Bob’s Burgers - "Predictabob"

An Original Spec Script

By

Andrew Lieberman

[email protected]
248.225.1620
 ACT ONE
FADE IN:
INT. BELCHER APARTMENT - KITCHEN - MORNING

Bob is serving the kids smiley-face pancakes for breakfast.

He puts a plate in front of Tina.
TINA
Hello, handsome. How are you this
fine morning? What? You want me to
kiss you? We’re moving kind of fast
don’t you think? Ok maybe you’re
right.
Tina begins kissing/eating the bacon lips off the pancake.

BOB
Tina don’t do that.
GENE
I’ll have what she’s having.

TINA
(TO HERSELF) Woah, forbidden love.
Linda walks in the kitchen.

LINDA
Breakfast? More like break-last!
Ha!
Everyone stares at her, blankly.

LINDA
Because I was last. To breakfast.
What? It’s funny.
TINA
(TO HER SMILEY-FACE PANCAKE) I hope
her edgy sense of humor doesn’t
intimidate you.
Bob places a breakfast plate in front of Linda.

LINDA
(DISAPPOINTEDLY) Oh.
BOB
What?
 2.

LINDA
Smiley-face pancakes.
BOB
Yeah, you love smiley-face
pancakes.

GENE
Yeah mom, you’re acting weird. Oh
no, it’s finally happening. Mom’s
menopause-ing!

BOB
Gene.
LINDA
I know but it’s always smiley-face
pancakes.
Louise lets out an overinflated belly laugh, then grabs
Linda’s collar and pulls her face up against her own.
LOUISE
(IN AN INTENSE WHISPER) What’re you
doing mom? Dad makes pancakes for
breakfast everyday. You’re about to
ruin a good thing we got going
here.

BOB
Do you not want smiley-face
pancakes?
LINDA
What? No! Look at them with their
cute little smiles and their little
faces.
TINA
(WHISPERING TO HER SMILEY-FACE
PANCAKE) She didn’t mean it. Your
face is the perfect size.
BOB
Well if you want the smiley-face
pancake, what’s the problem?

LOUISE
Problem? Haha. There’s no problem.
Right, mother?
 3.

LINDA
It would just be nice if you
surprised us once in a while. Did
something a little different. You
know, put a little flair in your
underwear.
TINA
(IN A PONDEROUS WAY) Flair, in your
underwear.

TINA’S IMAGINATION:
We see Tina standing in a blank white space. She’s in
completely bedazzled underwear.
END TINA’S IMAGINATION - BACK TO SCENE:

BOB
Like what? Make Tuesdays chocolate
chip smiley-face pancake day and
Thursdays banana smiley-face
pancake day?

GENE
Can Sundays be double scoop of ice
cream with smiley-face pancakes
instead of single scoop of ice
scream with smiley-face pancake
day?
LINDA
It’s not about the smiley-face
pancakes. Bobby, I hate to say it,
but you’re predictable.

BOB
Predictable?
LINDA
I feel like sometimes you live in
this cycle of sameness. It gets a
little, you know... boring. And I
think I - er I mean - the kids
would really appreciate it if you
made more of an effort.

BOB
Oh my god.
LINDA (SIMULTANEOUSLY)
Oh my god.
 4.

LINDA (CONT’D)
See!
TINA
(TO HER SMILEY-FACE PANCAKE) I
swear there’s usually not this much
breakfast table drama. It must be a
full moon.
LOUISE
Dad, you’re more predictable than
Tina kissing her breakfast every
morning.
TINA
Well I don’t know about every
morning.

LINDA
No, sweetheart, it’s every morning.
You should probably... you should
probably stop doing that.

BOB
If I were predictable would I,
uh...
Bob clearly has nothing planned and looks around trying to
think of something.

BOB (CONT’D)
Would I have written a song?
GENE
You wrote a song without me?! I’ve
been asking you to write a song for
years. You traitor! You’re out of
the band.
BOB
We don’t have a band.
GENE
And we never will!
LINDA
You wrote a song?
LOUISE
He didn’t just write a song. He
wrote a rap. I heard him practicing
this morning. It’s good. Really
good. Like award-nominated good.
 5.

LOUISE
Not award-winning good, but
definitely deserving of a
nomination. Unless those sons of
bitches snub him.
BOB
Um, ok thanks Louise. I’m gonna
start now.

Bob starts improvising a rap.

BOB
Breakfast time is my favorite time.
I love bacon and fruit...

GENE
And when Gene lets out a toot.
Gene presses a key on his keyboard that plays a fart noise.
BOB (CONT’D)
Right... and I love OJ. Uh, the
drink, not the murderer.
GENE
He was found innocent by a jury of
his peers.
LINDA
Bobby, it’s ok. I didn’t mean what
I said. I love you just the way you
are. Stale or not.

LOUISE
Wow dad, that was, that was not
very good.
LINDA
Louise, be nice to your father.
He’s sweet, and kind, and pre- Uh,
preeeeety. He’s pretty. Look at
those eye lashes.
TINA
Ok I think I’m gonna take my
breakfast to my room.
BOB
No.
 6.

TINA
I was gonna leave the door open.
BOB
(IN A BUILDUP OF IRRITATION) Kids,
time for school. Go to school.
Actually, don’t go to school. Do
whatever you want. How’s that for
predictable, Linda?!
LOUISE
Dad’s having a breakdown! This
isn’t how I’d imagine it would
happen, but I’ll take it.
INT. BOB’S BURGERS RESTAURANT - AFTERNOON

Bob is behind the counter talking to Teddy who is eating a

plate of burger and fries.
BOB
Can you believe that? Me?
Predictable?

TEDDY
I don’t know Bobby, you do serve me
the same thing everyday, a burger
and fries.

BOB
Teddy, you order that every day. I
just give you what you ask for.
TEDDY
Yeah, but, just saying it’d be nice
if you surprised me every once in a
while.
BOB
That’s exactly what Linda said.

TEDDY
You should do something you
wouldn’t ordinarily. It might even
make you happier too. Maybe instead
of making me the same thing every
day, you serve me... uh, a hot dog.
BOB
You want a hot dog?
 7.

TEDDY
No! Oh god no. I swear, you better
never serve me a hot dog. You see
that sign? This is Bob’s Burgers,
alright? Bob’s Burgers! Not Bob’s
Hot Dogs. Bob’s Hot Dogs is a
stupid name for a restaurant!
BOB
Woah.

TEDDY
Yeah, woah, sorry Bobby. I just
don’t like change, that’s all.
Promise me you’ll never serve me a
hot dog. Promise me, Bob!

BOB
Ok Teddy, jeez, I’ll never serve
you a hot dog.
TEDDY
Thank god.

BOB
You ok?
TEDDY
Yeah I think I’m going to lay down
in a booth for a few minutes.
BOB
Um...

TEDDY
Just until I compose myself.
BOB
Ok. I’m gonna go for a walk.

Teddy walks over and lays down in a booth. Bob leaves the
restaurant.
TEDDY
(TO HIMSELF) Get ahold of yourself,
Teddy. There’s no hot dogs. They’re
not real.
EXT. STREET - AFTERNOON
Tina, Gene, and Louise are all walking home from school. The
streets are exceptionally crowded with people.
 8.

LOUISE
Ugh, who are all these people?
TINA
I don’t know, it’s hard to tell
when they’re not wearing name tags.

GENE
That one is carrying a flag. Is
today national flag carrying day?
Dammit, I forget it every year.

The kids walk up to a woman, NATALIE who’s in one of the

groups.
TINA
Excuse me, miss, who are you? I
only ask because you’re not wearing
a name tag.
NATALIE
I’m Natalie.

TINA
Ok great, thanks, have a great day,
Natalie.
Tina begins to walks away but is stopped by Louise.

LOUISE
(FRUSTRATED) Tina!
LOUISE
(TO NATALIE) Who are all these
people?

NATALIE
We’re taking a tour of your city.
We love it here. It’s as if fifty
years ago the whole world agreed to
advance in science, technology, and
architecture. And your town just
said, "no thank you".
TINA
We were voted "most polite" town
three years running.
LOUISE
And you paid for these tours...
with money?
 9.

NATALIE
What do I look like, a prostitute?
GENE
I can only assume so.

NATALIE
Thank you young man. Whoops, the
group is leaving. Gotta go!
GENE
Wow, my first prostitute. Wait
until dad hears about this.
Natalie walks off with her group.
GENE
Why would anyone want to tour this
dump?
LOUISE
Who cares?! Don’t you guys see?
Dumb tourists are coming and
looking to be guided. We can give
tours and undercut the competition.

TINA
But we don’t know anything
interesting about this place.
LOUISE
Sure we do! See that building right
there?

Louise points to an abandoned store front.

LOUISE (CONT’D)
Joey Pepperoni was murdered there
by mobsters forty years ago!

GENE
I knew it!
LOUISE
And see that old man?

Louise points to an OLD MAN walking on the sidewalk.

OLD MAN
Hello, children!
 10.

LOUISE
That’s Chester. He’s the world’s
oldest man!
OLD MAN
I’m 68 years old.
LOUISE
You shut your mouth old man!
OLD MAN
Ok.
The man walks off, defeated.
LOUISE
See, we just make stuff up and
people will love it. We’ll make a
fortune. Who’s in?
GENE
Me!

TINA
I don’t know, making stuff up? It
seems so dishonest.
LOUISE
You made up Jericho, your imaginary
horse, didn’t you? And he’s the
most honest horse you know.
TINA
Yeah that is true. And I guess I
could use the money to pay off his
stable fees. And my impending
student loans. Ok, I’m in.
LOUISE
We’re gonna be rich!

EXT. DIFFERENT STREET - AFTERNOON

Bob walks down the street by himself.
BOB
(IN A MOCKING VOICE) You’re too
predictable, Bob. Surprise me, Bob.
You smell like burning garbage,
Bob. Wait, did anyone say that last
one to me? No, not today.
 11.

Bob walks and does things without thinking about them as if

it’s routine to him. He’s mastered every turn, maneuver,
hick-up, etc. on the route because he does it all the same
every day. A shop-keep is sweeping outside his store.

SHOP-KEEP
Good day, Bob! I see you’re making
your daily mid-afternoon stroll.
BOB
Well, I wouldn’t say it’s daily.

SHOP-KEEP
No, it’s definitely daily. I keep a
log.
BOB
You keep a log of people who walk
outside your store?
SHOP-KEEP
No. I keep a log of you walking
outside my store. See here.

The shop-keep pulls his log out of his back pocket to show
Bob.
SHOP-KEEP
There was one day about four months
ago where you didn’t show up
exactly at three-twenty-eight. I
nearly called my nephew, Jonathan.
BOB
Oh, is Jonathan a police officer?
SHOP-KEEP
No, why do you ask?
BOB
Never mind.
SHOP-KEEP
Anyways, but then you showed up at
three-twenty-nine and all was right
in the world. And my log.

BOB
Right.
Bob notices something across the street.
 12.

BOB
Hey what’s that building over
there? Is that new?
SHOP-KEEP
The rec-center? Oh no, that
building has been there since
Jonathan was born. You’ve probably
never noticed it on account of you
always walk on the same side of
street. Look here in the log. "Bob
always walks on the left side of
the street."
BOB
Hmm, maybe I could be a little
more... unexpected. Ok, you have a
good day, sir. And say hello to
Jonathan for me.
Bob walks over to the rec-center.
SHOP-KEEP
Jonathan has been dead for 7 years!
Bob reaches the building and sees a sign on the building
door that reads "INTRO IMPROV CLASSES: SIGN UP"
BOB
(TO HIMSELF) Improv? Up on stage
with nothing to say? All those
people watching?
Bob shudders at the thought and starts to walk away. He
takes a few steps then stops.
BOB
(TO HIMSELF) You know what? No. I’m
gonna prove everyone wrong. I can
be unpredictable. I’m gonna do it.
I’m gonna take an improv class!
THE SHOP-KEEP YELLS FROM ACROSS THE STREET
SHOP-KEEP
What did you say, Bob? I want to
update it in my log.
BOB
I said I’m going to take an improv
class!
 13.

SHOP-KEEP
You’re taking a lamaze class? Did
you say lamaze class, Bob?
BOB
No, improv!
SHOP-KEEP
What are you saying? Is it lamaze?
Yell into my good ear.

BOB
Which one is your good ear?
SHOP-KEEP
I don’t have time for this. I have
to call Jonathan.

The shop-keep walks inside.

INT - REC CENTER
Bob walks up to a single folding table in an otherwise empty
room. Mr. Frond is sitting there.
BOB
Mr. Frond?
MR. FROND
Bob! What are you doing here?
BOB
I’m gonna sign up for the improv
class. Do you know where I do that?

MR. FROND
Right here.
BOB
Oh. Are you the teacher?

MR. FROND
Yes I’m the teacher. And I don’t
think improv is for you.
BOB
Well I don’t think teaching improv
is for you.
MR. FROND
Well guess what, you can’t take my
class.
 14.

BOB
I don’t want to take your stupid
class!
Bob starts to leave.

MR. FROND
Bob, wait! Please take my class.
BOB
Why?

MR. FROND
If I don’t fill it they’re gonna
stop letting me teach it.
BOB
Oh. Ok. How many people do you need
to fill the class?
MR. FROND
Five.

BOB
That’s less than I expected. Do you
think I’ll be good at it?
MR. FROND
No.

BOB
Oh.
MR. FROND
But no one is good at improv. So
you’ll do great at being bad.
BOB
Um, ok, thanks I guess.

MR. FROND
Classes start tomorrow and are
every day after school. And there’s
a class show at the end of the
week.

BOB
Ok, see you tomorrow.
Bob continues to stand there.
 15.

MR. FROND
You can leave now.
BOB
Right.

Bob walks away.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO
FADE IN:
INT. REC CENTER - DAY

Bob is standing in a line with four other people: Gretchen,

Marie (a middle-aged women), Paul (a young, thirty-something
man in a business suit), and Zeke. Mr. Frond is in the front
of the room.

MR. FROND
Welcome to introduction to improv
everyone. I’m your teacher, Mr.
Frond. Some of you may know me
better as Mr. Frond, your guidance
counselor.

ZEKE
Wagstaff represent!
MR. FROND
Yes, thank you, Zeke. Ok, let’s all
introduce ourselves. Please say
your name and why you’re taking
this class.
BOB
Hi, I’m Bob. I’m taking this class
because my family thinks I’m too
predictable.
GRETCHEN
It’s true. I know his wife.
Especially in the bedroom.
BOB
What?
 16.

MR. FROND
Ok, how about you Gretchen? What
brings you here?
GRETCHEN
I’m here looking to meet a funny
man.
ZEKE
(TO GRETCHEN) I got jokes.

GRETCHEN
(IN A FLIRTY WAY) Oh yeah?
MR. FROND
No, nope, no. (TO MARIE) How about
you?

MARIE
(VERY MEEKLY) Hi my name is Marie,
and I’m trying to step outside my
comfort zone.

MR. FROND
Marie, take a step forward.
Marie nervously takes a step forward.
MR. FROND
Congratulations. You’ve just taken
your first step outside your
comfort zone.
ZEKE
Woah Mr. Frond. That was the most
inspirational thing I’ve ever
heard! I’m ready to run through a
wall for you.
MR. FROND
Really?
Mr. Frond gets intense.
MR. FROND (CONT’D)
Ok, yeah, let’s do this! Who’s
ready to improvise?!
ZEKE
Ooh you lost me.
 17.

BOB
You should have stopped while you
were ahead. It just got weird.
GRETCHEN
Yeah it’s almost as if that was the
first compliment you’ve ever
received. And you just ran way too
far with it.
ZEKE
You hit the finish line of your 5k
and ended up running a half
marathon.
MR. FROND
Oh yeah? Well I can’t even run. I
was born without patellas. So take
that.
The class awkwardly looks at him.
BOB
You, uh, you showed us.
MR. FROND
Shut up, Bob!
MR. FROND
(TO PAUL) Now how about you? What’s
your name?
PAUL
My name’s Paul. I’m a fire lawyer.
And all my friends say I’m the
funniest guy they know. So I’m
really doing this for them.
GRETCHEN
What’s a fire lawyer?

PAUL
Pfft, you don’t know what a fire
lawyer is?
BOB
(TRYING TO SEEM COOL) Uh, I know
what a fire lawyer is.
PAUL (SIMULTANEOUS)
I deal with fire-related crimes.
 18.

BOB (SIMULTANEOUS)
fire-related crimes.
BOB (CONT’D)
Right, that’s right.

GRETCHEN
(IN A FLIRTY WAY) Oh! I think
there’s a fire right now.
GRETCHEN
(WHISPERING ACROSS EVERYONE SO THEY
ALL HEAR) It’s in my panties.
ZEKE
Damn. Love found at improv, love
lost at improv.

MR. FROND
Alright! Does anyone know the first
rule of improv?

PAUL
Women aren’t as funny as men?
BOB
Woah.

ZEKE
Let the learning begin.
Zeke pulls a notepad out of his pocket and starts writing
notes.

ZEKE (CONT’D)
Women... not as funny... as men.
MR. FROND
No Zeke, erase that.

ZEKE
Sorry Mr. Frond. Once it’s in the
journal, it’s in the journal. I
don’t write the rules, I just write
based on the rules.

MR. FROND
It’s to never "no" our scene
partners. Everything is "yes, and."
PAUL
But you just told that heavy child
"no."
 19.

MR. FROND
We weren’t doing a scene. We were
going over rules.

GRETCHEN
Can we do a scene about going over
the rules?
BOB
Wait, did we start?
ZEKE
I call big spoon!
PAUL
Love it.
GRETCHEN
Ok someone name something that
could fit in my mouth.

ZEKE
Tangerine!
MR. FROND
What? What is going on?!

GRETCHEN
Tangerine was way off by the way.
GRETCHEN (CONT’D)
(WHISPERING TO PAUL, AGAIN, ACROSS
THE WHOLE CLASS) Way off.

Mr. Frond puts his face in his palms in frustration.

INT. BOB’S BURGERS - DAY

Tina, Louise, and Gene walk into the restaurant. Linda is

comforting Teddy.
LINDA
There there, Teddy.

Tina places her hand on Teddy’s neck.

TINA
There there, Teddy. There there. We
still love you.

LINDA
Your father tried to serve him a
hot dog.
 20.

GENE
That monster! Don’t worry, Teddy,
I’ll give him a stern talking to
when he gets home.

LINDA
Where have you been, kids?
LOUISE
Planning our tour route.

LINDA
Tour route?
LOUISE
Yeah we’re gonna give tours to
loaded out-of-towners looking to
blow cash.
LINDA
Oooh! Tours?! Can I help?
LOUISE
I don’t know.
LINDA
What? Come on! The tour the
merrier.

TEDDY
Can I take the tour? I’ve lived
here all my life and couldn’t tell
you a thing about it.

Tina puts her hand back on Teddy’s neck.

TINA
There there there, Teddy.
LINDA
I can give ooh’s and ahh’s in the
background. Really sell what you
guys are talking about.
GENE
Let’s see what you’ve got.

LINDA
Here, Teddy, show me that fry.
Teddy holds a fry up to Linda.
 21.

LINDA
Yeah now really sell me the fry.
TEDDY
But you sold me the fry, Linda.

LINDA
Teddy, I know. I’m asking you to
make me want the fry.
TEDDY
Oh you want the fry? Here, you can
have it. I have plenty.
LINDA
(BECOMING INCREASINGLY FRUSTRATED)
Teddy just tell me something good
about the fry!
TEDDY
Oh. Um, this fry is very good.
LINDA
Oooh!! Ahh! What a great fry! Huh,
kids?
LOUISE
That was painful. Ok, fine, you can
come on the tours.

TEDDY
Me too, Louise?
LOUISE
Sure.

Tina puts her hand on Teddy’s neck.

TINA
Hey, see that Teddy? Things are
really starting to turn around for
ole T-bag.
TEDDY
Tina could you stop putting your
hand on my neck? It’s like the one
non-inappropriate place that’s
weird to put your hand.
LINDA
Alright! We’re goin’ tour-guidin’.
Welcome to Jurassic wharf!
 22.

Linda starts "ba-da-ba-ing" a somewhat recognizable

rendition of the Jurassic Park theme song.
INT. REC CENTER - DAY
Bob, Zeke, and Marie are sitting. Paul and Gretchen are
standing, about to perform. Mr. Frond is directing the
class.
MR. FROND
Thank you Gretchen and Paul for
volunteering.
MR. FROND (CONT’D)
(ANNOYED) And thank you, Zeke, for
so accurately portraying the
miracle of birth.

ZEKE
That’s my wheelhouse, Mr. Frond. I
just draw from what I know.
BOB
I actually learned a ton.
MR. FROND
Ok, back to our next scene. Can I
get a non-sexual relationship for
Gretchen and Paul?

GRETCHEN
Hah, good luck with that.
MARIE
(MEEKLY) How about doctor-patient.

MR. FROND
Ok perfect! And let’s begin.
PAUL
Hi, I’m Dr. Patient.
PAUL
(AN ASIDE TO THE AUDIENCE) No I’m
just kidding around.

ZEKE
Ha!
PAUL
(TO GRETCHEN) How long have you had
that rash for?
 23.

GRETCHEN
What?! You can see that?
Gretchen looks over her body to examine what is and what is
not covered up.

GRETCHEN
Oh, right, the scene.
GRETCHEN (CONT’D)
Um, about two weeks.

PAUL
Well it doesn’t look very good.
GRETCHEN
(IN A SEDUCTIVE WAY) Wanna get a
closer look?
MR. FROND
Ok, and scene, very nice. Great
work.

ZEKE
Ah come on, don’t be such a Mr.
no-Frond Mr. Frond. It was just
gettin’ good.
MR. FROND
Alright how about Bob and Marie
come up for a scene?
Bob walks up to the center of the class. Marie is wide-eyed
and clutching her chair.

MR. FROND
Come on, Marie. It’s ok.
Marie joins Bob.

MR. FROND
Ok can someone give me a location
that can fit in this room.
PAUL
Outer-space.

MR. FROND
No, that can fit in this - ugh, who
cares? Ok, outer-space it is. And
begin!
 24.

BOB
Um. Sure is cool, uh, being in
outer-space. Look...
Bob points off into the distance.

BOB (CONT’D)
I think I can see my house.
MARIE
I don’t have my helmet.

(INTENSELY)
I don’t have my helmet! I can’t
breathe! I’m dying! I’m dying! Oh
god someone help me I can’t
breathe. There’s no oxygen.
Marie drops to the ground and starts convulsing. Everyone
else becomes visibly uncomfortable.
MARIE (CONT’D)
Why aren’t you helping me?!
BOB
Um...
Marie continues to convulse and then dies.

MR. FROND
And, scene.
ZEKE
Bravo! Bravo!

Marie and Bob walk back to their seats.

MARIE
(TO BOB) I thought that went really
well.

BOB
Uh, yeah, me too?
BOB
Mr. Frond, what do we do if we
can’t think of anything to say?
MR. FROND
Oh, you mean, if you’re bad at
improv?
 25.

BOB
Sure.
MR. FROND
Just say how you feel right then
and there. Ok class, that’s it for
today. And remember the class show
is at the end of the week. Invite
your friends and family because
otherwise we’ll be performing in
front of no one. And I guess it’ll
essentially be like a regular
class. Which honestly wouldn’t be
the worst thing at this rate.
ZEKE
Don’t worry, my whole family’s
coming. My mom, my dad, my
step-dad, my other step-dad, my
mom’s boyfriend, my mom’s other
boyfriend.
PAUL
Wait, what’s your mom’s name?
MR. FROND
Alright I’ll see you all next
class.

INT - THE BELCHER LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Bob walks into the restaurant where Linda and the kids are
hanging out.

GENE
Where have you been? We’ve been
worried sick.
BOB
I was at my improv class.

LINDA
Improv class?! Since when do you
take improv classes?
BOB
Since today. And you know what? I
like it. I’m not very good at it,
but I like it.
LOUISE
Really?
 26.

BOB
Actually, no. I kind of hate it.
But I’m gonna finish it. And I’m
gonna prove to you guys that I can
be unpredictable. We even have a
class show at the end of the week.
And you guys can come watch.
LOUISE
Yeah but we could also not come
watch, right?

LINDA
Bobby that’s so great! Look at you,
my little Stevey Silverstein.
BOB
Who?
LINDA
You know, Stevey Silverstein.
BOB
No. I don’t.
LINDA
He was in that show with the
sketches.

BOB
Linda I have no idea what you’re
talking about.
LINDA
Maybe that wasn’t... wait, what am
I talking about?
LOUISE
Local theater, huh? That could make
a great addition to my tour.

BOB
What?
LOUISE
Nothing.

TINA
I’ll come to your show, dad. I
think you’ll do great.
 27.

BOB
Thanks Tina. Just, guys, please
don’t invite anyone. I’m already
nervous enough as it is.

Linda is already on the phone.

LINDA
(ON THE PHONE) That’s right,
improv! I know! Who would have
thought? The show’s at the end of
the week. Yeah I’m sure, bring
everyone.
BOB
Oh my god.

Tina walks over and places her hand on Bob’s neck.

TINA
There there, dad.
BOB
Tina what are you doing?
TINA
Shhh. There there there there.
END OF ACT TWO
 28.

ACT THREE
FADE IN:

EXT. THE WHARF - DAY

Louise, Tina, and Gene are sitting at a table in a crowded
area. Tina is wearing a beige vest, with an excessive amount
of pockets, over her shirt. Their table is surrounded by
tourists and other tour booths. A crudely written sign hangs
from their table that reads: CITY TOURS: $5 LESS THAN THOSE
GUYS. An arrow on the sign points to the tour booth next to
them.
A tour guide from a nearby booth, KENNY, walks over. Kenny
is wearing the same vest as Tina.
KENNY
Excuse me, you can’t have that sign
up.

LOUISE
(SARCASTICALLY) Really? Cause I
thought we were in America.
TINA
Louise, we are in America.

KENNY
(TO LOUISE) Take a cue from your
friend and smarten up. You kids
better get out of here. You can’t
just come here and undercut us all.

LOUISE
You just watch us.
KENNY
If you know what’s good -
TINA
(CUTTING KENNY OFF) I’m her sister.
KENNY
What?
TINA
You said before I was her friend.
But you’re wrong. I’m her sister.
 29.

KENNY
Agh! Just, just get out of here.
LOUISE
You get out of here! Sic em, Gene.

Gene repeatedly presses a key on his keyboard that makes a

barking dog noise. Kenny walks off in anger.
GENE
Alright Louise! Making enemies
right away. I love it.
LOUISE
We gotta show these guys we mean
business. This is our turf.

TINA
Um, Louise, what do we do when we
get customers?
LOUISE
You’re the eye-candy, Tina. You
just stand near me with that vest
looking official. And Gene, you’re
my flag guy.
GENE
On it.

Gene pulls out his tour guide flag which is a yard stick
with a pair of his "tighty-whities" attached at the top.
GENE
You may want to make sure no one
gets too close to me. I can’t
confirm the last time this flag was
washed.
LOUISE
And I’ll take the lead. I’ll point
stuff out, answer questions, the
works.
TINA
What if you don’t know the answer
to someone’s question?
LOUISE
Of course I won’t know the answer
to their questions. Haven’t you
been listening? I don’t know
anything about this town. But
 30.

LOUISE
neither do they. So as a local,
anything I say they’ll have to
believe. Now enough with the
questions. Tina, Gene, start
finding some people to sign up.
GENE
We won’t disappoint you.

TINA
We might disappoint you.
Gene and Louise start to walk off.
LOUISE
Gene, maybe leave the flag for now.
GENE
That’s probably a smart business
move. And that is why you are in
charge.

Gene puts the flag down. He and Tina walk off.

FADE IN:

INT. REC CENTER - DAY

Mr. Frond stands in front of the class. Everyone is on a
chair except Zeke who is laying on his stomach with his chin
resting on his hands and his legs gently kicking back and
forth.

MR. FROND
Alright everyone, our class show is
tomorrow. Let’s run one more game
so we’re sure we’re ready. This
game is called, "Mismatched
Voices."
PAUL
Dumb.
MR. FROND
It’s not dumb, Paul, it’s actually
a lot of fun. Can I get four
volunteers who want to play?
ZEKE
Count me in, Em-Ef.
 31.

MR. FROND
Come on, who else?
Mr. Frond pans across the remaining people. He goes over
each person, equally hesitant about asking them to play.

MR. FROND (CONT’D)

Ok, how about Bob, Marie, and Paul.
GRETCHEN
Wait, Paul is playing? Ok, I’ll
play too.
MR. FROND
Sorry Gretchen. You need an even
number of players to play.

GRETCHEN
What if you play?
ZEKE
Yeah, let’s see what you got,
teach!
MR. FROND
No, no, no. I’m the teacher. I
teach. I don’t participate.

GRETCHEN
Teach by example.
ZEKE
(STARTING A CHANT) Mr. Frond! Mr.
Frond

MARIE
(IN AN UNEXPECTED CONFIDENT VOICE
AND IN UNISON) Mr. Frond! Mr.
Frond! Mr. Frond!

BOB
(STRUGGLING, AND UNABLE TO DO IT IN
UNISON) Mr. Frond. Mr. Frond. Mr.
Frond
MR. FROND
Oh what the heck. Fine, I’ll play.
ZEKE
Alright! See what a little peer
pressure can accomplish, Mr. Frond?
I knew all those assemblies were a
waste of time.
 32.

BOB
So how does the game work?
MR. FROND
Three of us will be doing a scene.

PAUL
How’s that any different than what
we’ve been doing? I knew this was
dumb.

MR. FROND
Let me finish, Paul. But the catch
is, everyone will be voiced by
someone else. So for example, Bob
will speak for me. Zeke will speak
for Gretchen. And Paul will speak
for Marie.
GRETCHEN
Oh like bedroom role reversal. Why
didn’t you say so? Ok let’s go
people, come on.

MR. FROND
Zeke, ignore that.
Zeke takes his notebook out and starts writing.

ZEKE
When will you learn? Rules are
rules.
MR. FROND
Ok, someone suggest a location.
MARIE
An airplane.
MR. FROND
Airplane! Perfect. Let’s begin.
Mr. Frond grabs two chairs and puts them side by side. He
sits in one. Marie sits in the other. Gretchen walks up to
them. Bob, Zeke, and Paul all stand a few feet away from the
scene.

BOB
(SPEAKING AS MR. FROND) Excuse me,
flight attendant. I’d like a water.
 33.

ZEKE
(SPEAKING AS GRETCHEN) That’ll be
fourteen-ninety-five.

BOB
(SPEAKING AS MR. FROND) Oh, wow.
Ok. Expensive.
ZEKE
(SPEAKING AS GRETCHEN) This is
Fancy Pants Air. All frills.
PAUL
(SPEAKING AS MARIE) Javier, cut the
charade. She has to know.

BOB
Wait, am I Javier? Or, I mean, is
Mr. Frond Javier?
MR. FROND
Bob, shut up. You’re ruining this.
Well, don’t shut up, just stop
ruining it.
BOB
(SPEAKING AS MR. FROND) Right, it’s
me, Javier.
PAUL
(SPEAKING AS MARIE) Tell the flight
attendant. You must!

ZEKE
(SPEAKING AS GRETCHEN) Come on
Javz, spit it out. I need to know.
BOB
(SPEAKING AS MR. FROND) Um, I’m
having an affair.
ZEKE
(SPEAKING AS GRETCHEN) An affair?
Boy, that ain’t fair.

PAUL
(SPEAKING AS MARIE) That’s right.
He’s having an affair with me,
Tatyana. I’m his lover.

BOB
(SPEAKING AS MR. FROND) I’m sorry
you had to find out this way.
 34.

ZEKE
(SPEAKING AS GRETCHEN) That’s it.
You and your girl-pearl need to get
off my plane right now. Here are
two parachutes.

Zeke poorly mimes handing Mr. Frond and Marie a parachute.

MR. FROND
(IN A WHISPER) Great object work,
Zeke.

PAUL
(SPEAKING AS MARIE) I don’t think
so, whore!
MR. FROND
(IN A DISAPPROVING TONE) Ok.
PAUL
(SPEAKING AS MARIE) My grandfather
founded this airline. So it’s going
to be you who’s tossed out of this
airplane. Get him babe!
Marie and Mr. Frond awkwardly go over to Gretchen and push
her.
ZEKE
(SPEAKING AS GRETCHEN) Ahhhhhh.
Gretchen clumsily falls to her knees and then on her stomach
as she’s "tossed from the airplane".
PAUL
(SPEAKING AS MARIE) We did it,
babe. She’s dead. Now we can be
together.
BOB
(SPEAKING AS MR. FROND) Yes. Um, I
love you. A lot.
MR. FROND
And, scene! Lackluster work,
everyone.

The improv scene is over and everyone resumes talking as

themselves again.
MR. FROND
That was somewhere in-between
terrible and passable improv. So,
 35.

MR. FROND
congratulations. Now remember, the
class show is tomorrow. So invite
your friends, family, mom’s
boyfriends...
Zeke gives Mr. Frond a wink, point, and a
click-of-the-tongue noise.
MR. FROND (CONT’D)
Oh and don’t forget stage-wear.
Everyone needs to dress casually.
Women, wear a nice dress. And don’t
forget leggings in case the scene
gets a little... physical.

GRETCHEN
(WHISPERING TO MARIE) I won’t wear
leggings if you don’t.
MR. FROND (CONT’D)
Guys, wear a button up shirt or
something. No dirty clothes or
aprons or whatever it is you people
wear...
Mr. Frond glares at Bob.

BOB
I can dress nice.
MR. FROND
I don’t mean wear your nicest white
t-shirt. I mean dress nice.
BOB
You dress nice.
ZEKE
Got him!
FADE IN:
INT. BOB’S BURGERS - DAY

Linda and Teddy are inside the restaurant, already

mid-conversation.
TEDDY
And my third hamster died from
malaria. But in my defense, he had
the malaria before I got him.
 36.

LINDA
(BORED AND UNINTERESTED) Uh huh.

LINDA (CONT’D)
Oh, the kids!
Louise, Gene, and Tina walk outside the restaurant. Louise
is leading. Gene is next, carrying his underwear flag. Tina
is last, she’s wearing her pocket-heavy vest.

TEDDY
Linda, look!
A group of tourists walk by behind the kids.

LINDA
Oooooh, they really did it! My
babies are giving their first tour.
I’m so proud of them. I gotta give
them hugs. One hug for every person
in their group.

Linda heads for the door.

TEDDY
Linda, no! We gotta let them be.
Let them spread their wings.
They’re tour guides now. All we can
do is watch and admire. And give
them five-star reviews online. And
also go on the tour. Come on let’s
go. They’re getting away.

Linda and Teddy run outside and join the rest of the group
in the back. Louise is leading the tour.
LOUISE
And if you look on your left you’ll
see Bob’s Burgers. Bob’s Burgers
was opened in 1986 as a waterbed
store. But upon opening, the
waterbed industry immediately
tanked.

We hear Linda let out a loud, "HA"

LOUISE (CONT’D)
And the owner was forced to turn it
into a mediocre burger restaurant.

GENE
And mediocre is being generous.
The tourists snap pictures of the restaurant.
 37.

TEDDY
Wow, I had no idea.
LINDA
Teddy, no, that’s not true. You
helped install the appliances when
we were renovating it.
TEDDY
I guess I forgot. Wow, Louise is
really good at this.

Tina shows up in the back of the group next to Teddy and

Linda.
TINA
Did you guys know our restaurant
used to sell waterbeds?
TEDDY
No, I had no idea!
LINDA
Teddy we just went over this. Tina,
honey, that’s not true. Your sister
is making it up. You know that’s
not true.
TINA
Oh, right.
LOUISE
If we could cut down on the chit
chat from the back that’d be great.

GENE
(TO LOUISE) Louise, they’re really
buying it. And they’re loving it.
You were right, tourists will
believe anything. They’re so
stupid.
TOURIST A
What was that?
GENE
Uh, I said tourists... tourists are
so... stu-
LOUISE
(CUTTING GENE OFF) Stupendous!
Stupendous at being guided.
 38.

GENE
(WHISPERING TO LOUISE) Sorry, I
couldn’t think of anything else to
say other than the original thing I
was going to say.

LOUISE
Ok people, keep up. Follow the
underwear. We’ve got a lot more to
see.

GENE
I see London, I see France, I see a
beautiful flag made of my
underpants.
FADE IN:

INT. FAMILY ROOM IN BELCHER’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

The whole family is sitting around.
BOB
Ok guys, tomorrow is the big show.
I just want you all to know you
should go in with pretty low
expectations. Almost, like, no
expectations. It’ll probably be
terrible.

LOUISE
Your words, not ours. But you’re
probably right

LINDA
Bobby, you’re gonna do great.
BOB
You know what? Even though I’m not
very good, I’m having fun. And
that’s all that matters, right?
GENE
Not to the audience.
BOB
I really think taking this class
has been good for me. But guys,
seriously, no more guests at the
show tomorrow. I’m too nervous as
it is. If I see a full audience I’m
not sure I’ll be able to go out.
 39.

LINDA
Bob just picture them all in their
underwear.
BOB
Yeah but the kids will be there.
You want me to picture our kids in
their underwear.
GENE
You don’t need to picture it!

Gene starts to take his shorts off.

BOB
Gene.

LINDA
You know what I mean. Just don’t
look at the audience. It’s like how
sky-divers aren’t supposed to look
down when they’re in the air.

BOB
I don’t think that’s right. Where
else are they supposed to look?
TINA
Up?

BOB
I should be ok. I don’t think
anyone in the class is bringing too
many people. And why would random
people want to come and see bad
improv? It should just be a handful
of people.
LOUISE
Right. Should.

BOB
What?
LOUISE
What?

BOB
No I said what.
LOUISE
Yeah me too.
 40.

BOB
Enough. No funny business. Just
show up and don’t bring anyone.
FADE IN:

EXT. CITY STREET - DAY

Louise and the tour group turn a street corner as they
continue their tour. They run into Kenny and his tour group.
Louise and Kenny come face to face.

KENNY
You! I thought I told you kids I
better not see you around here.
LOUISE
(TALKING TO HER TOUR GROUP) And
this man, ladies and gentlemen, is
the town idiot. Speak slowly to
him, he struggles to follow.
Actually don’t speak to him at all.

Tina walks up to Kenny. They’re both wearing matching vests.

TINA
Woah.
Tina raises her hand and slowly waves it in front of Kenny
as if she’s looking in a mirror. She clearly expect Kenny to
do the same because they look "identical" to her. Kenny
doesn’t reciprocate.
KENNY
What is this? What are you doing?
Go away.
TINA
Don’t you feel it?

KENNY
Little girl, get your friend away
from me.
TINA
No, remember? We’re sisters.

LOUISE
Ok Tina, go make sure Mom and Teddy
aren’t bothering anyone.
 41.

We cut to Linda and Teddy in the back of the group. Linda is

playing the "hand slap" game with a tourist, TOURIST B, who
clearly doesn’t want to play. Linda has her hands palm-up
while reluctant TOURIST B’s hands are palm-down on top of
hers. Linda slaps TOURIST B’s hands.

LINDA
Ha! Got you again. That’s nineteen
in a row.
TOURIST B
I’m not enjoying this.
LINDA
Ok best out of thirty seven!
We cut back to Louise and Kenny arguing.

LOUISE
Me and my tour group are gonna tour
wherever we want.
KENNY
Oh no you’re not. I’m calling
u-gaag right now and reporting you.
LOUISE
What the heck is u-gaag?

KENNY
Um, hello?! The United Guide
Association of America Guild. I’m
beginning to think you’re not a
real tour guide.

GENE
I gag. You gag. We all gag for
something. For me it’s cheesy bread
sticks. I just can’t seem to ever
eat those things without chocking.

Louise spots the rec-center just down the street.

LOUISE
(TALKING TO KENNY’S TOUR GROUP)
Hey, who wants to see some local
theater? Guaranteed best show in
town put on by authentic locals.
Kenny’s tour group murmurs in excitement.
 42.

LOUISE
Come on! Follow me.
Louise, her group, and Kenny’s group all walk away from
Kenny.

KENNY
No! By the power bestowed on me by
u-gaag, I order you to get back
here! That’s it, no one is getting
their voucher for one free small
frozen yogurt.
Louise and her giant group walk towards the rec-center.
KENNY
Come back! I’ll make them mediums!
I’ll make them mediums!
Kenny remains, pouting.
END OF ACT THREE
 43.

ACT FOUR
FADE IN:

INT. REC-CENTER - DAY

The improv students are all backstage. Bob is wearing a
green button up shirt and slacks. Marie is wearing a modest,
maroon dress. Gretchen is wearing a romper that’s a bit too
tight. Paul is wearing skinny jeans and a slim fit denim
shirt. Zeke is wearing a full-blown tuxedo. Mr. Frond walks
up to them.
MR. FROND
Ok. I have good news. Well, it’s
good news in theory. You’re all
going to hate it.
MARIE
I thought the first rule of improv
was all news is good news.

MR. FROND
What? Have you been paying
attention at all this past week?
PAUL
I remember you saying that too.
MR. FROND
I never once said that! Just focus
up! We sort of have a full theater.

BOB
What?! It’s full?
MR. FROND
Well, no.

BOB
Phew. Not funny, Mr. Frond.
MR. FROND
It’s overfilled. There are people
standing in the back. I’ve never
seen anything like it. It’s almost
as if two separate tour groups were
combined into one mega-tour group
by three children. And for some
random reason, unbeknownst to me,
those three children - led by one
 44.

MR. FROND
precocious little girl - decided to
bring that mega-tour group to our
show.
BOB
Hmm, kinda of sounds like you’re
describing my kids.

MR. FROND
(WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT) I’m
describing your kids, Bob!
PAUL
You have kids? I assumed you were
impotent the moment I saw you.
BOB
No. I have kids. Three of them.
PAUL
I mean, there was zero hesitation.
BOB
Not now, Paul. Mr. Frond, what are
you talking about?

MR. FROND
Come look for yourself.
Bob pokes his head out of the curtain and looks at the
audience. He sees an over-capacity theater composed of
primarily the tour groups.
Cut to Tina trying to start "The wave" in the crowd.
TINA
One... two... three.

Only Tina throws her hands up.

TINA
Ok good, but I think we can do a
little better. One... two...

Cut back to Bob. He heads back stage to the rest of the

class.
BOB
Oh god. There are so many people
out there. I can’t do this.
Cut to Louise talking to Gene in the audience.
 45.

LOUISE
Wouldn’t it be so like Dad to just
not do this?
GENE
I in no way expect to see him on
stage.
Cut to back stage.
BOB
No, no, no.
MR. FROND
Get a hold of yourself, Bob!
Mr. Frond slaps Bob.

BOB
Ow! I was fine.
ZEKE
Hey come on now, big B. You’re our
captain. We need you!
BOB
Really?
ZEKE
No you’re more of a bench warmer.
But we don’t want a cold bench, do
we?
BOB
No, you’re right. We don’t want a
cold bench. Ok, I can do this. I
think.
Cut to the audience. Jimmy Jr. walks up to Tina.

JIMMY JR.
Hi Tina.
TINA
Jimmy Jr.? What’re you doing here?

JIMMY JR.
I’m here to support Zeke. He always
comes to my dance presentations.
TINA
Don’t you mean dance recitals?
 46.

JIMMY JR.
No, dance recitals are for girls.
Boys have dance presentations.
Everyone knows this, Tina. Jeez.

TINA
Oh, sorry. Do you want to sit next
to me? I brought a basket of rotten
tomatoes we can share. Ha. Ha.
JIMMY JR.
Why would you bring rotten
tomatoes? I’d have a fresh tomato.
Not a...
TINA
Mhm.

JIMMY JR.
Not a rotten tomato.
TINA
Right. It was a joke. Because,
people, throw rotten tomatoes, at,
the people...
JIMMY JR.
Whatever. Yeah I’ll sit next to
you. But I don’t want any rotten
tomatoes.
TINA
Ok that’s fine. No rotten tomatoes.

Zeke walks up to Tina and Jimmy Jr.

ZEKE
J-Ju! You made it. Come here you
dirty dog!

Zeke puts Jimmy Jr. in a headlock and starts roughhousing

with him.
ZEKE
Come on. Squeal like a seal and
gimme that rose!

JIMMY JR.
Zeke, not so hard.
Tina delicately touches Jimmy Jr.’s shoulder.
 47.

TINA
Got you. This is fun.
Zeke lets go of Jimmy Jr.
ZEKE
Woah, girl, not cool.
JIMMY JR.
Yeah, Tina. Boundaries.

TINA
Oh. Sorry. I guess the shoulder was
too much. Hey, Zeke, shouldn’t you
be getting ready?
Cut to Mr. Frond backstage with the rest of the class.

MR. FROND
(RATTLED) Where is Zeke! Ahhhh. We
have to go out. They’re giving us
the light!

GRETCHEN
What light?
Cut to a teenager in the back of the audience flashing a
flashlight.

MR. FROND
Forget it, let’s just go.
They all walk out on stage.
Cut back to Zeke with Tina and Jimmy Jr.

ZEKE
Whoops! Enjoy the show. Take
flattering pictures.

Zeke runs to the stage and clumsily climbs up as the rest of

the class is already standing there.
MR. FROND
(TO THE AUDIENCE) Welcome,
everyone...

A thunderous applause lets out.

BOB
(QUIETLY TO HIMSELF) Oh no. No no
no.
 48.

MR. FROND (CONT’D)

To our class improv show!
Only a handful of people clap this time. We hear a random
audience member say something.

AUDIENCE MEMBER
This is an improv show?
MR. FROND (CONT’D)
Can I get Bob and Gretchen for our
first scene?
Bob nervously walks up with Gretchen to the front of the
stage.
MR. FROND
And now I need help from you, the
audience. Where are Gretchen and
Bob?
Another audience member yells something out.

AUDIENCE MEMBER
A stage!
MR. FROND
(FRUSTRATED) Ha ha. Ok, I guess
that’s my fault. Where could these
two be?
LINDA
A burger restaurant!
Mr. Frond rolls his eyes.

MR. FROND
Ok, a burger restaurant. Take
it away.

BOB
Uh...
GRETCHEN
I’d like to order a burger.

BOB
A burger?
GRETCHEN
Yes. It’s for my husband. The
President.
 49.

BOB
Right.
Bob’s face transforms from fear to gaining confidence.
BOB
The President. This burger comes on
an Air Force Bun.
We hear an audience member cough.

But more importantly, Bob is becoming more confident on

stage.
Cut to an improv montage showing various scenes. Bob raises
his arms in the air as Gretchen points a "gun" at him. Marie
turns from Zeke in disgust while cradling a "baby". Gretchen
tries to give Paul CPR. Paul pushes her away.
End montage.
All the students are now standing in a line on stage with
Mr. Frond.

MR. FROND
What a show it’s been so far. And
now we’ve come to the end. We’re
going to finish with one final
game. It’s called, "Freeze". We’ll
have two students come on stage and
act out a scene. At any point,
someone from the back can yell,
"freeze". The person doing the
scene will stop mid-movement. The
student who yelled freeze will take
the place and physical position of
one of the students, and create a
brand new scene.
Cut to the audience.

TEDDY
(TO TOURIST B) I didn’t follow any
of that. Did you?
TOURIST B
Please don’t talk to me.
Cut to the stage.
MR. FROND
Ok let’s begin. Paul and Bob, why
don’t you start us off? And can
 50.

MR. FROND
someone from the audience give
these improvisers a -

Jimmy Jr. interrupts Mr. Frond and yells out a suggestion.

JIMMY JR.
Dance!
Bob and Paul walk up. Bob starts awkwardly gyrating his hips
as if he’s hula hooping. Paul walks up to him.
PAUL
Hey cutie. I spotted you from
across the dance floor.

BOB
(IN A HIGH PITCHED VOICE) And I
spotted you right in front of me.
PAUL
You. Me. My studio apartment. Let’s
do this.
Cut to a bunch of guys in the audience hooting and
hollering. They’re clearly Paul’s macho friends. Paul breaks
character momentarily as he points to them, flexes his
biceps, and wiggles his tongue.
PAUL
I’ll go get you drink.
Paul walks a few feet away from Bob.

MARIE
Freeze!
Marie walks from the back line, taps Paul on the shoulder,
and takes his place. Paul walks back to the line.

Marie looks at Bob. She opens her mouth to say something,

but nothing comes out. She has a deer in headlights look, as
she can’t think of anything to say. Bob recognizes this. But
he too has nothing to say.

A memory cloud appears over Bob’s head with Mr. Frond in it.
Mr. Frond is not paying attention at first. Then he notices
Bob.
MR. FROND
Bob? Oh, right. If you can’t think
of anything to say, just say how
you feel.
 51.

The memory cloud dissipates.

BOB
(TALKING TO MARIE) Linda, you were
right, I could be more
unpredictable. But I was scared. I
am scared.
MARIE
(CONFUSED) Yes... and

BOB
(CUTTING MARIE OFF) I’m comfortable
with what I know. But look at me
now, I’m on stage with nothing to
say in front of a lot of
people. But I don’t need to do this
and, and, and...
Louise interjects from the audience.
LOUISE
Embarrass yourself!

BOB
Yes, embarrass myself. Thank you,
Louise, I assume.
Bob walks towards the end of the stage and is talking
towards the audience at this point.
BOB
I can be unpredictable every day.
Maybe I’ll surprise you with
flowers or a spontaneous date
night. And I’ll surprise myself, in
a good way. I mean, I surprised
myself when I signed up for these
classes. I know I don’t have to do
crazy things. But I now know I
should do little things here and
there that no one sees coming, not
even me.
Cut to Linda in the audience.

LINDA
(IN AN EMOTIONAL WAY) Oh Bobby.
MR. FROND
(WHISPERING TO ZEKE) Save this
train wreck.
 52.

ZEKE
Freeze!
Zeke comes up from the back line and taps Marie. Marie
leaves the scene.

MR. FROND
No, get Bob out, not Marie!
Mr. Frond slams his hand to his forehead.

Now Bob and Zeke are in the scene. Bob’s back is to Zeke,
and he is not paying attention after his heartfelt speech.
Zeke looks at Bob and looks around, unsure of what to do or
say.
We see the "lightbulb" go off in Zeke’s head.

ZEKE
Leapfrog!
Bob’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head. Zeke comes running
full speed and attempts to leapfrog Bob. He obviously
doesn’t. He crashes into Bob. They go flying off stage and
onto the ground. Zeke is fine. He ends up on top of Bob. Bob
SCREAMS in pain under Zeke.
ZEKE
And, scene!

INT. - HOSPITAL ROOM - NIGHT

Bob, Linda, Tina, Gene, Louise, and Teddy are all in a
hospital room. Bob is sitting on the hospital bench with a
cast on his wrist.

LINDA
I’m sorry, Bobby. This is all my
fault. If it weren’t for me none of
this would have happened.

BOB
Don’t apologize, Linda. I’m glad
you said it, and I’m glad you
pushed me to take the class.

TEDDY
I said it too, Bob. Remember?
BOB
Yes, thanks Teddy.
 53.

LOUISE
I said it too.
GENE
I didn’t say it. But I definitely
thought it.
TINA
I forgot, when did this
conversation take place?

BOB
Ok, thanks kids. Linda, I thought I
just wanted to prove you and
everyone else wrong. But I really
just wanted to prove to myself that
I could be unpredictable. And I
wanted to prove to you that life
with me isn’t so boring.
LINDA
Bobby, believe me, you’ve proved
enough. Every day with you is a new
adventure.
BOB
And I actually think the show went
pretty well.

LOUISE
It didn’t.
BOB
Well, yeah, that impromptu speech
wasn’t ideal timing.
LOUISE
It wasn’t just the speech.
BOB
Oh.
LINDA
Don’t listen to her. The show was
great!

TINA
Yeah, dad, I got to sit next to
Jimmy Jr. during the whole thing.
BOB
Yeah, but how about the show
itself?
 54.

TINA
The what?
BOB
Oh my god. By the way, what was the
deal with the tour groups?

LOUISE
We started a tour guide business.
We gave tours all over the city.

BOB
Of course you did.
LINDA
And me and Teddy went on them.

BOB
Of course you did.
GENE
And I need new underwear.

BOB
Of course you do. Hey, wait a
minute. If you’ve been giving these
tours all day and I’ve been taking
classes, who’s been running the
restaurant?

LINDA
Don’t worry, I took care of it.
INT - BOB’S BURGERS - NIGHT

Linda’s sister, Gayle, is behind the counter.

GAYLE
Bob’s Burgers! Get your Bob’s
Burgers.

The restaurant is empty except for a handful of cats that

Gayle brought. The cats are on the counter, tables, and in
the kitchen.
FADE TO BLACK.

END OF SHOW