XXXenophile the card game rulebook image (rulebook page 1 header

XXXenophile: The Card Game has two objectives: You "win" by getting 100 points, but you really win by
finishing with more cards (or better cards) than you started with. It's a little like marbles, with every player
pitching a few cards into the middle, and trying to pop them back out with other cards. But unlike marbles,
every card has the potential to add to, or even contradict, the rules.
This book contains all the rules for XXXenophile, plus a few notes on exactly how the cards are supposed
to break them. If you have read the comic, you should already know enough to play a game. If you want to
be sure you've got the basics right, you can read through the first part of the rules. The "picky details" at the
end really aren't required reading, unless you get stumped by something particularly unusual.

The Cards:
Take out a few cards and look at them. (That, by the way, is XXXenophile Solitaire. You always win.)
After you're done grooving on the art, take a look at the rest of the card.

Around the Edges:

Each card has colored symbols around the edges, which represent certain unquantifiable aspects of
sexuality. The number of symbols on each side (also called the "length" of that side) represents the extent
to which each preference is manifest on a particular card. Their placement also has cosmic significance,
which is far too complex to describe here, but basically it keeps the world from exploding.
The symbols come in five colors:

1. Blue yinyang

2. Yellow fleur

3. Red heart

4. Green figleaf

5. Purple lock

The edges vary in length from 1 to 10, and every edge on a particular card will usually be a different color.
There are also some strange cards, but we'll just let you discover them as you go.
At certain times in the game, when two cards are touching, and edges of matching color are lined up, it
means that the two cards have found something in common. The card who likes it more (the one with the
longer side) "pops" as a result. Popping means that someone picks the card up and keeps it.
We like to think that both cards enjoy the encounter; it's just that the card with the longer edge pops first.
Have you figured out the subtle innuendo yet?

Card Name:
Sometimes cards refer to themselves by name, or to other copies of themselves. If it's unclear whether a
card is referring to itself or another copy of itself, it's probably only talking about itself.
For example, if Komar, King of the Voins says "pop all cards touching Komar," it only refers to itself, not
any other copies of Komar who happen to also be in play. If it meant other Komars as well, it would say
"Pop all cards touching every Komar in play." Or something.
 Details:
These are some characteristics of the card by which other cards might refer to it. Note that Komar, above,
doesn't actually count as a King unless he has "King" listed as a detail. This is stupid, but theoretically
possible. Any card which isn't a "Gizmo" or a "Setting" is by definition a "Character" card, even though
that detail isn't printed on them. So, Character means any card which doesn't have "Gizmo" or "Setting"
printed on it. Most of the cards in XXXenophile are Character cards.

Point Value:
Point value designates how many points the card is worth when placed in your scorepad. Gizmos don't have
a point value, because they don't normally go into your Score Pad. Even if they get into it somehow, they're
still worth zero. An "X" in the point value means 10 points. We used X's because we didn't want to cover
up the art with a 2-digit number.

Card Text:
Every Character card has instructions in this box, which you follow when you pop the card. Gizmos and
Settings also have instructions, though you follow them slightly differently. Normally, you must follow all
the instructions on the cards. However, during the "endgame" (after the main game is over), you follow
only the italic ones. Italic instructions are usually very simple, like "pop one card" or "lose one turn." The
more complex, non-italic instructions shut off during the endgame.

Cardparts

Okay, Here's How You Play:

Each player must start with a "Deck" of their own, made up of whatever assortment of cards they choose to
play with. The size of your Deck doesn't matter (heh heh), but if you run out of cards, you immediately
lose. Your Deck probably ought to contain at least 25 cards, just to be safe.
During the game, players will be putting their cards into a 12-card area called "the Board", then taking
cards from that Board for their "Score Pads" and "Toyboxes".
You win by getting 100 points in your Score Pad.
You get to keep every card you take, like in a game of marbles. If for some reason you don't want to
exchange your valuable trading cards with someone else, just mark all of your own cards with a big black
"X".

To Begin:
Every player must give their Deck a fair shuffle, and may shuffle and cut the other players' Decks if they
feel the need.
Then make a starting pile of 12 cards. If there are 2 players, each contributes 6 cards; if there are 3 players,
each puts in 4; etc. If you have 5 players, you'll probably want to use an alternate layout that's divisible by
5. (See Page 9, Alternate Layouts.)
Shuffle the 12 cards and deal them out facedown in one of the "X" patterns shown below.

layout

Note that half of these cards are vertical, half are horizontal. This arrangement makes the edges of the cards
line up only in certain ways, and it helps keep the universe from exploding. Even if you spin cards more or
less than 180° during your turn, you still should finish your turn with the Board looking like one of these. If
you don't, you're doing something horribly, horribly wrong.
Every player draws a Hand of 5 cards from their own Deck.
Going first may be good or bad, depending on what your strategy is, so choose one player by some random
method, and let that player decide who will go first.

Winning:
You win by scoring 100 points. This means having 100 points worth of cards in your Score
Pad at a particular moment in your turn. A 100-point game can take as long as 45 minutes, so if you're
pressed for time, try playing to 50 points instead.

The Turn Order, in brief:

 Beginning: An invisible little step where certain cards let you do stuff. Normally nothing happens
here.
 Flip: If there are any facedown cards, flip one faceup.
 Spin: Spin one faceup card 180°. If the Board is open (not all faceup), spin whatever you like. If
the Board is closed (all faceup), you must pop something if you can. Otherwise, the Board is
frozen. Reshuffle it, and flip one card.
 Check Your Cards: Check the edges of the card you've spun where it touches its neighbors. Where
colors match, pop the cards with the longer edges.
 Check Your Score: This is the only time you get to check your score. If you have won, skip to the
endgame from here.
 Replace: Replace cards you've taken off the Board with cards from your Hand. Other players also
replace now, if required.
 Draw: If you have less than 5 cards in your Hand, (or less than your current "hand size") draw
back up to that number from your Deck.
 End: You're done. The turn passes to the left.
 Details on the Steps in the Turn:
Here are the details on following through the steps in your turn. You'll probably
only need to pick through this section once, unless you get stuck with a really weird
situation.

Flip:
If there are any facedown cards, flip one of them faceup.
The way you flip the card will determine which way it will be pointing, so do it without looking. Unless
you already knew which way the card was facing, you should have no control over how it will wind up.

Spin:
Spin one faceup card 180°, if there is one. Sometimes you can spin whatever card you like, but sometimes
you must make a move that will pop one or more cards. Here are a couple of definitions to make this easy:
Open Board: The Board is open if there are any facedown cards still on it, or if any of the cards are
missing. If the Board is open, you can spin whatever card you like.
On the first turn of a new game, the Board will be very open. There is only one faceup card to spin, unless
the card you flipped over was particularly weird. That's the downside of going first.
Closed Board: If all 12 cards are faceup, then the Board is closed. Now you must make a move which will
result in something popping. This is how you might be forced to pop a card you don't want. It's also the
way you force these cards on other people.
That "move that will result in something popping" is also called a legal move. If there's only one legal
move left, you have to take it, regardless of how bad it might be.
Frozen Board:
If the Board is closed, and you can't see any legal moves, then the Board is frozen. When this happens, pick
up all 12 cards, shuffle them, and deal them back out facedown into a new Board. Then flip one card and
proceed with your turn. Get confirmation from the other players before you reshuffle the Board. They can
show you the bad moves you're ignoring.

Checking Cards:
Check the edges of the card you have just spun and compare them to the edges of the faceup cards which
are touching it. If any pair of edges are the same color, the card with the longer edge gets "popped".
This step is the only time you look for matching colors. The Board might be covered with plenty of
matching edges, but you only get to check the one card you spin. If other cards somehow spin at other
times, they don't get checked either.
"Popping" technically means picking up a card, following the instructions on it (if it's a Character card),
and then put it into your Score Pad (or into your Toybox, if it's a Gizmo). If the card tells you to pop
another card, you follow the directions on the next card before you put the first one down. In a sense, those
instructions become an extension of the instructions on the previous card.
It is possible to pop several cards at once, since you are comparing multiple pairs of edges. If the edges are
the same color and the same length, both cards pop at the same time. When this happens, read the cards in
alphabetical order.
Understanding the instructions on cards can become the most complicated thing in the game, especially if
you've engineered your Deck with a lot of bizarre combinations. If you get stuck, read through the "picky
details" section, below, where we've done our best to explore every weird detail we could think of, and
defined a few game terms in case common sense doesn’t work.

Checking your Score:

Once you're done following all of your instructions, check to see if you've won.
Your score is determined by the point values of the cards in your Score Pad, and this is the only time you
get to check it. That's what keeps two people from winning (or taking an extra turn) at the same exact time.
If your score is exactly 69 points on this step, take an extra turn. If you have 100 points or more on this
step, you have won the game.
If you just won, skip directly to the endgame.

Replace:
Unless directed otherwise (by cards), you now replace every card you have removed from the Board with a
card from your Hand, faceup.
If you have popped more cards than your Hand can replace, you must play out your Hand first, and then
draw cards one at a time to fill the remaining gaps.
If other players are responsible for replacing cards during your turn (it can happen), take turns replacing
cards one at a time until everyone is finished, starting with you.
If cards were popped earlier in the turn than normal, you still wait until now to replace them.

Draw:
If you reach this step with fewer cards than your "hand size" (which is normally 5), you must draw cards
from your Deck until you have that number again.
If you have more cards than your hand size, you just hold on to them. You don't throw the extras away.
Unless you're instructed otherwise, this is the only time you get to fill your Hand back up. If it isn't your
"draw" step, you don't normally draw cards unless your Hand is completely empty, in which case you
immediately draw one.
If you ever run out of cards, you immediately lose. "Running out" means anyone taking the last card from
your Deck.
Card Types:

Every card in the XXXenophile game is a Character card, unless it has "Gizmo" or "Setting" in the Detail
box. The reason for these three card types actually has to do with exactly how, and when, we want each
card to work. Instead of putting "When you pop this card..." on every Character, we just built that into the
definition of that card type. The same goes for the Settings and Gizmos. Here are the differences:
Character cards give you instructions when you pop them, and they only have an effect at that moment.
After you've followed their instructions, put them into your Score Pad.
Setting cards work continuously while they are in play. ("In play" means on the Board). The instructions on
the Setting switch on as soon as the card comes into play. If the Setting leaves play, it shuts off.
If it's in play but facedown, it also shuts off, since facedown cards aren't technically in play.
When you pop a Setting, it goes into your Score Pad.
If a Setting affects the cards "touching" it, that effect doesn't include the Setting itself. If it affects "all
cards", that means every card in play, including itself.
Gizmo cards work only after someone has popped them. When you pop a Gizmo, it goes into your Toybox,
which is another group of cards like your Score Pad, but reserved for your Gizmos. Once you have a Gizmo
in your Toybox, it is always working.
Gizmos don't work while they are in play, and if a Gizmo somehow gets into your Score Pad, it doesn't
work there either.
If a Gizmo somehow moves from one Toybox to another, it starts working for its new owner right away.

After Somebody Wins (the "Endgame"):

You will usually jump to the endgame only from the "check" stage of your turn, unless someone loses by
running out of cards, or something else weird. In the endgame, players take turns popping cards until the
Board is clear, and the following rules apply:
1. The main game is over. Forget all the instructions you haven't followed yet.
2. Whoever won the main game will go first. All the players who were forced out come back in.
3. Flip every card faceup.
4. You don't spin cards anymore. You pop cards just by selecting them.
5. Follow only the italic instructions on the cards, not the other ones. Some Settings and Gizmos
have italics, too; they still work, but everything else shuts off.
You're not playing for points anymore, since someone has already won the game. Instead, you're just
splitting up the cards which are left. So, pick up the cards you'd rather keep, or the ones which will pop a
long chain of other cards.

A Few More Things to Remember:

Cards are supposed to contradict the rules, so if they do, believe them. If cards contradict each other, check
out the "rules of precedence" section, under Picky Details.
Cards are not technically "in play" when they are facedown. Even if you know what is on the face of the
card, you can't use that information for anything.
If an instruction contains the word "can" or "may" in the appropriate context, then it is optional. Otherwise,
you must follow the instruction (if you are able), or forfeit the game.

The basics of constructing your very own Play-to-Win Killer

XXXenophile Deck:
1. Open your deck (you already have).
2. Skim through your cards looking pensive. Take your time. Insist that you are reading them.
3. Finally admit that you have no idea how to fine-tune your deck right now, and just play with all of
your cards.
4. After you've figured out how everything works, try stripping down your deck to the cards you'd
rather play with. Convince yourself that it gives you an edge. Now try convincing your opponent.

And now, the Picky Details:

To be frank, we're never going to be able to answer every question that might come up in the middle of a
game. The more complicated we make these rules, the greater the probability that we will include
something that doesn't actually make any sense. Nevertheless, we've included this section to help the
(*ahem*) detail-oriented XXXenophile players keep their wits about them. Flip through it if you are
curious about our worst-case scenarios, or if you actually run into something you don’t understand.
The terms and concepts used in card texts will probably make sense to you with no help. But if you ever
run across a card you just can't figure out, even with this rulebook, try to settle on a reasonable solution
within your play group. A lot of this game is just plain silly, and we're not going to be there to hold your
hand when the silliness starts to freak you out. We're not looking for an excuse to be lazy here, we're just
giving you permission to play this game however you want. Like you need that.

Do I follow instructions right away?

Yes, usually, when you pop Character cards, or get tagged by a Gizmo or a Setting power, you follow all of
your instructions right away, with the following exceptions:
If the instructions tell you how to replace the cards, wait until the "replace" step of the turn.
If you are given instructions on how to spin your next card, they affect the next card you spin as a basic part
of your turn (not other cards you might spin in the meantime).
If you are unable to perform the actions described on the card, you don't. For example, if you are instructed
to "pop two Heroes" but there are no Heroes in play, you ignore the instruction. If there is only one Hero,
you pop it.
If you are simply unwilling to perform the instructions on the card, then you forfeit the game. Believe it or
not, that's occasionally the advisable course of action, especially if you're only wearing one article of
clothing.
You're not done with the instructions until you read the whole card.

When is the Board frozen?

When looking for legal moves, you can ignore anything that's optional, i.e. instructions with "may" and
"can" in them. That's probably obvious, but hey.
It is possible that there will be a legal move on a Board which looks frozen, and you just won't see it. That's
the nature of this game. It's also possible that you'll ignore a legal move because you don't want to take it.
That's also allowed. However, before you rush off and reshuffle the Board, you must get permission from
everyone else. They get to show you the move you're pretending to miss. If they don't show you any legal
moves, it's either because they don't see any, or because there's a good one they don't want you to take.
It's also possible for a Board to reach absolute zero. If, for example, all twelve cards have exactly the same
4-color structure, then no matter how many times the Board is reshuffled and revealed, nothing will ever
pop. If everyone acknowledges this condition, the game ends and the player with the highest score wins.
This hasn't ever happened in real life, but it is theoretically possible, so there's a rule for it.

Card Precedence:
Sometimes, a lot of cards will pop at the same time, and the order you read them in might make a
difference. Other times, a pair of continuous cards (i.e., Settings and Gizmos) will give you instructions
which are in direct conflict. You can deal with each of these card conflicts by reading the cards in
alphabetical order.
"Pop at the same time" doesn't just mean on the same turn. It means that these cards popped at exactly the
same time, with no way of figuring out which went first. If you pop several Characters at the same time,
read them in alphabetical order. If they instruct you to pop other Characters, follow through that entire
sequence of instructions before proceeding to the next original card. Remember, the lower cards in a chain
basically become additional instructions on the top card.
Continuous effects, i.e. Settings and Gizmos, always overrule the instructions on Character cards. If
Gizmos and Settings are in conflict with each other, they take precedence in alphabetical order. In other
words, if "A" and "B" are in conflict, "A" wins.
If you just popped a Character, and a Setting which affected it, at exactly the same time, the Setting still
affects it. For example, if you pop a Setting which says "if you pop a card touching this one, lose a turn"
and a card touching it at the same time, you lose the turn. This is an upshot of the Setting taking precedence
over the Character.
If you are instructed to flip several cards at once, just flip them one at a time. The order you flip them in
determines the order in which they are interpreted. This only makes a difference with Setting cards, which
are they only cards which turn on and off as soon as they get flipped.
Ignore words like "The" and "A" when alphabetizing cards.
Are you beginning to see what we mean by "picky details"?

Alternate Layouts:

Feel free to experiment with other Board layouts if you want. The "X" just happens to be our favorite.
 Here, in no particular order, are the key words and
phrases you'll find on XXXenophile cards. Well, most of
them.
 "Pop":
"Pop" means to pick up a card, follow its instructions (if it's a Character card), and put it into your Score Pad
(or into your Toybox, if it's a Gizmo). This means that you don't put Characters down until you're done
following their instructions. It also means that if one Character instructs you to pop another Character card,
you need to finish the instructions on the second Character before you put the first one down. The
instructions on the second card basically become an extension of the first card.

 "Any Player"/"Another Player":

There is a difference between these phrases: "any player" can include you, while "another player" can't.
You'll run across some of both.

 "In Play":
Only the 12 cards which make up the Board are considered "in play". Your Score Pad, Toybox, and the cards
in your Hand and your Deck aren't in play, no matter what's going on.

 "Do (something) to (some cards)":

If you are instructed to perform an action on a particular card or group of cards, you can only do it to the
cards in play, unless the instruction specifically sends you elsewhere. In other words, "Pop all Clones" means
to pop all Clones on the Board. "Pop all the Clones in your Deck" sends you to your Deck instead. Note that
some exceptions exist. "Draw", for example, has "from your Deck" built into it, so "draw one card" means
"draw one card from your Deck."

 "Put (something) in your Score Pad":

Be careful, this isn't the same as popping. If you are instructed to put a particular card into your Score Pad,
you just do. You don't follow its instructions, because you didn't pop it. If it's a Gizmo, you still put it into
your Score Pad, where it does nothing.

 "Draw":
Draw means to put a card into your Hand. Usually, this means from the top of your Deck, unless your
instructions specifically override this, as in "Draw one card from another player's Hand."

 "Flip":
Flip just means flipping over a card. It doesn't necessarily imply that you're flipping the card faceup or
facedown, just that you're flipping it over. When you flip cards up, you don't get to look at them in the
process, so unless you already knew which way the card was pointing, it's a 50/50 chance that the card will
come up the way you want it to. When flipping cards down, you can give the card a quick spin to randomize
its orientation and baffle the other players. That's why the card backs are reversible.

 "Hand Size":
This is normally five, but can be adjusted by some Gizmo and Setting cards. You draw enough cards to bring
your Hand up to this size during the "Draw" step of your turn.

 "Lose a Turn":
This means exactly what you think. Don't try to weasel out of it. If you pop two 'lose a turn' cards, you lose
two turns in a row. Yes, your next two turns.

 "Take another Turn":

This is a little trickier. Insert your extra turn right after this turn ends, no matter whose turn it is now. If more
than one player gets extra turns on the same turn, the new turns get added to the end of the "extra-turn"
queue. That means the first extra turns go first. Use note paper if you have to.
 "Pointing at"
is defined only on the Board. Look at the pictures to see which way the cards are pointing. Cards can't point
through empty spaces; they have to be touching. If they are pointing off the edge of the Board, then they
aren't pointing at anything. Facedown cards, and cards which aren't in play, also can't be pointing at anything.

 "Random":
Usually this makes sense, as in "draw a random card from someone's Hand." But if you are directed to make
a "random" choice from things you can see, like your Score Pad, close your eyes and mix them up. If the
word "random" isn't used, you might still have to make a blind choice, depending on the circumstances, but it
isn't required by the card.

 "Remove from the Game":

Whoever removes a card from the game gets to keep it. The card is taken completely out of the game, and is
more-or-less unrecoverable until the game ends.

 "Replace":
As already described, you don't execute "replace" instructions right away; you wait until the appropriate step
in the turn. If more than one player is responsible for replacing cards on the same turn, they take turns
replacing cards one at a time, starting with the player whose turn it is.
If you're unclear whose responsibility a certain card is, just ask yourself "who touched it?" It should be
obvious in each case who actually touched the card. The player who picked the card up is responsible for
replacing it (unless something else directs otherwise).

 "You must replace (with a something)":

This kind of instruction only makes sense if the card to be replaced left a hole in the Board, and only if the
person reading the instructions is actually responsible for replacing the card. That last bit is tricky.
Let's say you somehow pop the top card of your Deck, Happy Selma. Selma says "Replace Selma with a
Gizmo or lose one turn." Since Selma didn't come from play, you don't have to replace her, and you can
therefore ignore the consequences.
But now, let's say Selma is touching The Pub, a Setting which says "When you pop a card touching The Pub,
the player on your left must replace it." You pop Selma, but you're not responsible for replacing her: since the
Setting and the Character are giving you conflicting instructions, the Setting takes precedence. The
instructions on Selma therefore don't apply to anyone, since the person who's supposed to replace her with a
Gizmo (you) isn't replacing her at all.
If a card says "The player on your left/right must replace..." then that instruction is actually directed at that
player, not at you, even though you're the one who read it. Which is sort of weird. Basically, this means that
they are the player who must either follow the instruction, or forfeit.

 "Spin":
You only get to check the edges of the one card you spin as a basic step of your turn. When you are instructed
to spin other cards, you don't check their edges again.

 "Spin your Next Card XX°..."

also refers to the cards you spin as a basic part of your turn, not other cards which may spin as side effects of
other cards. If you pop multiples of these, be sure to read them in the right order, because they pile up in the
order you read them. If you've got three "next spin" instructions in the queue, it will take you three turns to
execute them all.

 "Touching":
This is a little backwards, if you're too literal. Cards in adjacent spots on the Board are defined as touching
each other, even though their edges probably really aren't in contact. Cards which aren't in play aren't
"touching" anything, even if they really are.
Also, cards aren't touching themselves. That leads to blindness.

END