QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers.

Orders 999999999
beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that's a hardware
problem.
--------------------------------------------------
Schrodinger's attitude to web development: If I don't look at it in Internet
Explorer then there's a chance it looks fine.
--------------------------------------------------
Hardware: The part of a computer that you can kick.
--------------------------------------------------
Why did the QA cross the road? To ruin everyone's day.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you mean 911 is only for emergencies? I've got a merge conflict.
--------------------------------------------------
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, public house, Irish pub, tavern,
bartender, beer, liquor, wine, alcohol, spirits...
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand trinary, those who don't, and
those who have never heard of it.
--------------------------------------------------
Obfuscated Reality Mappers (ORMs) can be useful database tools.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer walks into a foo...
--------------------------------------------------
Waiter: He's choking! Is anyone a doctor? Programmer: I'm a Vim user.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just make
darkness a standard.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand trinary, those who don't, and
those who have never heard of it.
--------------------------------------------------
Two threads walk into a bar. The barkeeper looks up and yells, 'Hey, I want don't
any conditions race like time last!'
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer walks into a bar and orders 1.38 root beers. The bartender informs her
it's a root beer float. She says 'Make it a double!'
--------------------------------------------------
Pirates go 'arg!', computer pirates go 'argv!'
--------------------------------------------------
I would tell you a joke about UDP, but you would never get it.
--------------------------------------------------
.NET was named .NET so that it wouldn't show up in a Unix directory listing.
--------------------------------------------------
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, public house, Irish pub, tavern,
bartender, beer, liquor, wine, alcohol, spirits...
--------------------------------------------------
How come there is no obfuscated Perl contest? Because everyone would win.
--------------------------------------------------
I've been using Vim for a long time now, mainly because I can't figure out how to
exit.
--------------------------------------------------
Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.
--------------------------------------------------
What does 'Emacs' stand for? 'Exclusively used by middle aged computer scientists.'
--------------------------------------------------
.NET was named .NET so that it wouldn't show up in a Unix directory listing.
--------------------------------------------------
Number of days since I have encountered an array index error: -1.
--------------------------------------------------
How to explain the movie Inception to a programmer? When you run a VM inside
another VM, inside another VM ... everything runs real slow!
--------------------------------------------------
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog? Cat dog sin theta.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer was found dead in the shower. Next to their body was a bottle of
shampoo with the instructions 'Lather, Rinse and Repeat'.
--------------------------------------------------
How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? false.
--------------------------------------------------
Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer had a problem. He thought to himself, 'I know, I'll solve it with
threads!'. has Now problems. two he
--------------------------------------------------
Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Programmer:
The glass is twice as large as necessary.
--------------------------------------------------
Why did Microsoft name their search engine BING? Because It's Not Google.
--------------------------------------------------
A COBOL programmer makes millions with Y2K remediation and decides to get
cryogenically frozen. "The year is 9999. You know COBOL, right?"
--------------------------------------------------
QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999
beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.
--------------------------------------------------
What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy? Inheritance.
--------------------------------------------------
The C language combines all the power of assembly language with all the ease-of-use
of assembly language.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that's a hardware
problem.
--------------------------------------------------
Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just make
darkness a standard.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer walks into a bar and orders 1.38 root beers. The bartender informs her
it's a root beer float. She says 'Make it a double!'
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand hexadecimal and 15 others.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer crashes a car at the bottom of a hill, a bystander asks what happened,
he says "No idea. Let's push it back up and try again".
--------------------------------------------------
Sympathy for the Devil is really just about being nice to QAs.
--------------------------------------------------
What does 'Emacs' stand for? 'Exclusively used by middle aged computer scientists.'
--------------------------------------------------
Sympathy for the Devil is really just about being nice to QAs.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that's a hardware
problem.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach? Two: one holds, the other
installs Windows on it.
--------------------------------------------------
QAs consist of 55% water, 30% blood and 15% Jira tickets.
--------------------------------------------------
I would tell you a joke about UDP, but you would never get it.
--------------------------------------------------
Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, 'Can I get you anything?' 'Yeah,'
replies the bytes. 'Make us a double.'
--------------------------------------------------
Old C programmers don't die, they're just cast into void.
--------------------------------------------------
What does 'Emacs' stand for? 'Exclusively used by middle aged computer scientists.'
--------------------------------------------------
How many QAs does it take to change a lightbulb? They noticed that the room was
dark. They don't fix problems, they find them.
--------------------------------------------------
How many QAs does it take to change a lightbulb? They noticed that the room was
dark. They don't fix problems, they find them.
--------------------------------------------------
Number of days since I have encountered an off-by-one error: 0.
--------------------------------------------------
Ubuntu users are apt to get this joke.
--------------------------------------------------
Old C programmers don't die, they're just cast into void.
--------------------------------------------------
What did the Java code say to the C code? A: You've got no class.
--------------------------------------------------
Why don't jokes work in octal? Because 7 10 11.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you mean 911 is only for emergencies? I've got a merge conflict.
--------------------------------------------------
Java: Write once, run away.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don't, and
those who were expecting this joke to be in trinary.
--------------------------------------------------
Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, 'Can I get you anything?' 'Yeah,'
replies the bytes. 'Make us a double.'
--------------------------------------------------
What does pyjokes have in common with Adobe Flash? It gets updated all the time,
but never gets any better.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer had a problem. He thought to himself, 'I know, I'll solve it with
threads!'. has Now problems. two he
--------------------------------------------------
In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.
--------------------------------------------------
Sympathy for the Devil is really just about being nice to QAs.
--------------------------------------------------
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
--------------------------------------------------
What does 'Emacs' stand for? 'Exclusively used by middle aged computer scientists.'
--------------------------------------------------
Java: Write once, run away.
--------------------------------------------------
Microsoft hold a bi-monthly internal "productive week" where they use Google
instead of Bing.
--------------------------------------------------
I've been using Vim for a long time now, mainly because I can't figure out how to
exit.
--------------------------------------------------
Java: Write once, run away.
--------------------------------------------------
Obfuscated Reality Mappers (ORMs) can be useful database tools.
--------------------------------------------------
Two threads walk into a bar. The barkeeper looks up and yells, 'Hey, I want don't
any conditions race like time last!'
--------------------------------------------------
QAs consist of 55% water, 30% blood and 15% Jira tickets.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you call a programmer from Finland? Nerdic.
--------------------------------------------------
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
--------------------------------------------------
Speed dating is useless. 5 minutes is not enough to properly explain the benefits
of the Unix philosophy.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer crashes a car at the bottom of a hill, a bystander asks what happened,
he says "No idea. Let's push it back up and try again".
--------------------------------------------------
Why do programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas? Because OCT 31 == DEC 25.
--------------------------------------------------
Writing PHP is like peeing in the swimming pool, everyone did it, but we don't need
to bring it up in public.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you mean 911 is only for emergencies? I've got a merge conflict.
--------------------------------------------------
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, 'Can I join you?'
--------------------------------------------------
I would tell you a joke about UDP, but you would never get it.
--------------------------------------------------
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
--------------------------------------------------
Why are you always smiling? That's just my... regular expression.
--------------------------------------------------
QAs consist of 55% water, 30% blood and 15% Jira tickets.
--------------------------------------------------
Why did Microsoft name their search engine BING? Because It's Not Google.
--------------------------------------------------
The C language combines all the power of assembly language with all the ease-of-use
of assembly language.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach? Two: one holds, the other
installs Windows on it.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.
--------------------------------------------------
I've been using Vim for a long time now, mainly because I can't figure out how to
exit.
--------------------------------------------------
Two threads walk into a bar. The barkeeper looks up and yells, 'Hey, I want don't
any conditions race like time last!'
--------------------------------------------------
What do you call a parrot that says "Squawk! Pieces of nine! Pieces of nine!"? A
parrot-ey error.
--------------------------------------------------
If you play a Windows CD backwards, you'll hear satanic chanting ... worse still,
if you play it forwards, it installs Windows.
--------------------------------------------------
A QA engineer walks into a bar. Runs into a bar. Crawls into a bar. Dances into a
bar. Tiptoes into a bar. Rams a bar. Jumps into a bar.
--------------------------------------------------
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, public house, Irish pub, tavern,
bartender, beer, liquor, wine, alcohol, spirits...
--------------------------------------------------
How do you know whether a person is a Vim user? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
--------------------------------------------------
Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? Because they don't see sharp.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand trinary, those who don't, and
those who have never heard of it.
--------------------------------------------------
The best thing about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
--------------------------------------------------
Two threads walk into a bar. The barkeeper looks up and yells, 'Hey, I want don't
any conditions race like time last!'
--------------------------------------------------
How do you generate a random string? Put a first year Computer Science student in
Vim and ask them to save and exit.
--------------------------------------------------
I suggested holding a 'Python Object Oriented Programming Seminar', but the acronym
was unpopular.
--------------------------------------------------
What did the Java code say to the C code? A: You've got no class.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer was found dead in the shower. Next to their body was a bottle of
shampoo with the instructions 'Lather, Rinse and Repeat'.
--------------------------------------------------
The best thing about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just make
darkness a standard.
--------------------------------------------------
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, 'Can I join you?'
--------------------------------------------------
Why are you always smiling? That's just my... regular expression.
--------------------------------------------------
My friend's in a band called '1023 Megabytes'... They haven't got a gig yet!
--------------------------------------------------
What did the Java code say to the C code? A: You've got no class.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer had a problem. He thought to himself, 'I know, I'll solve it with
threads!'. has Now problems. two he
--------------------------------------------------
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog? Cat dog sin theta.
--------------------------------------------------
How do you know whether a person is a Vim user? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
--------------------------------------------------
I've been using Vim for a long time now, mainly because I can't figure out how to
exit.
--------------------------------------------------
What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy? Inheritance.
--------------------------------------------------
How do you know whether a person is a Vim user? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
--------------------------------------------------
The best thing about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
--------------------------------------------------
Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, 'Are you ill?' The second byte replies, 'No,
just feeling a bit off.'
--------------------------------------------------
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, 'Can I join you?'
--------------------------------------------------
A product manager walks into a bar, asks for drink. Bartender says no, but will
consider adding later.
--------------------------------------------------
I went to a street where the houses were numbered 8k, 16k, 32k, 64k, 128k, 256k and
512k. It was a trip down Memory Lane.
--------------------------------------------------
There are II types of people: Those who understand Roman Numerals and those who
don't.
--------------------------------------------------
Writing PHP is like peeing in the swimming pool, everyone did it, but we don't need
to bring it up in public.
--------------------------------------------------
Ubuntu users are apt to get this joke.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you call eight hobbits? A hobbyte.
--------------------------------------------------
Why does Waldo only wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted.
--------------------------------------------------
What is Benoit B. Mandelbrot's middle name? Benoit B. Mandelbrot.
--------------------------------------------------
Schrodinger's attitude to web development: If I don't look at it in Internet
Explorer then there's a chance it looks fine.
--------------------------------------------------
There are only two hard problems in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming
things and off-by-one-errors.
--------------------------------------------------
Microsoft hold a bi-monthly internal "productive week" where they use Google
instead of Bing.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don't, and
those who were expecting this joke to be in trinary.
--------------------------------------------------
In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.
--------------------------------------------------
Software developers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily
available, they will create their own.
--------------------------------------------------
Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 2 types of people: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets...
--------------------------------------------------
A product manager walks into a bar, asks for drink. Bartender says no, but will
consider adding later.
--------------------------------------------------
'Knock, knock.' 'Who's there?' ... very long pause ... 'Java.'
--------------------------------------------------
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually
write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand trinary, those who don't, and
those who have never heard of it.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer had a problem. He thought to himself, 'I know, I'll solve it with
threads!'. has Now problems. two he
--------------------------------------------------
.NET was named .NET so that it wouldn't show up in a Unix directory listing.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand trinary, those who don't, and
those who have never heard of it.
--------------------------------------------------
Old C programmers don't die, they're just cast into void.
--------------------------------------------------
Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.
--------------------------------------------------
I had a problem so I thought I'd use Java. Now I have a ProblemFactory.
--------------------------------------------------
3 Database Admins walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out
because they couldn't find a table.
--------------------------------------------------
A good programmer is someone who always looks both ways before crossing a one-way
street.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just make
darkness a standard.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you mean 911 is only for emergencies? I've got a merge conflict.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you call eight hobbits? A hobbyte.
--------------------------------------------------
Waiter: He's choking! Is anyone a doctor? Programmer: I'm a Vim user.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that's a hardware
problem.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer had a problem. He thought to himself, 'I know, I'll solve it with
threads!'. has Now problems. two he
--------------------------------------------------
'Knock, knock.' 'Who's there?' ... very long pause ... 'Java.'
--------------------------------------------------
Sympathy for the Devil is really just about being nice to QAs.
--------------------------------------------------
.NET was named .NET so that it wouldn't show up in a Unix directory listing.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach? Two: one holds, the other
installs Windows on it.
--------------------------------------------------
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, 'Can I join you?'
--------------------------------------------------
Waiter: He's choking! Is anyone a doctor? Programmer: I'm a Vim user.
--------------------------------------------------
Hardware: The part of a computer that you can kick.
--------------------------------------------------
A COBOL programmer makes millions with Y2K remediation and decides to get
cryogenically frozen. "The year is 9999. You know COBOL, right?"
--------------------------------------------------
How do you generate a random string? Put a first year Computer Science student in
Vim and ask them to save and exit.
--------------------------------------------------
'Knock, knock.' 'Who's there?' ... very long pause ... 'Java.'
--------------------------------------------------
!false, (It's funny because it's true)
--------------------------------------------------
What do you call a programmer from Finland? Nerdic.
--------------------------------------------------
Child: Dad, why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west? Dad: Son, it's
working, don't touch it.
--------------------------------------------------
Finding a good PHP developer is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Or is it a
hackstack in a needle?
--------------------------------------------------
Waiter: Would you like coffee or tea? Programmer: Yes.
--------------------------------------------------
Complaining about the lack of smoking shelters, the nicotine addicted Python
programmers said there ought to be 'spaces for tabs'.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach? Two: one holds, the other
installs Windows on it.
--------------------------------------------------
Pirates go 'arg!', computer pirates go 'argv!'
--------------------------------------------------
Schrodinger's attitude to web development: If I don't look at it in Internet
Explorer then there's a chance it looks fine.
--------------------------------------------------
What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy? Inheritance.
--------------------------------------------------
Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? Because they don't see sharp.
--------------------------------------------------
Why don't jokes work in octal? Because 7 10 11.
--------------------------------------------------
Number of days since I have encountered an array index error: -1.
--------------------------------------------------
There are only two hard problems in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming
things and off-by-one-errors.
--------------------------------------------------
3 Database Admins walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out
because they couldn't find a table.
--------------------------------------------------
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, 'Can I join you?'
--------------------------------------------------
Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays.
--------------------------------------------------
Why does Waldo only wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted.
--------------------------------------------------
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually
write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl.
--------------------------------------------------
['hip', 'hip'] (hip hip array!)
--------------------------------------------------
A QA engineer walks into a bar. Runs into a bar. Crawls into a bar. Dances into a
bar. Tiptoes into a bar. Rams a bar. Jumps into a bar.
--------------------------------------------------
I've been using Vim for a long time now, mainly because I can't figure out how to
exit.
--------------------------------------------------
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually
write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl.
--------------------------------------------------
How do you know whether a person is a Vim user? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
--------------------------------------------------
Complaining about the lack of smoking shelters, the nicotine addicted Python
programmers said there ought to be 'spaces for tabs'.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach? Two: one holds, the other
installs Windows on it.
--------------------------------------------------
What is Benoit B. Mandelbrot's middle name? Benoit B. Mandelbrot.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don't, and
those who were expecting this joke to be in trinary.
--------------------------------------------------
The best thing about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
--------------------------------------------------
To understand recursion you must first understand recursion.
--------------------------------------------------
Software developers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily
available, they will create their own.
--------------------------------------------------
A COBOL programmer makes millions with Y2K remediation and decides to get
cryogenically frozen. "The year is 9999. You know COBOL, right?"
--------------------------------------------------
Why don't jokes work in octal? Because 7 10 11.
--------------------------------------------------
Ubuntu users are apt to get this joke.
--------------------------------------------------
Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, 'Are you ill?' The second byte replies, 'No,
just feeling a bit off.'
--------------------------------------------------
The best thing about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
--------------------------------------------------
The best thing about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
--------------------------------------------------
Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.
--------------------------------------------------
Two threads walk into a bar. The barkeeper looks up and yells, 'Hey, I want don't
any conditions race like time last!'
--------------------------------------------------
Java: Write once, run away.
--------------------------------------------------
Speed dating is useless. 5 minutes is not enough to properly explain the benefits
of the Unix philosophy.
--------------------------------------------------
Pirates go 'arg!', computer pirates go 'argv!'
--------------------------------------------------
'Knock, knock.' 'Who's there?' ... very long pause ... 'Java.'
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don't, and
those who were expecting this joke to be in trinary.
--------------------------------------------------
Complaining about the lack of smoking shelters, the nicotine addicted Python
programmers said there ought to be 'spaces for tabs'.
--------------------------------------------------
Why don't jokes work in octal? Because 7 10 11.
--------------------------------------------------
Software developers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily
available, they will create their own.
--------------------------------------------------
The best thing about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer had a problem. He thought to himself, 'I know, I'll solve it with
threads!'. has Now problems. two he
--------------------------------------------------
If loving you is ROM I don't wanna read write.
--------------------------------------------------
Java: Write once, run away.
--------------------------------------------------
Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays.
--------------------------------------------------
Waiter: He's choking! Is anyone a doctor? Programmer: I'm a Vim user.
--------------------------------------------------
Why do sin and tan work? Just cos.
--------------------------------------------------
QAs consist of 55% water, 30% blood and 15% Jira tickets.
--------------------------------------------------
In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.
--------------------------------------------------
['hip', 'hip'] (hip hip array!)
--------------------------------------------------
Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Programmer:
The glass is twice as large as necessary.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that's a hardware
problem.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you mean 911 is only for emergencies? I've got a merge conflict.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand trinary, those who don't, and
those who have never heard of it.
--------------------------------------------------
When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
--------------------------------------------------
I had a problem so I thought I'd use Java. Now I have a ProblemFactory.
--------------------------------------------------
There are only two hard problems in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming
things and off-by-one-errors.
--------------------------------------------------
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually
write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl.
--------------------------------------------------
The best thing about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
--------------------------------------------------
There are only two hard problems in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming
things and off-by-one-errors.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand trinary, those who don't, and
those who have never heard of it.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don't, and
those who were expecting this joke to be in trinary.
--------------------------------------------------
How many QAs does it take to change a lightbulb? They noticed that the room was
dark. They don't fix problems, they find them.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer walks into a foo...
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer walks into a bar and orders 1.38 root beers. The bartender informs her
it's a root beer float. She says 'Make it a double!'
--------------------------------------------------
Two threads walk into a bar. The barkeeper looks up and yells, 'Hey, I want don't
any conditions race like time last!'
--------------------------------------------------
Why did the QA cross the road? To ruin everyone's day.
--------------------------------------------------
If you play a Windows CD backwards, you'll hear satanic chanting ... worse still,
if you play it forwards, it installs Windows.
--------------------------------------------------
What did the Java code say to the C code? A: You've got no class.
--------------------------------------------------
Hardware: The part of a computer that you can kick.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you call a programmer from Finland? Nerdic.
--------------------------------------------------
Triumphantly, Beth removed Python 2.7 from her server in 2030. 'Finally!' she said
with glee, only to see the announcement for Python 4.4.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you mean 911 is only for emergencies? I've got a merge conflict.
--------------------------------------------------
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
--------------------------------------------------
In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.
--------------------------------------------------
Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? Because they don't see sharp.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer had a problem. He thought to himself, 'I know, I'll solve it with
threads!'. has Now problems. two he
--------------------------------------------------
Software developers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily
available, they will create their own.
--------------------------------------------------
If loving you is ROM I don't wanna read write.
--------------------------------------------------
I've been using Vim for a long time now, mainly because I can't figure out how to
exit.
--------------------------------------------------
Complaining about the lack of smoking shelters, the nicotine addicted Python
programmers said there ought to be 'spaces for tabs'.
--------------------------------------------------
Obfuscated Reality Mappers (ORMs) can be useful database tools.
--------------------------------------------------
In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.
--------------------------------------------------
Sympathy for the Devil is really just about being nice to QAs.
--------------------------------------------------
I went to a street where the houses were numbered 8k, 16k, 32k, 64k, 128k, 256k and
512k. It was a trip down Memory Lane.
--------------------------------------------------
Asked to explain Unicode during an interview, Geoff went into detail about his
final year university project. He was not hired.
--------------------------------------------------
Microsoft hold a bi-monthly internal "productive week" where they use Google
instead of Bing.
--------------------------------------------------
There are II types of people: Those who understand Roman Numerals and those who
don't.
--------------------------------------------------
I had a problem so I thought I'd use Java. Now I have a ProblemFactory.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you mean 911 is only for emergencies? I've got a merge conflict.
--------------------------------------------------
Why did the QA cross the road? To ruin everyone's day.
--------------------------------------------------
Why do sin and tan work? Just cos.
--------------------------------------------------
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
--------------------------------------------------
A QA engineer walks into a bar. Runs into a bar. Crawls into a bar. Dances into a
bar. Tiptoes into a bar. Rams a bar. Jumps into a bar.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that's a hardware
problem.
--------------------------------------------------
There are II types of people: Those who understand Roman Numerals and those who
don't.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer walks into a bar and orders 1.38 root beers. The bartender informs her
it's a root beer float. She says 'Make it a double!'
--------------------------------------------------
How do you generate a random string? Put a first year Computer Science student in
Vim and ask them to save and exit.
--------------------------------------------------
Asked to explain Unicode during an interview, Geoff went into detail about his
final year university project. He was not hired.
--------------------------------------------------
If loving you is ROM I don't wanna read write.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you call a programmer from Finland? Nerdic.
--------------------------------------------------
Waiter: Would you like coffee or tea? Programmer: Yes.
--------------------------------------------------
Microsoft hold a bi-monthly internal "productive week" where they use Google
instead of Bing.
--------------------------------------------------
How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach? Two: one holds, the other
installs Windows on it.
--------------------------------------------------
Why do programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas? Because OCT 31 == DEC 25.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer walks into a foo...
--------------------------------------------------
How to explain the movie Inception to a programmer? When you run a VM inside
another VM, inside another VM ... everything runs real slow!
--------------------------------------------------
I had a problem so I thought I'd use Java. Now I have a ProblemFactory.
--------------------------------------------------
QAs consist of 55% water, 30% blood and 15% Jira tickets.
--------------------------------------------------
What does 'Emacs' stand for? 'Exclusively used by middle aged computer scientists.'
--------------------------------------------------
How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? false.
--------------------------------------------------
!false, (It's funny because it's true)
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer walks into a bar and orders 1.38 root beers. The bartender informs her
it's a root beer float. She says 'Make it a double!'
--------------------------------------------------
Old C programmers don't die, they're just cast into void.
--------------------------------------------------
Obfuscated Reality Mappers (ORMs) can be useful database tools.
--------------------------------------------------
Number of days since I have encountered an array index error: -1.
--------------------------------------------------
!false, (It's funny because it's true)
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don't, and
those who were expecting this joke to be in trinary.
--------------------------------------------------
How do you know whether a person is a Vim user? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
--------------------------------------------------
Why are you always smiling? That's just my... regular expression.
--------------------------------------------------
What did the Java code say to the C code? A: You've got no class.
--------------------------------------------------
What does 'Emacs' stand for? 'Exclusively used by middle aged computer scientists.'
--------------------------------------------------
What do you mean 911 is only for emergencies? I've got a merge conflict.
--------------------------------------------------
Asked to explain Unicode during an interview, Geoff went into detail about his
final year university project. He was not hired.
--------------------------------------------------
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually
write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl.
--------------------------------------------------
Pirates go 'arg!', computer pirates go 'argv!'
--------------------------------------------------
Why do sin and tan work? Just cos.
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A programmer walks into a foo...
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An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, public house, Irish pub, tavern,
bartender, beer, liquor, wine, alcohol, spirits...
--------------------------------------------------
Sympathy for the Devil is really just about being nice to QAs.
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Why don't jokes work in octal? Because 7 10 11.
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Ubuntu users are apt to get this joke.
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'Knock, knock.' 'Who's there?' ... very long pause ... 'Java.'
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Two threads walk into a bar. The barkeeper looks up and yells, 'Hey, I want don't
any conditions race like time last!'
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My friend's in a band called '1023 Megabytes'... They haven't got a gig yet!
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Why do sin and tan work? Just cos.
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What do you call a programmer from Finland? Nerdic.
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An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, 'Can I join you?'
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There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.
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Writing PHP is like peeing in the swimming pool, everyone did it, but we don't need
to bring it up in public.
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Why don't jokes work in octal? Because 7 10 11.
--------------------------------------------------
A good programmer is someone who always looks both ways before crossing a one-way
street.
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What is Benoit B. Mandelbrot's middle name? Benoit B. Mandelbrot.
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A programmer walks into a bar and orders 1.38 root beers. The bartender informs her
it's a root beer float. She says 'Make it a double!'
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Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays.
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If loving you is ROM I don't wanna read write.
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There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
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QAs consist of 55% water, 30% blood and 15% Jira tickets.
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Speed dating is useless. 5 minutes is not enough to properly explain the benefits
of the Unix philosophy.
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There are 2 types of people: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets...
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Hardware: The part of a computer that you can kick.
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How many QAs does it take to change a lightbulb? They noticed that the room was
dark. They don't fix problems, they find them.
--------------------------------------------------
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, 'Can I join you?'
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How do you know whether a person is a Vim user? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don't, and
those who were expecting this joke to be in trinary.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer walks into a foo...
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How many QAs does it take to change a lightbulb? They noticed that the room was
dark. They don't fix problems, they find them.
--------------------------------------------------
.NET was named .NET so that it wouldn't show up in a Unix directory listing.
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What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy? Inheritance.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don't, and
those who were expecting this joke to be in trinary.
--------------------------------------------------
Why do sin and tan work? Just cos.
--------------------------------------------------
How come there is no obfuscated Perl contest? Because everyone would win.
--------------------------------------------------
Pirates go 'arg!', computer pirates go 'argv!'
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Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? Because they don't see sharp.
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A QA engineer walks into a bar. Runs into a bar. Crawls into a bar. Dances into a
bar. Tiptoes into a bar. Rams a bar. Jumps into a bar.
--------------------------------------------------
Pirates go 'arg!', computer pirates go 'argv!'
--------------------------------------------------
How come there is no obfuscated Perl contest? Because everyone would win.
--------------------------------------------------
Pirates go 'arg!', computer pirates go 'argv!'
--------------------------------------------------
I suggested holding a 'Python Object Oriented Programming Seminar', but the acronym
was unpopular.
--------------------------------------------------
Why don't jokes work in octal? Because 7 10 11.
--------------------------------------------------
Obfuscated Reality Mappers (ORMs) can be useful database tools.
--------------------------------------------------
Finding a good PHP developer is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Or is it a
hackstack in a needle?
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.
--------------------------------------------------
A good programmer is someone who always looks both ways before crossing a one-way
street.
--------------------------------------------------
In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.
--------------------------------------------------
Software salesmen and used-car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they
are lying.
--------------------------------------------------
The best thing about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
--------------------------------------------------
Number of days since I have encountered an off-by-one error: 0.
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Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, 'Can I get you anything?' 'Yeah,'
replies the bytes. 'Make us a double.'
--------------------------------------------------
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually
write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl.
--------------------------------------------------
I had a problem so I thought I'd use Java. Now I have a ProblemFactory.
--------------------------------------------------
How do you know whether a person is a Vim user? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
--------------------------------------------------
Speed dating is useless. 5 minutes is not enough to properly explain the benefits
of the Unix philosophy.
--------------------------------------------------
Schrodinger's attitude to web development: If I don't look at it in Internet
Explorer then there's a chance it looks fine.
--------------------------------------------------
Why did the QA cross the road? To ruin everyone's day.
--------------------------------------------------
Ubuntu users are apt to get this joke.
--------------------------------------------------
Waiter: Would you like coffee or tea? Programmer: Yes.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.
--------------------------------------------------
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
--------------------------------------------------
In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you call a programmer from Finland? Nerdic.
--------------------------------------------------
How to explain the movie Inception to a programmer? When you run a VM inside
another VM, inside another VM ... everything runs real slow!
--------------------------------------------------
3 Database Admins walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out
because they couldn't find a table.
--------------------------------------------------
A product manager walks into a bar, asks for drink. Bartender says no, but will
consider adding later.
--------------------------------------------------
Speed dating is useless. 5 minutes is not enough to properly explain the benefits
of the Unix philosophy.
--------------------------------------------------
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, public house, Irish pub, tavern,
bartender, beer, liquor, wine, alcohol, spirits...
--------------------------------------------------
How do you generate a random string? Put a first year Computer Science student in
Vim and ask them to save and exit.
--------------------------------------------------
3 Database Admins walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out
because they couldn't find a table.
--------------------------------------------------
If loving you is ROM I don't wanna read write.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don't, and
those who were expecting this joke to be in trinary.
--------------------------------------------------
Obfuscated Reality Mappers (ORMs) can be useful database tools.
--------------------------------------------------
Asked to explain Unicode during an interview, Geoff went into detail about his
final year university project. He was not hired.
--------------------------------------------------
Two threads walk into a bar. The barkeeper looks up and yells, 'Hey, I want don't
any conditions race like time last!'
--------------------------------------------------
Waiter: He's choking! Is anyone a doctor? Programmer: I'm a Vim user.
--------------------------------------------------
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, public house, Irish pub, tavern,
bartender, beer, liquor, wine, alcohol, spirits...
--------------------------------------------------
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog? Cat dog sin theta.
--------------------------------------------------
Schrodinger's attitude to web development: If I don't look at it in Internet
Explorer then there's a chance it looks fine.
--------------------------------------------------
.NET was named .NET so that it wouldn't show up in a Unix directory listing.
--------------------------------------------------
There are II types of people: Those who understand Roman Numerals and those who
don't.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand hexadecimal and 15 others.
--------------------------------------------------
!false, (It's funny because it's true)
--------------------------------------------------
Software developers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily
available, they will create their own.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you call a programmer from Finland? Nerdic.
--------------------------------------------------
'Knock, knock.' 'Who's there?' ... very long pause ... 'Java.'
--------------------------------------------------
Hardware: The part of a computer that you can kick.
--------------------------------------------------
Hardware: The part of a computer that you can kick.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer walks into a foo...
--------------------------------------------------
Schrodinger's attitude to web development: If I don't look at it in Internet
Explorer then there's a chance it looks fine.
--------------------------------------------------
A programmer crashes a car at the bottom of a hill, a bystander asks what happened,
he says "No idea. Let's push it back up and try again".
--------------------------------------------------
Number of days since I have encountered an array index error: -1.
--------------------------------------------------
Why did Microsoft name their search engine BING? Because It's Not Google.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you call a programmer from Finland? Nerdic.
--------------------------------------------------
Schrodinger's attitude to web development: If I don't look at it in Internet
Explorer then there's a chance it looks fine.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand hexadecimal and 15 others.
--------------------------------------------------
If you play a Windows CD backwards, you'll hear satanic chanting ... worse still,
if you play it forwards, it installs Windows.
--------------------------------------------------
Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays.
--------------------------------------------------
Why don't jokes work in octal? Because 7 10 11.
--------------------------------------------------
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.