THE

SHADOW
WORK
JOURNAL

BY DR. NICOLE LEPERA

THE HOLISTIC PSYCHOLOGIST
 NOTE: THE SHADOW WORK
JOURNAL WAS CREATED BY
DR. NICOLE LEPERA AND HAS
NO COPYRIGHT
YOU ARE FREE TO PRINT COPIES,
SHARE, OR USE HOWEVER YOU
CHOOSE WITHOUT PERMISSION.

MAY IT BE OF
COLLECTIVE BENEFIT
 MEET YOUR SHADOW
Y our shadow self is the part of you that you have denied or
repressed since childhood. When we are children, we get all
sorts of messaging from people we love about what parts of
ourselves are “good” and what parts of ourselves are “bad.”
Many of us have felt validated when we heard praise from parent
figures who said things like, “You’re such a good and polite kid
for doing x, y, and z” or “Don’t be x,y, and z. Share your toys.”

When we are children, we don’t have discernment about what

to take personally and what not to take personally. Everything is
taken literally and directly. If someone we love very much (whom
our survival depends on) tells us that we are doing something
“bad” or “wrong,” we may come to believe we are bad or wrong.
For example, we might express more of our caretaking side
because we have learned that part of us good. We may also deny
our own wants or desires, believing it is selfish to keep anything
or want something just for ourselves.

All of this happens subconsciously, based on the messages we

receive. Sometimes, these messages are more direct, especially
for those of us who were punished for having certain needs or
certain emotions. For many of us, being punished for wanting a
lot of attention, for crying too much, or for being “dramatic” is
the beginning of adopting a persona or false self to please
people around us.
 MEET YOUR SHADOW
O ur shadow self doesn’t only consist of the “negative” things
about ourselves, it can also hold many positive traits that
aren’t socially rewarded or seen by others. Many of us are born
into homes that put a lot of pressure on academic performance
with hopes that this focus will result in more opportunities and a
better life. Often our inherent abilities and talents that do not fit
into this path are overlooked. Many of us who, as children, loved
artistic expression like drawing or singing might have found
these passions ignored or may have been told to “stop messing
around” or “wasting time” when we expressed ourselves in those
ways. Sadly, many of our shadow selves include creative talents
that were not socially rewarded or were dismissed completely.

When we aren’t aware of our shadow self, we tend to project it

onto other people. We are quick to judge others and use labels
(e.g. arrogant, entitled, greedy). You’ll notice that the traits you
project onto others tend to be patterns that you see in other
people consistently. It may surprise some of you to hear that
these traits are also within yourself, which is why you see them
in others. Sometimes, we may even identify ourselves as “better”
than those people, or we may virtue signal when we’re around
them to cope with the internal conflict of not accepting those
aspects of ourselves. The truth is that all of us contain messy,
broken, hurt, selfish, and jealous parts, and this doesn’t make us
“bad.” The more we accept all parts of ourselves, the more we
can accept all parts of others.
 MEET YOUR SHADOW
W e can be just as quick to project “good” traits onto
others. We may even “hero worship,” or see some people
as larger than life or perfect. The reality is, even the people we
admire have flaws, insecurities, and qualities that cause them to
feel shame. It’s also important to understand the “good” traits
that we admire and see within others are also within ourselves,
which is why we see them in others. It’s only through doing the
inner work that we can begin to actually see the good we
overlook.

Like our ego, our shadow self is ultimately looking to be

integrated, or simply to be seen, acknowledged, and honored,
so that we can become complete. In other words, so that we can
be our whole, fully expressed, authentic Self. Many parts of us
have been dismissed or subjectively seen as “bad” by people
based on their opinions. In our shadow self lies the creative,
beautiful parts of ourselves, as well as the parts we’re afraid of
(e.g., the vengeful parts, the jealous parts, the fearful parts, and
all of the sometimes scary thoughts that come with them).
Meeting our shadow self is meeting our true humanity, and we
can all learn to love it.
 DO YOU FEEL

While some of you may be using these terms

interchangeably, shame and guilt are two different
feelings. Guilt is a feeling we have when we believe we
have done something wrong, usually with our own
actions or interactions. Shame is what we feel when we
believe we are inherently wrong or worthless.

While both of these feelings have evolutionary (and

social) value by indicating awareness of how we (and our
actions) impact others and the world around us, shame
erodes our sense of self and can often result in
secretiveness around our desirable choices.

Begin to notice when you are feeling shame and practice

separating yourself from your choices or actions.
Reframe your thoughts to indicate that you are still
worthy and loveable, even if you (or others) feel
disappointed with your actions.

Ex: “I am lovable even when I make a mistake”

 SHADOW WORK:
MEET YOUR SHADOW
S pend some time exploring the following questions. Some of
these answers might not come to you right away, and that’s
okay. You can always come back to this— The more open you
are to this work, the clearer the answers will become.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ARE SOME OF THE WORST TRAITS,

CHARACTERISTICS, OR BEHAVIORS A PERSON CAN HAVE?

WHAT TRAITS, CHARACTERISTICS, OR BEHAVIORS DON’T YOU LIKE

ABOUT YOURSELF?

WHAT TRAIT(S) DO YOU SEE IN PEOPLE THAT YOU NOTICE

YOURSELF ALWAYS FEELING ENVIOUS OF (OR WISH YOU HAD)?

WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF OR WHAT DO YOU FEEL IS YOUR

GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT?
WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE THIS ACCOMPLISHMENT MEANS
ABOUT YOU?

IF EVER THERE WAS A TIME WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND FELT
BADLY ABOUT YOURSELF (STUPID, FOOLISH, OR EMBARRASSED),
WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT YOURSELF?
HOW DO YOU FEEL?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT FAILURE OR MAKING MISTAKES?

HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU FAIL OR MAKE A MISTAKE? DO YOU
ACCEPT FAILURE AND MISTAKES AS PART OF LIFE OR DO YOU FEEL
YOURSELF CONSUMED BY FEARS OF THEM?

WHAT TRAITS, CHARACTERISTICS, OR BEHAVIORS MAKE YOU FEEL

THE MOST INSECURE?

IF EVER THERE WAS A TIME WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG WHEN

PEOPLE COMMENTED ON ASPECTS OF YOU THAT WERE “WRONG,”
“BAD,” “NEGATIVE,” OR THAT YOU SHOULD CHANGE, WHAT DID
THEY SAY? HOW DID YOU FEEL?
 DO YOU FIND YOURSELF STILL TRYING TO CHANGE THESE ASPECTS
OF YOURSELF TODAY?

WHAT TRAITS, CHARACTERISTICS, OR BEHAVIOR DID YOUR

PARENT FIGURES IDEALIZE, OR THINK AND SPEAK HIGHLY OF
WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD? DID THEY IDEALIZE MONEY OR
SUCCESS? WORK ETHIC? HAVING NICE MATERIAL THINGS? BEING
“STRONG” OR “NOT WEAK”? HIGH ACHIEVEMENT OR GOOD
GRADES? SELF - SACRAFICE OR BEING “SELFLESS”?

WHAT TRAITS, CHARACTERISTICS, OR BEHAVIORS DO YOU

IDEALIZE? HOW DO YOU ATTEMPT TO MEET THESE IDEALIZED
STANDARDS?

HOW EASILY DID YOU “FIT IN” GROWING UP OR HOW ACCEPTED

OR REJECTED DID YOU FEEL BY YOUR PEERS OR FRIENDS? HOW
DID YOU FEEL? WHY DID YOU IMAGINE YOU WERE BEING
ACCEPTED OR REJECTED?
 SHADOW WORK:
WITNESS YOUR SHADOW IN ACTION

W e can see our shadow through others and our daily interactions
with them. Noticing the thoughts that come up when we are
around friends, family, and strangers will allow us to discover parts of
ourselves that we haven’t yet seen. We can also notice what comes up
when we consume information through social media, television, or
movies. Doing this will cause a profound shift in our lives because most
of us unconsciously take in information or interact with the world around
us. It’s through conscious reflection on these experiences that we gain a
deeper awareness of their influence and meaning. The behavior we
engage in often has an emotional payoff. Usually, our behavior is based
on a desire to satisfy an unmet need. Typically, this motivation is
unconscious, and we are not aware of why we do the things we do. In this
exercise, we are going to work on becoming conscious of our
unconscious motives.

I mostly consume content about ____________________and the emotional payoff

I get is feeling ______________________________.

In my closest relationships, we usually are bonding over ____________________

and the emotional payoff is feeling ________________________________.

When I post on social media, I’m usually posting things about

____________________ and the emotional payoff is feeling
________________________________.

When I am alone, I usually think about ____________________ and the emotional

payoff is feeling _________________________________.

When I talk negatively about someone, I’m usually talking about

___________________ and the emotional payoff is feeling
______________________________________.

Now let’s look at your answers. You’ll probably notice a pattern. Are you
feeling justified, angry, morally superior, or “less than” others?
None of these feelings are wrong or bad, we all have them.
 CONGRATS!

Take a moment to congratulate yourself.

It can be so confronting to look at the parts
of us that are challenging or difficult.

You’ve gained so much self awareness just

from doing these simple practices.

Next, we’re going to practice integrating our

shadow. Integrating our shadow means accepting
the parts of us we feel shameful around.

Through self acceptance were more compassion,

open, and curious torwards ourselves and others.
 INTEGRATING MY SHADOW:
AFFIRMATIONS FOR
INTEGRATING MY SHADOW

A ffirmations can help us rewire neural pathways. In order to

practice affirmations it's important to bring our body into them.
Sit in a space you feel comfortable in. Take a few deep breaths. As you
say these affirmations out loud (or to yourself) FEEL what it would feel
like in your body if these were true. The more you practice, the easier
this will become.

IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO FEEL I AM WORTHY AND

ANGRY. ANGER HELPS ME LOVABLE EVEN WHEN I
PROTECT MYSELF AND SET MAKE MISTAKES.
CLEAR BOUNDARIES

I HAVE A CHOICE IN
I CAN SLOW DOWN AND HOW I RESPOND TO
REMIND MYSELF TO TAKE EVERYTHING AND
DEEP BREATHS WHEN I'M I CHOOSE TO BE
OVERWHELMED KIND TO ME
I AM SHOWING UP FOR I FORGIVE
THE YOUNGER MYSELF FOR
VERSION OF ME WHO WHAT I DID IN
DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE SURVIVAL MODE
SHOW UP FOR THEM

ALL PARTS OF ME GOT EVERYTHING I FEEL IS

ME TO WHERE I VALID, AND I TRUST
AM TODAY AND I'M MYSELF TO COPE WITH
PROUD OF ME STRESSFUL EMOTIONS

I DIDN'T DESERVE WHAT

I AM LEARNING, HAPPENED TO ME AND I
GROWING, AND AM AN ADULT WHO CAN
EVOLVING EVERY DAY CHOOSE TO MAKE
HEALTHY CHOICES NOW
 ACCEPTING MY SHADOW

T hese next couple of pages, you're going to be working on

accepting your shadow self. Allow yourself to free-write
whatever comes to mind without judgment. These prompts are going
to guide you towards a more compassionate relationship with
yourself. The compassion you show yourself will flow into every other
relationship you have.
ONE WAY I AM GOING TO BE KINDER TO MYSELF IS:

SOMETHING I REALLY APPRECIATE ABOUT MYSELF IS:

SOMETHING OTHERS APPRECIATE IN ME IS:

EVEN THOUGH MY CHLIDHOOOD WASN'T PERFECT,
IT DID TEACH THAT:

ONE KIND (ENCOURAGING) THING I WOULD SAY TO MY

YOUNGER SELF IS:

WHEN I FIND MYSELF IN A SHAME CYCLE, BEATING MYSELF UP, I AM

GOING TO STOP AND REMIND MYSELF:

WHEN I FIND MYSELF HURT BY SOMETHING SOMEONE SAID OR DID, I

WILL BE THERE FOR MYSELF BY DOING:
I NO LONGER NEED TO BE PERFECT AND I'LL SHOW THIS
TO MYSELF BY:

I AM AWARE OF MY WOUNDS, AND ALSO AWARE OF MY GIFTS.

SOME OF MY GIFTS ARE:
 Use this last page to write a letter to your 10 year old self.
Let them know that you’re there for them, you know what
happened, and they’re worthy/lovable exactly as they are. If
you feel an urge to cry, let yourself. The final exercise in shadow
work usually brings up a lot of emotions, so practice letting
them come without judgement.

DEAR 10 YEAR OLD ME,