WHAT DO WE MEAN BY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS?

The concept of relationship is very broad and complex in our

mode, personal relationships refer to close connections between
people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions. These
bonds often grow from and are strengthened by mutual
experiences.
Relationships are not static; they are continually evolving, and to
fully enjoy and benefit from them we need skills, information,
inspiration, practices, and social support. In our model there are
three kinds of personal relationships
Family
The concept of "family" is an essential component in any
discussion of relationships, but this varies greatly from person to
person. The Bureau of the Census defines family as "two or more
persons who are related by birth, marriage, or adoption and who
live together as one household." But many people have family
they don't live with or to whom they are not bonded by love, and
the roles of family vary across cultures as well as throughout your
own lifetime. Some typical characteristics of a family are support,
mutual trust, regular interactions, shared beliefs and values,
security, and a sense of community.
Although the concept of "family" is one of the oldest in
human nature, its definition has evolved considerably in the past
three decades. Non-traditional family structures and roles can
provide as much comfort and support as traditional forms.
Friends
A friendship can be thought of as a close tie between two
people that is often built upon mutual experiences, shared
interests, proximity, and emotional bonding. Friends are able to
turn to each other in times of need. Nicholas Christakis and
James Fowler, social-network researchers and authors of the
book Connected, find that the average person has about six close
ties-though some have more, and many have only one or none.
Note that online friends don't count toward close ties-
research indicates that a large online network isn't nearly as
powerful as having a few close, real-life friends.
Partnerships
Romantic partnerships, including marriage, are close
relationships formed between two people that are built upon
affection, trust, intimacy, and romantic love. We usually
experience this kind of relationship with only one person at a time.

25 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

Here is the list of the most common relationship problems
most often encountered by couples
1. Affairs / infidelity / cheating. This includes emotional
infidelity, one-night stands, internet relationships (including
'sexting'), long- and short-term affairs and financial infidelity
2. Sexual Issues, particularly loss of libido and including
questions around your gender, or your partner's gender
3. Significant differences in core values and beliefs
4. Life stages – you have 'outgrown' each other or have
'changed ‘significantly for whatever reason
5. Traumatic and/or Life-Changing Events
6. Responses to prolonged periods of Stress, such as Work-
Related Stress, long-term illness, mental health issues,
Financial Problems, problems with the children, infertility and
many more
7. Bored in or with Your Relationship
8. Dealing with a jealous partner
9. Having 'blended' family issues
10. Domestic violence, which includes verbal as well as
physical abuse: THE most serious relationship problem.
11. Knowing you should not have got married in the first place!
12. Lack of responsibility regarding finances, children, health
and many other issues
13. Unrealistic Expectations- still thinking your partner /
spouse is the princess/ knight and not seeing the 'real' human
being
14. Addictions - substance abuse
15. Excessive reliance on social media, at the cost of the
relationship
16. Lack of support during particularly difficult times from
people that matter to you
17. Manipulation or over-involvement in your relationships with
family or friends
18. Lack of communication about important matters
19. Poor division of and / or one-sided lack of responsibility
for chores and tasks. It is not always women who complain
about this relationship problem!
20. Perceived lack of concern, care and consideration /
attentiveness: feeling the relationship is one-sided is a big one!
21. Significant personal disappointments and traumas that lead
to a change in relationship dynamics
22. Long term depression or other mental health issues
suffered by one partner or both
23. Significant differences in opinion on how to discipline /
deal with the children
24. Long-term stress, particularly when not taking responsibility
for doing something positive to address the cause, or about
learning to handle it if it cannot be changed
25. An unsupportive partner during pregnancy and/or
significant problems after the birth of your baby.

TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING LONG-

LASTING AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS
1. YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST
Your relationship with yourself is the central template from which
all others are formed: Loving yourself is a prerequisite to creating
a successful and authentic union with another.
2. PARTNERING IS A CHOICE MUST NURTURE THE
RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO THRIVE
The choice to be in a relationship is up to you. You have the
ability to attract your beloved and cause the relationship you
desire to happen.
3. CREATING LOVE IS A PROCESS
Moving from "I" to "we" requires a shift in perspective and energy.
Being an authentic couple is an evolution.
4. RELATIONSHIPS PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES TO GROW
Your relationship will serve as an unofficial "life shop" in which
you will learn about yourself and how you can grow on your
personal path.
5. COMMUNICATION IS ESSENTIAL
The open exchange of thoughts and feelings is the lifeblood of
your relationship.
6. NEGOTIATION WILL BE REQUIRED
There will be times when you and your partner must work through
impasses. If you do this consciously and with respect, you will
learn to create win-win outcomes.
7. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL BE CHALLENGED BY
CHANGE
Life will present turns in the road. How you maneuver those twists
and turns determines the success of your relationship.
8. YOU MUST NURTURE THE RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO
THRIVE
Treasure your beloved and your relationship will flourish.
9. RENEWAL IS THE KEY TO LONGEVITY
Happily, ever after means the ability to keep the relationship fresh
and vital.
10. YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS THE MOMENT YOU FALL
IN LOVE
You know all these rules inherently. The challenge is to remember
them when you fall under the enchanting spell of love.

Lesson 1: POSITIVE EMOTIONS

Concept Notes
Emotions are what you feel on the inside when things happen.
Emotions are also known as feelings.
Positive emotions are emotions that we typically find
pleasurable to experience. The Oxford Handbook of Positive
Psychology defines them as "pleasant or desirable situational
responses...distinct from pleasurable sensation and
undifferentiated positive affect" (Cohn & Fredrickson, 2009). We
must understand the necessity of positive emotions for the
healthy functioning of our daily lives.
Some commonly experience positive emotions:
1. Joy - a sense of elation, happiness, and perhaps even
exhilaration, often experienced as a sudden spike due to
something good happening.
2. Gratitude - a feeling of thankfulness, for something specific
or simply all encompassing, often accompanied by humility
and even reverence.
3. Relaxed - feeling at ease and without worry, calm.
4. Proud - feeling pleased for doing well.
5. Surprise (the good kind!) - a sense of delight when
someone brings you unexpected happiness or a situation
goes even better than you had hoped.
6. Confident - feeling able to do something.
7. Enthusiasm - a sense of excitement, accompanied by
motivation and engagement.
8. Optimism - positive and hopeful emotion that encourages
you to look forward to a bright future, one in which you
believe that things will mostly work out.
9. Happiness - a feeling of pleasure and contentment in the
way things are going; a general sense of enjoyment of and
enthusiasm for life.
10. Love - a feeling of deep and enduring affection for
someone, along with a willingness to put their needs ahead
of your own; it can be directed towards an individual, a group
of people, or even all humanity. What's More
Lesson 2: NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
Negative emotions are those that we typically do not find
pleasurable to experience. Pam (2013) defined negative emotions
as "an unpleasant or unhappy emotion which is evoked in
individuals to express a negative effect towards an event or
person." If an emotion discourages and drags you down, then it is
most likely a negative emotion.
Most commonly felt negative emotions are:
1. Afraid - feeling fear and worry
2. Angry - feeling mad with a person, act, or idea
3. Ashamed - feeling bad after doing wrong
4. Confused - feeling unable to think clear
5. Depressed - feeling sad, blue, discouraged, and unhappy
6. Embarrassed - feeling worried about what others may think
Jealous feeling upset when someone has something that
you
7. Jealous - feeling upset when someone has something that
you would like to have or they get to do something you
wanted.
8. Lonely - feeling alone and that nobody cares
9. Stressed - feeling tense, tired, uneasy, and overwhelmed
Sadness feeling or showing sorrow; unhappy.
Look back over the list of sample negative emotions. Do you want
to feel any of those emotions? You probably do not want it! No
wonder it does not feel good to experience any of those emotions.
Positive psychologists also argue that while there are many
benefits to positive emotional states, our negative emotions are
also designed to keep us safe and to motivate us to improve our
lives, just as positive emotions do.

Lesson 3: DEALING DIFFICULT EMOTIONS

Concept Notes:
Shyness & anger are two example emotions that can be difficult
to manage in some situations.
Types of Responses as you encounter difficult emotions:
1. Passive response
 Behaving passively means not expressing your own needs
and feelings, or expressing them so weakly that they will not
be addressed.
  A response that allows other people to violate your rights.
Yet there are times when being passive is the most
appropriate response.
2. Aggressive response
 Behaving aggressively is asking for what you want or saying
how you feel in a threatening, sarcastic or humiliating way
that may offend the other person(s).
 A response that it almost always leads to increased conflict.
3. Assertive response
 Behaving assertively means asking for what you want or
saying how you feel in an honest and respectful way that
does not infringe on another person's rights or put the
individual down.
 An assertive response is almost always in your best interest,
since it is your best chance of getting what you want without
offending the other person(s). At times, however, being
assertive can be inappropriate. If tempers are high, if people
have been using alcohol or other drugs, if people have
weapons or if you are in an unsafe place, being assertive
may not be the safest choice. Important reminder: Before
you will react, it is important to assess whether a situation is
dangerous and choose the response most likely to keep you
safe.
Ways to express and manage difficult emotions:
1. Smile at someone or try to make someone laugh if you feel
sad or grumpy. Notice how making someone laugh or smile
makes you smile too.
2. If you are upset, feeling nervous, or can't get to sleep, take
your hand and put it on your heart or your tummy. You may
close your eyes and count five breaths. Do these five times
with long, slow, easy breaths."
3. If you start to feel angry or upset, sit quietly with your hands
in your lap. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in and
as you breathe out, hum or buzz. Keep buzzing using all
your breath until you feel better.
Suggested Positive Actions to Help you Manage Emotions
1. Exercise. This releases reward and pleasure chemicals in
the brain such as dopamine, which makes you feel better.
Being fit also makes you healthier, which helps in managing
your emotions.
2. Be kind to others. This helps to stop you worrying about
yourself.
3. Be open and accept what is going on around you. Learn
to appreciate what is happening and avoid giving criticisms
to others as well as their situations.
4. It is good to talk. Spend time with other people and enjoy
their company.
5. Distract yourself. Watching a bit of TV, reading, or surfing
the internet for a while will probably help you forget that you
were feeling a bit down.
6. Do not give in to negative thoughts. If you find yourself
having negative thoughts, then challenge yourself by looking
at them positively.
7. Spend time outside. Breathing in the fresh air, especially
around nature, helps calm and relax your emotions.
8. Be grateful. Do give thanks to people for the good things
they did for you, and always remember it.
9. Play on your strengths. That means doing things that you
enjoy most, and it involves doing things that are good for
you.
10. Be aware of the good things in your life. An adage
that means count your blessings!