COMM 1103 EXERCISE: WHAT ARE THE CRITERIA FOR A GOOD BUSINESS EMAIL?

Email Scenario
You’re a manager in the Accounting Department of Speedy Racing Supplies. Currently, you’re working on a
plan to replace your antiquated computing system with a much more updated and efficient system. This
plan would involve replacing hardware and software and also training all the Accounting Department
employees on the new system. You’ve recently sent your director a comprehensive report, suggesting the
company buy and install a particular package and follow a specific implementation and training plan.

Today, you’re peacefully eating your lunch in the company cafeteria when your director (Fatemah Khan)
stops at your table.

Khan: Hey, I’ve finished reading that proposal you sent about the new computer system, and it looks
pretty good. And only four weeks total for the whole process—two weeks for installation and two weeks for
training!

You: Thanks. It was a lot of work, but the department really needs a computer upgrade.

Khan: I agree. And the company you recommended to supply the hardware and software, Mega
Computers, looks well qualified. But, in your report you mentioned that you did get estimates from two
other companies, but you don’t say who those companies were or how much they would charge. It would
really help me make the final decision to see those other figures. I know you said the other companies were
more expensive, but I’d like the figures.

You: Sure, I can get that information to you. Now that I think of it, my business communication instructor
told me that proposals should give full information about alternative options—I guess I just forgot. Was
there anything else?

Khan: Well, actually, I had some ideas about the training. I know you’ve suggested that we hire the
computer company to train all our staff, but that looks a little expensive and slow. I’ve heard of cases where
the computer company just trains a few people (for example, some of our computer specialists), and then
those employees train all the others. If you like, I can contact Hal Hartley, the manager of the Computer
Department and ask him what he thinks about it—whether his department would be willing and able to do
it.

You: That would be great. Let me know what you find out.

Khan: I’ll do that. One other thing—your implementation schedule has the switch to the new system
starting November 7 and running for four weeks. I just remembered the president last week mentioned
he’d like to change our budget reporting to the middle of November this year—something about a special
shareholders’ meeting he’s planning. If we need to get all that budget reporting done by November 10, it
might not be a good time to be changing the computer system or training. How about making the computer
replacement start two weeks later than you planned? I guess the start date would then be November 21?

You: Sure, making the computer replacement start two weeks later would be fine—I’ll change the
implementation schedule and send you a copy. By the way, speaking of schedules, when you speak to the
Computer Department about training, can you check that they’d be free to do training at the right time?
Let’s see…since the training happens the last two weeks of the project, after two weeks for installation and
data transfer, the training would start December 5 and run for two weeks, finishing December 19?
Khan: Yes, I can ask them about that particular time period. Ok, that’s it. Sorry to interrupt your lunch.

You: No problem.

You finish your lunch and return to your office, but you’re a bit worried about all the details you discussed
so briefly and casually over lunch with Fatemah. After all, you agreed to do some things and she agreed to
do others—can you be sure you’re both clear about what to do? You think it’d be safer to write Fatemah a
message clarifying and confirming what was decided—especially what you each agreed to do. You could
write a message to make sure you’re both clear on precise details such as dates and tasks. You’ll also want
her to reply to your email (as quickly as possible) to confirm you’ve got the information right, so you can go
ahead with the plan. You’ll organize and design your message to make it very easy for her to find and check
off each action you’d like to confirm. It’s also a great opportunity to send her the data she asked for….

Planning and Organization

 audience (who you’re writing to, what their attitude/reaction will be, what they know/don’t
know)
 purpose (what you want them to do, what you want to achieve with the email)
 relationship/emotion (how you want audience to feel and react)
 image/credibility (what you want audience to think of you/your department)
 content (what information your audience needs, what questions they’ll have)
 organization (what’s the best/helpful/logical order for the information, what goes in the
beginning, middle, and end)
 readability/clarity (how to make your email easy to read and understand)
 design (how to make your document professional and easy to skim quickly)

Confirming – Computer upgrade

Subject: Recap and Confirmation - New Computer System Plan

Hi Fatemah,

Thanks for talking with me earlier today. It was very nice to see your enthusiasm with the computer
upgrade.

I decided to send you this email to confirm the Computer Upgrades Plan, as we discussed.

 Computer System Vendor: We'll go with Mega Computers.

Please confirm the above points by replying to this email. Also, I'll send you the data on other company
estimates soon.

Thanks,