Yo, yo, yoooo.

Hi, dekho mujhse kaha gaya hai ki mujhe tum log ka

roast banana hai. Kisne kaha hai mujhe? Maine khud.
Vaise bura mat maan’na. Mai hota kaun hu tumhe roast karne wala
apart from being sexy, cool, good-looking, really intellectually smart
and modest.
Jitne bhi log yeh video dekh rahe ho, haan, tum teeno, WhatsApp pe
abhi iss roast ki tareef karke mujhe bhej do, kyunki kya pata tum poori
video dekho aur tumhe pasand na aaye?
Chalo-chalo, apan alphabetically chalte hain, which is also something I
would recommend all the teachers to do. Kahi toh 3rd aaun bhai.
Ek toh yeh video banane ka competition Ayan ke saath tha. Mujhe
pata nhi abhi ki who yeh banayega bhi ya nhi.. par.. comparing my
video with Ayan’s video is like comparing Tanishq’s height with
Aditya’s height. (Hand sign) kaha Tanishq ki height aur kaha Aditya ki
height, kaha SRK aur kaha KRK, kaha Arijit Singh aur kaha Dhinchak
Pooja, kaha Aaradhya.. bachchan aur kaha Aaradhya Gupta.

Aaradhya
Sabse pehle hai 10th ki sabse intelligent ladki, tum sabko pata hai na
mai kiski baat kar raha hun.. Aaradh- (sir, honesty rakhni hai thodi iss
video mein) Oh- achha, sorry, Aastha.
Naah, mazaak kar raha hun, let’s start with Aaradhya, which is also
something Tanishq’s relationship log would read.
Pata hai Aaradhya aur ek chef mein kya similarity hai? Dono bahut
pakaate hain… Sorry, ik.. it was a bad one, which is also something
everyone says after having a conversation with Aaradhya.
Pata hai.. Aaradhya Gupta aur Aaradhya Bachchan mein kya similarity
hai?... kuch nhi… tumhe actually laga koi hai?
Praganya in Hindi means Scholar. Aaradhya in Hindi means ‘Aastha
available nhi hai.’
Maine kahi toh suna hai.. our body gets more oxygen when we yawn.
Now, I realize Aaradhya bas doosro ka bhala karna chaahti hai when
she talks. Thanks Aaradhya.
*call recording of Aaradhya sudhri hui hai*…*expressions*
I like even Shamaira more than you.. the thing is.. I don’t even know
who Shamaira is.
“Tu khud ki khoj mein nikal tu kisliye hataash hai.” “Housefly
humming.”
Aaradhya ke exam mein marks bahut achhe aate hain, pata nhi kaise
yaar. (eye wink) (Achint sir’s photo)
Sabka ek pet word hota hai, mera Ayan hai- Aaradhya ka pet word hai
‘basically’. She’s basically tryna say she’s extremely basic, all she’s got
is besi curry. (comedy ho rahi hai ji bahut bhayankar)
Pta hai? Jo nashe karte hain woh cheezein bahut bhoolte hain. Jaise
meri ek dost hai *awkward silence* *tries to read script*… Cut
kardena (hand sign)
Aaradhya cheezein itni jaldi bhulti hai na? Joke aadha complete karti
hai phir-

Aditya
Chalo, the next one up is… ek second kaun hai yeh? Aaditya? Kisi ko
yaad bhi hai yeh banda?
“Are ya’ winnin’ son? “99 prateeshat ank layo toh ghadi warna
chhadi.. afsos koi hamara mann na padh paya.”
Aditya ko yaar.. skip maarte hain- mai sab ladkiyo ki tarah baat kyon
kar raha hu?

Aryan
Mere favourite rappers hain KR$NA, Karma, Raftaar, Eminem, Seedha
Maut, Aryan Aggraw- (photo of script – Good Rappers - KR$NA,
Karma, Raftaar, Eminem, Seedha Maut
Garbage – Aryan Aggrawal (khud bol chu***e))
Oooh accha..
Chalo tumhe ek rape- rapper se introduce karwate hain, tumhe
already pata hoga iske baare mein, kyonki aaj kal saare disasters ki
news online mil hi jaati hai. But agar tumhe nahi pata, toh mai batata
hu, Aryan Aggrawal (highly enthusiastic). Agar wall ko tumhe todna
hai, toh iske gaane suna do, cuz’ ek wall hi eklauti aisi cheez hai jo iske
gaane sunke flat hogi.
I love it when Aryan raps, wraps up his song in a coffin.
Aryan ne ek rap daala tha ‘Safar’ ke naam se. He’s pretty self-aware,
use bhi pata hai hum sab ne woh gaana sunke kya kiya? “SUFFER” – ik
yeh Ayan ka joke hai, par Aryan ke joke pe Ayan ka joke maarna toh
banta hai na.
Aryan aur Ayan ka naam itna similar hai ki teachers bhi confuse ho
jaati hain dono mein. Jab Aryan koi kaam karta hai, kayi baar uska
shrey Ayan ko chala jaata hai, and Ayan ko yeh baat honestly pasand
bhi nahi. But iss gaane ke baad, Ayan ne sabse pehle jaake iska shrey
liya, usne bola ki yeh gaana usne banaya hai. Kyonki Ayan ko bahut
pasand hai apne munh pe kaala colour. (Johnny Sins) Ask his society’s
sewage workers.
SAFAR! Yeh gaana safar tha, hamari maut tak!
Safar ko tum agar safar karte hue sunoge, toh tum suffer karoge,
kyonki tumhe sabar nhi hoga, ki yeh gaana khatam kab hoga. – Yeh
peeche beat sunai di tumhe, ek banda random shabd bol raha hai, and
peeche beat chal rahi hai, haan, bas wahi tha Aryan ke safar ka
concept. (Nikal chala hu apne safar se bahar, safar se bahar)

Ayan
Ab aate hain, the very funny, sabka favourite, extremely smart,
Aaryansh ke saath rehne wale Ayan par.
Ayan ka bhi ek rap aa raha hai, 25th December ko. I’m pretty sure who
blow up karega, hamaari senses ko.
Tumhe mai Ayan ki ek photo dikhaata hu, pata nhi mere paas hogi ya
nhi. Vaise, honi toh chahiye, kyunki mujhe aaj-kal shauk laga hai
purani cheezo ke photo leke sambhaal ke rakhne ka.
Ek baar Ayan ne kaha tha ki uski iq Aaradhya se 10 guna jyada hai.
Buddy! Let me inform you, 10*0=0 only. Badhti nhi hai woh.
I think jisko bhi yahan pe Ayan ke jokes pasand hai usko ek COVID test
kara lena chahiye cuz' clearly you have one of the 5 symptoms of
COVID-19, lack of taste.
Ayan, you understand comedy really well. I think tujhe ek comedy club
join karna chahiye...as the audience.
You can destroy all of Ayan's jokes but can't destroy his humour cuz'
he simply doesn't have one.
Ayan ko jooto ka shauk hai. And I know yeh yaha se nhi laga. Maine
dekha tha ise mandir ke bahar shoe rack par. Ayan ko bahut time baad
pata chala ki do joote ek saath aate hain.
Ayan ki aawaaz aisi hai na. Ek baar mai Ayan se call par baat kar rha
tha. Maine phone galti se speaker pe rakh diya, mere area ke saare
kutte behre ho gaye. Tanishq ko abhi tak sunai de raha hai.
Ayan is so ugly that even Jesus Christ doesn’t love him, he just wants
to be friends… just kidding man… Jesus doesn’t want to be a friend to
Ayan.

Praganya
The next one up is Reva. Tum log soch rahe hoge maine Praganya ko
skip kyu maara. Usko uski best-friend bhauv nhi deti, mai toh baad
mein dunga.
Anyway, chal bana dete hain iss par bhi, which is also something
Praganya bolti hai jab woh apne kisi crush ko msg karti hai.
Mai ek din ma’am ke attendance register mein naam dekh raha tha..
baad mein maine realize kiya ki woh Praganya ke crushes ki list hai.
Sabse upar Aaradhya ka naam tha.
Praganya ko lagta hai ki who bahut achha gaati hai. The only time
people clap for her is when she stops singing.
Ek baar Praganya ne apni dost ke liye ‘Happy Birthday’ gaaya, sab
guests bahar bhaag gaye kyunki unhi laga fire alarm baj raha hai.
“Suno suno suno…” “Kyun sune bhai tumhari baat.”
“The ending of nukkad naatak.”

Reva
Ab roast karte hain ek talented, smart, intelligent logo ke saath rehne
wali Reva ko.
It takes some serious talent to be the dumbest person in a group
which has Ayan in it.
Reva does a lot for my mental health, especially on the days when she
doesn't meet me.
Par yaar Reva ko aise mat bolo. Usne bahut stereotypes tode hain
yaar, jaise Punjabis are generally funny.
*me when someone asks me about Reva :-
“Aise bachcho ke liye alag school hote hain, waha jaye ya sarkari
school mein.”
Kya Reva ko roast maarne ke liye meri zarurat hai? Kya uski
relationship choices hi kaafi nhi hain? Kartik… uff.
Mere paas agar photo hogi toh mai yahan pe laga dunga.. vaise honi
toh chahiye kyunki mujhe aaj-kal shauk chadha hai, garbage collect
karne ka.

Tanishq
Lastly, we have Tanishq. Oh- yaha pe bhi last?
Ab Tanishq ko mai kaise define karu, Tanishq.. ek.. ladka hai.. aur..
woh.. bas- hai.
So, a great batsman, a badminton pro, a very good basketball player
are all men he would happily marry with.
Tanishq, tu class ka best cricket player hai...if Ayan leaves the
class...and the class is empty.
Tanishq, tu kabhi unhealthy hoga hi nhi...kyunki tu sachchai se door
bhaagta hi rehta hai.
Kuch din pehle Tanishq ka phone chori ho gaya tha, chor ko Nobel
Peace Prize mil raha hai. (Jag soona soona laage)
Yeh Tanishq ko dekhke aisa nhi lagta, yeh banda bus pe chad ke aise
chillaata hai, "Noida, Noida, Noida."
You know, ek time tha when Tanishq used to be fat and ugly. Congrats
on the weight loss, dude. You dropped those kilos faster than Reva
dropped her dating standards.
My mom – “Sharma ji ke bete ke 95% ank aaye the.. tumhe kuch bhi
karke use jyada and laane hain bas.”
*le Sharma ji ka beta – (a photo of Tanishq)

POST CREDIT
“Kya keval achhe ank laana hi safalta ka aadhar hota hai?” – Dialogue
delivery*100.