Dueling Fops of Vindamere:

A Game of Grudges and Braggin’

by Greg Stolze
They call you many things—layabout, fop, ne’er-do-well, fancyman, puff baby, franion, flouncer,
swingblade, rake, rakehell, rakespindle, nob, swell, fribble, white-glove, gadabout, doodle, beau-nasty, boot-
ludge, oppressor, blackguard, marble-swank, surlypood, ruffian, flagrantian, gilded teat—but you ignore the
proliferating insults of the ill-bred classes with a toss of your glamorous hair or, when required, a swat from
your nimble rapier. You are of Vindamere’s gentry and, if the city itself has become a disgusting cesspit of
commerce, you can remain a beacon of noble virtue for those of lesser lineage. You, your family, and your
school of swordplay are the moral polestars all those wretched, drunken, grasping, venal, disease-raddled
human warts ought to emulate.
If only you could convince them. Or, failing that, convince those you love not to emulate them.
Dueling Fops of Vindamere is a game of arrogant scions of the gentry bickering, bragging, degrading
themselves, falling in love and seeking to balance conflicting loyalties. Will you kill to protect the honor (or
reputation) of your prize student? Do you take the fall for your illegitimate child’s indiscretions? If the
choice comes to tarnish your family name with bloodshed, or allow an insult to your school to go
unaddressed, which do you pick?

Let’s Meet Your Fop

Characters in Dueling Fops have two primary attributes (or “stats”): FOPPISH and DUELIST. They also
have two derived attributes: SERIOUS and ARISTOCRAT.
FOPPISH+SERIOUS always equals 10. Losing a point off SERIOUS means gaining a point on FOPPISH,
and vice versa. Similarly, DUELIST+ARISTOCRAT always totals 10.
For every action that’s in question, you roll a d10 and add two of these attributes, depending on what
you’re trying to accomplish. (This is explained at greater length on page 6, “Doing Things”.)
• If you ever hit SERIOUS 0/FOPPISH 10, you fall into dissolution. Your rakehell abandons all
responsibility, succumbs to Vindamere’s myriad temptations of drink, drug and obscenity, and perishes of
a venereal disease before the year is out.
• If you hit SERIOUS 10/FOPPISH 0, you achieve enlightenment. Withdrawing from both family and
school, you retreat to the mountains to contemplate the sublime. You may bring one of your Beloved
(explained below) with you as a disciple, but no more than one.
• If you hit DUELIST 10/ARISTOCRAT 0, your neglect of the family is so profound that you are
disowned—in practice, if not wholly in name. Your parents never speak of you, your credit is ruined, and
the ale-sodden wrecks of the city guard no longer consider you above the law. However, you are renowned
unto your death as the greatest living sword fighter of Vindamere, Fair Hilterford, Swinesport and the
Rancid Isles. Periodically, young swanks trying to prove themselves come to challenge you, and you
pitilessly humiliate and/or slay them.
• If you hit DUELIST 0/ARISTOCRAT 10, you come to your senses, straighten up, fly right, stop
fleering and brawling, and become a credit to your ancestry. Instead of having fun and making trouble,
you settle down and focus on wringing every possible vingteme of profit from your lands, vassals, and
servants. You make your parents proud and start attending religious services.
!1
 Ye Way of ye Game
Each player controls the head of a dueling school, along with a small assortment of their friends,
lovers, family members and others of whom it can only be said “…’tis complicated.” The game, your
choices, and the results of cruelly indifferent die rolls form a story about these fencing instructors and their
associates. It’s a single session game. If you’re used to having a game moderator or dungeon master boss you
around—go, fly, be free! This game has no stern authority beyond the text on these pages, which you can
transgress by invoking Ye Rule of Democratic Liberty.

⚔ Ye Rule of Democratic Liberty ⚔

If all the players agree that something really ought to happen, it happens. The agreement has to be
unanimous though. Good luck getting everyone on-side.

Your goal is to have fun by creating tales of violent, vainglorious aristocrats. The game proceeds
through a series of scenes, along the following schedule.
1) Ye Midwinter Balle
2) An Random Scene
3) An Random Scene
4) Ye Springe Cotillionnne
5) An Random Scene
6) An Random Scene
7) Ye Alle-Valley Fencinge Championeshippe
In each scene, you choose whether its events befall the head of the school, or whether it focuses on
someone in the teacher’s orbit—one of their Beloved, of whom you start with two. Beloveds skew your stats,
but may die in scenes. Dying is less likely for a cosseted noble who’s an expert with the sword.
In fact, the only ways an instructor is likely to die are (1) if FOPPISH maxes out, and even then you die
offstage, or (2) if you lose your last point of DUELIST when someone hits you with SERIOUS+DUELIST—the
option for striking to kill.
You can, however, be forced out of play. If all your Beloveds die, you just quit. Your character loses
interest in life, retreats to a moody estate out on the moors, and broods. Maybe later some plain-faced
governess snaps you out of it, but most likely it’s just a slow, bleak decline into a melancholy grave. Keep
your loved ones close.
In each scene, the likeliest behaviors are listed in order, like a flowchart. They're also numbered. So
things go in the order of ⚀green, ⚁blue, ⚂purple, ⚃red, and ⚄gold. Rarely, it loops back to ⚅green.
The game ends when
• the players all agree it’s a good stopping point,
• two school leaders reach a final fate (by hitting 10 in any of their attributes, dying, or losing the
loves in their lives) or
• someone wins ye Alle-Valley Fencinge Championeshippe.
Don’t take this game too seriously. Steer into skids. Act out. Behave badly, but care deep down. (Or
don’t!) The point is not to “win” or even to improve the situation of your duelist or their school. The point is
to go through ridiculous, overblown scenes involving the kind of snotty trifling elites that, in real life, you’d
probably jump out a window to avoid.

!2
 Lack of Character
There are several constant threats to instructors coded into the rules—if any attribute hits zero, the
teacher is removed from the game. There are also SOME narrative options that can kill or just remove an
instructor, as can despair if nobody loves them. So what happens to the player whose teacher burns out or
fades away?
One way to handle it is the Monopoly™ method. When you go bankrupt in Monopoly™ you’re out
of the game and you go sulk over your phone until everyone else gets done. Unlike many tabletop
roleplaying games, Dueling Fops of Vindamere is pretty quick and has a definite end point. It’s never more
than seven scenes, so you may just be able to kick back and relax until everyone else finishes up.
But if you’re really into it and want to keep going, there are options. You probably won’t be able to
win, though, unless you feel that playing the game itself makes you enough of a winner and the real
Clayemorre is the friends you made along the way. So let’s look at the two ways you can persist, when
normally you’d just gracefully withdraw.

Instructor Is Gone But Beloveds Remain

Beloveds are secondary characters who, instead of having their own stats, make rolls based on their
teacher—usually with a few modifications. It’s not uncommon for a Beloved character to wind up more
interesting and central to the plot of Dueling Fops than their school’s master, and you may want to see how
their story plays out even after their sensei is chased out, slain, or emotionally bankrupted.
In this instance, you bring in a passive outside instructor. Give them a name, but their attributes are
each stuck at 4, forever, putting a pretty distinct dent in most Beloveds’ chances. This new instructor never
gets involved in scenes, possibly having seen how it played out for their predecessor.

Beloveds Are Gone But Instructor Is Stubborn

The other option that can pop up more early than you’d prefer is that all your instructor’s Beloveds
are seduced away by the other players (those handsome devils!), dooming the teacher to a melancholy life of
solitary decay. If you lose all Beloveds and gain no replacements, your fate is sealed… eventually. But you
can still stick around and make a mess before what you or I might call undiagnosed clinical depression
carries the teacher away in its sad grey embrace.
An instructor in this state can’t inspire devotion, so they’re stuck fading away after the Alle-Valleye,
but until that time they can gain and lose attributes normally. (If they zilch out an attribute without anyone’s
love, then might be the time to just admit defeat and be a spectator to the endgame.) They can still win the
match or get revenge or debauch themselves. Just make sure everyone knows it’s ultimately empty without
some smiling face waiting at home.

!3
 Character Generation
Making your character is an easy matter of four, maybe five steps.

Step One: Find Out Just How Fancy You Are Optional Step Five: Roll a Name
Roll 1d6+2. That’s your starting FOPPISH rating. If you can’t even be bothered to make up
a name for your fantasy snob, roll a d10 and pick
Step Two: Limber Up, Prepare to Stab between “male” “female” or “category-defying
nickname.*”
Roll 1d6+2. That’s your starting DUELIST
rating. The character with the highest starting
DUELIST is renowned as leading the greatest school
Roll ♀ ♂ ⚩
1 Gingrit Punkle Cobra
of swordplay in the land, and has possession of ye 2 Javonelle Bardolph Lowblow
Baron’s Clayemorre, the trophy for winning the 3 Sweltermink Stildenguern Scraps
yearly swordplay tournament. If it’s tied, determine 4 Aekweis Bort Dreg
randomly who won last year. Everyone has an 5 Helgolga Flances Scarf Ace
opinion and the rivalry would be even fiercer, 6 Rhapsodie Kiddlebronk Likely Story
7 Eiaoe Darhark Lipfold
except that the rivalries between all the players are 8 Tina Steven Chamberpot
already at maximum ferocity. 9 Ohiowa Sjivlit The Locust
10 Kavelinetta Tug Assassin
Step Three: Name Your School
Similarly, you can make up a last name or
You can give your style of fencing any cool-
roll one from the list of great families on page 41.
sounding name you like, but if you’re lazy like me,
why not just roll 3d6 and see what fate thinks? If that’s one you’ve already gotten, keep going
1 Circling Evisceration Path through the list until you find someone
2 Razor Rapier School unconnected.
3 Impudent Hare Way
4 Harmonious Victory Style Most Beloved list rules modifications. Those
5 Indomitable Serpent Fellowship only kick in when you focus a scene on that person
6 Subtle Enlightenment Discipline instead of taking it yourself. This is described at
greater length on page 6 under “Dearly Beloveds.”
Step Four: Hold Close Thy Dear Ones Be sure to give each Beloved a name.
You’re no island. You have close, important
people, folks whose lives you may value more,
even, than your own. In game terms, they are your
Beloved. To see who you care about, roll 2d20 on
the chart on the next page.
If you roll a result you’ve already gotten, you
can double up, or choose the one above or below it.

*The civic gods of Vindamere are all super-queer, changing between “masculine,” “feminine” and
“blended,” so the citizens, naturally, are pretty indifferent and accepting of sexual variety. Some foreign and
atheist killjoys still get shirty about stuff though.

!4
 Whom Dost Thou Love?
Roll Result Roll Result
1 Wastrel Bastard Son: You just couldn’t 12 Dear Sister: Sensible, mature, horse-
keep it in your smallclothes on the most ill- faced, unmarried. Your heart aches for her
starred night of the year. Yet he is still precious to loneliness, yet selfishly you rely on her support.
you. -2 SERIOUS, +1 DUELIST +1 SERIOUS, +1 ARISTOCRAT
2 Scorned Lover: Equipped with an acid 13 Goofy-Faced Failson: There is a
tongue and not shy about using it. Do you feel regrettable part of you that wishes he was only a
affection still… or just guilt? -2 ARISTOCRAT student, so you could kick him out and be done
3 Hot-Headed Student: What is lacking in with it. But he is your legit heir. -1 SERIOUS
skill is balanced by pure cruelty. You hope to 14 Adoring Spouse: Supportive, and as in
forge that into something nobler. +1 DUELIST love with you as the day you married. Someone
4 Addlepated Elder: Even in his youth, he you can absolutely take for granted.
was no scholar. He got hit in the head in the wars. +2 ARISTOCRAT
Many times. -2 FOPPISH, +1 ARISTOCRAT 15 Badass Granny: In her day, your mam
5 Bitter Daughter: She despises you, headed a school of swordplay. Her elbows and
maybe with typical teenage scorn, maybe to the eyesight aren’t what they once were, but she can
point of poisoning your brandy. still nail a playing card to a wall with her rapier
6 Betrayed or Betraying Friend: What did tip. +1 FOPPISH, +1 DUELIST
you do to earn such passionate wrath? You get 16 Boorish Second: Your subordinate
disadvantage on all ARISTOCRAT rolls. teacher. Knows the strikes, but is coarse and
7 Comrade Boozebag: She did save your unmannerly. Always straight with you.
life once, but hasn’t done much for you lately -1 ARISTOCRAT, +1 DUELIST
except raid your wine cellar. -1 ARISTOCRAT, 17 Loyal Brother: With you through thick
+1 DUELIST and thin, and an equal asset whether you’re
8 Distant Father: Stern patrician, has minding your courtly manners or dragging a
always withheld affection and approval, which stabbed rival down to the riverbank.
you crave. The standard deal. -1 FOPPISH, +1 FOPPISH, +1 ARISTOCRAT
-1 DUELIST 18 Alluring Inamorata: Your lover, who
9 Overenthusiastic Cousin: Likes to drink, scalds your bodily essence with erotic lightning.
likes to fight, likes to brag about the family Renowned through the city for fair features.
history. Ten pounds of trouble in a five-pound You’re lucky. +2 FOPPISH, -2 ARISTOCRAT
sack. Loyal though. +1 FOPPISH, -1 ARISTOCRAT 19 Enlightened Mentor: Long since retired
10 Brilliant Beginner: Not even at full into religious contemplation, but still comes out
growth but beating students years older. It’s all into society on occasion. Especially if you need
too easy for this one. But when it’s easy, it’s hard help. You get advantage on all SERIOUS rolls.
to take it seriously… -1 SERIOUS, +2 DUELIST 20 Prize Student: You love this one like
11 Good-Hearted Student: Always listens, your own child, if not more. Their skills are great,
tries hard, never gives up, has two left feet and no but more, they have the heart of a lion. Your
defensive instinct. -1 DUELIST favorite. You get advantage on all DUELIST rolls.

!5
 Dearly Beloveds
You have a series of people whom you love and care about, even if they hate you and wish you the
basest of ills. They are your Beloveds, as rolled on page 5. Much of the game is about stealing Beloveds.
While this is often erotic seduction, it could be supplanting someone as a parent figure, friend, or mentor.
As the game progresses, you can focus the attention of a scene on “you”—that is, your main
character, the fencing instructor—or you can send in one of your Beloved to deal with the scene instead. If
actions in a scene result in losses or gains, you make those losses or gains as a teacher, even if it was your
student or associate who was involved. If your student wins a fight, that might improve your DUELIST score.
Reputation is everything, it’s the battle before the battle.
Remember, if all your Beloveds die, or abandon you, your instructor is dropped from the game. You,
the player, can stick around to make rolls and carry out narrative tasks, but your character’s story has ended.
They are merely the residue left behind when love perishes. It’s bleak. See “Lack of Character” on page 3.
Beloveds begin neutral towards everyone (saving loyalty to the teacher). If they fall in love (which is
automatic in some scenes) they start out “infatuated.” (Teachers and Beloveds can be infatuated with
multiple people, obviously.) Actions scenes can remove infatuation or escalate it to devotion. (Often that
action is seduction with FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll, but not exclusively.) If your Beloved becomes devoted to
someone else, you lose them. They shift over to that player’s character sheet, maybe move in with someone,
and leave your dueling school for theirs. Are you going to stand for that? Well, are you?!?
If a Beloved becomes devoted to you and lands on your character list, they become loyal as if you’d
rolled them. If someone else later escalates their feelings to devotion, they move again, to that player’s sheet.

Doing Things
Whenever you roll, you throw a ten-sided die. If it’s a 10 you succeed and if it’s a 1, you fail.
Otherwise, add two stats. If the total of your roll is 15 or greater, you succeed at whatever it was you were
trying. To figure out which stats to add, look at the header “What Your Stats Do.”
If you have advantage—the rules say so, or all the other players agree this should be a little easier, or
if someone used their action to help you—you roll two ten-siders and use the better result.
If you have disadvantage—the rules say you’re boned, or all the other players think you’re in a real
pinch—you roll two ten siders and use the lower result.
If you somehow have both advantage and disadvantage, it cancels out and you roll normally.
If everyone agrees you can just do something without having to roll, you get it. Yay you!
If everyone agrees a task is well beyond your talents of swordplay and sycophancy, you don’t roll and
don’t get a try. Mostly the text describes what you (or the Beloved acting as your proxy in the scene) can do.

Competition
A lot of what the gentry do isn’t measured against quotidian common rubrics of success like “do I get
to eat today?” but, instead, against the relative success of their periwigged and codpiece-clad social equals.
All of you get to eat, ignore laws and dick around pointlessly, so what matters is, who did it best?
In competitive circumstances, two fops roll.
Did they both fail? They both look like asses. Much tittering behind fans impends.
Did one succeed and the other fail? It’s pretty clear how that panned out.
Did they both succeed? It’s kind of a draw in every practical sense, but whomever rolled higher is
believed when they claim to their friends that they really prevailed, in any sense that matters.
!6
 What Your Stats Do
There are four basic categories of endeavor that louche upper-class nitwits pursue, each governed by
a pair of stats on different continuums.

Foppish+Aristocrat
What do the rich and cruel and silly do when the practical poor and somber city elders aren’t around
to scold and frown? In a word: hijinks. The two rolls for this pairing’s hijinks are…

Seduce. Roll this to make friends, cadge drinks, Outshine. This looks like socializing on the
flirt, joke around and find out where the card game surface, but actually you’re being a bitch with
is happening. This is not necessarily erotic backhanded compliments or fake pity. If you
seduction, but that happens a lot. succeed, your target loses a point of FOPPISH.

Foppish+Duelist
Here’s the rotted core of these aristos’ identities. How good are you at pointless posturing, and how good
are you at posturing with a sword-point? This is the pairing you use to put people in their place.

Humiliate. Draw your rapier and engage someone Brag. Roll this to loudly, publicly pronounce a
in a nonlethal test of composure and élan. If you deed you intend to accomplish. It must be
succeed at this roll, your target loses a point of something that makes you look powerful, like “My
SERIOUS because you’ve made them look like a student Wetbed is going to win the All-Valley!” or
monkey’s ass. Could be you made them flinch or “I’m going to seduce your mother!” or “By my
flee. Perhaps you provoked a fit of temper or troth, I swear to kill that wretch Gingrit!”
blubbering. It’s possible you ripped their fancy If the roll fails, no one takes you seriously and
clothes or made their pantaloons drop. Or maybe you suffer -1 FOPPISH—but if you complete the
you put a slice on their cheek that could easily have task anyhow, you regain that lost point.
been three inches lower. If you succeed at the roll, you gain +1 FOPPISH,
This can also be verbal humiliation that no one and another +1 FOPPISH if you fulfill the brag later.
counters for fear of escalating to swordplay. Fail later? Eh, no one cares.

Serious+Aristocrat
This handles all the dull stuff that never got onstage during Romeo and Juliet. However, you still
may, for some reason, want to roll this combo to…

Buy Stuff, Cope With Peasants. The commonfolk Talk Sense. You can roll this to appeal to bickering
are regarded as objects by the gentry, it’s a real flouncers’ better natures, or to imply their elders
problem. But it’s really only their problem. So if might cut off their credit.
you want to bribe a cop or sabotage an assignation If you fail, no one cares. If you succeed on
by sending a rural theater troupe to serenade the Beloveds, you can reduce their passion from
lovers, roll this. Unlike many games, items don’t do devoted to infatuated, or from infatuated to nothing.
much, but you might want a really fancy dress or a You can remove an instructors’ attraction too. You
cask of Amontillado anyhow. can even do this to yourself.

!7
Serious+Duelist
Kill with the sword, or get ready to kill with the sword. Those are the only options here, really.

Mortal Strike. This is not an honorable exchange Train. In some scenes, you have the option of
of stylized passes. This is what you roll when working hard and honing your skills like a damn
you’re trying to maim or kill someone. Even if you nerd instead of drinking or whoring or attending
have foils with blunted tips, you’re acting like bear-baiting* like a proper aristocrat. If you engage
you’re trying to get over the eyeball and into the in practice matches, or do a bunch of squat-presses,
brainpan, or open the big veins in the groin or or have a student throw peaches at you while you
armpit, or slice a hamstring, or mangle the tendons sequentially skewer them, you can roll. On a
on someone’s wrist or elbow. If you succeed at this, success, you gain +1 DUELIST. On a fail, you gain
you inflict -1 DUELIST on your opponent. Taking a nothing but a strong grip.
teacher’s last point of DUELIST this way is fatal.

The Year, the Scenes

As previously mentioned, the social year stretches from ye Midwinter Balle to ye Alle-Valley
Fencinge Championeshippe, with a stopover midway through at Ye Springe Cotillionnne. In between each,
there are two random scenes.
The first scene, play starts with whomever has the highest DUELIST score. (In case of a tie, roll dice.)
Play during the scene goes clockwise. Every scene after that, play begins with whomever has been waiting
longest to act. (This may sound complicated, but most people have a pretty good sense of the rhythm when
play is actually moving along. If you get it a little wrong, don’t worry about it.) Within even numbered
scenes, play goes counterclockwise. This is just a little twist to keep it changed up so that you aren’t always
following the same player.
The random scenes, of which you play through four, are as follows.
1) Erotic Machinations, page 17
2) Grog-house Brawl, page 18
3) Triangular Romantic Interlude, page 20
4) Locked Room Mystery! Page 22
5) Political Unrest, page 24
6) Swords at Dawn! page 26
7) Someone’s Debut Into Society, Page 28
8) Elopement/Kidnap? Page 29
9) Faustian Bargain?!? Page 32
10) Angry Breakup, page 34
11) A Friendly Match Gets Out of Hand, page 36
12) The Harrowing of Gambling Hell, page 38

You can roll randomly on a d12. If you hit one you’ve already played through and someone wants to
do a different scene, just go up one. Also, don’t forget Ye Rule of Democratic Liberty—if all the players
agree that the political unrest scene sounds extra great, you can just jump in.

* “Bear-baiting” is the alleged “sport” of putting a bear in a pit with bunch of dogs, then eating peanuts
while watching the carnage. Not to be confused with “bare ‘bating,” which is a yearly festival of Tlonc,
Vindamere’s indefatigable love deity
!8
 Ye Midwinter Balle
This year’s dance has something a little extra special going on. Tlonc, The Forever Frisky, Deity of
Love and Ardor, has dipped their beard in the punch or something. As the great and good and just adequate
of Vindamere gather to dance until dawn, love’s envenomed darts unerringly strike. Or, plainly: People fall in
love. Deal with it.
⚀Who Is In Attendance?—Each teacher attends and picks one Beloved to go as well.
⚁Who Loves Whom?—Each player rolls 1d6 to see whom their teacher has been suddenly smitten
by. Count off players going clockwise, skipping yourself. The person on whom you land? Your character is
now infatuated with your pick of whom they sent to the ball. Make a note. If it’s mutual, great. If it’s not,
even better. If you get rivals for the same lover, that’s best, so remember Ye Rule of Democratic Liberty.
⚂What Is Everyone Doing?—The players take turns in order to carry out actions. Once every
teacher and Beloved has taken one action, the sun rises and everyone goes home.

!9
⚂Seduce Somebody
Perennially popular. If you want to impress your new crush, flirt with them. Or someone else, to make them
jealous! That never ends badly! You can’t seduce your own characters, but you may pick someone else’s
Beloved. Even if their player didn’t bring them to the ball, they’re there anyhow. Roll FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT.
Success? You dance passionately, flirt, waggle eyebrows, drink and giggle with one another. If they
weren’t already infatuated with you, they are now. If they were infatuated, they’re now devoted. If they were
infatuated with someone else, they’re also infatuated with you.
Fail? They curl their lip and decline in whatever fashion their player feels is most amusing. You lose a
point of FOPPISH. If you kill them later, you’re going to look terribly petulant.

⚂Make Mock or Engage in Petty Fisticuffs

If it doesn’t end with at least one person sobbing into their pillow and swearing revenge, does it even count
as a party? If you want to induce misery in a character, do it with FOPPISH+DUELIST. Be sure to describe the
form your prank, jape, bullying or insult takes.
Success? Ah hah ha, they look like a ninny. The player to your left describes exactly how your ploy
leaves them humiliated and seething. They lose a point of FOPPISH.
Fail? The player to your left describes how they turn the tables and leave you looking immature,
indecently vicious or just plain ungentle. You lose a point of FOPPISH.

⚂Take Mighty Draughts and Boast

After chugging ale or finishing multiple glasses of unusually good chardonnay, you stand up on a table and
loudly declaim a brag. This is a standard FOPPISH+DUELIST roll, as per page 7.

⚂Defend Your Honor

Pick someone who has bothered you. Slap them. Insist on fighting right away. Go off a deniable distance,
down on the river near the slaughterhouses. Roll SERIOUS+DUELIST. After this action, you leave the ball (one
way or another), so you can’t be involved in later actions.
Success? If the victim of your onslaught is a Beloved, they are now dead. Their body is found in the
morning, floating in the offal-smirched mire. If your target is a teacher, they lose 1 DUELIST before the city
watch arrives on a cloud of brandy fumes and forces you apart.
Fail? Oh ho, this cat has claws! Have fun explaining that two inch hole in your hip joint, while everyone
else jokes about it being four inches closer to the centerline. You lose 1 DUELIST.

⚂Offer Sage Advice

Hey, if you always thought the cool character in Hamlet was Polonius, you can try to convince people not to
do the stupid, stupid things they’re obviously doing or about to do. Roll SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT.
Success? If you’re talking to someone about affairs of the heart, you can remove infatuation or de-
escalate devotion back down to infatuation. If you’re trying to convince someone not to be a violent
dickhead, they now roll with disadvantage when fighting for the rest of the scene.
Fail? You are regarded as a meddling, unimportant, dull old pudding. Lose a point of ARISTOCRAT.

!10
 Ye Springe Cotillionnne
Remember, do two random scenes before this one!
For this scene, every teacher is in attendance, as are all surviving Beloveds. However, as this dance is
hosted by the Tyrant of Vindamere, fatal dueling is… let’s go with, “frowned upon.” No one dies tonight.
Which is not to say hot blooded teens might not scratch up each other’s faces pretty good.
Every player takes an action with one of their Beloved. After everyone’s done those, the teachers
each act. However, the instructors must use their one action to either pay court or pitch woo to the person
they fell in love with at the Midwinter Balle. Assuming, of course, they survived. If the inamorata is dead
already, the teacher doesn’t act, just mopes.
Let’s start with Beloved actions first, then get to the sexy stuff.

⚀Just Have Fun

…really? In front of the whole court, you’re not going to try to hurt or manipulate anybody? You’re just
going to drink some wine, enjoy the dancing, maybe catch up with old friends? When you could be stoking a
rivalry or harassing an enemy? All right, do what you want, weirdo. No roll’s required to just have a lovely
time on a beautiful night enjoying delicacies and entertainments that most commonfolk can only imagine. It
still takes a full action though.

⚀Taunt, Tease and Bully

Describe what you’re doing to get your poor victim’s goat or raise their ire, then make a standard
FOPPISH+DUELIST roll.
Success? Get +2 FOPPISH as the Tyrant’s own niece, equally renowned for viciousness and slutfulness,
laughs in glee at your cultivated taunting. Your victim gains advantage on their next roll against you, of any
type.
Fail? Take -2 FOPPISH. The player to the left describes how the Tyrant’s niece intervenes, rescuing the
target and making you look like old stale oats.

⚀Flirt Outrageously
If you flirt with a fellow instructor, you don’t need to roll, it’s standard head-games in the four-dimensional
chess match you play to distract each other from the rapier feint that sets up the main-gauche to the gorget, or
whatever. If it’s with a Beloved on someone else’s sheet (and you can’t seduce your own Beloveds, that’s
unethical, unless you’re seducing them back after they’ve been led astray), roll FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT. If you
flirt with someone who’s neither an instructor or a Beloved, don’t roll, just briefly and amusingly describe
their positive or negative reaction.
Success? Their love for you grows, either from neutral to infatuated, or from infatuated to devoted.
Fail? You’re getting a reputation. They rebuff your advances and you lose a point of ARISTOCRAT if
they’re noble, a point of FOPPISH if common. (If their status is unclear, the player to your right decides.)

!11
⚀Bring a Serious Matter to the Tyrant’s Attention
When are you going to have this kind of access when she’s in a good mood? Not very bloody soon, that’s for
sure. Explain the civic issue you want to bring to the woman with the real power, and make sure it’s nothing
that has anything to do with your Beloveds or your school. This is for something like military allocations or
civic responsibility or taxes or redistricting. You know. The dry stuff. Roll SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT.
Success? You’ve impressed Her Inexorableness with your thoughtful directness. She likes the cut of your
jib! Don’t get cocky. Do get +1 ARISTOCRAT and +1 SERIOUS.
Fail? Seeming to ignore you entirely, she turns to her entourage and asks, rhetorically, “Is it too much to
ask to have one night of frivolity without some asinine fribble trying to impress me as a serious court
thinker?” -1 ARISTOCRAT and -1 SERIOUS. Your parents would like a word with you.

⚀A Friendly “Sporting Pass” With Blunt Swords

“It’ll just be for fun!” Pick a rival who can’t very well refuse and make a standard FOPPISH+DUELIST roll.
Each of you rolls. (This does not cost your rival an action.) Describe how this is a theatrical show, not a real
fight.
Success? Get +1 FOPPISH. If your rival got a success, they also get +1 FOPPISH, unless their success was
higher. Then they get +1 FOPPISH and advantage the next time the two of you cross swords.
Fail? If your rival also failed, no change. If your rival succeeded, they get nothing, you get -1 DUELIST.

⚀Outshine Your Rival

Describe what you’re doing to make yourself look better than some other, less glorious (or vainglorious?)
courtier, then make a standard FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll as described on page 7.
Success? Not only do they suffer -1 FOPPISH, you get advantage on your next FOPPISH roll. Your hair
looks so good!
Fail? Take -1 FOPPISH. The player who controls the target of your attempted snub describes how either
(1) their character wittily turns the tables on you or else (2) how you just self-destruct, possibly due to drink,
overconfidence, or some other vice inherent to your nature.

⚀Give Sensible Advice to the Youths and Young at Heart

If you maintain a serious fandom for the nurse in Romeo and Juliet, you can make a SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT
roll to dump a metaphorical pitcher of ice water over the metaphorical leg-humping dogs of unwise
infatuation. Don’t expect a thank-you card though.
Success? You have degraded someone’s infatuation down to mere idle curiosity. Close call! You can’t do
anything about devotion though.
Fail? Oh dear, trying to talk them down only made them want it more. The infatuation has escalated to
devotion. Maybe stick to poking pointy steel through bleeding flesh there, champ.

⚀While They Dally, I Study the Blade

If you want to turn down an express invitation from someone who once had an Archduke’s hand cut off
because he let his dog relieve itself in her rose garden, hey, that says something about your… courage? Let’s
go with courage. Sure. Skip the cotillion and train back at your hall of blades. Roll SERIOUS+DUELIST, but
before you do, pay -1 ARISTOCRAT because people notice your absence.
Success? Gain +1 DUELIST.
Fail? Suffer -1 DUELIST as you pick up a joint injury from overtraining. What an irony!

!12
 With those lesser concerns out of the way, ⚁each instructor rolls for romance.

⚁Pay Court ⚁Pitch Woo

This is the action you take if you’re serious, want to Instead of a measured and formal pledge of troth in
settle down with this person, forsake all others, get front of beaming (or possibly scowling) matrons
married and have heirs and maybe cut back on and judgmental uncles, this it the option for smutty
stabbing people, so you can make it to the bodice-ripping and panting declarations of lustful
children’s gutball games. It’s rolled with passion. This is not about happily ever after. This is
SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT, and it’s not private or about absolute ecstasy for the next ten minutes.
secret. You have to do this in front of your family, Roll FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT to seek this sweaty
formally proposing a possible union of your clinch.
bloodlines. (If it’s a Beloved who’s common, have Success? Ah yes, suck the sweet juice of
fun with that. I mean have a lot of fun.) Tlonc’s forbidden fruit! If, that is, your intended is
Success? If your dearest darling is somebody’s someone’s Beloved. You’ve gone to that delightful
Beloved, they go from neutral to infatuated with realm of splendor in the grass or, more likely,
you, or else from infatuated to devoted. If you get splendor in the coach house or behind the arras in
them to devoted, not only do they come over to the disused foyer. You gain +1 FOPPISH from your
your character sheet, you’re officially engaged! conquest, and the Beloved’s passions warm, either
Gain +1 ARISTOCRAT from engagement! from nothing to infatuated, or from infatuated to
If you’re in love with a rival sword teacher, devoted. However, pick one other character who
that’s… fraught. It’s up to them to accept or reject finds out and is enraged. If that person was
your overture. If they accept, you both get +1 infatuated with you or even devoted, that’s gone.
ARISTOCRAT and become engaged. If they shoot You cannot pick your teacher or one of your
you down, despite the correctness of your proposal, Beloveds to be this hater. From now until the end of
you are no longer in love with them and are, in fact, time, that character gets advantage against you
humiliated, disgraced, and weepy. But it doesn’t when using SERIOUS+DUELIST.
affect your stats. That’s… that’s something. It’s If you’re trying to seduce a sword-saint of
something, isn’t it buddy? Vindamere who has their own school and whatnot,
Fail? The character’s player describes their that’s more complicated. They can acquiesce, in
reason for rejecting you in front of your family, which case each of you gets +1 FOPPISH. But if
who shake their heads at what a dunderpate you they break away and say “No… our schools! It’s
are. Lose either a point of FOPPISH or ARISTOCRAT, dishonorable!” then that’s that. You’re left bereft.
your pick. Here, have +1 DUELIST as you apply your thwarted
energies to fencing.
Fail? Rejection, disgrace, and a whole lot of
snickering over the lemonade. Lose a point of
SERIOUS. Moreover, if the person who turned you
down was a Beloved who was devoted, they’re now
merely infatuated. If they were infatuated, they’re
now over you.

!13
 Ye Alle-Valley Fencinge Championeshippe
Don’t forget to do two random scenes between the Midwinter Balle and this event.
This is the big one. All of Vindamere turns out to the civic gutball pitch to watch the fencing schools
contend, unless they can’t get off work or hate the sight of blood. The winners claim ye Baron’s Clayemorre
and exercise smug bragging rights for a year. The losers scowl and plot redress. The food truck vendors sell
questionable seafood and frown over the heavy scent of sourcheese, while gangs of inebriated civil guards
cheer hits regardless of which side scored, their faces ruddy with camaraderie, bloodlust, and ale.
⚀First, decide if the teacher is competing, or a student. Every student is in it, but the story only
permits one character per player to have a chance at the Clayemorre. It’s possible to fiat that your teacher
takes part in the tournament but is eliminated early—probably due to an illegal cheap shot that disables the
instructor while disqualifying the little bastard who did it. (“I never dreamed he’d be so dishonorable as to
sweep the leg!”) This pins all the hopes on the competitor who remains. But for real, only pick one, because
it would be anticlimactic to have your student fight your teacher for the championship.
⚁Second, every competitor has their initial match. There are three ways to play this. They can be a
good sport and have fun, the safe pick, good for “nice” characters, and essential if they care more about
what people think than winning. They could throw the match, a rare option, but not so rare if they wind up
fighting someone for whom they have warm, special, confusing feelings. Or they can fight to win, even if
that means poking their fiancé in the eye. (“You could have guarded high, I’m just saying, I always thought
your eyes were beautiful, I’ll miss it too. No, you’re right, you’ll miss it more, I’m sorry, look, this isn’t a
competition! Not anymore, ‘cause I won. Heh. Come on, don’t be a spoilsport!”) This duel is a single roll.
If it is at all possible, the competitor is up against the person they fell for at Ye Midwinter Balle, or
who fell for them.

⚁Throw ye Match ⚁Fight To Win

Seriously? You came all this way, endured painful Roll SERIOUS+DUELIST, striving as if your life
training, are carrying the invested trust of your depends on it against someone who falsely bragged
school, not to mention family honor, and you’re o’ disgraceful intimacies with your mum.
going to swing wide and let some undeserving Success? You move on in the contest! Your
marble-swank take it all away? You callow rogue. opponent takes -1 DUELIST.
No need to roll this, you just fail everyone. Fail? If you’re competing against someone
who isn’t another player’s competitor, you still
⚁Be ye Goode Sporte proceed, but there’s a price. You ruined your
Do what they tell you, not what they silently opponent without mercy, grinning at their agony.
expect. Sure. It’s rolled with FOPPISH+DUELIST. You escaped disqualification, but you are at
Success? You move on. If your opponent was disadvantage when doing anything with FOPPISH or
someone else’s competitor, they fight their way ARISTOCRAT. Anyone infatuated with you is now
back from the loser’s bracket. If you beat a non- clear of it. Anyone devoted is now merely
competitor, they’re eliminated. Have +1 DUELIST infatuated. Hard to overstate how vile you seemed.
and the medieval equivalent of a gatorade*. If you were against another player’s competitor,
Fail? You’re out of the competition. Pity. You it’s all the bad stuff, but you don’t even stay in the
can still hang about cheering on your school and tournament. Maybe reconsider your priorities, is all
intriguing though. I’m saying.

* It’s rum.
!14
 With those first matches settled, it’s time to ⚂kill some time until the final bout. Here’s what your
swanky young swells might try. Each player gets one action, with their instructor or any of their Beloved.

⚂Gamble ⚂Prepare Thyself

This doesn’t even need a roll. Declare who you Instead of having fun, you could joylessly stretch,
think will win the whole thing. If you’re right, you flex, keep loose, say prayers and drink suspicious
get +1 FOPPISH and a small purse of coin. If you’re potions sold by loud-voiced traveling salesmen.
wrong, eh, you lose a little money but no one cares. Roll SERIOUS+DUELIST.
Success? You attain a state of icy mental
⚂Brag efficiency. You get advantage in your next duel.
Standard oafish boasting, as per page 7. It’s rolled Fail? Wait, maybe eating a dozen oysters
with FOPPISH+DUELIST. wasn’t to help you fight, it was for something else.
Success? You’ve staked your claim. Better Drat. But there are no rules adjustments.
complete it before the game ends.
Fail? …no one notices. But hey, there’s a lot ⚂Play ye Ol’ Mind Games
going on. You probably have some idea who you’re facing, or
who your buddy is. Why not go over and mess with
their head? Can’t hurt, might help. Describe how
⚂Flirt, or Have a Serious Talk you’re trying to trick them into fighting poorly, or
Everyone’s already all excited, feelings are running upset them into being rash, or planting the seeds of
high, why not try to redirect some of that self-doubt. Try to work in something from their
loveward? It’s late in the game, but if your previous behavior! This manipulative bullshit is
romantic prospects are a shambles, you could try a rolled with FOPPISH+DUELIST.
last-minute long shot. Alternately, if you’ve been Success? Ah, you can almost hear a twig-like
going back and forth with someone, you could try sound as they snap. That’s the stuff. They get
to finally lock it down. Both situations are resolved disadvantage on their next roll to fight.
via FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT. Fail? You’ve pissed off this person whose
Success? If it’s a teacher, you’ve made an whole identity is “good with swords.” Smart. They
overture they can accept or reject at the game’s end, get advantage on their next fight with you.
depending on how things go. If it’s one of the
Beloved, they escalate their feelings towards you,
from neutral to infatuated, or infatuated to devoted.
Fail? If you’re interested in a particular person,
either you can’t find them or they’re too busy to
talk. If you’re just after whomever well… the
whomever you picked, picked up on that. Nobody
wants to be a placeholder.

!15
 ⚃Fight the final matches! Once everyone’s done their waiting actions, there’s nothing left but shame
or glory. Pairing off the final match (or matches) can be easy or difficult, depending on how many players
you have and how the first matches fell out. If it’s just obvious to all players, set up the brackets and go to it.
But no matter how many there are, you can sort out it out with the following steps.
1. Eliminate all characters who got knocked out in the first round.
2. Consider the player whose turn it currently is. Has anyone advanced that they haven’t fought? They fight
that person. If more than one person they haven’t fought are advanced, great, they fight the one to their left.
If no one advanced without fighting them, move to the left and do this step with that player.
3. Once everyone has been matched up through the previous step, do their fights and then start again.
These fights are a little different. Each player picks a strategy and rolls.

⚃Fight Elegantly ⚃Fight With Brute Intensity

To fight the way everyone expects, the way the To be vicious, single-minded, risking disgrace but
spectators prefer and understand, and the way the striking with undeniable power, roll
judges reward unless there’s obviously no other SERIOUS+DUELIST.
option, roll FOPPISH+DUELIST. Success? If your opponent failed, or rolled a
Success? Huzzah! If your opponent failed, or lower success, you beat them, and left a nasty notch
rolled a lower success, you have prevailed! If it was in their ear as a memento. If it’s a tie, roll again. If
a tie, roll again. You can choose to change tactics you roll again, you must continue with
on the second pass, if you wish. SERIOUS+DUELIST.
Fail? Shit. If your opponent succeeded, you’re Fail? If your opponent succeeded, you’re out
out. If your opponent also failed, the two of you and you also suffer -1 ARISTOCRAT for looking like
cooperate to describe a close, thrilling, but a barbarian pillock. If your opponent also failed,
inconclusive pass. You take -1 DUELIST, then you the pair of you cooperate to describe a vicious but
both roll again. You can choose to fight with brute inconclusive exchange. Then you both roll again.
intensity instead on this second pass. You must continue with SERIOUS+DUELIST.

Is there a last warrior standing? If so, that’s the winner, the greatest fighter in Vindamere this year!
Let freely flow the ale! If it’s still in doubt, go back and do it again until you do get a champion.
⚄Finally, end the game.
Who won the tournament? Is it the long-sought triumph, or is it empty without love? Let that player
narrate a brief end to their character’s story.
After that, go clockwise. Each player gets a chance to tie up any still-unresolved issues with their
teachers and Beloveds, with one big restriction. You cannot, at this eleventh hour, change any Beloved’s
feelings. If you didn’t get them to devoted with your rolls and machinations, you can’t fiat happiness just
because it’s the end. If you managed to max out a stat, run down the implications. If the teacher learned
nothing, maybe leave them scheming for a sequel.
Just make sure to be quick with this. Don’t drone on and on—these summaries shouldn’t take longer
than a standard knock-knock joke. Tell us what happened, shake hands with all the other players, and end.
OK! The rest of the book is the random scenes of trouble and drama that occur between the louder
beats of the three pre-planned scenes, along with an appendix about Vindamere geography emphasizing
making out and illegal swordplay.

!16
 Erotic Machinations
You and me, we “go on dates” but the fops of Vindamere “engage in erotic machinations.” If you’re
the player who rolled up this event, you’ve got some options to escalate or reduce affection between your
teacher, a Beloved who’s at risk of running off devotedly with another instructor, or of snagging another
player’s Beloved by cranking their feelings higher. So ⚀pick a character and figure out what you want for
them. After that, every other player has the chance to do the same.

⚀Tire of a Suitor ⚀Cool Your Swain’s Ardor

If you want a teacher or Beloved to lose their Is someone being a real pest because they just can’t
affection for someone, like the dazzling courtier stop writing poems about how your eyes outshine
from the Midwinter Balle, make a the sun and moon, blah blah blah? Time to show
SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT roll to set aside these them your chilly side and convince them the fish
childish fancies. are biting in someone else’s pond. This is a
Success? Yay, you found where love goes to FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll.
die! You no longer regard this person as anything Success? Their fire for you flags. If they were
but a mildly diverting colleague. infatuated, they’re now neutral, and if (for some
Fail? Drat, their impenetrable charms resist all reason) you wanted to remove a Beloved’s
efforts of good sense! They inflame you still! Lose devotion, you not only do that but send them back,
a point of SERIOUS as you wander the residence, shame-faced, to their original teacher.
dazed as a mooncalf. Fail? You accidentally played hard to get. If
they were infatuated, now they’re devoted. If they
⚀Inflame Passions! were devoted, they’ve written a play about you and
Perhaps you want to make someone love you more. are desperately scrabbling to fund its performance.
You can pick any Beloved and either catch their
eye (trying to go from neutral to infatuated) or
drive them absolutely mad with lust (raising
infatuation to devotion). Roll FOPPISH
+ARISTOCRAT and describe how you flirt.
Success? The Beloved’s feelings grow in
warmth!
Fail? Ooh, too desperate. That’s embarrassing.
Lose a point of FOPPISH.

⚀Forswear This Foolishness & Train

Fie on love and all such frippery. ’Tis the blade that
holds your nobler passion! This is just the “Train”
maneuver from page 8.

⚀Fall in Love Again

You don’t even have to roll. Just name the character
and, if you’re playing a Beloved, you escalate. If
you’re playing a teacher, you just name who it is
and they’re now in your affections, as at the
Midwinter Balle.
!17
 Grog-House Brawl
Who would have predicted that a simple night of heavy drinking by armed young people who have
never encountered consequences could go wrong? Each player decides if it’s the instructor who’s present for
this debacle and, if not, which Beloved is clashing and guzzling.
⚀Who’s the insulted party? Roll 1d6 and count that
Why Do They Fight NOW?
number to the left. That player’s character takes offense 1 Slow-brewing jealousy over sword stuff
and starts shit.
2 Was looking my direction and laughed
⚁Who gave offense? Roll 1d6 and count to the right, 3 Their scabbard touched my scabbard
ignoring the offended character. 4 Falsely claimed intimacies with my mum
⚂What was the heinous crime? Roll 1d6. 5 Accurately claimed intimacies with my mum
6 Boredom
⚃The insulted party tries to pick a fight, and the
alleged miscreant, from step two, responds.

⚃“Forsooth, Let Us Take This Outside!” ⚃Run Like ye Litter’s Runt

They went out for dinner but they’re getting a If you think this is just a pretext for this fighter
show! Gather a crowd of your supporters and killing you—or, let’s be real, leading 5-6 of his
theirs, go outside, sarcastically salute, take a asshole friends in a joint assassination—the
dramatic stance and make a FOPPISH+DUELIST roll. obvious course is to get away, honor be damned,
Success? Aw yeah, you look like a badass. No before they have a chance to tear your cloak or
matter what, your friends say you obviously won. knock your hat into the mud. Roll
Gain a point of FOPPISH. FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT.
Fail? This was easier in the school, where the Success? You not only got away, you
light is good, the floor is level, and you aren’t misdirected them so completely they can’t be sure
allowed to be drunk. -1 DUELIST. This cannot kill how things happened (because they’re drunk). Ha
you—if it’s your last point of Duelist, you just ha! The scene ends here.
realize you’re less badass than jackass. Fail? You have a choice. Lose a point of
DUELIST and escape, but be known as a coward, or
⚃“Nay, Friend, ’tis But a Misunderstanding, stick around.
Let Us Drink and Be Mates!” ⚃Immediately Escalate to Attempted Murder
Are you genuinely sorry that you gave accidental
No niceties, no talk, just a dagger to the brisket.
offense, or do you just not want to deal with this
That’ll teach them some respect, for the last fifteen
crap tonight? Either way, roll SERIOUS
minutes of their life. Make a SERIOUS+DUELIST
+ARISTOCRAT.
roll.
Success? You defused the situation and looked
Success? Splortch. If your target is a Beloved,
like the mature, sensible, adult. You gain +1
they bleed out slowly, over the next two hours,
SERIOUS. If the beau-nasty who tried to fight you is
despite any attempted medical intervention. There’s
Beloved, they escalate their relationship to you, up
chatter about the law, but witnesses saw it, you
to infatuated or, if they already were, they become
were provoked.
devoted. So… maybe there was something else
going on… The scene ends here. Fail? They jump back, laughing. Laughing.
Fail? Well, you’ve been slapped and had a Lose a point of FOPPISH.
drink poured on your head. Peachy.

!18
⚄If the scene hasn’t ended, each onlooker now has a chance to act.

⚄“You Want to Fight? Fight Me!” ⚄Smash a Chair on Somebody

Why do this? Protecting your friend? Trying to hog Wanna make this mannered fencing match into a
glory? You got brawl envy? Whatever it is, make a bare-knuckle riot? Make a FOPPISH+DUELIST roll.
FOPPISH+DUELIST roll to redirect aggression. Success? You punch many people, break a
Success? Gain +1 FOPPISH, and the insulted bottle over someone’s head and even swing from
party directs their last action at you. Unless the chandelier to kick the barkeep in the chest. Gain
someone steps up and steals the fight from you. a point of FOPPISH. You may henceforth, if you
Fail? Everyone is deeply amused. Lose a point wish, go by the nickname “Bar Beast.”
of DUELIST to the thorns of self-doubt. The player Fail? When you hit him, you thought he was
to your left explains why it’s ridiculous or shameful standing. Then he stood and you realized he’d been
for you to be in the fight. sitting. Then he threw you out through the window.
Then he went out and threw you back in through
⚄Flee ye Scene the window. The rest, you don’t like to remember.
The phrase “peace out” is alien to Vindamere’s -1 SERIOUS, -1 DUELIST.
louche blade doodles, but you do get out and you
do achieve peace. No roll required, you’re just out
of the bar, out of the scene, back home, cozy.

⚅If the scene hasn’t ended, the offended party now acts. After that, the scene ends.

Fail? It all gets out of hand, the city guard pulls

⚅Playfully Reclaim Your Honor
the two of you apart, you bite and swear… it’s ugly.
Whatever they did, you’re intent on acting out the If anyone present is infatuated with you, that goes
script you planned, where you do some cool moves back to neutral. If they’re devoted, it slides back to
and win the fight. Make a FOPPISH+DUELIST roll. infatuated. Easy there, killer.
Success? You look badass. No matter what,
your friends say you won. Gain +1 FOPPISH. ⚅Call It Off at ye Last Minute
Fail? Damn, “do not walk into a slash” was Ooh, suddenly it’s all too real. Maybe you realize
literally the first lesson in the first class. You now you picked someone who won the Clayemorre. Or
have an embarrassingly bisected nose. Lose a point maybe you have second thoughts about fighting
of FOPPISH. This is going to be the kind of facial pointlessly, without honor. Roll FOPPISH+
scar that’s not easy to accessorize. ARISTOCRAT to extricate yourself peacefully.
Success? You can “accept their apology” and
⚅Nah, I’m Killing
have some mead, or the two of you can permit your
Ah, the black thirst is upon ye. Roll buddies to pull you apart while you breathe threats,
SERIOUS+DUELIST. but you don’t look foolish. Whew.
Success? If you picked a fight with one of the Fail? The pair of you unavoidably exchange
Beloved, they are now the beloved dead. (Your some heatless, half-hearted swings before one of
fellow students swear to the magistrates that you you gets a nick on the other’s knuckle, declares
were intolerably provoked.) If you fought a teacher, “first blood!” and you depart, to the disappointment
they lose a point of DUELIST, and if it was their last of all onlookers. Both of you lose a point of
point, they’re the beloved dead. But don’t worry. SERIOUS.
No one who ever killed a martial arts instructor
became a target of revenge or anything.
!19
 Triangular Romantic Interlude
Someone has slipped someone else a letter, suggesting an “accidental meeting” at a seasonally
appropriate venue.

“Seaonally Appropriate Venue”?

Winter = Mme. Mimsy’s Kitten Orphanage & Wine Delectorium
Spring = The romantic blooming cherry boulevard near the gallows
Summer = The bridge between Market Street and the Tranquil Bowers
Fall = Lady Fwin the Virgin’s garden

If it’s your turn when this comes up, your instructor must attend this scene, as must the person you
fell in love with at the Midwinter Balle. Moreover, if other players have characters who are infatuated with
or devoted to either of that pair, they must commit them to this
scene. Otherwise, they send whomever they like. ⚀Who’s Playing Tlonc’s
⚀Who sent the letter? Roll 1d6 to find out!
Messenger?
⚁Each player takes an action. Start with the lover who rolled
1-2 You did.
up this scene, end with the person for whom they’ve the hots, 3-4 The one you love!
and otherwise go clockwise if it’s an even numbered scene, 5-6 Someone else, either (a) trying to
counterclockwise for odd. Each player gets two actions before help or (b) sadistically trying to make
the scene ends. you look like a lovestruck buffoon. The
player who doesn’t control a lover picks
⚁Declare Thy Passion a character as the prankster or cupid. If
With trembling heart, ply your suit with a there’s more than one such player, they
FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll. conspired together! Everyone should
Success? If it’s a Beloved, they become infatuated or, if explain their motivation and play it out
in the scene.
they already were, jump to devoted! If it’s someone else, well,
now they know.
Fail? They are unchanged, but you lose a point of SERIOUS.

⚁Let Someone Down Gently

To compassionately dissuade a suit that is not politically viable, or which would cause undue inter-school
rivalry, or is with someone gross, roll SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT.
Success? If they’re Beloved, their devotion shrinks to mere infatuation, or their infatuation turns neutral.
Fail? You fool, you’ve only spurred their ardor! Beloveds’ feelings escalate. There’s a reason people
play hard to get!

⚁Interfere
The classic cock block or clam jam requires a FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll. Describe how you seek to
transgress Tlonc’s holy passions, and why. (If you want to decrease your own passions, use the “Talk Sense”
maneuver from page 7.)
Success? If they’re Beloved, their emotion drops from devotion to infatuation, or infatuation to naught.
Otherwise, no rules effect.
Fail? They think you have a thing for them. Their feelings for you warm, from nothing to infatuation or
infatuation to devotion.

!20
⚁Demand Satisfaction
Someone has made you feel embarrassed? That’s
basically why the rapier was invented. Roll
FOPPISH+DUELIST and describe your humiliating
but non-lethal swordplay.
Success? You bully your target thoroughly
and with great efficiency. They lose a point of
FOPPISH as the onlookers titter.
Fail? You engaged the enemy, were flanked,
and smacked on the buttocks with the flat of a
sword. It has raised a bruise. Your embarrassment
has flourished. You lose a point of FOPPISH.

⚁Brag It Up or Outshine Someone

These actions from page 7 can easily be plied
unaltered in this milieu.

⚁Blood for ye Blood God

Planning to disrupt the tranquil repose of the
noble demimonde with inglorious bloodshed?
Roll SERIOUS+DUELIST, you crazy diamond.
Success? Whomever you assaulted has lost a
point of DUELIST—possibly fatally, if you took a
teacher by surprise and it was their last point. If it
was a Beloved, they survived but the player loses
a point of DUELIST off their instructor, who
berates him- or herself for failing to protect this
important person. You escape apprehension, and
no one can prove you did it. But everyone knows.
Well, everyone who matters.
Fail? The outcome here depends on whether
you assaulted a teacher or one of the Beloved. A
teacher’s experience and instincts protect them,
and their nimble riposte costs you a point of
DUELIST and a point of FOPPISH. If the target was
Beloved, they die, but due to some weird
constellation of witnesses and public disgust,
you are actually held accountable. The city
guard drags you out of your house after an
inelegant but effective truncheon beating,
you’re tried by a magistrate, and the next
event begins with everyone speaking in hushed
tones about how awful it was that you were hanged
by the neck, like a common lobster-thief, instead of
receiving a noble’s dignified beheading.

!21
 Locked Room Mystery!
Each player picks a character to be present at a delightful weekend at Lady Setrogess’s estate, just a
few miles outside of town. But after a restful night… (Or not… if there hadn’t been that thunderstorm, surely
the sounds of doors and footsteps as people visited each other’s bedrooms would have been audible, despite
Lady Setrogess’ abundance of luxuriant rugs) …a ghastly surprise awaits! Lord Ravenspite didn’t answer
when the chambermaid brought his breakfast, and after much knocking and pounding, a skinny lad was
lowered off the roof to force entry through the window. Alas, the Lord is dead, and not just dead but burned,
with his head stuffed in the fireplace. Who could have done it? And… how?
Solving this mystery could require all of the characters’ knowledge and insight, so some of them may
well decide to just booze up and console the more attractive of the traumatized guests instead.
Each character gets ⚀one mystery action. If one of these actions identifies the killer, everyone gets a
finale action, described below. If someone wants to be the secret killer, they act first, but roll nothing, as they
try to hide their tracks. Non-killer mystery actions include…

⚀Browbeat Everyone
Yell at people, threaten, bloviate, gather everyone in a room and accuse and insinuate until the killer’s guilty
conscience cracks. It never fails. Roll FOPPISH+DUELIST to show off your little grey cells.
Success? The killer springs to their feet and confesses! If it’s not a player character, roll 1d6.
Fail? Lady Setrogess admits to cheating on the stableboy she was cheating on her
husband with, with the old man who delivers the butter, but the killer remains uncaught.

⚀Call the City Guard

Who (As They Say) ‘Dunnit’?
Aren’t the taxes you refuse to pay on principle
supposed to fund people to sort this nonsense? Roll 1 The butler. Pretty obvious, if you think about
SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT. it.
Success? Heavens, the young lady they send 2 Lady Ravenspite, returned from the grave on
the anniversary of her murder.
barely reeks of any liquor at all. She squints, mumbles,
3 Lord Oboltine. Just to watch him die. He tied
and identifies the murderer! Roll 1d6 a string to the door-bar, and pulled it through the
if it’s not a player character. gap between door and jamb after exiting. The
Fail? The boozy, ignorant reprobate who answers string remnant on the bar matches the killer’s
your call ultimately arrests the baker’s boy, even garments.
though he was clearly innocent. Also, you’re pretty 4 A mad acrobat, through the window.
sure the cop nicked your cufflinks. 5 A highly-trained assassin-ape in the employ of
jilted Lord Quiltingbee. Climbed down the
⚀Do Some Detectionisting! chimney and left a trail of soot.
If the police have failed, or if you wish to solve it 6 Nobody. Ravenspite was fussing with his
fireplace and was struck by a freak lightning bolt.
yourself out of ego or a desire to spare your hostess the
scandal, roll SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT.
Success? Well, this is just obvious. Roll 1d6 to see who the killer is, assuming that (against the odds,
honestly) it wasn’t done by a player character.
Fail? You pick the wrong person—choose a player character, other than the actual killer, to accuse.
Don’t worry, there’s little chance that someone you wrongly peg as a homicidal maniac in front of the gods,
society, and Lady Setrogess bears any sort of grudge about it*.
* If you don’t recognize this as sarcasm, I suspect there may be no hope for you.
!22
⚀Try to Leverage This Tragedy for Erotic Advantage
Well, you’ve got the perfect excuse to suggest that no one should go off alone, and once you’ve picked
someone to watch over, it’s just a short step to “The only way we can really be safe is if we strip naked to
make sure neither of us is hiding vials of poison upon their person.” Roll FOPPISH+DUELIST.
Success? No poison vials! Huzzah! Gain a point of FOPPISH.
Fail? It is dismaying that someone considers the risk of a fatal fireplace battering a fair price to avoid
your embrace. Lose a point of FOPPISH.

If the killer is identified, there are ⚁a few finale actions unlocked. Each player may make one.

⚁Escape, Or Help ye Real Killer Escape ⚁Thrillingly Swordfight ye Malefactor,

If the occasional intemperate homicide can’t be Perhaps On ye Grand Entryway Staircase
forgiven and forgotten, what’s even the point of
Egad, they’re making a run for it! Engage them!
having an aristocracy? Roll FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT.
Engage them with your blade! It’s a
Success? If you’re the killer, you escape, unless
FOPPISH+DUELIST roll!
someone later takes your last point of DUELIST with
Success? You strike down the blackguard and
a SERIOUS+DUELIST roll. You lose a point of
look cool as hell doing it. At least one maiden
ARISTOCRAT, have to wear an itchy fake mustache
swoons. Gain a point of DUELIST. The killer is
in public (possibly after shaving your real one) and
apprehended. (If someone else’s roll kills them,
henceforth act as the mysterious upcountry
they died trying to escape. If someone’s later roll
newcomer “Gadger Buck.” For the rest of the
rescues them, it’s not your fault they got away.)
game, this character must speak in a ridiculous
Fail? Who would have figured that a ruthless
accent. The Gadger Buck deception also plays out
murderer would be difficult to fight? Lose a point
if you help someone else escape.
of DUELIST. If it’s your last point, you die. But you
Fail? Instructors lose a point of SERIOUS and a
perish doing what you love—cool-looking fencing
point of ARISTOCRAT for so vilely thwarting the
moves that don’t actually work.
Tyrant’s law. If you’re the killer, and a Beloved,
don’t bother with stat loss, you just get hanged after ⚁Redeem Lady Setrogess’s Honor Upon the
an indecently speedy trial. Lord Ravenspite had
some powerful friends. Dastardly Ruffian’s Flesh
Await the state’s measured judgement? Hell no,
you’re mad now. Roll SERIOUS+DUELIST.
Success? If the killer is someone off the “Who
(As They Say) ‘Dunnit’?” chart, they die and Lady
Setrogess sends you a lovely fruit basket. If it’s a
Beloved, they die unless someone later helps them
escape, in which case you only thought they were
dead. If it’s a teacher, they lose a point of DUELIST
and die if it’s their last point. Otherwise, they’re
humiliated at trial, only get off due to obvious graft,
and take -2 ARISTOCRAT.
Fail? Lose a point of DUELIST, along with a
generous piece of your left ear.

!23
 Political Unrest
Vindamere is ruled by someone called “the
Tyrant,” arrogant nobles with swords are flouting social What Set Off Ye Peasant Mobbe?
norms right and left, and its pixie-dusted version of 911 is
1. The abuses of the Tyrant’s son in law,
a joke. All it takes is one inciting incident to push the city
Jared, cross the line between “gross” meaning
into violence, with barricades and slogans and (ugh) large, and “gross” meaning ew, that’s a
protest songs. perversion too far.
⚀What drove the peasants into open revolt? Roll 1d6. 2. Bad barfroot harvest.
⚁What are you going to do about it? Each teacher 3. Some bard wrote a ditty called “Let’s
Decapitate the Oppressor Class and
chooses one action. Beloveds can’t roll on this, it’s an Redistribute their Wealth” and it really gets
issue for nobles with their own paramilitarized fencing
stuck in one’s head.
schools.
4. Foreign agitators, probably.
⚁Hunker Down 5. In hindsight, the Tyrant’s attempt to
institute a tax on defecation may have been
Good time to bar the door, give your students a refresher legislative overreach.
on pike formations, and inventory the wine cellar. Make a 6. Kitten born with three heads got the
SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT roll. Chirrik cultists riled up, apparently that’s a
Success? Your lands and property came out unscathed, “bad omen” when it happens under a moon the
and you weren’t associated with the excesses of either color of blood.
side. Just what you wanted. +1 ARISTOCRAT.
Fail? Whichever side wins decides that you denounced the loser with insufficient vigor. They won’t act
directly against a whole damn fencing school when everything is topsy-turvy, but they are looking for a time
and a place to do you dirty. Lose 1 ARISTOCRAT.

⚁Make a Show of Force

Emphasis on “show.” Beat a drum, wave your family crest, march through the streets and bellow insults at
the rebels. You can even skirmish with them when you like the odds and there are onlookers to impress.
Make a FOPPISH+DUELIST roll.
Success? You did not actually commit any atrocities or, indeed, render anybody permanently unfit for
work, but you made your stand and your fellow gentry noticed. Gain +1 SERIOUS.
Fail? You crossed the truckies. (See the Slaughter District entry in the appendix.) Pick one of your
Beloved to die, badly outnumbered, in an incident that is frequently described using the phrase “toy soldier
popinjays in over their pretty little heads.”

⚁Defend Thy Heart’s Treasure

Roll FOPPISH+DUELIST to sneak out through the embattled city and ensure the safety of the person you fell
for during the Midwinter Balle. Even if they’re devoted to you, they’re not in your school for some reason.
Success? Describe the danger and derring-do required to cross an embattled city in flames. If you’re
romancing a Beloved, their feelings for you escalate—if they’re now devoted, they come away with you that
very night! If you’re after another teacher, you give them advantage on their next roll during the unrest.
Fail? The player controlling the character you’re checking on decides who hits you with a crossbow bolt
—city guard, peasant mob, opportunistic madman, klutzy paranoid with a slippery finger, Beloved, teacher…
whoever it is, they know they shot you and you don’t know who did it. Lose 1 DUELIST, because it hit your
sword arm.

!24
⚁Fire and the Lash Will Bring Those Scurvy Curs to Heel!
The city guard is just trying to keep things contained—trying to stifle unrest instead of winning a war. As
usual, it’s up to the gentry to perform the summary executions, arson and torture that honorable governance
require. Make a SERIOUS+DUELIST roll.
Success? Gain +1 SERIOUS. For the rest of the game you have disadvantage when dealing with peasants,
and people start calling you “The Butcher of Barfroot Baye” behind your back. But the Tyrant looks you in
the eye and gives you a medal.
Fail? Lose 2 ARISTOCRAT as you become everyone’s go-to example for why the gentry need to be
muzzled. Everyone else who didn’t choose “Hunker Down” or “Up Your Banner!” also loses 1 ARISTOCRAT.

⚁Up Your Banner!

Throw in with the peasantry against your own class? Well, it’s one way to get remembered, and to make sure
the uprising is less likely to nationalize your property. But if you fail, you are in severe trouble. Make your
SERIOUS+DUELIST roll.
Success? You kill the Tyrant. You get her husband and oldest son, too—the son tried to protect her. The
husband, well, he was a witness and (between the two of us) kind of an absolute honorless monster. It cannot
be proved that the palace massacre was your doing, but a lot of people suspect. However, since the authority
of the Tyrant is broken and, in its place, a council of nobles elects a Burgher of Vindamere, not everyone is
upset. You gain a point of SERIOUS and all future references to “The Tyrant” should, instead, refer to “The
Burgher.” Everyone else who didn’t choose “Up Your Banner!” or “Hunker Down” gains +1 ARISTOCRAT.
Fail? The revolution collapses. You’re remembered as a friend to the commoners, which is not much
comfort to them during the Tyrant’s bloody reprisals. You get advantage on every future roll dealing with
commoners, but you lose 2 ARISTOCRAT and are scorned by decent society.

⚁Take Advantage of ye Disorder

Hey, maybe you don’t care much about politics, because you don’t have to. Roll FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT to
opportunistically engage in some extramarital hijinks, low-intensity character assassination, or crime.
Success? Is there a Beloved somewhere that you find irksome? Tonight, you can trick a bloodthirsty mob
into doing your dirty work instead of getting your blade wet on their fluids, unless their player specifically
picked or picks “Hunker Down” successfully. Or, you can loot the city’s most exclusive millinery and gain
+1 FOPPISH. Or you can stitch someone up for disloyalty in the confusion and give them -1 ARISTOCRAT. Or
you can just briefly and tastefully narrate some sexual escapade that doesn’t involve a Beloved or teacher.
Fail? Describe what you were attempting. Each other player then suggests a humiliating way you were
seen to fail. Pick the humiliation you prefer and take disadvantage on your next FOPPISH roll.

!25
 Swords at Dawn!
The quintessential act of the louche, bored,
irresponsible class is the duel to the death over a
point of honor. If it’s your turn when this comes up, Why Do They Fight NOW?
1 Erotic intrigue no one else noticed
look over your stable of characters. Does one of 2 My dad hates their dad
them have a reason to really want a go at someone 3 They were talking shit, that’s not cool
else? If so, now’s the time. (You cannot, of course, 4 The only way we can really know who’s better
have one of your characters attack a different one of 5 Dirty little reprobate killed my dog!
the same family or school. What sort of precedent 6 Boredom
would that set?) In this case, you’re managing the
challenger, and the other player controls the opponent.
Can’t decide? Hey, just pick one of your characters, grab a d6 and ⚀roll a reason for fatal conflict.
Every other player ⚁picks one of their
characters to attend, and a reason they’re present, or
else just rolls a d8 to find one. Why Attend this Grim Affair?
1 I’m someone’s second
When that’s sorted, ⚂the opponent picks a 2 Serving as judge
site for the duel, and acts. 3 I have this really sweet pair of matched
dueling swords nobody’s used yet
⚂Put On a Show 4 Have access to a conveyance—carriage,
It’s a little something called “branding.” Roll boat—that’s useful to get to the field of
FOPPISH+DUELIST to look impressive and survive. honor
Success? You gain +1 DUELIST, and the 5 Here to bear witness
6 Today’s bear-baiting match got cancelled.
challenger can honorably withdraw their complaint
Apparently, the bear’s sick.
leaving you a technical win that everyone considers 7 Secretly hate one (or both) of the fighters
more of a tie. If they do this, the scene ends. 8 Ever have one of those days where you just
Fail? You slip but don’t fall. It’s definitely not wake up wanting to watch a peer die?
catlike grace though. Lose 1 FOPPISH.

⚂Fight Defensively
If you just want to see what this ass has in mind without undue risk, make a SERIOUS+DUELIST roll.
Success? You take no damage, and won’t take any damage no matter what the challenger rolls.
Fail? If you were willing to look cowardly just to avoid injury, you better hope you at least avoid injury.
Lose 1 ARISTOCRAT and if they roll to hurt you, you’re hurt.

⚂Stick This Oaf

Their thinly manufactured offense indicates their desire to see blood shed. You want to make sure it’s theirs.
Surely you can come to some kind of accommodation. Make a SERIOUS+DUELIST roll.
Success? If the challenger was Beloved, you can either kill them or just give them permanent
disadvantage to all DUELIST rolls from lost depth perception. If it’s a teacher, they lose a point of DUELIST
and, if it’s their last point, perish. (You can’t try to spare a teacher—even an over-the-hill dueling master is
far too skilled to risk taking lightly.) The scene ends.
Fail? Clearly this person who set up a lethal combat came ready for lethal combat. You overcommit and
they get advantage on their next action, whatever it is.

!26
 After the opponent, ⚃the challenger acts.

⚃Call It Off ⚃Strike to Humiliate

Did it all get too real? Roll SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT Here’s the good stuff, making someone feel small
get out of this with some measure of dignity (and and look dumb. Roll FOPPISH+DUELIST, of course.
your skin) intact. Success? Hah, yeah! You’ve never felt so alive!
Success? You actually come off looking like Gain a point of DUELIST!
the bigger, more generous and forgiving person. Fail? Good news, you humiliated someone.
Everyone’s impressed. Any Beloved present Bad news, it’s you. Lose a point of DUELIST.
escalate their affection for you one level. If the
opponent is a teacher, even they might decide ⚃Strike to Slay
you’re a wonderful person, but that’s at their You’ve carefully engineered a way to get naked
player’s discretion. bladed with this person, shame to waste it on
Fail? There’s only one word for how you look: anything but sending their soul to the gods. Make a
“poltroon.” Lose 1 ARISTOCRAT and 1 FOPPISH. SERIOUS+DUELIST roll.
Success? Beloved targets die in terrible pain.
Instructors lose a point of DUELIST and die (in
terrible pain!) if it’s their last point.
Fail? You accomplished nothing except
convincing the other fighter that you really, truly
wish them dead.

Once the challenger has had their moment, ⚄everyone else present takes an action.

⚄Halt the Fight ⚄Make a Tasteless Boast

If you declared that you were the judge of the duel, Just like page 7, but constrained—your bragging
you don't even need to roll. You have the authority must involve the winner of the duel and how you
to make them shake hands and stop. The scene ends shall surpass them.
in that case. Any non-judge has to appeal to boring
reason, with a SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT roll. ⚄Escalate the Fight
Success? They grudgingly part and everyone Why should they have all the fun? Make a
goes home. The scene ends. FOPPISH+DUELIST roll to turn this stately duel into
Fail? You lose 1 FOPPISH and may, if you wish, a coarse, undignified donnybrook.
go by the nickname “Ol’ Peacey Pants.” Success? Everyone present, including you,
rolls 1d10. Lowest result(s) lose 1 DUELIST from
⚄Bet On the Fight injury, and everyone scatters in the confusion.
No roll required, just state who you think has it. Scene ends.
Success? If your guy ultimately wins, gain +1 Fail? You get unceremoniously knocked out.
FOPPISH. Lose 1 FOPPISH and a tooth.
Fail? You lose 1 DUELIST. C’mon the outcome
was obvious to anyone with any experience.

After everyone’s acted, go back to ⚂the opponent stage and run it over and over until the scene ends.

!27
 Someone’s Debut Into Society
Lord and Lady Gimcrack are ushering their tender daughter Dergiva into the ranks of society by
means of a debutante ball. They’re pretty loaded and they set a nice spread, so why not attend and get a look
at the new meat in the matrimonial butcher shoppe? Who knows, maybe you’ll fall in love!
Pick a character to go, then ⚀everyone takes turns acting until they’ve gone twice.

⚀Fall in Love ⚀Just Have a Ball!

It happens to most of us, sooner or later. Make a If you’re just here to enjoy yourself, sip some
FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll. sparkling wine, eat a canapé or two and dance,
Success? Get smitten with a Beloved or make a FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll with advantage.
instructor present. It can’t be the one you fell for at Success? You flirt without anyone taking it
the Midwinter Balle, you brazen alleycat. Any seriously, eat without gluttony, drink without
action you could take in relation to the inamorata stumbling, and dance without treading anyone’s
from the Midwinter Balle can now be taken with toes. It’s lovely. You don’t even get a hangover.
this person instead (or also!) Fail? Oh no you’re lovestruck! The player to
Fail? Look to your right. Smile. That player is your left picks which instructor or Beloved present
going to pick who suddenly bedazzles you. Any now haunts your character’s amorous dreams. Any
action you can take with a previous love can be action you can take with your Midwinter Balle love
taken with this one too (or instead). interest can now be taken with this one.

⚀Honeying Over the Nasty Sty ⚀Punch-bowl Punch-up

That’s what Hamlet called it, anyhow*. Just want to There is no event so happy and bright that
fornicate, not picky about who with? Roll Vindamere duelists won’t bloody one another’s
FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT. noses. Describe your pretext, pick a target, and
Success? Your conquest is young, but old make a FOPPISH+DUELIST roll.
enough to know better. Gain +1 FOPPISH. Someone Success? Made them bleed. +1 DUELIST
starts the rumor you’re good in the sack! Fail? Kicked in the fork. -1 DUELIST
Fail? It’s fine—a lower-tier servant who won’t
stop giggling, cute ankles—but in five or six days ⚀Brandy and Harrumphing
you’re going to need a very smelly unguent for that Retire to the smoking lounge with the elders to
rash. -1 FOPPISH. discuss the issues of the day over brandy, and while
you’re at it, roll SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT.
⚀Plant Scurrilous Rumors Success? “I say young whip, I quite like the cut
Those old widows with the constellations of of your jib!” +1 SERIOUS.
diamonds on their neck-wattles? They are the Fail? “What you fire-eating swells fail to grasp
arbiters of society. Talk with them, and is the Barwellian culture of generational
assassinating someone’s character is just a vindictiveness. If we consult Gazwelk’s Histoire du
FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll away. Troisièmme Kerfuffle Péninsulaire…” You fall
Success? Pick a teacher. Give them -1 to any asleep in a treacherously comfy fauteuil and take
stat. Describe the ruinous rumor that achieves this. -1 SERIOUS.
Fail? They titter behind their fans when you
leave. -1 FOPPISH.

* If you got the Hamlet reference, good on you.

!28
 Elopement/Kidnap?
If this comes up on your turn, look at your Beloveds. Are any of them infatuated? If so, ⚀pick your
infatuated character and name the lover involved. They’re going to act like the rash, passionate, hot-as-hell
outlaws they are. Don’t have a qualifying Beloved? Oh dear. It’s the instructor, who should have at least one
grand, ill-considered passion. ⚀If your teacher’s doing it, pick who they’re after if there are multiple
options. If, somehow, none of your characters are obsessed with anyone, pick someone for your teacher,
anybody outside their immediate orbit (that is, not someone who’s already one of their Beloved).
This second character involved is either kidnap victim or a willing party to elopement. ⚁Their player
decides which it is. However, the player does not have to say which just yet.
Either way, obstacles have to be overcome, including at least one wall so that the first player can be
referred to henceforth as “the climber.” The person they climb to—the kidnap victim or eloping conspirator
—is “the intended.”
These two players collaborate to briefly describe the obstacles and how the climber overcomes them.
The actions begin the following morning, when the intended is found to be missing from their rightful place.
⚂All the other players act next.

⚂Conspire With the Climber ⚂Search For the Intended

Regardless of the climber player’s feelings, you This will not stand! People can’t be permitted to
were in on it from the start. Explain why and how snatch one another up and, and, and gallivant willy-
you help. This could be a dramatic face-turn change nilly! Oh, the very cheek of it! Roll SERIOUS
of heart, or a despicable manipulation to doom +ARISTOCRAT to quiz servants, release the hounds,
both, or just an addlepated fancy. Whatever it is, it’s speak to the manager, and track down the deuced
a FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll. cad responsible for this outrage!
Success? You give disadvantage to the next Success? You know who did it, and after the
person whose roll would derail this misadventure— intended acts, you find out where… for good or ill.
probably “Search For the Intended,” “Demand Fail? Confound it! You learn nothing and now
Release” or “Thwart My Durance Vile.” you’ve shouted your poor throat sore.
Fail? Oops. You’ve given advantage to the
next person to try to mess this up, probably by ⚂Lay a Wager
leaving a clue. Better hope the climber isn’t as rash Really? Now? Have you considered that maybe you
with revenging as with romancing. have a pretty bad gambling problem? Well, no
roll’s required, just place your bet on the ultimate
⚂Swear Vengeance! outcome—not just who did it (since as a player you
It’s just a brag, as per page 7, but the specific form know and your character could probably guess) but
of it must be “When the dastard responsible is whether they’re caught or punished or live happily
found, my steel shall sip the vintage of his ever after for at least a month.
heartsblood” or some such. Success? Gain +1 FOPPISH.
Fail? Eh. No one really cares.

!29
 ⚃After that, the intended makes some choices.

⚃Escape My Durance Vile ⚃Demand Release

This presumes you ain’t into it (or have changed Scream, slap, express your outrage and describe all
your mind about eloping at, honestly, just the worst manner of Ransom of Red Chief shenanigans to
possible moment) and seek to express your make the climber think you’re not worth it. Make a
misgivings by waiting until the climber’s guard is FOPPISH+DUELIST roll.
down and then skewering them like a cube of Success? If the kidnapper (let’s be real, this
herbed lamb. Roll SERIOUS+DUELIST. only happens if you were kidnapped) is a Beloved,
Success? The target’s Beloved? They’re dead. they let you go and flee on the next ship to
An instructor? They lose 2 DUELIST. If this takes Kasjopečk. If they’re a teacher, they’re no longer
them to zero or below, they’re dead and your honor erotically obsessed with you and can either keep
is avenged. If they survive, you still get out on a you or let you go, with or without oaths of secrecy.
rope made of bedsheets. Wow. If you wish, you Fail? Either they think you’re playing hard to
may append “the Virgin” to your name or get, or they’ve convinced themselves you’ll give in
nickname. The scene ends. eventually. Ew. You eventually prevail on a
Fail? The climber is now well aware of your sympathetic laundress to smuggle you out, but your
feelings. They can either kill you—even if you’re a reputation is ruined. You lose -1 FOPPISH and -1
teacher!—keep you, or choose to let you go. ARISTOCRAT.
Should they release you, it’s up to you to decide
whether you finger them to the cops, giving them ⚃Bashfully Wed
-1 ARISTOCRAT, or stay quiet, giving yourself -1 Accept their suit but insist on doing it “the right
ARISTOCRAT. way” by going back to Vindamere, having the
climber apologize to your parents or other
⚃Partake In My Own Ravishment responsible parties, announce the wedding and
If you scheduled this beforehand, or just decided it attempt a dignified, lengthy engagement before
was a sweet gesture, no roll’s required. Prop the full marrying after the Alle-Valley. Make a
length mirror where you two zany kids can see SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT roll.
yourselves and go at it. Afterwards though, you and Success? Wow, you pull it off! Everyone
the climber must agree to do one of two things: (A) accepts that while this is a somewhat unorthodox
leave the game and start over married somewhere courtship, the marriage is permitted and neither of
else, with no closure for anyone else, or (B) you change your stats. The scene ends.
publicly announce your engagement and take -1 Fail? Society is appalled by this breech of
SERIOUS each. If you can’t come to terms, you just etiquette, and your acquiescence only means the
stay locked up until someone else settles matters. If opprobrium redounds upon you as well. You and
you agree, the scene ends. the climber both take -1 ARISTOCRAT and -1
SERIOUS. The scene ends.

!30
 By this point, it’s very clear whether the situation is villainous kidnap or merely hot-headed
elopement. With that distinction established, ⚄the climber takes a final action, assuming they yet live.
Regardless of their choice and outcome, the scene ends.

⚄Leave Vindamere Forever ⚄Apologize and Take Your Licks

No roll required, just change your name, cut your Admit wrongdoing and throw yourself dramatically
hair, and set out on the next rising tide. Buh-byeee! on the mercy of the court with a
FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll.
⚄Declare the Marriage Accomplished Success? Lose a point of DUELIST, since that
If you look back far enough in the law books, there public flogging leaves some lasting marks, but your
are precedents for declaring someone your common sincerity is appreciated.
law spouse after a brief period of cohabitation. Fail? Lose a point of ARISTOCRAT and
Make a SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT roll with SERIOUS, and anyone who was infatuated with you
disadvantage. has a 50/50 chance of losing the infatuation or
Success? You escape criminal prosecution by escalating to devotion out of a misguided sense of
the very skin of your teeth after permitting an romance.
annulment of the marriage due to non-
consummation. But you lose 1 SERIOUS and 1 ⚄Murder/Suicide
ARISTOCRAT and you have an enduring reputation Whoa whoa whoa! Suicide’s a permanent solution
as… well… wicked. to a temporary problem, as is murder, usually! You
Fail? Tell it to the rats in the martial prison steering this game straight down the ditch into full-
docks. You’re arrested, tried, and sentenced to fight on tragedy? If so, make a FOPPISH+DUELIST roll.
as a conscript marine until such time as you take Success? The intended is murdered, you’re
enough enemy left ears to be in the top 50% of dead, and everyone in your school takes -1
fightin’ convicts. You have the skills, but ARISTOCRAT from the disgrace when the bodies are
Vindamere has been at peace for years. eventually discovered.
Fail? The suicide works, but the murder is
⚄The Big Lie incomplete. The intended narrates how your poison
Claim it’s all a big misunderstanding, that the dose was a little low and they recovered, or they
intended is lying and it was all their idea. faked you out, or some other close call. They
Vindamere does not have gaslight or access to the escape, tell a harrowing tale, and gain +1 SERIOUS
story of Gaslight but basically, you’re inventing because they get this disturbing, distant look in
gaslighting. It’s a FOPPISH+DUELIST roll. their eyes sometimes.
Success? You don’t have to convince people to
trust you, you just have to sow enough doubt about
your accuser. Lose a point of ARISTOCRAT but get
out without any other repercussions.
Fail? You have to flee town, dye your hair, and
return in elevator shoes as “Bunty Norgammon,” a
rural hick sword student from Fair Hilterford.
Enjoy speaking in a silly accent for the rest of the
game.

!31
 Faustian Bargain?!?
The warlocks of Vindamere are secretive and powerful, but often nerdy and unappealing. One,
however, has conceived a passion for either your teacher or one of their Beloved, and has shyly made an
offer: Come with them and be their love, in exchange for mystic aid in the endeavors dearest to their
ambitions. It’s for real—they can’t guarantee victory in the Alle Valley or anything, but they can definitely
provide a magic sword or shower your lands with fecundity. But going along with it… is there a catch?
⚀Pick your character and decide their action.

⚀Go Along With It ⚀Gently Decline

Sure, what the hell? The warlock is so delighted, it All right, this needs to be handled with delicate
makes you cringe—they actually clap their hands in diplomacy, so as not to hurt the feelings of
excitement and start gabbling about pastries for the someone who might be able to burn down every
wedding. Any other affections your character has house your family owns with fire from heaven,
are replaced by their feelings for this odd but simultaneously. It’s a job for a SERIOUS
endearing mystic. If you’re running a Beloved, +ARISTOCRAT roll.
those other feelings vanish and are replaced by Success? The wizard cries a little, but
infatuation with the warlock. There’s potential understands. “It’s forbidden for us to compel
there! Roll FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT. intimacy by the very gods,” you’re told. “I’ll never
Success? You teach the warlock grooming and forget you.” The warlock leaves and you only catch
fleering. You may increase any stat you want by them gazing longingly at you from afar a couple
two points, with the limit that this can’t reduce a times over the next year.
contrary stat to 0 or lower. Fail? “To reject my suit is to know my curse!
Fail? Ooh, they just always have some kind of Henceforth, thy taste in scarves and belts shall
alchemical gunk under their fingernails and can’t forever be questionable at best!” For the rest of the
stop talking about “celestial conjunctions.” If game, you have disadvantage to all
you’re Beloved, your feelings drop to neutral, but a FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT rolls.
deal’s a deal: You may increase any stat you want
by two points, with the limit that this can’t reduce a ⚀Take Umbrage
contrary stat to 0 or lower. However, you also lose This mealy-mouthed, tatter-hemmed, book-reading
a point of FOPPISH and a point of ARISTOCRAT costermonger dares ply you with amorous suit? Oh
because everyone knows you’re the lover of this nay. Nay, not while an inch of keen steel remains
awkward, uncouth, bookish weirdo who hasn’t ‘pon your blade! Roll SERIOUS+DUELIST.
mastered even the basics of pantomime. Success? You have your poniard out of its
sheath and into their head by way of Debbin’s
classic “vertical pass under the chin and through
the soft palate” maneuver before they can even
look surprised. You may add “…the Witch-Killer”
to your name or nickname, or just replace the
whole thing with “Warlock’s-Bane.”
Fail? You draw, strike… and find your weapon
transformed in your hand. ’Tis now a beautiful
rose. “Oh, it’s like that is it?” the enchanter sadly
says. “I’ll trouble you no further, fair one.”

!32
 Next, every other player takes turns ⚁selecting a character and rolling their response. Once everyone
has taken a single action, the scene ends.

⚁Deny the Reality of Warlocks ⚁Pursue a Pact of Your Own

Everyone knows that ‘magic-users’ are imaginary, If they got one then you damn sure want one. Make
simple stories to beguile the young and the young- a SERIOUS+DUELIST to ruthlessly pursue some kind
of-mind. Make a FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll to of esoteric advantage.
ensure that everybody knows this is common Success? Well, it’s not as good as having a
knowledge. warlock’s love, but you do sell your soul to a lesser
Success? You gain a point of SERIOUS and the devil from some foreign cult. (It’s fine, the corrupt
person propositioned loses a point of SERIOUS, priest who sets this up for you is pretty sure
regardless of their occult intrigues. overseas demons don’t even have the mystic
Fail? The apparitions that bedevil you nightly equivalent of jurisdiction or legal standing in
for the next month, abducting you to horrid realms Vindamere.) Give yourself +1 to any stat you like.
of torment, cannot be proven to be connected to the However, at the end of the game, no matter what
existence of warlocks. You are at disadvantage in else happens, invisible monsters tear you to pieces
your next two rolls. in the marketplace.
Fail? The ritual is really cool and actually kind
of sexy. Even though nothing appeared in the
summoning circle, a good time was had by all.

⚁Put Down the Noble Involved

To mock and belittle the person to whom the pact
was offered, make a FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll.
This is just a basic “Outshine” maneuver, as
described on page 7.

⚁Level Accusations of Witchcraft

It is definitely illegal to consort with the warlocks
that everyone in the city knows don’t actually exist.
Drum up a church inquisition with a SERIOUS
+ARISTOCRAT roll.
Success? The Inquisitors of Whufsturdge
subject the character to a weeklong battery of
inventive evaluations, including tests of skin
tension, bile purity, blood viscosity and sclera
bounce. In the end, their findings are
“inconclusive,” but the character has lost a point of
FOPPISH due to public embarrassment and extreme
discomfort.
Fail? You lose a point of SERIOUS because no
one takes your claims, you know, seriously.

!33
 Angry Breakup
Oh, fie, fickle popinjay! Is thy ardor so quick to cool? Fine, then. Pursue thy mutual decision. ⚀Pick
a character to lose interest. If they’re Beloved and in your control, you can pick one ardor to quell down from
infatuated to “meh.” If it’s your teacher, you can erase one of their romantic obsessions. If you somehow
don’t have an obsessed teacher or a Beloved with a crush on anyone, this scene passes to the next player.
Once someone’s involved, choose how you break it off.

⚀Screaming Abuse, Like Unto a Fishwyfe ⚀Lo, Vanish As If a Ghost

Drench the streets with drama by ending it publicly. To avoid them until it’s too awkward to talk about
What do you cite as reason? Infidelity? Poor love- requires steady nerves, cowardice, and a
play? Dullardness? Whatever your reason, a FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll.
FOPPISH+DUELIST roll is what makes it stick. Success? Eventually, they figure out that
Success? Both of you come out largely you’re ignoring them and the relationship dies of
unchanged. Thank the gods you learned nothing! malnutrition.
Fail? Somehow, you’ve given the impression Fail? Oh my, they actually forced their way in
that you’re a cad. The player for the character you to see you and you had to tell them the bad news
rejected can pick any Beloved who’s infatuated or face to face. They took it fairly well, considering.
devoted to you, and reduce their affection a level. Once that laceration on your cheek heals, it might
even make a dashing scar. You lose a point of
⚀Provoke Them Into Rejecting Thee First SERIOUS though.
Passively aggressively annoy them until they’re
exhausted. This foolproof and morally indefensible
plan requires a FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll.
Success? Yep, they break up with you and they
look like the fickle bad guy. What a great outcome
for everyone but somebody you used to love.
Fail? You can’t take it. They won’t get the
hint! Ultimately, your nerves shatter and you break
up with them in public, screaming and weeping and
rending your garments. -1 SERIOUS.

⚀Speak Regretfully but Respectfully About

Your Differences
Really? You’re going to try to break up like a
Tlonc-damned adult? Eh, anything’s possible. Roll
FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT with disadvantage, ‘cause
this is just not how you were taught to behave.
Success? Breakup with no foul.
Fail? Breakup with -1 FOPPISH.

!34
With that out of the way, the player for the person rejected ⚁decides how they respond to being spurned.
After their single action, the scene ends.

⚁Blacken Their Reputation ⚁Assassinate

Play this as “Outshine,” from page 7. Hey, you know where they drink. A
SERIOUS+DUELIST roll and 15-20 pokes in the
⚁Boast of Intended Vengeance kidneys ought to show them that your love was
A brag, as on page 7, only it has to be about you pure and true and nothing to cast so callously aside.
getting even with your ex. Success? Beloveds die outright, sputtering in
the piss-stained gutter. Instructors lose a point of
⚁Redeem Thy Honor In Blood DUELIST and only die if it’s their last point.
Demand satisfaction via dramatic public swordplay, Otherwise they rally, parry, riposte, and manage to
as is traditional. Make a FOPPISH+DUELIST roll. roll down a ravine and lose you in the darkness,
Success? Oh aye, your onetime lover is a presumably biting a stick to keep the screams
laughingstock and you looked fine and dramatic, muffled as they cram a rag into their injury.
the wind caught your hair and garments just right. Fail? Dammit, they changed drinking spots and
Pick any Beloved to escalate their feelings for you now somehow you look obsessed and unbalanced.
one level. Lose a point of SERIOUS.
Fail? You looked unhinged. You lose a point
each of FOPPISH and ARISTOCRAT. They lose 1
DUELIST.

!35
 A Friendly Match Gets Out of Hand
Any time you get young people and weapons, there’s risk, that’s all I’m saying. Pick your character
(probably a Beloved) who has the least conflict with anyone. This is the challenger. Then, select a character
from another school with whom they have no issue—ideally, someone with whom they’ve never interacted.
That character becomes the partner. These two casually decide to have a little light workout. They are using
sharp swords, of course. Protective tips are for children.
All the other players select characters who have the greatest motivation to make this go wrong. These
are the interlopers. Every player gets one action, ⚀but the partner acts first.

⚀Go Light ⚀Try To Learn Something

If you just want to have a mildly interesting good Focus on your opponent. You are bound together.
time and limber up, that’s a FOPPISH+DUELIST roll. They trust you not to hurt them, and it’s mutual.
Success? Nothing really happens. You tap What makes their school special? What can you
blades and swipe around a little. No big deal. learn? Make a SERIOUS+DUELIST roll.
Fail? Well honestly they just walked into that Success? Fascinating! Take +1 DUELIST.
one. They take -1 FOPPISH and -1 DUELIST from Fail? You’re overthinking. You stalemate them
looking like an absolute goose. for now… their moves are weird.

⚀Play to Ye Crowde ⚀Make A Name For Yourself

Do some fancy moves to demonstrate élan for the If you take down this nob, maybe people will
people who’ve gathered, maybe make a joke or respect you! Roll SERIOUS+DUELIST.
two. Roll FOPPISH+DUELIST. Success? Fighting a teacher? They lose 1
Success? You look suave, like someone DUELIST unless it’s their last point. If you’re
anybody would be lucky to split a decanter of white fighting a Beloved, you’ve hurt them bad. Either
wine with. If there are any Beloved watching who way, if they retreat now, the scene ends and you get
have no opinion of you, they are now infatuated. +1 DUELIST. Should they stay for another round,
Fail? Everyone thinks you’re a preening puff they die if their roll fails—even a teacher with a lot
baby. Lose 1 FOPPISH. of DUELIST can perish in this fashion!
Fail? It becomes clear to everyone present that
you hope to do murder. If any Beloved present is
infatuated with you, roll 1d6. Odds, they lose
infatuation. Evens, they keep it.

Once the partner has acted, every other player but the challenger ⚁takes a turn choosing an interloper
action.

⚁Outshine ⚁Wager
Standard roll from page 7. You can inflict this on No roll required, just state who you think is going
anyone present. to win. If you’re right, +1 SERIOUS. If you fail, -1
ARISTOCRAT because it’s hardly dignified to bet on
⚁Analyze Their Stances the lives of gentryfolk as if they’re birds in a
This works just like “Train” from page 8. cockfight. If it’s a draw, no effect.

!36
⚁Boast ⚁Stir Up Trouble
Standard roll from page 7, except that you have to What vile insinuations do you seed among the
make a boast relating to (1) one of the duelists or onlookers to turn this innocent game of stabbing
(2) one of their schools. into something vicious and impure? Speak and
make your FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll.
⚁Mock a Fighter Success? One character gains advantage on
Act out exactly how you try to throw one fighter their next roll to do something dirty to another
off their game. Do you exaggeratedly pantomime character. Neither character can be yours. This must
their moves? Yell sarcastic commentary? Shout make sense based on the vile rumors you spread.
“Thy cuckold horns impede thy strikes?” Roll Fail? Whoops. You started a riot. Everyone
FOPPISH+DUELIST. present with DUELIST 2+ takes -1 DUELIST due to
Success? If you mocked the challenger, they getting punched around. Also, everyone knows
have disadvantage on their next roll. If you mocked your odious tongue was the lit match to this
the partner, the challenger has advantage on their particular oil-soaked rag. The scene ends.
next roll.
Fail? You made ‘em mad. They get advantage
every time they roll DUELIST against you. Forever.

If the scene is still going, ⚂the challenger acts after the interlopers, after which the scene ends.

⚂Escalate to Deadly Force ⚂Assay a Dignified Retreat

Or, if they tried to skewer your gall bladder, “go If you find yourself outclassed, declare it a “jolly
along with deadly force.” Roll SERIOUS+DUELIST. good match” and suggest that everyone retire for
Success? Fighting a teacher? You inflict -1 sherry with a SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT roll.
DUELIST and kill if this takes them to zero. Fighting Success? You got out without any (further?)
a Beloved? They’re dead and you can plausibly injury and looked like a good sport.
claim it was a fluke training accident. Fail? Your cowardice shows. -1 DUELIST.
Fail? You take -1 DUELIST as they back you
right the hell off. ⚂Start a Riot
Everyone’s already pretty excited, all it takes is
⚂Chastise Their Caddish Behavior some accidental shoving and shouting to create a
Whether they actually misbehaved, you can make it general melee. Well, that and a successful
look like they did with a FOPPISH+DUELIST roll. FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT roll.
Success? You gain +1 SERIOUS, they take -1 Success? Everybody is kung fu ale tankard
SERIOUS. fightin’. Every instructor but you takes -1 DUELIST,
Fail? You sound somewhat whiny. If any unless this would kill them. Roll randomly among
Beloved present are infatuated with you, that cools all Beloveds present. One is injured badly enough
to nil. to be exempt from the next scene and goes by the
nickname “Crook-Jaw” for the rest of the game.
Fail? If you’re an instructor, take -1 DUELIST—
this can kill you if it’s your last point. If you’re
Beloved, you die. The riot doesn’t even start—you
take your eye off your opponent, stumble, and fall
on your own blade.

!37
 The Harrowing of Gambling Hell
Don’t worry, it’s just a name. They call it that because it’s underground. Also because it’s smoke-
filled and usually very hot. Oh, and crowded. And people cry out in agony with some fair frequency. Plus, it
is filled with people who wish you misfortune. But the similarities to actual hell end there. Wait, one more,
it’s chock-full of sinners.
This event is pretty simple. Everyone picks one character to go to this disreputable, squalid congress
of dice-obsessives with wildly divergent opinions about hygiene, for fun. ⚀Everybody rolls two actions.

⚀Accuse Someone of Cheating ⚀Brag or Outshine

This works just as well for any method of picking a It’s like on page 7, no changes, you got this. You
fight, either with one of the other characters or just can only outshine someone’s who’s present though
some random dandy who may or may not have —narrate beating them at some game of chance or
been defying fortune. It’s a FOPPISH+DUELIST roll. skill.
Success? The bounder has been chastised. Gain
+1 DUELIST. ⚀Wager On a Cockfight
Fail? They do not adhere to the formalities of Ah, the sweet naturology, the sport of tyrants, the
dueling etiquette, which are quite clear about competition cherished alike by the lowliest
forbidding any contestant’s girlfriend from commonfolk and the most refined of the gentry:
smashing a growler of beer on a fighter when they The cockfight, where two rosters have sharp prongs
are not looking. You contemplate this as you attached to them and battle to the death. Something
recover and get all the broken glass picked from about the bloodstained metal, their fabulous colors,
your hair. -1 DUELIST. the pointlessness… it really speaks to you. Make a
FOPPISH+DUELIST roll to spy the finer chicken
⚀Play Some Cards warrior.
The nobility of Vindamere have a saying about Success? Winner winner, chicken dinner. Gain
playing cards for money: “Fortune favors the +1 FOPPISH.
cheat.” Roll FOPPISH+ARISTOCRAT. Fail? The ref made some really bad calls. Take
Success? Describe whether you won by skill, disadvantage on your next roll as you brood about
luck, or underhanded rule-breaking, and gain +1 the injustice of it all.
FOPPISH.
Fail? Describe whether you lost by hubris, ⚀Retrieve a Wayward Youth
drunkenness, or pure misfortune. Lose 1 FOPPISH. If you’re trying to convince someone to stop being
such a fun-loving ass, and come back to the school
⚀Shoot Some Dice for discipline, make a SERIOUS+ARISTOCRAT roll.
Just roll any die. If you get odds, you gain Success? Well, they ain’t leaving but you’ve
advantage on your next FOPPISH roll. Evens, you ruined their mood. They take disadvantage on their
have disadvantage on your next FOPPISH roll. next action, even if it’s in another scene.
Fail? You are hooted at and pelted with peanut
shells, to the detriment of your dignity. Take -1
SERIOUS.

!38
 Appendix: A Gazetteer of Vindamere, with Particular Emphasis
Upon Sites for Assignations and Assassinations
The fair city of Vindamere has been compared to “a jewel of vice upon a harlot’s powdered throat,”
“the shiniest blemish on the nation’s face” and “a sty of unrepentant civic vice and bottomless financial
corruption.” Enjoy your visit.

Ye Docks
Produce and manufactured goods go out here, from Vindamere and from the confederation of states
with which it shares the Vindamere River Valley. In return, ships bring viands and bagatelles from every
corner of the globe, along with people whose continued health and welfare demanded a speedy exit from
their previous residence. Vindamere is a place you can truly re-invent yourself and, with enough verve,
invent a country to rule, as the Sultan of Harrow-Oö did before he was proved to be a grifter from North
Callowford. The docks are thick with stevedores, smugglers and devotees of Tlonc (both official and
hobbyist level). On the very farthest edge is a military jetty where the needle-swift boarding boats of
Vindamere wait to take wave after wave of conscript berserkers against any invader.
(There’s a tradition in Vindamere that convicts can win their freedom by fighting pirates or other
enemies of the state, but only the most vicious and violent half, as measured by left ears taken as trophies.
While you might expect this to break down into inter-convict ear pilferage, there’s little opportunity for that
in the heat of battle and, afterwards, you have to steal from someone who is already a proven killer/ear-
cutter. It works out well enough, except for the part where convicted criminals are set free after proving
they’re the most enraged and violent.)
A small portion of the military jetty is reserved for the yachts of the gentry, who are blithely confident
that no one is going to steal them. After all, to get to them, one must pass effectively through the prison
where those mad criminals are all kept. The system works!

Barfroot Baye
Named after Vindamere’s precious purgative export, a medicine that grows nowhere else, Barfroot
Baye is a handsome body of water criss-crossed by craft from all over the world, all steering according to
their own customs and, often, impeded from safety agreements by language barriers. It’s a rare day when
someone doesn’t throw something absolutely disgusting from one ship onto another. Just the crews’ playful
way of saying “Hey! I’m sailin’ here!” Also, there are merfolk, who can be vulgar.

Templar Boulevard
This noble and well-kept street is home to Vindamere’s civic deities, except for Chirrik of the Wylde,
who wouldn’t be caught dead in a city and prefers to have worshippers go out in nature, get naked, scream at
the moon and gnaw squirrels raw. The first and almost largest temple, as one approaches from the east, is to
Tlonc the Sexy, deity of affection and arousal whose rites are celebrated most commonly on weekend nights.
The corner on which it sits abuts with the Street of 1,000 Fancies, and the ministers of Tlonc often stand
outside cajoling merry-makers to try to discover what they call “the thousand and first.”
Across the street is the temple to Booziclites, god of alcohol, so it’s a toss up where those fun-seekers
end up by dawn. The more reputable temples proceed up the boulevard until, at the end, with no outgoing
streets, is the vast church dedicated to Uldach the Motherfather—seat of the only legal and religious
authority permitted to tell the Booziclites and Tlonc temples to quiet down.

!39
 Vindamere’s deities are all known to manifest from time to time as immensely tall and beautiful sex-
shifting agents of inscrutable divine agendas. Everyone has pitched in to keep Templar Boulevard looking
spiffy since the Manifestation of Uldach fifty-seven years ago, when Uldach, Single Parent of the Gods,
showed up yelling about mess and waving a divine whip that, in the course of a five-hour tantrum,
decapitated forty-two assorted martyrs, a dozen horses, two oxen, and more birds than anyone could count.

Ye Slaughter District
In addition to the bountiful seafood that’s gutted on both industrial and artisanal scales, vast
quantities of beef, pork and poultry are brought to Vindamere, either by boat or coastal road, and sent to their
fate in the slaughter district. Its cold efficiencies have found uses (or at least positions) for feathers, beaks,
hooves, bones, hides, teeth, and whatever comes out when you clean a dead animal’s intestines for sausage
casings. (Vindamere’s sausages are famous. Not necessarily admired, but famous.) The rankest offal which
has no use even as fertilizer is flushed into the south of the bay by way of the river.
The slaughter district is home to the food truck vendors of Vinamere, a tight-lipped, heavily tattooed
constellation of shifting power factions who, in addition to supplying viands of varying freshness to the
citizenry, are the most powerful crime gangs in the city. Interestingly, they seem to have no interest in
extending their grasp beyond Vindamere proper, but external crooks who think they can run any long-term
organized crime on the truckies’ patch are dealt with brutally.

Ye Streete of 1,000 Fancies

Ah, Vindamere’s Street of 1,000 Fancies, where hangovers are conceived and full purses go to die.
It’s home to tea shops, wine bars, grog houses, brothels of varying specialities, bear-baiteries, dens particular
to every commonly known pleasure drug (foreign and domestick), casinos, private clubs, fight clubs, and
pubs. Also, due to a misunderstanding of the civic laws that never got corrected, this is the only place it’s
legal to sell freshwater fishing lures in Vindamere. You can find tourist crap down at the end farthest from
the temples.

Plaza of Tyrannicale Justice

Down a boulevard of cherry trees which blossom magnificently in the spring, there stands the
towering courthouse of Vindamere, primary outpost of the city guard and site for proclamations from the
complicated judicial bureaucracy. Orbiting the courthouse like sycophantic cousins seeking favor from a rich
and intestate dowager aunt are assorted law firms, coffee shops, archives and libraries of old rulings and
legal theorizing, and occasional public halls where speeches intended to edify or outrage the public are
frequently held. (The edifying ones often charge. The outrages are usually free.) Front and center before
Vindamere’s epicenter of civic order—like a favored child, to extend our rich aunt metaphor—sits the city’s
massive gallows, capable of dropping a dozen guilty scalawags simultaneously. It’s built from cherry wood,
mirroring the beautiful trees that lead to it from the city jail. If you’re new to the city, don’t forget to visit
Allegmanti’s Tea House, which has been in continuous operation for over a hundred and seventy years,
offering free drinks to hangmen the entire time. Its views of the scaffold are unparalleled.

Ye Tranquille Bowers
Once upon a time, there were five rival academies vying to teach the noble youth of Vindamere a
traditional curriculum of languages, literature, history, philosophy and pantomime. However, just eight years
ago, two of those academies fused into Vindamere University, a radical move that was followed by insisting
philosophy was “pointless” and replacing it with “naturology.” They also absorbed three specialist schools of

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medicine, political rhetoric, and advanced pantomime. Of the three remaining old schools, two have doubled
down on tradition, but the third has also modernized by dropping pantomime altogether, insisting that music,
theater, sculpture and painting are individual arts, not merely extrapolations or subordinate aspects of
pantomime. The tree-lined and ivy-choked campuses are all gathered together in one area of town, but school
rivalries have intensified to the point that the bowers are not as tranquil as before.
(It should be noted that no academy teaches fencing, by law, and schools of the warlike arts are not
permitted to own property within the Tranquil Bowers quarter—again, by law.)

Ye Market Streete
It was a long held tradition that merchants who wanted to set up kiosks on the wide cobblestone
market street were permitted to take any space at midnight, but also had to have all displays and wares
removed from the street by the following midnight. This system of one full day (midnight to midnight) on,
one off, worked reasonably well for many decades, but eighteen years ago a consortium of stall-keepers was
accused of colluding to monopolize the best spots and, after four straight days of riots and fires, order was
restored and a complicated rota was calculated to assign access on a fair and just basis.

Ye Avenue of Nobs
Colloquially called “ye avenue of nobs,” the street has no official name. It’s just a long road where
the imposing mansions of Vindamere’s twelve most prominent families reside. Though they’ve been in the
city for ages, Vindamere itself is so cosmopolitan through history (sitting as it does at the juncture of many
overland and oceanic trade routes) that their traditions and names come from all over the known world. Each
of these families is so sprawling, established and fecund that subordinate compounds of non-inheriting but
still titled cousins orbit the avenue for some distance around. It is a well kept but ill-policed area, by the
twelve families’ preference. It is also the location of most of the city’s dueling schools.

The Twelve Great Houses of Vindamere*

1. Barglend 7. Meanswell
2. Claft 8. Pordilho
3. Crowp 9. Punstrusilzo
4. Dannårshud 10. Stunz
5. D’Ocrets 11. Trattulio
6. Ee 12. Vingameld

* Listed in alphabetical order, because any other order suggests precedence or priority, which sparks ugly
accusations, often duels, and on one occasion a brief border war. Honestly, the Punstrusilzos have even
registered a formal complaint of undue favoritism regarding the order of the alphabet.

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 Ten Popular Spots for Illegal Duels
10. Graveyard Hill.
The cemetery on Graveyard Hill has imposing tombs around its base, so large and old that they
commemorate gods forgotten in modern Vindamere, using ominous inscriptions in ancient languages that
intrigue decadent scholars of the forbidden past. But just shove by those nerds and take your swords to the
top of the hill, where an excellent view of the city makes an imposing background for both murder and
attempted murder. Make sure the weather is fair: This high elevation is not a wise place to wave a long piece
of metal during a thunderstorm. The onetime master of the Sly Dolphin Style learned that the hard way.
9. The Duchess of Bavern Valley’s Ballroom.
In a city renowned for its scoundrels and deviants, Elajoie, current Duchess of Bavern Valley, is
something else. She scandalized the city in her twenties and is now in her eighties, and nothing delights her
more than a lover young enough to be her grandchild. But a close second place in her pleasures is watching
people in the bloom of youth perish, or at least bleed freely. So if you really want to fight without safety gear,
she’s happy to have her cadaverous butler open up the ballroom for a go. It’s a great site—huge fireplaces
keep it warm in the winter, in the summer she opens the doors to the immaculate gardens so you can fight on
lightly perfumed breezes, and the floor is as flat as a summer sky while retaining enough traction that you
needn’t worry about a slipped foot spelling your doom. Her chef is a genius and always prepares delightful
snacks, she has a superlative cellar and she’s very generous with young guests. Just be aware, she will make
a pass, and the bulk of the sword-pulling young bucks who’ve been too polite to say no won’t talk about it,
they just get a sad, faraway look, as if mourning a decent and innocent part of their soul that is now dead and
eaten. Though there are outliers who go back and encourage others to do the same. “You could learn a thing
or two!” they say.
8. The Roof of the Temple to Hurf, the Peaceful Warrior.
Hurf, the god of both peace and warfare, is regarded by some as a puzzling trickster and by others as a
blood-soaked monstrous bastard. On one hand, dueling on a temple roof is presumably blasphemy, especially
a temple whose patron has “peaceful” right in their title, but there’s also “warrior” in there. It’s a puzzle, but
luckily, one that was solved decades ago. It’s commonly accepted that if both fighters kiss the arse of the
imposing marble Hurf statue that faces out over Templar Boulevard before the clash, their conflict is
overlooked, or sanctified, or something. In any event, dozens of duels have been fought there post-butt-kiss
without incident (or, at least, without incident unrelated to waving rapiers into one another). The last duelist
who was “too brave” to kiss the statue’s bottom won the duel but was killed the very next day when a heavy
flowerpot fell on her head. Make of that what you will.
7. Spinach Island.
This small blob of land in Barfroot Baye never completely submerges, and its highest crest is completely
encased in wild, bitter spinach. The high-tide mark is sketched in by barren sand. Since the heir of the House
of Hårdlock died dueling there, those greens have been watered red with noble blood. It can be a chore to
row out to Spinach Island, but should someone die in the course of some enthusiastic passes, it’s easy to drag
their body down to the water and tow it out to float away. Experienced duelists consult a tide chart before
fighting, to make sure any such disposals are swept out to sea and not into the city.

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6. The Goat Bridge Ruin.
There used to be a high, narrow bridge over the Vindamere river, the farthest upstream in the city.
Goatherds bringing their animals to market drove them over it, giving it the name “The Goat Bridge.” When
Fair Hilterford attempted to invade Vindamere with a ridiculously large riverboat, about a hundred years ago,
it rammed into the Goat Bridge and knocked down its upstream half before sinking. (Despite the many, many
witnesses, stories are evenly split about what sank this wooden dreadnaught. The Church of Whufsturdge
insists the goddess herself materialized in her female aspect, wet gown clinging fetchingly as she disabled it
with a weapon called The Spoon Of Disembowelment. Academics at Vindamere University claim it may
have actually been a coterie of secretive warlocks. Meanwhile, fans of the Vindamere civic gutball team
insist it sank from simple construction incompetence.) The bridge-half that remains is precarious enough that
guttersnipes dare one another to cross it. Actually fighting at the apex, where it’s shoulder-width, irregular,
and crumbly, is clearly an act of abject folly and therefore extremely cool. Certainly most city guards won’t
go on it.
5. Atop the Insouciant Left-Hand Academy.
Even if you’re not a student, you’re welcome to go up the bell tower and have a go on the ridge down the
center of the structure. It’s even narrower than the Goat Bridge Ruin, and a wrong step can send you
tumbling down a steep slope of shingles. Most people who fall (and the Insouciant Left-Hand students have
to train atop there to claim journeyman status) catch themselves on the gutters, but everyone who misses the
gutters drops twenty more feet onto either the cobblestone street or the school’s flagstone courtyard. Either
way, it usually ends someone’s dueling career.
4. Baron Mulcher’s Haunted Garden.
Yes, ’tis the same baron of ye Baron’s Clayemorre, the trophy for the big yearly fencing tournament.
Baron Mulcher went mad later in life, locked himself up in his estate and, presumably, died there. No corpse
has ever been found and rumors persist that the whole mouldering pile of stones and rotted timber is haunted.
Its current owner of record is a princeling of the Blister Isles far to the south, who prefers his homeland and
has never even visited, so the place is completely abandoned. The garden is overgrown and extremely
atmospheric if you like your grudge matches decorated with riotous vegetation and melancholy decay.
3. A Disused Bear-Baiting Pit.
Look, the smell’s not great, but if you care about ambiance, its signifiers of primal violence cannot be
surpassed.
2. Gondocrites’ Famed Statue of Whufsturdge in the Bath.
This immense image of Whufsturdge bathing draws foreign gawkers from every corner of the globe. The
intricate details of the deity’s beard and hair, as well as the anatomically correct fountain in the summers, are
often cited by sculptors as signs of Gondocrites’ genius. Just as frequently, the sexually blended nature of the
deity themself is criticized by uptight foreigners who just don’t get it. In any event, once you climb the sides
of the tub and get in with the goddess/god, there’s a flat floor and about five feet of clearance on the south
side, narrowing if you manage to move around the divine thighs, beneath the divine legs, and get around to
the north. It’s been popular since two generations ago, when a priestess of Whufsturdge fatally injured the
then-Tyrant’s son in a duel over a blasphemous comment about the statue’s breasts.

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1. Stabs Alley.
This narrow passageway between the docklands and the slaughter district is surprisingly well kept.
Someone sweeps it every week, no trash is dumped there, and mold is scrubbed away, even though it’s
shadowy for twenty-three hours out of the day.
Stabs Alley has a history. Long, long ago, a powerful warlock set a curse upon it, that any civil guard
who stepped foot within would perish within a fortnight. Word of this got around, and to this day, the
Vindamere police refuse to enter Stabs Alley, which has let to it being extremely popular both as a place for
hot blooded youngsters of quality to stab one another (hence the name), and as a neutral meeting ground
between Vindamere’s perpetually warring food truck tribes. Naturally, some delicate negotiations were
required before the nobs and the truckies came to terms, but the truce has held for decades now because
everyone follows some simple rules. If truckies are in the alley when duelists show up, the duelists leave and
come back the next day at sunrise, when it has (so far) always been free and clear. Before fighting, it’s
considered a courtesy for each duelist to remove any millinery, jewelry or particularly luxurious garments
and fold them neatly at opposite ends of the alley. The winner recovers their property, and the loser is saved
the indignity of having the fingers cut off their corpse by truckies impatient to get their rings. (Leaving
valuables for the criminals is considered only fair, given the value they offer of keeping the alley tidy and
disposing of any unattended corpses. Where do the bodies go? Unfortunately, rumors of cannibalism among
the food trucks persist, meaning that when some pedlar promises you that their food is “richer than you
know,” it may be true on multiple levels.)

Dueling Fops of Vindamere is copyright @2021 Greg Stolze

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or
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Dueling Fops of Vindamere was laid out in, Aguafina, Blood of Dracula, Charm, Edwardian Script ITC,
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Images are courtesy of The Met. Illustrators include Tobias Stimmer, Albrecht Dürer, and Hans
Schäufelein.

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