Chapter 4

Revising Business
Messages

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 Learning Objectives

By the end of this chapter you should be able to:

4-1 Apply techniques to achieve conciseness as part of revision, Phase 3 of
the writing process.
4-2 Apply revision techniques that simplify and clarify business messages.
4-3 Explain how to improve readability with effective document design.
4-4 Describe proofreading techniques allowing writers to catch errors in both
routine and complex business documents.
4-5 Analyze a business message to evaluate its effectiveness.

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 4-1
Revising: Applying Phase 3 of the Writing
Process

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 4-1 Revising: Applying Phase 3 of the Writing
Process (1 of 7)

The final phase of the 3-x-3 writing process focuses on editing, proofreading, and
evaluating.
• Editing means improving the content and sentence structure of a message.
• Proofreading involves correcting its grammar, spelling, punctuation, format,
and mechanics of a message.
• Evaluating is the process of analyzing whether a message achieves its
purpose.

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 4-1 Revising: Applying Phase 3 of the Writing
Process (2 of 7)
Rarely is the first or even second version of a message satisfactory.
• The revision stage is your chance to make sure a message says what you mean
and makes you look good.
• Whether you revise immediately or after a break, you will want to examine your
message critically, improving its conciseness, clarity, and readability.

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 4-1 Revising: Applying Phase 3 of the Writing
Process (3 of 7)

Revising for Conciseness

• Concise messages save reading time and, thus, money.
• Messages that are written directly and efficiently are easier to read and
comprehend.
• In the revision process, look for shorter ways to say what you mean.

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 4-1 Revising: Applying Phase 3 of the Writing
Process (4 of 7)

• Your writing will be more concise if you:

− Slash wordy expressions.
▪ For example, notice the wordiness in this sentence: "In view of the fact
that sales are booming, in all probability profits will increase."
▪ It could be said more concisely: "Because sales are booming, profits will
probably increase."
− Purge long lead-ins.
▪ Long lead-ins are sentence introductions that contain unnecessary
words.

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 4-1 Revising: Applying Phase 3 of the Writing
Process (5 of 7)

− Drop fillers.
• Unnecessary fillers are expressions such as “there is/are” or “it is/was”
that often delay getting to the point of the sentence.
− Reject redundancies.
▪ Redundancies are expressions that repeat meaning or include
unnecessary words.
− Eliminate empty words.
▪ Be alert to these empty words and phrases: case, degree, the fact that,
factor, instance, nature, and quality.

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 4-1 Revising: Applying Phase 3 of the Writing
Process (6 of 7)

Writing Concise Social Media Messages

• Microblogging refers to short messages exchanged on social media networks
such as Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr.
• Regardless of the short messaging platform, conciseness is critical.
• Your messages must be short—without straying too far from conventional
spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

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 4-1 Revising: Applying Phase 3 of the Writing
Process (7 of 7)

• Your short messages will be most effective if you follow these tips:
− Include only main ideas focused on useful information.
− Choose descriptive but short words.
− Personalize message if possible.
− Use hashtags so that tweets are categorized around topics and easier to
find.
− Be prepared to draft several versions striving for conciseness, clarity, and,
yes, correctness.

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 Knowledge Check 1

True or False:

1. Editing involves correcting its grammar, spelling, punctuation, format, and

mechanics.
2. Proofreading means improving the content and sentence structure of your
message.
3. Long lead-ins are necessary introductory words.
4. Redundancies are expressions that repeat meaning or include unnecessary
words.

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 4-2
Ensuring Message Clarity

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 4-2 Ensuring Message Clarity (1 of 9)

• A clear message is one that is immediately understood.

• Several techniques can improve the clarity of your writing:
− Applying the KISS formula (keep it short and simple).
− Dumping trite business phrases.
− Scrapping clichés and buzzwords.
− Rescuing buried verbs.
− Curbing exuberance.
− Opting for precise words.

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 4-2 Ensuring Message Clarity (2 of 9)

Keeping It Short and Simple

• Use active-voice verbs to avoid unclear, pompous language as shown here:

Wordy and Unclear Improved

High-quality environments for children are a To learn properly, children need good
necessary precondition for facilitation and schools.
enhancement of the ongoing learning process.

In regard to the matter of obtaining optimal For best results, give employees the tools
results, it is essential that employees be given they need to do their work.
the implements that are necessary for their work
to be completed satisfactorily.

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 4-2 Ensuring Message Clarity (3 of 9)

Dumping Trite Business Phrases

• Avoid trite expressions, stale overused phrases that have lost their vigor.

Trite Phrase Improved

as per your request as you requested
enclosed please find enclosed is
in accordance with your wishes as you wish
please do not hesitate to Please
with the exception of except

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 4-2 Ensuring Message Clarity (4 of 9)

Cutting Clichés
• Clichés are expressions that have become exhausted by overuse.
• Try to find another way to say what you mean instead of repeating cliches such
as the following:
− Below the belt
− Easier said than done
− First and foremost
− Pass with flying colors
− Think outside the box
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 4-2 Ensuring Message Clarity (5 of 9)

Shunning Slang and Buzzwords

• Slang is composed of informal words with arbitrary and extravagantly changed
meanings.
• If you want to sound professional, avoid expressions like those below:
− Snarky
− Lousy
− Blowing the budget
− Bombed
− Social media slang such as b/c (because) or FOMO (fear of missing out)
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 4-2 Ensuring Message Clarity (6 of 9)

• Buzzwords are technical but often empty expressions that have become
fashionable and often are meant to impress rather than express.
• Business buzzwords to avoid include:
− Optimize
− Impactful
− Leveraging
− Cost effective
− Solutions-oriented
− Value-added services with end-to-end fulfillment
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 4-2 Ensuring Message Clarity (7 of 9)

Rescuing Buried Verbs

• Buried verbs are those that are needlessly converted to wordy noun
expressions—nominalizations.
• Verbs such as "acquire," "establish," and "develop" are made into nouns such
as "acquisition," "establishment," and "development."
• Sometimes called zombie nouns because they cannibalize and suck the life
out of active verbs, these nouns increase sentence length, slow the reader, and
muddy the thought.

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 4-2 Ensuring Message Clarity (8 of 9)

Curbing Exuberance
• Inexperienced writers show their exuberance—over-the-top intensity or
enthusiasm—with words such as "very," "definitely," "quite," "completely,"
"extremely," "really," "actually," and "totally."
Excessive Exuberance Businesslike
The manufacturer was "extremely" upset to The manufacturer was upset to learn that
learn that its smartphones were its smartphones were being counterfeited.
"definitely" being counterfeited!!!
We "totally" agree that we "actually" did not We agree that we did not give his proposal
give his proposal a "very" fair trial. a fair trial.

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 4-2 Ensuring Message Clarity (9 of 9)

Choosing Clear, Precise Words

• As you revise, make sure your words are precise so that the audience knows
exactly what you mean.
• what you mean.
Less Precise More Precise
She requested that everyone help out. Our manager begged each team member
to volunteer.
They will consider the problem soon. Our steering committee will consider the
recruitment problem on May 16.
We received many responses. The Sales Division received 28 job
applications.
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 4-3
Improving Readability with Strategic Document
Design

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 4-3 Improving Readability with Strategic Document
Design (1 of 8)

• Cleverly using document design will enhance the readability of messages and
make the writer appear well organized and intelligent.
• Significant design techniques to improve readability include:
− Strategic use of white space, margins, typefaces, and fonts.
− Numbered and bulleted lists.
− Headings for visual impact.

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 4-3 Improving Readability with Strategic Document
Design (2 of 8)

Making White Space Work for You

• Empty space on a printed page is called white space.
• A page crammed full of text or graphics appears busy, cluttered, and unreadable.
• Make white space work for you by:
− Using headings.
− Bulleted or numbered lists.
− Effective margins.
• Create short sentences (20 or fewer words) and short paragraphs (8 or fewer printed
lines) to improve readability and comprehension.
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 4-3 Improving Readability with Strategic Document
Design (3 of 8)

Understanding Margins and Text Alignment

• Margins determine the white space on the left, right, top, and bottom of a block
of type. They define the reading area, provide important visual relief, and
enhance readability.
• Business letters and memos usually have side margins of 1 to 1.5 inches.
• When letter and word-spacing are adjusted so that lines are aligned at both left
and right margins, the margins are said to be justified.
• If the right margin is unjustified (e.g., in report manuscripts), it is said to be
ragged right.
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 4-3 Improving Readability with Strategic Document
Design (4 of 8)
Choosing Appropriate Typefaces
• A typeface defines the shape of text characters.
• For most business messages, you should choose from "serif" or "sans
serif" categories.
− Serif typefaces have small features at the ends of strokes (i.e., Times New
Roman).
− Sans serif is a clean typeface than excludes small features at the ends of
strokes (i.e., Arial, Calibri, Gothic, Tahoma, Helvetica, and Univers).

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 4-3 Improving Readability with Strategic Document
Design (5 of 8)
Selecting Type Fonts and Sizes
• Font refers to a specific style (such as italic) within a typeface family (such as
Times New Roman).
• Font styles are a mechanical means of adding emphasis to your words.
• Boldface, italics, and underlining are effective for calling attention to important
points and terms.
• An excessive number of font styles can confuse, annoy, or slow down readers.
• Readers are generally most comfortable with 10- to 12-point type for body text.

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 4-3 Improving Readability with Strategic Document
Design (6 of 8)

Enhancing Comprehension with Numbered and Bulleted Lists

• Numbered or bulleted lists provide high skim value, a document design that
allows readers to browse quickly and grasp main ideas.
• By breaking up complex information into smaller chunks, lists improve
readability, understanding, and retention.
• Lists force the writer to organize ideas and write efficiently.
• Be careful. Too many bulleted lists can make messages appear unprofessional,
like grocery lists.

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 4-3 Improving Readability with Strategic Document
Design (7 of 8)
• These techniques make lists look professional:
− Numbered lists: Use for items that represent a sequence or reflect a
numbering system.
− Bulleted lists: Use to highlight items that don’t necessarily show a
chronology.
− Capitalization: Capitalize the initial word of each line.
− Punctuation: Add end punctuation only if the listed items are complete
sentences.
− Parallelism: Make all the lines consistent; for example, start each with a
verb.
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 4-3 Improving Readability with Strategic Document
Design (8 of 8)

Improving Business Messages with Headings

• Headings are an effective tool for highlighting information and improving
readability because they
− Encourage the writer to group similar material together.
− Help the reader separate major ideas from details.
− Enable a busy reader to skim familiar or less important information.
− Provide a quick preview or review.

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 Knowledge Check 2

Fill in the Blank:

1. ________________ refers to empty space on a page.

2. ________________ determine the white space on the left, right, top, and
bottom of a block of type.
3. __________________ typefaces have small features at the ends of strokes.
4. ________________ refers to a specific style (such as italic) within a typeface
family (such as Times New Roman).

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 4-4
Catching Errors with Careful Proofreading

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4-4 Catching Errors with Careful Proofreading (1 of 4)

Documents with errors affect your credibility and the success of your organization.
• Once the message is in its final form, it’s time to proofread.
− Don’t proofread earlier because you may waste time checking items that
eventually will be changed or omitted.
• When you finish a first draft, plan for a cooling-off period.
− Put the document aside and return to it after a break, preferably after 24
hours or longer.
− This will help you see what you wrote instead of what you thought you wrote.

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4-4 Catching Errors with Careful Proofreading (2 of 4)

What to Watch for in Proofreading

• Careful proofreaders check for problems in the following areas:
− Spelling
− Grammar
− Punctuation
− Names and numbers
− Format

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4-4 Catching Errors with Careful Proofreading (3 of 4)

How to Proofread Routine Documents

• To proofread effectively:
− Use the down arrow to reveal one line at a time or read from a printed copy.
− Look for typos and misspellings.
− Search for easily confused words, such as “to” for “too” and “then” for “than.”
− Read for missing words and inconsistencies.

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4-4 Catching Errors with Careful Proofreading (4 of 4)

How to Proofread Complex Documents

• To proofread complex documents effectively, apply the previous suggestions but also
add the following techniques:
− Print a copy, preferably double-spaced, and set it aside for at least a day.
− Allow adequate time to proofread carefully.
− Be prepared to find errors.
− Read the message at least twice—once for word meanings and once for grammar
and mechanics.
− Reduce your reading speed and concentrate on individual words rather than ideas.
− Enlist a proofreading buddy.
− Use standard proofreading marks to indicate changes.
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 4-5
Evaluating the Effectiveness of Your Message

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 4-5 Evaluating the Effectiveness of Your Message
(1 of 2)

• To evaluate the effectiveness of a message, try asking these questions.

− Is it polished and clear enough to convince the reader that you are worth
listening to?
− How successful will this message be?
− Does it say what you want it to?
− Will it achieve its purpose?
− How will you know whether it succeeds?

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 4-5 Evaluating the Effectiveness of Your Message
(2 of 2)

The best way to judge the success of your communication is through feedback.
• Encourage the receiver to respond to your message.
• Use their feedback to modify future efforts and improve your communication
technique.

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