MODULE 2

COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION

VARIABLE
___________________________________________________________________

On completion of this module, you as a course participant will understand:

§༊ Negotiation as a highly specialised form of communication that is intended to

convince the other party to move in your direction;
§༊ The importance of verbal and nonverbal communication in a negotiation and how
best to use verbal ad non-verbal negotiation to build a cooperative, value-
enhancing long-term relationship;
§༊ How to analyse and respond to the behaviour of the other party and
environmental variables in a manner that advances the negotiation;
§༊ How to establish and maintain a negotiation climate conducive to achieving a
mutually beneficial outcome;
§༊ How to recognise the status, authenticity and integrity of the other party;
§༊ How to display openness by deliberately resisting premature thought closure.
§༊ The role of perceptions in negotiation and how to deal with perceptions; and
§༊ How to manage nervousness and communicate empathically.

1. BASIC COMMUNICATION CONSIDERATIONS

Communication is a multi-faceted complex process involving various steps between
the communicator and the receiver. Between these steps there is always the danger
of some or other form of interference (noise) that can distort the communication and
the understanding thereof. Negotiators therefore need to be aware of this process
and sensitive to the feedback from other parties in the negotiation.

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 20

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
 COMMUNICATION MODEL

COMMUNICATOR ENCODING MESSAGE & DECODING RECEIVER

MEDIUM

MEDIUM

RECEIVER’S
COMMUNICATOR’S FIELD OF FEEDBACK
FIELD OF REFERENCE
REFERENCE

NOISE - Interference that affects the intended communication Figure

NOISE
2.1

2. MANAGING FIRST IMPRESSIONS

90% of the opinion that people form of one another is established within the first four
minutes of their meeting. Thereafter there is only a 10% chance of changing this
impression.

Five rules for the effective management of the first four minutes of any
communication are:

§༊ Know what you wish to project

§༊ Look what you wish to project
§༊ Act what you wish to project
§༊ Take control
§༊ Be what you wish to be.

2.1 Know what you wish to project

What impression do you wish to make? You do not know? Would you start out on a
journey without a plan? No? Why then communicate without due consideration of
the impression you wish to make?

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 21

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
Start with the end in mind. Always write down what opinion the receiver should have
after your communication. You may want different people to retain different opinions
at different times:

Board members: Professional, reliable, accurate, well-informed etc.

Clients: Dynamic, fair, trustworthy, honest etc.

Each communication may require that you enhance different aspects of your
personality. To decide on the impression you need to create, you must know:

§༊ As much as possible about the person(s) you will be interacting with;

§༊ What image you and your company wish to project;
§༊ The Unique Selling Points of your product etc.
§༊ Key client information:

♦ Name
♦ Position
♦ Company
♦ Type of person
♦ Likes and dislikes
♦ Have you met him/her before?
♦ What will the client be looking for in you?
♦ Reasons for communicating — business, social, selling, buying etc.
♦ Where will the communication take place?
§༊ What amount of time will be available?
When deciding on the impression you wish to make, you must always remember that
the client will see you as being the company. You reflect the quality of the service
and/or product.

2.2 Look what you wish to project

Before seeing a person for the first time we tend to rely on telephonic impressions
and/or impressions which we infer from information gleaned from others and from
correspondence to develop a mental picture of the person. When we meet that
person for the first time, we relate our mental picture to what we see. Should we see
something different to what we had anticipated, we tend to have difficulty in breaking
away from our first impression. It is therefore very important for negotiators to make
a strong, vivid first physical impression

In the process of convincing ourselves about something:

§༊ Our eyes account for 87% of the impression we form

§༊ Only 9% relates to auditory stimuli and

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 22

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
§༊ A mere 4% to other sensory information.

In order to convince somebody that we meet, we therefore need to LOOK the part
we wish to communicate.

Life conditions us to relate the people that we meet to certain established stereotypes
which are closely related to outward appearances. If a person for example wishes to
be seen as a professional, he/she must LOOK professional. Despite the more
relaxed environment we live in, most people still continue to see others in terms of
what they wear. When dressing, we need to ask ourselves what statement our
clothes make and whether this statement corresponds to the overall statement we
wish to make.

2.3 Act what you wish to project

What most influences the feelings and attitudes we communicate?

§༊ 7% verbal (words)
§༊ 38% vocal (tone of voice)
§༊ 55% visual (body language).

A good example of the aforementioned is how we best communicate love. Doing it in

a monotone without changing our face or body stance would probably not elicit the
desired response. Doing it using the correct tone of voice and body language is,
however, likely to result in a far more desirable response.

Merely using body language without saying anything is often the most effective way
of getting a message across.

How important is body language? The answer lies in considering the following:

§༊ Do you trust people who do not look at you when they speak?
§༊ Do you feel comfortable when a person points at you while talking to you?

2.3.1 Space

“Spatial changes give a tone to communication, accentuate it, and at times even
override the spoken word.” ET Hall.

In our daily lives, we are often confronted with space as an important variable.
Notice how space frequently appears in our attention frame — “Keep out”, “No entry”,
“Reserved for . . . “ etc.

As humans, we are territorially conscious and tend to relate power to space.

Dominant and powerful persons undoubtedly tend to control a bigger territory than
less dominant and less powerful persons. We need only think of the president of a
country, the CEO of a company, the general in the military, etc.

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 23

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
The spatial zones that apply to humans can be summarized as follows:

§༊ The intimate zone (45cm) - the sole domain of the owner that is generally
reserved for lovemaking or war:
§༊ The personal zone (45cm - 1,5m) - reserved for family or close acquaintances;
§༊ The social-consultative zone (1,5m - 3,6m) area where initial business
contacts take place before moving to the personal zone: and
§༊ The public zone (3,6m+).

SPATIAL ZONES SPATIAL ZONES

Public Zone: 3,6m+ Public Zone: 3,6m+

Social- Social-
consultative zone: consultative zone:
1,5m – 3,6m 1,5m – 3,6m
 Intimate zone: Intimate zone:
45cm 45cm

Personal zone:
45cm - 1,5m

Figure 2.2

Small movements inside the intimate and personal zone, especially if they are
repetitive, are intellectually destructive for both parties. Bigger or molar movements
that stretch into unoccupied zones, create the perception of’ confidence and
increasingly result in a positive and creative frame of mind.

When negotiating in an office it is preferable not to interact across a desk or sit in an

oppositional position across a table. Stay away from any barriers. If it is necessary
to communicate across a table, rather sit diagonally across the corner or next to the
other party on the same side of the table.

If a table is an essential component during a negotiation, the parties should

preferably be seated around a round table where no position is superior to any other
position and space can easily be equalised.

When a person, who is not welcome in a particular spatial zone, violates, invades or
contaminates that zone, the response will depend on the person involved, the
reason(s) why the encroachment took place and the nature of the encroachment.
The response could involve the protection of a particular territory, e.g. by placing a
personal possession on a seat at a negotiation table to reserve that seat, or,

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 24

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
depending on whether the encroachment is of a positive or negative nature; the
response could involve a reciprocal gesture or corrective action to restore the desired
distance.

Researchers have found that females interact more closely with others than males
do, providing the interaction is cordial. Female/female interaction is closer than
male/male interaction, while mixed pairs tend to maintain an intermediate distance.
This possibly relates to the role as mother that women have traditionally fulfilled in
society.

Elderly persons tend to interact at a closer distance than younger people do.

Culture also influences the preferred communication distance. Arabs, Latin-

Americans and people from Southern Europe tend to face one another more closely,
touch each other more often, and more frequently look each other in the eye and
speak louder. Asians, Indians, Pakistani’s, Americans and persons from Northern
Europe respond in opposite ways.

During the discussion of a negative subject, the communication distance generally

tends to be bigger than when a positive subject is discussed.

The social setting in which persons find themselves also influences the
communication distance. At a cocktail party, the guests tend to interact at a closer
distance than in an office environment.

Lighting, noise, temperature, the available space and the formal or informal nature of
a communication often determines whether the communication distance is large or
small.

When short persons interact with tall persons, they often adjust the communication
distance to create a better angle or to prevent a feeling of domination.

When interacting with obese, stigmatized, unhealthy and disabled persons the
communication distance is often greater than with other persons.

When persons feel depressed and tired they maintain a greater communication
distance than they otherwise would.

Persons who choose to maintain a close communication distance are perceived as

warmer, more empathic and more understanding than those who prefer a greater
distance.

When persons seek approval, they tend to close the distance between themselves
and their communication partners. They are, however, cautious not to enter the
intimate zone of the other person.

Strangers, introverts and anxious persons maintain a greater communication

distance than persons with a positive self-image and openness to affiliation.

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 25

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
2.3.2 Face & eyes

Our faces and eyes are very strong non-verbal communication assets. The pupils in
our eyes enlarge up to four times when we look positively at other persons or things,
or when we feel very positive or excited. The opposite is, however, equally true.

To make a positive impression we need to meet the other person’s gaze for about
two thirds of the communication time, thereby ensuring that our pupils are larger than
normal.

Persons receiving positive facial messages will reciprocate.

There are three types of gazes:

§༊ The business gaze — focusing on the triangle from the top of forehead to the
eyes.
§༊ The social gaze — focusing on the triangle between the eyes and mouth.
§༊ The intimate gaze — focusing on the triangle between the eyes and the chest or
a lower point.

Staring should strictly be reserved to emphasize strong feelings of love or

displeasure, as this causes the pupils to be small.

Rubbing an eye or wearing dark glasses when communicating creates an impression

of dishonesty and leaves the other party feeling that something is being concealed.

Lying is deduced from hand-to-head gestures, e.g. rubbing the side of the nose or
under the nose, rubbing the side of the ear, rubbing over the hair or tugging at a
collar.

Scratching the nose may indicate disagreement, while pulling an ear lobe may
indicate disinterest and a desire to stop listening.

An honest smile conveys pleasure, while an artificial smile conveys insincerity, thus
distracting the other person from what is being said. A smile as a mask fails to
convince, since it is seen as being a way of hiding true feelings. It often results in the
communicator not being trusted.

A true smile originates deep inside and then flows onto the face. As it unfolds, the
eyes tend to get bigger and glisten slightly, the cheeks rise and the corners of the lips
move upward to meet the lines that form around the eyes.

To ensure a non-threatening impression persons should smile from the moment they
meet each other. This clears the way for emotions to receive due recognition.

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 26

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
2.3.3 Hands

Open palms facing upward indicate subservience, whilst palms facing down indicate
dominance. The orientation of the palms is often a good indicator of the
‘temperature’ of a communication.

Showing the palms when meeting a person conveys a message of friendship.

All the variations of shaking hands denote gestures of friendship. The palms should
normally be wide open, the grip firm and the handshake a straight up-and-down
movement. When the grip is too firm, aggression or competitiveness is perceived,
while a limp grip is seen as weakness. When a hand is placed on top of the other
person’s hand, with the palm facing down, the handshake is seen as a desire to
dominate. When the hand is placed below the other person’s hand, with the palm
facing upward, it is perceived as acceptance of domination.

A dominant handshake should not be forcefully twisted back to the vertical position,
as this would be an aggressive response. The better response would be to move
closer to the other person, thereby causing this person to step back and in so doing
straighten his/her hand. An alternative response would be to place the hand on top
of the other person’s hand and firmly shake it or merely grasp the fingers and shake
them.

The best way to prevent a dominant handshake is to extend your hand first, offering
a firm vertical handshake that the other person is likely to copy.

Holding your hands in your pockets is seen as a desire to conceal something and
therefore erodes trust.

2.3.4 Arms

A posture in which the arms are open, communicates that a person has nothing to
hide and does not feel threatened.

Keeping the arms with the elbows adjacent to the sides of the body, with the
forearms at right angles to the upper arms and with the palms open is seen as an
expression of openness and warmth.

Folded or grasped arms indicate defensiveness or a need to protect or hide

something. Even when a person merely plays with something in front of him/her this
could be perceived as defensiveness and therefore could become a barrier to his/her
true feelings being understood.

2.3.5 Crossing legs

The crossing of arms and legs often occurs simultaneously. When women cross
their legs, it is perceived as politeness, whereas in men this is seen as a sign of not
being receptive.

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 27

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
Persons sitting side by side with their legs crossed towards each other displays
interest in each other. When they cross their legs away from each other, the
opposite impression is often created.

2.3.6 Posture
Slumping in a chair indicates a low self-opinion, while an upright position indicates
confidence and strong self-worth.

Sitting back in a chair indicates confidence, whilst sitting forward indicates

eagerness.

Restlessness and repetitive movements indicate disinterest and an eagerness to

speak.

2.3.7 Mimicking

When a general feeling of warmth exists there is a tendency for persons to mimic the
leader, e.g. in business meetings.

Mimicking indicates acceptance and support for a point of view. When used during
the first four minutes of a communication it indicates acceptance, warmth and
agreement with a point of view.

2.3.8 Voice

When the plosives (d, t, c, k, p and b) are overemphasized this could indicate varying
levels of aggression.

Whilst, when the vowels (a, e, i, o and u) are emphasized it indicates flexibility,
complacency and accommodating behaviour.

Emphasis on the s-sound indicates social sensitivity.

High pitch and high volume normally indicate a low level of intellectual functioning.
The lower the pitch and volume, the greater the ability of both parties to concentrate
on the underlying intellectual processes. “I understand the fury in your words but not
the words.” Shakespeare.

Vocal emphasis is often used to influence interpretation, as is evident from the

following example:

He’s giving this car to John.

HE and nobody else is giving the car.

He’s giving this car to John.

He is GIVING NOT LENDING the car to John.

He’s giving this car to John.

It is, THIS PARTICULAR CAR, not any other car.

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 28

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
He’s giving this car to John.
The gift is a CAR not any other item.

He’s giving this car to John.

The person receiving the gift is JOHN, not any other person.

When we speak, we manipulate the pitch of our voices. We deliberately lower the
pitch to indicate the end of a declarative sentence or raise the pitch to indicate a
question. When we wish to be sarcastic, we deliberately manipulate the tone to
make the vocal message contradict the verbal message, e.g. saying, “I’m having a
great time” in a way that means, “I’m having a terrible time”.

In a comparative study of facial and vocal cues, researchers found that facial cues
are more influential. Vocal cues (speed and loudness) were strong conveyors of
dominance and potency, while facial cues (smiling) were better at conveying
pleasantness or positivism.

Voices that are not extremely high or low, or extremely flat or variable in terms of the
pitch, generally are perceived more favourably.

Persons who speak ‘above’ the class they are known to belong to, are perceived
more positively than those who are expected to speak at a particular level and then
deliberately speak ‘down’.

Our voices communicate emotional meanings that range from anxiety, sadness,
discomfort, stress, uncertainty and rigidity to empathy and understanding.

The way we deliver what we have to say, influences retention, comprehension,

attitudinal change and our credibility. Variations in volume, rate, pitch and
articulation are therefore important.

The persuasiveness of a communicator is related primarily to his/her perceived

credibility, fluency, rate of delivery and ability to vary volume and pitch.

Verbal cues are often used to indicate to the other party his/her turn to speak, e.g.
asking a question requiring an answer, dropping the pitch at the end of a sentence or
maintaining a period of silence. A turn to speak is often requested by interrupting,
speaking simultaneously, nodding vigorously, using vocalizations such as “uh-huh” or
“mm-hmm” repetitively, or by moving.

When a party wishes to retain the opportunity to speak he/she increases the volume,
pauses less frequently and decreases the frequency and duration of silences.
Passing up a turn to speak is best achieved by simply remaining silent.

Silence is generally used to accentuate, to draw attention, to provide the other side
with an opportunity to evaluate, to agree or disagree, to prevent having to reveal
something, to express disgust, sadness, fear, anger or love, or to show
thoughtfulness and reflection.

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 29

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
2.3.9 Reversing body language

Although a person may feel insecure and defensive when first meeting a stranger,
he/she can counteract that feeling by employing positive thinking to ensure that
his/her body language does not convey inner insecurity and defensiveness.

Displaying a positive attitude towards another person generates a reciprocal

response.

2.3.10 Feigned indifference

Some people use the trick of feigning total disinterest to gain control. For example, a
manager may continue writing when a person enters a room and deliberately resist
looking up. The best response to such behaviour would be to wait patiently, knowing
that the silence will eventually have to be broken. It would also not be inappropriate
to ask a question, thereby compelling the other person to respond and shift his/her
attention.

2.3.11 Culture

Body language varies from country to country and culture to culture. In Africa, signs
by way of body language may have entirely different meanings to what these signs
have in European countries.

Responding to single gestures is dangerous. Groups of gestures that convey the

same messages are normally reliable.

2.4 Take control

How can one take control of a situation?

§༊ Smile.
§༊ Make eye contact.
§༊ Put your hand out in advance.
§༊ Greet the other person using his/her name.
§༊ Make sure the other person is aware that you are eager to meet him/her.
§༊ Do not use hackneyed expressions such as ‘How are you?’ to greet the other
person, but rather say something that accentuates your uniqueness and displays
interest in the other person.
§༊ Use a firm vertical handshake or a form of greeting that fits a particular culture
and is gender sensitive.
§༊ Remember that the aim of your communication is to establish an equal balance
between the parties in the first four minutes of the meeting.

When invited by a person sitting behind a desk to take a seat across the desk do not
immediately accept. Rather look for an alternative by suggesting the possibility of
sitting at the round conference table or by moving your chair to a position that is at

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 30

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
right angles to the person behind the desk. Alternatively, suggest that the person
considers joining you on the other side of the desk as a way of making it easier to
share information. Should these strategies fail, the last resort would be to move your
chair to the side of the desk and by so doing balance the territorial advantage.

After finding the most positive seating position, break the ice by referring to
something the other person is keen on and about which you are knowledgeable. The
office normally offers many clues. Never refer to politics or religion.

Always stay aware of your body language and your choice of words, remembering to
use your hands to emphasize important points. Beware of pointing, clenching your
fists, touching your face etc. Do not cross your arms and legs, and remember to
mimic the body language of the other person.

Allow the other person the major share of the conversation during the ice-breaking
period, but limit the duration of this period, before introducing the reason for your visit
in a way that will capture the attention of the other person and make him/her look
forward to what you have to say. Remember to elaborate on how the other person
will benefit from what you have to say. Close with a summary and a request for a
commitment.

2.5 Be what you wish to be

Think for a moment who you would most like to be?

Why not be yourself? Do as Nike says: “Just do it”.

You must decide to be a good communicator, always remembering what Thomas

Edison said: “I am not discouraged because every wrong attempt discarded is
another step forward.”

3. MANAGING NERVOUSNESS
3.1 Posture, breathing & positive psyching
What would your reactions be if you hit the jackpot at casino?

§༊ Sweaty palms
§༊ Trembling
§༊ Talking in a high pitch voice
§༊ Suffering a loss of memory
§༊ Crying
§༊ Experiencing a tightness in the chest and stomach
§༊ Feeling a dryness in the mouth
§༊ Experiencing an increased pulse and a pounding heart

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 31

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
How do your reactions to excitement correspond to the times when you are nervous
due to negative reasons? Is the physiological reaction the same? The only
difference lies in how we interpret the event that gave rise to the physiological
reaction. If we experience it as a positive event, we interpret the reaction as positive
and vice versa.

How should you positively direct the energy released by an event?

3.2 Physical posture

Our brain and our body continuously communicate. As easily as we can talk
ourselves into a depression, we can talk ourselves into being happy and relaxed.

By ensuring a positive physical posture we prevent our bodies from sending negative
messages to our brain — biofeedback.

We need to ensure that we sit, stand and move in a way that is entirely comfortable.
The biofeedback will then create a feeling of mental relaxation.

3.3 Breathing rhythm

We need to practice rhythmic, whole-chest breathing by imagining a balloon in our
bellies at the bottom tip of the breastbone where the ribs begin to part. By filling the
imaginary balloon with air so that our stomachs expand and then exhaling so that our
stomachs contract, we relax. The shoulders should not lift. Lying on the floor with a
heavy book on your stomach is an excellent way of practising.

Concentrating on equalizing incoming and outgoing air to the lungs can be achieved
by mentally breathing in to a 2 - 3 - 4 rhythm and out again to the same 2 - 3 - 4
rhythm.

When angry, upset, tense or emotional, the equilibrium can consciously be restored
by breathing in a mentally regulated rhythm.

3.4 Positive imaging, visualisation or picturing

When you need to participate in an important negotiation, it is essential that you
visualise yourself in the negotiation, HEAR (auditory) the sounds from the other party
(questions, statements) and FEEL (kinaesthetic) the positive emotions that
accompany a successful negotiation. The aim being to ensure that when you get into
the real negotiation, your brain communicates to you that it has already successfully
been ‘there’.

Re-direct and focus the energy flow to work for and not against you.

Always remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said: “No one can make you feel inferior
without your consent.”

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 32

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
4. EMPATHIC LISTENING
“The heart has its reasons that the reason knows not of.” Pascal

For most negotiators it is second nature to offer a quick fix for a problem, without
taking enough time to understand the problem fully before diagnosing the cause and
prescribing a solution. They often forget the most important principle in interpersonal
communication and negotiation: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Reading, writing, speaking and listening are the four basic types of communication.
The first three receive a great deal of attention, but the latter is often totally
neglected.

The ability to influence others is heavily dependent on whether they are convinced of
the desire of a negotiator to understand them and to be influenced by their
uniqueness. This creates the trust needed for the other party to open themselves to
the possibility of a mutually beneficial agreement.

Do you as a negotiator listen with the intention of understanding or merely to

respond? Are you always speaking or preparing to speak? Do you filter everything
through your own frame of reference without even realizing that you are doing so?

In our quest to be understood, we practice selective listening and often merely

pretend to understand while we are in fact ignoring the other person.

Empathic listening involves getting into the other party’s frame of reference and
seeing the world from their perspective. It is not an act of agreement, but a full and
deep understanding of the other party and his/her views and feelings at an emotional
and intellectual level.

Empathic listening requires negotiators to use their ears, eyes and heart to
distinguish and understand the feelings and meanings of the other party. They must
sense, feel and be sensitive to their intuition.

Because empathic listening literally places a negotiator in the head and the heart of
the other party, it ensures accurate information.

Next to physical survival, the greatest need of any person is psychological survival –
to be understood, appreciated and accepted.

5. UNDERSTANDING & PERCEPTION

The way negotiators perceive the same situations can differ drastically. One
negotiator may look at the world from a person-centred perspective, while another
may look at the same world from a task- and money-centred perspective. One may
look from an abundance mentality, while another may look from a scarcity mentality.

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 33

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
To communicate effectively we need to be aware of our paradigms and be willing to
challenge and transcend them.

Effective communication/negotiation is built on three sequentially arranged words:

PERCEPTIONS

STIMULU ATTENTION RECOGNITION TRANSLATION BEHAVIOUR

S

§༊ Stereotyping §༊ Roles §༊ Communication

§༊ Halo effect §༊ Groupthink ♦ Verbal

§༊ Selectivity ♦ Invulnerability §༊ Pace

§༊ Projection ♦ Moralisation §༊ Pitch

§༊ First Unanimity §༊ Volume

♦
impressions Conformity §༊ Silence
♦
§༊ Defensiveness §༊ Vowels
♦ Dismissal of
§༊ Space & territory opposing ideas §༊ Plosives

§༊ Party size §༊ S-sound

§༊ Risky shift ♦ Non-verbal

§༊ Politeness
§༊ Location §༊ Space
§༊ Uncluttered
§༊ Furnishings & §༊ Eyes
tables
décor §༊ Face

§༊ Arms

§༊ Hands

§༊ Legs

§༊ Posture

§༊ Attentivene
ss

Figure 2.3

Ethos, Pathos and Logos.

§༊ Ethos (Character) – The negotiator’s personal credibility — the faith people have
in his/her integrity and competency.
§༊ Pathos (Relationship) - The degree to which a negotiator is able to demonstrate
an alignment to the emotional thrust of the other negotiator’s communication.
§༊ Logos (Logic) - The degree to which a negotiator is perceived to understand the
reasoning of the other party.

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 34

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
When negotiators express their ideas clearly, vividly, visually and in the context of a
deep understanding of the other party’s paradigms and interests, they greatly
increase the credibility of their options and establish the kind of relationship needed
to explore a mutually beneficial agreement together.

6. CREATING A NEGOTIATION CLIMATE

Of the many variables that could constitute a positive negotiation climate, the
following are probably the most important and should be uppermost in the mind of
any negotiator. Although they are at face value self-evident, they are all too often
neglected.

6.1 Politeness
Politeness is non-negotiable. It costs nothing, yet delivers substantial dividends, in
that it ensures that a negotiator commands the moral high ground in a negotiation.
Operating from the moral high ground confers an immediate power position, as it
blunts any negative attack the other party may contemplate. Furthermore, the law of
reciprocity also holds that such a positive disposition should be compensated by an
equally positive approach.

Acquiring the moral high ground in a negotiation can also be achieved by adhering to
one of the basic tenets of the Mutual Gains Approach, namely to admit mistakes
when they occur, apologise to the other party for such mistakes and offer to
mitigate/compensate the consequences.

6.2 Respect
No matter who we are, we all desire an appropriate degree of autonomy. In practice
this means that the greater the autonomy we exercise, the greater the risk that our
actions will be perceived by the other party as impinging on its authority. As
negotiators we should be prepared for trouble when the decisions we make that
affect the other party lead to responses such as:

§༊ “I did not agree to that!”

§༊ “I was not consulted!”
§༊ “I was never informed!”

Show your respect for the other party by:

§༊ Recognising its authenticity, integrity and credibility.

§༊ Showing openness for the ideas of its negotiators.
§༊ Jointly inventing and refining options and alternatives.
§༊ Together exploring interests.
§༊ Inviting input from “invisible” stakeholders.

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 35

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
§༊ Together establishing decision-making guidelines.
§༊ Acknowledging the status of its negotiators in respect of education, skills,
experience, holistic thinking, connections and insights.
§༊ Affording weight to opinions where deserved.

6.2 Names
Our names are our labels given to us by our parents at a time of great joy. As a
result, we tend to be proud of our names and to respond positively when others use
them. Important, however, is that they pronounce our names correctly. Nothing is
more irritating than a name or surname pronounced incorrectly.

Knowing and using names in a negotiation has the following distinct advantages:

§༊ It focuses the attention of a specific person in the other party;

§༊ It recognises the identity of a specific person in the other party;
§༊ It dignifies members of the other party as individuals; and
§༊ It encourages the involvement of a specific person in the other party.
Prior to a negotiation the lead negotiator should ensure that the preferred names of
all the members of the other party are known and that all his/her team members are
able to pronounce these names correctly. Furthermore, it should also be established
whether first names, surnames and titles are required when addressing members of
the other party.

When the other party arrives at the negotiation, it is good practice for the lead
negotiator to introduce every member of his/her team to every member of the other
team by repetitively using the names of each of these members, e.g. “John meet
Sally. John, Sally is the head of IT at Future Consulting, Sally has been with them
since the launch of the company. Sally, John is head of our IT, he joined us recently
after an illustrious career with the Council for Industrial and Scientific Research.”
This not only denotes respect, but is an excellent way of breaking the ice and
conveying important information that establishes the credibility of the negotiators.

6.3 Taking Space

The way negotiators take space in a negotiation tells the other party how secure or
insecure they feel. If they only operate within a very small area (molecular space –
45cm), they communicate insecurity and tend to rapidly lose the attention of the other
party. Conversely, if they use a bigger space (molar space – 45cm+) they
communicate confidence and hold the attention of the other party.

As outlined in 2.3 above, our bodies, especially our hands, arms and eyes, are our
most important assets in taking space. In a negotiation, we should therefore always
ensure that we look up and use our eyes to involve all members of the other party.
Furthermore, we should also keep our hands on the table, using them to indicate our

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 36

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
dedication and sincerity, to involve all members of the other party, and to accentuate
specific points.

Negotiators should be aware of the negative use of eyes in a negotiation, and should
never use manipulative tactics. Zapping (fixating on a particularly sensitive body
part) a member of the other party by focusing on sensitive body areas - the lower
abdominal triangle in men and the neck in women – disrupts their thinking and the
involvement of that party in the negotiation. At most, this provides a temporary and
highly questionable advantage that often has a serious detrimental effect on the long-
term relationship. It is easily countered by a negotiator declaring to the other party
his/her awareness thereof and the disruptive effect it has on exploring a mutually
beneficial outcome.

When seating negotiators it is important to take cognisance of the climate created by

different seating positions. It is highly preferable not to seat negotiators directly
opposite each other, as this creates an oppositional frame that is not conducive to
working together. Better alternatives are to seat the negotiators diagonally across
the corner of the table, next to each other or around a round table. This creates the
impression of togetherness and enables the sharing of documents. As an option, a
round table should always be the preferred choice, as no position around such a
table has a greater power perception than any other, and equalising space poses no
problem.

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 37

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
 SEATING OF NEGOTIATORS

OPPOSITIONAL
COLLABORATIVE

COLLABORATIVE +

Figure 2.4

King Arthur of old knew what he was doing when he introduced the Round Table as a
means of quelling the constant jockeying for power positions amongst his men, the
Knights of the Round Table.

6.4 Voice
As indicated in 2.3.8, voice is a very important determinant (38%) of the impact made
in a negotiation. Research has conclusively found that negotiators who speak in
deeper, darker and softer voices are perceived to have greater credibility than those
who speak in high -itched, shrill voices.

Negotiators who raise their voices in a negotiation and even resort to screaming,
merely because the other party to reciprocate by also raising his/her voice and
following suit when confronted by shouting. The net impact is that the negotiation
moves from the rational to the emotional, seriously complicating the possibility of
finding a mutually acceptable agreement. When confronted by raised voices or
shouting, negotiators should remain calm and continue to speak in a soft, deep voice.

6.5 Roles
In negotiation, there are only two roles of particular importance, namely a task role
and a relationship role. In practice there are very few negotiators that are able to
fulfil both these roles, the majority are either good task or good relationship
negotiators. When a negotiator attempts to fill both roles in a negotiation, he/she
comes across as somewhat schizophrenic and therefore struggles to achieve

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 38

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
credibility. Negotiators should know which role suits them best and then prepare to
fulfil that role within the negotiation team.

In life, our roles are inextricably linked to our perception of power and our sense of
security. When we are therefore without a role, we experience a loss of power and a
sense of insecurity. When negotiation teams are selected, the size of the team is
often motivated by the erroneous assumption that there is power in numbers in a
negotiation. Unfortunately, this assumption fails to take cognisance of the fact that
those team members who are merely brought to a negotiation for numeric comfort,
and therefore have no role, are vulnerable to being used by the other party. An
experienced negotiator immediately becomes aware when a member of a team has
no role, and then skilfully provides this member with a role by involving him/her in the
negotiation to their advantage. Such wallflower team members are very happy to
accept any role that compensates their sense of disempowerment and insecurity.
Unless compelling reasons exist, negotiation teams should never exceed two
members, a task negotiator and a relationship negotiator. This excludes the
possibility that a team member will be used by the other party, and has the distinct
advantage that the team is more manageable, requires less attention to group
dynamics and is generally better focused.

6.6 Questions
75% of the utterances of good negotiators are in the form of questions, not
statements. Questions invite participation, recognise that the other party has a view
or opinion to convey, focus attention and elicit information. Statements often close
out the other party by creating the impression that a fixed view exists or that a
particular course of action has already been decided. Whereas questions are the
keys to developing mutually beneficial agreements, statements are more akin to
positional bargaining.

Of the many questions that could be used in a negotiation, the following three are of
particular importance:

§༊ Why are we here? This question if regularly asked during a negotiation helps to
keep the negotiation focused on the reason for negotiating. It is often referred to
as the common-ground question.
§༊ What is missing? Unless negotiators enquire what it is that they are not seeing,
they tend to focus only on what is on the table, forgetting that viable, sustainable
agreements often require them to look beyond the table to what is not known.
§༊ What can we become together? Negotiation is about where the parties will live
tomorrow, it is not about repairing the past or merely shoring up the present. As
was said in Module 1, it is not about positional bargaining where parties claim
value from each other, but is about parties working together in a partnership to
jointly create mutually beneficial value.

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 39

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
7. REFERENCES
The following publications were consulted in compiling this module:
Mulvey Richard A: You’ve only got four minutes. Perception, Durban.

Spoelstra M and Pienaar W: Negotiation Theories, Strategies and Skills: Juta & Co., Kenwyn, 1996.

Simpkin C: The Penguin Concise Communicator. Penguin Books, London, 1995.

Covey Stephen R: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Simon & Schuster, London, 1994.

Fisher R and Shapiro D: Beyond Reason: Random House, London, 2005.

MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 40

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme
MODULE 2

COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION

VARIABLE

SUMMARY

___________________________________________________________________

§༊ Successful negotiators understand that negotiation is a specialised form of

communication.
§༊ Understanding the relative importance of verbal and non-verbal communication in
a negotiation is highly beneficial to achieving a mutually beneficial outcome.
§༊ The ability to positively control and channel stress in a negotiation is crucial to
achieving a positive agreement.
§༊ Establishing a positive negotiation climate is dependent on many variables of
which the following six are particularly important:

♦ Politeness
♦ Names
♦ Space
♦ Voice
♦ Roles
♦ Questions.
§༊ Understanding perceptions is the key to establishing the common interests that
bind negotiators together in their quest for a mutually beneficial outcome.
§༊ Negotiation has two primary roles, those of task and relationship negotiators.
MODULE 2 – COMMUNICATION: A KEY NEGOTIATION VARIABLE 41

© Infostrat – Executive Negotiator Programme