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FIC: Gravitational Forces [1/10] quinn/rachel quinntana rachel
Title: Gravitational Forces rachel/santana santana santana/quinn shelby
sulkygeekff
Rating: R
October 11th, 2010
Length: 82,362
Spoilers: Through Grilled Cheesus
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Summary: based on a prompt: Quinn and Rachel start to get over their animosity and become friends.
Quinn likes Rachel. Rachel likes Quinn. Quinn senses a mutual attraction and starts to push for
something more, but Rachel just won't. At first Quinn thinks it might be because Rachel doesn't like
girls, but she sees Rachel sort of intimate with Santana and Brittany and Quinn confronts Rachel about
what the fuck is up. Mucho angsty conversations, tears, etc and then Rachel admits that Quinn's sister
molested and raped her for years when Quinn's sister babysat her before going off to college and
Quinn just reminds Rachel too much of the sister for Rachel to ever go there with her.

"You even smell like her."

http://community.livejournal.com/rq_meme/963.html?thread=289219#t289219

Due to how clear that prompt is, I think the warnings for this story are obvious, but: potential triggers
for childhood sexual abuse perpetrated by a reactive offender, . It’s not super detailed, but it’s
graphic in terms that it is bad. And I think some of the details might make some people squirm. Also
warnings for substance abuse which causes impairment in one’s capacity to appropriately parent.
Also, chapter 6 has warnings for suicidal ideation (but no attempt, okay? NO ATTEMPT!

Also, yes, this story ends happily. Some might call it “bittersweet” but I call it “as-happy-as-a-story-is-
going-to-end-when-the-premise-is-one-protagonist’s-sibling-sexually-abusing-the-other-protagonist.

And despite the premise, this story is mostly un-angsty.

P.S. I concede the perpetrator allowing victim confrontation is unrealistic, but it almost never happens
and I just felt like doing it. Also, the confrontation is pretty minimal and I don’t know how realistic it is
because I’ve never been in a position to facilitate a situation like that. And it’s not a real confrontation
either. I dunno. You’ll see.

--

Chapter 1

It was likened to a ‘miracle’ and both Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry had to concede that their quasi-
friendship was sort of miraculous given all their bad history and their mutual tendency to hurt one
another. It wasn’t water into wine or anything, but it was still something to marvel at. They weren’t
going to be commended by Jesus for exercising some basic human compassion and kindness toward
one another, but at least they were civil.

“We’ve matured,” they’d joke with practiced ease any time anyone asked.

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Quinn had to admit that it felt good to have Rachel look at her and smile warmly instead of look at her
with a mix of hostility and something else that Quinn couldn’t quite articulate. They weren’t the best of
friends or even that close, but it was so much better than what it used to be and Quinn had to admit
that it made her life easier. It would be utter exaggeration to say that her life improved drastically
because of Rachel, but life was just easier without a nemesis. This was shocking to no one other than
Quinn. (And possibly Santana, but unlike Quinn, Santana had a best friend like Brittany and was
therefore utterly indifferent to the fact of having multiple nemeses.)

--

It was a cliché probably started by The Breakfast Club, but they became friendlier over detention. At
least, that was the start of it.

Things had been okay--not good, but okay, since the middle of their sophomore year though by the
end of it, Quinn had more important things to concern herself with, like the parasite growing in her belly
which was sucking all the calcium from her bones and then turned into a baby which sucked out all the
love in her heart right before she gave her away. She saw Rachel periodically through the intervening
summer between losing miserably at Regionals and the start of their junior year, but it was incidental.
Just a “oh hello” in passing and nothing more.

By the time school and glee resumed junior year, Quinn thought they’d just pick up where they left off--
cordiality barely masking increasingly muted hostility. And it was like that for a couple weeks, but then
they got stuck in a detention during the first month back at school-- both of them for being tardy to their
first period which they shared, though they’d shared all their classes that year. They’d shared all their
classes since freshman year. It was a big, fat conspiracy.

Quinn had arrived a few minutes before Rachel and was still trying to plead her case to Mr. Varela
when Rachel walked in. Quinn thought that Rachel would back her up and they could get out of going
to room A-2 to get reprimanded, since Rachel could talk her way out of almost anything with the
teachers. But when Mr. Varela told Rachel to get to A-2, Rachel turned around and walked out of the
room without discussion or complaint and Quinn had no choice but to give up and follow suit.

“Way to go just giving up,” Quinn said a little irritably as she and Rachel walked to A-2. Tardiness was
cause for detention and she hated detention.

“He’s very inflexible,” Rachel said quietly. “I didn’t feel like expending the energy on such a fruitless
and futile endeavor.”

Quinn sighed. “Yeah, I guess.”

They made it through the school day and Quinn deeply resented the intrusion of detention into her
schedule.

It was the two of them with a few unlucky fellow tardy students and a smattering of frequent flyers.
Quinn was bored-- she’d left her cell phone at home by accident that day (running late had its
downfall) and since it was still the first month of school, she was more or less caught up in all her
classes. There was not a single other soul in the classroom she would have deigned to speak to, and
so that left only Rachel.

She tried to avoid it at first, of course. She looked through her textbooks, reviewed her notes and even
read ahead, but she was not that nerdy (Rachel, on the other hand, did appear to be that nerdy) and
so out of sheer desperation for entertainment, she passed Rachel a note.

Mr. Witmer was the proctor of detention that day and was well-known for his acute hearing, but terrible
vision.

What are you doing?

Quinn passed the note to Rachel who looked at the folded piece of notebook paper as though it might
Slushie her. She looked at it suspiciously, turned to look at Quinn questioningly and then poked the
note with her pen, testing it. Rachel’s forehead was furrowed and her tongue was ever so slightly
poking out, like she was in deep contemplation, as though it were possible for that piece of paper to
become an incendiary device. Rachel Berry was deeply suspicious about ridiculous things (like
potential incendiary devices masquerading as passed notes in detention) but evidently hopelessly
naïve about things she should possess a natural suspicion for (like cute boys from the opposing team
seeking her out).

Quinn sighed and rolled her eyes. It was also a little insulting because she thought she and Rachel
had become civil enough to one another that passing Rachel a note wouldn’t incur so much suspicion.

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Rachel opened the note and read it. She made a face and stared at Quinn and held up the book she
was reading, as though it should have been apparent, which, to be fair to Rachel and to Quinn’s
chagrin, it really should have been because, duh. But Quinn was bored and desperate for something
to occupy her time, even if that thing was Rachel Berry.

Rachel refolded the note and resumed reading her book.

Quinn huffed. She took another piece of notebook paper out and wrote another note.

I know you can read, Manhands. What are you reading?”

She passed the note and once again Rachel looked at the note and at Quinn with suspicion. She held
up the book long enough for Quinn to read the title. The blonde leaned forward, expecting to see some
Barbra Streisand biography or some self-help book on achieving fame before the age of 20, but
instead she saw Rachel was reading East of Eden.

What’s it about?

Quinn knew she was pushing it, but she was bored.

Rachel looked at her skeptically, but wrote back.

It’s difficult to explain, Quinn. The story is quite involved.

Quinn rolled her eyes.

Try.

Rachel didn’t try. Instead, she cracked the spine of the book forwards and then backwards. Then she
ripped the book in half and passed the first half to Quinn and continued to read the remaining half.

Quinn stared at Rachel for a moment but took the book and began reading. She was pleasantly
surprised that she liked it (pleasantly because Rachel seemed to like it and Quinn was not at a point in
her life where she could admit she liked anything that Rachel liked, despite a lot of evidence indicating
they had similar tastes in a myriad of things like boys).

After the two hour detention passed, she handed the book back to Rachel.

“I didn’t mean for you to deface it.”

Rachel shrugged. “At the time it seemed to be the simplest course of action.”

Quinn suppressed the urge to roll her eyes because of Rachel’s complete inability to speak like a
normal person. “Well, thanks.”

“Sure.”

They walked out of the classroom, each of them making a deliberate attempt not to walk next to one
another, but since they were both walking in the same direction toward the parking lot, it was more
awkward not to walk together than to walk together.

“Going home?” Quinn asked, just making conversation.

“I have some stuff I need to do,” Rachel answered vaguely, “but yes, I will eventually go home tonight.”

“Yeah, well…great,” Quinn said. She reached her car. “I’ll see you.”

“Yes, see you.”

Quinn got into her car, started the engine and started the drive out of the parking lot. She passed
Rachel as she did, and sighed and slowed down.

“Do you need a ride?” Quinn called out the window, because she knew that Rachel was such an
incredible loser that she was already a junior in high school and still a couple months away from her
sixteenth birthday.

Rachel shook her head. “No, thank you. That’s not necessary.”

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“Suit yourself.”

Quinn drove away but caught a glimpse of Rachel in her rearview mirror as she turned out of the
parking lot.

--

They somehow sat next to each other in glee the next day and they shared a look over something
ridiculously goofy that came out of Finn’s mouth, their what-the-fuck expressions mirroring one
another. There was a vague look of self-disappointment reflected on each other their faces, since
they’d each dated the goofball at some point. But then Finn laughed and neither Quinn nor Rachel
could resist a tiny chuckle of affection for the doofus, because while he was a little dim, he was also
very sweet.

They shook their heads, looked at one another, shared a glance and then looked away.

--

Glee choreography routinely put them in proximity to one another and some of the tension in their
relationship bled out because of it.

By Halloween, they were acknowledging one another in the hallways and in classes, rather than
ignoring each other.

--

Rachel missed a week of school before Thanksgiving, and by then, their friendship had progressed to
the point that Rachel felt comfortable asking to borrow Quinn’s class notes, since they shared all the
same classes. They stood side by side the day before Thanksgiving as Rachel meticulously
photocopied all of Quinn’s laboriously written notes in the school library after the end of the school day.

Rachel looked a little wan and tired and Quinn wondered what was the point of coming back for one
day, but things tended not to make sense with Rachel Berry.

“So are you going anywhere for Thanksgiving?”

Rachel was quiet. “No,” she said. “We aren’t really a holiday family.”

“Oh.”

“Are you going anywhere?”

“No, but my sister is coming home. So at least I won’t eat everything in sight.” Quinn laughed softly.
“My mom is a really good cook.”

Rachel chuckled. “We’re a family committed to take-aways. When I was little, one of my dads tried to
make the turkey.” She paused. “But he left all the liver and giblets inside and it turned out pretty
terrible.”

Quinn frowned. “Why does that sound so familiar to me?”

“Your sister probably told you about it,” Rachel said. “She used to babysit me.”

“Oh yeah,” Quinn said. “I remember. My dad used to say that your dads were going to pay for her
college tuition.”

Rachel smiled. “She was really awesome. She came over the day after Thanksgiving and when I told
her about it, she brought over leftovers from your house for me on Saturday.”

Quinn chuckled. “Yeah, she is. She’s coming home for Thanksgiving, you know. Her husband is in
Japan for a while. You should come by and say hello. I bet she’d like to see you.”

“No,” Rachel said quickly. “She probably doesn’t even remember me.”

Quinn looked at her oddly. “You were like the only kid she babysat for, I’m sure she does.”

“It’s okay,” Rachel said. “I don’t want to intrude on your family time.” She finished photocopying the last
of the notes.

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“Well, give me a call. I mean, I know she remembers you. And I’m sure she’d like to see you.”

Rachel laughed softly. “I’m sure she doesn’t. Anyway. Thank you,” Rachel said quietly, passing the
last notebook back to Quinn.

There was something subdued in the way Rachel spoke, and Quinn wasn’t sure if it was the setting--
Rachel was a loudmouth, but she respected rules and was just the type of person to shush someone
in a library or if it was something else. Rachel did not look well, but then again, she’d missed an entire
school week, so she must have been pretty unwell. She looked like she hadn’t eaten or slept the entire
time she was gone.

“You’re welcome.”

Rachel gave her a small smile and the two left the library together.

“You must have been pretty sick,” Quinn said neutrally. “You don’t miss school. Last year you came
even when you had laryngitis.”

Rachel was quiet for a moment before she answered. “It was the flu. But I feel fine now.”

“Well, good. I wouldn’t want you to Typhoid Mary the school.”

That provoked a tiny snort of amusement. “I assure you my very minor cold will not result in such dire
consequences for the rest of the student body of this school.”

“I thought it was the flu,” Quinn teased.

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Semantics.”

Rachel grinned at Quinn because she kind of loved it when people turned proper nouns into verbs and
she was particularly tickled by verb-ing Typhoid Mary.

“A cold and the flu are two different things, Rachel. I would think your doctor would have pointed that
out to you.”

“Why so invested in my well-being?” Rachel asked with a crooked smile.

“I’m invested in my well-being.”

“I assure you I’m not contagious.”

“Typhoid Mary said the same thing. ”

Rachel didn’t respond to that, and the two girls continued to walk out of the building toward the parking
lot.

“Do you want a ride home?”

“No, thank-you.”

“Are you sure? It’s getting cold.”

“No, I’m fine. I like the walk home.”

Quinn shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

Quinn got into her car and drove away and Rachel started her slow walk home.

--

It was the first Thanksgiving in a few years that Quinn got to spend with her older sister, Taylor. Taylor
was twenty-four and married to some putzy schmuck who owned a few UPS stores. Jeffery was in
Japan for the month and so Taylor spent Thanksgiving with Quinn and their mother. Quinn adored her
sister, and she was just happy to have Taylor around, even if Taylor was mysteriously gone a lot while
she’d visited.

“It’s nice to have my girls home a little more,” Judy said wistfully.

“You might get your wish, mom,” Taylor said quietly.

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That was when her sister announced that she and Jeffery were having some problems in their
marriage and that they were discussing possible separation.

Her brother-in-law was kind of a schmuck, but her twenty-four-going-on-twenty-five year old sister’s
possible divorce did not affirm Quinn’s faith in romance, marriage or humanity at large.

It was awful, but Quinn thought it might be nice to have her sister at home again, even if it was for
terrible reasons.

--

When school resumed again the Monday after Thanksgiving, Rachel seemed back to her normal self.
She looked rested and she was back to her normal-bordering-on-obnoxiously boisterous self. Mr.
Schuester paired them up for the duet assignment and Quinn ambled down to Rachel’s seat in the
front row and slid a chair a little closer to Rachel so they could talk without having to speak too loudly.

“You look better,” Quinn commented.

“I think I just needed to break from school,” Rachel said with a smile. “Do you have any suggestions for
the duet?”

“Yeah,” Quinn said. “But I’m sure you have some ideas in mind already. Just so you know, I’m not
doing anything from Broadway.”

Rachel pouted. But she decided not to fixate too much on that. “Of course I have ideas. I’m always
prepared for any assignment, though I did not anticipate being paired with you. I think--”

“What are your suggestions?” Quinn interrupted in exasperation, her tone short. She tried to bite her
tongue around Rachel and they were friendly with one another but she couldn’t handle it when Rachel
got too loquacious and went on one of her rambles.

Rachel looked pleased by the question, but put-off by the fact Quinn cut her off.

“I would enjoy the subversive quality of singing a duet traditionally considered male-female or perhaps
a song that is not a duet but turning it into one.”

“Rachel,” Quinn said, saying the brunette’s name slowly. “Do you have a suggestion or not?”

“‘Don’t Get Me Wrong.’”

“Don’t get you wrong about what?”

“No, that’s my suggestion. ‘Don’t Get Me Wrong’ by the Pretenders. It’s not a duet, but I think it can be
split up nicely into a duet.”

“Oh,” Quinn said. “Well, anything else?”

“You don’t like it?” Rachel asked, pouting a little. “It’s one of my favorite songs to sing. I like to sing it
after my shower after my morning exercise regiment. I find that after singing ‘Defying Gravity’ in the
shower, it’s a good way to--”

“What’s one of your other suggestions?” Quinn interrupted because though they were kind of friends,
she’d realized Rachel required a lot of redirecting when she spoke or else she rambled at length. Most
of the time, Quinn had to admit, it was actually kind of cute, but at the moment, Quinn was more just
annoyed.

“The Postal Service ‘Nothing Better’?”

“Next?”

“’Somethin’ Stupid’?”

“Why would I want you to suggest something stupid?”

Rachel heaved a deep sigh. “Are you deliberately trying to provoke me by pretending to misinterpret
my suggestions?” she demanded. “I am going to assume that your confusion is genuine and not
deliberate. I meant the disturbingly Oedipal but highly effective duet between father and daughter pair
Frank and Nancy Sinatra.”

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Quinn made a face. “I’d prefer not to sing that with you. Sorry. Next.”

“Well, do you have any suggestions?” Rachel huffed.

“What about that Rachael Yamagata song, ‘Worn me Down’? It’s not a duet, but you know, whatever.”

“Though I love that song, I refuse to sing a song in front of Noah which includes the lines, ‘worn me
down to my knees, I did everything to please,’ because it would be wildly misinterpreted.”

Quinn stared at Rachel for a moment who looked back at her, her expression utterly guileless. Quinn
burst into laughter because Rachel was so right. “Okay” she said. “You have a point.” She paused.
“What about that Kylie Minogue song ‘Can’t Get You out of My Head’? Again, not a duet, but…”

Rachel blanched. It took her a moment to speak. “That song is primarily composed of la la la, I’d prefer
something else.”

“It was just a suggestion,” Quinn said irritably, a little annoyed by the expression on Rachel’s face. By
the look on Rachel’s face, one would think Quinn suggested shooting kittens out of cannons or
something equally disturbing. But she kind of had to concede the point about the song being primarily
composed of la-la-la. It was just that she’d heard that song a lot when she was growing up because
her sister played it on an endless damn loop. When her sister visited over Thanksgiving, Taylor found
some random CDs she’d left behind and Quinn had heard that song quite a few times during the
holiday weekend.

“I do like that song a lot,” Rachel said softly. “I’d just prefer something else.”

“Okay,” Quinn said.

“I realize there is an anonymously vocal faction who comments on Jacob Ben Israel’s blog that New
Directions sings a disproportionately large number of songs from--”

“Please no Broadway, remember?”

“The 80s,” Rachel continued, giving Quinn a dirty look but not pausing due to the interruption. “But do
you like the Crowded House song, ‘Don’t Dream It’s Over’?”

Quinn contemplated it. “I like that,” she said. “Or what about that song that goes, ‘don’t you want me
baby’ What’s that song called?”

Rachel chuckled. “’Don’t You Want Me,’” she informed Quinn dryly. “It’s by the Human League. And I
agree, that is a good song choice because it’s already a duet.”

“Or the ‘Tainted Love’ song.”

Rachel smiled. “I see you enjoy this 80s theme.”

Quinn smiled back. “Did we narrow it down to those three?”

Rachel nodded. “I’m partial to the Human League song or the Crowded House.”

“Let’s do the Human League song.”

Rachel smiled brightly. “It’s somewhat cliché and predictable as a choice, but I find it very enjoyable.”

Quinn rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I feel the same way, too,” she said sarcastically.

Rachel’s smile was bright and Quinn wasn’t sure if it was because sarcasm was lost on her or if it
simply did not faze her. “Good.”

Though they were surprisingly quick in choosing a song, once they began practicing, they couldn’t
agree on who would take the traditionally male vocals. Then Rachel became irate that the male vocals
had a bigger part in the song because she lost the rock-paper-scissors fight over who would take
which vocals.

Therefore the song was summarily dismissed and they settled on ‘Tainted Love.’

Once they performed for the rest of New Directions and received the applause of their teammates,
Rachel and Quinn smiled at one another and took their seats again as Brittany and Santana got up to

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perform their song (Tegan and Sara, ‘Not Tonight’.)

Rachel was always cheerful but her good mood stayed elevated through the rest of the month and
until the last day of school before Winter Break started.

Rachel beamed at Quinn on that last day.

“Have a great vacation,” Rachel said sincerely. “See you when we get back.”

Quinn smiled. “Yeah, you too.”

--

Like many women who married young, Taylor became more a part of her husband’s family than her
family of origin. Quinn and their mother lamented the loss, but their father seemed to think it was
normal and said something about how once a woman gets married she becomes more aligned with
her husband. Quinn thought it was strange though because Taylor really didn’t live that far away-- just
a few hours though it was one way, so really, Taylor could be around more, but she just wasn’t.

With Jeffery still in Japan, Quinn visited Taylor for five days during Winter Break.

Quinn was looking for a lip gloss which rolled under her sister’s bed when she dropped it on the floor.
Quinn got down on her stomach and found her lip gloss and grabbed it triumphantly. But a hatbox
covered with a large gold star on it caught her attention and she pulled it out. The hatbox was black
and there was a yellow star glued on top of it which had been meticulously cut from construction
paper. Written on top of the star was a childish scrawl “To Taylor, Happy Sweet Sixteen, Love Rachel
B(erry)”

Quinn blinked and she couldn’t resist opening it. The hatbox’s lid had a letter, now yellowed with age,
glued to the inside of it, clearly painstakingly written by Rachel given the eraser marks. She put the lid
aside because she was more interested in the box’s contents, which she discovered just held various
mementos like pictures that Rachel had clearly drawn as a child and gifted to Taylor, homemade
birthday and Christmas cards and a couple of clearly homemade gifts. There were a few pictures of
Rachel as well, grinning toothily into the camera. The sight of Rachel’s childish scrawl and drawings
made Quinn smile, but she wondered why Taylor had saved so many of them. The drawings weren’t
anything that remarkable-- just typical kid stuff with gold stars, hearts and various depictions of Taylor,
although Quinn observed with note of gleeful hilarity that Rachel’s depictions of Taylor made Taylor
look taller and skinnier than she actually had been. In Rachel’s depictions of herself standing next to
Taylor, Taylor was always so much taller.

“What are you doing?”

Taylor’s voice startled Quinn from her perusal. Her sister sounded hostile.

“Sorry!” Quinn said. “I dropped my lip gloss and I found this box. It’s from Rachel, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t believe you kept all this stuff.”

Taylor shrugged. “She was the only kid I ever babysat. She was special to me.” Taylor sat down next
to Quinn on the floor and gently pulled the box away and closed it. She shoved it under the bed. “How
is she doing?”

“Okay, I guess.”

“Aren’t you guys friends?” Taylor looked at her intently.

Quinn shrugged. “Not really. I still want to kill her half the time. She’d be much easier to be around if
she could shut up once in a while, but I think she’s physically incapable.”

Taylor released an amused snort of laughter and then covered her mouth, looking embarrassed for
laughing. “She’s a sweet kid,” she said softly. She paused. “Has she ever asked about me or talked to
you about me?”

Quinn’s forehead furrowed, and she wondered why Taylor would even care. “Last month right before
Thanksgiving she reminded me that you used to babysit her when I told her you were coming home.”

Taylor smiled faintly. “Is that all?”

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“Well, she said you were awesome and told me something about you bringing her some leftovers from
Thanksgiving a million years ago.”

Taylor laughed softly. “Oh yeah,” she said. “Her dad left the liver and giblets in the turkey and tried to
cook it. It sounded so gross.”

Quinn made a face. “I mean, I know he’s a guy, but didn’t he wash it? Or put stuffing in it? “

Taylor snorted. “Well, drug addicts aren’t exactly reliable.”

Quinn’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”

Taylor blanched. “You didn’t know about that?”

“No.”

“Rachel’s dad Judah is a drug addict. Everyone knows about it. Or at least knew about it when I was
watching her. He was gone a lot. She was a pain in the ass at first because she’d leave the house
without me knowing about it trying to look for him. I used to find her wandering around and I’d have to
take her back to her house kicking and screaming. It was a real pain.” Taylor paused. “Well,” she said
quietly. “It was a pain in the ass back then. Looking back on it, it’s more just sad.”

Quinn nodded. “Yeah,” she agreed softly. “What about her other dad?”

“He was sweet. He just worked a lot because he was such an enabler.”

Quinn nodded again. She did remember that Taylor was gone a lot to babysit Rachel, but she thought
that was more a product of childhood memories becoming a little exaggerated, she didn’t think it was
that based in reality. Growing up, she used to be jealous of how much Rachel stole Taylor’s time, so it
was kind of gratifying that her jealousy had been justified.

“Was that why I wasn’t allowed to go with you to play with her?”

Quinn always thought it was strange that she and Rachel weren’t allowed to be friends when they
were younger given the massive amount of time Taylor spent at the Berry house.

Taylor snorted. “No, Dad was just an asshole about her dads being gay. Their money was good
enough to take, but he didn’t want you around them.” Taylor smiled wryly. “I was older and I guess I
was just worth less to him,” she joked.

Quinn chuckled. “What did he think that they were going to molest me or something? They’re gay.”

Quinn missed her father sometimes even though she could objectively admit he was a jerk. But he’d
been a good dad to her when she was little. Still, her mother was better off without him, and clearly
she herself was better off without him since Quinn doubted she’d be living at home again if her mother
hadn’t kicked her father out.

Taylor’s lips tightened slightly. “Yeah, I guess.” She smiled and slapped Quinn’s knee. “Come on,
kidlet. I’m starving.”

Quinn smiled. “Okay.”

“When you see Rachel, tell her I say ‘hey.’”

Quinn chuckled. “Sure.”

--

Taylor seemed distracted during lunch and repeatedly glanced at her phone.

“Sorry,” Taylor apologized. “I don’t mean to be rude.”

Quinn rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

Taylor’s phone rang and she looked at it. She didn’t look happy, but she did look relieved.

“I need to take this,” Taylor said quietly.

“Okay,” Quinn said. “Go ahead.”

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Taylor gave Quinn a tiny smile and walked away.

She was only gone for five minutes, but sitting alone at the table made Quinn feel like Taylor was gone
for an eternity. Quinn idly grabbed her phone and scrolled through her contacts list for someone to
text. Her first instinct was to text Santana, but they weren’t on speaking terms after that fight on the
first day of school. She thought about texting Brittany, but Brittany’s loyalties were clearly with
Santana. Puck would misinterpret it as a desire for sexting which Quinn definitely did not want to do.
She thought about Mercedes or Kurt, but she really didn’t feel like starting anything-- with the two of
them, Kurt in particular, once she started texting with them it tended to last hours and sometimes the
whole day, and she wasn’t looking for that kind of investment or commitment into her day. She just
wanted someone to occupy her time until Taylor came back.

She settled on the R’s and decided on Rachel.

I’m visiting with my sister. Your name came up. She says ‘hey.’

She was annoyed that Rachel didn’t text her back right away.

Taylor returned to the table.

“Everything okay?” Quinn asked, concerned by the overly blank expression on Taylor’s face.

Taylor smiled. “Sure.”

A few minutes later, Quinn’s phone beeped with a text from Rachel.

Tell her ‘hey’ back. Tell her I made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because I thought of her
after you texted me. I hope you’re having a great visit with her and I’ll see you back at school.

Quinn smiled. “Rachel says ‘hey.’”

Taylor raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I texted her while you were outside because I was bored. I told her you said ‘hey.’”

Taylor smiled. “Oh.”

“She says to tell you she’s making herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

Taylor nodded slightly. “I used to make her those. She could do it herself, but she liked it when I did it
for her.”

“That’s because you get a bowl and mixed the peanut butter and jelly together first. I liked that, too.”

Taylor chuckled. “Kids are so easy to entertain.”

Quinn laughed. “Yeah, well. It was good.”

“I’m sure you’re old enough to do it yourself now.”

“Heh. Yeah.”

“Hey,” Taylor said. “Don’t tell her I told you about her dad. She didn’t figure it out until she was older,
she just thought he was sick a lot. I’m sure she doesn’t want it to become common knowledge again,
you know?”

“I won’t,” Quinn promised.

“Thanks.”

It did make Quinn think of Rachel a little differently and she wondered if Rachel’s father still had a
problem with drugs or if that was all settled down now. It did make sense now though how Rachel
Berry, of all people, knew where to find a crackden.

--

She was just a few towns over, but being away from Lima felt amazing and she was a little sad when
she got back to Lima. She and her sister were caravanning back to Lima so that they could come back

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to celebrate Christmas with their mother. She’d somehow lost Taylor on the highway, but it didn’t
matter because Taylor knew where to go.

She ran into Rachel at the gas station on her first day back in Lima-- Rachel was behind the wheel of a
used white Mini Cooper.

“New car?” Quinn asked.

Rachel smiled. “New to me.”

“Oh yeah. Your birthday was a few days ago.”

“Yes. My fathers bought it for me as sort of a combination of holiday and birthday gifts. “

“Nice.”

“Yes.” Rachel smiled. “How was visiting your sister?”

“Good,” Quinn said. “She’s coming back with me to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with me and
my mom.” She paused. “You should come by and say hi.”

Rachel smiled crookedly. “I’m sure she doesn’t want to hang out with me.”

Quinn shrugged. “She said you were special to her.”

Rachel cocked her head to the right and gazed at Quinn for a moment. “Did she?” she asked with a
faint smile. “That was sweet of her. Thank you for telling me. She was special to me, too. She was my
favorite babysitter and I had a lot of them.”

The gas pump stopped, indicating her tank was full. “Anyway,” Quinn said. “I should get home. My
mom is expecting us.”

Rachel raised an eyebrow. “You and your imaginary friend?” she teased, glancing around.

Quinn rolled her eyes. “Taylor and I are caravanning, but I lost her on the highway. You know, it’s
Christmas Eve tomorrow.”

“Oh, right. Happy Christmas.” Rachel said. “Well, see you, Quinn. I hope the rest of vacation goes
well.”

“Yeah, you too. Uh, happy belated birthday.”

Rachel smiled toothily. “Thank you,” she said sincerely. “See you back at school.”

“Yeah, see you back at school.”

--

Quinn thought she was going to spend more time with her sister, but just like at Thanksgiving, Taylor
was mysteriously gone a lot. Quinn just assumed that Taylor was probably catching up with old high
school friends, but she had to admit she was a little disappointed that she didn’t get to spend more
time with her older sister despite the fact she’d just spent five days alone with her.

--

She ran into Rachel in the student parking lot on the first day back at school from winter break. She
tried to pull into a space on the immediate left of the white Mini Cooper just as Rachel was trying to get
out of the car. Quinn hit the brake and paused for a moment and waited as Rachel got back into her
car. Quinn parked in the space and she rolled down her window to call out an apology to Rachel.

“Sorry,” Quinn said, multitasking by getting her stuff together.

Rachel nodded. “Me too,” she said with a smile. “I’ll see you in first period,” she said, giving a wave as
she walked into the school.

Quinn watched as Rachel walked through the parking lot. Finn must have just arrived at the school
because he ran across the parking lot to fall into step with Rachel. They linked arms and Quinn
wondered if they were dating again or if they were still just friends.

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Quinn slipped into first period before the bell rang and she nodded in acknowledgement at Rachel who
sat a few seats away. Rachel smiled and waved and Quinn took her seat.

Mr. Varela paired them up for a class assignment and Rachel slipped into the seat next to Quinn’s
once the class rearranged themselves.

“Hi,” Rachel said. “Happy New Year.”

“Yeah, Happy New Year.”

They started the assignment immediately with minimal chatter about things not directly related to the
assignment. Rachel seemed subdued and distracted, but not so distracted that it compromised the
assignment. They worked on it through first period and once the bell rang, Rachel began packing up.

“Do you want to meet in the library after school to finish it up?” Rachel asked because the assignment
was supposed to carry over for a couple weeks.

“Uh, I have Cheerios practice. Do you want to come over to my house? Maybe around seven?”

“Oh. Okay. Well, see you then.”

Quinn stared at her. “We have all our classes together.”

Rachel blushed and let out a self-deprecating chuckle. “Right. Well, let’s go.”

They walked to their next class together making idle chit chat.

“So did you do anything fun over winter break now that you’re a licensed driver?” Quinn asked
teasingly. “Did you participate in any races?”

Rachel smiled. “Drag racing is illegal. I follow all the rules of the road.”

Quinn snorted at the humorless response. “Of course you do.”

“It makes it much easier to blend in and avoid scrutiny from the police when driving the getaway car,”
Rachel deadpanned.

Quinn actually stopped short at the very blasé tone and stared at Rachel in baffled surprise. Rachel
smiled beatifically and Quinn rolled her eyes. She laughed and slapped Rachel’s shoulder.

“You’re a geek,” she declared.

“I think the term around school is ‘gleek.’”

Quinn rolled her eyes. “I refuse to use that.”

“I rather like it. I think it’s a cute portmanteau, much like adorable and dork becoming adorakable.”

Quinn shook her head. “Seriously. Such a geek.”

“It’s always nice when two people can be upfront with one another.”

“You’re such a geek.”

“I know.”

--

Rachel came over that day after dinner. She politely greeted Judy Fabray and followed Quinn up the
stairs to the blonde’s bedroom. She paused outside the bedroom that used to be Taylor’s, the door to
which was open. Rachel peered inside it. “This was Taylor’s room, right?”

“Yeah.”

Rachel smiled faintly. “I can tell.”

She followed Quinn into her room.

--

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Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Rachel was a performer, but she was hilariously adept
at imitating other people and they spent the first twenty minutes mocking their teacher, Mr. Varela and
his tendency to attempt to over-relate to his students. He was actually a good teacher and generally
nice to boot, but just a little much. And he was a stickler for rules, so that was annoying sometimes,
too.

“Come on, man,” Rachel said, lowering her voice by about eight octaves. “It’s not so bad, man.” She
was sitting at Quinn’s desk and grinned at Quinn who was sitting on the bed.

Quinn guffawed. It wasn’t so much what Rachel said, so much as how she said it, lowering her voice
and gesturing with her hands in such a precise mimicry of their teacher.

“Come on, guys. I’m simply trying to recapture my former high school glory by speaking in a manner
that I think teenagers speak in, but because I am so hopelessly cliché and employ such laughably
abysmal cultural references such as the cast of Jersey Shore, I am actually completely unrelatable.”

Quinn laughed hysterically, doubled over on her bed. “Okay, okay,” she gasped out. “Stop.”

Rachel grinned at her.

“Who knew you had a mean streak?”

Rachel’s smile dimmed slightly. “Everyone has a mean streak. I just conceal mine better than most.”

It felt like a barb directed at her, though Quinn knew it probably wasn’t. “Well,” Quinn drawled. “I guess
you do.”

Her iPod was in her docking station and she grabbed the remote to skip the song that came on shuffle.
The music played softly just for background noise and Quinn was relieved that there had been no epic
battles over the music.

Rachel chuckled and she gestured toward the stuffed brown mouse on Quinn’s bed with her chin. “Did
Taylor give you that?”

Quinn smiled. “Yeah.”

“She gave me one, too. But he’s white. His name is Mousey.”

“That is a very thoughtfully creative and clever name, Rachel.”

“Well, what’s his name?” Rachel huffed, pointing toward the stuffed mouse with her index finger.

Quinn flushed. “Mouse,” she mumbled

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. Could you repeat that?”

“Mouse,” Quinn said quietly.

Rachel grinned. “I’m sorry. Please. One more time. I think my ears are plugged today.”

“Mouse!” Quinn exclaimed.

Rachel laughed heartily. “And you chose to mock the name I chose?”

“You just added a ‘y’ to Mouse!” Quinn huffed.

“Yes, and that exerted a modicum of more thought and energy.”

Quinn snorted and grabbed Mouse and threw it at Rachel, who caught it and hugged it close.

“It’s okay, Mousey. I accept you,” Rachel said.

“His name is Mouse,” Quinn said, aggrieved.

Rachel grinned. “Please accept my humble and sincere apologies.”

Quinn eyed her with suspicion. “You’re not sorry.”

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“On the contrary, I apologize profusely.”

Rachel gave her one of those toothy grins that Rachel must have believed were cute (which they
were). Quinn rolled her eyes.

“Give me back my mouse.”

Rachel grinned and stood up and walked Mouse back and set him carefully on the bed.

Quinn rolled her eyes. “Well, at least you’re giving Mouse the respect he deserves,” she joked,
because really, she had just hurled him across the room.

Rachel smiled. “I have a great deal of respect for Mousey’s sibling,” she said gravely. She grinned
crookedly to prove she was teasing.

Quinn laughed. “I guess they would be related.”

They returned to working on the assignment and worked quietly on it until Rachel broke the silence.

“I love this song,” she commented with a grin as a new song came on. She cocked her head and
listened for a while, but began singing along. “I’ll stop the world and melt with you. You’ve seen the
difference, and it’s getting better all the time,” she sang softly.

Quinn grinned. “I love it, too,” she said. “There’s nothing you and I won’t do, I’ll stop the world and melt
with you,” she said, singing along with the song and Rachel.

Rachel laughed softly. “It’s a great song,” she murmured. “My dads love it, but they are unrepentant
fans of music from the 80s. Not that they should be in any way repentant about things they love.”
Rachel paused. “Mostly anyway,” she added, her voice tinged with a tiny note of melancholia.

“Like what?” Quinn prodded gently.

There was a very brief pause and then Rachel spoke. “Their love for that terrible Macarena song,”
Rachel deadpanned, her good humor back. “Heey Macarena,” she sang softly. “It’s just terrible,” she
said, shaking her head.

Quinn laughed. “They should definitely do penance for that,” she said drolly.

Rachel grinned at her.

Rachel stayed and they worked on their assignment until it got a little late. Rachel glanced at the clock
on Quinn’s wall.

“I should go,” Rachel said. “It’s getting pretty late.”

Quinn looked at the time. “Oh,” she said. It was already 11pm. “Yeah. Well, do you want to work on it
again tomorrow after glee?”

“Okay.”

“Do you want to come over again? Or do you want to me to come to you?”

Rachel paused thoughtfully. “Do you mind your house again?”

Quinn couldn’t help but think about what Taylor told her about one of Rachel’s fathers being an addict.
She wondered if Rachel’s hesitation about having her over at the house was due in part to that.
Although from what she heard from Finn and Puck, Rachel’s fathers were rarely home and Rachel
typically had it to herself.

“I don’t mind,” Quinn said. “You should have dinner with us. We can work on the project afterward. My
mom is a good cook.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I’ll--”

“I’ll let her know you’re vegan, okay?”

Rachel smiled. “I’m not a strict vegan,” she admitted. “I still sneak the occasional slice of pepperoni
pizza, although my choice not to consume that is more due to the calories and fat than the dairy and
meat.”

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Quinn laughed. “Okay, cool. So just follow me home tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll walk you out.”

Rachel smiled at her. “Thanks.”

--

It used to kill Quinn to admit it, but Rachel had genuine talent, and she always understood why Rachel
got the most solos. It wasn’t exactly fair to anyone else, but no one seemed to take glee as seriously
as Rachel did, so maybe there was a certain amount of fairness.

Rachel chose to sing “So Young” by the Corrs that day and everyone got into it more than anticipated.

“And it really doesn’t matter that we don’t eat

And it really doesn’t matter that we don’t sleep
It really doesn’t matter, it really doesn’t matter at all”

Finn spun Rachel around and Rachel exchanged a high-five with Brittany, the two girls interlocking
their fingers for a moment before Rachel turned to Quinn and smiled, Rachel’s eyes pinning the blonde
with genuine warmth.

They finished out the song and Quinn watched as Finn pulled Rachel into a tight hug. He pressed a
quick kiss to Rachel’s lips and she smiled up at him and stroked his face.

Quinn looked away.

--

Judy seemed to have a soft spot or something for Rachel because when they got to Quinn’s house,
the meal Judy prepared was decidedly free of meat and anything dairy.

Rachel beamed at her. “Thank you, Mrs. Fabray. I appreciate it. Everything is delicious.”

Judy smiled back. “You’re welcome. I’m glad you like it.”

Everyone chatted idly and Judy shooed away Rachel’s offers to help with the dishes.

Rachel followed Quinn to her room. They settled into their spots from the night before-- Rachel in the
chair at Quinn’s desk and Quinn on the bed. They diligently worked on the assignment and there was
a natural silence as they both stared down at their literature textbooks, their laptops open next to them.

“Are you and Finn dating again?” Quinn asked, germane to nothing.

Rachel snorted. “No, we’re not. We’re just friends.”

“Why did you guys break up anyway?”

Rachel gazed at her. “Why so curious?”

“I’m just making conversation,” Quinn said, unfazed.

Rachel shrugged. “It simply wasn’t working out and I realized that I did not want to undertake such a
big commitment.”

“Oh.”

“And how are you and Noah?”

Quinn made a face. “Puck and I aren’t anything.”

“He still cares for you.”

“Well, I care for him, too. I just don’t want any commitment either.”

“Oh.”

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“Let’s get back to work, okay?”

“Sure.”

--

If Quinn were inclined to believe in all that mumbo jumbo about the universe knowing what it wants,
she’d swear the universe was conspiring against her, because the next day at school, she and Rachel
were paired up for yet another assignment, this time in their Family Studies class.

This time, she went to Rachel’s seat since Rachel had come to hers in English.

“I can’t seem to get rid of you,” Quinn joked.

“Are you following me?” Rachel countered.

Rachel smiled and Quinn smiled back.

--

Rachel came over for the third consecutive day, though this time after dinner. The assignment for
Family Studies was a family history in which they interviewed one another about their families and then
reported it back. It was half an assignment about mining for family histories and half an assignment to
demonstrate that the similarities in families tended to outnumber the differences.

“Well,” Rachel said brightly. “Since my family history is well-established in Lima, vis-à-vis my gay
fathers, let’s focus on you first.”

Quinn gave her a small smile. “Sure.”

She thought Rachel would jump at the opportunity to talk about herself, butgiven what she knew now
about Rachel’s parents, Quinn just assumed there were some things Rachel wanted to keep to herself.

They had prompts to guide them through the assignment and Quinn found herself talking at length
about it. Rachel was a surprisingly good listener for someone who enjoyed the sound of her own voice
as much as she did. Rachel was quiet and intent as Quinn spoke. They got through roughly a quarter
of the answers when Rachel stood up and stretched before they could get to the next question.

“I should get going, it’s late,” Rachel said.

Quinn glanced at the clock. “Yeah, okay. I’ll walk you out.”

Rachel smiled. “Okay.”

They walked down the steps together. “Do you want to work on our assignments again tomorrow?”
Rachel asked.

“Yeah,” Quinn said. “I don’t like putting things off.”

Rachel smiled. “Do you want to come over to my house this time? I feel we need a little parity.”

Quinn blinked. “Parody?”

“Parity,” Rachel enunciated. “P-a-r-i-t-y, not p-a-r-o-d-y.”

Quinn shook her head. “This isn’t a spelling bee, Rachel. I got it.”

This time, rather than just walking Rachel to the door, Quinn walked Rachel to her car.

Rachel smiled. “I was just making sure.”

Quinn laughed softly. “Thank you for being so concerned for my welfare.”

Rachel grinned. “Well, of course. You’re my partner on two class assignments.”

Quinn smiled back. “Yeah. Okay, partner,” she said. “See you tomorrow.”

Rachel laughed. “Good night, partner.”

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Tags: glee, quinn/rachel

( 35 comments — Leave a comment )

putakeepareyou
2010-10-11 07:36 am (local)

I just need to say that I'm completely obsessed with 'Don't Get Me Wrong' and I love that you
somehow fit this in the fic. Major cool points! :D
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:30 pm (local)

oh my gosh. I'm so obsessed with that song, too! It's been my go-to dance-in-my-underwear-to-
cheer-myself-up-when-I'm-sad for years! great taste in music high five! (God, I'm a nerd)
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

silentinformer
2010-10-11 08:04 am (local)

I'm gonna try reviewing after each part to so its a little fresher in my mind. This part had several hmmm
moments along with one OMG you don't tear books or so says the giant book nerd within me lol. The
bit about the kylie minogue song had me a little intrigued, it seemed kinda like a trigger moment for
Rachel which would be understandable. I have to say the bit about the father's being gay part therefor
Quinn would be safe from molestation had me cringe since I remember very specific examples of such
things happening and then the victim having more resistance to their claims of sexual abuse especially
by the partner of the perpetrator from my classes. Overall excellent start though I'm slowly making my
way through it while sick this morning
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:33 pm (local)

oh my gosh, masochist!lol. I knooow, tearing books is a big no no with me, too. It was meant to be
a trigger moment, but I wasn't planning on taking it any further, y'know? If a person had to explain
every single one of their triggers to someone, it'd take a lifetime.

I totally have had experience (not personal, professional) where a gay perpetrator has perped on
a opposite-gender child, because sexual abuse is not about sex, but there's that perception that
either gay people are all molesters or that they're benign and neither are true...
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

silentinformer
2010-10-11 01:48 pm (local)

Exactly, my experience would fall under professional I guess considering I have a degree in
Criminal Justice and alot of the classes I took dealt with sexual offenders including the class
understanding sexual offending, though child abuse and neglect touched on it quite a bit too.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

xrainingsorrowx
2010-10-11 08:43 am (local)

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Before I even attempt to read I just need to say damn you. Damn you and your fucking long-as-fuck
posts and captivating writing! Today was supposed to be my study/homework day, well now that's shot
to hell. XD

Okay, now that I have let that out, I am going to apologize for cursing at you because this post is
bound to make me happy.. (In an incredibly angsty way..)

*Goes read!*
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:34 pm (local)

oh my gosh!! Do your homework and study!

Haha. It's okay that you cursed me though

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

xrainingsorrowx
2010-10-11 01:26 pm (local)

Lol, I'll get started on it soon enough. (Procrastination is a terrible thing!)

By the way, I think that the world is fighting against me reading your stories. Every time I
begin to read one of your fics something prohibits me from continuing, and it always starts
around the first few paragraphs! (Did you understand that? Lol.)
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 01:38 pm (local)

I did understand that...did you think it might be a sign? Like a sign to...do your
homework?

I know. I know. BUT I'M A MOMMY, OKAY?

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

wizemunkee006
2010-10-11 08:51 am (local)

A legitimate explanation for Rachel knowing easy directions to get to a crackhouse!!!

(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:35 pm (local)

I seriously think one of Rachel's fathers or someone in her family is an addict. Or she's on drugs
herself. In college, I had a hookup who called himself Bear, but now I wouldn't even know where
to go! How the hell would Rachel?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

executime
2010-10-11 10:56 am (local)

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Christopher Columbus stumbled upon the Americas in 1492. Cut to 518 years later and I have the day
off thanks to his ability sail the ocean blue. So, here's to you, Mr. Columbus! Your contribution to world
history will allow me to read a sulkygeek story -- in its entirety -- in one day. I couldn't ask for a better
way to start a holiday.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:36 pm (local)

I never thought I'd say this, but Hail, Christopher Columbus! lol. I know he was kinda evil and all,
but God, I love holidays. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

miss_icequeen
2010-10-11 11:27 am (local)

Yes yes yes you're back *doing the happy dance right now*
OMG I just can't wait to read this
Just wanted to give you some love dude *wink*
Will read this tommorow :-))
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:37 pm (local)

haha. Aww. thank you!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

<3
cressdreiser
2010-10-11 12:02 pm (local)

I love the quirks you give your characters. Like...Rachel's misplaced suspicion of ridiculous things and
her amusement at semantics.
(Reply) (Thread)

Re: <3
sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:37 pm (local)

awww.lol. Thank you!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

mjacton
2010-10-11 01:45 pm (local)

Before this gets too disturbing, as I know it will because...well, I wanted to celebrate that you posted
another fic! Yay!

I have always loved your first chapters because, they're always slightly ominous with a mix of humor.
Just one of the reasons you're amazing!
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 05:54 pm (local)

hi you :)

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YOU'RE amazing!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

avm9104
2010-10-11 01:45 pm (local)

OMG Youuu... I.. I'm spechless , I absolutly love when you post complete fics, is just awesome. That
said , I have a love/hate relationship with your angsty fics haha and I want to drop them but I can't I
keep coming back, your Rachel's have it soooo bad in most of them , poor girl I just want to hug her
and take her home and give her soup. Anyways I love your work and I'm off to read it :).
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 05:55 pm (local)

aww.. Thank you! I contemplated posting this one in parts, but eh. I just wanted to finish it first.

I think I have a love/hate relationship with angst, too. lol.

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avm9104
2010-10-11 08:39 pm (local)

I'm glad you chose to publish it all and not parts , It's just way more enjoyable that way.
A funny fact my last name is Varela haha.
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 10:57 pm (local)

haha! oh my my. someone told me their name is TAYLOR! man.

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pee_wee_2005
2010-10-11 05:27 pm (local)

So much intrigue. Rachel getting sick. Her changing moods. Taylor being MIA whenever she would
come to Lima.

I really enjoyed the progression in this chapter. Slowly but surely they are becoming more comfortable
with each other, the banter is a huge indicator. Not entirely, of course, or yet (?) Rachel sure does
have a thick wall around her.

I had to google more than a few times...big words and little big words. Certainly is Rachel.
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 06:26 pm (local)

Aw. Thank you! It's a long one, so I hope it does not disappoint
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novak_fan
2010-10-11 08:04 pm (local)

Ok, when I saw your post my reaction was basically 1.- *head desk* I'm going to be up way late and
tomorrow I have to work. 2.- Oh what the hell...YAY! Fic from sulkygeek!! *happy dance* :D

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I was going to post some icons but yeah, wth. I'll do it tomorrow. Now off to read!
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 10:27 pm (local)

haha oh my gosh. shhh. people will be angry with me if they found I prevented you from posting
icons! THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading and making my big ginormous head even bigger with
your kindness
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ashlessica1235
2010-10-11 11:44 pm (local)

Can I just say, that I love Crowded House's Don't Dream It's Over? And I also love your writing
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-13 12:21 am (local)

I LOVE that song so much. And THANK YOU!

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bridz87
2010-10-12 05:38 am (local)

The universe loves me...worked 6 days in a row, got home at 5pm, sat down and opened my laptop at
6pm, checked rachel_quinn and OMFG!!!BVH562H%^8())#$ SULKYGEEK POSTED A COMPLETE
STORY AND I HAVE ALL NIGHT TO READ IT!!!

TOMORROW'S MY DAY OFF!

High five universe!

(on a more subdued, less psycho note, I'm loving this, I was so excited to see you'd taken this prompt
and I can't wait to see where it goes!)
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-13 12:23 am (local)

six days in a row! rough! Hope you enjoy(ed?) your day off!!

Thank you! I hope you find the story satisfactory...I don't think anyone can say they 'loved' it
because it was kind of rough
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elerigo_amor
2010-11-20 04:11 pm (local)

Will it be possible to get a word doc or pdf file of this so i can get it ón my ebook reader?
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sulkygeekff
2010-11-20 11:37 pm (local)

I can send you a doc file...email?

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kissingthebee
2011-03-24 09:52 am (local)

I am somewhat amused by how you used "Don't You Want Me" in this and now it's in there.
I don't know if the spoilers for that were out when you wrote this but...
"Don't Get Me Wrong" is one of my favorite songs.
I sang it last year for a performance.
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sulkygeekff
2011-03-25 10:42 pm (local)

Ha! I know, right?! I don't think so. I wrote this in September/October of 2010, when the show was
just beginning to air its second series. But that song is kind of my go-to duet. My husband and I
sing that one and 'It Ain't Me Babe' in karaoke. Well, back when we used to karaoke.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

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FIC: Gravitational Forces [2/10] quinn/rachel quinntana rachel
Chapter 2 rachel/santana santana santana/quinn shelby
sulkygeekff
October 11th, 2010
Rachel pulled into the school parking lot and checked her phone again, but there
was no text message. She sighed. ‘Text me back,’ she pleaded inwardly. She sat in
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her car staring at her phone for a few minutes. As was the story of most people’s lives, the will was
strong, but the flesh was weak, because even though she didn’t want to call, her fingers dialed.

She wanted to respect Taylor’s wishes-- Taylor thought it was better they not be in contact anymore,
and Rachel wanted to respect that. She didn’t want to be that psycho who hung around after a
relationship was over even when they were unwanted, but she couldn’t help it. Taylor wasn’t just some
inconsequential guy or girl she dated for a few weeks or even a few months and then broke up with.
Taylor was the love of her life.

She thought maybe Taylor would ignore her, but Taylor answered after two rings.

“You shouldn’t call me,” Taylor said in lieu of a greeting.

“I want to see you again,” Rachel begged. “Please. Can I come over tonight? It’s Thursday. I’ll just skip
school tomorrow. I’ll stay through the weekend.”

“You can’t,” Taylor whispered.

“But he’s still gone.”

“Rachel, don’t do this to me.”

“I just want to see you,” Rachel said quietly. “I miss you.”

Taylor sucked in a breath. “This is wrong, Rachel. You can’t come this weekend. You shouldn’t call
me. You shouldn’t text me. I can’t do this with you again. I can’t do this to you again.”

“Don’t you love me anymore?” Rachel asked quietly.

“I’ve always loved you, little one.”

“Don’t you want me anymore?” Rachel asked, her voice small.

“I’ve always wanted you. I’ve always wanted you too much. This…this is wrong.”

“Daddy’s in rehab again,” Rachel choked out. “This time he went to California. Dad went with him and
Dad’s going to be gone for the week. They won’t even know I’m gone. They wouldn’t even notice even
if they were here. Can’t you keep me company this weekend? I want to see you again. I’m lonely. This
will be the last time, I promise. I just…please, I need to see you.”

“That’s what we said during Thanksgiving. And Christmas. And we said it all summer, too.”

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“Can’t I come over? I have a bag packed already.”

“Rachel, this is wrong,” Taylor whispered. “Don’t do this to me, little one. Please.”

“I just miss you. You know I’m in love with you. I want to see you. It’s normal to want to see the person
you’re in love with.”

“You are not in love with me. You…” Taylor trailed off. She sighed deeply. “Okay,” she said. “Come
over today and stay the weekend. You know how much I hate that you’re alone in your house so
much. But this is the last time.”

“Thank you,” Rachel whispered. “It’s going to be late. I have this school project I’m working on with
another student. I’ll call you when I leave.”

Rachel thought it was best to withhold the fact that the other student was Taylor’s younger sister. That
seemed like something Taylor may get mad about.

Taylor sighed. “All right,” she agreed reluctantly. “Drive safely, no daredevil shit, okay?”

Rachel smiled, touched that Taylor was concerned although it was pointless to be worried about that
because she was a very safe driver who diligently obeyed traffic laws. “Okay,” Rachel said. “I love
you.”

Taylor was silent for a long moment before she responded. “I love you, too. And remember,” she said
softly. “Shh. If you’re going to come, you can’t tell anyone where you’re going.”

Rachel nodded. “Shh,” she echoed solemnly.

“See you, little one.”

“Okay.”

Rachel gripped the phone in her hand once they hung up and released a harsh breath. She knew what
her therapist would say if she’d ever disclose it to Dr. Goodman, but she wasn’t planning on ever
disclosing it. The whole thing was incredibly screwed up, but Rachel didn’t know what to do about it.

She went for years trying not to think about Taylor Fabray and then one night during the summer
between sophomore and junior year, she was bored and had nothing in particular to do. So she looked
up Taylor on Facebook and found her. She didn’t think Taylor would message her back, but she did.
They exchanged numbers and five years after she said goodbye to Taylor two days before Taylor left
for college, Rachel spoke to her.

Rachel didn’t know what possessed her to contact Taylor. In the intervening five years, she’d thought
of Taylor almost daily, but she never once thought of contacting her. She even thought twice about
sending that message on Facebook-- it wasn’t an act of impulsivity the way many of her bad or foolish
choices tended to be. She just could not fight the compulsion.

Things were different this time around-- Taylor wasn’t as intimidating as she used to be, she wasn’t as
big and strong as Rachel remembered her to be. It didn’t hurt anymore, which made it much better this
time around. She knew she should have stayed away, but she just couldn’t.

And now with the family histories assignment with Quinn, she was finding out more about Quinn and
Taylor’s family and it just made Rachel feel this compulsion to see Taylor again, and really, how does
one disobey one’s compulsions? It was probably sick, but Rachel couldn’t stop herself from seeking
Taylor out. Even after all this time, even after everything, Rachel couldn’t stop herself from wanting
Taylor. She knew it was wrong, but it didn’t feel wrong.

She stuck her phone in her bag, and she couldn’t help but smile at the prospect of seeing Taylor
again, even if she was also kind of disappointed with herself. She got out of her car and began her
walk to first period. She spotted Quinn in the hallway and fell into step with the blonde.

Quinn had always reminded Rachel so much of Taylor, although this was more in appearance than in
character. Quinn and Taylor were nearly a decade apart in age, but they were practically twins. Quinn
at sixteen-nearly-seventeen was a dead ringer for Taylor at that age. Sometimes the way Quinn
behaved reminded Rachel a lot of Taylor, too. The similarities between the sisters had always made
Quinn simultaneously terrifying and alluring. But the more she got to know Quinn, the less terrifying the
blonde became.

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“Hey, partner,” Rachel greeted cheerfully.

Quinn smiled at her. “Hey, partner.”

--

She was distracted through first period and barely managed to get through second period. She
toughed it out through third period, but she was just too distracted a
nd she had no desire to be at school. She contemplated just leaving for the rest of the day, but it
wasn’t in her nature to shirk her responsibilities.

“You okay, partner?” Quinn asked after their third period class. “Are you sure you aren’t getting sick
again like you did before Thanksgiving?”

Rachel smiled faintly. “No,” she said softly. She was actually never sick that week before Thanksgiving
because she was pretty healthy. She’d just taken some time off to visit Taylor. “I’m fine, partner.”

--

Rachel went to her car during lunch and curled up in the backseat. She shut her eyes and pulled her
phone out. She called Taylor again.

“Why did you do this to me?” Rachel asked quietly, pleading for an answer.

When she was younger, she was always too afraid to ask. But she wasn’t as afraid anymore.

Taylor sighed raggedly. “I’m sorry.”

She sounded like she was going to cry and Rachel felt terrible about it, but she’d become accustomed
to feeling terrible.

Rachel’s voice was small. “I loved you. I loved you so much.”

“I know.”

“You didn’t have to make me, you could have just asked and I would have done it. I would have done
anything you told me to.”

Taylor could be rough, so so rough.

“I know,” Taylor said softly.

Rachel’s voice was choked. “Why did you do this to me?” she repeated. She’d asked again and again
since becoming reacquainted with Taylor and though she knew the question caused Taylor anguish,
Rachel couldn’t stop asking

“Maybe you shouldn’t come over tonight.”

“Don’t you want me anymore?”

“Rachel, honey. Sweetheart. This is wrong. You…you shouldn’t come over. And don’t you understand
how it hurts me when you ask me that?”

“I’m sorry,” Rachel said, contrite.

“You keep asking me that, and how do you think that makes me feel?”

“I’m sorry,” Rachel whispered. “It wasn’t my intent to cause you…I’m sorry.”

“It really hurts me when you ask me stuff like that and it makes me wonder why you even want to see
me. I mean, are you just…going to bring up the past? Because you know how sorry I am for all that.
You know I’m sorry I hurt you. Why do you need me to go through it again and again? Is the only
reason you want to come over so you can hurt me in person?”

“No!” Rachel exclaimed quickly. “No, of course not. I…I don’t know why I asked you that.” Rachel said,
frustrated with herself because now she wondered what had been the point. She really couldn’t
remember why she’d asked. She remembered being a little angry and despondent, but she didn’t feel
like that anymore.

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“Is it really so important that you know, little one? It won’t change the past.”

“Okay,” Rachel said softly.

“And you know I love you, right? So it wasn’t so bad because you love me, too. Right?”

“Yes,” Rachel said quickly, relieved that Taylor seemed to be less frustrated with her. “I’m sorry,” she
apologized. “I think I was in a bad mood. I don’t…I don’t know why I was so fixated with that.”

“Can’t change the past, right?”

“Right.”

“So there’s no point in asking a bunch of questions about it and trying to make me feel bad about it,
right?”

“Right,” Rachel said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Do you remember what you promised?”

“I promised not to tell,” Rachel said, her voice wavering.

“It makes me worry when you ask me stuff like this, honey. I feel like you’re still mad at me. But you
can’t tell anyone, little one. It will ruin my life and yours, too, and what’s the point in that over stuff that
happened so long ago, right?”

“Right,” Rachel said softly.

“If I could go back and change it, I would,” Taylor said softly. “I’m sorry for what I did to you.”

“You are?” Rachel asked, a little hopefully because Taylor was just so mean to her sometimes back
then and it made everything that much more painful.

“Of course,” Taylor murmured. “It was wrong of us. It’s just that I loved you a lot and you were really
affectionate. You always wanted to sit in my lap. And you were so grown-up, you were like a little
adult. You never seemed like a little kid to me.”

“Oh,” Rachel said. “I…okay. That makes sense. I mean…yeah. Thanks. I…I think I understand. It’s
just…”

“Just what, honey?”

“I…” she trailed off. She was so turned around, she didn’t know what to do. “Never mind. It’s not…it’s
not even important. I’m being dumb.”

“It’s okay, honey. But let’s drop it, okay?”

“Okay,” Rachel said softly.

She sniffed and wiped at her eyes. She had no idea why she was crying, it seemed so dumb to cry.
God, why couldn’t she stop crying?

“Are you crying?”

“No,” Rachel lied, mortified for herself.

Taylor paused. “I’m really sorry I hurt you back then, sweetheart.”

“It’s okay,” Rachel said quietly. “I know you didn’t mean to.”

“That’s right,” Taylor said. “Because I loved you then and I still love you now. I never wanted you to get
hurt.”

And Rachel smiled because she heard the smile in Taylor’s voice. She wanted to ask ‘why didn’t you
stop?’ because she’d begged Taylor to stop on so many occasions, but it didn’t seem like the right
time anymore. It would just make Taylor sad, and possibly angry and neither of those were emotions
Rachel wanted to inspire in Taylor.

“But you should stay away from me,” Taylor murmured. “It’s really not right for us to do what we’ve

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been doing. We were both better off apart. What we did together was very wrong and I don’t want us
to keep doing that.”

“Why don’t you want me anymore?” Rachel whispered.

Even after everything, she still wanted Taylor. She didn’t even realize or remember how much she
wanted her until Taylor was back in her life. Taylor was the first person other than her fathers to tell her
she was pretty and Rachel just needed her.

But the memory of crying and trying to push Taylor’s larger and heavier body off of hers, while Taylor
whispered you’re so pretty in a hot breath against her neck bubbled up and she just wanted to cry
even more. She wished she could hold onto the better moments with Taylor rather than having so
much negativity bubble up again and again.

“I’ve always wanted you too much,” Taylor said with regret. “You shouldn’t come tonight, Rachel. In
fact, I’m asking you not to. Let’s have a clean break. No more visits, no more calls. No more texts.
Let’s go back to the way it was before, when you forgot about me.”

“I never forgot about you,” Rachel whispered. “I thought about you every day. You forgot about me.
You promised me you’d write, and you never did.”

“I never forgot about you, sweetheart. I thought about you every day. I just wanted you too much,
that’s why I didn’t write.”

“You married someone else,” Rachel pointed out quietly.

“It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, honey.” Taylor sighed. “I think maybe you’re too young to deal with
all this. I realize you’re very mature, but you’re still a child. Maybe you just aren’t ready to deal with all
this. We should make a clean break. It doesn’t mean we can’t try again in a few years. But maybe for
now, we should just walk away from each other because you don’t seem to be handling this very well.”

“I can do better,” Rachel promised quietly. “Whatever you want me to do, I can do it. I’m sorry for…”
she trailed off because she wasn’t sure exactly what she was doing to incur this reaction out of Taylor
when all Rachel wanted to do was placate her. “Disappointing you.”

“I’m serious, honey. Maybe you shouldn’t come.”

“Are you really going to turn me away if I show up tonight?”

“No,” Taylor admitted. “But this is the last time.”

“Okay,” Rachel said, but she knew it was a lie, because how many times has Taylor told her “this is the
last time” when it really wasn’t? She used to plead that it would be the last time, and now she prayed it
wouldn’t be.

--

It started fairly innocently, the way such things always do. She was five to Taylor’s fourteen.

Her fathers were gone a lot-- her daddy Judah was “sick” a lot, but she’d accompanied her dad Eddie
to a house once late at night. Dad didn’t want to leave her alone in their house, because she’d had a
tendency to sleepwalk, so he took her with him, but he left her by herself in the car after he parked in
front of the house where Daddy was. It felt like he was gone forever, but she was happy when he
came back with Daddy in tow.

“Daddy is just sick, baby, but he’s going to be okay,” Dad soothed her when she was visibly distressed
by Daddy’s appearance. He looked terrible-- he was pale and shaky and he wouldn’t look at her.
“We’re all going home now. I’ll give you a big glass of water when we get home, baby.”

She remembered what the house looked like, but not exactly where the house was. She went there a
few more times with Dad to bring Daddy home and she started to memorize how to get there, but she
was never entirely sure. After that, any time her Daddy was sick and not at home, she tried to look for
that house again to bring him home. She always got lost, but Taylor always managed to find her
before she got too far and the teenager always dragged her back home.

Even when Rachel got mad at Taylor for not letting her find her father, she couldn’t stay mad because
Taylor was her favorite babysitter and she had a lot of babysitters.

“It’s okay,” Taylor murmured, pulling Rachel into her lap and comforting her after one such instance.

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“Don’t cry, little one. It’s okay.”

That first time started with a few innocent kisses-- kissing away her tears and Rachel remembered
she’d like that very much so she burrowed closer and Taylor’s arms wrapped around her tighter.

“My mom used to do this for me when I your age and I was sad,” Taylor said, rocking her and pressing
the occasional kiss to the top of Rachel’s head or her forehead or eyelids. “Do you feel better, little
one?”

And she did.

So it started with an innocent kiss, but then it escalated and while Taylor was generally very gentle,
there were times when Taylor was rough, mean and scary, when Taylor made everything hurt
including down there and in her butt and Taylor squeezed her so hard that it left bruises that didn’t go
away for weeks. She knew no one was allowed to touch her there, but it was just more important that
she please Taylor, even though sometimes Taylor made her ache down there for hours and days.

But always Taylor made up for it by being sweet-- with presents, with attention, with love.

Taylor made her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with the peanut butter and jelly mixed together,
rather than layered and she brought over a special cookie cutter so that every sandwich was in the
shape of a star. Rachel didn’t have a mother and her fathers weren’t very detail-oriented, so that kind
of special attention made her nearly delirious with joy.

Taylor could make her cry and hurt on a Wednesday, but Rachel would still be eager to see her on
Thursday.

She ached when Taylor was there, she ached when Taylor wasn’t there and she cried inconsolably
when Taylor left Lima for Pennsylvania for college.

“I’ll write,” Taylor promised.

But she didn’t.

--

Rachel pulled herself together and made it to her first class after lunch, but she stayed a little spaced
out. She was in her hometown in the only high school she ever attended, and yet, she walked around
the rest of the school day feeling utterly disoriented.

“Are you okay?” Quinn asked quietly once they were ensconced in Rachel’s bedroom after Quinn
followed her home from school.

“Of course,” Rachel said, she was preoccupied with pulling her iPod out of her bag and tucking it into
her docking station to put on some background noise. “Why would you ask that?”

“You seemed a little…distracted today.”

Rachel paused contemplatively. Since she planned on missing school tomorrow, she thought it was
better to set up an alibi. “I think I’m coming down with something.”

Quinn smiled. “I knew it! I told you so.”

Rachel raised an eyebrow. “Well, you don’t have to look quite so triumphant.”

Quinn had the good grace to look a little embarrassed. “Sorry.”

Rachel laughed. “It’s okay.”

For Quinn there were no surprises when it came to Rachel’s bedroom-- the room’s décor was truly a
reflection of its occupant. Since it was Rachel’s room, Rachel sat on the bed while Quinn sat in the
chair at Rachel’s desk.

“Hey, there’s Mouse’s brother,” Quinn said, gesturing toward Rachel’s stuffed mouse, Mousey.

Rachel grinned. “I decided they’re actually fraternal twins.”

Quinn laughed. “I think you’re right.”

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Rachel couldn’t help but pet Mousey and she remembered how Taylor presented Mousey to her on
her sixth birthday. She’d cherished it then and she still cherished it now ten years later. She wished
she didn’t cherish it, but she did. She wished she didn’t want Taylor so much, because she wasn’t so
out of her mind that she was ignorant of the fact the situation was fucked up. She tried to put all those
thoughts out of her mind and just focus on the assignment and Quinn, because Quinn was doing her
fair share of the assignment and Rachel thought she owed it to Quinn to do hers.

They worked on their assignments until it was dinner time and Quinn followed Rachel into the living
room to wait for their food to be delivered.

--

Rachel’s family was firmly committed to take-out and so she and Quinn ordered dinner from a Chinese
restaurant which also had a selection of vegetarian items. Vegan and vegetarian weren’t synonymous,
but she liked the restaurant, so it was good enough for Rachel.

“You know,” Quinn said, taking a few nibbles of Rachel’s noodles with tofu. “This isn’t so bad.”

Rachel smiled at her. “I can’t interest you in regularly swamping out meat and dairy from your diet, can
I?”

Quinn snorted in derision. “Forget it. Bacon is life,” she joked.

Rachel laughed softly. “Okay.”

--

After dinner, Quinn followed Rachel to her room and they resumed working on their school work.

--

Rachel was more preoccupied with her phone than with the assignments and she felt a little bad about
being so rude to Quinn, but she couldn’t help it. She half-expected Taylor to tell her not to come, and
the prospect made her anxious.

“Do you want to just stop for tonight?” Quinn asked neutrally. “You seem kind of distracted.”

Rachel blushed and set her phone down. “Sorry,” she apologized. “I…I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Let’s work on it for a little longer,” Rachel suggested. She didn’t want to seem rude and she also
wanted to be practical about her school work-- putting it off for another night didn’t make it go away.

“Okay.”

--

In total, Quinn stayed for a few hours and they worked on their assignments for both English Literature
and Family Studies.

Quinn was a good study partner because she was serious-minded and did her fair share of the work
which was not the experience Rachel typically had when working in pairs or in groups. It sort of made
sense to Rachel though because while Quinn had numerous friends whom Rachel found frivolous,
Quinn herself was not.

“Hey,” Quinn said, “Is that East of Eden?” she asked, pointing to the book on Rachel’s nightstand.

Rachel glanced at it and smiled, remembering the day in detention when she ripped the book in half to
quiet Quinn. She didn’t know what possessed her to do it and she spent longer than necessary taping
it back together, but became irate because it just wasn’t attractive. She tossed her old copy into the
recycling bin and bought a new copy. It wasn’t her favorite book or anything, but she found herself
returning to it regularly and she couldn’t figure out why because she was wholly areligious and she
generally didn’t appreciate religious metaphors, let alone a thick tome devoted to them.

“Yeah,” Rachel said, reaching for it and grabbing it. She flipped through the book and smiled.

“Did you buy a new one?” Quinn asked, squinting at it.

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Rachel flushed. “Yes. It bothered me to have it bifurcated.”

Quinn bit her lower lip in amusement. “Bifurcated,” she repeated, shaking her head. “You really are
incapable of speaking like a normal person, aren’t you?”

Rachel shrugged and smiled but didn’t say anything.

“I keep telling myself I need to buy it, but I always forget.”

“Oh,” Rachel said. “You liked it?”

“Well, I liked what I read.”

“Borrow mine,” Rachel said. She started to toss it at Quinn but then stopped, realizing that the book
was probably way too thick to throw. She got up and held it out for Quinn to take. “Here.”

Quinn reached out to grasp the book but hesitated before pulling it away. They remained like that for a
moment, Rachel, standing, and holding the book out for Quinn to take and Quinn, seating, holding
onto to book but hesitating.

“Are you sure?”

Rachel smiled. “It’s just a book, Quinn.”

“Okay, then,” Quinn said, pulling the book.

Rachel backed away and sat down on the bed again. “I think I’m done for the night,” she said. “You?”

Quinn nodded. “Yeah,” she said. She stood up and stretched. “Your chair is really uncomfortable but it
looks deceptively comfortable” she declared.

Rachel laughed. “I know, it’s why I do all my studying on the bed.”

Quinn eyed Rachel with a look of mock indignant outrage. “And you made me sit in this uncomfortable
chair?”

“Well, I didn’t make you,” Rachel said with a toothy grin. “You chose to sit in it, and I chose not to say
anything about it.”

Quinn rolled her eyes and picked up an errant paper clip from Rachel’s desk and threw it at Rachel.
Rachel caught it in one hand and tossed it onto her nightstand.

“Maybe you should try out for football,” Quinn joked. “You can already catch better than most of the
guys on the team.”

Rachel grinned and stood up. She bent her knees and crouched into the scrimmage position. “Hut
one, hut two, hut three, rawr,” she said, getting up and throwing an imaginary football. “Do you think I
could be quarterback?”

“I think you learned nothing about football while dating Finn,” Quinn said dryly.

“On the contrary, I Wikipediaed it endlessly and watched countless hours of old football games to
educate myself. I believe in trying to learn about the interests and passions of one’s partner, even if
they are not shared passions or interests.”

Rachel flopped down onto her bed and leaned back on her elbows, grinning insouciantly at Quinn.

Quinn rolled her eyes.

“What if you dated someone who was really into…” Quinn trailed off as she tried to think of an interest
that she found uninteresting. “Knitting?”

“I would visit the Stitch and Bitch website with regularity”

“Medical mutations and marvels?”

“I’m fascinated by craniofacial deformities myself.”

“Pokemon?”

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“I choose you, Pikachu.”

“Pogs?”

“The big ones make very nice paperweights.”

“Dungeons and Dragons?”

Rachel paused. “I would once again turn to Wikipedia to gain a cursory understanding. I like to be
prepared”

Quinn smiled. “I bet you’re one of those kids who loved the fire drill, didn’t you?”

Rachel grinned. “I reiterate-- I believe in preparedness. I have a survival kit in my car.”

“What kind of survival kit?”

“The usual, Quinn. Earthquakes, fires, hurricanes, power outages, nuclear winter, zombie attacks and
the like.”

Rachel said everything with such a straight face, it took Quinn a moment to process the last two
things, but when she finally did, she laughed.

“What?” Quinn asked with a laugh.

Rachel’s smile was toothy. “I was just checking to see if you were listening to me.”

Quinn laughed. “You’re a geek.”

“Yes, we’ve established that on numerous occasions.”

Quinn paused as she listened to the song that just came on Rachel’s iPod on shuffle mode. She tilted
her head, listening carefully. “What’s this song? Is this ‘Melt with You’? This isn’t Modern English. Who
is this?”

Rachel turned up the volume. “It’s Nouvelle Vague. I like bossa nova.”

“I like it.”

Rachel smiled. “Hold on,” she said. “I’ll make you a CD.” She got up from the bed and approached the
desk. “Excuse me,” she said politely as got onto her knees to open a drawer to pull out a spindle of
blank CDs, empty CD cases and a packet of gold star stickers.

“You don’t have to.”

Rachel cocked an eyebrow. She looked up at Quinn. “You do realize there are very few things I love to
do more than whore out my musical interests, don’t you?”

Quinn laughed. “Okay, sure. Thanks.”

Rachel grabbed the spindle and closed the drawer again. She walked back to the bed and sat down
and popped the CD in. “It’ll just take a couple minutes,” she said, concentrating on her iTunes window
to make the CD. Once it popped out, she put it into a case and grabbed the packet of gold star stickers
and affixed one to the case with flourish. She held it up to Quinn.

Quinn rolled her eyes at the sight of the gold star, but she laughed. “You’re a geek,” she said.
“Thanks.” She got up and took the CD from Rachel’s hands.

“You’re welcome.”

“Anyway, I should really get going.”

“Yeah,” Rachel said. “Pack your stuff up and I’ll walk you out.”

“Okay.”

Quinn put her laptop back in its case, stuck it into her backpack and then put away East of Eden and
the CD Rachel made for her. “I’ll try to give your book back as soon as possible.”

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“Keep it as long as you need,” Rachel said, waving off Quinn’s concern as she walked Quinn to the
door.

“Goodnight, partner. Drive safely.” Rachel said softly, peering up at Quinn as they stood by the front
door.

“Goodnight, partner. I will. See you tomorrow.”

“Maybe not,” Rachel said. “I don’t feel that well,” she lied. “I think I’ll just take tomorrow off.”

“Oh,” Quinn said, a little surprised because Rachel didn’t seem that unwell to her anymore. She
seemed like she felt better toward the end of the evening than at the beginning of it anyway. “Well, I
hope you feel better.”

“Thanks,” Rachel said softly. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah, see you soon,” Quinn echoed.

--

Rachel waited for fifteen minutes and then pulled out the bag she’d already packed out of the closet.
She drove three hours but she finally reached her destination.

“Hi,” Rachel greeted softly with a smile. She tilted her head to the right and peered up at Taylor and bit
her lower lip. She smiled again. “You look pretty.”

Taylor looked solemn, but smiled. “Hi, cutie. You look pretty.” She gave Rachel a tight smile. “You’ve
always been so pretty.”

Rachel smiled. “That’s sweet of you.”

“But you really shouldn’t be here, Rach.”

“Don’t look so sad,” Rachel said softly. “It really is okay that I’m here.”

Taylor sighed. “It’s really not.”

“But you’re going to let me in, right?”

Taylor stepped away and held the door open wider. “Yeah,” she whispered.

--

Now that she was older, it didn’t hurt anymore. It felt very good, in fact. If she ever disclosed this to Dr.
Goodman, it was highly likely that Dr. Goodman’s brain would explode. But she didn’t want to do that
to her therapist considering the primary reason her fathers put her in therapy was to deal with Daddy’s
substance abuse issues-- as if she weren’t completely accustomed to that by now.

It felt good, finally, to have a little bit of control, to be the one to demand things, to finally have a voice
in when and how it was done.

“Why did you do this to me?” Rachel whispered, hot tears leaking out of her eyes as she rubbed
herself against the woman pinned beneath her. She was almost always on top now which made up for
all the time when she was underneath Taylor who was always older, bigger and stronger. Taylor was
still older, bigger and stronger, but Rachel was a little older, bigger and stronger, now too, and their
differences weren’t as vast as they were so many years ago.

“”I’m sorry,” Taylor moaned out. “Oh God, I’m so sorry.”

“Why did you do this to me?” Rachel asked again because as fucked up as she was, she knew this
wasn’t right, that she shouldn’t be so lovesick for this woman. “Why did you do this to me?”

“I’m sorry,” Taylor repeated. “Oh God, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry, little one. I just had
no choice.”

Rachel’s voice broke. “Why did you make it hurt?”

“I’m sorry,” Taylor moaned. “I’m so sorry. God, we need to stop doing this.”

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Rachel pressed her mouth close to Taylor’s ear. “It’s okay,” she sobbed. “It’s okay. Stop apologizing. I
shouldn’t have brought it up. It’s okay because I love you, and I know you love me. This is good, this is
right. Please stop saying we shouldn’t do this,” she cried. “This isn’t like it was before.” She continued
to rub herself against the woman beneath her, moaning at the wet slide of flesh against flesh.

“I can’t,” Taylor sobbed. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Of course you can,” Rachel whispered. “I know you can because I can,” and she silenced Taylor’s
protests with a kiss.

--

They lied in bed next to each other. Taylor stroked Rachel’s hair as Rachel cried. It was done now and
Rachel couldn’t help but cry afterward. She didn’t understand why she just couldn’t stop crying
because she’d wanted this. This time, she’d wanted it.

“This was the last time,” Taylor said quietly. “I’m not going to do this to you anymore.”

Rachel smiled faintly. “What makes you think you’re doing anything to me now? It’s not like how it was
before, you know.”

Taylor flinched. “I’m too old for you.”

“You never cared before.” Rachel swallowed hard. “Why didn’t you care?”

“I did care,” Taylor whispered. “I’m so sorry, Rachel. You have no idea how sorry I am.”

Rachel trembled. “Why did you have to make it hurt all those times?”

“I’m sorry,” Taylor whispered again and she did in fact, sound completely miserable. She rubbed
Rachel’s bare back. “This is our last time together,” she said softly.

“No, it’s not,” Rachel refuted quietly. “I’m older now. I know what I want. I want you.”

“I’m married now.”

“You don’t love him. Not like you do me. Get rid of him. Come back to Lima and stay with your mom.
Wait for me to finish school and you can come with me when I go to Julliard. We can be together. You
promised me.”

Rachel thought back to all those nights with Taylor when she was younger. It didn’t matter what the
temperature was like outdoors-- it could be a frigid winter night or a muggy summer evening, and her
body always felt hot and the heat of Taylor’s body always scorched hers.

She remembered being five and pleading for Taylor to stop because it hurt, and when she begged for
Taylor to stop, the look Taylor would get on her face was mean and scary. Those were the only times
when Taylor was mean and scary and Rachel didn’t like it, but at least those moments of rage were
predictable, so that made it kind of okay and she learned how to avoid incurring Taylor’s wrath simply
by not crying and begging for it to stop. On the other hand, her fathers were unpredictable and even
know, as a teenager ,she still couldn’t predict when they would get mean and scary, so she just tried to
stay out of their way. Daddy was unpredictable because, duh, addicts tended to be and Dad was
unpredictable because he was so worried and frustrated with Daddy. This had been the pattern of her
life for as long as she could remember, so when she was younger, Taylor was the most consistent and
reliable person in her life.

“This is how someone shows another person that they love them, little one,” Taylor would whisper. “It’s
because I love you. Stop crying. If you stop crying, it won’t hurt anymore.”

But it was a lie because even though Rachel did her best not to cry, it still hurt. But she eventually
learned not to cry, at least, most of the time. Sometimes it hurt particularly bad, and she couldn’t help
it.

Afterward, Taylor would help her with a bath. It made sense when she was five and six, and even kind
of at seven. Sometimes Taylor would take a bath with her, and Rachel would rest against Taylor’s
body, relieved the bad part was over and it felt good to be in that hot soapy water with Taylor stroking
her hair and being gentle with her. But when she was ten and still Taylor was bathing her, and
occasionally bathing with her, something nagged at Rachel that it wasn’t right, because she was
perfectly capable of bathing herself and she preferred showers to baths anyway. But she couldn’t bring
herself to voice anything because she was just so used to it. It was tradition and who broke from

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tradition?

“See how much I love you?” Taylor would murmur as Taylor gently loofahed her.

And yes, yes, Rachel could see.

“You can’t ever tell anyone,” Taylor said. “People think that only big people can love each other this
way, but you’re a big girl, aren’t you? I wouldn’t like some little baby, but I love you, because you’re a
big girl.”

And yes, yes, Rachel wanted so much to be a big girl.

“This is our secret, right, little one?”

Rachel nodded.

“We could get in trouble if you tell. Do you want to get in trouble?”

Rachel shook her head.

“Do you want me to get in trouble?”

Again, Rachel shook her head.

“Good,” Taylor said gently. “Shh,” she said, holding her index finger to her lips. Her pinky and thumb
peeked up and curled, so that it kind of looked like ‘I love you’ in sign language, only sideways.

“Shh,” Rachel whispered back, mirroring the gesture.

She was naked and felt vulnerable, but it didn’t seem…so wrong.

After every bath, Taylor always dried her off and dressed her, even though Rachel had long been
capable of doing it herself. The first time Taylor tried to dress her, she’d been five and Rachel
indignantly pointed out that she’d been capable of dressing herself since she was three. Taylor
laughed softly, but she still continued to dress Rachel after a bath until it got to a point when Rachel
was ten and it didn’t seem that abnormal. And she didn’t question it.

Then, after the bath, Taylor always made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the shape of a star.

“See how much I love you?” Taylor would ask while Rachel munched on a sandwich and drank a cold
glass of milk.

Rachel nodded, because she did. She really could see how much Taylor loved her and she adored
Taylor with everything her heart possessed.

“I am going to marry you,” Rachel declared. “When I get bigger.”

Taylor chuckled. “Yes, you are. And I’m going to always love you and make you sandwiches in the
shapes of stars. I promise.”

Rachel beamed at her and all the hurt from earlier in the night faded in her memory and gave way to
the squishy feeling she got in her belly when Taylor Fabray smiled at her. It happened without fail,
every single time. And when she got older, it stopped hurting so much and Taylor didn’t even have to
make her a sandwich or pour her a glass of milk for Rachel to forgive her, Rachel just did.

Everyone had their rituals, and Rachel had hers. Her ritual with Taylor went on for five years before
Taylor went to college and never wrote Rachel back, no matter how many emails Rachel sent.

Now that Taylor was back in her life, Rachel wasn’t going to let Taylor forget her promise so easily.

“You promised me,” Rachel whispered, burying her face into Taylor’s neck. She inhaled deeply and
released her breath with a sigh. She pulled herself out of her reverie. “You promised me.” She knew
that this…this was not right, and she’d tried so hard and for so long to forget about all this and just
move on. But now that Taylor was back in her life, this is what she had. She couldn’t forget.

She knew it wasn’t fair to hold Taylor to such a promise, but really, who else does she have to hold on
to?

“I know, little one,” Taylor murmured. She’d stopped crying and now she was stroking Rachel’s hair. ”I

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know what I promised you. Do you remember what you promised me, pretty girl?”

“Uh-huh.” Rachel said softly.

“What did you promise me?”

Rachel raised her index finger to her lips, her pinky and thumb peeking up and curly slightly. “Shh,”
she whispered solemnly, her eyes very wide and unconsciously mimicking an expression she regularly
wore in childhood.

She was sixteen now, but she felt about six years old at the moment.

“That’s right,” Taylor murmured. She brought her index finger to her lips and mirrored the pose Rachel
made. “Shh,” she whispered. “Remember, honey. You promised you’d never tell. That means forever,
baby.”

“I know,” Rachel said quietly, a little petulant because Taylor always brought this subject of her silence
up.

She smiled. “I really do love you, sweetheart. It’s just that no one would ever in a million years
understand. I could go to jail. Do you want to do that?”

“Never,” Rachel breathed.

“You could ruin my life, you know, sweetheart. Do you want to do that to me, honey?”

“Never,” Rachel said breathlessly. “I’d never do that. I love you, Tay.”

“You and my sister are friends now, right?”

Rachel paused, a little thrown by the mention of Quinn. “Uh-huh.” She smiled faintly. “She’s my
partner. In English Lit and Family Studies.”

“If you ruin my life, you could ruin hers, too. She’s my little sister.”

Rachel’s eyes were wide. “I know that,” she said quietly. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Or to her. I told you,
she’s my partner,” she said softly.

Taylor caressed Rachel’s face. “Why do you keep coming back to me?” she murmured. “You make it
so hard to stay away.”

“Sorry,” Rachel murmured.

“You were always so hard to resist, walking around in your underwear all the time. Do you remember
that?”

Rachel nodded, but she really couldn’t remember. But if Taylor said it, then it must be true, because
Taylor had been older and if there was one thing Rachel had figured out, kids didn’t always process
things the way they actually happened.

“Just remember if you ever want to tell anyone about us, you remember to tell them about that, okay?”

Rachel swallowed hard and nodded. “ But I won’t ever tell,” she whispered. “I promise.”

“I know you wouldn’t, sweetheart,” Taylor said, her voice sweet. “But I just want to remind you to stay
quiet. You stayed quiet for all these years and now that I’ve got you again, I don’t want you to let
something slip, even if it’s inadvertent. Sometimes you talk way too much and it’s just the kind of
stupid, thoughtless thing you might let slip out while you babble.”

Rachel’s eyes pricked with tears. “You’re being mean to me,” she whispered, fighting to keep the
whine out of her voice. She knew she was too old to whine about that sort of thing. Sixteen was too
damn old to be whining about being mean like she was six years old or something.

“I know, sweetheart. But I wouldn’t have to be mean to you if you’d just stay away from me.”

“You did this to me,” Rachel whispered. “You did this to me and now I can’t stay away.”

“I know I did,” Taylor said softly. “But you were there, too.”

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“But I…” Rachel trailed off. She wasn’t sure how to refute that. She wasn’t even sure she could. “I
know,” she finally said quietly.

“I just wanted you too much,” Taylor said with a sigh. “That’s why I can’t ever send you away. But I
don’t want you to ruin our lives either. I’m just trying to protect both of us and make sure you don’t
bring up the past to anyone. It’s like I told you, little one, it’s the past and we can’t change it, so why
should you even bother telling anyone about it, unless your intent is to hurt me…”

Rachel was aghast. “I’d never do that.”

“I know, little one, I know. I just need to make sure. I get a little scared, too, you know. Can you
promise me again you won’t ever tell?”

“I won’t ever tell,” Rachel swore. She raised her index finger to her lips, keeping her pinky and thumb
up, slightly curled. “Shh,” she whispered.

Taylor smiled. “Exactly.” She kissed Rachel’s forehead. “It’s better now, right? It doesn’t hurt anymore.
It feels good, doesn’t it?”

Rachel nodded. “It feels good.”

Taylor smiled at her. “I’m going to make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,” she declared. “I’ll be
right back.”

“Okay.”

Taylor was gone and Rachel was left alone in the bed.

“Fuck,” Rachel whispered quietly.

Taylor came back a few minutes later with a sandwich cut into a star and a cold glass of milk. Rachel
didn’t bother pointing out she was vegan, so she took the glass with a big smile and a thank-you and
took a large gulp. She took her first bite of her sandwich as Taylor gazed at her. Rachel ducked her
head and smiled shyly around a mouthful of peanut butter-and-jelly on Wonder bread.

Taylor smiled back and raised her index finger to her lips.

Rachel nodded.

--

She spent the weekend with Taylor and she alternated between euphoria and disgust, between clarity
and confusion.

“This was the last time,” Taylor said softly, as she wrapped the scarf around Rachel’s neck late on
Sunday night as she walked Rachel to the door.

Rachel shook her head. “Don’t say that,” she pleaded quietly.

“Drive safe, sweetheart,” Taylor whispered. She kissed her. “I love you, but this was the last time. It
has to be.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Go home, little one,” Taylor said softly as she gently pushed Rachel out the door.

--

She cried the entire way back to Lima.

--

By Monday morning she managed to pull herself together to make it to school.

“Hey, partner,” Quinn said with a smile as she passed Rachel’s desk en route to her seat in first
period. The blonde dropped a small stack of papers on Rachel’s desk. “Glad you’re feeling better. I
photocopied our class notes from Friday. I thought I should beat you to the punch since you were
going to ask me anyway.”

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Rachel smiled. “Thanks, partner. Do you want to come over tonight to work on stuff?”

“Sure.”

--

They made it through the school day and then went to Rachel’s house after dismissal.

Since Rachel’s desk chair was deemed unsuitably uncomfortable, they both sat on the bed to work on
the assignment.

“Here,” Quinn said, pulling a CD out of her bag. “I made you a CD since you made one for me.”

Rachel smiled. “You did?” she asked, brightening. “Thank you.”

Quinn blushed. “It’s mostly old Motown. I love that stuff because my mom listened to it a lot when I
was younger.”

Rachel beamed at her. “I love that stuff, too.” She booted up her laptop because she was going to load
whatever songs she didn’t already have onto her iPod. She’d listened to a lot of Motown while
spending the weekend with Taylor and it struck her once again how the sisters really were alike, even
down to their interests.

Once her computer was ready, she stuck the CD into the drive and cued up iTunes.

She smiled as the opening bars to “Baby Love” filled the room.

“I love this song, but for some reason, I don’t have it on my iPod,” Rachel said, connecting her iPod to
her laptop.

Quinn smiled. “Glad you like it.” She pulled out her laptop and booted it up as well. “Let’s get started,
okay, partner?”

“Sure thing, partner.”

--

They worked on their literature assignment first because they could work on it independently before
bringing their separate parts together. They laid side-by-side on their stomachs on Rachel’s bed as
they typed away.

“Mr. Varela is so full of shit.”

“He is,” Rachel agreed.

“At least we’re almost done with this stupid assignment.”

“Yes.”

Quinn was annoyed. “Why aren’t you more irate?”

Rachel smiled. “I’m serene about the things I cannot change.”

Quinn laughed. “Of course you are.”

“I just emailed you my part. Why don’t you take a look at it when you have a chance and then you can
email me your part and I’ll combine the two?”

“I just emailed you my part, too.”

Rachel smiled and she cheered softly. “It’s a good thing we work at the same pace.”

Quinn smiled back. “Yeah. Do you want to get started on our Family Studies project?”

Rachel groaned. “Not particularly. Do you want to play cards?”

Quinn laughed. “Weren’t you already? I saw you playing Solitaire.”

Rachel blushed. “Don’t shame me!” she exclaimed with a laugh.

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“I’m not” Quinn giggled. “The truth just hurts.”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “I thought we were partners,” she complained good-naturedly, “which would
involve some degree of support.”

“Part of being partners in grounding one another in reality,” Quinn said dryly.

Rachel laughed, a little charmed by Quinn’s dry humor. It was a lot more charming when it wasn’t
vicious or comprised of barbs directed at her. “Yes, okay.”

Quinn sighed and flopped onto her back which caused her to roll a little closer to Rachel and Rachel
caught a whiff of the perfume Quinn was wearing. She froze when she recognized the scent because
Taylor wore the same scent. Granted she never stood or sat that physically close to Quinn, but she’d
never detected that perfume on Quinn before, and she’d detected other perfumes on Quinn on other
occasions. She’d noticed vague similarities in the way Quinn and Taylor smelled-- sort of like the very
subtle differences between oranges and Satsumas and it’d always kind of disturbed her. But now with
the exact same perfume, Quinn smelled just like Taylor. Rachel swallowed hard. Her stomach
suddenly hurt and it turned. She couldn’t figure out why this was.

Most of the time she could forget that Quinn was Taylor’s little sister despite the uncanny
resemblance. But to realize that Quinn even smelled like Taylor was so jarring for Rachel.

“Hey,” Quinn said. She sounded alarmed and she sat up, reaching for Rachel. “Are you okay? You
look…”

“I’m fine!” Rachel exclaimed, sitting up and scrambling away from Quinn, because God, this…she
didn’t even know what to think. She tried not to think. ‘Get away from me, get away from me,’ she
thought, unable to stop her racing thoughts. ‘Oh God, don’t touch me. Get away from me.’

“But you look--”

Quinn reached for her again and in Rachel’s desperate attempt to evade her, she scrambled away so
violently and fell off the bed.

“Oh my God, are you okay?”

“I just…I…I’m going to throw up,” Rachel said. She bolted for her en suite bathroom and just barely
made it on time. Where was all this coming from? She didn’t know why she was having such a violent
reaction because she honestly liked the way Taylor smelled, so she shouldn’t have such an adverse
reaction to realizing that Taylor and Quinn had commonalities.

Even as she threw up, she wondered what the hell was wrong with her. She heaved the empty
contents of her stomach into the toilet. Quinn was suddenly behind her-- so close, too close.

“Okay,” Quinn said. “Just take it easy,” she murmured, rubbing Rachel’s back in a manner she thought
was comforting, and really, would have been if Quinn had been anyone else. Quinn’s hand was soft
and gentle as it rubbed her back. “I’ll be right back,” she murmured. “I’m going to get you a glass of
water.”

By the time Quinn got back with a glass of water, Rachel was already brushing her teeth.

Quinn looked at her worriedly. “Are you okay?”

Rachel held up one finger, wordlessly asking Quinn to hold on. Rachel watched Quinn through the
mirror, watched Quinn watching her. Once she was done, she spat out the toothpaste, rinsed her
mouth, cleaned her toothbrush and turned back to Quinn to gratefully accept the glass of water. She
took a long gulp.

“What happened?” Quinn asked. “That just came out of nowhere. Are you okay? Were you really sick
over the weekend?”

Rachel’s smile was faint, all inscrutable and Mona Lisa-like. “I’m fine.”

“Do you need anything?”

Rachel shook her head.

“Are you sure?”

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“Yes.”

Quinn bit her lip. “I think I should go home and let you rest.”

“I’m fine, really. But maybe we should just…reschedule. Is that okay? See you tomorrow?”

“Of course it’s okay. But are you sure you’re okay?” Quinn said. She moved closer to Rachel, but
Rachel retreated slightly, covering it up by reaching for towel to wipe her mouth.

“Yes, I’m really okay,” Rachel assured with a big smile.

“Okay,” Quinn said softly. “Feel better,”

“I will. Thanks.”

Quinn left the bathroom and went into the bedroom and Rachel pressed her face against the door jam
of her bathroom door and watched as Quinn packed her stuff up. She walked the blonde to the door.

“Goodnight, partner,” Rachel said quietly.

“Goodnight, partner,” Quinn echoed. “I hope you feel better.”

“Thanks. Sorry about all that.”

“It’s okay. We’ll just work on it tomorrow. Get some rest.”

Quinn gave a tiny wave and then turned around to walk away. Rachel waited until Quinn was safely in
her car to close the door. She walked back to her room and flopped onto her bed, but the smell of
Quinn’s perfume-- Taylor’s perfume lingered where Quinn had lain.

Rachel reached for her phone.

“You ruined me,” Rachel whispered when Taylor picked up.

“I know,” Taylor murmured softly. “You ruined me, too. I know it hurts, but you can’t ever tell, little one.
Okay? When you think you’re going to break, you call me, all right, sweetheart? But you can’t tell
anyone else. What I did to you, I did it because I just loved you too much. And you know what it’s like
to love something too much, don’t you? You know what it’s like to do bad things out of love.”

“I hate you,” Rachel sobbed. But she totally understood doing fucked up things out of love.

“Don’t fall apart on me now, little one. You’ve been so strong for me for all these years. Are you going
to stay strong for me?”

Rachel sniffled. It took her a moment to answer. “Yes,” she whispered. “I want to stay strong for you.”

“That’s good to hear,” Taylor murmured. “I’ve kind of been getting the sense that it’s getting hard for
you to keep this to yourself.”

“A little bit,” Rachel admitted.

“But you get it, right? You get why you can never tell? We talked about a lot while you were here.”

“I get it,” Rachel whispered. “I won’t ever tell,” she swore. “I’d never do that to you. I love you.”

“I know you do, little one. It’s just hard not to get scared when you tell me you hate me.”

“I don’t really hate you,” Rachel said quietly.

“I know you don’t. You just keep your promise to me, okay? And I promise I’ll always love you. I can’t
promise we’ll be together, but I promise you, I’ll always love you.”

“Okay,” Rachel said softly.

“You just can’t tell okay?”

“What are you going to do to me if I ever tell?” Rachel asked, her voice small.

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When she was younger, there were always threats. Threats of physical violence, threats of
accusations of impropriety by her fathers, threats of not loving her anymore. Just threats. And Taylor
had a way of making it hurt enough that Rachel didn’t want to test her.

Now she was curious. She’d never tell, of course, but now she was curious about what Taylor would
do to her, what she could threaten.

Taylor was quiet a long time before she spoke again. “Well, little one, I’m not going to do anything to
you. What could I do? But I would be really hurt and then I’d know you never actually loved me.”

“I do love you,” Rachel broke in, her voice insistent.”I won’t tell. I was just curious.”

“Jesus,” Taylor chuckled with a soft laugh. “You almost gave me a heart attack over curiosity? Why are
you testing me?”

Rachel couldn’t help but smile a little. “Sorry.”

“No, seriously,” Taylor said, and her voice hardened slightly. “Why are you fucking testing me?”

Rachel winced. “I wasn’t trying to do that… I…I’m sorry,” she said scrambling to placate her.

“Did you think that was funny? To test me like that?”

“No!” Rachel exclaimed. “I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you mad.”

“My whole life is in your hands, you know,” Taylor said. “You could ruin me. This isn’t funny to me.”

“I’m sorry,” Rachel whispered. “I…I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You can’t ever tell, Rachel.”

Rachel deflated slightly, she didn’t get why Taylor was beating this issue to death when she already
promised she’d never tell. “I won’t ever tell anyone about us.”

“That’s my good girl. I love you, little one. But I need to go now, okay?”

“Okay. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Rachel hung up and sighed. She pressed her face into her pillow. When she was six, and her Daddy
was going through another stint in rehab, she didn’t know exactly what was going on, but she figured
out enough to know that adults were mostly liars. By the time she was ten and Taylor left her, she’d
figured out that people in general were liars, too.

Maybe herself included.

--

Quinn stopped at her desk the next day in first period.

“You must be feeling better.”

“Yes”

“Do you want to come over to my house today?” Quinn asked. “My mom wanted me to invite you over
to dinner if you’re feeling up to it. She said you could probably use a home-cooked meal.”

Rachel laughed softly. “I’ll pass on the dinner. I have some stuff to do after school. But I’ll come over.
We need to finish up that stuff.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Rachel smiled. “See you, partner.”

Quinn smiled back. “Sure, partner.”

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Tags: glee, quinn/rachel

( 18 comments — Leave a comment )

silentinformer
2010-10-11 08:38 am (local)

The finesse with which you craft fucked up Rachel never fails to amaze me. This chapter really
hammered home just how wrapped up in Taylor she is and doesn't want to be. The bit about the
perfume was heartbreaking and brilliant at the same time, the scent of Taylor in relation to Quinn
would be kinda jarring to say the least.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:41 pm (local)

haha, I have to admit I loved fucked up Rachel, because come on, look at her on the show. That
child is NOT well-adjusted. Anyway! Thank you for riding along on this insanity. You are wondrous
and awesome.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

lovetestimonial
2010-10-11 12:03 pm (local)

Whoa, this is amazing so far.

And, if you wouldn't mind my blunt statement, Taylor needs to die. Or subjected into several ear
shattering Bieber tunes.

Rachel's sadness evokes several waterworks :(

(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:42 pm (local)

Thank you! And re: Bieber: LOL!

Sad Rachel always makes me sad. Damn Lea Michele for having the saddest sad faces.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

cressdreiser
2010-10-11 12:23 pm (local)

jeez, I'm learning more about developmental psychology here than I do in class.

Taylor is...sufficiently creepy.

(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:43 pm (local)

heh. I can't say that it's...you know, accurate development. But..eh.

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And thank you (I think? lol) that Taylor is sufficiently creepy.

Thank you for reading!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

mjacton
2010-10-11 02:41 pm (local)

This is definitely screwed up! I don't even know...it's just screwed up.

But, why am I so addicted to this fic already?

(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 06:06 pm (local)

haha.. i know. SO screwed up. But thank you for reading!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

putakeepareyou
2010-10-11 04:16 pm (local)

And also forgot to mention Tainted Love in the last chapter. AND NOUVELLE VAGUE IN THIS ONE.
Omg, you have the most amazing music taste ever, I'm telling you.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 06:21 pm (local)

oh my gosh. thank you! I'm kind of a music geek, but it's nice to be complimented!!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

pee_wee_2005
2010-10-11 06:39 pm (local)

That manipulative pull that Rachel and Taylor have over each other is...almost incredible. But, Taylor
will always be one step ahead of Rachel. She knows exactly how to work her. Every reaction from
Rachel is a stock response, even though it isn't. All those phone calls and conversations they had in
this point have sounded like they've been talking exactly like this to each other for years...this is so
fucked. But, damn if it isn't page turning.

Ugh, that breakdown that Rachel had over Quinn's perfume was terrible. You convey so well.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeek
2010-10-11 10:16 pm (local)

oh man. Thank you so much for this. You have no idea how much you made me go "squee" even
though I am soooo wrong
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

hereforthefun
2010-10-20 12:41 pm (local)

Extremely fucked up, but so well done. But still *so* fucked up like everyone has said. It's hard having
Taylor so much like Quinn & hating the one so much while liking the other. Taylor makes my wanting

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to slap Quinn for being a bitch to Rachel seem like nothing. But slapping *is* nothing compared to
shoving burning toothpicks under Taylor's fingernails, I guess.

Another rattling thing is that I never think of girls being sexually abusive like that, only boys. (Lesbian,
hello!) *shudder*
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-20 09:17 pm (local)

Aw, thanks. I know this was pretty fucked up, but...I blame the prompt, lol.

You know, it still rattles me when I deal with female sexual offenders in general...but it's so grossly
underreported
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

ljam86
2010-12-17 01:09 am (local)

This is hard to read at times because it is a hard subject but I am kind of glad that you are showing a
female as a sexual predator because I have seen the affects of it. The mind games are key to any
repeat abuser. Even with the uneasiness,this story has sufficiently sucked me in.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-12-17 11:22 pm (local)

I think if we were to document the full spectrum of predatory sexual behavior against minors, then
male versus female would be almost equal. I think it's just that women might be more covert...

THANK YOU for reading!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

plumbous
2010-12-20 08:38 pm (local)

This story is..honest about the ups and downs (though the downs here are much more extreme than I
am used to). I like it very much.

Sorry about this because I always feel bad when I nitpick grammar (but I do it anyway):
Past tense of lie, like lie down, is lay not lied unless you mean lied like told a lie to someone.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeek
2010-12-20 09:20 pm (local)

No, don't feel bad! Lie/Lay is one of those things I've never figured out, despite the fact I've been
speaking/writing English for 22 years now. I'll probably forget anyway, but thank you!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

( 18 comments — Leave a comment )

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FIC: Gravitational Forces [3/10] quinn/rachel quinntana rachel
Chapter 3 rachel/santana santana santana/quinn shelby
sulkygeekff
October 11th, 2010

It took a while, but they finally finished their Family Studies assignment. The
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assignment for English lit had been a cakewalk in comparison. When she and Rachel finally turned in
their family histories project at the start of fourth period, they exchanged high-fives before proceeding
to their respective desks-- a gesture mirrored by nearly all the other students pairs who were equally
exhausted by the assignment.

Though Quinn half-expected her to bring it up, Rachel never brought up her father’s drug problems
and Quinn suspected that much of the history Rachel gave was as sanitized as the version of her own
family history that Quinn gave. After all, there was only so personal one could get in a high school
paper.

But it still made Quinn think about a lot of things regarding her family she hadn’t thought about in years
and she sort of missed her now-absent father. She’d worshipped him when she was a kid and she was
disappointed and saddened by what their relationship became. She missed her sister and wished
Taylor lived a little closer. She wished Taylor would want to be more involved with her and their family.
She just wanted to have a family again and for things to be the way they were before.

“Let’s celebrate,” Quinn said linking arms with Rachel after class en route to their fifth period AP
American History class. “I know we can’t do much because we have school tomorrow, but let’s watch a
movie after school and get something fattening to eat now that this assignment is done.” She and
Rachel had become pretty close through working on their two paired assignments and she thought a
celebration seemed pretty natural now that the more difficult one was submitted.

Rachel smiled. “Okay.”

--

They slowly became friends. First through their school work and glee, but this turned into watching
movies and then outings and activities that didn’t revolve around studying, a school project or glee.
Rachel being…well, Rachel, was exactly how Quinn thought she was going to be, whilst
simultaneously not quite being what Quinn expected. For someone so annoyingly brash and whose
heart was too close to the lining of her coat, Rachel possessed a surprising amount of mystique when
she was one-on-one.

“Here,” Rachel said, passing Quinn a CD as they lay at the foot of Quinn’s bed. “It was my turn, you
know.”

Quinn smiled. “What is it?”

“It’s a compilation this time,” Rachel said. “But I think you’ll like it.”

“I’m sure I will.”

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In the two months since they’d first exchanged CDs over that assignment for Family Studies (for which
they received an ‘A’) they’d nearly doubled their CD collections by exchanging CDs for one another.

Rachel shimmied up Quinn’s bed, and action that made Rachel’s butt wiggle in the air and a sight that
made Quinn stare. Rachel grabbed a book of Quinn’s nightstand. “Quinn! This is East of Eden! You
borrowed this from me months ago!” she exclaimed indignantly.

“Well?” Quinn said with a laugh. “You said to take your time, and anyway I have a lot going on in my
life, you know. I don’t have a lot of time for leisure reading.”

Rachel huffed with displeasure. “Are you saying that I do? Because I’ll have you know I participate in a
range of extracurricular activities for school and I have a multitude of outside interests and
commitments which occupy vast quantities of my time.”

Quinn smiled fondly. “Plus, you spend vast quantities of time with me making fun of other people.”

Rachel still looked displeased. “I do not make fun of other people, I simply observe you do it.”

“But you laugh.”

“I don’t laugh. I vocalize my disapproval with a sound that may sound like a guffaw or chuckle to
untrained ears such as yours, but it was actually more of a warble expressing a measure of grief at
your tendency to revel in mocking the shortcomings of others.”

Quinn raised an eyebrow. “If you’re so disapproving, why does it sound like you’re laughing?”

“I’m very musical, Quinn. Even my disapproval sounds melodic.”

Quinn stared at her, mouth agape and then immediately broke into laughter. “You should be a
politician,” she said, once she caught her breath.

Rachel smiled. “I agree that I would be a very effective politician. Sadly however, politics, much like
high school is a popularity contest that relies far too heavily on the hoi polloi.”

Quinn shook her head. “You’re a geek.”

“Yes, this is true,” Rachel acknowledged. She giggled and reached for East of Eden and opened it to
Quinn’s bookmark, about 3/4ths of the way in and scanned the page with her eyes. “It’s getting good,
right? Do you like it?”

“Yeah,” Quinn said. “It’s taking me a long time to read it because whole weeks will go by without me
picking it up and I have to go back to remember what’s going on.” She smiled at Rachel. “I bet you like
this book so much because you relate a lot to Cal,” she teased. “You know, being misunderstood and
trying hard to be good but doing the wrong thing sometimes?”

“I never said I liked it that much,” Rachel said. Although she did like it, it wasn’t her favorite book or
anything. “And anyway, I relate more to Cathy.”

Quinn blinked, a little startled because Cathy was the book’s villain, mysteriously lacking in qualities
that made people intrinsically human. Did Rachel really relate to her? Because that just didn’t make
any sense to Quinn.

Rachel smiled. “I’m kidding,” she said, smoothing out the furrow in Quinn’s brow. “I can’t say I related
to any of the characters. I just enjoyed the story.”

Quinn swatted playfully at Rachel’s hand. “Way to go making me think I was hanging out with some
future serial killer.”

Rachel smiled. “Would Cathy be considered a serial killer? How many people did she kill? Three? You
have to kill at least three to be a serial killer, right?”

“Probably,” Quinn acknowledged. “I don’t actually know.” She paused. “Do you want to go get some
dinner?”

“I can’t,” Rachel said apologetically. She rose to her feet and stretched, which caused her shirt to ride
up and very slightly expose her stomach.

Quinn stared and then looked away quickly.

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“Oh,” Quinn said.

“I have that project for History with Santana, remember? I’m supposed to be at her house in thirty
minutes.”

“Oh,” Quinn said, making a face at the mention of her former friend’s name.

Rachel frowned. “You guys should make up. You’ve been friends for a very long time. I think it’s very
petty to terminate a lifelong friendship over one dispute.”

“It’s not just one dispute,” Quinn snapped harshly. “She was always doing shitty things to me.” She
softened when she saw the way Rachel physically recoiled at her tone. “Sorry,” she apologized,
entreating for understanding. “I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at her.”

“Okay,” Rachel said. “Anyway. I have that project, so I should get going now.”

Santana lived two blocks away and it would only take a few minutes to get there. It wouldn’t take thirty
minutes to get there.”

“Sorry, Rach,” Quinn said softly.

“It’s not your fault, I shouldn’t have become involved anyway. It was none of my business.”

“I shouldn’t have been so shitty to you.”

“You weren’t. It’s okay,” Rachel said. “But I should go. I’ll let myself out.” She gave Quinn a brief smile.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said, waving.

Quinn sighed once Rachel was gone. She felt terrible that Rachel practically fled the room. She
wanted to be a better person, but she was also a lot happier when she was on top of the school food
chain rather than at the middle or bottom and sometimes it took a little bitchiness to retain that
position. Still, even with that, she always tried to be a good friend and so she was sorry about
snapping at Rachel, just like she was kind of sorry for selling out Santana. She used to want to inspire
fear in Rachel Berry and now the fact that she made Rachel want to flee a room was…painful. She
saw the look on Rachel’s face and it wasn’t one she wanted to put on Rachel’s face again. She didn’t
care if she scared other people, but she did care if she scared Rachel.

She sent Rachel a text.

Sorry, I was a bitch.

Rachel’s reply came a few minutes later.

It’s okay. You weren’t. I’ll see you tomorrow

Quinn still felt bad.

--

The next day Quinn arrived at school and spotted Rachel standing with Brittany and Santana, laughing
that deliriously amused open-mouthed laugh. Quinn felt a stab of jealousy, but she wasn’t sure if it was
more for Rachel for hanging out with Brittany and Santana or Brittany and Santana for hanging out
with Rachel.

Rachel glanced up and happened to see Quinn and her face lit up. Rachel excused herself and
bounded over to Quinn.

“Hey partner!” she exclaimed cheerfully. “I have presents for you!”

“You do?” Quinn asked, amused.”What’s the occasion?”

“Just because!” Rachel said with a broad grin. “I ordered them off the internet a few weeks ago and
they were in my mailbox when I got home from Santana’s last night!”

Quinn raised an eyebrow. “You ordered them off the internet? Should I be worried about this? What
kind of depraved thing did you get me?” she joked.

Rachel swatted playfully at Quinn’s arm. “I found these items and thought of you! Online shopping is
perfectly safe and acceptable now. Statistics show that more people feel comfortable shopping online

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than ever before.”

Quinn rolled her eyes. “Give me my presents, Berry.”

Rachel grinned at her and pulled out a paper bag. “I present to you…bacon! Your favorite thing in the
whole world, for you once declared, and I quote, ‘bacon is life!’” she exclaimed cheerfully. She pulled
the first item out of the bag and held it out for Quinn to take. “Bacon toothpicks, flavored with bacon,
which by the way, must be revolting and I advise you that you do not actually use them but keep them
for its novelty, because this container is really adorable.” She smiled at Quinn when Quinn reached for
it. She pulled out the next item from her bag. “And bacon soap! Which again, I advise you against
using, but the tin it comes is aesthetically pleasing to one’s eye, and again, there’s the novelty of it.”
She passed the item to Quinn who took it in stunned wordlessness. “And look! Bacon band-aids.
These are band-aids which rather than being traditionally band-aid in appearance, or depicting the
likes of Spongebob Squarepants or Hello Kitty, depict bacon which brings a new dimension to the
appearance of first aid! And finally,” Rachel said, presenting the final item with flourish and passing it
to Quinn who took it. “Bacon dental floss! Again, I must caution you against actually using this item
because apparently they are flavored to mimic bacon and while I know you enjoy the taste of bacon, I
cannot imagine that the process of mimicking its taste onto dental care items is a process that is
particularly savory.”

Quinn surveyed the items in her hands and laughed. “I think,” she drawled. “I’ve overstated my love for
bacon to you. But thank you,” Quinn said sincerely, because really, no one ever gave her just-because
presents.

Rachel beamed at her. “Do you like them?”

“I do,” Quinn affirmed nodding.

She put everything in her bag and gave Rachel a one-armed hug and linked arms with the brunette so
they could walk to their first period class together. She thought for sure Rachel would be a little cross
with her over yesterday, especially because Rachel left so quickly, but Rachel seemed the same as
she always did. Quinn was kind of relieved by that.

“Did you get anything for yourself?” Quinn asked.

“I also bought myself some novelty band-aids,” Rachel said with a grin. “Which I’ve already had the
opportunity to use because I sustained a paper cut this morning.” Rachel held up her palm to show
Quinn.

Quinn chuckled when she saw the band-aid depicted a kiss. “Cute,” she said dryly.

Rachel laughed, “I thought so.”

“Hey,” Quinn said. “Do you want to go to Mike’s party with me tonight?”

Since Santana and Brittany distanced themselves from her, she didn’t really have a lot of friends she
could hang out with outside of school other than Rachel. People invited her to parties and group
outings, but she didn’t want to go to those alone. During school she had the Cheerios whom Rachel
studiously avoided. And anyway, Rachel was only in the cafeteria during lunch about half the time, the
other half, Quinn had no idea where Rachel went or what she did, and Rachel always laughed off
Quinn’s questions with excuses about doing research in the library or meeting with a teacher.
Somehow, during these times, she managed to lose Rachel even though they shared all their classes
and they always walked out of the class before lunch together.

Rachel paused. “I can’t,” she said. “I…already have plans. I’m not going to…” she trailed off.

Quinn looked at her curiously. “What?”

“I just can’t, I’m sorry,” Rachel said, and she looked so miserable that Quinn just chose not to push.

“Okay,” Quinn said simply. “Another time then, there will always be other parties.”

Rachel smiled at her. “Yeah.”

“Maybe I’ll finally finish East of Eden this weekend,” Quinn mused.

Rachel smiled. “Maybe,” she said. “Or maybe you’ll get caught up with back issues of Entertainment
Weekly.”

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Quinn laughed in mock outrage and she playfully shoved Rachel. “Don’t shame me!”

Rachel laughed.

--

Quinn had nothing much to do all weekend except get caught up in school work and finish reading
East of Eden. She sent a triumphant text to Rachel, who texted her back with a smiley face and an
asterisk that was clearly meant to represent a gold star. Quinn thought about sending Santana a text
apologizing for ratting her out to Sylvester about her breast augmentation, but Quinn was still too
angry about the Beth comment Santana made to truly be contrite.

She decided just to stay in for the weekend because she didn’t really feel like making nice with people
who weren’t really her friends. She thought about asking Kurt or Mercedes to hang out, but she didn’t
feel like hanging out with them either even though they’d both been very good friends to her.

--

The next time she saw Rachel was that following Monday. Quinn wanted to ask about her weekend,
but she didn’t want to tread where Rachel didn’t want her to go. Rachel looked cheerful, but there was
something subdued there.

“Hey, want to get something to eat?” Quinn asked after school as they walked out of their last class for
the day. She just wanted to do something.

“Uh, not really,” Rachel said. “But do you want to come over for a while?”

“Sure,” Quinn said with a grin.

--

They sat on Rachel’s bed and turned on the TV. Rachel flipped through the channels trying to find
something good to watch, but the options were few.

“Is your dad back from California yet? He’s been gone for so long,” Quinn said, just to make
conversation. Rachel seemed a little somber. She was still chatty, but it seemed a little forced to
Quinn.

Rachel smiled. “No, he’s not back yet,” she said softly.

“What does he do?”

Rachel hesitated. “He’s a consultant, mostly…he travels a lot when he works.”

“And he’s gone this long? I mean, it’s been a few months.”

Rachel looked uncomfortable. “Well…I…don’t control market forces,” she said lamely. “My other dad is
a doctor.”

“Oh,” Quinn said. “Well… that’s cool. You must miss him. Your dad in California, I mean.”

Rachel nodded. “Yeah,” she said softly. She suddenly looked very dejected.

“Are you okay, Rach?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“So when do you think he’ll come back?”

“I don’t know,” Rachel muttered.

“But he’ll be back soon, I guess, right?

“I…I don’t…” Rachel trailed off, frustrated. “I don’t know.”

“He hasn’t given you or your other dad an idea? I mean, is everything okay with him?”

Quinn wasn’t trying to be nosey, but Rachel clearly missed her dad. Plus, Quinn really was curious
about what could be holding the guy up for so long/

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“I…I really don’t know, Quinn,” Rachel said quietly. “He’s…” Rachel sighed. “You…you can keep a
secret, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Better than the one about Santana’s breast augmentation?” Rachel pressed.

“She provoked me!” Quinn said defensively.

“Quinn, this is really important,” Rachel said quietly. “Can you keep something to yourself?”

Quinn rolled her eyes. “Of course,” she said. “What is it?”

“My dad’s an addict,” Rachel said quietly. “He went to California for a 30 day detox, but now he won’t
come back. He’s probably using again, even though he says he’s not. He says it’s easier staying clean
out there, but I don’t think so. My other dad wants to believe it though. I talked to Daddy this weekend
and he sounded high, so I’m pretty sure he’s using again,” Rachel sighed. “I really don’t know when I’ll
ever see him again.”

“Oh,” Quinn said quietly, and she felt horrible because she already knew that one of Rachel’s fathers
was an addict since her sister revealed that to her. “I’m sorry.”

Rachel gave her a tiny smile. “Why do you suppose it’s part of etiquette that we apologize for things
we have no control over? I understand its function in terms of communicating sympathy and empathy,
but it seems rather impractical to apologize when the purpose is not to express contrition, but some
type of solidarity.”

Quinn chuckled softly and she wordlessly put her arm around Rachel and pulled her in. Rachel sighed
and rested her head against Quinn’s shoulder. They watched TV in silence, Rachel flickering between
the channels, always in search of something better or more interesting.

“You know,” Quinn said, when a couple of hours had passed without either of them saying a word or
barely moving as Rachel continued to channel surf. “There’s always Law and Order. I’m pretty sure
there’s one on every hour of any given day.”

Rachel laughed and pulled away, she looked at Quinn fondly. “Come on, get up,” she said, lightly
slapping Quinn’s leg. “I’ll buy you dinner. Something with an obscenely vulgar amount of bacon or
some other animal product for which you may be in the mood to consume.”

“Lead the way.”

--

Rachel seemed in better spirits after dinner, but there was still something somber and subdued about
her that Quinn couldn’t put her finger on it.

She followed Rachel back to her house and they worked on some homework and watched some TV.

--

She woke up at 2 am in Rachel’s bed, her body curled toward Rachel’s, facing her. They were only
inches apart. It was by far the most intimate position she’d ever woken up in and for a moment, she
was disoriented enough that she just snuggled closer, so that their bodies barely touched. That
seemed to rouse Rachel, just a little, because Rachel spoke.

“T,” Rachel murmured. “Shut off the light. We must have fallen asleep,” she said sleepily.

Rachel’s sleepy voice pulled Quinn out of her disoriented near-slumber. They must have fallen asleep.

Quinn sat up quickly. “Rach!”

Rachel sat up and blinked, looking almost surprised by Quinn’s presence. “Quinn?”

“Oh no,” Quinn bemoaned, grabbing her phone and seeing the multiple missed calls and text
messages from her mother. “My mom is going to be pissed. She’s never going to believe that I just fell
asleep at your house. Ever since the thing with…well, you know. She doesn’t exactly trust me.”

“I’ll go with you,” Rachel said. “Come on, we’ll explain it to her.”

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Quinn looked at her dubiously. “There’s no point in--”

“It’ll be fine, really, if I go with you, it’ll give credence to it.”

Quinn released a shaky breath. “Okay,” she said gratefully.

Rachel followed behind her in her car. Her mother was waiting in the living room looking stern and
worried, but once she saw Quinn walk into the room, followed by Rachel she seemed to relax. Having
Rachel there really did make her mother believe her and Judy let out a low chuckle and shook her
head. “Next time just have your phone ring at a volume that is audible,” she chided.

Rachel smiled triumphantly. “See?” she said to Quinn. “I knew it would be fine. Goodnight, Quinn.
Goodnight, Ms. Fabray.”

“Text Quinn when you get home, Rachel. And drive carefully.”

Rachel smiled. “I will, thank you.”

Rachel left and Quinn’s mother turned to her and smiled. “She seems like a very good friend,” Judy
commented.

Quinn smiled back. “She is.”

Although she just wanted to get into bed and sleep, Quinn showered to wash off her makeup and the
grime of her day, because good skin care regiments trumped sleep. Afterward, she poured herself into
bed. She checked her phone and grinned to see that Rachel had texted her. I’m still alive, see you
tomorrow.

It was only when she closed her eyes and was about to drift off that she remembered what Rachel
said when she was still asleep, before all the panic and worry set.

“T, shut off the light. We must have fallen asleep.”

Who the hell was T? Was Rachel secretly dating someone? It sort of made sense now that Quinn
thought about it because Rachel could be secretive, although this was the sort of thing Quinn thought
Rachel would tell her about.

“Shit,” Quinn whispered opening her eyes. Now she was wide awake. She grabbed her phone and
texted Rachel even though she knew it was probably too late and maybe Rachel was already asleep.

Who’s T? Are you dating someone? Are you holding out on me, Berry? LOL. Spill!

She tried to make it sound like a joke, but she was genuinely curious.

Rachel’s reply came a few moments later.

I don’t know what you’re talking about. Did I talk in my sleep? Maybe I was dreaming. I’d never hold
out on you.

Quinn chuckled and this time, she fell asleep.

--

“Hey, partner,” Rachel greeted Quinn the next day at school. “Was everything genuinely okay with
your mother or was that another one of your WASPy family’s attempt to keep up with appearances.”

Quinn laughed wryly. “Everything was fine though I’m not sure how long your appearance will remain
that way,” she joked, shaking her fist close to Rachel’s face.

Rachel smiled. “So no negative repercussions?”

“Well, I’m tired. That’s a negative repercussion. Why are you so perky? It’s abnormal.”

Rachel ginned. “I meant negative repercussions with your mom. My fathers aren’t very much into
discipline anymore now that I’ve reached such an advanced age and I’m therefore practically feral,”
Rachel joked. “So I have to confess I’m not familiar with such things. Are you grounded or something?”

Quinn smiled. “No, I’m not grounded or anything. My mom believed us because it was the truth.” She

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paused. “But thanks for coming with me to face the music,” she said quietly. “It meant a lot. I know you
didn’t have to.”

Rachel smiled back. “Of course,” she said simply. “Anyway, I thought you might like to hang out again
tonight. Complete some homework, possibly watch a movie?”

Quinn smiled. “Sure. I just can’t stay out too late.”

Rachel smiled. “Wholly understandable.” Her eyes skittered past Quinn and Quinn turned to see
Santana looking over at them. Rachel held up her hand, catching Santana’s attention. “I borrowed her
mother’s Spanish-English dictionary for that essay for Mr. Schue,” Rachel explained. “I’m going to go
return it. I’ll see you in first period,” she said, running off toward Santana who glared at Quinn before
smiling at Rachel in greeting.

Quinn clenched her jaw and walked to first period alone. She missed Santana and Brittany-- those two
were kind of a package deal, but she was still mad at Santana for ever mentioning Beth. She didn’t
miss Santana enough to stop being mad and she didn’t like the newfound friendship Santana and
Brittany seemed to have with Rachel. Santana and Brittany had each other, so why couldn’t she have
Rachel to herself?

She was kind of suspicious of Santana’s motivations for befriending Rachel because that only
happened after she and Rachel became friends. But she didn’t want to bring it up because she didn’t
want to make Rachel angry for suggesting that the only reason Santana befriended her was to make
Quinn jealous. That seemed pretty offensive, but she worried about Santana’s motivations and she
worried about Santana poisoning the well against her.

--

Rachel slipped into first period after Quinn did, but still before the bell. She approached Quinn’s desk
and smacked something onto Quinn’s desk, her hand covering it.

“The vending machine had craisins which they hardly ever have,” Rachel said with a smile.”I got the
last one because I know you like them.”

Quinn chuckled, a little touched. “Thanks, I’ll share them with you during Nutrition.”

Rachel smiled. “Thanks.”

--

So for a while, everything was pretty much status quo until her sister, Taylor, came home in April to
celebrate Quinn’s birthday with an announcement. Taylor and her husband were moving to Japan for a
year so he could open up a couple of UPS stores there, too. It was completely unexpected and it
seemed like maybe Taylor made that decision impulsively. But then again, Jeffery was already out
there waiting for her, so it made sense that Taylor would want to be with him, but it was still giving up a
lot.

Their mother was clearly distressed, but Quinn was happy for Taylor because it meant that maybe
Taylor and her husband had moved past their marital woes. Or at least Taylor was more willing to work
on them. He was a schmuck, but she didn’t want her sister to be a divorcee at twenty-five either.

--

She, Santana and Brittany made up on her birthday. She threw herself a birthday party, and nearly
everyone she invited showed up. Santana and Brittany came over with a birthday present and Brittany
hugged her and brightly wished her a happy birthday. She and Santana didn’t hug or anything, but
Santana gruffly wished her a happy birthday and didn’t glare at Quinn while she said it, which was kind
of a nice change of pace. Quinn said “thanks” and they hung out for the rest of the night.

“Where’s Rach?” Santana asked when a few hours had passed with no sign of the diminutive brunette.

“I don’t know,” Quinn admitted.

“I’ll text her,” Brittany offered.

At some point in the evening, they’d all texted or tried calling Rachel, but there was no response. Her
phone was on, but it went to voicemail.

People came and went and Brittany and Santana were the last ones to leave because they helped

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clean up, and still Rachel had not shown up.

She waited all night for Rachel, but Rachel never showed up.

The party was on a Friday and she texted Rachel all weekend long, but Rachel never responded.

“Where is this girl?” Quinn ground out in frustration on Sunday night

“Who?” Taylor asked questioningly. She was still visiting for Quinn’s seventeenth birthday, but she was
due to leave in a few hours.

“Rachel! I can’t believe she flaked on my birthday party!”

“Oh,” Taylor said. “Well, you’re asking the wrong girl about that.”

Quinn looked at her oddly. “That was a rhetorical question, stupid.”

Taylor laughed. “You’re stupid.”

“Oh, shut up,” Quinn said fondly, with a laugh. Her sister made her feel a little better by making her
laugh, but she was still a little frustrated by the mysterious lack of communication from Rachel.

--

But when Rachel didn’t show up to school on Monday, Quinn started to worry. She called and texted
Rachel, but there was no response. When Rachel missed school on Tuesday, she worried even more.
Rachel had missed more days that school year than all previous years combined, but no one would
say she was being chronically or excessively absent. It was a well-known fact that Rachel Berry even
went to school when she should stay at home and rest. And there was even a time their freshman year
when Rachel was so used to getting up and getting herself to school that she showed up on Columbus
Day and banged on the doors of the school for a full ten minutes before she realized it wasn’t a school-
wide prank, it was a national holiday.

So it just didn’t fit that Rachel would miss Quinn’s birthday party on a Friday night and still not show up
to school by the following Tuesday.

Quinn contemplated ditching her last two classes, but she chose to go because she knew Rachel
would want to borrow her notes.

She drove to Rachel’s house after school, ditching Cheerios practice (God help her when Sue
Sylvester got a hold of her) and rang the doorbell a few times. There was no response, so she called
Rachel which went to voicemail and then left a message. She sent Rachel a few texts. She waited a
full ten minutes and was exasperated and ready to give up, when the front door opened.

“Hi,” Rachel greeted quietly. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

Quinn stared at her. “I think I should ask you the same thing.”

Rachel gave her a small smile. “I’m just not feeling well.”

Quinn looked at Rachel intently. “Mind if I come in?”

“Uh… okay,” Rachel said, holding the door open.

Quinn stepped inside and took in Rachel’s pajama clad body. Rachel’s face was swollen and she
looked like she’d been crying.

“Were you crying?”

Rachel smiled and shook her head. “No,” she said. “I told you, I’ve just been sick. I’m sorry I missed
your birthday.”

“Have you gone to the doctor?” Quinn asked, concerned. “You’ve been getting sick a lot.”

“It’s okay,” Rachel said. She smiled, but her eyes were watery. “Come with me,” she said. “I have your
present for you.”

“I didn’t…come over for that,” Quinn said. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

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“I’m fine,” Rachel said. “And I know you didn’t come over for that, but follow me anyway. You might as
well take them home.”

“What is it?”

Rachel smiled and it was a little more sincere than before “You’ll see. Come on.”

Quinn followed Rachel into the bedroom and sat down on the bed as Rachel held out two wrapped
gifts to her.

“Okay, this is more of a gag gift,” Rachel said with a smile, passing her one of the boxes.

Quinn laughed. “Okay,” she said slowly. She unwrapped the gift and stared at it. She laughed again.
“Mr. Bacon’s Big Adventure Game?” She laughed even harder. “I seriously think you overestimate my
love for bacon.”

Rachel laughed softly. “You take your bacon character through Meatland and the first person to the
frying pan wins.” She paused. “Though I have no idea how that would be considered winning.”

Quinn shook her head and eyed Rachel with obvious mirth and warmth. “Maybe because you finally
meet your destiny of deliciousness?”

Rachel laughed. “Maybe.”

“Do you want to play?”

Rachel smiled. “Sure,” she said. She presented Quinn the other box. “Okay. So here’s the real
present, so to speak.”

“You really didn’t have to,” Quinn protested. “I mean, you got me my bacon board game,” she said with
a laugh.

Rachel smiled crookedly. “I know, but I thought you might like this. I told you, the bacon game is more
of a gag gift. This I think you might actually like.”

“I like the bacon game,” Quinn said, feeling the need to defend it a little. But Quinn unwrapped the
other gift and blinked when she saw it was a Daler-Rowney Pencil Sketching Box Set which came in a
heavy wooden box and contained graphic pencils, erasers and charcoal.

“You like art and you like to draw,” Rachel said with a shrug. “I didn’t get you a sketchbook because I
wasn’t sure what kind you like.” She reached behind her back and playfully tossed a Sharpie at Quinn.
“And that’s so you can continue to draw pornographic pictures of me in the bathroom,” she teased.

Rachel was smiling, but it made Quinn feel awful to have that brought up.

“Thank you for everything,” Quinn said quietly. She stood up, moved in closer and tried to pull Rachel
into a hug, and it seemed like Rachel was getting ready to return the hug, but Rachel breathed in
sharply and took a few steps back.

“Don’t!” Rachel exclaimed, putting her hands out, almost defensively. “Please, don’t,” Rachel said,
sounding very close to begging Quinn to get away from her.

Quinn frowned, wounded and she took a few steps back. “What? What did I do?”

Rachel looked like she was going to cry. Or throw up. “I… I don’t want to get you sick,” she muttered,
her eyes dropping to the floor. “I should…bake you a cake or cookies or something,” she said vaguely.
“It was your birthday. I’ll…I’ll go bake you a cake. Do you want a cake?” She continued to take a few
steps back, putting some distance in between then.

“I ate plenty of cake,” Quinn said, forcing a smile, but she was completely perturbed by Rachel’s
demeanor at the moment. “Maybe I’ll make you some chicken soup since you’re the one who isn’t
feeling well.” She paused. “Or, you know, vegetable soup.”

Rachel smiled. “I’m fine, really. But I’m really tired. Will you take a raincheck on playing the bacon
game?”

“Sure,” Quinn said. “But if you don’t feel better tomorrow, you should really see a doctor. I’ll go with
you if you want.”

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“I’m fine, Quinn, really,” Rachel said. “Don’t worry. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Quinn said softly.

Rachel walked her to her car and out of habit, Quinn reached for her to hug her but Rachel pulled
away again.

“I’m still sick,” she said. “I don’t want to Typhoid Mary you,” she joked. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay.”

Rachel did not show up at school the next day.

By Thursday, Quinn swore that if Rachel didn’t show up to school, she was going to leave campus, go
to Rachel’s house and drag Rachel to the doctor. First of all, she didn’t think Rachel had even seen a
doctor despite getting sick so much lately, and secondly, it just wasn’t normal for someone as healthy
as Rachel to get sick so much in such a short period of time. And anyway, they were supposed to get
a doctor’s note if they missed too many consecutive days of school, so Rachel would need a doctor’s
note anyway. Although really, if anyone could get around getting the doctor’s note to excuse her
absences from school, it would be Rachel, of the formerly perfect attendance and excellent verbal
ability that could make even the most severe truant officer weary. She wanted Rachel to get to the
doctor, but Quinn just didn’t trust Rachel to get herself to the doctor.

But Rachel did show up just before the bell rang and she took her seat after flashing Quinn a small
smile.

Quinn smiled back and breathed a sigh of relief.

--

“I’m glad you’re back,” Quinn murmured as she and Rachel walked to their next class.

Rachel smiled and she looked better than when Quinn saw her a couple days ago, though her features
were still a little drawn “Me too.”

--

Even though they had all their classes together, they somehow managed to get separated during the
pre-lunch shuffle of going to their lockers. Quinn looked for Rachel during lunch because she’d told her
mother about Rachel being sick for a few days and her mother made some vegetable soup and
packed it into a Thermos so Quinn could share it with Rachel in anticipation that Rachel actually would
show up that day.

She looked around for Rachel, but the brunette wasn’t in the cafeteria. She walked around, swinging
the Thermos, despite knowing she probably shouldn’t shake the soup like that. She went into the
library but couldn’t find Rachel. She checked the choir room and the assembly hall, but Rachel wasn’t
in either location.

She didn’t know why she thought about going to Rachel’s car, she just did. She walked through the
parking lot and found the white Mini Cooper. She peered into the backseat and her heart seized when
she found Rachel lying there, curled up, arms wrapped around herself. Rachel had her face pressed
into the seat and her entire body was wracked by sobs. The sound of Rachel’s crying was faint
because the car doors were shut and the windows were rolled up, but it was still audible.

Swallowing hard, Quinn banged on the window. “Rachel!”

Rachel sat up, clearly startled and she stared at Quinn and wiped at her cheeks.

“Open the door!”

Rachel swallowed visibly and opened the car door. “Hi,” she greeted.

“Are you hurt? What’s wrong?”

“I’m okay, I’m just not feeling well.”

“You’re crying.”

“Okay,” Rachel said. “I’m feeling very unwell,” she joked.

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“That’s not funny. You’re crying. Come on, I’ll take you to the doctor. You should have gone a long
time ago.”

Rachel shook her head. “No,” she said. “I just…my head hurt and I really didn’t want to be here. I don’t
know why I’m being a crybaby. But I’m fine. I’m much better now, partner. I don’t need to see a doctor.
I was just being self-indulgent. I’m fine.” She smiled at Quinn. “Let’s go the cafeteria. I’ll buy you
lunch.”

“Actually,” Quinn said, holding up the Thermos. “My mom made you some vegetable soup. She was
kind of counting on you being here,” she said with a laugh. “So I already have lunch for us.”

Rachel smiled. “That was so sweet of her.”

Quinn’s smile dimmed. “Rachel, let me take you to your doctor. I mean, you wouldn’t be crying in your
car if you felt okay. So let’s go.”

Rachel shook her head. “I don’t need to go, Quinn,” she said quietly. “Let’s just go.”

Quinn released a sigh, knowing that Rachel was too stubborn to listen to her. “Okay.Let’s go to the
cafeteria and warm it up.”

Rachel smiled. “Okay.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Quinn asked softly, because Rachel didn’t look well.

“I’m fine,” Rachel said quietly. “Really. But thank you for asking.”

“Seriously,” Quinn pressed. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Rachel smiled. “I’m fine, partner. You don’t need to keep asking.”

Rachel was smiling and her tone was light, but there was something hard in her expression too, that
made Quinn feel the need to retreat. Rachel wasn’t being mean, but somehow, it felt that way to
Quinn.

“I was just checking in, partner,” Quinn said, deliberately trying to keep her voice light despite the fact
that Rachel was kind of putting her off.

“I know,” Rachel said softly and she reached up to give Quinn a quick hug. “But I’m fine.”

“Okay,” Quinn said quietly.

If Rachel said she was fine, who was she to argue?

--

Rachel was quiet through lunch, but she at least smiled a little and ate her half of the Thermos of
vegetable soup that Judy sent.

She didn’t seem better the next day. Her skin was pallid and she was listless. She just didn’t seem
well. She looked like she was a million miles away and as though every breath she took was causing
her pain. Quinn would glance over at her once in a while through their classes and catch Rachel
wincing, like something was hurting. She looked sick.

“Where’s your dad?” Quinn asked, frustrated that Rachel could be clearly unwell and no one was
doing anything about it. She knew one of Rachel’s fathers was in California, but what about the other
one? Where the hell was he? How could he let Rachel out of the house looking like she was going to
collapse?

Rachel simply shrugged and she just didn’t seem to have the energy to talk about it.

--

Quinn was worried Rachel would be alone for the weekend and was concerned about what would
happen if Rachel got really sick. Rachel had such low energy that she seemed on the verge of
collapse. She was just so listless that she was definitely not the girl Quinn had come to know. She
knew Rachel wasn’t exactly her reputation, but Rachel was overall sweet-natured, energetic and
happy. Rachel didn’t seem happy and she was just so lethargic. She had to be feeling really terribly if

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she wasn’t even bothering to put on a happy face anymore. After all, Rachel was the kind of person
who could hold her head high with a smile as she strutted to the bathroom with her face dripping with
Slushie.

On Friday, she took Rachel home with her after school over Rachel’s protests, just to be on the safe
side. She followed Rachel home so Rachel could pack a bag, but she insisted on Rachel following her
home. She wasn’t going to take any chances. She didn’t want to go to school on Monday and hear the
news that Rachel died in her bed from dehydration or something. At least this way she and her mother
could keep an eye on Rachel because it was sort of clear to Quinn that no one else was.

“This is highly unnecessary,” Rachel protested.

“Well, you haven’t been getting better and we have an extra room,” Quinn said with a shrug.

“This is excessive,” Rachel grumbled.

“You’re excessive,” Quinn shot back with a tiny smile, in hopes of raising Rachel’s spirits a little.

It worked because Rachel smiled.

“Quinn, I honestly don’t need you to take care of me/”

Quinn raised an eyebrow. “What makes you think I’m going to take care of you?” she joked. “I’m just
making sure you don’t die in your bed. You’re going to be taking care of yourself.”

Rachel giggled and swatted at Quinn’s arm. “If I follow you home, I demand you coddle me!” she
joked.

Quinn grabbed Rachel’s hand before it could make impact with her arm and laced their fingers
together. “This wouldn’t have happened if you’d take better care of yourself,” she said, only half
kidding.

Rachel laughed and pulled her hand away from Quinn’s but put her hand on Quinn’s arm. Rachel’s
hand felt warm against Quinn’s cool skin and each of them released unintended soft sighs. “You’re
such a good friend,” she murmured sincerely. “But I think this is unnecessary. You don’t know how
much it means to me that you’re concerned, but honestly, I think I’ll be fine at home. I just need to
sleep.”

“Just come home with me,” Quinn said softly, peering into Rachel’s eyes. “I’d feel more comfortable.”

Rachel softened. “I still say this is excessive,” Rachel muttered under her breath.

But Rachel did follow Quinn back to her home.

--

Rachel spent the entire weekend holed up in Taylor’s old room, huddled underneath the covers and
refusing food until Judy practically forced it.

Quinn sat on the bed and put her hand on Rachel’s cheek which felt cold and clammy rather than
warm. “Rachel, let us take you to the Emergency Room. You could be really sick.”

“I’m fine,” Rachel said quietly. “I don’t need a doctor.”

“Rach…”

“I’m fine,” Rachel whispered. “I’m just going to get some sleep, okay?”

“Okay.”

But Quinn’s mother thought something was wrong and seemed a little perturbed.

“Quinnie, if she’s really that sick, we need to take her the Emergency Room. It’s not normal for a
healthy teenage girl to be sick like this for a week. Something could be seriously wrong with her.”

“She’s not going to go, Mom,” Quinn said softly.

But she was really worried because Rachel kept getting sick, and though Rachel was beautiful (God,
who would ever think Quinn would ever think that about Rachel Berry), Rachel was paler and thinner

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by the month. Quinn knew this because she had a picture of the entire glee club from Sectionals in
December, a picture from a photobooth of the two of them from the mall in February, and a candid that
pervert Jacob Ben Israel took of them on campus in March. When she compared Rachel’s appearance
now against Rachel’s appearance in that picture from Sectionals, the difference was glaring.

Something was clearly wrong.

“I’ll give her until Sunday, Quinn. After that, it won’t be up to her.”

--

Sunday morning Quinn came down the stairs and heard her mother and Rachel laughing softly in the
kitchen.

It was a relief to see Rachel seemingly back to normal.

“Hey, partner,” Quinn greeted.

Rachel smiled. “Hey, partner.”

“Feeling better?”

“Absolutely,” Rachel said, giving her one of those dopey toothy grins.

“Good,” Quinn said, smiling back.

Rachel seemed okay, and healthy again, but Quinn happened to glance at Rachel when Rachel
thought Quinn and her mother weren’t looking at her, and she was slouched down, shoulders slumped
and she looked like she wanted to do anything but smile.

Quinn wasn’t fooled by the show Rachel was putting on, and she was in fact, a little hurt that Rachel
was doing it, considering she thought they were past that stage with each other.

Tags: glee, quinn/rachel

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )

silentinformer
2010-10-11 09:04 am (local)

I got to the end of this chapter and just wanted to read it over immediately, had to resist the urge
though since I have a feeling I will be rereading this noise very soon anyway lol. This chapter was
sweet in the Quinn and Rachel interactions for the most part the glaringly obvious smell of Quinn
reaction again not withstanding. Rachel's downward spiral is like a slow progression and I'm leery as
to where she lands (yes I read the author's note). Taylor's leaving had me going yay but then be like
omg the descent towards the bottom speeds up exponentially.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:45 pm (local)

haha, why do people reread my stories? whyy? lol. People keep saying I fill them with sad, too!
Anyway. Again, thank you for all of this wonderful feedback. It's enough that you even give it a go
to read, but then to, like, comment on each chapteR? God, you're awesome.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

mjacton
2010-10-11 04:20 pm (local)

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I'm so glad you told us this had a happy(ish) ending because otherwise I'd be tempted to look ahead
and make sure.

I like Quinn's persistence with Rachel.

“Oh,” Taylor said. “Well, you’re asking the wrong girl about that.”--Come on, Quinn. Take the hint! I
know, if you're not looking for it...
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 06:22 pm (local)

Heh! aww. I usually do warn people though if it's not a happy ending! I'm an angst whore, but I
LOVE happy endings!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

Best. Line. Ever.

ultraily
2010-10-11 07:53 pm (local)

Quinn raised an eyebrow. “If you’re so disapproving, why does it sound like you’re laughing?”

“I’m very musical, Quinn. Even my disapproval sounds melodic.”

I love this so much I had to stop mid-read just so I wouldn't forget to review.

I love this story. There's a certain 'sickness' to Rachel's and Taylor's love that makes it so interesting. I
really wonder how this will all turn out, but of course I'll have to read in order to do so. I'm not
complaining though. You're an amazing writer, so reading your stories is like some kind of privilege.
(:

(Reply) (Thread)

Re: Best. Line. Ever.

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 10:25 pm (local)

haha, thank you! It's always nice when someone tells me something I wrote made them chuckle or
they just liked it. Y'know? You're awesome.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

executime
2010-10-11 10:22 pm (local)

Columbus Day shout-out! It's a sign. I have no idea what it means, but it's totally a sign. ;)
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 11:07 pm (local)

haha, you know what? Hilariously, that scene I wrote for another fic that I ended up scrapping so I
just copy and pasted it. But it was way before Columbus Day and now it's HILARIOUSLY
appropriate! I didn't even think about that!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

pee_wee_2005

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2010-10-12 08:00 pm (local)

Rachel's bacon gifts were awesome. I <3 Bacquinn.

Rachel spent the entire weekend holed up in Taylor’s old room, huddled underneath the covers

Uhh, God.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-13 12:20 am (local)

aw... sorry! but thank you for reading!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

kissingthebee
2011-03-24 02:12 pm (local)

Why do you suppose it’s part of etiquette that we apologize for things we have no control over? I
understand its function in terms of communicating sympathy and empathy, but it seems rather
impractical to apologize when the purpose is not to express contrition, but some type of solidarity.”
This is exactly the sentiment I try to convey when I say "Don't be." to people who tell me that and I love
how you had Rachel articulate it so well.
I hate to say this because I feel like this makes me a bad person but I really do like seeing Rachel so...
Fucked up.
It's just really a good depiction of how she would be, and there's no way that canon Rachel is a well
adjusted person, so it's interesting to read.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2011-03-25 10:48 pm (local)

I love me some fucked up rachel/ But mostly because I think canonically, she is very very fucked
up
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

only_because3
2011-06-20 02:28 pm (local)

This is the one story of yours I haven't read and for some reason thought it'd be a good idea to read it
while I'm at work ( I actually think it might be helping me not break down since people ate around me
and I have to take calls). And normally I don't comment on individual chapters but OH MY GOD YOU
MENTIONED MR.BACON'S BIG ADVENTURE BOARD GAME!!!!!! I saw that last year in a shop when
I was in LA for the Glee concert and had to talk myself out of buying it
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2011-06-20 10:54 pm (local)

Ah, people call this one angsty, but I thought most of it was fluffy, barring the child molestation by
a reactive offender portions. I just re-read that. I am a sad person.

Also, the bacon game? Not as fun as you might think! Of course, the two times I played it...well,
one time, I threw a fit because my husband was winning (I'm a sore winner) and the other time, I
may or may not have tried to play against myself after my husband and children went to bed and I
may or may not have been intoxicated at the time, and I may or may not have tried to eat one of
the bacon game pieces due to a profound and consuming hankering for bacon whose
deliciousness can not be overexaggerated.

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(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

only_because3
2011-06-20 11:01 pm (local)

I'm an EXTREMELY poor sport. I'm not allowed to play certain board games anymore
because I have a habit of throwing things. I'm also not allowed to meet new people while
playing a board game (My friend thought I was, pardon my language, a cunt when we first
met because we were playing Disney Scene It).

AND THIS WAS NOT FLUFFY! It made my tummy hurt towards the end. I was good until I
found out about Russell. Still not your worst though, so I suppose it could be viewed as fluffy.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

sulkygeek
2011-06-20 11:16 pm (local)

true story: when I was 11, my husband (just my boyfriend back then, obviously) and I
were playing a rousing game of Scrabble and he got like, this triple letter on (q), triple
word score (for quippy) and got like, something else and it came out to 125 points. I
grabbed the board in a total tizzy. To this day, he'll only play Scrabble with me when
alcohol and stripping is involved and we haven't done either of those things since my
daughter was born, like, FOUR years ago.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

sulkygeek
2011-06-20 11:19 pm (local)

also? to make matters worse, when I did that, I shouted "I'M NEVER PLAYING THIS
GAME WITH YOU AGAIN" like HE was the one wrong. I'm also a dirty fucking
cheater at kai-bai-bo and thumb war. I will cheat at any game. Recently, husband
and I were playing a game on Kinect (the dancing one) and I almost Nancy Kerrigned
him. I'm HORRIBLE. I even compete at stupid shit like, "who has the dumber drunk
kid story!"
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )

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FIC: Gravitational Forces [4/10] quinn/rachel quinntana rachel
Chapter 4 rachel/santana santana santana/quinn shelby
sulkygeekff
October 11th, 2010

When Taylor told Rachel she was leaving, it felt like the end of the world.
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The first night Taylor told her about it, Rachel cried inconsolably. It was a Thursday, the night before
Quinn’s birthday party and Taylor was in Lima to celebrate Quinn’s birthday and to tell her family about
her move in-person. She begged Taylor to come over, which Taylor did and she begged and pleaded
on her hands and knees for Taylor not to leave the way she used to beg Taylor to stop. But Taylor
made it clear that it was a done deal.

She stayed in bed for nearly a week, crying her eyes out. She was so despondent, she couldn’t even
get herself to school. She just stayed in bed and cried. Some rational part of her mind told her that it
was insanity. Some still-rational part of her reminded her that she still found Taylor a little terrifying,
despite the fact she was older now and it just hurt less. But then again, ever since she got back in
touch with Taylor, she’d had a lot of days when she curled up in bed and cried for no reason.
Generally though, she could at least pull herself together enough to get to school, even if she was
distracted.

But when Taylor announced she was leaving, Rachel really couldn’t even force herself out of bed.
When she finally went back to school, it was only because she knew that staying out any longer would
bring unwanted scrutiny. Quinn dragged her home with her at one point and Rachel spent a weekend
curled up in Taylor’s childhood bed, completely overwhelmed. Rachel wondered if a teenage version
of Taylor lay in that bed and thought about her, the same way that as a child, she’d laid in bed and
thought about Taylor.

After a weekend of brooding and crying about Taylor in Taylor’s old bed, Rachel plastered a smile to
her face and thanked Quinn and her mother for their hospitality. Quinn remained solicitous for another
week after Rachel left her house. It was kind of sweet, and wholly unnecessary even though Rachel
had been pretty touched by the gesture.

Taylor told her that it was better this way, and maybe it was. But Rachel just didn’t understand.

The nightmares came again-- any time she fell asleep, she had nightmares. She pictured Taylor’s
enraged visage and she woke up feeling helpless, confused and afraid, always with this ghostly ache
making her body feel sore. She’d get up to make herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich but she
couldn’t even force it down-- she’d have to throw it away.

She didn’t understand all these feelings that had bubbled up, or anything really, that had happened
since the summer when she got reacquainted with Taylor. But that was the thing with Taylor-- there
was constant push and pull and there always had been. It made her so confused, she couldn’t think or
process through anything. She just got so disoriented and it was like she was over-stimulated because
she’d sit down to think it out and she’d end up so confused and lost, that she was actually, physically,
red in the face. All she knew was that push and pull.

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When she was younger, Taylor was loving and sweet, the most reliable person in her admittedly small
world and the best babysitter ever. Glitter was considered the herpes of art project supplies, but Taylor
let her use it liberally and always helped her clean up. Taylor watched movies with her, played with her
and made her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Taylor was the one she spilled all her secrets to,
from the weird way her daddy got sick all the time and got really mean to the way her other daddy
made her come with him when it was time to look for daddy. Taylor always comforted her and
explained to her that sometimes grownups were just inexplicably mean but that didn’t mean her
daddies loved her any less. It’d always made her feel better and when Rachel looked back on it, she
knew Taylor was being kind by shielding her from the truth of her father’s addiction and her other
father’s enabling, because Taylor must have known. She felt grateful for the way Taylor protected her
back then.

When Taylor was like that, so sweet, reliable and protective, Rachel felt the pull. There was no one
who made her feel safer or more loved than Taylor when Taylor was smiled at her. She felt the pull so
strongly, that she had an instinctual understanding of gravitational forces.

But Taylor also possessed a mean streak, when she said mean things, did mean things and just made
Rachel hurt and when Taylor was like that, all Rachel wanted to do was run. She’d even tried a few
times, but didn’t make it very far. When Taylor was like that, Rachel felt the push and she wanted to
run away and hide, but she’d long learned not to run, that it would always end up with her flat on her
back with Taylor’s knees pressed into her chest and Taylor’s hands pressed over Rachel’s nose and
mouth until she stopped struggling, stopped running. And it wouldn’t prevent the hurt that would come
afterward, in fact, it would make it worse because Taylor would be mad at her for running, so she
would be extra rough and she couldn’t even go to the bathroom afterward without it hurting.

After a while, Rachel learned to quell that basic human urge to flee to take flight when she felt unsafe,
and she could always sense the danger in Taylor when her babysitter would show up at the house in a
clearly rotten mood. Taylor would make nice with one or both of her daddies, but once they were
alone, Rachel could always tell when Taylor was in a bad or mad mood and if Taylor started the
evening off in a bad or mad mood, Rachel knew to expect that she would ache for a few days at the
very least. It was always so terrible because it would hurt so much to use the bathroom and she must
have acted sad because her fathers would always foist glasses of water on her which would make her
need to use the bathroom when she was trying so hard not to go and it was this continuous, endless
hurt.

She’d plead with Taylor to stop because it hurt and how could Taylor keep making her hurt when
Taylor claimed to love her? It didn’t make any sense, but Taylor never answered and Rachel learned
to stop asking because it only seemed to make Taylor angrier and she didn’t want that. Taylor could
make it really hurt sometimes. Some days, she woke up the next morning in even greater pain than
the night before.

When she was little, she used to wake up from nightmares, screaming, crying and rambling
incoherently. Her Dad would comfort her the best he could, get her a glass of water and coax her into
letting him turn out the light again. She wasn’t supposed to tell, so she just clung to his hand for a
while, took comfort in the fact that Taylor wasn’t there, then felt guilty for thinking that way about her
favorite person and told him it was okay, he could go back to bed and she was okay now, too.

Generally, she’d stay awake staring up at the ceiling. She had a few times where she woke up so
scared that she’d had accidents where she wet the bed. But it was so humiliating for her to have an
accident when she was well-past a permissible age for that sort of thing-- she was five, and then six
and seven for God’s sake, that she just changed her sheets herself. Once, she’d wet the bed and her
daddy caught her and he was especially sick and mad that day so he made her stand in the corner
facing the wall for hours until her legs and shins hurt and it was time for her to get ready for school. He
just sat there at the foot of her bed, watching her to make sure. He seemed so mad, she was just glad
he didn’t hit her. So she’d learned her lesson.

That didn’t stop the bedwetting-- though it did finally stop when she was eight, she just learned to
cover it up. It worked. She didn’t want to be baby who wet her bed-- she was way too old for that and
she was so ashamed of herself, she didn’t even tell Taylor about it and she told Taylor everything. She
thought maybe Taylor would be mad at her for it, too, like Daddy was and Taylor made her body hurt
in a whole different way, but it still hurt nonetheless.

It was so hard for her to reconcile the difference between who Taylor generally was and who Taylor
could be. She just didn’t understand and she spent a lot of time brooding about it until her second
grade teacher, Mrs. Schultz, totally screwed her over by calling children’s services on her family
because in her opinion, a six year old shouldn’t sit on a bench, contemplatively poking it with a stick--
like six year olds don’t have stuff to think about, too.

Thanks to that dummy Mrs. Shultz, Rachel got a social worker at her house, showing up with a cop in

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tow, which had been utterly intimidating. She answered some strange questions which, in retrospect,
were deeply personal. When she told Taylor about the visit, Taylor asked her so many questions, like
she wanted Rachel to recite every single word, verbatim. Taylor asked so many questions, and got so
mad that Rachel couldn’t remember exactly what she said, that Rachel cried. She had to swear she
never said anything about Taylor and she really didn’t, not even when she was asked about anyone
hitting her, hurting her feelings or touching her down there or in her butt and Taylor had done all of
those things, and not just with her hands either. Rachel knew she was never supposed to talk about
that because Taylor warned her about what would happen if she ever did and Rachel didn’t want any
of those things to happen.

So she never said anything about Taylor and she never said anything about her Daddy’s odd behavior
when he was ‘sick,’ and afterward that lady and the cop left, and one of her fathers gave her about a
billion (closer to five, and even that may have become exaggerated by her memory, she just knew it
was definitely more than three) glasses of water to drink. Given how upset her fathers seemed by the
whole thing, she just learned to keep her feelings to herself, shut her mouth and give the appearance
of happiness to avoid unwanted attention, because desired attention still made her delirious with joy.
She didn’t want a repeat of what happened with Mrs. Schultz, so she learned that smiles always made
other people feel better about her and that sometimes, she had to smile even when she didn’t feel like
smiling because it made things easier on her and better for everyone else.

--

After everything that happened between the two of them and coming together again after a five year
separation, Rachel just didn’t understand how Taylor could leave her again. She didn’t understand
anything back then-- she didn’t understand how Taylor could kiss her cheeks to comfort her when she
cried about how sick her daddy looked and how worried she was about him and then within minutes
pin her down and hurt her. And she didn’t understand how Taylor could promise to email her and call
her while she was away at college and never do it. There’d been times when Rachel was tempted to
approach Quinn to ask if Quinn had heard from Taylor, but Quinn reminded her of a younger, meaner,
scarier version of Taylor and she didn’t want to make Quinn mad, too. So she never did.

She didn’t understand anything back then and she didn’t understand anything now and she didn’t get
how she could be so confused and lost when just last year during sophomore year, things were
coming together and making sense. How could things have spun out of control so quickly? She just
couldn’t catch her breath to think.

--

Rachel was sixteen fucking years old and she’d chased a woman out of the country. She did not think
this boded well for her.

“This is best for both of us,” Taylor murmured when they talked the night before Taylor left to join her
husband in Japan.

“You’re breaking your promise to me,” Rachel said, feeling a little despondent. “You were supposed to
make me peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”

Taylor chuckled softly. “You can do it yourself now. Actually, you always could. You always just
patronized me.”

“But you make it better,” Rachel muttered, a little resentfully. “I like it when you do it.”

“Don’t whine like some baby,” Taylor said. “You aren’t five anymore. You can make your own
sandwiches just as good as mine.”

“Sorry,” Rachel whispered, wincing at Taylor’s tone.

“I know. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I know I keep doing that to you lately, but this is really hard on
me. I know I’m breaking a promise to you, but you should realize that’s a hard promise to keep.”

“I know,” Rachel said quietly.

“But I’ll always love you, little one. That’s a promise I’m always going to keep. You’re my favorite
person in the whole wide world, remember?”

“But you’re going away,” Rachel said dejectedly, though hearing that did make her perk up just a little.
The last time Taylor told her that, Rachel had been ten years old.

“It’s better this way.”

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“It’s not.”

“It is. One day, when you’re older, you’ll get it.”

Rachel sniffled, determined not to fall apart until she was off the phone. “When will you stop saying
that to me? You’ve been saying that to me forever. But I still don’t get it.”

“Just remember your promise to me, okay, little one?” Taylor asked softly. “That’s what’s important.”

“I won’t tell,” Rachel muttered. “I won’t ever tell,” she added, a little resentfully. Sometimes she thought
that was all Taylor cared about.

“Good girl,” Taylor murmured. “See why I love you so much, sweetheart?”

“But you’re leaving me.”

“It really is just better this way, baby. But you know how much I love you.”

“Yes,” Rachel sighed. “Okay. I know…it’s just. ..I’m going to miss you.”

“And I’m going to miss you, sweetheart. But you know it’s better this way. “

“Better for you,” Rachel said quietly.

“I’m leaving for you,” Taylor said softly. “Really. It’ll be easier for both of us.”

“Easier for you.”

“Rach, this is why you and I can’t be together,” Taylor said gently. “I’m much older than you are--”

“You’re not!” Rachel burst out, interrupting her. “I’m sixteen and you only just turned twenty-five and
please just stay. I graduate next year and--”

“See?” Taylor murmured. “You’re a kid, so you act like a kid. You’re not understanding what I’m giving
up for you. I’m leaving the country so you can have a normal life doing things that you should be doing
instead of sneaking off to see me. I’m moving away from my job, my friends and family for you and
you’re not even appreciating it.”

“But you’re going to be with him,” Rachel said, her voice small.

“You think I’m leaving for him?” Taylor scoffed. “I don’t want to go to him, but I am because of you. I’m
leaving for you, because it’s going to be better for you.”

“I didn’t ask you to,” Rachel said quietly. “I didn’t realize I was making it that hard on you.”

“This is better for both of us..”

“Isn’t there another way?” Rachel whispered.

“This is the best way.”

“I just don’t understand,” Rachel said, her eyes squeezing shut in frustration and confusion. “I don’t
understand anything. I don’t understand why it’s better.”

“This is why you’re still a kid, honey.”

“That’s so patronizing,” Rachel whispered. “You’re patronizing me.”

“Knowing a few big words isn’t going to change your age, little one. You’ve been talking like an adult
as long as I’ve known you, and that made it easier to pretend like you’re an adult, but you aren’t.
Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“But I don’t understand! I’m not trying to be difficult although admittedly I am often difficult. I just need
you to explain things to me! Why won’t you just explain it to me?”

“Don’t beat a dead horse, okay?” Taylor said. “Talking about this isn’t going to change anything. I’m
moving because it’ll be better for both of us, and that’s just the way it is. Do you want one of our last
conversations before I leave to be like this?”

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“No,” Rachel whispered, dejected. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s the girl I love,” Taylor murmured. “I knew you’d be rational and drop it.”

“Yeah,” Rachel sighed softly.

“Just remember, little one. Even though you’re confused, you have to keep this to yourself. You can’t
tell anyone about it, because no one would ever understand what we have. People will think it was
really bad.”

“It wasn’t bad,” Rachel refuted quietly.

“I know it wasn’t, but think about it if it wasn’t us, if it was someone else. It would sound really bad,
right?”

“Yeah…”

“It was wrong what we did back then, but we can’t change the past, right?”

“No,” Rachel whispered.”And it wasn’t wrong. It…it was okay.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that, sweetheart. Because it really won’t change the past. I mean, unless you
invented a time machine or something. I bet if anyone could do it, you could while still performing a
billion shows a week on Broadway,” Taylor teased.

Rachel giggled. “Silly. Stop.”

“What we did back then was wrong, and I know it hurt,” Taylor murmured. “But I really did love you and
I know you loved me. It was wrong, but we can’t change things, so there’s no need to dwell on
anything, right? Because it also won’t change how much we love each other now.”

“Yeah,” Rachel said quietly.

“So you won’t ever tell on me, right?”

Rachel frowned because really, it seemed like Taylor was beating a dead horse with this. Every time
they talked, every time they got together, Taylor always brought it up as though Rachel couldn’t be
trusted and had to be reminded. Why did Taylor think she needed to be so repetitious? Rachel didn’t
understand it, and if Taylor was bringing it up so much because she was afraid that Rachel would tell,
then maybe she hadn’t done a good job of assuring Taylor.

“Tay?”

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“Haven’t I done a good job of making you understand I won’t ever tell?” Rachel asked hesitantly. “You
keep bringing it up…”

“Well, honey. I’m going to be honest. I’m kind of freaked out that you will. You kind of have a big mouth
and you blurt stuff out because you don’t have much of a filter between your brain and your mouth.”

“Not…not about stuff that’s that important to me,” Rachel countered. “I’m not going to tell, honest. I
swear to you on Barbra Streisand’s voice.”

She was trying to make Taylor laugh, but Taylor didn’t.

“Not even because you’re mad at me because I’m leaving?”

“You’re leaving for me because it’s better for both of us this way. Because it’ll be easier. You’re going
to leave your family, your friends, your job for me. I’m not mad,” Rachel said quietly.

“Do you think you can really handle it on your own, baby? You don’t feel like you need to talk to
anyone about all this?”

Rachel shook her head, but then realized that Taylor obviously couldn’t see her since they were on the
phone.”No, I have you. I’ll…if I feel the need to blab, I’ll...I’ll call you or email you or something. I’m
fine.”

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“Good girl,” Taylor crooned. “I’m so proud of you.”

Rachel smiled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, then,” Rachel said. “I feel better now. Thank-you/”

“You’re welcome, baby. Remember though. Shh.”

Rachel nodded again. “Shh.”

Two days later, Taylor left and it was so hard when Taylor went away. Even though talking to Taylor a
couple days before Taylor left made Rachel feel a little better, it was still just so hard and she didn’t
know what she was going to do. Taylor leaving this time around was devastating-- somehow more
devastating than when Taylor left for college.

She was so despondent, she couldn’t even manage to get herself to school.

Taylor left on a Sunday and Rachel took Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off.

Quinn came over on Wednesday after school and sat down with her on the bed.

“Rachel,” Quinn said quietly. “You really need to go to a doctor.”

Rachel pulled the covers over her head. “I’m fine,” she muttered.

“You’re not fine if you keep getting sick like this. You just missed almost a whole week of school! Now
you’re sick again. What if there’s something really wrong?”

“Well, then. It’s probably too late and I’ll drop dead any day now,” Rachel joked.

Quinn pulled the covers off Rachel’s head. “I’m really worried,” Quinn admitted quietly. “I really think
something is wrong. Don’t you want to know if something’s wrong?”

“No,” Rachel teased. “If something is wrong, then I’d just hope it’d go away on its own. Like a splinter.
Left alone it eventually just becomes a part of the body, you know.”

Quinn put her hand on Rachel’s forehead. Quinn’s fingers felt cool against her skin and Rachel
released an involuntary sigh.

“Your forehead is hot,” Quinn remarked quietly. “Please,” she said. “Let me take you to your doctor
tomorrow, okay?”

“He’s just going to tell me I’m fine.”

“Then I’ll drop it. But I’d really like a medical opinion and not your arbitrary opinion, because this has
gone on since November and it’s April now.”

“I’m fine, Quinn. Don’t worry. I’ll be at school tomorrow.”

“Okay. But I’d still like to take you to your doctor,” she said. She absently stroked her right thumb
across one of Rachel’s eyebrows. “Please? I’m really worried about you. You keep missing school.”

“I’m fine, Quinn. Honest. I think I just used today as more of a mental health day.”

Quinn palmed Rachel’s cheek. “I’m not just worried. I’m scared. Aren’t you? This isn’t normal for you.”

“Why are you even worried anyway,” Rachel asked darkly, averting her eyes.

“Because we’re friends, partner,” Quinn said quietly. “If you won’t do this for yourself, will you do it for
me?”

Rachel looked up at Quinn and took a deep breath. Even though Quinn wasn’t wearing that perfume
that Taylor also used, Quinn still smelled kind of smelled like her and looked just like her. And since
she’d never been able to refuse Taylor anything even when she didn’t want to, she couldn’t refuse
Quinn either.

“Okay,” Rachel whispered.

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Quinn smiled, relieved. “Good,” she murmured.

Rachel smiled back because she couldn’t help it.

--

The next day, Rachel went to school and she thought if she was extra perky, Quinn would forget about
it and drop the matter, but she didn’t.

Tenacity was clearly a trait shared by the sisters Fabray because Taylor never stopped or left her
alone when Rachel asked her to either.

--

She sat in her doctor’s office, and Quinn reached for her hand and held it in a gesture that Quinn
clearly intended to be comforting, but just made Rachel’s head swirl with confusion. Quinn just
reminded her so much of Taylor and she really hadn’t before, at least not as much as Quinn did now.

The doctor took her temperature (slightly elevated), drew some blood (a couple days for the results),
asked some questions about sexual partners (which Rachel dodged because clearly he was asking
about male partners) and then weighed her. Quinn gasped audibly when the doctor announced that
Rachel had lost thirty-five pounds since her last check-up which had been in August.

It made her a little uncomfortable and after a few more questions and tests, her doctor sent Quinn out
of the room so they could talk one-on-one.

--

He asked her a bunch of questions about her sleeping habits, eating habits, school and glee. She was
pretty savvy and so she could see where he was driving at and she quickly denied any reasons for
being depressed and denied that she felt depressed, even a little bit. She knew where he was going
with the eating habits and she emphatically assured him that she did not have an eating disorder.

She smiled, he sighed and then he sent her on her way.

A couple days later, the results came back and she was anemic and a little under-nourished, but she
was otherwise okay.

“See?” Rachel demanded with a triumphant grin. “I told you, I’m fine.”

“Somehow I’m not comforted,” Quinn said quietly. “Why weren’t you eating? Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” Rachel assured.

“Are you sure?” Quinn pressed.

Rachel smiled. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know,” Quinn said softly. “You tell me. I feel like you’re hiding something from me…is it really
just anemia?” she asked, peering at Rachel intently. “You wouldn’t lie to me and tell me you’re fine
when you aren’t, right?”

Rachel smiled. “I wouldn’t lie to you about that, no.”

“Okay,” Quinn said quietly.

--

She tried to put Taylor out of her mind, because she didn’t want to be some hopelessly lovesick
teenager in love with someone who was already in love with someone else. She’d been that girl way
too many times before and even though Taylor was special to her, Taylor was so far away and had left
by choice.

And honestly, once she started making herself get out of bed and just go about her daily routines like
her morning workout, going to school, going to glee, participating in her extracurriculars, she actually
did start to feel better. And she a tiny part of her had to admit, she could breathe a little easier now that
Taylor was gone. She still missed Taylor, still felt rejected and sad and still had days when it was hard
to force her eyes open in the morning. But at the same time, she did feel a little safer and those

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nightmares that came back with such ferocity with Taylor’s re-entrance into her life disappeared with
Taylor’s exit. She’d just been too immersed in her sadness and ache for Taylor to really appreciate
that.

--

Quinn was extra solicitous with her after that doctor’s visit and always came to school with a packed
lunch that was supposed to feed two people. It was kind of annoying because geez, she wasn’t a kid
or anything, but at the same time, it felt amazing that someone cared that much about her. It was sort
of mindblowing that person was Quinn considering they’d once took a great deal of malicious pleasure
in one another’s pain.

--

She fell asleep one day in Quinn’s bed after eating dinner at Quinn’s house. Quinn’s mother cooked a
vegan dinner specifically for her, and so Rachel felt obliged to eat as much as she could, which she
kind of suspected was the motive behind it, but how could she be mad about that? Plus, Quinn’s
mother was seriously an amazing cook. She suspected that she fell asleep because she ate so much
she fell into a food coma.

She awoke with a deep breath and found herself with her cheek pressed into Quinn’s shoulder and
Quinn’s arm around her. Quinn was awake and reading a slim paperback with one hand.

She was disoriented for a moment and was ready to call out Taylor’s name, but it’d never felt this…soft
with Taylor, not even when Taylor was at her nicest.

“Hi,” Quinn said softly peering down at her, her lips curved into a smile.

Rachel burrowed deeper into Quinn. Quinn smelled like Quinn and not Taylor. She was starting to
figure out the difference, but it was still hard when Quinn wore that perfume that Taylor also used.
When Quinn wore that, Rachel tried her best not to get too close. But at the moment, Quinn felt warm
and soft and Rachel just wanted to go back to sleep.

“Hi,” Rachel murmured. She shut her eyes and sighed. She barely restrained herself from blurting ‘this
feels amazing’ and instead smiled lazily and asked, “what’re you reading? Is it for school?”

“Leisure.”

“I thought you didn’t have much time for that because you have so much going on and you’re such an
important person,” Rachel teased.

Quinn gently swatted her. “Don’t mock me,” she said, laughing a little. “I’m reading Murakami,” she
admitted. “I saw a couple books by him on your bookshelf, and it made me curious”

Rachel smiled against the fabric of Quinn’s shirt. Quinn must have felt it because the blonde giggled.

“That tickles,” Quinn laughed.

“Sorry,” Rachel chuckled. “Which one are you reading?”

“The Elephant Vanishes.”

“I really liked that one,” Rachel said. “Which story in it are you reading?”

“Uh, ‘On Seeing the 100% Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning.’”

“One of my favorites. I love that one.”

“I like it, too. Want me to read it to you?”

Rachel giggled. “Why? Do you think I’m illiterate? Or three years old?”

“No, because you have your face in my shirt, you geek,” Quinn teased.

Rachel laughed. “Okay,” she said with a soft sigh. “Read it to me. But don’t start from the beginning. I
know the story really well and I don’t want you to have to start over. Read it from where you left off.”

Quinn chuckled. “I’m almost done. I‘m almost at the end.”

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“That’s one of the best parts.”

Quinn chuckled again. “Okay,” she murmured, stroking Rachel’s hair because the brunette was
nodding off

“That feels good,” Rachel said with a soft sigh. She snuggled into Quinn.

And so Quinn read:

”They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories
glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew:
She is the 100% perfect girl for me. He is the 100% perfect boy for me. But the glow of their memories
was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fourteen years earlier. Without a word,
they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever.

A sad story, don't you think?”

“That is sad,” Rachel mumbled.

”Yeah,” Quinn agreed, she continued to stroke Rachel’s hair. “But I liked it.”

“I’m glad,” Rachel said with a sigh. “It would make me sad if you didn’t like something that I liked. It’s
already very devastating what little regard you give to Broadway musicals and your lack of appropriate
and proper adulation for Ms. Barbra Streisand and Ms. Patty Lupone.”

Quinn laughed. “Even when you’re about to fall asleep, you can still talk like that,” she marveled.

“I’m not going to sleep, I’m just resting my eyes,” Rachel refuted sleepily.

“Go to sleep,” Quinn whispered as she caressed Rachel’s hair. “You can stay the night. My mom can
make us breakfast tomorrow and I’ll drive us to school.”

Rachel sighed softly. “Okay,” she mumbled because she didn’t want to move anyway.

When Rachel woke up early the next morning before the sun even rose, as she always did. She had
an internal clock that rarely ever failed her. She was curled up facing Quinn and she had her forehead
pressed into Quinn’s neck. She had an initial moment of disoriented panic in which she really couldn’t
figure out which sister she was with, until she realized she was with Quinn and relaxed a little, until it
hit her that she was with Quinn and not Taylor and she wasn’t going to be one of those people who did
stuff like this. She breathed in sharply and stumbled back, putting more space in between them.

What the fuck was she doing, doing stuff like this? Quinn and Taylor were sisters and they seemed
pretty close. Quinn could tell Taylor stuff like this and then Taylor would be so mad at her. Already as it
was, in the couple weeks since Taylor was gone, Taylor wasn’t returning phone calls or emails. She
didn’t want to give Taylor more of a reason to ignore her.

She sat up, harshly breathing in and breathing out. God, she didn’t even know what she was doing
anymore. She pulled her knees up and lowered her head, shutting her eyes and rocking herself slightly
as if that would bring her any comfort. What the hell was she doing?

“Rachel?”

Quinn’s hands were suddenly on her shoulders and when Rachel’s eyes flew open, she looked
straight into concerned hazel eyes.

“Rachel, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Quinn was just…too close. She was too close, she looked and smelled too much like Taylor, it was too
early in the morning for her to just pretend like everything was okay when everything wasn’t. It was all
just too wrong and she didn’t even know what was supposed to be right anymore, all she knew was
that she was completely lost and confused and she felt so off-balance. All she knew was that it was
too much.

Rachel leaned backward, rocking back on her haunches. “I’m okay,” Rachel muttered. She pulled back
even further scrambled to the edge of the bed and stood up. “I’m just a little off-kilter because I’m very
attached to my routines, being a creature of habit,” Rachel said, staring at the ground. “I should go
home and get on the elliptical for a while before school. Thank you so much for everything and I’m
sorry I fell asleep in your bed because I’m told that I’m difficult to share a bed with,” Rachel looked up
quickly to give Quinn a small smile and then looked away again. “I’ll see you later.”

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Rachel grabbed her stuff and left before Quinn could respond.

--

Rachel was barely in her car and didn’t even have the chance to put her seatbelt on when she got a
text message from Quinn.

If you don’t come back inside right now, I want to talk to you before first period. Meet me in front of
your locker or just come back in right now.

Rachel swallowed hard. It was hard not to feel a little threatened by that, but she didn’t feel intimidated
by Quinn very much anymore. She bit her lower lip, staring at her phone and contemplating the
decision. Normally, she’d want to get it over with and find out what Quinn had to say, but she kind of
had a feeling and didn’t want to deal with it yet. So she drove home, got on the elliptical and used
routine to put off thinking about it, if only for a little while.

She sent Taylor an email.

Call me, please. I miss you. I think I’m losing my mind. Please. Please. Call me.

--

She was at her locker when she felt Quinn’s hand on her shoulder. Rachel turned to her right and
smiled at Quinn who gave her a tiny smile back.

“You were sick again this morning, weren’t you?” Quinn asked quietly.

Rachel’s eyes were wide. “What? No.”

Quinn hesitated. “You didn’t look so good this morning.”

“Well, I didn’t wash my face last night and not everyone wakes up in the morning as aesthetically
pleasing as you, Quinn.”

Quinn did not look amused. “Something’s wrong and you’re not telling me,” Quinn said quietly. “You
looked really sick this morning. What’s wrong?” Quinn pressed.

This wasn’t exactly where Rachel thought this conversation was going to go, but truth be told, she
really didn’t have much of an idea anyway. “I wasn’t feeling well this morning,” Rachel said, and it
wasn’t really a lie, but it wasn’t in the way Quinn thought it was either. “But I’m fine. Really. I just
needed to get on the elliptical for a while. It helps me to be active.”

“But--”

“I’m fine, really,” Rachel assured quietly. It was nerve-wracking that Quinn kept asking about this, but
at the same time, It also felt kind of nice that someone even cared. She smiled reassuringly at Quinn.
“I’m fine,” Rachel repeated. “There’s nothing to worry about, so please stop worrying. It means a lot to
me that you even care, but it’s pointless for you to worry about this because I’m fine.

Quinn looked at her and smiled wryly. “Just like that, huh? You say that you’re fine, so you’re fine?”

Rachel chuckled. “Exactly like that.”

Quinn still looked a little skeptical. “Okay,” she said finally. “I guess we should go to class.”

Rachel smiled. “Yeah.”

--

She found herself glancing at Quinn and gazing at the blonde all throughout first period. She bit her
lower lip contemplatively and stared down at her desk. What the fuck was the matter with her? Where
was this compulsion to look at Quinn at every opportunity coming from? She needed to squash that
right away. People didn’t look at their friends every five minutes like that.

She was lost in a haze until the middle of her third period class when she heard two of her classmates
snickering that Stephanie Ng was pregnant. Stephanie Ng sat directly in front of her and Rachel sat up
a little straighter when she saw the way Stephanie slumped in her seat. Rachel’s brows furrowed and
she thought Mr. Johnson would put a stop to it, but he didn’t. They weren’t being yelling or anything,

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but they were clearly trying to be heard because everyone heard them. It went on for a while and she
was about to turn around to tell Jordan and Yvette to shut it, but she heard Quinn speak.

“Shut it,” Quinn hissed at Jordan and Yvette. “Leave her alone.”

Rachel was proud of her friend for standing up on someone else’s behalf, especially because neither
of them really knew Stephanie all that well. And as much as she adored her friend, Quinn wasn’t
exactly known for standing up for other people.

“Quinn, no talking in class,” Mr. Johnson reprimanded.

Quinn frowned. “But--”

“Quinn, I realize given your experience last year you might be particularly sensitive to Stephanie’s
situation, but I told you, no talking in class.”

Rachel glanced at Quinn to see that the color drained from her friend’s face. Rachel’s world turned
purple and she felt her ears pound.

“Don’t you dare talk to her like that,” Rachel snapped.

He turned to her. “Rachel, mind your own business.”

“No,” she snarled at him.

She stood up and unleashed a rant that she couldn’t even remember saying, but apparently involved
calling Mr. Johnson an upright Puritan hypocritical pig whom Rachel used to see going into the hourly
rate motel by the interstate with a woman who was decidedly not his wife when she had a dance class
nearby and had to take the bus to-and-from. There was other stuff given the cell phone video footage
the other students took, but Rachel really didn’t think that was relevant because what actually mattered
was that she let him know how unconscionable it was for a teacher to look the other way from students
espousing the same beliefs he held while penalizing another student for defending a fellow student
that he should have defended because his personal opinion didn’t matter and he was violating codes
of ethics for which she planned to make the school district very aware and probably the PTA, teacher’s
union and ACLU while she was at it.

Mr. Johnson got closer and closer to Rachel as she ranted. From the video footage, he kept telling her
to stop, to be quiet and sit down, but Rachel kept ranting. She couldn’t even remember a time she ever
defied authority like that. He got in her face and told her to be quiet and sit down-- by then he was
actually yelling in her face because she was so agitated. It was frightening that she couldn’t remember
that. It was frightening because she truly had no explanation for why she couldn’t stop from blurting all
that out. It’s not that she would not have spoken up-- she would have. But she wouldn’t have done it in
such a disrespectful, combative way. That rant was a little overboard even for her.

He got way too close to her.

“Rachel! Be quiet!” he shouted. He reached for her-- he didn’t even put his hands on her, but he
reached for her, and she was tired, so tired of always being the one weaker and overpowered, that
people always had to put their hands on her to prove to her that she was younger, shorter, smaller

“Don’t touch me!” Rachel shouted. “Don’t you dare put your hands on me!”

Mr. Johnson looked bewildered and he reached out with both hands like he was going to steady her.

“Rachel!”

“Don’t touch me, you pervert!”

And still he didn’t back away.

“Get away from me!”

“Get away from her!” Quinn shouted, after seeing how agitated Rachel was becoming. She’d been too
shocked at the display to move, and she thought Rachel would calm down and it would be over, but
Rachel just kept getting more agitated and she was clearly not calming down any time soon. Quinn got
out of her seat and climbed over her desk to get closer to Rachel and Mr. Johnson. She climbed over
another desk in the next row to get to Rachel. “Get away from her! You heard her! Don’t touch her!”
she shouted, getting in between Mr. Johnson and Rachel. She reached behind her back and groped
for Rachel’s hands and squeezed tight.

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“Quinn, get back to your seat.”

“No! You go back to your seat. Get away from her!”

The teacher looked freaked out because he was clearly overwhelmed and he took a few steps back
and sent them both to Figgins.

Quinn was completely disturbed as she and Rachel walked to Figgins’s office, but Rachel seemed
annoyingly nonchalant as though she weren’t screaming at a teacher just a few minutes before.

“You completely freaked out,” Quinn said quietly. “What happened?”

Rachel shrugged. “I merely needed a platform in which to remind him that his duty is to educate, not
pontificate.”

“Not about that, he deserved that. I meant about him…”

Rachel crossed her arms. “Are you saying he had the right to put his hands on me? Because he was
going to, Quinn. He would not have come in such proximity if his intent weren’t to put his hands on
me.”

“I know he doesn’t have the right to do that,” Quinn said. “But…” she trailed off. “Never mind,” she said
quietly, although she thought that Rachel’s reaction had been over-the-top, and not in her usual drama
queen sort of way.

This had been wholly different-- Rachel had looked angry and scared and she’d been clearly out of
control. The girl that unleashed that rant in that classroom wasn’t Rachel. It’d been sort of hilarious at
first-- Rachel putting a teacher in his place out of a sense of justice or whatever, because that was
classic Rachel But the way Rachel got so personal and rude about it-- bringing up that motel by the
highway and shouting at him not to touch her-- that wasn’t Rachel. That was someone Quinn had no
experience with whatsoever prior to this day. She decided the better option was probably to just drop
it.

“Thank you for defending me,” Quinn said quietly,

Rachel smiled. “Well, of course. Thank you for defending me.”

Quinn smiled back. “Of course.”

--

The incident was chalked up to one of Rachel’s diva antics and both Rachel and Quinn got detention
for two weeks.

Rachel was okay with it. It was still scary to her that she could blank out like that and so she would
rather people think she was some over-the-top diva than some out-of-control freak. She was used to
people snickering at her, and she’d rather they snicker at her because they thought she was
overdramatic than stare at her because they were freaked out by her freak-out.

She didn’t want to admit that she’d completely lost control of her mouth, that she couldn’t even
remember what the hell she said or why she couldn’t drop it even when Mr. Johnson repeatedly told
her to. She was kind of a barracuda and she occasionally did things that were against her own self-
interest, but she could usually drop a matter before it escalated to this point. Two weeks of detention
and a lecture didn’t seem so bad in comparison to not being able to remember what the fuck
happened.

--

At lunch, Rachel poked at her mushroom casserole with her fork in distaste and flung her fork down in
disgust. She didn’t know why she continued to think the school would provide vegan alternatives that
she wouldn’t have to choke down with a large glass of water when it was clear they just didn’t care.
But hope sprang eternal.

“You’re not going to eat it?” Quinn asked.

“It looks disgusting. I’m sure it tastes disgusting, too.”

“Why don’t you just try it, you might like it,” Quinn said quietly. “Or I can get you something…”

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“It looks like my cat’s litterbox after I’ve forgotten to clean it for a while,” Brittany commented.

Santana, Quinn and Rachel looked at her in mute disgust, completely grossed out.

“Thank you, Brittany, for validating my opinion in the inedible appearance of this allegedly vegan
alternative to today’s mystery meat entrée.”

Brittany held up a forkful of said mystery meat entrée, held it close to her nose and sniffed it
contemplatively. “It smells like horses.”

Quinn heaved a deep sigh and threw down the forkful of the mystery meat entrée she was going to
consume. She glared at Brittany.

Santana set down her fork as well, a look of utter resentment toward the offending food item on her
face. But she smiled when she looked at Brittany and nudged Brittany’s foot with her own. “I feel like
eating fries,” she declared. “If we leave now, we can still get back for most of fourth period.”

Brittany smiled. “Okay.”

Santana stood up first and Brittany stood as well. Santana cocked her eyebrow. “Are you two juvenile
delinquents coming, or did you get enough detention for one day?”

“We’re coming,” Quinn grumbled, standing up and reaching out to pull Rachel to her feet. “We’re
already in enough trouble today, so whatever.”

They tucked their trays away and then left campus, piling into Brittany’s car, which was a mistake
because the mere fact that Brittany was a licensed driver was frightening, but her actual lack of driving
ability could render heart attacks. Why would the state of Ohio give this girl a license?

Santana was unruffled by the experience which closely resembled the old video game, Frogger. Once
they got to Dahlia’s Diner, she got out of the car and turned to cock an eyebrow at Quinn and Rachel
who were still huddled in the backseat, clutching each other’s hands.

“What are you two, geriatric?” Santana called out impatiently. “We don’t have all day, so hurry up.”

Rachel released a breath. “You’re still alive, partner,” she assured Quinn.

Quinn laughed softly. “You’re still alive, too.”

They got out of the car, still gripping hands.

“It’s about time,” Santana muttered.

The four girls walked into the diner, took a booth and ordered.

--

“Hey, Rachel. Did you know there’s already a techno remix of your rant at Johnson up on YouTube?”
Santana asked, after checking her phone.

Rachel was unimpressed, though she was a little embarrassed. “My understanding is that there are a
variety of apps and computer programs that do all the work for you.”

Santana just laughed.

--

“Stop swiping my sweet potato fries,” Rachel complained, swatting at Quinn’s hand. “If you wanted
them so much, you should have ordered them yourself rather than sticking to routine and allowing me
to be the guinea pig.”

“But I like yours better,” Quinn whined. She moved to grab another fry.

“Too bad,” Rachel said, laughing as she gently slapped at Quinn’s hands. “I would be happy to
purchase a side order for you.”

“But I want yours because they’re right here,” Quinn said with a grin. “Give me one!” she exclaimed,
opening her mouth wide and pushing her head closer to Rachel’s.

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Rachel giggled and stuffed four into Quinn’s mouth.

Quinn laughed and bit down and broke off the remaining parts that didn’t fit in her mouth. She put them
on her plate, chewed, swallowed and wiped at her mouth. She laughed. “My mouth isn’t as big as
yours, you geek!”

Rachel raised an eyebrow. “How do you know? Have we actually compared the volume?”

“Anyone can see your mouth is much bigger than mine! Both literally and metaphorically.”

“Have you looked in the mirror at your cavernous mouth?” Rachel demanded. “Because it is, in fact,
cavernous and--”

“There’s a motel nearby that charges hourly,” Santana interjected.

“It’s actually really nice,” Brittany added, smiling at Santana.

“Not right now, Brit,” Santana drawled with a grin after she turned her attention to Brittany for a
moment. She turned back again to Quinn and Rachel. “You guys should just fuck and get it over with,”
she said, rolling her eyes at them.

Rachel was stricken. She was not going to be one of those people who cut a swath through a sibling
set. That was gross and straight out of some lurid movie-of-the-week. Her name was going to be on
the lights of Broadway and the marquees of movie theatres. She was not going to be the basis of
some lurid Lifetime movie

“I…” Rachel had no way to respond to that. Her cheeks turned bright pink. “I would never do that,” she
said quietly, staring down at her plate and biting her lower lip. She could admit to being a lot of things--
high-maintenance, overdramatic, high-strung. But she wasn’t the kind of person that would sleep with
one person and then sleep with that person’s little sister. She wouldn’t do that to Taylor and she
wouldn’t do that to Quinn. She thought of Taylor and she just missed her all over again. She lost her
appetite and pushed her plate toward Quinn, turning it so that the sweet potato fries faced Quinn. “I’m
sorry I was difficult. I was just kidding. I’m not actually that greedy” She smiled at Quinn. “Help
yourself.”

Quinn looked at her quizzically. “I know you were kidding.”

She wasn’t sure how to respond to Rachel’s reaction. Quinn wasn’t insulted by it, but she was kind of
hurt by it. But more than that, she was just sort of confused. Rachel’s response really didn’t make
sense to her.

“Why are you being sad when we were just having fun?” Brittany asked Rachel bluntly.

Rachel forced a smile. “I’m not sad.”

“She’s just uptight,” Quinn said.

Rachel raised an eyebrow. “I’m uptight?”

“Shut up,” Quinn said. “I am not uptight.”

“I never said you were. I was merely questioning if you thought I was uptight. I was asking for
clarification and I did not anticipate you would misconstrue my innocent need for elucidation as some
insinuation of disparagement of your character. Although I do not consider being ‘uptight’ as being
particularly disparaging since you are somewhat uptight.”

Brittany, Santana and Quinn stared at her for a moment.

“I like lemonade,” Brittany offered.

Quinn laughed softly and shook her head. “I’m not uptight, you’re uptight,” she refuted, but she
reached under the table and gently squeezed Rachel’s hand.

“Seriously, just fuck and get it over with,” Santana said.

Even Rachel’s ears turned red.

--

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After detention that day, Rachel followed Quinn back to her house. They were watching a movie in
Quinn’s room when Rachel’s phone rang.

Taylor.

She grabbed her phone and was about to push ‘Answer’ when she paused. She stared at it for a while,
just letting it ring in her hands.

“Are you going to get that?”

Rachel hit ‘Ignore.’

“No,” Rachel said. “It’s not important.”

She didn’t call back and when Taylor sent her a terse email asking ’what the fuck is up? Is everything
okay? Rachel chose not to respond to that either.

Now that Taylor was gone, Rachel could remember how good her life had been before Taylor came
back into it. Her life had never been great, but her life was getting better before Taylor came back into
it. Taylor was only back in her life for about nine months, but it completely twisted her around. Now she
had some time to think, and she could see that Taylor kind of had a point, because it was nice to just
worry about her grades or snagging a glee solo or what movie to watch with Quinn than it was to worry
about what she was doing wrong in her relationship with Taylor and getting caught by Taylor’s
husband or having to deal with Taylor’s mercurial moods.

As much as she missed Taylor, and she missed Taylor desperately, she could kind of see that life was
a little easier without Taylor. She didn’t think it was better, but it was definitely a little easier and right
now, she needed to take what she could get.

Tags: glee, quinn/rachel

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

silentinformer
2010-10-11 09:31 am (local)

LOL Santana, I'm gonna just say I love that your switching P.O.V. in this story so we see events from
both sides. Also yay that Rachel is realizing that her life without Taylor is easier.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:47 pm (local)

I LOVE Santana and in her infinite bitchy glory. I wish I could do a more straightforward 3rd
person POV, but I just can't. lol. I don't know how.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

mjacton
2010-10-11 07:41 pm (local)

You're just setting us up for Rachel to hit bottom again, huh? So, I'm not going to think that Rachel is
finally getting better. That would just be too easy.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff

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2010-10-11 10:21 pm (local)

haha, well...I think we've seen her at her lowest...

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

spashley20
2010-10-11 11:35 pm (local)

Gonna take me a while to read this, but I'm dropping a comment on this chapter. Totally intense, sad,
and well written.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-13 12:20 am (local)

thank you! take your time, please! I don't want tanyone staying up to read it! lol
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

pee_wee_2005
2010-10-15 05:11 pm (local)

Oh gosh, the glasses of water. It took me a bit for that to finally click, I was thinking, "Man, this detail is
importa-...oh, OH." Also, talking about her smiling, while she'll always have that big smile on her face
no matter what. Unwanted attention versus desired attention. :(

Plus side, as always, Santana. Love that girl and her bitch.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-15 09:28 pm (local)

aww...thank you. I find the glass of water thing to be reallt interesting, actually. If I wrote for that
show, I'd have her always with a bottle of water in her hand, lol. Only not.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

thelonelyorange
2011-09-15 10:09 am (local)

I'm pausing halfway through because of the line about both Fabray sisters having tenacity because
Taylor wouldn't stop when Rachel told her to leave her alone and that was SUPER NOT OKAY and
OH MY GOD ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME.

*By super not okay, I just mean that line totally sucked to read. My heart just shattered into a million
pieces. The writing itself is brilliant though.
(Reply) (Thread)

thelonelyorange
2011-09-15 10:11 am (local)

...and Quinn saying "You wouldn't lie to me and say you were fine if you weren't, right?" And then
Rachel lying. This hurts so much do you understand.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2011-09-15 10:09 pm (local)

ahhh.... sorry! It does end on a high note though. in my eyes.

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(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

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FIC: Gravitational Forces [5/10] quinn/rachel quinntana rachel
Chapter 5 rachel/santana santana santana/quinn shelby
sulkygeekff
October 11th, 2010

Since Taylor moved to Japan, Quinn had emailed with Taylor regularly-- even more
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so than when Taylor was living a few hours away. They emailed almost every other day. Quinn
supposed that was the way many relationships with siblings was like, but she didn’t have another
sibling to compare it to--she only had Taylor.

Generally, they just updated each other on their lives and Taylor attached pictures of all the sights she
was seeing for the first time and Quinn swore one day, she’d visit to see those things for herself.
Everything looked amazing and Quinn envied her big sister for everything she was and everything she
was doing.

Older sisters tended to be the object of envy and admiration of their younger sisters, especially when
the age difference was fairly vast-- and eight years was fairly vast. Taylor was always such a good
sister to her and Taylor’s life always seemed so glamorous, even when she was living in Lima.

Taylor was suspiciously quiet about the relationship with her husband and how they were doing other
than that they were just “okay.” But she gave details on everything she was seeing, hearing, smelling
and doing. Taylor seemed deliriously happy and Quinn lived vicariously through those emails and
devoured each one that came through, even when all it stated was something like, “haha check out the
sumo mascot at Ryogoku Kokugikan in Tokoyo” with a picture of some yellow animal in sumo attire
attached.

One day, she’d get out of Lima for good and she’d have the kind of life she envied in others who had
lives that were about more than high school or college football, more than just joining the family
business after reaching a certain age or keeping up with certain appearances. Lima wasn’t a small
town necessarily. It was big enough to have multiple Dairy Queens, because if Lima were smaller, it
wouldn’t be able to sustain even one Dairy Queen like many of their surrounding smaller towns. Still,
sometimes the town felt so small, she ached and chafed under its oppressiveness and she made daily
promises and prayers that she would leave. She would leave and not come back to live in Lima with
metaphorical tail between legs with her failures, both large and small, prickling at her. She was not
someone who hated Lima so much that she vowed to leave and never step a toe back, no matter what
she had to do (that was Rachel), but she struggled enough in Lima, felt lonely and isolated enough
that she was determined to leave and not come back to live.

One day, not too long after Taylor left for Japan, her sister sent an email that detailed her day and out
of the blue asked about Rachel.

By the way, how’s Rachel? Tell her I say hey, okay?

It was casual, but really seemed to come out of nowhere.

She was sitting in a stuffy classroom with Rachel serving out day nine of their ten day sentence to
detention when she received the email on her phone. She and Rachel were sitting in two different

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rows, but sitting next to each other. She first glanced at Mr. Tobin to make sure he hadn’t spotted her
looking at her phone, because she really wasn’t allowed to do that. He was grading papers or
something, which meant she’d gotten away with it. She glanced at Rachel who was actually doing
homework. Quinn rolled her eyes and suppressed a chuckle. She shot her foot out and lightly kicked
Rachel’s chair.

Rachel turned to look at her and smiled. She made a face, scrunching up her nose and sticking her
tongue out.

Quinn let out a tiny amused snort and then covered her mouth. She glanced around to see if anyone
heard, but no one had. She stuck her tongue back at Rachel who smiled.

‘What’s up?’ Rachel mouthed.

Quinn shook her head and smiled. ‘Nothing,’ she mouthed.

Rachel released a tiny exasperated sigh, rolled her eyes and smiled wryly. She turned her attention
back to her homework.

She seemed fine.

At least, now she did. There’d been a rough patch recently when Quinn was genuinely worried and
really put off by the fact that Rachel seemed so nonchalant about how much school she was missing
due to illness. But in the past few weeks, Rachel seemed so much better. It was kind of a relief.

Quinn looked up to see if Mr. Tobin was looking at her-- he was not and began typing. She wanted to
keep it short because she was sending it from her iPhone and she tended to make typos if she wrote
more than a few lines.

Hey, Tay.

Why don’t you buy me a ticket to see you? Or next time you come home, put me in your suitcase.
Things are okay here. Regionals for glee are soon and I think we have a good shot. Regionals are
soon, too, for cheer, but you know with Sylvester, that’s a lock. Everything’s the same here. Mom is
good. I’m good. I’m sitting with Rachel in detention. She’s fine. I’ll tell her you say hey and I’ll give her
your email address. I’m sure she’d like to talk to you. -Q.

Quinn sent the email and marveled at how an entire month had passed since her sister left. Her life
didn’t really change-- it wasn’t as though she and Taylor saw that much of each other, and they’d
always talked, texted and emailed pretty regularly, so it wasn’t that different, but every once in a while,
she thought ‘my sister lives in Japan now,’ and it was just sort of hard to believe.

Taylor only left a little over a month ago, so the memories were still fresh, but things were particularly
vivid for Quinn because it’d happened right around her seventeenth birthday and she’d been really
worried about Rachel. She still couldn’t get over how Rachel lost more than thirty pounds in a relatively
short period of time, especially because Rachel never needed to lose the weight.

But Rachel seemed back to normal-- she’d seemed pretty happy for the past month or so and Quinn
was relieved because she’d felt like she was scrambling to make Rachel feel better, but still failed
epically in that endeavor. Now that things were normal again, it felt a little easier to breathe.

In fact, overall, there seemed to be a return to normalcy-- she was back as captain of the Cheerios,
she was friends with Brittany and Santana again and people seemed to be a little afraid of her again.
She really couldn’t complain.

--

Once they were released from detention, they joined Santana and Brittany at Steinhart Deli for an
early dinner.

“Hey, it’s the delinquents, finally sprung from the pokey,” Santana drawled.

Rachel frowned. “Santana, your delinquent tendencies far outweigh mine. You have a well-
documented history of notable disregard for rules and regulations which bespeaks a predilection on
your part toward--”

“Who’s in detention, Berry?” Santana interrupted. “You, not me.”

“That was due to one notable exception on my part in which I disregarded school authority. You, on

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the other hand--”

“I’m just better at getting away with it,” Santana said smugly. “Don’t get on a moral high horse, you’re
just as bad as I am.”

“Santana, you set fire to a trashcan,” Quinn interrupted wryly. “Rachel has never committed arson.”

Santana was outraged. “I told you! That was an accident. I was drunk and threw a cigarette in the
trash can because I thought I put it out.”

Brittany smiled at the memory. “The fire was really pretty,” she remarked.

Santana let out a low throaty chuckle and smiled affectionately at Brittany. She rested her head on
Brittany’s shoulder. “Well, you sent some dwarf to a crackhouse,” Santana said to Rachel. “Which
means you knew where one was, which means you’re not that innocent. I mean, how did you know
that anyway?”

Quinn winced because she knew the reason Rachel was aware of the location of a crackhouse was
because her father was an addict and it was still a sore subject because Rachel’s father refused to
come back from California and Quinn knew Rachel missed him. If he was using, then Quinn thought it
was better he was away from Rachel, but it was clear Rachel wanted him to come home.

Rachel smiled at Santana, though Quinn recognized that it was a little stilted. “I’m a very worldly
woman, Santana.”

Santana snorted derisively. “It’s Lima.”

Rachel grinned. “Which is a part of the world.”

Santana flung her straw’s wrapper at Rachel and rolled her eyes. “Did you see what Lisette Miller was
wearing today?”

“It looked like the Crayola factory has bulimia,” Brittany said.

Santana beamed at Brittany and laughed.

“I thought she looked nice,” Rachel defended.

“You would,” Santana said.

Rachel looked down at her ensemble which was composed of neutral colors that day. “I admit I have a
lot of colorful clothing items,” she conceded. “But I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

Quinn did not want to admit that some of Rachel’s fashion choices made her wince. She loved Rachel
dearly, but the girl had an eye for fashion that was somewhere between the Children’s Place and the
wardrobe department for the Golden Girls with a pit stop in Little House on the Prairie. Rachel was just
so inconsistent when it came to fashion-- sometimes, like today, for instance, everything just worked.
And then there were days when Rachel wore something that Quinn just wanted to repress.

“Well,” Quinn said, trying to placate Rachel who was now pouting because of Santana. “At least you’re
cute even if your outfits are sometimes a little…” Quinn hesitated and tried to be as diplomatic as
possible. “Unusual.”

Rachel looked at her suspiciously, like she was trying to ascertain if Quinn was mocking her or not, but
finally smiled. “Thank-you, Quinn,” she said. She glared at Santana. “And where do you get off
critiquing my ensembles? 98.99% of the time you’re in a Cheerios uniform. That shows a glaring lack
of originality.”

Quinn laughed so hard she almost fell out of the booth.

--

“So your dad’s not around?” Quinn asked as she followed Rachel to the living room where they
sprawled out to watch a movie and do their homework. The living room had more space, but Rachel
tended only to utilize it when she was absolutely sure neither of her fathers were going to be home
soon. With one of her fathers in California, it was really Rachel’s dad, Eddie, that they had to consider.

“He’s at a medical conference in LA,” Rachel explained. She paused and looked a little excited. “I think
he’s going to bring Daddy home,” she said with a grin. “I heard Dad talking to Daddy a few days ago

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before he left.”

She wanted to tell Rachel not to get optimistic about it, that if Rachel’s father wanted to come home,
he would have been home months ago when his 30 day detox was over, but she didn’t want to take
out her own Daddy issues on Rachel. And really, if Rachel wanted to be optimistic about that, then
why shouldn’t she be?

“Well,” Quinn murmured. “I really hope he comes home soon. I bet he will this time,” she said, because
sometimes, it was more important that Rachel heard what she wanted to hear than the truth. And
anyway, Quinn knew Rachel wasn’t delusional and probably already knew her father wasn’t going to
leave California just because his husband flew out to LA for a medical conference, but Rachel wanted
to hold onto that frail hope, too.

Rachel gave her a sunny smile. “Thank you, Quinn.”

She lifted her leg up so that it rested on the couch cushion and stuck her foot out to playfully poke
Quinn in the knee with her big toe.

Quinn smacked the top of Rachel’s foot. “Get your dirty foot away from me,” she said with a laugh.

Rachel raised an eyebrow. “But you’re touching my foot which you claim is so dirty,” she said, wiggling
her foot and bringing it up so that it hovered near Quinn’s face.

Quinn shrieked and slapped at Rachel’s foot. “Ew!” she squealed with a laugh. “Get your foot away
from me!”

Rachel waved it around just to taunt Quinn a little longer and then laughed and set her foot down on
the ground. “I’ll have you know that my foot is vastly superior to other feet and you should therefore
have no problem touching it.”

Quinn rolled her eyes. Why did she like this girl again? There were still times when Rachel made
Quinn want to set herself on fire but Quinn decided that the occasional desire for self-immolation was
worth having a friend she genuinely trusted.

“Get those icicles away from me,” Quinn said fondly.

Rachel laughed and leaned in so that she was half-sprawled on Quinn. She pressed an impetuous
kiss to Quinn’s cheek rested her head on Quinn’s shoulder. Quinn reached for Rachel’s hand and their
fingers laced together.

“I guess we’re channeling Brit and Santana,” Rachel chuckled.

“I guess we are,” Quinn laughed.

It only lasted for a few moments-- perhaps less than a minute before Rachel pulled away just as
impulsively as she’d drawn near. “I’m going to get some juice,” she declared, rising to her feet. “Do you
want anything?”

“I’ll go with you,” Quinn offered, straightening up.

Rachel smiled and reached out again to poke Quinn’s knee with her big toe. “You’re my guest,” she
said with a grin. “Your wish is my command,” she joked. “What would you like?”

“How about a martini, shaken not stirred,” Quinn joked.

Rachel chuckled. “I don’t think you’d like a dirty martini, Ms. Bond,” she said wryly. “Although I do
make a killer martini.”

Quinn raised an eyebrow. “Why do you know how to make a martini?”

Rachel gave her a lopsided grin. “Daddy has…a bit of a drug problem and Dad self-medicates with
alcohol.” She shrugged. “So I learned how to be a bartender.” She smiled. “If I had a better grasp of
chemistry, perhaps I could manufacture methamphetamine and have my own reality show,” she joked.

“Is that what your dad is into?” Quinn asked quietly. She’d just assumed it was cocaine.

Rachel’s smile slipped slightly. “He’s into a lot of things,” she said quietly.

Quinn gave Rachel a small smile. “It’s no fun being the family bartender,” she commented quietly.

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Back when her parents were still together, she was frequently the bartender for her parents when they
got too sloppy to mix their own, but were still conscious enough to demand them. Now, she still
occasionally stepped into her old familiar role as bartender for her mother.

Rachel smiled sympathetically and bent down to rub Quinn’s knee comfortingly. “No, it’s not,” she
acknowledged quietly. “Now,” she said, straightening her back and smiling cheerfully. “Your wish is still
my command. What can I get you?”

Quinn smiled. “Bring me some juice, too.”

Rachel smiled. “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

Rachel retuned a few minutes later and passed Quinn a glass of cold orange juice. “Here, partner,”
she said as she reclaimed her sat on the couch next to Quinn.

Quinn took it gratefully. “Thanks,” she said. She took a sip and then glanced at the clear liquid in
Rachel’s cup. “Drinking vodka straight?” she teased.

Rachel laughed softly. “It’s just water.”

“I thought you wanted juice?”

Rachel shrugged. “I changed my mind, I felt like drinking water instead,” she smiled and lightly slapped
her hand down on Quinn’s thigh. “Is that allowed?” she asked, rolling her eyes.

Quinn used her foot to gently slap Rachel’s knee. “Not without my permission,” she joked.

Rachel laughed. “So, will you allow it?”

Quinn pretended to think. “I guess just this one time.”

“Maybe I should start calling you boss instead of partner,” Rachel said, “considering your stance on my
autonomy and my right for self-determination.

Quinn made a face and gave Rachel a look that was a mixture of exasperation and affection. She
lightly kicked Rachel’s foot. “Hey, by the way, Taylor says hey.”

Rachel seemed to pause and the look on her face was way too deliberately casual, but Quinn didn’t
think much of it.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. She emailed me and asked me about you. She asked how you were doing. I told her you were
okay and I told her I’d give you her email address.”

Again, Rachel paused. “Well, I--“ she trailed off. “Oh, okay,” she said. “Sure.”

Quinn looked at her intently. “What, do you already have it?”

“No,” Rachel said quickly. “And I’d love to reacquaint myself with Taylor. May I have the email
address?” she asked, becoming a little too polite.

Quinn looked at Rachel, bewildered. “You’re being weird,” she said bluntly. “Why are you being
weird?”

Rachel laughed. “Aren’t you the one who constantly reminds me how weird I am?”

Quinn smiled fondly. “Well, you are.”

Rachel chuckled. “Are you and Taylor close?” she asked, gazing at Quinn.

Quinn thought about it. “Not really. Kind of. I don’t know,” she admitted. “She’s my sister and I used to
think she was the best growing up.”

Rachel smiled. “She was good to you?” she asked softly.

“Yeah,” Quinn said. “I mean, we didn’t hang out much. She spent more time at your house than our
house, but she’d take me to do stuff and let me hang out with her sometimes. Our parents made her

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babysit, so we spent a lot of time together that we probably wouldn’t have if she’d had the choice.”

“You guys do have a pretty big age difference.”

“Yeah.”

“So no big fights between the two of you?” Rachel asked with a grin. “No sibling rivalry? She never
chased you around the house, got on top of you and threatened to spit in your eye if you didn’t listen to
her?” she teased.

Quinn made a face. “Ewww. Yuck. God, what do you think sisters do? Your parents should have given
you a sister or a brother.”

Rachel laughed. “I always wanted an older brother or an older sister,” she admitted. “It’s kind of why I
loved Taylor so much.”

Quinn laughed, too. “Well, your hypothetical brother or sister would have to be older, because a little
brother or little sister would never survive with you. You’d kick it for hogging all the attention.”

Rachel grinned self-deprecatingly. “It kills me to admit that you’re kind of right.”

“Of course I’m right, why would I say something I thought was wrong?” Quinn teased.

Rachel smiled. “So Taylor was a good big sister, huh?”

“Well, yeah, I guess so,” Quinn said. “I don’t have other sisters to compare her to, but she seemed like
your standard older sister. I mean, she wasn’t taking me by the hand around town and letting me hang
out with her and all her friends or anything, but she wasn’t beating the crap out of me and ignoring me
either.”

“Oh,” Rachel said softly.

“I mean…I think growing up in our house was harder for her than it was for me. Our dad was always
pretty good to me up until he kicked me out of the house,” Quinn said bitterly. That sting of rejection
was something she didn’t think she’d ever get over. “But he’s kind of harsh and he was pretty harsh
with Taylor, so it kind of made it easier for me and my mom.”

“Your mom never stepped in for her?”

Quinn smiled wryly. “My mom’s not the stepping in type.”

“Oh,” Rachel said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s better now though,” Quinn said. “My mom, I mean. Now that she and my father are divorcing,
she’s gotten a lot better.”

Rachel smiled. “Good,” she said. “Because you deserve to have a mom who would step in on your
behalf. You didn’t deserve that from your dad and I’m sorry he disappointed you like that.”

“Well,” Quinn sighed. “If we’re being honest, I disappointed him.”

Rachel shrugged. “Unintended teenage pregnancy is never ideal, but I think it’s inexcusable for your
dad to do that to you and of your mom for not protecting you.”

“Well,” Quinn shrugged. “It’s what I have. I can’t change it. I mean, I wish it were different, especially
with me and my dad, but what’s the point in wishing for something? He’s not going to change and he
doesn’t want to see me. He won’t call me back and I’ve sent him a ton of emails he won’t respond to.”
She laughed bitterly. “I guess his new girlfriend and her kid are just more important to him.”

“This will sound hopelessly cliché,” Rachel said quietly, reaching for Quinn’s hands and clasping them
between her own. “But it’s his loss. He’s the one losing something, not you.”

She gently squeezed Quinn’s hands and then pulled them away. She held her sleeve toward Quinn’s
face and the blonde rolled her eyes and wiped her eyes on Rachel’s sleeves, a little embarrassed that
she was getting weepy and cursing the fact she was wearing a tanktop and therefore had no sleeves.

“I miss him,” Quinn whispered. She didn’t want to miss her father when he so clearly wanted nothing to
do with her. But she missed him. She’d worshipped him at one point in her life.

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“I know,” Rachel said quietly. “And that’s normal. But it’s really his loss and I always thought so even
when I not so secretly loathed you.”

Quinn laughed and used Rachel’s sleeve to wipe at her eyes again. She couldn’t help but smile when
she heard Rachel laugh softly because of it. Rachel ruffled her hair and Quinn lightly smacked at
Rachel’s hands.

“The feeling was mutual, partner.”

“I know,” Rachel said dryly. “And if I, of all people, feel and have always felt that it was his loss and not
yours, then it must be true because while it’s obvious why I’d feel that way now given our friendship,
there was truly no reason for me to have felt that way prior to us becoming friends.”

Quinn smiled. “You’re seriously incapable of taking like a normal person, aren’t you?”

Rachel laughed and smacked Quinn’s thigh. “You knew this before we became friends, therefore you
cannot say you were unaware and that I misled you.”

“I know,” Quinn grumbled. “But I just thought you spoke like that because you were trying to kiss some
teacher’s ass or something, not because this is how you really speak.”

Rachel laughed. “That’s just how I roll, motherfucker,” she said drolly.

Quinn stared at her for a moment, stunned. She burst into laughter. “What can I do so you never say
that again? Because you did not pull that off at all.”

Rachel pouted. “Really?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“NO!”Quinn exclaimed, erupting into giggles.

Rachel laughed. “So anyway,” she said softly. “I just think the loss is greater to your father than it is to
you, that’s all,” she said quietly.

“Thanks,” Quinn said quietly.

“So Taylor kind of watched over you?” Rachel murmured.

“Yeah, she was great about that,” Quinn said honestly. “If my dad was angry, she took all of his focus.
If my mom was angry, she took all of her focus. Like, to this day, neither of my parents ever hit me or
spanked me, but Tay was.”

“Oh,” Rachel whispered.

“I mean, even after she left, our parents were always hounding her about stuff at college that they
never yelled at me for anything. I got away with so much,” Quinn recalled.

She kind of looked back on those days with some nostalgia. Her family was the kind of family to ignore
anything really negative, like infidelity and alcoholism, but her parents were quick to point the failings
of their children, and the child they focused on was Taylor. As long as Quinn made good grades and
stayed on top of things at home and at school, then she was pretty much above reproach. Of course,
when she faltered, she’d faltered pretty epically and all of her suspicions about her supportive parents
were confirmed-- they would only support her when it was easy for them. Even now when things were
better with her mother, Quinn really wasn’t sure if she could count on her mother to support her
through something difficult. She really didn’t think so.

Rachel laughed. “Yeah? And she really never beat you up?” she teased. “I mean, the pecking order
says she should have at least taken some of it out on you if your parents were taking it out on her.”

Quinn shook her head. “No,” she said honestly. “She was always pretty good to me. I really couldn’t
have asked for a better sister in that respect.”

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Rachel ducked her head and then peeked up at Quinn through her eyelashes. She smiled. “I’m glad,”
she said sincerely. “I’m glad she was good to you and that you had her. I bet you kind of wish she
were still around here, huh?” she asked softly.

“Sometimes,” Quinn admitted. “I’m older now, so we can do more stuff together. It was a lot of fun
when I visited her back in December.”

Rachel smiled. “She’ll come back. I mean, not here to Lima, but she won’t be in Japan forever.” She
rubbed Quinn’s shoulder comfortingly. “I bet she misses you, too.”

Quinn smiled back. “Yeah.”

They lapsed into silence after that.

--

They finished their homework whilst going through two movies on the Lifetime Movie Network.

Quinn picked up the phone to look at the time. It was getting a little late, at least, to be out on a school
night. She sighed, stood up and stretched. “I should go.”

“Okay,” Rachel said. “I’ll walk you to your car.”

“Okay,” Quinn smiled.

The blonde packed up her things. Rachel walked Quinn to her car and stood in front of the driver’s
door as Quinn opened the car and dropped her things onto the front passenger seat.

“See you tomorrow,” Quinn said cheerfully, she reached out to bring Rachel into a hug.

“See you tomorrow,” Rachel echoed. “Drive safe. Text me when you get home,” she said, brushing a
kiss to Quinn’s cheek and then pulling away. But she still stood close and she gazed up into Quinn’s
eyes.

Quinn smiled. “I will. Good night,” she said softly. She didn’t know why she didn’t just get into her car
and leave. She stood for a few moments, her eyes gazing back at Rachel.

Rachel laughed softly. “Hey,” she murmured. “Wake up earlier tomorrow. I’ll pick you up and I’ll buy
you breakfast.”

Quinn’s lips curved into a small smile. “Well, I don’t know,” she joked. “I’m not sure it’s worth getting up
early for a free breakfast. Not everyone wakes up before the sun rises like you.”

Rachel chuckled. “Okay, then. You can buy your own breakfast.”

Quinn swatted at Rachel’s arm. “I demand you buy me breakfast!” she teased. “I’m giving up beauty
sleep for you, so I demand you buy me breakfast.”

Rachel grinned. “You don’t need beauty sleep,” she murmured. “So why should I feel guilty about it?
But even so, yes, I’ll buy you breakfast. Pick you up at 7?”

Quinn groaned. “Okay,” she agreed. “But only because you said you’d buy me breakfast.”

Rachel smiled. “Okay, then. Good night,” she murmured.

“Good night,” Quinn said quietly. She got into the car and looked up at Rachel as the car door was still
open. She gave a small wave and then shut the door. She turned back to give one final wave before
she drove away. She gave one last look into the rearview mirror to see that Rachel had just started the
walk back into her house.

--
“Happy Friday,” Rachel greeted when she picked Quinn up the next morning.

“What’s so happy about it?” Quinn grumbled playfully as she got into Rachel’s car. She slapped
Rachel’s thigh. “You made me get up early,” she accused.

“But now I’m going to buy you a delicious meal which includes your favorite food item,” Rachel said
with a grin as she put the car in drive and drove away from the curb.

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Quinn snorted. “You seriously overstate my love for bacon,” she complained good-naturedly. But she
did like it.

Rachel pointed to the band-aid depicting bacon around Quinn’s left index finger and laughed.

Quinn slapped Rachel’s arm. “You got me these band-aids!”

Rachel gave Quinn a dirty look, but then smiled. “I’m driving!” she chided. “You assaulting me while I
am trying to maneuver through these roads may end in our untimely fiery deaths.”

“I’d rather be right than be alive,” Quinn declared.

Rachel snorted. “I know you’re kidding, but somehow that suits you.”

Quinn rolled her eyes. “It suits you, too,” she pointed out.

“I know, but I’m okay with that.”

Quinn laughed and shook her head. She looked at Rachel fondly for a moment and then turned away
to gaze out of the passenger side window.

--

Despite Quinn’s insistence that Rachel buy her breakfast, once the check actually came, there was a
struggle as both Quinn and Rachel attempted to yank the bill away from each other. Ultimately
however, Rachel was successful and she smacked a twenty dollar bill into the check holder and
passed it to waiter who happened to come by.

Rachel smiled triumphantly.

Quinn rolled her eyes and flung a packet of Splenda at Rachel which Rachel caught and put back into
the sugar holder. Quinn rolled her eyes again, but she gazed at Rachel with affection. “You’re better at
catching than most of the guys on the football team,” she commented with a giggle.

Rachel grinned crookedly. “I am not certain how complimentary that is considering our football team is
so hopelessly inept.”

Quinn smiled. “If you were on the football team in all your unfashionable midget glory…” she giggled
when she saw the look of outrage on Rachel’s face, “it wouldn’t be so pointless to cheer for such a
losing team.”

Rachel chuckled. “I suppose that’s kind of complimentary, although not over much,” she grumbled.
“You’re just lucky I’m not making you walk to school for that.”

Quinn grinned. “It’s only a couple blocks away and the weather is nice,” she said with a shrug. She
paused and then gave Rachel a small smile. “But don’t make me walk.”

Rachel smiled back. “I’d never do something like that to you.”

And Quinn believed her. Not just about making her walk to school, because that would actually be sort
of funny, but about not doing anything like that. Rachel wasn’t perfect-- she was self-absorbed, just like
Quinn herself was, and Rachel’s focus could, at times, be far too narrow-- a classic case of someone
who is unable to see the forest for the trees. But Rachel was a good person and ultimately kind-
hearted and while Rachel occasionally said and did shitty things, Quinn didn’t think Rachel was
capable of true malice, not toward her or anyone else.

She used to see Rachel as a threat because she recognized the ruthless streak in Rachel that she had
in herself and so she’d endeavored to keep Rachel pushed down as much as possible. But she
recognized now that there was only so far Rachel would ever go, and that when it came to friends,
Rachel could be trusted. It was kind of a comfort.

--

They served their last day of detention from the incident in Mr. Johnson’s classroom and walked out of
the classroom, jubilant.

“Exonerated!” Rachel crowed, punching the air with both fists.

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“We were not exonerated,” Quinn said, rolling her eyes. “We were paroled.”

“We were wrongfully imprisoned,” Rachel said. “Even though we served our time, we will be
exonerated and this blight on our records will be expunged. I’ll make sure of it.”

Quinn chuckled. “I have to go to my locker. Come with me?”

“I have to go to mine, too,” Rachel said. “I’ll meet you at yours, okay?”

Quinn smiled. “Okay.”

--

Quinn hated her locker because it had a tendency to get stuck. She was fumbling with it and finally got
it unlocked and pulled it open with a hard jerk when she felt the locker hit something.

Rachel released an outraged squeak and Quinn gasped in horror. Alarmed, she slammed her locker
shut to see that Rachel was pressing her hands to her forehead and giving Quinn a look.

“Sorry!” Quinn gasped, grabbing Rachel. She pulled the brunette close, her hands covering Rachel’s
head as if that could take the pain away. “I’m so sorry,” she said. She hugged Rachel close and
pressed small, comforting kisses to Rachel’s forehead and the top of her head. “I’m so sorry! Are you
okay?”

Rachel giggled and then Quinn knew she was okay. Quinn giggled, too.

“You creeper!” Quinn exclaimed. “That wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t sneak up on me.”

Rachel chuckled. “Having problems with your locker?”

“I hate this one. I want a new one.”

Rachel smiled and passed the book she was holding to Quinn. “Hold this”

Quinn took it.

“What’s your combination?”

“24-38-15, but you’re not going to be able to--” Quinn trailed off as she watched Rachel spin the
combination and then open the locker in one smooth gesture. “I hate you,” she grumbled playfully.

Rachel stepped away to give Quinn room. She wiggled her fingers, spirit-fingers style. “Magic!”

Quinn snorted. “You and your delusions of grandeur.”

“They aren’t delusions when they’re true, Quinn,” Rachel said with a smile.

Quinn snorted. “You’re such a weirdo,” she groused with affection.

--

Rachel dropped her off since apparently Rachel had some errands to run. Quinn offered to keep her
company, but Rachel declined, grinning that Quinn would be extremely bored.

“Hey, Santana wants to hang out tonight,” Quinn said. “So come over later, okay?”

Rachel smiled. “Okay.”

“See you later, partner.”

“Definitely, partner.”

--

By the time Rachel came over, Santana and Brittany were already at Quinn’s house.

“It’s about time,” Santana said with a scowl. “I’m starving.”

Rachel smiled crookedly. “I apologize profusely for your impatient stomach.”

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Santana snorted. “You’re cute and all, but I’m ready to cook you and eat you.”

Rachel made a face. “That sounds dirty.”

“You wish.” Santana said, rolling her eyes. “Let’s go.”

--

They went back to Quinn’s house after they ate because they couldn’t decide on what to do. It was a
small town and they were minors, so the options were limited.

“Puck has a party,” Brittany commented.

“No,” Quinn and Santana said together.

Rachel chuckled. Her phone rang and Rachel glanced down at it. Her smile dimmed slightly.

“Everything okay?” Brittany asked, seeing the look on Rachel’s face.

“Yes, of course. I just…I need to take this. I’ll be right back.” Rachel smiled again and left Quinn’s
bedroom and slipped into the hallway.

“I feel like swimming,” Brittany said.

“The pool’s still closed, Brit,” Quinn reminded her.

The community pool opened up mid-June and it was still only mid-May.

“So?” Santana asked. “The water is still there, and I know they’ve been cleaning it to get ready to open
up again.”

“It’ll be freezing.”

“So we’ll go into the Jacuzzi to warm up. I think it’s a good idea,” Santana declared.

Quinn suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. If she’d suggested a swim, Santana would have loudly
decried the idea. But since Brittany suggested it, it was suddenly a good idea.

“Fine,” Quinn said grudgingly, because there really wasn’t much else to do.

Rachel came back a few minutes later and reclaimed her seat on the bed next to Quinn.

“We’re going to the pool,” Quinn said.

“But it’s closed.”

“We’re breaking in,” Santana said. “Got a problem with it?”

Rachel shrugged. “I’m good at picking locks. I refuse to climb over the fence. It’s undignified.”

--

It was surprising but not so surprising that Rachel knew how to pick a lock.

Rachel gave them a toothy smile as she triumphantly opened the lock to the community pool with very
little trouble.

“You’re a felon,” Santana said.

“I’m just multi-skilled and versatile,” Rachel said with a beatific smile.

--

Rachel seemed a little fearful, because she wasn’t a strong swimmer, so Quinn stayed with Rachel in
the shallow end to keep her company while Brittany and Santana floated on their backs in the deep
end and occasionally taunted Rachel by flaunting their swimming ability.

The water was freezing, but once they got used to it, it was nice. It was dark because there were no
lights, but it was a full moon and plenty of stars, so it was pretty easy to see.

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“You aren’t such a bad swimmer,” Quinn observed, watching Rachel swim.

“I can swim, I’m just not very good at it.”

Quinn smiled. “I can’t believe you’re admitting to it,” she teased.

Rachel laughed softly. “We all have our faults. I think this is a pretty acceptable one as far as faults
go.”

Quinn rolled her eyes and splashed Rachel.

Rachel giggle and began splashing back.

They splashed and squealed for a few moments before Santana told them to knock it off, unless they
wanted to get caught.

Rachel looked chastised and contrite. She made a face and then leaned in close to Quinn.

“Weeeeee,” she whispered.

Quinn giggled and wrapped her arm around Rachel’s shoulder, her forearm resting against the back of
Rachel’s neck. “Weeeeeee,” she whispered back.

Rachel giggled.

--

When the water got too cold, they climbed out and went into the Jacuzzi which had recently been
cleaned in preparation for the re-opening of the pool for the impending summer. Santana turned on the
jets and the water became nice and toasty.

Quinn sat down and leaned back and let the jet hit a steady stream of water on a knot in her back.

She let out a low moan because it felt so good.

Santana smirked. “Do you need some time alone, Quinn?”

Quinn blushed. “Shut up.”

The four sat in the Jacuzzi for a while. Quinn lay back and turned to look at Rachel who was relaxed,
her head tilted back, eyes closed as she softly hummed ‘Seasons of Love’ from RENT. Quinn couldn’t
resist a smile before she turned away to catch Santana and Brittany looking at her, each of them
smirking.

Brittany made a gesture with her hands that simulated a sexual position which made Santana giggle
and Quinn blush. Santana made a ‘V’ with the index finger and middle finger of her right hand and
made a lewd gesture with her tongue. Quinn made a face. Quinn gave them harshly silencing looks
and then slouched down and mirrored Rachel’s posture. Quinn closed her eyes and just enjoyed the
feeling of illegally being in a Jacuzzi at the community pool.

Quinn opened her eyes when she heard Rachel release a soft, surprised gasp. Quinn glanced at
Rachel who was now staring at her lap, cheeks bright pink, clearly trying not to look up. Quinn turned
to Santana and Brittany to see Brittany straddling Santana’s lap so that they were face-to-face. They
were kissing heatedly, arms and hands roaming over one another frenetically.

Quinn reached her hand out to clasp Rachel on the shoulder. Rachel jumped and looked at Quinn.

Quinn gestured with her head to leave, and Rachel nodded her head in quick assent.

They got out of the Jacuzzi, leaving a little noisily, but Brittany and Santana didn’t seem to notice. They
ran back to the pool and jumped in together, hand-in-hand, rising to the surface, laughing.

Quinn hooked her legs around Rachel’s waist. “Walk me around,” she demanded.

Rachel chuckled. “Okay,” she said, holding onto Quinn’s legs which were wrapped around her waist.
She began walking around the pool as Quinn lay on her back, looking up at the sky.

“I hate it when they do that,” Quinn said with a sigh.

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Rachel blushed. “I’m fond of public displays of affection, but they’re…very affectionate.”

“I know, it’s completely excessive.”

“I think it’s sweet.”

Quinn rolled her eyes. “Of course you do.”

“Well, Santana is very good to Brittany.”

“Yeah,” Quinn agreed.

And really, Brittany was really the only person Santana was good to, so it had to be love. There’d been
times when Quinn thought about selling Santana and Brittany out to Sue Sylvester or the rest of the
school, but they just seemed happy together and that was a line Quinn couldn’t bring herself to cross,
even when she thought doing it a lot.

Rachel looked a little wistful. “I bet if we checked back with them in ten years, they’ll still be together. I
think they’re going to make it.”

Quinn didn’t have the same kind of faith in relationships she used to have anymore, so she was a little
uncertain. “Hmm,” she said noncommittally.

“They don’t seem to have a lot of obstacles,” Rachel said, still looking a little wistful, but now sounding
a little envious, too.

Quinn tried to keep her voice light, but she was curious. “Got a secret boyfriend I don’t know about,
Rach? Someone people won’t approve of?”

She kind of suspected that maybe Rachel was involved with someone, or at least, she had been, but
Rachel had denied it on more than one occasion.

Rachel chuckled. “Definitely not.” She smiled and playfully squeezed Quinn’s legs which were still
wrapped around her waist as she walked them around the pool. “But sometimes, two people can’t be
together even though they should be.”

Quinn shrugged and made a face when it made water get into her ears and on her face. “I don’t know,”
she said. “I think if two people can’t be together, there’s probably a good reason why.”

Rachel looked thoughtful. “Maybe,” she said finally. “But sometimes one person has to go away and
can’t come back.”

Rachel seemed a little too somber for a night that was supposed to just be about fun and Quinn
wanted to bring Rachel’s good humor back.

“Well, where did that person go?” Quinn teased. “Prison? Because that seems like a good indicator not
to be with that person.”

Rachel laughed. “Nothing quite so dramatic. The reasons can be very banal-- college, a job out of the
country…” she trailed off. “Uh…the military.”

Quinn sighed. “I’m not the right person to ask about these things.”

Rachel chuckled. “Nor am I.”

They lapsed into companionable silence which broke when Brittany cannonballed into the water with a
shriek.

Rachel and Quinn separated and laughed as Brittany began splashing them.

--
The four girls splashed around in the pool and then Brittany climbed up on the diving board and
jumped off it in a smooth, clean motion, like a knife cutting through the water. Santana whistled
appreciatively.

“Santana, now you go,” Brittany called out.

Santana got out without comment and climbed up the diving board to jump in.

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“We’ll all take turns.” Brittany said, not bothering to look at either Rachel or Quinn as she stared up at
her girl on the diving board.

“I don’t think so, Brittany. I’m not a very strong swimmer,” Rachel said.

“I’ll save you,” Brittany said with a laugh, whooping a little when Santana waved at her from the diving
board. She broke out into claps when Santana jumped off and broke the surface of the water almost
as cleanly as Brittany did. “You’re awesome!” Brittany called out, swimming to join her girl.

Quinn smiled at Rachel reassuringly. “It’ll be okay. I won’t let anything happen to you,” she said, before
she swam to the edge of the pool to hoist herself out.

She climbed up and took a deep breath. She made a show of putting her arms up and then out to her
sides and then up again.

“Stop showing off, Fabray and jump!” Santana called up.

Quinn made a face and wished she had something to throw at Santana, but grinned when she saw
Rachel splash water at Santana.

She took another deep breath and jumped in. She was airborne for a few moments and it felt amazing.
She hit the surface of the water and when she came up, Rachel was clapping.

“I’ll try it,” Rachel said. “But if I drown, I’ll haunt each and every one of you.”

“Which would make like untenable,” Santana shot back. “So I’ll make sure you make it out alive.”

Rachel grinned and climbed out of the water.

“You can do it, Rach,” Quinn called out softly.

Rachel smiled at her and gave a tiny wave as she walked to the diving board and climbed up the
ladder.

Quinn stared up at Rachel as Rachel gazed down into the water, took a deep breath and jumped.

Rachel struggled a little to rise to the surface and Quinn began to swim toward her, but once Rachel
broke the surface, she was grinning triumphantly. She punched the air in victory and swam over to
them. “I’m going to go again.”

Santana rolled her eyes. “I knew this would happen.” She splashed water at Rachel’s back. “And it’s
Brit’s turn anyway!”

Brittany chuckled. “She can have it.”

They watched as Rachel climbed up again and this time made a show of various diving positions.

“On with it, Berry!” Santana called up.

Rachel giggled and then jumped up, but did not dive off the board.

“Look at the little one go!” Quinn hooted in support.

Startled, Rachel’s head whipped around to glance at Quinn and her foot slipped as she landed on the
board again. She slipped off the board and Quinn watched, horrified, as the back of Rachel’s head
collided with the diving board and Rachel fell into the water.

Quinn, Santana and Brittany released shrieks and after a split second of terrified paralysis, began
swimming to Rachel, who’d already surfaced and was now swimming toward the edge.

Quinn reached Rachel first guided her to the edge of the pool. Santana and Brittany helped Quinn pull
Rachel out.

They crowded around Rachel, trying to assess for injury.

“Are you okay?!” Quinn asked. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to distract you.”

Rachel was laughing as she clutched the back of her head. “That hurt so much,” she gasped out in

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between fits of laughter. “Even more than when you hit me in face with your locker today.”

Santana looked at Quinn. “I didn’t know you were into the freaky stuff, Fabray.”

Quinn slapped Santana’s arm, but otherwise ignored her. “Rach, are you okay?”

Rachel was laughing, which was a good sign, but Quinn just wanted to be sure.

Rachel laughed again. “Yes,” she assured. “I’m fine.” She laughed even harder. “I’m sure that looked
very ungraceful.”

“It did,” Brittany said bluntly. “But it was kind of Quinn’s fault.”

Rachel rubbed the back of her head, and winced a little, but she smiled at Quinn. “Next time, breakfast
is on you.”

Quinn laughed softly. “Okay.”

“God, I wish there was video of that,” Santana said. “I’d watch it any time my day sucked to feel
better.”

--

They left the pool after that and congregated at Rachel’s house, since her parents weren’t home. They
showered to wash off the chlorine and sat around afterward Rachel’s living room, watching TV and
munching on just-delivered pizza. Rachel gave into the craving for cheese and pepperoni and sighed
with satisfaction.

“See?” Quinn teased, nudging Rachel’s knee with her own. “You’ve got to give up this vegan thing.”

“My reasons are complex,” Rachel said dryly. “You could never understand,” she joked.

Quinn just rolled her eyes in response.

--

After a while, the alcohol came out of Rachel’s parents’ liquor cabinet.

“Jesus,” Santana said, as she rifled through the selection. “This is almost as big as your parents’ liquor
cabinet, Q. Between the two of you guys, you could open a liquor store.”

Rachel met Quinn’s eyes and gave her a lopsided smile.

“I just bought some orange juice and cranberry juice,” she said. “Oh, and I know we have ginger ale. I’ll
get some ice.”

“I’ll help you,” Quinn said, getting up and following Rachel into the kitchen.

Rachel hummed softly as she got everything together.

“You’re really okay, Rach?”

Rachel smiled. “Yes.”

“I’m sorry I distracted you.”

Rachel smiled. “It wasn’t your fault.”

She grabbed everything and put it on a tray while Quinn carried out four glasses.

“Let’s go,” Rachel said.

--

Somehow they got around to playing drinking games.

It didn’t take much for Rachel to get a little buzzed, and Santana, Quinn and Brittany exchanged
surreptitious grins at the way Rachel began to slur ever so slightly.

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--

They sat in a tight circle, Brittany sandwiched between Rachel and Santana, and Quinn sitting to the
left of Rachel.

“I never kissed a boy,” Santana said, just to start them all off on the right foot.

They all took a drink.

“I never kissed a girl,” Brittany said.

Santana and Brittany looked at one another, pecked their lips together in a quick kiss, reached for their
glasses and took long gulps of their drinks.

Simultaneously, Rachel reached for her glass and began to lift it up but then suddenly put her drink
down again.

Santana smirked. “I saw that!”

Rachel blushed. “I just got confused about the rules!”

Santana grinned. “So you never kissed a girl?” she asked, teasingly.

Rachel’s cheeks turned pink. “I…uh…”

Brittany grinned at her. “Aren’t you sure? You either have or you haven’t.”

“Of course I’m--”

Brittany silenced her with a kiss.

Quinn watched, her brow furrowed as Brittany practically climbed on top of Rachel. For her part,
Rachel didn’t protest. Quinn wanted to look away, but she couldn’t, she just stared as Brittany climbed
into Rachel’s lap and kissed her. She watched as Brittany deepened the kiss and they each made little
mewling noises. Quinn’s mouth felt dry and she grabbed her drink and took a sip, but she still couldn’t
look away.

Finally, Brittany pulled away and smiled. She stroked Rachel’s cheek with the back of one of her
hands.

“You’re a good kisser,” Brittany declared. “Now you won’t be confused about whether or not you kissed
a girl because I’m awesome.”

“Yeah, you are,” Santana called out suggestively. Santana slapped Brittany’s thigh. “That was hot,
Brittany.”

Brittany turned to Santana and grinned wickedly. She leaned in toward Santana and whispered in her
ear.

Santana was grinning when Brittany pulled away. “Take a drink, Berry,” Santana said. “Now you’ve
kissed a girl.”

Rachel dutifully took one.

Santana, who was sitting to Quinn’s left turned to the blonde, got up onto her knees and pulled Quinn
toward her by grabbing onto the front of Quinn’s shirt and pulling. Wordlessly, she pressed her lips
against Quinn’s.

Quinn’s eyes widened and she struggled against Santana for a moment before she finally just gave in
and kissed back. She was just beginning to forget that this was Santana she was kissing and starting
to really enjoy it when Santana pulled back and slapped Quinn’s thigh.

“Now you have to drink, too,” Santana said. “Because now we’ve all kissed girls.”

Quinn’s hand shook slightly as she raised the glass to her lips, she felt completely off-kilter. Santana
looked smug.

--

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They moved on from ‘I Never’ to Truth-or-Dare.

“You keep choosing dare, Rach,” Santana said with a smirk. “What are you trying to hide?”

Rachel smiled. “I’m an open book,” she said, humming a few bars of ‘Part of Your World' from The
Little Mermaid. Her cheeks were pink and she was clearly very buzzed. She was lying on her stomach,
with butt in the air. She seemed a little hyperactive because her butt wiggled every few minutes.

“Okay, then,” Santana said. “Truth or dare?”

Rachel smiled. “Truth,” she said.

“Was Brittany the first girl you kissed?”

It shouldn’t have mattered, but Quinn desperately wanted to know that, too.

Rachel’s smile dimmed slightly. She paused. “Yes.”

That was a lie. Quinn just knew it.

Santana chuckled. “You big liar. What’s the penalty for lying in Truth or Dare?”

“Spanking,” Brittany said. She slammed her hand down on Rachel’s butt, making an audible smack.

“Brittany!” Rachel exclaimed in mock outage. She laughed and rubbed her butt.

Quinn stared at Rachel for a moment and then looked away. When she did, she met Santana’s eyes.
Santana’s eyes narrowed for a moment and she smirked.

“I can’t wait to get you over my lap, Berry,” Santana said with a laugh. She looked at Rachel’s butt
appreciatively and her eyes trailed down Rachel’s bare legs, but she turned to Quinn and smirked
because Quinn was looking at Rachel, too.

Quinn clenched her jaw and sneered at her. She didn’t like the way Santana looked at Rachel when
she already had Brittany and she didn’t like the way Santana was smirking at her. What the hell was
Santana trying to prove anyway? “Hey, Santana. Truth or dare.”

Santana shrugged. “Truth,” she said. “I really am an open book,” she said, giving Rachel a look. But
she smiled at Rachel, and it was genuine.

Rachel giggled. “San.”

“What’s the story with your boob job?” Quinn said.

Because really, they only looked a little bigger when they got back to school. After a few months, when
the swelling had gone down and Santana’s breasts dropped slightly, the way they were supposed to
after breast augmentation, they really didn’t look that much bigger. So what had been the point?

“Quinn,” Rachel said quietly. “Don’t. You shouldn’t. That’s not…”

“She can handle it, Rach. Remember? She’s an open book.”

Santana shrugged and took a sip of her drink before she responded. “It’s really not any of your fucking
business, Fabray, but the BRCA2 gene runs in my family-- that’s the breast cancer gene. It skipped my
mom, but four of her sisters died from breast cancer and so did my grandmother. I got the test done
this summer and I’m a carrier. I thought it was better to be proactive than reactive, so I got a double
mastectomy and got implants.”

Quinn blanched and she stared at Santana who stared back at her unflinchingly, her face blank. Quinn
glanced at Rachel who was staring back at her with a mixture of sympathy and disappointment and
she knew from the look on Rachel’s face and the way Rachel tried to stop her, that Rachel had known.
She looked at Brittany, and could only see Brittany’s face in profile because Brittany was looking at
Santana and holding Santana’s hand. Brittany looked anguished, but not surprised, and so Quinn
knew that it was true. It was all true and not some way for Santana to screw with her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Quinn asked quietly.

“Because we’re friends, Q. I didn’t think I needed to explain myself after I asked you to keep it quiet. I
just assumed you would.”

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Quinn turned to Rachel. “You knew about this?”

“Rachel can keep a secret,” Santana interjected.

“But why didn’t you tell Sylvester. She--”

“Because it’s none of her fucking business, either. If I wanted sympathy and understanding, I would
have told you and Sylvester. But I want things to go back to fucking normal, okay?”

Quinn swallowed hard. “Okay,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Santana was quiet for a moment. “Yeah, well. I’m sorry about the thing I said about your kid,” she said
gruffly.

--

Quinn, Santana and Brittany texted their parents that they were going to sleep over at Rachel’s. In
truth, they’d all drank a little too much alcohol to make driving home feasible. Santana and Brittany
took Rachel’s spare bedroom while Rachel and Quinn shared Rachel’s bed.

--

It was difficult for Quinn to sleep and she didn’t want to toss and turn and keep Rachel up. But
Santana’s admission weighed heavily on her mind and she felt awful.

She couldn’t take it anymore. She turned around to see Rachel lying on her stomach, face pressed
into the pillow. Quinn smiled and reached out to palm Rachel’s cheek for a moment and then sat up,
intending to get some fresh air in the backyard.

Rachel roused. “Hey,” she said. “Where are you going?”

“I just need some air.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Quinn said. “Go back to sleep.”

Rachel made a few sleepy sounds, stretched her limbs while she was still lying in the bed and then sat
up. “I’ll go with you,” she murmured.

“Okay.”

--

They sat around in the lawn furniture in Rachel’s backyard.

“I feel really bad about Santana,” Quinn confessed.

“Well, you didn’t know,” Rachel said.

Quinn was miserable. “I never should have told anyway,” she said. “I was being a bitch. I’m just…” she
sighed. “I am not a good friend.”

Rachel rubbed Quinn’s knee. “You’re a very good friend,” she refuted. “You just made a mistake. And
how were you supposed to know? Breast augmentation is not a surgery that is traditionally taken very
seriously because it’s often purely cosmetic and elective. You couldn’t have known.”

“I still feel really bad,” Quinn whispered. “I mean, I didn’t even…ask why she did it. I should have at
least asked. Maybe she would have told me.”

“Or maybe, knowing Santana, she would have told you to mind your own fucking business and we
would still be having this conversation anyway,” Rachel pointed out gently. “You were wrong, and you
made a mistake, but everyone makes mistakes. And since I’ve made many mistakes in my life, I have
to believe that we’re better than our mistakes.”

Quinn chuckled. “I guess we both can be,” she murmured, reaching for Rachel’s hand and squeezing
it. She still felt like shit, but Rachel made Quinn feel a little better.

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They sat in silence for a while, holding hands until Rachel stood up. “Come on,” she said softly. “Let’s
go back to bed. It’s still pretty cold in the mornings.”

“Okay.”

Quinn followed Rachel back to the bedroom. This time, rather than each of them staying on their
respective sides of the bed, Rachel snuggled close to Quinn.

“It’s cold,” Rachel complained in a low murmur.

“Yeah,” Quinn agreed, pulling Rachel even closer, so their heads shared the same pillow. Quinn let out
a little sigh and then she fell asleep.

--

Quinn woke up the next day to find Rachel sitting at the foot of the bed, with her back toward her.
Rachel was looking at her phone, her shoulders slumped slightly.

“You okay, Rach?”

Rachel jumped slightly, clearly startled. She turned around and smiled. “Hey, partner.”

“Everything okay?” Quinn repeated, sitting up in the bed and crawling toward Rachel on all fours.

Rachel stood up quickly. “Of course,” she said. “Uh…I’m going to…make breakfast for everyone. Go
back to sleep, I’ll call you when breakfast is ready.”

She moved quickly toward the door.

“Rach.”

“Yes?” Rachel asked, turning around to look at Quinn.

“Whatever is going on,” Quinn said quietly. “I hope you’ll tell me when you’re ready.”

Rachel gave her a frail smile. “Nothing’s going on.”

Rachel left the room. Once she closed the door behind her, she looked at the phone again and stared
at the email Taylor sent her in response to the one she sent Taylor.

I hate you, too, you little bitch

Tags: glee, quinn/rachel

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )

thetheaterrat
2010-10-11 09:39 am (local)

I hate all these cliffhangers because I'm SUPPOSED to be studying for my PSAT and this really isn't
helping.

But still, this story is the best. It's unfair how amazing of a writer you are. I hate Taylor... Aubrey was
so much better, geez.

Reading this reminds me of Running With Scissors, but without the psychologists and not as graphic.
XD
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:51 pm (local)

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But...but...I posted the whole thing so there would be no cliffhangers! lol

And oh my GOD, the PSAT! Study for that! You know, National Merit Scholar and all! You better
get that, missy!!

You know, hilariously. Or, unhilariously, I almost decided on just going with Aubrey as the sister's
name in here, simply because I couldn't decide on a name. But then...yeah.

I've read some Augusten Burroughs, but not that one. I need to add that to the queue.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

thetheaterrat
2010-10-11 01:14 pm (local)

But you posted it all at once so I had to finish it!!!! :P

Yes mother. *rolls eyes* It doesn't really count this year, I'm a sophomore... National Merit is
looking at my 11th grade work, I think? Damn, now I'm freaking out again. THANKS.

Aww, but I love Aubrey... they look completely different in my head, you know. XD Aubrey
looks softer and rounder and shorter and sweeter, whereas Taylor is taller and thinner and
has a haunted look in her eyes.

No? Queen of Angst hasn't read Running With Scissors? *gasps* You should! He's my idol
and he's sooo nice in person (and his eyes are beautiful) but he's so snarky, and he's so
funny but so horrible that it IS funny and Running With Scissors is awful too but awesome. My
favorite books are Possible Side Effects, Magical Thinking, and Dry... and Stellevision too, but
I haven't finished it (yet). :)
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 01:31 pm (local)

Haha, well, kiddo. I'd like to tell you that it's all important, because it kind of is. But at the
same time, I was kicked out of high school, went to continuation school, had an OT
transfer to several schools and still managed to do pretty well. I mean, I went on to get a
BA from UCSB and a MSW and JD from UCLA. I got married, had kids, got a job, blah
blah and no one really gives a shit about the 11th grade.

It's just stress you need to put up with because of course it's important for college and all,
but just remember to have loads of fun before you end up with a job and a mortgage and
student loan bills up the yin yang. And anyway. I can tell you're a smart kid, so you're
probably headed for the Ivy League... you, you're going to do just fine. In everything.
You're way too smart for things NOT to work out for you

I LOVED Magical Thinking, by the way!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

thetheaterrat
2010-10-11 08:09 pm (local)

It's important in a not important way. I'd rather have a test of actual skill and
knowledge instead of a stupid logic test!! And exactly, you seem pretty happy and
successful to me. :) High school is nothing like the real world--I hate high school.
Everyone is so self-absorbed and they think they're invincible and they like picking
on me cos I don't see the point in being a bitch to people I don't know or people who
think I'm their friend. Grr.

And nobody gives a shit about 10th grade. Not even the PSAT! And yet I'm totally
panicking... joy.

It's important for colleges, who hopefully will encourage me to become an intelligent
and independent thinker, to base my entry/scholarship on a stupid, empty logic test.

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It's skewed and screwed up if you ask me.

Yeah, I like fun... :3 And ew, I'm not stuck up enough for Ivy League! I have no clue
where I want to go, but I'd love to go to school somewhere up north cos I'm in deep
south (so deep it's north... or Latin America, lmao) but my state and my parents did
this prepaid college plan so I'll prolly just stay local... wheeeee. I hate how all these
officials want me to know where I want to go and know what I want to do with life!
Too stressful. I will become a cavewoman. Fire gud.

And THANK YOU!!! That's the biggest compliment I've received in a long time!! And
from you!! :O Thank you!!! :D

I LOVED it too! :) haha, while we're at it, any other books you recommend? XD I love
reading...
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 10:39 pm (local)

I'd like to say that the bitches in high school get their due, but to be honest, I was
kind of a bitch in high school. I will say that in my experience people who feel the
need to pick on other people are generally being picked on or picked at in some
other area of their lives. I know it's pretty meaningless to say they deserve your
compassion, but they do, because clearly, you're a smart, insightful, good-
hearted person, so you have a leg up on those little fools.

I can't emphasise enough how awesome college is. Even my worst college class
had more interesting material than my best high school class. Some of the
classes were excruciating, of course, but you learn cool bits of trivia here and
there in every class.

BOok? what's a book? Haha. When I was your age, I liked a lot of Camus, which
I am sure you've already read. I've found that I still like Camus even now.

I like Haruki Murakami, but his short stories over his novels.

Stuff I re-read/read recently were: Screwtape Letters (still as good even 15 years
later), Brief Interviews with Hideous Men (liked that one, but generally do not like
David Foster Wallace), Bonk (Mary Roach), Nick Hornby (as an author), Angela
Carter's short story 'In the Company of Wolves', Tanith Lee's short story 'When
the Clock Strikes', Etgar Keret's short story collection 'The Bus Driver Who
Wanted to be God' (I liked his other volumes as well)

When I was your age, I remember liking 'I, Claudius' and 'Claudius The God'
because I was into Graeco-Roman stuff and Robin Lee (?)'s 'Deerksin'. I
remember liking it at 15/16, but not sure if I'd still like it if I read it today, but
neither of those are youth-oriented lit

In the last couple years, I read 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' (loved it!) and
'The Vinyl Princess' (meh) both of which were considered youth-oriented lit.

Any recommendations for me? I am keen on Augusten Burroughs..

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

thetheaterrat
2010-10-13 04:45 pm (local)

Yeah. I know a lot of the kids who picked on me were bullied a lot... it
doesn't give them an excuse to be mean, and it doesn't mean I want to be
their friends, but I'm not going to hunt them down or anything. XD

College is epic. :D I know, I'm just taking one class at a community college,
but IT IS STILL EPIC!! :D

Book? On paper? I only read fanfiction. XD Ooh, thank you for all the
recommendations! I'll go request a bunch at the library, yay. :D :D

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Augusten Burroughs is epic. I'm reading Stellevision and it's INSANE! He

was so drunk writing it (he wrote it in seven days and by the seventh he was
sober) and all the characters are SO superficial and stupid and the whole
premise of the book is nonsense but it's so funny! He wrote it to laugh at
anyone who read it, I'm convinced. XD

'The Glass Castle' by Jeannette Walls was amazzzzing. Like

ammmmmaaaazzzziiiiing!

I love all the teen!lesbian fic like 'Keeping You A Secret', 'Annie on my Mind',
'Rage', 'Good Moon Rising'... dunno if it's your style but they're super
awesome reads. Oh! And 'By The Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead' was
fun...

'Becoming Naomi Leon' was a really cool book... I mean, I read it when I
was eleven and I've read it about once a year since then and each time it
has a different meaning. I love books that grow with me. :)

'Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet' looks like a really good book... I
haven't actually finished it but my mom and grandma loved it.

'Wicked' was awesome. GM is a pervert and has no clue what a naked

woman looks like, but it's such a great book.

'A Long Way Gone: memoirs of a Boy Soldier' by Ishmael Beah was
heartbreaking and beautiful. I cried nonstop. He's wonderful.

'Look Me In The Eye' by John Elder Robinson is the best! He's Augusten
Burroughs' older brother. He has Asperger's. He designed rocket-shotting
guitars for KISS. He's Augusten Burroughs' brother. HOW COULD HE NOT
BE AWESOME?! :D

I've read 'Izzy Willy Nilly' more times than I can count... it might be too
teenish for you, but it's angst-tastic. XD I want to do a Glee fic with the plot.
Actually, I want someone to write it for me. XD

'All Creatures Great and Small' is the first of the James Herriot series... he's
a country vet in the 30's and I don't think I've laughed at any book more!!
:DD It sounds totally boring but it's hystericallllll.

Sorry it took me so long to reply, I was taking my PSAT. I'M DONE! YAY! :D

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-14 12:29 am (local)

Two things, cos now I am going to bed.

yay. DONE WITH PSATs. How do you feel?

I liked Look Me in the Eye a lot because I self-diagnosed myself as

borderline Aspergers(jokingly), but I could relate to it a LOT. Thanks SO
much for all the recommendations on lit! I would likely skip Izzy Willy
Nlily, but I'm going to look it up on Amazon!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

thetheaterrat
2010-10-14 11:49 am (local)

Ooh! And anything by Nilo Cruz... I did the show Anna in the
Tropics and he's just awesome. :D

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Lol, good, I guess. But now I have a ton of other work I need to get
done that I was putting off... ughhhh. They assign us 25 hours of
homework. >.<

I liked it cos my brother is PDD... and we're all on the spectrum.

Like, legit. I hate loud noises and large social settings, I stare at
people's mouths... lmao.

Thank YOU so much for all your recommendations! And yeah...

Izzy is a weird, weird book. XD
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

silentinformer
2010-10-11 09:57 am (local)

I agree Aubrey was awesome lol. This was a great chapter just great the bit about the diving board
was genius. Taylor can die in fire at this point cause that email is going to screw things up majorly.
OMG I should take something and go to sleep but I am way to committed to finishing this now.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:52 pm (local)

haha. I was totally just going to stick with Aubrey as the sister's name in this, but as I was writing, I
remembered that I actually liked slipping her into Maneuvering Landmines and had to do a
"find+replace all" Oh my God. lol. You stayed up to read this? NOoooooo
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

mjacton
2010-10-11 09:01 pm (local)

This was an amazing chapter!

I don't anything about psychiatry so I'm sure the diving board scene had more significance than I
picked up on, but I still understood that Rachel must have been bothered by what Quinn said.

And Santana had a double mastectomy? What a stunning and creative explanation for that seemingly
unnecessary turn of events.

And this made me laugh until I cried:

That’s just how I roll, motherfucker

(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 11:01 pm (local)

haha, I didn't mean anything deeper for that scene other than that it caught Rachel off guard and
caused her to stumble.

I read that thing about Santana having a mastectomy in a angst prompt. I don't know if it was ever
filled, but it resonated with me because it made more sense than her stated explanation on the
show.

I love "that's just how I roll, motherfucker" I can't pull it off, but that doesn't stop me from trying
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

pee_wee_2005
2010-10-15 07:46 pm (local)

Santana beamed at Brittany and laughed.

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Lol. Loved that, Santana does give Britt, "yeah, I taught her that looks," on the show, too.

"Like, to this day, neither of my parents ever hit me or spanked me, but Tay was.”

“Oh,” Rachel whispered.

Yeah...had a feeling.

I really like this chapter! I mean, there was some serious stuff, but I love the dynamic of all four of them
hanging out together.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-15 09:41 pm (local)

heh. I know the premise of this is really serious, but this fic is actually really fluffy. At least. I think
so... THANK you for reading!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

thelonelyorange
2011-09-15 01:45 pm (local)

I can't even tolerate this anymore. I hope for my sanity that Quinn will figure it out/pry the truth from
Rachel/SOMETHING FOR FUCK'S SAKE very very very very soon.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2011-09-15 10:10 pm (local)

all is revealed in chapter 7!!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

gadinosour
2013-07-12 12:16 am (local)

god dammit i need to go to sleep! I knew I shouldnt have started this yet XD
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2013-07-15 10:24 pm (local)

aw, sorry. I hope you got sleep!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )

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FIC: Gravitational Forces [6/10] quinn/rachel quinntana rachel
Chapter 6 rachel/santana santana santana/quinn shelby
sulkygeekff
October 11th, 2010

Rachel got off the phone with Taylor and clenched the phone in her hand. Things
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were still so screwed up. Taylor left and Rachel thought if she just ignored Taylor or forgot about her, it
would make things better. For a little while, it did. But she couldn’t forget about Taylor-- the woman
was buried so far under her skin, Rachel couldn’t get her out.

Rachel hated her. With Taylor away, Rachel had time to really think about everything that she tried to
forget about. She hated Taylor. She hated Taylor for taking what Rachel would have willingly given, if
Taylor just asked. She hated Taylor for making it hurt so terribly. She hated Taylor for all those
memories of helplessness. She hated Taylor for making her beg. No matter how much she begged
and pleaded, it never helped and Rachel hated Taylor for that, too.

But she loved Taylor, too. She loved Taylor even more when she discovered what a good sister she’d
been to Quinn when they were growing up. She’d once worshipped the ground Taylor walked on, and
not much had changed in that respect.

She started to exchange emails with Taylor again. She couldn’t help it-- one day, she emailed Taylor
simply to tell her I hate you for what you did to me, to which Taylor replied, I hate you, too, you little
bitch.

It stung.

Later that day, Taylor called and Rachel spoke to her, even though they’d only talked the day before.
She excused herself from Brittany, Santana and Quinn who were still over and went into the kitchen to
talk privately.

Every time she spoke to Taylor, she just felt so confused and lost. She wasn’t unhappy, per se. But
she just didn’t know what to think or how to feel.

It was cliché, but there were times when she thought it would just be better to cease existing than have
to be so hopelessly confused. She wasn’t all that unhappy, but she’d had recurrent thoughts of suicide
ever since Taylor came back into her life and they weren’t going away. They weren’t super serious or
anything, but she kind of comforted herself into the knowledge that if things ever became unbearable
enough, suicide was a feasible option. Her father, Eddie, was a doctor who got loads of medication
samples which he kept around the house and she was sure she could make a fatal concoction if she
washed it down with enough alcohol which they also had in plentiful supply. She could always make a
noose from bedsheets, prison inmate style. They had two guns in the home which had been
purchased a few years ago when her father, Judah, owed some people money. She knew where they
were kept and the combinations to the gun safe. And of course, there were plenty of sharp objects
around. So, she had options.

Rachel picked up a knife out of the cutlery drawer and looked at it contemplatively. She gripped it
tightly in her hand. She would never cut, at least, not for self-harm, but if she ever decided she didn’t

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want to live anymore, she had access to her father’s anatomy books and she could figure out a way to
make it fatal.

“Rachel?” Quinn asked quietly.

Rachel turned around and Quinn was standing behind her, moving toward her very slowly. “Hey,” she
smiled.

“Why are you just standing there holding a knife?” Quinn asked softly.

Rachel blinked and set the knife back in the drawer. “I was just thinking about if I should make us
lunch or if we should go out for it.”

“You don’t have any more food in the fridge.”

The refrigerator at Rachel’s house tended to be pretty sparse, and so they’d pretty much eaten
through whatever was in the fridge at breakfast.

“Then I guess we’ll have to go out to eat.”

“Why were you holding the knife?”

“What are you implying, Quinn? What are you really trying to ask?”

Quinn swallowed. “You would never hurt yourself, would you?” she asked quietly.

Quinn peered deeply into Rachel’s eyes and the look on Quinn’s face was so intense, Rachel felt the
need to take a step back.

“No,” Rachel said quietly. “Of course not. I was just putting the knife back.”

Quinn still looked a little alarmed and worried. “What’s wrong?” Quinn asked softly.

“Nothing.”

“Seriously, what’s wrong?” Quinn asked gently.

Rachel released a ragged sigh. “Nothing, really,” Rachel assured.

She could never tell Quinn about what was going on with Taylor. She could never tell anyone because
she promised.

“I really wish you’d tell me, Rach,” Quinn said quietly.

‘You really don’t,’ Rachel thought. But she smiled. “There’s nothing going on. Really, Quinn. If
something were, I’d tell you.”

Quinn bit her lower lip. “Really?”

Rachel nodded. “Of course,” she said, smiling reassuringly. “If I ever really needed someone or if I
were ever really in trouble, you would be the one I’d tell. Because you’re an amazing friend.”

Quinn gave her a sunny smile. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

It wasn’t really a lie. Quinn was an amazing friend and with anything else other than this, Rachel would
tell Quinn.

--

A few weeks later, they won at Regionals, beating out Vocal Adrenaline. Rachel couldn’t resist
grabbing Quinn into a jubilant hug. They were on their way to Nationals.

Rachel thought that Sunshine Corazon was a better person that she was (and shorter, too, which was
hilarious), because Sunshine congratulated her with a smile that seemed really genuine.

Seeing Sunshine and Shelby, who came out in support of Vocal Adrenaline, did not diminish the joy of
the victory. However, when Rachel checked her phone after they all returned to the dressing room,

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she saw an email from Taylor sent before the competition started..

I know you’ll do great, little one. Make me proud.

Rachel swallowed hard. Two sentences from Taylor could ruin the victory for her, however. It’s not that
it was ruined, but she was thrown off.

Quinn bounded over to her and held up her phone. “Look! Taylor said congratulations! I emailed her
that we won and she responded back in, like, five seconds.”

Rachel smiled. “Well, hurry up and email her to say ‘thanks.’”

“Later,” Quinn said. “I was too nervous to eat all day and now I’m starving. Brit and Santana want to
get Grand Slams at Denny’s, so let’s go.”

“You know,” Rachel said. “I’m feeling pretty tired. I think I’ll pass this time. I’m just going to go home,
shower and get into bed. We’ll hang out tomorrow though, okay?”

“I…uh. Okay,” Quinn said. “Everything all right?”

“Just tired,” Rachel said with a smile. She stepped toward Quinn and stepped up on tiptoe to kiss
Quinn’s cheek. “We’ll definitely hang out tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Quinn said softly, putting her hand on Rachel’s back and rubbing it gently. “Get some sleep.”

--

Rachel returned home to her empty house. Daddy was still in California. Dad stayed a couple weeks in
LA trying to convince Daddy to come home, apparently, but to no avail. Dad had been pretty grumpy
as a result and so Rachel just tried her best to stay out of his way. He seemed to be sleeping at the
hospital lately, so she really didn’t see that much of him.

She took a shower and crawled into bed. She put her iPod into the docking station and hit shuffle and
pulled the covers over her head. She took a few deep breaths, bit her lip and then reached for her
phone to call Taylor. Taylor still had the same cell phone number since her carrier had international
coverage.

“Hey, little one,” Taylor drawled when she answered.

Rachel smiled. “Hi.”

“Quinn says you guys won, congratulations. That’s fantastic.”

“Thanks,” Rachel murmured. She paused. “Tay,” she said, her voice breaking a little. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too, Rachel,” Taylor said softly. “But it really is better that we don’t see each other.”

“Better for you,” Rachel said resentfully.

“Better for you,” Taylor shot back. “Quinn told me you guys have been hanging out a lot. I think that’s
great. You should be having fun like that.”

“She’s a great friend,” Rachel said quietly.

“She’s great,” Taylor agreed. “But don’t get so close to my little sister that you start to feel like you can
tell her everything, okay? Some stuff, like everything between me and you, that’s private. It should stay
between me and you, and you know Q would never understand.”

“I know,” Rachel said quietly. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Quinn is my friend and I do love her, but not
the way I love you.”

Taylor chuckled. “Good,” she said softly. “Because remember, if you tell anyone about us, especially
about what happened a long time ago, it could really ruin my life and it could ruin Quinn’s, too.”

“I’ve already told you I wouldn’t do that to either of you,” Rachel said quietly. “Why do you keep
belaboring this point?”

“I think it bears repeating, considering you really do have a big mouth, Rachel,” Taylor said. “Quinn
told me you told her about your dad. You told me you would never tell anyone about that other than

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me. And now you’ve told Quinn.”

“That’s different,” Rachel said resentfully.

“How so?”

“Because I...” Rachel trailed off. She tried to think, tried to come up for an answer, and she couldn’t.
She was usually really good about thinking on her feet, but when it came to Taylor or she was talking
to Taylor, she just couldn’t think. “I don’t know,” she admitted grudgingly.

“Hey,” Taylor murmured. “I’m glad you told someone about it,” she said softly. “But I’m just pointing out
that was something you said you’d never tell anyone about, and now you have. So I just want to make
sure you keep our secret a secret.”

“I will,” Rachel swore. “I’ll do better. I promise.”

“That’s my girl.”

They talked for a few more minutes and while Taylor was sweet to her, Rachel just couldn’t figure out
why she always felt so much worse after talking to Taylor.

She curled up in bed after hanging up with Taylor. She hugged her pillow and stared morosely at her
phone. Sometimes she just wanted to hurl it at the wall or defenestrate it.

She wasn’t sure how much time passed, and she must have drifted off a little bit, although she was not
asleep. She started to hear this insistent tapping. She tried to ignoring it at first, thinking it may just be
rain on her roof, but then she realized it was at her window. She thought maybe it was a tree branch or
something hitting her window.

“Ugh,” she muttered. She got out of bed to see what the hell was going on and she pulled open her
shutters with a violent yank. But there was no tree branch at her window. She heard hooting and she
looked down to see Quinn, Santana and Brittany looking up at her.

“Hey Rachel! Thanks for the view, but I think you might want to put a shirt on!” Santana shouted up at
her.

Rachel looked down at herself and gasped. She simultaneously covered herself by crossing her arms
in front of her chest and dropping to the ground, out of view. She’d forgotten she went to bed topless.
She grabbed a shirt and a pair of shorts, put them on, and went back to the window.

“What are you guys doing here?” she asked irritably, her face still red from embarrassment.

“Well, speaking for myself, I’d like an encore,” Santana called up. “Show me your boobs!”

Santana started laughing and Brittany smacked Santana in the stomach. Quinn was staring at the
ground, clearly as mortified for Rachel as Rachel was for herself.

“What are you guys doing here?” Rachel repeated.

“Let us in!” Brittany called up.

Rachel sighed. She wanted to be alone, but she also didn’t want to waste more time yelling down into
her front yard. She walked down the stairs and then opened her front door where Quinn, Santana and
Brittany were already waiting for her.

“What’s going on, guys?” Rachel asked.

“Q said you were going to hole up here like a hermit,” Santana said. “So we came to hang out.”

“Tonight’s not such a good night.”

Santana cocked her head. “Why not? Tonight was a great night. We won.”

Rachel sighed. “Come in,” she muttered. She opened the door wider to allow them entry.

Santana grinned at her and stepped inside. She patted Rachel’s shoulder as she passed. Brittany
came in and grinned at her.

“Your boobs are really nice,” Brittany commented. Brittany put her hands on Rachel’s breasts and

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gave them a gentle squeeze.

Rachel looked at her wryly. “Thank you, Brittany,” she said, wholly unsurprised by Brittany’s casual
invasion of her personal space. “Yours are very nice, too.”

Quinn stepped inside, her cheeks still pink.

“I’m embarrassed for myself,” Rachel murmured, with a grin. “So you can stop being embarrassed for
me.”

Quinn gave her a small smile. “Here,” she said, passing Rachel a white paper bag. “I made them stop
by Danielson’s, since I know you like their portabello mushroom sandwich. I thought you might be
hungry.”

Rachel beamed at her and pulled Quinn in for a hug. “You’re the best,” she murmured.

Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel’s waist and brushed Rachel’s bangs out of her eyes. “You
really were sleeping,” she commented with a smile, smoothing out the back of Rachel’s hair which was
sticking up a little.

Rachel smiled. “I told you I was.”

“I thought you were being anti-social.”

Rachel chuckled, because she’d come to appreciate Quinn’s bluntness. “I’d never be anti-social with
you,” she murmured. “You’d be the exception.”

“Big liar,” Quinn chided softly with a laugh.

“Hey, will you two stop feeling each other up long enough to join Brit and me in the living room?”
Santana asked, emerging back into the foyer.

Quinn’s cheeks turned pink and Rachel’s cheeks burned her so hotly, she was sure she must have
looked like a tomato.

“Let’s go,” Rachel said, pulling away from Quinn but grabbing her by the hand and guiding her toward
the living room despite the fact that Quinn knew exactly how to get there.

Rachel wasn’t really hungry, so she set the sandwich on the coffee table as they all piled onto the
couch to watch TV.

“Rachel, what the hell? Are you incapable of watching something longer than two seconds?” Santana
asked as Rachel flipped through channels.

“I don’t like anything that’s on,” Rachel complained.

Santana snorted. “Always looking for something better, huh?” she asked. “I feel sorry for your next
boyfriend.”

Rachel reached across Brittany and Quinn to kick Santana in the thigh with the heel of her foot.

“Ow,” Santana complained. “Why are you hitting me with the heel of your foot?”

“Why are you narrating?”

Santana reached across Brittany and Quinn to kick Rachel back.

“Hey!” Quinn exclaimed irritably, slapping Santana’s leg away. “Knock it off.”

Rachel stuck her tongue out at Santana who rolled her eyes.

“Grow up, Berry.”

Rachel could only laugh.

--
Brittany was in the bathroom and Quinn had already left when Santana kissed her for the first time that
night, the night of their Regionals victory.

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“Hey,” Rachel asked quietly, because they were alone. “Were you okay with all the…breast talk
tonight? Did it make you uncomfortable? It wasn’t intentional on my part.”

Santana gazed at her for a moment and then kissed her.

Rachel hesitated for a moment before she began kissing back.

She was still kissing Santana when she felt the couch cushion dip slightly and then Brittany began
kissing her neck.

She had sex with Santana and Brittany that night, in her bedroom, with the lights off and with the
window open only a crack for light. Santana, who always seemed so fearless and self-confident,
seemed so self-conscious about being seen topless, at least by Rachel. She understood, but at the
same time, didn’t understand because she didn’t think it changed Santana’s worth a bit. But she was a
teenage girl, too, and one who admittedly had her own range of problems with self-esteem and she
decided not to belabor the point beyond assuring Santana that she was beautiful.
--

It started to become a regular thing-- at least a couple nights a week, most often in her bedroom
because her home was emptiest. It took a few while for Santana to feel comfortable, but eventually
Rachel saw-- Santana was still beautiful, and Rachel told her so. Santana cried a little, even though
she pretended she wasn’t and Brittany kissed Rachel and whispered “I love you” because really,
Brittany loved anyone who loved Santana.

--

She had a nightmare that night. Maybe it was something about being told “I love you” by a tall, pretty
blonde girl, but Rachel had a nightmare of a pretty blonde holding her down and slipping something
inside her that was so painful, it was like being impaled by a knife. She woke up, sweating, crying and
whimpering because everything hurt and she was still just so fucking afraid.

She curled up, sobbing. Santana and Brittany were long-gone and she was so so grateful for that.

She stared at the clock when she finally calmed down and squinted to read the LED light. It was 2am.
She tried for another hour to get to sleep, but she couldn’t get comfortable and even got on the
elliptical for twenty minutes, but it was too half-hearted to really constitute a work out.

Finally, she collapsed into her bed. She clutched the phone in her hand and started to dial Taylor, but
stopped. She still didn’t have a handle of the time difference, and she doubted she’d be able to go
back to sleep if she talked to Taylor anyway. She scrolled up, settled on Quinn’s name, took a deep
breath and hit ‘Call.’

Quinn answered after a few rings, sounding grumpy and disoriented.

“Rach, you better be fucking dead or dying. Or maybe in a Mexican prison.”

Rachel laughed softly. “I can’t go back to sleep. Will you just keep me company for a while?”

Quinn sounded a little more alert. “Is everything okay?”

“Just insomnia,” Rachel said quietly. “You don’t even have to talk…”

“You want me to just breathe on the phone?” Quinn teased gently. “You big weirdo.”

Rachel laughed. “Well, are you going to tell me a story or something?”

“Yes. Once there was a princess named Rachel who was the princess of Midgetopia. Princess Rachel
seemed to take great joy in irking the princess of a neighboring land, Princess Quinn, who ruled the
land of Incredibly-Graceful-and-Beautiful-to-Boot--”

“That is a very long name for a country. Are you sure it’s on the official seal?”

“They just used smaller font to make it fit. In any case, Princess Quinn, a benevolent--”

“But totalitarian.”

“Ruler,” Quinn said, not missing a beat, “decided to give Princess Rachel the benefit of the doubt
despite the fact that Princess Rachel was unfathomably short--”

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“I’m 5’2”,” Rachel protested.

“And obviously had no qualms about prevaricating about her alleged height of five foot two, despite the
fact that it was clear she was much shorter than that.”

“I like the word prevaricate.”

“I’m studying for the SAT early. In any case, despite the fact that Princess Rachel was an
unfathomably short prevaricator, at least with respect to her height, Princess Quinn decided--”

“Although in terms of synonyms for lying, I prefer mendacious”

“Anyway, Princess Quinn decided that she liked Princess Rachel anyway because Princess Rachel
was reliably entertaining. Then one day, Princess Rachel and Princess Quinn got eight hours of sleep,
and a joyful time was had by all the next day. Princess Rachel thanked Princess Quinn for her infinite
patience with an origami swan. The End.”

Rachel chuckled, and she really did feel better. She yawned and she knew it was audible. She blushed
and covered her mouth.

“Feeling sleepy again?” Quinn asked softly.

Rachel smiled and laughed softly. “Yes. Thanks.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yes,” Rachel murmured. “Just a frustrating case of insomnia.”

“Glad I could help.”

“Me too,” Rachel sighed. It was such a relief to feel like she could go to sleep again. “Thank you. Good
night, Quinn.”

“Good night, Rach.”

--

Rachel walked into school that morning and saw Quinn at her locker. She grinned and approached
her. She stood directly behind Quinn, put her right hand on Quinn’s back and leaned her head to poke
around to the left side of Quinn’s head. “Hey,” Rachel murmured, laying her palm flat to present the
origami swan in her hand.

Quinn stared down at it and laughed softly. “Thanks,” she said, plucking it out of Rachel’s hand. She
laid it flat in her palm and stared at it. “He’s cute.”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “He looks like every other origami swan.”

“He’s still cute.”

Rachel laughed. “Come on,” she drawled. “I’ll walk you to class.”

Quinn snorted. “You’re in the same class.”

Rachel smiled, tugged at the book Quinn was carrying and pulled it away. “I’ll carry your book then.”

Quinn smiled back. “Well, I think it’s the least you could do,” she joked.

Rachel grinned at her and linked arms with Quinn as they walked together to their first period class.
Rachel walked Quinn to her seat and deposited Quinn’s textbook on her desk. She gave Quinn a
crooked smile and then backed away to take her seat.

--

Rachel was distracted through class and she couldn’t concentrate on what Mr. Varela was saying until
she heard her phone buzzing in her bag. She didn’t want to call attention to herself, so she hurried to
pull her phone out. She checked it, only to see a text from Quinn. She looked at Quinn questioningly
before checking to see what the message read. Quinn smiled at her and leaned forward slightly in her
seat, peering closely at her. Rachel smiled again and looked down at the message.

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Pay Attention

Rachel made a face and glared at Quinn who smiled. Rachel couldn’t help chuckling softly.

Mr. Varela cleared his throat and Rachel guiltily looked at him. He gestured with his head for her to put
her phone away and she blushed and complied.

When Rachel looked back at Quinn, Quinn was laughing softly.

Rachel opened her binder, quietly ripped out a sheet of three-hole punched paper, opened up her
pencil case to pull out a black felt-tip marker and wrote YOU ARE DEAD TO ME! as largely as she
could write it. She held it up to Quinn, who read it and made a sad face, though Rachel knew the
difference between Quinn’s genuine sad face and her fake sad face, and Quinn’s sad face at that
moment was decidedly fake.

Rachel smiled and blew Quinn a kiss.

--

After that day, Rachel got into the habit of making one paper swan for Quinn before she left her house
for school. She had a few sheets of actual origami paper that her daddy got for her while he was in
Japan a few years ago and she went through that first, before she just moved onto ordinary pieces of
paper in different colors. She wasn’t really into origami-- other than the swan, the only other thing she
could make were little stars, but stars were her thing, not Quinn’s. Once Quinn referenced the origami
swan, Rachel couldn’t help making them.

It started to become a ritual-- any day she saw Quinn, which really, was becoming every day, not just
every school day, she greeted Quinn at her locker. She put her right hand on Quinn’s back and swung
around so that she peeked around and looked at Quinn from the left, and presented the origami swan
to Quinn in the flattened palm of her left hand.

Rachel wasn’t sure what Quinn was doing with them-- she could be crushing them under foot or
throwing them away, although she did spot a small pile of them on Quinn’s nightstand and the pile
seemed to be growing every time she saw it. But it was her way of thanking Quinn for her patience,
just like in Quinn’s story, because Rachel knew that sometimes, people needed patience in dealing
with her.

--

They went to Nationals that year and placed second. Rachel had to admit she was disappointed, but
she was also glad New Directions actually made it that far.

When the announcements came, Quinn grabbed her into a tight hug, picked her up so that the tips of
her toes touched the ground and spun her around. Quinn set her down and Rachel laughed and
reached for Quinn again, but was quickly pulled by her waist into Finn’s arms. Rachel looked at Quinn
apologetically as Finn hugged her and then passed her to Noah as though she were a rag doll. Quinn
looked distinctly displeased and Rachel thought about how nice it was to have a friend who would be
outraged on her behalf.

--

They celebrated their win together as a club that night, and Rachel enjoyed herself because she was
happy with making second place. She would, of course, have been happier if they’d actually won, but
that just made her more motivated for next year. Next year would be her last chance and she planned
to take that trophy home to McKinley.

So she was happy to celebrate with her teammates, but she’d figured out that just because they were
her teammates did not mean they were her friends. It was a distinction that took her some time to
distinguish, since she did not have much experience in true friendship. So, the best part of celebrating
placing at Nationals came when they were back home, and she got to celebrate it with Quinn, Santana
and Brittany.

None of them were people who Rachel ever thought would be her friend. If she were honest with
herself, she really hadn’t wanted to be friends with them since they’d built a lot of mutual hostility. But
somehow they’d seen more in her than they’d previously thought and she saw more in them than
she’d previously thought, and it all worked out.

--

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Alcohol tended to play a role when Santana and Brittany were involved. Santana and Brittany drank
more than she and Quinn did, generally because there were none of the substance abuse problems in
Santana and Brittany’s families that ran in hers and Quinn’s families so they weren’t anxious about it
the way Rachel and Quinn were.

Still, the warm buzz she had as she, Quinn, Santana and Brittany sprawled out on a blanket in her
backyard on a warm June night felt undeniably nice. Daddy was still in California and Dad was working
a shift at the hospital, so she didn’t anticipate Dad coming home any time soon.

They passed a bottle of Moscato wine between the four of them, drinking straight from the bottle. Most
of the time Rachel would have been opposed and would have insisted on separate glasses because
sharing with one person was one thing, but sharing with three other girls seemed like an invitation to
germs, bacteria and possible one of the Hepatitises. The last one seemed kind of insulting, so she
didn’t voice that out loud and it wasn’t serious concern anyway. She was just too happy.

They finished that bottle of wine and went through four more bottles which Rachel knew neither of her
fathers would ever miss considering how much alcohol they kept in the house. She felt warm and
squishy and genuinely happy for the first time in a long time.

She sighed softly. She couldn’t believe how quickly the school year passed. They just had one more
week until the school year was over and then she was free for the summer. She made a mental list of
all the things she wanted to do over the summer and wished she had a pen and sheet of paper to write
them down, but she knew her friends would mock her for being uptight, so she refrained. Anyway, her
mood felt way too good to concern herself with stuff like her summer to-do list.

The temperature outside dropped to a degree that was no longer comfortable in their shorts and
tanktops and so they went inside and walked up to her bedroom. They fell into a drunken pile on her
bed

She woke up early the next morning sprawled in between Quinn and Santana with Brittany lying
practically horizontally across all of them. Her back was cramped and her neck was sore, but she
didn’t mind. She was, however pretty thirsty and so she somehow finagled her way out from
underneath Brittany and away from Quinn and Santana.

“Rachel, get back here,” Brittany murmured. “You’re really comfortable.”

“I’m just getting some water.”

“Get some for me, too, bitch,” Santana murmured.

“Me too,” Quinn said.

“And me,” Brittany said.

Rachel sighed. “I hate you all,” she grumbled.

--

She filled her glass with water and took a long gulp. She drank nearly an entire bottle of wine on her
own, and she didn’t feel that drunk last night, but she was definitely feeling it now. She wasn’t
hungover, just sort of dehydrated. She felt okay.

Her life wasn’t the way she’d imagined it would be when she was younger-- it was worse in some
respects and better in others, so it’d more or less evened out. She’d always wanted things too much
and tended to want things she knew she couldn’t have or were out of reach for her, but she just
wanted anyway, in spite of reason or rationality.

She’d lived most of her life for the future-- she didn’t care so much about her present, even when
circumstances were difficult, because her focus was always on what was to come. It’s not that she was
indifferent to the fact that other people didn’t like her-- she wanted to be liked, but she just didn’t think
she had much of a chance of that in Lima. Her earliest memories were of other parents being mean to
her fathers in the park, at the grocery store, at school or daycare or at the pediatrician’s office. Kids’
parents didn’t like her fathers and so she didn’t like those people’s kids.

She was still living for the future, especially because the future seemed so close. All she had was one
more year of high school to tough out and then her life could really start.

She’d started the countdown at the beginning of grade five, the last year of primary school because
that was the year she could finally understand there was an end in sight. Every school year that

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passed, she ticked off another year. One year less until she could escape Lima and really start her life
and she’d leave it all behind and start fresh and new. Maybe she wouldn’t have loads and loads of
friends, maybe life wouldn’t be one big party at which she was the center, maybe all her dreams
weren’t waiting in line to come true (God forbid), but she was sure life out there was better than life
here.

But with one school year left to go, she was staring to lose focus and concentrate a little more on the
present. She still had her gaze mainly on the future, but now, she woke up in the morning and she kind
of enjoyed her day rather than checking off her to-do list of things she had to accomplish in order to
make herself a better performer or become a better candidate for Julliard or God only knew what else.
She was starting to realize she had to find joy in the simpler, smaller things. She wanted things too
much, which was why she was constantly disappointed, so she neglected to see all those times when
she got things she wanted, but took it for granted.

“What the hell is taking you so long?” Santana demanded as she ambled into the kitchen.

Rachel turned to look at her and smiled.

“Brit and Q thought you couldn’t carry everything up the stairs so they sent me to help you. You’re just
standing there like an idiot. Are you having an aneurysm or something?”

Rachel contemplated theatrically falling to the ground and faking her own death. It would certainly be a
good acting exercise to aim for spontaneity, ad-libbing and credibility, but she simply didn’t have the
energy to fall to the ground. And anyway, she was holding a glass, which was actually made of glass
and not plastic or whatever.

“Don’t just stand there with a dumb look on your face. Let’s go back to bed.”

“Okay.”

Santana helped her fill the three other glasses of water. Santana filled hers and drained it and then
filed it again.

“Don’t drink so much that you have to pee,” Rachel warned. “If you urinate on my bed, you’re buying
me a new one.”

Santana scowled. “I’m potty-trained, are you?” She smacked Rachel on the butt.

Rachel actually had a fairly big tank for someone so small because she was accustomed to holding it
after her fathers gave her one too many glasses of water to drink.

Rachel kicked her away. “Don’t you hate it when you need to use the restroom, but one is not
immediately available, and all you can think about is waterfalls, the ocean, the Hoover Dam, rain,
lakes, estuaries, babbling brooks--”

“You’re a babbling brook.”

Rachel was undeterred. “Streams, rivers, ponds, melting ice caps, reservoirs, fjords,” Rachel went on.
“Puddles.” She grinned when she saw a strange look cross Santana’s face.

“I hate you,” Santana said, setting the glasses of water on the counter. “Wait for me,” she said. She
leaned toward Rachel and gave her a quick kiss on the mouth before she ran off to use the downstairs
bathroom.

Rachel bit back a snort of laughter. Santana was soft. She seemed hard and tough, and she was, but
ultimately, she was soft. Rachel didn’t like being outsized (she hated being so short) and she didn’t like
being intimidated, especially by other girls, so it was always nice to find out people like Santana or
Quinn or Brittany were nowhere near as intimidating as the image they projected.

She waited for Santana to come back and then they went back to her room. Brittany and Quinn were
talking quietly when Rachel and Santana entered.

Brittany and Santana could have easily left to the guest room, but they didn’t. They were all too drunk
the night before to really care, but they were sober now.

They just piled back into her bed, which wasn’t particularly big, but the window was open a crack and
the day was overcast-- a touch of June gloom, apparently, and it wasn’t so much crowded as it was
cozy. She never thought she’d enjoy sharing one bed with three other girls, particularly because it
sounded like the beginnings of raunchy joke akin to one of those too-many-clowns-in-a-car jokes, but it

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wasn’t so bad.

She fought to sleep on the edges, but since she was the smallest, she had to go in the middle.

“The smallest person always rides bitch, Berry,” Santana told her.

The joke was on Santana, however, because since she was deemed to be smaller than Brittany or
Quinn, she had to go into the middle as well.

“This means noting,” Santana groused.

Rachel was almost asleep when her phone rang. She recognized the ring tone immediately. Tay.

She sat up quickly, on pure instinct, ignoring the way the other girls grumbled and protested. She was
frozen for a moment, staring in direction of her phone sitting on her desk. She wanted to answer it, but
at the same time, she didn’t. Her life was just easier when she wasn’t in touch with Taylor, even
though it made her sad. She didn’t want to be the kind of person who took the easy way out though. It
rang twice and she realized that she was sad when she talked to Taylor, she was sad when she didn’t,
so she might as well talk to Taylor. She stood up in her bed and leaped off it, jumping across Santana
and Brittany and landing hard on the ground. She stumbled slightly into her desk, but she grabbed her
phone before it could go to voicemail.

“Don’t hang up!” she begged. “Give me a sec.”

She ran out of the room, her phone to her ear.

--
They talked very briefly-- Taylor congratulated her on Nationals and after that there was very little else
to talk about

She’d started to feel more distant from Taylor. Rachel still loved her, but she didn’t feel the same joy
anymore when Taylor called her. Now the dread significantly outweighed the joy and in all honesty,
she was more weary than afraid of Taylor now.

“Tay?” Rachel asked quietly. “Do you call me because you want to call me or because you want to
make sure I keep my mouth shut?”

“Why are you asking me this?”

“Because I feel like it’s the second one and I want you to know you’re not obliged to talk to me. I’ll
never tell on you. I never told on you back then and we didn’t talk for a really long time and I didn’t tell
anyone. I’m not going to tell now. You don’t have to keep checking up on me.”

She’d thought a lot about it, and although there were a few variations on their conversations, generally
speaking, all of their conversations revolved significantly around the fact that she needed to keep her
mouth shut. It was honestly kind of under her skin because Taylor just refused to let it go, and while
Rachel wanted to hold onto the memories of the time she spent with Taylor before Taylor moved to
Japan, she desperately wanted to forget about her time with Taylor when they were younger.

She’d tried to bury it for as long as she could remember, and however well-intentioned Taylor might
be, Taylor was making it hard for Rachel to forget.

“I just miss you,” Taylor said quietly. “I’m far from home and I miss my girl.”

Rachel paused. “Oh,” she said softly. “I’m still your girl?”

“You’ll always be my girl, Rach.”

Rachel swallowed hard. “Oh,” she murmured. “Then…can you do me a favor?”

“Okay?”

“I don’t want to think about what happened between us a long time ago anymore,” Rachel said quietly.
“It happened and it’s done. You’re right. It won’t change the past. Can’t we just pretend it didn’t happen
and move on?”

Taylor was quiet a long time before she answered. “Okay.”

“Then please stop reminding me not to tell,” Rachel whispered. “Because I won’t. I know what would

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happen if I did. I remember what you told me, so please stop, okay?”

Taylor’s breath was shaky. “Okay.

“You don’t have to call me anymore just to make sure I keep my mouth shut,” Rachel said quietly. “I
never really deluded myself into believing that you actually wanted to talk to me, you know. But it was
nice to believe it, even just a little bit. I kept quiet before we started talking again and I’ll continue to
keep quiet. But you’re under no obligation to talk to me.”

“I really do love you, Rach. But I have been calling you a little too much.”

“Thank you for calling today though,” Rachel said. “It means a lot.”

“I wish I could have seen you guys. Did your dads show up?”

Rachel snorted. “Why would they? Daddy’s still in California. He’s not calling me back.”

“Still?” Taylor asked quietly. “I’m sorry, little one. You were always a good kid, Rach,” Taylor
murmured. “They should have been around more.”

Rachel smiled, but she didn’t quite feel it. “But then I wouldn’t have had you.”

“I know I need to stay away from you, but I can’t.”

“That’s okay,” Rachel said quietly. “I don’t think I could stay away from you for very long anyway.”

She was trying to have some resolve when it came to Taylor because she needed some kind of
resolution to their relationship, but sometimes it just felt so impossible because she didn’t know what
she wanted. She faced the wall and rested her forehead against it, clutching her phone tightly in her
hand at her side.

She took a deep breath to regroup and then walked back into her bedroom and rejoined her friends.
She ran and jumped into the bed, flopping onto them. They groaned and protested, but she reminded
them they could always go home. The last thing she remembered before falling asleep was Quinn
demanding how her feet could be so cold in June and to get those icicles away from her. Rachel pulled
her feet closer toward Santana who groused that feet were fucking gross, but Quinn was a histrionic
bitch.

--

They woke up again a few hours later and went out to a late breakfast-- really more of an early lunch.
They were alert enough by that point to ask her pointed questions about the phone call, but Rachel
quickly grabbed her phone to clear out the phone log. She didn’t care if she now gave them the
impression she was secretly dating someone as long as they never figured out the identity of that
person.

She came home to an empty house and she honestly felt a little lonely, which was unusual for her
because she was accustomed to being alone and even liked it.

She was restless, bored and unable to entertain herself. She’d always been able do something or find
something to occupy her time, but she didn’t feel like doing anything.

She was relieved and glad when she received the text from Quinn.

Come over. I’m bored. Entertain me.

--

Twenty minutes later, she showed up at Quinn’s door and held an origami swan in her palm

“Hey, partner,” Rachel drawled.

Quinn smiled. “Hey, partner,” she murmured, plucking the swan out of Rachel’s hand with one hand
and grabbing Rachel by the wrist in the other. “What took you so long?” Quinn joked. “You know I don’t
like to be kept waiting,” she said as they walked to her room. She didn’t drop Rachel’s wrist until they
flopped onto the bed together.

Rachel smiled when she saw the pile of origami swans she’d made for Quinn on her nightstand and
watched as Quinn added the new one to his paper siblings.

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Rachel chuckled. “I apologize profusely,” she murmured. “You know I don’t like to keep you waiting.”

Quinn smiled. “Good.”

“Because you’re really scary when you’re kept waiting,” Rachel continued, biting back a laugh. “Last
week when I asked you to wait fifteen minutes so I could go to the gas station before we went to eat, I
thought you were going to eat my arm.”

Quinn was indignant. “I was hungry!”

Rachel managed to keep a straight face. “You yelled at a homeless man.”

“I only told him to get a job!”

“And you yelled while you did it,” Rachel said with a laugh.

In truth, the guy had been pretty annoying and persistent in asking them for money. Neither of them
had any cash and Quinn became fed up enough to tell him, “you want some money?! Get a job for an
hour!” in a moment of impatient hilarity. Quinn was just one of those people who had to be fed
immediately when she was hungry. Rachel wondered if Quinn had always been that way, or if it was
some side effect of pregnancy, since from what she could see, pregnant women had a low tolerance
for frustration when it came to hunger.

“I raised my voice!”

“You’re scary when you’re hungry. My personality doesn’t change when I’m hungry.”

“That’s because your default personality is scary. You’re this midget on crystal meth.”

Rachel raised an eyebrow. “How much experience have you had with crystal meth?”

“How much have you?” Quinn shot back.

A lot, actually. Not first-hand, of course. But she knew what the drug was like from seeing its effects on
Daddy, though his drug of choice was cocaine.

“Mmm,” Rachel said noncommittally. She looked away and turned her attention to the television.

Quinn did a double take. “Crap,” she cursed softly. “Rachel, I’m sorry. I forgot about your dad and--”

“It’s fine,” Rachel said quickly.”I mean, he’s…” she trailed off and shrugged. “It is what it is.”

She was worried about him, but he was an adult and if this is what he chose for his life, there was
nothing she could do about it. She was powerless when it came to him and she’d long realized that
nothing she did could make him change.

“I didn’t mean to…offend you or whatever.”

“You didn’t,” Rachel swore. She smiled at Quinn. “In any case, you are very frightening when you are
hungry. I am contemplating always having some type of snack food available to stave off your hunger
and the possible dismemberment of yourself or others.”

Quinn smiled. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you started carrying around a five course meal in your purse
packed in some very compact container. Your bag is like Mary Poppins’s purse.”

“She was just very prepared, Quinn. I admire that quality in flying nannies. I also find it very pragmatic
to carry a umbrella at all times regardless of weather conditions because umbrellas can also be used
to shade one from the sun just as much as an umbrella can shield one from rain. The fact she would
carry an object of multiple use indicates a critical thinker prepared for anything.”

Quinn bit her lip, clearly amused but trying not to laugh. “It is a very admirable quality,” she said
soberly.

Rachel blushed and laughed. For obvious reasons, she’d always had a curiosity about babysitters and
nannies, though the curiosity tended to be more clinical than titillating. But it was nice to have a friend
who humored her

--

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The school year ended on a high note because Rachel was still riding the wave of joy she felt that her
team made it to Nationals and placed. Junior year was better than all the other school years that came
before it, and she felt excitement and anticipation for the freedom of summer and some hope and
optimism for the school year that was still to come.

--

A few weeks into summer vacation, Rachel woke up at 3am to her phone buzzing. It was Quinn and
Rachel just had a feeling.

“Quinn?”

Quinn was sobbing hysterically. It took ten minutes of Quinn crying before she could calm down to
speak.

“My dad died.”

--

Judy Fabray answered the door when Rachel arrived at the house. Judy always looked so classy and
put-together, but it was 3:15am and Judy was wearing pajamas and no make-up. Judy opened the
door, stared a moment at Rachel and then burst into huge sobs. She grabbed Rachel into a tight hug
and buried her face into Rachel’s shoulders and cried for a few minutes while Rachel held Mrs. Fabray
and comforted her the best she could. Rachel held her until Judy pulled away and quietly apologized.

“It’s okay,” Rachel said softly. “Are you all right? Can I get you anything?”

“No,” Judy said quietly. “I’m fine. Thank you. Quinn is in her room.”

“All right,” Rachel said. She walked away slowly, turning back intermittently to make sure that Judy
was okay. Finally, she got to Quinn’s closed bedroom door. She took a deep breath, knocked three
times in quick succession and entered without waiting for a response.

Quinn was curled up in her bed, sheet and comforter over her head.

Rachel approached the bed slowly. “Hey, you,” she murmured softly. She pulled the comforter up and
her heart clenched and a lump rose in her throat when she saw the look on Quinn’s face. Quinn’s face
was red and swollen from crying, as were her blood-shot eyes. “Hi, honey,” Rachel crooned, crawling
into the bed and pulling Quinn into her arms before pulling the sheet and comforter over their heads.
“I’m right here, whatever you need.”

Quinn didn’t say anything, but she cried harder and Quinn clung to her fiercely. The blonde buried her
face into Rachel’s shoulder. Rachel stroked Quinn’s hair. “I am so sorry, sweetheart,” Rachel
murmured into Quinn’s ear.”I know it doesn’t meant anything to you right now, but I’m here. Whatever
you want, whatever you need, I’ll do it.”

Rachel didn’t expect Quinn to say anything-- if one of her fathers died, she wouldn’t want to make nice
with anyone either.

She just held Quinn as she cried. Rachel wasn’t sure how much time passed, but Quinn eventually
stopped crying.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” Quinn said quietly, breaking their hug and pulling away. She sat up and
left the room so quickly that Rachel didn’t have a response.

Quinn was gone for a while-- long enough that Rachel got a little concerned, but just when Rachel told
herself she would give Quinn two more minutes before she started to look for her, Quinn came back.

“Thanks,” Quinn said quietly.

“Of course,” Rachel murmured.

“Will you stay for a while?” Quinn asked, getting back into her bed.

Rachel climbed in beside her. “I’m yours,” she breathed softly into Quinn’s ear as she pulled Quinn
close.

Quinn started to cry again.

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--

Two days later, Quinn was mostly composed, but still cried intermittently. Rachel stayed primarily at
the Fabray house in Quinn’s room and in Quinn’s bed, since the blonde didn’t seem to want to be left
alone anywhere other than the bathroom.

“Rach?” Quinn asked quietly, while they were huddled under Quinn’s comforter.

“Yes?”

“I have to pick up Taylor from the airport tonight. Will you come with me?”

Rachel heart’s seized at the mention of Taylor’s name. She’d completely forgotten about Taylor and
truth be told, she didn’t want to see Taylor. Taylor was still a source of confusion and fear. But Quinn
rarely asked anything of her-- in that moment, she couldn’t remember Quinn ever asking her for
anything, but Rachel could think of a multitude of times she’d made demands on Quinn. She pushed
aside her ambivalent feelings for Taylor.

“Of course,” Rachel murmured, brushing a kiss to Quinn’s forehead. “I’ll drive, okay? You just sit and
relax, sweetheart.”

--

Rachel watched as Taylor pulled Quinn into a tight hug.

The two sisters clung to one another and sobbed. Rachel stayed off to the side and tried to stay out of
their way until Taylor turned to her. Taylor approached her, reached for her and grabbed her into a
hug. “Hi, little one,” Taylor whispered, her breath so hot against Rachel’s ear. “Thank you for being
here. I love you so much.”

Rachel swallowed hard. “I love you, too,” she whispered.

--

The first night Taylor was home, Rachel went to sleep in Quinn’s bed.

The second night Taylor was home, Rachel stayed with Quinn in her bed until the blonde was asleep
and then crept into Taylor’s room the way she was told to.

She didn’t really want to, but she didn’t protest or refuse either. Taylor seemed like she really needed
it.

“Come on, baby,” Taylor whispered. “Don’t you want this?”

She didn’t, really. It felt wrong. Quinn really needed her and it didn’t feel right that she stayed with
Quinn until Quinn fell asleep and then crept into Taylor’s room to have sex.

She couldn’t seem to respond the way Taylor wanted her to, because Taylor got angry and upset.
Rachel didn’t blame her-- she’d just lost her father, after all, but then Taylor slapped her. Not hard, but
just enough to shock Rachel a little. Rachel swallowed hard.

“Stop fucking crying, you little bitch,” Taylor hissed. “It was my dad who died, not yours.”

Rachel tried to tell herself to stop crying, to stop making Taylor mad because Taylor was sad and
grieving after losing her father and everyone grieved in different ways. She took a deep breath, closed
her eyes and tried to relax.

She couldn’t make herself stop crying as she writhed and whimpered underneath Taylor. Taylor just
seemed so sad and angry and Rachel just couldn’t stop crying until she started to pretend Taylor was
someone else. Taylor was a little taller than Quinn, but otherwise, she had a similar body type and her
hair was soft like Quinn, and they even smelled alike. Rachel shut her eyes and turned her head away
from Taylor’s neck. Taylor wasn’t Quinn, but she was close enough and Rachel could pretend that she
was as comfortable with Taylor as she was with Quinn.

‘Oh God,’ Rachel thought. How could she have gone there, even mentally? Oh God, it was so wrong
and so sick. She was wrong and sick

“Rachel,” Taylor sobbed. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything. It’s okay now, little one. He’s

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gone now. It’s all going to be okay now.”

Rachel wasn’t sure what Taylor was talking about. She pretended not to hear.

Rachel stroked Taylor’s hair. Now that Taylor was soft, sweet and Taylor again, Rachel had stopped
pretending. “It’s okay,” Rachel murmured. “We didn’t do anything wrong.” (She didn’t actually believe
that.) “I love you,” Rachel crooned softly, hugging Taylor tightly, and pressing kisses to Taylor’s
forehead, eyelids, cheeks, and lips the way Taylor used to comfort her with kisses when Rachel was
younger. “Just tell me what you want me to do,” Rachel whispered.

It seemed to appease Taylor, because the death grip Taylor had around Rachel’s arms loosened.

“I’m so sorry,” Taylor cried, pressing her forehead against Rachel’s. “God, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Rachel whispered. She stayed with Taylor while Taylor eventually cried herself to sleep and
then gently pulled away.

She didn’t feel like she could go back to Quinn’s room or Quinn’s bed and so she walked down the
stairs and left the house. She got into the backseat of her car and curled up. She took a few harsh
breaths and tried to calm herself down, berating herself for her weakness.

She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she was aware of was the sun beating down on
her through the car windows and Quinn tapping insistently on the window.

Rachel was disoriented as she stumbled out of her car and peered up, squinting against the morning
light.

Quinn looked despondent and upset. “Why did you leave? I thought you went home without telling
me,” Quinn said, her voice becoming a little harsher and a little shriller with every word.

Rachel suppressed a wince. Quinn could still be so intimidating sometimes. Rachel tried to appease
her as quickly as possible. “I’m sorry,” Rachel said softly.

“I really needed you, and you weren’t there.”

“I’m sorry,” Rachel whispered again, pulling Quinn into a hug. “I won’t leave again, I’m sorry.”

Quinn started to sob a little more brokenly and Rachel never had to explain why she’d left because
Quinn never asked again. It was a relief.

After that, she kept her promise. She stayed with Quinn until Quinn fell asleep and then she was
expected to stay with… to be with Taylor until Taylor fell asleep. Rachel felt filthy and she hated herself
for it, but she had no choice-- she promised each of them she’d do what they wanted her to do, and be
who they wanted her to be. But it was undeniable to her that it felt wrong to have sex with Taylor and
return to Quinn’s bed. It was so so wrong and she knew if Quinn ever found out, Quinn would be
appalled and disgusted and they would never be friends again.

“This will always be our secret, right, baby?” Taylor whispered.

“Right,” Rachel whispered, and she knew now that she had just as much of an investment into keeping
things a secret as Taylor did.

--

A week after Quinn’s father died, they had the funeral and she stood behind Quinn, Taylor and their
mother as the coffin was lowered down.

--

The rest of the summer was somber. Taylor stayed in Lima for the rest of the summer and Rachel
divided her time between Quinn and Taylor-- her afternoons with Quinn and her nights with Taylor.
She spent nearly every waking moment with the Fabray family and they become her priority over
everyone and anything else. Both Taylor and Quinn seemed to be coping a little better as time went on
and it just made things a little easier. It tore her apart to be split that way, but at least Quinn and Taylor
seemed better and happier and it was the only way she could think of to give both Taylor and Quinn
what they seemed to want and need, even if she got kind of disgusted with herself. She wasn’t sure
why that felt so wrong-- Quinn was just her friend and Taylor was… Taylor, but it did feel wrong. She
was being pulled apart, but she got used to it-- to the point where she started to fall in love with Taylor
again and resigned herself that maybe this was just the way her life would be.

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And then one day, Rachel woke up and Taylor was gone.

It’s better this way.

Rachel Berry was broken up with via text message and like with everything Taylor had put her through,
first Rachel Berry was depressed, then she was angry and finally, she was accepting.

She loved Taylor, but she’d come to realize this was just who Taylor was.

Tags: glee, quinn/rachel

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

silentinformer
2010-10-11 10:21 am (local)

Man Russel Fabray wasn't even in this and he still managed to fuck it all up huh lol. I need a stamp
that says Poor Rachel at this point cause jesus every time something gets a little better for her she
gets the wind knocked out of her. Superb as always though
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:54 pm (local)

Heh. Thank you. I abuse Rachel because I just want to give her a hug. And I'm not a hug person.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

(Deleted comment)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 06:17 pm (local)

I hear you about Rachel in relation to Taylor... if I weren't the person who wrote it, I'd likely feel ill
because of it, too.

I was torn about putting them together, but ultimately I went with it. But I had a lot of reservations
about it because I don't think I could go there, either.

Thank you so much for commenting! WAY too kind, but it made my gigantour head get even
bigger from the glee
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

mjacton
2010-10-11 10:19 pm (local)

Jeez! How could it have gotten even more screwed up than it already was? Ha! The previous
commenter who said that even in death Russell was messing everything up was so right!

I'm going to bed now. I know you'll be glad to know you're not keeping me up, but it's definitely not
because I want to stop reading.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 11:06 pm (local)

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Heh. I am glad not to keep you up. You'll be awake by the time you read this, but I hope you had a
great night's sleep!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

mjacton
2010-10-12 08:55 am (local)

Thanks!, and oh yeah! This line, She was just very prepared, Quinn. I admire that quality in
flying nannies. made me laugh way harder than it should have. I just sat and laughed for a
good while after I read it. Thanks for the comic relief.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

ashlessica1235
2010-10-12 01:07 am (local)

I love the Santana/Rachel banter

(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-13 12:18 am (local)

Aw! Thank you!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

pee_wee_2005
2010-10-16 05:52 pm (local)

So fucked. But, I keep reading. The writing is so excellent. Can't help but be sucked in by the
emotions.

Stupid Russell! Things were finally stating to get better! Yeah, I'm shaking my fist at a fictional
character dying. I didn't even think, "oh yeah, duh, obviously Taylor will be back." Ugh, sleeping with
Quinn to sleeping with Taylor. Shooooooot.

Loved that Rachel finally put her foot down, a little, and told Taylor to stop pestering her about keeping
the secret.

Even though this is essentially Faberry, and I'm assuming Rachel sleeping with Brittany and Santana
will rear a head. My PezBerry heart is so very warm and happy. “Well, speaking for myself, I’d like an
encore,” Santana called up. “Show me your boobs!” Love this girl to death.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-17 01:14 am (local)

heh. Oh, it gets more fucked up, I'm sorry to say. But I could not help it. It's the only way I could
see it go.

Ahhhh Pezberry. It's third to my love of Brittana (first!) Faberry (second), but I love me some
Pezberry.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

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FIC: Gravitational Forces [7/10] quinn/rachel quinntana rachel
Chapter 7 rachel/santana santana santana/quinn shelby
sulkygeekff
October 11th, 2010
When her father died, Quinn felt so much grief for the father she lost and regret that
they’d never been able to repair what they once had. When she was little, he was
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the star of her life, who spoiled her and protected her from even the gentlest punishments from her
mother. She was the youngest and the stereotype of spoiled favored younger child.

After she disappointed him, she could never regain his love and while she tried to comfort herself with
the belief that he was unreasonable or awful, it still didn’t diminish the feelings of loss.

Now he was dead and she would never regain his love or trust again.

--

He wasn’t a perfect person or a perfect father. He had high expectations-- sometimes so high that they
were unreasonable. He had his faults-- both public and private, but he was still her father and she
would miss him and lament the chances she would never have with him now.

--

If it weren’t for Rachel, Quinn was fairly certain she would have gone insane. She knew she demanded
more of Rachel’s time than what was fair for a friend, but she just couldn’t help it. Whatever she
needed or asked for, Rachel just did it or gave it. Sometimes, she didn’t even have to ask, Rachel just
seemed to know and anticipate Quinn’s needs. She even dragged Rachel with her to a few of the
appointments with the therapist her mother insisted she see because her father’s death was so
sudden.

Things were somber for the rest of the summer. Quinn had her mother and her sister with her, and of
course she had Rachel and other friends, but it was still a summer that was much more somber and
serious than she’d anticipated when it started.

Taylor left abruptly one night without much explanation other than that she needed to leave and go
back to Jeff if she had any hope of saving her marriage. Quinn didn’t understand that because if he
were any kind of husband, he’d understand. Not only would he understand, but he would have come
back with her. Jeffrey was kind of a schmuck and Quinn wished Taylor had found someone a little
more…suitable.

--

The clichés about grieving and mourning were true-- it got better and by the time school resumed,
Quinn wasn’t over it, but things were better.

--

Rachel picked her up on the first day of school. She called to say she was in front of the house, and

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Quinn grabbed her bag and ran down the stairs, shouting to her mother to have a good day.

There was no particular reason Rachel was picking Quinn up-- Quinn’s car was fine and it’s not like
she had a physical ailment to prevent her from driving. But Rachel seemed sweetly solicitous the night
before when she offered to pick Quinn up, and really, why the hell not?

“Hey little girl,” Rachel drawled in her best imitation of a cowboy as she rolled down the passenger
side window to call out a greeting. “Are you going my way?”

Quinn chuckled. “You’re an idiot,” she said fondly, because Rachel was trying to imitate those gross
men who called out lewd comments and whistled while they passed women walking along the street,
but Rachel sounded mostly like she actually wanted to know the answer to the question. But then
again, it was that sincere earnestness that she’d come to love most in Rachel. She got into the
passenger seat. “Hi,” she murmured, leaning in to give Rachel a cheek kiss.

“Hi,” Rachel said softly. “Are you ready for today?”

Quinn shrugged. “It’s like any other first day of school.”

“I meant because…” Rachel trailed off. “The first day of school can be taxing,” she said finally, “since
it’s an adjustment to a more relaxed schedule to which we’ve become accustomed.”

Quinn fought a smile, because most of her summer was spent sitting around lazily in the afternoon
(she took a lot of naps), drinking heavily with Santana and Brittany while Rachel played concerned
designated driver at night and curling up, in tears, late at night, next to Rachel. It would be an
adjustment, the way first days of school always were from the less restrictive days of summer, but
Quinn was actually looking forward to going back to routine.

“I’m good,” Quinn said.

Rachel smiled. “Okay, then.” She plucked a origami swan from her dashboard and presented it to
Quinn with a smile. “Here,” she drawled. “A little routine.”

Quinn smiled and took it. At first, she just set these little origami swans on her nightstand. But Rachel
had given her so many of them, and Quinn just couldn’t resist saving every single one. After all, what
was she supposed to do? Throw them away? Take a bath with them and pretend they floated like a
rubber duck? Toss them from a window to make them fly? So she kept them because she wanted to.
Her little swan family grew to the point that Brittany and Santana mocked her for it, her mother
commented on it and her sister told her that Rachel had taught her how to do that when Rachel was
seven. She’d collected so many of them, nearly sixty of them that she bought a glass container to hold
them in.

“A return to normalcy,” she murmured, she said, with a smile, because the phrase had been brought
up in their AP US History class last year when studying about life in the US post World War I.

Rachel chuckled. “Right,” she said. She put her car into ‘drive’ and then started the very brief commute
to school.

They were quiet for a while as Rachel drove-- they were about four blocks away from the school and
Quinn was ready to say something, anything to break the silence. It was an easy, comfortable silence,
but she just liked it better when Rachel talked (who would have ever thought that could ever be the
case?) Then her phone rang.

Quinn dug it out of her purse and smiled when she saw it was Taylor.

“Hey!” Quinn exclaimed. “I’m with Rachel, say hi to her,” she said, not waiting for Taylor to respond.
She held the phone to Rachel’s ear.

“Quinn, I’m driving,” Rachel protested.

“So? You’re hands-free.”

“Hello,” Rachel murmured quietly into the phone. “I’m well, thank you. How are you?” Rachel paused
for a few moments and grinned. “Wonderful,” she said softly. “I’m going to have Quinn stop distracting
me now.”

Quinn gave her a look and slapped Rachel’s thigh, but she settled into the seat to talk to Taylor.

“Hey,” Quinn said. “What’s up?”

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Taylor laughed. “I just wanted to wish my little sister good luck on her first day of her last year of high
school.”

“You’ve never cared enough to call me on the first day of school before,” Quinn teased. Actually,
sometimes her sister did, but most years, Taylor didn’t.

“Well, this is kind of a big one,” Taylor said. “Anyway, I just wanted to check in with you, kiddo.
Everything good?”

“I guess we’ll see.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” Quinn said. “Are you?”

“Yeah. Anyway. I’m going to let you go. Have a great day and tell Rachel that, too.”

“Okay, you too.”

Taylor chuckled. “My day is mostly over. Bye, Q.”

“Bye, Taylor.”

She hung up and by the time she did, they were at school. She turned to look at Rachel. Rachel’s
expression was a little too blankly bland, which meant that Rachel was trying to be very deliberate in
concealing something. She watched as Rachel bit her lower lip, which the brunette tended to do a lot--
Quinn used to think it was deliberate to bring attention to her provocative mouth and tantalize boys.
But now she’d come to realize that Rachel tended to bite her lower lip to express a range of emotions
from anger to guilt to being pleased with a sudden turn of events. It was multi-purpose, but difficult to
use in terms of getting a read on how Rachel was feeling. Rachel’s face was expressive and she
tended to wear her heart on her sleeve but Quinn had come to realize she was fairly tight-lipped about
whatever it was that caused those emotions.

“You okay?” Quinn asked.

“Huh?” Rachel said, distractedly. “Of course, Quinn. Why would you ask?”

Quinn shrugged. “Are you nervous?”

Rachel didn’t have the most positive associations with school, after all.

Rachel smiled. “No,” she said softly. “Let’s go.”

--

The first day of school went as expected-- no surprises.

--

She followed Rachel home after school and they lounged on Rachel’s bed watching a movie. The two
of them spent an inordinate amount of time alone together, but it felt nice to have Rachel to herself.
Santana had Brittany, after all, and granted they were a couple, but they were best friends first. In the
course of less than a year, Rachel Berry had morphed from pint-sized annoyance she was set on
destroying to her best friend.

Quinn knew she had sort of a third grade mentality, because she really didn’t like sharing Rachel.
Santana and Brittany had become their mutual friends, but there were times when Quinn resented
having to share Rachel with Brittany and Santana who already had each other.

As always, they had the house to themselves, but there was just something comforting about Rachel’s
room which was truly a reflection of the diva-in-the-making, both of her private and public selves.
Rachel may give off the impression that all she cared about her Broadway musicals and future
stardom, but there was more to Rachel than that, and her room reflected it.

She’d borrowed multiple books and DVDs from Rachel, and it’d become sort of an inside joke between
them because she hadn’t returned anything yet. She had a stack of Rachel’s books and DVDs on her
desk at home, which Rachel saw each time she came over, but never took back. There was more to
Rachel than just biographies of divas and musicals.

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Rachel’s room had become almost like her own, and she lounged freely on the bed, complained about
Rachel’s uncomfortable desk chair and rifled through Rachel’s shelves with abandon. She didn’t open
any drawers or anything, because that was crossing a line, but she still practiced a freedom with
Rachel’s things that she didn’t exercise with her other friends.

She and Rachel sat on the bed next to one another, legs stretched in front of them and backs against
the headboard as they watched the movie. Rachel smelled amazing and she started laughing at
something in the movie.

Quinn joined in the laughter and Rachel smiled at her. She swatted at Quinn’s thigh and Quinn swore
she just meant to stop Rachel from making contact, but she grabbed Rachel by the hand and held on.

She stared at Rachel for a long moment and Rachel stared back before gently pulling her hand away.
She scooted over to put some more space between them and they didn’t say anything until the movie
ended. When it did, Rachel stood up and stretched.

“Come on,” she said. “I’ll buy you dinner. Something bacony.”

Quinn laughed softly. Rachel could never resist exaggerating Quinn’s love for bacon.

--

Over the past few months, she’d become aware of a muted attraction to Rachel that she definitely did
not want to feel, partly because well, Rachel was a girl, partly because Rachel well, Rachel was
Rachel and mostly because Rachel was her best friend and attraction between friends was just the
kind of thing to ruin the friendship.

But she also thought the attraction might be mutual.

She’d catch Rachel looking at her, primarily because she was usually already looking at Rachel. Then
Rachel would look away and she’d look away and when she looked back at Rachel, Rachel was
already staring at her again.

Then there was the way Rachel looked at her mouth. Quinn was accustomed to people looking at her
mouth, so she totally noticed it when people did. She had to admit she was looking at Rachel’s mouth,
too.

Quinn had friends, but she didn’t have a lot of close friends that she could compare Rachel to. Despite
the fact she really didn’t have much for comparison, she thought she and Rachel treated one another
differently than other sets of girls who were just friends. The way she interacted with Rachel was a lot
like how Santana interacted with Brittany, and those girls had been all over one another since they
were playing hopscotch and using big crayons.

It was…confusing.

--

They had dinner together and then Rachel dropped Quinn off at home.

“See you tomorrow,” Rachel said softly, with a smile. She leaned toward Quinn just as Quinn was
doing the same to Rachel. Their noses bumped up against each other.

They each leaned back. Rachel laughed and rubbed her nose.

Quinn giggled. “You okay?”

Rachel laughed. “I’ve told you to avoid my nose when assaulting me!”

Quinn rolled her eyes and slapped Rachel’s shoulder. She leaned in (carefully, this time) and quickly
kissed Rachel’s nose. “There,” she said. “I kissed your ouchie, so now stop harassing me about
assaulting you.”

Rachel laughed softly, and rubbed at her nose again. “Are you okay?” she asked, peering up at Quinn
in concern.

Quinn smiled. “Yeah, I’m not histrionic like you, so I’m not calling that an assault.”

Rachel scowled with mock outrage. “Out of my vehicle, woman!”

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Quinn chuckled. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Rachel smiled. “Yeah.”

--

The more time that went on, and the more time she spent with Rachel, the more difficult it became to
push down her feelings of attraction. Sometimes, she was sure it was mutual-- it seemed mutual
because she didn’t see Rachel making origami swans or giving anyone else ‘just because’ presents.
Granted Rachel did make mix CDs for Puck or Finn, but Rachel really did enjoy whoring out her taste
in music, so mix CDs didn’t mean much. Quinn knew for a fact that Rachel wasn’t hanging out with
anyone as much as Rachel hung out with her because they spent nearly every moment of free time
together. One would think spending nearly every free waking hour with a person would get boring,
especially since she shared every class with Rachel since the sixth grade, but it really wasn’t.

--

She started dropping little hints to get an idea of what Rachel might be feeling.

They were watching an Alicia Keys video when Quinn said, “Alicia Keys is so beautiful, I’d totally make
out with her.”

She just wanted to see what Rachel would say, but Rachel’s response was frustrating.

“She’s very pretty.”

That was it. No other response. No “oh, you’d kiss a girl? I would, too” or “oh, you’d kiss a girl? I would
never do that” or “I’d make out with her, too” or “she’s not my type” or whatever. Just “she’s very pretty”
which was blatantly obvious, (God, Rachel).

Rachel was so frustrating.

“Megan Fox has a great body. I wish I had a body like that.”

“Yours is actually better.”

Okay, that one was sort of pleasing. But seriously, come on.

They got drunk together one night maybe a month after school resumed and spent the night making a
list of people at school they wouldn’t sleep with for all the money in the world (Jacob Ben Israel, Dave
Karofsky and Azimo were the only ones who made the list since all the money in the world was
nothing to sniff at) and a list of people they would sleep with, without much need for encouragement, if
the circumstances were right.

“David Singer.”

“Todd Ambrose.”

“Richard Avakian.”

“Mike Hart.”

“Mike Chang.”

“Megan Kessler.”

Rachel didn’t react. “Scott Bryce.”

“Kyle Parks.”

They went through a few more names. Quinn took special care to only names boys after that, and all
the names Rachel rattled off were boys. She decided that Rachel probably just wasn’t into girls. She’d
given Rachel enough opportunity to express attraction or curiosity, and Rachel never did. She was
disappointed, but she was also kind of relieved. Status quo was easier to deal with than change, and
her life had so many changes in the past couple of years, she didn’t mind status quo when the status
quo was pretty good.

--

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It was an ordinary October day-- the weather was nice and cool, the air was crisp and all that sort of
weather crap that Quinn really didn’t care about outside the fact that she grabbed a jacket when she
left the house in the morning. She got separated from Rachel before lunch, even though they were in
the same class before lunch. She needed to go to her locker and Rachel needed to check a book out
from the library.

Unlike the previous school year, when they only ate lunch together about half the time (the other half
Rachel was doing God only knew what), they’d eaten lunch together every school day and nearly
every weekend day, too. Quinn walked to the cafeteria first, but couldn’t find Rachel, so she walked
toward the library to search for her.

She was turning a corner when she saw Rachel and was ready to call out to her, but she stopped
when she saw Brittany and Santana flank her. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t just call out to her
friends, but she stepped behind the corner and watched, hidden, as Rachel glanced around the
hallway and then turned her attention back to Santana and Brittany.

Santana laughed softly and wrapped her arms around Rachel’s waist and whispered something in
Rachel’s ear that made Rachel’s cheeks turn bright red even from Quinn’s standpoint.

And then, Santana kissed Rachel. It wasn’t a peck on the cheek or the forehead the way Rachel
kissed her or the way she kissed Rachel. It was a full-on kiss, which didn’t seem to surprise Rachel in
the slightest. A full-on kiss in the middle of the hallway. A full-on kiss that Rachel returned eagerly, and
while Santana kissed Rachel, Brittany cuddled up to Rachel’s back and began kissing Rachel’s neck.
Rachel’s shoulder’s shook slightly in silent laugher and one her hands reached around to cup and
caress Brittany’s cheek.

The whole thing only lasted under a minute before Rachel moved away-- reluctantly, it seemed.

“I have to go,” Rachel said. “I need to find Quinn. We’re having lunch together.”

“You guys have lunch together every day,” Santana said.

“So do you and Brittany. Come find us in the cafeteria when you guys are done…” Rachel trailed off
and laughed softly. “Well, you know.”

“You’ve been neglecting us, Berry,” Santana said lightly.

Rachel laughed softly again. “I’ll just have to make it up to you, “ she murmured. “Do you take IOUs?”

Santana rolled her eyes. “We’ll see you later.”

Rachel turned to walk away and Quinn swallowed hard and scrambled to take a few steps back so that
she was rounding the corner just as Rachel was doing the same from the other side.

Rachel’s eyes were wide. “Hi!” she exclaimed. “I was just looking for you!”

Quinn forced a smile, even though she didn’t really feel like smiling. She didn’t want to let on that she
heard and saw everything she just heard and saw and she didn’t like the way Rachel’s eyes were way
too wide because it meant Rachel was nervous and trying too hard to cover it up.

“Hi,” Quinn said softly. “Ready for lunch?”

Rachel smiled. “Of course,” she said, reaching for Quinn’s arm and pulling Quinn toward the cafeteria,
in opposite direction of where Rachel had just left Brittany and Santana. “Good nutrition is an integral
part of maintaining one’s health and of course, studies have shown that a more regimented scheduling
of eating is good for one’s metabolism.”

Quinn just let Rachel ramble on, but all she could think about was that all this time, she thought maybe
there was a mutual attraction with Rachel, and then she gave up that idea because it seemed like
Rachel just wasn’t attracted to other girls. Now she’d just witnessed Santana and Brittany kissing
Rachel which clearly meant that Rachel did like girls, Rachel just didn’t like her.

With everything that happened between them and how close they’d become, it was so disappointing,
Quinn wanted to skip lunch and go somewhere private to cry. But she couldn’t do that because she
had Rachel on her arm, babbling about the importance of breakfast (apparently Rachel was going
through the importance of each meal of the day now) and pulling her toward the cafeteria to eat lunch
together.

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--

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Rachel asked multiple times through lunch.

“Nothing, I’m just tired. I didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

It was a lie. She got at least nine hours of sleep the night before and she’d been in a really good mood
until she saw Santana and Brittany mauling Rachel.

Rachel smiled. “You should call me next time you have trouble sleeping,” she murmured, reaching
across the table to give Quinn’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I’ll tell you a story.”

Quinn smiled back as she remembered the night she told Rachel a story off the top of her head to help
Rachel go to sleep. That story launched the tradition of Rachel giving her those origami swans. Rachel
had given her one every day they saw each other since school started again and now Quinn had over
a hundred of them in that glass contained on her nightstand. How the hell could the attraction not be
mutual?

“I will next time,” Quinn said softly.

Rachel gave her a toothy grin. “Good,” she declared.

Quinn grinned back at her and she vowed that if Rachel Berry had even an ounce of interest in her,
she was going to make Rachel hers.

--

She always put a lot of time and energy into her appearance, but she started waking up even earlier to
put even more time and energy into it.

Rachel seemed to notice right away.

“It’s not that I don’t ordinarily think you’re beautiful, Quinn, but you’re looking particularly lovely today.”

Quinn grinned at her. “Thanks.”

And so on.
--

She’d complimented her sister on a particular perfume one day, and her sister bought her a bottle as a
gift. Quinn liked it well enough, but it was more something her sister would use than what she would
use, so she only wore it a few times before she retired it. But when her sister was home over the
summer, she saw Taylor holding her wrist up to Rachel and Rachel sniffing at it and telling Taylor that
she liked that perfume.

She started wearing that perfume even more, and it seemed to work because she’d catch Rachel
looking at her while chewing on her lower lip. How could that be a bad thing, right?

--

Rachel’s father went to visit her other father on Thanksgiving. Quinn thought it was truly fucked up that
he didn’t take Rachel with him, but Rachel didn’t seem to think so.

“It’s not worth the plane fare for such a brief period of time,” Rachel said, but she did look upset
anyway.

Rachel spent Thanksgiving with Quinn and her mom, and though Rachel was vegan and Judy made
no vegan alternatives, Rachel ate turkey and butter-and-milk laden mashed potatoes anyway.

Judy fell asleep in her bedroom after one too many dinner-martinis and Quinn grabbed a bottle of wine
from the wine cellar and took Rachel by the hand to her bedroom where they lounged on the bed and
watched Thanksgiving specials of various sitcoms.

Quinn shut off the TV, her head swimming a little from the wine and snuggled up to Rachel. Rachel
laughed softly and wrapped her arms around Quinn so that their foreheads rested together.

“Your mom is a really good cook,” Rachel murmured. “This makes your ability to stay so thin even
more impressive.”

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Quinn chuckled and she gazed into Rachel’s eyes. “So you’re saying I have a hot body?” she
questioned in a drawl. She moved in closer to Rachel so that their hips were almost touching.

Rachel rolled her eyes. “You know that you do,” she said gently, swatting at Quinn’s shoulder. Rachel
moved away from Quinn, rolling from her side onto her back and stretched her limbs.

“It’s nice to be told,” Quinn murmured, which was true-- it was nice to be told sometimes.

Rachel turned her head. “You have a hot body,” she said sincerely.

Quinn smiled. “Was that so hard to admit?” she asked, shifting closer to Rachel again.

Rachel raised an eyebrow. “What was there to admit? It was a statement of fact.” Rachel sat up. “Let’s
watch a movie,” she said, getting up from the bed and moving toward Quinn’s TV and DVD shelf. “Um.
Ice Age?”

“What are you, eight years old?” Quinn teased.

Rachel looked the back of the DVD. “This movie actually did come out in 2002,” she remarked. “We
turned eight in 2002.”

Quinn rolled her eyes. She had a ton of movies to choose from and Rachel chose a cartoon.
Sometimes she had to remind herself why she liked Rachel so much, but seeing the way Rachel
looked at her with her hip slightly cocked out and that toothy grin, it really wasn’t so hard to remember.

“I have Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” Quinn said. “Let’s watch that.”

Rachel looked like she wanted to protest, but she shrugged and popped it in. She rejoined Quinn on
the bed and they watched the movie in silence.

“I should go,” Rachel said quietly, once the movie was over. She stood up and peered down at the
bed, trying to dig her hands into pockets she didn’t have.

“Why don’t you stay the night?” Quinn murmured. “My mom will wonder why you’re gone. She likes
having you around, you know. The more people around her, the happier she is.”

“I shouldn’t,” Rachel said softly.

“Why not?”

“I should go home,” Rachel said. “My dads might try to call me.”

Quinn opened her mouth, ready to point out that Rachel had a cell phone and her fathers could always
reach her on that if they wanted to talk to her. But Rachel’s relationship with her fathers was more
complicated and Quinn had a limited understanding of it because Rachel didn’t talk about it much. She
didn’t want to burst Rachel’s bubble, not when Rachel looked so hopeful her fathers would call.

“Okay,” Quinn said softly, rising to her feet. “Are you sure you’re okay to drive?” she asked as she
approached Rachel.

Rachel smiled. “You drank most of the wine, I’ll be fine.”

Quinn chuckled, and she pulled Rachel in for a hug. She didn’t know what she would have done over
the summer without this girl. Probably gone crazy or something. “Text me when you get home, okay?”
she whispered. She rested her head on Rachel’s shoulder and used her right index finger to lightly
trace her initials onto Rachel’s back.

QF.

“Of course,” Rachel murmured. “Don’t I always? Even when you don’t ask me to.”

QF <3

“Just making sure,” Quinn whispered. “It’s Thanksgiving, lots of drunk drivers out there.”

QF <3 RB

“I think everyone is too busy engaging in post-meal domestic violence to be out on the road,” Rachel
joked.

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Rachel’s breath was warm against Quinn’s ear. God, this girl smelled amazing.

Quinn laughed softly and she turned her head ever so slightly. They were just so close.

“Just drive safe, okay?” Quinn murmured. She brushed her nose against Rachel’s.

Rachel’s mouth parted slightly and she let out a tiny whimper. “Quinn,” she breathed.

“Yeah?” Quinn asked softly.

“I...” Rachel’s voice cracked and she fell silent

They stood there for a while, in that bright-lit room. Quinn’s window was open just a crack and there
was a slight breeze to counteract the fact Quinn’s mother turned on the heater and the house was just
a little too warm. Quinn continued to lightly trace QF <3 RB on Rachel’s back and Rachel was gently
rubbing Quinn’s back.

“Rach?”

“Yes?”

“What were you going to say?”

Rachel swallowed visibly. “I don’t remember anymore,” she breathed.

“Oh.”

Quinn moved her mouth closer to Rachel’s, thinking that this would be the moment, the night. It was
such a cliché-- a first kiss on a major national holiday, but Quinn didn’t care. She shut her eyes, prayed
for bravery and hoped that everything would go well. She was ready, so ready, so determined and
then…

And then her fucking phone rang.

Rachel leaped back, startled, and the mood was broken.

It was Taylor calling. Quinn was going to kill her big sister.

“I should go,” Rachel said, recognizing the ring tone to be Taylor’s. “Tell T ‘Happy Thanksgiving’ for
me,” Rachel said quickly, grabbing her bag and stumbling out of the room.

Quinn blinked. In all the time Taylor was home, Quinn never heard Rachel address Taylor as ‘T’ or
anything other than Taylor. She didn’t even call her sister ‘T.’ It was a little weird to her, but she called
out a distracted ‘bye, text me later!’ and then answered the phone. She was annoyed with her sister’s
timing, but she was glad her sister called.

“Happy fucking Thanksgiving, jerk,” Quinn greeted.

Taylor laughed. “What the fuck?”

“It’s nothing,” Quinn said. She didn’t want to explain why her sister’s timing was so awful. “How are
you?”

“I’m good. I just wanted to check in and see how Thanksgiving was. It was…” Taylor paused. “The first
one without Dad.”

“It was okay,” Quinn said. “Mom got kind of drunk and weepy, but Rachel was over and she kept Mom
entertained.”

“Where were Rachel’s dads?”

“LA.”

Taylor sighed. “Oh,” she said. “So where’s Mom?”

“Sleeping.”

Taylor sounded suspicious. “Sleeping or passed out?”

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“Probably a little bit of both,” Quinn admitted. “But she didn’t say or do anything embarrassing, so that
was nice.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry I wasn’t there, but I’m coming home for Christmas to be with you guys, so you won’t
have to deal with her alone.”

Quinn perked up. “You are? That’s great.”

Taylor laughed. “I can’t abandon my baby sister to our mother, can I?”

Quinn grinned. “She’s not that bad.”

They talked for a few more minutes. Once they were off the phone, Quinn laid down on her bed and
thought about that interrupted moment with Rachel and sighed.

--

She started to become hyperaware of how frequently she and Rachel invaded one another’s personal
space. They linked arms while they walked to class, they ate off each other’s plates, and they
sprawled practically on top of each other when they hung out in each other’s rooms.

They were assigned together on an in-class literature assignment and Quinn found herself grabbing
Rachel’s wrist to look at Rachel’s watch for the time. Rachel practically sat in her lap during a glee
practice because they both wanted to sit at the piano.

They had no boundaries when it came to one another.

--

She and Rachel were paired with Brittany and Santana for an assignment in glee and the four of them
ultimately decided upon that Killers’ song, ‘Mr. Brightside.’ The song had great energy and the four of
them had a great time practicing and then singing in front of the others. But Quinn burned with
jealousy when everyone clapped and Brittany pulled Rachel into an impetuous hug and Santana
slapped Rachel on the butt. There was no way Rachel was closer to Santana and Brittany than she
was to her, and yet, Rachel…intimate with them. She didn’t understand.

--

For someone who was such an incredible diva, Rachel was surprisingly low-key when it came to her
birthday.

“My parents aren’t really birthday people,” Rachel said dismissively. “Mine always kind of got lost in the
Hanukkah shuffle.”

Still, it didn’t take much to convince Rachel to do something for her birthday. Rachel seemed like she
wanted to do something in a group with Brittany and Santana but Quinn coaxed Rachel into
celebrating with Brittany and Santana on another night. Rachel’s birthday was the 18th, which was a
Sunday that year. They celebrated with Santana and Brittany with a small party on Friday with alcohol
and a double feature of early Barbra Streisand movies, but she got to have Rachel all to herself on
Saturday and Sunday.

--

She tried to make it perfect-- at least, Rachel’s idea of perfect and on Sunday night when they were
curled up under Rachel’s blankets watching a movie, it really was perfect. They didn’t have to worry
about school the next day because it was winter vacation and Rachel seemed happy with everything.

“Quinn,” Rachel murmured, snuggling up to her.

“Mmm?”

“Thank you for making my birthday so wonderful,” Rachel said quietly. “It’s not a big deal in my family,
so I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you would…” she trailed off and her voice caught
slightly. “Care so much to make it nice.”

Quinn smiled and she turned on her side to face Rachel. “Well, birthdays are kind of a big deal.”

Rachel gave her a wide, sincere smile. “You’re the best,” she declared, shooting forward to brush her

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lips against Quinn’s forehead. She pulled back, slightly, and smiled.

Quinn cupped Rachel’s cheek and gazed into Rachel’s eyes.

Rachel froze and she stared back. Her eyes lowered and she stared at Quinn’s mouth for a few
moments.

Quinn smiled and caressed Rachel’s cheek. She leaned into Rachel and brushed her lips against
Rachel’s.

Rachel kissed her back, and for a few minutes, they kissed languidly until Rachel pulled away,
abruptly.

“I…no…I…I can’t…I can’t…no…this…no…” Rachel looked like she was going to cry.

Quinn felt like crying, too, because the kiss had been amazing. Rachel’s lips were so soft and the kiss
didn’t feel perfunctory like when she’d kissed Finn or Puck. It felt so good and she didn’t want it to
stop. But clearly Rachel hadn’t enjoyed it as much even though Rachel seemed to enjoy it, what with
all the breathless moans and sighs.

“I’m sorry,” Quinn whispered, panicking. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t…”

“I…I can’t…it’s…”

Quinn was mortified. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again.

Rachel sucked in a deep breath. “It’s okay, it’s just…” she trailed off. “I just can’t,” she whispered. “I’m
sorry, but I can’t.”

“Okay,” Quinn said. “I need to go.”

She got up and Rachel didn’t try to stop her and when she left, Rachel didn’t try to stop her then either.

She drove home, in tears. She couldn’t figure it out. What was so wrong with her?

--

She was too mortified the next day to make any contact with Rachel, and Rachel didn’t try to contact
her either.

--

What the fuck did she do? She fucked it all up.

--

Five days went by. She was depressed, angry and worried. She knew Rachel wouldn’t tell anyone
about what happened, but she hadn’t heard from Rachel at all. She texted Rachel once in five days,
but Rachel never responded. She kept thinking it would blow over, they could pretend it never
happened and everything would be the same.

But so far, that wasn’t the case.

She picked Taylor up from the airport the day before Christmas Eve.

Quinn was visibly upset as she drove home.

“What’s wrong, little sister? It’s Christmas time.”

“It’s nothing,” Quinn said.

Taylor looked at her intently. “Is it Mom?”

Quinn smiled. “No,” she said truthfully. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, I’m here if you want to talk.”

“Thanks.”

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--

She got a text from Rachel on Christmas Day-- Happy Christmas. I’m sorry I freaked out on you. Are
we okay?

Several hours had passed from when Rachel sent the next to when Quinn finally received it because
she was in church at the time and turned her phone to silent instead of vibrate.

She texted Rachel back as she walked to the parking lot with her mother and sister.

No. I’M sorry. Of course we’re okay. Do you want to come over tomorrow?

Okay.

--

The day after Christmas, she and her sister finally went through their father’s belongings which were in
boxes in the garage. When her father died, she and Rachel had gone to her father’s girlfriend’s house
to collect his belongings, because her mother was too upset and her sister was too far away. Her
father’s girlfriend seemed strangely hostile to the idea of having his things in her house and she
wanted them gone immediately, so she and Rachel went to collect everything. Then Rachel went with
her to her father’s office to pack up his things there.

Then his belongings sat in boxes for several months. Taylor had wanted to go through them
immediately and sort of what should be kept, what should be donated, what should be recycled and
what should be thrown away, but neither Quinn nor her mother were ready to do that, and so Taylor
was nixed. Now that Taylor was back for Christmas and six months had passed since their father’s
death, Quinn was ready to go through the boxes with Taylor.

All the clothes were put aside for Good Will, although their mother did want to keep two of his shirts--
one button-down and one t-shirt. There wasn’t much after that, mostly trinkets like a baseball their
father caught at an Indians game, a couple of family pictures, a box of cigars and the like.

A whole life just packed away into a few boxes. It was kind of sad.

Quinn found a locked box and shook it, wondering what the contents were.

“What do you think this is?”

Taylor looked at it. “I don’t know. Let’s put it aside. We’ll look for a key later.”

“Okay.”

--

Rachel came over that night and everything seemed okay, but she only stayed a few hours and even
those few hours felt awkward.

--

The tension built over the next few days.

She just didn’t understand. She thought the attraction was mutual. Rachel kissed her back. So what
was the problem? She just wanted an explanation. When she really stopped to think about it, she
knew she was really looking for an explanation for why Rachel didn’t want her, wasn’t attracted to her,
and wanting to know the reasons was truly masochistic. But Quinn just wanted to know.

“You’ve slept with Santana and Brittany,” Quinn said one night while they were watching TV.

Rachel froze. “How did you…”

“I saw you guys kissing at school once and I just assumed. You just confirmed it,” Quinn said, wishing
she could stop sounding so hostile. “You slept with them.”

Rachel sighed. “Just a few times,” she admitted. “Nothing since the summer.”

Quinn swallowed hard. “So you can kiss them, but…”

‘But you can’t kiss me,’ Quinn thought.

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“I can’t…I can’t do this with you,” Rachel said. “I…” she swallowed hard and couldn’t say anything
else.

“Why not?” Quinn whispered. “Why do you like them more than you like me?” she asked, her voice
breaking slightly.

This was not the way things were supposed to go. She wasn’t supposed to ask Rachel Berry why she
liked Santana and Brittany more. No one was supposed to like anyone more than they liked her. She
was Quinn Fabray and she was back on top. Everyone in school wanted her. Everyone except for
Rachel, apparently.

“I don’t like anyone more than I like you,” Rachel said quietly. “You’re my favorite person. Don’t you
know that by now?”

“Then why?” Quinn asked, tears brimming in her eyes.

“I just can’t,” Rachel whispered. “I can’t!”

“Why?”

“I can’t,” Rachel whispered, eyes pleading with Quinn to just drop this subject already. “Please,” she
begged. “Please don’t ask anymore. I just can’t. We’re friends. Isn’t that enough?”

Quinn swallowed hard. It took her a moment to respond because the lump that rose in her throat was
choking her. “Of course it is,” she said quietly. “I just wanted to know why I’m not enough,” Quinn said
glumly, in a rare moment of true emotional honesty. She didn’t want to admit all of her secret
insecurities and private self-doubts, but this was particularly difficult to accept.

Rachel’s eyes were wide and she grabbed Quinn’s hands. “It’s nothing to do with you!” she exclaimed.
“It’s…” she trailed off. “It’s me. It’s all my fault. It’s me.”

Quinn swallowed hard. “What do you mean?”

Rachel shook her head. “I…I can’t. Okay? I can’t.” Rachel was agitated and she stood up. “I have to
go.”

“You don’t have to go,” Quinn said quietly, because as excruciatingly awkward and painful as this is,
she didn’t want Rachel to go. Not like this. And more importantly was the fact that she wanted Rachel
close to her, always. Even if this was all they would ever have, she just wanted Rachel to stay.

“Yes, I do. You don’t want me here,” Rachel said, her voice ragged and hoarse.

“How would you know?” Quinn asked lightly. “I’m me and you’re you. You’re not me.”

Rachel laughed a little at that, but quickly sobered. She was crying and Quinn reached out to wipe at
Rachel’s face.

“You geek,” Quinn murmured. “You’re the one who rejected me, why are you the one crying?” she
asked, a little bitterly, but she tried her best to keep her voice light and gentle.

“I wish I could,” Rachel whispered. “But I can’t. I’m sorry. I just…I can’t. I can’t. If you knew…” Rachel
trailed off and her eyes squeezed shut. “You don’t want me.”

Quinn swallowed hard. “If I knew what?”

Rachel’s face was so very expressive and she was clearly anxious. “Nothing.”

“If I knew what?” Quinn asked, wrapping her arms around Rachel’s waist.

Rachel swallowed hard. “Nothing.”

“If I knew what?” Quinn repeated, tightening her hold on Rachel.

“Nothing.”

“If I knew what?” Quinn whispered, bringing her face close to Rachel’s.

Rachel was trembling. “Nothing,” Rachel rasped.

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“If I knew what?” Quinn asked, her voice barely audible. She brushed the side of her nose against
Rachel’s and their mouths hovered so closely together.

“Nothing,” Rachel breathed.

Quinn brushed her mouth against Rachel’s. She just…she had to try one more time. She couldn’t just
give up on something she wanted, she had to try again.

Rachel cried and pushed against Quinn’s chest. She took a few steps back. “I can’t,” she cried. “I
just…I can’t.”

Quinn began to cry as well. “Why not?”

Rachel covered her face with her hands. “I slept with your sister.”

Quinn froze. “What?”

“I slept with your sister,” Rachel repeated, pulling her hands away from her face, and crossing her
arms protectively in front herself. “We had a relationship,” she said, her voice trembling. “Before she
left for Japan and we slept together over the summer while she was here. I slept with your sister. I
can’t do any of this with you.”

Quinn stared at Rachel, feeling like her heart was being clenched in Rachel Berry’s tiny fist. How could
this have happened? Taylor was nine years older than Rachel was and she was married.

“She’s married,” Quinn whispered

“I know,” Rachel said, eyes lowering to the ground guiltily.

“You… you slept with her? My sister?”

“We weren’t friends when it first started,” Rachel whispered. “You and I weren’t friends the first time
Taylor and I slept together.”

Quinn glared. “And when was the first time you guys slept together?”

“It was a long time ago,” Rachel whispered. “Long before you and I were friends.”

“How long?”

“I don’t have a specific date,” Rachel said after a long moment of silence.

“Don’t get smart with me!” Quinn said. “You slept with my sister! So, all summer, when you stayed
over, you were staying over so you could, what, try to get back together with her? All that time when
my dad just died and you were telling me you’d do anything I needed you to do, you were just staying
around for my sister? She’s married, Rachel!”

“You’re my best friend,” Rachel said quietly. “I had no ulterior motives. And I know she’s married. It
was wrong of me,” she said. “I know I shouldn’t have let…I was wrong. But this is why I can’t…I
can’t…not with you.”

Quinn clenched her jaw. “Are you in love with her?”

Rachel’s eyes were downcast. “Not now,” she whispered.

“So why did you sleep with her?! Have you slept with her since she’s been home? Is that why you’re
here?”

“I haven’t slept with her since she left in the summer,” Rachel said quietly.

“Oh, I see,” Quinn said sarcastically. “So you fucked Brittany and Santana until my sister came home,
then you stopped sleeping with them to sleep with my sister. So you just sleep around, but you aren’t a
skank,” she said spitefully, unable to resist lashing out.

“I was in love with her,” Rachel said weakly. “I was in love with her since I was five.”

“It must have been very hard for you to have waited so long to finally sleep with her,” Quinn said
sarcastically.

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Something in Rachel’s expression flickered. It was brief and so fleeting, Quinn thought she imagined it,
but there was definitely something there.

“What?” Quinn asked.

“What?”

“You had a look.”

“I didn’t…I…there was no look!”

“You had a look!”

“I didn’t,” Rachel said quietly. “I’m so sorry, Quinn. I never…I never meant for you to find out. Please
don’t tell Taylor I told you. She…she would be upset.”

Quinn clenched her jaw. “You slept with my sister.”

“Yes.”

“But you’re not sleeping with her anymore?”

“No.”

Quinn wanted to scream, but instead she said, “okay.”

Rachel stared at her. “Okay?”

“You slept with my sister. That’s weird, but...” Quinn trailed off. It should be a dealbreaker, but it
wasn’t. She wanted Rachel that much. “It’s not a dealbreaker.”

Rachel stared down at the ground. “It is for me,” she whispered. “You remind me so much of her.
You…you even smell like her.”

Quinn clenched her jaw. “So you are still in love with her.”

“My relationship with her was really complicated,” Rachel whispered. “I just…I can’t relive it.”

“So, what, every moment with me is a reminder of her?” Quinn demanded, trying not to be hostile, but
failing.

“Every moment with you is spent with you,” Rachel said quietly. “When I’m with you, I don’t think of
anyone other than you. I love you. I adore you. Isn’t that blatantly obvious? But I can’t…be with you
that way because…”

“Because of my sister,” Quinn said bitterly.

“She and I…we have…history,” Rachel said softly. “That’s all I can say about it.”

Quinn gripped her head with her hands. She knew it was irrational to be angry, but she was furious
and the desire to just slap Rachel was so overwhelming that her hands were trembling. But she didn’t
want to hurt Rachel.

“You…you should leave,” Quinn said finally.

Rachel pooled with tears. “Quinn. I…”

“You should leave.”

“Are you okay?” Rachel asked quietly, and she looked so worried and solicitous that Quinn was
reminded all over again why she loved this girl in the first place because no one else seemed to bother
being as concerned for her as Rachel did.

“Yeah,” Quinn said flatly. “You should leave.”

“Are we okay?”

Quinn paused. “Yeah,” she said. “But you should leave.”

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Rachel was clearly upset, but Quinn didn’t have the energy to take care of her. She barely had the
energy to take care of herself.

“Okay,” Rachel said quietly.

Rachel left and it was only when Quinn was sure Rachel left the house, that she allowed herself to
break down into sobs.

--

She thought about it, and it made sense. The way Rachel was so depressed before Taylor left for
Japan and immediately after. The time Rachel murmured “T, turn out the lights.” It was all so fucking
obvious now, she didn’t understand why she didn’t see it before.

She was tempted to confront her sister, but she didn’t know what she could possibly say. She was
furious with both of them, but she knew she really didn’t have a right. She just didn’t understand how
the fuck Taylor could sleep with Rachel. Taylor was nine years older than Rachel and used to babysit
her. So how could Taylor do that?
--

She must have fallen asleep. When she woke up, her face was swollen and she needed a glass of
water.

She walked down the stairs and paused when she smelled something burning from the garage. Quinn
opened the door to the garage to find her sister standing over the garage’s sink, burning what looked
like photographs. Next to her sister’s feet was that locked box that was in her father’s belongings. It
looked like Taylor forcibly opened it with tools.

Taylor was crying.

“What are you doing?” Quinn asked quietly.

Startled, Taylor dropped the burning photograph into the sink.

“Quinn!”

“That’s Dad’s stuff,” Quinn said. “Why are you burning it?”

Taylor looked caught. “Go back to bed.”

“What are you burning?” Quinn demanded. She pushed past her sister to pick up the box at her
sister’s feet.

“No!” Taylor exclaimed. She bent down trying to snatch the box away from Quinn.

But it was too late. Quinn saw a photograph that made her blood freeze.

“Give it back!” Taylor said and she tackled Quinn to the ground to try to wrestle it out of Quinn’s hands.

Quinn landed on her stomach and her knees.”Get off me!” she screamed. She shoved Taylor away
and dumped the contents of the box on the ground. Pictures fluttered to the ground.

“Oh God, oh God, oh God,” Quinn whimpered. She was still laying flat on the ground as she looked at
the photos.

She was going to be sick.

There was a small, undressed dark-haired child featured in all the pictures, sometimes next to Taylor
who was equally undressed, sometimes alone. Despite the fact that the child had her eyes closed in all
of the pictures, and appeared to be sleeping, Quinn recognized her immediately.

Rachel.

Rachel, no older than five, but looking younger. Rachel, a little older, but clearly not old enough to be
in the double digits of age. Rachel, no older than ten.

Oh God. Oh God.

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And in some of those pictures, Taylor was clearly doing things to Rachel.

Oh God. Oh God. This is what Rachel meant when she said she and Taylor had history.

Immediately, Quinn just knew. She knew what her sister did to Rachel when Rachel was just a little
kid. The pictures were proof.

Quinn threw up on the floor of her mother’s three-car garage.

Taylor tried to rub her back, but Quinn pushed her away.

“What the fuck is this?!” Quinn screamed. “What is this?” she demanded, waving the pictures in
Taylor’s face. “What are you doing to her?! Why did Dad have this shit?!”

Taylor’s face was blank. “I think you know the answer to that.”

--

Their mother came down to see what the commotion was.

“Look at what she did to Rachel!” Quinn screamed throwing the pictures at their mother. Quinn turned
back to Taylor. “Tell me what you did to her!” Quinn screamed, sobbing. “Tell me what you did!”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You’re a liar!” Quinn roared. “You’re a fucking liar! If you didn’t do anything, then what the fuck is all
that?!” she demanded, pointing toward the pictures she’d thrown at her mother’s feet. “Do you know
what she is?!” she screamed at her mother, pointing at Taylor. “Look at what she did!”

Her mother was staring down at the pictures, but she didn’t pick them up.

“Of course she knew!” Taylor spat out. “You think I wanted this? You should be thanking me, both of
you!” Taylor snapped. She glared at her mother. “You,” she spat out. “You ignored it when you knew
what he was doing to me. You ignored it. You knew, but you ignored it! And you,” Taylor said, glaring
at Quinn. “You were Daddy’s little girl, you have no idea what he was really like. You’re giving me shit
for what happened to Rachel? Well, I gave her to him, so he wouldn’t take you. I made a choice! I
loved her, but I loved you more, so I gave her to him to satisfy him. I saved you by sacrificing her.”

Quinn stared at her sister in horror. She didn’t know this person. “You’re a liar,” she said finally.
“You’re a fucking liar! Don’t you dare bring Daddy into this!”

“Really?” Taylor mocked. “Then why do you think he had those pictures, Quinn?” she asked. She bent
down to pick them up and she held one up and shoved it in Quinn’s face.

Quinn flinched and looked away. She couldn’t look.

“Who do you think took the pictures, Quinn?” Taylor demanded. “Who do you think taught me to…”
she trailed off and swallowed hard. “He got off on it,” she said, becoming increasingly teary. “I didn’t
want to at first, but he would tell me what to do to her, and he would want me to tell him all about it
when I got home, if she cried, if she begged, if she were compliant, if she resisted--”

“Stop it,” Quinn yelled. “Stop it!”

“He wanted all the details,” Taylor said. “He taught me what to do and when he started to get hungry
for more, he’d give me a couple of Mom’s sleeping pills. I’d give her half and she’d take it because she
thought it was a vitamin. She’d pass out, he’d come over and--”

“Stop it!” Quinn shouted. “Shut up! Shut up! I don’t want to hear this!”

“You started it!” Taylor screamed. “You just had to look, didn’t you?! I told you to go back to bed!” She
turned to their mother. “Don’t just stand there staring!” she screamed. “What did you think when I’d
bring home her underwear for you to wash so her dads wouldn’t notice there was blood on it! What did
you think when you were washing my underwear and there was blood on it? That I had my period? I
was five! You could have stopped all of it, you knew exactly what he was, but you what, couldn’t put
down a drink long enough to get a job? What?! You could have saved me, you could have saved
Rachel, but you didn’t!”

Quinn stared at her mother in horror. “Mom?” she whispered. She wiped at her eyes. “Mom!” she
exclaimed. “Is that true?!” she demanded. “Mom! Fucking answer me!”

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“Taylor, Quinn,” Judy said finally. “Watch your mouths. I’m still your mother. Go to bed, both of you.”

“This is so typical of you,” Taylor spat out. “Just pretend like nothing bad happened, right? Your
husband is a pedophile and he likes your daughter a little too much, but do you protect me? No.”

“Who cares about you?!” Quinn screamed. “What did you do to Rachel!?” she shouted, moving toward
her sister to grab her by the shoulders. She shook her fiercely. “How could you do that to Rachel?!”
she demanded, sobbing. “How could you do that!! She loved you!”

“It was either her or you,” Taylor said defiantly, pushing Quinn away. “I chose her to save you.”

Quinn sneered at her. “You’re a rapist. You’re a pedophile.”

“I am not!” Taylor shouted. “She was the only one! And I loved her!”

Quinn’s eyes were wide. “Oh God,” she said. “When you were sleeping with her last year, did you
force her? What about over the summer?”

Oh God, oh God. Rachel made it sound like it was consensual, but what if it wasn’t?

“She told you about that?!”

“Don’t worry,” Quinn said bitterly. “Even after what you did, she still protected you. Did you force her?
After everything you did to her, did you force her? Did you rape her again? You’re a rapist!”

“Whatever you might believe about me,” Taylor said quietly. “I loved her. I never wanted to hurt her. I
wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for him.”

“You’re a liar,” Quinn whispered. “You had a choice.” She looked at her mother in disgust, because
she fully believed her sister when she said that their mother knew. She knew what her sister was
saying about her father was true. Why would he have these pictures if it weren’t true? “And you…you
knew,” Quinn said, sickened. “You knew and you did nothing.” Her knees felt weak and she dropped to
her knees and vomited again. “You ruined my life,” Quinn whispered and she wasn’t sure if she was
talking to her mother or her sister.

It sounded overdramatic, but it felt true. She wanted Rachel and now Rachel was clearly out of reach
for her. But Rachel was just a girl and there would be other girls. Maybe there would even be other
boys. And maybe there would be a time in the future when she stopped wanting Rachel so much, but
there would never be a time when she could forget Rachel. She could never forget what her sister did
to Rachel. She could never forget what her sister was.

“I did what I had to do to protect you,” Taylor said quietly. “I was fourteen and I didn’t know what else
to do. Dad was eyeing you the way he used to eye me and I knew Mom wouldn’t protect you anymore
than she protected me. I didn’t want to do that to Rachel. What do you think I am? A monster? You’re
my sister. You know me. But I did what I had to do to protect you.”

“Stop saying that!” Quinn screamed because she didn’t want to feel any culpability for what happened
to Rachel and she was starting to.

“It’s true,” Taylor said quietly

“I’m going to the police,” Quinn threatened.

“And what do you think will happen? The police are going to come here and you’re going to tell them
that I did something to Rachel and I’ll tell them what Dad made me do with him and then they’ll ask
Mom why she never did anything when she knew and they’ll take you straight to foster care for Mom’s
failure to protect.”

“I don’t care!” Quinn shouted. “I’ll live with grandma or grandpa! Or one of our aunts!”

Not that any of those people stepped in for her when she needed a place to go when she was
homeless and pregnant.

“And what do you think will happen to Rachel if you do?” Taylor asked. “They’re going to find out that
Rachel’s parents probably knew back then, too, but that one of her fathers was too busy trying to get
high and her other father was too busy enabling him and neither of them gave a shit about what
happened to her. They’re going to find out that she basically lives in that house alone with no
supervision and she will definitely go to foster care and she has no family she can stay with. You want

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to do that to her?”

That made Quinn freeze. “Shut up,” Quinn whispered.

“We can’t change the past, Quinn.”

“You’re sick,” Quinn said. She felt sick herself. “You just gave her to him! How could you do that?
God,” Quinn cried, wiping at her eyes. “I have to see her.”

“She doesn’t even know about Dad,” Taylor said quietly. “She was always sleeping--”

“Because you drugged her!”

“She doesn’t know about Dad. You shouldn’t tell her. You’re going to make it worse for her.”

“You’re sick,” Quinn whispered. God, how could she keep this from Rachel? But how could she tell
her?

“Quinnie, don’t do anything rash,” their mother said quietly. “We’re your family and Rachel is just a
friend.”

“I’m your sister,” Taylor said softly. “You’re going to have friends other than Rachel. But I’m your only
sister.”

“Fuck you,” Quinn hissed.”Fuck you both.”

She couldn’t even look at her mother or her sister as she ran out of the garage and up to her room. In
one day, she’d lost her entire family. God, what kind of people did she come from?

She dressed quickly. She looked at the origami swans on her nightstand and felt a lump rise in her
throat. She couldn’t breathe. She sat down on the bed and looked away from her nightstand only to
see the pile of books and DVDs on her desk that Rachel had lent her. Oh God, she didn’t want to take
any more from Rachel. She picked up everything, grabbed her purse and her keys and ran down the
stairs, crying in frustration when she dropped a book. She bent down to pick it up and ended up
dropping more. She could hear her mother and sister screaming at one another in the garage.
Sobbing, Quinn ran to the kitchen to get a paper bag. She got one and ran back to the stairs where
she put the books and DVDs into the paper bag. She picked it up and ran back to the garage.

“Quinnie? Where are you going?” her mother asked, looking alarmed.

Quinn didn’t answer. She opened the garage, her mother and sister still shouting for her to stop.

She backed out of the garage and shut it behind her.

She sobbed as she drove. She made her way to Rachel’s house and rang the doorbell and banged on
the front door until Rachel answered.

“Quinn?” Rachel asked looking confused and alarmed. “Quinn, what’s wrong?”

Sobbing, Quinn threw herself at Rachel, grabbing Rachel into a tight hug. She pressed her face into
Rachel’s shoulder and cried.

“What’s wrong?” Rachel asked. “Are you okay? What happened? Are you hurt?”

Quinn continued to cry, clinging to Rachel as fiercely as she would cling to a piece of wood if she were
adrift in the ocean. She thought about everything she learned about her family, what her family did to
Rachel, she thought about what she said to Rachel just a few hours before, how angrily she reacted
instead of just listening.

She couldn’t be here.

She pulled away. “I’m sorry,” Quinn rasped, crying. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t be here,” she said, she
backed away and ran toward her car. How could she go to Rachel, of all people, for support?

“Quinn! Wait!” Rachel called, running after her.

Quinn ran toward her car and used her key to remotely unlock it. She reached her car and flung open
the door only to have it slammed shut by Rachel.

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Rachel pulled Quinn into a tight hug. “What’s wrong?” Rachel asked. “What happened? Whatever it is,
it’s going to be okay,” Rachel whispered. “It’s going to be okay, I promise. Just come in and talk to me.
It’s going to be okay, Quinn.”

Quinn could only cry. She sank to the ground and Rachel sank with her.

“It’s okay,” Rachel whispered as she hugged Quinn as tightly as she could. “It’s okay to cry, just…
come in, okay? Come in and talk to me. It’s going to be okay.”

Quinn sobbed even harder. It was never going to be okay.

Tags: glee, quinn/rachel

( 30 comments — Leave a comment )

thetheaterrat
2010-10-11 11:32 am (local)

Oh my God... oh my God... OH MY GOD!

Damn Quinn's dad. Damn Quinn's mom. Damn Quinn's sister. They... god. They're all so sick.

Blegh. Poor Quinn... poor Rachel. I'm glad you warned us that there would be a happy ending cos if
not I might hate you a little bit more right now.

Oh God.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:57 pm (local)

Aw.... yeah. I'm...sorry. lol

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

silentinformer
2010-10-11 11:49 am (local)

OH MY GOD
I am so glad I took that nap before reading this part cause jesus. I thought he physically abused her
not that he was molesting her and Rachel zomg. I am now in shock and feel a little less like murdering
Taylor but like Quinn I feel she had some kind of choice. EPIC
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 12:58 pm (local)

I'm glad you took a nap, too!

From what I've seen child offenders are almost always sexually abuse with a fair amount of
severe physical abuse, too. That kind of behavior doesn't emerge from NOWHERE, so it's the
only way I could make that prompt make sense for me.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

cressdreiser
2010-10-11 03:02 pm (local)

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Russel's involvement caught me off guard. ;_; I </3 abuse.

(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 06:09 pm (local)

ahh...sorry!!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

wizemunkee006
2010-10-11 03:25 pm (local)

Mike Hart!!!!!!!!!!!

I <3 HART.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 06:10 pm (local)

I honestly just pulled that name out of my butt! lol. I had to look him up! The playur for the Colts,
right?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 06:10 pm (local)

uhm. player.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

wizemunkee006
2010-10-12 09:52 am (local)

Now he is, yes. He used to play runningback for the University of Michigan Wolverines.

For making up a random name, you picked a good one. haha But which one of our girls just
became a football fan?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

tylee_xx
2010-10-11 04:06 pm (local)

OMIGOD.

...you have killed me.

(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 06:18 pm (local)

I'm sorry!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

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revanstar
2010-10-11 07:11 pm (local)

So... I was gonna wait till the end to comment but first... That rat bastard son of a B***H!!!!! And
Taylor.... Taylor makes me sick and she makes my heart ache at the same time. She needs to stay
the heck away from Rachel. And Judy Fabray!!?!?!?!?! I'd have shot him! I'd have ripped his friggin
head off and she just... she enabled his 'addiction' just like Rachel dad does for her daddy. God... This
was so heartbreaking. So well written and I've got my figers crossed for a happy ending.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 10:19 pm (local)

aw.. thank you. And yes, this totally ends happily. Really.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

avm9104
2010-10-11 09:33 pm (local)

OH MY GOD!!! I I I ... I have no words seriously , soooo well written omg their fight in the garage was
so real I can feel it , It's crazy . And I officially hate quinn's parents even more , and her father is a
motherfuckingasshole!!! ... *sigh* , *happy ending , happy ending*
Congrats fabulous chapter.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 11:04 pm (local)

I..uhm. sorry? lol. Thank you very much! It really does get better!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

mjacton
2010-10-12 11:22 am (local)

I don't even know what I want to say...I'm stunned.

(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-13 12:17 am (local)

Sorry! This was...not so good, right? lol

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

mjacton
2010-10-13 04:01 am (local)

Well, beautifully written, but woah!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

ms_swizzle
2010-10-12 10:24 pm (local)

I totally called it. I knew there were pictures of Rachel in that box. And EPIC showdown, so could have
been a Law and Order SVU episode. Quinn's mom is pathetic and her dad ewwwwwwww frickin pervy

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mcpervenstein.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-13 12:18 am (local)

heh! aww! Thank you! You know, this was the scene I did not want to write, I almost chucked the
whole fic away and I was like, 68,000 words in. You have NO idea how gratifying it is to hear that
you are so kind about it. And dude, I love SVU!!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

pee_wee_2005
2010-10-17 08:11 pm (local)

Holy shit...
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeek
2010-10-18 01:04 am (local)

Sorry! This is really as dramatic as it gets though.It's all downhill from here!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

ikke87
2011-03-23 04:35 pm (local)

wow, just wow.

your stories always draws me in. you do angst so well.

and also had wtf moment when you wrote that they were eight in 2002. made me realize how young
these characters really are.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2011-03-23 07:55 pm (local)

Thank you!

Thank you so much.

You know what trips me out about these characters? In 2002, I was *21* and graduated from
COLLEGE. Rachel was *7* and Quinn was *8* Like, what the FUCK! lol. They are so young, no
wonder they behave in ways that mystify me.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

ikke87
2011-03-23 08:05 pm (local)

well in 2002 i was 15.. sometimes i forget that the characters are that young. maybe it's
because the actresses are my age.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2011-03-24 12:05 am (local)

oh my god, you're so young, too. lol

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(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

ikke87
2011-03-24 07:06 am (local)

lol. and yet the characters age made me feel old. haha
i guess it comes to what you compare it with.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

kissingthebee
2011-03-25 05:52 am (local)

I don't understand how Judy couldn't do anything!!

But gosh, I knew.
I knew that there was no way that Taylor could have done that to Rachel without someone having
done that to her.
And I thought it had been Russell, but I wasn't sure.
I really want to wrap Rachel in a tight hug and never let go.
And I really do feel some sympathy(that's the one where you can't relate but still feel sorry right?) for
Taylor.
I don't excuse her actions, but gosh she was 14 and she really would not know how to deal with that,
and before that her father had... Gosh.
This is so well written, but I just want to finish it so that I'll feel less physically ill.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2011-03-25 10:52 pm (local)

It's sad, but a lot of the time, the other parent knows something awful is going on, but still fails to
protect. I understand there's some underlying thing going on and maybe they want to protect, but
can't or whatever, but in all honesty, parents like that just disgust me

If Taylor were real, and I have dealt with reactive offenders before, just not this specific scenario
necessarily, I'd mostly feel really sorry for her
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

( 30 comments — Leave a comment )

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bam brittany brittany/rachel brittany/santana

glee julyberry otalia quinn

FIC: Gravitational Forces [8/10] quinn/rachel quinntana rachel
Chapter 8 rachel/santana santana santana/quinn shelby
sulkygeekff
October 11th, 2010
When Quinn showed up unannounced at 3am, clearly distraught and in tears,
Rachel assumed the worst. She had to chase Quinn to her car to prevent her friend
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leaving and it took some time where she sat with Quinn in the driveway next to Quinn’s car for the
blonde to calm down enough for Rachel to gently pull her inside.

Daddy was still in California, and she wasn’t exactly sure where Dad was, but he wasn’t home, so she
had the house all to herself.

They sat for a while in the kitchen. The only thing Rachel could think to do was give Quinn a glass of
water.

“Quinn,” Rachel said, trying to keep her voice as soft as gentle as she could despite the fact she was
completely freaked out. “Did something happen?”

Quinn’s eyes pooled again with tears. She couldn’t seem to stop crying and she didn’t feel like she had
any right to cry. She had to know. She had to know why she was spared, but her sister wasn’t. She
had to know why she was spared, but Rachel wasn’t. But these weren’t questions she could ask
Rachel. God, why did she even come here? How could she have come here to Rachel, of all people?
How could she even begin to explain to Rachel what she knew now, that she knew even more about
what happened to Rachel than Rachel herself did?

“I shouldn’t be here,” Quinn said quietly, standing up.

Rachel rose up quickly and wrapped herself around Quinn. “You’re always welcome here,” she
murmured. “You’re my best friend. Please tell me what’s wrong, because clearly something is. If
something is troubling you, I want to know about it. Whatever it is, I know it’ll get better, sweetheart.
Bad things never last forever.” She pressed a kiss to Quinn’s cheek. “Please,” Rachel pleaded. “I don’t
want to make this all about me, but it’s really frightening to see you like this and I’m not letting you
leave until you tell me what’s wrong or that I know you’re okay.”

A sob was wrenched out of Quinn’s throat and she sank to her knees. Rachel crouched beside her.

“Tell me what she did to you,” Quinn pleaded, finally. “Please. I have to know.”

Rachel stared at her. “What are you talking about? I’m fine. No one did anything to me. Honey, did you
have a bad dream?”

“Taylor,” Quinn managed to choke out. “What did Taylor do to you? When you were little.”

Rachel made a noise-- a stunned squeak that she couldn’t control. It just came out. “I…um.” She was
so stunned, she couldn’t answer for a moment. How did…how did Quinn know? Finally, Rachel took a
deep breath. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Taylor has always been very good to me.”

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“That’s a lie!” Quinn shouted. She was horrified when she saw the fearful way Rachel jumped slightly.
“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” she said. “Please,” Quinn begged. “I know something happened. Tell me what
she did to you! I know.”

Rachel took a deep breath and then released it in a wheeze. “I can’t. I won’t.”

“Please,” Quinn pleaded. “Please.”

Rachel shook her head put her index finger to her lips. “I’m not supposed to tell,” she whispered,
looking like a little kid shushing someone.

Quinn stared at Rachel, stared at Rachel’s hand, the way Rachel’s thumb and pinky finger didn’t curl
into her fist with her middle and ring finger, but instead just sort of curved a little, almost like Rachel
was gesturing ‘I love you,’ in sign language, but turned side-ways.

Her sister used to do that all the time.

Quinn swallowed hard. She pulled her knees up to her chest. She’d had three devastating moments in
her life-- when she found out she was pregnant, when she left that hospital without her baby and when
her father died suddenly. This night outweighed them all.

Everything she thought she knew about her family was all a lie.

She couldn’t speak anymore. She buried her head into her knees and cried on the floor of Rachel’s
kitchen.

--

Rachel wanted desperately to put her arms around Quinn and comfort her, but Rachel was frozen.
How did Quinn know? The only person who knew was Taylor and Rachel couldn’t imagine how Taylor
would have told Quinn.

Quinn was shaking. The house was cold and Quinn must have been freezing dressed only in a pair of
jeans and a t-shirt while sitting on that cold linoleum floor.

“Honey,” Rachel said softly, touching her hands to Quinn’s shoulders. “Honey. Sweetheart. I’m going
upstairs to get you a blanket, okay? But don’t leave.”

She didn’t think Quinn had the energy to move in this state, but Quinn had already tried to leave twice,
so who knew?

“Okay,” Quinn whispered.

“Honey, where are your keys?”

Quinn absently checked herself, but she couldn’t find them. She couldn’t remember what she did with
them. “I…I think they’re still in my car.”

“Okay,” Rachel said softly. “I’m going to run out and get them. Don’t leave, okay?”

“Okay.”

Rachel ran out to Quinn’s car and found that the car was unlocked and the keys were in the ignition.
She saw Quinn’s purse on the passenger seat and grabbed that, too. There was a paper grocery bag
on the floor of the passenger seat and Rachel happened to glance into it because she saw her copy of
East of Eden at the top. It was filled with books and DVDs that Quinn had borrowed from her, but had
yet to give back. Rachel frowned a little, but left the bag where it was. She was ready to get up and
reenter the house, but Quinn’s phone rang.

Rachel recognized the ring tone to be Quinn’s mother’s, so she unzipped Quinn’s purse and pulled out
the phone.

“Mrs. Fabray?”

Judy paused. “Rachel?”

“Yes,” Rachel said. “Quinn’s with me. Did…did something happen tonight?”

“Is she all right?” Judy asked quietly.

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“She seems okay, physically. She’s very…upset.”

“But she’s safe.”

“Yes, definitely,” Rachel said, trying to assure her best friend’s mother the best she could. “Did
something happen?”

“It…please keep her there and tell her to come home in the morning, Rachel.”

“Okay,” Rachel said. “I will.”

“I’m very sorry, Rachel,” Judy whispered.

“She’s my best friend,” Rachel said. “It’s not a problem for her to stay here.”

“Not about that,” Judy said vaguely. “Good night, Rachel. Please take care of her.”

She hung up before Rachel could respond. Rachel ran back into the house and then ran up the stairs
to her bedroom to grab her comforter.

Quinn was still where she left her in the kitchen, still sitting in the same position.

Rachel sat down and wrapped the comforter around Quinn and crouched in front of the blonde. She
brought the comforter up to cover herself, although that left her back exposed, so she was still a little
cold.

“Hey,” Rachel said, “it’s kind of like we’re building a fort,” she joked, trying to bring a little levity into the
moment.

Quinn didn’t laugh. “Don’t protect her,” Quinn said. “Stop protecting her. She doesn’t deserve your
protection.”

Rachel blinked, a little surprised because that kind of came out of nowhere, but then she realized
Quinn was only continuing on with the conversation they were already having before she went to grab
Quinn’s things from the car.

“Honey,” Rachel said. “I’m not trying to protect anyone. I just want to know what happened to upset
you so much. Do you want to go up to my room? It’s more comfortable than the floor.”

“Okay,” Quinn whispered.

Rachel got up first, grabbing Quinn’s purse as she rose to her feet. She held out her hand and helped
Quinn get to her feet. Rachel wrapped the comforter around Quinn’s shoulders and she guided the
blonde to her room, although by now, Quinn obviously knew the way.

--

Quinn sat heavily on the bed and laid down. “I know what she did,” she said quietly. “I know what my
sister is now. You don’t have to protect her.”

Rachel swallowed hard. “Your sister’s a good person,” she said, sitting on the bed.

Quinn sat up. “No, she isn’t!” she yelled. “She’s not!”

Rachel winced. “Quinn, what happened between Taylor and me is private and people looking at it from
the outside would never understand. Did….did she tell you…” Rachel trailed off. She couldn’t imagine
Taylor telling Quinn, not with the way Taylor emphasized secrecy. But how else would Quinn know?
She had to admit, she felt completely betrayed. She was furious with Taylor for letting their secret out
and she was humiliated that Quinn knew, but Quinn seemed so upset that Rachel put that aside.

Quinn closed her eyes at the memory of those disgusting pictures. How could Taylor do that to
Rachel? How could her father do that to her sister and Rachel? It was too much. She’d lost her dad
months ago, but this was the first time she truly felt like she lost him. She never knew him at all. And
she’d lost her sister-- she could never look at Taylor the same way knowing what she did to Rachel.
She could never look at her mother the same way knowing how her mother protected her father. And
now? Now she’d lost Rachel. How could she be around Rachel knowing what her family did to
Rachel? God, it was sickening.

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“Quinn, what happened tonight? Why are you so upset?”

Quinn glared at Rachel. “I know what my sister did to you!” she shouted. “Isn’t it obvious why I’m
upset?!” she snapped and ugh, she hated herself because she couldn’t stop taking out her rage on
Rachel.

Rachel swallowed hard. A little bewildered. Why should Quinn care so much about what happened to
her so long ago?

“It’s over now,” Rachel said softly. “Your sister’s a good person, Quinn. It was okay. It was all okay. I
was so in love with her,” Rachel said earnestly and she just wanted to make Quinn understand. “She
was…she was good to me.”

Quinn looked at her and then began to laugh incredulously. “She’s a good person?!” she shouted in
disbelief. “She’s a pedophile!”

Rachel stared at her, stunned. “Quinn! Don’t…”

Rachel’s phone rang and she immediately recognized that it was Taylor from the ring tone. Rachel
glanced at the phone just as Quinn did. Quinn’s eyes narrowed and they both shot across the bed to
grope for the phone on the nightstand. Quinn reached it first and saw just the initial ‘T’ on the caller ID.
She just knew it was her sister calling Rachel and she was enraged.

She answered it.

“Stay away from her, you disgusting pervert!” she screamed into the phone. She hung it up and
slammed the phone down onto the nightstand, belatedly realizing that she just nearly broke Rachel’s
phone and not her own.

“Quinn, please calm down,” Rachel pleaded because this side of Quinn, which she’d never before
seen, was terrifying. Quinn had this unaccountable rage that Rachel didn’t understand and for the first
time in their friendship, Rachel found herself afraid of her. She didn’t understand why Quinn was so
upset with Taylor, was it on her behalf? Because that would be pointless considering Rachel wasn’t
upset with Taylor anymore.

“Don’t tell me to fucking calm down!” Quinn shouted, slamming her hand against Rachel’s headboard.

Rachel jumped slightly and out of pure instinct, she retreated, scrambling to move back on the bed.

Quinn’s heart twisted. The fear and trepidation were written all over Rachel’s face. Rachel was afraid
of her. She took a deep breath, trying to explain.

“Taylor and I were going through some of my dad’s stuff a few days ago,” Quinn said quietly, trying to
calm down and explain to Rachel exactly why she was so fucking upset. “He had this lockbox. We put
it aside and I…I thought it was weird because I didn’t see it where we left it. And then tonight, after you
left, I was…I was pretty upset,” Quinn admitted, wanting to cry because she understood now, she
understood very clearly why Rachel said I can’t. “I guess I fell asleep. I woke up and I needed a glass
of water, so I went downstairs and I smelled something burning, so I went to check.” Quinn’s throat
closed up. “My dad had pictures of you in that lockbox,” Quinn said quietly.

Rachel stared at Quinn, puzzled. She didn’t understand. “Why is that such a…” she trailed off. She
swallowed hard. “From Tay?”

Quinn couldn’t meet Rachel’s eyes. “Yes. She was burning them,” she laughed humorlessly. “I guess
so she wouldn’t be incriminated.”

Rachel swallowed hard. “Oh,” she said quietly. Her eyes were downcast. “Okay,” she said softly.

Quinn’s heart clenched at the lack of reaction. And she didn’t know if she should tell Rachel now about
what Taylor allowed their father to do to Rachel. It would only hurt Rachel, but how could she keep it a
secret?

“I know what she did to you,” Quinn whispered. “I know.”

“It was a long time ago,” Rachel said softly. “Forget about it. It won’t change the past.”

“Tell me what she did,” Quinn begged. She knew it was masochistic to want details, but she had to
know how deeply that hurt went, how much Taylor and their father hurt Rachel, how much Rachel
incurred the hurt that should have been hers.

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“Quinn,” Rachel sighed raggedly. “You said you already know. What are you asking for? Details?”

Actually, that was exactly what Quinn was asking for.

“Did she make it hurt?”

Rachel was so little those photographs that Quinn saw and from what Quinn remembered Rachel was
five when Taylor started babysitting her. It must have hurt.

Rachel winced. "Quinn, don't make this more difficult than it needs to be. It is already exceedingly
difficult for me to discuss."

"Please," Quinn whispered. "I have to know. She's my sister and I love yo-" she cut herself off. She
didn’t want to burden Rachel with that and just the thought of that woman being her sister made Quinn
sick. God, she thought about all the times she forced Rachel to talk to Taylor on the phone or forced
Rachel to hang out with them over the summer. It made Quinn sick.

Rachel sighed. "It hurt at first," she admitted. "She tried to be gentle, I think. But at first I thought..." she
stopped, unwilling to give so much detail. When she was little, it'd hurt so terribly, she swore Taylor
stuck knives into her.

"What? What did you think?" Quinn asked quietly.

"This won't do anything. Your life won’t be edified by you knowing."

"I need to know what she did to you," Quinn whispered. "Please. Tell me what you thought." she
wanted to cry, but she didn’t think she had any right. Rachel should be the one crying, but she wasn’t,
so Quinn didn’t think she had any right to cry any more when Rachel wasn’t.

"I thought she stuck a knife into...well, you know… um…" Rachel reddened. "Down there,” she
whispered. “And in my..." her cheeks were bright with shame."Please. Please don't make me say it."

Quinn visibly paled. "She did that?" she choked out. "She stuck a knife...I..."

"No! Never! She wouldn’t have done that. It wasn’t like that. It just.. It hurt. It just hurt. But your first
time is supposed to hurt and--"

"Oh God." Quinn whispered. She was going to be sick. This couldn’t be happening to her. This just
couldn’t be happening. And then she realized that while her sister obviously never stuck a knife into
Rachel, it must have felt like that for a little kid like Rachel had been.

"It was okay," Rachel said, desperate to soothe Quinn. "It wasn't so bad. She was...gentle most of the
time. And she always said she was sorry when she got mean and..."

"Oh God."

Quinn fled into Rachel's bathroom, collapsed to her knees and vomited the contents of her empty
stomach. She wanted to cry when Rachel rubbed her back and tried to comfort her.

"It's okay," Rachel crooned. "I loved her and she loved me. Your first time should be with someone you
love. She made it feel good. Quinn, it was okay. It wasn’t so bad.”

Oh God.

Quinn threw up again.

--

They talked until the sun rose. Rachel didn’t give every detail, but the cat was out the bag, so to speak,
and since Quinn already knew and wanted answers, Rachel was too weary to pretend like it never
happened.

“She’s still your sister,” Rachel said quietly. “My relationship with her has nothing to do with your
relationship with her. This shouldn’t change anything.”

Quinn stared at her. “It changes everything.”

“She didn’t hurt me,” Rachel said quietly, conveniently making herself forget about all the time it hurt

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so badly, she begged Taylor to stop. “We were in love. You wouldn’t understand it, but we were in
love.”

“That’s not love,” Quinn whispered.

“I still love her,” Rachel said softly. “Please, Quinn. Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I’m going to the police,” Quinn said. “She should be in jail for what she did to you!”

“No!” Rachel cried. She got on her knees in front of Quinn. “Please,” she begged. “You can’t tell
anyone, especially the police. Please. It’ll ruin her life--”

“I don’t care!”

“It’ll ruin mine,” Rachel whispered. “Please,” she begged. “You know how the people in this town look
at me. You know how people at school think of me. Six more months and I get to leave. We get to
leave.” She was counting down the days and the countdown was closer than it ever was. She couldn’t
have this come out and ruin everything. She’d never be able to lift her head high again, she’d never be
able to get over the shame of everyone knowing. “ Please don’t make things harder for me when I only
have six more months. No one keeps a secret in this town,” Rachel whispered. “Everyone will know. I
can’t… I can’t live like that. I can’t live with everyone knowing. Please.” she begged, her voice rising
and becoming hysterical. “Please don’t tell anyone. If you won’t do it for Taylor, please consider doing
it for me. Please, Quinn. I’m begging you. I’ll do anything you want. Just…please! Please don’t tell
anyone!”
.
Quinn took a shaky breath, suppressing the urge to scream, suppressing the urge to shout that Taylor
should be punished for what she did. “Okay,” she said quietly, though the word choked it. It felt wrong
to keep it a secret-- it wasn’t right, it meant that Taylor would be unpunished after everything she did to
Rachel. She would keep quiet for Rachel, not for Taylor. For Rachel. Only for Rachel.

If her father were still alive, Quinn knew she would try to kill him herself.

--

Quinn knew it was selfish, but she couldn’t carry around the burden of what her father did to Rachel.
And she didn’t think it was right that she knew something so personal about Rachel that Rachel didn’t.
And most selfish of all, she wanted to show Rachel just what kind of person Rachel was protecting,
because her sister had essentially given Rachel to their father.

She told Rachel everything that Taylor told her.

Rachel looked stricken when Quinn was finished.

“Oh,” Rachel said quietly. She bit the inside of her cheek. “I see.”

It kind of made sense to her now because she used to have terrifying nightmares of a blonde man who
hurt her even worse than Taylor did, and when she used to tell Taylor about them (because she told
Taylor everything), Taylor always told her that it was okay because it wasn’t true and Rachel always
believed her.

It all made sense now.

“Did Taylor ever…” Rachel trailed off and she looked at Quinn, begging Quinn to understand what she
was asking without having to actually voice it.

Quinn suddenly thought back to a conversation she had with Rachel once.

“Are you and Taylor close?”

“Not really. Kind of. I don’t know. She’s my sister and I used to think she was the best growing up.”

“She was good to you?”

“Yeah. I mean, we didn’t hang out much. She spent more time at your house than our house, but she’d
take me to do stuff and let me hang out with her sometimes. Our parents made her babysit, so we
spent a lot of time together that we probably wouldn’t have if she’d had the choice.”

“You guys do have a pretty big age difference.”

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“Yeah.”

“So no big fights between the two of you? No sibling rivalry? She never chased you around the house,
got on top of you and threatened to spit in your eye if you didn’t listen to her?”

“Ewww. Yuck. God, what do you think sisters do? Your parents should have given you a sister or a
brother.”

Oh, God. Is that what Rachel had tried to ask her?

“No,” Quinn said quietly. “She never did….anything to me.” She would do anything to go back in time
and trade places with Rachel.

Rachel nodded. “I’m glad,” she said softly. She hesitated. “What about your dad?”

“No,” Quinn whispered, and she felt so so guilty the answer was ‘no’ when Rachel had to endure…oh
God, she didn’t even want to think about that. “I never…I never knew he would be…I never knew he
was like that.” He never drugged her with one of her mother’s sleeping pills, after all.

Rachel sighed softly. “I’m glad,” she said again. “I’m sorry you had to find out,” she said quietly.

“I’m sorry,” Quinn cried. “God, I’m so fucking sorry for my…my…disgusting family. Oh God. How can
you even stand to be around me? I shouldn’t even be here right now!” She stood up quickly. She
needed to leave. She shouldn’t be around Rachel.

“Quinn,” Rachel said softly, scrambling to her feet. She grabbed Quinn into a fierce hug. “This hasn’t
been a very good night for either of us,” she said quietly. She felt tears start to flow out of her eyes and
she wasn’t sure why she was crying about stuff that happened so long ago. Crying wasn’t going to
change the past. “But there is no one else in the world I’d rather be with right now than you. Please
don’t go. You’re upset and everyone knows that emotional distress impairs driving ability. I don’t want
anything to happen to you. I love you. Let’s just go into my room and we can go to sleep, okay?”

Quinn buried her face into Rachel’s shoulder, inhaling the scent of Rachel’s hair, her skin, the body
wash that Rachel must have used, the smell of laundry detergent and fabric softener on Rachel’s shirt
that melded with the perfume of Rachel’s skin. God, even at this moment she couldn’t stop wanting
Rachel. She was a pervert, just like her sister, just like her father.

“I shouldn’t be here,” Quinn repeated.

Rachel clung to her. “I don’t want you to go.”

“I shouldn’t be here,” Quinn whispered.

“I can’t let you go.”

“I shouldn’t be here.”

“Why?” Rachel asked gently.

Quinn pressed her mouth against Rachel’s shoulder to muffle the screaming sob that choked from her
throat. “You know why,” Quinn said when she caught her breath once she stopped crying. “My sister
and my dad…they…”

“They aren’t you,” Rachel said quietly. “You’re my best friend. I love you. I really need you right now,”
she said softly. “And I think you need me, too. Please don’t leave. Stay the night. Stay with me.”

“You said I remind you of her, you said I even smell like her. How can you want to around me. If it
were me, I…”

“Stop,” Rachel said quietly. “You used to remind me a lot of her, but you’re your own person,
sweetheart. You’re my partner, remember?”

Quinn gave her a small smile. “Yeah.”

“You look like her,” Rachel said quietly. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t see you for you.”

“But I smell like her.”

Rachel paused. “You have this perfume,” she admitted quietly. “Tay uses it, too.”

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Quinn froze when she realized that she’d worn that perfume deliberately because she thought Rachel
liked it on Taylor. Oh, God. So all those times when she thought she was appealing to Rachel, she
was just reminded Rachel of Taylor. God.

“Can I use your shower?” Quinn asked quietly.

Rachel hesitated. “Of course,” she said. “But…” she trailed off, unsure how she would address it.
“Okay,” she said. “All right.” She squeezed Quinn’s hands. “You can borrow something of mine to
sleep in, and then we’re going to sleep and tomorrow we’re going to figure out what we’re going to do,
okay?”

Quinn nodded. “Okay.”

--

Quinn spent so much time at Rachel’s house, she had her own set of toiletries in Rachel’s bathroom.
Her own toothbrush, her own loofah, her own hairbrush. She brushed her teeth first to get out the taste
of vomit and then stepped into the shower. She scrubbed her skin as ferociously as she could and
turned on the water as hot as she could bear it. She was in there a long time-- the water had turned
cold and she was just standing there under a cold stream of water thinking about…she couldn’t unsee
those pictures. She thought about Rachel, young and completely helpless and trusting and completely
vulnerable to her sister and to her father.

Rachel never stood a chance.

She sank down into a crouch and just cried as the water hit her back.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat like that, but then the shower door opened and the water was shut
off. Rachel climbed in behind her and wrapped a towel around Quinn’s back. She rubbed Quinn’s arms
with the towel.

“Come on,” Rachel said, helping Quinn stand up.

She must have been crouched like that for a long time because her knees and thighs were sore.

They stepped out of the shower together and Rachel dried Quinn off-- she was so gentle, Quinn
wanted to cry. “Come on,” Rachel said, guiding Quinn into the bedroom. She helped Quinn dress into
a pair of fleece pajamas which were slightly too small for Quinn, but since they were a little too large
for Rachel, they were still comfortable. “Come on,” Rachel said, pushing Quinn onto the bed so that
Quinn sat at the foot of it. “It’s okay, honey,” she crooned as she brushed Quinn’s hair. “It’s all going to
be okay. I’m going to take care of you tonight, okay, sweetheart? It’s all going to be okay.”

Quinn shut her eyes. It was not going to be okay.

When Rachel was done, she wrapped a blanket around Quinn. She got on the floor, on her knees, and
peered up into Quinn’s eyes. “I promise you,” she whispered. “It’s going to be okay. But just stay with
me, okay? Talk to me.”

Quinn’s face trembled. Even after everything, Rachel was still so sweet to her. Too sweet.

“Rachel,” Quinn said, her voice breaking. She sank to the ground and grabbed Rachel into a tight hug,
squeezing so hard she wondered if she was causing Rachel more anguish than she already had. But
she couldn’t let go. “Rachel,” she sobbed. “Rachel.”

She couldn’t let go, but Rachel didn’t let her go, either.

--

Rachel awoke a few hours later with Quinn still pressed against her. Rachel sighed softly, and stroked
Quinn’s cheek, but pulled away.

She sat up, her feet touching the floor, her back to Quinn. She reached for her phone on her
nightstand and called Taylor.

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly when Taylor picked up.

“Yeah,” Taylor said, her voice hoarse. “Are you?”

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“Yes,” Rachel said quietly. “I won’t tell, you know. I’ll make sure she doesn’t tell either.”

“I’m leaving today,” Taylor said softly. “I’m going back to Japan. I don’t think I’m going to come back.”

“Quinn told me everything,” Rachel said quietly. “I understand why you did it. It all makes more sense
now. But I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Don’t try to contact me.”

Taylor was quiet for a long moment. “I won’t.”

“I loved you,” Rachel whispered. “I would have done anything you told me to, even with him. You lied
to me.”

“It’s done now, Rachel.”

It made sense to Rachel now what Taylor meant when she said He’s gone now. It’s all going to be
okay now after Russell died. It’d been puzzling to her at the time, but now it made sense.

“I know it wasn’t your fault,” Rachel said quietly. “I know he made you.”

Taylor sounded like she was crying. “Yeah.”

“But I hate you now.”

“I hate you, too, you little bitch,” Taylor whispered.

Rachel flinched because as much as she hated Taylor at the moment, it still hurt to be called a bitch by
someone she once loved so much. If she were being honest, she still loved Taylor. “I don’t want to see
or hear from you again.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Taylor said softly. “I promise.”

“Good luck, Tay,” Rachel said quietly. “This is the last time we’re ever going to talk,” she said sadly.

“Good bye, Rachel. I really did love you.”

“I know,” Rachel said quietly. “I loved you, too.”

Rachel hung up and set the phone on her nightstand.

A sob escaped her throat and she covered her mouth with her hands. Why did Taylor do this to her?

“Rach?”

Quinn’s hand was on her back and Rachel forced herself to smile. For whatever she lost, Quinn had
lost even more. She turned around.

“Hey,” Rachel said cheerfully. “You’re awake. I was thinking we could get some breakfast. What do
you think?” Rachel wasn’t hungry, but she wanted to keep to routine.

Quinn looked at her closely. “You’re crying.”

Rachel waved her had dismissively. “PMS. Anyway, are you hungry?”

“No,” Quinn said flatly. She didn’t think she would ever eat again.

“Breakfast is very important, Quinn” Rachel said primly. “I know we don’t have anything in the house,
so let’s go out to eat.”

“I’m not hungry, Rachel. And you’re crying.”

Rachel gave Quinn a frail smile. “I think routine is important right now, Quinn. Can we just get
breakfast and pretend like it’s any other day for a while? I’ll steal bacon from your plate when you
aren’t looking and you’ll steal my hashbrowns.”

“I knew you were stealing my bacon,” Quinn said with a small smile that she managed to force out.

“Let’s go,” Rachel said quietly.

--

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They got dressed and went out to breakfast, but they spent it in glum silence and neither of them could
eat. The waitress clucked her tongue disapprovingly when they declined boxes to take food home and
set down the bill in front of them.

Rachel reached for it, only to have it snatched away by Quinn.

“Please don’t,” Quinn said quietly. “I’ve already taken too much from you.”

“Quinn…” Rachel said weakly. But she didn’t know what to say because nothing she could say
seemed to make Quinn feel better.

When they got back to Rachel’s house, Quinn got out of Rachel’s car and walked to hers. She
remotely unlocked it and opened the door, ready to climb inside. She didn’t want to go home to her
mother and her sister, but how could she keep staying with Rachel?

“Quinn, please…stay. Don’t go.”

Quinn’s eyes watered. Then she caught sight of the grocery bag with Rachel’s books and DVDs--
things she borrowed from Rachel and never gave back. Things she took. She grabbed it and shoved it
at Rachel who was cautiously stepping toward her.

“This is yours,” Quinn rasped. “I don’t want to take anything more from you!” she cried. “This is yours. I
should have given it back, but I never did and I’m so sorry for that. I should have given it back!”

Rachel swallowed hard and took the proffered grocery bag in one arm and held it to her chest. She
reached out with her free hand to clasp Quinn by the arm and led her back into the house.

--

Quinn spent a couple weeks alternately ignoring her mother and calling her mother names. She
refused to go home, but she knew she couldn’t stay gone forever.

She stayed with Rachel for two weeks before she finally cooled down enough to go home. She’d gone
with Rachel to pick up some clothes, but she hadn’t spent any time there.

During those two weeks, she got closer to Rachel than ever, which felt strange because she thought
Rachel should be running in the opposite direction. If it were her, she’d be running in the opposite
direction.

“When I look at you,” Rachel said quietly. “You’re all I see. Just you. No one else, just you.”

But Quinn knew that had to be a lie because if it were true, Rachel wouldn’t have told her that she
reminded Rachel too much of Taylor.

--

She stepped into her mother’s house after staying with Rachel for two weeks and rushed to the
bathroom to throw up.

Her mother hovered solicitously by the door.

“Are you all right, Quinnie?”

“I hate you.”

She’d never spoken to either of parents like that before-- for all of her mistakes, she was a girl raised
on the Bible and Sunday school. She was all about ‘honor thy father and thy mother’. She honored
them both regardless of how they treated her. She honored thy father and thy mother until now.

--

She and her mother became strangers in the same home. Her sister was long gone. Taylor left her a
letter on her bed, but Quinn tore it up and threw it away without reading it.

--

It wasn’t long before the secret started to tear her apart. Just a couple weeks. How had Rachel kept it
for so long? Quinn didn’t know who she could confide in. Rachel begged her to keep it to herself, but

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Quinn could feel herself unraveling.

Finally, the day before school started again, Quinn ran into Brittany who was miraculously without
Santana the way she herself was miraculously without Rachel.

“What’s wrong?” Brittany asked softly, all dumb blonde pretences gone leaving behind the girl who
was genuinely a good friend.

Quinn’s lip trembled and she followed Brittany home. Brittany kicked her little sister out of the room
they shared and then Quinn and Brittany had some privacy.

“My sister and dad molested someone,” Quinn admitted quietly. “A long time ago. But they did it for a
long time. Mostly my sister molested this person.”

To her credit, Brittany’s reaction was mercifully muted.

Brittany paused. “Someone we know?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

Brittany paused again. “Rachel?” she ventured, because Brittany knew Taylor used to babysitter
Rachel.

Quinn’s eyes welled with tears. She didn’t have to confirm or deny because Brittany had obviously
figured it out.

“I’m in love with her,” Quinn admitted quietly. “I’m in love with Rachel and my sister and my dad
molested her for five years.”

Brittany looked at her sympathetically. “I’m sorry, Quinn,” she said softly.

“What am I going to do, Brittany?” Quinn asked helplessly.

What could she do to ever make it better?

“I don’t know,” Brittany said quietly. She pulled Quinn into a hug and just let Quinn cry.

--

Before she left she asked Brittany if Taylor or her father ever tried to do anything with Brittany or
Santana since Brittany and Santana had been fixtures in the Fabray house when they were all growing
up. Brittany shook her head “no” and said as far as she knew, neither of them ever tried anything with
Santana, either, and she was sure Santana would tell her.

It was a small relief-- too small.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Quinn begged. “Rachel doesn’t want anyone to know.”

Brittany crossed her heart. “I promise.”

--

Quinn and Rachel started to spend less time together, though neither of them commented on it. She
told Rachel that nothing changed, but the truth is, everything had.

--

It was a frigid January day, just a couple weeks into the new school semester when Quinn’s mother
abruptly walked into the room.

“What are you doing here?” Quinn asked venomously.

“I just got off the phone with Rachel’s father,” Judy said quietly. “I informed him about what’s going on.”

Quinn stared at her. That was unexpected.

“We both agreed that going to the authorities would be the worst thing we could do, because it would
bring far too much scrutiny on both our families about what was going on then.”

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Quinn sneered at her. “You mean when your other daughter and your husband molested a five year
old? And then did it for the next five years? And how you covered it up? You mean that, Mom?”

Judy flinched. “Rachel’s parents are not perfect either,” she said quietly. “Her father was very
concerned about his spouse’s…problem coming to light, particularly because it is a problem he still
has. We both feel that what happened to Rachel is terrible, but nothing good will come of going to the
authorities. Her father and I have come to an arrangement.”

Quinn stared at her mother. “And what’s that?” she asked contemptuously.

“If Rachel should want to seek out therapy for…what happened, our family will pay for its cost,
regardless of how long it should take. Edward has spoken to Rachel and Rachel has declined therapy
at this time, but if Rachel should want it, cost will be no object. I’ve also assured Edward that I will not
allow any contact between Taylor and Rachel.”

Quinn sneered, outraged. “That’s it? Nothing happens to Taylor?”

“Quinn, do you want your sister to go to jail?”

“Yes,” Quinn snapped. “And don’t call her that. The fact that we’re related makes me want to puke. So
you and Rachel’s dad get to come up with this and everything just goes away? Is that it?”

“He was more than willing to go along with it, Quinn. And Rachel was, too.”

Quinn shook her head. She just didn’t understand how the world worked anymore.

--

The next day, she found Rachel at her locker before school.

“Hey,” she said, coming up to her. “Can we get out of here and talk?”

Rachel stared at her for a moment and then nodded wordlessly.

--

They ran to the parking lot hand-in-hand. Rachel’s car was closer, so Rachel drove. They left as most
students were coming into the parking lot.

“Where do you want to go?”

“Just drive,” Quinn said quietly.

--

They drove around in silence for a while until Rachel finally pulled into the parking lot of Faurot Park.

“I want things to go back to the way they were,” Rachel said quietly. “You don’t look at me anymore.
Everything’s changed. You say nothing’s changed, but everything’s changed.” Her eyes filled with
tears. “I’m still the same person,” she said softly. “I know what I did, but I’m still the same person.”

Quinn shut her eyes. “You didn’t do anything,” she whispered. “Nothing’s changed for me, at least, not
how I feel about you. You’re my best friend.” And God help her, but Quinn still wanted Rachel
desperately.

“Then why is everything different between us?” Rachel asked desperately.

Quinn leaned back in the seat and put her hands over her face. “I can’t help it. I keep thinking about
what they did. “

“It was a long time ago,” Rachel said quietly. “Please. Try to forget about it.”

“I can’t,” Quinn whispered. She turned her head to look at Rachel. “Tell me what she did to you,” she
begged, reaching for Rachel. She knew that Rachel didn’t remember--hadn’t even known what her
father did to Rachel, but Rachel surely remembered what Taylor did.

“Quinn,” Rachel said quietly. “I don’t see why I need to be graphic with you. It happened. That’s all.”

Quinn shut her eyes. She didn’t know how they would ever get through this. She felt like she lost her

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family and her best friend.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Maybe,” Rachel said cautiously. “What would you like to know?”

“Why did you agree to that arrangement my mom and your dad worked out?”

Rachel bit her lower lip. “I thought it was best for all of us,” she said quietly. “No one is going to benefit
from going about this punitively. I think we all need to move on with our lives.”

Quinn looked away. “I just can’t feel the same way,” she whispered.

Rachel looked at her sadly. “I’m going to leave Lima in a few months,” she said quietly. Before all this
blew up in their faces, they’d applied to schools in New York and California together and she’d kind of
had her heart set on going to college in the same state with Quinn. “Are you going to come with me?”

Quinn released a shaky breath. “Yes,” she breathed.

“We’re going to forget all about this,” Rachel said quietly. “Okay? We’re going to leave and we’re going
to move on.”

Quinn swallowed hard. “Okay.”

Rachel reached for Quinn’s hand. “I love you,” she murmured. She leaned over and brushed her lips to
Quinn’s in a too-brief, too-sweet peck. “We’re going to be okay. As long as we’re in this together, it’s
going to be okay.”

Quinn closed her eyes. “Okay.”

“Do you believe me?”

Quinn sighed quietly. “Yes.”

“Do you trust me?”

“I trust you,” Quinn said quietly. She didn’t have a choice. She’d just have to trust Rachel for this.

“It’s going to be okay,” Rachel said, squeezing Quinn’s hand. “I promise you. I’m going to make things
okay.”

Quinn squeezed back. “Okay.”

Tags: glee, quinn/rachel

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

thetheaterrat
2010-10-11 11:52 am (local)

I'm calling this flangst because it's fluffy but so angsty I can't. stop. crying.

Flangst sounds dirty, doesn't it? Fail.

:( I'm seriously crying now, but I feel like I'm going to throw up. God, I never want to be in Quinn's
situation, never never ever. I never want to be in Rachel's, either. Sad. :(

This is almost worse than Prickling. Almost. :'(

(But I love how the Berry daddies are totally missing here too--you're gonna have to write some fic or

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other where they're actually nice people. ;P Kidding! ;))
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 01:00 pm (local)

I love 'flangst' even though it sounds dirty. Or maybe like plaque buildup, which is dirty in its own
way. Or maybe a part of a whale's body.

Oh, Prickling. You're going to lord that over me, aren't you?

LOL. I figure plenty of people write stories about how cool the Berry dads are. We don't really
have any proof of how good or bad they are, either way, but since lots of people already write
stories with them being cool and I've written one or two myself, I'm off that train, lol.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

thetheaterrat
2010-10-11 01:18 pm (local)

Sounds more like a sex position to me, but I suppose it could be plaque buildup or part of a
whale's anatomy. Or all three? Ew. XD You're totally the Queen of Flangst, though.

(The FluffAngst, not a sex position or bad dental hygiene or part of a whale, though I suppose
you could be if you wanted to, but that's just silly. :P)

YES. Took you this long to figure it out? :P

True, true. I've never read one of yours where they're actually, like, alive and good. Haha, I
think they're bad because Rachel is SO insecure and almost like, fearful of failing and I don't
think she just happened that way, ifyaknowwhatImean.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

silentinformer
2010-10-11 12:13 pm (local)

OMG I love you, I think you handled this as well as could be handled and while the agreement
between Rachel and Quinn's families is sucky as hell it was probably the best course of action. I loved
that Rachel was very resolute in regards to Taylor and her stay away order. Total Props to the above
comment giver for the word Flangst I like it lol.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 01:03 pm (local)

Thank you! Typically, I'm all about justice and people being punished and blah blah, but
sometimes, I've seen it where it only gets worse for the VICTIM, especially a minor victim. Again,
it was the only way I could make it make sense for me despite the fact that professionally, I'd
technically have to be against that. And I LOVE Flangst! I honestly think the fluff outweighed the
angst in this story, but the prompt was so angsty, it overshadowed everything
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

mjacton
2010-10-12 12:01 pm (local)

I know you were torn about bringing the girls together, but you did a remarkable job of doing it
naturally, even though I haven't finished yet. This chapter was very sweet. I would call it bittersweet,
but because Rachel is so good to Quinn here, I'll just call it sweet.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff

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2010-10-13 12:16 am (local)

you are so kind to me. seriously. I mean, you have no idea what it means when you comment on,
like, every chapter. You are so amazing
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pee_wee_2005
2010-10-18 02:12 pm (local)

Saying this as reading and reacting chapter-to-chapter...I'm torn about Rachel and Quinn coming
together. I mean, you said it's a happy ending and you couldn't help it, but...something like that always
hanging over their heads, or for the most part Quinn's. It seems she's never going to get how...passive
Rachel is, and always will be, about what happened to her. Not blaming Taylor, all boiled down. Huge
shit. Did you mean for us to sympathize with Quinn, like a lot, throughout this? Because I do, oh I do.

“I loved you,” Rachel whispered. “I would have done anything you told me to, even with him. You lied
to me.”

Crazy.

...Onward to the next chapter!

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sulkygeekff
2010-10-18 10:59 pm (local)

I was torn about getting them together, but it was always kind of endgame for me. This story was
actually supposed to be substantially longer because I originally had them get paired with other
people (men) whilst living together and had Rachel get pregnant (relatively young, just out of
college) with someone else who wanted nothing to do with her or the baby, so then Quinn and
Rachel end up together and raising a baby together which is when Rachel's issues with
molestation REALLY start to come out when it came time for daycare/babysitting and that's when
it all surfaces. I even had a dramatic plot where Rachel relapses and responds to an email from
Taylor and Quinn and Rachel have a huge blow-out before the baby is born when Quinn catches
Rachel communicating with Taylor, not sexually, but just, like, hello and stuff. But like, I didn't want
to finish it that way, so I just highlighted it and clicked DELETE. haha.

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hereforthefun
2010-10-20 08:21 pm (local)

I love Rachel so much. She rises above fucking everything, and God knows in your stories there is
some serious shit for her to rise above. I was in group therapy with a woman whose father sexually
abused her when she was 11, & the fact that she was a functioning adult with relationships &
everything just astounded me. I loved her, I love your Rachel, and as much as the sheer horror of this
situation makes me want to throw up, the thing that really makes me want to cry is that they can be
OK. People are fucking fabulously miraculous because they may always be OK. Maybe even the kids
you work with whose situations mirror these, & also the ones whose situations don't. OK, I'm going to
read the next chapter now....
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-20 09:21 pm (local)

Children are amazingly resilient. I've seen children rise above things that have broken adults. (A
few years ago, I had children who were three and six years old when they were routinely
waterboarded</b> by their mother's boyfriend. Waterboarded! This has broken trained soldiers,
but not those kids.

I think people have the potential to rise above anything if they have the access to the right
combination of preventative/ ameliorative/ healing forces. But it really is such a struggle and it's

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much easier to just break.
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FIC: Gravitational Forces [9/10] quinn/rachel quinntana rachel
Chapter 9 rachel/santana santana santana/quinn shelby
sulkygeekff
October 11th, 2010

Rachel didn’t know why Judy Fabray couldn’t leave well enough alone. She and
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Quinn were handling it, so she didn’t get why Mrs. Fabray felt the need to get involved.

She was home alone one day, which was completely typical, when her father came home early from
the hospital, which was decidedly atypical. He sat down with her and he…he just knew too much-- so
much that she couldn’t deny it. They both cried for a while. She cried even harder when he asked her
why she never told, that he would have absolutely intervened to help her. She didn’t have an answer
for that. He kept asking her ‘why didn’t you tell?’ but she didn’t know what to say. It seemed so stupid
now to be afraid of the threats of a fourteen year old, but it was really different when you were five. He
kept asking her why she never told after being taught relentlessly about good touch and bad touch,
and private parts and all that stuff. He just kept asking her and she just felt so bad for disappointing
him, but she just didn’t have an answer. She didn’t know why she didn’t tell other than the fact she was
too scared to say anything. But looking back on it, all those fears just seemed so stupid. But it didn’t
seem so stupid to her at the time.

The more she talked to him, the more she realized that he only knew about Taylor, he didn’t know
about Mr. Fabray, which was kind of a relief, because she’d had years to think about what happened
with Taylor, but she just hadn’t had enough time to process the new information about Russell Fabray,
so she didn’t need Dad knowing about it, too. But he seemed to know what Mr. Fabray did to Taylor
and seemed to have a measure of sympathy for it.

“It’s okay, Dad,” she told him quietly. “It’s over now.”

“I’m so sorry, baby,” and he cried a little so she knew he was sincere.

“It’s okay, Dad.”

“Baby, I understand why you might want to talk the police about this, but Judy Fabray and I discussed
it and we feel it’s best if we deal with this within our families.”

“I agree, Dad,” Rachel said quietly. “And I don’t want to talk to the police or anyone else for that
matter.”

She genuinely believed Taylor when Taylor told her she was the only one. She thought maybe there
were others for Russell Fabray, but he was dead now, and Rachel was tired of being noble and
thinking of others. She needed to protect herself and the people she loved. Maybe it was wrong of her-
- it probably was, but she just needed to save herself right now.

“I want you to understand why we feel this way,” he said softly. “If we were to go to the authorities, it
wouldn’t do anything. Taylor is in Japan, and she’s not going to be punished as long as she stays
there. All it will do is bring scrutiny on our family. I don’t care so much about what happens to the
Fabrays--”

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“I do,” Rachel interrupted quietly. “Quinn is my best friend. I want to make this easy for all of us.
Whatever needs to be done, Dad.”

He gave her a tiny smile and put his arm around her. “If we go to the authorities with this now, all it will
do is bring scrutiny on our family, and we can’t have that while Daddy is in California getting better.
The police will want to know why we didn’t protect you better and I will never forgive myself for letting
this happen to you, but I can’t lose you, baby. They’ll want to know why Daddy and I couldn’t protect
you and they’ll take you away from us.”

“I know,” Rachel said quietly.

“You know that Child Protective Services is just aching to pounce on us, they always have ever since
that first investigation.”

“I know, Dad,” Rachel said softly.

“And they’ll wonder why Judy couldn’t protect Taylor. Taylor is an adult now, but Quinn is still a minor
and Judy doesn’t want any scrutiny either. We’re just trying to keep our families together, baby. Do you
understand?”

“Yes, Dad,” Rachel said quietly. “And I agree this is for the best.”

He smiled at her. “Thank you, baby. I called Daddy and told him what happened. He’s coming home
tonight.”

She perked up. “He is?”

He smiled. “He is. Of course he is, he loves you, baby. And he’s very worried and distraught about
what happened. We’re going to be a family again.”

--

She thought it would be better when Daddy came home-- she missed him so much and wanted to see
him so badly, she never thought it would be even worse when Daddy came home.

Daddy and Dad fought constantly and relentlessly. She tried to ignore it, but she was making herself
deaf by shoving the ear buds of her iPod into her ears and putting it on full blast.

They were fighting about her.

There was so much finger-pointing at one another.

Dad screamed at Daddy that it was all his fault for being a junkie. Daddy screamed at Dad that it was
actually all his fault for being an alcoholic workaholic.

They cast blame at one another, but they were united when it came to emphasizing how important it
was she stay quiet about everything because their family, their reputations, everything was on the line.
She started to feel a little betrayed like they were just trying to cover their own asses and didn’t care
about what happened to her. And she was just done telling them she didn’t know why she never told.
What did they think? If they kept asking her, she’d eventually remember something? She had her
reasons, and they were private and she didn’t need people badgering her about why she never told.
She never told! It’s not like she could change the past now. It’s not like them asking her ‘why’ would
change anything.

She was pretty sure they wished she would just go away, but she would go away soon enough. She
was pretty sure that all this was just an imposition on their busy lives and she didn’t need them to do
her any favors and make any adjustments to their schedules. She just wanted them to leave her alone.

Within a month of Daddy coming home, he was gone again, and this time, he wasn’t going to come
back.

“I love you and Dad, baby,” Daddy said. “It’s just that Dad and I aren’t working out anymore. But you’ll
visit me whenever you want.”

“Okay, Daddy,” Rachel said.

But she was counting down the days until she could leave. Once she left, she was never coming back.

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She was so close, all she had to do was hold on a little more.

--

Quinn became her rock, her constant. It was hard at first-- Quinn seemed to have a hard time when
they spent time together, which made Rachel sad because it’d always been so easy before. But the
more time they spent together, the easier it became to pretend that nothing wrong happened and
things went back to the way they were before.

Rachel just wanted to pretend that none of it happened. She didn’t like the way Quinn looked at her
sometimes, or the way Daddy looked at her with apology and regret. She just wanted to pretend like
everything was normal, like she was normal.
--

“You’re stealing all the blankets,” Rachel complained early one morning. “And this is my bed. And it’s
February, which everyone knows is the coldest month. Why are you trying to murder me via
hypothermia?”

“Too bad,” Quinn murmured. “I’m cold and you’re the one who says you’re like a furnace with your
unnaturally high body temperature. And anyway, didn’t you just give me a lecture about global
warming last night when I forgot to recycle that can? You can’t have it both ways, you leftwing liberal.”

“Quinn, you and I both know that global warming is not only responsible for unseasonably warm
weather, but--“ she trailed off when she saw the way Quinn grinned, eyes still closed and face still
pressed into her pillow. She knew Quinn was just mocking her, so she dropped the outrage over global
warming and focused on her more immediate problem. “I’m cold,” Rachel complained, inching closer
to Quinn.

“Stay on your side of the bed, Berry,” Quinn muttered.”This bed isn’t big enough for the both of us and
since you wouldn’t let me draw a line of masking tape down it, I’m not above throwing you off it.”

“I’m cold,” Rachel complained again. She ignored the threats of physical violence to put her feet on
Quinn’s legs.

Quinn shrieked. “Oh my God!” she exclaimed. “What did you do? Dunk your feet in ice?” She could
feel Rachel’s frigid feet through her pajamas bottoms. Her fleece pajama bottoms.

“This is why I need more blankets than you.”

Quinn rolled her eyes. “You’re the blanket hog. I was just giving you a glimpse of how you treat me.”

“I’m sufficiently chastened,” Rachel murmured.

Quinn grinned. “Okay, you can invade my side of the bed now.”

Rachel grinned back and cuddled up to Quinn. “Was that so hard?”

“It’s a tremendous sacrifice.”

Rachel swatted at Quinn’s stomach. “Big liar.”

Quinn laughed softly. “Go back to sleep. It’s early and you’re annoying me with your early rising.”

“I should get on the elliptical.”

“You should go back to sleep.”

Her bed was warm and comfortable and she could feel Quinn’s body heat and while she knew she
should get out of bed and get on the elliptical, at the moment, she couldn’t be forced out of her bed by
obligation or tempted out by seduction.

Quinn spent most of her time at Rachel’s house now, because she didn’t want to go home. She still
slept there a couple nights a week, but she slept at Rachel’s house, in Rachel’s bed at least four,
sometimes five nights a week.

Rachel knew she should offer Quinn the guest room, but she didn’t because she liked having Quinn
close to her.

She couldn’t ignore the attraction she felt for Quinn anymore, no matter how much she wished it would

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go away. The attraction had been there for a long time-- confusing her because of all the things she
still felt for Taylor. But she couldn’t deny that she was attracted to Quinn or what it meant that she
always wanted Quinn to be near. She couldn’t deny that when she lay in bed with Quinn, she breathed
in that scent she’d come to recognize as uniquely Quinn’s and not…not anyone else’s.

She didn’t know what she wanted other than she knew she wanted Quinn, but she didn’t know what
she wanted from Quinn and she didn’t know what she could possibly give Quinn in return. She just…
she didn’t know. But she knew there was more to her feelings for Quinn than mere friendship.

The plus side to all of this was the fact that she and Quinn basically had carte blanche to do whatever
they wanted, so they essentially ran their own programs, at least at home. It’d always been that way
for her, but now Mrs. Fabray let Quinn do whatever she wanted, which Quinn seemed to revel in some
degree of bitter triumph.

She’d meant it when she told Quinn that she loved her. But they hadn’t talked about it.

Since everything came out, they’d talked about everything else-- about Quinn’s mother, father and
sister, about her own fathers. She’d told Quinn a lot of what she could remember back then and she’d
asked for details about what Quinn’s childhood had been like, for anecdotes about Russell and Taylor,
so that Rachel could understand it all a little better. She tried to answer whatever questions Quinn had
for her, though she had to sanitize them for Quinn’s benefit, and for her own. Quinn answered all the
questions she had, too, and she wondered if Quinn also sanitized her responses. Sometimes complete
honesty was too cruel.

They’d cried together through endlessly sleepless nights and talked until their throats were sore, but
they didn’t talk about I love you.

They said it to one another almost every night, because they spent almost every night together.

I love you.

I love you, too.

It varied who said it first. It varied when it was said-- sometimes after Letterman, sometimes right
before they went to sleep, sometimes after dinner when they were doing the second round of
homework assignments for the night, but it was always uttered, and always uttered back.

I love you.

I love you, too.

What did it mean?.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Rachel knew philosophers had been trying to figure out the meaning of love for centuries, and that was
all very well and good. She had some of her own theories of love, stuff about perfumed handwritten
letters, heartfelt admissions of love at midnight, and a possible moment of almost-domestic-violence
leading to rough, but satisfying sex. She knew that last one was a little too specific and probably a
product of her admittedly twisted mind, but it was a thought she had anyway. So she knew there was
no real consensus about the meaning of love and that’s why there were so many songs, essays and
dissertations devoted to its ideas and permutations of it, but Rachel Berry didn’t care much about
extrapolating to the general populace.

She didn’t really care about formulating a definition of love that would be applicable for everyone.

No. Rachel only cared about figuring out what I love you/ I love you, too meant for her and Quinn.

“I love you,” Rachel told Quinn quietly as they drifted off to sleep.

“I love you, too,” Quinn whispered back.

She meant it when she said it, every time that she said it, but she wasn’t fully certain what that meant,
other than seeing Quinn sometimes made her heart clench and stole her ability to breathe. She didn’t
know what it meant other than Quinn’s hand squeezing hers made her feel like there was nothing
wrong in the world. She didn’t know what it meant other than Quinn hugging her and kissing her cheek
made her feel safer than she ever had in her entire life and feeling safe was one of the most important

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things in the world to her.

She didn’t know exactly what I love you meant, but she knew she meant it.

--

Valentine’s Day landed on a Tuesday that year. She brushed off Quinn mocking her for wearing a red
dress in celebration of the holiday, but went along with it when Quinn told her the white heart earrings
were a bit too much.

It was like any other school day, except that Brittany and Santana were being extra touchy-feely with
one another and began dry humping in Mr. Schuester’s class like they were fourteen year olds. That
was kind of gross, but strangely scintillating at the same time. Rachel was a teenage girl with ordinary
sort of teenage girl needs and if it weren’t for the fact she wanted Quinn with a fervor she’d never
experienced for anyone else, Rachel would totally start sleeping with Brittany and Santana again,
because hello, they were hot and they still asked.

But she couldn’t imagine sleeping with anyone else when she had feelings for Quinn. She decided
Valentine’s Day in glee was as good a time and place as any for communicating her feelings for
Quinn. She’d told Quinn once I can’t when Quinn revealed feelings for her, but that was then and this
was now. Enough time had passed and Rachel felt like she could. She hoped Quinn still felt the same
way, that the attraction was still mutual.

She got up to sing in glee and she chose a song she knew she had significance for both her and for
Quinn.

“Moving forward using all my breath…”

She conceded she might not have the right voice to sing it the Modern English way, but she was
reasonably (completely) certain (confident) that she could pull off (rock) the Nouvelle Vague version.
This song had kind of become her song with Quinn, at least in her mind, and when she sang, she
intended it for Quinn. It was an imperfect message for all the feelings and things she wanted to convey
to Quinn, but Rachel had yet to find a song that could, so she settled for one she knew carried weight
for them. Besides it was close enough.

“I’ll stop the world and melt with you…”

She looked at Quinn while she sang and Quinn was looking back at her, smiling encouragingly, but it
seemed a little forced.

Once she was finished, everyone clapped and she caught Quinn’s gaze.

Quinn smiled at her, but she didn’t look entirely happy. It made Rachel’s heart sink and the spark of joy
she always felt in receiving the praise of her teammates was diminished because the one person
whose opinion really mattered to her, at least in terms of the delivery of this song, did not seem
impressed or pleased.

Rachel faltered in her step before she sat down again. She kept glancing at Quinn through the rest of
practice, but Quinn wasn’t looking back at her, which was unusual, because Quinn was always looking
back.
--

“I’ll stop the world and melt with you,” Rachel sang as she walked with Quinn into her house. “You’ve
seen the difference, and it’s getting better all the time.”

Quinn smiled at her. “I love that song,” she said quietly.

“Me too,” Rachel said with a grin. She leaned into Quinn. “I have a confession,” she murmured.

“What’s that?” Quinn asked softly.

“I sang that song for you.”

Quinn swallowed hard. “I know.”

The smile faded from Rachel’s face.

Quinn wasn’t smiling.

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--

“I can’t forget what they did to you,” Quinn said quietly, once they settled into Rachel’s room to talk. “I
can’t forget. I can’t…I can’t go there with you, Rachel. I just…I can’t do it. I can’t do it knowing what
they did.”

Rachel stared at her. “Because you think…I’m…” she swallowed hard. “What? Dirty?” she asked.
“Disgusting? Untouchable? Revolting?” she whispered, and she couldn’t believe she was voicing all of
her private fears, all the secret things she whispered to herself when she looked in a mirror.

Quinn’s eyes were wide, horrified. “No!” she exclaimed. “God, of course not. I would never think that
about you,” she said. “You…you’re perfect,” she said sincerely. “You’re beautiful and you’re perfect.”

Rachel looked away, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “But what do you see when you look at
me?” she whispered.

“I see you,” Quinn said quietly. “And I won’t ever look away.”

Rachel turned back to look at her. “Okay,” she said softly.

“It doesn’t change how I feel about you,” Quinn said weakly. “I love you. You’re my best friend. I don’t
know how I would have lived through these last few months without you. But I can’t stop thinking about
what they did.” Quinn winced and gripped her head with her hands. “I wish I could scrub out what I
saw out of my mind,” Quinn whispered, because those pictures were disgusting and traumatizing. But
those images were not only burned into her mind, but burned into her retinas.

“I’m sorry you found out,” Rachel said quietly. It didn’t feel like she could ever stop apologizing for that.

“I’m not sorry I know,” Quinn said. “Those were things I needed to know. I needed to know, Rachel.
And God. I’m so sorry. If I could trade places with you, if I could fix it, I--”

“Don’t say that,” Rachel said quietly. “I’m glad it was me and not you.”

Quinn flinched. “Rachel.”

Rachel shrugged. “She was your sister and he was your father. Studies have shown it would have
been worse for you.”

Quinn couldn’t help smile. “Studies, huh?”

“I’ve done some research,” Rachel admitted. “I guess I needed to know why Taylor did it.”

Quinn’s face hardened. “I don’t care why she did it. And neither should you.”

“She’s not a bad person, Quinn.”

“She’s a horrible person!”

“I understand her a little more now, and--”

Quinn was horrified. “Oh my God, are you talking to her?!” Have you been talking to her again? Is that
why you’re defending her?”

Quinn refused to talk to her sister. It was bad enough she still had to acknowledge her mother. She
couldn’t wait to get out of that house because once she left, she was never going back.

“No,” Rachel said hastily. “No, of course not. Just because I have an understanding of why she did it
does not mean I wish to be in communication with her, Quinn. But I’m merely trying to tell you that I
understand her a little more now. I have copies of studies which might make her behavior a little more
understandable for you, if you wish to read them.”

“I don’t care about understanding her,” Quinn snapped viciously. “She took you from me! She stole
you! After everything she did, who gives a shit about understanding what she did! I don’t care! I never
would have done it! You never would have done it! I don’t give a shit about understanding her!”

“She was fourteen when it first started with me,” Rachel said quietly, “that’s younger than we both are
now. And your father had influence in that. She--”

“You were five!” Quinn snapped. “You were five. I don’t care what happened to her or why she did it. I

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care about what she did to you. She wasn’t just some fourteen year old kid, Rachel. She was almost
ninteen when she left, she was an adult and you were a kid.”

Rachel bowed her head. “I know that,” she said softly.

“She stole you from me,” Quinn whispered pitifully. She knew she shouldn’t look at it that way, but she
did. “I keep thinking about what she did to you and I…”

Rachel looked regretful. “You can’t go there with me.”

Quinn lowered her eyes. “No, I can’t,” she said quietly.

“Is it because she was there first?” Rachel asked softly, “because virginity isn’t the big deal you think it
is, Quinn.”

“It’s because my sister and my father molested you,” Quinn said bluntly, but as gently as she could.
Rachel still winced. “You shouldn’t even want to touch me,” Quinn whispered.

“I love you,” Rachel said quietly.

“I love you, too.” Quinn sighed. “It was easier when you couldn’t go there either.”

Rachel swallowed hard. “Because when I see you, you’re all I see now. I don’t look at you and think of
Taylor or your dad. I look at you and I see you. But when you look at me, you still see them.”

“That’s not true,” Quinn refuted, except, it kind of was.

Rachel gave her a sad smile. “Yes, it is,” she said quietly. She took a deep breath. “It’s okay though,”
she said softly. “It takes time and I can wait.” She gave Quinn a tiny smile. “I understand why you can’t
do this with me because for a long time, I couldn’t do this with you either, even though I really wanted
to. But I’m ready now and I think one day you’ll be ready, too.” She paused. “At least, I have to hope
you’ll be ready one day.” She reached out and squeezed Quinn’s shoulder. “I’m not going to join a
nunnery or anything,” she joked, which made Quinn laugh softly. “But I’m capable of waiting.”

Quinn grabbed Rachel into a tight hug. “Don’t give up on me,” Quinn pleaded.

Rachel sighed softly. She never gave up on what she really wanted. “Don’t you remember? We’re in
this together, partner.”

Rachel really didn’t have any other choice, because, really, what was the alternative? Find someone
else, when the person she really wanted was right there in front of her? What good would that do
anyone?

Quinn just needed some time to adjust to everything, and Rachel could certainly afford to give her that.
It hurt, but Rachel knew she could do it.

--

She understood where Quinn was coming from-- really, she did, but it was pretty devastating anyway.
Rachel didn’t know what she was expecting, but she’d gotten her hopes a little too high. She didn’t
want to let on how much it crushed her, but it was pretty crushing.

She never let on though. She still hung out with Quinn every single day, and slept in the same bed with
the blonde even though the once comfortable proximity was now painful because Quinn was so close,
Rachel could breathe her in. She tried not to let anything change because the last thing she needed
was to lose Quinn as a friend.

But it was hard. It wasn’t hard on par with being waterboarded or anything, but it was still exceptionally
hard, and much harder than Rachel anticipated.
--

During the third week of February, they both got acceptances to their first choice colleges-- Julliard for
Rachel, of course, and NYU for Quinn and they celebrated with a pricey dinner on Judy Fabray’s dime
and alcohol stolen out of Rachel’s father’s liquor cabinet.

Rachel smiled at Quinn because she knew they were going to leave Lima together and stay out.

“New York needs to lock up its fuckables because we’re headed its way,” Rachel joked with a grin
when they were back in her room, getting ready for bed.

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Quinn laughed. “Yeah,” she said dryly. “You’re a real bad ass,” she teased fondly.

Rachel smiled. “In New York,” she sang. “Concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there’s nothing
you can’t do, now you’re in New York.”

Quinn chuckled. “These streets will make you feel brand new,” she sang, joining in. “Big lights will
inspire you, let’s hear it for New York,” she sang, moving her hips a little as she remembered that
song- and-dance routine in the quad so long ago.

Rachel stared as Quinn rolled her hips which made her butt swing. She swallowed hard because her
throat and mouth suddenly went dry

Too much. She wanted Quinn too much.

Rachel had to look away

--

A few days later, she was at Quinn’s house picking up some more clothes-- Quinn had all but moved
in, and so her closet space had moved into the guest room as well, but for whatever reason, Quinn
herself had not. She still occupied Rachel’s bed, and Rachel had to wonder if it was as hard for Quinn
as it was for her. Were they both masochists? Probably.

“Hello, Rachel. Hello, Quinn,” Judy said quietly, as she stood in the doorway of Quinn’s room.

“Hi, Mrs. Fabray,” Rachel greeted politely. She didn’t know what to think of Judy, but she didn’t feel the
same level of betrayal that Quinn and Taylor did, and her instinct to be polite to her elders was too
ingrained for her to be able to ignore someone the way Quinn ignored her mother.

“How are you, Rachel?”

“I’m very well, thank you. I’m very excited about my admission to Julliard, and of course, I ‘m very
proud of Quinn for her admission to NYU.”

Judy’s eyes lit up. “Quinn! That’s wonderful! Congratulations.”

Rachel watched as Quinn looked up just to shoot her mother a withering look. Quinn rolled her eyes
and snorted, but she didn’t say anything.

“You should give me the financial aid information,” Judy said quietly. “So we can--”

“I don’t want anything from you,” Quinn spat out. “I’ll take out every loan on the planet and work every
free moment, but I’m not taking anything from you.”

“Quinn--”

“Don’t talk to me,” Quinn snapped. “You don’t have anything to say that I would want to hear, so don’t
talk to me!”

Rachel swallowed hard, wondering why the earth never opened up to swallow her whole to spare her
from excruciatingly awkward moments like this.

Quinn grabbed some more things from her closet, clutching clothes on hangers close to her chest. She
glared at Rachel. “Rachel, hurry up,” she snapped.

Rachel swallowed hard. “Okay,” she said quietly. She smiled apologetically at Judy. “I’m so--”

“Don’t you dare apologize to her!” Quinn snapped. “Don’t you dare. Don’t ever apologize to her! She
should be apologizing to you!”

Rachel stopped speaking and stared at the ground. She felt Quinn bump past her as the blonde
stormed out of the room.

“Rachel! Let’s go!” Quinn shouted as she stomped down the stairs.

Mrs. Fabray looked so sad and she looked so much like the girl Rachel once loved and the girl she
loved now, that Rachel couldn’t resist. She touched Judy’s forearm. “Nothing bad lasts forever,”
Rachel said quietly. “Quinn has a really good, really forgiving heart. She’ll come around. You’ll see. It’s

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going to be better.”

Judy’s smile was strained and she reached out to touch Rachel’s cheek. “I don’t think so,” she said
quietly. “But thank you for saying it.”

Rachel ran to join her friend and found Quinn stuffing her clothes into the backseat.

“Quinn, why don’t I drive?” Rachel said. It was Quinn’s car, but Quinn seemed way too upset to drive.
“You’re very upset and emotional--”

“I’m fine,” Quinn snapped. She got into the car. “Don’t lecture me. Get in the car.”

Rachel swallowed hard. “Quinn, let me drive.”

“Get in the car, Rachel!” Quinn snapped. She put on her seatbelt and started the engine.

“Quinn--”

“Get in the car, Rachel. Or walk.”

Rachel hesitated, but then she got into the car because she thought she could calm Quinn down as
they drove and it really wasn’t that far.

The car started moving the moment she got in the car. Quinn was backing up far too quickly. They
shot down the driveway like Quinn had her foot all the way down on the accelerator

“Quinn, let me put on my seat--”

There was a loud, angry honk and then Quinn slammed on her brakes. Rachel pitched forward, head
slamming into the dashboard. The same velocity that pitched her forward shot her back and forward
again, but this time, Rachel had enough time to throw her hands out and brace for impact.

“Fuck,” Rachel groaned, sitting back and rubbing her forehead and nose. She looked in the rearview
mirror and saw that the car Quinn nearly backed into had already driven away.

“Oh my God,” Quinn whispered, breathing harshly. She put the car into ‘park’ and pulled the
emergency brake. She stared at Rachel, wide-eyed. “Are you okay?” she asked. “Are you okay?” she
repeated frantically.

Rachel winced. She was coming down with a headache, but other than that, it was no big deal. The
impact wasn’t that hard and while Quinn had definitely used more speed than was required to back out
of a driveway, the sudden stop wasn’t enough to deploy the airbags or anything. Although she really
could have done without Quinn slamming on the brakes twice.

“I’m fine,” Rachel said crankily, cursing when she realized her nose was bleeding. “Are you calm now
or do you need me to drive?”

Quinn swallowed hard. “I’m… I’m okay,” she said quietly, her face paler than normal. “Are… are you
sure you don’t need to go to the hospital or anything?”

“I’m fine, Quinn. Just give me a moment to put on my seatbelt.”

“I’m sorry,” Quinn whispered again.

“It’s fine,” Rachel said, pinching her nose and searching for some Kleenex. “Just drive.”

“I’m sorry,” Quinn whispered.

--

Quinn dove back to Rachel’s house obeying all the traffic laws and going the posted speed limit. She
drove as carefully as a first-time parent might drive with a newborn in the backseat. She drove with her
hands clenched so tightly around the steering wheel, her knuckles turned white. She bent forward in
an angle that could not be comfortable.

Quinn burst into tears when she pulled in front of Rachel’s house, and grabbed Rachel into a tight hug.
“I’m so sorry,” she cried. “I’m so so sorry. I should have listened to you! I don’t know what I would have
done if I hurt you!” She cried a little harder when she realized she actually had hurt Rachel. Her hand
reached up to gently touch Rachel’s nose, which was still bleeding. “Oh God,” she said fretfully. “I’m so

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sorry. Are you okay? Really? I’m so…God, I’m so sorry! I should have listened to you!”

Rachel chuckled softly and stroked Quinn’s hair. “Let’s just make that your mantra, okay, sweetheart?”
she cooed softly, trying to comfort Quinn.

Quinn’s shoulders shook slightly with laughter. “I can’t believe you’re using this moment to I-told-you-
so me.”

“Well, to be fair, I never used those words and secondly, you must confess, the situation is apt.”

Quinn laughed quietly and quickly sobered. “I’m sorry, Rachel. I’m so sorry. Are you sure you’re
okay?”

Rachel smiled crookedly. “I’ll live,” she said dryly. She touched her fingers to Quinn’s cheek. “It’s okay,
Quinn,” she whispered. “It’s fine. You and I, we’re always going to be just fine. Don’t you know that by
now?”

Quinn gave her a small smile. “I guess I’m just a slow learner.”

Rachel smiled. “I suppose it’s a good thing then, that I am very very patient.”

“I’m a lucky girl,” Quinn said softly.

Rachel laughed. “You certainly are.”

“I’m a lucky girl to have a friend so humble,” Quinn joked.

Rachel grinned and tweaked Quinn’s nose. “You certainly are.” She smiled affectionately. “I’m a lucky
girl, too.”

“We should start a club,” Quinn suggested with a tiny grin.

“With very exclusive membership policies,” Rachel said, playing along.

“Exactly,” Quinn said. “The membership requirements should be…” she pretended to think. “All
members need to be five foot two, with brown hair, brown eyes with the first name Rachel, middle
name Barbra, as in Streisand and last name, Berry.”

Rachel smiled crookedly. “And to ensure that people meet our rigorous screening practice, all five foot
two Rachel Barbra Berrys need to be born on December 18, 1994.”

“Right,” Quinn said with a grin.

“These standards need to be very rigorous because we can’t have some other Rachel Barbra Berry
attempt to ensnare the other fantastically-appealing members of our exclusive club.”

“Oh? And what are the qualifications of these other members?” Quinn asked with a smile. “What
makes them so, and I quote, fantastically appealing?”

Rachel grinned slowly, ruefully, because sometimes she wished she didn’t love this girl quite so much.
“Well, other than the Rachel Barbra Berry requirement, the other requirement would be five foot eight,
blonde, hazel-eyed and named Quinn Fabray, born on April 17, 1994.”

Quinn chuckled. “And so the simple fact that Quinn Fabrays are five foot eight, blonde, hazel-eyed
Aries makes them so ‘fantastically appealing’?”

Rachel cocked her head and smiled sincerely. “I’ve got a confession.”

“Oh?”

“Quinn Fabrays are so fantastically appealing to me because Quinn Fabray is my best friend,” Rachel
said sincerely, “and as far as I know, there’s only one of her. And even if Quinn Fabray were one of the
most common names in the world, like Joan Smith, she would still be the only one in the world for me.”

Quinn swallowed hard. “Rachel,” she whimpered. “Rachel, don’t. I…”

“I know you can’t right now,” Rachel said softly. “And that’s okay. But I just wanted you to know.” She
smiled. “Come on,” she said. “I’ll help you carry your stuff in, we’ll hang up your clothes, do some
homework and then you can buy me dinner for almost busting my nose which will undoubtedly be one

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of my trademarks when I become famous, along with, of course, my voice.”

Quinn shook her head and looked at Rachel fondly. “It is pretty amazing how so much noise can come
from someone so small,” she remarked.

They hung up Quinn’s clothes in the closet of the guest room and then Quinn turned to Rachel and
hugged her.

“I’m sorry I was an asshole,” Quinn apologized. “I don’t want to be that way, especially not to you. You
know that I love you. I’m sorry I have such a shitty way of showing it sometimes,” she said quietly. “But
I love you and you’re the most important person in the world to me.” She held onto Rachel a little
tighter, like she never wanted to let the brunette go. “I love you,” she whispered. “I love you so much. I
don’t know what I would do without you,” she said, brushing her lips against Rachel’s cheek. “Do you
forgive me for being such an asshole today? I can’t stand the thought of you being mad at me.”

“Of course I forgive you,” Rachel said hoarsely. “There’s nothing to forgive,” she said, stroking Quinn’s
hair.

Quinn held onto her and Rachel never felt safer than when she was in Quinn’s arms.

In a life that was kind of short on best moments, so the good moments were extra appreciated, Rachel
counted that moment with Quinn as a highlight.

It almost made up for the disappointment Rachel felt for being shot down yet again. Almost, because
nothing could really make up for disappointment on that level. She really thought she had a chance to
get through to Quinn that time. But clearly, it wasn’t enough. She wasn’t enough.

--

The rest of the school year passed in a blur. There was Sectionals, and then Quinn’s birthday, Spring
Break, Regionals and then Nationals.

They won at Nationals, but the victory didn’t mean as much to Rachel as she thought it would. It’s not
that it meant nothing, of course. Rachel was still proud of all the work that she and her friends and
teammates put into it, and when she was on that stage, she threw her entire heart into it, just like she
always did, just like she threw her foolish dumb heart into everything she cared about. But when it was
over, and the head judge announced that New Directions was taking home their first National title, it
didn’t mean much to her when she couldn’t grab Quinn in her arms and kiss her senseless the way
she desperately wanted.

--

She snuck into the choir room a little early. She was supposed to meet the rest of the team in an hour
for their traditional post-competition serenade to Mr. Schuester, but she just wanted some time in that
room by herself. After all, it was going to be her last time in it. She did not have fond memories of Lima
or of McKinley High, but she had many fond memories in that choir room.

She sat at the piano and practiced a few scales, chords and arpeggios to warm up and then played
through a few songs. It didn’t really matter what they were, just that she had a chance to use this room
while she still could.

She glanced at her watch. She still had half an hour before everyone else showed up.

She began to play.

“When I see you smile, it feels like I’m falling

It’s not for anybody else to know
The way your face could light, the bitter dark of every street
In every town I’ll ever go
It’s not for anybody else to know
For anybody else to know.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the door to the choir room and Quinn come inside, closing the
door behind her.

She smiled a greeting, but she didn’t stop playing or singing. She maintained eye contact with Quinn
as she played and sang.

“When I see you smile, first thing in the morning,

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It raises curtains on your lazy eyes
Could it be that you and I have the greatest love that could ever be?
How could this have ever been before?
It’s not for anybody else to know.”

Rachel smiled as Quinn began to step closer. Rachel scooted over to make some room on the piano
bench and Quinn sat down next to her. The blonde rested her head on Rachel’s shoulder, blond hair
tickling Rachel’s neck, which made the brunette smile at the sensation. Rachel couldn’t finish the song
out, at least, she couldn’t sing anymore, but she continued to play until the song was finished.

“Don’t stop,” Quinn said quietly. “Keep playing,” she begged

“Okay,” Rachel said softly.

She chose a song she knew they both knew and they stayed that way, Quinn’s head on her shoulder,
the two of them singing quietly, until the door to the choir room opened.

Quinn and Rachel pulled apart quickly and were relieved to see it was only Santana and Brittany.

“It’s just us,” Santana said. “Feel free to resume your sad lesbians cliché.”

Rachel blushed fiercely and she stuck her tongue out at Santana who made a face back. Everyone
started filtering in after that and then glee was truly over.

--

Rachel and Quinn left Lima the day after graduation in a rented U-Haul.

Santana cackled with hilarity. “Sad lesbian cliché number two!” she shouted at them as they drove
away from saying goodbye to Santana and Brittany.

Rachel said goodbye to her Dad, phoned her Daddy in California to hear him wish her well and
accompanied Quinn so that her friend could say an awkward goodbye to her mother.

And then their time in Lima was finally over.

There was no more counting down the days. It was finally here. It was more anti-climatic than Rachel
would have thought, but with everything that happened the past few years, it was sort of a relief. She
didn’t need the drama.

Rachel was just glad her time in Lima was over and she truly felt the next phase of her life was
beginning. She was counting on this next phase being better than the one that came before.

They passed through the Lincoln Tunnel on the way to their new home, and it was beautiful.

“It’s going to be okay now,” Rachel whispered to Quinn.

The drive had taken over eleven hours and the air-conditioning had cut out in their U-Haul halfway
through. They’d come dangerously close to murdering one another because it was one thing to be
best friends who practically lived together, and it was a whole other thing to be driving buddies on a
600 mile, 11 hour car ride. Rachel genuinely felt there were moments in the drive when she loved
Quinn a little less.

But when they arrived in their new city, in front of the apartment that was to be their new home, Rachel
knew it was all going to be okay.

“I know,” Quinn said, reaching for Rachel’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “We’re going to be
fine.”

Tags: glee, quinn/rachel

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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thetheaterrat
2010-10-11 12:16 pm (local)

It's so fluffy I'm gonna die!

This chapter is really sweet. Haha, I love your Santana. I love ALL your characterizations. :D

I feel like you shot me, but then gave me a magical bandaid with rainbows on it, but the bandaid is just
glorified tape and now I've got an infection. Sad.

I'm so glad they got out of Lima. It's kinda funny how their roles got reversed; Rachel was afraid of
intimacy and now Quinn is. I'm so glad they have each other... one of my good friends was raped
when she was little and she's just so screwed up... always wanting a bf/gf to heal her but they keep
hurting her and playing with her. Uh, so, yeah, I'm glad Rachel and Quinn have each other. :)

People make me sick. *sniff*

(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 01:06 pm (local)

Fluff! Yes! It's fluff!

I love Santana, she's such a snarky, prickly bitch. She was like me in high school, except she has
boobs.

Okay, that magical bandaid that's really glorified tape made me seriously laugh. You're glorious.

It's unfortunate, but it's like pheromones. People who get off on hurting other people can just sniff
out someone who's already been hurt, so that person just gets hurt over and over again.

And really, every person has the uncanny ability to walk into a room filled with a hundred people
and choose the ONE person that will be worst for us
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

thetheaterrat
2010-10-11 01:22 pm (local)

I couldn't really believe it, quite honestly. ;P

Haha! True, she's awesome. And that's... an interesting way of putting it, lol. And she
apparently didn't think so....

:DDDDDD Yay! That means a lot coming from you! :DDDD

(But yeah, that's TOTALLY how it feels.)

Trueeeee. It's sad. :(

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

silentinformer
2010-10-11 01:23 pm (local)

IDK how you make each chapter so much better than the last or doubt your skill as the puppet master
of my own personal little corner of glee heaven but seriously you could write about how to pick out a
paint color and I think I would read it more than once lol. The conversation about Taylor stealing
Rachel from Quinn I kid you not I had that exact convo almost in my head cause I was thinking about
how you were going to tackle the conversation and I figured it would be a conversation between Quinn
and Taylor during the confrontation but this was so much better.

This story even though it deals with sexual abuse of Rachel and bads things have happened totally
makes up for the last fic in terms of Faberry there so sweet lol.

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Now to read the last part and settle up the dibs I called hours ago lol.
(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 01:37 pm (local)

aww. thank you. Honestly, with chapters 8 and 9, I was going to just give up on this story which is
what I was ranting about in my personal journal, lol.

I actually thought about having that conversation be between Taylor and Quinn, but ultimately, I
thought it would just work better with Quinn and Rachel and honestly, I didn't want to have to write
someone defending those kind of actions.

And see! Didn't I say that despite the angsty prompt, the majority of the story is pretty UNangsty?!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

mjacton
2010-10-12 12:56 pm (local)

It's almost over... :(

(Reply) (Thread)

pee_wee_2005
2010-10-18 07:50 pm (local)

FLANGST! This chapter was pretty sweet. Kind of :( at Quinn still needing time, and feeling like Taylor
took Rachel from her.

But it was hard. It wasn’t hard on par with being waterboarded or anything, but it was still exceptionally
hard

I giggled.

“It’s just us,” Santana said. “Feel free to resume your sad lesbians cliché.”

I lol'd. Especially, ya know, speaking of sad lesbians cliché.

(Reply) (Thread)

sulkygeekff
2010-10-18 11:01 pm (local)

FLANGST. LOL. I love that term.

To answer your other question, yes, I really did want people to sympathise with Quinn. I think this
story was more Quinn's, despite the fact that all the horrible stuff happened to Rachel...I dunno. I
think about what I would do in such a position and i'd probably need more time, too. Actually, if it
were me, I just couldn't go there.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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FIC: Gravitational Forces [10/10] quinn/rachel quinntana rachel
Chapter 10 rachel/santana santana santana/quinn shelby
sulkygeekff
October 11th, 2010

The word she most commonly used to describe Rachel now was “roommate,” but
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that word was completely insufficient to communicate any of the meaning that Rachel had in her life.
Rachel was her roommate, sure, because they shared the same two-bedroom apartment. But Rachel
was also her best friend and their relationship held all the meaning that term held-- trusted confidante,
partner-in-crime, her true north. With Rachel, she shared the strongest possible bond of friendship.
Rachel was also an integral part of her daily routine-- they had breakfast together every day and
dinner nearly every night. Breakfast was cooked by whoever had the later class that morning and
dinner was cooked by whoever came home earlier. Their respective schedules were pinned by a gold
star magnet to the refrigerator. In the evenings, they bickered over who had the wash the dishes, since
there were also breakfast dishes that had to be washed. It was always settled easily and quickly
because the person who cooked dinner never had to wash dishes, it was just the principle of the thing.
They were used to a little friendly torment, and they saw no reason to stop just because they were in
college. They studied together after dinner and into the night, and their schedules were fixed.

Rachel was part of her routine, but Rachel was also the center of her life. Quinn couldn’t deny that she
scheduled classes based on maximizing the time she could spend with Rachel. She found a job that
gave her mostly afternoon hours (at the library) so she could spend her evenings with Rachel. She’d
swallowed her pride and let her mother help pay for school, even though it killed her to do it.

“I understand your qualms,” Rachel said quietly to her while they were still seniors in high school. “But
education is too important and it’s extremely costly. Please just accept her help, because while I’m
confident you can do it on your own, it would also make your life much more difficult than it needs to
be.”

It killed her to admit it, but Quinn knew she needed her mother’s financial assistance.

It killed her to take it, but it also let her spend more time with Rachel, rather than having to work
multiple jobs just to stay afloat. Rachel landed a dream paid internship at Sony and also had a part-
time work study job manning the phones at the Student Health Centre, and so they managed to stay
afloat when they pooled their money together and combined it with their financial aid refund checks.

‘Roommate’ was too paltry a term to describe a girl who had become the center of her universe, the
most important part of her world. But it was the word she used to describe Rachel most now.

My roommate is in a play.

My roommate has a show.

My roommate is cooking dinner, but thanks.

My roommate bought it for me, I’m not sure where.

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It got to the point that Ashley Morgan, one of her new friends in a History Survey class asked her
point-blank. “Hey, when you say roommate, do you mean girlfriend? Because this is New York City,
not whatever hillbilly town you came from, so it’s cool to call her your girlfriend.”

Quinn smiled wistfully. “She’s my roommate.”

--

They didn’t go home for Thanksgiving. Neither of Rachel’s fathers asked. Quinn’s mother begged, but
Quinn refused even though she was assured that of course, Rachel was invited, too.

They didn’t go home for Winter Break, either. This time, both of Rachel’s fathers asked, but she
declined.

“I don’t really want to go home and I don’t want to go to LA to see Daddy,” Rachel admitted quietly.
“My relationship with them has never been very strong and I can’t say that everything that happened
has strengthened it. I’d rather stay here.”

Quinn’s mother asked again, but once again, Quinn refused. She was still too angry.

They spent Christmas Eve curled up under Rachel’s comforter. Even though they had two separate
bedrooms, it felt strange not to share a room. In retrospect, they should have just rented a one-
bedroom and spared themselves some of the cost, but that would have been difficult to explain to
people who came over. Not that they owed anyone any kind of an explanation, but they weren’t dating
and it seemed like a pretty difficult thing to explain away.

They watched A Charlie Brown Christmas Special and Quinn mocked Rachel for becoming misty-eyed
at the end.

Rachel chuckled and wiped at her eyes. She swatted at Quinn’s shoulder. “I‘m not religious, but
there’s just something about that part about God and sinners reconciling. It’s my favorite Christmas
carol and I’m Jewish.”

Quinn smiled ruefully, because that was the part that resonated most with her, too. Over the past few
years, she thought a lot about reconciling herself with God, from fornication to unwed teenage
motherhood to impure gay thoughts to hating her mother and the memory of her father. She felt like
she had a lot to reconcile.

“What have you done that’s so terrible that you need to reconcile yourself with God?” Quinn teased.

Rachel gave her a small smile. “I’m no better than anyone else,” she said quietly.

“You’re the best,” Quinn said sincerely.

“No,” Rachel said softly. She pulled away from Quinn and sighed. “You don’t see me the way I really
am,” she said quietly. “It took me some time to realize this, but it’s true. You don’t see me.”

Quinn looked at her, bewildered. “What are you talking about? I see you. Just you. Only you. I see you
for exactly who you are. You’re my best friend. I know who you are.”

Rachel’s smile was sad. “You don’t see me. You don’t see me for me. You put me on this pedestal.
You think I’m perfect.”

Quinn snorted. “Believe me. I don’t think you’re perfect.”

Rachel didn’t laugh. “You think I’m better than I actually am,” Rachel said glumly. “I guess it’s a good
thing you can’t bring yourself to be with me,” she said quietly. “Considering you would undoubtedly be
disappointed. “

“Rachel, why are you…where is all this coming from?”

Rachel’s eyes were teary. “You don’t see me,” she said quietly. “Not the way I am.” She stood up and
walked away, leaving Quinn behind, stunned.

--

Quinn stood up and followed Rachel into the living room where she was flipping through a textbook.
Quinn sat down next to her.

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“I don’t know what you think,” Quinn said quietly. “But I do see you. I know you aren’t perfect, but to
me, you’re as perfect as it’s going to get.”

Rachel scoffed softly. “That’s exactly what I mean,” she said somberly. “I’m not perfect. I’m nowhere
near it.”

“I never said you were perfect, doofus. That’s one of your faults right there. You don’t listen. I said I
think you’re perfect. There’s a difference, you know.”

There really wasn’t, not when one stopped to think about it. It was wonderful to be thought of as
perfect, but it was also too much pressure. She never believed Quinn could ever look at her and only
see her silver-lined aspects, but as time wore on, that seemed to be the case.

There were little examples of it here and there-- Rachel knew she did a haphazard job of cleaning the
bathroom when it was her turn the last time, but Quinn never said anything about it, despite the fact
that if the situations were reversed, Rachel would have called foul. Rachel used too much of the hot
water (selfishly), but Quinn never called her on it, despite the fact, again, if the situations had been
reversed, Rachel would have called foul. Rachel got a little too jealous of the time Quinn was spending
with one of her classmates and instead of Quinn telling Rachel where to shove it, Quinn stopped
hanging out with that person.

Rachel knew she was being crazy, and she was counting on her best friend to call her out on it, but
her best friend couldn’t seem to see her, really see her anymore.

“I told Finn the truth about Beth just to hurt you,” Rachel said. “I wanted Finn, and I wanted to take him
away from you, and I knew he would be furious with you, so that’s why I told him.”

Quinn stared at her, bewildered, “Why are you bringing that up?”

“I sent that girl…what was her name? God, I can’t even remember her name anymore, but that Filipino
girl. I sent her to a crackhouse because I was threatened.”

“Why are you bringing this up?”

“Last week, I told a classmate who was trying out for the same play that I didn’t know where try-outs
were, but I did and she missed them because I didn’t want her to try out.”

“Rachel,” Quinn said patiently. “Why are you telling me all this?”

“Because!” Rachel exploded. “That’s who I am! It’s part of who I am, but you won’t see it! You don’t
see me as I am. You see a victim. You coddle me!”

Quinn stared at Rachel, confused and wounded by the accusation. She knew Rachel’s faults-- knew
them well, actually. But she didn’t care. She didn’t care if Rachel was maybe a little too cutthroat for
her own good, or that Rachel was just a little too short to ever make them fit the right way when they
were standing next to one another with their natural six inch height difference between them. She
didn’t care that Rachel was anal-retentive and obsessive-compulsive. She didn’t care that Rachel’s
insistence they adhere to an overly rigid routine was actually pretty annoying most of the time. She
didn’t care some of Rachel’s political and world views were flat-out ridiculous. She didn’t care.

Rachel was, simply, her best friend and the love of her life. She wasn’t blind to Rachel’s faults, but she
chose not to see them most of the time. The girl was infuriating, no one could ever deny that. But
Quinn saw her for exactly who she was, and fuck anyone, Rachel Berry included, who thought
otherwise.

“I do see you,” Quinn said quietly. “And if you want, I can make a list of all your faults.”

“Please don‘t enumerate my foibles.”

“Foibles make it sound like something cute. I’m talking major failings.”

Rachel chuckled in spite of herself.

“I know you’re not perfect,” Quinn said quietly. “But I love you and if I only want to see the good stuff,
why is that so bad? I know the bad stuff is there, Rach, but that’s just a tiny bit of it.”

Rachel looked at her sadly. “Because it’s not a tiny bit of it, and you’re just going to get disappointed.
And it will kill me.”

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Quinn held her hand. “I see you,” she said quietly. “And the bad stuff is just a tiny bit of it, and none of
it is as bad as you think.”

Rachel swallowed hard. She pulled her hand away. “I think,” she said quietly. “I think we need to start
dating. Not each other. Other people.”

Quinn swallowed hard and stared at her. “Have you met someone?”

“One of my classmates has been very persistent in asking me out. I’ve declined up until now, but I
think it would be healthy for us to start dating. This hasn’t been very healthy for either of us, Quinn.
We’re not in a relationship, but we act as though we’re beholden to one another, but we’re not.”

Quinn wanted to point out that they were kind of beholden to one another, even if they weren’t dating.
But she couldn’t find the right words. So instead, she simply said, “okay.”

--

Their closeness slipped. Not all the way, not even a lot, but enough to make a difference, enough that
they both felt it.

Routines changed. Rachel started having breakfasts with that boy Alex and Quinn started having study
dates with a boy called Chris, whom she worked with at the library. They started having to sleep in
separate rooms, out of pure necessity because boys started staying the night.

It wasn’t what Quinn wanted, but at the same time, it was kind of a relief. That need for more, but the
inability to push for it, that feeling of closeness (too close), it had started to become too much. They
were more than best friends (much more), but less than lovers (much less) and it was beginning to
destroy her.

Her relationship with Rachel started to become more like all the other best friend relationships, and for
a time, it made things easier. They giggled over boys, like the time Rachel came home, still laughing
hysterically. She climbed into bed with Quinn, who happened to be alone that night, and cackled as
she recounted the story of making out with Alex only to hear Alex’s dog making a lot of noise. When
they turned on the light, they discovered Bandit eating Rachel’s bra. They’d laughed for a good twenty
minutes over that one, sprawled over one another, just like old times.

But even as things got increasingly serious with Chris, it killed Quinn to see Rachel with someone else.

One night, close to the end of their first year of college, Rachel sat down next to Quinn on the couch.

“Alex thinks I should move in with him. I think it might be a good idea. I won’t leave you in a bind, so
obviously, I’ll stay until we find you a new roommate. But I think it’ll be good for us and--”

“No,” Quinn said flatly. “No.”

Rachel paused and stared at her for a moment. Quinn stared back.

“Okay,” Rachel said quietly.

Rachel stayed and she and Alex quietly broke up soon after. Rachel didn’t seem that upset, though
she did spend a few days moping on the couch in her pajamas and eating too much frozen yogurt with
cereal as the topping. Soon after that, Quinn broke up with Chris and she and Rachel were back to
sharing a bed.

“I want to give this a chance,” Quinn whispered one night when they were lying entangled with one
another. “I’m ready. I want a chance.”

It was a sweltering hot August night-- their first summer in New York. But they kept the air conditioning
on high, to the point that it was chilly in their apartment and they pressed against one another for
warmth.

“Okay,” Rachel whispered.

And then Quinn kissed her.

--

It was not an easy road. Nothing in their history had ever been easy.

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They talked. They talked relentlessly. They talked too much. They talked and talked until they were
tired and weary. Every action, every decision was preceded by far too much discussion, much more
than they would with anyone else. But it was the only way they could think of that would ensure their
survival.

After all, everyone claimed the key to sustaining a relationship was communication, and they did that
to excess.

Even still, they couldn’t prepare for everything.

The first time they undressed each other and felt that wet slide of flesh against flesh, Quinn nibbled on
Rachel’s shoulder and whispered, “I’m going to fuck you all night,” which made Rachel freeze and flee
into the bathroom, locking the door behind her and crying for forty-five minutes before she finally
unlocked the door, still sniffling.

Rachel spent another forty-five minutes rubbing Quinn’s back as Quinn vomited into a toilet after
Rachel explained just why her reaction had been so strong.
--
Nothing in their history had ever been easy, but that was okay because they’d learned to tread
carefully.

Winston Churchill apparently once said that if you’re going through hell, to keep going and Quinn
planned to keep going.
--

It wasn’t easy. Maybe it would never be easy. But Quinn didn’t care. She’d waited too long, worked too
hard, went through too much to get to this point. She wasn’t going to give up just because things were
a little hard.

“I’m so stupid for you,” Rachel whispered in her ear one morning, when things between them were still
new.

Quinn laughed softly. She loved this girl so much, she made herself a little sick. “I lose my head when
I’m around you,” she admitted quietly. “I love you so much, baby.”

Rachel nuzzled Quinn’s neck. “We’re so stupid and perfect,” she murmured. “Admittedly stupidity is
not something that works in favor of any kind of survival, and yet, it works for us, so we must be
special.”

Quinn snorted with laughter. “You’re ridiculous,” she declared fondly.

Rachel gave her a lopsided smile. “As long as you see me for me,” she said quietly.

“I see you,” Quinn assured fervently. “Please believe me,” she pleaded. “I waited so long for this. I
waited so long for you. Nothing’s going to screw it up.”

Rachel swallowed hard. “I know,” she said softly. “I know you do. And I see you, too,” she said softly.
She propped herself up on her elbow, smiled down at the blonde, and played a chord on Quinn’s
shoulder. “I told you once that everything was going to be okay and that we were going to be fine.” She
grinned. “Didn’t you believe me?”

“I kind of lost my way,” Quinn admitted. “It’s a good thing you found me, huh?”

Rachel smiled. “Good for both of us.”

Things between them had never been easy.

But that was okay.

Rachel brushed her thumb across Quinn’s lip. “I’ll always find you,” she said quietly. “Not in a creepy
way like that girl in Wedding Crashers…” she trailed off as Quinn began to laugh. She smiled fondly.
“But if you’re lost, I’ll always find you.”

Quinn swallowed hard. “I know,” she said quietly.

“It’s going to be okay, Quinn.”

“I know.”

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The road ahead of them was likely to be difficult, because nothing had ever come easy for them when
it came to each other. In getting together, both their families had been destroyed and they were
estranged from the families they once loved and adored. They were alone, but at least they were
together. Nothing had been easy for them, and so it was likely nothing ever would, at least when it
came to them as a couple. But that was okay. There were a multitude of things they still needed to sort
out, but that was okay, because they could sort them out together.

It was going to be okay.

They were pulled together, whether it was purely by choice or by gravity, they were pulled together
and nothing they’d done to repel one another had succeeded.

They were pulled together, drawn toward each other like magnetism or electron affinity.

Quinn could never resist the pull. Not when she was a high school freshman with an unaccountable
hatred toward a diminutive, loudmouth brunette whom she had the urge to Slushie. And not when she
was a college freshman with a desperate need to hold onto that diminutive loudmouth, because that
diminutive loudmouth had become the center of her world.

Quinn could never resist the pull, not even when she wanted to, not even when her mind screamed at
her that it was wrong to want Rachel as much as she did, after everything her father and her sister did
to her. Quinn could never resist that pull, and she was done resisting.

She was pulled into Rachel’s gravity and she was too helpless to resist or pull herself out. She didn’t
even want to pull herself out.

Quinn Fabray could never resist the pull of Rachel Berry, but that was okay.

Because they were going to be okay.

“It’s going to be fine,” Rachel assured. “It’s going to be…perfect.”

“I know,” Quinn said softly.

“We’re going to be fine. We’re going to be perfect.”

“I know.”

It was going to be fine.

The End

Tags: glee, quinn/rachel

( 145 comments — Leave a comment )

1 2 3

silentinformer
2010-10-11 06:52 am (local)

DIBS OMG DIBS

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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 01:08 pm (local)

LOL. Cutie. Is this the new FIRST or...

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avadacantare
2010-10-11 08:31 am (local)

Be back later so I can fully comment!

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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 01:08 pm (local)

aww. thank you. I hope you like it.

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yuenyee92
2010-10-11 08:45 am (local)

I died and came back alive read it finish and died again. it made my beating heart hurt so much.

love this, in case you didn't get it from all that up there.

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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 01:09 pm (local)

LOL. Thank you! And I'm glad you've appeared to be resuscitated. Thank you so much for reading
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cellochick92
2010-10-11 09:39 am (local)

Huh.

Kudos to you for doing such a crazy prompt! I always saw this one, but...well, I'm impressed that you
did it =)

Nice job, I skimmed a lot of parts for angst reasons, but from what I saw you did a pretty good job of
representing some of the most common responses to trauma of this sort. I really liked the way Rachel
had thought her memories of Quinn's father were dreams- it's something that comes up a lot when
working with adult survivors who either suppressed the memories or were denying that anything really
happened.

Nice fic overall, I'm glad you were willing to tackle the prompt!
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 01:11 pm (local)

The prompt appealed to my angstwhore side, but it was actually got to a point where I didn't want
to write it anymore and only finished it because I was like, 68,000 words in and didn't want to
scrap it. I didn't even bother proofreading because I was just so over this story because I realised
that I didn't want to tackle the subject of a reactive offender way way too late. My husband sort of
got on my case for this one because Lord, I deal with enough child abuse and neglect
professionally, so do I have to write about it as my piddly little hobby?

Anyway! Thank you!

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zleznjiyh
2010-10-11 10:50 am (local)

I've been reading for like... four hours(don't mock, there were lots of words). This was so sad and
funny and just... wow. Thank you for writing this.
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 01:12 pm (local)

lol. I won't mock. I just...you know, there were better ways to spend your time! Anyway. Thank you
so much for reading and for commenting. It's so appreciated, you would not believe.
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orange_plaid
2010-10-11 12:17 pm (local)

Wow, long fic was long xD. Mind you Im terrible with too much angst so I have to go read short fluffy
pieces to heal before i dive back into angstyness XD.

Angsty and kinda fluffy, sad and funny all at the same time. Nice job making this work. I like that we
got a reasonably happyish ending out of it too!
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 01:13 pm (local)

This was the story I was pushing to be my first like, 100k+ story, but I honestly did not have it in
me.

Thank you for reading and thank you for commenting!

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thetheaterrat
2010-10-11 12:44 pm (local)

Of all the days for you to post this, it HAD to be two days before my PSAT, apparently. >.<

This is like, one of the worst and best stories I've ever read. I'm glad they ended up together, but that
things weren't rosy-perfect, because that's not how real life is. But I'm really glad they ended up
together!! :D

What happened to Taylor in the end? Please tell me she got struck by lightning, or Godzilla ate her, or
something.

I loved your explanation for Santana's breast surgery, btw. It seems much more plausible than
anything else I've read.

This was a monster prompt and you did a wonderful job with it. Even if you made me cry and probably
fail my PSAT.

Thank you!! <3

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sulkygeekff

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2010-10-11 01:17 pm (local)

First off, thank YOU

Secondly, TWO DAYS?! Your PSAT is in TWO DAYS? Study! Study! Although, really, what can
you do but endless drills?

Haha, I really didn't think about what happened to Taylor, probably nothing, you know? And in
situations where victims and perps lose touch, a lot of the time, the victims don't know what
became of the perps...

I think I saw a prompt about Santana having a preventive mastectomy and went with it. But we
have breast cancer in my family and my younger sister was diagnosed with it. All of my sisters
and I are getting tested for it soon, and we'd all have preventive mastectomies if we had the gene,
so it seemed, you know, plausible to me.
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xrainingsorrowx
2010-10-11 12:46 pm (local)

For once, I have no words that immediately come to mind.

...

This made me sad, angry, happy, angry and sad again, and the ending was bittersweet.

I wanted to fucking murder Russell (because I think that he was the root, and Taylor was like an
extension of him.) I hated Taylor, yet, I also felt sorry that she had a sick s.o.b of a father.

Quinn was just, I don't know. This was probably one of the most likable Quinns in your stories. I don't
quite know how to elaborate my feelings on this Quinn. (It's rare that I become quite speechless.)

Rachel. Rachel in this story is the type of person I could fall in love with. It's messed up, but I seem to
relate to tragically broken people. I wanted to give Rachel a big hug this whole story. I'm pretty sure I
wanted to kick both of Rachel's fathers asses. I don't know. Rachel was just so heartbreaking.. I
honestly think this one of the most heartbreaking versions of Rachel you have ever depicted.

Judy. I started out the story liking Judy quite a lot. I just thought she was awesome. But, now.. I just
don't know how you can call yourself a mother, and know that your child is being abused, and not say
anything. I mean I know it happens in real life, but I just can't fathom it, and the fact that she tried to
pretend everything was normal! I mean, I have denial issues that run deep, but that?.. I don't know..

All-in-all, this was superbly written (as usual,) however, I find it horribly sad. I mean.. Rachel wasn't
even upset at the things that happened to her by Taylor, she was more upset that Taylor didn't ask. I
just.. (I hate when I can't properly articulate myself.)

Anyways, the Fabberittana friendship was lovely, and I was glad that Rachel had friends. I kind of
loved the Fabbery relationship, and all the cute non-angsty things that occurred between them. So
yeah. You made my angsty heart rejoice, yet my other non-angsty heart is kind of in limbo.

So umm yeah...
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 01:24 pm (local)

Aww...

When I saw this prompt, I really wanted to do it, but I had a hard time with it. The only way I could
think of it making sense was to have the sibling reacting to abuse by victimising Rachel because
that's how it often works...

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Aw. Quinn. And Rachel. They're both so huggy.

Re: Judy. It happens ALL the time. I don't see it EVERY day, but not a month goes by where I
don't meet one or two mothers who are just incapable of being appropriately protective.
It's...tremendously saddening.

It was a sad prompt! So the...story had to be...ad. I dunno. I'm sorry it made you sad!

I totally love Fabberittana. I wish I could have written in a 4some or something, but that would
have been grossly out of line for this story. Maybe another one.
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xrainingsorrowx
2010-10-11 02:09 pm (local)

Yeah. I felt bad for a lot of people in this story, even Taylor (though I hate what she did, it's as
though Russell groomed her into that person. You know?)

I forgive you for making me sad. I bring it on myself most of the time anyways. In fact,
probably in a month or two, you'll get a message in your inbox with me commenting again,
because I'm a masochist who enjoys your angsty stories too much for my own good.

So, yeah. This story depicts one of my reasons for not wanting to have kids. The world is
honestly cruel sometimes, and yeah, I don't know..

But yeah. Rachel and Quinn are so huggy!

I would be scared of your Fabberittana fic! They would probably all be stranded on a deserted
island, being haunted my cannibalistic/sexually aggravated island people. Then they would
get captured and the reason why they all started sleeping together was because it was a way
to comfort and cope. (Yeah.)

XD
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 06:00 pm (local)

I've worked with child sexual offenders before and I believe if we can have early enough
intervention, they can be redirected/rehabilitated. I mean, I GENUINELY believe this/

As for kids... I ALWAYS wanted kids, but I will say that there's something transformative
about having children. I mean, not for everyone. God knows I have a job because there
are plenty of shitty parents out there to keep me busy, food on my table, my mortgage
paid and college funds building. But something about having kids can heal the rips and
tears in you. I dunno. I mean, the world is painfully, breathtakingly cruel and no one
seems to want to teach their kids to be kind, but there's something genuinely magical
about kids.

And that...Fabberittana comment was a straight up prompt. LOL. But for....some else...I'm
not down with the cannibals!
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 01:24 pm (local)

Aw. THANK YOU! thank you so much!

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jenn1993
2010-10-11 02:18 pm (local)

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I spent a good portion of my day at work reading this. It was great! It had me on an emotional roller
coaster for sure!
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 06:02 pm (local)

Thank you! I hope it was not an overly busy day at work!

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motylik
2010-10-11 02:36 pm (local)

Wow. This prompt was already promising to be kind of epic and you did deliver. Wow. I'm kinda
speechless. I'm a quick reader but it took me ages to read this. It's awesome. I have no words how
much this story hurt from every view point. Mostly I just wanted to kill Rachel's dads and Russell. I was
so happy when Quinn told Rachel not to move in with Alex. This was horribly painful to read but epic. I
kind of wanted and didn't want to read this in equal parts. Wow.
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 06:05 pm (local)

Thank you! I mean...not about it hurting because that kind of fills me with sad, but thank you for
being kind to me. This one was actually rough for me to write. I was like, 68,000 words in and
ready to throw in the towel
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micked18
2010-10-11 03:40 pm (local)

So I really liked this even tho it kind of put me in a semi-depressed funk now =\

and ngl, when I read the first chapter I was all O_o when I saw you named Quinn's sister Taylor...cuz,
my name is Taylor (now I feel the need to say "and I'm an..."). I was able to move past the name thing
obviously since I'm commenting on the last chapter, but it still kinda made my insides all squishy when
I read that and I did have to skim through certain parts just because I'm weird when it comes to names
of family members/friends/self being in certain stories.

I really did like the story though. kudos to you for being able to tackle this topic.
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 06:12 pm (local)

sorry! I did not intend for any semi-depresssed funks!

And I'm SOOOOOOOO sorry about the Taylor thing! It just came to me! I feel like changing it now,
but I'm not sure how! Sorry!!!!
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wizemunkee006
2010-10-11 04:38 pm (local)

This was so amazing! So sad, but still amazing. ANd you're right. The end is about as happy as it can
be for the preceding story. They're not easy, but they have each other... Awww

Seriously awesome. All of it.

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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 06:25 pm (local)

thank you! Thank you so much. YOU'RE amazing

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revanstar
2010-10-11 07:43 pm (local)

Damned impressive. I'm glad it was you who took the prompt and took the time to do it right. Thank
you for taking the time to write this. It was sad but it did have a bitter-sweet (More sweet than Bitter)
ending.
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 10:22 pm (local)

aw. thank you!

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(Deleted comment)

Re: !!
sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 10:22 pm (local)

thank you! I know. It totally was kind of crazy...

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arica2007
2010-10-11 08:50 pm (local)

I usually don't ever comment but this fic was just too amazing and I literally had no choice honestly
loved it and can't wait to read more of your writing.
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 10:58 pm (local)

aw. Thank you so much. I mean, it's awesome anyone even reads it, but when people actually
comment? SO amazing
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tylee_xx
2010-10-11 09:11 pm (local)

You know how you killed me back on chapter 7 or 8? Yeah, I came back to life and then you killed me

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again with this ending. But this time, it was a happier death. Kinda. (the part about the I'm gonna fuck
you killed me a little.)

I love your fics, even though you keep abusing Rachel. ;) Keep writing faberry please. (I love you.) <3
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 11:02 pm (local)

welcome back to life! and then..oh..dead again.

haha, I keep abusing Rachel because...because I love her. Lord, I'm a sicko
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cressdreiser
2010-10-11 09:30 pm (local)

I want Rachel's powers of forgiveness.

It's not fair. I always get too emotionally invested with your characters, and when BAD THINGS
happen to them, it's makes me go ;_;. This rarely happens. I blame your writing skills.

/pouts
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 11:03 pm (local)

I want her power of forgiveness, too. lol. Thank you so much for reading.
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ayden07
2010-10-11 10:40 pm (local)

ok...I love the way you wrote this story. I dont like you for what you put Rachel and Quinn through, but
Im biased-they are my favorite characters. I love that you gave them a hopeful ending.I dont like you
for what you put the girls through. I get that its stuff that happens in the real world. I would have killed
Taylor if I was Quinn. This was such an amazing(for lack of a better or more appropriate word) story. I
cried, I laughed at some moments, I punched my fist through my wall(anger managemet issues on top
of the getting too involved in this story)...but it is a well written story and I commend you. I have not the
heart to write something like this. I like my happy endings. Good Show.
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-11 11:09 pm (local)

aw. Thank you so much for giving this one a chance even though the subject matter is...very not
good. Thank you so much for reading and then commenting! You're kidding about the fist through
the wall though, right? Cos if not, make sure you did not break your hand! Thank you so much
again.
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nork_ftw
2010-10-12 01:04 am (local)

I couldn't read it. My birth name is Taylor and... just no :[

but I read this chapter and liked it! lol

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sulkygeekff
2010-10-12 11:40 pm (local)

aw. I'm sorry! There was another Taylor, too! I suck!

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rahrah9er
2010-10-12 02:34 am (local)

I wish I could leave a long, thought out review of this story for you, but I'm not very good at that. I have
read all of your Faberry fics and I have loved every one of them. Enough to read them all multiple
times. I have no words to properly describe my feelings towards you and your writing, so all I can say
is PLEASE do not ever stop writing for this pairing. I don't usually like angst-y stories but, for whatever
reason, I cannot get enough of the way you tell them. You have a great talent. And I'm not jealous
about that. Not at all. ;)
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-12 11:41 pm (local)

Dude, I'm always so shocked when people even bother to read, that I think it's amazingly sweet
when people take the time to comment! Thank you SO much, you have no idea how this made me
smile after a truly tough day.
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eeek_me
2010-10-12 03:25 am (local)

I just realised that I always read the last chapter of your fics before i go back and read the whole thing,
must be a self preservation thing, as long as I know it's going to end well :) You always write Rachel
and Quinn so sweetly even amongst all the angst. Loved it as always, thank you :)
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-12 11:42 pm (local)

haha. I honestly always try to end happily! And I give a heads up wh en they don't!
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disco_attitude
2010-10-12 03:34 am (local)

I loved this story..I'm not a big fan of angst, but with your stories, I can't help but read them. Even
though they make me cry. But then they make me laugh, and "aww" and it was amazing. Thank you
for writing such amazing fic. :)
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-12 11:43 pm (local)

aw, thank you. I'm a big ginormous angst WHORE. I know not everyone else is, so when people
give my piddly little fics a go even when it's not their cup of tea, it makes me feel so grateful
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-12 11:45 pm (local)

oh no! so many good hours wasted! lol,

Your comment is way way way too kind. Seriously. It made my already ginormous head get even
bigger from the extra ego and practically made my face split because you made me smile.

I know this was a rough prompt, so I really thank you for giving it a chance and then being so so
kind about it
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sulkygeekff
2010-10-12 11:46 pm (local)

yay! I'm glad it met your approval! I know it was a rough road to get these two together, but I
honestly couldn't think of any other way to do it.

Thank YOU for your extremely kind feedback-- you are, in short, awesome
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