The A-Word

t
LINDA FAIGAO-HALL

Developed at Find Your Voice (formerly Starfish

Theatreworks ) under Gail Noppe-Brandon, AEA
Production, one of three plays called Snapshots by Diverse City
Theater Company, August 16–September 1, 2007, at Samuel
Beckett Theater, New York City. Directed by Gregory
Simmons. Cast: Beth—Melanie Nicholls-King;
Young Man—Antwan Ward.

11
CHARACTERS
BETH, fifties, any ethnicity, introspective, strives for meaning in her life,
open to possibilities, yet fearful, ambivalent.
YOUNG MAN, early twenties, impulsive, spontaneous, lives only for the
moment.

SETTING
Beth’s living room.

TIME
The present.

• • •

At rise, there’s Beth, pacing, an expectant hush hanging in the air, and an
open picture album. A few beats. Young Man enters.

BETH: You’re a day late.

YOUNG MAN: And whose fault is that.
BETH: (An attempt at lightness.) Well, come on. Don’t be shy. Give me a kiss.
(Young Man does not.)
BETH: Don’t be that way. (Showing him the album). Look. Paul’s birthday pre-
sent. A picture album of my life . . . The best birthday present ever.
It’s so—
BETH/YOUNG MAN: (Beth, gushing; Young Man, smirking) Romantic!
(A beat.)
BETH: He said he started it right after my surgery a year ago.
(Young Man grabs the album unceremoniously.)
BETH: BE CAREFUL!
(A card falls from it. Young Man picks it up.)
YOUNG MAN: (Giving her the card.) Read it to me.
BETH: “To my lovely Beth . . . the best is yet to be. Love, Paul.”
YOUNG MAN: Wuss. So where is he?
BETH: He left this morning.
YOUNG MAN: Argument?
BETH: Just the opposite. We’ve never been closer.
YOUNG MAN: You’re such a liar.
BETH: No, I’m not. (Pause.) I asked him to leave.
YOUNG MAN: You kicked him out, you mean.

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BETH: No, I didn’t kick him out. I merely said I needed some time to myself.
(Pause.) We need to talk.
YOUNG MAN: So what else is new? (Studying the pictures.) Everyone’s here . . .
BETH: He was so thorough. Even tracked down an old picture postcard of my
high school . . . they tore it down to make way for a superhighway years
ago . . . Grandma Rose . . . I don’t even know how he got hold of that
one . . . A whole year, he’s been doing it . . . and not a word . . .
YOUNG MAN: (Turning a page.) Even Brian’s rock band. You hated that band.
BETH: No, I didn’t.
YOUNG MAN: He was a lawyer.
BETH: The world has enough unhappy lawyers.
YOUNG MAN: He was no happy rocker either. Miserable punk. All coked up
screwing nymphets and slapping you around.
BETH: That doesn’t hurt anymore. I’m over it. I’m entitled to one mistake.
YOUNG MAN: You mean two. Two mistakes.
BETH: One. (Joining him.) Oh. Look . . . I was so thin . . . such a lovely bride
. . . even I would say so myself.
YOUNG MAN: You look OK. Married twice . . . practice makes perfect.
BETH: You always include Steve. I told you. He doesn’t count! I mean I
wasn’t married to him. (Pause.) I’m sorry, but I wasn’t.
YOUNG MAN: So why does Brian count?
BETH: Because we were married.
YOUNG MAN: But he was an asshole.
BETH: Hey—
YOUNG MAN: Your own words.
BETH: I’ve redeemed myself in Paul. He proposed. Last night.
YOUNG MAN: Sounds like good news.
BETH: Isn’t it?
YOUNG MAN: So what’s the problem?
BETH: Problem? What problem? Can’t I simply share the good news?
YOUNG MAN: Will you give it up?
BETH: He’s proposed; he asked me to marry him—last night. I told him I need
some time to think it over. I wanted to talk to you first. Don’t spoil this
one. You always ruin everything. But this time it’s different. I’m in love
with him. I feel loved.
YOUNG MAN: How do you know what it means to be loved?
BETH: You’ve changed. Over the years. You’ve gotten so—malignant.
YOUNG MAN: I’ve always been honest.
BETH: But it’s true. I’ve never been happier.

THE A-WORD • 13
YOUNG MAN: LIAR! The truth is, you’re going to mess it up somehow because
you’re scared shitless. You’ve always been scared and you always blame me.
BETH: I want peace. I want peace. I’m not the same person I was the last time
you were here.
YOUNG MAN: Then prove it!
BETH: Once, a rabid agnostic. Now look at me. I’ve developed a spiritual life
I didn’t think I was capable of finding. A devout Catholic. There’s some-
thing to be said for surviving cancer. Last year, I didn’t know I’d be around
to celebrate it. Now I live each day as if it were my last and mean it.
YOUNG MAN: Except when it comes to me.
(He sweeps the album aside. Beth leaps to her feet and retrieves it.)
YOUNG MAN: There are no pictures of me. You still haven’t told Paul about
me! So what’s so different this time?
BETH: Be reasonable. How can I have pictures of you?
YOUNG MAN: He’s got one of Steve. You said he didn’t count.
BETH: It’s a class picture, for God’s sake. Of course Steve would be in it. I knew
it. Why can’t you leave me alone!
YOUNG MAN: (Laughing.) But it’s you who call me. And always the same words!
And I say, OK. Send me back. Go on. Do it!
BETH: You think I can’t? (Pause.) Get out. GET OUT!
YOUNG MAN: All right.
(Young Man turns around to go, but there is no conviction in it. He’s been
here before. Beth stifles a cry. Young Man stops in his tracks.)
YOUNG MAN: Aren’t you tired of it? I am. This Paul. I believe he’s different. I
know he’s in love with you, and you’re in love with him. He nursed you
back to health. He’s patient. He’s fucking good in bed. In fact, I’m
surprised.
BETH: Why? I don’t deserve him, you mean? I don’t believe my luck? I better
not blow this one or I’ll never meet another man like him? Is that what
you mean?
YOUNG MAN: How about children. Does he want any?
BETH: No. He’s got his own. All grown up.
YOUNG MAN: So he’s perfect. (Pause.) You’re still running out of time. Finish it.
BETH: That’s what Paul said. He said exactly those words. Except it’s he who’s
running out of time. It’s now or never, he said.
YOUNG MAN: Maybe something different will happen this time around.
BETH: What are you going to do?
YOUNG MAN: I don’t know yet. It will come to me.

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BETH: The words. Not the same words. You always say the same things. (Pause)
Perhaps after I’ve had my coffee. I’m not human before I have my coffee.
YOUNG MAN: NO! Absolutely not! That’s how it starts. A drink. Coffee. There’s
always something! Next thing you know, I’ve got to get the hell out of
here and nothing will have been accomplished.
BETH: You’re right.
YOUNG MAN: Good. Why don’t you start? For a change.
BETH: Are you sure?
YOUNG MAN: No. But do it anyway.
BETH: (Haltingly.) Mom and Dad were in the middle of the divorce and I was
hanging out with Steve Michaels.
YOUNG MAN: (As if chanting a nursery rhyme. Compulsive.)
Stevie the Dickman.
Stevie the Prickman.
BETH: You said you’ll try something different. You’re always crude. I remem-
ber when you were younger. You were so sweet. Innocent. You were
gentle.
YOUNG MAN: I was a baby. All babies are sweet and innocent. If they came
out talking, no one would want them. (As if chanting a nursery rhyme.)
Stevie the Dickman.
Stevie the Prickman.
BETH: Stop it! He was your father!
YOUNG MAN: A no-good son of a bitch asshole father. You know what it’s like.
I have to be cruel in order to be kind.
BETH: But you’re never kind.
YOUNG MAN: (Daring her.)
Stevie the Dickman
and Betsy the Slut.
BETH: (Slapping him.) Go to hell!
(Young Man grabs her arm and bites her hand. Beth screams in pain. Young
Man steps back, and Beth grimaces, holding her hand.)
YOUNG MAN: Come on, you can do this one. You stood up to chemo.
BETH: I can’t handle your rage.
YOUNG MAN: Frustration. That’s what drives me. You weren’t even in love with
him. You didn’t even enjoy it.
BETH: We were so young! I was nervous. A virgin. So was he.
YOUNG MAN: And stupid. You were both stupid.
BETH: What did we know?
YOUNG MAN: You should have known plenty. It was the eighties, for God’s sake.

THE A-WORD • 15
BETH: Please, why do you have to do it this way?
YOUNG MAN: It’s called tough love. Happy birthday!
BETH: Stop. I can’t go through with this. Please. Go. I’ll leave it alone. I
promise!
YOUNG MAN: But you can’t leave it alone. I don’t trust you anymore, don’t you
get it? Go on . . . you didn’t know what to do . . . you were messed up—
angry—confused.
BETH: I’ll go back to therapy. I promise!
YOUNG MAN: You stopped that years ago. Don’t you think I’d know that?
(Pause) That small hick town—the only thing you were looking forward
to in your life was getting away from there.
BETH: The only thing I lived for was to see the world. Leave everything be-
hind. Mom and Dad. The yelling . . . the smell of drink . . . the filthy
house . . .
YOUNG MAN: Stevie was the only thing that made it bearable. And then came
summer of eighty-seven. What a bummer.
BETH: I had to go to New York. I couldn’t take the risk of someone seeing me.
YOUNG MAN: But it took so long for you to make up your mind, by the time
you went to New York—
(Beth covers her ears, starts making sounds to drown out Young Man’s words.)
YOUNG MAN: We always stop here. I’m not going through this again. (Beth
turns to run, hands covering her ears. Young Man grabs her. They struggle.
The fight is short but fierce. He pins her down, holds her face in a vice.) YOU
WERE PAST THE FIRST TRIMESTER! (Silence.) There. That’s not so
bad, is it? (He lets her go. All the wind has gone out of her.)
YOUNG MAN: What do you want?
BETH: I want you to stop haunting me.
YOUNG MAN: Don’t you think that’s up to you?
BETH: I want to be healed.
YOUNG MAN: Why? Were you wounded? It was your choice! You were free,
weren’t you? Don’t you believe you were free?
BETH: Yes! But just because I was free it doesn’t mean I didn’t do anything
wrong. Freedom and doing the right thing—sometimes they’re not
the same.
YOUNG MAN: What did you do that was so wrong? (Silence.) Beth? What did
you do that was so wrong? (Silence.) You want me to say it? (Silence.) Say
it. Say it!
BETH: (For Beth, like pulling teeth.) I killed you. I flushed you out of my body.
You had a heart and lungs and eyes and ears—the guilt—no one ever talks

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 about the guilt—the waste of it—what could have been . . . (Weeping
now.) Since then, I think that everything in my life that didn’t work came
from that one single wrong. God was punishing me. That’s why Brian
abused me . . . I deserved it. That’s why lovers came and went . . . I de-
served it. . . . I had cancer . . . I deserved it. Even now I feel I’m not wor-
thy of Paul.
YOUNG MAN: Give me a proper burial.
BETH: What?
YOUNG MAN: Give me a proper burial.
BETH: I don’t know what you’re saying.
YOUNG MAN: (Pause.) I don’t either. Just popped out. This is scary . . .
BETH: You’re scared. You?
YOUNG MAN: We’ve never gone this far before. Hold me.
(They hold each other.)
BETH: What do we do now?
YOUNG MAN: (Softly.) Boy or girl?
BETH: What?
YOUNG MAN: Boy or girl? (Pause.) Choose.
BETH: A boy. You were always a boy.
YOUNG MAN: What do I look like? (Pause.) Choose.
BETH: (Pause.) You’ve got big, brown eyes . . . Stevie’s smile . . .
YOUNG MAN: What’s my name?
BETH: I don’t know . . . I never—
YOUNG MAN: Give me a name. Choose.
BETH: David.
DAVID: Cool. I like it. David . . .
BETH: I’m sorry I never got to love you. Forgive me.
DAVID: I forgive you.
(Beth gives him a kiss, cradling him as they both close their eyes, rocking each
other. A few beats.)
BETH: I’m sorry I don’t have a picture of you.
DAVID: But you’re right. I was never there. So let it be.
BETH: What?
DAVID: (Reaching for the book.) Everything in this book has brought you here
. . . to this very moment . . . change one thing . . . change one tiny thing
and you wouldn’t be right here now . . . you wouldn’t have met Paul . . .
this man who loves you—this loving patient man who promises you the
best is yet to be.
(He turns to go.)

THE A-WORD • 17
DAVID: Have a good life. Good-bye, Beth
BETH: Good-bye, David.
(David exits. There is absolute and total silence. Then the telephone rings.
Beth picks it up.)
BETH: Hello . . . hi, Paulie. Why didn’t you wake me this morning? . . . It was
a lovely dinner party . . . yes . . . it’s the best gift ever . . . it’s right here
. . . In fact I’ve been going over it all morning . . . you do know me so
well . . . hurry home, my sweet, hurry home . . . the best is yet to be . . .
(Fade out.)

END OF PLAY

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