By Jeremy Robertson

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1. The full title: Victor
2. Writing credit: By Jeremy Robertson
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Service, Denver, Colorado”
 To Dad, the inspiration for and the first director of Victor.
And to my siblings, the first cast members of Victor,
for their love and support.

VICTOR

By JEREMY ROBERTSON
CAST OF CHARACTERS
(In Order of Speaking)
# of lines
BETSY ......................................older woman; Victor’s housemate 66
ED ...........................................magazine journalist 53
STACY ......................................another 44
VICTOR .....................................man of many personalities 84
SETTING
TIME: The present.
PLACE: Victor and Betsy’s Victorian home.
SET DESCRIPTION
A rocking chair sits DOWN RIGHT with a side table next to it. A sofa
sits at CENTER with an armchair flanking it on the LEFT. A coffee table
sits in front of the sofa. A plate of cookies is on the coffee table. The
front door leading outside is RIGHT. The LEFT exit leads to the rest
of the house. All furniture and decorations have the appearance of
Victorian antiques.

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For Preview Only

 VICTOR
1 AT RISE: BETSY sits in her rocking chair, sewing together long strips
of red and white cloth. There is a KNOCK at the front door. BETSY
puts her sewing aside and opens the door to find ED and STACY in the
doorway, holding notebooks and pencils.
5 BETSY: Good evening!— (Sees it’s not who she was expecting.) Oh!
You’re not… I thought you might be Washington.
ED: No, my name is Worthington, Ed Worthington. And this is
Stacy Descarte.
STACY: We called earlier about the magazine article? Remember?
10 BETSY: Ah, yes! Where is my mind? Come in! (ED and STACY ENTER.)
I’m truly delighted to be entertaining real, live journalists. My famous
oatmeal raisin cookies just came out of the oven, if you’d like some.
(Motions to the tray of cookies on the coffee table.) Won’t you have a
seat? (Gestures to the sofa and ED and STACY sit as BETSY returns
15 to her rocker. ED takes off his hat and sets it on the coffee table.) And
what was the name of your publication again?
STACY: Off Your Rocker.
BETSY: I’m what?
ED: (Laughs.) Oh, no. That’s the name of the magazine—Off Your Rocker.
20 STACY: It’s a magazine for the odd and unusual.
BETSY: Oh, how… pleasant.
ED: It’s a fascinating read. Recently, a terrific article was submitted
for publication.
STACY: The submission came from this address and listed your
25 telephone number, but the only name on it was “Victor.”
BETSY: Really?
STACY: Yes, but before we can use it, we need more information
about the author.
ED: And we do want to use it. So, could you introduce us to
30 Victor, Miss…?
BETSY: Oh, please, call me Betsy.
ED: Okay, Betsy.
VICTOR: (From OFF LEFT, hoarse.) Betsy, who’s tromping around
down there?
35 BETSY: (To ED and STACY.) Ah, yes! That would be my father, Victor.
(To VICTOR.) Dad, would you come down?
VICTOR: (From OFF LEFT.) If you insist!
ED: I’m sure this will all be cleared up in a minute.

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 1 STACY: (Conversational.) My, but this is a large house! How many
people live here with you?
BETSY: Six. My father, of course, my brother, and his son. Also,
there’s our butler, and just now my uncle is staying with us. He is
5 in and out—does a lot of tours and speeches, you know. He’s a
doctor, you see. And his new assistant is staying with us at the
moment. Oh, and I mustn’t forget, we also have a dog.
ED: Ah, wonderful! What are their names?
BETSY: Victor.
10 ED: The dog… or your relations? (VICTOR hobbles IN LEFT, leaning
heavily on a cane. He carries the book The Prince and the Pauper
and has trouble hearing. His shirt is half untucked and he does not
wear a tie.)
BETSY: Oh, yes! There you are, Dad. Ed, Stacy, this is my father, Victor.
15 VICTOR: (Hoarse.) Huh? What’s that you say, Betsy?
BETSY: These journalists have come to speak with you, Dad.
VICTOR: (Shows the book.) Well, they interrupted me while reading my
favorite Mark Twain novel, The Prince and the Pauper. (To ED and
STACY.) It has the greatest look-alike switch-off of all time, don’t
20 you know?
ED: (Stands and shakes VICTOR’S hand.) Well, it’s a pleasure to meet
you, sir. We’re journalists and came to inquire about an article you
sent in to our magazine.
VICTOR: Huh? I didn’t send anyone any article. Why should I do a
25 thing like that?
ED: Are you quite sure? We’re from Off Your Rocker.
VICTOR: Scoff at soccer? Why, yes, I do. I never had time for sports!
I’ve always been too occupied with my business—I dealt in socks.
(Scuttles to the coffee table and picks up a cookie, then sits in the
30 armchair and eats it.)
ED: Stocks?
VICTOR: Not stocks, sonny, socks. Don’t you know what socks are?
ED: Socks?
VICTOR: Socks!
35 BETSY: (Warns.) Dad!
VICTOR: (To BETSY.) He doesn’t even know what socks are!
BETSY: (To ED and STACY.) He was the head of a large sock firm, back
in the day.
VICTOR: We sold the best socks in the country!
40 STACY: Oh, I’m sure.

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1 VICTOR: (Eagerly focuses on STACY.) You wear our socks?
STACY: Oh, no. I don’t think so, no.
VICTOR: Hmph! Unfortunately, I had to sell the firm and all the surplus
socks—thousands and thousands of discounted socks!
5 STACY: Very sad.
VICTOR: Not for all those people who got discounted socks!
BETSY: She meant it was sad for you, Dad.
VICTOR: Oh, yes, I suppose so. But my father always said to me,
“Son, there’s more to life than just socks.” And I’ve lived by that.
10 STACY: A very, uh, noble ideal.
ED: Considering the difficulties involved in losing all your socks.
VICTOR: Oh, I didn’t lose them all. I can get you a pair! Be right back.
(Struggles to his feet, picks up another cookie, and turns to leave.)
STACY: No, no, that’s quite all right… (VICTOR does not hear and
15 EXITS LEFT.)
ED: Strange! The name was Victor on the article.
BETSY: I have a pretty good idea of what happened. I think— (VICTOR
ENTERS LEFT without the cane. He is sullen and nervous, biting
his nails and checking his watch. His shirt is tucked in, but his
20 tie is askew, and the top button of his shirt is loose. He still
carries the book. ED and STACY straighten up, astonished at his
transformation.) Ah! This is my brother, Victor. Victor, this is Ed
and Stacy. They’re journalists.
VICTOR: Oh. It’s… er… a pleasure to meet you.
25 STACY: Did you say “brother”? (VICTOR nods.)
BETSY: He and my dad have the same first name. Isn’t that nice?
ED: Why, if you don’t look exactly like your father!
STACY: The resemblance is startling.
BETSY: I’ve heard that, but frankly, I don’t see it. Now, Victor, these
30 people are from a special publication… uh…
ED: Off Your Rocker.
VICTOR: What?!
ED: That’s the name of the magazine we work for.
VICTOR: Oh, yes… um… of course, of course. Betsy, could I have
35 a… uh… few words with you. (Helps BETSY to her feet and ushers
her DOWN RIGHT. ED and STACY remain seated awkwardly on the
sofa, hearing everything.) Betsy, do you, er, know how much having
guests will cost?
BETSY: But they’re here to see you, Victor.

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 1 VICTOR: Seventeen cents for each of the cookies, four cents for the
soap to clean the plate, seven point two cents for the use of the
dishwasher, assuming it lasts the average cycle length for our
brand... This isn’t fiscally sound, Betsy. And look! They’re sitting
5 on the sofa! (ED and STACY quickly stand up.)
BETSY: (Motions them back down and they reluctantly sit.) Of course,
they are. They’re guests.
VICTOR: (Sighs.) That’s another two and a half cents in the depreciation
value of the furniture. We simply, uh, don’t have the, er, resources
10 for such frivolities. I may have to sell my only copy of my favorite
Mark Twain novel, The Prince and the Pauper!
BETSY: Victor, you’re tired and hungry. Have a cookie.
VICTOR: And squander our hard-earned nickels on unnecessary sweets?!
BETSY: Would you at least answer these kind people’s questions
15 before they leave? (Leads him back over to ED and STACY.)
VICTOR: Uh… um, yes. (To ED and STACY.) What would you, uh, like
to know?
ED: Did you, by any chance, send an article to our magazine?
VICTOR: Unnecessarily waste postage to submit an article to a
20 periodical? Oh, I couldn’t, er, bring myself to do that.
STACY: You don’t know anything about it?
VICTOR: Nothing at all. (Nervously moves away. To BETSY.) If you, uh,
have more questions, Betsy, I’ll be in my room searching for loose
change. (EXITS LEFT. ED and STACY exchange looks.)
25 STACY: Betsy, it’s amazing that you don’t get those two confused
with each other.
BETSY: I really don’t see that they look very much alike, but if you
say so… Oh! Excuse me. I need to go check to see if Washington
came by while we were chatting. He never does seem to use the
30 doorbell. (Opens the front door, but sees no one.) Maybe the back
door… (Crosses LEFT, bumping into VICTOR as he ENTERS LEFT,
dressed sharply in a dinner jacket but no tie, carrying a silver
tray.) Oh, excellent timing! Ed, Stacy, this is our butler, Victor.
Just tell Victor if you need anything. (EXITS LEFT. ED and STACY
35 sit, astonished.)
VICTOR: (Nods, formal.) Ma’am, sir, would you like a beverage?
ED: Wait. Your name is Victor?
VICTOR: It is.
STACY: Betsy’s brother?
40 VICTOR: Butler.
ED: And your name is Victor?

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End of Script Sample

 PRODUCTION NOTES

PROPERTIES ONSTAGE
Rocking chair, side table, sofa, armchair, coffee table, plate of
approximately eight cookies.

PROPERTIES BROUGHT ON
Strips of red and white fabric, thread, needle (BETSY)
Notebooks, pencils (ED/STACY)
Business card (ED)
The Prince and the Pauper book, cane, tie, watch, silver tray, sunglasses,
glasses, pair of socks, dinner jacket, Ed’s hat (VICTOR)

FLEXIBLE CASTING
ED (EDIE) and STACY (TRACY) can be played by any gender.

COSTUMES
ED and STACY wear business attire. ED wears a hat. BETSY wears a
white apron over a long, old-fashioned dress and wears her hair up
in a bun.
VICTOR wears black slacks and a white dress shirt as the base of his
costume. See the chart on how to individualize each character.

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 VICTOR’S COSTUMES
SHIRT TIE JACKET INITIAL ACCESSORY

FATHER Partially untucked, open collar None None Cane

BROTHER Tucked, open collar Loose None Watch

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BUTLER Tucked and buttoned to the neck None Yes Silver Tray

NEPHEW Untucked, open collar None None Sunglasses

UNCLE Tucked and buttoned to the neck Yes None Glasses

DOG Unspecified Unspecified Unspecified Dog Collar

SET DESIGN

14
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