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    Squirrel Catapult

    Uploaded by

    Greg Parsons
    1. The document provides assembly instructions for an anti-squirrel catapult kit that features ease of assembly, durable construction, and variable propulsion. 2. Assembly instructions include inserting base pieces and securing them with fasteners or adhesive. A peg is inserted through a dead tree. 3. Troubleshooting tips include using proper ammunition like corks instead of food, and warnings that apocalyptic events may be the user's fault for incorrect assembly.

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    Attribution Non-Commercial (BY-NC)
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd

    Squirrel Catapult

    Uploaded by

    Greg Parsons
    1K views7 pages
    1. The document provides assembly instructions for an anti-squirrel catapult kit that features ease of assembly, durable construction, and variable propulsion. 2. Assembly instructions include inserting base pieces and securing them with fasteners or adhesive. A peg is inserted through a dead tree. 3. Troubleshooting tips include using proper ammunition like corks instead of food, and warnings that apocalyptic events may be the user's fault for incorrect assembly.

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    1. The document provides assembly instructions for an anti-squirrel catapult kit that features ease of assembly, durable construction, and variable propulsion. 2. Assembly instructions include inserting base pieces and securing them with fasteners or adhesive. A peg is inserted through a dead tree. 3. Troubleshooting tips include using proper ammunition like corks instead of food, and warnings that apocalyptic events may be the user's fault for incorrect assembly.

    Copyright:

    Attribution Non-Commercial (BY-NC)
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Download as pdf or txt
    1K views7 pages

    Squirrel Catapult

    Uploaded by

    Greg Parsons
    1. The document provides assembly instructions for an anti-squirrel catapult kit that features ease of assembly, durable construction, and variable propulsion. 2. Assembly instructions include inserting base pieces and securing them with fasteners or adhesive. A peg is inserted through a dead tree. 3. Troubleshooting tips include using proper ammunition like corks instead of food, and warnings that apocalyptic events may be the user's fault for incorrect assembly.

    Copyright:

    Attribution Non-Commercial (BY-NC)
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Download as pdf or txt
    of 7

    Anti-Squirrel Catapult Kit

    Parent Instructions

    Beta 0.2

    1. Features
    First off I would like to thank you for choosing to make us, and our siege device a part of your life. We know that your decision is a wise one. This product features some of the latest in anti-squirrel technology development at our labs: Relative ease of assembly Slick unfinished wood construction Variable elastic based propulsion Ease of maintenance, with readily available parts *new* enhanced stabilized base *new* now with 75% less splinters! *new* lower profile *new* round pegs into the round holes *new* removal of spikes to decrease collateral damage *optional* black paint for increased stealth With bravery and this catapult it is probable (60.1% survival rate) that you should be able to repel all but a level 5 squirrel assault.

    2. Assembly
    Construction of this device is rather simple, but it is suggested that you and your young squirrel resistance fighter undertake this venture together. This should provide both safety during the construction, and familiarity for both parties with the device, in case field maintenance is required. Step 1. Base Assembly Insert bases of pieces beta and gamma into slots A24 and A22 respectively. Do not reverse these, or unparalleled doom shall surely be visited upon you and your descendants, and possibly your pets. Secure by bludgeoning some delta fasteners, preferably with a heavy item designed for such a purpose. For added security, adhesive solution may be applied beforehand.

    Drawing 1: Base Assembly

    Step 2. Pivot Pandemonium Insert one the peg through the dead tree, rike goodry, perfect three.

    Step 3. Elastic Propulsion Selection and Assembly (see Drawing 3)

    3. Troubleshooting
    Q: When I shoot at the squirrels, they just come closer. A: you have probably loaded a food stuff, such as a squirrel cookie, or a latte, rather than the recommended ammunition, change ammunition and then check again. Q: Help! I've run out of ammunition! A: The catapult is designed for such an eventuality, with an ammunition slot capable of accepting a wide spectrum of possible ballistics. However, for maximized effectiveness, we recommend wine bottle corks, available in great quantities wherever Parsons are found, if they don't know what you are asking for refer to it as that little part that gets in the way of the wine in its path to your glass Q: The Four horsemen have started their ride, the apocalypse is occurring, great Cthulhu has awakened and has begun eating pretty much everybody and everything, and the nuclear missiles have been launched from every country. A: You inserted gamma into slot A21 didn't you? Its all your fault. Q: It won't get onto the Internet! A: Check your connections, reload the drivers, reboot the system, and try again. Q: My password doesn't work! A: PEBKAC error: Hit capslock and try again. Q: Its a dead man's party A: Who could ask for more? Everybody is coming, leave your body at the door.

    4. Disclaimers

    We cannot be held liable for any injury that occurs as a result of using this device. Death, dismemberment, and possibly having your head pickled in a jar and made into a tourist trap just south of the Mexican-Canadian border are normal and intended effects of this device. Use at your own risk. Do go swimming for at least 20 minutes after use. Always take with food. Do not operate heavy machinery. This product is known to cause uncontrollable giggling, a penchant for the color blue, and an inability to suspend ones disbelief while watching Jean-Claude Van Damme movies. Nous ne pouvons pas tre jugs responsables d'aucun dommage qui se produit en raison d'utiliser ce dispositif. La mort, le dmembrement, et faire probablement mariner votre tte dans une fiole et tre transforme en un sud juste de pige de touristes de la frontire Mexicain-Canadienne sont des effets normaux et prvus de ce dispositif. Utilisation votre propre risque. Allez nager pour au moins le aprs utilisation de 20 minutes. Prenez toujours avec la nourriture. N'actionnez pas les machines lourdes. Ce produit est connu pour causer rire nerveusement incontrlable, un penchant pour le bleu de couleur, et une incapacit pour suspendre ceux incrdulit tout en observant des films de Jean-Claude-Claude Van Damme. tourist 20 Jean-Claude Van Damme No podemos ser sostenidos obligados para ninguna lesin que ocurra como resultado de usar este dispositivo. Barito. Taco. La muerte, la desmembracin, y posiblemente hacer su cabeza conservar en vinagre en un tarro y ser hecho en un sur justo de la trampa turstica de la frontera MexicanoCanadiense son efectos normales y previstos de este dispositivo. Nacho. Quasadilla. Uso en su propio riesgo. Vaya a nadar para por lo menos el uso posterior de 20 minutos. Tome siempre con el alimento. No funcione la maquinaria pesada. Este producto se sabe para causar rer nerviosamente incontrolable, una inclinacin para el azul del color, y una inhabilidad para suspender unos incredulidad mientras que mira las pelculas de Jean-Claude-Claude Van Damme. Tortilla. Enchillade.

    Ultima Ratio Puer

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