers up and down, as if they were patting
someone on the head.
To signal that everything’s OK, use the “thumb’s up” sign, sometimes
with both hands.
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A gesture particular to Portugal is when you want to signal that you

have enjoyed your dinner and want to compliment the hostess. At the end
of the meal, simply kiss the side of your index finger and then pinch your
earlobe between the kissed index finger and the thumb.
The chin flick gesture in Portugal is done by brushing your fingers
(palm inward) off the bottom of your chin and away from your face.
This signals that “I don’t know”. To do the same gesture, but using the
thumb would mean that something no longer exists, or has died.
PHILIPPINES
Filipinos often greet each other with the “eyebrow” flash which is a
quick lifting of the eyebrows.
Filipinos will point to an object by shifting their eyes toward it or
pursing their lips and point with their mouth, not their hands.
When dining with your Filipino hosts, try to leave some food on your
plate as a sign that your host has provided you with enough food.
When you are being entertained during business times, you may be
asked to participate in group singing sessions. Try to go along with the
fun.
SAMOA
Samoans are generally flowery and formal during greetings, so please
reply in kind.
When entering a Samoan home, wait until the mats have spread upon
the floor before entering. Leave your shoes at the door and then sit cross-
legged on the mat. Conversation takes place once you are seated.
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The national beverage of Samoa is “kava”. Please accept this beverage

when offered, and drop a few drops of it on the ground before drinking it,
as this is the custom in Samoa.
ROMANIA
Men rise when they are introduced to a woman.
When visiting a Greek Orthodox Church, women should dress modestly
with their arms covered. Skirts should be worn instead of slacks.
When dining in Romania, several toasts will be held. The Romanians
eat with the fork in their left hand, and keep the napkin next to the plate,
rather than on the lap.
SINGAPORE
The elderly receive great respect in Singapore, thus be sure to hold
doors open for them, rise before they enter a room and give up your seat to
them on public transportation.
When seated, cross your legs at the knees so that the sole of your shoe is
not displayed to other people.
Littering is strictly forbidden in Singapore, and anyone caught violating
this law is subject heavy fines. This includes the throwing away of
cigarettes also.
Singapore, like Malaysia, hosts a mixture of Malay, Chinese and Indian
cultures, so the respective customs and mores apply.
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SRI LANKA
Although the British culture is a strong influence in Sri Lanka, there are
still many different ethnic groups and castes in the country, and each hosts
its own cultural nuances.
Always extinguish a cigarette before you meet someone.
People in Sri Lanka often smile instead of saying “thank you” However,
a Western woman should be cautious about smiling too much, as this may
be seen as a sign of flirtation.
As stated previously, a caste system still exists in Sri Lanka, so if you
invite someone to sit down with you and they are reluctant to do so, please
do not keep insisting.
Any image of Buddha is sacred, thus do not ever touch, lean or sit
on one.
SPAIN
The abrazo (embrace) is common among male friends, while women do
the same, as well as make the motion of kissing on each cheek. Men and
women always shake each other’s hand upon meeting.
The “OK” sign with the thumb and forefinger in a circle and the other
fingers outward is seen as obscene in Spain.
When seated, Spanish men will cross their legs at their knees. It is
considered “unfeminine” for women in Spain to cross their legs.
Eye contact in Spain is important, but women should be careful with
making eye contact with strangers, as it might signal interest of a romantic
nature.
To beckon someone in Spain, stretch your arm out, with your palm
downward, and make a scratching motion toward your body with the
fingers.
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SAUDI ARABIA
If a Saudi man is accompanied by a veiled woman, he will most
probably not introduce her.
Saudis will signal “YES”, by swivelling their head from side to side.
They signal “NO”, but tipping their head backward and clicking their
tongue.
Joint meetings may be encountered wherein several groups of business
visitors may be seated in separate parts of the same room, with your Saudi
host moving from group to group.
Women in Saudi Arabia are not permitted to drive vehicles.
Crossing your legs or putting your feet up on furniture may be seen as a
sign of disrespect.
An insulting gesture is to have your hand up, palm down, fingers spread,
with your index finger bent down and pointing outward.
It is not proper to show bare shoulders, stomach, calves and thighs.
SOUTH AFRICA
The handshake is still the common form of greeting, in this country of
Black African tribal, Dutch and English cultures.
Remember to cover your mouth when yawning.
Visitors to the international airport in South Africa will often say that
porters approach them with both hands held in a cupped shape.
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It may appear that the porter is soliciting a tip, however, but this gesture
is merely a signal of humbleness
SUDAN
Good friends of the same gender may embrace one another.
However, men will only shake a woman’s hand if she offers her hand
first. Actually, a man should not touch a woman in public.
Avoid showing the bottom of your shoe to another person.
Arabic is often a dramatic and emotional language, and conversation
may be perceived as often vigorous and enthusiastic.
SWEDEN
Upon meeting someone in Sweden, offer a firm handshake and retain
good eye contact.
When in public, a Swedish man will tip his hat to a woman, and take his
hat off while conversing with the woman.
When dining, the male guest of honor sits to the left of the hostess and
the female guest of honor sits to the right of the host.
When leaving a Swedish home, do not put your coat on until you get to
the doorway or actually step outside. If you do so beforehand, this is seen
as a rude sign of your anxiety to leave early.
SWITZERLAND
You should offer a firm handshake to whomever you are introduced to,
including children.
Good posture is important in Switzerland. Do not slouch in your chair or
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stretch your legs out while sitting in public.

Do not litter in Switzerland. The Swiss take great pride in the tidiness of
their environs, thus to litter is considered greatly rude.
Never smoke while dining with the Swiss.
The elderly are greatly respected in Switzerland, so be considerate by
giving up your seat on a bus or train to an older person or help them with
their luggage or parcels.
TAHITI
Remove your shoes before entering a Tahitian house.
Wash your hands before eating with your Tahitian hosts, as most
Tahitians eat with their hands.
It is customary and polite to shake the hands of everyone in a group in
Tahiti. Kissing Tahitian friends on the cheeks still signals the French
influence among the Tahitian islands.
TAIWAN
Avoid touching a child on the top of his or her head.
To show great respect for an elderly person, cover your left fist with
your right hand and raise both hands to your heart.
Good posture is important in Taiwan, with Taiwanese men usually
sitting with both feet firmly fixed to the floor. Women will cross their legs
at the knees or ankles.
Always present and receive a gift in Taiwan with both hands.
Toasting while dining in Taiwan is common, with the word being “Kan-
pie”, which means “bottoms up”.
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THAILAND
The traditional greeting in Thailand is the “wai” wherein the hands are
placed together in a prayer like position and the headed is slightly bowed.
It is similar to the “namaste” in India. The “wai” symbolizes “hello”,
“thank you”, “good-bye” and sometimes “I’m sorry”. The higher you hold
your hands while performing the “wai”, the more respect you are
conveying. Never raise your fingertips higher than your face.
Do not step on a doorsill when entering a building because Thais believe
that a deity resides in the doorsill and stepping there will offend that deity.
When passing in front of someone in Thailand, especially an elderly or
more senior person, lower your upper body slightly.
Never place your arm over the back of a chair in which someone is
sitting, or affectionately pat someone’s shoulders or back in Thailand.
Both gestures are seen as offensive in Thailand.
TURKEY
It is extremely offensive to show the sole of your shoe to someone,
or use your shoe to point at someone or something. This is due to the
fact that the shoe sole is the lowest part of the body and something which
is usually dirty and soiled.
If you must smoke, please ask permission first. You should not either
smoke or eat while on a public street.
To signal NO, raise your head slightly, tip it backward, and close your
eyes.
A unique Turkish gesture to signal that something is good, is done by
holding your hand up, palm outward, and slow bring the fingers into the
thumb, in a grasping motion.
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Female visitors to Turkey should avoid travelling without an escort.

Before you take a photograph in Turkey, ask permission first. This is
especially applicable to mosques and to individuals.
The fig gesture is considered very rude in Turkey. This is done by
clenching your hand into a fist and having your thumb protrude between
the first two fingers.
TANZANIA
Among the Swahili-speaking residents of the coast, the handshake is
customary. However, local men do not normally shake hands with women
in public, but foreigners are forgiven for doing so.
Do not use your left hand when giving or receiving a business card, gift,
envelope or such.
ZAIRE
There is limited contact between men and women in public.
Dining is socially important in Zaire, and a person may be judged on his
conduct while eating.
If your hosts uses his fingers while eating, do the same, but only, with
your right hand.
ZAMBIA
Among the locals, kneeling before the elderly or social superiors is
customary.
Among some tribes, the gesture of gentle thumb-squeezing may be
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observed, along with clapping.

People of the opposite sex do not often have physical contact upon
greeting.
Direct eye contact between the opposite sex should be limited as it holds
a romantic connotation.
It is improper to point directly at someone or something.
Be sure to wash your hands before and after eating because the right
hand is often used to pick up food from a communal plate or bowl.
To spit in public is a great sign of disrespect.
ZIMBABWE
The handshake is common and accepted. Local women and girls may
even curtsy upon greeting.
Clapping one’s hands may be seen as a sign of thanks and politeness.
Do not directly maintain direct eye contact with someone. This is
considered rude, particularly in rural areas of Zimbabwe.
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Acknowledgements
Language Origin: A Multidisciplinary Approach, the collection of

papers presented at the NATO Advanced Study Institute, Cortona 1988)
The Motor Theory of Language Origin by the author, 1989,
Lewes:Book Guild).
Syntax and the motor theory (forthcoming ed. Landsberg: Mouton de
Gruyter).
Studies in Language Origins II (1991)
Rabbits article from Rita and Dan Comden
The research on chimpanzee laughter was supported by NIH Grants
RR-00165, RR-06158, and RR-03591 to the Yerkes Regional Primate
Center.
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Bibliography
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Apte, M. L. 1985. Humor and Laughter: An Anthropological Approach.
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Black, D. W. 1982. Pathological laughter. Journal of Nervous and
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Bokun, Branko. The Humour Therapy Book. Vita Books.

Chapman, A. J., and H. C. Foot. 1976. Humor and Laughter: Theory,
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Chapman, A. J., and H. C. Foot. 1977. It’s a Funny Thing, Humour.
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HOW TO TELL ANYBODYʼS

PERSONALITY BY THE WAY

Copyright o 2011 by Keystone Entertainment Ltd.

Distributed and bound in the United States of America.

Project Editor: Harry Monk

5. NON VERBAL LANGUAGE OF THE HEAD!-88

1. Mouth and lips ------------------------------------------------------89

Mirroring when dealing with children ----------------------------111

10. WHAT TO LOOK FOR!---------------------------151

11. READINGS !-----------------------------------------159

12. HOW TO USE READINGS!---------------------171

13. CULTURAL DIFFERENCES!-------------------193

Your Secret Weapon

What people generally call ‘psychic’, perceptive’, and ‘intuitive’, most

Is body language teachable?

Getting the big picture

Psychological research has exhaustively categorized personality traits

direction. As we back away, the thousands of small dots blend to create a

prelude to fight or flight. Humans have in the course of evolution taken

It is a misperception that laughter is exclusive to human beings. From at

that without viewing the characteristic “play face” and source of

Circling your feet

The intensity and degree of expression of dogs differs with breeds as

posture, hand/arm movements, pitch and rate of speech, are observed by

1. It allows us to be creative and to work harder but more

2. It decreases isolation. Laughter allows us to bond with other people

3. It’s contagious. Laughter creates laughter. Allowing laughter to

the gift of laughter. A sense of humor is not necessary to laugh.

5. It reduces aggression and conflict. People laughing are unable to

6. It relieves anxiety. One cannot laugh and be afraid simultaneously.

7. Physically impossible. Laughter also shrinks the source and size of

8. Above all else, it’s fun. It gives us back our playfulness, a

Properties of human laughter

Laughter’s significance has been recognized at various times and in

Laughter as a social signal

Laughter is mainly social, more than an egocentric expression of

Most conversational laughter is not a response to structured attempts at

To many researchers, laughter is about strengthening social bonds.

group, may explain why laughter is often contagious - sometimes

to cash in with laugh records of their own.

possibility that human beings have auditory “feature detectors”—neural

that works equally well in a variety of species the ultimate example of

What makes us laugh?

Robert Provine, a behavioural neurobiologist at the University of

people who and what we are.

evolved to change the behaviour of others. In an embarrassing or

We have the power to change anything in our lives, so long as we know

You can tell much from who you laugh with

How to get a person to laugh

Before you make them laugh

How did verbal language originate?

that controlling bodily movement generally to the articulatory organs. It is

How have various scientists described this?

“Probably the evolution of spoken language entailed the replication and

way as those organizing body movements and behaviour. ... developments

The mouth is one of the organs of emotion, and we constantly listen to

attention naturally gravitates to the mouth, seeking to read “between the

The voice is an extraordinary human instrument. The way we see others

we listen to others, we can decode important information about them. The