WEEK 5: CONTENTS PAGE

Page Contents
1. COVER
2. CONTENTS PAGE
3. HEADLINES
4. RESULTS
5. GAME OF THE WEEK
6. GAME OF THE WEEK
7. NFC STANDINGS
8. AFC STANDINGS
9. TOP PERFORMANCES OF THE WEEK (TEAMS)
10. TOP PERFORMANCES OF THE WEEK (PLAYERS)
11. LEAGUE LEADERS (PLAYERS)
12. LEAGUE LEADERS (PLAYERS)
13. LEAGUE LEADERS (TEAMS)
14. COMMERCIAL BREAK: MOONSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL ON ABC
15. FEATURE: AT HOME WITH HELMUT WULF
16. ROT IN PIECES: GHITE THE DISGUSTING/LOW EXPECTATIONS
17. GAZ ATTACK
18. DEAD, DEAD, DEAD/JOHNNY BLOODBOWL
19. FRAN REPORTS!
20. NOSH IT OR VOMIT/RUMOURS
21. THE EVIL GITS PLAYBOOK
22. PREVIEW OF NEXT WEEK
23. ADVERT: BLOOD BOWL REPLICA KITS AFC CENTRAL
This Week’s Contributors
Cover, Page 4,5,14,15,16: Knute Rock-Knee (Insta: @NAF_2489_90)
Page: 19, 20, 21, 23: C.Z.Matic
Page: 15 Alex Rathbone (Illustration)
Page 17: WT Brown @ScorpusFlex | Linktree
Page : 15 Twelfman https://www.arturnerauthor.com/home
DISCLAIMER: This book is a work of fan fiction based on the game ‘Blood Bowl’ which is owned by
Games Workshop. The book uses intellectual property without permission, no challenge is intended.
This fanzine is produced solely as a hobby-based project and is not commercially available.

Sports Killerstrated, Issue 5. Published by the NAF.net October 7th, 2023

 NAF WEEK 5: HEADLINES
made two vital interceptions. Other
results in the NFC West, means there’s a
R amtut Splats the Rats three-way tie at the top. The situation is
The Skaven Scramblers’ crisis season worse for the Nightwings as the Reikland
continues as the Champions of Death beat Reavers and Gouged Eye maintained their
them easily in a 3-1 victory at the City of relentless form with crushing wins.
Skavenblight Stadium to condemn them
to a 1-4 record. Ramtut III had a standout
game, completely dominating the line of A Dark Time for the Renegades
scrimmage and killing or maiming several The Vynheim Valkyries continue to find
players. The home crowd were calling for ways to win, as they beat the Dark
head coach Vytick the Many Headed’s Renegades defensive tussle to remain
head, although they didn’t stipulate which perfect. The Renegades, whose poor form
one! The Champions win means they this season has surprised many, matched
keep pace with the divisional leading the Valkyries blow for blow, but
Middenheim Marauders, who totally ultimately, the superb play of Catcher Erik
thrashed the Albion Wanderers 3-0. Redmist condemned them to another
loss. Where the Renegades have
underwhelmed, the new look Bruendar
D warf Demolition Derby Grimjacks have impressed many, they
In the battle of the Dwarves, it was the had a vital win against the insipid Bluchen
Giants who came out on top, despite Berserkers to improve to 4-1 and joint
tough resistance from the leadership of the AFC West. The Eagles
Warhammerers, the Calgar side’s brutal remain favourites, but are facing strong
running game ground down their rivals, competition from the inspired Westside
leaving head coach Insane Thorsson Werewolves.
Axeheim with several injury headaches
for their next game. With both the
Scramblers and Warhammerers losing
L owdown Rats’ All-Time Low
the Crescents took advantage with a And finally, the basement dwelling
routine win over the hapless Greenfield Lowdown Rats are setting records this
Grasshuggers. season, records of the wrong kind. After 5
games, they’ve lost all 5, and,
significantly, have failed to score a single
G ladiators’ are Crocks of Gold touchdown. Their latest loss was a 3-0
mauling by the Westside Werewolves.
Despite an eye watering injury crisis, the
Head Coach/Owner Grimy Snivels game
Galadrieth Gladiators stand-ins did a
sterling job of defeating their bitter Dark plan of releasing a horde of stray cats
onto the field to distract the Werewolves
Elf rivals the Naggaroth Nightwings. The
Gladiators’ swarming secondary spectacularly backfired when they turned
on the luckless Goblins! (See Low
smothered the Nightwings’ Catchers and
Expectations p.16
 RESULTS WEEK 5
Home Team Score Away Team Fat’l
Icecastle Wolves 1 - 3 Darkside Cowboys 0 0
Evil Gits 3 - 2 Athelorn Avengers 1 0
Dark Renegades 2 - 3 Vynheim Valkyries 0 1
Underworld Creepers 3 - 2 Stunted Stoutfellows 1 0
Naggaroth Nightwings 1 - 3 Galadrieth Gladiators 1 0
Bluchen Berserkers 2 - 3 Bruendar Grimjacks 0 1
Worlds Edge Wanderers 1 - 3 Khain's Killers 1 1
Hobgoblin Team 0 - 3 Everbold Unicorns 0 0
Lustria Croakers 2 - 3 Southstorm Squids 0 0
Dwarf Warhammerers 2 - 3 Dwarf Giants 0 2
Skaven Scramblers 1 - 3 Champions of Death 0 4
Gouged Eye 3 - 2 Arctic Cragspiders 2 0
Creeveland Crescents 3 - 1 Greenfield Grasshuggers 1 0
Middenheim Marauders 3 - 0 Albion Wanderers 1 0
Elfheim Eagles 3 - 2 Asgard Ravens 0 0
Bluebay Crammers 0 - 3 Orcland Raiders 0 2
Nurgle's Rotters 3 - 2 Oldheim Ogres 31 3
Lowdown Rats 0 - 3 Westside Werewolves 2 0
Bright Crusaders 2 - 3 Chaos All-Stars 1 0
Reikland Reavers 3 - 1 Scarcrag Snivellers 2 0

NAF Rules Recap

1) The first team to score 3 Touchdowns is declared the winner.
2) A tie occurs if no team has won after 10 hours of play.
3) A game is abandoned when it is impossible for both teams to continue the game.
4) A conceded game is registered as a 0-3 loss to the conceding team.

Key
The table above reveals the following information from left to right:
Home team name/ Home team score (TD)/ Away team score (TD)/ Away team name/ Fat’l=Home
Fatalities caused/ Away Fatalities caused*

* Fatalities Caused includes opposition players, opposition staff, officials and members of the public.

Teams in Bold won the game

 3-2
“Good evening, Sports Fans. Jim Johnson here, it’s week 5 in the NAF and we’re watching this crunch game between NFC Central rivals the
Evil Gits and Athelorn Avengers. This one’s a nail-biter, what do you reckon, Bob?”

“Y’Know, Jim, this is turning into just the sort of game that Elves hate.” “Ooof, the Gits’ Dark Elf Kicker Jasper
Groinmalice has just committed a
blatant foul!”
“I hear you, Bob, the
Gits are fouling with
impunity and the
referee’s done
nothing about it.
That’s got to be
frustrating for a
team like the
Avengers, who rely
on free flowing
tactics.”

“Oh yeah, that as well, but look at “Yowee! Well, I

the state of their uniforms, Jim, and guess he could
their hair! It’s gonna cost a fortune in argue he kicked
remedial hair stylists to sort out a ball, Jim”
those split ends after the match!”

“Finally, the ref’s taking action,

Bob. I think Groinmalice is going
to be in trouble. ‘Blind’ Dick
Hanson’s just blown his whistle”

“Hold your horses, Jim. What

the heck is he doing?”

“Um, looks like Pop Khorne’s

off the menu today, Bob”

“Meh, I’m more of a Rat-on-

a-Stick kind of guy myself.”
Evil Gits Statistics
Player Rushing Passing Blocks Fouls Pass TDs Inter- Casu-
Paces Paces Made Made Comp. Scored cepts alties
Bogger the Sneek 32 0 3 1 0 2 0 1
Shasta Vilesnitch 38 0 7 0 0 1 1 0
Attila the Fiend 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 0
Cannonball Bennie 21 38 3 1 4 0 0 0
"Big" Zoggin Uglyfists 0 0 8 0 0 0 0 1
Kill Kill Kill 0 0 8 0 0 0 0 0
Smuck Dem 0 0 8 0 0 0 0 0
Ramstalon Mulanex 0 0 3 0 0 0 0 0
Azgar Razorspine 0 0 3 1 0 0 0 0
Jerik Wickedson 0 0 2 1 0 0 0 0
Harg Stabneck 0 0 1 1 0 0 0 0
Jasper Groinmalice 0 0 1 1 0 0 0 0
Bilk de Villain 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Sly Crotchspite 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

TOTALS 91 38 48 6 4 3 1 2
Sent Off : Harg Stabneck;

Athelorn Avengers Statistics

Player Rushing Passing Blocks Fouls Pass TDs Inter- Casu-
Paces Paces Made Made Comp. Scored cept alties
Jordell Freshbreeze 0 0 3 0 0 0 1 0
Luarn Proudbow 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 0
Edrael Warwren 0 0 2 0 0 0 1 0
Jem Goldstar 10 134 2 0 5 1 0 0
Noraen Dornvale 0 0 9 0 0 0 0 0
Issas Springblossom 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Honeydew Meadow 0 0 3 0 0 0 0 0
Oakwrist Mosstree 0 0 10 0 0 0 0 0
Brelenor Ferndale 0 0 4 0 0 0 0 0
Dolfar Longstride 0 0 3 1 0 1 0 0
Cathidrien Waterfall 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Oderaen Highreach 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Celion Riverstone 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Aurora Silverleaf 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Morwyn Slenderlimb 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

TOTALS 10 134 38 1 5 2 2 0

Sent Off: Dolfar Longstride;

MATCH FACTS

ATTENDANCE: 52000
VENUE: The Evil Dome
MVP: Cannon Ball Bennie (Evil Gits)
REFEREE: ‘Blind’ Dick Hansen (Bögenhafen)
STANDINGS WEEK 5

W L T PF PA FF FA
Darkside Cowboys 4 1 0 14 6 6 1
Everbold Unicorns 3 2 0 13 8 1 1
Athelorn Avengers 3 2 0 11 8 2 1
Evil Gits 3 2 0 11 11 4 0
Greenfield Grasshuggers 0 5 0 4 15 0 5

W L T PF PA FF FA
Vynheim Valkyries 5 0 0 15 5 8 0
Dwarf Giants 4 1 0 14 7 10 1
Nurgle's Rotters 2 3 0 10 12 33 1
Asgard Ravens 2 3 0 9 11 3 2
Lowdown Rats 0 5 0 0 15 2 5

W L T PF PA FF FA
Creeveland Crescents 4 0 1 14 8 7 0
Southstorm Squids 3 2 0 10 10 1 2
Dwarf Warhammerers 2 3 0 10 11 7 4
Skaven Scramblers 1 4 0 9 13 1 4
Bluebay Crammers 0 5 0 5 15 0 6

W L T PF PA FF FA
Orcland Raiders 3 2 0 13 8 8 2
Galadrieth Gladiators 3 2 0 13 9 5 3
Worlds Edge Wanderers 3 2 0 11 12 3 2
Lustria Croakers 1 4 0 11 13 1 0
Hobgoblin Team 0 5 0 3 15 3 6

Key:
The table above reveals the following information
W=Games won; L=Games lost; T=Games drawn/abandoned (*=game abandoned)
PF=TD scored; PA=TD Conceded; FF=Fatalities For; FA=Fatalities Against

Fatalities For (FF) includes: Opposition Players, staff, officials and members of the public.
Fatalities Against includes: Players only
STANDINGS WEEK 5

W L T PF PA FF FA
Reikland Reavers 5 0 0 15 2 9 0
Gouged Eye 4 1 0 13 6 9 1
Naggaroth Nightwings 3 2 0 10 10 7 1
Underworld Creepers 2 3 0 9 13 3 3
Bluchen Berserkers 0 4 1 7 14 5 4

W L T PF PA FF FA
Middenheim Marauders 4 1 0 13 6 6 0
Champions of Death 3 2 0 11 8 7 1
Albion Wanderers 3 2 0 10 9 4 1
Arctic Cragspiders 2 3 0 9 11 6 3
Icecastle Wolves 1 4 0 6 14 2 1

W L T PF PA FF FA
Chaos All-Stars 5 0 0 15 5 11 3
Khain's Killers 4 1 0 12 9 3 1
Bright Crusaders 3 2 0 13 10 1 0
Oldheim Ogres 1 4 0 8 14 9 1
Scarcrag Snivellers 0 5 0 4 15 0 6

W L T PF PA FF FA
Westside Werewolves 4 1 0 14 7 4 0
Elfheim Eagles 4 1 0 14 9 1 0
Bruendar Grimjacks 4 1 0 13 11 3 0
Dark Renegades 1 4 0 10 12 3 2
Stunted Stoutfellows 0 5 0 6 15 0 6

Key:
The table above reveals the following information
W=Games won; L=Games lost; T=Games drawn/abandoned (*=game abandoned)
PF=TD scored; PA=TD Conceded; FF=Fatalities For; FA=Fatalities Against

Fatalities For (FF) includes: Opposition Players, staff, officials and members of the public.
Fatalities Against includes: Players only
WEEK 5 TOP PERFORMANCES
(TEAMS)

MOST RUSHING PACES

Orcland Raiders 203 Middenheim Marauders 170

MOST PASSING PACES

Everbold Unicorns 250 Middenheim Marauders 235

TOTAL OFFENSIVE PACES

Everbold Unicorns 369 Middenheim Marauders 405

Sports Killerstrated’s TEAMS OF THE WEEK

NURGLE’S MIDDENHEIM
ROTTERS MARAUDERS
WEEK 5 TOP PERFORMANCES
(PLAYERS)

MOST PACES GAINED

Shishk Four-Arms 89 Withergrasp Doubledrool 94
Skaven Scramblers Middenheim Marauders

MOST PASSING PACES

Grishnak Goblin-Throttler 164 Valen Swift 160
Orcland Raiders Elfheim Eagles

MOST TOUCHDOWNS
Erik Redmist 3 Wilhelm Chaney 3
Vynheim Valkyries Westside Werewolves

MOST FATALITIES
Bilerot Vomitflesh 4 Ramtut III 3
Nurgle’s Rotters Champions of Death

MOST BLOCKS
Killgit Toofrippa 17 Varag Ghoul-Chewer 19
Orcland Raiders Gouged Eye

Sports Killerstrated’s WEEK 5 NAF MVP

Shishk Four-Arms (Skaven Scramblers)

89 Paces Rushing, 90 Paces Passing, 3
Blocks, 1 Foul, 5 Completions, 1 Touchdown
 LEAGUE LEADERS (PLAYERS)

RUSHING LEADERS
PLAYER PACES TEAM
Kurt Livingrock 314 Dwarf Giants
Rorkaz Kalgar 282 Dwarf Warhammerers
W. Doubledrool 277 Middenheim Marauders
Digger Novgorod 273 Worlds Edge Wanderers
Quan Yorbelvit 266 Bright Crusaders
Crour Nightshade 260 Khain’s Killers
Quetzal Leap 258 Lustria Croakers
Wilhelm Chaney 256 Westside Werewolves
Lavesil Darkshade 255 Naggaroth Nightwings
Morboth Evil-Smell 252 Nurgle’s Rotters

PASSING LEADERS
PLAYER PACES TEAM
Jacob von Altdorf 847 Reikland Reavers
Valen Swift 831 Elfheim Eagles
Jem Goldstar 747 Athelorn Avengers
Pern Faction 747 Everbold Unicorns
Harg Vainkill 739 Gouged Eye
G. Goblin-Throttler 718 Orcland Raiders
Gulden von Sulkhof 687 Middenheim Marauders
Egon Saintlyburg 634 Bright Crusaders
Moravis Curfew 597 Darkside Cowboys
Luthor von Hawkfire 538 Chaos All-Stars

TOP SCORERS
PLAYER TD TEAM
Griff Oberwald 9 Reikland Reavers
Quan Yorbelvit 6 Bright Crusaders
Grimwold Grimbreath 6 Dwarf Giants
Che-Wai 6 Everbold Unicorns
Crour Nightshade 6 Khain’s Killers
Withergrasp Doubledrool 6 Middenheim Marauders
Grishnak Goblin-Throttler 6 Orcland Raiders
Vinny Valhalla 6 Vynheim Valkyries
Lucas de Beaumanners 5 Albion Wanderers
Slarga Fourstike 5 Bluchen Berserkers
 LEAGUE LEADERS (PLAYERS)

LEADING KILLERS
PLAYER FATALITIES TEAM
Grimwold Grimbreath 10 Dwarf Giants
Bilerot Vomitflesh 8 Nurgle’s Rotters
Rrr'krag Smma'gugg 7 Creeveland Crescents
Zug 7 Reikland Reavers
Ramtut the Third 6 Champions of Death
Morg’th N'hthrog 6 Chaos All-Stars
Wilhelm Chaney 6 Westside Werewolves
M. von Hiebert 5 Creeveland Crescents
Karla von Kill 5 Middenheim Marauders
Ivar the Boneless 5 Vynheim Valkyries

INTERCEPTION LEADERS
PLAYER INT’S TEAM
Jordell Freshbreeze 5 Athelorn Avengers
Hubris Rakarth 4 Darkside Cowboys
Eldril Sidewinder 4 Galadrieth Gladiators
Wilhelm Chaney 4 Westside Werewolves
Slarga Fourstike 3 Bluchen Berserkers
Hoshi Komi 3 Creeveland Crescents
Highelm Lyrpadre 3 Elfheim Eagles
Fanafriel Cleardawn 3 Elfheim Eagles
Quetzal Leap 3 Lustria Croakers
Lottabottol 3 Lustria Croakers
 LEAGUE LEADERS (TEAMS)

LEADING RUSHING TOP

OFFENSE OFFENSE
TEAM PACES TEAM PACES
Dwarf Giants 923 Reikland Reavers 1858
Westside Werewolves 866 Middenheim Marauders 1428
Reikland Reavers 821 Gouged Eye 1407
Chaos All-Stars 728 Orcland Raiders 1303
Dwarf Warhammerers 680 Bright Crusaders 1296
Middenheim Marauders 661 Vynheim Valkyries 1292
Vynheim Valkyries 658 Chaos All-Stars 1235
Creeveland Crescents 645 Athelorn Avengers 1226
Nurgle's Rotters 640 Darkside Cowboys 1218
Darkside Cowboys 631 Dwarf Giants 1195
HIGHEST
LEADING PASSING ATTENDANCE
OFFENSE
PLAYER PACES
78000
Reikland Reavers 1047
Athelorn Avengers 1020 Three Towers Stadium
Everbold Unicorns 939 For Dwarf Giants vs
Elfheim Eagles 900 Dwarf Warhammerers
Middenheim Marauders 787
Gouged Eye 779
Bright Crusaders 734
Orcland Raiders 718
Vynheim Valkyries 634
Darkside Cowboys 597
At Home With Helmut Wulff
In a league full of
SK: Are you looking forward to the rest of the
psychopathic maniacs season?
one man stands above
HW: *Helmut barks and starts shaking his
the rest chainsaw*
Sports Killerstrated meets
SK: Here’s a naughty question for you… Do
the Grimjacks’ head you have any juicy gossip you can share
chopper about what happens down here in the
dugouts?

HW: Juicy gossips?

SK: Yes!

HW: I might have some juicy giblets I can

share… aha, here. There was some in me
pocket. I think it’s goblin. This what you’re
after? They taste best fresh from the source.
Slurp.

SK: Ah, thank you, but no thank you. Helmut,

may I call you Helmut? Do you have any tips
for aspiring young Blood Bowl players to be?

HW: Clean all the gristle from yer chainsaw

bits as soon as you finish a game. It can get…
sticky otherwise. Huhehehheh.
Vroomroomroom… Oh, and get a proper
Welcome to At Home with our latest respectable agent to check your contract out
interviewee: Helmut Wulf! Chainsaw- before you sign it. Vroomroomroom!!
swinging star of the Bruendar Grimjacks.
We’ve caught him in one of his rare periods SK: I must say, this cologne you’re wearing,
of relative emotional stability free time after a Mr Wulf. What is that delightfully powerful
particularly rough game against the Bluchen scent?
Berserkers. HW: Dunno, I ain’t washed in six years.
Vroomvroomrooom!
Sports Killerstrated: Mr Wulf! It’s a pleasure
to catch up with you. How was that game SK: Thank you, Mr Wulf. Now, what’s your
against the Dark Renegades? pre-game routine? Do you have any rituals,
any good-luck charms?
Helmut Wulff: Revvvrevrevv vrooom!! Eh?!
Who are you and where did ya come from? HW: I’m glad ya asked… I like to play Catch
the Chainsaw with whoever happens to be
SK: It’s Interviewer Person, doing a profile on standing nearby. I’ll show you how it works,
you from the NAF, silly! When did you first hang on…
realise you had it in you to be a Blood Bowl
megastar? SK: Thank you, Helmut! Anything else you
want to add?
HW: *Bares teeth and snarls like an animal*
HW: Catch!
SK: Very scary! Tell me Helmut: Now, what’s
your favourite time of day to play?

HW: I don’t care! Don’t come any closer!

Eehehee!!
 agreed to endorse a brand of antiseptic mouthwash.

Obits and Pieces On that particular day, his pre-match feast of roasted
Elf thighs was particularly heavy on the garlic, so
much so that he felt compelled to gargle an entire
bottle of complementary mouthwash. During the
R.I.P (Rot in Pieces): match, Ghite’s close marking of Gorthag was so
Ghite the Disgusting effective that he ended breathing in the Ogre’s
strongly antiseptic breath, which had slowly killed
Nurgle’s Rotters have a rather unique method of the disease-ridden Rotter!
player recruitment, they never use the crush and
player trades with other NAF teams are unheard of
Name: Ghite the Disgusting
(there aren’t many regular players that fancy moving
to a team where their teammates will consist of Real Name: Armin Geidt
decomposing mounds of flesh), instead, their Position: Lineman
extensive network of scouts travel the known world Age: 21
visiting areas being ravaged by plague. It’s an Height: 5’.9’’ Weight: 179lbs
unorthodox method, but it works- some of the all- College: Saint Barf’s College.
time great Rotters have joined the team via this route.
Crush: None* (*Was infected with Nurgle’s Rot in his
This summer, the fans’ hopes were high that
senior year and recruited by the Rotters when unable to
their new signing, the Lineman Ghite the Disgusting,
(who was killed during this week’s game) would complete his studies in 2489).
follow in the foetid footsteps of Hall of Famers Smelly Teams: Nurgle’s Rotters (2489)
Pete and Goran the Tentacle Svengard. Sadly for the
Rotters, it was not to be, because Ghite had the great Pro Statistics:
misfortune to be assigned to cover the Oldheim 1 Block
Ogres Blocker Grak’Ng Grak Gorthag.
As the game progressed, Ghite began to College Career Statistics
look more and more lethargic, despite the fact he had 72 Blocks, 5 Touchdowns, 4 Player Fatalities, 6
avoided any direct hits from the star Ogre. Finally, the Interceptions, 15 Fouls, Rushing 87 paces
Rotters’ Lineman collapsed dead. slowly dissolving
into a puddle of putrescent ooze. Gorthag was
nonplussed but credited with the fatality.
It was only after the match that the truth was
revealed, the hulking Ogre Blocker had recently

plans, something went missing on its journey

Low Expectations from the drawing board to the pitch.

As the team entered the field of play and
assumed their starting formation, each goblin
Rats and Cats was carrying with him a large, writhing, sack. As
soon as the kick-off was taken, Coach Snivel gave
The Lowdown Rats are a team that take pride in
the signal, and all eleven Goblins emptied the
pushing the boundaries of what is possible. Every
contents of their sacks. For a moment, the home
time you think they can’t possibly get any worse,
crowd drew a collective intake of breath, as they
they somehow manage to find new levels of
witnessed the extraordinary sight of hundreds of
cretinous ineptitude. This status as the pioneers
stray cats scratching and clawing the helpless
of pointlessness was never more in evidence than
Goblin players. Coach Snivel’s plan had hinged
this week’s game against the high-flying Westside
on the Werewolves being unable to tame their
Werewolves.
animalistic instincts, and start chasing the cats,
The lycanthropic team are on something
whilst ignoring the game in progress.
of a roll this season, having played impressively
Perhaps this trick would have worked if it
on the way to a 3-1 record. Meanwhile, the Rats
was attempted by a more organised team, in the
have lost all four of their games 0-3. Contrary to
grubby hands of the Lowdown Rats, however, it
all available evidence, the Rats aren’t so stupid as
all went horribly wrong: Earlier that week, Snivel
to believe they actually stood a chance in this
had sent all his players out to snatch as many
match, so, Head Coach Grimy Snivel spent all
stray cats as they could find, however, Goblins
week devising a game plan so cunningly devious,
being Goblins, they horribly mistreated them,
that, should it work, his team might actually stand
which meant, by the time of kick off, the hundreds
a chance of giving the AFC Western division
of Cats were so aggravated, they viciously turned
leaders a shock. However, that ‘if’ was a very big
on the Goblins at the first opportunity, extracting
one, because, like most of the Rats’ cunning
a painful revenge with their teeth and claws.
 winner from bAck in the
dAy, someone like myself
Sports Killerstrated’s even. We All know I Am one
Star Columnist: of the best looking
plAyers in the history of
the gAme. I cAn only stArt
‘ERE’S WOT I FINK! to imAgine whAt those
royAlty pAyments would
look like . . .

TAlking About royAlties, it

seems like the
sponsorship deAls this
seAson Are getting A bit
out of hAnd. Depending on
which stAdium your At, you
cAn only get one drink or
Another. It just mAkes yA
look dAft when yA Ask for
An OrcA ColA And they sAy
‘sorry mAte, only got
pesto mAx’. Your likely to
get A decent pint of
BugmAn’s if you plAying in
Come on you orcs! Two A mountAin stAdium, but
more gAmes for the orc heAd up north to the
teAms And two more wins chAos wAstes And your
to the glory of Nuffle. probAbly only going to be
Able to purchAse An
ThAt’s not A shock though, overpriced poncy bottle
we All know you should of bloodweiser. Yuck. Is
AlwAys bet on green. WhAt money ruining the
is A complete shock is the beAutiful gAme? Depends if
fAct thAt The Mighty Zug it is in my pocket or not hA
hAs been chosen to be on hA hA . .
the cover of the new NAF
2490 Conned-Soul gAme! I I cAn’t complAin m’self.
meAn come on, thAt hAs got Gorker’s crisps mAke sure
to ruin sAles. Who is I’m AlwAys stocked up for
gonnA go into A shop, pick gAme dAys, As you know,
thAt up, And not wipe their you AlwAys work up A
. . .nose . .. with it. HA hA hA. decent Appetite,
Useless buggers. Should especiAlly when you’rE
hAve put A top Orc plAyer wAtching some elves get
on the cover, mAybe A the . . . . . Snot . . . .beAt out
legendAry blood bowl of them hA hA hA hA hA.
 impactful player for the Berserkers’ in all
my time coaching them or playing Blood
Bowl said Berserker head coach Ivan
Bloodshed over his morning cup of ale. I’ve
got to play him, otherwise that crowd
outside will keep sending me flowers!’
Unbelievable scenes as the Wise-man Not only did Bloodshed play Mans-Hell,
trophy, the award awarded to the nicest that but even as Slarga Fourstike picked up
Blood Bowl player of the season (always the rare award of scoring a hat-trick of
awarded after only after 5 weeks as usually Touchdowns against the Grasshuggers, it
after then no Blood Bowl player can be was Johnny BloodBowl who picked up the
labelled as nice) was won unbelievably by prestigious player of the game - even
Bluchen Berserkers’ Thrower meets Blitzer though at most he was responsible for
Johnny Mans-Hell! tripping up a halfling who may have got to
There was a stunned silence around the Fourstrike as he scored the winning
Berserker’s training ground the morning touchdown!
after Mans-Hell’s unbelievable win - When asked about Mans Hell winning the
unbelievable because no Berserker player player of the game award, Fourstrike
had ever even been nominated for the throttled the reporter.
Wise-man Nicest Player Trophy - much less
win it. ‘I don’t know if there’s been a less

Slicin Boilitch, Skaven Scramblers

DEAD DEAD Snifyre Secondtail. Skaven Scramblers
Rorkaz Kalgar, Dwarf Warhammerers
DEAD Gird Brassneck, Dwarf Warhammerers
Ivo Azril, Worlds Edge Wanderers
All This Week’s Kills Khan Ashenface, Khain’s Killers
Fey Whitespire Galadrieth Gladiators
Stollen Cobblepot, Stunted Stoutfellows
Flash Toadwhipper, Scarcrag Snivellers Revertoh Sylph. Dark Renegades
Squit the Snotling, Chaos All-Stars
Ghite the Disgusting, Nurgles Rotters TOTALS
Tuckin Piemouth, Bluebay Crammers Members of the public 39
Norbit Fuzzytoes, Bluebay Crammers Referees 2
Harry Brace, Albion Wanderers Players 17
Total 58
Neddley Warble, Greenfield Grasshuggers
Valgar Angerstein, Arctic Cragspiders Season’s Total 189
 PREVIEW NAF WEEK 6
Darkside Cowboys Stunted Stoutfellows
Worlds Edge Wanderers Nurgle's Rotters
Everbold Unicorns Dark Renegades
Khain's Killers Hobgoblin Team
Reikland Reavers Westside Werewolves
Middenheim Marauders Bright Crusaders
Lowdown Rats Dwarf Giants
Icecastle Wolves Elfheim Eagles
Dwarf Warhammerers Bluebay Crammers
Arctic Cragspiders Orcland Raiders
Southstorm Squids Gouged Eye
Athelorn Avengers Asgard Ravens
Albion Wanderers Naggaroth Nightwings
Champions of Death Lustria Croakers
Vynheim Valkyries Galadrieth Gladiators
Oldheim Ogres Evil Gits
Creeveland Crescents Scarcrag Snivellers
Skaven Scramblers Chaos All-Stars
Underworld Creepers Bruendar Grimjacks
Greenfield Grasshuggers Bluchen Berserkers

BIGGEST GAMES: WEEK 6

Rumours abound that head coach Vytick the
Reikland Reavers (5-0) vs Many headed is finished should the abject
Westside Werewolves (4-1) Skaven lose to the unbeaten All-Stars
The biggest game of week 5 sees two of the
AFC’s top teams go head-to-head. The Reavers
Albion Wanderers (3-2) vs
have had an easy ride so far, not even
conceding a Touchdown. The Werewolves are Naggaroth Nightwings (3-2)
in a 3-way tie at the top of the AFC West and Both teams are still in their respective title races
their formidable defense will need to be at the but are more likely seeing this game as a test of
top of their game to pull off an away win at the their Chaos Cup credentials.
Altdorf Oldbowl
Middenheim Marauders (4-1) vs
Vynheim Valkyries (5-0) vs Bright Crusaders (3-2)
Galadrieth Gladiators (3-2) The Marauders will want to keep in control atop
With Lucien Swift out for at least another the AFC North, the bruised Bright Crusaders
month, the injury plagued Gladiators will not will not make it easy for them.
relish a trip to Longship stadium, home of the
bruising Vynheim Valkyries. Southstorm Squids (3-2) vs
Orcland Raiders (3-2)
Skaven Scramblers (1-4) vs The Squids are surprisingly in contention for
the NFC East. This crunch game will test
Chaos All-Stars (5-0) whether they’re genuine contenders.