3569 CP David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V AVAILABLE-141-203

THE BIG TIME
David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 135 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

The Big Time was first produced by the Ensemble Theatre,
Sydney, on 18 January 2019, with the following cast:
VICKI FIELDING Claudia Barrie
NELLI BROWNE Zoe Carides
CELIA CONSTANTI Aileen Huynh
NATE MACKLIN Matt Minto
ROHAN BLACK Jeremy Waters
ROLLY PIERCE Ben Wood
Director, Mark Kilmurry
Assistant Director, Felicity Nicol
Set and Costume Designer, Melanie Liertz
Lighting Designer, Nicholas Higgins
Sound Designer, Marc Ee
Stage Manager, Bronte Schuftan
Costume Supervisor, Renata Beslik
The author would like to thank Ben Wood for his initially
improvised ‘Constant Gardener’ routine at the very end of the
play.

CHARACTERS
CELIA, 37
ROHAN, Celia’s partner, 46
VICKI, Celia’s ‘friend’, 39
ROLLY, Rohan’s old school friend, 46
NELLI, Celia and Vicki’s agent, 53
NATE, producer, 40

ACT ONE
SCENE ONE
ROHAN BLACK, in his late forties, sits thinking. He’s not an overly
impressive man to look at, with thinning hair and a sallow com-
plexion, and at the moment he’s as totally inert as if he’s been snap
frozen. Suddenly he leaps up.
ROHAN: Celia! Celia!
CELIA, in her middle to late thirties, appears holding her
iPhone, visibly annoyed to be interrupted.
CELIA: What?
ROHAN: Listen to this.
CELIA: I’m in the middle of something.
ROHAN: Facebook? Bloody Facebook! Ninety percent of your
waking hours you’re on bloody Facebook. You only got fifteen
likes one day so you start counting the number of sleeping
pills you have. It’s sick. Social media is sick!
CELIA: Everyone needs to feel connected.
ROHAN: Do you think any of them would help if you were in real
trouble?
CELIA: A lot of them.
ROHAN: [sceptical] Sure.
CELIA: I know it’s hard for you to believe, because you don’t have
any, but friends enrich your life.
ROHAN: I’ve got friends.
CELIA: Like?
ROHAN: [thinking hard] Rolly.
CELIA: Oh, yes. Old school friend Rolly. The one you groan about
every time you have to meet.
CELIA hears an incoming message on her iPhone and

140 DAVID WILLIAMSON
can’t help glancing at it eagerly and starting to reply to

the message.
ROHAN: Celia, please! Switch the bloody thing off and listen.
CELIA: [reluctantly abandoning her message] To what?
ROHAN: A killer pitch that’s going to make me a fortune.
CELIA: Like all the other ones?
ROHAN: This is a game changer. Just listen.
Suddenly he transforms into pitch mode. Something emerges
from nowhere that could be called charisma, but isn’t quite.
Nate!
CELIA: Nate? Nate Macklin?
ROHAN: Cut and Thrust Productions. A slate of four series and
three movies, all financed.
CELIA: I know who Nate Macklin is. He’s agreed to listen to your
pitch?
ROHAN: Why so surprised?
CELIA: He’s the big kahuna. And he’s obsessed with new talent.
ROHAN: I kept demanding he speak to me personally, and when he
finally did, he picked up on the excitement in my voice. There’s
a great role in it for you.
CELIA: I’ve got a great role.
ROHAN: Celia, it’s a soapie. And you’ve been in it far too long.
CELIA: Don’t.
ROHAN: Don’t what?
CELIA: Don’t ever call it a soapie. It’s a continuing drama series.
ROHAN: Call it what you like. Your self-respect is being slowly
eroded because you know your talent isn’t being fully utilised.
CELIA: It’s utilised enough to let you enjoy a rent-free harbour-
side lifestyle in the world’s second most expensive city.
ROHAN: Okay, I’m not pulling my weight financially at the
moment—
CELIA: At the moment?
ROHAN: Honey, this series will change everything. And turn you
into the star you deserve to be. Listen.

THE BIG TIME 141
CELIA hears her iPhone ding again and again, and

instinctively looks at the text message.
Turn that bloody thing off!
He goes into pitch mode again.
Nate, mate—
CELIA: Nate, mate?
ROHAN: It’s an invitation to bond.
CELIA: It’s pathetic.
ROHAN: Pathetic?
CELIA: It’d be fine if this was 1945. Now it just sounds … bogan.
And he’s not your mate.
ROHAN: None of them are. They’re sharks circling the creative
pond, feeding off other people’s talent. But they get funding.
CELIA: Why not just say, ‘Nate, I’ve got a great idea which I’d
like to share with you’.
ROHAN: That’s too California.
CELIA: Okay, don’t listen. Do it your way. But please, not ‘mate’.
ROHAN: [irritated] Okay. Okay.
He leaps into pitch mode again.
Nate, my friend. This is a series concept that’s so good it doesn’t
need the hard sell. In just one log line I’m going to hook you,
and if it doesn’t I’ll join a Tibetan monastery and chant for the
rest of my life.
CELIA: [shaking her head firmly] Sorry. Cringeworthy.
ROHAN: How about, ‘If that one log line doesn’t hook you, I’ll go
to Sardinia and pick olives’?
CELIA: Go with monks and monastery.
Her iPhone beeps. She eagerly looks at the screen and goes
next door.
ROHAN: You haven’t heard the log line!
CELIA: [offstage] It’s Vicki. I’ve got to get back to her. She’s
having a rough time.
ROHAN: When isn’t she?

CELIA: [offstage] Just give me a few minutes.

ROHAN shrugs, sighs and sinks back into his frozen pose
in the chair.
SCENE TWO
In Nate Macklin’s reception room, ROHAN psyches himself for the
pitch. NATE. a sharply dressed man in his late thirties, enters.
NATE: Sorry.
ROHAN: That’s fine, mate, fine. You’re a busy man.
NATE: Too busy.
ROHANrises, waiting to be shown to Nate’s office.
Sorry we can’t go to the office. I stupidly double-booked and
I’ve got Mitch Rasfari halfway through a pitch in there, so if
you don’t mind, can we just do it out here. That okay?
ROHAN: Sure, mate, sure.
NATE: So what’ve you got for me, Rick?
ROHAN: Rohan.
NATE: Rohan! Sorry. I’ve just had a pitch from young Rick Rivers.
Name was still in my mind. You know Rick?
ROHAN: Never heard of him.
NATE: Believe me, you soon will. Brilliant. Brilliant. Only twenty-
three, but God, does he know his generation. And his generation
are rapidly becoming our audience. We shook hands on an
option deal before he’d even walked out of the boardroom.
ROHAN: If the boardroom’s empty, maybe we could do it in there.
I just feel a bit—
NATE: What?
ROHAN: Sort of … exposed.
NATE: Exposed?
ROHAN: Out here in the foyer. Three paces from the lift. [Off
NATE’s frown] Halfway through the pitch the doors open and
the coffee tray emerges. It would kind of throw me.
NATE: If you’ve got something worth hearing I’ll hear it.
ROHAN: I guess my point is, why can’t we go to the boardroom?

THE BIG TIME 143
NATE: I don’t use the boardroom for pitches.

ROHAN: Mate, you just did.
NATE: I made an exception for young Rick.
ROHAN: Ah, yes. For Rick. Of course.
NATE: What’s your problem, Roger?
ROHAN: Rohan. I guess I was hoping to be shown a little …
NATE: What?
ROHAN: Respect. A strange word to be using in our industry, but
I’m old enough to remember kinder more civilised times when
the word still had meaning.
NATE: Rohan, I am busy, but I agreed to see you and frankly I
don’t appreciate this kind of attitude.
ROHAN: And I don’t appreciate being told that you’ve just
treated a twenty-three-year-old to a personal audience in your
presumably leather-chaired boardroom, while I’m supposed
to stand and deliver in the fucking anteroom!
NATE: Okay, you want to play nasty, then let’s spell this out. Rick
Rivers is hot. You’re not. You had one success fifteen years
ago and the fact you’ve done nothing since then doesn’t inspire
great confidence. Do you want to do this pitch or don’t you?
ROHAN: Mate, if I pitched something twice as good as ‘The
Sopranos’ right now you’d be duty bound to hate it.
He turns to go.
NATE: A word of advice. If you don’t command respect, never
demand it. And don’t call people ‘mate’. It’s a relic of an
Australia my generation are embarrassed by and don’t want
anything to do with.
ROHAN: What’s your Australia, Nate? A temporary stop on the
way to LA?
NATE: Anyone in my business who doesn’t want to end up where
the big deals are made is always going to be minor league.
NATE turns to go.
ROHAN: A word of advice for you, Nate. Stick your head up your
arse. Or should I have said a-s-s.

He goes.
SCENE THREE
ROHAN sits in his frozen position in his apartment. CELIA stares
at him.
CELIA: You didn’t pitch?
ROHAN: I didn’t pitch.
CELIA: Why?
ROHAN: Because I was offered a few minutes in his bloody vestibule
while one young writer was halfway through a pitch in his office
and he’d just optioned another in his bloody boardroom. I told
him to stick his head up his arse.
CELIA: I know.
ROHAN: How?
CELIA: Nelli rang. It was overheard by a PA and it’s already right
around the industry. Nelli wants to hear your pitch.
ROHAN: She’s your agent. She’s not a producer.
CELIA: She’s already optioned two projects. She’s on her way.
And she loves it that you told Nate Macklin to put his head up
his arse. Pitch it to her.
ROHAN: Is it a good idea?
CELIA: It’s got promise.
ROHAN: You’re just being kind to me. Which, believe me, I
appreciate. But tell the truth.
CELIA: It probably does need a rethink.
ROHAN: Is it yet another rip-off of ‘Breaking Bad’ with a bit of
Ozark tossed in.
CELIA: And a touch of ‘Sons of Anarchy’.
ROHAN: Give up on me, honey. I’m a loser.
CELIA: You’re having a bad run.
ROHAN: That’s gone on for fifteen years. You want to keep
supporting a writer who gets one or two shit series episodes a
year if he’s lucky?
CELIA: You want me to go?

THE BIG TIME 145
ROHAN: No. You’re the single best thing that’s ever happened in
my life but I’m certainly not the best thing that’s ever happened
in yours.
CELIA: You’re not when you wallow in self-pity.
ROHAN: Face it. I sit round depressed most of the time and the rest
of the time we fight.
CELIA: If that were true I’d’ve been gone long ago.
ROHAN: Tell me how you see our relationship?
CELIA: Yes, you’re sometimes depressed, but so am I. We often
fight, but not for all that long, and the rest of the time you make
me laugh.
ROHAN: Could you record that on a voice memo and send it to me?
When I’ve pulled out of this depression it’ll probably make me
very happy.
CELIA: See?
ROHAN: See?
CELIA: You are funny.
ROHAN: I was serious.
CELIA: And that’s funny too.
ROHAN: Okay, I’ll accept funny, but there’s still the elephant in
the room.
CELIA: Which is?
ROHAN: You want kids.
CELIA: Yes. When the time’s right.
ROHAN: And you’ll have to drop out of the series, and our income’ll
drop to near zero.
CELIA: Honey, my under-utilised talent has financed two investment
properties whose rent will see us through.
ROHAN: We couldn’t afford to rent here.
CELIA: Life without a penthouse with a harbour view. How tragic.
ROHAN: You’re young, you’re beautiful, the whole of the country
loves you, so why not …?
CELIA: What?
ROHAN: Marry a rich guy and have an easy life?
CELIA: I have been getting a lot of fan mail from an orthopaedic
surgeon—

ROHAN: There’s your man. This city is full of idiot fitness freaks
jogging their way to hip, knee and ankle replacements.
CELIA: I get this image of him with a bloody hacksaw in his
hand—
ROHAN: Every time that hand grips the saw—five thousand
dollars.
CELIA: I can’t go to bed with a man who saws human bones. It’s
not just the image. I can hear the sound.
ROHAN: They use power saws these days. Lowers his Husqvarna
and—
He indicates a quick clean cut.
CELIA: And he’s obviously a bit Asperger’s.
ROHAN: All surgeons are. Are you going to let a mild personality
disorder stand between you and millions?
CELIA: I’ll keep an eye on other options, but not the ortho.
ROHAN: I was joking. I don’t want you to go.
CELIA: Then you’d better decide on your attitude to fatherhood,
hadn’t you?
SCENE FOUR
CELIA is having coffee with her friend and fellow acting school
graduate VICKI, an intense actress whose default position towards
the world is hostility.
VICKI: Is he insane? Nate is right up there on top of the producers’
ladder.
CELIA: He was being treated like shit.
VICKI: He’s a writer, for God’s sake. He should be used to it by
now.
CELIA: It’s normal to want to be treated with respect.
VICKI: Respect is directly proportional to the money you can earn.
How long since his last success? Ten years?
CELIA: Fifteen.
VICKI: Ceels, he’s a loser …
CELIA: We’re actually thinking about—

THE BIG TIME 147
VICKI: You’re not going to have kids with this guy?

CELIA: No.
VICKI: Don’t tell me you love him. Please.
CELIA: What if I did?
VICKI: I’d wonder whatever happened to the brilliant and feisty
young actor I trained with.
CELIA: Vicki, I live with him. I know him a hell of a lot better
than you do.
VICKI: It doesn’t worry you when you go out that people are
thinking, ‘Why is she with that loser?’
CELIA: No-one thinks that except you.
VICKI: The one thing that’s always puzzled me about you is that
you’re always willing to accept second best. In life, in your
career.
CELIA: My career? I’ve been a major character in one of our most
popular continuing drama series for eight years.
VICKI: Who got all the great roles in our final year productions?
You. Masha’s confession to her sisters? So tortured, so layered,
so moving. Audience in tears. And what was I playing? The
maid.
CELIA: You should’ve been playing one of the sisters.
VICKI: But I was ‘difficult, demanding, fractious’, wasn’t I?
And I paid for it. Our performance day for the agents? Your
pigeonhole was stuffed with how many offers?
CELIA: Vicki—
VICKI: Eighteen, twenty? How many in mine? Six, and none of
the top ones.
CELIA: You’re with Nelli now.
VICKI: Yeah, but that took years.
CELIA: Everyone knew you had talent.
VICKI: But I was ‘difficult’. And who wants to represent difficult?
But you? You had everything going for you, so why have you
spent eight years of your life on autopilot playing a character
that’s all orange juice and sunlight and all’s well with the
world?
CELIA: [defensively] Maybe because I’ve created a character that
people love. Read my fan mail.

VICKI: [sighing] Oh, dear.

CELIA: What do you mean, ‘Oh, dear’?
VICKI: How complex is Emma compared to Masha?
CELIA: Emma has her problems.
VICKI: Like not being able to find her yoga mat? The great
characters like Masha, are being psychically torn apart. On the
brink of madness.
CELIA: It’s a crime to play a character who’s reasonably at peace
with herself?
VICKI: The sad thing is you could play darkness and despair. We
all saw it. But I knew you were going to put that off limits that
day at NIDA when we had to act out the darkest moment in
our lives, and the best you could come up with was your father
asking you why in the hell you thought you could be an actor
when you didn’t get the lead in the school play.
CELIA: I made it up.
VICKI: Made it up?
CELIA: I did get the lead in the school play and Dad boasted about
how brilliant I was to anyone who’d listen for the next two
years. He insisted I audition for NIDA and when I got in he
said, ‘Of course you did’.
VICKI: [annoyed] The point of that exercise was to be totally
honest!
CELIA: You all had such hideous tales of incest, abuse, poverty and
bullying, I couldn’t compete.
VICKI: You’re not stretching yourself, Ceels. And deep down you
know it. Get out and do a real role in theatre before it’s too
late.
CELIA: How much do your ‘real’ roles in co-op theatres earn you?
VICKI: Self-respect. That’s what they’ve earned me.
CELIA: And you’re happy to sleep on friends’ sofas when the rent
money runs out?
VICKI: That’s happened twice. Okay, my flat is only a third the size
of yours, but there’s an AFI and a Sydney Theatre Award on my
dresser. I’m doing work I care about. I’m not on set one day a
week, polishing my Logie.

THE BIG TIME 149
CELIA: Vicki, why do we keep playing out this little fiction that
we’re friends?
VICKI: We are and have been for a long time.
CELIA: A real friend doesn’t call someone’s life choices into
question as often as you do.
VICKI: Friends are prepared to challenge each other when they
feel it’s necessary. And I do. You were the star graduate of
our year and everyone knew it. Now you won’t even admit to
yourself that you’ve wasted that God-given talent playing a
reassuring stereotype and basking in cheap popularity for far
too many years.
CELIA: What’s driving this, Vicki? You’re still angry because you
think you should have been acclaimed best actor of our year?
VICKI: Whether you were or weren’t the best actor back then is
immaterial. Sure, theatre pays shit, but it’s the highest form of
our art. It’s demanding and tough to create a complex charac-
ter over two and a half hours every night. But it’s art. Art with
integrity. And the reputation it’s earned me is finally starting
to pay off. Mourning Becomes Electra at the STC. I’m also in
the running to direct an independent movie.
She gets up and reaches for her purse.
I’m late for rehearsals.
CELIA: Don’t worry. I’ll pick up the tab. Which as an artistic
prostitute I always do.
VICKI: At the end of your life what do you want to be able to tell
yourself? ‘I fought to stay true to my talent’, or ‘I wallowed in
the accolades of the undiscerning’? Think about it.
She goes.
SCENE FIVE
ROHAN is waiting in a bar for someone to turn up. He looks
impatiently at his watch, shakes his head and is about to get up
and go when ROLLY PIERCE bears down on him and gives him a
bear hug of unwanted force.

ROLLY: Rohan! Mate! Sorry I’m late. Parking in this close. Bloody
nightmare. Looking great, mate. Looking great.
ROHAN: Looking okay yourself, Rolly.
ROLLY: Actually, I’m pretty shit. Leonie has left me for a real estate
agent.
ROHAN: No? Really? You two were solid.
ROLLY: Turns out she’s been having an affair with him for twelve
years. He was the one who found our house for us. She just kept
it secret till the kids were off our hands, then—whoosh—come
home, her wardrobe’s bare. Lets me know what happened via
text message.
ROHAN: Hey, that’s really … awful.
ROLLY: Get laid off at work and three weeks later she’s gone.
ROHAN: You’ve lost your job at the credit union?
ROLLY: Couldn’t make my quota. I couldn’t stomach steering
trusting old retirees into lousy investments.
ROHAN: Admire your integrity, mate. These days anyone with a
conscience comes last.
ROLLY: I just couldn’t learn to look someone in the eye and lie
to them.
ROHAN: So what are you going to do now?
ROLLY: Late forties, mate. Options extremely limited.
ROHAN: [ruefully] Tell me about it.
ROLLY: At the moment I’m an Uber driver making six hundred
bucks a week.
ROHAN: Gees, mate. That’s tight.
ROLLY: Not nearly enough to live on.
ROHAN: Have you got any thoughts about what to do next?
ROLLY: We’ll sell the house and split what’s left after paying off
the mortgage. I can live off capital for a while.
ROHAN: You’ve had a rough time, mate.
ROLLY: It doesn’t end there, mate. Private medical ran out two
weeks ago and I just found out I need a triple bypass.
ROHAN: Shit.
ROLLY: And I just found out young Jackson spends his weekends
bombed out on ecstasy.

THE BIG TIME 151
ROHAN: Mate, this is not good.

ROLLY: There’s more. Madison’s boyfriend got her pregnant and
pissed off. How are things with you?
ROHAN: I thought not so good until you got here.
ROLLY: You got problems too?
ROHAN: Ideas, mate. Story ideas. I live or die on them and they’re
just not coming.
ROLLY: I still remember every episode of that miniseries of
yours. Brilliant, mate. Brilliant. That bikie shootout at the
pub. Shotgun blast—head disintegrates. How do you do that?
ROHAN: Easy, mate. I just write ‘his head disintegrates’. Someone
else has to work out how to do it.
ROLLY: Great series, mate. Great series.
ROHAN: It was nearly fifteen years ago.
ROLLY: I saw your name on the credits of something just a few
months back.
ROHAN: I got an episode of a Netflix series.
ROLLY: Wow, Netflix.
ROHAN: It was a crap zombie thing.
ROLLY: Hey, but Netflix. Don’t be modest, mate. You had
something about you even in school that marked you out. I
always knew you were going to do something special.
ROHAN: Mate, a brief moment of special fifteen years back doesn’t
make me special.
ROLLY: Don’t undersell yourself. You always had the smart
comeback, the witty line. I used to sit there and think, ‘How
does he do it?’
ROHAN: Mate, to be honest, it wasn’t all that hard to shine conver-
sationally in our school. Anyone with an IQ around a hundred
was a relative genius.
ROLLY: That’s pretty cruel, Roh. Okay, there were some of us who
weren’t the brightest rockets in the fireworks display, but they
were still a great bunch of guys. And the girls were great too.
I searched on the web a while back and found quite a few of
them. You want me to put you on the email list? They’re still
exactly the same.

ROHAN: I’m a bit busy, mate.

ROLLY: I’ve found Helen Seaton. Helen Federici now. You
remember how you had an absolute thing for her?
ROHAN: Yeah.
ROLLY: She’s single again. Hubby killed in a fork lift accident. Still
looks great. I’ll send you her email address.
ROHAN: I think maybe let sleeping dogs lie.
ROLLY: She was no dog, man.
He fishes out his phone.
Here’s her photo.
ROHAN: [glancing at the photo] That’s Helen Seaton?
ROLLY: She’s still beautiful and she had a lovely personality. Still
does. You can tell by her email replies. But hell, why would
you be interested in her? You’re shacked up with Celia Con-
stanti. Wow. How is that, mate? How is that?
ROHAN: [looking at his watch] Actually, Rolly, I’m a bit rushed—
ROLLY: Hey, mate. I’ve come eighty clicks—in a traffic jam most
of the way—to get here.
ROHAN: Appreciate that, mate, but—
ROLLY: Roh, sometimes I think you just don’t appreciate just how
special our friendship is to me.
ROHAN: I do, mate, I do. And to me.
ROLLY: Last time you raced off too. Mate, if our friendship has
worn its course for you after all this time, then be up-front and
tell me.
ROHAN: No, mate. Very important to me too.
ROLLY: Last thing I want is to be a hanger-on. Past my use-by
date.
ROHAN: You’re not, mate. Not at all. It’s just that—
ROLLY: I will never, ever forget what you did for me, mate.
ROHAN: Anyone would have done it.
ROLLY: No, mate. I’m in your debt for life. For life. But if I’m
past my use-by date as far as you’re concerned—
ROHAN: Rolly, no you’re not.
ROLLY: Glad to hear it, mate. I’d be shattered if I thought I was.

THE BIG TIME 153
He brings out heap of email printouts from a battered case.

Now that I’ve managed to locate most of the old gang, I hoped
you’d have time to hear a bit of news about them. There’s been
some really interesting twists and turns in their lives since we
left the old school.
ROHAN: Right, er—
ROLLY: You remember Shorty Kavanagh?
ROHAN: Not really.
ROLLY: Shorty? The tall, skinny guy.
ROHAN: Oh, Shorty?
ROLLY: Mate, if you’ve really got to go—
ROHAN: No, no. I’ll text and cancel the meeting.
Back at their house, CELIA receives a text message and
reads it, puzzled.
CELIA: ‘Cancel meeting’? What meeting?
ROLLY: You remember, the girl I went after when I got nowhere
with Helen Seaton? Sue Seabury?
ROHAN: Ah, the little sporty one.
ROLLY: Cheerful. Bubbly. She’s had seven kids.
ROHAN: Wow.
ROLLY: Dodged a bullet there. Look, it probably wasn’t for you,
but school for me was the very best time of my life.
ROHAN: I’ve got some good memories too.
ROLLY: [pointing to a printout] Gary Trachtenburg. Went to prison
for a month rather than pay his parking fees. Remember how
stubborn he was at school? And read this one. You wouldn’t
believe.
ROHAN takes the printout and starts reading. ROLLY
remembers something and dives into his bag.
Oh, almost forgot. I was on the train a few weeks back and
heard these two women talking to each other in the seat in
front. Their story was so fascinating I thought, ‘Rohan could
turn this into a movie’, so I wrote it all down before I forgot.

He fishes in his bag and hands ROHAN a sheaf of printed

papers with a bulldog clip. ROHAN looks at it.
ROHAN: [surprised at the size of it] How long were they talking?
ROLLY: Oh, I sort of expanded it a bit. Made up some stuff. Turned
it into a bit more of a story in case you could make something
of it.
ROHAN: Thanks, Rolly. I’ll give it a read.
SCENE SIX
ROHAN is sitting back in his apartment in his frozen mode when
CELIA comes in.
ROHAN: How was your lunch with Vicki?

CELIA: Horrible.
ROHAN: What kind of horrible?
CELIA: She told me I’m a coward who’s betrayed my talent.
ROHAN: Stop having lunch with her.
CELIA: I am. Definite. How was your lunch with Rolly?
ROHAN: He’s lost his job, his wife, and his kids are in crisis.
CELIA: I’m sure he felt better being able to tell someone.
ROHAN: And it was really fun for me.
CELIA: He’s grateful. You saved his life.
ROHAN: Wasn’t a huge deal.
CELIA: You dived in and dragged him out of a river in flood. You
got a top bravery award.
ROHAN: I was a good swimmer—he wasn’t. I was never in any
danger.
CELIA: He was, my darling. That’s the point. If someone saved
my life I’d be eternally grateful too.
ROHAN: I probably only did it because Helen Seaton was
watching.
CELIA: Who was she?
ROHAN: The girl I was desperate to sleep with. Rescuing Rolly
almost did the trick.
CELIA: She was really attractive?

THE BIG TIME 155
ROHAN: I thought so. Until Rolly showed me a photo of what she

looks like now.
CELIA: Lost a little of her allure?
ROHAN: To be fair she still looks … comely. But the sizzle has
gone.
CELIA: I’m sure she’d think the same about you.
ROHAN: Thanks.
SCENE SEVEN
The next day. CELIA is having coffee with her agent and friend
NELLI.
CELIA: That’s the last time ever I have coffee with her.
NELLI: That bad?
CELIA: She told me I was an artistic prostitute.
NELLI: Why do you keep having coffee with her?
CELIA: She kept insisting. On the grounds we were supposedly
best friends at NIDA when she must know damn well we
weren’t.
NELLI: You were more forgiving of her than most people.
CELIA: That doesn’t make me a friend.
NELLI: It makes you the nearest thing to it she had. Blame your
kind nature.
CELIA: I just try and avoid confrontations.
NELLI: Vicki couldn’t live without them.
CELIA: I’m totally over her. I’m not going to let her bully me into
meeting her anymore. Do you honestly enjoy being her agent?
NELLI: It’s a challenge. She demands far more of my time than
the money she earns at the moment warrants. But she is very
talented and …
CELIA: She could possibly earn more in the future?
NELLI: I hope so. I know you all think I do this because I love you,
which I do, but I also like to earn a living.
CELIA: Up to now her earning potential hasn’t been stellar.
NELLI: Her talent deserves more roles than she gets, but directors

don’t like her telling them how to direct, and actors don’t
appreciate her giving them performance notes at the end of
each show.
CELIA: Strange that.
NELLI: But talent will eventually outweigh lack of charm. You
know I just got her her first big mainstage role.
CELIA: She told me she’s also in the running to direct a big movie.
That has to be a fantasy, surely?
NELLI: She certainly doesn’t think so.
CELIA: She’s never directed film before.
NELLI: She did the accelerated director’s course at AFTRS and I
have to say her half-hour graduation film was very good. And
she made sure a lot of people in the industry saw it.
CELIA: Please God. Don’t let her ever become a major movie
director. Is she actually in the running for this movie?
NELLI: I’d say so. I went with her to see Nate Macklin and she
swanned in radiating confidence and told him he’d be crazy
to let anyone else do it.
CELIA: Nate Macklin’s producing?
NELLI: [nodding] ‘Nate, mate,’ she said, ‘give this one to me and
I’ll deliver you a masterpiece.’
CELIA: He wouldn’t be taken in by that.
NELLI: I’m not so sure. Producers instinctively react to confidence.
CELIA: I couldn’t bear to push myself like she does.
NELLI: No.
CELIA: [off the tone of her voice] Was there a subtext to that?
NELLI: You’re charmingly modest, but I sometimes wonder if it’s
your best career strategy.
CELIA: There’s something wrong with my career?
NELLI: Not if you’re happy with it.
CELIA: It earns you quite a bit of money. What are you saying
here?
NELLI: I can still remember being dumbfounded when you did—
CELIA: Masha’s confession to her sisters. God, I wish I’d played
the maid.

THE BIG TIME 157
NELLI: You were special. I’d be more than happy to make less
money from you if you felt you did want to stretch yourself
a little.
CELIA: So you and Vicki agree I’ve opted for artistic prostitution?
NELLI: Celia, don’t be so touchy. All I’m saying is that you’re
a hugely talented actor. If you wanted roles that are more
challenging I could get them for you.
CELIA: Maybe I don’t want challenging. Maybe I like playing a
warm and positive human being. Maybe I like the feeling that
a million people are out there watching me, rather than thirty-
five in a smelly rathole theatre in Darlinghurst.
NELLI: Okay, here’s a part of me that would like to see you
dazzling us all again, like you did playing Masha—
CELIA: There’s a part of me that wants that too, but …
NELLI: But what?
CELIA: I like what I’m doing.
NELLI: Is it partly because you’re supporting Rohan?
CELIA: Is that what you and Vicki think?
NELLI: Okay, I happen to agree with her that perhaps your
relationship is offering more to him than it is to you.
CELIA: I’m the one who knows what the relationship is offering.
Not you or Vicki.
NELLI: Okay. Fine.
CELIA: None of you could understand why I broke up with
charming and wealthy Ed.
NELLI: Not entirely.
CELIA: At least Rohan doesn’t come home pissed every day, flop
down in front of the television with a beer in his hand and
watch motorbike racing on cable.
NELLI: Ed did that?
CELIA: Don’t assume you know anything about a relationship by
viewing it from the outside.
NELLI: [sighing and nodding in agreement] My mother thinks my
George is an absolute darling. The only reason I don’t leave is
I can’t face finding a new apartment, dividing all the furniture
and the clincher.

CELIA: Which is?

NELLI: He’s got all our music on his iPhone.
CELIA: Was my Masha really that good?
NELLI: Yes. And so were all the other great roles you did.
CELIA: Okay. Get me out of the show. Don’t renew my option.
Find me something more challenging.
NELLI: You’re sure?
CELIA: Yes. What’s the film Vicki’s wanting to direct?
NELLI: Top secret at the moment so don’t spread it. Brilliantscript
adapted from the novel Sins of the Father.
CELIA: I’ve heard it’s good.
NELLI: It won just about every prize it could last year. About a
woman who suddenly finds out her mother’s accidental death
was probably engineered by her beloved father. The Katherine
role would be perfect for you, actually.
CELIA: If Vicki does get the gig she’d never cast me.
NELLI: Why not? You’re right for it.
CELIA: When I got offers from all those agents I was totally elated
… until I looked down the pigeonholes around and saw Vicki.
NELLI: Doing what?
CELIA: Holding her own meagre offers, and looking at me with a
look of total hatred on her face. When she saw me, she tried to
convert it to a smile.
NELLI: You’re not imagining it?
CELIA: [shaking her head] If she does get that movie don’t even
suggest me for the role. I don’t want to give her the pleasure
of rejecting me.
NELLI: You’d be perfect for it.
CELIA: Find me something else.
SCENE EIGHT
CELIA’s at home reading scripts in the kitchen while ROHAN is
preparing the evening meal. Her phone rings. We see on the other
side of the stage that the caller is NELLI.

THE BIG TIME 159
CELIA: [phone] Nelli?

NELLI: [phone] Thought you’d like to know, or more likely
wouldn’t like to know, that Vicki got the movie.
CELIA: [phone] Oh MiGod.
NELLI: [phone] You’re sure you don’t want me to put you up for
the Katherine role?
CELIA: [phone] No. I couldn’t bear the humiliation.
NELLI: [phone] It could transform your career.
CELIA: [phone] No.
NELLI: [phone] You’re that certain she wouldn’t want you?
CELIA: [phone] Totally certain.
NELLI: [phone] Okay.
CELIA ends the call and looks at ROHAN.
ROHAN: Humiliation? What humiliation?
CELIA: Vicki got the movie.
ROHAN: Sins of the Father?
CELIA: Yeah.
ROHAN: Kidding. She’s never done a feature before.
CELIA: She impressed Nate with her confidence.
ROHAN: Kidding.
CELIA: Wish I was. It’s becoming like a nightmare unfolding.
ROHAN: I’ve heard it’s a great script. You don’t want Nelli to put
you up for the lead?
CELIA: No.
ROHAN: You could be wrong. She might give you the role.
CELIA: I’m not wrong.
ROHAN: Okay.
SCENE NINE
VICKI sits opposite NATE in his office.
NATE: So who’s our Katherine?
VICKI: Rose Byrne. She’d be very good.
NATE: That’s who I was thinking of. Do you think she’d do it?
VICKI: I’ve already talked to her. She’s read the book and loved it.

I know I should have cleared it with you but I asked her agent
Chloe Pachello to put her on hold, pending your approval.
NATE: You’ve got it.
VICKI: Just in the interests of being absolutely certain, and this is a
little out of left field, I’d like to audition Celia Constanti before
we confirm Rose.
NATE: Celia Constanti? As our lead?
VICKI: I went through NIDA with her. She’s a very capable actor.
NATE: She’s a soap star.
VICKI: She has a quality of unforced … naivety that gives her the
vulnerable quality we need when the shock comes.
NATE: Can she move from that vulnerability to eventual strength?
VICKI: The actress I trained with certainly could. There’s a risk that
years of lazy acting could have imprinted bad habits—
NATE: Then let’s not waste time.
VICKI: I know what she was capable of and I’m reasonably
confident I can get that back.
NATE: Reasonably confident?
VICKI: I think she’s worth a test. We’ll keep it under wraps so
Rose doesn’t hear, but it could be worth doing.
NATE: I wouldn’t like Rose to hear.
VICKI: She won’t. We’ll do this quickly just on the off-chance Celia
gives us something special.
NATE: Rose has an international reputation. But I guess if we
have Hugh Jackman for Greg we can afford a lesser name for
Katherine. But he thinks you’ve got Rose for Katherine.
VICKI: Yes, but if Celia gives us something special—
NATE: Celia would be a lot cheaper than Rose. Budget-wise it’d
help.
VICKI: Honestly, it’s a long shot, but I’d like to do it.
NATE: Okay.
SCENE TEN
Nelli’s office. She hears a knock at the door and beckons CELIA in
with urgency.

THE BIG TIME 161
NELLI: Sit down.

CELIA: What is such big news you can’t tell me over the phone?
NELLI: Sit down.
CELIA sits and waits expectantly.
Katherine in Sins of the Father. Vicki wants to cast you.
CELIA: Kidding!
NELLI: Called this morning. Thinks you’ll be perfect.
CELIA: I can’t quite believe this. Vicki?
NELLI: She wants the best possible film for her own reputation.
If she thinks you’re perfect for the role that’s all that counts.
CELIA: Katherine? Opposite who?
NELLI: Hugh Jackman.
CELIA: [shrieking] Hugh Jackman! Is he signed?!
NELLI: Apparently. Dead keen to do it.
CELIA: And happy with me?
NELLI: He wouldn’t’ve said yes if he wasn’t.
CELIA: Has to be a dream. I’m going to be so pissed when I wake
up. They’ve sent a deal memo?
NELLI: They will, subject to a screen test.
CELIA: Screen test?
NELLI: Total formality. Vicki assured me.
CELIA: But, Nate—
NELLI: She’s talked him into it. He’s totally onside.
CELIA: Then why a screen test?
NELLI: So they can assure the investors you’re perfect. No-one
else is being tested.
CELIA: [anxious] They said that?
NELLI: Vicki swore to it. There is no-one else being tested. [Off
CELIA’s still sceptical expression] The other agents having
been throwing names at Nate for testing and they’ve all been
ignored.
CELIA: That’s what you’ve heard?
NELLI: Celia, stop this needless panic. You’ve got the role. Vicki
assured me. And it’s very good money.

NELLI shows her a figure on a pad.

CELIA: Wow.
NELLI: The downside of being an agent is I spend most of my
life telling actors they didn’t get the role. Today is the upside.
NELLI gets up from behind the desk and they hug each
other and dance around like excited schoolgirls. CELIA
breaks away still looking a little worried.
CELIA: She really said the audition was a formality?
NELLI: Three times.
SCENE ELEVEN
CELIA walks into the auditioning studio and hugs VICKI.
CELIA: What can I say? I love the role and I’m just so delighted you
think I’m right for it.
VICKI: You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. You’ve met Nate?
CELIA: At industry functions.
NATE: With Rohan Black.
CELIA: Not your favourite person at the moment, I believe.
NATE: No. But we’re here about you, not him.
CELIA: And I’m delighted to be here. You’ve got a fabulous
production slate, Nate, and I’d be honoured to be part of it.
VICKI: I’m sure you will be.
NATE: I’m sorry to have to ask an actor of your experience to
audition but—
CELIA: You have to reassure your investors. I understand totally.
VICKI: Nate and I need to feel certain that you can do it.
CELIA frowns. This wasn’t what she was expecting. VICKI
reads her reaction and reassures her.
I’m sure you’re going to be fabulous. We’ve got Geoff Morell
in to read the Hugh Jackman part.
CELIA: He’s great.
VICKI: I’ve got it all set up next door.
NATE: I’ll leave you to it. [To CELIA] I’ll check out the tapes as

THE BIG TIME 163
soon as you guys are finished and let your agent know straight
away.
He smiles and goes. VICKI turns to CELIA.
VICKI: Celia, don’t worry. I know what you’re capable of.
SCENE TWELVE
On one side of the stage VICKI and NATE sit watching audition
tapes in Nate’s office. On the other side CELIA bursts into her
apartment and embraces a startled ROHAN.
ROHAN: Seems like it went well?
CELIA: I flew.
ROHAN: You got the gig?
CELIA: As soon as I was finished, Vicki gave me the thumbs up.
She knew.
ROHAN: You got the gig.
CELIA: Nate has to see the tapes but it’ll be fine. I became
Katherine. I stretched acting muscles that haven’t been
stretched since NIDA. And it felt great! I realised what I’d
been missing all these years. I wasn’t reciting lines I was
acting!
ROHAN: So when are they going to confirm it?
CELIA: Nate’ll call Nelli. Don’t worry, it’s fine.
ROHAN: That is great. We are going out tonight to your favourite
restaurant and celebrating.
CELIA: I’ll pick up the tab.
ROHAN: No you damn well won’t. I got some good news today
too.
CELIA: Really?
ROHAN: Well, some sort of reasonably good news.
CELIA: Really?
ROHAN: Well, some mildly okay news. I got an episode of a shit
series but it pays okay.
CELIA: That’s wonderful.
ROHAN: Well, it’s better than being unemployed. Let’s have a great

meal at our favourite Vietnamese and a bottle of really good

wine. Sorry, I’ve been such a morose asshole for the last couple
of months.
CELIA: We’re in a roller-coaster profession. But when the good
things happen, who’d ever swap this for a life behind a desk?
ROHAN: Amen!
Back in Nate’s office, NATE and VICKI watch Celia’s audition
tape. We hear her voice and that of an ACTOR.
ACTOR: [voice] There were things happening between your mother
and I that—
CELIA: [voice] That justified you killing her!? And telling the
world it was an unfortunate accident?
ACTOR: [voice] I never meant to kill her.
CELIA: [voice] Jesus, Dad! She died. She died horribly. In agony.
But that’s okay because you only meant to give her a little
shove?
ACTOR: [voice] I wasn’t ever intending to touch her, but your
mother had a tongue like acid. She was brilliant at humiliating,
belittling. I never intended to—
CELIA: [voice] Dad, when you shove someone hard enough to crack
their skull it’s called murder. I don’t want to hear another word
of your rationalisations and justifications. Whatever she was to
you, my mother was someone I loved, and someone who cared
for me more than you ever did—
ACTOR: [voice] That’s not true.
CELIA: [voice] Not that I ever worked that out. You were the one I
looked up to and worshipped. And you’ve just gone from that
to someone I can’t even think of without feeling horror in the
pit of my stomach. Every day for the rest of my life will be
haunted by the gap of what you were to me, and what you are
now. You took away my mother’s life, and you’ve all but taken
away mine.
ACTOR: [voice] Kate—

THE BIG TIME 165
CELIA: [voice] Whatever you want to say I don’t want to hear and
I never will. You’ll never be out of my life, but believe it, I’m
out of yours!
NATE switches off the tape. They both sit in silence for a
while.
NATE: I’m amazed. Your hunch was right. She’s perfect.
VICKI: You think?
NATE: Yes, don’t you?
VICKI: [shaking her head] She failed to convince me her world had
been rocked to its foundations.
NATE: She convinced me, totally.
VICKI: The dam has to burst at that moment. The emotions have
got to be in flood.
NATE: They were. All the stronger for her never lapsing into
hysteria.
VICKI: Nate, I’m sorry. It was worth a try, but I was wrong.
NATE: I’ve seen a lot of tapes, Vicki. That was a great audition.
VICKI: It was competent and adroit. But what I feared most is there.
Years of soapie laziness have blunted her edge.
NATE: Vicki, that was a top performance.
VICKI: I’m sorry, I disagree.
NATE: Let’s both take the tapes home, look at them again, then get
together a little later in the week. Okay?
VICKI: Nate, I’m directing this movie. I’ve got to have confidence
in everyone I cast.
NATE: And I’m producing this movie and I’ve got to have
confidence in your decisions. Watch it again and we’ll meet
later in the week.
SCENE THIRTEEN
CELIA and ROHAN are walking home from the Vietnamese
restaurant later that night.
CELIA: All doubts gone?
ROHAN: Yes. Vietnamese is definitely my favourite cuisine.

CELIA: No, the other thing.

He thinks.
ROHAN: Ah, yes. Baby. Yes. All doubts gone. Straight after
the movie. All your next roles, they can fit around it. Cate
Blanchett had three and it certainly didn’t stop her.
CELIA: I’m never going to be Cate Blanchett.
ROHAN: Cate Blanchett wasn’t Cate Blanchett until she was Cate
Blanchett.
CELIA: You’re sure?
ROHAN: Absolutely. I’m ready to be a father. I really am.
CELIA: And ready also to be …?
ROHAN: What?
CELIA: A husband maybe?
ROHAN: Marriage? [Puzzled] I didn’t think you were a fan.
CELIA: I want to make you as legally responsible for this child as
possible.
ROHAN: Nice.
CELIA: That was a joke. Well, not totally.
ROHAN: Okay, fine. Happy to do it. I just never asked because I
didn’t think you’d approve.
CELIA: A public declaration of our love for each other isn’t totally
off my agenda.
ROHAN: Okay. That’s great. I’d always assumed that the only time
people would gather to mark a significant moment in my life
was my funeral. And even then, not many. That’s great. Do we
need to get engaged?
CELIA: No, but you can still buy me a ring.
ROHAN: Not long till Christmas.
CELIA: That would be a lovely present.
ROHAN: Oh. No. The bon bon crackers. They’ve usually got quite
nice cutglass rings inside. Joking. A ring. Great. You don’t
have to take my name.
CELIA: I didn’t intend to.
ROHAN: Wow. All settled then. Fame, baby, marriage, all in one
night.

THE BIG TIME 167
CELIA: You still have to—

ROHAN: What?
CELIA: Ask.
ROHAN: You said you wanted to.
CELIA: Rohan, is there one tiny bit of romance in your body? No,
don’t get down on your knees. Just ask.
ROHAN: Celia Imogene Constanti. Will you marry me?
CELIA: No. You’re so hopeless I’ve changed my mind.
He looks stricken. She grabs him. They kiss.
SCENE FOURTEEN
Next morning in Nelli’s office, CELIA is looking worried.
CELIA: They didn’t get back to you?
NELLI: Well, actually Vicki did.
CELIA: When? Before I rang?
NELLI: Yeah.
CELIA: Why didn’t you tell me?
NELLI: She asked me not to. She didn’t want you to get worried.
CELIA: Worried about what?
NELLI: Vicki said you were brilliant, but Nate had doubts.
CELIA: I heard he was— [Starting to panic] Doubts, he seemed
hugely pleased.
NELLI: Apparently he isn’t, but Vicki says there’s absolutely
nothing to worry about. She’s sure she can talk him around.
CELIA: She said that?
NELLI: She said in the last resort she’ll threaten to walk if he tries
to stop you.
CELIA: His doubts are that bad?
NELLI: He’s a typical nervous producer. A mistake can mean he
drops millions. And you’re not a film name.
CELIA: [in full panic] I knew this was too good to be true.
NELLI: Ceels, stop panicking. It’s all going to happen.
CELIA: She really said she’d walk?
NELLI: Yes. She was really pissed off at Nate.

CELIA: She really thinks she can talk him around?

NELLI: She’s certain she can. She said the trouble was that he had
this fixation that he wanted Rose Byrne.
CELIA: [anxious] Rose Byrne. Oh, hell.
NELLI: Vicki feels Rose is too brittle for the role. It needs your
palpable warmth and empathy.
CELIA: [still in panic mode] She said that?
NELLI: She said that it may take a day or two but it’s going to
happen. For heaven’s sake, calm down. It’s going to happen.
SCENE FIFTEEN
NATE is still arguing with VICKI a few days later.
NATE: I watched it again and I’m convinced Celia is right.
VICKI: I watched it too and the truth is you were right in the first
place and I was wrong. Rose Byrne would be perfect.
NATE: We’ve still got her on hold. And she is a more saleable
name. But I still think—
VICKI: Look. Celia is better than I expected. I admit. But I’ve still
got a very strong feeling Rose will be even better. It could
make the difference between a good movie and a masterpiece.
NATE: [hesitating] Okay, if you’re that convinced, we go with
Rose.
VICKI smiles.
VICKI: You won’t be sorry. But, Nate.
NATE: Yes.
VICKI: Celia’s an old friend. I might’ve given her the impression
she was more likely to get the role than she was.
NATE: She knew that Rose was on hold?
VICKI: No, I didn’t tell her.
NATE: [getting it and nodding] I take the rap?
VICKI: Please.
NATE: It was my decision in the end. Okay, I’ll be bad guy. That’s
what producers are for.
VICKI: Thanks.

THE BIG TIME 169
SCENE SIXTEEN
VICKI is in Nelli’s office.
NELLI: You told me she practically had the role.
VICKI: Nate had other ideas.
NELLI: He saw the tapes?
VICKI: He felt she was almost there but not quite.
NELLI: And you agreed.
VICKI: He’s the producer. He had final call.
NELLI: This is awful.
VICKI: Nelli, disappointments are part of being an actor.
NELLI: The best role in her life. Promised, then whisked away?
VICKI: She’s my friend. You think I enjoy this?
NELLI: You’d better tell her yourself.
VICKI: She’s your client. That’s your job.
NELLI: She’s my friend too.
VICKI: This isn’t a friendship agenda, this is professional. I’m a
director, she’s an actor, you’re her agent.
SCENE SEVENTEEN
CELIA is with ROHAN in their apartment. CELIA is stunned.
ROHAN is furious.
ROHAN: She promised she’d fight for you.
CELIA: Yeah, sure.
ROHAN: What do you mean?
CELIA: I ran into Rose Byrne’s agent, Chloe Pachello.
ROHAN: And?
CELIA: She assumed I knew Rose had been on hold for weeks.
ROHAN frowns, concerned at how obviously upset and
angry CELIA is.
SCENE EIGHTEEN
CELIA waits for VICKI in a coffee lounge. VICKI comes in, a script
and papers under her arm, looking annoyed.

VICKI: No-one could be sorrier for what’s happened than I am,

Ceels, but it’s happened, I’m in pre-production and I just have
to get on with it.
CELIA: I just need a few words.
VICKI: There’s nothing I can do to reverse the decision, if that’s
what you’re hoping.
CELIA: No, that’s certainly not what I’m hoping for.
VICKI: Then what did you need to say?
CELIA: I’m just stunned that you’d wait all these years till you
found the perfect way to inflict your revenge.
VICKI: Revenge for what? What are you talking about?
CELIA: I ran into Chloe Pachello. You had Rose on hold before I
was even asked to audition.
VICKI: Oh hold. Yes, but—
CELIA: And told her you weren’t auditioning anyone else. That she
was just being kept on hold as a formality until Nate approved.
VICKI: I thought it through and thought you could be better.
CELIA: You didn’t tell Nelli anything about Rose. You told her I
had the role.
VICKI: I was confident you could do it.
CELIA: You told Nelli Rose was Nate’s decision.
VICKI: It was. He wasn’t as convinced by your audition as I
hoped he’d be.
CELIA: I’ve done enough auditions to know when I hit the mark.
Nate was bowled over.
VICKI: He had second thoughts.
CELIA: I was never going to get the role.
VICKI: You’re totally paranoid.
CELIA: It was all carefully managed, Vicki. Making me wait a
week and then my worst fears realised via a phone call from
Nelli. You didn’t tell me yourself because good actor though
you are, you wouldn’t have been able to totally hide your
triumph.
VICKI: I thought you might be able to do it. I was wrong.
CELIA: So it was you who said no. Not Nate.

THE BIG TIME 171
VICKI: Celia, you weren’t bad, by any means. It was a good audition.
But it left doubts. In both of us it left doubts.
CELIA: Tell the truth, Vicki. I was never going to get that role.
She holds eye contact. VICKI looks away.
Don’t lie any more.
There’s a silence. Suddenly the dam of old resentments
that’s been simmering away inside VICKI for years, bursts.
VICKI: No, you weren’t.
CELIA: Still carrying all that hatred because I got eighteen agent
offers and you got six.
VICKI: [with venomous passion] Right from the very first day we
walked through the doors I knew you were going to be the
golden girl. You knew all the tricks. Your friendly little bunny
act fooled just about everyone. Everyone wanted to be your
friend. I could never be bothered with that shit. I am what I
am. Life is kill or be killed and anyone who pretends it isn’t,
is either totally naive, or like you, brilliant at disguising their
own naked ambition. We were all happy friends together in
this wonderful acting school? Give me a break. In a profession
where a tiny handful of those who graduate make it to the top?
I don’t think so. Sure, you had talent. Lots of it. And that magic
combination of being the social star and a good actor was al-
ways going to be a winner in that closeted little hothouse. What
they didn’t know was that the limits of your ambition were go-
ing to be money and easy acclaim. While I fought and fought
to get the roles that would stretch me, you took the easy option
every time. While I grabbed real roles of complexity, real roles
that challenged, you took the easy dollars and the easy life. If I
failed I learnt from it. While you mouthed your clichéd soapie
lines for years on end, I did the hard yards to make sure every
bit of the talent I had been given was developed and tested. Did
you honestly think I was going to hand you this brilliant role
in this brilliant movie that I fought so hard to be able to direct,
without you having put in the hard yards over the years? You’re

right. You were never going to get that role because you didn’t
even remotely deserve it.
She turns to go. CELIA isn’t going to let her go without a
reply. And it’s quiet but passionate.
CELIA: Maybe you’re right. Maybe I didn’t stretch myself.
Maybe I don’t deserve the role. But what you did—raise my
hopes to the sky and gloat about the fact you were about to
smash them—is cruelty beyond belief. No, sorry—beyond
belief for anyone but you. And you’re wrong. Liking people
was never a manipulative act for me. I still have ten great
friends from those years who are still important to me in a
way friends could never be important to you, because you go
through life assuming that everyone you meet is a potential
rival and enemy. Sure, life is competitive. I’m competitive.
But I’m never contemptuous of other people. I’m never cruel
or ruthless. Count your real friends, Vicki. I doubt you’ve got
any, but that’s really of no concern to you, is it? You just want
to be number one. That’s all that really counts.
She turns to go.
VICKI: Unlike you, I’m going to make it.
END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO
SCENE NINETEEN
Now it’s CELIA’s turn to be frozen and depressed as ROHAN
finishes making her coffee and brings it to her.
ROHAN: It’s not hard to find her creature equivalent. A shark.
CELIA: A great white circling me for years till she found the
perfect moment.
ROHAN: She’s taken a hunk out of you but you’ll recover.
CELIA: A lot of what she said was right. She has done the hard
yards.
ROHAN: That doesn’t mean you’re not a terrific actor.
CELIA: She has stretched herself. She has grown.
ROHAN: Honey, you’ve still got it. You said yourself you flew
when you read Katherine.
CELIA: Did I? Or did I just think I did.
ROHAN: Believe it.
CELIA: She had the guts to fail. And learned from that failure.
ROHAN: You learn nothing when you fail. Except you weren’t as
talented as you thought you were.
CELIA: She had a much tougher childhood than mine. It probably
made her the way she is.
ROHAN: Rubbish. Vicki came into the world hostile and has been
perfecting it ever since.
CELIA: And she’s directing a major movie and I’m an ex-soapie
star.
ROHAN: Nice guys don’t always win.
CELIA: Seems they never do.
ROHAN: Think about what really counts. We’re about to get
married and start a family.
CELIA: Given what’s just happened, should we still be thinking
that way?

ROHAN: Why wouldn’t we be?

CELIA: Where’s our future income? At my own request I’m being
written out of the series.
ROHAN: The rent from your flats.
CELIA: Two one-bedrooms that are starting to cost more in repairs
than they earn?
ROHAN: Tell them you want to stay in the series.
CELIA: I’m already dead. The scripts have been written.
ROHAN: Your twin sister arrives for your funeral.
CELIA: Story editors outlawed twin sisters twenty years ago.
ROHAN: Then I’ll just have to become successful.
CELIA: Have you got any new ideas?
ROHAN: No.
CELIA: So let’s not think parenthood just yet.
SCENE TWENTY
CELIA is with NELLI in her office.
NELLI: I feel like I never want to speak to her again.
CELIA: You have to. She’s about to make you a lot of money.
NELLI: Maybe.
CELIA: More than I’m going to earn you.
NELLI: I’ll try and find you another series role.
CELIA: No. I want to prove I can act.
NELLI: To who?
CELIA: Myself. Find me some great theatre roles, Nelli. The
money’s not important.
NELLI: Alright, darling. Ciao.
SCENE TWENTY-ONE
ROLLY is waiting in the bar this time. He looks at his watch.
ROHAN appears.
ROHAN: Sorry, mate. Deadlines.

ROLLY: What are you writing?

THE BIG TIME 175
ROHAN: Nothing. I had a series episode but the series got cancelled.
ROLLY: Did you get a chance to read the story I wrote for you?
ROHAN: Story? [Remembering] Oh, no. Sorry. Things’ve been
rushed.
ROLLY: You’ve got no work and you’re too rushed?
ROHAN: Writing a few things on spec. Hoping to get someone
interested.
ROLLY: You didn’t think maybe my idea might be worth looking
at?
ROHAN: Sorry. Just slipped my mind. Truly.
ROLLY nods his head. He’s hurt.
So what’s been happening with you, mate? How did your
operation go?
ROLLY: Still on the waiting list.
ROHAN: But you’re still managing. With your crook … heart.
ROLLY: Still beating. Not sure how long. Probably be dead before
I get to the head of the waiting list.
ROHAN: Still driving Ubers?
ROLLY: Yeah, and we can’t sell the house, so I’m dead broke.
ROHAN: And Madison? She was pregnant and the boyfriend had
pissed off?
ROLLY: That’s working out alright.
ROHAN: He came back.
ROLLY: No, she grabbed some other guy real quick and he thinks
it’s his.
ROHAN: Hey, great.
ROLLY: But there’s a problem down the line. Guy who got her
pregnant was about the size of a jockey and the new guy is
built like a brick shithouse.
ROHAN: [nodding] She may need to come clean at some stage.
ROLLY: [it’s been boiling away] Mate, I took a lot of trouble to
write that story for you.
ROHAN: Sorry, mate. Sorry. I’ll read it first thing when I get home
and get back to you.
ROLLY: You just assumed it’d be crap, didn’t you?

ROHAN: No! Not at all. I told you. It slipped my mind.

ROLLY: If you’d thought there was any chance it might be good
you’d’ve read it.
ROHAN: Mate, you’re not a writer.
ROLLY: Who says I mightn’t have some talent?
ROHAN: Mate, to be honest, I get a lot of people who come to me
with ideas and they’re usually not great.
ROLLY: So mine had to be crap.
ROHAN: Mate! I will read it. Okay?
ROLLY: If it is crap, tell me. I just want to know.
ROHAN: Okay.
There’s a pause. ROLLY works his way out of his resentment.
ROLLY: I’m organising a reunion. Of our class.
ROHAN: Ah.
ROLLY: Most of them seem keen. Girls too. Guess you wouldn’t
want to come.
ROHAN: Like I said. I’ve got some ideas and I’m trying to work
on them.
ROLLY: It’s not till the end of next year.
ROHAN: Have you got a date?
ROLLY: Not yet. Helen Seaton’s keen as.
ROHAN: Ah.
ROLLY: She’d love to see you. Shorty Kavanagh’s organising the
venue with Sue Seabury.
ROHAN: Send me a date when you’ve fixed it. I’ll see how I’m
placed.
ROLLY: Let us know what you think of my story, mate. It was a lot
of hard work for me. Okay, English was never my strong point,
but ideas don’t always come in perfect grammar.
ROHAN: I’ll read it first thing when I get home.
SCENE TWENTY-TWO
CELIA enters. She calls out to ROHAN who’s in the next room.
CELIA: So how’s Rolly’s story?

THE BIG TIME 177
ROHAN enters holding the printed story in his hand.

ROHAN: There’s a germ of an idea that could work.
CELIA: Really? Movie?
ROHAN: No. Quality drama series. Netflix or Amazon.
CELIA: Really?
ROHAN: Great lead role for you.
CELIA: Really?
ROHAN: I’d insist on co-producer/showrunner role. Could be a our
bread and butter for years.
He notes CELIA’s sceptical look.
I know you’ve heard this all before, but I think this could be
different.
CELIA: What’s the story?
ROHAN: Rolly overheard two women talking and one of them had
just found she had a sister she never knew about.
CELIA: It does happen.
ROHAN: Yes, but usually there’s a happy ending. They finally find
each other, get together, shed tears, and find they have so much
in common.
CELIA: But?
ROHAN: In this case it’s all but ruined the woman’s life. She finds
herself in a nightmare. Her new sister and her two small kids
are on the run from a psychopathic ex-partner who wants to
kill her for running off with another guy who’s since dumped
her. The woman likes her new sister, but she’s got to use all her
ingenuity to keep her alive.
CELIA: They’d call the police, surely?
ROHAN: In the story Rolly heard on the bus that’s what happened,
but Rolly’s embellished it a little and made the rogue boyfriend
a cop. Tells his mates it’s all in the woman’s mind. They know
it isn’t. She has to leave her family and go on the run with her
new sister, which causes huge problems with her own husband.
CELIA: Sounding interesting.
ROHAN: Rolly hasn’t a clue where to go with the story, but well-
written it could be brilliant.

CELIA: That could be a good role. Settled, happy wife and moth-
er, suddenly thrust on the run trying to keep her new sister and
kids alive.
ROHAN: Exactly.
CELIA: I could work with that character. Forced to find new levels
of courage. And resourcefulness.
ROHAN: You’d be brilliant.
CELIA: And making a powerful statement about men’s violence
toward women.
ROHAN: It’d be my dream. A series I’d write and you’d star in.
I’ll write a story bible and a first ep. You can give me input on
your character.
They look at each other. ROHAN is excited. CELIA still a
little dubious.
CELIA: You think we can really sell this?
ROHAN: Of course we can. It’s writing itself in my head already.
CELIA: Get to it then.
ROHAN: Am I allowed to make a coffee?
CELIA: I’ll make the coffees. You start.
SCENE TWENTY-THREE
VICKI is in Nelli’s office, looking angry.
VICKI: What’s this about?
NELLI: Nate asked me to talk to you.
VICKI: About what?
NELLI: The filming.
VICKI: The filming’s fine. Better than fine.
NELLI: Nate feels—
VICKI: If Nate’s got something to tell me, why isn’t he telling me
himself?
NELLI: He feels—
VICKI: Feels what?
NELLI: That you’ve to some extent …
VICKI: Some extent what?

THE BIG TIME 179
NELLI: Stopped listening to him.

VICKI: The producer’s job is to put the elements together and let the
creatives do their job.
NELLI: The set is pretty tense at the moment.
VICKI: Creative tension is perfectly normal.
NELLI: He feels it’s a little worse than creative tension.
VICKI: Says who?
NELLI: He’s getting a lot of complaints.
VICKI: From whom?
NELLI: Rose isn’t happy. Hugh isn’t happy. Your cinematographer
is really pissed off, your assistant director has just resigned—
VICKI: She’s useless.
NELLI: And you’re way over budget already.
VICKI: I keep shooting a scene until it’s right. Do they want a
quality movie or don’t they?
NELLI: Vicki, your two lead actors aren’t happy. Nobody on set
is happy. Unless you turn that around Nate is going to replace
you.
VICKI: Is anyone unhappy with the dailies? The footage is brilliant.
NELLI: There’s some debate about that too.
VICKI: What?
NELLI: Vicki, you’ve got two of the world’s great screen actors on
set and they say you’re practically giving them line readings.
VICKI: I know what sort of performances I’m after.
NELLI: For God’s sake, give them some latitude. Let them show
you alternatives.
VICKI: And get self-indulgent performances of the sort that ruins
most of our movies.
NELLI: [impatient] You’re not going to get self-indulgent
performances from Hugh and Rose, for God’s sake.
VICKI: Nelli, you couldn’t be more wrong. What’s Hugh’s most
famous role? Wolverine. They’re just actors and they get lazy.
When the film is released they’ll thank me for imposing some
long-needed discipline.
NELLI gets up and walks to the window to try and get rid of
some of her nervous exasperation.

NELLI: Vicki, I don’t think I want to be your agent anymore.

VICKI: That saves me having to terminate our agreement myself.
NELLI: Really?
VICKI: Any agent that would drag me in here and give me a
dressing-down on the say-so of a producer who has no idea
what I’m delivering him, is not an agent I can ever work with
again.
She gets up and walks out.
SCENE TWENTY-FOUR
Nate’s office. He looks up as a furious VICKI storms in.
VICKI: If you’ve got something to say to me, Nate, do it to my face.
Don’t send messages via my ex-agent.
NATE: Ex-agent?
VICKI: She’s meant to be working on behalf of me. Not believing
everything that’s told to her by a panicking producer.
NATE: Hey—
VICKI: Over budget? How far over budget? One day. One day and a
half. Less than two weeks into the shoot. Once my cast realises
that I know what I’m talking about I’ll easily pick up that time
and probably come in under budget.
NATE: Vicki, will you face reality?
VICKI: The only reality you should be interested in is there in the
dailies. The footage is brilliant.
NATE: Some of it is very good. Some could be better.
VICKI: Better? Tell me which scenes could be better?
NATE: I’m not going to sit down and name them one by one.
VICKI: Well, unless you do that and tell me exactly what, in your
opinion, is wrong with them, then don’t complain. Sweeping
generalisations are worth nothing.
NATE: Vicki, you’re a first-time director. Two very fine actors are
unhappy—
VICKI: When has an actor ever been happy with a director?
NATE: Actually, quite often. And then the product is invariably good.

THE BIG TIME 181
VICKI: I’m not delivering product, Nate. I’m delivering art. If

Hugh and Rose are unhappy, let them come and tell me why.
I am more than willing to listen. Sure, they are both very
capable actors, but even the best actors can fall victim to self-
indulgence. Believe me, Nate, they’ll thank me when this film
is released. And so will you. Now please, no more whining
and let’s just all get on with the fucking job.
She sweeps out of his office. He sits there, and sighs heavily.
SCENE TWENTY-FIVE
ROHAN is writing frantically at his word processor when CELIA
bursts in.
CELIA: She’s been kicked off the movie!
ROHAN: Vicki?
CELIA: The set became toxic. Nate fired her. Rachel Ward has
been brought in to direct.
ROHAN bounds up from his desk and emits a loud cheer.
ROHAN: Ding dong, the witch is dead.
Beat.
Best news I’ve heard for years.
CELIA: Sometimes the gods get it right. I’ll send her an email.
ROHAN: Saying what?
CELIA: That it’s so good that she learns from her failures, and
wondering if the lesson she might draw from this one is to be
a little more human.
ROHAN: Do it.
CELIA: No. I don’t want to ever descend to her level. I’ll just sit
here and savour it quietly.
ROHAN: Namaste.
CELIA: How’s the series outline going?
ROHAN: Good. Really, really good.
CELIA: Are you going to give Rolly any credit?
ROHAN: Credit? What kind of credit?

CELIA: From a concept by Rolly Pierce? Offer him ten percent

or something?
ROHAN: Are you kidding? His outline was barely literate.
CELIA: Maybe, but he did find the basic situation and extend on
it.
ROHAN: You can’t copyright ideas. It’s how you develop them.
Anyone could have had that idea.
CELIA: Anyone didn’t. Your friend Rolly did.
ROHAN: Something he overheard on a tram. Anyone could’ve
heard it.
CELIA: But they didn’t. Rolly did. And he recognised it was a good
story. And he wrote it down and gave it to you.
ROHAN: Honey, he’s a simple country boy. He’ll be delighted I
turned it into something.
CELIA raises her eyebrows.
I’ll tell him. I’ll tell him. Okay, I’ll call Rolly.
The ‘call Rolly’ has been picked up by Siri on his iPhone.
SIRI: Calling Rolly.
ROHAN in panic tries to stop Siri, but it’s too late. On the
other side of the city, ROLLY’s phone rings.
ROLLY: [looking at the name on the screen] Rohan?
ROHAN: Rolly, mate. How are you?
ROLLY: Good to hear you, mate. Have you finally read my story?
ROHAN: Yeah, I did, mate. I did.
ROLLY: You did?
ROHAN: I’ve been meaning to get in touch.
ROLLY: If you didn’t like it, say. It might seem stupid to you,
mate, but I’ve never written a story before and I have to say I
thought it was okay.
ROHAN: Yeah, it had something. Oddly, I had had a similar idea
myself.
ROLLY: Similar?
ROHAN: Actually, quite different, but similar in a way.

THE BIG TIME 183
ROLLY: What way?

ROHAN: A middle-class woman suddenly having her world turned
upside down.
ROLLY: By a sister she didn’t know she had being hunted by a
psycho?
ROHAN: Well, yeah mate, hunted by a psycho, but the new sister
was something new. I’d thought of an ordinary sister.
ROLLY: You had this idea before you read mine?
ROHAN: Roughly the same time. Male violence against women
was all over the news.
ROLLY: You got the same idea exactly at the same time.
ROHAN: Mate, I’ve actually gone with her not knowing she had the
sister.
ROLLY: And the psycho being a cop.
ROHAN: That one’s a fairly obvious plot twist.
ROLLY: You’re saying you didn’t get that from me.
ROHAN: Probably did, mate. Probably did, but what I’m saying is it
probably would’ve come to me in any case.
ROLLY: But it actually came from me.
ROHAN: Rolly, basic ideas are one thing. It’s how they’re developed
that makes or breaks a story.
ROLLY: Mate, without my idea you wouldn’t have had a story.
ROHAN: Mate, it’s going to be a long shot to get this up.
ROLLY: And if it does you’ll make a fortune.
ROHAN: Scarcely a fortune, mate.
ROLLY: You don’t think I deserve something if it does happen.
ROHAN: It’s a long shot, Rolly. And I’m doing the hours upon
hours of hard work to shape this and make it happen.
ROLLY: I just sold my house. After giving half to my wife, paying
out the mortgage and lawyers fees, paying off a mountain of
debt, and getting myself a new car so I can keep doing Uber,
I’m left with just over three thousand bucks.
ROHAN: What did you expect would happen, Rolly?
ROLLY: That we’d sit down and write the thing together.
ROHAN: Together?
ROLLY: Yeah, together.

ROHAN: Mate, I’ve spent years learning the skills I’m using now.
ROLLY: I’d learn from you.
ROHAN: Rolly, not everyone has the skills to be a writer.
ROLLY: And definitely not me. That’s what you’re saying? I’ve
outlived my usefulness, so piss off? That’s what you’re saying?
ROHAN: Rolly.
ROLLY: No. I get it. My idea and you’ll take the money and credit.
That’s a rat act, mate, and you know it is.
He ends the call, looking more sad than angry. ROHAN, in
his apartment, looks at the accusing eyes of CELIA.
CELIA: You just happened to have the same idea?
ROHAN: Get off my back. He’s got no legal right to it. Ideas can’t
be copyrighted.
CELIA:This wasn’t just a one-line idea. He wrote it out and
invented some of it and gave it to you as a friend.
ROHAN: He wanted to write it with me. You want that to happen?
Give me a break!
SCENE TWENTY-SIX
A gym. CELIA enters. VICKI is there. They stare at each other.
VICKI: If you’ve got something to say, say it.
CELIA: Nothing to say at all.
VICKI: Was I devastated at losing the movie? Yes. Am I going to
spend the rest of my life in a crumpled heap in a corner? No.
What’s the lesson to be learned? That my honesty precludes
me from directing and to redirect my talent where it should
be. Performance.
CELIA: Any roles?
VICKI: You’re hoping I’ll say no, aren’t you?
CELIA: I can see from the gleam in your eye that that’s not what
you’re going to say.
VICKI: I heard you auditioned for Thelma in Catch as Catch Can.
CELIA: You got the role?
VICKI: I’m glad to see you finally want to do some real acting,

THE BIG TIME 185
but yes, I did. It’s a fabulous, strong, complex role and I can’t
wait to throw myself into it.
She moves off, then turns back.
Don’t let yourself get too depressed. I heard you made the
short list, so if you work hard I’m sure something will happen
for you.
VICKI turns and goes. CELIA is clearly devastated.
SCENE TWENTY-SEVEN
In their apartment, ROHAN makes coffee for two as CELIA comes
in from the next room with ten pages or so of outline in her hands.
ROHAN is tense as he waits for her verdict.
ROHAN: So?
CELIA: Good. Good.
ROHAN: But?
She pulls out a sheaf of notes. ROHAN stares.
Jesus, how many notes have you got?
CELIA: Melissa is close to being a great character but she’s not
there yet. Sit down, listen to what I’m about to tell you and she
could be.
ROHAN sighs resignedly, hands her her cup of coffee and
sits.
[Annoyed] Don’t look so surly.
ROHAN: Don’t think I’m going to do exactly what you tell me.
CELIA: Let’s try and be project centred and not ego-driven. If we
get this right both of us are going to bask in the glory. Point
one. My character is still too passive. The first big moment of
danger, her husband bobs up to save her.
ROHAN: He helps.
CELIA: Find a way to let Melissa solve it.
ROHAN: Is that realistic? She’s in a shitload of trouble.
CELIA: Come up with something risky but ingenious that gets the

two sisters out of their immediate danger. Don’t do the cliché

of turning to her husband.
ROHAN: You’re writing this now?
CELIA: I’m suggesting things which make my character more
resourceful. Point two.
ROHAN: How many points are there?
CELIA: Fourteen. Sit there and listen.
SCENE TWENTY-EIGHT
Nate’s boardroom. NATE has the outline in his hands. He looks
at it and then up at ROHAN who is taking in the opulence of the
boardroom.
ROHAN: Like your boardroom, mate.
NATE reads from the list of demands ROHAN has given him.
NATE: Showrunner? You want to be showrunner.
ROHAN: Yeah. And I write the first three eps and three more per
season if I want them. And plenty of back end.
NATE: You’re not asking much, are you?
ROHAN: Tell me, Nate, is that or is that not one of the best female
characters you’ve read.
NATE: She’s good. Nice arc. Dependent wife to courageous,
resourceful, but ruthless when she’s forced to be. Nice arc.
ROHAN: Listen, we haven’t got a happy history but you know
what you’re doing and so do I. Do you want it or not? If not,
others will.
NATE: I’m the only one who’ll get it financed.
ROHAN: Come on, you’re not the only producer on the block.
NATE: This is series drama, mate. Tough stuff. This material is
what I do well and the big studios know it.
ROHAN: I want you to do it, Nate, but I don’t want to be screwed.
NATE reads again from the list of demands.
NATE: Approval of principal cast?
ROHAN: Role’s written for Celia. She’s perfect for it.

THE BIG TIME 187
NATE: Okay, if we add that such approval is not to be unreasonably

withheld.
ROHAN: No. No weasel words. I allow that in the contract and
you can ignore me on the grounds I’m being unreasonable.
Approval. Full stop. No qualifications.
NATE: No big broadcaster’s ever going to allow that.
ROHAN: I’m sure you can talk them into it. Mate.
NATE looks at him. ROHAN holds his gaze. He knows he’s got
something that NATE wants. At last.
SCENE TWENTY-NINE
ROHAN waits in the bar where he meets ROLLY. ROLLY comes in.
He sits. There’s silence.
ROHAN: ‘Based on an idea by Roland Pierce’. And some of the back
end. And a percentage of the rights fee. And a fee per episode.
ROLLY: That’d be nice, mate. I did have a dream we’d work
together but yeah, I guess that was a dream.
ROHAN: It’s taken me a long while to learn the tricks, mate.
ROLLY: Yeah, I guess.
ROHAN: I should’ve offered you a deal straight away. Sorry.
ROLLY: Well, you hadn’t sold it then.
ROHAN: Ten percent of the rights money? And a piece of each ep
that’s made.
ROLLY: Which will come to what?
ROHAN: Look, it’s not going to make you rich, mate. Fifteen
thousand at the most. And say five thousand per episode.
ROLLY: Be a great help at the moment.
ROHAN: We could do a formal contract if you want.
ROLLY: Just shake on it, mate. That’s good enough.
They shake.
So glad you changed your mind, mate. When you told me to
stuff off it was sort of the last straw. Marriage, kids. All going
wrong. I started to get really low.
ROHAN: Sorry, mate.

ROLLY: You were the one thing I thought I could depend on. I had
the bloody shotgun in my mouth, mate.
ROHAN: What?!
ROLLY: Not kidding. In my mouth. Just as I was about to pull the
trigger, got a call from Shorty Kavanagh about the reunion
we’re organising and I broke down and cried. He came round
and talked me out of it.
ROHAN: Shit, sorry, mate.
ROLLY: So when you called, I almost cried again.
ROHAN: I was a total bastard, sorry.
ROLLY: You’re normal, mate. These days nobody gives a shit for
anyone but number one. I never get anyone calling me these
days. Except Shorty and Gary. Old school mates. No-one else
cares. Why would they? In this new world of ours I’m worth
nothing to nobody.
ROHAN: Rolly—
ROLLY: Males around their mid-forties with no job, no nothing—
no-one wants to know. Certainly no woman wants to know.
Even driving Uber, it’s all fake. You’re nice to the passengers
otherwise they’ll give you a shit rating and you’re out of a job.
ROHAN: You’ll get a job. You’ll find someone.
ROLLY: Deep down I knew you’d come good. Anyone who’d risk
their neck to save someone can’t be a total bastard.
ROHAN: Still can’t work out what the hell you were doing
swimming in a river in flood when you could barely stay afloat
when it was dead calm.
ROLLY: I was trying to show off to Helen Seaton. Futile. You were
always going to get her.
ROHAN: Jesus, don’t ever do that shotgun stuff again. People do
care. They just haven’t got time to show it.
ROLLY: Thanks, mate. Fifteen thou would really help. And a nice
little income to follow.
ROHAN: Don’t bank on it. Still got to get Netflix or Stan to commit.
If they don’t I’ll be back doing one episode a year of a shit
series if I’m lucky, earning about what your Uber driving does.
ROLLY: My granddad worked for the bank and he had a job for life.

THE BIG TIME 189
Promotion just depended on who died or retired above you on

the list. And everything still worked. Why do we need this crazy
cutthroat competition in every bloody aspect of our lives?
ROHAN: It’s called neoliberalism. The whole world changed with
Thatcher and Reagan. Don’t tax the rich. Let them get richer
and all boats will be lifted by the tide.
ROLLY: How did we let ourselves be convinced by that bullshit?
ROHAN: Because the ones whose boats were really being lifted
owned the media.
ROLLY: Still do.
ROHAN: Unless you’re in the top ten percent, all of us are just a
whisker off disaster these days.
ROLLY: That doesn’t make me feel a whole lot better.
SCENE THIRTY
NATE isn’t happy as he faces ROHAN in his office. He’s pacing
around ROHAN, agitated.
NATE: For God’s sake, man, don’t be so pig-headed. The money is
there. Netflix. Green light. International pre-sales. The money
is there.
ROHAN: I’m not signing that contract until I’m given total
approval of major cast. Like we agreed.
NATE: We didn’t agree. I said I’d try. But I knew that no big
broadcaster would ever, ever agree. Approval, not to be
unreasonably withheld.
ROHAN: No.
NATE: They like the idea of Celia playing Melissa.
ROHAN: They do now. Until the minute I sign this contract and
then they’ll be free to cast who they like.
NATE: I’ve talked to them. Celia is the absolute frontrunner.
ROHAN: Frontrunner’s not good enough. She’s doing the role.
NATE: You can’t dictate to Netflix like that. Don’t be crazy.
ROHAN: Strike out, ‘approval not to be unreasonably withheld’,
and we’ll all get on with it.

NATE: A reality check, Rohan. They are swamped with projects.

They think yours is good, but there are two more, one of them
one of mine, that they think are equally as good. You annoy
them and they’ll just switch. They don’t fuck around.
ROHAN: Go back to them and ask them again.
NATE: [exploding] They’re not going to budge. Sign the contract!
ROHAN: How come you’re so sure they’re not going to budge?
NATE: Because a huge broadcaster is never going to give a writer
control of casting. Never!
ROHAN: They want to cast someone else, don’t they?
NATE: It’s possible! Possible! They are canny guys. They make a
lot of top material. They have views. Strong views.
ROHAN: Please don’t tell me.
NATE: What?
ROHAN: Not Vicki bloody Fielding?
NATE: They’ve seen the buzz she’s getting for Catch as Catch
Can.
ROHAN: [with a touch of panic] It’s a different sort of part.
NATE: They don’t think so.
ROHAN: You want her too!? You fired her six months ago.
NATE: She’s a brilliant actor.
ROHAN: So is Celia.
NATE: The Netflix guys think she’s too—
ROHAN: What?
NATE: Soft. Not complex and fiery enough.
ROHAN: She can be tough as nails! I live with her!
NATE: Her face is just a little too …
ROHAN: What?
NATE: Sweet.
ROHAN: Nate, that’s—
NATE: In this business we cast for the right look. As much as
anything, the right look. Vicki has a toughness.
ROHAN: I can’t do this.
NATE: Truth is we were lucky to get her to commit. After Catch
as Catch Can she’s had three offers. Two in LA. And she took
this.

THE BIG TIME 191
ROHAN: Of course she took this.

NATE: Of course?
ROHAN: Of course. One, she knows it’s a hell of a role. Two, she
knew it was written by me for Celia.
NATE: No.
ROHAN: Yes.
NATE: Who cares what the motive is? She’s said yes and she’s the
best for the role—
ROHAN: In your opinion.
NATE: In everyone’s opinion. Rohan, there’s only one reason
you cast anybody for any role. Because you think they’re the
best. And they’ll give your product the best chance of being
excellent.
ROHAN: Oh, Jesus. I can’t do this, Nate. You know I can’t.
NATE: [tough, angry] How long is it since you had a hit show?
Since you made real money? Fifteen years! Now there’s real
money involved here and it’s sitting there waiting. Rights fee,
writing fee, showrunner fee—you’ll be a wealthy man. And
even more important, you’ll be respected again.
ROHAN: Respected? For ditching the woman I love?
NATE: For writing something that turns out excellent. Respect,
Rohan. It’s even more important than money and you haven’t
had it for a long time.
ROHAN: Nate, I’m still—
NATE: You’re still nothing. I nearly didn’t read your submission I
was so sure it’d be shit. One of my bright young creatives said it
was worth a glance. That’s how close this was to not happening.
Respect, Rohan. It’s even more important than money and you
want it back. So stop fucking around and sign that document or
I swear to you I’ll ring Netflix and tell them to move on to one
of the other projects, and don’t think I won’t. My patience is
running out.
ROHAN: Sure I want money and you’re right, respect would be so
great to feel again, but there are some things you can’t do.
NATE: [losing it] Rohan, you’re sacrificing everything for a
woman who’ll be gone in a few years in any case.

ROHAN: Bullshit!
NATE: Why in the hell would she want to hang around an aging
nobody eking out a living on shit jobs no-one else will do?!
You’re going to feel great then, eh Rohan? You pulled the
plug on what could be a masterpiece to save Celia a day or
two of angst. If you don’t clinch this series she’ll soon be
gone in any case. Believe me.
ROHAN: That’s not true!
NATE: Don’t be such a bloody idiot. Sign now or get out. The
money’s only there if Vicki Fielding plays the lead. What do
you want? It’s your bloody future.
ROHAN stands there. His head bowed.
SCENE THIRTY-ONE
CELIA watches as ROHAN calls up an Uber cab on his phone. His
suitcase and bags stand ready by the door.
CELIA: You’ll be able to afford a good pad of your own now,
won’t you?
ROHAN: It was my last chance.
CELIA: I helped you shape that role. For what? For Vicki? And you
let it happen?
ROHAN: It was my last chance. You’ve got talent. Real talent.
You’ll be fine. If ever you feel you can forgive me—
CELIA: Rohan, just go.
ROHAN: I love you.
CELIA: Sure.
ROHAN: Put yourself in my shoes.
CELIA: So I can become a callous opportunist?
ROHAN: You would’ve done the same.
CELIA: What really gets me. When it came to your mate Rolly,
you finally decided you couldn’t treat him badly. But me?
Goodbye, Celia.
ROHAN: You’re the one throwing me out.
CELIA: If any other person in the world had’ve got the role I
probably could’ve survived this.

THE BIG TIME 193
ROHAN: I just hope, maybe, in the future … we could certainly

afford kids now.
CELIA: Just get out, Rohan.
ROHAN nods, takes his case and his bags, and goes. She
stares after him then slumps in a chair.
SCENE THIRTY-TWO
VICKI enters Nate’s office. ROHAN is there with a script and a pen
in his hand. They greet each other coldly.
ROHAN: You had some problems with the script?
NATE: Vicki would like your assurance that you’ll address a few
minor issues before she signs her contract.
VICKI: Well, they weren’t actually minor, but it’s all academic
now. I’ve decided one of the LA offers is too good to refuse.
They stare at her.
NATE: You’re pulling out?
VICKI: I’ve just taken the betteroption. [To ROHAN] What a pity. I
heard Celia threw you out when she knew I had the role. Maybe
if you plead she’ll do it.
ROHAN: You did this to wreck Celia and me?
VICKI: No, mainly to make a point to Nate. [To NATE] Did you
really think I’d work for you after you dumped me off Sins
of the Father? I don’t forgive and I don’t forget. [To ROHAN]
Proving yet again to Celia that I’m the better actor was an
added bonus.
NATE: Things may not work out in LA, Vicki. It’s a very small
world.
VICKI: I doubt it. Not with CAA representing me and three new
scripts already on offer. Better-written scripts than this, I have
to say.
ROHAN: How do you keep your blood warm, Vicki?
VICKI: Good line, Rohan. Put it in the script. Don’t ever waste
your rare moments of inspiration.
ROHAN: You’re a fucking monster.

VICKI: No, I’m just someone whose gutsy enough to say what
everybody else secretly feels. Best of luck, guys.
She sweeps out, totally self-assured. The two men look at
each other.
ROHAN: Netflix will buy Celia as Bea.
NATE shakes his head.
She’ll test for it. She’ll be great. I swear to you.
NATE: I was telling you the truth, Rohan. It was Vicki or no-one.
SCENE THIRTY-THREE
CELIA is taking her make-up off in a theatre dressing-room.
There’s a knock.
CELIA: Come in.
ROHAN: Hi.
CELIA: You saw the show tonight?
ROHAN: You were brilliant.
CELIA: I was a bit down tonight.
ROHAN: You were brilliant.
CELIA: I won’t argue.
ROHAN: Are you liking it?
CELIA: The role?
ROHAN: The stage.
CELIA: Loving it. Great roles, a live audience, two hours to create
a character. Loving it.
ROHAN: You’ve had a busy year.
Beat.
I’ve seen your last three plays. You were brilliant in those too.
CELIA: You didn’t come back after?
ROHAN: Didn’t have the courage.
CELIA: I don’t hate you.
ROHAN: I’m glad to hear that.
CELIA: But I haven’t forgiven you.
ROHAN: As it turned out, Netflix wouldn’t do the series without
Vicki in any case.

THE BIG TIME 195
CELIA: Not the point, Rohan. You ditched me before you knew
that.
ROHAN: It was the biggest mistake I ever made in my life.
CELIA: I heard you were happily living with some new woman. A
podiatrist? How did you meet her? Foot problems?
ROHAN: No, Tinder.
CELIA: Smart move. She’s in a lucrative profession. After a
lifetime of high heels, who hasn’t got foot problems?
ROHAN: It didn’t work out.
CELIA: Why’s that?
ROHAN: I’m still in love with you.
There’s a silence.
I hear you finally found a surgeon.
CELIA: Yes. Urologist. Saw me in a play and became obsessed.
Should have rung warning bells.
ROHAN: Asperger’s?
CELIA: Of course. A social disaster.
ROHAN: I heard you’d parted ways.
CELIA: It only happened last week, so you do keep track of me,
don’t you?
ROHAN: It’s not hard.
CELIA: Facebook?
ROHAN: Yeah.
CELIA: Is that why you’re here? [Off his reaction] Your podiatrist
has walked and I’m free?
ROHAN: [edge of desperation] I made one mistake. A big one. A
very big one, but I was desperate to get the series happening.
Fifteen years out in the cold. I was just hoping you could
forgive and we could try again.
CELIA says nothing.
I’ve actually struck it lucky. I got offered a script. Return from
the dead genre stuff, which I’ve always looked down on, but
I got into it and they loved what I did. Now I’m practically
writing the whole show. I’m going to make close to two
hundred thou this year. We could totally, totally afford a family.

CELIA says nothing.

Celia, we had something special. Laughed at the same things,
loved the same movies, and when we got home from a dinner
party we always agreed on who was the most loathsome
person there?
CELIA still says nothing.
We had something special. And I know it’d still be there.
CELIA still says nothing.
Can’t we just give it a try?
CELIA: You knew full well what a body blow it would be to me
and you were prepared to inflict that pain.
ROHAN: Fifteen years in the wilderness. Fifteen years.
CELIA: Now one year on you’re making two hundred thou a year.
But you couldn’t wait for your luck to turn. It was goodbye,
Celia; thank you, Vicki.
ROHAN is silent.
I’ll never stop liking you, probably even loving you, but
forgiveness has a final boundary. Cross it and there’s no way
back.
ROHAN knows she means it. He nods, broken, turns and goes.
Rohan.
ROHAN: Yeah?
CELIA gestures to the flowers. ROHAN nods and takes them.
SCENE THIRTY-FOUR
ROLLY waits for ROHAN who comes in obviously late.
ROHAN: Sorry, mate. Sorry.
He sits.
Feel good after the operation?
ROLLY: New man, Roh. Heart pumping like it should. Hell of a
difference.

THE BIG TIME 197
ROHAN: How’s the new job at Bunnings?

ROLLY: Pay’s shit but I quite like it. I’ve always been a pretty good
handyman and I can really help people. So glad you came along
to the reunion again.
ROHAN: To be honest, at first it bored me a bit, but—
ROLLY: I could tell.
ROHAN: But then it sort of got to me. Remembering those days
when we all thought our lives were going to be more exciting
than they turned out. When all things seemed possible.
ROLLY: And you and Helen Seaton. That’s the talk of the whole
bloody group.
ROHAN: Took us over thirty years to tumble into bed together.
ROLLY: Always going to happen, mate. Always going to happen.
She’s such a bloody nice person.
ROHAN: Early days, mate. Early bloody days. Got her kids to take
on board.
ROLLY: You need a family. Without one you artists drink
yourselves to death.
ROHAN: And you’re back with—
ROLLY: Yeah. She caught the bloody real estate agent cheating.
And new heart, new man. Strange world. Nothing ever does
work out how you dreamt. I guess life is always sort of about
making do.
ROHAN: Rolly, I guess that’s what it is.
There’s a pause.
ROLLY: Oh, I almost forgot. I’ve had another bloody idea.
ROHAN: Hit me.
ROLLY: So they’ve got me working in the garden centre at the
moment, and the other day this bloke comes in and he says,
‘Hi, I’m looking for Walter Raleigh Buffalo’, and so I was like,
‘Uh, I’m sorry, mate, I don’t think Walter works here, but I’m
more than happy to help you out myself’ … Anyway, it turns
out he needed some grass because he’s redoing his lawn … so
he’s ripped up the old turf and guess what he found in the soil?
ROHAN: I’m thinking corpses?

ROLLY: Yep, and an old leaf blower. So this bloke rings the cops
and apparently there is a murder case from about twenty years
back, where they reckon some bloke was killed by a neighbour
because he was always leaf blowing, from like seven a.m. to
seven p.m. every day. I reckon we call it The Constant Gar-
dener.
ROHAN: Ah … I think that title’s been used.
ROLLY: I’ve typed it up.
He produces some crumpled pages in a scrunched-up
plastic envelope.
But I accidentally put it through the wash … but have a read.
It’s a cracker.
The lights, which have been slowly fading, snap out.
THE END

3569 CP David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V AVAILABLE-141-203

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

3569 CP David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V AVAILABLE-141-203

Uploaded by

Document Information

Original Title

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

3569 CP David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V AVAILABLE-141-203

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

THE BIG TIME

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 135 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 137 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 138 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 139 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

can’t help glancing at it eagerly and starting to reply to

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 140 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

CELIA hears her iPhone ding again and again, and

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 141 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

CELIA: [offstage] Just give me a few minutes.

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 142 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

NATE: I don’t use the boardroom for pitches.

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 143 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 144 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 145 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 146 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

VICKI: You’re not going to have kids with this guy?

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 147 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

VICKI: [sighing] Oh, dear.

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 148 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 149 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 150 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

ROHAN: Mate, this is not good.

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 151 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

ROHAN: I’m a bit busy, mate.

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 152 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

He brings out heap of email printouts from a battered case.

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 153 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

He fishes in his bag and hands ROHAN a sheaf of printed

ROHAN: How was your lunch with Vicki?

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 154 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

ROHAN: I thought so. Until Rolly showed me a photo of what she

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 155 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 156 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 157 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

CELIA: Which is?

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 158 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

CELIA: [phone] Nelli?

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 159 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 160 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

NELLI: Sit down.

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 161 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

NELLI shows her a figure on a pad.

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 162 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 163 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

meal at our favourite Vietnamese and a bottle of really good

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 164 27/06/2019 4:03:04 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 165 27/06/2019 4:03:05 PM

CELIA: No, the other thing.

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 166 27/06/2019 4:03:05 PM

CELIA: You still have to—

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 167 27/06/2019 4:03:05 PM

CELIA: She really thinks she can talk him around?

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 168 27/06/2019 4:03:05 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 169 27/06/2019 4:03:05 PM

VICKI: No-one could be sorrier for what’s happened than I am,

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 170 27/06/2019 4:03:05 PM

David Williamson Collected Plays Vol V_INT_FIN.indd 171 27/06/2019 4:03:05 PM

END OF ACT ONE