Grace Watson

Professor Santora

First-Year Writing

February 11, 2023

Growing Up With Selective Muteness

I stood there frozen on the playground, unable to move. While the other kids

were running around the playground, I was so scared to talk to my peers, I was

paralyzed. Some people believed I was frozen from a game of freeze tag, when in

reality I was just frozen to my core. This was recess on my first day of first grade. I had

just switched schools. It is always hard to start a new school but when you are six and

have undiagnosed selective muteness, it is even harder.

Throughout my life I have had social anxiety, especially when it comes to school.

I was always able to talk to my family and neighborhood friends, but when it came to

school, I would shut down. I have two younger sisters, both of whom did not have social

anxiety (at least to the extreme that I did). It was hard for me to grow up watching them

make friends so easily. Just like my mom, they have always been social butterflies. If I

had one wish, it would be to never have selective muteness.

Ever since I was in preschool I remember not wanting to talk to my classmates. It

was so bad that I wondered how my classmates talked to each other. I still do not know

why school was such a scary place for me, maybe because I felt like I was not smart

enough. Maybe I felt like I would embarrass myself in front of other kids. I don't know

why it took my parents so long to take me to a psychologist, but they finally did and in
third grade I was diagnosed with selective muteness, a severe anxiety disorder that

develops in children. If it is left untreated, it can carry into adulthood.

I was prescribed medication to help with my disorder. Because of modern day

medicine, getting older and growing up with my classmates. As well as my parents

sending me to multiple therapists. My anxiety has decreased tenfold. I am able to talk to

my classmates without feeling distressed. Because of my diagnosis, I have never had

many friends at one time. Now that I am in college that has seemed to change. I am

able to make friends more easily and I am no longer nervous when someone else talks

to me. I am able to keep in touch with them and not lose any. This is very impressive

because I have lost a couple of friends because of my selective muteness in the past.

Looking back I am grateful that my mom pushed me to be more social and keep in

touch with friends. She has always been there for me even if she did not believe in my

social skills.

Looking back at my childhood now, it was normal for a kid growing up in upper

middle class Dallas. Except it was harder for me to make friends than other children. I

always considered myself socially awkward growing up and I still do. Maybe it is

because of my social anxiety or maybe I am just an odd, awkward person. I always

wonder what my life would have been like if I never had social anxiety, would I have

many more friends or maybe I would have been a theater kid. I will never know the

answer to this question, but one thing I have learned is getting to know my classmates

is no longer scary.

According to the NHS.Uk website selective muteness affects 1 in 140 children

and it is more common for girls. It can develop in children between the ages of 2-4.
Researchers see selective mutism as a phobia of talking to certain people and the

cause is often anxiety. If it is left untreated it can cause isolation and low self esteem. A

child can successively overcome the disorder by proper diagnosis at a young age. It is

important for the child to be diagnosed early in life. According to NHS.Uk on the

diagnoses guidelines they have common symptoms. Such as not speaking in school but

can speak in comfortable situations. When the child does not speak to some people for

a couple months. Then it is a sign to the parents to take them to a psychologist. This

also affects how children are in school because they are too afraid to ask teachers

when they need help or do not ask the teachers when they need to be excused. If the

child is a teenager and has not started to overcome the disorder then they may not

develop independence because they are too scared to leave the house. This may also

affect them after high school and in college because they are too scared to participate in

college life as well as interviews for jobs. Luckily with modern day treatment and

medication many children with selective mutism are able to be treated and able to

overcome the fear of talking to others.

According to Theracareaz.com selective muteness is quite rare with it occurring

in 0.05% of children. The condition makes it hard for the children in school because of

the many oral tasks. Such as asking the teacher for help, presentations and

participating in teams. This leads to children with this rare disorder to fall behind. The

disorder is very underresearched because of its rare occurrence and how it gets mixed

up with severe shyness by parents. According to SMart Center(2019) around 90% of

children with selective muteness have another social anxiety or phobia. This also

develops in immigrant children due to the language barrier. These migrant children
could have trouble learning a new language so they end up just staying silent. The

Selective Mutism Center website says that the majority of children with selective mutism

have inherited anxiety from their parents. It even goes as far as affects children's

senses. Giving them sensory processing disorder. Making these kids sensitive to sound,

light, touch, taste and smells. As well as 20-30% of children having speech or language

defects. For me I can relate to being sensitive to certain smells and sounds. Such as

cigarette smoke, which I seem to be so sensitive to that I can not be around someone

who is smoking. As for sounds, when I am listening to music I can not have it turned up

too loudly, or what some other people might seem as fine. It will hurt my ears and if at a

certain level I can hear the vibrations.

Growing up with this rarity gravely affected my childhood. Two of my best friends

growing up lived on the same street as me and we went to the same school. At home I

would talk to them and be myself, but at school I was too scared to talk to them. Since

we all lived in the same neighborhood we would often carpool. Once I got in the car I

would talk to them because it meant that the school day was over. This did cause

confusion for my friends because they did not know why I would not talk to them at

school even though we would talk all the time at home. I went to a small private school

which definitely helped my anxiety. This meant that my grade was small with my

graduating class being only 39 people. Most of us all grew up together and have known

each other for over a decade. Which is crazy to think about now. Even though I have

known so many of my fellow graduates for so long, I did not feel close to many of them.

Since I was too shy and scared to make new friends. Once in high school I was able to

speak to more of my classmates besides the few I was close friends with. I started to
branch out more, which was my goal every year in high school, even if it did not happen

very well. When I was in my early years of elementary school as well as pre school I

was able to befriend a few girls. I was too scared to talk to them outloud so I would

whisper to them or talk very quietly. This is how I was at school for maybe around 8-9

years. I also unsurprisingly became known as the quiet or shy girl for obvious reasons.

After all these years I went to school with my class, I don't think they know that I had

selective muteness. They probably just thought that I was extremely shy. After reading

more about selective mutism for this paper, now I am worried that if I have biological

children they would go through the same childhood I did. Losing so many friends due to

my anxiety disorder because we lost touch or we just grew apart is hard and I would not

want that for any young child. Because selective mutism is rare and under researched

not many people may know what it is, which can be hard not knowing why your child is

not talking. Part of me is grateful I grew up selectively mute, it gave me a hardship many

middle class children in the United States do not have to face. Since I had first hand

experience with a rare disorder, it makes me more empathetic for children going

through severe anxiety or something similar. Looking back at my childhood I can not

recall too much, but I can remember much more from the past few years. I don't know if

I blocked out lots of my childhood memories because I had traumatic experiences or if I

just have a bad memory. Since I am only 19 it seems that I should remember much

more. Now that I am overcoming this rarity, I am excited to see what my future holds

and how my anxiety will treat me in the future.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/selective-mutism/

https://theracareaz.com/selective-mutism-impact-at-school/

https://selectivemutismcenter.org/how-does-diet-and-nutrition-affect-selective-mutism/